They're Lesbians, Harold!

[@amylynn3821]

The sparkling women one wasn’t really gay erasure. It was a joke playing off the fact that if champagne comes from anywhere else than the Champagne region of France it has to be called sparkling wine. So lesbians from anywhere other than Lesbos would be sparkling women.

[@markmh835]

Ah, thanks for connecting the dots for ... all of us! I totally get it now. 😁👍🌈

[@giordanodsouza9563]

So sparkling vampires are just vampires that aren't from Transylvania? That checks out actually...

[@jennycull1061]

@@giordanodsouza9563 well that explains twilight

[@mildlydispleased3221]

Exactly

[@kellieoberstar]

I came here to say this. Thank you for saying it for me.

[@slimetank394]

"they're not lgbt or lesbian, they're just 2 women in a romantic relationship" Fellas, is it straight to love people of the same gender???

[@kazikek2674]

I mean, for men it is cool if you wear the right socks , maybe there's a trick for the ladies?

[@tinkeramma]

I'm just impressed someone so committed to gay erasure wrote a romance between women.

[@WolfgangDoW]

Maybe they have different romantic and sexual orientations? Like homoromantic heterosexual? XD

[@genericname2747]

Depends on if they're wearing high heels (the female equivalent of socks)

[@faristasairuv5143]

@@tinkeramma that’s still lgbt though

[@OhSoUnicornly]

For anyone who didn't know, the phrase "Harold, they're lesbians" comes from a tumblr post in 2015 talking about the experience of watching the movie 'Carol' in a theatre full of "old het couples" - half way through the movie, one woman turned to her (presumably) husband and said "Harold, they're lesbians". Source: Know your meme

[@od3910]

Swiftly followed by my other favourite meme "they're mushrooms, Alex".

[@FenrisWolf42]

Good to know the origin, personally it made me recall the line "it's a gay bar Pamela", but maybe that's just my MN showing through.

[@DeathnoteBB]

Wait really? I always remembered it from the shitpost about Wall•E and Eve

[@murderkitten]

Harold is my daughter's dead middle name, so it cracked me up even more. She hasn't chosen a new middle name yet, but I've advised her that when she finds a name she loves to pair with her new first name, she'll know. Oddly, the new first name that she chose was my first choice for a name had she been born in a female body. I'm not sure if that terminology is correct. I'm still new to this, as she just came out to me 19 months ago.

[@OhSoUnicornly]

A better way to phrase it instead of "born in a female body" is "assigned female at birth", also written as AFAB. :) Congrats on your daughter & thank you for being a supportive parent to her!!!

[@Missingno_Miner]

I believe the term you're looking for is AFAB, which is short for "assigned female at birth".

[@parkerburr9556]

you're being a great parent, thank you for supporting her

[@evabailey3860]

@@Cherrycreamsoda1 it was "had she been" like "if she was"

[@murderkitten]

@@Missingno_Miner she doesn't like the term AMAB, so I don't use it. I'm trying to find a different way of seeing it that doesn't offend

[@merrigalebeddoes1921]

Me having had a baby does not mean I'm not asexual. Having an exploratory homosexual encounter in college does not mean you're not heterosexual. You are who you are, not necessarily every single thing you do.

[@twist_ending7545]

Yesss

[@maramau2485]

That is so well said, especially the last sentence ❤

[@solarcupid2583]

My dad is asexual, but he's had two biological children

[@nooneinparticular469]

Yes! This is how I feel about choosing labels. I’ve cycled through a dozen or so names for my sexuality since I came out for the first time. I have yet to find a label that fits every aspect of my experience, because the spectrum of sexuality is a big place and not every point on it has a label. I’m not any less me just because I don’t have a word to pin on my jean jacket. You don’t need to know what word to call yourself in order to know who you are.

[@tantalizingtiddies7387]

@@betty_q ?

[@elaexplorer]

My mother was shocked while watching a historical drama and they were throwing around the F bomb, saying it was so unrealistic. She believed swearing started in the 1970's.

[@barrylangille3523]

Well I was born in the 50s and started school around 1962. Trust me, swearing didn't start in the 1970s :D

[@satirics7701]

Fun fuckt: the first known occurence of the word "fuck" is around 15th century

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

Has she ever heard of a little author named Shakespeare?

[@od3910]

@@FrozEnbyWolf150 yeah she's gonna be real disappointed when she finds out where a lot of our curses came from lol

[@theomacer3094]

Swearing was indeed invented in 1972 by Herman R. Swearing

[@katphish30]

"It's only champagne if it comes from the Champagne region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling white wine." That's where the sparkling women joke came from.

[@rivertam7827]

It was so cute that Jamie didn't get it 😂

[@auldthymer]

👍✊

[@LMJmysterywriter]

That and Sappho really was from the island of Lesbos in Greece, and that is where we get the word lesbian from. I think that was my favorite of the memes 😂

[@Melissa-zh3zl]

The painting, La Confidance, is one of my favorite paintings, largely because of how fascinating the artist is. Elizabeth Jane Gardner was an American artist who went to France, tried to enroll in art school, and was told she wasn’t allowed in because the nudes would be too much for her delicate sensibilities. She disagreed, and to get around the gender rules, she cross-dressed and re-enrolled as a guy, and got in. While at the school, she met her future husband, William Adolphe Bouguereau, with whom she had like a 19 year courtship while they waited for his mother to die because his mom didn’t like that saucy, American tart who sometimes wore boy clothes

[@Melissa-zh3zl]

The painting itself caused a bit of a stir when the band REM featured it in a music video, where they animated the painting and made it much gayer. I think the painting had to actually be taken down temporarily after that because so many people got angry at the “lesbian painting”

[@HandyHelons]

@@Melissa-zh3zl I love it when I find a little nugget of information like this in the comments. Thank you so much! I’m off to find out more.

[@nicomoist5336]

We love a man who respects his ✨bi wife energy✨ /j /ref

[@mikelee158]

Your last sentence in the first response gave me a big chortle starting with waiting for the mother to die and then i burst at saucy American tart.

[@oli_kate]

I love finding out about queer historical figures they're so cool! Like Mademoiselle Maupin! She was an opera-singing, sword fighting, cross dressing, bisexual badass.

[@sjzara]

I love the idea of “non-traditional” lemur arrangements. They clearly much more culturally advanced than we thought!

