This Jerma Does Not Exist - Jerma Internet Cafe Simulator 2 Stream Recap

[@bolterguist]

This stream was insane. 15 minutes after having a ring light around his head he tells chat that he has a girlfriend during a hamburger helper story. That’s MY streamer

[@puffballbk2186]

I always though Kim was his girlfriend?

[@SeanSMST]

@@puffballbk2186 emphasis on was

[@puffballbk2186]

@@SeanSMST What happened? I'm really out of the loop

[@itsChoop]

@@puffballbk2186 They simply broke up, no bad blood or anything

[@puffballbk2186]

@@itsChoop thank you, I was really confused when I watched this stream, the way he was talking about her sounded like a bit lmao

[@thisexists6010]

Glad Jerma and his gf decided the best way to introduce was with a hamburger helper story playing fart simulator 2013

[@Dr.Faceman]

Seems the only logical way. We all know this guy is absolutely zonked on that yoinky sploinky most streams.

[@18754KRS]

＋２

[@quadrillion92]

2023*

[@killerbug05]

@@Dr.Faceman 🤨

[@AleHodjason]

She should have been introduced in Jerma Rumble.

[@Etherman7]

I don't know what's funnier, the skit Jerma improved with the ring light or the fact that he probably spent HOURS off stream talking himself into doing it and then practicing taking it off.

[@greenoftreeblackofblue6625]

The second part is just insane any one else will just do it no questions asked

[@Egoryotu]

@@greenoftreeblackofblue6625 and that is why the internet shits on everyone else. You see anyone shiting on jerma/jerma getting into controversy? Nope, didn't think so. #thatsmystreamer

[@Egoryotu]

That post is a joke btw

[@BenDiPaolo]

Imagine: you are in your boyfriend's living room waiting for him to bring you a nice home cooked snack, he emerges from the kitchen - half-naked with a ring light around his neck - and shoves a sandwich made up of leftover hamburger helper & ketchup in your face DEMANDING you eat it.

[@Dodonko]

psycho streamer bf

[@bigfatmeanie]

sounds like restraining order material right there

[@Tanuki-cl7qi]

Marriage. On the spot.

[@CristoCrafter86]

Jerma loves Hamburger Helper so much he leaked a mayor part of his private life just to defend it lmao

[@MrXCoolManX]

It's good. I wouldn't put ketchup on it but I like it.

[@sbilldmilk]

He was so embarrassed about the squishy face picture that he had to say something shocking to throw chat off

[@mintteafresh5558]

For all of the times chat has horribly distorted Jerma's face, only NOW are they refusing to believe a real image of his face

[@Maranara]

I think the funniest part is chat DID believe it during the stream, it was almost like Jerma had to convince himself

[@Fuges]

It’s like a reverse of the greedy grinner, instead of Chat showing Jerma a picture of his face and him not believing it, Jerma shows a picture of his face and chat doesn’t believe it

[@Mandude4200]

6:46 I don’t know why but having Jerma be so emotional and genuine followed directly by him saying “Squid game?” in a confused voice killed me

[@aro_spectre]

squid game takes priority over anything else

[@notmyrealname3416]

On god

[@Tyxi]

SQUID GAMES ⁉

[@the-red-thing]

@@Tyxi ZAMN😍

[@lvbboi9]

The music as well lmao

[@deconyus3412]

8:17 jerma sounds so proud and nervous saying “no it was just my girlfriend” my PSYCHOTIC streamer can’t be this cute

[@noobnoob8922]

"My psychotic streamer can't be this cut" sounds like a trashy romance.

[@retro0dog]

@@noobnoob8922 monkaS

[@olivia6632]

@@69bluntgod thats foo fighters wtf

[@olivia6632]

@@69bluntgod but yeah, if we enjoy this DERANGED MAN streams and his PSYCHO humor, surely we enjoy many of the same media too

[@deconyus3412]

@@69bluntgod its foo fighters you absolute nutter. but thanks! she is the water to my soul

[@koniginator]

The best part about the sleeping face is that Jerma said he would prove it was him, then over the course of 5 minutes showed the chat the exact same picture with a tiny bit more neck and shoulder exposed as proof.

