Tips for Listening without Defensiveness | Assertiveness Skills

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswgW-61D3FvRNO7nq_AHkxma&si=aMaTR2qO8mQ3p8y5 ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@LEEeveryday]

What has worked best for me when listening without defensiveness is having radical acceptance of myself. High self esteem means you'll have no need to defend yourself from something you already accept about yourself. That acceptance causes any verbal attack to lose it's bite, thus making it easier to ignore.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@Nyc99]

I love me, i got rid of chronic pain on my own, now i can help my friends, family, predict stuff too, if some ppl dont like me, they just dont know me

[@kassandrav504]

This should be a mandatory training when entering a new job or marriage 😁

[@DocSnipes]

TY :)

[@ramludasari5101]

20415

[@ramludasari5101]

P

[@johnanderson5031]

Damn right

[@seanm7539]

Yes

[@echase416]

Listening ‘without ego’ or assumptions, and using a good degree of humility, is also super important.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@Franniecds]

So true

[@deannaguillotte9325]

Absolutely

[@pechoja]

E Chase Ego is essential part of ones personality and protective of one's self, care taking of one's welfare. . It is part of one's identity. Are you in the convent? Even nuns have an ego. Suggest you wear something not exposing your generous cleavage. You can be proud but it is very distracting. I am a 79 yo retired registered nurse, and educator. Am not attacking you as I have written this on other sites that seem to have distractions of the message. Being forced to look at your bosoms is distraction of your message. which is of interest and presented on the rest of the screen. Still have my standards from the 60's. Imagine in Catholic HS, we could not wear short sleeves, or a cardigan after first of May in MI.

[@christineburton2540]

Some people with super inflated ego possibly have high narcissistic traits in their personality. In order to live in a more happy healthy and productive world we must show a certain level of humbleness and forget our pride.

[@abigailcb685]

Top lecture. Imagine if this were made into a 1-day workshop and held at the start of every high school year. Would be a different world!

[@TallulahBelle3276]

Right on Abigail! ✨👍🏼💯 My Sister is a teacher/educator and would be totally on board with your suggestion. She teaches 11th grade History. She absolutely loves her students. She’s been teaching for twenty something years n still has former students keep in touch. So many are doing well but she loves those that aren’t the same. I wish I had had a teacher like her when I was in high school. Her diligence about her job is impeccable. She’s frequently up late n always up early. We’re also the sole caregivers for our Mother with Alzheimer’s. Our Mother lives with her in her own apartment downstairs. I live a block away. We both grew up lacking these important skills in life. I know I’ve gone on but I love your idea of this being taught in school. It’s brilliant! ✨👍🏼💯

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@adamquinn4941]

Yeah because all teenagers go to school or attend class or actually listen blah blah lady

[@TheOriginalRasheedat]

Especially if the teachers have to take it first. Lol

[@obatalaosun2222]

@@adamquinn4941 Some of them will, some of them won't. Kind of like how it is in school already. The ones who listen will change our society drastically, and for the better.

[@YaHzDizciple]

As a business owner I sometimes get defensive when I receive complaints from customers about a job I've performed for them. I had to realize that when people spend their money with me I have to at least first hear them out, see if their point is valid and rectify the situation. I've also concluded that some customers aren't always realistic in their expectations so I try to appease them as best I can and choose not to do anymore work for them going forward.

[@DocSnipes]

Good insight. Thanks for watching.

[@susiew.71]

Thank you so much! Honestly. I've been in a lot of unsafe, abusive situations in my life where I constantly had to fight and prove myself. This led to me being defensive all the time. Extremely contra-productive in conversations.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for sharing and watching.

[@lesliedegnan]

Same here. I get told all then time that I'm being defensive, when I feel like I'm just trying to explain myself.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

I can relate. It's hard to know who has your best interest at heart.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

When I tell my mom she's being defensive and doesn't have to be, her response always makes me laugh. "I'm NOT being defensive!" which is a statement to defend herself about not being defensive.

