This Statistically Is The Best Age To Get Married So You Don't Get A Divorce!

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

If you like this episode please can you do me a little favour and hit the like button on the video! I really appreciate your kindness x ❤👊🏾

[@ab_ab_c]

It looks like Google is still censoring...

[@DNA350ppm]

Interesting discussion with a wise person. I also like Steven's approach to talks with his guests!

[@richa1147]

i wish you had asked her that if a woman knows she wont want to see the guy again is it on her to offer/insist she pays half - controversial but i think it is!

[@astartizeus7165]

@@DNA350ppmπ

[@robertkijek206]

Marriage and dating are off the table. Therapists are bass-ackwards. They need to FIX things, not give attention and validation.

[@rossmanngroup]

When she says she'd feel unsafe if a man didn't pay on the first date, that is such manipulative language. Feel free to say any of the following: 1) I did not feel valued 2) I did not feel like he was into me 3) I felt like he was cheap 4) I did not feel like he could provide for me 5) I did not feel like he cared to provide for me 6) I felt like he was uninterested These statements allow for a real conversation. Unsafe is a word reserved for men who follow you around an empty parking lot at 1 AM. Unsafe is a word you use on men who force themselves into your apartment. Unsafe is a word you use on men who physically or emotionally abuse you. Unsafe is a word you use on men who have inappropriate relations with your teenage daughter. Unsafe is *NOT* a word you use on a man who did not cover the $12.95 for your panini. To use that word to describe a man who did not pay for your chicken parm panini comes off so manipulatively, as if it's designed to shame men into paying for meals so as to avoid the stigma of the label _"person who makes women feel unsafe."_ Men do not want to be considered unsafe, because there is a genuine stigma around being considered unsafe(and often rightfully so). That's such a disappointing thing to hear someone say - particularly someone at this level of expertise & education in the field of relationships. I typically do pay on the first date, and have in the relationships I had that were good. In these cases I usually made more money than the person I was going out with so it seemed like a courtesy. Words have meaning! Do not use them this carelessly.

[@yanber7637]

Thank you for articulating exactly how I feel about this.

[@sherthetruth]

I agree

[@audreyquinn73]

I agree. And, as a single woman, I prefer to pay for myself. When a man pays for your meal/drink, he often believes that the woman should provide sexual pleasure for him. It's not generous, but gross and transactional. So many men I've met don't seem to understand that my body has nothing to do with my gratitude. It's much safer for women to pay their way so the men cannot claim they are owed "services" for buying dinner and cinema tickets.

[@pleiades_community]

A feeling of insecurity can arise from a combination of the feelings that you have listed, in my opinion. Communicating with a person with whom you consider each other seriously in a long-term relationship, who is the first to lay the proposal to "split the bill" in the foundation of the relationship, gives a cocktail of feelings, for example: - he probably really didn't like it with me, does he need something from me? it turns out that emergence does not work? - is he planning to share everything, and if I'm busy with our children and I can't work, then we'll have to survive? How will he behave? Etc. It turns out that you are not safe from the feeling of a lost and murky long-term perspective. The prospect of losing resources, time and effort is also unsafe. No one wants to suffer. And not just dark alleys In addition, you forever lay a foundation for the first meeting for a woman, either reasons to incite his strength all his life through a joke, or to think that he might fail somewhere and worry. Is it necessary? Is it worth it?

[@gabba7315]

You can also ask her, what about it makes it feel unsafe. You can react to a word or seek to understand beyond your own definition of safety.

[@joanmurphy2166]

My husband forgot his wallet on our first date. Said he'd pay me back. Never did. We've been married for 53 years. I tease him and ask when are you paying me back to this day. We laugh. People who laugh together stay together. ⚘

[@okaySam]

"People who laugh together stay together." 💯

[@parvent3556]

Imagine the amount of 'interest' that will have accrued! I know you husband - he didn't 'forget' the wallet, he intentionally left it behind...LOL

[@okaySam]

To be fair, I pulled a "forgot my wallet" a couple of times in my twenties. Still, lovely story :)

[@Nyyre]

Lolll my husband still owes me $1500 from being young and broke. When we met he was 22 living alone in an apartment he couldn’t afford. I had just graduated and moved into my parents’ basement for a few months. I was so smitten I kept helping him cover rent “as long as he paid me back.” We’ve been happily married 5 yrs now (with combined finances and much higher incomes.) he never paid me back. But he did learn how to budget. 😂 and he makes me laugh every day.

[@marcoi7035]

💯

[@The1morningstar]

I personally believe the biggest problem when it comes to dating is social media. It feels like everybody keeps looking for the next better person.

[@carlitosbrigante6889]

Hypergamy is prevalent among women primarily.cause they just have to choose, and choose.

[@markwith140]

Not 'people' looking for the next better person, it's 'women' looking for the next better person. But I agree that social media is the problem.

[@简澜]

Ah, doesn’t both man and woman keeps looking for next one? Why stressing about woman? But be honest looking for next one isn’t the problem, people got their choice and the other person can be a hell. It’s that they don’t even take a careful look at another individual, there is no respect and curiosity in the process, thus I think it’s why they failed, because people are naturally reciprocal and these two qualities is the basic of the basic to human connection and relationship.

[@jefferytokarsky1930]

⁠@@简澜 Many women want the same men. Many men can’t find the 1st woman let alone the next.

[@sunshoe-l5r]

@@简澜only very few men have options and can afford to “look for better” most of the time they just try to get back with their ex bc they know that woman is likely the only one for a while. Seen it happen with my own eyes. Female friend of mine is into this dude at work who also has a baby daddy she said was trying to get back with her this entire time she’s messing around with the other guy. Eventually she broke it off with him and takes her ex back. Meanwhile homie at work is over here talking to girls seemingly everywhere at work, getting numbers, reconnecting with exes, and even managed to start a friends with benefits with this one chick. An example of a man with options and a man with none. The former is a very small minority….

[@ZendelAtkinson]

The idea of a flawless marriage or relationship is unrealistic. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Nevertheless, I've learned that solutions exist for every problem. Five years ago, my wife and I faced the brink of divorce due to challenges in our marriage. Fortunately, we managed to reconcile. It was a tough phase, but we made it through....

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

The wisdom in your words resonates deeply, and I genuinely wish my emotions echo yours. Despite our current distance, I cannot envision my life without her; my love for her is unwavering. I crave her return, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make it happen. We've explored different avenues, such as therapy, in our efforts to mend our relationship

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Parting ways with someone you deeply care about is never easy, but in my particular circumstance, I was aided by a spiritual mentor who averted the collapse of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters...

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

I promise you will not regret it

[@topistarkanzarwa9724]

That is exactly the point. Be man enough to do your due deligence. You can't birth a child even if you tried your hardest, it's called nature. It's in your nature to be and act manly

[@thedoc3550]

I married my husband after dating for 3 months, having met him on-line at 36 years old. We now have 4 children and have been married for 20 years! Never say never!!!!

[@alexdex9439]

This is such a lie. Who online dated back in 2004?!

[@Fressica_Rabbit]

20 years ago finding friends/dating online was a much different time, kinda idyllic. Tinder hadn't quite cheapened the scene, now it's a dumpster fire! Congrats because 20 years is a big deal now 🎉

[@Fressica_Rabbit]

​@@alexdex9439I met my first set of friends from AOL in 2000, I'm still friends with one of them. In 2004 ppl were absolutely dating online. I was in the military and used to go on some military dating website!

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

Yeah I was going to say, we intellectualize stuff too much these days. All these people with their statistics blablabla, statistics are virtually meaningless because there’s only the people who agree to be a part of the studies. I think taking bits and pieces of these are helpful to people who have no idea and are new to self development, but things tend to work themselves out..

[@saywhatnow57]

People met online in 2004. I met a girl online when I was a teenager and went on one "date" in 1998... Her dad actually came because I was a guy she met online. @@alexdex9439

[@ParisianThinker]

Married 38 years to my best friend. The last decade I was his caregiver. He died from a botched operation on Jan. 3, 2024. There were many people to talk to, but none better than my husband, a PhD in Clinical Psychology. He always said health is the first wealth and that includes mental health. Alone now, but fulfilled. Many things to sort out and create a beautiful life again.

[@christinet6336]

My condolences 💐💙

[@cryptoqueen4520]

Big hugs to you. 🤗

[@starsharp3500]

Best wishes to you on this second lap. It will be tough, but you are worth it.

[@talesfromtheroad9530]

Big big warm hugs. Inspired by your strength and grace. I hope to live a life as beautiful!

[@taylorsmith3785]

I’m so sorry for your loss!

[@ethanlapenti]

To the producers: THANK YOU FOR RECORDING ON HIGH DEFINITION AUDIO AND TOP-OF-RANGE VOLUME LEVELS

[@jaronmccauley2582]

The comments mentioning she feels unsafe if a man doesn't pay on first date totally put me off listening. Such an inconsiderate lack of awareness and perspective for an "expert"

[@nm8548]

I had the same feeling at first too , but I listened to the whole conversation and learnt pretty good info and got great insights into things I had never considered before...so I would recommend not to be put off by one sentance or point of view of hers 😊😊❤

[@inesvbm1]

I had a boyfriend that told me that he felt useless since I was too independent. Could pay my bills, could talk get several budgets and fix my car etc…. it made me realize that even if I can do something I should also accept generosity / ask for help. It was challenging for me initially but now I feel its a way of allowing others to show love and for me to accept vulnerability as well.

[@Zmiana_Pogody]

I'm 46 yo woman from Poland and I was never taught that man pays for woman. I thought it was already a past, and feminism changed the world. It's a hudge suprise for me. I always thought a pair splits their costs and shares responsibilities or the more rich person pays (whoever it is), if there's a big gap. I was never raised to be a "feminine woman" and was never attracted to "manly men". Of course now I'm single (alone, spinster) and still in shock what the hell is going on between sexes 😅

[@randomvideoshere6540]

😂😂😂😂😂😂​@@Zmiana_Pogody

[@LaiaB-up6ke]

I don't get that. They want woman to be weak, so they can control us. They want woman to make less money, so we are dependent on them and they have the power. If they want to be useful, they can cook, clean or do the dishes. If a man can not accept your independence, run girl!