[@dannysexbang2033]

The more Zonked the chat is, the easier it is to gaslight them

[@anxiousrobot82]

It was also even funnier everyone screaming what the snippets were in real time, like DICK! BALD HEAD! ASS! or the shoulder crease being an asshole lmao

[@bobertbolero]

What a time to be alive, he's now trying to prove a wicked fucked up face is actually him this time

[@greenoftreeblackofblue6625]

He's grown up too much

[@sage-py6fr]

mother 3 pog

[@bobertbolero]

@@sage-py6fr mother 3 enjoyer pog

[@chloes.3334]

jerma talks to chat about his girlfriend like hes introducing his kids to their new stepmom

[@jordynensor2081]

cause he is

[@bappojujubes981]

I like how Jerma can unironically make himself looks like one of those eerily handsome Jerma edits.

[@heat_death7]

REAL unedited andy

[@Jvaleezy]

edited andy

[@meiji..]

I GOT A GLOCK IN MY RARI

[@kaebeelee]

Crying so hard at him trying to reveal the picture not knowing what angle it is and the body parts looking more sexual the more he tries😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@Jackenack]

My whole body hurt laughing at that live. I had to leave the room and go run laps around my kitchen to distract myself, holy shit lmao

[@ponponpatapon9670]

@@Jackenack you ever laugh while you're pissing and it hurts to pee

[@Jackenack]

@@ponponpatapon9670 I’ve never laughed while pissing but I’ve sneezed while pissing and it hurts real bad

[@-Mopo]

A kid pissed on my face at summer camp when I was like 6

[@bappojujubes981]

@@-Mopo pissed on percy

[@phoebeaurum7113]

Jerma refrained from telling us he had a new girlfriend because it takes months for the on onboarding and training process to complete. I applied and it was like squid game on meth, I lost my tonsils during the oral exam. Grats to the lady. She earned it.

[@ebonyobrien5895]

Underrated comment.

[@pimenjoyer.221]

@@ebonyobrien5895 overrated reply.

[@vitzel33]

Oral exam..?

[@hada__02]

25:54 One of my favourite moments. As Jerma is running away from two men, physically wounded and limping, he enters an alleyway only to see Elon Musk doing squats, and his immediate reaction is to punch him in the face, without a moment of hesitation. Based streamer

[@IEatFoamFootballs]

His actions have aged so well

[@abyvs]

The whole time he was trying to explain that it was his face I literally couldn’t see it. It’s like someone deepfaked jerma on my dad

[@nightshadetq2453]

someone on jermacord said it was Lin Manuel Miranda

[@abyvs]

@@nightshadetq2453 I am the son of Lin. I am not lying.

[@abyvs]

@@nightshadetq2453 I am the son of Lin. I am not lying.

[@abyvs]

@@nightshadetq2453 I am the son of Lin. I am not lying.

[@dariannnnnn]

@@nightshadetq2453 I am the son of Lin. I am not lying.

[@neartheplumtree]

this was probably the MOST chaotic Jerma stream Ive ever seen

[@neartheplumtree]

@Brokkr oh hi I remember you from the discord stream chat

[@nightshadetq2453]

it was the most chaotic one I’ve witnessed live for sure

[@neartheplumtree]

@@nightshadetq2453 same, I was like HOLY SHIT JERMA HAS A GIRLFR-why is he talking about squid game and hamburger helper all of a sudden

[@docca2077]

Best stream 2022

[@neartheplumtree]

@Brokkr no way have i confused u with someone

[@EatCandles]

Finding out Jerma's had a girlfriend this whole time is like watching the montage of obvious clues the audience missed in a mystery plot-twist movie.

[@p.rivates5549]

Would you kindly Andy

[@breadphylactery7794]

Jerma is consistently able to create the most stream ever

[@TDGCmote]

I agree. Absolutely the stream ever.

[@iamunamed5800]

especially if you like streams

[@blarpnarp]

This guy is so great at stream

[@zachprouty8595]

i dont think he has ever had a least stream

[@davixx1995]

Of all streams... this surely is the most. Like, out of all? Definitely one of them.

[@thematthew4324]

jerma talking about his girlfriend taking the sunflower pictures while you can hear the pride in his voice was very wholesome, i hope they work out, love hearing jerma this happy

[@Skellington77]

I actually lost it over him revealing that photo of himself and having a fucking panic attack over not knowing what it is I ACTUALLY CANT BELIEVE HE'S NAKED STREAMING. I THOUGHT IT WAS A BIT HE HAD A SHIRT ON AT THE BEGINNING!?

