Being Your Own Dark Cloud: How Complex Trauma Can Cause You to Fall Into a Negative Mindset

[@staciehulm4595]

There was a time when I didn't understand the question, "Who Am I?" I thought it was a psycho-babble question that no one could answer. Through Tim's teaching, I've learned that there is a "me", but I've always been too ashamed to just be that person. I was ashamed because I wasn't allowed to be myself when I was younger as I was too busy reacting to my mother's mental health issues and feeling guilty that I couldn't make her better. I have historically been extremely critical and negative as a default, but it never sat well with me. It was a defense mechanism so I could reject others before they rejected me. I am starting to accept who I am: some things I like, some things I'd like to change. Now that I am starting to learn who I am, I don't feel the need to be as negative and judgemental. It's really nice.

[@IAmKingMoses]

Don’t know you but proud of you.

[@susannluckmann7705]

I am very happy for you. Well done! 🥰👍

[@pennyrobertson6118]

There is wisdom in your words here …. Thanks for sharing 💜🙏

[@Evy78]

Thank you for sharing your story. You've been very strong. How did you did that ? I try to find me too

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Well said. I relate to your story. The more compassionate I am with myself, the less critical I am with others.

[@lisamtickel]

I can completely relate to this. Thank you, Tim, for explaining our behavior so we don't spend time thinking we're crazy.

[@Kittiesinclair5]

It’s extremely frustrating when those you look to for help, only criticize and blame YOU for the negative and damaging things that have happened to you. Things you did not ask for and did not deserve. When you describe your experiences, you are blamed for being negative and told that you brought it on yourself. This is a tragic cop out and is often gaslighting. I believe in seeing the reality of things, not being a ‘yes’ person, not claiming that ‘everything is wonderful’ when it is really a combination of good and bad things. Discernment and critical thinking in order to choose the best response to any situation. Identifying problems helps us to deal with them. Except when your family or co-workers have no desire to acknowledge problems and then see YOU as the enemy. Cptsd grows out of REAL situations. Real abuse, real injury that can happen over and over because some people are just easy targets.

[@ollieq3150]

I am trying to deprogram "automatic negative thoughts" taught to me by my parents. It helps to get "called out" like this, lol. Concrete examples, to help identify one's own patterns & keep on the path of betterment. Thanks, and cheers :) and to anyone reading this, keep going! You can do it!!

[@lewchootrain]

Tim, do you have any videos on how trauma affects one’s self esteem? I think it’s the biggest thing I’ve tried to work on through neglect and verbal abuse I suffered from as a child/teenage

[@zqxzqxzqx1]

This was informative, but where's the "how do I change this" part? As a child I asked for help. As a teen I begged for help. As an adult I screamed for help. At age 50 I accepted that help's not coming, and embraced my isolation and pain.

[@alexxx4434]

Don't expect help from outside, it may never come. Healing is inside job anyway.

[@rosie21nify]

You are going to save you. You were here to learn love. Self love... when we wait for others to save us... we never heal....we become slaves to others

[@newtuber4freedom43]

@@alexxx4434: what are the action steps? People are asking for help and that comment may be true, but not helpful to so many seeking to heal.

[@ampaez196]

EMDR. Life changing. Don't lose hope

[@sammyspaniel6054]

I have complex trauma due to a neglectful alcoholic father. He was my best friend who didn't want to be with me so I thought. I am on the road to recovery and have noticed that the closer I am to God the less it hurts. It's like God starts erasing the pain somehow.

[@PebblesThompson-tt9ig]

Nothing greater than an understanding ❤

[@bille.badass684]

At about 7:00 this type of person would be a great security guard or police officer. Having the eye to spot potential threats and criminal activity is vital for that type of position.

[@LightWarriors4Life]

The thing with complex trauma is, well complex. Each individual experience is different and unique in its own way. We can generalize how to help others heal, but there is no 1 fix all method that works. Through understanding that each person is different, multiple methodologies can help. 🙏🏼

[@Lyrielonwind]

There are different outcomes from childhood trauma too because it's not the same having cptsd than NPD.

[@pennyrobertson6118]

Agree 💜🙏

[@LightWarriors4Life]

@@Lyrielonwind very true.

[@Laz_RS]

For some of us we expect the worst case scenario, because the worst case scenario is our typical experience. You will say that it's just that we focus on the negative, but what happened actually happened. Saying that it's all in ones head is just gaslighting.

[@luvqraft6024]

Beware of those who claim to be “healed” while they dis you like they’re an adolescent.

[@Lyrielonwind]

He's talking in general and a spectrum. I wouldn't have been abused later in my adulthood if I had had that "think the worst about everyone" mindset. Actually, the people I found who are always talking bs about everyone, even people they don't know but are having a good time, are narcissists. Narcissists hate happy people.

[@enlumineresse]

You're right. Our problem though, is that we are too much focused on bad things than all the good things that are inside our days, cause we tend to be too stressed or overwhelmed or depressed to allow ourselves to actually see the good. Nature can help us to find the right calmness to see, to seek the good and the beauty. And I speak from direct experience.

