Understanding Projection and How to Handle it! (Stephanie Lyn Coaching)

[@talksolot]

Projection does not "always" come with anger. It comes in casual conversation, it comes as passive aggression passed off as jokes etc.

[@jennifermetejeffer]

I actually was just going to comment with the same! Can be passive aggressiveness, too.

[@ohsnapitspat6270]

My mother constantly does this!

[@mamabearc4263]

In my case it actually comes very calm and seemingly caring. It takes a while to identify it as projection because there's an element of charm about it. Being nice whilst accusing me of things that are so far from the truth of who I am.

[@roxannejones4738]

I was thinking this as well!

[@janefriel6895]

I agree.

[@Chippyishere]

Lessons like this should be taught in middle school! Glad it's always not too late for self-realization.

[@addygrl6276]

I’ve always strongly believe the same thing. Teach this beginning in middle school and throughout high school.

[@eamonohagan4746]

Lpl

[@aldythairlangga1692]

Does that mean you are projecting towards the education system?

[@makeadifferenceunited9862]

Projection is a type of gaslighting as well.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Make A Difference United absolutely!

[@n23391]

Truth!

[@irenebarbagallo6906]

Make A Difference United ii

[@mimi42428]

Yes

[@fedup8470]

@Donald J Sometimes things are so confusing it helps to put a label on it because for one it makes you understand that there is a term that correlates to what you're experiencing especially during narcissistic abuse you feel so delusional and that maybe you're even losing your mind or need psychiatric help so to have a label on certain things helps us process it better the label helps us realize that it does exist there is a term for it and therefore we can further investigate and help find a resolution to it

[@JourneyIntoAnimism]

That makes sense. Someone who is unhappy might go around falsely accusing others are being unhappy and tell that person they need to get better. This is a recent experience of mine. I think it started with jealousy because I am doing better.

[@soulofaphoenix]

People can project their stuff onto you without anger, too. There is a person in my life now who is so unable to handle any uncomfortable reality that she projects it onto me and others out of fear, especially if she has done something she fears she will get in trouble for. She has an extreme lack of awareness. Thanks for the management techniques to deal with this behavior.

[@taraarrington2285]

Good you can see it. These people are spin-doctors. Don't be manipulated.

[@sunshine-db2zm]

Must be a covert type

[@jd32k]

@@sunshine-db2zm id actually love to know more about this type of projection and how to help resolve it.. anyone able to help with relevant information?

[@marywolfe7293]

I am not to sure it's always unconscious. My sister's wouldn't talk to other people the way they do me. I actually believe some of these people know what they are doing because they only do it with certain people.

[@jacqpinks]

Kearcy Hahn they sound horrible 😢 I have had to limit the time I hive my family members because they are so toxic. 😢

[@n23391]

mary wolfe agreed!

[@xxxexxxeamsmith5819]

mary wolfe they select the easiest people to abuse while at the same time it depends what they want at the time. Some think things like I want £100 for something and start talking to the easiest person with their sob story lie to get the thing. But I believe they would be able to break down someone who’s not as an easy target but it would take them a longer time that’s why they usually go for the easier ones because they would rather break someone down quicker than putting in a lot of effort to break their confidence. Then there’s the temporary people they have in their life for some form of personal gain either having people to keep saying how great they are, people who might put a roof over their head. What ever it is it’s some form of gain for what they need at the time. My ex left me for the new supply who is a alcoholic like him. They will live that life for a long time but I know how it will end. I can already see the start of his abuse and he’s going to tear her whole world to Shreds. I know her situation she has moved to our area to get clean from drink and drugs and he’s got her back on it. She’s isolated. The way he discarded me when I was pregnant with his son was the most evil thing I’ve ever experienced. The one thing I learned from meeting him was it’s taught me a lot about the people I had in my life and I cut all the toxic people out and now very low contact with others

[@joannasaad298]

Then it’s not projection but more like gaslighting.

[@sacredravenstarotvision6925]

They do know. They know precisely what they are doing. They understand right and wrong

[@milesfernandeez]

Nothing from your past should affect the way to treat or speak to others. If you cant find a way to heal from your past enough to treat people with the respect they deserve you need to focus more on that and work to be a kinder person. Just because you understand some one is projecting on you does not mean you will take it or have that person in your life. You don't deserve disrespect just because some one else can't handle their feelings. (2)

[@karlascott3569]

I did exactly what you said at the end of this video. I started to think there was something wrong with me for being single or my standards were too high. Met my husband. He was amazing but there were red flags. I justified it by saying no one is perfect and even I need to make changes. ThIs will be healthy for me. Wrong. There was one key component missing that I needed. He was not a soft kind caring person. My lack of self love and self awareness led me to make unspeakable compromises. I grieve these regrets. I sacrificed myself trying to please an unpleaseable person.

[@debraanchante3661]

Karla Scott .. the words you wrote could have been written by me.. I did exactly the same thing. Now I regret that I ever met him. It’s been a ten year long nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I hope you get free...

