THIS is what SHE wants...

#wife #marriagevideo #relationshipadvice
Marriage is all about commitment and faithfulness and trust and connection and friendship and intimacy. Are you prioritizing those in your relationship? If not, there's really no point in even getting married. That is how we HAVE a great marriage. That is what LOVE requires of us. They aren't add on's. They are essential to a healthy marriage. You can stay together, but the presence of respect and emotional safety and closeness and playfulness is what makes a relationship thrive. And it's possible for you!

[@taracuplin4075]

"I taught her how to live life without me." Thank you for these words. This is exactly what my husband did for a very long time and it makes me feel less crazy.

[@SuzanneU]

Absolutely! I was married alone for so long that now that my husband wants to spend time with me - I have little to say and often barely present.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Either married alone or a single married mom is a horrible experience. It's why so many women aren't even getting married.

[@auroravenancio8346]

That one stood out for me to, painfully 😢

[@bigmamat1960]

That phrase really resounded with me too. Then he wonders why I have become so independent and do my own life.

[@robmerrill3460]

Works the other direction as well

[@arrowsschoolhouse8961]

I have a testimony to share with you... I have never seen your videos, never even looked on tiktok for advice but a few nights ago me and my husband went to see the new Avatar and it stirred up so much in me about how I can't keep holding everything in and that we need to be more intentional and vulnerable with eachother and fight together as a team in raising our kids to be in a loving, compassionate, godly home which starts with how we communicate and treat eachother... anyways we got in a huge huge fight which has only happened maybe 5 times in 11 years and my husband ended up letting out alot of brokenness he's been feeling about the things he's done to me and the defensiveness when I've tried to be vulnerable etc.. anyways he was praying for God to help him see and to understand and we prayed together.... well here's the cool story where u come in... this morning right after my husband woke up, a video of yours started playing from my CLOSED laptop, Noone was downstairs yet and it was so loud we heard it from upstairs! like i said i havnt looked up marrital advice recently on anything! so then we've watched a few of your videos today and the way you word and explain things is so perfect... God literally put your videos in front of us today as an answer to our prayers! 🙏😭🙏🥳 we are so thankful!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I can’t believe I haven’t seen this until now! This is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for sharing this and thank you for being such a great example and working through your conflicts and praying together, I think that’s so sweet and powerful! So proud of you guys and I love this testimony!!! 🙌🙌

[@messily1456]

Such a beautiful miracle. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you and your husband are continuing to find peace in your new purpose. It takes a lot of work to churn a pitcher the opposite direction, and changing habits feels the same way to me. It takes time, so I hope y'all are continually blessed with as much gentleness as you are persistence. 💛

[@angiem9116]

God is Good and Faithful Always! What a testimony! Thank you for sharing it :)

[@jocelynems5]

Wow..... even God recommends Jimmy on Relationships! LOL.... great job, Jimmy. And how wonderful for you Noble Arrows +. You are truly blessed.

[@saraliza3137]

Oh my goodness, this gives me so much hope! I had a huge smile on my face reading through this! God is a good Father! He gives good gifts and marriage is supposed to be a good gift for all of us! 🥰😍🤩

[@jp-gy3vh]

“You can assume all of those things are YES” As a woman who divorced her husband for several reasons including lack of effort on his part, 100% spot on.

[@ElimEx1]

Lack of effort or too much effort for the return on investment? I ponder that often...

[@jp-gy3vh]

@@ElimEx1 complete lack of effort.

[@rosiebellmusic2023]

This channel should be mandatory viewing for every man (and woman) entering into marriage. It's sad when the trust is gone because it is almost impossible to get it back!

[@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126]

I'd say no, from a male perspective it wouldn't help. Jimmy becomes quite preachy, which might sit well with women, but not with husbands. Try Mark Gugnor's "Laugh your way to a better marriage" or John Gottman's "The Love recipe", that'll help A LOT.

[@susannabonke8552]

It doesn't change anything to have good teaching. It only works when the listener is willing to be transformed which is a moment of grace..we have no control over the reaction of anyone. God wanted it that way.

[@susannabonke8552]

​@@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126 thanks so much for your reply. Men don't like to be directed. Women should respect that. If not they mess up the whole idea of free choice.

[@terichastain4179]

Nailed it. Don't have to be married either. Singles need to see this too.

[@justincase7848]

I think it's not only "Youre not willing to read the marriage book" But also "I have told you so many times in so many ways, and if you still have to ask me, the question itself is so offensive in it's implication that you've never paid attention to my words and needs, that I can't even bear to answer it"

[@ethosterros9430]

Why is it his fault her little hints go over his head because he has a certain communication style he responds to and she despite supposedly being the smart and emotional intelligent one doesnt care?

[@justincase7848]

​@ethosterros9430 he said veey clearly that he dismissed her vulnerability and her emotional needs. Sometimes women are very artivulate about their needs and they get dismissed anyway.

[@ethosterros9430]

@@justincase7848 yea and now he dismisses mens needs and vulnerability as penance for being a moron in his own marriage, bravo. I haven't known a lot of women with the balls to be straightforward with what they want. Either they get pissy feeling entitled like they should have their mind read of you're a proper man or you get this shit. Its 50 50 bro all of lifes problems arent the mans fault 100% every time that's crazy to assert. He dismissed her because hes an idiot, she forgave him because shes an idiot. What weight should his words hold when all he does is bash men? I'm not an idiot like him, I listen. I'm listening to him being a dumbass projecting his bullshit on me. I've met a small handful of women who are good with articulation, almost all of them taken. I found one who was single as if a miracle and who has similar things she wants in a partner. Miracle and she appreciates being appreciated but she doesnt blame any issues she has on me cuz shes an adult. hopefully if theres an issue she will tell it to me straight. its sick for him a man to shit on men and encourage narcissism and entitlement in women. Absolutely ill.