[@inesvbm1]

@@Zmiana_Pogody I didn’t meant to say only men pays or do things for a women. I meant to accept to receive but also giveback of course.

[@okaySam]

Yes, men need to feel needed. A lot of women don't get this, because for them it can be an "ick" if the man needs them too much. Actually it can be very seductive if a woman knows how to make a man feel needed. Better not dish out too much game.. lol

[@dracocaelestis6370]

i’ve noticed that people who prioritize chemistry and butterflies while dating are the least successful in landing long-term partners. as somebody who used to care more about “chemistry” when i was younger i realized after several failures that what people call chemistry tends to be reactivation of usually toxic bonding patterns we learned early in life. before i met my husband i decided to change the approach and do the exact opposite and started dating for personality, values and interests. i met my husband shortly after that. maybe i just got lucky, but i think that following same steps and expecting different results is madness. prioritizing things that actually matter for a long-term relationship helped me stayed congruent and reach my goal of finding a great partner.

[@blancasuave6658]

I used to be the opposite. I always chose according to personality and not chemistry. I always ended up being “best friends” instead of sexually attracted.

[@nightmareTomek]

@@blancasuave6658 Sexual attractiveness is chemistry. While a lot of people claim that the best relationship is when your partner is also your best friend.

[@FahQ760]

Sounds like you were looking for a business partner 😂.

[@FahQ760]

@@blancasuave6658 Exactly. You have to have attraction along with being aligned with values and what you both want out of life.

[@janef220]

It’s hard to strike the right balance but there has to be friendship and chemistry.

[@garethsmalley4897]

"Before you describe someone as depressed check their not surrounded by assholes..." brilliant 👏

[@juliusfr4008]

That’s a quote from Albert Einstein! It’s excellent

[@Teach.Experience.Dance-Vicky]

@@juliusfr4008Albert Einstein seriously?

[@Teach.Experience.Dance-Vicky]

It was brilliant. I agree

[@mylesgray3470]

Sure did help with my depression. Getting A-holes out of my life was way more effective than any pill. 😅

[@cristianm7097]

they're*

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

Before I was a stay at home mother and had a career my partner would never let me pay for any meals or main bills etc so instead I’d surprise him with booking us a holiday or gifts. Relationships aren’t transactional but if you’re both making money then it should bring you joy to share that by being generous with one another where possible. He now is our source of money and I return the favour by keeping a lovely home for him to come back to and caring for our babies. These ‘gender roles’ feel completely natural to us and we’re very happy with what each of us bring to the relationship.

[@Cole_Cross]

this is what we do. we split a lot of boring bills and basics.. he pays for the "relationship enrichment" (movies/dates/dinners) and I pay for "home enrichment" like nice smelling laundry stuff, his beard care, face stuff, new socks- - - stuff that doesn't come as naturally to him as it does for me. We are very happy and have been for a very long time. however... I'd rather go back to working my 4 insane jobs that never ended - - -than keeping home and pet/family care!! and i even love cleaning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's sooo much harder!!! and I was an ER vet nurse!!!! who also worked rescue and in a warehouse that sold raw food and had a few side jobs like palliative care for pets!! taking care of gma with dementia (diapers, insanity..) 4 geriatric special needs pets, and keeping our homes spotless (ours and gmas on same property) is more work, emotionally. and your home is also your workplace!!! holy shit it takes a lot from you. its been 4+ years and i have 10xs more greys than i did before!!!! hats off.

[@Livinlife444]

That’s how it should be. Too many people these days are selfish

[@cristobal.ashton]

Problem is relationships are transactional but it’s not talked about. Each partner is requiring something from the other. Problem is it's difficult to talk about

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

@@cristobal.ashton you could describe each others roles as a transaction but it is in a positive sense in a good relationship, both working on things to balance out and keep the relationship/home harmonious. I wouldn’t call that a problematic transaction but rather a transaction of love.

[@saragoetze6204]

I read her book in my mid-twenties. She’s the reason I married my husband. This lady changed my life in so many positive ways 🙏🏽

[@LizaLavolta]

which book

[@blowontheclouds]

which book?

[@ShyiaRobinson]

I think “Marry Him” is what they’re talking about

[@onset5610]

Wow epic! ❤️

[@thinkinenglish4877]

Yes. Marry Him. It was a good book that really helped me see how I believed a lot of lies from RomComs and marketing.

[@kated3165]

I think a lot of people think they know what they want, but what they want isn't really what THEY want but rather is what society has taught them they SHOULD want. The ideal version of what something might be like is often very different from the reality of it once you actually experience it.

[@lisetteem588]

yes sadly what will my family think...

[@ethosterros9430]

You're talking almost exclusively about women because what men want is generally universal regardless of if society says it's ok or not. Notice all men are attracted to youth and beauty and kindness even when society says ur a loser if you like that in women. It doesnt matter that's what they want on the inside. Ladies on the other hand often want traits in men that can only be found in certain kinds of men. They look for them in men who could never have those traits.

[@commentdeleted7943]

Expectations exist when you yourself were an investment

[@machtnichtsseimann]

Some people should have gotten married when younger, others shouldn't have gotten married. Possibly at all. Absolutist models aren't true for everyone. A friend wanting their friend to get married, too, can be operating out of love or just selfishness. Maybe someone needs and wants a good friend, a companion, and that's that. Heavy bias/judgment is against single individuals who never marry, as if all married people made good decisions? Hmpf.

[@ligafftheindifferent3495]

So true. Many women are more worried about how others will think about them. This affects everything in their lives, but especially dating.

[@guerrillanation1862]

Most people do not want to put the work in that it takes to sustain a relationship. People are real quick to throw in the towel. Social media plays a huge part in this. To many options. People don’t take the time to really get to know each other. It’s on to the next one! SMH!

[@kated3165]

I think the issue is that people don't know how to communicate anymore, and are not always very skilled with emotional intelligence... hence every small bump in the road becomes bigger than it needs to, and people who might have started compatible don't know how to maintain it as both evolve and change over time.

[@okaySam]

Atomization of society. Social skills and resilience in decline. Neuroticism/anxiety on the rise. Dating and sustaining relationships is too draining for more and more people.

[@lisetteem588]

coz of course ppl never bashed or abused verbally or physically, never controlled money, or een murdered their partners or divorced them before social media.. puh leese. you didnt hear about it is all.

[@starlingswallow]

Brilliant point! 👏🏻👏🏻

[@TheAirlock]

Most women today don't have the tools (modeling) to remain in a relationship. At least a quarter of American women were raised during their formative years in broken, single-parent homes. Many of those who didn't grew up with parents who had a dysfunctional relationship. It's no wonder that women today choose their husband and then choose to leave most of the time. They're repeating the cycle.

[@WMDB4637]

In 2010 The Guardian UK newspaper ran a story about Lori. She was, back then, a 43 year old single mother who, in her own words, "desperately wants to marry." In fact she had desperately wanted to marry for the previous 13 years. She is now 56. And unmarried. And she is giving young women relationship advice. LET THAT SINK IN.

[@FahQ760]

Majority of women who become therapists and psychologists do it to try and figure themselves out because they think they’re crazy. Doesn’t surprise me she isn’t married 😂

[@goodbyeg7032]

I could care less single ppl give the best gdm advice

[@Goodmenparadise]

Interesting.

[@fterimage]

The Guardian pushing poison? That doesn't make sense!

[@thedoc3550]

@@goodbyeg7032 🤣

[@davesquid]

My wife told me something I will never forget. She said “when I was young I craved to be loved and wanted someone to love me”. Now she was brought up in a loving home and so was I but for her to share that as her husband is something I never forgot. Like all couples we have gone through some great times and some very hard times together and maybe some things that would have separated us but I always come back to that powerful statement she made clear to me. David S

[@SuperQuater]

mm?.. I like this

[@SuperDflower]

So here’s my take on going out on a date with a man and having them pay or split the bill, feels to me like it’s an opportunity for them to show that they are generous. I’m not looking for someone to pay for everything for me I’m not looking for somebody to work when I don’t, but I’m looking for somebody who’s generous and I’m not stingy, and I don’t wanna date someone who’s stingy. That’s just my take on it.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

So many of today's men are just bristling w/ resentment at women still wanting them to pay a first date. Their money is theirs, not yours and you have no right to any of it. They are full of stories of men who got divorce court raped, and they are all about keeping all their money for them. I see them go on and on about their money and how they get to keep it all to themselves. They talk about women as if they are nothing but an expense they don't want to have. I find them more materialistic than the women they rail about. If a man is balking at treating a lady they hope to advance to a relationship w/ in the first date, what are they going to be like w/ expense splitting? Most women are fine w/ a man w/ an average job and many women still expect to work. But they are going to be struggling just to get him to pay bills.

[@janny.p]

Same here. I'm pretty generous woman, I like to spoil my man, but I like to be spoiled by him too

[@MarbleCat.]

women should step up and be more generous

[@kinggizzard8499]

Generosity is a very important trait for both people in a relationship. It indicates trust and closeness and is a reminder that they are a 'team'. Rationally, there is no reason at all for a man to pay on a first date. It is sexist. But it's culturally expected in some countries. In countries like Iceland and Norway, women generally feel quite offended if a man insists on paying. There may not be a 2nd date if he's pushy about it and he insists! There, it's considered an insult to the capability and independence of a woman.

[@SuperDflower]

@@kinggizzard8499 it’s not a matter of expecting that a man will pay simply because he is a man, but it is an opportunity for them to show that they are potentially a generous person that doesn’t want to split everything 50-50. I am generous, and I’ve been with people who were stingy, and it wasn’t a very match. I have no problem paying for the second meet up. That’s just my take. It doesn’t mean that it’s correct or incorrect. Also, as you mentioned, it’s cultural. It’s also very common in Europe for people to pay if they invite you somewhere. It’s generally expected or it has been. I’ve had people invite me out and then clarify that they needed to split the bill before we went because of this. No problem with this. I appreciate the clear communication.

[@user-gz8uo7py1q]

I just started dating again after being single for 5 and a half years, took time out to concentrate on my self healing journey. I am 41 so looking forward to listening to this to learn. Thanks

[@NonoNana-et9we]

Hey stranger. have a nice day with your new relationship.

