Did Nickelodeon Star Have A Narcissistic Mother? | Jennette McCurdy Case Analysis

[@Jen-X333]

Anyone who believes she is too harsh is lucky enough to have no idea what it’s like to have a pathological & malignant narcissist for a mother.

[@drammab157]

Yeeessss

[@goliathtigerfishes]

Seriously!!

[@suellensheppard9734]

It's a terrible way to live

[@eliciaeldridge3452]

Who said she was to harsh ? That isn't what I have read any where.

[@cobracommander8133]

Damn straight

[@TheOneWhoGnocchs]

“The greatest threat to a child is the un-lived life of the parent” - Dr. Gabor Máte, (edit) quoting Carl Jung

[@katfayegarrett3872]

Love Dr. Máte!

[@WorldOfTess2024]

"Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life's longing for itself." Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)

[@reesemorgan2259]

He quoted Carl Jung. He didn't originate that phrase.

[@sunilmenon6344]

worst 'edit' ever

[@Andrea-xs4ny]

Asking her to sing "You were the wind beneath my wings" at her funeral was truly a narcissistic move.

[@joanneblack7697]

And telling the kid to visit her grave EVERY DAY??? That, and the "checking for cancer" in her private parts? What a horrific association! I haven't read the book and I don't know her as an actor, but I tend to think she is correct in her critique and the book title. Very sad that parents do this to kids.

[@PHlophe]

@Jessica Smith she could have sung, Like a candle in the wind by Elton John to throw shade

[@vkrgfan]

This could be that she lied about the mothers abuse to become relevant again as an actress. It’s not uncommon when actors make up crazy stories to get noticed. Don’t get me wrong she is a good actress but there is a brutal competition in the Hollywood.

[@ollyotzie]

@@vkrgfan please stop. You clearly have not taken the time to learn anything about her relationship to acting.

[@katie8325]

@@vkrgfan just get off this video and get help. You have issues.

[@MsSwitchblade13]

My former best friend truly hated her mother and I never held it against her because I grew up with her like we were sisters. I saw what happened. Her mother was incredible mentally, verbally, emotionally abusive. She was a narcissistic alcoholic who only cared to use her kids to bring her attention or pity from others. She screwed up all her kids lives, irreparably. My friend would tell me much she wished her mom would just die. She never grew out of that resentment and hatred. We're in our late thirties now and we don't talk anymore for other reasons but whenever I hear stories of toxic mother-daughter relationships, I think about her.

[@gerryjohnson3566]

Syndelle thank you for being there for your friend. Your friendship and kindness probably saved her life.

[@MsSwitchblade13]

@@gerryjohnson3566 thanks. I hope so. I did what I could as a child and even as an adult I really could only do so much. I always hoped she wouldn't go off the deep end, but her mom really did a number on her and I don't blame her for the mistakes she's made. Even the ones that hurt me. I ultimately had to let her go her way after many years of friendship. I will always blame her mother for messing her up. ..

[@LifesPeachy321]

*I hear so much about Narcissistic mothers, but what if you have a narcissistic daughter?* My daughter took after my ex. (her narc father). My second husband (whom I married when she was 8), and I have 2 sons together and all four of us can't stand to be around her (she's 36). She's self-serving, _give me give me give me_ and violent when you do anything that might be something she doesn't agree with or denied something she wants. We...(all 4 of us) haven't talked to her in over 2 years, but the funny thing with that is she hasn't tried to talk to us either, which makes me realize any communication between us was always initiated *by one of us.* I don't miss her *at all,* but I do feel guilt...even from just saying I don't miss her. I can't rid myself of the *mother's guilt that it might be my fault* even though I have two loving, caring sons who are nothing like her.

[@kathys5525]

O..M...G... This is EXACTLY how I felt growing u with a rotten hateful, Verbally abusive, mother.... I never ,ever remember loving her, only the deep disgust & literally the Hatred I always felt toward her. . How I turned out normal is beyond me but I did, U survived, scarred, but I did, much to her disgust of course. I married a great man who did grow up in great loving family & with his help raised my kids completely opposite of what I had too grow up with...I feel "NOTHING" about her & have not for last 35 years. No hate, no Nothing at all., I am just glad I got away from her at 17 that's for sure.

[@1rage17]

Yup. People see me yelling at my mom in public and they want to butt into our argument but the moment they do my MOM is the one who gets pissed at them for getting in between us and disrespecting me, then we go back to fighting lol. She knows I’m yelling at her for a valid reason, because she’s much more crazier than I am and she knows it so she feels mad when people put me down for yelling at my mother cause they have no reason what she’s really like behind closed doors or what our argument is even about. Basically she’s irrational, hyper anxious (and no, not mother anxious, more than that) and even louder than I am, but I love her to death and will protect her with my life and she would do the same. Basically everyone thinks I’m the one being rude to my mom, but I’m actually just responding to her being rude to me. That’s why my dad always stood up for me and not her because he saw face first that she was always the instigator, criticized and nagged about truly pointless things to me. But she’s also an amazing mom, she has maternal instincts that many moms lack, so the only one who can call her a raging bitch is me!! She’s mine! xP 💜 But yeah Jeanettes mum reminds me of my own, would point out my body figure a lot, super materialistic, tell everyone she had cancer (which she did) to make people feel even more bad about her which I’d laugh about with her but also find it putrid lol but never saw her as narcissistic cause I can just feel she cares for me and my feelings greatly. But idk maybe I just refuse to believe it, like Grande mentions

[@elinorregina]

Not everyone should be a parent. Why society treats it like a right rather than a privilege I will never understand.

[@jacobmorin485]

Because by what objective standard can you demonstrate who should and should not be a parent ? You can’t without making the assumption that objective morality exists, and there are already moral systems who actually claim that reproducing is an honorable thing in itself.

[@elinorregina]

@@jacobmorin485 Let me give you an example. I have bipolar disorder. I can barely take care of myself so how could I possibly take care of another human being and be a reasonably good parent? I manage to present a pretty good facade that I have it together but it takes all my energy to do that. So I've always known I should not have a kid. It's not a selfish decision. It sets me apart from all my contemporaries and not in a good way. I took responsibility. So many just do it because they see everyone around them doing it, not thinking about whether they could even afford to raise a child much less whether or not they are mentally and emotionally able to be a good parent. I would have been a nurturing, loving mom but it takes a lot more than that to be a good parent. I've always known that and acted responsibly by not reproducing. That's what I consider "honorable". It is honorable to consider your circumstances and limitations instead of mindlessly having kids you're not prepared to raise.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

You are somewhat of controlling, too. It is a general human right.

[@lilyblossom1240]

Melinda you are spot on. I didn’t have kids either because I took into account my situation and my limits. People do a disservice to kids they can’t feed let alone be a good parent too. When money is an issue the home is not stable and the parent is often too stressed to really be there. It’s a struggle just to survive. Then there is the mental and physical health aspect. Then the I really don’t want to sacrifice for my child people. Those that want to remain selfish and they had kids because it’s an image. An accessory. Kids should be looked at as a luxury. A privilege. It’s not right to keep generational traumas going. It’s not right to knowingly set up kids who become adults to fail. When I hear people talk about how will they feed their kids, when something is going on about the school lunch programs etc, I think why in the hell did you have them? That’s kind of your job to provide for them. And it’s not just oh they fell on hard times. It’s an ongoing issue. These kids will likely fail at life then society will blame them even though they were set up to fail. I really hate it here

[@rosalindalozano233]

Because it is a right. My body, my choice, Right? Try to think outside of yourself and what the alternative would look like. 🙄

[@sallywillis610]

I was 42 when I first stood up to my narcissistic mother. Mother, please don't speak to me like that." She slammed the phone down, refused to speak to me ever again and cut me out of her will. The fact that I had not BECOME HER enraged her and so did my life choices. She wanted pure control over me.

