THIS Might SHOCK You About PROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION & BPD!

[@epiclifesociety]

I think this is the most clear and best video on this topic by far.

[@psychinsights]

🙏

[@accordionSWE]

A video worth returning to. Top channel!

[@AmyRussell-h1t]

This is so incredibly spot on and validating. Thank you.

[@amysiciliani6517]

Wow, this is amazing to hear about because this is exactly what I have been experiencing with someone I fell in love with who is not presently diagnosed BPD but this is exactly what happens. It’s always some invisible trigger especially something perceived as critical and then it will escalate in a flash and I end up defending myself and it will escalate and then he will feel victimized by me and be really angry at me or run away from me. It all happens so fast and without warning. It’s a super upsetting and confusing and highly destabilizing to me. It helps me a lot to know what’s going on for his psyche because he will literally remember it as if I were persecuting him and it is not how it happened. Fascinating.

[@psychinsights]

I hope this video clarified some things for you. - Josh

[@ALGARIC]

Are you still together?

[@MSP2104]

What you describe is not necessarily pi, it sounds more like projection. You criticise them (or so they think) and they somehow know to turn it back on you.

[@tarlawalton5734]

Well... that explains a lot.

[@barrylyndongurley]

Thanks Josh for explaining Projective Identification and BPD, your insights help a lot. I grew up under an extremely abusive Father who embodied these behaviors to the level of caricature. Consequently, his cruel introject still lives within me, making sure his abusive voice is still heard even now, some 65 years later.

[@bentosan]

Only you can silence the inner critic

[@barrylyndongurley]

@@bentosan True. I continue to try every day.

[@tmking7483]

The cruel introject _ the bad caregiver is just like our abuser caregiver_ is the introject inside_ where any bad behavior u have _ u blame another for making u behave in an abusive way. Not that difficult to be self aware to stop that cycle. I'm finding lots and lots of people on tv trapped in a spider web of blame. Why does most people categorized as borderline patterns of behavior _ it's who we are maybe _ blame gamers. I guess _ a bunch of enmeshed abused 3 year olds having temper tantrums when then we get home from work cause someone stole our orange out of our lunch box. Mostly someone stole my wife or my husband's _ that's the kind of culture that creates distrust in the tribe.

[@barrylyndongurley]

@@tmking7483 I have not engaged in abusive behavior toward others. I do have an introjection of my cruel Father within myself that provides a steady stream of SELF-critical ideation. This is the constant: not abusing or blaming others.

[@annaledezma9685]

In my previous relationship I felt like I was living in a house of mirrors. I think this video just gave me the knowledge to put a name to my experience.

[@psychinsights]

Sounds like a difficult & confusing experience you had! All the best to you on your journey forward. - Josh

[@user-lo1sm8bm8n]

A house of never ending cascading mirrors

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

My mum does this. I've had the labels of ''paranoid'' and ''sensitive'' projected on to me my whole life except I'm not paranoid. I'm too trusting. All of the mistakes I've made in my life have come from being too trusting. A little more wariness would have served me better. But I never felt I had the right to show my scepticism. And guess who went to a psychiatric hospital with paranoia and depression twice?, my father. I have no idea why they all think this is OK. I tried to call them out on it and I was ATTACKED. I hurt *them* There will be NO conversation around this. The relationship such as it was has broken down.

[@legeneralalexander6618]

After breaking up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years, I started reading online and watching many videos on attachment styles, narcissism, push-pull dynamic, manipulation, and I believe my ex was either a vulnerable narcissist or a borderline. I would either be the best man ever, or some kind of heartless leech, depending on the mood of the day and the narrative she was making me a part of. It was very confusing and her hot and cold behavior,' sulking and silent treatments usually ended with me apologizing and trying to keep the peace. I always treated her with kindness and patience and yet something always wound up blowing up in my face somehow. After one such drama session, she suggested we go to couples counseling because of our "issues". In my head, I was thinking "wait a minute, this is not a WE problem, this is a YOU problem" and ended the relationship and went no contact. This was 4 months ago and I'm still guilt-ridden, even though I know it was the right thing to do.

