Do Introverts Really Get Tired from Socializing? | Extraversion & Mental Depletion

This video answers the questions: Do introverts really get tired from socializing? What is the relationship between extraversion and mental depletion?
The five-factor model of personality (FFM)
This model of personality features five big traits: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Each of these big five traits can be broken down further into six facets, for a total of 30 facets.
Someone high in openness to experience appreciates art, likes abstract thinking, theories
intellectually curious, imaginative, creative, adventurous, and tends to fantasize.
Conscientiousness is characterized by being reliable, hard-working and productive, consistent, steady, organized, and decisive.
Those high in extraversion are comfortable in crowds, assertive, friendly, outgoing, disinhibited,
talkative, and have positive emotions.
Agreeableness is characterized by trust, modesty, being gentle and kind, having a lot of empathy,
following the rules, and being straightforward.
Neuroticism is characterized by emotional lability (emotionally unstable), insecurity, being angry, depressed, anxious, hostile, and being impulsive (in the sense of not being able to resist temptation).
Leikas, S. & Ilmarinen, V. (2017) Happy Now, Tired Later? Extraverted and Conscientious
Behavior Are Related to Immediate Mood Gains, but to Later Fatigue. Journal of Personality 85:5, DOI: 10.1111/jopy.12264
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[@dimatadore]

The best part of going out is when you finally get to go home.

[@sarasmith7232]

Yes!

[@SharlenesJourney]

Yess !!being at home in ☮️

[@judahjustjacked-teentransf8166]

um introverts like to eat too?

[@pricla777]

So true!

[@suzimonkey345]

My single friend once said, “I only go out to find someone to stay in with!” ☺️

[@denisedenise3602]

As an introvert, what exhausts me is being forced to socialize with ppl I'm not interested with. If I'm not interested, I don't wanna waste my energy tbh

[@MatthewStout]

Especially getting interrupted. I have a nasally voice so if I have to talk loud then get talked over, I am done.

[@anzelaiv]

I feel the same, the main difference with extroverts being that they are interested in so many more people, comparing to me. I might find a handful in the crowd that I'd genuinely enjoy socialising with, not because the rest are not interesting people, but because I don't feel good around them. It's also exhausting to socialize at bigger gatherings, it's impossible to have a decent conversation in a loud crowd and I've never been a fan of small talk. Those are probably the most draining situations and I'm happier left alone to observe the people.

[@queens3696]

Exactly..

[@Koraxus]

what exhaust me is splitting my attention span far too much when there's too many people I have to be almost on auto mode since I can't give custom attention to each of them, and I can't dynamically address most of them simultaneously because it'd turn into a speech

[@awkwardsanchez6231]

@@anzelaiv That is so true. When I’m at a big gathering I automatically become quiet and just people watch. But then I get asked “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you being so quiet, who upset you?”

[@MichaelYoder1961]

As an introvert, I can "turn it on" and pretend to be "extroverted", but it may take days to recover from the exertion.

[@popkultureentertainment324]

Yes,it's a performance and I can't keep it up for more than a few hours.

[@likelyladsss]

Yeah, I work in service and talk to people everyday, in weekend I want to have interaction as less as possible

[@ehhhhhe]

Yes, this exactly!

[@darklorddisco]

Same. I experience a huge mental crash after having to be “on”

[@carolynsilvers9999]

Me too

[@jaala1759]

I’m predicting a higher ratio of introverts watching this video because we’re always trying to analyze ourselves. Lol. .

[@withgoddess8029]

True 👍

[@Natalia-hf3et]

You're correct.

[@jo1261]

So true 😅

[@brandim]

I’ve figured it all out 😌 Now... who should I talk to and divulge this info and actually get help? 🤔 Mmm.. I’ll sit on it another year or so

[@LILman2422]

Lol yess

[@silverdragon710]

I’m so introverted I’m sometimes tired of my own company.

[@clairewillow6475]

Lol

[@utah133]

I know exactly what you mean! 😂😂

[@quintincole1357]

Lol.

[@LL-lj1kq]

😂😂♥️

[@KanyekiKamawe]

Introversion level 9000!

[@Marcara081]

Having to pretend that you're interested, or try to be interested, or becoming exasperated that no matter what you do you can't become interested, is exhausting. I can't speak for every introvert out there, but socializing feels like listening to a lecture for an elective you didn't want to take or slogging through an ad on KZbin just to get what you actually want.

[@Will-uj7yu]

true

[@ceilconstante7813]

From one introvert to an other, some people will go on and on about themselves because it's always about them and not a give and take conversation. Very draining.

[@charlenemonique1]

That’s true for me as well

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@ceilconstante7813 That's a perfect description of the problem.

[@maidenmarian1]

I know. I hate having to pretend I am interested but isn't that easier than being forced to come up with topic to share when there seems to be nothing to talk about?

[@bh5606]

As an introvert, simply thinking about being in a meeting or at a party wears me out.

[@Dispensationalism]

That sounds more like anxiety rather than introversion Social anxiety maybe?

[@joleneloveland2942]

And phone calls and text messages , because I'm afraid they're going to want me to go out somewhere with them or that they will want to come over, when i have planned my day to get some things done or to just think about some things that i haven't had a chance to think about and i consider that very important in maintaining my feeling of being "centered".

[@awkwardsanchez6231]

@@Dispensationalism it can be both

[@matthewvaughan8192]

@@Dispensationalism Buddy, the clue is in the title. Social anxiety is when you feel excessively *anxious* about social situations & loud spaces. Introversion is when you do not have a strong yearning for loud spaces & social situations and are quickly tired by them. It’s possible to have both, but they’re pretty easy to distinguish.

[@dannydoughboy120]

@@Dispensationalism As a major introvert, I can honestly tell you that you are correct! Anxiety, and introversion are neighbors to each other! If I am even around 1 person for to long, my energy gets depleted fast! Even just the thought of a family get together, I have anxiety, until it is over! This makes it difficult, as my wife is very much family oriented! Everybody seems to think everything they say is gospel, and if I try conversing with them, I am usually interrupted! I find conversations to be, one person talks, while the other listens, and so forth! But for some reason, polite people seem to be something of the past!

[@em84c]

I heard extroverts feel energised being around people and it makes me wonder if they are taking energy from introverted people, like vampires. 😆

[@tedmalley7636]

I've often thought about this.. especially if these people have a definite negative vibration ..

[@aplusrecommends9406]

energy vampires are a thing

[@samanthagirikhanov2796]

My best friend and I are both introverts and we always felt this at work. She said it’s exhausting because everyone is sucking your creative tit all day. Vulgar I know but so accurate! They suck all your thoughts and ideas and seem to have no ability to reflect.

[@anzelaiv]

@@samanthagirikhanov2796 I'm an introvert and I always had a calming effect on extroverts, they slow down around me and it doesn't feel draining. Some would get annoyed with me and call it boring, others would love it and even use it for their own advantage. Was always curious if that's a normal thing that happens to introverts...

[@katiemason9727]

Good point!

[@carlosroberto366]

"Sometime those who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social. They just have no tolerance for drama, stupidity, and fake people."

[@sundaypie2088]

That's why I avoid a lot of people who are caught up in the dramatic side of life on Earth. It's very toxic and draining for me. I simply want deep meaningful intellectual, philosophical, conceptual exchanges.

[@elirien4264]

*applause*

[@JMigUK]

Nailed it.