[@rachaelroessler9978]

Your words speak to my soul. 😢 Dealing with this currently with a horribly violent and malignant narcissist. He was my “high school sweetheart” and I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would hurt me so bad physically, mentally, and financially 💔 without remorse and constantly blaming me for everything he put me through. The pain is unbearable. These people have no heart. They are selfish, angry monsters. I vaguely remembered the anger issues from our youth (he would intentionally hurt himself over and over skating… and I would have to chase him all over town when he got “upset” or “anxious” and his father always screamed at him from the basement… I stupidly forgot those bold red flags 😭 like an idiot). 🤦‍♀️ I feel like there’s no getting over this. I wish I could just stop loving him. I wish I didn’t miss him. I don’t wish this life on my worst enemy. It has torn my heart and soul apart. And he doesn’t even bat an eyelash as I sit here in pain 💔

[@loveswintertrees]

This is where I am at. What happens next?

[@karlascott3569]

@@loveswintertrees you need to find people who will support you. You need to leave. The mind games will make you question your own logic, but you must leave. Don't have a conversation about it, make a plan and quietly go, you will never look back with regret, you will feel free and you will heal.

[@dawntreader815]

the hardest thing is forgiving myself for letting someone dominate my life for years and ignoring my intuition

[@yesreneau]

You are one of my favorite people to watch on KZbin. Your level of intellect is amazing...

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Thanks love!

[@pinkrainbowkennelz1640]

I was thinking the same thing the intellect every word is on point

[@buffybrown7752]

Totally agree. I’m very impressed with your emotional intelligence!! Any private coaching? Do you have an email address or way to shoot a private inquiry?

[@havenlace9202]

@@pinkrainbowkennelz1640 o

[@havenlace9202]

@@StephanieLynCoaching toccata

[@leahluvvanderson3131]

I never knew anything about projection. I thought that if I felt something about someone then they have to have some cause to it. I really didn’t know or understand that people can’t make you feel anything about you unless you already feel that about yourself. I definitely projected unwanted feelings on others at times but I was truly unaware of it. I’ve learned to take accountability for my emotions. I validate myself and reassure myself.

[@niceindividual4795]

Couldn't agree with you more, Stephanie! At the end of the day misery just wants company and that's why people become rude and lash out. It's a way of reflecting their pain, personal problems and life onto others. Remarkable video:)!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Caelan Kamuf Thank you so much!

[@comentadoraification]

I’m sure it’s easier to handle when you’ve previously been validated by your parents. But when your parents on the opposite, project their own insecurities on to you, it’s very complicated to handle with them and with other people.

[@ellyess7203]

STEPHANIE is so brilliant! I'm old now and yet I am still learning even though I have a degree in Psychology and post grad degrees in related fields! I was "captured" by an older man when I was still at school. He was a covert Narcissist. Before he appeared I was quite confident, due to the great school I was at. I joined in with everything and was enthusiastic and happy. It didn't take him long to knock all this out of me. He taught me I was a horrible person. This just echoed my narcissist mother's words, which I had semi-escaped by going to a great school so far from home I hardly had time to be at home much. He criticised me all the time, and made sure I was isolated from all my friends. He told me not to say things before we went out to see his friends and that I was only to answer them simply and not initiate conversation. He would admire other women's make-up and clothes and jewellery, but said I was a 'tart' if I wore such things and I hardly had anything much to wear anyway. I was stuck with this man for over 23 years and it was, believe it or not, a clairvoyant who told me he was killing me from the inside! I didn't even believe in clairvoyance and thought it was wrong, but was approached by chance. She was more like a counsellor. After seeing her I just became calm. I enrolled for my second degree. Whenever he began hectoring me I found myself saying, calmly and a bit bored, "yeh yeh, that's what you always say. I'm not bothered" and would leave the room. I started legal separation proceedings, so I could be sure of financial security for the children. He would throw money away as a means to control me and force me to stay by making me think I'd have to get yet another job as well as the one I had, to pay all the debts he created. For example, at one time I had a baby, two children to get to school and three jobs all at the same time! I would get up at 4a.m. and go to bed at 1a.m. and work throughout. It was killing me. Yet we still hadn't enough money! He held the household bank account and didn't give me any money of my own so I had to earn my own and keep a secret account! If I didn't do this the children could not have clothes or go on school trips or have birthday presents or holidays or music lessons. He knew I had some money but not where and he never paid for anything beyond the mortgage and some household bills which he often didn't pay. He would buy some horrible food once a week and we had only that with no fruit or salad unless I bought other food. I bought all the Birthday and Christmas presents, even for his family and paid for us to visit his dear elderly father, paying to stay in holiday accommodation while there. Once I returned from work with a severe blinding migraine, checked that the children had eaten and went to bed. The next morning I had to get up and pack all the camping things, food and clothes (although the children were well into their teens) and drive for over 6 hours, over 300 miles to go and visit his father, even though I was still ill. No one asked me how I was. He was so cruel to me in the things he said and how he treated me especially when I was ill. The nurses at the school where he worked found out and could not believe it and openly asked me why did I stay? Obviously i said because of the children. I thought I shielded them from him.. I think maybe they might be a bit like him. I am in pain all the time now, am disabled and old and live alone yet they are so critical of me and have no idea what my life is actually like. The kindest people are those who have suffered too, I find. I have a dear friend who phones me regularly. I wish I had valued myself more, instead of being his drudge. He needed me for his job and said I had to do certain things in order for him to gain positions in his work. I knew this was true, that he could not achieve his promotions without me. However, he still put me down so much I felt as if I ought to crawl under a stone. It is very hard to change that feeling after such a long time. It was bred in me by my mother. If I have contact with the children I feel it comes back strongly, the need to defend myself from the crushing put downs and feeling of not being good enough, of being despised. That is wrong surely? I am doing nothing wrong, far from it, I try so hard to make life better for everyone.