[@EamonWill]

It's good that you recognize it! Keep up the good work!

[@kennapinkston6100]

Oh my goodness... before I even reached 4 minutes I had reached a lot of conclusions about how I was raised and why I take criticism to heart. I was never told I made a "bad choice" and that I was a good kid. It was "good" versus "bad" kid in my house. The all or nothing fight or flight response has instilled a very aggressive style of communication. I'm either in falling apart in a puddle of tears or yelling at someone for telling me they didn't like a behavior. Because my "behavior" has never been separated from who I am as a person. Thank you so much for the upload. This is pretty groundbreaking stuff for those whose parents couldn't give them what they didn't have.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@cokefishtail]

Yes me also...

[@aramotselaw3794]

Me too…still growing. Here’s to the healing process 💛🥂💛

[@Alphacentauri819]

Definitely that programming from childhood can leave some deep core wounds in us. Those wounds are triggers and when anyone comes close to it, it can feel like a burning stove or sharp knife. Our reactions can be automatic in self protection. Unfortunately, we can perceive threats where they aren’t, due to the extreme ingrained defensive patterns (and lenses). Often we don’t see our own worth and give too much credit to someone else’s analysis. Even good, constructive feedback can be hard, due to all our negative internal dialogue. We can reprogram that, we can heal, we can be empowered! I wish you healing and peace 💫

[@priscillagrrr4405]

Exactly!

[@jtcarrey]

I have been battling this for 40 years, you've literally just made this clear for me, now I can be less defensive and listen more. I am so thankful for you and your video.

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of help. Thank you for watching the video. What have you found most useful from it?

[@FaithFashionFinances]

It's hard to listen to someone criticize your behaviors 24/7 when that's all you have ever heard most of your life. I have always loved that saying in the 12 step rooms " Take what you like, leave the rest". Sometimes the lesson doesn't apply

[@courtneyboudreau4284]

Right

[@LifeofaScorpio92]

Wys

[@wootwootwoot32]

Then you’re in the wrong relationships of constantly that happens

[@Madkre8tor]

I've noticed a lot of people use humor as a defense mechanism / coping skill. They brush off emotional issues with a joke, or switch gears to another subject with a joke, or attack you for bringing it up with a joke. Watch out for those Jokers, they don't seem able or willing to handle your reality.

[@Alphacentauri819]

That’s deflection. There are ways to communicate to bring it back to task. Don’t take their behavior personally. They likely never learned how to deal well with conflict and it might feel unbearable. The joking is often a subconscious strategy. Have compassion and move on.

[@lorahaynes3131]

It helps when you have a partner, and support team, who are mindful of this as well. As a pair or group, to be able to discuss, and plan without the defensiveness is such a beautiful thing. Thank you so much for sharing these presentations.

[@maurinedknyantika2289]

Thank you for a very therapeutic video that spoke to lots of personal internal struggles

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome! Thanks for commenting and watching!

[@PuginaConverseShoe]

This is another great video. I'm so grateful for your channel and the work you do. The community appreciates you!

[@PacificPier]

Thank you for the wonderful insights. Really happy to see you survived the mountain lion attack - glowing & more beautiful than ever. Be well & many thanks ☀️

[@LL-cc1km]

This Therapist is SO GOOD! I've had a lot of therapy in my life, before internet access. I'm so appreciative of people offering their help and knowledge! This is such a good way to reach a lot of people who otherwise would not hear it. There's such a lack of privacy IMO these days, I won't visit a Therapist in person any longer.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. I am glad my videos are helpful to you.

[@jenneen6642]

I truly want to change being so defensive especially in the workplace. Great tools to get me started in this video!!!👏🏽👏🏽

[@DocSnipes]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.

[@MS-ns4ki]

I feel at this point in my life it’s impossible to not get defensive

[@indymg4456]

Here’s my thing I have Empathic abilities and usually I can tell when someone is being concerned Or authentic and coming from a good place or is it someone just completely insensitive of my feelings and is trying to insult me,,

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching.

