Told My Wife To Confess Her Affair To EVERYONE Or We Divorce r/Relationships

[@poetryqn]

Story 2: Op didn't make her boyfriend 'look like' a bad son; he IS a bad son AND a bad boyfriend.

[@trilbynhiss]

And a shitty person in general.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

100% this guy is giving narc vibes

[@dvonart]

The fact people are saying OP should have given it to the bf is insane to me. What would he would have learned from that? That he gets away with this bullshit

[@Gue5762Gue]

Exact thing I said when that part came up. XD

[@MrKurtykurt]

She sucks too. Talks about how sweet and wonderful bfs mother was but instead of explaining the mix up to her but letting her keep the gift since she clearly really loved it, no. It HAS to go to HER mom who already has hundreds of her stupid “crafts made with love.”

[@Number-vt1fl]

That first commenter was right. The wife should be embarrassed that she cheated, but op should be embarrassed that he stayed with said cheater.

[@mikef2811]

It only prolongs the suffering. The marriage is dead. She will resent him for making her confessed to everyone and he will resent her for cheating, and she is no longer happy at the moment...We all know where it is heading.

[@RomeGod177]

Just the stages of grief.

[@RomeGod177]

Just the stages of grief

[@pippo17173]

It really tells me that op does not have the shiny spine. Never stay with a cheater if its gonna effect ya this badly. It will only get worst as time goes on.

[@crow6221]

@@RomeGod177 Very true.

[@AWildJirachi]

I hate the whole “you’ll upend the lives of our children” thing. Like, lady, he probably wouldn’t even be considering divorce if *you hadn’t cheated.* If anything, *you* upended the lives of your children.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Some people don’t want to accept responsibility

[@kentario1610]

They want to suggest that their spouse can just skip on giving them consequences, since technically you _can_ ask that the cashier at the store gives you a freebie. But they won't, they shouldn't.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

I have zero respect for cheaters, but I'm wondering if OP is always this self-absorbed. He wanted to punish his wife, not to fix the marriage. A personal issue like cheating doesn't have to become everyone's business. Now he wants to split up anyway because she's not all perky and happy anymore? I begin to wonder what made her want to have an affair in the first place.

[@lorddaegoth]

​@@hodgeelmwood8677 what's worse is the impact this is likely to have on the kids. A divorce isn't that hard for kids to deal with so long as no one is weaponising them... but this clusterfuck? I'm hoping against hope she's a strong person and doesn't disappear or end up in the morgue so OP doesn't have to lie about where mommy is. I hate cheaters, but actions can have consequences.

[@Adamskyize]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 I think OP wanted two things 1) To never have to feel questioned by fiends and family when he was upset at his wife due to her infidelity 2) A very strong sign of commitment and remorse from his wife.

[@ndawn90]

I'm sorry, OP #2's BF has only ever given his mother *APRONS* and *COOKING SUPPLIES*?!? Tell me that the man doesn't see his mother as a human being outside of her role as "my mommy" without telling me that he doesn't see his mother as a human being outside of her role as "my mommy"... 🙄 ETA: HE MADE HIS MOM PAY FOR HER OWN BIRTHDAY DINNER!! Absolutely **NOT**!!

[@clarrie93]

If he was at least a bit considerate, he could have given her apron decorate with cats, cooking utensils with cat theme, i'm pretty sure his mum would love it

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@clarrie93 And you know what’s sad? With that little suggestion you give more of a crap about that guy’s mom than he does. Side note: I wonder what his dad is like.

[@clarrie93]

@@CircusoftheMoon definitely. It's the thoughts behind the gifts. Cat theme gifts are easy af to find. He just doesn't care

[@kichikitsu]

​@@clarrie93no bc seriously!!! I barely cook, and certainly don't have the forethought to use an apron when I do, but the walmart I shop at has cute pink & black cat aprons and it's truly a practice in self control NOT to buy one. And they're not even expensive. It's such a small thing that would probably make his mother's whole week, yet he still refuses to put in even the slightest bit of effort.