[@roberto125919]

@@enlumineresse problem is nature is actively being destroyed by us. no wonder we suicide. we are nature. yet we destroy nature...

[@harticus300]

"I don't need to change my negative thinking you're gaslighting me" - a positive and mentally healthy person

[@Don-ky1ni]

After decades of psychiatry, psychology, medications, counseling, prayer and self reflection, I have reached the understanding that there is no real healing for myself. I am working on accepting this truth.

[@thehonest14]

Complex trauma is not to heal, its to change how you think, keep watching Tims videos and you will see that your thoughts makes you feel sick, you can change those thoughts.

[@Aetherfield]

I thought that too. 45 yrs sick and disgusted with the world. The last thing I tried, though helped me a lot though. Don’t give up!

[@pennyrobertson6118]

I can resonate with your experience. I’m in my 60’s & have found some kind of liberation in acceptance of the damage done 😊💜🙏

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

​@@thehonest14💖💖💖

[@chocolatecookie8571]

One of the very few wise comments online. I do want to add one thing is that the environment counts also. If your environment is toxic you will never make progress but if the environment is safe then there is no guarantee you will heal 100% but you definitely will improve. It can happen that the circles we are in keep us sick in all kinds of ways delibirately. It is a money machine and you are the money maker. Stepping out of that circle is step number 1.

[@gabrielanogueiravicosa298]

Such an important talk! I'm grateful to you for sharing this!

[@PebblesThompson-tt9ig]

Thanku for exploring and explaining this subject.

[@kathyjudson6754]

I have observed this so often

[@craigbarr5805]

Superb, and incredibly useful

[@TheKrispyfort]

Wow. I don't know how I managed to avoid this mindset, only know that I did and I am nothing short of grateful! Oh, don't plenty of people will still accuse me of all the above, even when I don't do all of the above, because they assume and are taught that's how EVERYONE is.

[@newtuber4freedom43]

It's great this has been pointed out. What are the actions to get out of this headspace?

[@alexxx4434]

So many things can and do go wrong in human lives. At some point you may ask, what's the point of it all?

[@T_Turner16]

I appreciate you Tim. Your videos are helping me alot.

[@helenenorman3598]

Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪

[@angieolsson8175]

Visst är han fantastiskt! Har hjälpt mig så mkt!

[@susannluckmann7705]

And blessings from Switzerland to you 🇨🇭🙏🕊😇⚓️🛟❤️‍🩹🥰

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

Somethings i did were wrong when attending react, however there were somethings the councellors at react were doing too, not all of it was no my fault wether they admitted or not. I was sharing my experience, strength and hope and some of the counsellors laughing at it and saying its all my fault, now that is not a safe place. Not all the counsellors but some of them Yes! Sadly

[@RenukaSakhare-e3v]

Mom was like that before she passed away due to dementia, type 2 diabetes, kidney failure

[@Lyrielonwind]

I have a neighbour who has been diagnosed as demented or Alzheimer depending of the daughter you speak to but her memory and concentration is better than mine. I guess it feels better for a doctor than diagnosing NPD. They get wild in old age. They don't ever talk good about anyone unless they are triangulating. No one can stand her.

[@ckomarec]

You have helped me so much

[@divinerascal]

Thank you so much Tim! ❤🙏🙏

[@Aetherfield]

Hmm… I’m not sure which is better to expect the worst and occasionally be pleasantly surprised, or continually be disappointed, angry, and frustrated because things “should be different.”

[@alexxx4434]

Having expectations is the source of misery.

[@winniecash1654]

I thought i was being realistic. Sometimes positive people drive me nuts because i don't know that everything is going to be all right. I mean when was the last time everything just fell into place just like that?

[@ATeitter]

Dear Tim Fletcher, please stop plagiarizing my unpublished diary. But seriously; I've never heard a person more accurate than you. This is terrifying. I lose more hope in recovery when I hear things like this. It translates to "You're f-ed, you're f-ed, your f-ed..." every time I check another box or answer your questions with a 5 or 6

[@Brassarn]

Wow. Thank YOU ❤

[@AnneAnomaly]

Thank You 🙏

[@MegaLenny1000]

So, how to get out of that negative state? I feel like I was there already at times, but I am not able to, always falling back to default mode, depending on the outside circumstances... Seems like there is no healing. Better to suppress and don't talk at all, instead of letting out the negativity and dragging others down. My progress is that I notice my negative thinking patterns, but on top of that there is the inner critic, critizising that I still have these negative thoughts XD

[@MarkAlan145]

🎉meditation and prayer will help you climb out of the hole. ❤ learn to meditate. Start today, just a few minutes.

[@aprilswill9204]

That’s crazy. I was never taught to NOT trust people because they are nice.

[@AngelWest58]

Doesn't everyone?

[@Lyrielonwind]

No. Next question...

[@AngelWest58]

@@Lyrielonwind thank you for the clarity that your thoughtful & insightful response brings to our day.