[@user-gz8uo7py1q]

@@NonoNana-et9we oh thats very sweet. Thank you

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

I am 41 and didn't date for 8 years. Healing journey. All the best to you!

[@user-gz8uo7py1q]

@@spaceforthesoul6286 Thank you. Right back at you, best of luck on your continuous journey. X

[@nadja5154]

I'm curious if not dating for that many years put any pressure on you regarding missing the window to have kids? No issue with deciding for a childfree life but I'm curious. Especially as someone mid/end thirties wanting kids and looking for a wonderful life partner

[@jphillips8545]

I’m divorced and now dating as a 46 yr old female. I’m astounded how 90% of first dates I go on the only question a man will ask is ‘so where do you work?’ After that then man will spend the next 2 to 3 hours talking about himself, making zero effort to find out about me. I think I’m too good of a listener and they take advantage. They then are super keen for a second date having not found out anything about me as a person. No chance for a second date 😠 Lack of interest makes me feel so devalued.

[@DopamineDecor]

I think men feel it is their right to have all women be enraptured with their drivel.

[@missychan1]

Sounds like some of these men are looking for sugar mamas. We women get a bad name for veing gold diggers, but as a female of the same age, all I can say is there are the same number of incubuses as succubusses in this world.

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

If a man ever asks you what do u do for work he's asking you how much money do you earn

[@d2svpcfp]

100% agree and understand. You’d be amazed how women do the same. Cultural perhaps. It says a lot…

[@HumanityRisingNow]

I think it’s our job as women to ask questions as generally as women we are a lot more selective than the men we may meet. The men sharing so much is an advantage. You learn a lot about them and can decide if you two would have potential. Plus, take it as a compliment that so many people feel so comfortable sharing about their lives with you. That means they feel safe with you.

[@joeketa6352]

I've brought up Barry Schwartz's Paradox of Choice so many times in regards to the problems people have in modern dating. The perception of endless choice means people either can't decide or are dissatisfied with the choices they make. I'm glad someone else is making this point.

[@mtngrl5859]

People need to get off of online dating & return to organic dating. Yes, we are around people in the real world, it is possible to meet people the old fashioned way.

[@marxk4rl]

​@@mtngrl5859 Nope, it's not possible anymore for men to approach women in real life. Me too movement, harassment laws, men shamed and laughed at when trying to approach if they are not Chads, chivalry killed by feminists, and so on. The only safe option is online dating.

[@TheLastDropSobrietyPodcast]

My Wife and I have been together for almost 2 years and we're in our mid-thirties. I'm grateful I waited to get married and really understand what I wanted from a relationship and marriage. Sex is only a fraction of the relationship, you're not going to have sex with someone everyday of your marriage or relationship. VALUES. Flexibility, emotional maturity, and understanding of one another's needs is so important and the rest will fall in line.

[@melissachartres3219]

It's important that you understand, though... that women are VERY demanding by nature and want the best of the best of everything. They are easily satisfied with the very best of everything. A man is generally quite satisfied with just having a partner when it comes to sex. Someone who is present, reasonably enthusiastic, and giving in bed... this kind of woman is just fine for a man. NOT the case with women though. They lay their own good time (and climax) at the feet of a man and will often say that "he didn't make me finish" or words to that effect. For a woman- if the sex is good, then it's 30% of the relationship, but if it's NOT good... then that represents 80% of the relationship.

[@RutoRuti]

Good, but u still have a long run. honeymoon.

[@nightmareTomek]

Good luck. Many men are totally surprised when their wife suddenly changes, starts withholding sex and affection and starts disrespecting him.

[@lionmartinez7986]

All downhill from here. Especially when you said “you’re not going to have sex everyday”. She’s already speaking through your words, accepting her leaving you.

[@ThobekaManyathi]

True values are a big one

[@FableCountry]

On the first date, I always pay. My wife literally made more than 15x what I made (I didn't know at the time) but I still happily paid. She told me that if she likes her date, she will let them pay. But if she does not her date, she will split the bill. Her reasoning is if she lets her date pay, she feels ok with wanting to owe her date and see them again. I've since transitioned careers and my wife still makes more than me but she has never put how much money she makes in my face...ever. Six years later, and we have two lovely daughters now. My wife is truly unique and breaks so many conventions. She just knew it had to be me. She's perfect, a true 10/10 and turns heads in any room she enters. Still feels like a dream

[@singinginthedownpour]

Very true. If I know a guy might be fun to hang out with but not relationship material, I'll be happy to pay half. It is a big ick to pay.

[@Theworldparrot]

Lucky you man, and it's golden to feel this about your wife. Much Respect

[@tedtalksrock]

I TOTALLY agree. When I never wanted to see a guy again, I’d pay for the date. It was my way of signaling that it was platonic. On the other hand, when I really liked the guy on the date I’d offer but happily defer when he’d pay, because I liked him and wanted that reciprocal vibe to get set up. I split the tab with my platonic friends. But It’s sexy when the guy pays.

[@brh.1892]

I hope someone feels this way about me one day.

[@shazza9273]

❤

[@nichellechristine1252]

Unfortunately, listening to this guest circle on how paying for the cheque is a deal breaker but tap water isn’t. She’s nicely spun the narrative to what suites her beliefs. She felt like a huge contradiction, which she did somewhat agree on. This one isn’t for me sadly.

[@OnKrp]

Absolutely agreed.

[@Malinkadink]

She did admit to identifying as a feminist so no surprises there.

[@polinas.7969]

I agree so much

[@TheAcad3mic]

Well yeah she's still a woman, dont ever expect accountability and straight forward thinking. if you find these in a woman she's a rare gem indeed. Like my wife =)

[@LyrixNChill]

She is so off mark with several of her contradictions. 💯 Agreed. Had to come to comment section to see if anyone else picked up on that and sure enough....

[@AH-io3sb]

My husband has a strong need to be the provider, the protector and he takes his role very seriously. I do work and my income contributes to our household but I'd never try to take the role he feels so strongly about away by power struggles. He's the head of the family and until he needs me to step in, I respect that part of him. He has his role and I have mine. Just remember to communicate, be good listeners, try to LIVE SIMPLY and enjoy the time you have together because life(time) goes by too fast.

[@yazzy1979]

I love that. Does he help around the house and is he emotionally open?

[@deb.m.7458]

Your husband sounds like a great guy and you the perfect partner. I’ve dated guys that are too feminine, in the sense that they expect you to be the provider / protector and that role feels unnatural to me.

[@amandachristine9286]

When a woman has to be the bread winner it creates bitterness and disrespect. A woman who can't feel confident that she will be okay if something happens, will never be happy

[@obsidyenneg4333]

@yazzy1979 I guess by the term “help”, you believe housework is the woman’s role? If that works for you fine.

[@netizencapet]

Husband & I met when we were 36. 6 yrs later going strong. Both had different but profound sorrows in previous life which allowed us to know what matters: loyalty, kindness, need for the other, & dedication through thick & thin.

[@alexiahammond5051]

Met at 32 & 34, getting married soon 2 years later! Met at the right time!

[@bonemagnus4271]

I always listen to these in the car during my commute. She has a very pleasant voice.

[@Priya-rf7ov]

The problem is we are making romantic relationships transactional instead of focusing on creating true friendship. Friendship is critical. My husband of 17 years is my best friend, no matter what we only want the best for each other and can literally take a bullet for each other.

[@Dewane1511]

How many women are having sex wit men that they are SEXUALLY attracted to and didn't have to be their friend first ??! The problem wit your statement is that women LIE.

[@eddenoy321]

All relationships are transactional, and your partner should also be your best friend.

[@melissachartres3219]

A woman would NEVER take a bullet for a man. Women will never love men that way. Women would only take a bullet for their children.

[@robertd9850]

Terrible plan. Who do you go to if his behavior changes or he is in the hospital in a coma?

[@ayushkumar-bg1xf]

parents family etc@@robertd9850

[@rebekahjohnson9780]

I've been watching Diary of a CEO podcasts for about 2 and a half years. I don't understand how there can be anyone that does not watch these podcasts. Every episode, whether you like the guest or not, if you keep an open mind, you will learn so much. I don't agree with everything any one person says, but I have learned so much from every episode. I am an online English Tutor and I have been using these podcasts to create lesson plans that are interesting and thought-provoking. Also, who needs a therapist when you have the Diary of a CEO?! Always keeping it fresh and choosing current topics! Absolutely amazing work Steven! I look forward to your future episodes! Never stop!

[@nightmareTomek]

If you know this already, there's nothing to learn. You just find out that they are just humans and have just opinions, nothing more. On podcasts like these what they share can be put into 2 categories, one is the studies they recite, which usually accurately reflect reality, and the other category is their opinion that fill the gaps whenever the science doesn't have the answers yet. And unfortunately in most cases, or all cases when the guests aren't clinical psychologists, this 2nd category is full of wishful thinking and utter nonsense that people suck up anyway.

[@rebekahjohnson9780]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. While I understand the limitations of opinions shared on podcasts, I still find it valuable and am open to the insights that guests share. I believe it is important to be open-minded and listen to others' opinions even if it does not align with mine. Doing this allows me to broaden my understanding, challenge my beliefs, and have empathy for others. It can help many people form deeper connections with others and develop themselves. If you watch any podcast and blindly believe everything, or if you reject everything because you think you know it all, then you are learning nothing. Everyone can teach us something whether we agree with them or not. Even you can teach people how to be skeptical and aware of personal biases. So that's great!

[@nightmareTomek]

@@rebekahjohnson9780 Well, maybe that's what I'm trying to do, teach people to be skeptical. On one hand you're right, it's good to be open minded, but on the other hand in an attempt to be open minded people become susceptible to misinformation. And that's what I see, when there's someone on a podcast that says a lot of nonsense between his good advice, I don't see people being critical in the comments, or discussing the stuff they don't agree with. They have equally as much praise for him as for the other person that barely said any nonsense.

[@jordanj.2886]

Because his face is very punchable…..that’s why.

[@Inaknow]

My husband asked me at the first date “if he was allowed to pay for my coffee.” I never ordered more than one cup of coffee when I dated new people, not even a cake or biscuits. I liked his question and he said I ask because some women don’t like men to pay.