[@hunnykun101]

Absolutely NOT!! Charlotte is that you?

[@adrestiaceaser3011]

I love how OP's ex told OP to grow up when he's the one that lied and stole one of OP's homemade vases to pass of as his gift and then refused to take responsibility and admit to his mom that he didn't get her a birthday present.

[@Alyssa-fn4yy]

I know! That’s the type of shit that will really make me spaz the fuck out on you like a cartoon character like absolutely lose my entire fucking mind on you

[@InuMokuba]

Story 2: Forgetting a present doesn't make him a bad son, but stealing a gift from his girlfriend that was meant for someone else and then shaming his girlfriend for making him return it rather than go along with his lies, that makes him a bad son. At least a son I would be very disappointed in.

[@TsukiKageTora]

You should edit the comment to say “and boyfriend” at the end of “that makes him a bad son” because most of that is being a terrible partner And I would still call him a bad son if he forgot his own mother’s birthday like that

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Nah, he’s a bad son. He couldn’t even pay for dinner.

[@kichikitsu]

​@@kimberlyterasaki4843AND the only gifts he ever gets his mother... are kitchen related. this man is a thinly veiled misogynistic man-baby, and his mother was probably so upset because she realized OP loved her mother enough to make her a cat vase but her own son couldn't even be bothered to get her a $1 card.

[@Queenfloofles]

And then trying to steal something else from his now ex-girlfriend to make up for him not getting away with stealing another thing from her. Then telling her to grow the f-up, the projection is strong in that AH.

[@ynmonroe]

@@kimberlyterasaki4843 I wonder if it's more like wouldn't pay. From OP's tone, it sounds like, to me at least, that he could have.

[@chubbychan5950]

Story 1: He never planned to stay, it was his revenge.

[@samiulhuda4001]

well people would know when they divorced.

[@epicXtrollface]

@@samiulhuda4001 But this was far more sadistic. Sort of like Saw. He wanted to see her life fall apart as he watched her call up each person and see her break down again from the shame. There was no way for her to do damage control, but she was willing to go through it so that OP would give the marriage a second chance. She gave up her support system and has obviously become depressed afterwards, but she still said it was worth it. And then, a few months later when she feels safe that OP really isn't going to leave, he pulls the rug out from underneath her. The whole reason why he isn't embarrassed for staying with a cheating spouse... is because he never actually planned to stay. Sure, if they immediately divorced, people would still know. However, she could have stopped it from ruining her life by twisting the truth or keeping it private. OP is like a lobster at the bottom of a bucket, dragging his wife down from the top so that his life wouldn't be the only one she got to fuck up.

[@chubbychan5950]

@@epicXtrollface You explained it perfectly.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@epicXtrollfaceyea, it's essentially a kind of nuclear revenge, except this one isn't really a "satisfying" story...?

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 2: The audacity to take a custom crafted gift (that takes time and energy and love to complete) and regift it without permission! And to believe that he's in the right to do so! I hate that some people don't value what making something from scratch actually means. Objects are so easy to obtain, use and discard these days (yay rampant consumerism!) that some people believe that ALL objects should be undervalued in this way. A sweater produced in bulk within a factory and sold for $15 is just not the same as your gran knitting you a sweater over 6 months, but sadly some people see them as the same. If he thought it was so easy and OP *'just needed to get another one'* then maybe he should just *'get one'* himself? Oh no wait, suddenly it's too hard and actually the object is very valuable as not everyone can just make one. Tale as old as time for artists and craftspeople trying to be paid and valued correctly for their experience in their craft!