[@luciatheron1621]

It's interesting that men can do complicated stuff ie, design warheads, complex computer games etc...but can't see the wood for the trees. However they clearly heard and emotionally connected in the love bombing stages right? Then what happened? ​@@ethosterros9430

[@abaker2302]

​@@ethosterros9430 your comment presumes she hasn't tried every single communication tool in her communication tool belt.

[@amys2168]

I think if my husband said any of these things to me, literally just one, I would hug him and cry.

[@juliebirkle7125]

I'm so sorry. You are worth hearing all these things every single day!

[@ethosterros9430]

That's what you wanted in a man tho, emotional unavailability, that's why you married him. A majority of men are emotionally available. You chose one of the few that were not meaning you fished for him.

[@SamiaTamrinAhmed]

resonates so much to recent experiences

[@matlhogonolobotlhomeng807]

I'm literally in tears right now because I thought I was being impossible for a long time. Thank you so much for the message 🤝

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you so much! You aren't being impossible. You are lovable and worthy of kindness and respect in your most intimate relationships =)

[@rosieone4533]

Same.

[@angiem9116]

I feel you! I totally do!!!!

[@jackietaylor3188]

Yeeeeesssss 1:35

[@mailekessler6869]

Same.

[@jcortese3300]

There's also the fact that "you have to tell me exactly what to do" is pretty much the total opposite of initiative. It also implies that even if she does just give up and figure she has to micromanage you like a 2 year old, it also releases you from any responsibility for her unhappiness because hey, you did exactly what SHE told you to! That means if she's still unhappy, it's HER fault now! You were just following orders! Also ... she's not Mommy: the Sequel. You are an adult. You shouldn't need micromanagement to do what adults do.

[@K.C-2049]

exactly. I'm your partner, not your manager, not your coach, not your mom. I don't want to tell you what I want you to do or how to be, I want you to put in some effort and self reflection and figure it out.

[@TheBaumcm]

Especially when by that point, you’ve told them multiple times and multiple ways and they still insist on seeing you as an adversary, an obstacle, or a complement to them, rather than the individual human being with her own thoughts and feelings

[@AF-oq5bu]

It's so simple, too! At work, back when I was in corporate, I kept telling my direct reports: If I have to tell you what to do, then you are not doing your job. It's that simple.

[@juliebirkle7125]

Exactly. To feel like you are micro managing an adult and it'll be your fault anyway if he "messes up". Very well said! Thank you. It feels so good to be heard and understood.

[@jennivamp5]

Came here to say this, following instructions is not taking the initiative.

[@angiem9116]

This is exactly what all men need to understand about women. You Jimmy, are desciphering an entire world for men and women who are desperate to understand each other and they cannot. A big THANK YOU! I follow you on FB, YT and IG. Never disappointed about any content I find here. AMAZING!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

You’re too kind!!!

[@grittyinpink16]

It's the marriage "Who's on First?" routine. Husband: "So, what do you want from me?" Wife: "I want you to listen to me." Husband: "So, what do you want from me?" Repeat for as many years as the woman can stand.

[@firelordeliteast6750]

Or the husband if it’s that kind of situation

[@amandachilds5290]

​@@firelordeliteast6750maybe but let's be realistic, it's a very rare man who has communication and empathy skills beyond his wife's, right? I can't think of hardly any in my real life and I know tons of people. I mean even men who public speak for a living, like pastors, often have wives who are just as capable, if not even more so, except one I can think of but she is high functioning Aspbergers (he doesn't call it ASD so neither will I in regards to her) . That's sort of the exception that proves the rule kind of thing or a malignant female narcissist is likely to be capable but refuses due to personality disorder. So it happens but is very rare and I think Jimmy is trying to reach people who aren't diagnosed to consider their relationships in a more meaningful and intentional way.

[@marcinance9586]

@@amandachilds5290the correct spelling is ASPERGER’S. There is NO “B” in the name. It’s really not that difficult to use grammar accurately, especially when you are writing a name or title.

[@amandachilds5290]

@@marcinance9586 Red flag Noted and now part of receipts. Thanks for clarifying yourself to the world. I actually have to spell check my stuff a lot lately due to eye issues as side effect of my medication, but you go on ignoring actual content to pick out the couple typos. Cool beans. Hope that made you feel superior

[@faethe000]

It is not. By the time the conversation gets to that point, she's told him a thousand times what she wants, and he's refused to ever listen.

[@AF-oq5bu]

The analogy that men should get (I think) is this: At work, do you go to your coworkers and ask, "What should I do?", or do you just know and do? How would you treat a coworker who was not pulling their weight and they came back with "Well, what do I need to do?" every five minutes?

[@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126]

I'd say recruitment did a bad job and now we have figure out how to do the work together as a team 👍🏼

[@buffuniballer]

But that does happen. When I'm faced with a problem that I don't have the answer I seek the input of my co-workers. I.E. I don't understand what I'm facing. Does anyone know about this. A man going to his wife asking what he should do is just like this. It's an admission he doesn't know and is seeking answers. I'd rather have a co-worker who is willing to admit he doesn't know than to pretend he does and make things worse. Consider the possibility that asking is a form of humility, admitting one doesn't know everything. Seems like this is a no-win situation. If he asks, he's scolded for not knowing. But if he doesn't ask, he's scolded for being full of pride and self-assurance. Seems like the only winning move is to withdraw.

[@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126]

@@buffuniballer Well, you got the nail on the head there. When a person just wants to pick a fight, that's what they do, and that's exactly why men should always avoid a quarreling woman 🤣 Many women want the guy to have learned "somehow" the right answer without even asking, ignoring the fact that it takes for you to learn from your partner by asking what you don't know. But if the woman shoots down the guy for not knowing, she's just wishing for a mind reader. And then we are the ones that don't communicate properly xD

[@buffuniballer]

@@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126I think I could work with a quarreling women (to an extent of course.) What is worse is one who will not say anything at all. I'd prefer one to just give actionable feedback, but 2nd choice would be one who would actually engage in a disagreement/quarrel. The one that is impossible to work with is one who goes radio-silent or puts her walls up instead of engaging in any sort of dialogue, quarrelsome or otherwise.