[@maya9685]

Yes yes and yes

[@kaym.h.3583]

Well said

[@jeannettemann96]

I don’t enjoy being in large groups as I find small talk boring. I prefer one on one.

[@chuckbutler8114]

I do as well. I put all my heart into listening so in groups it drains me and afterwards I feel like I didn't benefit anyone

[@rafaelsoriajr]

Don't even like one on one convos- Especially with strangers

[@colorsofavon934]

Also group conversations are so mundane. They try too hard to impress each other. One-on-one's help me get to know someone, while they're not acting. Also I feel people repeat the same recorded messages. It's Groundhog Day every day. Why go outside? I'm not really missing anything.

[@urmama54]

same, one on one with my "self"; however, its without words...

[@theanimelibarian7881]

@@colorsofavon934 yup

[@walkerb1734]

I just had the BEST day ever! I went golfing by myself, had a nice lunch (by myself), went to a movie (by myself), took my dog for a walk, read a book, went for a hike (by myself), and then binge watched a TV series. Never once was I lonely. Such a great day!

[@empath4445]

Sounds like it!

[@BartRos1980]

Thats nice. I do that also. After a while I seek some social environments also.

[@emmagoldman6616]

🐣🐥🐤

[@kciee6258]

I prefer spending my days alone too tbh and never seem to feel lonely

[@likelyladsss]

Sounds like a perfect day for me

[@merularubia5476]

"Unwanted contacts are more tiring." Yes, they are!

[@prussian7]

I feel extremely drained from having to deal with people.

[@jvance6]

Have you ever looked into asd? I know a few people on the spectrum who get very tired from socializing. Obviously there would be other traits, but I know a few people who didn't know until later adulthood.

[@cherrybomb4184]

prussian7 100% agree! Me too...

[@seanmatthewking]

@Virgo Baby But why do you think that is? I get drained most if I’m experiencing social anxiety or something Ike that. I high school, I would hangout with my friends nonstop for days and never get depleted. We’d go to parties (alcohol subdued any anxiety I might’ve had), and then the next morning go straight into something else. We all got depleted from alcohol and lack of sleep, so usually when any of us were tired, we all were. The only difference is I experience more social anxiety than some of my friends, which mostly means some people who I don’t know well cause me to feel anxious. So traditionally, when there’s been depletion, it’s been because of social anxiety. Of course, talking to people who you find boring obnoxious can exhaust everyone. So what’s at root for the depletion? I don’t think all introverts get high social anxiety, so that can’t be it, can it?

[@breezygta101]

Same I have school on the weekdays but then my mom forces me to go meet people on the weekends so I never get a break at this point I think there doing it just to make me suffer I’ve told them I don’t like it but they never listen, I always feel drained because of my mom and school and there’s nothing I can do about it I have to go through another 4 years of this torture until I can move out I love my life

[@prussian7]

@@breezygta101 I am so sorry.

[@The_Vegan_Punk1967]

As an introvert, I don’t get “tired” from socializing. Usually I get an uncomfortable feeling. Like I just don’t want to be here anymore. It’s not any specific reason, it’s just a feeling of being uncomfortable & I want to leave.

[@rossthemusicandguitarteacher]

Me too.

[@randallflagg6862]

that's the point, actually - that discomfort can drain all your energy. even the dread of the event, before actually experiencing it, can be exhausting

[@_--Reaper--_]

@@randallflagg6862 ^^^This

[@mmestari]

Yeah I agree with the op. I wouldn't say I'm especially tired after it. More like bored and I want to do something more interesting, by myself of course :) Also the things people have said start to circulate in my head, and I find it waste to of time that I will have to process that. Also when lot of people are talking at the same, it just becomes meaningless jumble, and therefore just extremely boring,

[@_--Reaper--_]

@@mmestari yes this too^^^

[@MrMireyacon]

As an introvert, I find myself enjoying deep connections with people whereas small talk wears me out.

[@LL-lj1kq]

After a group gathering, I need to “ recover “ for the next day. It just drains me.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

Like Julius Caesar, after the ides of March? lol. After some such, perhaps even an exorcist.

[@LL-lj1kq]

JudgeJulieLit ❓❓❓

[@kathyclark8274]

It takes at least one full day for me to recover from the demands of being out in public.

[@BC-dm5bi]

I’m a “ closet introvert” and the day after Christmas, I slept 16 hours. Christmas Day and a house full of people that I had to host completely drained me. People think I’m an extrovert as I am able to pull it together and be warm and outgoing in social settings, but it drains me both physically and mentally. My family doesn’t understand that I really do prefer to be alone.

[@Radeo]

Had to?

[@eibbor171]

i some what told my family that and they think i hate them(not anymore few years back)..just dont understand social situations for me is like a fat person going to the gym and doing a some hardcore arnold shawzenegger type workout its like that level of exhaustion and christmas time is like the freaking olympics and your competing in every event

[@PrissyHippie]

You just described me during the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, July 4th bar-b-que, birthday parties(my personal hell). I dread the upcoming event and pray for it to come and go, just get through it is my motto. I am usually exhausted and just want to sleep afterward. I view it as forced fun. I honestly think I've gotten grumpy as I've aged. Lol! I wish there was a pill for that. I love to be alone or with just one other person. I think my family thinks I've lost my mind. But I do like my own company and to work on projects alone. Maybe weird, but that's when I'm content.

[@hollyholmes1392]

I know!! After a large family gathering, I love to just go home and be in the quiet.

[@myriamguns2162]

@@PrissyHippie Not weird at all. I also just want to get through it and need to sleep for like 24hrs when it is finally over. Wishing you courage for the upcoming Holiday season 😥👍👍

[@Grandmastergav86]

Yes, a day of interacting with others is extremely tiring.

[@melindac3368]

I agree. I can become extroverted if I truly need to do it and if I'm in the mood to do so, but not often. That's not my personality, and it does make me very tired. I'd just as soon be alone.

[@wolfafterdark]

I put on a porcelain face for work. Voice changes, manner of speaking changes... Coworkers often claim they wished they had my energy. As soon as I get home my legs turn to jelly. The sound of a car door or footsteps outside spike my anxiety.

[@yehmen29]

Covid 19 was bliss for me. Right now I'm living in a houseshare and I'll have people dropping in in the kitchen, saying 'Oh, I notice you've been alone all day, I thought you would like a talk'. Actually, no. Especially not about triggering things!

[@ff6girl]

You're putting your best face on for them, so that makes sense.

[@Grandmastergav86]

@@ff6girl The older I get, the less inclined I feel to speak to others - regardless of Covid-19. I even get irritated by their conversations, they're seldom interesting enough to be spoken aloud tbh. As for "putting on an act", not really, I just find the insincerity of others draining and their unwillingness/inability to accept unfiltered truth, aggravating. The current state of the world, just exacerbates things as well. People's insistence on sharing EVERY FUCKING TRIVIAL, MEANINGLESS facet of their lives, is bewildering and suffocating. Furthermore, people then pretend to care when they don't give a solitary shit. Social media has caused people to act as if they're in a soap opera, it's bizarre. They tend to react in a way they're socially conditioned to and not in a sincere manner. I hate people, did I mention that before?

[@Sapyenology]

It's funny extroverts think introverts are scared of them in actuality most of us are just irritated by them.

[@mad7fisher]

Haha exactly. Theres s big difference between feeling lonely because they feel socially awkward; vs. the introvert, who has no desire for social interactions for the most part

[@wesley5729]

Sorry we irritate you. I just want to get to know you guys but it’s always a challenge to get y’all to open up!