[@deborahray4568]

How does one heal from Trauma when it's in your face 24/7? Is it just a negative headspace that our country is being destroyed?

[@catherineprescott2402]

Yes ❤

[@susansilvey1614]

Unfortunately, those of us with the unfortunate higher IQ, notice patterns...the patterns mathematically result in the negative. They call it probablility.

[@roberto125919]

Entropy is another good one. Enjoy your energy while it lasts...

[@agnes466]

Yes. Sadly that's me.

[@alexxx4434]

This might as well be just another excuse for negativity on this list, claiming the reason that you must have higher IQ (you'd claim that to compensate your shame). You don't see people blaming their negativity on low IQ, weirdly enough.

[@drakelessner3981]

yep

[@MarcelGraumans]

I get this about the family, but the family seems not to exist outside of culture. It might be a wrong observation, but where a human being doesn't live in a vacuum, the same goes for a family. I don't say what's been said in this video isn't sincere and truthish, but leaving out the systematic part it's seems to be half of the story and seems to project things on the individual (making them responsible) that they have no direct control over. What I mean to say is that "not being critical" seems to be another / different defence mechanism. I am not talking about being over critical of peers and others in general, but to expand that to not being critical towards culture, societies we built and how they influence or judge (and so treat) other cultures and societies negatively (all happening within the same reality) seems to be at least not so realistic and coming from a place of privilege. (Ego, egoism.) A lot of these "self help" sources seem to become more and more a.denial of reality, real abuse that's happing on the daily in the world, toxic positivity, borderline victim blaming and a having the smell of religion / cult.

[@fclrockz]

So how do we get out of it?

[@rababkhursheed]

Where can i see the full video.

[@TrentAdam]

In fact anyone who consciously wants to come off as hard working, sensible, etc has probably failed to figure out how to enjoy life.

[@susannluckmann7705]

I love to bake and take it to work. My colleagues compliment me and I find it so difficult to take a nice comment. Instead I think- of course they say that- it doesn't cost anything. 🙄

[@nicoletrulyyours]

I have the same issue. It’s hard for me to accept compliments

[@tsafriror]

Mr. Tim Fletcher It is clear that you are describing a real mechanism, but you and other experts could not have reached these insights without critical thinking, which, even if you do not mean it, creates a negative filter for therapists and social workers of cptsd's towards those who need their help. The belief that the central motivation of the ptsd's is unrealistic towards reality creates enormous damage because any criticism they say is seen as exaggerated and not worthy of real consideration. For example, if a professor of psychology whom you greatly appreciate were to criticize and tell you that the way you present things in this video is dangerous because you do not sufficiently consider the fact that post-trauma victims can in many cases do say healthy criticism in different situations and because you did not consider it, according to his research, you are causing therapists to ignore real needs, then you would likely listen carefully. But if someone with ptsd will tell you the exact same things, even showing you cases and studies that your video caused damage, you'd likely treat their words as irrational negative sentiment. I can present you with exactly these facts, but I'm not a Professor, and I have been diagnosed with ptsd, so probably my perspective have no value. You can and you should present the full picture when explaining such things. Thank you

[@markeugenelee2083]

Tht used to be me I'm a conquerer now

[@susannluckmann7705]

🥳🥳🥳 happy for you. Mark the conquerer 💪

[@android584]

I'm a worrier (couldn't resist).

[@lovelyella]

Isn’t this just a description of what it’s like to have CPTSD?!! 🥴🤣

[@FBolton-m3w]

Became void? How does that happen? Think about that. Leave other people's lane. Alone

[@Beechnut2U]

❤❤❤

[@Douglas-nt7jd]

I'm in this video and I don't like it.

[@pennyrobertson6118]

You’re not alone 💜🙏

[@cydniegray9622]

Same. rip

[@Ryaparris1]

I feel ya, brother. But I needed to hear this so much. I’ve just found out. 😢💪🏾🥺💪🏾🥹💪🏾😊💪🏾😎💪🏾

[@CarmenCaesar-z2q]

Lopez Kevin Harris Jose Miller Thomas

[@TrentAdam]

A more modern version of religious moral superiority is trying to seem more sensible and hard working than others and look down on them for having a good time.

[@joeya289]

The exclusively anti-white racism examples every time prejudice is brought up is really dated and counter productive.

[@theresecook-bright1757]

Stating that white people are racist IS racist.

[@FBolton-m3w]

That trama is common with people that have no foundation to build on. They become pests can't leave another person's lane alone. When it's clear to All. Nobody need to deal with instabilities that's not their responsibility. Find something else to focus on. Stop being a pest

[@richellepeace4457]

Because all we care about is toxic positivity!

[@denitsamladenova7230]

No such thing

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Is this the creation of a covert narcissist?

[@Lyrielonwind]

No, this is the channel where all narcissists write comments saying complex trauma is all about narcissism and drop comments about everyone being narcissists 😁

[@android584]

I'm sure that people dealing with convert narcissism deal with a lot of these characteristics.

[@pennyrobertson6118]

@@Lyrielonwind sarcasm 😉💜🙏