[@Lisa_M_V]

That’s why he married you and not the other women who tried to emasculate him. It’s ok for women to be in masculine but then they can’t complain masculine men don’t find them attractive. Feminine or even insecure men will love that and will stay with masculine women but don’t expect any romance! And the women will take the lead and usually end up staying single. It’s ok to be masculine in career but not in dating if you want a masculine man.

[@LunnarisLP]

​@@Lisa_M_V This has very little to do with being masculine tbh. You seem to be on that Elon Musk anti woke we have to go back 100 years kinda copium. The only reason to pay for a stranger would be if your financial situations are very different. Like shes broke af and you still wanna date or sth. I still view the man as provider in the long run, but wasting money on strangers when you got no clue where things are going isn't quiet masculine. The only reason this was ever a thing was because woman literally had no budget of their own in the past.

[@Bloodark124]

It's a good test. And more men should do this. If women can "test" men, so can men "test" women.

[@lisaharris452]

It is interesting that not everyone is exactly the same. One woman wants a man to pay on a date. Another woman doesn't. I'm glad you appreciated the question, it showed that your ow-husband didn't make assumptions but instead was curious about you as an individual. :)

[@artemsergeev3730]

"I never ordered more than one cup of coffee when I dated new people" - that is what i will teach my daughter!

[@banina1836]

The “paying the bill” is also cultural, I’m Dutch & my husband is German. In our culture the person who asked the other pays or the highest earner/person that can miss it most easily. Splitting is also common and an expected question, it just isn’t that big of a deal in our cultures. My spouse and I got married at 22 & 27 at 10/10/22. We’ve both been through a lot in life so we were ready. Most people around my age simply didn’t have to ask themselves hard hitting questions about their role in the family, picking up more responsibilities due to necessity, etc. Live before you get married, but having profound trauma accelerates your mental ageing a lot of the time

[@samanthagaboo5610]

I love Lori Gottlieb. I read her book, Marry Him, so glad you have her on. Her book IS still very relevant. I recommended it to any woman over 30, never married, no kids, and wants them.

[@natashagonsalves2129]

Here in the Netherlands it's quite normal to split the bill, even on the first date. It's a nice gesture if the guy wants to pay but it isn't a red flag if he wants to split the bill.

[@evadebruijn]

The expression 'going Dutch' for bill splitting says it all ✌️

[@Karll541]

if only more women had this realistic approach

[@Nebula_Coffee]

​@@Karll541 They do. In Germany it's the same. And I suspect it's similar in many other European countries. This seems very much a cultural norm, that isn't an inherent thing at all. I was quite surprised, when I first learned that for Americans these things are not only normal but often expected and not adhering to these practices is judged quite harshly by a lot of people. I honestly wasn't aware, that in western societies there were still such social rules at play when before I only had heard of these things in the framework of what previous generations used to do. Goes to show, how we are all very much deeply influenced by our own culture in what we see as normal and think how things should be done.

[@LAila-qf4ww]

I like that you state what is common in your place / country

[@arnopr]

Dutch but in the UK for the past 20+ years: my reaction to both their attitudes on paying/not paying for everything on a date (first or otherwise) seems entirely alien, and her saying it's almost offensive seems utterly ridiculous. I figure this must be a US thing culturally

[@DawnTintari-zf7vs]

I met my husband AT A BAR. Albeit, it was a nice bar. He and I both were not drinkers and came with a friend. He had one if his best friends with him and I had one of mine. The only space available to sit was next to them. We didn’t really talk… until we did. We ended up talking until the bar closed! 🤣 we both thought each one was lying about not drinking… to this day we laugh about it. Then we went on a date a few days later… we went on a hike and then to the beach. It was SO fun. We are total opposites, but laughed a lot together, love dogs, same musical foundations. He is 12 years older than me and I met him at 28. We have been together for almost ten years and have a son. I never wanted to marry and have kids and now that I’m here, I wouldn’t change it for the world! Sometimes we think we know what’s best for us…but the universe will unfold your path if you trust. Life is beautiful and I love my husband infinitely. He is my soulmate and the absolute best. I wish this love for everyone, it’s a dream!

[@athens31415]

Large age gaps are a big red flag.

[@dawntintari4577]

Sure- for some. Depends on the motives and if either has unresolved trauma. For whatever reason, it works for us. Don’t jinx it. Lol!

[@911awakening]

Love your story! Breaks the stereotypes like the one above. Truly glad you gave each other the opportunity.

[@lisaharris452]

@@athens31415 Really? Do you call 911 when you see how much older one partner is in a stranger's relationship?

[@scofozo]

1:02:41 "Making a man in your present pay for mistakes in your past equals no future." -Kevin Samuels

[@Neoteny374]

Exactly! She dodges and deflects questions by talking about how "people" to xyz. In her feminist mind gender norms aren't biologically hardwired but are just social conditioning that can be changed to suit the narrative.

[@FreckledGemini]

Steven straight up getting his friends’ lives figured out for them via epic professional guests. I love it so much. ❤️🧠💪🏼

[@cameronbell415]

Epic professional who couldn't even follow her own advice? She's 54 and never been married?

[@Lotna]

@@cameronbell415 Is that true? Hilarious, if it is!

[@FreckledGemini]

@@cameronbell415 Marriage isn’t for everyone. Judge much? Peace 😊

[@yeldarleumas1847]

@@FreckledGemini ''Marriage isn’t for everyone''💯👏

[@lagoparrot]

About heartbreak, you not only lose the present and the imagined future with your partner. You lose the celebrations of past memories together. When you move on to the next relationship you can’t exactly have framed photos up of your time together with your ex’s. It’s SO hard 😢 to get through.

[@ell3y]

Hi Steven. You often write that they're "No. 1" in their field. What is the background for that? Can it really be true?

[@JacquiCryer]

Interesting comment

[@Birdycheeks69]

I wouldn't read into it too much, I just think it's Barto and the team hyping up the episode

[@hvanmegen]

Just look at how the interviews are edited.. this is called "selling the idea".. he's a salesman.. if he said that she's the number 16th ranking author on Divorce, would you still have clicked? If you want unbiased interviews without these flashy teaser intros that uncomfortably compel you to watch, I found Lex Fridman to be way easier on the palate..

[@s0ne01]

Probably similar to getting a best seller. Every book is a best seller not because its selling super well but because of background mechanisms.

[@MuzikLuva2020]

​@@hvanmegen I know right? Salesman 101, Sell them a dream and idea, the best of its class regardless if it's right or wrong, captivate them in marketing and they will buy your products even if the competitors sell better quality Example [iPhone]

[@AnteLene]

In 2010 The Guardian UK newspaper ran a story about Lori. She was, back then, a 43 year old single mother who, in her own words, "desperately wants to marry." In fact she had desperately wanted to marry for the previous 13 years. She is now 56. And unmarried. And she is giving young women relationship advice.

[@jimbombadill327]

Some incredible context, thank you. She gave ME the ick

[@sashad.7722]

She is a psychotherapist. They "give advice" based on their education not personal experience. We have friends for that😉

[@AnteLene]

@@sashad.7722 She gives advice based on her feelings. She directly and indirectly stated that multiple times. On top of that, psychotherapy is female-dominated and extremely biased.

[@jimbombadill327]

@@sashad.7722 I'm an engineer. I give engineering advice based on ~how I feel~ (EDIT: based on my personal experiences). ~How I feel~ (EDIT: My personal experiences) at the time is a result of my education AND previous experiences. This is a human thing to do that ALL humans (especially professionals) do. I don't see how a psychotherapist is above being human.

[@LyrixNChill]

​@jimbombadill327 I thought good engineers gave advice and made decisions based on math and scientific principles.

[@lindamacgregor8039]

My husband and I were 20 and 19 respectively when we married. It's been 54+ years and we still laugh together. It has certainly been difficult at times and there have been many transitions. We are from very different family dynamics and that created many incompatible expectations; however, we are happier now than ever, even though both of us have health issues that are causing struggles. I think neither of us felt that divorce was ever an option, so we 'hung in there', knowing that given time and space, most problems become insignificant and compromises can be found.

[@Neoteny374]

G-d bless you, Ma'am.

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

Glad you’re both happy, relationships are wonderful but yes they’re also still work and it’s important to continue to put the effort in.

[@thebecbark]

This channel is great not only for the guests but also the interviewer. You're so calm & collected & ask great yet simple questions ❤

[@t.square]

I personally feel that, when people experience another person understanding them, it is a security sensation of that connections. And I feel if we can take the time to understand a small portion of someone outside yourself daily, empathy can be learned which in return can really help build humanity back into the world

[@wetried6443]

I just can't help but comment and complement how well she puts heartbreak in words. It's sooo accurate, so detailed, so precise. I loved that part. Thank you!

[@tylercrooks8659]

Great interview. I respect Lori as a therapist, and this interview also brought out her personal biases and values, which is the reality of therapists too. Thats why it’s good to get different perspectives, even from people who’s career is to “help people”

[@Kastchei]

I love how she acknowledged her biases as biases. It was great to see her not try to brush them under the rug or assert that they aren't just opinions.

[@DrWuDoc]

It could also explain why men in general are averse to counselling. Are counsellors predisposed to be biased towards women. It would make good business sense as women are the majority customers

[@constantin-adrianprisecari5379]

@@DrWuDoc catch 22, why are men not going to talk about their problems?!

[@DrWuDoc]

@@constantin-adrianprisecari5379 they do talk but not in the same way as women. Firstly, we generally prefer to talk to other men, we also like talking whilst working towards a common goal eg after play or watching sports or at the barbers. Until we change this overtly feminised counselling industry. Men “won’t talk”!

[@DrWuDoc]

@@constantin-adrianprisecari5379 I forgot, when men talk they are often shamed & marginalised. Manosphere, Redpill etc. For balance, I don’t agree with all their talking points but these groups aren’t exactly looked at positively! In fact, the Redpill docu-film by Cassie Jaye was censored.

[@stephr1705]

I've been with my husband since we were both seniors in high school. We've grown a lot as a couple and as people. We had a major down about 5 years ago. Went to counseling and we both put in the work. We are doing better than ever now. Our communication is the best it has ever been and it has helped our relationship a lot. We've been together almost 20 years now. I chose him and he chose me. We've made so many memories together way back in middle school. We are vulnerable with each and have created a safe space at home to express ourselves. He does well expressing his feelings but I don't. I've been working on it.