[@Iruparazzo]

@@wesley5729 Curious why you think people need to "open up" tho?

[@wesley5729]

@@Iruparazzo how can you become friends with someone you know nothing about?

[@Iruparazzo]

@@wesley5729 How can you become friends with someone you had to pry open unwillingly?

[@Jillwozhere]

A good way for an extrovert to get a feeling of what an introvert goes through in too much socialising, is to think of how they feel/felt, in covid lockdown, where they were unable to get the social stimulus they need to feel happy. If that situation caused you to be right out of your comfort zone, depressed and stressed, just think of it in reverse. In the same way an extrovert NEEDS social stimulus, and wishes to be in the company of others, the introvert is the opposite and NEEDS an escape from socialisation and find some solitude.

[@katrineGIRL]

That’s actually a really great example!!

[@Jillwozhere]

@Brian Jones Yes, I tried to explain this to a neighbour of mine, but she couldn't understand it. She said she'd go nuts if she couldn't speak to and spend time with others every day!

[@booya2002]

Except no extrovert cares enough to muster up the empathy to realize what uts like to be comfortable alone. I honestly believe extroverts just arent comfortable with themselves. Lol

[@irhonda31]

Excellent analogy! I secretly loved the quarantine, and having a built-in excuse not to socialize.

[@vice2versa]

@@booya2002 I hate extraverts. I don't blame mass shooters when they target them.

[@chewface]

I get "peopled out" after a while. Even if they are my best friends. Even if they are lovers. I just want some alone-time. I want to sit down and be alone to my thoughts without people feeling like I am ignoring them or not giving them enough attention. I want to be able to watch a movie in total silence without saying a single word....and not have people around me assign my emotions and ask if I'm angry, or sad, or feeling alright. I'm fine. I'm just being silent. Is that okay? I want to be able to think clearly without being distracted by everyone's side conversations. Managing two conversations at once. Needing to gauge everyone's feelings and act/react accordingly. It's exhausting. I am never more relaxed than when I am 100% alone. And people who think this is "sad" are clearly the types of people who are scared to death of being alone to their own thoughts for an hour. So what does that say about them? ;)

[@juliedurden1320]

Wow you just explained how it feels perfectly! Thank you

[@pyra1167]

YASSSS! I've always said there's so much noise and bullshit in the world, any moment of silence is pure bliss for me. It's frightening that society is conditioned to find silence as "awkward" as opposed to forced senseless boring "small talk". I'm fortunate I have a sweet-sounding voice and a non threaten appearance which allows me to be direct and upfront about my feelings but still not sound TOO offensive lol. Also, I feel people really don't understand or can accept (due to possible pride, ego or whatever) that it's NOT PERSONAL, it's not that I don't want to be around you specifically, I just want to be alone to enjoy my space, my cats, and my mind experiencing life introspectively, it literally has nothing to do with anyone, which is the point, if that makes any sense lol.

[@pyarkaaloo]

I’m fine. I’m just being silent. Is that okay? 😂 I’d like to be able to say that to so many relatives

[@withgoddess8029]

So well said. 💖

[@shannaroe5189]

I know this is a super late reply but I totally agree with you. This is why I get up a couple hours before everyone else...I can have my coffee and take my dogs out while watching the sunrise, with no one talking to me but the birds and the dogs woofing at me. I treasure this quiet, peaceful time where my time and thoughts are my own, so I can get ready for the day at my own pace and generate a peaceful feeling to move forward with. When I oversleep (which is extremely rare) it is the loss of this quiet time that bugs me the most-'not the worry about being late. I feel rushed when I oversleep and it carrys forward throughout the day. All this is a long winded way to say, if you don't wake up early to get that private time, try it :)

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

I don’t like parties honestly unless I know all the people well and like them

[@maidenmarian1]

Does that happen? I guess it could. Especially if you are getting really good old friends together.

[@t5396]

It's good to know that I am not the only person who cannot tolerate being around people I don't like. I've thought at times that something's wrong with me.

[@maidenmarian1]

@@t5396 When we meet people who have no values or who cheapen everything we hold dear, we can't stand them. I think certain behaviors are very draining on us. being invalidated is a drain and one would rather be alone than tolerate that.

[@Kavlor1]

That is actually my experience. College house party was a good experience while work parties in rented halls/Restaurants was a lot less fun to be at. It was very contrasted how much I conversed with people from talkative to near muteness. At work I'd feel almost ignored while at college I felt like I got on with 90% of the students (it was an Art and design course).

[@TomlinsTE]

Is that actually possible? Wow, congrats.

[@dickbison]

When I'm feelings anxious and stressed I turn off my phone and remove myself from society for about two weeks. Like literally zero human contact. Feel so relaxed and invigorated afterwards.

[@transmeeshax6872]

Funny thing is that I am definitely an introvert but being alone that long drives me absolutely nuts.

[@Thebigdogg123]

I used to do that ....it was really just a cover up to run away or prolong my issues ....be stronger than that

[@JudgeJulieLit]

Ultra prolific multimedia creative artist Joni Mitchell periodically would hermitize to commune with her muses and materialize, objectify new art, that rejuvenative chrysalis phase named in the title of her album Hejira.

[@DrWaadAminFitnessNutritionist]

that was an AHA moment for me after the quarantine, I used to think I am an introvert who gets depleted by hanging out with people but I found out I actually need it, may more than I could imagine the draining part is hanging out with people I don't like, or who are not like myself, but whenever it's my kind of people, I never get drained! I actually feel more energetic, like an extrovert! so I think we have to re-think the meaning of both words as Dr.Grande said many thanks for the info!

[@Dave-pl8qq]

Idem!

[@kenseisato1989]

Different people with different levels of vibrations

[@HominisLupis]

very well put and echoes my experience

[@anzelaiv]

@Radagast same! The quarantine really allowed me to see the full picture. I'm so comfortable, so happy and so busy on my own that I need to remind myself that the lockdown isn't normal, that most people don't enjoy it, that they'll want to meet up as soon as possible and I shouldn't be annoyed by that :)))) My need to interact with a good friend is also really low and I'm so grateful to have friend who don't demand a lot of attention.

[@bbcb1856]

Agree, I have a hard time being around people I don’t like, and whom I have nothing in common with. I’m usually intensely bored or irritated.

[@darksoul479]

I'm an introvert thank God. Extroverts can't be alone for 10 minutes without starting to feel lonely. I'm glad that's not the case with myself.

[@maidenmarian1]

Good point!

[@Camelotsmoon]

That's true, though that doesn't mean loneliness doesn't get to introverts. It just takes a lot longer. The best thing for me would just be one other close person to be with me, but that's hard to obtain when I'm always by myself.

[@glutamate5886]

O Reeally Troy Lenz? Extrovert here . Loneliness isn't an issue. Love to socialize with ppl of similar interests.

[@nerdgamer2749]

@@Camelotsmoon This right here is SO true!!! Most of the time I don't mind being by myself doing whatever I want, but there are those few times where I start to wish I had someone to be around

[@glutamate5886]

@Seymour Butts Oof!

[@monkeynumbernine]

I enjoy solitude and silence. I don't get lonely when I'm alone. I'm not alone very often 🙄

[@anthonyroberts7641]

same :|

[@gratefulila9980]

Poem of the introvert parent.....

