Tim Minchin - Fat Children (with Lyrics)

Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children
You will regret it when they're in their teens
Macca's might shut them up now that they're seven
But they wont forgive you
When they're getting picked last for PE
Dont you see?
Boombalada motherfucker
Have you noticed that your kids are fat?
What you gonna do about that?
What you gonna do?
So you're telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a polycystic ovary
You say "its just the way God made me"
Its unlikely, statistically
To be a physical thing
But either way it dont explain why you
Are in the queue at Burger King
You can blame it on biology
You can blame your physiology
You can point to genealogy
And your social anthropology
You can say you are an ectomorph
That you just cant get the kilos off
Well you can be what you wanna be
But stop feeding your boy KFC
He weighs 40 kilos and hes only three
He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti
Ordering Diet Coke is not the way back
Boombalada kiddie-stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?
And you oughta be ashamed
For you only have yourself to blame.
Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu
Only eats pizza like that because you do
She'll be dead of a heart attack
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on extra fries then
Boombalada kiddie-stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?
What are you gonna do about that?
What are you gonna do?
So youre telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a polycystic ovary
Your mum had childhood diabetes
But, and in your case
Theres a reasonably big butt
Do you think its an appropriate treat
The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?
Theres no excuse you silly goose
For a child with a caboose
Like a moose whos eaten too much mousse
Its tantamount to child abuse
Kick them off the fucking couch
Unplug the Playstation
Send them down to the park
If they dont wanna go, make em
Tell them they have to jog
Until their jogging shorts fit em
If they hesitate, ask firmly
If they still resist, hit em
Is this what you want for your little girl and guy?
These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?
Six Packs of Kit Kats are not the way back
Boombalada Kiddie Stuffer
Your kids are fat, have you noticed that?
And you, oughta be ashamed
For you only have yourself to blame
Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut
Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut
He'll be dead of an aneurysm
Before his own children ism ten
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on Taco Bell then
Perhaps you'll consider
A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts
And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes
And microwave pizzas or drive through McDonalds
For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV
And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying
Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath
Cos hes 35 kilos above the ideal weight
Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy
THIS SONG IS NO LONGER PERFORMED
" “Do Not Feed Donuts” is a funny song about not overfeeding your children. It’s not a song about fat people. It’s a song about people who are abusing their kids by forcing a choice on them and not helping their kids make the right choices. But, fuck, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I just didn’t care enough about the issue to sit in a room knowing I was making the overweight people feel sad."