5 Poofs and 2 Pianos by Tim Minchin

Note from Tim: This is the song, 5 Poofs and 2 Pianos, what I wrote for Jonathan Ross's show in October. It's got a joke in it about Jan Moir, a Daily Mail journo who wrote a disparaging column in the wake of the death of gay Boyzone singer Stephen Gately. I found out that the version of this song that has been up on KZbin until now had been audio-doctored so that I say "Dan Moir". I haven't yet figured out how this happened and whether it was just someone being funny for their own purposes or whether it was a deliberate censoring to avoid repercussions from Jan herself. Surely it can't be the latter! Anyway, here's the undoctored version, finally.

[@SweetAsCookiePie]

It's been 14 years and "penta-poofter-piano-posse" is still one of the greatest song lyrics ever

[@AshTheRedTV]

So many of his lines are brilliant but yes PPPP is absolutely ace 😂😂😂

[@Xenomorphin1]

penta poof two piano posse

[@Yotanido]

Long alliterations in songs are great. Another favourite of mine is in "Moby Duck" by the Longest Johns: "Until that fetid feathered fearsome flying duck will breathe no more"

[@maxj7938]

Anyone else on a Tim Minchin binge?

[@AnonYmous-qx1zg]

I'm at day 32 now with the playlist on repeat at work

[@elisehandyside1776]

Max Jasinowicz everyday.

[@Ecclesiasticus]

Mix in some Bo Burnham and occasional 90s hits.

[@jennifergebert538]

yeah since 05 hes a genius love love love all his stuff no one compares love u tim

[@lelmdrWHO]

Here! it should also be added that i haven't slept in the last 23 hours

[@southsidepaul]

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge.... Tim wrote this absolute banger purely for a random one-off apperance on a UK chat show and has likely never perform it ever again since then 🤯

[@BaronVonQuiply]

The man must be Woody Allen Jesus, I can think of no other explanation

[@gcb474]

I watched this when it was broadcast all those years ago. Aside from the fact that the song was hilarious and absolute genius, the fact that so much effort was put into a one off turn on a late night chat show left me slightly in awe. Still brilliant years later.

[@SamauraiRippeR]

"A possibility of a pentapuffter piano posse." This man is a lyrical genius.

[@stephenfrank2397]

Tupac ain't got nothing on tim. Lol, jk, Tupac's a legend. Tim is too but 80% of the population is too ignorant to get his content

[@Rainbowgrrl]

Too bloody right he is!!

[@jonathandanley8668]

Tim's a verbal gymnast in the same caliber as David Tennant.

[@BWWWAAALORDOFDUCKS]

Lyrical genius is right i guess, i like to think of him as a musical Tony.

[@bubar1000]

pentapoofter

[@wynot1993]

Only found Tim in 2020.. absolute genius!

[@nathanmassam9102]

Love all of his work. My personal favourite is the original version of his 3 minute song

[@adambartlett114]

You poor soul, come in, you must be so tired... Come in, sit down, hang around a bit... You'll never want to leave. Personally, I'm a fan of "fuck the poor", "ten foot cock" but "pope song" & "come home " are definitely worth a listen, so is "not perfect", "song for wossy", "some people have it worse" & "thank you God"... Enjoy... Maybe then you might enjoy "I wanna go to hell" by Taylor Ferrera

[@carlsidgwick5854]

Same!

[@chriskuhn6130]

I was lucky enough to have a friend who showed me his work, honestly he's gotta be one of the very best in the world, I'm jealous I can't rewatch everything for the first time. Enjoy friend!

[@kennyross3612]

One of the best songwriters an comedians ever!!!

[@Porterchrism]

As a pianist can I just point how insane it is that he barely ever looks at the keys during this gorgeous performance

[@MsSonotori]

Saw your comment, went and had a look at a few more of Tim's videos - he almost never looks at the keys, holly Molly!

[@trikky2.2]

I'm not a pianist but do appreciate his talent, I think the main one that impresses me is his '3 minute' song as it is just so on time even with the change in tempo :)

[@Tiggmuffin]

He is incredible....im so rock is the most impressive thing I've seen in a long time! I can't even tell you how many times I've watched it

[@jinnimoo]

You might be even more shocked to know that Tim can't read music. This may explain why he never got into the habit of looking at the keys/notes since he doesn't read sheet music to begin with.