[@jacqpinks]

Thank you for sharing ♥ I am glad you have a friend that you can talk to. HuGs ♥

[@joelee5875]

This person ( Stephanie Lyn ) has helped me to be able to take a deep breath and think clearly today, I trusted in what she said about mindfulness and practiced and I noticed a "shift" for lack of a better word, I'm so grateful for this person being here, and I hope your problems will diminish too, best of luck.

[@carlakool3782]

I hope and pray you have found happiness in your life. You surely have suffered long enough.

[@pamelapap]

Elly Ess I’m sorry to hear of your suffering. It’s really sad to hear that after all you went thru it seems your children do not appreciate you. I’m with an emotionally abusivos passive aggressive husband n one of my biggest fears is the consequences it will have on my son. Could I reach out to you? Maybe thru email?

[@nanaof3991]

Ms. Elly, your story is the mirror image of mine and my ex would drink to cruelty on top of that. I was also a young wife, also married for 23 years, never had any money that I didn’t have to hide, and also lost my chance to finish my career. He came first in everything. Over me, over the kids, family...except maybe his friends...they and his outdoor hobbies cost us a lot of money, and came before us too. I hope you realize that yes, the kids are taking after him, and that’s a sad thing to deal with. Heartbreaking, in fact. You will always have to rely on the Lord’s love to fill that void. Keep educating yourself, loving God, yourself and them, and peace will come. God bless.

[@MSG12361]

Thanks for the explanation! When I come across people who are projecting it always feels so out of the blue, and they would tell me that it's ME who is feeling like that or that I am thinking a certain way about them when it isn't what I am feeling/thinking at all. I used to think I need to explain myself but now I usually respond like this 😐and walk away. When I do this I'll sometimes be accused of being heartless because I'm not showing any emotion or any sign of being affected by it, but that's just me feeling completely calm and not internalizing their delusion.

[@Igniteurperformance]

It’s subconsciously. Unconscious is when you’re not awake. Great video. Well explained. Very helpful.

[@marywolfe7293]

They are jealous too. Don't forget the green eyes monster!!!!

[@guillaumerusengo9371]

mary wolfe Envious too! They envy everything and everyone. Could be sitting on an pile of gold and go mad because I have a silver chain.

[@sophiadavenport3959]

Especially toxic mothers

[@annfoster3863]

EXACTLY ! I know this is true from my experience. I avoid this sort like the plague.

[@MsG110]

Life is easy people make it hard...I never understood that until I became more mindful and self aware. I appreciate all of your videos and all the emotional intelligence I’m gaining from them.

[@karialessio8504]

I have been reading all about emotional abuse all over the internet for years but your videos ate absolutely the best and I love how you explain everything and give examples, I am a huge fan,

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Kari Alessio thank you so much!

[@kerrylanier3046]

Stephanie you always have something good to say. Dealing with difficult people is pure Hell until you learn not to take it personally and that this person is arguably suffering inside which is the reason why they act out.

[@iampennyp]

very helpful. i was crying all day because i’ve been feeling like there are many ppl who project onto me in my family life. it’s been more intense recently . but i’m finally learning to identify that it’s projection of their own feelings . i also have codependency traits at times, as well and that’s something i’m working on . thank you this video was amazing

[@phoenixtd815]

Holy smokes... Stephanie you have a gift! Thank you for explaining this so clearly. It helps me place the events in my life and helps explain why I have had so many stresses in my current relationship. May I suggest you write a short simple book for teenagers (and adults) on the behaviors to watch out for growing up? Much of what I have seen from you focused on this already... So many of us go into life without knowledge of these critically important things... thanks again for the great video!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Phoenix TD thank you for her suggestion.. I am definitely seeing theme that people are requesting and you nailed it.

[@looneylana8541]

Yes!! As someone who grew up without any type of father figure , I didn't know much about "real relationships" . Pretty much what I saw on TV and what people don't hide from others. Which I think everyone is guilty of trying to leave their arguments with their partners behind closed doors. So from that I wasn't sure what was bad and what was normal. If there had been a book teaching me about healthy relationships growing up that would have helped so much! I am soon to be 30 and I'm not sure I've ever fallin in love with a guy who could treat me like a human any longer than a year. A book to help young people know when their partners are bullying them would be very nice. And you'd write a great one I'm sure!

[@looneylana8541]

Also I'd like to add that luckily I had a fantastic mother and grandmother that took on the challenge of raising me. So while I wasn't sure what a healthy relationship with a partner might be like , those two beautiful women showed me what real love was. Due to that I'm very grateful to have been able, no matter how long it took , to leave a couple of unhealthy relationships. I fear if it weren't for them raising me the way they did I would have no idea when I was being mistreated.

