This Is The Problem With Modern Dating! | Simon Sinek

In this thought-provoking discussion, Simon Sinek unravels the complexities of modern dating, shedding light on the problems we face and the paths to better, more fulfilling relationships.
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Check out the full episode here ➡ kzbin.info/www/bejne/emWZq6mAfpKhoLc

[@daisyjaefit]

😊😊 4:34 😊 4:44

[@kungfujoe2136]

here's the best argument against the long game resession (boombust for ever or stagflation ) in an unstable economy you cant count on the future 46% devorce rate (most initiated by women)

[@Heidi123]

People need to start introducing friends, colleagues, and siblings to friends again. Have more parties so.people can meet. Internet dating sounds like a nightmare.

[@maxwell_lb7120]

We would if we had better economic circumstances, things like these you describe still exist but only for those who dont have worry about bills and having a roof over our heads.

[@josie5599]

Definitely. And I think having at least one mutual acquaintance helps to ensure good behaviour. I think ghosting and other poor behaviours can more easily flourish when you're not accountable to anyone and you can disappear without a trace, as is the case with dating apps.

[@excalibur2024guy]

But... covid.

[@johnfarmyguy1]

We still talking about the “economic circumstances”? What do you think it costs to invite friends over? They bring they’re on drinks, they they’re drinking anyways.. and everyone hangs out. That’s it. That’s all it takes. It doesn’t take investing a couple hundred bucks to get together with friends.. what’re you even talking about?

[@dahrigames8472]

Yes thank you! I’ve have friends who wouldn’t do that for me and it was a struggle just trying to talk to anyone without being introduced.

[@amordeverdad]

I feel that the problem of modern dating is that there is a illusion of endless and ficticious choices and that is why nobody really chooses somebody to have a meaningful and deep connection although everybody is secretly dreaming of somebody finding them so special to choose them... it's really sad...I think everybody is hungry and thirsty of a true soul to soul relationship where they can truly be authentic...

[@qzQ717]

So true❤

[@croissants1280]

There is no soul to soul relationship or authenticity. Stop watching Disney movies.

[@gregbatchelor9205]

​@@croissants1280spoken like a true nihilist

[@samuelvieira4504]

Although psychology says it’s more about attending expectations (of each other), this is kinda true, I think most people expect to find someone exactly in that description of visual and/or personality but humans are more complex than that, we change with time and environment, we do not know how our partner or even ourselves will react to a situation until it happens and either may like or dislike, and say oh I love that or oh I hate that goodbye, block.

[@fgcpeak9591]

women more specifically are guilty of this primarily because they can and generally only want to be intimate with one man at a time, and are massively hypergamous

[@TonyStark-rw7en]

Paradox of Choice affects everything. Better use of time is to delete the apps, leave the house, and practice starting covnos with strangers wherever you go. Even if you get rejected, the time working on those social skills is better than time spent losing social skills sitting at home swiping and getting nowhere.

[@christosangelidakis]

Spot on! Getting out and socializing with people will make you a better human being. Spending endless hours on Tinder or Bumble or social media will quickly deteriorate your mental health.

[@Dave_of_Mordor]

no the app makes life easier. you guys just can't handle the fact that you're ugly!

[@kmonea9850]

Great advice!!

[@HH-bc2nz]

True, yesterday I talked to a random cute girl in the park. It was amazing, she asked for my Facebook profile after one hour talking. BTW I'm an introvert by default who learnt to behave like an extrovert if I need to.

[@gordongekko2781]

@@HH-bc2nz You're my hero for the day! Hope you get to see her again.

[@pocketdweller3771]

43, divorced. Tried dating apps for less than a year. Deleted Hinge 4 months ago. Best decision I’ve ever made. Online dating has absolutely ruined modern dating values…..too many options is never a good thing.

[@S.W.Bestwriter]

I'm 45, single for eight years. I feel my values don't match the women I know. They swipe and get a guy for the night, like ordering pizza. One even said to me she uses men to get a free meal every night. What happened to the art of conversation and seduction?

[@thomassparks5205]

I love the apps. Get a date every week ❤

[@adunnou2075]

You missed the point bud

[@ceeIoc]

you must have low standards@@thomassparks5205

[@paretho]

stay away from the apps , go run your hobbies, activities, get focus to stand up , moved on ... she will came when you're ready. Online dating is a modern women tools to earn something for their living. forget about it. get traditional dating scene , at least enjoy the motion not the wave.

[@nonequivalence1864]

I'm a 31yr old man, 6'1", fit, athletic, earning high 6-figures, family oriented, I have my own place, I have a car and still no woman wants me. I get rejected left and right. I respectfully flirt with them, I make them laugh, I'm chivalrous during dates and yet none of them stick around. I always get that dreadful text in the middle of the week spontaneously: "I don't think we have chemistry" or "I don't see this going anywhere" or "You're a great guy, you'll find someone"... It hurts me a lot. I feel like it'll never happen for me. My loneliness is painfully crippling... I find it hard to focus at work sometimes. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I wallow in my misery. Everyone around me has their person except for me and it just hurts. It hurts my soul everyday from the moment I wake up but somehow I keep on keeping on because I still have that tiny shred of hope.... who knows... maybe I'm just fooling myself with the "hope part". Before you ask - I'm not a virgin and I've had FWBs before. I don't like that lifestyle anymore as it makes me feel empty.

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

He's absolutely correct. The lack of connection coupled with the lustful/sensual everything everywhere constantly in our faces.. As a female I promise you this effects everyday life and most ppl having to deal with. And it's almost hilarious to me that we shame ppl for their sexual needs. *enthusiastically consenting and of age. We see sex sex sex everywhere but don't you dare be sexual! WTF is that supposed to work? I'm quite tired of the hyper-sexualization. Emotional and spiritual connection is missing.

[@el_aleman]

Like the females who dress provocatively then shame-look you if you happen to look their way ?

[@Dave_of_Mordor]

@@el_aleman then don't look! why are you perverts looking?

[@that_guy8590]

@Dave_of_Mordor All men are perverts in a sense, we are wired that way to look at a women especially if she is attractive but there comes subtle act of doing things and not just stare like a creep there. Would it be said the same for women oogling at a handsome fit guy then?