[@critter_paws]

I appreciate the last part about counseling. Idk how to help (i know it's not my job and i am moving on, just slowly.. it's hard) him see how serious this all is and take healing seriously. He will use things i want, like healing, learning, growing to lore me into getting back into the cycle when nothing else has worked and couples counseling has begun being the dangled carrot. I would've jumped on that a while back before i had done enough work, (attempted)problem solving and really figuring out what is going on and how serious it is. However, I've gotten enough advice as well as knowing how long it took me to put everything together and how it will look on the surface with him saying the right things (learned from me trying to be our therapist and teaching stuff like nvc) and me refusing to sit though the word maze he creates that keeps anything from ever being discussed. anyway, i hate not being able to explain this and living in a reality that i share with no one, he isn't even there. We don't have a shared history and that hurts so badly that i dont think anyone who hasn't spent near a decade with someone to wake up to the reality that you weren't both there for it. Not in a way that matters. Like an imaginary friend before adding the layers of betrayal and manipulation. I'm not intending to put him or anyone down, i don't think it's on purpose (if it is, we would be talking a sadistic psychopath). Mental health is no joke. I hope parents are getting educated before raising children these days. You need a license to drive- this is a soul someone is molding, abuse is so prevalent.

[@RickPsychotherapy]

Mainstream mental health services can definitely benefit from psychoanalytic perspectives like this.

[@KathrynMarks-q6f]

Wow I needed to hear this. My bpd girlfriend just broke up with me a week ago after being so emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. I was kept up for over 24 hours with her going through my texts between my ex husband and I for 7-8 hours. She found nothing inappropriate (we have a child together and we are friends with no sexual tension between us.) so she twisted every single friendly text over the last two years into something nefarious. Then bc I was so exhausted and just done with her behavior, I wasn’t reacting. I was numb and I was honestly protecting myself. She proceeds to call me the abusive, gas lighting and manipulative one. She told me I was splitting and I’m a narcissist. It didn’t even hurt to hear bc I know myself and I know it’s not true. I already knew she was projecting. But hearing this info really really shed a new light on it all and helped me understand it even more. So thank you for the info!

[@psychinsights]

I'm glad this video was validating for you and good work on keeping your personal boundaries in tact! - Josh

[@bd9328]

This was an excellent explanation. Thank you.

[@psychinsights]

You're very welcome! - Josh

[@lisbethbird8268]

This is an excellent explanation of how this works. Just absolutely right. Thanks! *I was one of those who could laugh in the face of it...at first. Then after years, escalations, and in a time of illness and vulnerability, not anymore. It can hit you from out of nowhere. *It is an *unconscious* defense mechanism, no matter how deliberate and by design it might seem. That is not to say that intentional emotional manipulation isn't a thing, it is; but it's not projective identification. *Because of P.I., I 've long placed a caveat on the old adage that says "No-one can MAKE you feel bad or anything else". Because that's precisely the outcome of "successful" projective identification . The effect can be really harmful in some circumstances. Great job.

[@karenkilbane8043]

Best explanation of this phenomenon I have heard. Thank you!

[@psychinsights]

I hope it was helpful & clarifying. - Josh

[@lendonpartain8200]

oh my god. spot on. been through 10 years of this now.

[@Rdogman12345678]

Very nicely done ✔️

[@psychinsights]

Thank you! Cheers!

[@davewoods8010]

Fantastically insightful! That really helped explain a lot. Thank you!

[@psychinsights]

Glad it was helpful! - Josh

[@Rainbowgoth5]

Story of my life right now...this is such a great video.

[@EricChanceStone]

Spot on mate!

[@FreePalestine4ever-m8l]

Thank you . Well explain

[@isobelle.London]

Do people with NPD do this also ? This absolutely happened to me it was traumatic I was his toxic waist dump

[@psychinsights]

It seems similar on the outside, but the process for the narcissist is different on the inside & with a different function.

[@sweet2sourr]

@@psychinsightsdo you have a video on that?

[@TranscendingTrauma]

@@psychinsights can you explain this further, because it appears they really do engage in projective identification (NPD). Very curious.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Yes I am curious too ...I think maybe NPD might need to cast the target in a different role, like "pathetic loser", or "inferior reject", "perpetual self comparison benchmark" . To enhance grandiose self importance. But please let us know.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Thank you.