[@DiegoBrigante]

No one cares

[@stephr1705]

@@DiegoBrigante that's cool

[@jarrodvisneski4671]

@@DiegoBriganteI do.

[@DiegoBrigante]

@@jarrodvisneski4671 simp

[@livinmabestlife]

Beautiful

[@carolwiden602]

My son is 39 next month. He has had his heart broken terribly twice. The first one he was with for 5 years, they were engaged. Turned out she was 14 years older than he, was divorced with two children that were in the custody of the father. We were all in shock. She really looked 28, he was 21 when they met. It was really hard on him, but the whole family was in shock. She was like 40, almost felt like she was a pedophile. The. Second one got pregnant, now he was 32. He was raised right, he got her a diamond and arranged a nice meal, she stood him up. Her mother injected herself into the picture and was in the delivery room, he said he felt pushed away. After three months of him spending the weekends with the baby and the Mom and her two sons from a previous relationship, she told him that he was not the father. Now, he had bonded with the baby and developed feelings for the whole family, again shock and heart break. I pray that he finds someone who will really love him He is tall and handsome with his own electric company. He owns his home. He has a lot to offer. 😕💔

[@Jimjam482]

Your son needs therapy sound like he can’t see the red flags and is a people pleaser. No more Mister Nice Guy would be a good book or the way of the superior man to help him understand the games women play

[@Kihera-zd8re]

sorry to hear. I hope he finds a person who values him back.

[@gaborb6577]

Maybe still he holds the values this parents were having 40 years ago. The world has changed. Maybe he receives false validation, which was important for the ones giving that validatuon to.

[@Jessica-ly9yf]

Carol honey stop telling people your kids business

[@nadja5154]

They were engaged and together for 5 years and he never saw an ID of her once when going out, travelling etc.? They lived together? Put down details but this never came up? He asked her about childhood memories and it wasn't apparent that he can't relate hers and that she was growing up before internet times? He seems quite naive. Maybe overly protected?

[@someoneelse3456]

So... why exactly are young men expected to pay on a first date? She literally explained that it's irrational and that if she were to try to explain it rationally she would talk herself out of it. Therefore it's a nonsensical expectation that shouldn't still exist, but still does. Thanks to women like her that still propogate it without even believing in it because, well, it benefits them. Thanks for your honestly, at the least.

[@randomgal]

It is some sort of ingrained expectation from society and learned behavior while we grow up. Just like some women are put off by men not paying a lot of men are put off by women working in the same field as them but in a much higher position. Men somehow feel insecure if their partner calls the big shots, earns much more and has more people she leads than him. Rationally it doesn't make sense why she should be less attractive to the majority of men. But it is an ingrained expectation that women are led by men. Not that women lead men.

[@Neoteny374]

​@@randomgal Women don't respect subordinate men as husbands. They're 'insecure' for a reason.

[@I_am_a_human_not_a_commodity]

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a thing, isn't it?

[@constantin-adrianprisecari5379]

they don't want to give up on expectation when it favors feminism. "so a man needs more money?" "yes" (but also give me equal pay!) basically every guy with regular jobs are being undateable to these feminists.

[@lionmartinez7986]

@@randomgalWomen are too insecure to go outside without certain clothes or painting their faces, you calling men insecure? 🤣

[@YesToLifeAlways]

I am so glad there are people in the comment sections just proving that YOU CAN NEVER PROVE STATISTICALLY WHAT WILL WORK AND WHAT WONT WORK. Live your life people.

[@onset5610]

Your right! 🙏

[@halael-murr6890]

BRAVO!!!! Exactly what I believe. Anyway…. It’s okay to have conversation. But if research had been done what was the population that she studied? And in what specific timeframe. No one can make such blanket generalities.

[@nightmareTomek]

Because statistics show a probability between 0% and 100%. If it were actually 0% or 100%, it would prove statistically what works and what doesn't. That's simple math.

[@lisaharris452]

Thank you! Notice how *you* feel and act on that, instead of pretending there are social rules that you must follow even if they piss you off or feel awkward or whatever.

[@pip9425]

So true

[@TheMrSnipey]

I've noticed all the guys I work with that are successful and have "high powered jobs", none of them are looking for or have a high powered girlfriend / wife. They all want someone who is just chill that they can relax with when they get home.

[@EricJGonzalez]

Most men in a traditional husband role want a nurturing, loving partner, that will provide a place to rest and recover from daily grind. In short, a wife who can also be a homemaker and support system.

[@AA-ke5cu]

Mommy to take care of the house. Rake leaves and dust.😮

[@spursfan5742]

​@@EricJGonzalezthey want a mama and a maid

[@ANATOMIC.HEALTH.FITNESS]

​@@spursfan5742And you will be neither because you're allergic to naturing and love a dirty house. After all every man wants their mother for a wife and cleaning. The educated woman knows it best. Her degree and education will take care of the mothering and cleaning.😅😅😅😅 If you don't stop the fuckery.....come again and come correct

[@okaySam]

@@spursfan5742 and the women want a daddy and a bodyguard. why so bitter?

[@staceysyvarth4452]

At 63, I finally met the love of my life. He is younger than me and a smart & generous chivalrous man.

[@QueenOfAbundance-ks6fh]

Good for you!❤

[@Florica-d9d]

How long?🤔🫠Time?

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

Congrats lots of love from India

[@a_k3730]

You go girl 🎉

[@AA-ke5cu]

Do whatever you need to do to learn computer skills. Lol. Have fun.

[@krisgen29]

I totally disagree that there's something wrong if the man wants to split the bill on a first date. I think this idea says something about the interviewee, than anything else. I also question why the host didn't challenge the interviewee on her views on this issue?

[@stephenwood2172]

It's bizarre. If the underlying reason the man doesn't pay is because they don't value the woman's company then of course that's problematic. But if the reason is because the man views both parties as equal and sees the idea of the man paying as a social construct in a patriarchal, mysognistic society, then this is clearly a million times better than a mysogynist who pays the bill because they see themselves as superior and want to maintain that illusion!

[@NBJackson-y8s]

Random but can t help it: The way he says: "bar" and "before" is sooo soft and soothing and soooo lovely...

[@joelnundy]

So good. I think asking "Why?" is so important to bring understanding and also healthy to make sure we're not walking into asumption.

[@wendyzito5812]

As a woman who believes in equal pay for equal work I do not understand how expecting a man to pay on the first date is fair or furthering a woman's desire to be treated as an equal. I am fine if the man really wants to pay but I would like Lori to give me a rational reason why she believes this is essential and if she would feel slighted if an employer would pay her less because she is a woman? I do not see the logic in expecting the man to pay just because he is a man? Thank you.

[@ClaireGreen-wd2gm]

All I know is when I was getting into dating I didn't want to go for a man with a lot of money. I was taught not to be a gold digger (by Disney movies like Aladdin) (I had 0 guidance from parents on how to choose) I always tried to show I could take care of myself and I had a hard time letting a man do nice things for me that cost money. Surprise surprise I only attracted leeches. Men who didn't know how to be responsible and take care of even basic adult things.

[@nkl124]

💯 I think this can be a character issue but not specific to men. What would Lori say about women who make more money than the man they are going on a date with and yet expect the man to pay. How does that then translate to a relationship, to her point, where roles may be different depending on circumstances at the time? What if the woman has an incredible career she loves or inherited a company from her family and her husband agreed to be a stay home dad? As a woman, I see absolutely no issues with splitting the bill ESPECIALLY on a first date. If I was a man I would not want to go all out on a first date on a woman whom I don’t even know her character

[@fortheloveoftravel758]

I am 54, divorced. There is no such a thing as equal woman and man. This woke idea has left men confused and lost as to their role. Him paying for a first or whichever date was never about the money or cost of it, it's a gesture / chilvery that demonstrates his interest in the woman and A date doesn't have to cost money however we don't live in a free world do we? It's a gesture to woo the woman, to create a romantic atmosphere. A type of date and environment set the mood and pace. A coffee vs lunch vs dinner, walk in the park vs picnic, movie, all could yield different result, determining whether you go home with the woman or not, even whether you get a kiss at the end of the date or not. People are just too focused on the cash component of it, overthinking and complicating the whole dating process. I am not equal to a man, nor want to be, that doesn't mean I want to be dominated and abused but i know my place in a relationship as much as I am strong and independent. He's the head or I make him feel like the head and i am his support even though i am actually leading period 😅

[@minabotieso6944]

The gender pay gap is over and especially among young people in major cities, women make more money than men. Inequality in academics today is only about how boys are behind girls. Young women are much more financially independent from their parents than men.

[@minabotieso6944]

You already know the answer to this. These things like the man paying is an advantage that the patriarchy gives to women and women don’t want to give up. Therefore most women don’t want equality. That’s fine because relationships don’t work around seeking equality. All the masculine feminine role bs that podcast people always talk about is just true

[@aurorauplinks]

I really appreciate hearing these perspectives. thank you. Listening to this more, I think the most difficult thing a woman has to come to terms with in dating men, is that the best men in some cases (far from all), are men working relatively low wage jobs, that are important to the community. If you want a man who will emotionally support you, you will have to believe in him and emotionally support him. And where do you find him? The jobs that make the community function, that are low paying often. Blue collar jobs, trade school jobs, maybe even working at a charity part time. Find the men who care about their community, and you will find a man who will care about you, and your children.

[@lauriesica]

My husband and I really disliked each other in the beginning. We were always mean and rude to each other. We've been happily married for 30 years. We still argue but it's much more fun now. Lol

[@pricklycatsss]

based

[@pricklycatsss]

I'm only a few years into my relationship and it got really toxic around the 2 year mark. I feel like were having a sort of 2nd honeymoon phase now though as we've really been putting a lot of effort into being honest about our own individual shortcomings and always trying to come up with new ways to keep things interesting and not get too comfortable. We can't afford counseling for the time being but we've been doing as much as we can with what we currently have available. Everything is getting better and more sustainable lately. I'm so glad we stayed together through the bad periods because it's been so worth it. I fall more deeply in love with her everyday.