[@jelliofthestars]

lemurs are awesome

[@meeepteh_potate7759]

A lot of animals do this, most koalas are lesbians too!

[@jelliofthestars]

@@meeepteh_potate7759 that is so cool

[@janhankins911]

If one studies much biology, one will find that there are "gay" and "lesbian" couples in every species you can imagine. To me, that says that gay and lesbian couples aren't "unnatural" and not nearly as "non-traditional" as many people would like to think. It's quite normal and natural. If you think otherwise, you really need to just get educated. Read some good biology.

[@asherikamichaela8425]

@@janhankins911 This is true. Loads of different species have been seen in homosexual arrangements right alongside hetero ones. Some even get into group fun.

[@averypogfrog]

Can confirm, I’m from America and whenever I do a “lesbian” act, I begin sparkling and glittering.

[@sassylittleprophet]

😂😂😂

[@banditxavier2893]

As a bisexual woman, the term sparkling lesbian sounds absolutely fabulous. Like a sparkling lesbian is just this amazing, breathtaking, radiant person.

[@theaveragecomment1014]

*I'm from american* Lovely to meet you, I'm from British

[@rolo0o]

@@theaveragecomment1014 sorry to break it to you but British people don’t exist 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@averypogfrog]

The average comment lol, this doesn’t happen to people from America. Just people from American

[@kaishaman7144]

"Men, stop breaking women's hearts before they all turn gay". I'm a heterosexual trans guy, and I've been hurt by women so badly (poor choice of partners, my own fault) that I wished I were gay on more than one occasion. But nope, I'm still straight, because that's not how orientation works

[@nicomoist5336]

I'm a queer trans guy, I've haven't been hurt by guys, I just like women and enby people. I dated very good guys and realized that i don't feel anything for them romantically regardless of their great personalities. I just like boys as homies :) P.S. hello fellow trans brother!

[@kazikek2674]

For most people sexuality is rigid, and can't be consciously changed. I think any 'fluid' cases wre rather rare, and usually there's a strong outside factor (i.e. hormone therapy for trans people can SOMETIMES alter who they are interested in likely because there is a corellation between hormone levels and attraction that differs in strength between individuals.)

[@od3910]

You and every straight woman on the planet

[@sneakysnek572]

Hey, just so you know- it’s NEVER your fault. It’s that person’s fault for hurting you. All you did was like someone who didn’t deserve it.

[@kbaylor123]

My favorite bit is the @ sign in place of the a so as not to type the actual word

[@moonie6171]

If "treat women well before they all turn gay" was true, dudes would be damned already hahaha

[@Mel-qr5ob]

My mum has had multiple abusive partners in a row, is still (obviously) straight, but claims "your dad's exes all turned lesbian and I bet you anything it's because of how abusive he is" mum you are literally the living proof that's not what makes lesbians "oh but I went to therapy" but did you ever like women? "no because I went to therapy before it happened" ffs Anyways never coming out to my mum. In pan - ace but like, if she thinks being lesbian, a more widely accepted identity, is caused by trauma she'd never accept me.

[@kazikek2674]

Frankly from all I hear about people being angry with the opposite gender, if just swapping orientation was a thing most of humanity would work on 2-15 year long cycles of being attracted to men/women before changing back.

[@GaryDunion]

It's wild that there are still people who believe sexuality is a choice when straight women exist.

[@rubyy.7374]

@@GaryDunion …And all the guys I know pretty much want guys with girl bodies, so they might as well just date each other if it’s a choice. 😂

[@its-hannaH]

I remember getting in trouble in middle school for blurting out “oh they were just gay!” When learning about two female poets who moved into a cottage together, had a bunch of cats, never married, and were buried in the same lot together … apparently I was the only one who understood gay erasure lmao

[@LamisonJamison]

It really do be like that with history. "Ms. Merriam never married and lived in solitude during the 1800s. Except her dear friend Ms. Christina who often slept in the same bed as Merriam, and foraged alongside her. Its theorized the women PRACITCED love notes to eachother due to these 100s of letters professing their love for eachother but we suppose they just swapped the names because they totally weren't gay. The women died at old age and their burial lots were placed next to eachother to show how good of GAL PALS they were."

[@its-hannaH]

Just gals being pals! 💀😅

[@gennipherlot2055]

My grandma was a very important person in my life. She had a lady that was her best friend. I called her Aunt Peachy she roomed at my grandparents house. I was very fond of her. It wasn't until years after my grandma's passing that I was told out of malice who Aunt Peachy really was to my grandma. Grandma was a lesbian In her time it was hush hush and frowned upon. She did what she felt she had to do to keep it quiet out of love and respect for my grandpa. She gave him a daughter and was there for him all her days. He loved her for who she was and was there for her for the rest of her days. Now the love I felt in my grandparents house was all I knew. There were no labels, no slurs just love. It took a cheap shot at a dead grandparent to make them feel better about themselves and their family. It just made me admire my grandparents and aunt Peachy even more. I feel sorry for narrow minded people even family members. So much is lost. There are better things to do then judge.

[@antonellabassi3466]

Your grandparents and Aunt Peachy created a life that worked for them. And was filled with love. That’s all that matters ❤️ Ignore the haters.

[@elena.3372]

I too had an aunt like that. She lived with my great grandmother and they spend every day and the holidays together. She was as much of a grandmother to us as my "real" great grandmother. When my great grandmother died she died too after less than a year. To this day my family refuses to believe they were in a relationship.

[@raylouis7013]

I had a great aunt who was married, never had kids. She and her husband lived with another couple, who also never had kids.... That's what people outside the family saw... we, as family knew that yeah there were two couples living in that house but they weren't straight. Nothing was ever said it was just accepted - they couldn't be open initially about it because they got together in the 1930's - stayed together until they passed away in the late 1990's (over a period of 6 years).

[@billcipher8645]

@@raylouis7013 this is absolutely genius! 2 homosexual pairs working together to be safe in their love.. it's so bitter sweet but so beautiful

[@randomvielleuse527]

That's both beautiful and so sad.

[@LaRanaMordaz]

The "treat women better so they don't date other women" argument only really works if the woman is bi...because I definitely decided I was only dating women after getting tired of how many men weaponize their incompetence

[@hellsingmongrel]

Saaaaame! There are a few OTHER reasons why I only date women, now, but dudes being dumbasses definitely contributed a lot to the biness leaning toward sapphic-only.