[@nicolasandresmartinez-cond126]

@@buffuniballer I know you're not asking for advice, but I'm gonna dispense some, of you'll indulge me: There's no better choice for your life than to find a woman that brings peace to your life. I've been married for almost 12 years, and that has brought me the most joy and fulfillment of it all.

[@cynthiaskaggs6645]

Too bad my ex husband couldn’t have seen this when it would have made a difference. I tried for years, I showed up for him, encouraged him, held space for him, did whatever I could to support his personal growth. In return I got invalidated, minimized, criticized and mocked whenever I tried to reach out for understanding and emotional support. He could do endless research for his job but it took over 10yrs to get him to even look at the healthy communication/marriage book I gave him. He did finally start reading it and going to counseling by himself… after I moved out. Then tried to make me the ‘bad guy’ for giving up when he was doing all this work on the relationship. I did the hard work for 14yrs of marriage. His journey is his own now. I wish him well and hope he makes the necessary changes for the next woman in his life. It won’t be me.

[@woodnymph3063]

Ditto. Same timeline too. I think the reason they refuse to work on things earlier is because it's an admission that they're not good at something (marriage/communicating). For a man to admit that they're not fully competent at relationships means that there is something for their wives to not respect about them. Instead of feeling her disrespect, the only way to save ego is to make his incompetence her fault or responsibility. Blame shifting.

[@amandachilds5290]

​@@woodnymph3063it's because they truly believe it's not their responsibility and it's your job and if there's a problem they are like the manager and you the employee and they delegate to you and so the problem is yours. They don't comprehend partnerships because they aren't forced to think that way and do that in High school or college or sports unless it's doubles tennis. Someone said all men need to be made to play a doubles sport before marriage to figure it out, like how to collaborate and partner with One other person. Handball, doubles volleyball. Communication and anticipation, etc ..is improved this way so yeah that is a good idea probably

[@Krimmeldimmel]

This is the story of my long time relationship, too…

[@violetbui141]

It took until after I broke up with my ex to realise that he only ever tried to change and listen to me, after I would attempt to break up with him. Men like this, when they think they've got you, they don't think they have to try

[@amandachilds5290]

@@violetbui141 it's just at the beginning of a relationship the women have more power, but often do not realize it, have a clue, care nor wield it in a cruel, punitive way. Well some do but they are obvious gold diggers to All but the man caught in her spell and no telling him will matter. BUT after the marriage has become official and maybe some months or year, and especially after the first kid, the man wields way more power, takes authority in a confusing way that is often cruel, toxic and dismissive. She went from equal partner and treated with admiration, loving kindness to treated like a subordinate at work she never wanted. She didn't sign up to be his employee, right? He acts less like a husband and partner and like the dad of the wife and more like a grandfather of the child, which means he plays and helps only as he wants, if he wants. This I see way more than half the time with families I know. It's really sad. The women in these scenarios become very lonely, isolated and depressed. No woman marries to act or be treated like a single mom with an adult husband who rarely acts like a husband but acts sometimes like a grandad and yet also like and her adult son. These women didn't keep the baby so she can baby these men simultaneously, who are often jealous of the child deep down, and then he not embrace parenting and love the baby and dote in it too but act like a grand father figure at his leisure. It's often very stark and obvious the transition and this is also the number one time for men to cheat and treat wives with contempt, while they are pregnant. The next most is when the men hit mid life or when the woman gets a new job or promotion. Men are very emotional creatures and let them dictate too much about what they think they should be able to get away with. Some men are logical and realize their kids are investments and will thrive better if they have a supported and healthy main care giver who is supported and that if he models a loving relationship with their mom then they will normalize it and not toxic relationships in adulthood repeat bad patterns with their kids and so on. Women understand this intuitively or at least everyone before and just after my generation has, but the new men and women are becoming so self absorbed and confused there is no telling what the patterns are now. I'm scared for my adult and young children tbh. It is not getting better when it really should and could, but I'm hoping and praying

[@mrs.keeton9371]

Thank you sincerely for this video. I don't think I've allowed myself to cry this hard for years. My underlying emotions were spelled out so simply and directly that I even forgot how to identify them clearly and realize that's exactly how I was feeling.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I’m so sorry for the hurt you experienced Mrs Keeton :( thank you for these kind words

[@messily1456]

"[You] taught her how to live life without [you]." Oof, that hit true. The thing is, we've put in so much work to bridge our gaps, but I feel like my pain from the past hasn't been acknowledged as legitimate instead of being due to my weakness/faults (ie "she was going through a hard time and it was stressful for all of us."). If I'm damaged, it's for good reason, and only some of it pre-dated our relationship. It's just sad at this point. I'm tired of communicating how sad I am to live life right next to him, but without him. Every day we call this normal is a new hurt.

[@Rtajam]

Your channel will have millions of subscribers one day. Keep going 👍🏻

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Wow! Such a nice compliment! Thank you. I can’t imagine hopefully being able to reach so many with a positive message

[@IvoCharango]

Jimmy, you are the best relationship voice on the internet I've ever heard! I thank the universe for the way you can put things into perspective. I thought I was being really open and supportive and listening and interested in her (and our) well-being. You are showing me new pathways to explore emotionally and opening doors into new intimacy towards my own feelings and reasonings that my wife notices too. And the best part is, this increase in "serving" doesn't take authenticity from me, it actually adds to it. I'm not doing those things for her, I am actually doing them for myself. Because I always wanted to be close to her, and for her to trust me and be vulnerable. I am a romantic, dreaming of a marriage that incorporates all of the things you mention. I thought I had to wait for her to come around on those topics; now I feel empowered that I can do "work" on myself that will bring forth the marriage that I desire. Thank you so much for being who you are and putting in the effort to make these videos! It's a new universe of emotional possibilities. I am becoming more self-aware and closer to my wife every day! I am seriously surprised that there are so few guys in the comments.