[@keziahmwangi9920]

Me too. I think this is the most important factor.

[@niffellbique3744]

Yup same here 😔

[@roegincordovi8172]

3 minutes in and I already know this video is definitely for me. Thank you Lord for putting this in my path.

[@DocSnipes]

Wonderful!

[@ann-sylvianalule305]

... amen 🙏

[@samantharodriguez5999]

Amen!

[@fernbailey6099]

Jesus led me to this too…incredibly helpful. Thank you

[@maxwellali-kinney5856]

Right same!

[@cathleenkealey7451]

Excellent lesson and I value your self disclosure of your experience with your analytical son. A skill to learn, relearn, rehearse and use.

[@drewg3087]

Another great video, some won’t get it because of their own ego but it takes two in a relationship and after a hard time both parties have to forgive each other, learn new healthy behaviors, and move on to build a new better relationship. Living in defensiveness of old behaviors while acting or responding in new behaviors is detrimental to the new built relationship.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching.

[@moorliving2703]

This comment made me cry

[@Kuragdar]

Yours are some of my favorite self help videos. Thank you for all your hard work. You are making a difference!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much

[@carlalampkincrawford2924]

Maturity has a lot to do with it too. This is very good information 🙏🏾

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@sholandosmiguelito6508]

I need this, sometimes i just cant help myself.

[@DocSnipes]

:) Thanks for watching.

[@briancurry2020]

same I really like listening to all of her videos

[@courtneyboudreau4284]

I feel this happens often, sometimes the way the message often delivered . I feel this is. Me,😳😳😤😱,. But sometimes it happens too Me there offended alot by my presence LoL

[@heatherlangley1990]

I know just how you feel

[@babycakes8434]

So much great info. I didn't know that this is natural for introvert to process the info later to be able to talk about it. I thought that I am not smart enough and not eloquent enough to do it right away in the moment. Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome. I appreciate you watching

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

I live with a teenager too...he's sixty-six.

[@DocSnipes]

:) Thanks for watching.

[@BethyKable]

You too, huh?

[@aramotselaw3794]

😂😂😂

[@sophansen579]

😂🤣🤣

[@lindatohara6438]

Mine is 67 😂

[@butterflyh.marinez1785]

Wow I first time here no idea how I end here but I'm glad I did cause just by listening to you I actually felt really good cause you explanations are exactly what I want to hear . I honestly say thank you . I'm 53 yrs that I been through a lot triggers that push me to the point to be defensive with family friends even strangers cause for reason I was target for everyone but now that older I don't let nobody cross the line . I agree 💯 with everything you said . I try to take notes but I can't see to well .

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching.

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job. My parents didn't model healthy relationships. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@crestonhardcastle7631]

As crestons wife it's best to get away from people who are not good for us who don't have boundaries or dysfunctional even our own families who don't want to change and even if they are negative or controlling even with their words or critical people it's best to be around positive people and I've noticed when I do I don't usually have that it's usually limited not usual behavior I only choose people who are positive and that makes a huge difference in my life

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@AlleyCat-1]

My husband is like this ... always defensive about every topic, except to some degree if it's abt our kid's, he's like this at work too. It's always a "your picking on me" (type behavior), or your not being supportive. Never have been" I spent little time talking to him abt anything, we had to live like we have to walk on egg shell's all the time for yrs. It took abt 5 yrs for me to grow a backbone & stand up for myself but not jumping into the argument arena with him.

[@charitihope]

The Holy Spirit led me here and I'm very thankful for your ministry and knowledge.

[@DocSnipes]

Bless you. Please check out my Bible channel, and consider subscribing. kzbin.info/door/YYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg

[@godlywisdomministries5815]

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind..meditate on God's word and let his words dwell in you richly and the more you meditate on his word and speak his word the more you will hear his words.Renew your mind by God's words .Man shall not live by bread alone but by everyword that proceeds out of the mouth of God .I promise you all creation is speaking his words whether they know it or not...let him who hath an ear let him hear what the spirit is saying to the churches ..Pray God gives you a good conscious and that your heart doesn't condemn you and most of all pray we will be worthy to stand before him .