[@j.munday7913]

A-fuckin-men sister. I have dated my last dude. None of them are worth the time.

[@goro_majima98]

Sad life y'all have, men are amazing partners.

[@od3910]

@@goro_majima98 yeah there are great men out there. But there is more horrible men than there are good ones and dating a horrible man has dire consequences statically compared to dating a horrible woman.

[@goro_majima98]

@@od3910 I agree on the consequences but don't let radical feminism fool you into thinking that man are inherently evil.

[@Lisa-pu1zu]

"One of them has to be the wife" was quite literally what my grandma said when two men in my family married... She kept asking me to explain to her whom she should refer to as "the wife". Those were exhausting 10 minutes and at the end my entire family was just like: "Don't know, don't care" Way to be a typical stern German family, right?

[@TheJoyBinkley]

I feel like my favorite meme that like..🤯 for this was the one about chopsticks.

[@rain_drops2723]

Society really do be trying to push gender roles on every couple even if it is same-sex. Because one of them must be feminine, delicate and submissive and the other masculine, tough and dominant cuz God forbid there is no such thing like that in the relationship and it is just an equal dynamic.

[@banditxavier2893]

"They're both the husband, that's kind of the point."

[@theomacer3094]

I made a PB&J for lunch but I still don't know which side of the sandwich is the wife

[@TitularHeroine]

@@theomacer3094 😂😂

[@cole6482]

Your pronunciation of "la confidence" was actually perfect! I'd say the meaning is closer to "the confession" than "the secret", wich really leaves very little room for doubt on how gay it is..

[@Zzz-cm5kw]

Confidence means a secret but it's like a heavy, personal secret (so in between secret and confession, if that makes sense)

[@cole6482]

@@Zzz-cm5kw You're right! It is defined as a "confession of a (deep) secret, generally to someone you trust", it can be used to define both the action of confessing as well as the person or group of people who are trusted. Thanks for adding some much needed nuance, hope you have a great day :D

[@soulgazer11]

how you're explaining a French word and have that pfp 😅 j'adore 👌

[@SunsetCompass]

Me, who dated two men in their past when they weren't out, but now identity as a lesbian, hearing about people trying to erase Velma's identity because she dated one singular man in her past: 👁️👄👁️

[@twist_ending7545]

Yeah it's weird, huh? People just can't understand she's gay

[@alchemysaga3745]

Not to mention that women who are bisexual or biromantic (or any other multisexuality/multiromantic orientation) can *still choose to identify as lesbians.* Meaning that Velma, even having dated Shaggy, could still identify as gay and a lesbian. Hell, she could even still be dating Shaggy and choose to identify as such as long as she was romantically OR sexually attracted to women. That's how the right to self identify *WORKS.* And it wouldn't be something that she'd be obligated to explain, either. If anything, the fact that people try to use someone having dated a member of a gender that their identity seemingly isn't consistent with to invalidate their identity is another reason that the whole "gold star" identity thing is harmful.

[@pyrrhicvictoly]

Yeah, if we flipped it around, wouldn't that mean all the straight people who experimented in college are lgbt? Some people just know for sure what their sexuality is right away, but for many others it takes time to figure yourself out

[@petralevova6250]

@@alchemysaga3745 ehh i don't think you should identify as a lesbian if you are (currently) dating a man, you could just identify as bi or smth, since you like both men and women and lesbians can't like men romantically

[@NikkiNeko17]

Thank you for ranting about people freaking out about how it'll be "too late" to not have a husband by your late 20s. I just turned 27 myself, actually, and there are nights I can't sleep because of this ridiculous fear society's squished into my brain. I'm ace so it has been so incredibly difficult for me to find any sort of partner period, and the pressure from society and my family to already be married and having kids is so extreme. It's such a relief to have this issue not only strike a chord with me, but you as well, Jamie. It means the world to me. Thank you ❤️

[@UmbraKrameri]

Same. Though my anxiety about finding a partner was so much worse before I realized I was asexual at around 25. But my very traditional family puts me under a lot of pressure too.

[@floof1138]

In the wise words of Phil Collins "You can't hurry love" and trust me. No matter how painfully long it seems, true love is always worth the wait.

[@Toon_Topaz]

@@floof1138 And it's also perfectly okay to never find it, whether you're searching for it or not. I'm aroace and never really want a partner, I'm happy living my single life :DD

[@floof1138]

@@Toon_Topaz that's a fair point.

[@tinkeramma]

I knew I'd need to start my family earlier if I planned to be pregnant because women in my family struggle with fertility after 30. Having a desire to be a mother of biological children was more than enough pressure. I can only imagine adding to that for external reasons given by people who aren't you.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Remember the time Gay men were called ‘Friend of Dorothy’ and Lesbian Women were ‘Pals’ and ‘Close Friends’? Yeah, no more code words.

[@Richard-Bullock]

'Friend of Dorothy' still makes me laugh, no matter how many times I hear it.

[@jeangenie1240]

And women who wear sensible shoes.

[@giordanodsouza9563]

And trans women were "friends of Blahaj"

[@sophie8265]

@@giordanodsouza9563 The Ikea shark?????

[@m0L3ify]

Oh this suddenly makes sense to me why a creator I know calls her fans "Dorothys"

[@NUMBR1_CHEEKYFAN]

women in history: literally kissing and stuff historians: besties 🥰🥰🤩😀😁 amazing good great gal pals 👩👩😋😛😊 the bestest of friends 💃🕺💃🕺💃 they were such great friends 👭🤼‍♀️💕

[@spicybeantofu]

I'm that way with my friends I'm not into. I love everybody lol

[@srijapabba4989]

And they were roommates

[@30percentBattery]

And historians will call them Close friends, besties Roommates, colleagues Anything but Lovers, history hates lovers

[@starlyngearhart1780]

Oh my god, they were roommates!

[@freddogrosso9835]

And either had a known romantic partner...

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Quote of the Day: “Sometimes, on this channel, everyone is gay and sometimes, nobody is because of gay erasure.”

[@LittleBugg13]

This line is so powerful

[@cajunking5987]

That’s dumb as hell and makes no sense

[@cajunking5987]

@Taylor_the_confused_potato no honey it’s a dumb statement

[@cajunking5987]

@Taylor_the_confused_potato if it makes so much sense go ahead and explain it lmao

[@cajunking5987]

@Taylor_the_confused_potato did you read the comment

[@pingidjit]

I doubt Emily Dickenson actually licked the envelope. But describing her desire for the woman in such a way shows how much she missed her. She was an amazing writer after all and able to get large emotions understood through simple words.