[@Sebastian-px3bl]

@@el_alemanit’s funny how they tend to deliberately try to attract a hot guys attention on purpose(TikTok is all I’m saying)

[@kristasuz127]

You are 💯 accurate!!

[@themick6586]

I was suddenly divorced in the late 1970s, was a very lonely guy, that was the start of the Disco craze , started going to the clubs, girls were everywhere approaching girls was easy, feminism was in full swing, getting sex was fairly easy, but I knew better than to marry one of those girls, I never had to pressure girls for sex. Then I met my girl, she asked me why I didn't pressure her for sex, and I asked her what her view was on the subject. Her answers showed me she used her logic not her feelings. Been married to her for 44 years, and it's gotten better with time.

[@RonHarrisMuscle]

The world and especially the USA have changed drastically since then. Assuming you are an average-looking guy and not wealthy, you might never have sex again if you were single in 2023.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

What were her answers?

[@eunicebediako4986]

Nobody truly wants a committed long term relationship! Everyone is so terrified of getting hurt....but that's life!!!!!

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

Yes people are very cautious. Which is terrible because you will never settle

[@cosodesign8953]

You’re projecting. There are plenty of people that have no issues with commitment.

[@pedroRodriguesMD]

Nop. WOMAN dont want a committed long term relationship. I do. Since I was 20. I am 42 and alone for decades now. All the attempts I gave it all and for nothing. so, no.

[@Dubbadizzo86]

I'm not bothered by getting hurt emotionally, I'm worried about having kids with a terrible woman who will flee at the first sign of difficulty, taking the kids and the house, and breaking up the family because she felt it "wasn't working out" or she felt the grass was greener. I'm looking for actual commitment. Women say they want commitment, but then initiate the divorce 80% of the time. They say men don't want commitment, but I'm proof we do. I want a woman that wants to fight for their marriage and make it work, not a flake. And right now, all I see are flakes.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@Dubbadizzo86With good reason.

[@brandoncarter2624]

I am 36 now. Been divorced for over 4 years, and I still have no want to ever go on dating apps. I have friends or people I know who are on 5 or 6 of them. And always complain about the first dates and himow it never goes well. It's because that crap isn't natural at all. Meet someone in real life and have the balls to ask them out and take rejection if you vet rejected. Like people did for thousands of years lol

[@PaulAllen786]

Well said Brandon! You hit the nail on the head. I’m also close to your age but single and not on dating apps. The women on dating apps are leftovers, promiscuous, narcissistic, and scammers. In real life, I have met many many good women and people in general. And then you have guys following women on IG which is Just an ego boost for attention with women. They see those men as simps for lazily messaging cringe. And these men then cash app all the women, even ones that are in relationships. It’s a crazy clown world but if you got the BALLZ to get outside your comfort zone, the rewards are prosperous. So many women are in need of a connection but become cold becusse they have too many standards. These women will never be satisfied. Date 19-25 year olds if your in your 30s Don’t waste time with a woman who in her 20s was promiscuous but now wants a Simp to settle with in her 30s. Don’t fall for that guys. Listen to Brandon and gtfoutside!

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

No shit. As a man you get matches 5 ranks below your status. You truly get the worst trash out there. Phychotic unstable women with kids divorces overweight and run through. And since we, men, get very few matches if any, we have to either go with what’s available or just plain reject everything and delete the apps. That’s what I did

[@tammyt7424]

🤣@@DimitriTheBarbarian

[@sameeranur3461]

I don’t know but I’m sure you will find someone

[@mowjowhk]

The world has changed, and dating apps have become in some cases essential to meeting potential partners. But it’s scary how many people going through rough patches in their relationships use them to escape their troubles rather than committing and communicating through the difficulties. Life isn’t easy, but it’s also beautiful. I feel like people have forgotten that.

[@Dave_of_Mordor]

no...this is just an excuse ugly people use to cope.

[@osigano]

I have an idea for an app: you only get a match every month. And you should talk to and meet that person for that month. Too much choice is why people are not engaging.

[@fgcpeak9591]

no one will use your app. So I don't know why you think you've thought of something groundbreaking. People use the apps because of the variety. Also women would probably NEVER swipe right in that case. And when they do, they will literally ALL swipe on the same "BEST" man.

[@ninjatogo]

A better idea would be an app that limits how many people you can match with at once. Once you have 5 matches you can't swipe on anyone else until you unmatched with one of your current matches. Force users to weigh their options and make more meaningful decisions. It could even benefit the app maker by putting a higher match limit behind a paywall.

[@fgcpeak9591]

so then they'll just unmatch them to match others. dude, there is no actual way around this. if you limit people, they just wont use your app. this is why tinder is so popular - it targets the dopamine centre, and anything else is discarded. people... women in particular, want the hit of the next best thing. and there's nothing you can do to get around it on an app, and expect people to use it.@@ninjatogo

[@RestaurantPOSForMac]

it sort of exists there are apps with limited matching maybe not one a month but i believe Coffee meets bagel is one a day. i do feel like the apps that limit interaction though and have matching limits always feel counterintuitive. I have had a couple times where you see a profile for example of girl who has the same exact music tastes as i do but we cant communicate because of a matches per day limit. Then i dont see the profile again or the match doesnt happen for some reason. There are plenty of times where you could have hit it off with people but the matches never happen.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

The solution is not to use the apps anymore. They don't work for the vast majority of people.

[@ChiCityLady]

He made a good point that meeting in-person first has the advantage of finding out if there's even a physical attraction between two people. If there's no attraction or spark, there's no point in asking for a date.

[@siro4239]

Also, you probably meet each other at a place where you have something in common.

[@dank.6942]

Grass is indeed always greener. Humans are always looking past the person right in front of them for the PERCEIVED bigger-better deal. So there's no investment in a person with definite potential...because they're one swipe away from "perfection". Humans don't do well limiting themselves in front of a buffet.

[@angelicaangel2624]

I've seen so many people date or even marry someone they met online and then secretly kept their profile up to see if they can upgrade lol, you're right.

[@NoctLightCloud]

the problem with dating apps is that things like charisma/confidence and quite frankly the persistence aspect are invisible in those metrics.