[@undyingtome]

This is so validating, wow. Feel like I’ve been gaslit about having needs for years.

[@Krimmeldimmel]

Me, too…

[@bloodfaythe13]

Fun fact! Even if your feelings seem dumb or don't make sense, you should still be able to talk about them with your partner to get them sorted out. We don't have control of how we feel or why but we can control whether we ignore it and let it fester or drag it into the light to be cleansed.

[@Lulusnotreadyforthis]

It's the mental load. I explained this to my husband once and he ignored it. Then he became the stay at home parent after our third baby and he got it...

[@tbryant3685]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽Louder for the ones in the back. Spot on with the being willing, excited, and interested to learn and know everything but your wife.

[@jadedone6900]

WOW. This man understands and also knows how to explain it. This is what women have been asking for for years. And you, in under 4 minutes, summed up what we want our partners to know. Thank you.

[@greenquartz]

She's probably told you most of these things repeatedly for years. Maybe not always in the best way or at the best time, but you've likely heard what she needs multiple times. So she's also hearing - "I don't hear or respect anything you say. I've never actually listened to you, even when we're fighting, or when you're broken down and crying about this. Your words and emotions don't matter. Your side of this life we share doesn't matter, and I think you just talk to hear your own voice mostly, or to give me grief."

[@k.g.1698]

Just had this conversation with my husband...for the 50th time. Finally I realized he need to hear that I needed this constantly and for more then a few days here and there. I set a 21 day goal for myself and shared it with him. I drew boundaries and told him they stayed non-negotiable for 21 days. Then we'll check back in. He doesn't get it yet, we'll see how it goes. We are business partners for the next 21 days.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I'm so so sorry it had to get to that point, but I'm proud of you for being honest and vulnerable and talking about your boundaries.

[@AnieMontes]

Not to be nosy, but was it helpful?

[@k.g.1698]

@@AnieMontes yes, my husband first love language is physical touch, not sex all the other touches. The hugs and pats and back rubs. I told him I did not feel safe with him when he did not listen and if I didn't feel safe I could not share in all those "comforting" touches with him. About day 3 of me in professional mode and zero touch, something clicked for him. He got what I was trying to say, I feel safe when I feel heard and responded to with respect, him not was the same as me not hugging and giving those small comforting touches. Sometimes I think people need a physical exsample of what you are saying for the words to "click."

[@pammypampam6920]

​​@@k.g.1698 Well said! I try to give my husband analogies all of the time thinking that will help him understand, but it ACTUALLY doesn't usually click until circumstances apply directly to him! And even then, he only understands from his limited perspective; how it effected HIM, how HE felt, what HE didn't like about how I handled the entire thing, etc. Instead of trying to understand how his actions made me feel it was necessary to withhold/say/do this, that or the other...*SIGH* ...All of that being said, improvements are still slowly happening, and for those, I celebrate US winning!!!

[@Jennifer_Leigh1]

He won’t change.

[@leslie16450]

New from TikTok because you asked :-) You are a compelling new love prophet, and we can’t have too many! You may have studied IDK but formal education is no match for life experience combined with intelligence, curiosity, honesty, articulation and empathy. The world needs your messages. Thank you for putting yourself out there, most of us lack the courage to follow our hearts but that’s all that’s worth doing, isn’t it? And you do it well.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Oh Vivian, these are such kind words. I feel so encouraged by them. Thank you so much. You're absolutely right, in the end we will all wish we followed our hearts. And I'm so grateful I started on that journey. =)

[@MandyX33n]

I love that he has taken the time to think about these things so deeply to understand his wife. I'm blown away to see a man do that because it's so rare for a man to ever try to understand my inner world. I just gave up on that.

[@urbeautiful1472]

Your videos need to be shared WITH THE MASSES !!!! EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. NEEDS TO HEAR THIS RELATIONSHIP WISDOM !!!

[@greciapernia2003]

Our baby is just 4 months old, and I’m still in this house just because I’m a SAHM and I refuse to send my baby to a daycare, so I’m not making any money at all. If I had an income that allowed me to stay with my baby all day, I would’ve left already. I’ve gone through absolutely every single thing you described in the video and we already had that “Just tell me what you need me to do” conversation and I felt exactly as you described and I still had put myself together to not lose my mind and explain it one more time, and absolutely nothing changed, again. It’s been about a month or two, we barely talk, we don’t hug anymore, we don’t kiss anymore, we don’t share out days, we’re just… I don’t even know, I guess we just live together and that’s it. I’m done trying my hardest to fix something that someone else tries his hardest to mess up. I’m just done, I’m not here anymore, I somehow turned off my emotions. That was my last try, that was my last hope, that was the tiny little piece of thread I had left, and he cut it off himself

[@JimmyonRelationships]

That’s so heartbreaking to hear :( I know you don’t have anything left but I wish you could have gotten in front of a counselor before you officially decided to end it :(

[@greciapernia2003]

@@JimmyonRelationships trust me, I wish so too :/. Thank you for reading btw

[@purpletrumpet31]

Been there sister. You owe it to yourself and baby to do what us right for you both. Counselling may have been an option however I bet you’d have to book it, drag him there and find a way to pay for it! Been there done that. Good luck to you.

[@Mint-kj9kw]

@@greciapernia2003 That's why I always feel its important for women to have their own money. This won't be forever. Stay positive.