[@LoveableNiki]

This is not re-gifting. Re-gifting is to give a gift to another that was given to you. This is thievery.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

The guy gives off massive mooch vibes. He seems awfully entitled. The kind to think everything anyone else has, especially gf, is his, but his stuff is strictly his and would lose his mind if anyone pulled the same 💩 he pulls. But if he does it, it's no big deal and it's a personal attack on him if you get upset and how dare you.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: There is no reconciliation after revenge. It's literally burning bridges. In any circumstances

[@pippo17173]

There is no satisfaction here when he himself is still trying to make it work. Ether stay and work it out or don't bother at all.

[@mgaus]

How is simply exposing the truth revenge? Revenge would be cheating back. This whole line of thought seems puerile

[@lusnoct4298]

There is no reconciliation after cheating, to begin with. Sometimes a relationship will continue in name, but even then it's only because the cheated-on partner sacrifices either all of their self-worth and dignity or severs their grasp on reality.

[@jojoone1099]

​@@mgaus Revenge is hurting someone who hurt you. He meant to hurt her by shaming her. You're confusing revenge for tit-for-tat behavior.

[@robinjameson4261]

I'm thinking it's stupid for him to try and work things out, but an absolute necessity is for everyone to know what happened. otherwise, the individual who should never be trusted again will spin it into something that will make your life even worse than The horrendous thing they already did

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: NTA. Madame, BF is a thief. Break up with him. Why would you let his mother keep your mother's gift??? At this point, he had his mother come to your home with the intention to steal. Umm...his mother's birthday is the same day every year. If he could not afford a gift, he should have told his mother that. He is not a good person.

[@biancahellberg587]

Yeah, he could've told his mom that he couldn't afford it but a gift doesn't need to be expensive either. A book, a cat-themed calendar (those are literally 10€ here), a cat figure/vase from any store (those small ones start at around 10€, the price depends on the size though). Most people, even students, should be able to save around 2€ every month and find a nice gift for a loved one.

[@ynmonroe]

And unless her coming to town was a surprise, there is zero chance he didn't know it was her birthday. I hate that OP was worried about what he wanted to talk about. For me, there would have been nothing for him to say; I would have told him not to bother.

[@ApricotStone]

I feel so bad for the mom in story 2. She was probably overjoyed that her son finally got something a little bit thoughtful for her-it seems like that would have been a first-and also that she might be getting a super sweet daughter in law who valued her to the point of making something for her. But nope. It was just her son being an inconsiderate jerk to both her and his lovely, talented partner.

[@Jamalova15]

Story 2: OP dodged a missile. Her ex is the biggest narcissistic P.O.S.

[@zebnemma]

I love giving handmade gifts too so I feel OP's pain in the story. Such a classic for narcs to disrespect artists in general. All my past narc relationships they disrespected art. My ex said he loved my hand made gifts but then would "lose them". He kept a painting laying on the floor to get dirty, not hang it on the wall!! My narc sister when she got a painting from me the first thing she asked "what is it worth" as if she was immediately planning on selling it or something. Or it's because she is obsessed with money and the only thing she thinks about. Never said thank you or anything... I just told her the hours I put into it and what the "base price" would have been but "worth" is subjective anyway. It just makes me realize how shitty a person is you know? If I got a handmade gift I would treasure it forever! Much better then getting a store bought gift IMO!!!!!!

[@Jamalova15]

@@zebnemma Sorry to hear that. I respect artist and what they do. I'm currently learning and know about all of the hardwork and dedication that goes into it. I've gotten 3 paintings from my friend that is an artist I cherish them. I hope you have people around you now that supports your art. What kind of art do you?

[@zebnemma]

@@Jamalova15 Aquarelle paintings and digital too haha XD.

[@Cassimfan]

Wait, he made his mother pay for her birthday dinner? I'm broke as crap but I save up to pay for her birthday, and if I can't I ask her what she wants me to cook.

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 3: NTA. Is her son just as bad as his wife or besotted? He's clearly fine with cussing his mother out, so he's certainly not reserved.