[@Angelwings-qz5ki]

Good for you sometimes it's best to walk away and live your life

[@tundrawomansays694]

I walked away decades ago, long before the Internet etc. Mine is physically dead now but the decision to terminate the relationship is one of the two best decisions of my life, the other was marrying my late husband. If you’re an adult and have kids? If that parent was too painful for you, your children should never be expected to have any kind of relationship with a nasty grandparent.

[@loriwilde3977]

The exact thing happened to me with my mother, but sadly I was 60. You're free now. Congrats to you!

[@emilywalla8958]

fucking GET EM, hope you're doing alright champ

[@heidichan3610]

I feel you. Mine also gaslight and denied she said things a lot of time , she would refuse to admit she is wrong or apologize.

[@Jared_Wignall]

It’s quite rare for child actors and actresses to be able to grow up and be normal or as normal as can be being in the entertainment world. Many have a lot of problems and resort to drugs or alcohol to cope with whatever traumas they’ve experienced. Here, it looks as if Jennette McCurdy has taken the problems she experienced and now released them in as healthy a way as one could. Airing out her grievances in book is a better solution as opposed to using drugs or abusing alcohol. Her deciding to stop acting is another good step for her to be able to close the door on that chapter of her life and help be able to come to peace with what happened during her upbringing. Thank you for the video Dr. Grande, I always enjoy hearing your thoughts on things like this. Keep up the great work!

[@jnm2088]

Demi Lovato said something interesting in her documentary with KZbin. She said that she realized quickly she was the breadwinner in her household. So she thought why do I have to listen to my parents then? It’s the same story for a lot of them. They might have okay parents but once they realize the power they have over their parents through money, they’ll stop listening anyway.

[@georgemartin1436]

I've often felt that, and wondered what kind of stupid things I would have done if put into the positions these children are put into.

[@LisaPFrampton]

@@jnm2088 that's really kind of sad. Being taught good, sound principals, morals, and human decencies are key to being a well-balanced individual. Teaching our children healthy boundaries, self-care, self respect, individualism and how to see things from a calm outside perspective are foundational in personal happiness, satisfaction and success. Teaching our children the importance and why's of following rules, social norms, laws, respecting authority and how to give back are foundational to being a productive, safe and dependable citizen and member of any organization, including of a family. These are just a few things that are a must in my book that we need to teach all children in our homes and anywhere else possible that we can teach. Heck, not just children need to learn these things, but adults!

[@LisaPFrampton]

You sound just like Dr. Grande himself 😆. I agree with you, of course, but it's like something Todd Grande would've said, verbatim, based on the words used, the structure of the sentences, and the points made, too, of course. 🤔😂I love it.

[@c.c.l.9139]

In the book she actually details how she did use alcohol to cope for a while, but broke free of that. She overcame so much.

[@MissMiisha]

Her traumatic experience reminds me of Judy Garland, which says a lot about how long this industry has gotten away with abusing people for so long. It’s admirable that her and many others bring the truth to light while knowing that powerful people could retaliate against them. I sadly live Los Angeles and can say the glitz and glamour stereotype is a lie.

[@Emeraldcity70]

Also, Shirley Temple, Jon Benet Ramsey, Natalie Wood, and Christina Crawford (Joan Crawford's daughter).

[@southbug27]

Didn’t the studio head, maybe it was Daryl Zanuck, join up with Judy Garland’s mother & then husband & just emotional harass her into an unwanted abortion, so they wouldn’t have to push some movie filming back? That’s a disgusting situation that I think would break a part of your soul that you could never get back.

[@Emeraldcity70]

@@southbug27 Yes, and it obviously drove her to suicide.

[@mbankslje0nk]

Los Angeles is nice place to live if can afford it. I live out there from 81 to 2010.

[@animula6908]

Expecting utopia where no one feels abused is a dream. You say allowed like it’s society’s goal. Of course dysfunctional relationships resemble each other. It’s a descriptive term. 😂

[@slconley]

Boundaries have been the hardest thing for me to establish after being raised by an abusive narcissist. I wish there were more information about setting boundaries in terms kids can understand.

[@DustyMayT]

So good you've done the work, though! I'm not sure children really can set boundaries, because they're so powerless. You sort of either stay with the abuser and are subject to their whims, or you find help and are taken away. Children are in a really vulnerable position. Thank goodness it's possible to learn healthier ways of relating as an adult. I was in the same position. ❤

[@dm3144]

Never ever ever ever stay with an abuser! Or subject yourself to their “whims” as dusty mentioned…There will never ever ever be an excuse for that noun !!! All I wish to do is encourage you dear one! The boundaries are exactly the same SL… Just set by the parents!!! it’s our job as parents to protect them! Kids need to know they’re safe, kids are resilient however, they listen and see everything! Boundaries are boundaries! Stay free! 🦋SURVIVOR🦋

[@junopierre2988]

Yesss this is something I just learned to do and I’m 33 years old! Best of luck to you on your healing journey love

[@Laskagleex]

Boundaries don't work. You have to go 100% no contact for healing to begin.

[@DogsDogsAndMoreDogs]

@@Laskagleex Even then it's hard. My mother hunted me down until the day she died and would spread lies about me to anyone she could find who knew me. I have to say going no contact was the best thing I ever did but it didn't solve the problem completely though I was able to begin to understand and heal.

[@defunctdefunctdefunct]

I'm happy that we're living in a time where more and more children are comfortable calling out their abusive mothers since society has had an inclination to place them on a pedestal. As a daughter of a narcissistic mom, I know that peace is hard to achieve when you have to come to terms with the fact that one of your life's biggest detractors is also the person whose given you your life. Edit: This hit so close to home, Dr. Grande did a phenomenal job with this analysis.

[@pinktights747]

@@victorfranko8317 not me, not every woman.

[@justhere4697]

Sometimes, it's the daughter that is the complete 💯 narcissistic problem....

[@pinktights747]

@@justhere4697 apples don't fall from the tree. We are taught many of our personality traits. But I dislike mother's who push their children to be beauty queens and actors if that is not what they want. It sets them up for future problems, and abuse of the Hollywood system. Many end up sexually abused, used by the industry and then thrown to the wolves when they are no longer needed.

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

Yup my mom was verbally and physically abusive. She forced me to get birth control when I was 17 even though I was not having sex and she was a narcissist.

[@pinktights747]

@@PrettyPrincess9609 well, you are just that, a princess. Always remember that, learn from her mistakes and raise your own children differently. ❤️😘🌹👸👸💪🏿

[@pamelamays4186]

Nickelodeon has been protecting Dan Schneider for years now. Others have spoken out about him.

[@violetedge83]

And then there's the business of the $300k hush money. Jeanette didn't take it and is spoke out about what the creator did. I hear no one else talking which leads me to believe other Nick stars took the hush money b/c I haven't heard anyone else talk about it

[@LifesPeachy321]

It has to gain great momentum with the press like Epstein and Weinstein for Nickelodeon or anyone to do anything about it...because it's easier for them to ignore or make pay offs.

[@hoibsh21]

""I like her, she's a biter, hold her tighter, Schneider.""

[@ji8698]

He could use some exercise and lose weight maybe he was doing that so he doesn’t have to look the mirror

[@jubbetje4278]

Dr Grande makes setting boundaries sound easy to do. Narcissists take that for a provocation and will not tolerate it. Setting boundaries is asking to get steamrolled over.

[@powderandpaint14]

This is why sometimes boundaries can involve very limited contact or stopping contact with them altogether.

[@jeninegrasc8414]

It’s so easy to tell someone how to live with a narcissistic parent if you don’t actually Live with a narcissistic parent. So I never take advice like this seriously. You might be able to look at the picture, buddy, but I’m the one inside the frame…😒

[@edithmr21o]

They gaslight the shit out of you if you try. It's hard.

[@nowyouknowrealestate5703]

Setting any boundary is a dare to them. They must not only crush the boundary, they must crush you and anything you love or value. Murder (and I mean that literally) is always an option.