[@KatieM786]

@@jinnimoo Thanks for sharing this - it makes me feel much better about my 33 year piano journey only having very rudimentary music reading skills to go with it. It's frustrating reading music when you can just hear it but I'm getting more disciplined.

[@silentbob82]

Anyone who can include the phrase 'Penta-poofter-piano-posse' in a song is an utter genius!

[@stvbrsn]

Oh, anyone can include it, but only Tim could have written it!

[@EarlJohn61]

I could have told you that when I heard Tim include the word "homophone" in a song.

[@Huds2015]

“Slightly Annoyed From Berwick on Tweed” gets me every time

[@attackpatterndelta8949]

That's a great online user name.

[@peterford5408]

Anyone not familiar with the "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross" show might not get the main theme of the joke. What you need to know is that the house band is called "4 Poofs and a Piano" (four gay men who sing while one of them plays piano). en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4_Poofs_and_a_Piano We glimpse them at 0:58 and 1:58 and 3:45

[@India.H]

Peter Ford Also if you didn't see the interview, 50 Cent was meant to be singing, but cancelled last minute.

[@interrobang5785]

THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING

[@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse]

There are two kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

[@jacknotnimblejackbethicc4908]

Marco2G WHATS THE SECOND KIND!?

[@maciekkoz]

@@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse Also there are 10 types of people: - Those who can understand binary numbers - and those who can't

[@Mirage63]

Anyone else amazed at this gus writing a song for a single appearance on a show and absolutely nailing it? No wonder they had him write "Matilda".

[@mkel1979]

He did the same twice for episodes of “spicks & specks” and Aussie music quiz show, including this one for Adam Hills who hosts it: funny, brilliant and so damn catchy & clever!

[@gregsmith1641]

It's amazing

[@carlwitt7950]

Here goes another Minchin song I'll be singing at work and completely confusing my coworkers.

[@ruialmeida818]

I've been singing this and woody allen jesus all day :D

[@VeroniqueCG]

Cheeky, wonderfully clever and catchy to boot. What more could anyone possibly ask from an entertainer like Minchin? He always comes up with the goods!! And how!! He has my tick of approval and has tweaked my delight button. Well done and don't ever stop.

[@marybreen77]

Plastic bag song is brilliant

[@Jessica_Roth]

Loved it. Signed, Slightly Annoyed from Berwick-on-Tweed.

[@Valygarx]

Penta-poofter-piano-possy. Damn, the man has some lyrical chops.

[@emmateisseire1493]

Sorry I'm not english I don't have that reference, could you explain ? ^^'

[@sahlofolina2109]

Emma TEISSEIRE pent/penta means 5, poof/poofter is (kinda offensive) word for gays, piano is obviously piano, and possee means like a group or squad. so basically a 5 part gay piano group. they’re all quite obscure words so it’s just cool how he put them all together and made it sound good x

[@charlielamb3557]

@@sahlofolina2109 the house piano band on the show are called "4 poofs and a piano" also.

[@weswheel4834]

@@charlielamb3557 Yes as you say, the song kind of depends on you knowing the name of the house band :)

[@jorgeclaverie6752]

Besides being a GENIUS, this guy has a wonderful singing voice, doesn't he?

[@RiesenWuschel]

Honestly, I love him, he's a fucking genius, but I am not too impressed by his voice. It is perfectly timbred and controlled and hits all the notes... but he just doesn't have the most impressive range or volume. He's as well trained as one can be, but while everything else just bends backward under the force of his genius, bis biology sadly doesn't :(

[@BennieDuck]

​@RiesenWuschel I think his range is quite impressive?

[@echognomecal6742]

Besides the genius & voice & seeming to be a lovely individual with a killer sense of humor, I admit that I am oddly drawn to his enviable teeth...& can't look away. Idk why. I'm assuming they're capped, btw. Just too perfect. "These are my teeth...& they live in me...there's 32 & they chew my food..."

[@fairwayray]

Watching in 2020. Tim, please don't stop doing what you're doing. You bring joy to this 60 year old guy from America. Your talent is amazing!