[@I2345-t9e]

The one about the 27 y/o daughter and her „bestie“: they could have also both been aro/ace and it would be yet another reason why noone would need to find them husbands.

[@catmcdonald1864]

"They're lesbians, Harold!" is by far one of my favorite lines in response to gay erasure.

[@soulgazer11]

6:28 y'all, even the inventor of the whoopie cushion was a 14 year old trans girl. And a Roman empress might I add. She was assassinated in 222 at 18 for the way she reigned and the changes she made to religion and the Senate (which included allowing women to attend). The plot was devised by her own grandmother, and she was killed with her mother, who was desperately clinging onto her as it happened. Her lover Hierocles was also executed because he was a man.

[@MyAnanin]

Hey, that sounds super interesting. Do you know where i could read more about it?

[@malloryworlton6359]

@@MyAnanin the empress is named Elagabalus

[@belauensus7979]

@@MyAnanin (afaik it's actually kinda debated whether this person was trans or not? there's been some speculation that historians might have just been trying to insult them)

[@SassyGirl822006]

@@belauensus7979 I mean, they did a lot that was scandalous according to historians, but I would think that bagging for a doctor to be found that could give them a female body instead of a male one is on the line of too strange not to be true for that time period. 🤔

[@hexonyou]

so many people look at history and decide that because the word "transgender" wasn't used before a certain point, we just uhh... conveniently didn't exist. As though names for things and language, as well as understanding of sex and gender + how those play into society, haven't always been evolving. They decide "well I never saw anything about transgender people before x time period soo!"... and conveniently ignore all the of the examples of literal trans people in history or historically how many cultures included and revered trans people. but ya know- 1960, sure.

[@Newfiecat]

By that same argument, gravity didn't exist and we were all floating around until Sir Isaac Newton made up a word for it and -bam-! Suddenly everything fell to earth. 🙄

[@book-obsessedweirdo8677]

@@Newfiecat And apples don't exist in Japan, because they aren't called apples and are there fore non existent.

[@feuilletoniste]

As an Ace person, I’ve been struggling to figure out if there are ways that we as a society can correct gay erasure without reinforcing ace erasure. I understand that it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the many ways that gay people have managed to find and express love over the many centuries when homosexuality was invisible, incomprehensible, or straight out illegal, but the presumption these days that all “close friends” throughout history who we know to have shared a significant part of their lives must have been secretly romantic and/or sexual partners as well (even if there’s no specific evidence for that) feels like allosexuals reinscribing the (to them) primary value and centrality of sex and romance on all of human society, as though genuinely close friendships and platonic partnerships have never mattered or existed.

[@resourceress7]

Thank you. Well said.

[@iantaakalla8180]

There is only one way to do that but the action would require people to recognize the simple fact that all people have lifestyles and sexualities and ways they approach romantic stuff simultaneously, and that is never going to happen specifically because we are still so far from even achieving feminist goals of equality or even gay or lesbian goals of equality.

[@belauensus7979]

i mean i think wht jamie's doing here ("these two ladies living together is a strong indicator they were (romantically) together, but it's not a guarantee") is a pretty good way to do that! most people, statistically, are not aro or ace, so what appears to be a romantic relationship probably usually was one- i don't think it's a problem to say as much as long as it's not treated as like. 'yeah they were close, of Course they had to be dating'

[@jadelinny]

As a fellow ace, this is something that gets me too. The idea of an extremely close platonic bond just sounds so lovely and comfy and safe. Like a previous poster commented, I think Jamie did it well by saying something along the lines of, "it certainly looks like they were gay, but it's possible they were just close."

[@kbaylor123]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is ace? Asexual?

[@violetheise4717]

For the record, I saw the "sparkling women" post on Reddit a while back, and shared it with my little gay group chat (all women), and we all LOVED it. We were all immediately like "✨I sparkle ✨"

[@Absbabs88]

The one about Lesbians only being from Lesbos is a meme. "It's only Champagne if it's from the Champagne region in France, otherwise it's just sparkling wine."

[@Benni777]

“Harold, they’re lesbians” NEEDS TO BE ON A TSHIRT!! 😂😂

[@jasminestanbury9693]

I had a great aunt who died before I was born. What I learned about her. Left her fiancé at the altar, never married again. Lived with her best friend and the best friend dressed manly (their words not mine). Never had a boyfriend (I don’t understand how she had a fiancé but no boyfriends) or children. But they travelled the world together. Me to mum: so you realise it’s highly probable that she was gay. To myself: Awesome I like my aunt even more the more I find out about her. My mum: No no no you don’t understand she was ruined by a man they were housemates and best friends. Me: she left everything to her “best friend,”completely ignoring her entire family. We need to admit that they were more than friends. Mum: really close best friends… I feel for my mum as she is a very loving woman but she was raised to believe some pretty questionable stuff. I got her eventually to at least acknowledge they were likely more than friends even if the narrative she came up with was so convoluted.

[@elena.3372]

I have a very similar story and the agreement my mom and I came to is that we can neither deny nor confirm that my aunt was gay.

[@cassidy1768]

"They're lesbians harold" should be the catchphrase for the owl house

[@DrGregoryHouseIT]

Or Sailor Uranus and Neptune.

[@tysonfontanez]

4:52 this part was really comforting to me. I'm only 20 and even I feel really pressured to have my life together already. Thanks for saying this

[@ShamaD274]

I've literally been binging your videos for the past few days and I wanted to say thank you for being so wholesome and kind and having a community that's immensely welcoming!

[@elissahunt]

I am a cis woman, and I agree with this wholeheartedly. This channel makes me feel happy.

[@janhankins911]

Agreed! I discovered Jammi through his interview with Mama Doctor Jones (MDJ) and have watched so many of his videos now! I appreciate his honesty, his willingness to talk about things that make some people uncomfortable, and his humor. Like some others, I find myself totally unsure of what pronouns to use sometimes, to Jammi if I've offended you by the use of the pronoun "he", "his", etc., please forgive me and realize that no offense was intended. I'd love a video on that--what pronouns should one use? I don't want to call Jammi "them".