[@carrington2949]

Keep your head down until you can get out of the situation. Flatter them. Look at videos on learning to making the narcissist happy. Dr. Romani makes great ones. Learn what makes them tick. Then hall a$$ when you can. The good news is all of those skills you learn will help you in advancing your career and even social standing. The world is full of them. Learn to use them to get ahead then get rid of them when done. Good luck. Remember: do not allow them to make you an accomplice in abusing others though.

[@mannys9130]

I've been told "Yeah, but that's your mother! You only have 1" and "You can't pick your family" and "Blood's thicker than water" and "You talk about your mom that way?" The response is always the same from me; "You're lucky that you have no idea." I wish I never had a mother at all. 15 year olds shouldn't cry in despair after realizing that they can't realistically support themselves after being emancipated because they can't drive yet and nobody will hire them.

[@icturner23]

Driving isn’t really relevant since lots of adults don’t drive either.

[@DrLC.]

People who dismiss the strife you’ve experienced with flippant comments are malignant tumours to society. Including ones saying not being able to drive is irrelevant bc some adults don’t drive, meanwhile you were still a child. You’re stronger than those individuals for it, I’m certain of it ❤️

[@unslaadkrosis9435]

Correct them bichez: ✨"Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."✨ I understand what you mean, because I've been shamed for bad mouthing my father before, who wasn't just ignorant like they said but actively evil

[@mannys9130]

@@icturner23 You cannot walk to work in Arizona. 2 blocks is a mile. Nice try though. 😉

[@mannys9130]

@@DrLC. Thank you. I agree, if only solving the problem of them was as simple as how we cure tumors.

[@cutienerdgirl]

15:19 Jennette McCurdy would've never been free of her mother if it wasn't for her death because, just like you said earlier in the video, *she thought the atrocities her mother was inflicting on her were normal and that her mother genuinely loved her.* 💔

[@101Reykjavik]

She may have realized it later, but it does seem to have certainly helped move things along and I hope Jenette continues to get treatment to fully heal because healing from a trauma like this takes years.

[@elisebrodeur-jacobs5215]

My mom passed in January and I'm so happy that we had such a beautiful relationship. I wanted her to know how proud I was to be her daughter and caring for her in her final days was one of the greatest honors of my life. Jeanette is my hero and I'm so sorry of what her mom did to her.

[@millsykooksy4863]

❤️

[@moniqueengleman873]

You sound like me. I felt so honored to care for my parents, holding them in my arms as they passed. My parents were abusive when I was little. But as an independent successful human we forged a new relationship. I miss my parents every single day. They have been gone for almost 7 years. I lost them at 55., And I feel like an orphan.

[@glittermeaway]

I appreciate someone who had a beautiful relationship with her mother, but doesn’t use it to assume that everyone has that experience and acknowledges not everyone is so lucky.

[@lizajane2971]

It does seem like the more control parents try to exert over their children, the less they have in the end. If I ever have kids I intend to remember that fact. I would rather have my kids trust and respect me and ask for my opinion and advice, but sometimes watch them make decisions I disagree with, than to try to control their every move and cause such damage to them and our relationship. This is a sad story.

[@UNOwn-ib1td]

The other problem with authoritarian parenting is the child never learns to make their own decisions, or why making the right decision matters. Children growing up in those kinds of homes tend to make decisions based on whether or not they think they’ll get caught. Or, they can’t make decisions at all without an authority figure telling them what’s right. What’s interesting is passive parenting (letting your kid do whatever they want) nets the same results…kids who can’t make good choices. As is usually the case the best way to parent is in the middle. Since you’re already thinking about what type of parent you want to be you’ll do just fine.

[@AliciaL98]

As long as you remember that their behaviour doesn't reflect on you, it'll be okay.

[@Lopfff]

I used to be the perfect parent. Then I had kids.

[@SableRain]

The most important thing to remember as a parent is that you are responsible for the type of relationship you have with your child. You reap what you sow.

[@bumboybandit]

That is called progressive parenting, its much easier so suits the lazy type. Its genetic too so usually gets passed on to kids and that leads us to this point

[@C0URTLY.--.JEST3RX]

I tried to set boundaries with my narcissistic parent, she pretended to accept them and this was only a long game before subjecting my children to abuse. My mother died tricking my daughter into providing her sole palliative care, my daughters mental health is destroyed. Sometimes the narcissistic parent has to die

[@salemish]

I can sympathize with Jennette greatly, as I have a narcissistic mother with zero boundaries as well. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about how relieved and free I'll be when she dies. You can't understand just how damaging and soul destroying having a mother like that is unless you've been through it yourself. I'm glad she's been able to process everything that happened in a constructive way and heal, allowing herself to go after what she wants.

[@brandy4530]

Yes, I feel the same. People don’t get it unless they have lived it. Both me and my sibling got as far away from our mother as soon as we were able to figure out how, which wasn’t as soon as we turned 18. We were terrified of her, and had no ability to function on our own at all. We were both in our mid-20s. People tend to think moving was the end of it, well it wasn’t. It was a fight to be independent of her even when I wasn’t living with her. We haven’t spoken in years, and I’m still terrified of her. I still have nightmares of being trapped in that house with her, and I’ve been away from her for 17 years.

[@peach0129]

Feelings that you can't control are one thing, but to verbalize them let alone broadcast them to the world through publishing a book with such a horrible title is unacceptable

[@salemish]

@@peach0129 lol No. She's out living her best life now because her mother is dead. People are usually happy when their abusers die. It means no more fear, no more living under their control, under constant anxiety that they can still show up at any moment to exert that control. She's glad her mother's dead. I'll be glad when mine is too. She has every right to verbalize that feeling and make it public. Society places mothers on such a high pedestal and frankly, it's ridiculous. Because even when someone's mother is actively destroying their life and they try to say anything about it, people will spout off the same old, "you shouldn't talk that way about your mother! That's your mother!" I have no mother. She gave birth to me, but she is no mother. Jennette can say whatever she wants and those that understand will sympathize and be comforted by her words. To know it's okay to feel that way. To know it's not horrible to be relieved and happy about something like that. Never tell a victim of abuse they shouldn't talk about how they feel about their abusers.

[@salemish]

@@brandy4530 I'm so glad you go away from her. I can understand the fear. I'm an adult still living with my mom and like you mentioned, I have zero means of taking care of myself because she's kept me under her control. I never learned to drive because she didn't want me to. I never learned how to get a job because she didn't want me to. Only recently have I started to learn basic things for when I can move out, so I'm not totally helpless. I am struggling with finding a job because people wonder why I haven't had employment experience before and they are hesitant about it. But I am determined to get out of here and live my life for myself. Be kind to yourself and take care.

[@peach0129]

@@salemish I'm not reading all that lolll

[@Blue-iv5fv]

it was her mother's death that started the cycle of questioning, realizing and healing. so yeah, i think it is a bang on title. so many of us don't know the shit we are being subjected to unless we get a perspective shift and it doesn't come that easy.... at least not for most people. It's either the abuser loses control and says / do things that cannot be taken as "love" or "worry" or it is an event that removes the victim from the abusive situation physically. Could she have gone to a therapist while her mother was still alive and have the therapist suggest that, yes, and she might have reached the same conclusion. But in her case it didn't happen.

[@elan825]

I absolutely agree! It might sound harsh, but I think her mom dying was the best thing that realistically could have happened to free her from the abuse. Abuser don't release their choke-hold willingly, so even with years of counselling and trying to create distance from her mom, I think she would've suffered at least a decade more if not til her mom died of age. Her mom would've kept her from leaving, kept her in the film industry, kept her anorexic and under control. She would've torn Jeannette down if she tried to leave, manipulated the family and invented stories to strangers to make her seem like the bad guy. Letters and calls to reel her daughter back in with tears and acting the dying the swan or abandoned dog. It wouldn't have stopped and how is a manipulated barely-adult child to escape their controlling parent while under their thumb? The mother's death was a clean cut for the whole family, no matter how painful, and a forced new beginning with a new perspective. It gave J. the autonomy her mother would've fought tooth and nail to diminish. Without autonomy, how would she have escaped?