[@sweet2sourr]

This is one thing I can’t recall doing so I wonder if I’m just unaware to this specific function

[@psychinsights]

It can be very hard to pinpoint as it is amalgamated into the subconscious mind processes. A person knows that they have found it when they feel guilt or shame after doing it whereas before it felt very normal.

[@Enzan55]

Thank you for this video!

[@bvdtv12345]

Do they actually believe their own “nonsense”? I always wondered that with my BPD ex. Does she actually believe this crap or does she know it’s actually untrue? She would do something horrible. I wouldn’t talk to her for a few days. I’m thinking the whole time “She must feel bad about hurting me”. I would always be stunned at just how much she could convince herself that I’m the villain.

[@psychinsights]

Yes they believe it, they have to in order to validate their self victim narrative. - Josh

[@seamr05]

Very good!!

[@accordionSWE]

Thank you 😎👍

[@davewoods6628]

Superb video

[@psychinsights]

Hey thanks, hope it was helpful. - Josh

[@rybysferyczne]

It `s genius. Could you recommend some literature that deals with the issue of projective identification in the context of narrative and identity?

[@psychinsights]

I honestly don't know of any, I'm sure there are some good articles published out there, I learned about projective identification in my home with my wife who was formerly BPD.

[@rybysferyczne]

@@psychinsights Thank you. I hope this isn't too personal a question, but based on your own experience with your wife, can you say that people with BPD are able to understand the mechanism of projective identification as a form of violence? How can you make them aware of what they are doing?

[@SkodaUFOInternational]

Bravo. Really great vid. Though I'd like to add that not only BPD people can use that mechanism.

[@psychinsights]

Yes you are right about that. Thank you for the comment. - Josh

[@BlackMoridin]

Oh my god! Fuck thanks exactly what I needed. I kept wondering "I can't really be that bad can I?" Just got out of a relationship, and while reflecting on things that happened I realized that my ex must have BPD. While researching BPD I see so many things I recognize. This one is exactly what I've been seeing at the end of the relationship.

[@psychinsights]

It's good to have the clarity & know what was actually happening. - Josh

[@munkartstudio6405]

Wow! What a great explanation of Projective Identification. I just came across this term a couple months ago as I was researching about BPD. Your video explains it the most simplistic and easiest way I’ve seen so far (I hope it generates more views). 👍🏻 I believe my significant other has BPD and I realized this is what she was doing to me. I always tried to articulate what she was doing to me or how she was treating me or viewing me and then I came across PI and I was ‘That’s it!’. Friends and family say to do couples therapy, but I’ve tried to explain that it’s deeper than that. I’m not perfect, but I know it’s not couples therapy we need (as the primary solution since we actually dabbled in it).I’m hoping she will go in and get diagnosed….which she refuses to do unfortunately. 😢 Do you have any suggestions or videos on how to convince or guide a defiant person to consider getting a diagnosis?

[@psychinsights]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWfYaIageLeZrbs This video explains why a Borderline person avoids seeking therapy, so you can try and work through some of these challenges if they are present in your partner.

[@dnk4559]

I believe this is what a sibling had been doing to me. My therapist believes she likely has border line personality disorder.

[@villepakarinen]

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiissssss

[@FriskyTendervittles]

Does the person have to have BPD to do this? What about complex ptsd ?

[@psychinsights]

This could be relevant to CPTSD also.

[@DAVIDABRAHAM7]

I don't know what to do! My precious wife does this to me. We've been on a 4-month cycle for 5 years. Will get together. I'll put everything back together and then as soon as we get comfortable boom she takes off accuses me of being a monster to everybody we know and then out of the blue 4 months later we're back together. I don't know what to do

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

She needs DBT and you should seek counselling for codependency.

[@DAVIDABRAHAM7]

@@janefaceinthewind6260 oh my goodness she's been gone since January. She tried to come back but I wouldn't let her because I'm tired of the cycle. But now my heart feels like it's going to die and you dream about her every night and see her everywhere

[@DAVIDABRAHAM7]

@@janefaceinthewind6260 I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get over this woman

[@user-lo1sm8bm8n]

Are they aware? Or is this subconscious? Is it when the splitting occurs and psychosis the break from reality occurs?

[@psychinsights]

Usually not aware but they can develop awareness with the right support.