[@DocSnipes]

Bless you. I also have another KZbin Channel, I just started: Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study kzbin.info/door/YYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg Please consider liking and subscribing.

[@DocSnipes]

Unlimited CEUs for $59 at AllCEUs.com. Based on this channel's videos and the proceeds support our continued mission to make these resources available.

[@ebonydickerson379]

Just a minute into the video and know for a fact the universe sent me to watch this! Oh my goodness, I needed to hear all of this 🥰

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for being here. Please share. :)

[@Trw-ke5oo]

This video popped up, so grateful! Made so much sense! It helped me to get clarity in how I have been feeling. It helps me to compartment things in my mind so I can start working at having a healthier relationship with myself and others. I grew up in a home of dis function. Feel a “disease” for life. You spoke of 12 step work, you speak of the tools given, I have known about them. And I went to meetings for 7 years, just I struggled to agree always see or agree with others opinions, which they are. Was told take what you want, leave the rest behind. I do feel a better sense of relationship to the Al anon program then AA. Not that I have not abused alcohol ever, just I do not feel I relate who heartedly to the individuals in those meetings as I do when I listen to Al anon individuals. I guess it is the adult child and codependent issues that I need work on. Just, was having a hard time separating what is mine, as to what is theirs. Do you have any suggestions for a book, or work book? I have thought about going to a councilor and have tried making appointments, just it’s 3-4 months waiting just to get appointments. Thanks

[@---nj7hl]

Get a different counselor. A lot of them are doing online.

[@luckymeyer1014]

Start writing in a journal about your journey a little at a time in the mornings a little at noon a little about bedtime.

[@heatherlangley1990]

Wow I really like how you explain things in such a respectfully manner. I really need this learning in my life. It's a lot of what is going on. Communication problems. Ty

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@WM37980]

I also have a very logical son (an engineer) who likes to 'debate' and be the devil's advocate. I love him very much but unfortunately I find it exhausting (anyone would), it has the effect of constantly invalidating my point of view, it s a sort of passive aggression. I just let it drift over me (no point in taking it personally) but it diminishes the richness of our relationship. The wonderful thing is that I feel so grounded in myself (in part thanks to Donnelly) I am able to let it go. I just tell myself with a smile: "Life will teach him..!"

[@powerofknowledge7771]

Yep, I go through the same exact thing with my mom. If I point out something that's bothering me even if I do it in a loving constructive way, she jumps on defense and then starts jumping down my throat and attacking me over things that aren't even relevant. She'll accuse me of doing what she does and it's very obviously not the case. At that point, how do you even have a healthy conversation with a person like that? Both parties have to be willing. I will say that she's willing to jump on anybody else's shit that messes with me. But if it's her messing with me then she is completely closed off to the concept of it.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching.

[@whitewings2363]

Wow. I wish you were my mom growing up. You're kids should really appreciate the wealth of wholeness they have in their parent. How much different would things have been had I gotten this stuff as a boy? Wow

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and thank you for your kind words. What tips would you use first to listen without defensiveness? If you’re interested in videos on assertiveness, you can find them at: kzbin.infosearch?query=assertiveness

[@caseteamcouture8633]

I’m just here to improve my life

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@mapleleaf902]

Thank you for to this post and I will adjust my speech to express myself and protect myself when dealing with a narcissistic person. This helps me see why I react the way I do. Good directional guidance for me. Thank you again.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@janeherring5402]

This ha really helped with the views on government/COVID differences. As a RN I have had to truly work o the compassion factor and let go. Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

Interesting point. Thanks for sharing.