[@salemcorriea5157]

"Didn't Velma date shaggy?" Yeah, and she actually seemed less happy while they were dating.

[@Heroshii15]

Did they actually date? I remember they would often get paired off for dances and the like, but when your choices are Shaggy and a dog…

[@v3ru586]

I wonder if welma knew she was homosexual. I did date a boy before I knew asexuality was a thing, didn't make me hetero.

[@salemcorriea5157]

@@Heroshii15 In the mystery incorporated cartoon they did, they didn't last long and much didn't really change, it was more like an awkward "well, everyone says we should date so let's try." Type thing, unlike her and Hotdog water who actually seemed really close and happy and natural.

[@salemcorriea5157]

@@v3ru586 Honestly though, especially since the show takes place in the 80's, there's lots of ways you could explain her dating a guy as a lesbian.

[@v3ru586]

@@salemcorriea5157 good point. Asexuality wasn't known in the 2000s (at least in the small town I grew up in) so people tried finding reasons for my lack of sexual desire. I was told repeatedly to stop being scared and just give it a try. They even excused my boyfriend's behaviour, as he just wanted to help me (=turn me straight)

[@mosasaurusrex1815]

Even if you only count written history, trans people have been written about for THOUSANDS OF YEARS!!!!!!

[@jaydougan8497]

@@krimsonkatt looking up the history of trans people on wikipedia might be a good first step. for instance, "Near what is today Prague, a burial from 4900 to 4500 years ago was found of a biologically male skeleton in a woman's outfit with feminine grave goods, which some archaeologists consider an early transgender burial." - Transgender History Wikipedia

[@goodpeople25]

@@krimsonkattYou bringing up the term being "discovered" in the 1960s (not the concept, it's not like the concept of the downward force didn't exist until Newton) is both irrelevant and disingenuous especailly since you admit trans people existed) in the early 1900s (as they always have and of course cis people exist too and experience gender dysphoria/euphoria). And if you care about technical terms you would know that it's unrealistic for trans people to not exist or be mentioned in history even if specific examples aren't provable.

[@nicomoist5336]

@@krimsonkatt dude ya need someone to talk to ya? You've been asking many questions in a lot of comments here Not gonna lie but the questions are on the middle line between ignorant and queer phobic. I'm saying that i don't really know what your intention is basically. Hopefully you are trying to learn, because if you aren't, then what are you doing in a trans man's comment section with a PHD in gender studies lmao

[@keppakappa5033]

@@krimsonkatt I'd say maybe try looking into any of the many non-western cultures (such as Hijras in India or twospirit folks in many first nations cultures) where trans and nonbinary folks have been recorded for thousands of years but you seem like someone who is less interested in actually learning something and more interested in any piece of disproven misinformation that proves your innate bias, so this comment is more for folks who are more interested in facts than it is for people like you lol

[@SassyGirl822006]

@@krimsonkatt um, besides all the other examples here the young Roman Emporer Elagabalus was known (among other scandalous behaviours) to prefer women's clothing and, by some accounts, bagged for a doctor who could give 'him' a women's body instead of a man's.

[@Komi83]

"It started in 1960..." The first documented MTF surgery was done in 1930, FTM in 1906. Before that, there were also known cases of people socially transitioning as well as there were dug up graves older than Christianity that deviated from burial traditions for those corpses' sex from that time period. And it also should be mentioned that various ancient cultures recognised something as a "third gender." The only thing that started in 1960 (more like late 50s) was the term transgender.

[@Tadfafty]

Wait, FTM came first? I thought it came later...... the surgery is so much more complicated.

[@Tadfafty]

Also we've had the related term transsexual since the 1920s.

[@folke342]

The "no trans people before the 1960s" comment reminded me about a swedish trans man named Andreas Bruce (pronounced Bru-ce). He was born in 1808 and he, although there was some opposition, was accepted as a man by his father when he was 16. His memoirs still exist and is considered a unique historical find not only in the context of lgbtq+ history. Trans people have obviously existed for much longer than many people understand and not every cis/het person was a giant prick about it. Fair warning for anyone looking him up: he did not have it easy by any means and even went through a pregnancy that, from what I understand, he didn't want at all, but he was able to live to his 70s being generally accepted as a man.

[@Tadfafty]

I feel like the world is more transphobic now than it has been at some points in the past.

[@jim6418]

Sim as pessoas trans fizeram história,eles que foram para as ruas protestar,que vivam nós trans

[@EirynKatherine]

The 'My romance between women isn't a lesbian romance' is kind of worse than erasure. Literally the only reason for them both being women is to create problems for the characters. It's hard enough to find representation that's supposed to be representation that doesn't have tragedy and suffering connected to the queer identities of the characters. I'm all for this person publicly posting that they don't have an "LGBT" romance in their story. Makes me know that it's a waste of time.

[@known1443]

It sounds to me that the author had a specific storyline and message behind what they were writing, and the fact that the main character was gay was just something that happened. So they were stuck with something that touches on a serious topic, but wanting to focus on another one. Edit: maybe the author might have to just make the love interest male and sterile to make the story work?

[@martelraykin]

Honestly I don't really like the fact that lgbt romances are set appart from straight romances. Whether my romance is between two girls, two guys, one girl and one guy or any other type of relationship I'm still gonna call it a romance because there shouldn't be a difference in treatment imo. Still not gonna deny that the characters are not straight if they're not though.

[@jadelinny]

@@martelraykin I think this may have been what the OP was getting at: why do all same-sex romances have to be GAY ROMANCE? Maybe they want it to just be seen as a romance that happens to be gay. But then again, some of the other things they said set my homophobic spidey sense tingling, so who knows.

[@EirynKatherine]

@@martelraykin Having lgbt romance as it's own category makes it easier for people looking for that kind of representation to find what they're looking for. I agree they shouldn't be treated differently within the story based on their sexuality. It's just nice to find a happy gay romance when that's what you need in your life.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

As a South Asian, I know parents who have heart palpitations because of an unmarried woman who’s 27 lol

[@haydarken3541]

Question, can we have "Harold" signify an extremely heteronormative male? Just, imagine this: Some heteronormative guy: * says some heteronormative things* One of us: Okay, Harold LGBTQ version of Okay, boomer And like, Harold doesn't even need to be homophobic, I think the name Harold fits people that are just clueless to the existence of anything other than cis-het (Well, technically that's still homophobic, it's just a sub-genera, if you will) Harold can only see "gal pals" and "bros"

[@WolfgangDoW]

Harold is Karen's dad

[@genesisofthebetween]

@@WolfgangDoW *hol’ up*

[@book-obsessedweirdo8677]

Do it. I'm spreading this as far as I can through the internet now.