[@uneedtherapy42]

Dating sites create the illusion of endless possibilities. I have a weird theory (or maybe not so weird) that probably 85% or so of people on dating sites really don’t want to date anyone. It’s just the old see and be seen idea. By the time you are 40 or so you really have learned to be ok alone and that is what makes it super hard to get motivated to actually want to get to know someone. A famous psychologist once said dating someone is basically like taking on a new set of problems and that is what keeps people from making the plunge. All in all I’m doing to believe some people are just meant to be alone and that’s ok too.

[@RestaurantPOSForMac]

The apps are also littered with half fake/dead profiles anyway used by the sites to keep people using their service. I was in costa rica and had a girl like my profile who looked like an onlyfans girl or looking for a sugar daddy so i just didn't bother going out with her. I get back home to Philly in the US and by some chance see a picture of the same girl on a profile here. I thought they were both fake but called the girl in Costa Rica and video chatted with her and she was who she said she was. There had been some fake accounts with her picture. Also had a few times where i matched with someone and a couple years later i see the same account and messaged them off the app and they say they deleted the account a year ago or something so it defintely seems some of the apps keep their most swiped profiles up.

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

@@RestaurantPOSForMacgreat examples, guys. I would also add fake bot profiles. I am on adult hookup site and every day I log in it says that 2 women “looked at my profile”. Each and every time profile has a picture or two, it’s in the same area, and account was created just a day or few days ago. Hmmmm what are the chances? 100% AI-generated fake bot accounts. The more women leave this site - the more fake accounts need to be generated to keep paying male membership. It’s dirty business and I truly hope one day these sites will get sued into bankruptcy

[@ImInTheeEntry]

I've said the exact same thing!

[@thomasmh]

Women have more options than ever, only the top 10% of men get matches. Women swipe right on the same men. Men swipe right on over 50% of women. The majority of women use dating apps as a form of validation. Modern day dating is awful and as a young men who would be deemed as fairly attractive, my experiences on dating apps has been awful. The majority of men lose significant self esteem and turn down the ‘incell’ or ‘black pill’ route and I can only seeing this going one way in the future, unfortunately.

[@alessandramon8452]

I think it’s frustrating because we don’t see each other’s end of the situation. If we understood each other instead of pointing fingers, we would all be less bitter. I’m always complaining about how guys “just want to f&ck” and I forget how difficult is for the majority who put themselves out there just to get rejected most of the time. It sucks. From the woman’s perspective I can tell you that matching with a guy is not validating AT ALL. I don’t get exited about matches. I already know guys match with the majority of girls they come across. A lot of the times my friends and I match with the same guy at the same time. Let’s say I match with 10 guys. 3 of them will not even talk or answer a message. 2 of them will say Hi and then disappear. 2 of them will chat endlessly without the intention of taking things further. You will schedule a date with 3 of them and one will ghost you or cancel last minute. You will go on a date with 1 or 2 but you will have nothing in common. Maybe they won’t talk to you again.i went on 8 dates last year. Nothing came out of it. It’s exhausting. Most of my friends go through the same thing. Botton line. Matches don’t mean anything anymore. THE END

[@angelo.florescu]

⁠@@alessandramon8452on Tinder ~50% of women in my country have their Instagram in their bio for followers. They would even match only to get followers, by creating the illusion for a possible conversation. Isn’t that validation seeking? There was a test where someone made 2 profiles, one with a really attractive guy, while the other with an obese woman. The woman had 3x likes compared to the guy. That is because most men will have lower standards when it comes for sex compared to relationships. Of course, the woman will go for the best choice from those matches, as you treat all matches as equal in terms of potential partners. However, most of the guys you choose, will never choose you for a relationship. I had a situation where I matched with 3 girls that were friends. They all gravitated towards the same type? Why? Because that person seemed the best choice. So we are having a situation where women attempt to lock in the top guys instead of choosing a normal man, because they don’t want to settle. In an ideal world, the top men wouldn’t use all the benefits they have to sleep around although they have the ability to, while the women would be way more selective and self aware of their actual relationship value in the market. That is not going to happen, because the top men feel entitled to accessing everything after all the hard work to be that top guy, while women have a distorted reality of what type of guy they can have for a long lasting relationship.

[@SurvivorRevive]

lol yup. Women wanting nothing to do with men who hate them. It is already happening. The fact that boys are going "incel" because they are generally just awful people and obviously women wouldn't want anything to do with that is just a sign of their own self-entitlement. Everyone gets rejected. It's just men who make it an issue because their egos are massive. They should go to therapy and do some healing. Also, if these boys think they are going to "overpower" or "dominate" women....lol...they have another thing coming to them. The breed of women who exist now will not put up with their crap. They will continue to be alone forever until they get their lives and heads together. It's exhausting and no one has time for it.

[@tspencer661]

There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone in person. I’ve never used a dating app and have no plans to do so. The last two men I dated, I met in real life.

[@JezaLoki]

You don’t choose to be an involuntary celibate.

[@dianewiegel7136]

Social media will never replace human face to face connection, it might try but I don't think it can replace what humans can give and reciprocate.

[@nichobee]

I also disagree about narcissists, but he's on the right track. They don't consciously loathe themselves, but they do have an emptiness that they're perpetually trying to fill with validation from other people. They can't hate themselves, because they don't *have* a sense of self. Some narcissists achieve this aim of narcissistic supply better than other narcissists. But they don't ever sit there and think, god I hate myself. They're just feeling low on fuel. If a narcissist is telling you they hate themselves, they're really just trying to get validation from you. Their narcissism won't permit genuine self hatred.

[@DrRobGilles]

The problem isn’t just that people have a seamlessly ending stream of options. The biggest problem is that the options out there are no longer what each gender is looking for. It’s like we are going to the mall assuming that we are gonna find what we’re looking for because it has a lot of stores. But when we get there we find out that none of the stores sell what we want. At the end of the day most men want feminine women and most women want masculine guys but we live in a world where women are determined to be like men and men are being shamed into being like women. And to make it all worse is we are trying to date during a gender war. Women have been taught that all men are trash. And men have been taught to not trust women and firm commitments with them due to the risk of losing assets and kids. So how do you effectively date in 2023 when neither side gets what they want from the opposite gender while also being taught to hate the opposite gender. Our biology pushes us to still want what we’re geared to want which is the opposite gender but social conditional makes it impossible to be successful at it.