[@mad7fisher]

Introverts rule - you're an Introvert

[@merrywalsh2809]

Going to a party can feel like a performance. How you listen, what you say, how you position your body, how you increase your energy level to be “fun.” You are always “on.” Always alert. I wish I could just go limp and observe others without appearing strange. Be a woman of mystery lol.

[@kellenwheeler9302]

That's me I'm costly trying to figure out how to be a extrovert at a party just so I can fit in. Occasionally I find someone who I can talk to about interesting things and I usually stick with person. Then I leave lol. I never ride with others

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

Omg yes! Am I being funny enough? Should I try saying another joke? Oh, that person from the group isn't included and feel bad, I should work my way somehow to get him or her to participate in the group and not feel left out. I am an infj and I need harmony and everyone to feel values and no conflicts, so gatherings and parties are hell for me 😢

[@rick3747]

When you boil it down, we Introverts do not like and need drama and headgames. We love peace and quiet of our inner world and nature. We are not anti-social. We are Asocial. Many Extroverts do not like and/or know themselves, so drama, headgames and crowds is fuel for them. To each, their own.

[@Grandmastergav86]

Speak for yourself, I'm an introvert and am increasingly unsociable.

[@Catlily5]

I am an extrovert and I hate people who play head games.

[@mightymouse1005]

I really knew I was introverted when the covid shutdown didn't affect my social life

[@mightymouse1005]

@Lila Chat if I'm comfortable with you and there's not a crowd, I am talkative. If I'm not comfortable then you will only get minimal communication

[@RPKGameVids]

I'm introverted, I do enjoy some social interaction and I wouldn't enjoy being totally isolated permanently, I'd get pretty depressed. But I really like and enjoy spending a lot of time on my own, it's very therapeutic and good for my well being, I feel like I can breathe, I light up mentally. I can feel really exhausted from socialising, I think not only does it depend on the amount of time spent socialising, but also with how many people I am socialising with, and who the people are themselves, like, do I know them, are they good or bad people, do I connect with them or find it hard to connect with them. Also I think the exhaustion for me is mental and not physical.

[@charlenemonique1]

RPKVids 💯💯

[@maidenmarian1]

Interesting what you shared about your self here.

[@melindac3368]

A little socializing goes a long way with me.

[@byaialele5916]

sometimes you just want to binge watch everything known to man and just ghost for a couple days too.

[@nerdgamer2749]

@resigned liberal I literally just had this exact experience a few days ago when meeting my family in another state There were so many faces I didn't recognize and it became really exhausting after staying there for like a straight 8 hours

[@plinkbottle]

I am depleted after talking on the telephone. Its not easy to leave blank spots the way it is when talking directly. It takes concentration. I prefer to email people than telephone, take care with what I say and have a permanent transaction.

[@shirleya-z794]

I hate using the phone. If I could never call anyone I would not ever call anyone. Thank god for e-mail and text!

[@favoriteblueshirt]

@@shirleya-z794 Indeed Charles and Shirley, the telephone is an awful device, I never answer it when I'm alone in the house, and only answer it if I can't avoid it, like someones in the other room and can't get to the phone; politeness. I've always avoided it since I was very young. I love email too. Its a comunication that can be done in my time, exactly as I want it. I even punctuate text messages to a crazy degree to make sure there is no confusion.

[@plinkbottle]

@neuralcircuit Agree, unless a personal communication is necessary, email messages are much easier to manage. Unfortunately some organizations prefer to use telephone contacts because, they have one person doing nothing else, there is no record of the conversation, they want to show how friendly their service is. Just a lot of stress for me

[@epiphany7189]

I hate talking on the 📱. I'd rather text.

[@bite-marx]

I will not talk on the telephone if I can avoid it. I hate it. Text or fugggoff!

[@TrulyMademoizelle]

If you've ever gone to a party and once you leave you have a sigh of relief that it's over, you're an introvert and socializing is exhausting for you.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

And/or, the guests at that party (or other gathering) were just not your "peeps," kind of people. As "birds of a feather flock together," best not exhaust yourself by forcing these associations, repeating these experiences. With seven billion people on the planet, we have choices, can find kindred souls, intellects and temperaments.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

P.S. "Eagles don't flock; you have to find them one at a time."

[@Raminakai]

I get a little higher mood when I know it’s over and I can go get downtime. I survived and it’s a relief. My spouse is the opposite.. he always wants to stay later. I have told him when we go places together I have a set time I can deal and then I am done.

[@JoeRyMi]

I don’t get tired, but my anxiety jumps to a point where I can’t really think straight. It’s embarrassing and a barrier in my life.

[@veganlinguist]

Thinking about the experience of going to a grocery store, I've noticed that there are people who block aisles, oblivious to the fact that they are in other customers' way. These oblivious people seem to be performing just one task: finding the items they want to buy. To me, that looks less tiring than what I'm doing, which is finding items while also constantly monitoring the environment for other humans and planning how to navigate so that I don't inconvenience them. In situations that are more social than grocery shopping, this monitoring is even more effortful and tiring. For example, it feels necessary to watch for signs that the other person wants to change the topic of conversation or maybe end the conversation altogether. You have to watch others' faces in case something is going wrong. In some situations, it's my responsibility to check that the room temperature is comfortable to everyone, etc. Are there maybe people who are either very good at this work or don't bother to do it? If so, they would get less tired than I do in social situations.

[@davidcompton741]

Bless you in thinking of others, remember to include yourself too.

[@NobleNemesis]

Those are just people who don't pay attention to their surroundings- Im not sure that has much to do with introversion, but I do see where youre coming from

[@Decopainterandtea]

Yes. You are hyper vigilant and that is exhausting.

[@caitm8209]

Good point. I get exhausted in situations where I can not turn on autopilot. I have a bit of social anxiety, which is likely because of my ineptitude for reading social cues. It takes a lot of energy to try to keep up with all these cues and the inevitable failure at actually achieving mastery over them is depressing and draining, and my brain likes to interperate this as highly dangerous. Yet i am energized by social situations where I feel at ease or very confident. When I can let things go and not have to worry about micro expressions and trying to catch or interpret them. I wonder if there is a specific part of social interaction that is draining like that.

[@Decopainterandtea]

@@caitm8209 Yes I find life is such a balancing act it can be draining and yet as you had said some things are a breeze. We can only do our best for that day.

[@tomkent4656]

To sum up: Hell is other people!

[@TyphusAndronicus]

More like other people are Hell

[@MsBettyRubble]

Lol

[@vashaczar]

Are you quoting someone or is that yours? It’s resonating in me clear as a church bell.

[@tomkent4656]

@@vashaczar Jean-Paul Sartre.

[@myriamguns2162]

@@tomkent4656 Yup: 'L'infer c'est les autres'.

[@ChivalricKennels]

I'm an introvert. I'm loving quarantine. I could do this for the rest of my life no problem.

[@annmarie2964]

It was a positive experience

[@QoraxAudio]

As far as I know, it just drains more energy whenever you have to act differently from how you are. An introvert acting like an extravert is an example of that.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

Exactly.

[@taraswertelecki3786]

I find dealing with extroverts exhausting, because I am a very strong introvert. I find social situations especially exhausting. I am more comfortable around small groups or with one or two friends. I need time alone to reflect and process the events of the day. Loud environments affect me by making me tense up, like a club, and I fin't like dealing with perfect strangers cold.