[@tatungt.8590]

I feel so grateful to be learning from miss snipes, listening to her helps me access my executive wise mind and I know that this is so much important for my healing period ryt now. Thank you so much doc for making such valuables contents accessible. Will forever be grateful ❤.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@thetruthwillsetyoufree4747]

I’d rather be told I’m wrong dentist for somebody to talk behind my back or make fun of rather than constructively criticize what I do and explain what upsets them forward with the truth regardless if I like it or not I’m sure there’s something there that I can learn from I don’t mind what hurts if someone doesn’t take the time to even acknowledgePerhaps the other person doesn’t know if I’d rather help somebody that’s all thank you excellent video

[@MataH1]

Always so interesting, food for thought without judgement. Thank you!

[@kapilafavorites]

This is very useful therapy educational free session. I just enjoyed listening the whole video. Heartfelt thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@coppersense999]

Surprised to see this was published a week ago. My first thought was this is an older video. The content is valuable.

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@glee_again2594]

The extrovert/introvert point in discussing is spot on for my husband and I. It’s hard when we are pressed for time I know in my “talk it out way” we have to have this important conversation now. I guess his introverted processing becomes stunned. He becomes silent & I give up and feel abandoned. Normally I give time and space to think first, but there are things that can’t wait… Hard, but worth realizing even if it stinks

[@AGirlCalledJim]

It's the opposite for me and my person. I'm the introvert who wants to talk things out, and he's the avoidant extravert.

[@gladyssanabria9701]

This is WONDERFUL! My son and I are healing from his father/ step mother wrongfully taking him from my custody and now that's my son is back. Over the last 2 1/2 years. We both have been triggered by many things. Something as easy as wash the dishes. Was so hard to understand until he told me why. It broke my heart. This video is absolutely perfect and needed for all humans. We as a whole have to face on the matters that are spoken of. Thank you tremendously

[@DocSnipes]

Best wishes to you both. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@boostmobile9249]

Self-Regard, self - Respect one's own physical being. Important. Very important person..

[@musicanovas6]

"Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They're either lonely, they're missing somebody, they're depressed, they're hurt, they're scarred from the past, they're having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn't believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting here reading these words, and I'm writing this for you so you don't feel alone anymore. Always remember, don't be depressed about the past, don't worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today's not so great don't worry! Tomorrow's a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. God bless you and your family wish you a new day full of blessings, health and happiness 🙏🏻💋Have a nice day!"

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@musicanovas6]

@@DocSnipes Thank you very much . God bless you and your family wish you a new day full of blessings, health and happiness 🙏🏻💋

[@jewelsfromcoal]

Thanks for this. This validated what I’ve been through, where I am and where I am headed.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome

[@MissTree22]

Wow! Thank you 🙏. I took notes and sent it to my sister to heal our relationship.

[@DocSnipes]

Wonderful! Thanks for watching and sharing.

[@gailc.501]

This was helpful, I'm an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I think setting ground rules is a good idea, as I find myself getting frustrated when he excessively talks and I definitely need time to process what he's saying. Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching and for sharing. Here are the videos on temperament: kzbin.infosearch?query=temperament And the videos on relationships: kzbin.infosearch?query=relationships

[@Zelicious11]

Persons really should be receptive to this! Some one said “whatever” to me after speaking however they couldn’t understand how rude that was. The convo didn’t go how I intended to.

[@kemeyartusniki842]

This has helped me tremendously. I am so grateful that I came across this video. Everything happens for a reason . Hallelujah and glory to God.

[@DocSnipes]

Ty. Best wishes to you.

[@Sunny25611]

Short answer: Defensiveness is caused by insecurity. Stay out of politically charged chat rooms and you won’t get triggered. Excellent informative video! Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@Nekole1]

This was very helpful, Thank you for this video. I love how you put up the slides for the viewers to read along.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching. I get requests for me full screen too...it is a balancing act. :) We may me full screen with lower third graphics soon.

[@margaretwinson402]

I find the slides really distracting.