[@jenniferh7825]

Having a baby shifted things for me. I knew my mother was on the extreme side of normal, but holding this tiny little person that I was completely responsible for raising and imagining doing even one of the things that had been done to me during my childhood made me want to be physically sick. I went completely no contact with my mother after my son was born and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. 💖

[@Mynameisdarkxxo]

Perfectly said

[@itsme-os1jb]

My father was a narcissist and I came to understand that he fully aligned with my ex-husband’s abuse. He would tell me that my actions in reaction to abuse were the reason for the horrible things that continued to happen to me and when I left he was mad, I’d failed and of course there was some notion about me being immoral for ending a marriage. There can be amazing parts of the relationship that make it hard to realize how unhealthy it is overall until they are no longer in your life.

[@marilynberkowitz7580]

Wow is very familiar u r right about the time element too!

[@bitteralmonds666]

She wasn’t kiddin’ about “the producer.” Corey Feldman said something similar about those kinds of people in the industry and nobody took him seriously…

[@susanalfieri4487]

Dan Schneider's behavior at Nickelodean has long been known to be "problematic" at best and "predatory" at worst. This is not new information to anyone who has followed this topic in and around Hollywood.

[@stinker9119]

@@susanalfieri4487 yet the worst consequence he has faced so far is nickelodeon firing him.. i feel like the fact he hasn’t been fully, or even slightly imo, been held accountable for his actions, he hides under the radar for some. u wouldn’t believe the amount of people i’ve spoken to or seen who has not heard about his behavior & it blows my mind! i wouldn’t even consider myself that knowledgeable on the industry, i know about dan schiender & his love for feet!

[@LifesPeachy321]

It's easier for them to blame the victim, so the abuser can keep doing what he's doing! Vile Industry! Vile World!

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

I’m still trying to establish boundaries. The guilt that’s put on the child can be immeasurable. I weighed 87 lbs at 5’5”. I estranged myself at 24. I’m 48 now. I still get criticized for my hair color, my weight, makeup, how much I make for a living. It’s never going to be enough so I just stay away. She has Alzheimer’s and these critiques are on repeat because she forgets she said them five minutes ago. I took care of her in my home and it nearly broke my spirit and all the crap from childhood came back and slapped me in the face

[@meganivanyos3232]

I’m sorry you had to go through that but applaud your strength.

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

@@meganivanyos3232 Thank you. That period in my life all seems kind of a blur

[@Indusxstan]

You are a good person. Better than she ever was.

[@imjustsam1745]

I'm doing it right now, how do you avoid substance abuse? I'm really struggling with that part.

[@zuzuspetals9281]

@@imjustsam1745 Great willpower and keep it out of your home, out of your life. Tell all the people who care about you that you can’t have alcohol or drugs, not even one drink or sip. Gain their support. It’s too tempting to have it around. Find teas, coffees, flavored waters you can have while others drink. It’s difficult because blurring the pain and craving the taste both call to you. Talk to a doctor or drug abuse center about counseling or support groups. Having counseling and a support system helps. I grew up in Napa and Sonoma County in CA and enjoyed wines and beer on rare occasions but coming from a family of addicts need to avoid these completely, especially while dealing with a dad who is a narcissist bully, and difficult personal and family medical issues in the early 2000s. It’s not easy but if you keep moving forward a day at a time it’s possible. I learned to set rules, boundaries, and limitations by watching The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan. His techniques for dogs work for people also.

[@seekittycat]

Was in an enmeshed relationship with my mom myself. I never understood my dyslexia, my dissociation, my absolute terror of falling asleep at home, and suicidal tendencies. Afterall I was from a nice family with perfect parents right? Took me a long time to even realize nothing about this is normal.

[@GravyGoodbread]

Terror to all asleep?!

[@The-Finisher]

@@GravyGoodbread night can be the most terrifying time in an abusive household, yes nightmares & terror falling asleep. CPTSD environment.

[@evonne315]

This is the hardest part to get across to people esp those who ciritisize bc they never went through this themselves. So they dont know this behavior literally IS NORMAL until we learn differently. All normal means is a perception of the majority.

[@evonne315]

@@GravyGoodbread Its called CPTSD and having Night Terrors. I have them also.

[@marcorodrigues8303]

@@The-Finisher exatamente ele fez em Buscar Highlights porno em Complar na Mídia Story foi assim que surgiu em Direct Fact October com muitos vírus ele Estrupou a Mídia Violou este Monopólio da Comunicação. Cometendo este crime do Direito de Expressão. De Comunicação. 😌#

[@susanmirarchi7303]

Dr Grande, your vid on narcissist mothers and their daughters was like you were recounting my life story. Everything you said seemed about my mother's behavior with regards to me. It didn't make me angry but incredibly sad. Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease, that I was not being unfair to her. She died in 2012 and the craziest thing is, I still miss her? I have to admit though is that you made me better! Thank you again 💓

[@mzliberty7647]

... great comment ... and yeah, Dr Grande is pretty cool, isnt he ... from Australia.. x

[@crazymimi6061]

One of the hardest things as a mother is realizing your relationship with your children must grow farther apart. It's your job as a parent to teach them to fly on their own, and leave the nest.

[@ArtByHazel]

Narcissistic mothers/fathers is abuse whether they’re aware or not. The only way to heal and recover from this horrific abuse is to take responsibility and take back the control through healthy ways of healing trauma from trauma-informed and trained professionals. The healing can take a lifetime. Thank you Dr. Grande for sharing your wisdom on mental health issues including emotional healing. She definitely had been through a narcissistic abuse because her mom sees her as an extension of herself. It’s complex. I’m glad that she’s able to consciously heal from this tragedy.

[@Khaleesi_Of_Kittens]

I'm reading her book and OMG, her mom was a WAKING FECKING NIGHTMARE!! I thought I had a jacked up childhood (and I did) but Jesus, this poor girl!!!

[@carrington2949]

She was her mother's source of income. People are already crazy about protecting their cash flow. Imagine if you are a sick individual already, and you gave birth to yours cash flow.

[@LividCreature]

It’s ok to say fuck on KZbin just fyi

[@georgiebradley8776]

Absolute right to feel the way she feels. Count yourself lucky if u have a healthy mom bcos a toxic one can leave u with life long scars. I celebrate Jeanettes courage

[@richardwhite3924]

As a former child and teenager actor on Broadway and on stage in the 1960s, I am thankful in hindsight that I was never on television. Through the group "A Minor Consideration" (a group to help former and present child performers) I have met many other former child performers. Those whose careers were primarily television actors seemed to have the most problems as they became confused in the public eye with the character they played on television where we stage actors could more easily separate ourselves from the character we played on stage. We were not in everyone's home once a week for several years but could walk down the street and not be recognized. One of my friends still gets addressed by strangers encountered in the store or walking on the street by the name of the character he played on television over 50 years ago!

[@UNOwn-ib1td]

I think the people who have problems with the title are parents who know they have done some messed up stuff with their kids. They’d rather believe that the kids will forget about it, or not have the guts to cut them off as soon as they grow up. Abusive parents abuse their kids simply because they can. They don’t like to be reminded that these kids will soon enough be adults. Adults who will hate them and stay away.

[@marcorodrigues8303]

Aí Enough Peace e melhor sair de área. Pois eu o único dono tenho a única Área fechada Oval 🥚😌🗝️ Trump está aí de portas abertas está área aí ele e presente eu sou ausente e distante .em Segurança. Portanto tirem as Máscaras 🎭 Enough Peace.#👻 vocês não me conhece o. Não me ver mais eu vejo vocês 😆

[@lizlee6290]

@@marcorodrigues8303 Louco.

[@MiniiCitrus]

I think there's definitely people like that, but there's also people that cannot comprehend what it's like having an abusive parent. Like it does not compute.