[@kinoko6096]

He does it all the time it’s like a thing

[@MickMod]

I think in the second "Through The Ages" stream he said he's almost always naked when he's not on camera

[@RADkate]

he even conformed that he sometimes streams without underwear

[@gremlinman9724]

ring light bit done, the shirt is coming the hell off INSTANTLY

[@matthewhamilton2913]

The ring light around Jermas head looks like a futuristic shock collar from a sci-fi prison

[@beepbeep6979]

+2

[@quagernag]

In the Year THREETHOUSANDS

[@yieschu]

0:46 We already got a strong contender for Worst Face 2022 less than 2 weeks since the year started.

[@FelipeJaquez]

Villain plotting

[@onhundredjedds8959]

1:28 too

[@handsofrand6660]

necromancer

[@jcdoesthings8755]

Dr who villain

[@petrwarthursty2011]

He’s one of the dudes from Horton hears a who

[@soma8756]

for those who weren’t there live i have to stress that some of these hamburger helper rants were literally hours apart

[@Rincewindl]

on the one hand, this guy is FUCKED for... i cant even type it out, just, KETCHUP. on the other, always glad to hear his personal life is a little better. it sucks when people have a shitty life, with how much joy this guy has brought the world he deserves the kindness

[@manchuriaaaaaa]

@@69bluntgod 😧

[@im4ft622]

@@69bluntgod 😧

[@michaelhan6731]

i can't imagine the crisis he had when he was trying to unveil his own face not knowing the picture was upside down

[@redbird1577]

All I'm happy about is the fact you included the clip of him yelling about not smoking crack. I saw at least 5 of us asking if he smoked crack and was praying he'd answer. The people deserve to know his habitual crack smoking

[@Ozionian]

I cannot describe to you how much I respect the absolute cajones for that person to ask 'when next tf2 video'.

[@Vonias]

Jerma easily could have extended their ban to be permanent for that. HUGE balls Andy.

[@cloverdeityhearted8729]

the bit where hes talking about his girlfriend was actually really heartwarming, he got so sincere its so sweet. im glad he feels better with her :)

[@Citrusautomaton]

when the imposter has a happy personal life 🥰

[@gigi-riley]

i’m SO happy for him you have no idea. maybe he’ll stop killing people now

[@18754KRS]

@@gigi-riley ＋２

[@doeslemonsucc1409]

@@gigi-riley hmm I'm not sure about that, since he's THE IMPOSTER I mean killing is human nature to him.

[@birdflox1337]

When he turned from his computer and xqc was just silently standing over him with some money in his hand I literally cried laughing, that was perfect timing and iconography

[@deedee-yf6yn]

I caught this live an i was literally crying over the slow photo reveal bit I thought it was his asscheeks

[@shifte8014]

congrats to jerma and community jake, my heart is touched

[@theguyinhd]

6:48 “My health was in the fucking shitter, you all know that, but… Squid Game?”

[@destrolliex7287]

you can hear jermas gf laughing in the background while trying to show the face lmao

[@JoNarDLoLz]

Finally Jerma's getting the live audience reaction.

[@MickMod]

This episode of the Jerma985 show was broadcast in front of a live studio audience

[@unbearable505]

@@MickMod that could easily be a bit he does at some point

[@axidoaxido]

I like how every time he turned on facecam he just happened to be holding the ring light, as if he had it in his hand the whole stream

[@Mr_Accurate]

Horrifying that jerma's first girlfriend mention was him trying to feed her hamburger helpers

[@radicalonion4979]

Streamer force feeds his girlfriend Hamburger Helper, brags about it on stream

[@docca2077]

This has 2 "best joke taking more than 5 minutes" moments. this year will be good

[@jcdoesthings8755]

First time catching a jerma stream live,he came in late with a ring light around his neck, starts rambling about hamburger helper a few minutes in , then proceded to show his ass cheeks and deformed sleeping face in less than two hours, all the while numerous celebrities make a cameo and watch anime zorn in the background of an internet cafe that keeps getting zip bombs, it left me fearing for my life and longing for more ,11/10 stream of the year contender

[@monke_mojo]

HE ACTUALLY PUT HIS HEAD IN THE LIGHT LMAO

[@18754KRS]

＋２

[@brotherbootlegger1777]

I'm happy Jerma is doing so well. We love a positive king!

[@nightshadetq2453]

this season of jerma is already off to a great start, the smush face bit deserves to go down in stream lore. as always thanks cheltie for the highlights!!

[@philz_corsia]

1:18 is LITERALLY unedited andy, its real

[@latbat58]

Glock in my rari

[@ieatmicroplastics]

i got a

[@Pbairsoftman]

22:10 you can actually hear Jerma's GF cracking up in the background, is Hollulu going to take the role of Ashley on Ster's stream???