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

I wouldn’t be so dramatic. Nobody is forcing you to listen to all the KZbin and Mass Media bullshit. You have to be a MAN which means you have to build your own life based on your objectives. But you wont find any partner online. No way. It’s a lost cause. You have to engage in old style traditional communication with the opposite sex. And that involves traditional relationship which means making friends first and not “dating”. Dating is stupid. Women need time to get comfortable with a guy. A date is nothing. It takes months and years to build solid close relationship. For most people this is foreign concept these days

[@wildtruffle418]

I completely agree. I dont find men. They want to be treated like princesses, dont make any effort, call all women gold diggers or cheaters because they picked the wrong ones and I always noticed big issues/red flags that they seem unaware of, or sometimes just tired to hear from a grown up the question "how come you're single you re so pretty", I expect more substance... Some don't pass the "text period". In the end you stop using the apps. But some people you will meet only if you are in their social circles. Oh well 😅 now I feel its better to just put ourselves out there but it can be lonely, not for the weak

[@kullekusk8136]

Divide & conquer, comes to mind

[@DrRobGilles]

@@kullekusk8136 exactly

[@fitthickchic6732]

I see what you mean, but that's not been my experience. My experience that men are mostly on these sites prowling for sex. Most of the men are not really options if you are looking for something serious. It's not just the men who look good either.

[@lg206]

Dating apps are a business. If you go on a few dates with a few people over two months, focus on one person and make it work, settle down and delete the apps forever, then you are not a profitable customer. Dating apps need people who believe in the romantic variation of destination addiction to stay in business, let alone profitable.

[@tomcoop9750]

I decided to become abstinent until marriage. I have a successful dating life - and if I want to stay with someone that I’m not physically intimate with, I know I’m with them for the right reason.

[@Jaylade]

hopefully you find someone who you physically bond with :o

[@CommandoMaster]

Social media and dating apps in a free market have made dating extremely one-sided favored towards women. The vast majority of men cannot meet the high standards that women have due to the huge amount of options to choose from. The only hope is that men still keep trying and find that one girl who likes them.

[@ChristineJGold]

Modern dating is overfed and undernourished Focus on yourself, heal, practice self care, become the energy and magnet of attraction

[@nathanielalderson9111]

Manifest your man!

[@michellegirau8136]

Apps really take away from REAL relationships. I agree with its like shopping. If I was single I NOT be on a dating app. Shopping around continues after starting a relationship and that's a problem. We want to find our person to start a life with but it seems like the online dating takes away from this.

[@michaelsix9684]

at 68, dating is so different than when I was younger, wouldn't want to be out there now, quit at 46, such a relief

[@nottheone582]

My biggest takeaway from this chat was not about weaknesses and strengths but that Simon is SINGLE 😍😍😍

[@QuantumCoyote]

From the female perspective the downside to getting so much attention is it becomes a LOT of work to take the time to shuffle through everyone, talk, see who you actually click with vs who is in it for the wrong reasons. Generally leaves one feeling hopeless, like there are so many but all you're looking for and wish you had was that special one, and so you eventually give up and delete your account with all your "potential" matches lol It is sad how dissatisfied both sexes are with online dating yet it seems to have taken place of people mustering courage as mentioned to strike up a convo in person

[@JustNo8808]

Oh no!!! The funny thing is is most of them are too stupid to realize you can easily stop all the attention and go after the one you want. Many of them have this feature for free and you don't even have to pay money.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

It is like Russian roulette and you don't know which one will bee the narcissist. Women have been killed by men they met on the app and it is potentially very dangerous. I have never used one and never will.

[@patricktoland2694]

Cannot believe you actually said this. Having so much attention is a problem!!!!!! Men are desperate to have a fraction of that attention . Men would love to have the "work" to shuffle" all that attention. You have absolutely no idea what it takes for an ordinary man to get some attention. Only a woman can turn a privilege into a problem,

[@nottheone582]

@@JustNo8808 this has never been a feature on any app I've tried. you have to mute individual users which is not a great solution

[@MrYogi339]

It also feels hopeless when you've been on the app forever and get little to no matches. And the matches you do get end up being bots/ fake profiles.

[@elisabeth4342]

I've never been interested in dating online/apps (different generation). I think people become addicted to the 'casual window shopping' on those dating apps. It's just something to do during their downtime when they're bored or looking for instant gratification through phony validation (photoshopped/filtered pics). On the topic of 'incels,' many of them go trolling on sites you wouldn't expect, such as bodybuilding and fitness sites. They also troll in the comment sections of random podcasts. I think they enjoy trolling the females who wouldn't flirt with them - no matter what their pics look like. They get their revenge that way (online). They wouldn't be able to get away with the misogynistic and insulting comments with pretty/beautiful/hot females IRL!! That's for sure!!

[@fgcpeak9591]

They wouldn't say what they want and do what they want if other men didn't defend women. Don't get it twisted - you wouldn't talk this misandrist, man hating **** to a man in real life if you knew no other man would protect your from the repercussions. Your man hating cat lady vibe is showing.

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

Majority of men online and good people and genuine. But few assholes can sure ruin online experience for other people especially for women. That’s why majority of women that used to be online left year after year and now there barely any females to be found

[@elisabeth4342]

@@DimitriTheBarbarian Then why was I put in an algorithm where people who post directly to me cannot write or use punctuation correctly? It seems like I've been a 'social experiment' where they're trying to ruin and change my self-image that was given to me by others IRL.

[@ScottH7651]

eh, my 2 cents as someone who's been dating online for over 10 years, it's not just the illusion of choice but that the people in the dating pool (on or off the apps) are just plain damaged and without the skills to form and maintain a long term meaningful relationship. I've met so many of these commitment-averse people and it's really rough to form a connection and then for them to suddenly disappear. It's well documented that the vast majority of single people over 40 are Avoidants. I'm probably average looking and have met several hundred women over the course of my 10+ years and have formed 6 relationships of any significant duration. There are definitely couples who meet and marry from these sites. And it might be more accurate to call them introduction sites than dating sites. Good luck out there, it's a rough scene. I'm going on a 2nd date tonight with someone who appears to be a very quality person. Wish me luck.