[@peach0129]

I have no children and I have problems with the title. My parents have done me harm and I would not disrespect them in such a way after their death.

[@UNOwn-ib1td]

@@MiniiCitrus I think ‘Blood Peach’ is one of those.

[@trolloftheyear7963]

My mother wasn't a bad person, but very controlling. She was probably a narcissist too. I could never disagree with her. It was too difficult.....everything had to be her way, and her idea. I felt like a robot around her.

[@browniehendricks3726]

Me too

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

My mom is awesome but I really did not appreciate the way she was too quick to anger and violent towards me and my brother over things that didn't go her way. Leaves a scar that opens and closes.

[@beewitch6747]

I actually disagree that her mother's death wasn't the only way she could have escaped her mother's control. Setting boundaries with a narcissistic mother doesn't always work. Even if you set distance between you and them, they are extremely adept at still finding ways to still have some grasp of power over you. This might be leaning into my own personal experience, but other daughters of nmoms have discussed similar issues with boundaries. There are many forums where people of nparents, particularly daughters of nmoms, discuss these things, would be interested to see some studies on how easy and effective children of nparents feel setting boundaries is. (Also, just to note, I'm not arguing that setting boundaries is something bad, as when it works, there's tremendous benefit, I'm just arguing that it's not always that simple.)

[@Blue-iv5fv]

i agree. i heard this story once about baby elephants, that they are kept with a chain around their ankle and being small they cannot break it and run away. then the elephant grows older and is still held by the same chain but now being huge and powerful the elephant can easily break away if they tried. however, they do not know that, they still see it as the unbreakable thing that keeps them chained. I don't know if the story is true or not, but it feels similar to being raised by an abusive parent. they always have the power over us... and even when they don't.... we still believe they do. For her, the chains broke when her mother died... and she eventually realized that she could leave. also, physical distance helps. it's is easier to set boundaries (or even go no contact) is easier when you are far away from them, don't depend on them financially etc... which is not that easy to achieve.

[@GM-dp3ef]

jennette was home schooled by her mother and wasn’t allowed to have any friends for fear of “influence”… so how do you come to the realization that you’re mother totally mentally abused you? when she had no one to compare it too

[@salemish]

I agree completely. My mother has a habit of treating my friends like her friends. And she likes to hug them and kiss them. I told her one friend in particular is incredibly uncomfortable being touched and doesn't like hugs. What does she respond with? "Oh, well, it's just me! She doesn't have to be afraid of me!" And she continues to do it to this day. My friends and even past romantic partners have stopped visiting due to her behaviour making them uncomfortable. But she doesn't care. She owns me (so she's said), therefore I guess she assumes she owns anyone that I may get involved with, friendship or otherwise.

[@xoyouaremysunshinexo]

I hung up on my nparent after telling them I didn't want to talk if they were going to be nasty and yell at me for trying to explain my feelings about a particular situation. This was before I realized they were a narcissist, since learning that I've stopped trying to talk to them. They didn't listen, I obviously hung up because I wasn't going to be verbally abused over the phone. They called incessantly. I didn't answer the phone because I didn't want to talk to them, so they drove two hours out of state and sat outside of my apartment...calling. People who've never had that type of parent who is used to overstepping boundaries and having all the control don't understand. That's why many children of nparents leave home without a trace.

[@marcorodrigues8303]

Ele pensa que tirou are não ele vai ver com o windows 8 a Placa eu tirei tá comigo 😌🤳🥚🗝️🖐️😇#

[@OhtheSuffering]

Some of it was pretty shocking. The bit about her mother regularly checking her...crevices...was just so disturbing, even if done clinically.

[@evonne315]

I about threw up when I heard that part. Its sexual abuse no matter what 'reason' a person has to do it. I think its why Dr. Grande highlighted the point it was a huge breach of personal privacy.

[@Hhe448]

She probably made everything up. Where’s the proof? Lol.

[@charlieintheclouds]

@@Hhe448 How would one even go about proving that? It's a tough story to prove. You don't owe it to her to believe her, I however chose to but am open to changing my mind if evidence of her lying is made evident. I think it's important to remember just how unlikely it would be for someone in her situation to collect evidence of her narcissistic mother's abuse when she was still alive and under the influence of her mother; the realisation of abuse came after the mother's death. She didn't know there was a story for her to prove later on.

[@amywilkinson9134]

Read her book and then judge

[@lostinspace5389]

@@charlieintheclouds he’s just some unloved loser that spends all his time trying to trigger ppl on KZbin comments lol

[@veronicafarlette3097]

The misery my mother inflicted on all of us (my step-father, my sister, myself) was unrelenting, I left first, lucky enough to be able to live in nursing school residence, my stepfather next (he had left before but came back when my little sister told him how miserable she was) then my sister and my stepfather left and lived together until she was married. She never apologized for any of the trauma she inflicted, she was always RIGHT, she was always the victim, emotionally abusive always, physically abusive up until the day my sister and I left, told us she would kill us if we ever told about the slaps, punches, kicks, shoves, beatings with belts, wooden hangers, umbrella's etc. Until you have lived this kind of "Reign of Terror", don't judge. Some women should NEVER become Mothers.

[@microdosenyc4515]

Did you say “set boundaries” with a narcissistic mother with a STRAIGHT FACE? Remember the research outta the University of Lapland about mother/daughter narc relationships?(you did a video on it)… the 3 narratives from those relationships were the incompetent childhood, the denied childhood and the isolated childhood. Where does the adult daughter then “set boundaries” with a woman intent on invading every element of who she is? I would reccomend you re-read that paper in lieu of this book.

[@powderandpaint14]

So some of the boundaries might need to include changing your phone number,or blocking them, blocking them on social media and blocking their emails. Only having very limited contact in public places with others present so that some of the behaviours can't take place/ you have a witness. But ultimately this is why lots of people cut contact completely.

[@DogsDogsAndMoreDogs]

It's so hard for people who haven't had to deal with a narcissistic parent to understand what it's like even if they are psychologists.

[@MrU4theChillWind]

I remember seeing iCarly when spending time with some nieces who were the target audience of the show. McCurdy was full of energy and did a great job as the "Kramer" of the show, the whacky best friend who had no boundaries. I can't remember any specific scenes, just a general recollection of her being an entertaining loose cannon type character. It was sad to learn all this when her book came out, but I'm glad she seems to have overcome the past as much as possible.

[@andresarcos7035]

Hey Dr.Grande, this video gave me the idea that perhaps you can also make an analysis video on Dan Schneider. As always, love the content. Keep it up Grande!

[@saulthechicanootaku]

I would also love him analyze John Kricfalusi, creator of Ren and Stimpy and sexual predator

[@goliathtigerfishes]

Oh, that'd be interesting!

[@jessitabonita]

I only worry that if Dr. Grande were to do that, the powers that be who so vehemently protect such pedo groomer sickos may come for him- or dangle some bribe to not talk about it as they did with Jeanette. Learning about Dan's history and even what the famous Nickelodeon "slime" was meant to represent led me down a slippery slope of more Hollywood degeneracy I regret learning about.

[@theonlycindarelly]

Yes I’d be interested to see that as well.

[@AJ-hz3tx]

I read the book and found it interesting, especially since I deal with the same “type” of OCD. However, I can’t help but wonder if the chemo/ radiation/ medication and other treatment affected her mothers behavior. Jeanette never really knew her mother before the Cancer. Not to mention, through the last few years she had the cancer spread to the brain…

[@ShanKatOD]

Jenette is a talented young woman whose bravery in the face of overwhelming odds - a narcissistic parent and the darkness of the entertainment industry for young people - is stunning and inspirational. Thanks for putting her story into your usual Dr Grande timeline ♥️🌵mamas don’t let your babies grow up on soundstages

[@cognitivedissidents4642]

“You’re Wearing THAT? Mothers and Daughters in Conversation” by linguist Deborah Tannen is an eye-opener about how toxic a relationship can be.