[@sparklydonut7129]

I would very much like that apart from the fact that Harold is the name of my friend's pet ferret.

[@MirrimBlackfox]

The 27 year old best friend who live together could also be a QPR (even if they don't know the term) like even if their sexuality wasn't "compatible" (like one or both of them where Asexual etc.) they might be hetero-lifemates (which really wouldn't they be nonsexual homo-lifemates? Dogma lied to me!). Or like Jammi said, actually best-friends and roommates who are still getting their feet under them.

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

Whatever the case, it's cute

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

Shout out to my friend who now identifies as a lesbian after previously identifying as bi 🙌🏳‍🌈 Also the childhood best friend one is incredibly wholesome. And I agree, there is too much pressure on people to have *everything* sorted by the time you are 27, nay, 30 is still young imo. We don't have a lifespan of 5 seconds!

[@sofiacamachofarinha4111]

Congrats for your friend!! 🎉

[@lued123]

Velma's relationship with Shaggy was also awful. Neither of them was really feeling it. It was actually setup for her to get with Hotdog Water at some point, which would have been a much better, happier relationship. But they didn't get as many seasons as they wanted, and they had to wrap up the overarching plot, so that took precedence.

[@Funny_in_blue]

Yeah I didn't like them together. I hated how Velma was trying to "fix" shaggy's speach and told him to snap a rubber band against his wrist every time he messed up like what?? I love Velma and I know she's just a fictional character but I hope the writers turned her around (I didn't watch the whole series) 😅

[@lued123]

@@Funny_in_blue Yeah, they break up in season 2 or 3 I think and they both get better after that. That relationship was definitely intentionally bad for both of them. I think if they'd gotten the chance to finish what they were going for with Velma, that might be the fan-favorite iteration of her. As is, she starts off pretty insufferable and gets back to normal by the end. If her behavior early on was put into context, I think people would be willing to forgive it, and they'd appreciate that she has some depth and a character arc, which is more than you typically get from Scooby Doo.

[@MJBiddy1]

That first comic strip was me and my ex for 10 years to her parents, baby and all. Now her closet is no longer my and our sons problem.

[@yaboicolleen]

5:13 oh Jamie, I needed to hear that. As a 30-year-old lesbian with ADHD I feel like I'm "behind" in so many ways but shit, I'm just trying to find my niche 😊

[@livewellwitheds6885]

0:36 the funny thing is the roommate [in the 1st pic] is probably the grandkid lying because they can't be open about being lgbt. I had an uncle who lived with his partner and my whole family said they were roommates, erasing their relationship, for many years.

[@thomaswright7270]

Dogs can be gay too. my brother has two male dogs who are in love; and you can tell.

[@pugsondrugs5480]

Somebody brought in a female dog they were breeding to be artificially inseminated… because she wouldn’t let the male mount her. But she LOOOVVED mounting the other girls. :)

[@DayDreamingWriters]

Well I have two gerbils and they are gay af

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

The 27 year childhood friends whose parent wanted to find them husbands reminded me of my cousin, I'll call him Freddie. I had met him for the first time when I was about 10/11, Freddie was about 18/19 at our mutual aunt's wedding (we lived in different countries and my dad was never close with his eldest sister/Freddie's mum). I knew right away that the "friend" he brought with him was a boyfriend & that he was likely gay, I had even asked my dad about it and he agreed it was likely. Fast forward 15 years and our aunt ( the one who's wedding it had been, who some how became the family hub of all info) came to visit and we were talking about the Freddie, I can't remember how it came up but I think I asked for clarification that he was indeed gay. She told me this hilarious story about how he'd been living with his partner for almost 15 years in a one bed flat, that his mother would visit regularly and flirted with his boyfriend all the time. Basically the only person in the family who didn't know he was gay was his mother. My aunt said no one was to tell her because they find it so funny. Their relationship ended a few years ago, but idk if his mother ever actually knew they were together. He has a new partner and I believe she knows _now_ (I mean 35 years is better late than never, I'd say), she likely found it odd when he went from owning his own house to moving in with another man. We still all find it funny.

[@Gamemaster13000]

I mean, what is a child but another, smaller roommate?

[@letuce_1762]

Who only eats and shits, and doesn't pay taxes. Babies are bastards

[@alchemysaga3745]

Welp, definitely showing my absolute repulsion to being a parent, because my first thoughts were NOT what you would call socially acceptable. "A parasite" was first on the list, followed by "an expense," then "a problem." It's great for people who like babies, but they're 1000% not for me.

[@K8EE00]

I'm guessing the "gal pals" and "galentine's day" things were moreso in reference to the Parks & Rec joke, where Leslie starts Galentine's day as a day for women to celebrate the other women in their lives regardless of their relationship status. It's more of a girl-power thing rather than gay-erasure.

[@frankiapples]

And it's the day before valentine's day, so is a separate occasion in it's own right!

[@AddiRockART]

I am going to be 32 this year and I am constantly told I’m too old for acting, I’ll always be alone because I wasn’t married and settled by 25, etc. it feels really good to hear someone I respect so much to say that’s just weird and not realistic. Also “Harold, they’re lesbians” 🤣 the fact some people go to such lengths to try to rationalise how everything is clearly heteronormative… it’s so much simpler to just accept what’s being shown.

[@PhantomFerret]

Could you do asexual erasure-you know when poeple don't realize that asexuality is a thing? I'd like some more ace content, since I'm ace. And great video; I enjoy your content. Keep it up!

[@jim6418]

Sim a Camilla sofre muito com isso que ela não transa e o povo fala mal,é igual falar mal de trans e bissexual

[@URFTBOUND4LIFE]

I think the "gal pals" Valentine's cards are meant for single women who don't wanna feel left out for not having a date, so their friends wanna do something nice for them. Not intentionally gay erasia

[@lavenderandwine]

Sometimes with the roommate thing you get two queer disasters like my roommate and I who are not interested in each other at all but living together and people like my roommate's mom constantly thinks we're together. We very much have a sibling relationship, but I get why people think we're gay for each other.