[@paf9191]

ow! You have such a way of explaining things. I now see how I had projected my wants and desires on my husband when I met him even though I saw warning flags. Now he projects constantly negative feelings on me. We are separating after 5 years of marriage. Wish I would have known this sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and wasted years of my life. This is my 4th marriage. All of them were toxic. Boy have I learned my lesson. Now comes the hard work of transforming my mind. Thank you so much for your knowledge on this subject.

[@angelacoleman6580]

I love this beautiful smart, articulate ..and inspirational lady.

[@yolandafrelow5472]

🙏

[@yolandafrelow5472]

Thank you 😊 💓 you are my best friend im learning soo much about me

[@yolandafrelow5472]

Can you just tell me how to end the emotional abuse 😢 so I can move forward and a i don't want to deal with them anymore at all

[@kearcyhahn5581]

Even listening to your videos for 2 days I have been so much happier. I am so codependent and been a big red flag target for narcissistic users. Some of my family members have been mastering narcissistic behaviors on me and others for years. I am so sick of these people. They need help as much as the people they use. Yes, we are wrong to be used and need help but those jerks most likely know they are taking advantage of out good nature. Yes, we need help to not be so loving and kind to assholes.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Listening to this type of information is therapy.. it’s self-loving and nurturing and good for your mental health.

[@christianone6611]

Stay loving, giving, and caring but walk away from these prideful people and don't cast your pearls before swine. Thank them in your prayers for all the ways they've helped push you to grow in your self love and give them to God. 🏃 Get away from these folks though. Not saying you should stay and be super sweet.

[@gaerinraj2336]

You are the only who hit the bulls eye of all the coaches I have known. You service is needed by so many.

[@Godlywoman88]

I think my sister did this to me when I confronted her about something she did wrong. Instead of apologizing or being accountable, she changed the subject to, "You need a man...". Or if confronted she'll try and divert the subject by saying, " You act like I'm a horrible person", etc.

[@adriennemiller.music.]

that sounds more like deflection to me

[@Godlywoman88]

@@adriennemiller.music. That too

[@Cross-Examine]

Sounds exactly like what someone I know said/did.

[@peterculver233]

Great video, helped me understand what I’ve been dealing with. She truly doesn’t even see it in herself and everyone else does

[@AlitaGunnm]

Thank you !!! Very useful 😃 I think that seeing the person who projects on us as someone who needs help to understand their emotion it's better for us and to them ... You don't get yourself in a trap

[@tammygould9940]

I feel your speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Tammy Gould thank you for watching! So glad you enjoyed the video!

[@lubainz6045]

Thank you Stephanie for your channel! I’m going through a heartbreak after 6 months in emotional abusive relationship, and your videos are so on point synchronized with my thoughts. Thank you to help shape my mind and heal! Great job! 💞

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

You are so welcome!

[@buzzingbee9499]

Did you stay no contact? Or did you go back? It's been 16 months no contact for me.

[@nicklamort]

Thank you for the video. This is very powerful and educational, and yes should be taught to everyone as it seems to be quite common at least in our culture. I allowed somebody to project onto me for far too long and since I have realized they are a narcissistic and have educated myself on all of these traits (projecting and gas lighting, manipulation, etc), I have been able to be in control of myself again and feel like I have gotten my sanity and power back.

[@jennifermoore4246]

Thank you, thank you for this explanation of "positive projection." What an eye opener!

[@BobBob-ye9sc]

So true - my energy has been completely drained for years off this - Iv been given no option to have to defend myself which is completely even against who I am !!! But now I guess it’s made me more assertive in a way because this stuff happens and we have to kinda except that it’s part of life too ... I didn’t want to see this - that’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with positive people that. Own there stuff xxx

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Bob Bob 🙌

[@janet4513]

I am always being attack by my X. I am always being blamed for everything. You are so right, I have passion for other greater things in my life.Whenever I bring it up I’m told its ridiculous.

[@jasonf8910]

1:11 - pure gold - I was having trouble empathizing until I heard this.

[@amylynn7881]

I left my narcissistic husband 9 days ago and always watch your videos . Why do I struggle so much with understanding that “I’m taking things personally but it’s nothing to do with me”? I’m not trying to be a stinker. But I can’t get it. I left him and he’s hoovering and using guilt to make my life miserable. I caused this pain (well fake pain because he just wants control back). But it is about me leaving. I’m kind of slow on understanding self love too. So I just am trying to get it. My therapist says I’ve never learned to let love in. I survived childhood trauma by telling people they want to hear by making my sick feelings go away. I know this is an older video no hope you see this. 😬

[@donniesphone445]

Man... I love so many of her videos. She's absolutely brilliant. So. Damn. Accurate.

[@redroses8025]

..or you can say: should i write it down,just in case? Haha to the narcissist.. But one smart thing to say is: i can't control what you think of me. Or, your thoughts does not define who i am.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Athena K. 💪🙌💗

[@marcovermeulen9188]

Or I do not understand why you think that? I cannot relate to that. Can you explain that?