[@kullekusk8136]

Updates?

[@LizethSandoval006]

Good luck 🍀

[@johngalt1967]

To be a good mate, you have to be RAISED with certain values!

[@mikelitorous5570]

I think the problem is humans aren’t built to have an abundance of options and be able to pick the correct outcome. The same now is happening with dating and women have these abundance of options which are overwhelming online. Vs if you were to speak to a girl in person she would have to make a split second decision on whether or not she likes you. It goes against our nature. I also know the majority of friends who are girls either hate dating apps or they say they actually never go on dates with men from them

[@sassypannu]

The story of the human heart The human heart was soft and loving Then the person we trusted stabbed a knife into our heart With a cruel word, slap or by leaving Then the human heart has 2 choices To bleed to death Or Turn into ice Ice can not feel Ice can not hurt Ice can not love Ice only knows how to survive & revenge Then one day the universe wakes you up For you to heal your human heart And learn to love again Sassy pannu ❤

[@hoasam5786]

The problem with Facebook dating is...Guy's on there are shallow & superficially immature and girl's on there is going to steal your date's. Is why i never join Facebook dating.

[@selyemperzsa1]

It is difficult because people dont know how to be themselves.

[@tiana2906]

I know my love ❤

[@lifeinvader2039]

What is the solution? I try approaching people in social settings such as climbing gym or my building I live in but it's tricky. I am done with dating apps but equally want to date.....

[@tspencer661]

I’m going to give you advice that you are free not to use. Any situation where someone else is present is a social situation. You don’t have to limit yourself to one or two social settings. If you shop, talk to someone else in line. If you get food delivered, thank the delivery driver. Have a brief conversation with them. If you go to buy food, talk to the cashier. Talk to the waiter at your favorite restaurant. (One of my friends made friends with the server at one of her favorite restaurants. Now, they go out to eat.) Talking is a powerful tool. Use it in every place where you’re not alone. I’ve never used a dating app. I have dated two men in the past six years. I met them in real life.

[@lifeinvader2039]

@@tspencer661 hey that’s perfect advice. Really appreciate it.

[@tspencer661]

@@lifeinvader2039 You’re welcome. To be honest, I started with babies and dogs. 😆Dog people love it when you compliment their dogs. Parents love it when you complement their children. Dogs and babies don’t talk. You’ll always get a positive reaction.

[@tspencer661]

@@lifeinvader2039 I also started to take myself out on “dates”. I would dress up and take myself to events I was interested in. I took myself to my local art museum. I took myself to concerts. I took myself to country line dancing lessons. I read somewhere that it’s easier for a man to approach a woman if she’s by herself. Too many women around can make a man nervous and scared to approach and engage in conversation. By taking myself out, alone, I eliminated that issue. I can tell you from personal experience that the country line dancing lessons I attended were FULL of women. I don’t know the relationship status of the attendees, but the women outnumbered the men 25 to 1. Paint nights also have a high female to male ratio. The only men who attend are usually there with their wives and girlfriends. The other women are usually there with one friend. If you’re not already taking yourself out to do things you like, start there. If you meet someone, you already have a common interest. Keep an open mind and an open heart. We never know who is going to enter our lives.

[@lifeinvader2039]

@@tspencer661 Thank you, I've been trying that quite a bit and in my local coffee shop I speak to all the staff there and able to strike a decent conversation with healthy eye contact.

[@BillysFingers]

I thought i'd avoided modern dating as i was happily married but when i suddenly lost her to cancer i have found myself struggling with this shopping online system. The problem i've found with the dating apps is that the woman picks her best match but often for the guy, he gets no likes so keeps lowering his standards until he gets his only match. So a woman with a best match with a guy where she's his only match is a recipe for disaster. I've been on a few dates and all were so mismatched in a way that never would happen meeting in real life.

[@angusmcbean752]

The talking heads yapping about dating apps have no idea what its actually like for the average man. Nothing like Amazon shopping, more like trying to find a job in a recession.

[@Yomel123]

The men who “needed to exert control” were married with kids in the past and took it out on his family. It’s good there males are now single. We need to weed out a lot of these males

[@Epoch-vu8cj]

men need to be arrested at birth

[@jenniferorozco6974]

Instant gratification and escapism all over. Dating apps and social media in general promotes the other grass is greener mentality, why go through any tough times when theres something better elsewhere... there's no concept of commitment anymore. Things get tough, people run. As a woman whos gotten big amounts of attention on these apps i can assure you doing these for a good couple years has left me depleted and lonelier than ever. Weeding through all these people to find a person you connect on a meaningful level is incredibly hard. Misogyny and misandry are rampant. Being emotionally detached is cool, putting your heart on your sleeve is weak Women try act like men and viceversa. Expectations are unrealistically high. Sex has become merely a physical need and drug not a form of emotional bonding. Scary times we live in.

[@carbon1479]

I really think there's something foundationally wrong with the status signaling for men when women are shopping on something like an online magazine for men (mai-order husbands). I think it transmits VERY low social status on the guys by default because it's not trusted family members telling them how wonderful the guy is but rather a guy doing what a guy would do if he had no reliable family or friends (ie. really low socioeconomic station, a T-rash at best if he's got 8 pack abs - ie. f'boys or nothing because they're starting from the indignity of being mail-order men).

[@chanceklein]

I agree 100%! And the women instinctively know this.

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

@@Larp01235ugh I find it hard to believe. There just not enough women online anymore. Even a “Chad” will have very limited options, which will be mostly overweight, older, less attractive females

[@kenrix6296]

im 24 struggled with depresion combined with introvert personality living in isolation like 4 years so my social skills are below 0 cant find any job keep getting rejected i tried dating apps and im also invisible there and im not rly person who message or approach someone 1st so i just give up on dating and accepted my fate dont want to live in this false physical world so i explored spirituality and had 1 entity encounter which healed me emotionally and this was incredible powerfull feeling even higher spirits have more respect to you than women

[@jeremiahhawthorne4207]

Get in the gym, keep looking for jobs, try and build skills to get jobs, in this economy you might need two jobs , consider furthering education, dont sit around and do nothing, work on bettering yourself before you think about dating , love you first

[@channel814news]

@@jeremiahhawthorne4207This is good advice. Im 19 and been in a very similar situation to bro and number one golden boy rule is put yourself first. Be on that self care shit 24/7. Also try not to make excuses because you don’t feel 100% Second to that- confidence is key. Work on pushing yourself to be in uncomfortable situations eg: going up and chatting to that stupidly attractive girl, sweating your arse off in the gym. Try not to be too hard on yourself, if you slip up for a few weeks, hey I mean shit happens. Just as long as you recognise if you might be spiralling and you see something might need to change. Love bro.