[@Colddirector]

Extroverts can be useful if you need new friends and contacts, just cozy up to one and they're start bringing people to you. Clubs are hot garbage though. Deafening shitty music and overpriced drinks, even if I was an extrovert I'd probably hate them because they're a scam.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

I deal with way too many overly extroverted people, so much so in a couple of cases they annoy or enrage me. A few over the years enraged me one time too many, and they regretted it. As I have said, I am a strong introvert, I do not enjoy small talk, I prefer quiet and solitude over crowds, loud noise and so on. I work in a very noisy occupation, but I can tune that out, it's loud mouthed people who arouse my inner Cossack and when you are a Slav like me, that is not a good thing. I found I am different from most people by temperament, intelligence and mindset, because of my origins, and the fact like my namesake I struggled merely to make it into the world, alive.

[@TASIAawful1]

Taras Wertelecki I have to stay in a house with a party of people I don’t know or do know but not very well some of them are very loud and overbearing I’m increasingly getting more anxious about this although I’m going to be with my husband and close friend the thought still overwhelms me

[@samanthajames6857]

*once again, Dr. Grande is using my life as a case study and I approve this content!* 😂😉☺️😅😁

[@maidenmarian1]

Dr. Grande Does Know!!!

[@utah133]

Yes. Yes, we do. I know from 70 years of experience. I like social interaction, but in measured doses only. Being alone has never bothered me.

[@leelee0957]

I’m an introvert and it’s exhausting 🥺 This is 100%true

[@snakesocks]

I'm definitely an introvert, but it's the anticipation of small-talk that really burns me out. I hate wedding receptions because the thought of having to explain what I do for a living to 50 different people completely floors me.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Why should you explain to strangers what is really none of their business?

[@chilloften]

I tell them I'm a human being, not a human doing.

[@Thebigdogg123]

So bring up a different topic ? I don't participate in small talk because it bores me so I steer the conversation where I want it to go

[@JudgeJulieLit]

@@chilloften Brilliant!

[@JointFive]

I've definitely left after weddings, which was a bummer, but I do want is best for me

[@tiffykitty1694]

I'm curious as to how mental health issues play into this as well. I'm extremely social when forced (going to work, family, friends outings), and people seem to connect and confide in me rather quickly. Some might say life of the party...I can talk...ALOT. On the flip side, I dont leave the house if I dont have to. I absolutely love and prefer solitude, and find myself annoyed when unplanned things happen (like my friend stops by unannounced and stays for 2 hours), I just want to be left alone. I have ADD, bipolar and general anxiety. I'm INFJ on Myers Briggs. This video got me thinking....so thanks for that Dr. G!

[@humanearthling4661]

I solved that problem long ago.....When anyone appeared unannounced at my doorway, I would grab my purse and open the door in seeming surprise that they were there, and say that I had an appointment to get to and I was already running late...as I hoofed it to my car....call me later I would say....A few times like this and the ones who simply drop in unannounced, cease this terrible habit; at least relative to me.

[@tiffykitty1694]

@@humanearthling4661 I just don't answer the door! I love my RING doorbell

[@misse7154]

It's your NF - you're an empath. I'm also an NF and need A LOT of alone time, even though I am very extroverted. I often refer to myself as a "closet introvert". When I'm around people I'm very gregarious. At home, I'm a recluse.

[@maidenmarian1]

You share an excellent reflection on your self which is worth examining. It sounds like you need that time alone. I love my alone time these days- a lot. I am happy as can be with it. I am doing organizing, after moving a year ago and it takes focus.

[@maidenmarian1]

I am pretty sure I am ENFP, but controlling and rigid, interrupting people wear me out. people who ask a question and then interrupt my answer make me angry and make me want to not spend time with them.

[@melissa-wilson]

I love how Dr. Grande has this permanent look of I'm not impressed and...I'm tired. 🤗❤

[@paulduvernet4012]

My anecdotal experience, as an introverted person with social anxiety, is that there is a radical difference in anxiety and fatigue between the "unwanted" and "wanted" social interactions. I think your articulation of those meaningful phrases will be useful. Thank you!

[@cheetara639]

I have been draining my energy attending job interviews. When I come home I just want to stay alone, dark room, sometimes listening relaxing songs, sometimes just silence. But I realized some human interactions don't make me so exhausted like some friends that I can feel comfortable around but in another hand other social interactions with some people usually strangers or even some relatives make me feel drained till the soul.

[@LYX5]

Related so hard to the job interview part.... absolutely destroys me every time

[@cheetara639]

@@gojays8735 Thank you for your wishes. All Good for you too 😊

[@cheetara639]

@@LYX5 That's tough but we will succeed! Wish you luck and consistency 🍀

[@alphatucana]

At job interviews, you are being judged. If you don't like that, you will surely find it draining unless you can cultivate a more neutral attitude to the outcome.

[@gratefulila9980]

Silence is so nice.

[@Adara007]

Thank you for looking at this from a scientific basis. Some individuals are ambiverts and it's thought there's a spectrum of introversion and extroversion, that it's not as black and white as people assume. However, I'm introverted and get very drained from socialising even for a small time. I recharge being alone, not from being around others.

[@cheetara639]

I'm exactly like you. All socialization I do demand some solitude time to recharge myself. And when someone talk to me when I'm recovering from talk with them I get irritated.

[@Adara007]

@@cheetara639 Exactly. I don't want anyone talking to me when I'm recovering from being around others, especially if I've had to leave my home to be out amongst crowds which I find draining such as when in crowded streets and supermarkets. Have you done the MBTI 'test'? I'd be expecting you to be an Introvert and iNtuitive, so an INxx based on your sensitivity to others.

[@cheetara639]

@@Adara007 Oh supermarkets 😰 I do shopping like a running race trying to avoid crowds and lines haha Yeah, I did this test. It says I'm ISTJ. What about yours?

[@cheetara639]

Just saw in your name you're INTJ 😂

[@chasingblue8952]

I agree, it would seem confusing for Ambiverts, as their reactions to these situations are not mentioned; but concepts are far easier to explain on their extremes. Humanity created the personality tools to fix problems though...

[@shuddup3618]

nothing I cherish more than my alone time.

[@isabeldeviagavini9916]

I was born in Latin America, land of extroverts. My family always pushed me to dance and drink and being loud. I grew up with really low self esteem cause in my country being quiet was a sign of weakness and I always felt I was born in the wrong place, especially when my two sisters loved parties and being the center of attention. I’m still dealing with the scars even though my family doesn’t even know or completely understand how bad I felt growing up (they still think I’m “too sensitive” or exaggerating things). Fortunately I live in Finland now and I’ve never felt so good in a country. It feels like I was meant to live here, where my personality traits aren’t judged but they’re completely normal. I guess I just wanted to vent! Thanks for reading 💓

[@AndreasDevig]

I hear you. I've never been to Latin America but it does seem like a very merry and extroverted culture. I'm glad you're doing better now.

[@isabeldeviagavini9916]

@@AndreasDevig Thank you for your kind message! :)

[@AndreasDevig]

@@isabeldeviagavini9916 :)

[@pocoeagle2]

One thing for sure; I never get tired from watching Dr. Grande. I have watched all the videos from him in 2019 and I still feel good. Thank you doc for an other fascinating video 😃🇳🇱

[@davidthomspson9771]

YES....We get tired in social situations particularly if its a very large crowd,or loud music.Doesn't mean I haven't partied at a lot of concerts but you gotta chill out later away from the crowd

[@SweetBlackSistah]

🎯💯

[@sunnyjozani8421]

Thank you for bringing up the "wanted vs unwanted contact" point. As an introvert, I wish more people would understand that I actually feel very much at home and in my element with people whom I love and care about and I don't mind at all spending long times with them, while the randos whom I don't want to interact with can be so socially and mentally draining.