[@laurenbeals5519]

Marco Vermeulen haha “I know you are but what am I” 🤣🤓🙌🏻 projection at its best 👏

[@laurenbeals5519]

Just recently my narc ex and I were in an argument about something he did that was completely wrong and when I called him out on it he told me I was ridiculous and didn’t know what I was talking about. When I cornered him with the irrefutable evidence I had proving he had been caught and caught in a lie, he got REALLY angry and started spewing out every hateful thing he could think of that he knew got under my skin as an insecurity. I responded calmly and in good spirits, Somehow I was immune to his words, like I was wearing repellant...... I smiled and responded, “BRAVO! That last one would have done me in not too long ago!!!! But not now ☺️ go inflict your self hatred on the man in your mirror” 💪🏼↩️😉

[@CassiE.86_]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@LaChaleur]

❤❤❤. Thank you so much for this video. I’m a young female manager , most of my subordinates are older. A problem that I have been experiencing lately is disrespectful behavior from time to time. It’s truly angering, especially when I do my due diligence to not be a toxic manager like I’ve experienced before. I just had a breakdown and started questioning myself, if I made a mistake with accepting this leadership role. What I’ve learned is that other people’s behavior has nothing to do with me. I’m responsible for myself and my emotions and how I react to them. It’s not a comfortable experience having people come at you aggressively and mean when you’re just doing your job. Thankfully I handled the issue calmly and respectfully while setting up a firm boundary. No one deserves to be disrespected. Hurt people hurt people, people don’t want to look at themselves nor do they want to be held accountable. Just like the narcissist can project with ease, I can walk in my healing ❤️‍🩹 and love myself by not absorbing their emotions and projections.

[@digitdouglas]

Very insightful and helpful. I experience a narcissists negative feelings projected on to me all the time. Its good to recognize and stop taking it personally.

[@shayleenwebb4021]

Your words are so soothing to my soul. Thank You so so so much. ❤ Shayleen

[@rcooper9110]

Stephanie's videos are awesome and it doesn't hurt she's easy on the eyes. I can't believe someone treated this woman poorly.

[@xse-qb2vv]

Projection and Mirroring got me into researching Psychology. Codependency, Narcissism and the study of "Epigenetics" changed my world.

[@shreyavinothan2602]

Amazing! I had a friend who had been using the same tactic on me and it was very hurtful. Ur video helped me to develop a better insight about such people. Thank You!:)

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Shreya Vinothan Absolutely! Thank you for watching.

[@Helen-sv3zr]

I loved this video, it really helped me to understand what projection is & how to stay calm when on the receiving end of someone projecting. Life is already difficult, but it becomes more challenging when people project their unhappiness on you, when you have only been kind and loving to them.

[@suzannebruneau2024]

Thank you Thank you Stephanie. You have an amazing way of delivering useful information. U have helped me so much.

[@annaanisa7388]

This DEFINITELY describes my marriage. Luckily, I have learned to have confidence and to love myself regardless of the opinions or "projections" of the significant other. He once projected onto me something (that was clearly untrue) that his mother said to him in an argument a week before. Oh, it was clear as day...

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Anna Rosario I have had that experience as well. Sometimes the “mommy issues” do get projected onto you.

[@HW-ic7kc]

But how much of this should we be putting up with and for how long? It hurts that the person who "loves" us chooses to treat us this way and not listen when we tell them they are wrong and not realize we are treating them so differently (with actual love) and have no self-reflection. Or should we keep living this life, loving them as they are and forgiving 7 times 70 times and forgetting as God forgets our sins?

[@drizzledrop3385]

I'm so grateful I came upon this video. Every thing that was stated in this video hit home. I've been with my partner for over 20 years and now im realizing how long I've been dealing with him projecting his feelings unto me. I've tried to reason with him and fight for my innocence but it only made it worse and he will never see my perspective. My feelings doesn't matter to him.. I'm definitely learning to not engage when he is in this state of mind. I've lost myself and my identity throughout the years and I have tried to hang to the hope that one day he will come to his senses. BUT it hasn't, and I'm pretty sure after all these years he never will. Its been a tough emotional roller coaster for me, but im going to continue to love me first and take care of my own emotional needs. Great video.

[@beautygirlsguide]

Thanks for sharing! I start to notice this more when people do this, especially now that I am aware of it.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Aubrey Danielle exactly!

[@davidhinkson8856]

For years I got defensive with my narc wife's nasty comments about me; now I just laugh to myself when she embarks on her rants. Good counsel and a good explanation here.

[@echopaints5446]

I've been avidly watching all your coaching videos paired with my real life therapy sessions. And I am also and HSP and relate so much to you. My therapist is not an HSP but we have a Thinker/ Feeler relationship that we are trying to communicate better in. It's beneficial for my relationship issues. But sometimes ya just need someone that just gets you. But you have been able to speak in my language with energies and really good at explaining concepts like this. In therapy we call it transference and counter transference. Thank you for your videos they are helping me better stand up for myself and enforce my boundaries which I am working on now! I am transforming/ career additions and slowly becoming a WARRIOR!! Much love!

[@mattmccracken1768]

Grew up in a really toxic home, and have struggled with depression most of my life, but I am feeling really good right now, and it's due to medication and lots of therapy. I would like to think I have learned and grown a lot, and I must say Stephanie's videos are quite good. She communicates some basic principles of growth so well. I would love to meet her. She's got some real wisdom here.