[@RMT911]

You seem like a pure soul, possibly going through a spiritual awakening its a lonely place to be

[@doowopdago]

Grateful to the gentleman above advising this youngster. There are many like him. Feeling hopeless but one must find the will to work and be better. One must work to find a way. Nothing comes easy if it’s a worthwhile investment. Start by making your bed and heading to the gym.

[@tspencer661]

It sounds like you may want to consider getting a counselor. A good counselor can help you with your obstacles.

[@mikesummer670]

Even if you are swiped right and get "couple", there is still a great chance that women will not response or just remove you from couples

[@JustNo8808]

That is actually the majority. The best way to get around that is to not list your heights, Don't have any pictures that show how high you might be, Don't list your occupation, your race, anything in your bio that you enjoy or dislike, any of your hobbies, any answers to any questions, ect. Leave it all blank with 6 pictures.

[@angelicaangel2624]

Leaving the height blank means he's under 6ft. No man would leave that blank if he was 6ft or over.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

​@@JustNo8808how does that help?

[@JustNo8808]

@@angelicaangel2624 you'd be right, If some of the profiles filled out. That's why you don't feel a single thing but the pictures. Look like you get so much puss you turn it away and don't care enough to try.

[@JustNo8808]

@@angelicaangel2624 also a good way to go from 5'10" (What women consider short) to 6 ft - 6'3" cheating.

[@emilyl6746]

I'm in the top 20% of my law school class and even that has been infinitely easier than dating 😅 in law there are generally rules, precedent, strategy, defined parameters, etc. If you're disciplined and hardworking you get good results. Modern dating, on the other hand, is a free for all. It's people who cannot effectively communicate. People change from one day to the next. You can do everything right and its not enough for people. There's no structure or stability My patience for people who weren't serious was very limited too. Lol I'll probably meet someone through the legal field at some point. But I do not miss being on the apps.

[@jaythenihilist4689]

Most men are average. Most women are average. But most average women on dating apps refuse to settle for an average man. Which is fine, they certainly don't have to. But they're the ones choosing to be alone. It's not the mens fault. Men don't shop on dating apps. They just take what they can get.

[@eunicebediako4986]

Yeah for a causal hookup!!!

[@abor1males]

Don’t complain that your not wanted

[@Yomel123]

Many women aren’t dating and are choosing to stay single

[@cbaileychamp]

videos like this make me really thankful for my girlfriend. genuinely one of the nicest people and most effective child rearers i have ever met, she believes in me so much and does everything for me, not to mention is so beautiful. Sometimes i look around at our current society and honestly i dont know how i got so lucky. I met her thru a friend in a very religious town full of mormons and she wanted out. Get you a woman with traditional values or WAIT. Do not settle for the run of the mill westernized soul. The values of these people are ruining dating for everyone. We need to start valuing kindness and character again in the people we choose as signifigant others. All anyone cares about is looks or money or other superficial bullshit.

[@knight4728]

"Most effective child rearer" 💀 she should add that to her CV

[@tiana2906]

Thank you ❤

[@ambition112]

0:10: 📱 The design of the modern world has made finding love more difficult as it has turned into a shopping experience, where partners are chosen like products on Amazon. 2:16: 💬 The speaker discusses the connection between sex and other behaviors, highlighting the negative impact of sexual frustration and the problems with dating apps. 4:30: 👥 The speaker believes that online dating is not inherently wrong, but it should be balanced with in-person interactions. 6:31: 💡 The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying alert, working hard, and being financially prepared for both positive and negative situations. 8:55: 💡 Context is key in understanding strengths and weaknesses. Recap by Tammy AI

[@kimberlys347]

really nice profile picture 😉😉 this is me flirting

[@miloslavskiy873]

Been there for 3 days. Seemed like second hand store.

[@croissants1280]

That's your excuse for not getting matches.

[@ladyElena333]

How can you complain about others being second hand, when you are the one treating them this way? Those people came to the app for the same reason as you. This is so funny everyone complains about others being bad, no one sees themselves.

[@shaylagoogle3097]

Stop dating because some guys are lazy and don't know how to court. Netflix n chill... Ah no. Going on a proper date il do that. Meeting in person over the net way better 😊.

[@CommandoMaster]

The thing is women expect u as a man, to be confident of every moment of every day. Especially when u interact with them, u have to be on point. Otherwise, women will ghost u and never want to talk or see u again. It's an impossible standard of course, but it's expected. U need to be delusionally confident as a man throughout the whole day, every day in ur life, otherwise u will be lonely and depressed with no women wanting u.

[@Jaylade]

Who hurt you?

[@oil1252]

​​@@Jayladeyour mom

[@tiana2906]

​@@oil1252😂😂😂

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

@@Jayladeyoung women in my age group lol 😂that’s who

[@Jaylade]

@@christiansnaturestudio6599 well, do the work and heal before projecting sir. Ghosting is better than leading someone on at least.

[@aelfredrex8354]

The problem with modern dating is all the men having a problem with modern dating. They expect to just order up the perfect woman on Tinder and have her delivered like Amazon. Dating is still the same as ever. It's all about the sex. Guys have gotta stop taking marriage on the first date. Red Pill morons walk in with divorce already on their minds. She's a complete stranger and they already have her taking half their estate. That's insane thinking, but you see it everywhere. There's a logical progression: Lust, Like, Love. You start with mutual Lust to bring you together. You continue to date until you decide if you Like each other enough to explore further down the path. If you don't, oh well, at least the Lust was good. If you Like each other and continue on, Love will usually develop. Then marriage, family, all that. The strength of that Love will be tested under stress and sometimes the bonds are not that strong. They were probably stuck in Like mode but weren't all the way into Love. You have to follow the progression or things go wrong right away. Never use Love on the first date. That's something that has to grow over time, so let it.