[@Oddasshe5000]

@@Mint-kj9kwThis all day ⬆️

[@margaretventsias3571]

Your wife is a blessed woman. I know it probably took a lot to get there, but way to go, both of you! ❤

[@lessagrowth6898]

It's amazing what you explained with such depth and clarity, if your heart is open to being loved and to giving love. My ex-husband was already damaged...... toxic, as I held on to God and my beautiful mother's upbringing, who taught communication is needed for any health relationships even friendships. I've learned I married a con, that masks All his sick traumas. I had to divorce him, those moments I had nothing to do with or even was thought of. It was though he wanted me to be toxic so he could be comfortable. I couldn't be that, I was raised with love in its truest form, and I will always be grateful to God for this.... R.I.P Mom. ❤️💐

[@andziagreen4922]

Jimmy you grown to a real gem 💜🤗 I am saving your videos for my future partner and also for myself coz I learned a lot about communicating with a partner properly and express my feelings the proper way without him feeling accused etc.

[@camerongawd01]

I felt like a single parent in my marriage. When it came to the kids and me, he did the bare minimum. He had the excitement, time, and energy to go with his friends, but little to no time for us. My children blame me for ending the marriage after 12 years. But I couldn't live a lie that he was the one holding the family together and that we were happy.

[@Opal5674]

It's sad when children blame the parent that did the most and was most present. The parent that does the most is often the only one disciplining the kids or telling them thi gs the don't want to hear. Then the dad is jus the guy that picks them up and does fun stuff or is the guy that's totally absent until the kids are adults and then he decides to reconnect and spins a story as to how its all moms fault

[@professormiles1890]

❤ I lost my ex not understanding this stuff and read the books too late. 3:20 nonetheless, I’m moving on 😢 and making sure I don’t run away from the hard conversations and study my next opportunity to genuinely love ❤

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I’m so sorry you went through that :( but I’m always impressed by your growth and humility!

[@susannooyen9845]

WOW! RIGHT ON JIMMY! I was married twice and have said those same words to both men. However, they didn't hear me. I believe that men might just hear it coming from you. THANK YOU!💖

[@michellemcquillan1888]

Hallelujah!! Finally! Someone who gets it!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Trying my best 😂

[@AzMovieMom]

Wow! This video went straight to my ❤! I am so convicted of being too lazy to really try to understand my husband. I guess I thought LOVE should be automatic and easy. I was so focused on what I liked and avoided finding out what he wanted. Raising kids and all that stuff can warp the mind if one isn’t paying attention and mindful and I wasn’t until now. Thank you, JIMMY! I have been struggling in my 30 year marriage for years and you seem to unravel the mystery in four minutes🙏🏻💕✨

[@deevang87]

My feels!!!! Got me all teary eyed. I can share this video all I want but my hubby will never change. I tell him all the time too. That we... WE can change our problems if he'd listen and try. I "do" for us and it's so exhausting when it's just me. So, thank you, again for this video.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

I’m so sorry. You’re right. It’s so exhausting when it’s just us :(

[@magnarcreed3801]

Then leave him.

[@sierraarmstrong4111]

Omg this was so well said! My husband put me through almost 3 years of physical and psychological @buse, he has not done most of those things in years but I hear all the time "I can't take it back or change what iv done to you and put you through and I'm sorry for that but if you can't move on from that then why are we still together?" But the day before he woke up in a bad mood and just treated me like the most worthless piece of shit in the world, said the most hurtful vulgar things, acted like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum, dumped water all over the floor, smacked a bowl off the counter and just ridiculous behavior. In my head I'm like yeah you dont physically @buse me anymore but you still very much do it emotionally which feels like it just set us back 1 month, we repaired for 2 weeks just to push us back a month. It's exhausting man and I don't know how much more I can do this shit. We are seeing a therapist she's amazing but it feels like he never does anything she says until he wants some @$$, and when he does do SOMETHING for a couple days, I turn him down for sex he says "iv been doing xyz and xyz, I haven't done this and I did this I'm doing what you want and it's still not good enough" I don't want GOOD ENOUGH tf! I have not contributed "good enough" ever, sometimes I want to just fucking say yup let's do it and then just lay there and watch TV and when he says like wth your watching TV your not even into it say "you wanted to have sex, were having $ex isn't this good enough?" You do it all, put all in mentally, try your hardest while I'm completely invested laughing and commenting on this tv show and your having ex with me, that's how our relationship feels.

[@daisy9910]

What you have described is abuse. Get out. There's nothing to salvage.

[@sierraarmstrong4111]

@Daisy I just said it was abuse lol I also said for almost 3 years we have been together for almost 7. He had don't ALOT of work on himself he's still doing alot of work and healing from the abuse he experienced as a child. He actually got out of it, his oldest brother did not and he's been in jail for 3 years now bc of it. Him I don't see any hope for.

[@katherinesmith8011]

​@@sierraarmstrong4111here's the thing, you know it's abuse and you've acknowledged it hasn't changed except for the physical abuse has stopped. You also stated that he has done a lot of work on himself. How long has he been working on himself? And how much has changed since he started? Someone having a bad childhood is an explanation, not an excuse for abusing another. As an abuse survivor I think you should really think about my questions and be honest with yourself about your answers. Be honest with yourself. We were in counseling too. I literally told the counselor that I felt like an abused woman except I wasn't getting hit (while he slept through the session) and it was never addressed or mentioned by the counselor going forward. Counseling doesn't always help, and it certainly won't if he doesn't participate. How much does he really value you and your relationship if he doesn't take the counseling seriously? Value yourself girl.

[@katherinesmith8011]

​@@sierraarmstrong4111and mental and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so.