[@mattmccracken1768]

Wrote this before she talked about positive projection. Yes, I have done that, and still have the inclination to do that. I am single now, and definitely need to watch out for this. Well done Stephanie.

[@jcoole7]

That’s so true about people that don’t want to grow or change and how that goes hand in hand with projection. I wish these things were taught to us as kids.

[@TYGZus777]

Nailed it! Negative as well as Positive Projection - both behaviors need to be recognized and understood. Thank you for this informative presentation.

[@murraymarshawn2175]

The most dangerous projection comes with a smile or with nonchalance.

[@pinkrose4322]

So true!

[@herrington292]

Thank you Stephanie. I just replied to a text from an abusive ex, with your exacts words, after he sent me a paragraph accusing me of EVERY single thing he ever did, which left me baffled.

[@renegarza9]

This video helped me when a family member recently tried to emotionally abuse me by projecting his own securities into me and gaslight me. Thanks for giving me the awareness

[@TapIntoAlignment]

Such an informative professional but human video. Sooo so appreciate your wisdom and insight. 💖

[@k.c.sunshine1934]

Thank you - you have a talent for clearly describing psychological concepts. Particularly, your description of how a person's "negative parts" influence their behaviours subconsciously is very good.

[@drebaugh]

WoW Dr./Miss Lyn I'm looking up all my owe and people around me, issues. I think your delivery is fantastic. Thank You

[@mariavuga5363]

I am learning so much with you!! Thank you!

[@janice8460]

Oh my God, you have saved my life with this information. I'm very passionate about my Mother as she is so unwell with multiple medical issues, shes clearly had enough and is breaking down in a very negative way. she is projecting it all onto me as being my fault shes in the situation shes in. I love her dearly and sharing my feelings of hurt and pain with a trusted sponsor wasn't easy, because all i wanted to do was to understand her more. I honestly feel so much better and I have tools now to deal with her in a more compassionate way. I tried to offer some advise, but that didnt go down to well, so listening to her, using a calm voice and making sure I remove myself from the situation if I'm feeling attacked is gonna help me immensely. Sharing my feelings directly to my Mother is something I have to work on because I don't want to hurt her. Cant wait to listen to more of your posts Stephanie. I understand the importance of self-care because Im in recovery myself, this just takes it to another level for me. God bless your intelligent insight xxx

[@energyhealing11]

There is no negative feeling, I find. Just energy moving through and it’s uncomfortable but part of human life 💙

[@gush2]

I'm starting to understand what projection is. I feel like I can think of a few times I have projected on my friends and family. I'll keep a look out from now on and try to do better in the future.

[@rebornjames8334]

Thank you. Eventhough I'm a survivor of a female narcissis, this makes me feel better because it now helps me understand!

[@RockyHenson]

So glad I found this lady

[@lighthouse7728]

Thank you, this was helpful. I realize now that I have positively projected my wants and desires onto others, and I have been disappointed when I realize the person is not the friend I wanted them to be.

[@sssttt2211]

Having this knowledge gives you tools to deal with toxic people, and help you heal from their behaviours...otherwise we would be critical about ourselves and blame ourselves for their toxic behavior.

[@TonyaA7]

This video is good info. I was emotionally,mentally, and physically abused as a child and learned to always be quick to defend my innocents. But your videos have helped me to see things differently and are a huge blessing. Self love and knowing what others say and how they act has nothing to do with me is another huge help knowing it wasnt my fault.. Learning to see myself as victorious and not as a victim . Learning to respond out of love and not react out of emotions.

[@kanami5355]

No one has ever told me this, but this was something that has happened to me. I’m so happy that I’m finally here watching this video. Thank you so much for uploading those videos!

[@blueseptember2174]

When you said ‘ if you can’t hold onto yourself’, I literally pictured an ocean wave of projection coming and having to brace myself for impact. Perfect imagery to have in the moment of attack.

[@mikaelainman9167]

Your videos have been helping me So Much. I thank you for sharing. You are loved and appreciated!

[@JessicaSkyy]

This is exactly what I've needed to hear. Iam so happy to have found your channel💖🌊😊

[@dianajohn3615]

You give so much clarity!! Can't thank you enough. Great success to you!!!

[@cherishparkhurst1042]

just wanted to say thanx i can tottally relate and have been going through self healing through internet info,videos,books myself so understand alotta things your saying to be true i myself have gotten out of a horrible narcisist sociopath relationship where he didnt think he had any problems and didnt change for himself or us so i had to let go and help myself and get out of that relationship and thank god i had some strength left in me anyway thanx bunches it really does matter that other people do want to help and care about these topics☺

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Cherish Parkhurst Thank you so much for your comment! It’s so important to me that everyone heal from this type of use. I’m so glad that you got out! All the best!

[@jwlewis3661]

Ok you just described my entire relationship and marriage in 18 minutes and 58 seconds. Now I have to figure out how to correct this situation for my good. Liked. Subscribed. Watching again to take notes.