[@qiuwbr091]

Doctor has taught me I’m not a complete introvert. Before the age of 12 I wasn’t introverted at all. Thank you Doctor for helping me enjoy better memories.

[@notinadequate2119]

Also, regarding extroverts - some of the ones I know seem almost frantic to avoid spending any time alone with their thoughts. What are they afraid of? It’s weird. LOL.

[@hadroncollider17]

For me, it’s nothing to do with “phoniness” faking it to create a mental depletion. I can be powerful at socializing and like it but it feels like a tank of energy is being used up

[@davidmolina7543]

Same here.

[@lindavalentin5582]

Agreed! I’m an introvert, but was forced to be an extrovert. It tires me. I have to be alone to charge up. Thank you for the affirmation Dr. Grande!

[@ninaallen5339]

We don’t get tired from socialising. We just get tired of pretending to like stupid loud people.

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

But I also had interesting interactions and discussions, yet they still left me exhausted despite being agreeable.😢 I'm an infj. Which one are you ?🤗

[@cellostrings2522]

The answer is ...... yes. Introverts do get more tired than extroverts from acting in an extroverted way. Social fatigue is definitely part of being an introvert. However, as an introvert myself, I do genuinely like people and being with people. But socializing at a party is exhausting for me. I participate in parties very sparingly. Individual or small group socializing is a much more desirable way for me to build relationships. I need time for myself so I can recharge. So, I watch Dr. Grande with a bunch of other introverts 😀. Very timely since the holidays are imminent. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Having to act like someone you are not is always tiring, and tiresome.

[@justqueenie1480]

I can be alone for minutes hours days weeks months and even years..I do socialize from time to time but most of the time I'm by myself. It's very exhausting dealing with people sometimes, I can't pretend😴

[@Sluppie]

As an introvert, I tend to have a small group of friends that I can really enjoy talking to for hours on end, but if I have to deal with a stranger I will be constantly wishing for a chance to leave the conversation. Also, I don't really want to talk to even my close friends every single day, as I really appreciate my alone time. Some social situations are more tiring than others.

[@marymurray6163]

I suspect the good doctor is an intervert.

[@VOLKAERIN]

I get tired of narcissistic mentalities and chaotic/loud behaviors. That's why socializing burns me out after a while.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

One of the blessings of being introverted is the aversion to people like that.

[@Diogenes_Lantern.]

​@@taraswertelecki7874 I'm pretty damn sure that most people (extraverts and introverts alike) don't tend to dislike loud, obnoxious people with nextravertsarcissistic traitssjälb. Besides, I wouldn't be surprised at all if more introverts exchibits their narcissistic thinking/behaiour, in comparison to extraverts , although their narcissisic traits would likely manifest differently, defending o - Extraverteds are most likeky have the "overt", while introverted narcissist would prbobably have the "covert" form of narcissism. I gotta say, even though i'm extremely introverted (I scored in the 9% (which means that 91% av the population is "less introverted" than me.), I fucking love extraverts, in my experience extraverts often seem to be more empathetic, less judgemental and more open-minded than introverts. And the only kind of forumboards i've read that just spewed hatred about others personality (against extroverts), and the undertone of narcissism in their comments, by implying that introverts are "more intelligent" (that's actually not true, even if though aound 75% of people with above 130 IQ tend to be introverts), that extraverts lacks depth. etc etc Me though, I get along pretty damn well with extraverts, party because I love to tell jokes and laugh, and i'm not very talkative (I am an introvert after-all), but I find people fascinating (that's why I like to read about psychology) to listen to, so I tend to often ask them questions about themselves - It's a win-win situation - I like to liste to people talk, and most people really appreciate to genuinely be listend to. And no, noone in my entire life has every pointed out to me that I'm too quiet. When I read about so many introverts complaining about that "issue", I get a strong feeling that they're a bunch of fucking pussies. Instead of complaining about it on the internet, try using humour instead, and come with a dry witty responce instead - people love that shit!

[@marydepugh9391]

I can get extremely drained from being around people socializing and working. Prefer to spend most of my time alone and meditate everyday. Sometimes I feel bad for enjoying my own company more. Hanging out with my dog and quiet time and avoiding unnecessary interaction with others kinda makes me feel like I’m not a real good person. I do ride a bicycle three or four times a week and it’s something else I can do alone. Your videos are great and love learning about mental issues and hopefully it helps me to be more sensitive to others.

[@jdr9419]

Mary DePugh stay safe.

[@jdr9419]

Mr. Floofers I’ve got a t shirt that says ‘Life is better with coffee, cats and a book.’

[@taraswertelecki7874]

I know how you feel, I find it difficult to interact with strangers, and I do not warm up to others easily. That is due to a lot of negative experiences plus high introversion. I prefer solitude to large crowds, with my cats.

[@bellamore6282]

We just really , REALLY like hate meaningless conversations lol. fatigue is a good word lolol

[@Thebigdogg123]

And haven't yet learned that you can steer the conversation in a different way

[@circedelune]

I find, as an introvert, that people always want to “fix” me. It wouldn’t be so exhausting to be around people if they would simply let me join conversations when I have something to contribute. Why do they feel they need to “include me,” or drag me into a conversation? I’m not feeling excluded or shy, I simply have nothing to say about the subject. Even with family, I love being with them, but I don’t always feel the need to talk. Why can’t people just enjoy silence together? Or, if they must talk, why can’t those of us with nothing to say just be allowed to listen, or get lost in our thoughts if the subject doesn’t interest us?

[@salliegallegos918]

They want to fix you, and they start name calling when you don’t take the bait. At least, that has been my experience. I’m happier since being isolated as a result of C-19.

[@salliegallegos918]

They want to fix you, and they start name calling when you don’t take the bait. At least, that has been my experience. I’m happier since being isolated as a result of C-19.

[@CHPete]

At a dinner gathering at a restaurant, for instance, if the silent one's silence irritates me, then I'll direct the conversation to her, in order to get a response. Even though I understand that she is uncomfortable in the spotlight, her momentary discomfort relieves my irritation and we're good for the rest of the time together.

[@Iruparazzo]

@@CHPete eew, so you basically don't care if you make others uncomfortable as long as you are the comfortable one?

[@CHPete]

@@Iruparazzo Correct. I recognize that focusing attention on her, which might be otherwise considered politeness in a social gathering -- not ignoring the person simply because she is quiet -- causes her discomfort during that brief exchange. Once done, I don't bother her again and, needless to say, she has no interest in my existence at all. No problem.

[@picknick21]

I never understood why I was always exhausted at for example the Christmas dinner table, or at parties with a ton of people. It took me so long to realize I was an introvert. I enjoy being in groups of 3. I like to be sociable. However it so depends on the people themselves. It makes me so tired having to constantly acknowledge a person, and fake laugh at their remarks. If I don't do those things, then I am considered the lame person you know :P

[@dcan911]

Yeh me too, i live alone, when I ho to big family gatherings (Christmas etc) I have to go hide in the bathroom every once in a while.

[@fray-roe1715]

Why "fake laugh"? Don't you find anyone genuinely entertaining?