[@alishasmommy3]

This is 100% true, so many people in relationships fail to want to learn what is missing or needed to make things better an find it so much easier to walk away an have the same issues over an over again when learning their partners needs an wants would have solved so much

[@Faefair]

YOU TRANSLATED IT! Omg I hope more men see this, you get it. I’m so glad to see men speaking on how to be better for women, since there’s so much content about women serving men. In partnerships we must serve each other. I’m really glad to see more accountability from men. This gives me hope. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 hope this goes viral

[@vegone8894]

When he said, you can assume all of those things are yes. Hallelujah.

[@brendaamirault6373]

Thank you for understanding!

[@nataliegentry8029]

Wow... Yes. To all of what you shared in this video. Thank you for breaking it down so insightfully, sensitively, and eloquently.

[@meghanannburris7283]

Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't.

[@suzaankotze5743]

You are an angel sent to restore humanity 🙌

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Aw this means a lot Suzaan

[@ascensiondoula23]

Everything you put out is so freaking good. Thank you for helping us!!!

[@jenf8937]

You are describing my relationship. I can't bring up anything about how I feel, and I end up hurting way more than being happy. Thank you for your videos!

[@barbc7698]

This is 100 percent spot on. Jimmy’s videos should be required listening for Every married person

[@aliasgirl9]

This had me on the verge of tears for that which you mentioned that did pertain to me. I’m going to listen several times bc I feel like I can write something down in order to fearfully? bravely? address the items with my husband. It’s scary and my kind wants to immediately go to what the negative outcomes could be. I’m not even so much afraid of a fear of rejection anymore as I am of communicating and him not acting. That would hurt way more.

[@inspired2rv661]

This hit home for me and an incredible way, like many of your videos JIMMY. Even though you were speaking to the men, I stand convicted here. we both have been playing that game for so long. Thank you so much for bringing it to our attention, you are such a beneficial, and God guided voice.🙏🏻💕✨

[@sandratellinghusen2567]

You are So full of wisdom. I’ve been married nearly 40 years. There were bumps in the road. We could have used your advice more than once. Wise counsel arrived and we managed to get through the rough patches. Thank you for making a difference in so many lives! May God continue to Bless you!

[@sweet2me73]

How badly I want to share this with my husband. I know it will only cause a fight. Then I'll hurt more from his deflection. I'll just stay quiet. I'm just waiting on God at this point.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

That's so hard Jennifer. I'm so sorry. =(

[@sweet2me73]

@Jimmy on Relationships things are looking better. We started talking. I'm cautious, but hopeful. We've been together 24 years. Unfortunately, our adult children are added stress to our marriage. Then add $$$ . It's so hard.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

@@sweet2me73 You're so right!! Stress and money and kids, it all puts so much strain on our Relationships, that's why I want all of us to have such a solid foundation of love and emotional safety so we can weather those storms. I wish I would have known that sooner.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep

[@mrs.higgins3055]

THIS is 100% spot on!!! WOW!!

[@-G-GaziAbrerZakir]

youre a blessing for all men, man. love your stuff. thank you for doing this. ive been trying to reach out but no one seemed to be able to help before i found your channel. sincerely, thank you.

[@ARS-fn6px]

These type of men exist??? Subscribed.

[@Iamlearningtolove]

This is the difference between living in the head vs living in the heart. We all could use a little more humbleness and a lot more heat these days. 💖🙏💖

[@drennanbaker6956]

I believe you are one of the most humble and smart men alive!! Your advice is saving my marriage right now. You’re one of the only people that my husband will listen to and we have been on the brink of separation for the last few months. Thank you so much for your willingness to tell your story and to share the things that you have learned. You are a marriage saver!

[@lisahauck3328]

Stumbled upon you and sent your vidoes to my husband because you nail it. Like your in my head and can even describe better than I what I feel.. Thank you

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you Lisa!! I had to learn the hard way!

[@allmyedgesaresharp]

I read somewhere that " things would be so much better if people would stop worrying about being right and start worrying about saying the right thing"

[@andrearobinson7861]

The kids and I always feel like we are at the bottom of the barrel. Anything and anyone ese always comes first and can spend endless hours researching this and that but nothing that would be in regards to me or the kids.

[@Khali2K]

Personally, when a partner says "what do you want me to do?" My response has nothing to do with unresolved hurt & EVERYTHING to do with that right there screaming... after all these years we've been dating I STILL DON'T KNOW YOU & I AM NOT PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION TO YOU WHEN YOU SPEAK TO KNOW & UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. Then THAT becomes the wound that gets reaffirmed.

[@lunaspearitz1948]

What makes that different from the "unresolved hurt" ?

[@Metqa]

@@lunaspearitz1948It's a new slash on top of the wound that's not even healed. It is a new assault, a new hurt on top of the unresolved hurt. Imagine if your mate "playfully" punched you in the arm, and it hurt. You have told them in the past that you don't like that and that it hurts and you don't want them to do it. Then they say, "I don't understand how "THAT" (and punches again you in the same spot) hurts. I'm trying to be friendly, but You are just being difficult." It is unresolved because they never apologized before, they just did it again and then they added an insult to the injury by not taking responsibility for their part of the hurt they JUST committed. They are putting the blame on you for not wanting to change themselves and that in itself is a harm.

[@lunaspearitz1948]

@@Metqa so it's not that your "response has nothing to do with unresolved hurt" but that it's insult to injury in addition to past hurt that is clearly still unresolved?

[@Khali2K]

​​@@lunaspearitz1948 unresolved hurt is whatever I have that I'm carrying within me to the relationship. What I'm pointing out that bothers me or gets to me is an entirely new situation developing with this individual, outside of me & what I can control, that's unrelated to my past. No, they are NOT the same. Besides, it's also a lack of interest & respect issue this person is perpetrating when they do that. If boundaries have been clearly & unequivocally communicated, crossing the line then is a matter of choice (not ignorance). How does that equate to past hurts? (Unless you are carrying a clear pattern of self disrespect & lack of boundaries, which it's not what's being exposed here)

[@user-ls2lk6uq9v]

This whole video is 100% accurate. Thank you for this.