[@bonniebunny25]

I work in a "toxic" work environment and narcissistic personalities are all over the place. Last week this coworker, I realize now, projected on me. I felt that she wanted to pick a fight with me out of thin air (apparently I didn't let the phone ring long enough and she missed my call and this was very bad of me , how dare I 🙄). I was turning the other cheek (as I always have done with this nutcase) and about to leave when she wouldn't let it go. After a year and a half of always tolerating her toddler behavior I finally just said, "hey I think your taking it the wrong way; please lets not make an issue out of how many rings you got". She interrupts me and says something and I guess I started to get red or something because then she goes "why are you getting upset?"with a small smile on her face. I try to answer calmly, "I am not upset." But really at this point I am very irritated and pissed and trying to hold it together. She again says, "yes you are, why are you getting upset?". And you can see she is absolutely beside herself tickled with delight that she pissed me off. I again trying to remain calm, but my voice is getting shaky, say "Im not upset." Lol I try to say something about how the phone thing should not even be an issue and she gets raging pissed and yells, "alright, Julia, get out!👉" And she pointed for me to leave! Lol I think this was projection on her part. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I couldn't stay calmer or put her in her place in a more confident tone. When she told me to get out, I told her , in a more raised voice, "don't tell me what to do!", and walked away. The situation escalated so quickly I'm not even sure how I could have acted differently or prevented it. Thank you for your videos and amazing advice. The key is to love and honor oneself so people like her won't see you as an easy target.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

pom love absolutely!

[@xxxexxxeamsmith5819]

I’m struggling with this at the mo. Recently my narc neighbour projected onto me. She caused me a lot of stress two years ago pretending to be a friend. I moved here far away to get away from my narc ex. Durin the time she was pretending to me my friend she made lies up about me to social services about my son. Saying my son nearly got hit by a car and a lot of made up serious allegations. At the time She was the main suspect but I thought there’s no way it can be her she visits everyday and is my friend. We fell out over me knocking her door she started screaming at me saying I woke her up it was 12 in the afternoon. She did the discard along with nasty personally insults. A couple of months went by then I knocked to get my sons expensive play mats that I lent her. When I lent her them I told her her son can play with them until I was finished decorating then I found out she told her partner I gave it to her which I didn’t. Every time i asked she would play games saying she’ll do it tomorrow ect then wouldn’t. I remember saying it’s really scummy stealing from a child. I decided to leave it because I knew it was giving her narcissistic supply. Eventually my sister visited one day and knocked her door making a video recording so she couldn’t lie to anyone. At first she didn’t know she was being recorded and ran to her partner saying my sister threatened her which she didn’t. My sister gave her an hour to give it back or we were going to call the police... she gave it back. I remember on the video she said to my sister it’s really scummy giving a child a gift and taking it back. I didn’t know anyone in this area apart from my neighbour we fell out for a lot of reasons. I started to notice the way she was speaking to me talking down to me and her and her cousin trying to intimidate me was planning to go low contact. I know she was pissed off that my sister got the playmats back and she wanted to be the one who went no contact because her personality with the arguments she always saw it as her winning if she shouted me down. I know she couldn’t handle herself being the one who was discarded. I hadnt spoke to her for a couple of months before my sister spoke to her and I never spoke to her then. A year went by where there was no contact, then attempted her hoovering so she could give the final discard. she called the rspca on me with false allegations about my animals she did this because I know she wanted a reaction out of me but I didn’t because I know the dangerous lies she says about me I didn’t wanna fall into her trap. I was pissed off but I knew if I had a go at her she would just call the police I ignored her. Then a few days later the police called me saying she made a complaint that she over heard me on my phone about my friend coming to beat her up and she felt so scared that she had to go away for the weekend and that I’m intimidating her. I told the police I’m a single mum isolated on my own with my son. She lives with her partner and has lots of family around her visiting. I said it’s a very serious allegation She’s telling her friends and family I threatened her. Where is the proof. I said it’s a lie and she is the one trying to intimidate me but I am ignoring her. I told the police the history and they said to both of us ignore each other. She is still playing the victim. Every time I’m outside and she’s there her partner the handicap comes running out the door to protect her and I just take my sons hand and walk in. She’s tho one trying to intimidate me but it’s not working. I havnt broke no contact and not giving her any excuse to make it look like she’s telling the truth there’s nothing else she say about me now because it’s been about a year since I’ve said anything to her. There is something about me that keeps attracting these psychos into my life and I’m going to talk to the doctor about getting some therapy to help build my confidence and work out why I’m always attracting these people and how to stop

[@pamelapap]

Xxxexxxeam Smith i would get cameras around your house to keep her from telling lies. Who knows if she will try something again.

[@sanivana]

H H I recently went through the same thing at work, I learned that these people want to get you out of character, they want you to lose control of your emotions, then you end up seeming like the crazy one, never take the bate , you must control yourself and be calm cool and collected always

[@salliegallegos918]

It is the worst at work. Yes. They provoke and enjoy it if they can rattle your chain because they are sadistic. Practice staying calm and showing no emotion. Master your emotions, like the good lady says.

[@freetobememe4358]

Finallly, basically need this. I didnt understand why after setting boundary EVERYONE gets angry and act like I am the one mean and rude. Now I see. Thank You

[@underdoggys5415]

Thankyou. So many amazing points. Can relate to allowing someone close to me manipulate me emotionally. Going through the process of finding the balance between being rude and being assertive.