[@WhiteBirdMustFly1]

Very good, and true. Some people judge others versus discernment, and that can trigger the defense system. Example: A woman who openly rescues dogs, has 3 and walks by while stating that My Dog, is overweight... Assertively, I stated that he had just been to a Veterinarian, who praised his health and weight. I described her short haired dogs as easy to see their weight. Reached down to my dog with hair and fur, and smoothed it down, where she could see that his size was larger due to his fur and hair. Told her that when his fur and hair is washed, he looks much smaller, then I walked away.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@barbaramorton7230]

Thank you for sharing this. As I grow into new leadership roles, relationships and journeys, this is much needed. Well organized and said!

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome!

[@batraworldwide720]

Fantastic fantastic talk. Great pointers, great presenting style thank you for putting this out!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

Environmental boundary "this is my apartment. I deserve to breathe. My neighbors chainsmoking inside their apartment 24/7 makes me feel disrespected and unsafe."

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching.

[@breathinggreen2790]

Are they the kind of people you could approach about it? Sometimes people have no idea how their actions are effecting others. Or they could just be selfish assholes and that would really annoy me too. I hope things have gotten better at your place. 🙂🌱

[@chileigh9412]

I don't know why but this video made me cry a lot. You really hit the nail on the head. I have some soul searching to do.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry the video made you cry. What tips will you use to improve your assertiveness skills?

[@jadek5822]

All the psychology in the world & I still go back to acceptance because 85% of us have trauma & most are unaware that it’s even trauma. We’re all in survival mode & just coping. I can’t do anything about your trauma, only my own. You can’t hurt me, only I have the power to do that.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@valenciawalker6498]

This is so very helpful. some people don't respect boundaries. It's definitely, their projection. Yes, I've been using the I statement more. I do feel like my boundaries and personal space are being violated and peace at times. I'm not very talkative. Yes, anxiety does it triggered. this is all very important. Thank you, for the strategies. I've learned with certain personalities keep it light and small talk. however, when I feel it's safe. I can engage in in-depth intellectual conversations if I prefer.

[@DocSnipes]

Ty so much. Glad it was helpful.

[@ambersadae8159]

I really appreciate your message throughout your content. Your videos are very helpful to me. Thank you for sharing!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@david7550]

Thanks for putting the talking points in the notes section. It makes it easier to make my own notes :)

[@abigailhazle2539]

Excellent presentation! It was very relatable and insightful. Thank you for the tips. Now comes the hard part to remember and apply, but I will....I will, with God as my help! 💪🏾

[@DocSnipes]

Glad it was helpful! Bless you. I also have another KZbin Channel, I just started: Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study kzbin.info/door/YYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg Please consider liking and subscribing.

[@avicohen3035]

Enjoy listening. Educational experience. I better myself. I gladly adopt the American way. It makes me understand where the quality of the American women emanates from. I am grateful to you, Dr snipes. I am grateful for the English language, it has changed me. I owe a debt of gratitude to all the American woman I listened to.when You listen to quality, you gain quality.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@reconnectwithyou]

This is the most helpful lecture/presentation yet on this topic. Thank you so much Dr. Snipes! I’m gonna save this to my favorites 💜

[@DocSnipes]

Awesome! Thanks for watching.

[@loveme24now]

For the example of "the sky is blue", but another person sees the sky as "teal". It becomes a problem or conflict with someone creates a label of character personality to define a disagreement. When in fact both individuals are correct. There are many shades of colors that could be. We have primary colors that are added with other colors to create a lighter, darker, or different color entirely. If those two people were to take a moment together and examine the sky together and point out the space or area of color their sight see.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video! What tips would you use first to listen without defensiveness?