[@mariahspapaya]

Thank you for this suggestion! This book has been extremely eye opening for me

[@BananaPhone502]

The girl i thought i was gonna marry left me because of her mothers control over her life. It was both the most difficult and most growth producing thing to have ever happened to me.

[@KonjikiKonjiki]

This hit really close to home, I'm really glad McCurdie's book is getting people talking about this topic.

[@megleland6320]

It is hard for me to enjoy TV and Movies with child actors in the forefront in them, because I have had a lifetime of documentaries and memoirs of ruined young lives and grasping stage moms/dads. I feel like I am contributing to their exploration. It is one thing to be in a few roles a year, but to be in a "Career" while missing out on education is all too much too soon. Good on her to getting help. Shows a lot of self-awareness.

[@TheDramacist]

Imagine if schools taught 'setting boundaries with your parents' or 'surviving a narcissistic parent'

[@brucejohnson9696]

Maybe the schools could work it in between the CRT classes and elementary school drag queen story hour and burlesque show ?🤔🙄

[@marcorodrigues8303]

E ainda ele diz ser parente este de linguagem cumprida. Questionário de Linguagem para questionar este Inglês. 😆Pode ele dizer ou afirmar ser meu parente se está questionando o nosso inglês 😆👻 tu não fala a minha Língua 👅 como pode ser parente 😆#🎭caiu a Máscara né 😆🤳🥚🗝️#

[@DustyMayT]

I am not convinced that's a good idea. The state shouldn't be inserting itself between children and parents. Most parents are the best advocate a child could have. Also, a child is so vulnerable. It's when you become an adult that you can set boundaries with family.

[@tangerinefizz11]

@@DustyMayT Children need to be taught what qualifies as abusive behavior and how to assert their rights. There are way too many people who have been raised in abusive environments and have grown up thinking it was normal, only to continue the cycle with their own children.

[@OrNaurItsKat]

@@brucejohnson9696 take a break from listening to Tucker Carlson and Ben Shapiro and go outside, it'll be good for you buddy.

[@Kati-did]

I watched her with my son while he was growing up. I've seen interviews. My heart breaks for her. Coming from an abusive mother myself I don't think I will ever read the book but I bought it nonetheless to support her and all she has gone through. I hope she keeps up her mental health support and that she has a much happier adulthood.

[@coloradokittenfoster7459]

I am absolutely fixated on her memoir right now. She is an incredible writer!

[@sapientcapricorn191]

literally i’ve finished the audio book but i’m tempted to read it again

[@sonnyca]

She might have an editor.

[@fighterflight]

@@sonnyca she definitely has an editor as all published authors do but an editor isn’t a ghost writer. she wrote the book so she gets the credit.

[@fittomakeup9890]

I am definitely going to get a copy of this book, it sounds like a good read.

[@Dizzydollie7]

All writers have editors lmao

[@olivethunderbird]

I listened to her self narrated audiobook and it was very good. Her levity while discussing such horrible abuse is commendable

[@mamapetillo8675]

“She was *victorious* over other actors…” heh. I see what you did there. A good analysis. It’s not easy to gain a full view of an individual, when the information you’re working with is so limited. You pulled off quite a trick, here. This reminded me of Judy Garland. I have trouble enjoying The Wizard of Oz, knowing what she was put through by the studio, in an attempt to stunt her blooming adolescence. A far more extreme example of young actress manipulation, to be sure. Perhaps not on the same set, but in the same lot. Thank you, Dr. Grande. Always a good listen.

[@worsethanjoerogan8061]

From experience I know it's common for people with parents like this to believe the abusive behavior is actually normal.

[@browniehendricks3726]

I did

[@sabrinagana]

Best tone pitch cadence and intonation of all the KZbinrs. So relaxing, I jump to tune in, your analysis is always interesting and thoughtful and the delivery lowers my blood pressure. Thank you for the public service!!!

[@bluebie017]

“What if my mother was wrong? A question a narcissist would never approve of...” that basically summed up my relationship with my mom. Thanks.

[@charliespleen7280]

I don’t doubt her mom would have a different perspective on what happened but that doesn’t mean Jeanette didn’t experience what she’s saying. My mom is very similar in terms of obsessing over appearance and performance (how I was perceived was to her, a direct reflection of herself and how she was viewed as a parent) but also legitimately abusive tendencies. Im 23 now but when I was a kid my mom was dealing with an external stressor (in this case it was my brother getting into constant trouble and her trying to hide a ten year affair) and she also had predisposed malignant narcissistic tendencies, I was her first born and when I was younger I looked a lot like her (I actively developed a habit of dying my hair and radically changing my appearance because she used to make me dress like her and get into mother daughter look alike contests) and she experienced a lot of SA starting at puberty so when I hit puberty it got worse. She used to full on backhand beat me for not cleaning hard enough and when I told her I thought I was depressed when I was 12 she backhanded me into the wall hard enough to damage the wall and my face and said “stop being a victim”, I didn’t realize until like last year that she repressed those memories or something and in some cases fabricated different memories of how she would react or treat me, I thought it was just something we didn’t talk about, she genuinely only remembers the positive aspects of my childhood where I did well in school and sports and the things that reflected well on her. Now she’s completely baffled to why I’m still struggling and the best acknowledgment or apology I can get from her is “well I’m sorry if you think that happened”

[@gracechung1664]

considered that your mother realized how damaged she had done to you. Bit Curious what's your inside to expect saying or thanks!

[@btetschner]

Visit her grave every day! That is a ridiculous request. I can only imagine how often the fear of her mother dying from cancer stories were used, that is weaponized guilt. Very helpful analysis and explanation, thank you for the video.

[@kristinanne6534]

My mom is still alive, but I've escaped. Freedom is amazing!

[@JonBoyMaccabeeHaya]

The pressure parents put on their children for profit sake. Excellent job Dr.

[@fighterflight]

Oh much more complex than profit. Her mom wanted to be an actress, definitely living vicariously through her daughter.

[@evonne315]

Sadly people seem to have children because they need them to serve a purpose for them, secondly and more rarely they have them because they would love to raise a child (healthily) and enjoy just seeing who they become.

[@JonBoyMaccabeeHaya]

@@evonne315 InatsantClassic and Evonne the country appeared to be a better place before all of the attention seeking and social media that has captivated the minds of seemingly everyone. The joy of life, having a faithful spouse who cherishes you, children who are aimed at being mature hard working adults, as well as family and friends who care about each other sincerely and wholeheartedly seems to be a thing of the past. Or maybe I'm the only man who still thinks this way.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

@@JonBoyMaccabeeHaya I am not sure it was better in the past. For what I've heard, it was far for everyone to live that kind of idyllic life. Plus, most of what Jeanette went through happened before social medias. Narcissistic parents have always existed.😐

[@JonBoyMaccabeeHaya]

@@blueStarKitt7924 Sadly so true.

[@birdnerd6651]

Whenever I see a child actor I assume there is a controlling, narcissistic parent in the picture. How many children would choose to be in such a controlled environment (a studio) rather than playing with their buds?

[@pabloescobarschanclas]

this.

[@popeye5274]

I applaud her for writing this book. 👏 👏 👏 Must’ve been therapeutic for her.

[@Super_Grover_]

So glad you covered Jennette’s story! I always appreciate your analytical breakdowns!

[@aislinn3611]

I fell asleep listening to Dr. Grande videos and I had a dream he was talking about how he comitted a terrible crime himself. When I woke up I was so relieved when I realised it was just a dream.

[@joanneblack7697]

😆😆😆 Wow. That IS a bad dream.

[@sherielowe4256]

I think he would love reading this comment.