[@narlacat68]

He is a comic genius. Up there with Hicks, Carlin, Gervais, I luv him. Just thank god for voices of reason that get up.

[@juniourst3ven596]

Did you watch Bill Bailey before Tim Minchin?? I have before. If you haven't, check him out

[@harrytodhunter5078]

Gervais is a pretty low bar tbh

[@saoranachnah-alba723]

"Up there with Gervais" is quite the insult tbh

[@matthewmango4051]

"penta poofter piano possy"

[@matthewmango4051]

+Pen ML it's the best part of any song haha

[@CountPenta]

+Matthew Mango I approve of this!

[@JakeJustIs]

Except the gays aren't all that into possies.

[@TheLordAnnatar]

They might, if it's a cowboy theme...

[@eggplanthose]

I'm partial to "you can never have too many pianos or too much man".

[@Kiham618]

Still one of my faves after all these years. Tim is a creative genius!

[@TheReaverOfDarkness]

When I saw the fast food place 'Five Guys', I immediately thought of this.

[@maryfitzpatrick3252]

How can you not appreciate this multi-talented humanist and critical thinker? Am 74 & grinning ear to ear. 😂

[@SteveMarriott91]

“A possibility of a penta pufter piano posse” is the best lyric of the 21st century

[@nathanielwilliams3891]

It's spelled "poofter", but yes indeed. :)

[@Q966aZxEWzmKLc8zBfMB]

You are so amazing Tim! Amazing lyricist, amazing singer and amazing musician. *RESPECT* Always stay this awesome!!!

[@meganbarnhouse7819]

How have I never discovered Tim Minchin before? He's amazing!

[@nipunkothare]

Even if we ignore the brilliant lyrics, this guy has a great voice

[@joshoemaker6751]

Listening in 2022. Frickin love you, Tim.

[@Desaki65]

I would like a "Penta-Poofter Piano Posse" tour shirt, please and thank you. I think I've watched this video more than enough times for it to count as a tour.

[@VeroniqueCG]

Brilliant! And always will be. I can't say how many times I have watched this in utter delight and joy. Humour and snideness - this bloke from Subiaco has got exactly what it takes. All power to his elbow!!

[@65Superhawk]

This guy impresses me so much. The tongue gymnastics this guy does with his fast delivered lyrics WHILE playing filling piano parts makes me go WOW on a constant basis. Listen to the Pope song. Masterful lyrics with alliteration and clever plays on words. My new favorite musical comedian. Tops Bo Burnham for me even though Bo does a lot of the same wordplay cleverness. Kudos

[@jerbear7952]

Cadinal Pell is one of the catchiest songs ever composed.

[@omgwtfusernamelol]

i love everything that this man does; brilliant lyricist and the only living piano player that i CARE to hear play

[@hutchmusician]

Tim Minchin: the straight guy for whom a great many straight guys would immediately be gay given half a chance. Tim - call me. My wife never needs to know.

[@JinxMinxNYC]

Unforgettable song---one of the best ever. All my friends agree (after I explain '4 Poofs and a Piano' was the house band on Wossy's show.) Thank You Tim!

[@hakunamattata437]

tim minchin is spectacular. i hope to see him play live some day!

[@cadjs]

Do it! I've seen him live twice (so far) and it's a fantastic night out!

[@cadjs]

Oops, just seen I am time traveling again...

[@matthewharris-levesque5809]

The man is a Genius. And an artist. I'm not sure which one is first.

[@professorflowers1840]

It's amazing that John keeps letting you on his show haha

[@annakowalczyk5763]

Music and intelligence mixed together. Delectable.

[@pdiesman]

I am a retired middle-aged U.S. rust belt white guy who misses most of your geographic and cultural references but I know supreme talent when I hear and see it. Could you be Victor and Eltons' love child?

[@Fragrantbeard]

Patrick Diesman seeing this comment did my heart good today. Thank you!

[@hutchmusician]

An open heart is a splendid thing to own wherever you’re from. (Feathered, glittery) hats off to you sir!

[@billie-joesgimp7981]

nah he's just an aussie ranga. we're all brilliant.

[@Reefthedog2]

It's when you start singing this to yourself and people start giving you weird looks that you begin to realise that you've maybe listened to this song a bit too much...