[@pricklycatsss]

I just don't want to ever have to date again. Staying with one person makes everything so much less complicated and we really understand each other now in a way that couldn't have ever happened if we just gave up like most couples nowadays.

[@pricklycatsss]

A few nights of rolling on MDMA together didn't hurt either lol

[@johnmcgrath6192]

I like how you give a "Table of Contents" at the beginning. An upfront summery is engaging. Especially when you leave the actual content to listening through the video.

[@cei.593]

So practically, the ppl who don't marry between 28-32 they don't have any chance for a good relationship? This is also my case and because I had a really traumatic childhood, it took me a while to heal and be able to think of a better life. And now when I FINALLY feel better at 36, Lori tells me that I PROBABLY lost my chance of a happy relationship? lovely

[@mjones4458]

I personally have had three friends who got married in their late forties to early fifties. They are doing great.Had a chance to work on life. It's all in your thinking. I think the older you are, the more mature you are, the less likely you are to just leave.

[@susanmaguire4097]

Don't believe in that BS. You did the work to heal and are probably more likely to have a lasting relationship than people today in their 20's who don't know who they are or what they want. Stats don't account for individuals.

[@gaborb6577]

Maybe the marriages are not evaluated against how many of them was before. Many of the first marriages as young will not be continued, as life might go in different direction, it was only the first love, one of the partners suddenly have access to the whole market. Etc.

[@loki_wolff]

It's never too late to find someone

[@birseniremseyyah7414]

They talked about statistics, they didn't say that it's the case for everyone

[@TheZaidge]

I would like to lead with I am no longer dating. However when I was I found that telling the lady you’re with “I would like to pay for our meal is that ok with you ?” But it puts it forward that you want to show that you can provide and take care of her but offers the option for her to be independent.

[@jodihill5225]

If I may, not all women will feel unsafe when men tap into their emotions, for me at least I found those times very raw, honest, vunerable and quite frankly my love only grew as his tears told me he trusts me ❤

[@Dansyoung]

That’s what they all say 🤣.

[@cameronbell415]

Why was he crying? The why is the most crucial point

[@okaySam]

@@cameronbell415 if men are only allowed to cry under very specific circumstances, they might as well not cry at all

[@BrayoTintsAndWraps]

that's what females say, and as soon as he does, they feel unsafe and lose respect for the man. Most if not all women want a strong male model to look up to as their rock. They don't want a wussy (a man they perceive as weak for whatever petty reason)

[@adelb7897]

​@@okaySamlol basically telling men that they can't be human... What is wrong with our world. At this point women won't even be worth dating. Who would want to date someone and be forced into another full 24/7 job of professional acting around them constantly?

[@tinc.2469]

Exactly, the older I get, I am very less tolerant with people, set on my ways, have higher expectations, accumulated bad experiences that makes me more cautious. So opening up to a new person to love again is very hard.

[@cailincampala820]

I believe that a man offering to pay is gentlemanly and shows generosity.. both very attractive traits. I also think it is very important to observe how he treats the server or other people. I have paid several times, but in most cases, these scenarios end up being uneven relationships in areas more than finances.

[@derrickdouglass9177]

I believe that a woman offering to pay is shows a level of generosity.. a very attractive trait. 🙂

[@Janabroderick]

@@derrickdouglass9177 It's okay if you are attracted to masculine women, nothing wrong with that.

[@Sgb-oq3oy]

I dated in the late 50s to early 60s. The culture was different then. My wife was 22 and I was 28. Neither of us had a lot of dating experience. But I had more than she did. My life was interrupted by required service in the military. And I wasn't ready for marriage until I could support a family. We married after I graduated from college and we celebrated 60 years in Nov. 2023. I paid for everything since that was the expectation back then. The chaos in the dating scene today leaves me speechless.

[@thegamingrelish9272]

Wait a minute 😂😂 You was 28 years old when you met your wife ( late 50s to early 60s)which means you were born around 1930-1933 which means right now you are around 93-94 years old. Now i don’t know about you but I don’t know any 93-94 year olds that use KZbin or even know how to use KZbin. I think this comment is a lie but if you are actually in your mid to late 90s and your using KZbin then that’s insane 😂😂

[@yvo84]

It’s important not to just blindly believe everything someone Steven interviews says. If you start listening to each podcast episode regularly, you find his guests contradicting each other with “stats” and “studies”. Everyone has biases and they’ll find supporting evidence to validate those biases.

[@christinef.1138]

Great interview! Though I disagree with her saying that marrying young causes more divorce cause you're inexperienced...I think it more depends on the person, I was 19 when I got married, I knew exactly what I wanted and was very mature. It can also be a good thing to be naive and without baggage, me and hubs always say that we grew up together because we knew nothing, but we were very committed to each other ❤️

[@sunvavachi]

I agree, I am in my 30s but there are people who marry in their 20s who are happy.

[@chrislong8559]

It's called secured attachment. Two secured attached people marriage imo will work out no matter the age. If your dealing with a avoidant attachment or a person with unhealed trauma gonna be a hard road.

[@JagoffCitizen]

I know 3 couples who got together at 14/15/16 and had children and married and are all still solidly together in their 50s and 70s.

[@TheAirlock]

Yeah, but he data says otherwise. Perception is a tricky thing. That's why we use data. Keep in mind you can't realistically expect the data to reflect your own personal experience. You might be in the minority or the exception. "THX1138" fan?

[@saltycat662]

Everyone I know who married young is severely dysfunctional. I never wanted that for myself because I saw how damaged they all are. These couples are still together 30+ years later. Longevity doesn't equal happiness.

[@nanirodrigueznazar7527]

Early bird around here! Greetings from a venezuelan living in Perú, glad to find your Podcast!

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

❤😘❤😘❤😘❤😘

[@haupt9113]

I'm not afraid of therapy because I'm afraid of "changing" I'm afraid of running into a therapist like this.

[@katemiller7874]

She’s telling you the truth. You don’t want to hear it

[@haupt9113]

@katemiller7874 she's using therapy speak to appeal to mentally ill women. This is not "the truth". She admitted herself that she can't even rationalize why she wants a man to pay for everything. Sad. Sad woman.

[@joelthemiddlechild]

The contradiction on the paying for the first date says it all. Until there is a rationale answer for that, there is no solution. Just speculation and theory. You can't idealiz things in favor for one individual and just assume the other person should be OK doing more for less. I'm glad she was at least honest about that part n not babbling about it.

[@ethosterros9430]

Simple, if you are ok with being a prostitute and being treated like one and treating yourself like one, then expect men to pay. Women can't be independent while also demanding men subsidize everything about their life.

[@chloeleung1581]

I wouldn't say it's a contradiction but a bias, and she seems to make it quite clear that she recognises that it's a bias rather than some rational reasoning behind it. Humans will never really be without bias, but a lot of this interview seems to be about learning how to spot and recognise your bias so you can work on changing any if they are impacting your life negatively.

[@greatmjones]

She doesn’t seem to want to “work” on her bias though. And she’s a therapist who is aware of said bias and how ridiculous it is, yet she persists….

[@joelthemiddlechild]

@@greatmjones It is interesting to hear her perspective. I am clearly not taking her advice however. It isn't valid nor beneficial to me as a man. Whether she "works" through that bias is up to her (most don't). Most just find someone that has that shared bias, if they can. Good Luck 👍

[@Financialride]

I am here listening and I can say there are so many things I don’t agree with. And it is the problem I have with generalizing situations when it comes to men/women relationships. Couples dynamic is not mathematics. I went on date with someone in his 50s, at first decent until we had a disagreement unknown to me until I made it a point for us to discuss the sudden change. He first went to talk to his male friend who I never met, I wasn’t apart of the conversation and when I asked of something was wrong he kept saying « nothing, everything is fine », a week later, the vibe was just off and I made it a point to have a talk. And he opened about a topic in which he said wasn’t an issue. So we are in relationship, we had a talk about our expectations, communication and when you have a thought in your mind, I asked, you say "nothing is wrong" and instead of telling me, a 3rd person is aware before me that you are not happy with something you told me wasn’t an issue. I gave it a second try, and still the same pattern. Going silent for no reason. I had to let him go. Some women actually did the job to better themselves and are entitled to men who at least can match that energy in every aspect as they go 100% into the relationship. It is not high expectations, it is expectation.c

[@MoneyBabeAcademy]

I like how the therapist said that it’s so important to talk about each person’s role in a relationship while dating. Communication is key.

[@constancewalsh3646]

I do not believe in dating. It is information-seeking at best and experimental sex at worst. Meeting people in a context of living is more natural and anxiety-free, as there are repeated encounters and the presence of others, usually in daytime. Many pitfalls are avoided, from disappointment to heartbreak. The library, games or sports at the park, a workshop or class, hiking groups, scrabble groups, the list is long. Put aside the psychology books, take a break from therapy, and take action! Worked for me.

[@stagebloq6002]

It sounds nice, but once the man starts to take the lesser role, the relationship ends because there’s no feeling of “safety”. She also didn’t like when there’s a power imbalance. Every relationship has a power imbalance.

[@jeroen5736]

Just fart and 😁

[@dian277]

not just talking about it, but observing if he actually can do what he said he will, like he told you he'll contribute to keeping the house clean, you should observe if he's been keeping his own place clean while he's single

[@MerryChrisMas25]

sure lets reinvent the wheel, she went through this whole podcast without uttering the word biology. She thinks everything is a social construct, so pathetic lmao.

[@Shakeel_._Ahmed]

It's not a perfect science, but as a general trend, the older you get the more set in your ways you get, the more opinionated you get, the less likely you are to compromise. Compromise is essential in marriage, when you're younger, people tend to be more easy going and as you grow older together, you've built a longer relationship so have more credit in the bank, also have spent more time coming to terms with the differences as well as the compromises you've made. Thats the theory. In practice, some people are A-holes right through their lives, people cheat, people mature at different rates, people react different under stress than they would during good times - it all strains a relationship. Having kids strains marriages, loss of income challenges marriages, it's never perfect all the time - you just have to learn to live for the happy moments, and accept that the bad moments will pass too.

[@melissaverdoni845]

yup , met the love of my life at 18 , he wasn't ready to settle down , didnt know what he wanted , didn't get to know each other. we are getting married in a few months , we are finally on the same page, shit happens , people grow.