[@herroyalawkwardness954]

I have always been a "mama's girl". I always thought my mom knew best in regards to everything - from practical things to life advices. It was only when I was suddenly involved in an "issue" at our classroom that I started to think differently about her and questioned how she parented us. That time I would go home everyday crying in our bathroom because of what I was facing at school. I really wanted to quit so after a few weeks of not being to handle it anymore, I talked to my mom about it. She told me that I was being overdramatic without even hearing my story. She even confided with my aunts and uncles about my desire to quit school and it felt like they ganged up on me calling me irresponsible, immature, overdramatic etc. That's the first time I felt that the person I trusted the most in the world, my mom, was against me and thus I began to do a bit of introspection. I began to realize that growing up, she was always emotionally and physically distant from us. Hence until this day I'm not used to physical affection like giving hugs or holding hands that my friends have no trouble doing. I don't know how to openly express my affection to people. She also never approached us to ask us about how our day has been or if we have any problems. It was mostly talk about grades where If I told her I scored this way on an exam or performance, she'd then ask me how my friends scored to check If I did better than my peers. And she'd get mad at me for being an introvert. Growing up, I've been called "dramatic" so many times just bc I declined doing something that I was uncomfortable doing (mainly because I'm an introvert who had social anxiety). I could list more but I'll stop here. Anyways, when I moved out at 20 and became distant from her did I finally realize my true potential. I learned so much about myself which I wouldn't have been able to do if I continued living at home. I love my family especially my mom but moving out really felt like I can finally breathe.

[@jenelizabeth7822]

I read that book just for the title alone. When my mom died, I was relieved. It’s like a weight was taken off of my shoulders. That was a chapter I could finally close and move forward. Thanks for your analysis!

[@jamilahmcdaniel960]

I have friends who deal with narcissistic mothers and they are damaged in many ways. So imagine having fame and money involved. I'm sure it was brutal

[@jazzyblues773]

I grew up with a schizophrenic mother who refused to take her medication. She lived a miserable life. Although I didn't live with her after the age of 14, she was a burden. When she died, a huge part of me was glad that she had died. I can relate to the book's title. I did not mourn her death, but I mourned never having a nurturing mother. And, there have been others I have known who lived a life of misery. When they die, imo, it is a blessing.

[@jackiegrice714]

I’m glad Jeannette found the insight to become an ally for herself instead of an extension of her mothers wishes. That is a lot to accomplish-mothers so often shape our views of ourselves. Thank you for this delicate analysis-there were a lot of nuances to this relationship and you made them clear and accessible. You have a gift for cutting to the heart of the matter Dr Grande. I really think there needs to be more oversight involved in how child actors are treated while they work.

[@angeladee8789]

I had a similarly dysfunctional relationship with my mum. Very enmeshed, very stunting for my development of a sense of self. I love my mum, I feel for her for why she became the way she was to me, I also recognise that it was cruel and completely life destroying for me. I cared for her till her dying breath. I miss her in some ways but I wasn't sad she passed away, and it did feel freeing. It's been 9 years and I actually went through a lot of self destruction, addiction, trauma in those years since she died because I didn't get therapy and it took me that long and some harsh experiences to find the rock bottoms that demanded I gain the insight Jeanette seems to have gained much more healthily. I do think the book is part of her healing journey, rather than some kind of reflection on a completed journey. And good for her. I too am glad my mother is dead, as one aspect on a broad spectrum of feelings from love, anger, guilt, shame, regret, gratitude, affection, missing her, joy and more, that I feel about her and our lives together.

[@angeladee8789]

@ͲELEGRAM@DR TODDGRANDE reported for impersonation 👍

[@marcorodrigues8303]

@@angeladee8789 Thank you yes Thet Quest 🤗🥂🤓🔌🖥️#

[@juliet2756]

It is unimaginable how parents can sell their children out. Just pure evil!!😣

[@oshanelaird288]

I get it. I grow up with no parents just narcissist grandmother. I NEVER even got a hug from her. We have not spoken in 8 years. Sometimes I feel like a bad person but I escaped

[@subliminalstealthhh]

Wow i feel kinda in shock by how parallel Janette’s experience were to mine with my mother and the whole obedience to the “Holy Spirit” thing like obeying the weird voices and being rewarded for it or seeing bad outcomes for neglecting it.

[@cierahayes]

The moment I dared to ask myself, "What if my mother was wrong?", was the moment my life changed forever & I began the process of re-writing my own narrative. The event which causes someone's eyes to be "opened" to abuse they have endured will be a different experience for everyone... For Jennette her eyes were opened only after her mom died - so in her case she could not have set boundaries beforehand, because her eyes were not open to the truth of her situation - she was still stuck in the trauma-bond trance created by her mother.

[@Veronica83123]

I’m 39 years old with a narcissistic mother.. I always say that I’ll only feel free of her and begin to heal is when she dies so I completely understand what this sweet young lady was and is feeling! I pray that she can fully heal and live her best life,she deserves to finally be at peace!🙏🏻💔❤️‍🩹

[@chelscara]

I think it’s also helpful that we get information on the maternal parents, especially the grandmother. She exhibited a lot of her own symptoms that could speak to the mother’s. But all that cheating happened long before cancer, and it really sticks out as that “me me me” mentality

[@kathyflorcruz552]

Bravo to Jeanette. I don't care how many psychiatric labels you put on sick abusive parents, what's excellent is that Jeanette broke free & healed & if she has her own children she will have broken the cycle.

[@masterofcarts7955]

I’m the son of a narcissistic mother who died when I was 19. I always felt it freed me in a sense. I just feel ashamed that I feel that way. Jeanettes story really gave me a new perspective

[@marydeleon3756]

I must say that as the former victim of a manipulative mother, I am inspired by her strength to do the mental work to help make it make sense in your head. The trauma will follow you a lifetime if you allow it. Cheers Jeanette.

[@DustyMayT]

Good for her, telling her story and creating awareness. It's eerie how many parallels there are in the stories of daughters and their narcissistic mothers. After a while it's like they're caricatures that pop up in various families, all saying and doing the same kind of things, like Mother Gothel in the movie Tangled lol. It's so strange. And kind of ironic, because one of the core narcissistic beliefs is how special and unique they are. They kind of are, but then at the same time, they're kind of all the same.

[@renee1961]

What an Incredible amount of Anxiety, and Stress to deal with, and So young!! It's awful!! I hope she's doing well!

[@karenpayne1011]

Always brilliant and informative analysis. Appreciation and respect Dr. Grande.

[@browniehendricks3726]

I am not diagnosing anyone in this comment but you are the best at helping me understand human behaviour. Jeanette could be describing my mother in this book. Even after she died she controlled my mind. I survived by developing multiple personalities. Yes it is real!

[@andreasolis85]

In my case my narcissist father decided to be out of our lifes when me and my brothers were young, now I understand that was a good thing. Today I can't help been away from him and many people have titled me as a cold harsh daughter that wouldn't care about him, but I barely know him... I refused to let him treat my kids the way he treated us, I know I am protecting my children from his dramatic scenes acting like a victim of the world

[@PHlophe]

Chica, i've remembered that my grand father once said some people conceive children but to them they are complete strangers. its probably the reason why some can just walk out. Qué Triste !

[@carolynsilvers9999]

As a daughter of an obsessive controlling mother, I relate so much to her book.

[@mzliberty7647]

thank you Dr Grande .... i did do a lil research on Mz McCurdy myself ... as usual you have nailed it. i agree she has done so well with her recovery, i just wish she had a bit more meat on her bones. my personal battle with narcisisstic mother continues.

[@izaboo]

im not sure how to explain why, but i feel like this video is a huge hug for jeanette for being strong as she is. i really hope she sees this video, she deserves to hear exactly this.

[@BucketHeadianHagg]

Good Saturday evening everyone! Thank you for the upload tonight, Dr Grande. We really do appreciate you! (By the way, Garden Grove California is a really icky town with a lot of violence and drug activity and murders. It’s a really depressing place to live)

[@cottontails9003]

I'm back how are you? . I told my twin boys that you go on the name Bucket Head, their reply was "you must be her mop , cheeky boys.