[@Ozgrade3]

I was worried that I was the only one singing it LOL

[@meow353]

🙌🏻

[@shannonpalsgrove5479]

Its a little more socially acceptable that constantly singing the Pope song under your breath, lol

[@PattiJaneBaker]

He’s a genius!! Amazing artist. How does he remember all of the words. He’s hilarious. How did I not hear about him before now.

[@nigelpearson9101]

More talent in his little finger than I will ever have in my lifetime!

[@RoonJazz]

Never realised Tim Minchin was so gifted! Fan-bloody-tastic x

[@DJB1017]

This is so brilliant. Guy I obviously extremely talented and intelligent, but he's also an incredibly hard worker and a perfectionist. The Jerry Rice of musical comedy. The stand up between songs in his specials is not bad also. I buy literally everything he puts out just to do my part to support him in the hopes that he will continue to provide amazing content.

[@bronislawter8187]

I gave up writing music years ago. After discovering you a few months back, I'm finally back in the groove. Thanks Tim.

[@binary_terror2]

"Penta-pooftic piano posse" is the most beautiful alliteration I've ever heard.

[@sarahnorman7226]

Absolutely love this song :) you have just made me so happy as always x

[@jbourke99]

This is my favorite tim minchin song, its great he put such work into an interview

[@Solace6428]

A bit of an analysis for people who don't get some jokes because, like me, aren't British, or people who don't speak English as a first language. The house band if the show Tim was performing on was called '4 Poofs and a piano'. Poof/poofter is a word that refers to gay people. Jan moir is a British newspaper columnist who tried to say that a man's cause of death was his sexuality.

[@1875HIBEESFC]

A pento-poofter piano posse haha

[@ggd1444]

Don’t mind me, just watching this for the 100th time.

[@brandonmartin-moore5302]

The thing is he's a really good singer,as well as a good song writer.

[@83BallroomBlitz]

There is the best way to hold a mirror up to bigots. By putting it in a song written and performed by an incredibly talented and intelligent man like Tim Minchin! Self-righteous idiots like Jan Moir go on about homosexuality like the Bible is still the most current tome available on the subject, and cannot see that persecuting somebody on their sexuality is like being a racist. You are having a go at someone for something that is genetic, and they have no control over. Great as always, Tim. Your songs are insightful and deliciously witty in equal measure. Immensely satisfying!

[@justinsmith5169]

Until recently they didn't know it was genetic, I'm not trying to justify their actions or "opinions" if you can even call them that. But I actually knew a few people who changed their ideology once they heard about it.

[@83BallroomBlitz]

Justin Smith I'm sorry, but they have known that sexuality is determined by the male chromosome in the DNA, and you cannot just 'change your ideology' like that. The people you may have spoken to, may have either been bisexual, or in denial, but there is no way to change your sexual orientation, and that is a fact!

[@andrewmachado8689]

83BallroomBlitz I believe Justin was saying that people he knew who had previously believed that sexuality was a choice changed their ideology to match the findings that it is genetic, not that people he knew changed their sexuality.

[@TheForgetfulMoon]

83BallroomBlitz A) One's gender is determined by the chromosomes, not one's sexuality B) It shouldn't matter whether it's genetic or not. Nobody is getting hurt by gays, it's only gays who are being oppressed by bigots.

[@83BallroomBlitz]

TheForgetfulMoon You are wrong. Bigots oppress homosexuals, ethnic minorities, disabled people, and anyone generally who does not match their arrogant belief that they are superior.

[@Biathine]

Five years later and I still don't understand what the problem with having an even number of homosexuals is. I open myself up to the mockery and hopefully an explanation.

[@notavailable4342]

Seconded. I can imagine why an odd number of homosexuals would be a problem, though...?

[@Biathine]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe he got odd and even numbers confused :-D

[@BritishBullFrog88]

I think the joke is that he's trying to create a problem out of nothing to justify him becoming part of the band.

[@pkrMergy]

Biathine try last line .... & we can out Jamie Cullum & have a big half dozen &3 pianos... its ironic & as orgennoon says its trying to find a way he can be on the show every week... so no matter if it 1 homosexual or 100 it the UK licence payer who funds it .. so it a tongue in cheek look at how he can be on tv every week

[@CasualProGamer]

The joke is that an even number would pair up. So an odd number would solve that.