[@YKKY]

How do you understand me better than my own husband? :( I am crying here ugly tears and I don't care, someone knows how I'm feeling. Thank you.

[@juststoppingby390]

You taught her how to live life without you..... Wow that is pivotal. As a wife I thought do I live my life without him.

[@samanthacampbell8537]

Wow! If only my ex & I had seen this 15yrs ago things may have been different. Jimmy keep up the brilliant work - every video nails an extremely valuable topic of relationships 🙌

[@GoWithDaFlowMo]

Made me cry so much, that's all I ever wanted love to be... 😢 Thank you so much Phil, you tell 'm..... ❤❤❤

[@saphire9823]

I want to respond when he says this " why do I always have to be the only adult? Why can I figure out what needs to be done but you can't?"

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Truth

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Thems fighting words in my marriage

[@storifelker2604]

Horrible. Gaslighting

[@selenaflack8391]

Oh my gosh yes 🙌🏻!! To all of this! And the way you summed it all up at the end…. ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON!!!!! THANK YOU 😉☺️😄🥰

[@susannabonke8552]

I am so happy to find this. Sums up pretty well a conversation some days ago where a male didn't have a clue what I wanted. It'd be false if I had to SAY things verbally. Now I have my seemingly "irrational" behaviour explained which is so beneficial to me. I won't go for less.

[@beverlycrawford5287]

My husband told me today that he didn’t think our marriage was valuable enough to try to save. I’m floored!

[@susanwilliams70]

I'm so sorry...that was definitely mean & devastating. Hug

[@crisl9079]

That is what women want. I hope a lot of men and women watch this.

[@brendareed5050]

Its a deep longing desire that women have. Men have their own deep longing desire that they would like from their wife.

[@amandachilds5290]

​@@brendareed5050yeah, to be worshipped/ idolized and not have to do any of the stuff the wife wants after a little bit of effort to make her a wife? Men change really quick after honeymoon. That's what most (at least 51percent of) men seem to do/want, but if you mean something else please elaborate....

[@amandachilds5290]

@@excellence229 you think it's funny that someone probably hurt me really bad and thus my kids too btw? That's ALL anyone needs to know about you to go NC🧐

[@chadgod2484]

​@@excellence229u just invalidated her feelings, damn man, in the comment section of feeling validation video 🥶

[@pixiepianoplayer114]

drowning in my tears because I could show this to him, but it wouldn't matter. And knowing that it SHould and Could wake him up to see it- makes it all the more devastating Being taken for granted, dismissed, mocked, invalidated, humiliated and forgotten has been my lifelong purpose and role in this 28 years together, knowing i have tried and tried, done everything I possibly could. He refuses to try, he hasn't any incentive for now, and my heart is a cinder. I wish it was all over, I wish I had amnesia about the last 28 years of my life save my 5 kids. Somedays I wish I was in a coma, and often it seems I already am. In essence he is in the coma, he doesn't want the status quo to change, and our relationship doesn't seem to be worth it, and he will sulk himself into oblivion rather than face and try to realize the long years of neglect. i have made my share of mistakes, I am nowhere near the best I feel I could be, BUT I have attempted countless times to get help for us and encourage dialogue . I guess we are another sad statistic waiting to happen, and it may just end me. your videos give hope to many who will watch and maybe they will have a breakthrough. As for my case, I suppose I know it's all for naught, and just accepting that my marriage is all but vapour( bar a miracle ), may start my healing path. I didn't understand red flags, and oftentimes we were on the same page, but I became a responsible adult, and then I was the nanny and maid and realized I was raising another son, unfortunately, that son was the man I married, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I'd be here this far down the line, then again, maybe I DID know. BLess for your efforts, this WILL help someone else, and I can understand now, I did all I could, and gave it my all. He wins, and then he loses US. or at least he loses ME.. My pain makes me feel that's not much of a loss now.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This is heartbreaking. You have such a beautiful way with words, but you're telling such a tragic story. I am so so sorry for the loneliness and pain and neglect you've experienced. You are valuable and worthy of love and respect and kindness and for your love to be reciprocated. I know your family is lucky to have you, teach your children about those red flags, teach them about their self worth, teach them about boundaries and conflict resolution and how to stand up for what you need to feel loved and valued. I'm proud of you and I'm praying for that miracle.

[@pixiepianoplayer114]

@@JimmyonRelationships Thank you. Truly.

[@daisy9910]

Men often say they are blindsided when there wives ask for a divorce, when in actual fact, they've been fighting for their marriage for years and it's just fallen on deaf ears.

[@livb6945]

WHY WHY WHY do you stay? At this point he's not to blame, YOU are for putting yourself through this!! Please for the love of God leave this relationship. Now.

[@debbiehopper5288]

Been there and got the tee-shirt. 16.5 years and 5 children. I ended it. 6 years single. Second healthier marriage , 22 years and 2 more babies. It's all worth it.

[@LanaMcAra]

Truth! Only after I left my husband of 30 years did he ask me what do I want. By that time I felt so disregarded and undervalued that I didn't even know what to say. I have no words left. They have been used up over the years as they fell on deaf ears

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Thank you for explaing it from both male and female perspective. "

[@kathieswan3830]

If you knew what to do when you were dating, you know what to do now.

[@erldagerl9826]

Sometimes it comes down to deciding if you'd rather be right or be married.

[@DeZi-Bel]

Brilliant and true!!!! Anger is a result of pain.