[@BrogimarusFranciscus]

now we just need a Ster and Jerma stream where we have to compete as to who's SO will laugh in the background the most

[@Isaacandjed]

@@BrogimarusFranciscus like the vice president debates, jerma and ster’s GFs playing lethal league for their eboy husbands honor

[@M8ingSeason]

That cropping bit had me in TEARS.

[@Vonias]

Genuine predicament, the stakes were HIGH.

[@carto4028]

Congratulations fellahs are "Summon girlfriend" spell finally came through. All those late nights around cauldron. All those failed demons we brought forth from dimension seven. It was all worth it, now let's see if we can remove some of those curse's from his backlog.

[@phoebeaurum7113]

Same time next week?

[@SpyCrabsUnite]

Next time let’s pull from Dimension 9

[@dinonatorful]

Not the spine one

[@Vonias]

I'm glad Jerma has his faithful Warlock Andys looking after him. Any progress on rejuvenating his old feeble body? I know it's gotta be hard, him being 76 and all but have you at least tried?

[@cactuss33ds]

with that out of the way, i'd really like to tackle the small penis curse spam that's been on the backburner for a while. probably should be bumped to priority given, well, you know.

[@The_Corn_God]

One day hes gonna propose to his girlfriend during Fart Simulator

[@lavaking]

I enjoy how he felt like his audience might be confused about what Mario Kart is and that his idea of an explanation/reminder is to hum one of the songs from it

[@nerdychocobo]

the reveal that the dollhouse behind the scenes starts with the exact same travel shots jerma had just been making fun of for 5 minutes straight is hysterical

[@sovietdoggo3779]

Hearing jerma say my actual name whilst wishing me a happy birthday in the actual month i was born caught me off guard while watching this vid so hard.

[@crosh7851]

WHAT

[@lsekal3840]

@@crosh7851 his name is Nano Wiener

[@MHScald]

Is your name nanoweiner?

[@far_centrist]

1:24 i like how he decided to enact the "from handsome to psycopath" thing live on stream

[@Ropsuguy]

its so sad to see jerma more impressed with a photograph of XQC's face on a person than the fluid dynamic physics in half life alyx

[@dylaxiusmccoy]

Don't let the super wholesome girlfriend reveal distract you from the fact that this man makes HAMBURGER HELPER SANDWICHES then dips them in KETCHUP.

[@arthurpaterson9502]

best part was Hollulu PLEADING in twitch chat for Jerma to stop at 22:11

[@cooldudemcgee4457]

7:05 My most proud chat message

[@matthew-jx3bh]

I vomited a crazy amount of brown liquid while watching this, keep up the good work

[@18754KRS]

＋２

[@kassmaster2571]

25:50 this part made me laugh so fucking hard it's just like the bear scene in the shining where it's absolutely bizarre but it's NEVER addressed again

[@jebuscrust9875]

I didnt realize jerma left kim for like 2 years. I thought this PSYCHO had 2 girlfriends

[@birgato]

this stream was so much fun, it had so many contenders for the Jerma Awards this year thank you for the edit as always!!

[@UnDedCharger]

So happy that the psycho streamer got something to distract him from his murderous intent

[@wave_o]

watching this live made me feel like i was either hallucinating because of a lack of sleep or that i was on drugs. either way, great stream, expected nothing less of the sus guy!

[@The_Dev_175]

This stream where he opens his computer cafe in a commercial storage container went from weird, to very wholesome, to FUCKING INSANE so quickly.

[@ethancrane2040]

first jerma stream i've ever seen, so glad to be a part of the Great Shoulder Incident of 2022

[@zzeroara9511]

me too!!

[@zzeroara9511]

the shoulder part, not the first stream

[@gaminglol1167]

Im glad our little psycho got a new girlfriend

[@18754KRS]

＋２

[@killburn25]

I love that you can clearly hear her howling with laughter when Jerma is trying to not reveal his entire naked body lmao. 22:00 ish

[@Namingway248]

absolutely deranged streamer forces girlfriend to eat day old ketchupburger helper

[@zzeroara9511]

this was the first jerma stream i was there for in a LONG time. i can confidently say it was worth it.

[@LU_Taita]

OF COURSE he ends up playing some gambling minigame, OF COURSE

[@Dia06]

His gambling addiction is unparalleled

[@gigi-riley]

cheltie your efforts never cease to amaze me, keep up the fantastic work. you clearly put a lot of time into these edits and it shows, i’m so glad that you’re a part of the community! ❤️❤️

[@usaccdecks8363]

Dating with Jerma and Hamburger helper

[@chickengogo1683]

hamburger helper is the social glue which holds us all together

[@MistaSkilla692]

Jerma been on a hot streak of fantastic streams for the last year straight (yes I'm counting SMITE)

[@malachivonschlegel2016]

Jerma is doing a perfect post awareness impression in that picture.