[@GriffandZeus]

Seen him live three times (years ago at hammersmith, o2 with orchestra and last year at Southend) also by chance when he presented Nevermind the Buzzcocks. Massive Fan.

[@eloramolano8038]

Lucky!

[@juliana.x0x0]

Whenever i see someone that has a gift like this, I just have this urge to hug them! I just feel almost a maternal kind of pride, I’m proud of them for being so brilliant even though it has nothing to do with me lol.

[@Magicdan080]

Been listening to Tim for a long time. Still love his music

[@TheHaevans]

2019 and I still love this song. He is an absolute genius !!

[@welshmouse]

You don't need american preachers to turn a man gay, just introduce him to Tim Minchin.

[@welshmouse]

Why's that, my dear?

[@Crimethoughtfull]

+welshmouse or Robert Plant in one of his '70s concert videos. ;-)

[@akkinak]

Sold

[@mlucasl]

Man: Sir, I came here because I want to be gay... Doctor: you are in luck, Tim Minchin is in the city in a musical tour, go and see him... Man: But sir, Im Tim Minchin (Paglacci the clown)

[@SilvrFern]

He's a genius!

[@helenwright6840]

Still superb and absolutely binge worthy

[@markcooper7605]

Obviously when he wrote this, he knew Jamie Cullum would be present at the performance, but every time I see this I wonder if he'd known George O'Dowd would be. I can't believe he'd miss the chance to work the rather infamous Boy George into the lyrics.

[@bronwyntrewin9746]

+Mark Cooper I think I read somewhere that 50 Cent was meant to be on the show that week, but had to pull out at the last minute, hence his inclusion in the song. I expect Boy George was his substitute

[@TVFILMBUFF]

I wonder how much notification Tim got that 50 Cent was out and George was in. Tim is not adverse to changing lyrics in his songs... I'm sure he would have done so in this case if he had been given enough time.

[@imnotgayyy8489]

He was afraid George would whip him and chain him

[@loomey2011]

quite simply the most talented and funniest commedian out there now! so clever, cant wait to see him this year!

[@ReallyNotAGoose]

As a non-Australian: Tim Minchin is literally my favourite thing associated with the country. See the like/dislike ratio? Turns out I'm not the only one.

[@AshleysMommy]

You are a genius ! Not only is this song funny and awesome, but it's also catchy and has a dig at Jan Moir's article she wrote about Stephen's passing (thank you for that! As a Stephen fan, I love you for that) ! I'm so glad my friend Dee showed me this video. I'm going to watch more now.

[@LyndaMcL]

My dad heard me singing along to this and asked me if I wanted to tell him anything about my sexuality. xD Adore Tim Minchin. :)

[@mobycat33]

Saw you perform on Conan today. Loved it! Best guest of the night.

[@peanutshoulders]

I, too, have watched this for 7 years straight on 11 devices. Damn, I need to get out more.

[@gemma5632]

Im "Outraged from Leeds"!! Love You Mr Minchin, i worship at your church!!

[@bellboy64]

That was amazing, Tim Minchin. I've always been a fan of yours since I saw you on Never Mind the Buzzcocks but this really hit all the right notes (so to speak). I've never heard a song that is both funny and really catchy at the same time. I'm glad you've taken it upon yourself to put up the real version. Censorship may be the "thing" now but there are some things that don't deserve such an act. That woman deserves all she gets. Please continue your great work, man! You've got unique talent.

[@scribe56]

Please come to Baltimore, Maryland. You are just so funny and smart, and you have such a lovely voice.

[@ShadowRulah]

Would you be terribly offended if I took to worshipping you as my god Tim?

[@drwoo6090]

I’m going to see Tim Minchin live, in October! Wooohooooo! So excited! 😍😍😍😍

[@smoothrocky1847]

Me too but be aware, he's likely to play more of his excellent but 'serious' material...

[@allisonbergh4429]

I saw him in October in Birmingham!!

[@althejazzman]

Just trying to hear all these lyrics makes me anxious about forgetting them. I don't know how Tim does it.