[@xoxocamilla]

I really liked the interview, so many thoughtful and rational insights from someone who works as a therapist. Don't understand why the comment section is so negative.

[@AdeebaZamaan]

On their 50th anniversary, Daddy asked Mama if she had ever regretted marrying him. She replied firmly in the negative. Then he pushed his luck, and asked her if she'd ever thought she could have done better. She turned from the stove where she was making breakfast and fixed him with her gaze. "There was a war on, you know."

[@NishaStraightA]

Gatdamn! 🤣

[@manp1039]

so the answer was no.

[@jeantuite-actress--imdb]

Whoa

[@jettykoers8720]

Slim pickings 😊

[@TheAirlock]

Pure gold!

[@lauriesica]

I didn't marry my husband because i thought he'd be a good provider, I married him for his kindness, emotional support and love I've received over our many years together. ❤️

[@saygigi]

That’s beautiful! He is such a generous provider!

[@Tulsaistalking]

How much pressure did you have to endure against by your friends and family?

[@lauriesica]

@@Tulsaistalking Why would anyone who loves and respects me have anything to say about what I choose to do with my life. I don't tolerate judgement from friends or family.

[@Tulsaistalking]

@@lauriesica yeah.. see you were able to handle the negative social pressure, so you made what is in fact an exceptional choice. Personally I think that's great and I love the idea that women like you are out there. It might have come across differently but I was actually going for a bit of empathy

[@lauriesica]

@@Tulsaistalking Thank you 😘 I see it this way. We only get one life and we get to choose how we live it & who we surround ourselves with, no matter my gender.

[@MsNinaKlaudia]

So much of what she says is very reasonable and insightful. And then there's the idea that men have to pay on the first date. That she herself agrees with. No deeper reflection about the meaning of it or if it's reasonable or not. I honestly feel bad for guys dating these days. I would not mind if a guy wanted to split a bill on the first date. And didn't she herself say that giving people the benefit of doubt was impotant in relationships? You don't know why someone want to either split the bill or pay all of it. Either way, the reason for it could be in line with your own values, or it could be in conflict with them. You don't know unless you talk to the person about it. How can that single act be the thing that defines if you go on a second date or not?

[@Py-Py-Py]

I agreed with her up until this point too. For all we know, the dude was testing her just as she was testing him. Perhaps he wanted to see whether she had the humility to at LEAST pay for that $5 coffee I have heard of relationships, where the man had to pay for everything, that their partner would not even lift a finger to pay for as little as a sandwich for them, ultimately leading to a lot of pent-up frustration and eventually a break-up.

[@woboznz]

There's a lot more examples where women are financially abused in marriages and abandoned after spending decades caring for kids and elderly sick parents, and if they did work, it was part time, and paid 25% less if doing the same job as a male colleague. So yeah, the power dynamic actually already exists before the date has even begun. It's only a first date that I prefer him to pay on, and if it's a coffee, that's only what, $10!? Seriously not that hard. It's like sending the message to a woman hey I understand the imbalance and I'm safe.

[@MsNinaKlaudia]

@@Py-Py-Py Exactly! Well said :)

[@okaySam]

Women like you give me hope for society. I saw another podcast with her and she definitely has some issues. I'm sorry for everyone that likes her advice, but there are better, more introspective and self-aware psychologists out there serving the same niche.

[@reinformed]

As a general rule, I think the host should expect to pay. That means the person who invited the other pays. If I ask someone out, I expect to pay. I have been invited and at the time of the invitation it was made clear there was a split bill expectation. Thats ok too

[@KerstiKersti-p8x]

This episode was especially enjoyable since, for once, in relation to all your podscasts, I have actually read and loved the book of Lori before I even got to this episode. I read it through May-June 2023 and the first night I started the book, I took the book to my barrel sauna, there was a bonfire next to it and I was reading it alone and it thoroughly catapulted the summer and my past year from may to this year to dweling more into what makes me happy and my life meaningful to me and how to take more enjoyment out of my relationship of now 20 yrs, that had seemed to have grown more of clay feet than solid stone feet from that summer of 2023. I actually was left in the barrel sauna by my boyfriend who instead of hanging out with me, went to a friend´s place (which has been a theme for a few yrs now). And I had just bought this book and it was calling me and the last year has been an adventure and Lori´s book was a really good way to guide me to this more introspected year in my life and today I am in a much better place individually and my relationship is also becoming more secure as it was before. So thank you for this podcast, Steven, and thank you, Lori, for your hilarious, but insightful book! It fit so well to my life at the moment I randomly chose it at a bookstore :)

[@justinfay3011]

This woman is all over the place. She agrees about gender role changes and a lot of changes in modern dating but won’t budge on the guy paying for a dates, or in particular, the $5 coffee story? After she spent so much time about how these women may have missed out because of a dumb Austin Powers line, a cringey joke or something. How about missing out because of an $5 coffee and how you chose to frame it. Unbelievable.

[@saxmarinio]

Agreed. Modern feminists want it all.

[@Malinkadink]

She said she's a feminist, they want all the nice conveniences but none of the accountability.

[@polinas.7969]

​@@Malinkadinkas a feminist, I strongly disagree with this lady and agree with splitting bills. please, don't think all feminists are like her

[@bhwillis1048]

She'll get the nice part up front. The accountability part comes later.@@Malinkadink

[@bhwillis1048]

Define feminist.@@polinas.7969

[@terranentity]

There's a distinct difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

[@beerman204]

You can live focused on society's values or your own values. Marriage involves sacrifice. Some single folks, including me, decided not to make such sacrifices.

[@saltycat662]

@@beerman204 I'm married but I completely support you and fully understand. It's refreshing to see real honesty. So many people would probably prefer to be single but marry due to societal pressures. Then they end up miserable.

[@tgchikukwa6947]

​@beerman204, please don't be lazy. Go and get a relationship and have kids.

[@beerman204]

I choose to enjoy your reply. To me the risk of marriage is sky high...like being shoved out of a plane with parachute on back as your instructor yells out "chances are 50 per cent your chute will open"!​@@tgchikukwa6947

[@visionvixxen]

Al of this is spot on- now for people w neurodivergence- ASD, ADD, etc- or chronic undiagnosed illnesses-- many have been skipped over until late adulthood and are finally figuring it out. What’s hard is that we have HAD to finally learn what works and doesn’t work for our neurotype- so that we can most reliably and best be there for others. most of us have not done this and tried to be normal and achieve normal standards. All our lives at the expense of our health car, accidents, and stress and trauma. So some of us are still it’s not like you’d want to get a diagnosis but I guess at some point you need to , you need to own how you do function what things all the behavioral therapy and medication and what not in the world don’t work and has a duty left others close to you. You know in about this information. The hard part is this may require you to seem very rigid or not understanding and unfortunately first it’s a new thing you trying out but second yes in cases of autism ADD etc. something have to be that way in order for brains and bodies to work or in order for us to be places at times or remember things even with putting them on the phone. I really struggled with this because my family and boyfriend are from a generation that don’t believe in this and I don’t really listen to me and I’m just barely starting to advocate for myself because I’ve tried all the alternatives and I’m beginning to understand and I also understand the relationships with people like this are not easy, require more and many will fall away or you don’t have a kind of relationship you want, but I’ve said if we’re close, it would really help us to have Neuro typical Noor diverse counseling and come to Solutions and work on changing them if we can this time goes on so that we can have easier life together A lot about this and able ism came out during Covid or after Covid so it wasn’t something many of us knew talked about or even if we did have mental health or other issues or differences we’re not safe to disclose and that’s changing I have to say that even trying to follow the counseling advice, and everything for people that are not Noor diverse has often led me in a lot of wrong directions, and in some cases to self harm, and a so-called rigidity is now necessary just for me to take care of myself, and it scares me scares me about seeming like I’m making excuses the energy it takes to explain can be draining and if your high functioning most people don’t believe you Specially if you hit it from yourself and others all this time anyways it’s created a weird space because all the things I’ve tried that argued for Neurotypical don’t involve work in real time don’t involve an intermediary one mind to the next and scripting and all of these things, and these resources are often not even there for adults so yeah, I do hope that was the counseling work and other world as we find space for you know gender and ethnic and sexual preference diversity, we also find faith and understanding, especially for adults for whom there are not resources and slips through the cracks that there are people to help us With understanding the unique understanding of how our brains for truly, you know, a lot of people who self medicate a lot of these other things that you find this problems in counseling, or do to relational factors as well as functioning in the world and are often taking this behavioral issues even move. This word there’s some personality disorder there’s a while we are complex and one can see into the other, still it can be dangerous for those who are at their core. No they are Noor diverse or challenge or have chronic diseases, but they have been gaslighted by doctors or what not. No one wants to talk about it it makes you look like a poor me or complain, but at some point, we all need to be brave, except difference as limitations and ourselves and others to rebuild our lives in a healthy sustainable way. I truly hope people read this even though it’s very long. I truly hope it becomes a very popular or more increased service to the general public. Many of whom we have no idea you know our struggling with these things and I do hope you read this.

[@lizstokes9091]

I read it all and OMG yes!! Finding a therapist that is ND or understands that divergences are real, is impossible in my area. Listening to nuerotypical advice always leaves me more confused than when I started 🤣 why do I do this to myself?😂

[@Tulsaistalking]

Yeah, it's tough for shure. And the issue of having some limitations on different areas.. can create a situation where you are hyper vigilant and aware of your differences to others.. but the other person never had to learn the hard way.. so, fkr the other person they cannot imagine or see how your impacted because it's outside their lived experience. Bit tbh.. it was crystal clear to me that whatever was going on for me subjectively was very different than the other people.. painfully clear from around the age of 6 or 7 I would say. I also understood.. that asking people about.. and thus talking about it made people uncomfortable or would even disturn them in deep emotional ways.. and of course it also brought up feelings of alienation for me.. so I learned not to. Wish I could figure out how to actually locate the right type of woman

[@monah5532]

Women fought long and hard to be seen as humans whose needs, wants, dreams and contribution to society are on par with the other half of humanity. With equal freedom and equal pay comes equal responsibility: Split the bill. This makes it fair for everyone. Also, get there on your own. Fairness, respect and trust are the cornerstonrs of any good relationship.