[@Buster-im5so]

Real gut laughing. 24:30. As well, (Unrelated) Don't tell the narcissist what you're feeling. They'll use it as a weapon. Copy/Paste it in your mind. Doc Snipes seems to enlighten me with new knowledge to the point that I'm memorizing key positions and terms as she speaks. Increasing the playback speed helps me because she know where she's going and she share tons of pertinent information. Thanks Doc. Thanks Crew. Thanks Husband. Thanks Family and Subscribers. Thumbs Up.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks SO MUCH for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@stanleyyelnats1313]

Like all others... 3 min in and the bell sounded! Ive already heard a bridge, I've needed for a while, to help with issues in a very special and fragile relationship. Thanks Doc! Peace and Love family

[@DocSnipes]

Very Welcome! Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@powerofknowledge7771]

I know exactly what you're saying because I heard some bridges in there as well! I started taking notes. Lol

[@queenvv6244]

Thank you Doc Snipes for all of your videos, I especially learned a lot from this one. I’m always being told that I’m defensive and combative all the time. Very insightful

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@LL-cc1km]

This is so me! In my past I suffered much domestic violence. I believe I allowed it because of being so invalidated in childhood. This makes a lot of sense!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@rvoic]

You're such a great teacher. I literally found this video right after a situation of defensiveness!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for your kind words and thank you for watching. How are you planning to improve your assertiveness skills?

[@jessicac391]

Omg it really help me understand people & myself more . People at Work triggers me all times lol🙄

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@krisscanlon4051]

This has always been a tough one for me...feeling like I'm defending myself...this was a childhood issue...my paternal history was of an offensive authoritative nature

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to improve communication?

[@nonny5489]

I just realized that I get defensive because of the fear of rejection. Growing up my care giver would punish me by making me feel emotionally abandoned and rejected.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@spiritualservicesgodbless7641]

27:00 Each person has their own way of picking up information

[@shirleyaguilar3979]

Wow, I'm very grateful to watch this channel for free, worth learning. .

[@DocSnipes]

Ty for taking the time to watch. Please share the videos you find helpful.

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@durelrich9218]

I watch your classes and and I learn alot. A lot is just common sense and if your a empathetic person. Being genuine is a must for me. Life is to short to be ugly and disingenuous. Love each one another truly.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@durelrich9218]

@@DocSnipes Your very welcome💪🏾

[@jolly7728]

Boundaries are like a two-edged sword. They communicate to others what you will and will not tolerate, but they also identify which buttons to push to elicit a response from you. So, boundaries can defend you and enable people to hit you where it hurts. It's better to take every possible step to avoid people who make you feel uneasy or irritate you. That is, in fact, the only way. Discussing/arguing, or whatever you want to call it, is at best a temporary solution because 99 percent of the time, individuals can't/don't change.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@rickeyalyles9169]

Wow.Thanks lady my 12 year old son said why i seem so angry brung me to this video thanks . We should put this on the news. Do you know how many people could of been saved from prision if they would od herd your message

[@rhobounce]

This is a really good lecture! I’m an introvert and my husband is an extrovert…. I’m taking it all in!

[@Alphacentauri819]

Have you looked into attachment theory? Often introverts or extroverts have opposite attachment styles (and sometimes triggering to each other). Different needs and boundaries, different core wounds, different fears and need for self protection and connection. Almost all our self protective behaviors inhibit connection unfortunately. So healing the programming, conditioning, core wounds associated, can provide such empowerment and greater connection (to self and others). I’ve walked much of this road & am still healing…but am so much more hopeful, now that I understand the “why” behind much of my behavior, and behind my exes too. I wish you peach and happiness in the new year 💫

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.

[@dromus5392]

I had a disagreement with my mother a while back. I wish I had this then because when trying to process her words in the aftermath I assumed what she was saying was something I fear and started developing self-doubt and painful emotions so loud and insistent that I wasn't sure if it was my fear or intuition telling me to surrender to them. This will be a useful tool in the future.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@wouldntyouliketoknow5342]

What a nice way of putting it he’s brainstorming other potential explanations lol I’ll have to remember that one with my husband! He loves to brainstorm other potential explanations every day ha ha

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@rhondabaroli2683]

I listen to self help info on tube a lot. Thanks fir the help it always a good boost and reminder. I appreciated the real life examples and could relate. All I know is everyone struggles wth defensive behavior and communication breakdowns At work. In relationship s. Wth people we love wth loved ones. It happens. The good news is. We can solve it it jus takes time patience honesty self reflection energy and I don’t know lol I jus an empath spiritual human that never gives up but often get frustrated. Well thanks fir the opportunity to vent. Express my inner thoughts it what pushes us forward and ruts are what happens when we keep on the same path day after day we gotta grow and heal and most of all turn off the news and live and interact wth people in life It gos by fast. Now to those scrolling. Namaste love and light and jus fir today enjoy life ! Get busy.