[@sullendragon8900]

Damn, Emily Dickinson. That's some commitment, envelope seals are gross.

[@elaexplorer]

On the whole Velma dating Shaggy...in one episode or movie we did see them making out, but Shaggy gets around so I wouldn't put too much stock in it. At one point Fred tells someone to call him Fred and only people he dates calls him Freddy, which Shaggy does on many occasions...

[@twist_ending7545]

Yeah that was Mystery Incorporated, the same one that also had Fred telling Daphne "I'm not a man anymore!" That series was.. wild to say the least

[@floof1138]

@@twist_ending7545 wait what? I don't think I watched the whole show but it sounds queer coded so I might have to. 😅

[@twist_ending7545]

@@floof1138 really the only queer content was Velma and Marcie being lesbians, and whatever Fred had going on lmao

[@floof1138]

@@twist_ending7545 I just feel like I wasn't paying attention to that stuff when my nephew watched it. 😅 But full support for Velma. She deserves it.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

“Harold, they’re lesbians.” needs to be a T-Shirt 😂

[@evalikestea]

Soo I might've sobbed a bit when you were talking about 27 not being old or "too late". I'll be 26 for less than two more months and man, it's stressful.

[@nat3007]

Just try not to stress too much. Though I never plan much now more than a day in advance due to past events.

[@ceruleanwake8876]

im 27 and i just ditched a bunch of job oppertunities and my fiancé of 4 years and moved in with my dad and grandma. and i started over. thank you so much for making me feel young with thus video

[@CanYouNot-]

1:08 *with a perfect poker face* "do not think so highly of yourself" I- I might have screamed

[@thatmischievousanimefan]

2:16 I knew it As a younger one I felt that tension between Velma and Hot Dog Water before I even knew gay was a thing

[@Prickly_Cactus_1993]

You are all doing so amazing and you are all so wonderful!! Don't let anyone tell you your worth! You are important and loved! You can accomplish anything you put your mind to!! I believe in all of you and that you can get out of any situation you are in, you are not alone.

[@egg_earrings8104]

but hey, i did the exact opposite of gay erasure, because i saw a tiktok (just text) where a person said "... my wife..." and i automatically assumed taht they were in a wlw relationship... i forgot that straight people exist 😂

[@whyisyes3957]

Ahh yes when you forget straight people exist… I feel the pain

[@RavenwoodJones]

Wait does Jamie not know about Galentines day? The day before Valentines to celebrate female friendship. It's definitely outlived its origins and has become rather popular even outside of fandom circles. I fully believe that's what the card was referencing.

[@frankiapples]

Absolutely, came here to say just that! Galentines / Palentines day is not valentine's day and deffo not intended to be gay erasure. ❤

[@PokhrajRoy.]

In India, people think that Queerness is a Western Import and that’s hilarious because we INVENTED being Queer 😂

[@goodpeople25]

@@krimsonkatt Do you have a source for those myths being (recently) fabricated? Cause in this context that's what you're stating by bringing up that they're fiction.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@krimsonkatt I was being slightly ironic but in Hindu Savarna Mythology, we do see Queerness in various forms. It’s mostly energies and metaphors rather than historical fact.

[@mellotrie]

I thought it was ancient greece lol

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@mellotrie I was being ironic with the word ‘invented’ but Co-existing civilisations had an element of Queerness.

[@anthonycrowley2264]

@@goodpeople25 mythology is fictional by definition, since gods and magic and shit don't actually exist, and it was made up by groups of humans thousands of years ago

[@catlover7015]

Watching this reminded me of something my health teacher said a while ago. He said that we don’t actually know what affects gmo foods have on us, but there have been some major changes since the production of gmo foods has gone up, such as there being “so many more gay and trans people ever since gmo foods were invented.” Yes, he literally said that. He then went on to say that the gmo food may be changing our bodies so that our hormones are all over the place, causing people to become trans. I really had to resist the urge to tell him that no, the reason that there are “so many more gay and trans people” recently because in the past the discrimination has been much much worse and the pressure to get married and have kids was much much worse.🤦🏼‍♀️

[@tealduckduckgoose]

5:30 this is in reference to champagne, which technically only comes from the Champagne region in France, otherwise it's just sparkling wine.

[@melissabinns8922]

This reminded me of my grandmother, who always wondered why Liberace didn't have a wife.

[@cybelemarie7913]

As a trans woman, I reaIized I had feeIiings for a best guy friend I'd known Iong before I transitioned. As a man, I thought myseIf gay for him; then as a woman, I feIt my feeIings for him were heterosexuaI. Didn't matter, though, as he never wanted to be more than just friends with me.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

0:49 Grandma didn’t tell you she had an Etsy Store she was making an inventory for.

[@MouldyMilkshake]

This really hits home now that my girlfriend’s mother refuses to call me her girlfriend - it’s always ‘have fun with your… friend’ (and yes we have made it very clear multiple times)

[@tibetanpoplars]

that *la confeedonce* is gonna live rent free in my head now

[@Creature_of_Knight]

My fav was Can us males stop breaking these females hearts before they all turn gay. When Jammie said "do not think so highly of yourself" that got me real good, nearly spit my coffee 🤣😂🤣

[@Jaypupp]

I ADORE the letter seal line so much its filled with such yearning and I worry for any straight person who does that to their friends letters

[@greenbird6435]

1:28 that just reminds me of a line in break it down by tally hall "Wouldn't that make you gay?" "Not necessarilay"

[@anoukfleur2513]

Thank you so much for the midway point where you say we’ll all achieve these goals when it’s right for us :) I actually have known what I want to do for 8 years, but it’s been taking those 8 years and counting to even be able to start properly because of ridiculous bullshit. I get insecure because I’ve lost so much time, so it’s really nice to be told that I’ll get there at my own pace 🥰

[@motharsonist6581]

Happy Sungay everyone! :D

[@gorillazisfreetherapy]

'Horns'

[@lazerapes]

On the note of lesbian authors I feel I must note a Swedish one that reminds me of the "licking letters"-quote. I wrote an essay on this topic a year ago that's why I know. Selma lagerlöf wrote a bunch of books both for children and for adults. I have never heard of people outside of Sweden talking about her though. She was also a feminist and worked with getting women voting rights. She got the nobel prize in 1909 as well. But now to the lesbian part... There is thousands of letters archived, I sifted through a couple and there is a lot of "love letters" sent between her and two other women. A quote translated by me is "When I saw you I had to clutch onto my seat to stop myself from running to you and kissing you silly". There is also a letter where Selma talks about how historians will react reading their letters, hinting that the letters are indeed hiding something to be found at a later date. Also she never got married and was never seen romantically with any men. There is no "official" statement on her sexual orientation but having read those letters and knowing that being gay was still a crime at that time I think it's quite obvious that she and her female "friends" shared deeper emotions.