[@BucketHeadianHagg]

@@cottontails9003 aww.. haha, how cute! My kids are all grown, and have kids if their own now! (All of then cheeky, just the way I like it!) Good to hear from you my friend! ❤

[@BucketHeadianHagg]

@@cottontails9003 welcome back, by the way! (Where did you go?)

[@LDiamondz]

@@cottontails9003 Hey lovely! ❤ Glad to see you! I replied to your other comment, on here. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Missed you. How is everything going? I'm hanging in there. 😵‍💫 lol. Hope all is well with you. ❤💙🧡💜🥰😍🤩🌷 Also, see my reply to Bucket Head, you're in there dancing, right now! lol.

[@LDiamondz]

YES! 🥳 Bucket Head makes an appearance! 🤗 This must be my lucky day! You and Cotton Tails in the SAME thread! My heart is full! ❤ Oh how I love you guys! 🥰😍🤩 How's that new Grandbaby of yours? Lucky, having a cool grandma like you! How've you been? ❤ I'm so-so, lately. My daughter is having surgery Thursday. Yikes! I think I need a drink! 🥴 Nah, let's all dance! The three of us! You pick the music, CT and I will bring moves! 💃💃💃 🎤🎺🎻🎵🎶

[@lnc-to4ku]

Extremely sad story. I'm so glad she's finding ways to help heal herself! Your analysis was absolutely amazing, Dr. Grande! I always learn so much from your videos! ♡

[@atlantisrising1864]

I also had a narcissistic mother who passed. Can't say I'm glad she did, but it was definitely a relief.

[@cilibekd]

that last part really hits home, Dr. Grande. a lot of great lessons in a short video. thanks.

[@goodgrief888]

My husband and I were on the phone with our realtor who was letting us know that our offer on a home had been accepted, when I got the phone call on my phone at the same time telling me that my narcissistic and manipulative mother had died. I burst into sobbing tears with an overwhelming sense of relief that the misery was over. I also thought it was poetic how my Mother managed to ruin and overshadow even the one good thing I had going on for the last few years. The last month of her life was capped by her summoning us all to her side so that she could continue pitting us all against eachother, letting us know in no uncertain terms which of us she favored and which she didn’t, lying about everything, and wallowing in her position of Dying Martyr. It sounds vicious and mean to say this about someone who was literally dying, but she was extremely manipulative before, and once she became terminal she really unleashed the floodgates of manipulation, with the help of her main flying monkey. I’m still not exactly sure what she died of as every adult child was told something different. The misery hasn’t stopped as she had her flying monkeys, and they were named as the 3 executors on her will, while the 3 of us who had stopped giving her the fawning praise that she demanded were pointedly left out out of that unnecessary exercise. Oh we all got equal parts of the estate. But the language in the will made it clear who were and weren’t her trusted groupies. Those folks continue to bond over their exalted status. And the other two siblings that weren’t favorites have become extremely bitter and have been lashing out at everyone else. That leaves me, the youngest, sitting here realizing that these people don’t have any hold over me anymore. There’s a few odds and ends left to take care of. Some antique furniture. A lot of photo albums. A dog that many of are worried might be euthanized like one of the flying monkeys convinced my Mom to have her other aging dogs euthanized in the past. I have to stay in touch with one of the flying monkeys for a while in order to tie up these loose ends. But at soon as I can, that’s it. I’m done with these people. And the healing process has already begun. I’m in both weekly therapy and group therapy for grief. I’m reading books like Jennette’s and other books about complicated grief. I’m not “healed” yet, but I can recognize a fellow complicated griever in Jennette. And I think the title of her book is very powerful. Can’t wait to actually read it when it’s not sold out anymore. I’ve watched many videos of Jennettes (I had no idea she existed before this as I’m a Gen Xer and she’s a millennial, I believe, her show was not geared towards me) and she really seems to be very self aware and doing the work to heal. I agree that she’s probably still in the early stages of grief. Not that the “stages of grief” as we know them are even a thing. But what she’s going through is necessary. And important. And I am so glad she’s sharing it publicly and making it ok to say out loud that what happened with her mother wasn’t ok.

[@royfeness5423]

Omg Dr. Grande, you have described almost a complete replica of my wife’s mother and family! I find it helps to know you are not the only one! Thanks

[@zenawarrior7442]

Having narcissistic parent(s) can leave life-long scars due to lack of support, trust, love. It takes a very strong person, & lots of hard work, to overcome the damage & live a good life. Great analysis always. Thanks Dr G😊💞💞

[@cottontails9003]

That was an insightful comment 😊✉🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

[@joywagner979]

Sometimes the boundary someone has to set with a parent is "walking away and not speaking to them again, even while they are still alive." Of course this isn't easy for someone to do, but when someone actually does it, others can generally assume it was for a very good reason.

[@james-faulkner]

Parents rearing children cannot be the child's best friend.

[@kahyui2486]

In therapy the first thing we are taught is that you owe your parents NOTHING!! not love not loyalty or anything else. jennettes book is a relief for many and im gonna buy the book to support her

[@davidmenke7552]

Wow, what a sad story. But great analysis as always, doc! This reminds me of the relationship between 80s pop star Debbie Gibson and her mother, Diane. However, they have a much happier story. Perhaps you could do an analysis of them- I was a huge Debbie Gibson fan as a kid (still am today in a way). Anyway, Debbie is 52 years old and to this day she always speaks highly of her mother, namely because she was always protective of her, but also told her that she could stop performing anytime she desired. There are lots of really sweet interviews/videos out there showing the quality of their relationship and the trust they have. Many people know that Debbie never went down the path of drugs, alcohol or falling into the chaos and despair we often see in young stars, especially once their popularity wanes. Even after her popularity pretty much stopped in 1991, she continued to make music, Broadway and acting. She released her first album in 20 years just last year and even went on a brief tour. Her Instagram is really positive and fun, and she regulalry engages in meaningful conversations with fans (who, lets face it, are all pretty much gay men in their 40s!) Debbie's mom died several months ago and Debbie has said how very blessed she was to be raised by her. It's just a really happy story. And not one we ever hear about. You'll probably not do an analysis on this one because it's not terribly exiciting- but it's nice to know that not every young star goes down the sad and tragic path you highlight in this really great analysis.

[@toujoursici1675]

This was excellent. In addition to being informative and interesting, I think that you were also exceptionally compassionate, fair, and kind in your assessment. I appreciate that and wanted to say thank you, Dr. Grande.

[@sonnyca]

11:00 That’s how I feel about my father who’s having a hard time letting me go and letting me live my life on my own terms. He’s self absorbed and can’t think beyond his nose.

[@tumbleweed6492]

Near timestamp 9:02, I think “acknowledge” would be more accurate than “appreciate”. I am so heartened to know she gave therapy another try, which led to her awakening of the unhealthy dynamic that was playing out between them. Thank you for bring this story to light. I’m most definitely going to read the book!

[@DH-ve5bl]

Of the people I have talked to that were scapegoats and victims of these malignant narcissists, after the death of the narcissist, I would ask how they felt about them. Many of the victims felt guilty because they could not cry at all. The most common term they used in describing their feelings was not grief, but rather, relief.

[@tawanawilliams6296]

I so relate to this young lady. I understood that until my mom dies, I will not have the possibility of a relationship with my brother or be free of her interference in my relationship with my kids. Slowly my son's have understood the truth of their grandmother but that doesn't keep her from interfering some kind of way and making chaos with the enablers help. Thanks and much gratitude for this analysis Dr. Grande. It came at a beneficial time for me, and I am sure, many other women who have mothers who do these things.

[@msbg8385]

"What if my mother was wrong?" A narcissist mother will never approve. Bone chilling truth, their lies have to be your Bible.

[@audeloiram]

Thank you for video… currently healing from a narcissistic family! I also had to move far far away. Breaking toxic dynamics. 0 contact

[@donnaroberts9119]

I grew up with a mother who dealt with mental illness, after her death I didn’t cry at the funeral. But with the passing years i finally made peace with my mom but bashing a dead person helps nothing.

[@Platinum907]

It helps me.