[@pattyo4703]

@@dcan911 YES! ME TOO! If at least some relatives can't make it to a family gathering I always enjoy a smaller group more. Best holiday--Easter 2020--two people. I would make a great hermit!

[@juliedurden1320]

Dr. Grande, as I was watching this my mind went to how it must be for famous entertainers, when they have to be very “up” and energetic in front of huge crowds and/or millions of people on TV. Then they must experience an incredible “crash” the next day, but there’s no chance to recover because they’re back on the road to do it over again repeatedly. It’s no wonder that they become addicted to substances. I’m an extreme introvert but I do enjoy meeting people and I do genuinely care about them. I do need a chance to mentally prepare or “gear up” before a social situation, especially when having to speak in front of large groups of people. Thank you for this video; it was very interesting and I always look forward to your professional insights.

[@kimberly6232]

As an introvert, I find that anticipation of a social event can be more draining than the interaction itself because I often think through the possible scenarios of how it will go and try to prepare myself. It seems that extroverts may be more comfortable responding spontaneously to what’s going on in a social situation, whereas introverts might pause to consider their response or whether a particular action (like speaking up in a conversation) is worth the energy to muster the courage to do it. Usually I do enjoy socializing and have a sense of relief when it goes well but it definitely makes me tired.

[@m.d.d4250]

Introvert here, I even become tired and agitated from visiting people I love and whose company I enjoy. I think it's overstimulation. It baffled and embarassed me most of my life.

[@ThePurpleYarnivore]

I'm an introvert very much. I don't just get mentally depleted, I also get emotionally depleted. At parties I tend to be the fly on the wall, the quiet observer in the room unless I'm able to have a stimulating conversation one on one with someone. I dislike small talk but engage in it bcuz most of the time that's all there is. It's difficult getting me to a social function to begin with. After a social function, I'm wiped out. I'm overstimulated, and can become irritable if I'm there too long. I can be perceived to be more extroverted if there is a discussion topic I enjoy or feel passionate about and I can talk for hours with others, but I greatly dislike narrow-minded opinions and those who speak without knowledge. After a social function, I will withdrawal and isolate for a week or two just to recharge.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Yes the overstimulation aspect applies to me. As a child, I had at times an extreme aversion to touch, and even now at an older man I find some situations overly stimulating that it becomes nearly unbearable. I usually get mentally depleted, but I have experienced the emotional crash too. I avoid most kinds of social functions, I just do not enjoy them, they make me feel like a fish out of water.

[@thatveganchick668]

Wow...that’s me 100%!

[@JudgeJulieLit]

@@taraswertelecki7874 That's rooted in your neurology, perhaps near or on the Asperger spectrum. Aspies are hypersensitive to sensory stimulation such as touches (dermal aesthesia, e.g., of ambient temperature or contact textiles, as a need for silk or cotton, not wool or polyester next to skin), smells and taste.

[@fray-roe1715]

Lol so you don't like random, mindless conversations sometimes? Do you dislike stand-up comedy?

[@iainclark6210]

Anxiety is obviously energy depleting which is the issue here

[@kaycard766]

Great point. For some it is anxiety.

[@fcon2002]

Oh God yes! I explain this to my wife (extravert). I come home absolutely exhausted after a gathering. The more unfamiliar the people are to me, the more exhausting. I also fear that I've been so friendly, they might want to hang out! It's tough living inside this skull.

[@debbiesmith8248]

I’m an INFJ personality type. We come across as extrovert, but we need plenty time alone. It’s the empathy that does the depletion, because we can feel other’s feeling and we spend our time assessing those feelings. I find crowds completely overwhelming. It gives me a headache.

[@likelyladsss]

INFJ fellow too here

[@mightymouse1005]

Same here

[@sreelakshmi6843]

Same here too

[@sakibkhannagori44]

I feel the same sometimes. Lets be friends @sakib_nagori

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

Omg yes! Infj here and totally agree. I experience what they went through, emotions and all and it wears me off 😢 How can we keep ourselves healthier and avoid burn out that often?

[@misse7154]

I'm very extroverted, but I'm also highly empathic. I suffer often from social fatigue because of my empathic nature.

[@maidenmarian1]

Wow yes. I know what you mean.

[@Diogenes_Lantern.]

Why would you often suffer social fatigue due to being "highly empathetic"? Are you sure that you haven't mistaken pity for empathy? Or in what way do people often evoke your empathy to the degree that it's draining? I'm myself extremely introverted, but the only draining conversations for me is shallow conversations. Conversations which invoke empathy in me does the exact opposite, it makes me more engaged, interested and energizes me probably because to be able to really empathize (and not only feel it. If you only feel, then I would consider it to be a shallow form of empathy which is derived from ones own ego instead of understanding the other person's emotional responses) you need to use your brain to be able to put yourself in their shoes. Besides, out of curiousity, what does it mean to be "highly empathetic"? Does that mean that you would consider yourself to be above average when it comes to feeling empathy towards other people? If so, how do you know? To express feelings outwardly is not the same as to feeling them

[@misse7154]

@@Diogenes_Lantern. empathy means you're processing others' emotions through your own and it often leads to emotional fatigue. Constantly trying to understand and see things from others' points of view takes a lot more cognition. I think it's pretty obvious, at least to me, when someone in highly empathetic because they convey a sense of understanding and wanting to connect on a deeper and more emotional level.

[@Diogenes_Lantern.]

@@misse7154 Well, I can't argue with that, you're right and explained it very good I would say! I hope you didn't take my comment as an attack. There's not alot of you people out there in this world unfortunately

[@misse7154]

@@Diogenes_Lantern. no, I didn't take it that way. I think there are a lot of people who like to use the word "empath" and it gets thrown around carelessly. But to me, a true empath, processes the world around them and their interactions with other humans through their emotions. We are overly conscientious, constantly worried about how how we impact other people. I think this is another trait that is exhausting. I've studied a lot about this phenomenon and it's often derived from growing up in an abusive/dysfunctional family. where the "empath" has to take extra care as not to upset any agressors. They are often the black sheep or the scapegoats. They develop their intuition as a form of self preservation and over time becomes a people-pleaser syndrome! There's also a certain neuroticism and hypervigilism that comes with it. I often joke with friends who have similar personalities (who have also had similar childhood experiences), that being so highly empathetic is both a blessing and a curse. You feel the euphoria of others, but you also feel their pain - and in some cases, quite literally. If I see someone or an animal even in pain, I feel pain in my own body.

[@BlueUT6]

Never knew there were terms for this. I always just thought that I lacked ‘social energy’ and that people ‘wear me out’ rather quickly.

[@RSSIPPEL.ART.]

It is more like overwhelmed and annoyed, rather than tired.

[@Raminakai]

Wait until you are over 50- it turns to tired 😴

[@RSSIPPEL.ART.]

@@Raminakai I'm 56. I get tired, sometimes too.

[@carrueross2705]

I’m more introverted than I thought. This pandemic hasn’t really affected me like it did my husband, who is very gregarious. I think about this, but not overly so. I have to pace myself, you know. 😑

[@BridiesMammaG]

Took me 45 yrs to accept that I am an extreme introvert. No one is aware and the general consensus is that I am aloof. I appear to be extrovert as I am happy in myself..Aren't we all so different

[@jde-jj1lu]

Like the random topics you cover

[@amyramler4866]

Lololol this question, do introverts actually get tired from socializing? Made me laugh. I get tired from just being around other people socializing, even if I’m just listening/watching.