[@JS-it3dx]

That's not a good way to create sustainable long term relationships imo. I agree that guys shouldn't act desperate early on, but often it's better to hold off on sex until a real connection is established.

[@Kpleaides]

Men need to start asking women out traditional way.....get rid of the apps

[@francoforte5382]

Why should men ask out? How about equality? In my viee, women don't ask out not because of biology, but because it is so very covenient and so much easier to sit back and use the veto power

[@yurikocano3651]

And how "normal", the ghosting is its incredible!

[@ChosenPlaysYT]

Dating apps are great if you’re a woman or insanely attractive man. If you’re an average or below average man they are completely destructive.

[@kullekusk8136]

Whats a better alternative? The only thing I found working is having friends. But if you're 30+ and introverted - that's almost more difficult than finding a mate.

[@karolinawiatrowska3890]

Problem is, it is all superficial, people don’t want to get to know you, they just want to satisfy their physical needs

[@tiana2906]

Bingo

[@Junevalentino]

The problem with modern dating is that we removed fathers from the household and destroyed the nuclear family, all for women receiving financial handouts from the government through the welfare act of 1965.

[@fishstickbio594]

The problem is not the app …the problem is the man’s character …..men are avid porn consumers and females hate it …..can you handle the truth ?…..contrary of what other males and their channels says about women ……Loyalty to the blood ….if that doesn’t exist ,then logically is staying single ( no sex at all ) .

[@marialeduque8827]

The talk about balance is so on point

[@jimallen8186]

As an aside, with the comparison of brick and mortar versus online shopping, most believe brick and mortar lost due to inconvenience while online has much more variety and availability so as to get exactly what you want. This is false presumption. The reason K-Mart died isn’t that Amazon killed it, it is because corporate raiders bought it up, divested its real estate and other values to one company while keeping liability and debt in another. In this way they stole the value from the company while socializing the costs while the debt holding company went bust yet the asset holding company wasn’t liable to cover the debt side. And this is happening to several other entities like Friendlies. Workers get screwed, municipalities get screwed, but certain Wall Streeters squeeze the dough out for themselves.

[@jcrollah81]

way too easy for a woman to be pulled away from any relationship

[@Neoteny374]

I remember as a kid watch the carousel scene in Logans Run, thinking this is so phoqued up, but here we are now.

[@robinconnelly6079]

I gave up on online dating a long time ago. It just didnt work for me. I found social media very useful, though because you start with friendship and no expectations and you can learn a lot about someone from their posts and profile. Much easier than hitting on someone in a bar etc.

[@Jaylade]

Yes you can learn a lot about someone from their post and profile but it's also a completely fake way to meet someone. They choose what to expose and what to hide online.

[@cendon1244]

In this case, even the concept of balance for this current generation is reinforcing addiction, which is unfortunate. Therefore, one should realistically choose a side. However, if you're discplined enough, then the concept of a balance will be realistic and applicable.

[@charlesshamash1102]

Online dating is great if your good looking from my experience

[@ladyElena333]

No, it's not. You get lost in the poll of people, who want you for your look, who basically wants to use you to boost their ego, fragile self esteem, and they are ready to do anything for a short time to get your heart , once they get your heart, they treat you like they treat themselves and those around, with disrespect and misery, and you left to gather pieces of your heart, and hope that you'll trust people again.

[@ladyElena333]

For good looking to find sex, yes. Sex doesn't make you happy. Love, meaningful connection makes you happy. But true meaningful deep connection is impossible to find when 100s look at you and say, look how good I'm. How do you differentiate between those with good and bad intentions? I think that good, natural and beautiful connection is found once you've been raised in a healthy family with a great community around you. All other ways are hard work, lucky chance, and long search, you gotta be tough for this and have a super kind heart to go through this process and stay humane and don't hate all people in the end.

[@charlesshamash1102]

Yes it’s caveat emptor. You have to use your mind when dating. And discriminate against bad people.

[@JustNo8808]

Or just a ridiculously overweight woman. She will still get in shape men talking to her.

[@CosmicLion777]

Too many choices.

[@manmy016]

Harvard did a tinder study. The female demographic with the least amount of likes were African American women, but this demographic still got more likes than ANY MAN! …. End of story

[@VenturingMGTOW]

Meeting women in public is just as difficult as meeting them online, especially if you’re not part of a large friends group or have family connections. Your looks are what get you in the door…

[@Nordic_Sky]

Online, women have lots of options. Men, not so much. Women rank 85% of men as "below average" in attractiveness. Online women who are 4s think they are 9s. No thanks.

[@thelaughingphilosopher2421]

His tone and cadence is too feminine...

[@RocKnight11]

He looks to be comfortable with himself. He probably gets more sex than the average guy... certainly much more than the lnceIType-Guys.

[@sjucrewguy]

I honestly don’t see it. The dating apps were revolutionary for me. I’ve dated and been in relationships with some absolutely amazing women that I would have *never* in a million years crossed paths with were it not for the apps.

[@GenericMedusa99]

dating apps is not the issue, u can ask her out and she did reject u anyways cuz thundercock is talking to her right now and theres a gigachad, shes seeing the following week. why would she suddenly want to make time for u lmao xD

[@bootscooty]

I hate dating apps and I think they are the downfall of the See's candy industry because less and less people are able to afford chocolates based on the fact that they can't get hired because they're not in romantic relationships. You would think that you know they're not getting the the chocolate because they're not in relationships because they're broke or whatever but they're not broke they just don't want to be in relationships so now sees candy is suffering and that's bringing down stock prices and other companies and and throughout the market and making it harder for us collectively to stay rich

[@flobba123]

my problem with modren dating? i write to 600 women and only respone from 6 and out of those 6, 0 of them wants to date me. Im going for offline dating now way more rewarding than just looking at a small picture on a screen.

[@lolaamazonia5218]

Dating apps are not the problem because ive met men at parties and they don't approach

[@changuil936]

Feels be treated like escort! Ask to have nights with someone that you didn't even talk on phone neither see...When we are interresting on meeting people, this is very depressing...