[@winternight8813]

Late to the game but, "Harold - they're lesbians!" LMAO

[@AndrewD8Red]

One thing I like about these videos is that I see the same meme being reacted to by One Topic, The Click and Jamie and they all have very different but also kind of the same reactions to them.

[@HazelNicolaQuantock]

OMG he featured the valentine's card my wife gave me!!! (The one where she crossed out "friend" and wrote "wife" - which is also the "galentines day" one.) We're big fans of this channel so this is awesome!

[@annamaria1117]

When Jamie said 27 is young. I was like buddy you need to come to India. Here people are trying to make you feel old if you are not married at 25. I am 25 now and I can't handle the pressure

[@LezlyLikesYuri]

Hello! Trans demi-woman here to tell everyone about the temple of Aphrodite back in ancient Greece, circa 3000 BCE. This lovely goddess not only had a following of women, but a good chunk was also "men" who wished to become women as well. They would adopt traditionally feminine social roles, strive to act in a feminine manner, choose new names, preform rituals, use specific oils & extracts (that have been proven to actually caused decreased testosterone and elevated estrogen levels), and even go far as SELF CASTRATION. All of this was done in an attempt to conform their minds and bodies in an attempt to appease the fickle goddess into deming them worthy to receive the Divine gift of womanhood! My point here is that trans folk have always been around, in one form or another, for as long as humans have been human. This example is at the very least 5,000 years old and there are several other examples dating back even further. Suck on that CISHETS!

[@kazikek2674]

I think they also found some skeletons in Czech Republic inbetween 2011 and 2013, that also date back around 5000 years, where the culture was very strict about burial rites for either gender yet there are 'male' corpsed buried in female manner and I think one female corpse buried in a masculinr manner. Lovingly, a cishet (probably).

[@LezlyLikesYuri]

@@kazikek2674 Probably?? Never mind, not the point. I actually haven't heard of this one and I'm definitely going to look it up, thank you for the information! I'm aways fascinated by the things in history that get glossed over or forgotten. Edit: also I realize now I probably should have put down Transphobes instead of cishets. Sorry 😅😅

[@kazikek2674]

@@LezlyLikesYuri there's some minor possibility I am a very picky form of bi/polysexual, but I'd never be in a position where it's worth exploring (Local culture and homophobia levels vs me liking women plenty enough) and I'm definitely hetero-romantic, hence the 'probably' :p. Added bonus : The John/Eleanor Rykener case from late 1300s!

[@pyrokitty16]

Omg I just had that "random stranger assuming your sexuality on the internet" thing happen to me recently I made a joke and someone anonymously messaged me saying I'm not really gay so I can't make those jokes. I responded saying I'll have to tell my boyfriend of over 10 years that I'm not really gay and I've just been leading him on to make gay jokes 🤣

[@fate4th]

Every time I hear anyone cry about how being trans is recent and all I remember an article I read way back about a mummy dating back to ancient Egypt. The mummy was clearly a trans person, I don't remember which way but like they deadnamed the heck out of this poor person and took away gender affirming pieces (think equivalent of packers or binders) and it was disgusting af

[@ravenhorn3148]

I drive a city bus for work. A lot of times I'll have people, specifically men, who then ask me if I have a boyfriend/husband. I always answer no. Because I will never have a boyfriend/husband, because I am gay, and I think my girlfriends [multiple because I'm also Poly] would probably want to know if I suddenly started dating a man as well.

[@brenna_watches_movies]

Me and the girl I'm dating call each other, "my close female friend." So that the girls who get it, get it, and the girls who don't, don't.

[@LordZurkov]

I was a bit terrified by where I thought 4:27 was going to go, but it ended up being one of the most wholesome things I have ever heard this ridiculously wholesome man say. I really, really want to thank Jammie for this take. As a 30 year old who only realized he's aro-ace this year, I'd always thought some flavor of traditional marriage was strictly necessary for everyone ASAP, and I'm still coming to terms with the idea that my happily ever after can be whatever I want it to be. I struggle to even imagine what it looks like, much less know how to find it, so I found this sentiment incredibly comforting.

[@sarahruth402]

4:29 as someone who is 27, this is so reassuring to hear! 😭❤

[@mr.prankster4230]

As a French man I can tell that "la confidence" does not perfectly translate into "the secret". Une confidence is a secret you reveal to someone specifically. Therefore it is something you tell, not a situation (like a relationship) you want to hide.

[@Tekdruid]

4:00 Aww, what a cute card for her _✨r o o m m a t e ✨_

[@lilSapphireFox]

after you read the description of the painting, i saw a climpse of your face, which was interrupted by an ad, that started with a large sigh, and i wasnt sure if it was you or the girl in the ad, who fittingly looked exhausted and just fell in a chair. (saying "I have no energy for this anymore") it couldnt have been more perfect.

[@nugget8967]

Hi, yes I identify as a “Sparkling Women” thank you

[@souledout08]

I tend to go off of the 'parks and rec' definition of Galentine's, which is basically a day for women (of any preference or marital status) to get together and celebrate each other and their friendships. Many of my female friends live far from me, so it's mostly texting images and gifs back and forth...

[@definitelynotnatural]

"Harold, they're lesbians." Harold: "Hold the fuck up!"

[@adragonprobably1652]

Don’t know if it’s an everywhere thing, but in my area galentines day is the day before valentine’s day where all of the single people in a friend group go on ‘mock dates’ or hand out and eat chocolate and what movie and whatever.

[@rivercrow5151]

I love your amazingly awkward introductions!! 🤣🤣🤣 Also....: Queer Kiwi x Jammidodger crossover episode, PLEEEAAASSSE! 😀 😍 You are both such amazing KZbinrs, and I *need* to see y'all together in one video!!

[@stranger_things_slytherin_457]

Lol! I love it when you say u can still say I love you to someone platonically. I say that to my best friend in a sisterly way