[@Gguy061]

I feel like my introversion is a symptom of excitement seeking. I get bored by mundane conversation

[@SunnyDarkoShow]

Im starting to think introverts are just smarter. They need nothing outside themselves and refuse to be fake. All introverts I know are smart. Alot of extroverts are the type to cry alone. (Not all) in my experience

[@hybridmems]

Lol. This comment section proves introverts can be so smug and talk bad all they want... But probably wouldn't have balls to actually say any of this out loud, even if to actually make others understand your needs 🤷 maybe u guys should try being little less judgemental of others for a change.

[@SunnyDarkoShow]

@@hybridmems ^^ This is exactly why we stay quiet most of the time lmfaooo and Introverts dont have to prove themselves to anybody. Thats why we dont

[@areezaahammed1565]

@@SunnyDarkoShow ???

[@luciusdomitius9377]

Being an introvert, I can honestly say a big YES!!!

[@maryrhudy9250]

YES. We do get worn out from socialising. I very desperately need to have alone time with my dogs.

[@jamesk7256]

This was a really great video, I actually wondered about a lot of specific points addressed here - particularly the distinctions between being in a high-energy state in the moment, versus actual exertion and energy depletion. It always stood to reason that when you were expending energy, you will *feel* more energetic. For instance, anyone who goes on a hike or exercises may feel a high in the moment even if they're out of breath, and often will feel exhausted or even languid once they cool down. I think what causes confusion about this topic is that introverts may be less inclined to interact in general, so the experience may feel draining because they're in a situation they don't want to be in (especially if they have social anxiety); yet, if you put them in a room with people with similar interests where they don't have to fear judgment or feeling awkward for their interests, or ignorance of trends, etc. Imagine an introvert at a book club, hobby shop, comic or gaming convention, and then at a typical frat party, and you can see where the notion of introverts being more drained by social interaction may have arisen. Any time a human being is interacting with others, they're going to be learning, trying to get in sync, and keeping track of a lot of physical and verbal communication. It stands to reason that the greater the number of people you have to keep track of, the more energy you're going to need to expend - irrespective of a propensity for introversion or extroversion. I do definitely agree that there are a lot of confounding factors and more variables to account for, so more studies definitely do need to be conducted.

[@GrumpSkull]

Socializing often means having to be ear bashed by small minded selfish people full of predictable routines. I'd rather sit in the forest and not listen to the crap.

[@tranquillo2741]

Sounds like you need better friends

[@virces6563]

your parents must have loved you

[@classicarah]

Same,I can’t stand listening to people talk about mundane things.

[@Colddirector]

That sounds like more of a people problem than a socialising problem.

[@maidenmarian1]

You have a good point. More persons need to have quiet in nature. I do!

[@smashingmolko1576]

I found this extremely interesting - I consider myself to be highly introverted, I am capable of extroverted behavior for short periods of time before I get fatigued and over stimulated, I have always correlated the two together without taking into consideration that when I am around people who's company I genuinely enjoy, that fatigue is delayed or doesn't seem to affect me as prominently. I always appreciate that whenever I watch your videos I find a perspective I've never seen or thought to look into. I would agree with the suggestion that choice of company can make a huge difference, if I feel forced to socialize it is far harder to recover and I generally take a significant time longer to seek out interaction. Thanks for your videos - they're always thought provoking!

[@pascallewong-a-foe7232]

Finally someone that explains exactly how I feel. I am an introvert that truely feels drains and sick after having acted like an extrovert and having to pretent to enjoy the small talk. I have high anxiety when receiving an invitation to go out again.

[@miniprepper8284]

I am an introvert with an extrovert friend. It's very interesting. She really does feed on group functions.

[@shhtha]

Yes they do.. They don't have the same filter as outroverts.. it's draining for an introvert to be in social situations unless it's with people they trust and know

[@incognitonegress3453]

Extroverts. It's ok fam. I call mice, meece n geese geese's. Lol

[@shhtha]

@@incognitonegress3453 What? 🙂

[@KatrinaJoy225]

@@shhtha You said "outroverts".... this isn't a word. It's extroverts.

[@incognitonegress3453]

@@WillChil466 💕 🎶❤ 🎶💕

[@xxxxxxcx156]

I get really annoyed and irritated when people talk to me during my recharge time, like didnt already talk to you? Why do you want to talk more and go out again

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

I'm just completely honest about this in a light-hearted way. Like "Are you coming out tonight?" "Nah, I've done too much socialising. I need to spend a few days not talking to anyone." And so far I've not encountered anyone who has reacted badly to this.

[@xxxxxxcx156]

@@iAmTheSquidThing I have done this but some friends get offended still even when they have known me for over a decade, they cant understand someone wanting to be alove they think its something bad and depressing... they are extroverts

[@maya9685]

Hahaha what more ? Why ? We just spoke a week ago

[@ultramonika215]

As an introvert, must say somebody finally explained introvert fatigue in the most complex way possible. Best as always - Dr. Grande, greetings from Poland /Switzerland to all the viewers ❤️

[@BlindFaith777]

I don’t even need to listen to this, the answer is YES!!!!!!

[@joangnarlwode4176]

I can definitely say that as an introvert, the EFFORT of being or acting extraverted is very difficult and definitely depleting. It may not be depleting but rather energizing to natural extraverts.

[@RC-bl2pm]

Im introverted and yeah socializing wears me out. After some event I will want to be left alone for like 2 days. Meanwhile I can be very happy satisfied and productive alone for a week without feeling tired.

[@Shaddyraddy]

When I was a teenager and early 20s, I exercised my social muscle. Most of our conversations revolved around humor, comfort and free-flowing energy. It's interesting to see the psychological differences between what motivates a person to socialize and what parts of their brain get affected - cortisol, dopamine, serotonin, etc. The secret to not being burnt out is being less available and eating complex carbs. Carbs fuel the body's engine. By being less available, people respect your presence. I may be a fox but when it comes to a hot date or fun activities, I turn into casanova :p

[@zack94972]

I'm an introvert and I've stayed in the fringes of society since adulthood. When I was young, I was always surrounded by people and I was always tired, hungry, angry and rebellious. My family and relatives did their best to get along with me but nothing worked. Once I moved out and got a job where I don't have people on my face all the time and live alone, I'm more at peace with the world, tolerant and have more energy.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

Whether or not one "introverts," closes off to society and the environment is context sensitive: if one has been unduly and continually bombarded with excess unwanted stimuli, the nervous system and soul need to recover. Our psychologies are rooted in our physiology; and as latter varies, so do our psyches. So after a spell of sensory deprivation or quiescence, one is ready for outer stimuli.

[@ladymopar2024]

This why I like to hide on the weekends? I have to work with the public all week I'm just so exhausted by the end of my week

[@cbeautifulworld11]

I particularly enjoyed (and agree with) your closing summary, Dr. Grande. As an introvert/ambivert who requires much solitude I've not ever thought to question the validity of the common perception of these traits. Thank you for doing so - I love it when dogma is challenged, especially my own.

[@lilithlevaykjeldahl5257]

Being systematic and having a scientific attitude is definitely important when conducting research. I really did like to way you questioned the research findings, including all methodological aspects. Thanks for another great video, Dr Grande

[@eottoe2001]

Personally, I'm good for an hour or two then it is time to leave and decompress.