[@tristapeltier920]

Your videos have helped me so much thank you for sharing !

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Trista peltier thank you!

[@joannemcclelland5271]

Such specific and relatable advice. Super impressed

[@Christine-j7n]

That was so eye opening and clarifying 🙏🏼✨👍🏼. Makes me want to teach my kids these things so they have an emotional awareness as adults .

[@kathasfaith7643]

I am SO guilty of positive projection but really didn't have a name for it. I realize I am doing it but not very good at stopping myself. I need to learn those parenting tools you talk about. I'm so glad you addressed this! It is one of by biggest challenges. You and your videos are awesome. Thanks so much for caring and sharing!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Yes.. that will absolutely help with that!

[@Feathered_Moon]

I had no idea what projection was, I didn't find anything about it anywhere. This is great info, I'll watch it on occasion to go over it, thank you for this. 😊

[@josephblunt2934]

Bravo, Jennifer! This segment is one of your best. By the way, were you spying on my ex-marriage? You just described the ex-wife to the letter. Everything bad that happened to her was all my fault. Obe of her overused phrases was "you pissed me off!" To which I calmly explained that I never was and never will be responsible for her behavior. That reply angered her even further. Sometimes I took a deep breath and watched her try to guilt and shame me. Her tactics never worked the way she wanted them to. That's why she's an ex-wife. I am her ex-husband now enjoying a lady friend who knows how to manage her emotions. Also much happier. Keep up the good work Jennifer! You are such a blessing.

[@rmt3589]

10:00 You had me scared I was a dark empath for a moment. Glad to know comly using a parable to express an emotion is just communication. I do think I project as a response to projection though. I tend to counter-manipulate to gaslighting now, and am working on resolving the conversations better. (Parents. Mom's working hard on getting better, and dad is trying to fix the relationship. Though they both have admitted to abusing us, dad unapologetically. Grew up thinking narcissism was a good thing, and mom'll still stand up for it)

[@jamesegan8184]

Stephanie Lyn has some really great videos and this is just one of many, many. It is so interesting to listen to this person's wisdom, thank you.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

James Egan I truly appreciate your kind words! Thank you!

[@klw8494]

I feel this was very well explained and hope more people listen to recognize not to take it personal when they are the victim from the one they love. I only learned about projection this past year and realize now I have been a victim of it for most of my married life. I always dealt well with it (not aware of what I was doing) when there was a happy balance to counter the angry side. Now its all anger and I am exhausted. Listening to this makes me rethink my ability to continue to cope without giving in and allowing myself be the victim. Maya Angelou said it best with her victim quote.

[@CastleCaitlan09]

I tried to be nice to a girl this whole semester and she suddenly went cold on me. This week she told me that her gut warned her against me because I made her uncomfortable. My feelings are genuinely hurt. I think she might have projecting on me.

[@catera126]

Yuppp

[@jackiepetrosky4611]

Very helpful, as being projected on, esp. in a hypocritical manner, can be crazy-making and isolating!

[@johnk6749]

When I was married I never cheated on my wife, never wanted to. I would come home after a long day of working and all I wanted to do was eat something and relax. Instead, she would accuse me of cheating on her. Instead of relaxing she wanted to fight all night. When I denied it and said she didn't know what she is talking about, it probably sounded like gaslighting, but I was just being truthful. I eventually found out that she was cheating on me.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

They like chaos and drama. She probably wanted you to do reactive abuse to validate her decision to leave. You really didn’t lose her. You just lost your turn. She’s never really yours.

[@johnk6749]

@@Clevelandsteamer324 After I divorced her she was married 4 more times. I guess she never changed.

[@TT-wz6wp]

I have a relative that is completely like that. I’m glad I learned not to react in a negative way but to be kind. I also said I’m really sorry you feel this way.

[@АинаМуканова-з9б]

Stephanie, thank you so much for everything you do for us. You can't imagine what a great friend and a helping hand we found in you.

[@dobbscmd]

i love what your doing Stephanie, good for everyone no matter where you are in life. Great Job!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Absolutely!

[@joannajohnson696]

Stephanie, I appreciate the fact that you get "right into the subject of the video!" Thank you for posting a great subject!

[@brettneuberger6466]

Best description of projection I’ve heard.

[@Ddeath.Eaterr]

How do we respond to people projecting on us? I find that I apologize and respond so quickly. Then later I realize; wait a minute, I didn’t even do anything wrong!! That person was projecting!

[@mrichards7849]

Gosh I just found your videos and they are more helpful than most things I have tried. Thank you so much for creating these videos, they are truly helping me.

[@williampryor4160]

This is such a great description on projection!! Thank you! This cleared up so much for me about my Ex Narc!!

[@Gabby-xj9xp]

I've noticed all my friends have been projecting their anxiety onto me about my college decision. Im going to a school farther than everyone else and they keep talking about being so far from home, not knowing any one there, etc. I realized that's their fears of living so far bc all of them are going to a school only a few hours from home. It is annoying and draining, but I know they are just going to miss me so I understand why its happening, plus I'm happy with my choice and that's all that matters.