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Aren't 65% of Tinder users married or in a relationship?

[@mizmilz6153]

Texting that never amounts to anything

[@AAAugustine]

Well, let's see... :)

[@BodyByBenSLC]

My biggest frustration is women won't commit to a time. Me "Are you free Tuesday night?" Her "I have to pick up my daughter." That is not an answer to my question. Dose that mean Tuesday dosent work? Dose that mean Wednesday dose. Just tell me the times you are available and don't tell me why you can't get together. It seems like they are not serious and wasting my time.

[@nichobee]

There's another reason why men tend to prefer netflix and chill on dating app first encounters. Yes, it cuts straight to the chase, but it also cuts out the bullshit of having to simultaneously attract and get to know someone on a first date. First dates after IRL meetings are much easier because, like he says, the attraction is already there, and the first date is just a matter of telling more about yourselves and not making yourself less attractive than you were when you first met. You start the date with momentum. The pressure on a first date via a dating app is unhealthy. People's online personas are usually very different to how they are IRL, and it's very hard to act like yourself because you're trying to achieve too many things at once. The woman is waiting for you to take the lead while being romantically appealing and interesting. But the netflix and chill first dates already set an understanding of, 'ok, i already think you're attractive, so just come over, don't be a creep or shit company, and we'll fuck'. Men struggle with the uncertainty and pressure of a first hinge date, and find some relief in the 'comfort' of netflix and chill. It's obviously different for women, because usually they very rightfully feel uneasy about having a first encounter with a stranger in a private setting. It's quite a gamble for them. The woman doesn't want to deal with the uncertainty of safety (a much bigger concern), and the man doesn't want to deal with the uncertainty of being rejected. I'm very fortunate to get a lot of matches online, but I almost never follow through. The emotional effort of having to romantically click with someone I don't know straight off the bat is daunting. The anxiety I experience on the way to these dates is not fun. It was easier when I was young and naive, but after hitting 25 you think about it on a deeper level and recognise how superficial it is.

[@miguelangelcorderoramos-mu5wo]

Thats true narcissist do hate them selves

[@julievanzile2482]

I haven't had too many issues. Just started this. Meet someone see if you are interested move on if not

[@HotDawgzzzzz]

It's easy when you have 80% of men online sending you messages because you are attractive .

[@julievanzile2482]

@zachbowman9396 that could be true. I can't be sure though

[@Zkbbkzzz]

All I can hear is “right?,right?, right” . No! Please make your point without needing confirmation after every few words. You have a viewpoint that I want to hear but the lack of confidence displayed in your speech is a strain that is drowning out your message. I just want to give constructive criticism because you are speaking to a wide public audience here.

[@kullekusk8136]

Well... even with no apps, most men are still in the "middle-eastern situation". They need to shine. A regular job won't do. However, a social circle does work - but many doesn't have one in modern western societies. The core issue is hypergamy. But I believe in freedom of opportunity. Thus I rest my case, alone.

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

You can only pick someone that also picks you. That women have completely unrealistic standards is their problem. It’s about like they go to the grocer and pick through the whole bin and say, “none of these apples are good enough. I demand that you grow me an apple to my specifications!” The store just calls the cops cuz you crazy! Your wants are just wants. What you can get is what matters.

[@chanceklein]

Facts 💯

[@abor1males]

Like men Don’t don’t make me laugh

[@Alphonce_Awburg]

Sounds more like it's *your* problem, bro. lol Let me guess; "unrealistic standards" for you is when women prefer traits that you do not possess?

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

@@Alphonce_Awburg I don’t need to impress or chase after anyone. I have my 10.

[@kullekusk8136]

The biggest question is: why aren't some incel nerds creating a good app without ridiculous - almost criminal - algoritms. There's possibility for making a good app, that's the starting point.

[@John83118]

This is pure genius. I recently read a book with a similar topic, and it was truly captivating. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@HammersOverStrikers]

Women cant even tell You where they want to eat when their hungry due to the fear of not picking the best option. Give them a database of endless(desperate) suitors all willing to court them and what Do You think would happen? Of course its a recipe for disaster.

[@jim2376]

OkCupid did a study that found women consider 80% of the men on dating apps to be unattractive. After women whittle down the remaining 20% based on factors like age, race, geography, earnings, etc. what else does a man need to know about what a massive waste of time dating apps are?

[@MLK1456]

Society has pumped up women’s tires so much the average girl believes she is better than the average man. They would rather be part of a guys rotation than give a normal guy a shot.

[@vizio32]

The paradox of choice and the thought settling for someone has made the experience of online dating apps not worth it. if you are entering the dating pool with the mentality of not settling you have artificially made the people you meet disposable.

[@jimallen8186]

“we don’t think about sex and how it impacts other behaviors…” you must have missed that episode of Seinfeld.

[@mmonroe259]

If I got stuck on a date with that guy and his constant 500 “uhhs”, I’d throw myself into oncoming traffic

[@J1304-z3s]

Was in a relationship for 3 years! She told me she loved me etc but when time for serious talk something was always off. Found her on the app we met on lmao😂 bye bye for life. Gives an illusion shes still single after i never took her back

[@cmfitz4210]

Someone said it thank god. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣

[@markbolam1383]

men need to walk away from online dating as it has ruined women they are soo picky and overlook decent guys need to get back to meeting in person

[@LiftOffLife]

Dating apps in SE Asia is *Completely* different from dating apps in feminist 5 eyes countries.

[@DimitriTheBarbarian]

Of course. As long as you are white man from a Western country. If you are Asian peasant you won’t find a match in Asia no matter how much you try. So, please, keep things in perspective

[@abor1males]

I am glad men have abused their power and for too long karma

[@PhillipSpradley]

True. I dint even know how to flirt

[@johngower2208]

Dating apps are the middle men. And you're always better off cutting out the middle man

[@banginghats2]

No response at all is exactly the same as a big sign saying, "REJECTED!".

[@RhettWilliam]

There should be a dating app where women should be arrested for Ghosting, ignoring, not messaging "matches" and showing signs of repeating patterns of only showing interest in the top ten percent