[@dixiefire]

What she really wants is for you to TUNE IN & be perceptive & also get connected to hearing from a higher realm, then she will be glad to answer some specifics. But until then, the man needs to do what it takes to TUNE IN- as the easy thing to do has been to TUNE OUT & anyone can do that. But it takes some actual discipline of a renewed mind to TUNE IN & some actual CARING, not just a list performance oriented tasks to check off to get some end result. You can never put woman in a box like that. You have to stay tuned in, better yet is when she can tell that you actually DESIRE to TUNE IN, not just that you’re making yourself do some certain list of things. But asking does show at least another level of willingness to grow into a more flowing place & a willingness to learn. Thanx guys.

[@Lexi_Con]

Wonderful content and perspective, Jimmy!❤🎯 Unfortunately, many adults use learned behavior (from what was modeled in the home during childhood & adolescence) in their relationships. Especially before the Internet, most of us just thought those skills/traits came naturally from the moment we began dating. We only know what we live til we're old enough to compare & contrast with other couples, yet we still don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors. I guess that's why so many aren't "good" at all aspects of relationships, despite good personalities & intentions. Also, my exp has taught me there are lots of people who lack emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills, and perhaps the self-awareness necessary for being ideal partners. Lord knows I'm not perfect but I've met my share of selfish jerks & commitment phobes, which is why I'm over 50 & single. I def know what I don't want, am flexible & patient but have learned not to accept breadcrumbs, mindgames, & disrespectful behavior. Not easy! Do you have any single brothers? 😉😊

[@cayad2591]

wow. I'm....i don't have the words right now, but you have cracked the code! ❤

[@joannasuchocka5657]

I freaking love you mate! Your videos are fantastic! Please keep on spreading the Wisdom ❤

[@jenniewestforth789]

exactly what God asks.....then the woman feels free to let him lead.....i'm in a huge struggle right now, i've been praying, giving to God, reading his word, trying to reshape any failures i've done, but it all comes down to seeing if the other person will do that same, or sit in his victim seat, exactly how i've watched you explain him....I'm glad i found you, but i don't know if he will listen. We went to a christian councilor, and i felt very attacked and he and my husband basically sided together toward the end. So we stopped. There's way more to the problems we've had but, in the end, no matter the details, the general idea is "i'm not changing, i don't have to change." His words. But i'm smart enough to know that marriages are to evolve into constant closeness and greatness. Change is inevitable , and God is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His outlook on how to love one another (as you have described) is the tether we are supposed to hold to as (i believe you had mentioned in another video the things that would come to destroy the marriage) the unchanging light needed to survive. I'll keep watching your videos. Could you please pray for the marriage that God put together.

[@lunaspearitz1948]

Why do you think God put the marriage together? For what purpose? For you to suffer? Or perhaps to show you something you need to learn - like how to respect yourself as a person that has the power to create their own life (the image of God you yourself are created in)? Perhaps you are being shown the part of your victim story where you get to choose something different for your own life. Perhaps marriage is a tool for growth rather than a simple happily ever after? Perhaps God is showing you where to find your strength so you can reshape your path toward something that honors God's most beautiful creation: YOU.

[@halfhalf656]

My husband used to say “all you need to do is ask “ although the things I already asked he barely does. I don’t ask much now. When I told him that what he does because I asked him and he does without me asking is different, but he doesn’t seem quite convinced. Another thing really annoying is that he asks me about little things around the house all the time “ should I do this or that now”” do you want me to do this or that” I was like “ I don’t ask you if I should make dinner every day do I? stop using my brain all the time, you have one too”it just feels so tiring sometimes 😮‍💨

[@lovelygreenbonsai]

Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏻

[@AmeeraG242]

Your absolutely right

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

You can be right or happy. Choose happiness. It builds a strong relationship.

[@catherinekilgour2563]

My husband does plenty around the home but doesn't communicate very well with me or our children. I try to acknowledge and thank him for everything he does but feel that what I do is taken for granted and unappreciated.

[@NetflixTopVideos]

Thanks Jimmy this is really helpful. It is helping me see how i do things wrong! I am a woman who has had to be the one to keep everything going, now i can see what i need too. !!😊

[@teddyarcher192]

was wondering if u can recommend any books etc. u have used to better cominicate with a spouse. I seem to miss requests and not hear everything I should to better listen when my wife speaks even when out or in the middle of tasks etc. Ted

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Hey Ted! I loved 7 principles for making marriage work by John Gottman, check it out and let me know what you think. Proud of you for being willing to read up on it.

[@christys.3912]

Your wife is a lucky woman to have someone willing to try!

[@-G-GaziAbrerZakir]

i can relate with this so much im so glad i hit this reality check

[@butterflypathchristiancoach]

Yes...sad but so real.

[@MelliaBoomBot]

I just wanted to be told I was beautiful. And also for him to have the humility to say sorry once in a while..Took him over 10 years to say the word sorry..it became more important than saying I was beautiful. We're seperated now, we're friends and Im helping him with the dating apps............ah well.

[@kristinajordan1571]

You are 100% accurate. Wow

[@dailysmile5159]

Thanks Jimmy

[@Moluccanmama]

Wow!! So on point.

[@ToxicGlitter87]

I need these videos in a book!

[@thisfungrandma5893]

This is the BEST!!

[@averagejane09]

Nailed it.

[@reemsaif3105]

My shortcut is to live alone. Not accepting a relationship that goes that far "ghosting" We take responsibilities on our own yes safety is number one. Maybe taking out the trash is a cultural thing 😊 it seems to be an issue in the states. Its not even a thing in other countries. I cant imagine telling my guy what to do instead i inspire him and make him feel free. What women want the most is emotional secuirty and that is rare ❤

[@psychicrenegade]

My husband has always dismissed my love and affection as just me being "needy and clingy." Yeah...so needless to say, that was the day I stopped showing any love and affection... because I knew it would be twisted, used against me, and my feelings would be mocked. 😢

[@zosiapotok1226]

Thank you for your work, its phenomenal❤