[@VeroniqueCG]

I keep on adding comments here. I can't get enough of saying how wonderful is Minchin and his ability to write his score. Golly - he's magnificent.

[@michaelkmiotek7965]

I'm going between Tim and Flight of the Conchords.

[@VeroniqueCG]

No, you are correct. One lives it with him and appreciates the cleverness that he brings to his lyrics. I can only ever feel good with Minchin videos. That is a very big plus!!!!!

[@FIGGOAT]

Tim..u fkn legend.. Pell finally came back..we were ripped off..thanks for trying.

[@DJB1017]

How could anyone not love this guy?

[@soupalex]

Looks like Jan "Bigot of the Year 2009" Moir created one hundred and eight KZbin sock puppet accounts to downvote this video.

[@z-teamchainingolem9064]

+soupalex 116 now. I think the factory is slowing down

[@soupalex]

Z-Team Chainingolem Honestly, I feel a bit silly about this old comment of mine... you could just as easily say "looks like soupalex created 13 sock puppet accounts to upvote this comment", or "Tim Minchin created [howevermany] sock puppet accounts to upvote this video". That said, neither I nor Mr. Minchin have ever won the illustrious title of "Bigot of the Year" (in _any_ year!), and besides, I just can't fathom who would downvote this video in the first place (perhaps excepting Jan Moir, her publicist, her family, and a small gang of rabid homophobes looking for things to get cross about on the internet)

[@evanjohnson2658]

Do you WANT to win "Bigot of the Year"? I can nominate you, though you have some hefty competition in various governments.

[@katierandall9191]

That article she wrote was disgusting.

[@Son0fHobs]

How many other artists write an entirely awesome song for a single appearance? Unparalleled.

[@jenifereckles]

Campaign following shortly to put Tim Minchin on UK TV permanently

[@sophoenixrising2336]

This never gets old. True Minchin genius.

[@Thomas_Winters]

“I don’t want to seem greedy” Girl relax

[@MrBeard1978]

Matilda brought me into the Tim Minchin universe.

[@briane5706]

He is just pure genius. You should look up his song about gingers and he has written in a not so subtle way to convey some truths about the racism towards the anagram of gingers.

[@bobdagamer640]

The N word isn’t an anagram of the G word

[@briane5706]

@@bobdagamer640 The U.K. spelling is.

[@fragglejen81]

2024 and still a massive minchin fan?

[@maztotterdell]

TIm Minchin looks absolutely beautiful in this video.

[@gibsondanny]

Why is Tim Minchin so god dammed talented. He is hoarding all the worlds talent to him self.

[@manlystump4240]

Apparently Boy George was a last minute guest when 50 Cent pulled out/couldn't make it. That's why the song mentions 50 Cent but not Boy George.

[@amandabiesen5058]

He is our Russel Bran, with less mental illnesses.

[@00BillyTorontoBill]

Well done.... no i fuckin wrote it then nailed it perfect. Tim Minchin is a frikin robot of awesome.

[@ImogenC-rt3fm]

I'm wearing a groove in the web watching Minchen over and over.

[@mainie_videoediting]

It was so stressful to watch him constantly search for the camera he's supposed to look into and missing it most of the time :D

[@MrLittletube]

I just commented on “if i didn’t have you” saying this is my favourite Tim Minchin song. But i forgot this gem existed. This is fucking comedy gold. What a champion.

[@GillibredFroomus]

i love how tim just caj wrote a song for the show.. does anyone else get the impression that he can come up with these ledgendary masterpieces in about five minutes?!

[@turnerhayes8616]

I don't know why, but "Slightly Annoyed from Berwick-on-Tweed", after the other letter writer names is one of the funniest parts of this for me.

[@specialized29er86]

Never have I seen such a blatant display of poofery.

[@danielnicho79]

Its an awesome song. All you music comes from the right place.. Thank you.

[@Ludix147]

I read the title as "Proofs" and got excited for some maths! But this is also fine I guess.

[@user-eq5ub5rs3g]

Always love the part about the gay conversation, that would be an awesome prank to do to one of those crazy preachers

[@AngryNerdBird]

Hahahaha. Thank you for doing what you do, guy.