[@luckymeyer1014]

🙂

[@endigosun]

They used to teach all of this during childhood… It was called “respect and honesty”

[@iMageMotif]

Unfortunately not all of us are taught that.

[@ghostadventureasmr6107]

Ha ha loser

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for commenting and watching.

[@MikuHatsune12]

Whose they

[@MikuHatsune12]

@@ghostadventureasmr6107 you clearly have some personal demons to work through :)

[@relationshipskills6855]

This is helpful. Is it possible you could record some dialogues with someone as a training tool? Somehow I think I would learn better if at the end there are some recorded examples of conflict resolution, perhaps others as well. 😊

[@Alphacentauri819]

The Personal Development School has communication scripts for addressing conflict & helped my ex and I with our coparenting. While it’s definitely not perfect, it’s better. When we learn to zoom out, pause, ask for what we need (rather than complain about what we aren’t getting or the other is doing wrong), it leads to more possibilities of good outcomes. It take practice, vulnerability, dropping a need to be “right” and so on. My ex has dismissive avoidant attachment style (as well as Aspergers) and I have fearful avoidant attachment style. It made the “relating” contentious and very difficult. We were both reacting out of our core wounds, our subconscious programming/conditioning, and often created more disconnection rather than connection. The whole point is to operate together, not seeing each other as enemies. However, when you have 2 insecure attachment styles, operating out of fears and self protection, the ability to see clearly and hear is very diminished. Anyways, the above helped me so much. Life changing really, learning how to express needs and boundaries in a way that was never encouraged in childhood (or many other relationships). A paradigm shifter!

[@powerofknowledge7771]

@@Alphacentauri819 just this comment alone was very helpful!

[@YourHungTrainer]

Well after watching this video, I could listen to you all day.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am grateful to be of service

[@hradmin5040]

What many don't recognize is that "the box" we've been taught to live in includes a model for the denial of responsibility and accountability for our actions. Most models of religious belief defer to extrinsic control of events, rather than intrinsic responsibility and the acknowledgement that personal choices have personal consequences. The common belief in "God's will" (insert your favorite deity *here*) and "fate" defer and deflect responsibility which becomes life long behavioral dysfunction.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching. What tip from the video are you planning to use first to increase assertiveness skills?

[@hradmin5040]

@@DocSnipes I have no problem with assertiveness. Dialing my assertiveness back would be my opportunity. ;)

[@ithacacomments4811]

Like trying to discuss your point of view with your best friend. She always has the right point of view!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@peggyoneill5288]

Amen I know my worth ! My past is my past !! God bless you

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome

[@monicaestrada9728]

Thank you for sharing this information. I needed it very much.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome.

[@worksofhands]

This presentation is 20 years late in my life. But better late than never. Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@bert.hbuysse5569]

Thank you so much for this course. Really taught me a lot. Being defensive is one of my biggest flaws.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching.

[@judithwallace2091]

Okay, this is just what I needed to hear. Your videos are so good.

[@DocSnipes]

Wow, thank you!

[@agiejones7651]

Amazing lecture! Thank you kindly 🙏🙏🙏🌟🤩

[@prismintuitionllc1035]

Amazing presentation. Thank you for sharing!

[@DocSnipes]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@FRANN_GRANDlife]

Wow this is a mouthful & taught me a lot about why I’m always become defensive when I feel triggered& how I can work on that from watching this video it’s seems like its gonna be alot of work to reprogramm myself but I’m willing to try wish me luck

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.