[@jennaisRADICAL]

When Jerma announced that he had a gf, I dunno, it made me super happy for him. I’m happy that he has someone in his life that makes him happy. I wish them nothing but happiness. He deserves it!

[@gnooshguhh]

1:26 Norman Osborn when he sees a spider

[@tobubiify]

1:19 i can't believe the unedited andy meme is actually an unedited photo of him golly look at my guy

[@juzaemi]

i was half way through watching the vod when this came out, you are superhuman cheltie

[@thisismyshow9697]

I'm mildly autistic and LEGIT, my major trigger is people fucking up while making hamburger helper. I'm totally chill like 60 percent of the time, but hamburger helper makes me so fucking irrationally anal-retentive and verbally incomprehensible with frustration that I've legit cried before.

[@funnyvalentine4691]

Nice new pfp, plus thanks for the highlight This deserves an exquisite pog

[@PregnantAdamSandler]

"TF2 vid never" he's ZONKED on Destiny 2 pvp

[@18754KRS]

＋２

[@toadallyawful]

i cant wait to come home to my husband jerma so we can enjoy our meal of steam-umms helper sandwiches with a side of huel

[@quantumblur_3145]

Jerma discovers why people shine flashlights under their chins while telling scary campfire stories, but claims the concept as his own discovery.

[@theyoten1613]

This man is a natural treasure.

[@getajobmate1281]

This is already in the running for "most Kafkaesque stream"

[@guy-eg2yd]

Jerma: I would never take a sponsorship from Hamburger Helper. Jerma, one second later: MONEY. MONEY. GIVE ME MONEY.

[@marvelous_jack5228]

31:58 is the guy from that mafia game add that at the end walks onto screen and says "That's how mafia works" i swear to fuckin god 💀

[@alissacorey75]

this was the first Jerma985 stream that I actually watched live and I cannot say I’m disappointed. I laughed so hard during the bit where he couldn’t find his face in the cropped image 😭

[@plantbob]

jerma telling chat about his girlfriend and being nervous and giddy about it gives off the same energy as a 6th grader telling his parents about their first girlfriend

[@tahutoa]

*NO Prior Experience*

[@radiophobia1974]

I'm so happy for jerm :] best of wishes to them!!

[@mfhoss9570]

17:54 him completely breaking down is the funniest thing to happen this stream

[@jessejackson4094]

Literally woke my girlfriend up because I was trying so hard to not burst out laughing when he was trying to crop the picture of him LOL

[@Anonymous-nd3kw]

hold on babe, new jerma lore character just dropped

[@FrothyJazz]

It does really warm my heart just to hear someone say "I'm really happy in my life right now." ... Is that sad?

[@josephmalin-palmer5031]

Of course not! Just means you're a good person and it makes you happy to see others happy, how are you doing?

[@thomasispissed2686]

Came in clutch yet again

[@Bonke_EB]

I BADLY need to see a new edit of him kissing Chuck E. Cheese, but with the smush face.

[@jeremyquiros5483]

28:09 His little beatbox songs always make me laugh

[@hevoo]

Genuinely really glad that Jerma seems so happy here :D

[@scrithen2836]

Jerma looking at the guy and saying “squid game?!” Was strangely really funny to me

[@oweeb5909]

I love jerma, he never fails to just completely make my day with a stupid joke.

[@blarpnarp]

I watched jerma the day I came out of a hospital and mental facility and it made my week so much better

[@eddyspaghetti6211]

shout out to the person in chat that saw Jerma's bearded face in the ring light and said "Werewolf Daddy"

[@_wija]

jerma had me with the hamburger helper thing until he included ketchup. actually disgusting. ALSO NEW GIRLFRIEND POG

[@cream9905]

I mean it makes sense lol, jerma is so nice and caring. Not to mention funny

[@-cyndaquil]

She’s stealing him from us

[@Fernisawake]

He said he puts hamburger helper into a sandwich and dips the sandwich in ketchup

[@InsertSomethingStupid2002]

@@Fernisawake I hate him

[@Fernisawake]

@@InsertSomethingStupid2002 I hate him too That's the reason I love him

[@kindledflame5179]

Man jerma talking about his girlfriend was so genuine and honestly adorable