[@Lizbeth36961]

0:28 she's 100 % right, on dating sites there is too much to choose from, so it makes it harder

[@anniealexander9616]

Also, guys are choosing from women who use filters. Plus women who are dating down to get their bills paid.

[@j.davila4523]

@@madapro03how important is smell to you? I get that you wouldn’t want a smelly partner (duh) but what if one guy doesn’t smell like anything and the other smells extremely good? Like what sort of sense do you get from that? Does it make him more attractive? Does it remind you of something or someone you already love?

[@j.davila4523]

@@madapro03 ah gotcha, thx for answering

[@randomuruk7230]

@@anniealexander9616 woman don't date down

[@anniealexander9616]

@@randomuruk7230 They definitely do. My best friend is a man. He is going broke giving shopping trips, dinners, salon appointments etc.

[@MsLinda165]

One can't generalize; I think we need to discuss how people can customize their relationships, and sign contracts that specify the agreed conditions, with the option of renewing each year, or opting out. Just like a business, because these days, 'romance' seems out the window, and it's more about a business deal, the way it was for thousands of years. Some people marry for status, some for what they think will be financial security, some for a 'green card'. Some want a. nurse, some want a true companion, some want a mom for their kids, some want a housemaid to clean up after them, and then there are others, who want a partner in life that they can share the joys and sorrows with, and feel like they've got someone in 'their corner'. If each party agrees with the terms, what does it matter what the terms are? Some people feel fulfilled being a nurse, or a wallet. Some feel fulfilled raising other people's children. Customize customize customize.

[@7sevens]

“Paying for the woman on a date is a sign of generosity” is what she says, and only applies that rule to men. I genuinely dont understand why it doesnt apply to women too and signal their generosity or lack of when they dont pay?

[@goldofox5111]

There is no need to be generous towards a stranger in a dating situation... Generosity is not something that you throw out of the window to everyone, even those who don't deserve it. It's something special meant for special people, it goes both ways and is not necessarily displayed through money .

[@Kastchei]

I agree with you. This is one of her biases from her age and upbringing. She was able to see it's a bias and that it's not rational, but it would have been nice for that realization (that it's not rational) to prevent her from then trying to rationalize it!

[@bluetank1111]

A man is supposed to give, a woman is supposed to receive, that's what today's feminism is all about, what don't you understand, you misogynist?

[@nerychristian]

That's why I always plan simple "first dates". We meet at a coffee shop. I let her stand in front of me and order first. It's harder for her to trick me into paying for her this way. I pretend like I am standing back, looking at the menu, trying to decide what I want.

[@Janabroderick]

There are tons of reasons why men should pay. Women should expect more and stop dating men who are not willing to invest.

[@MrRatMommy]

14:33 1:44:00 receptive or ignorant?? 1:40:44 connection and holding friends 1:27:00 mortality 1:23:00 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aisylu Sha!!! pays victim 1:18:30 self compassion 1:11:30 what i did nice 1:08:30 appreciate 1:03:00 don't repeat pattern 59:00 discuss red flags as early as possible 46:00 37:50 repulse if the woman outsmart their guy 35:00 !!! when people are to high 19:00 ~~ 16:50 !! 15:00 rigid!!!!! 1:36:00 griff

[@mortviolette284]

Oof. That part about one partner crying when the other brings up an issue really hit me. Here’s the thing - just because that person cries in response to their partner bringing up an issue does NOT automatically mean that the crier is trying to be manipulative. I’ve had to deal with this dynamic with my husband. If I’m crying, it’s because I’m upset and I can’t help crying. It’s not that I don’t want to discuss the issue or that I don’t think it’s important. I literally have not found a way to stop the tears if I’m really upset. I know he feels horrible when I cry and he doesn’t want to continue the conversation even when I say I want to keep talking about it, even when I try to explain that I’m not upset with him, even when I basically minimize the tears as much as possible so he can continue. I don’t want him to “feel like a horrible person” and I know he does. It’s gotten to the point where I literally do my best to hide my face when we’re talking about something so he doesn’t see me crying, which feels both ridiculous and necessary in order to be able to have a productive conversation. I do this because saying “I’m going to be fine. Please don’t stop because you feel like you need to tend to my feelings; I want to have this conversation” never works. Anyway, I think it’s careless to say that just because someone cries when their partner brings up an issue, they’re being manipulative. Plenty of people are just criers and have a hard time shutting that off despite best efforts.

[@okaySam]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Life is not black or white.

[@latasha5119]

I relate to this 100% 😭

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

@@latasha5119 ❤😘❤😘❤😘❤😘

[@BVEE-j3q]

Yea I cry for everything and been accused of being manipulative but crying when feel intense emotions isn't voluntary. I'm sure there are people who can cry on demand.

[@cameronbell415]

​@@BVEE-j3qit is voluntary after the age of 18/ maturity You need to learn to control your emotions, not excuse them. Crying is a response illicit by fear often times Crying constantly shows inability and immaturity when dealing with emotions Crying as response to stress shows inability to think under pressure and shouldn't be encouraged Stop pushing weakness

[@O_Canada]

having her mentality past a certain age is hardly more than exploitative hedonism. She wants to take as much as she can without giving anything back. Some of these beliefs make sense at a younger age, but a career woman in her 30s has no business other than hedonistic materialism to say "i don't feel safe if he doesn't pay". She has no emotional maturity.

[@naping]

I have read "Maybe you should talk to someone" and it's very interesting to match the image I had of her in my mind with the real person. Great book, i'd recommend it to everyone :)

[@cameronbell415]

A woman who's never been married, giving marriage advice Kinda dumb I'd say

[@katebasss]

45:28 - she talks about "Equality"!!! Amen someone got it right. Thank you so much!!!

[@constancewalsh3646]

The variables are so many that I based my choiceless-choice on this: how does he live? how do I feel being around him? I did not date, but tended to meet men in life -- work, mutual interests that would have us meeting repeatedly and naturally, with others. For a time during a financial glitch I sold personal treasures in our local swap meet on weekends, setting up at dawn. A handsome man had a permanent booth there, also selling small treasures, and had his coffee going at sunrise, which we shared. I was not attracted, only friendly. It took two years before we got together, on a visit to his parents where he spent the summers. I got to see how he and how they all lived. My six-day visit turned into six weeks. We did not get physical until two days before I left, and it was only a long embrace. This is crucial, as early sex had turned me into a serial monogamist without end. At last a man who agreed to wait. We are 21 years together and still in love. My commitment and his humor have saved us many times. We are both spiritual & share important values.

[@franziskani]

That is a beautiful statement: My commitment and his humour have saved us many times.

[@gerardo9052]

So you end up in love of his lifestyle, not on him. Wow. How sad. Poor chump

[@goldofox5111]

53:26 Admitting that there is no rational argument in its favor, yet choosing consciously to be misled by your own unstable emotional judgment is a recipe for disaster and not only in relationships. I'd be surprised if she is in a long-lasting marriage with this kind of mentality, and if she's not, it would be funny to lecture or help people on something you've failed to achieve yourself, even if I believe it to be doable.

[@bluetank1111]

She is such a famous therapist because she tells women what they want to hear. A man is supposed to serve, pay and not find excuses to spoil the princess. And a woman deserves to be showered with gold and doesn't have to give anything in return. No wonder she creates bestsellers, because she satisfies women's delusional fantasies like 50 Shades of Gray. The problem is that in her case, women cannot distinguish truth from fiction

[@fundamonium]

That intro had so many cliff hangers my blood pressure is through the roof

[@manishjape3196]

She just threw the blame on men for having higher expectations. Men barely get any date leave alone relationship. Men swipe right on 80% of women regardless of their appearances. And here this lady is telling completely opposite. While doing that she just downplayed the women being completely delusional on their expectation as well as RIGID to do any sort of compromise. Anything we refer is high expectation normally is "deal-breaker" or "bare minimum" for them.

[@magdalenabak6580]

"People don't sit with you at your loss. They don't see how profound it is". Someone finally expressed what I was feeling all this time. After the breakup of long-term relationship that lasted almost 8 years, I felt no one in my surrounding treated this seriously, I heard the most ridiculous things, and people treated me like I'm a child who broke up with her summer boyfriend over some toys.

[@sephadetre4349]

You definitely have one of the best new and best overall channels on youtube... and in life Thank you, please keep up the good work for all of us

[@louissartor6294]

I am intrigued by the stat of saying if you marry over 30 then your odds of divorcing increases by 5% with each passing year. I married at 37 and our marriage is approaching year 31. I would a say that many of my friends and family that married in their 20s are now in second marriages or single. Just saying. I also remember one of my best female friends telling me in the 1980s that her husband absolutely needed to be at least six feet tall. I thought she was kidding. Nope. She never found her husband. Wonder why…..

[@HealingwithAri]

“I am lonely, how do I make friends?” Wow 👏

[@HorologyBiology]

Love the show but wasn't surprised the way she literally brushed off the male suicide rates compared to women when it's painfully obvious why! Then played the woke card claiming she was unable to define the role of a man. Not forgetting labelling herself as an avid feminist yet states the man should always pay on the first date. I actually found her quite irritating.

[@WatchfulHunter]

Do the opposite of everything she says. Never listen to a woman for advice.

[@minabotieso6944]

The really annoying thing for me was she used a lot of neutrality bias between the genders and used gender neutral pronouns to talk about things that were very clearly to everyone overwhelmingly only common with one of the genders. Her blowing off male suicide is horrendous and common amongst women talking about this issue today but you have to admit she is more aware of what men are going through today and able to talk about it in a world that does not care about men at all. Probably most feminists who actually want to date a man would lean much more towards wanting a man to pay. Most women who consider themselves progressive really like patriarchy in ways that it advantages women like this one. Women are really illogical. You have to get used to that.

[@jamaalgriffith854]

The entire discussion stream from 42:10 through to 54:39 sounds contradictory.

[@adelb7897]

Agreed

[@ashenlion805]

100% is, same bullshit stuff.

[@adolfoustarez]

Yup, not the best guest

[@jessicadahlseide4489]

I do want to say that I don't think the length of time a couple has been together is a measure of how healthy or good there relationship is.

[@melissaverdoni845]

yup i know lots of married people who are not really happy. i thank god i found MY person. he makes me happy, he is my sunshine.