[@YellaBellaReno]

When someone’s partner is awful, it can certainly rub off on them. Still, said someone probably should recognize the shift within themselves, but maybe they’re just too overwhelmed or stressed to confront it. At least, I know that’s true of abuse. My abusive ex eventually had me pushing back, if that makes sense. Still, I’d regret it immediately, and hate myself. I’d never gotten physical with anyone before that, and being pushed to that place is a huge part of what pulled the wool off my eyes and got me to leave. It’s interesting; I could forgive him over and over, but couldn’t forgive myself. I had accepted who he was, but couldn’t accept who I was becoming. So maybe OP’s son isn’t quiet there yet, or maybe he really is also an asshole. Assholes do have a way of finding one another. There reeeeaaaally is someone for everyone… even assholes. 😂

[@Imolos]

Or she (Daughter in law) is really good in bed so OP’s son doesn’t want to upset her.

[@lorddaegoth]

My guess is lonely and desperate. It does weird things to men's standards.

[@janicevango5791]

It’s funny how troublesome and nasty people can’t understand they’re the problem when everyone avoids them. Once OP decided to severely limit contact with DIL it seems like everyone else in the friend/family circle saw their chance to duck out too.

[@bexyr]

How my best friend's mom says "she must have it horizontal" if you know what "it" implies. I'm Italian and I don't know if you understand

[@invisigoth510]

Story 2: don’t date thieves

[@RG-vs8qz]

Story 1: It would have been better for OP to divorce his wife. Their business is public now and it will definitely affect their relationship going forward.

[@mikef2811]

Exactly because next time she cheats, she will just do a better job at it. Never accept a cheater back in your life, no matter what. Better to just co parent and find love again

[@DrewLSsix]

It was a bad thing to offer "anything you want for the rest of my life" it's one thing to want the scales rebalanced, but that kind of arrangement simply can't result in a worthwhile relationship. The goal is reconciliation not life long servitude. If reconciliation isn't enough then let the relationship go.

[@RomeGod177]

Op has to control the narrative. So I don't blame him. But yes, OP should still divorce his cheating wife.

[@pippo17173]

Humiliating a cheater only works if your gonna dip out and expose her lies to the parties involve. This is just freaking sad when in the end, he is gonna do it anyway at least I hope.

[@mgaus]

Cheaters thrive in the dark and secrets. I'm genuinely shocked at anyone angry at simple exposure of cheating. Flabbergasted. But then again, he's male and she's female......

[@Linnz]

A divorce would have outed her, too.

[@krishanpaul2]

100% this.

[@GLoLChibs]

Not necessarily. 50/50 it'd become his word she cheated against her word he cheated. Or her family trying to guilt him into not divorcing her.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

But in a different way. He wanted to punish her more than he wanted to split up. Now he's pissed because she's not the same happy person she used to be, once more defaulting to "I am not happy with my spouse." They should've just divorced.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

Why do people say this? When you have a divorce, there isn't a royal decree that everyone must find out what happened. I got a divorce and only a few people know why. When my cousin asked, I said don't gossip about me. When my sister asked, I said things happened she didn't know about.

[@lorddaegoth]

​@@MargaritaOnTheRoxwith my divorce, not a single person asked. Granted, my family didn't ask because to them you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Story 2: Wow, imagine this AH boyfriend telling OP to grow up! He's childish, selfish, self-absorbed, cold toward his own mother, and arrogant. Projecting all his own stupidity onto OP. She's well rid of him.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 3: NTA. Who wants to be around a person like DIL??? Life is short, and people are tired of excusing bad behavior. Family members contacted OP because they were probably hesitant to distance from DIL initially. It's understandable because FAMILY! I am assuming Son cursed OP. So Son and DIL can stay over there, have their little family, and leave OP be.

[@cattyanamontes5724]

Story 2: I’m so glad the gf immediately corrected it and was not a doormat.

[@cmills2131]

Airing out the cheating sounds like a great idea. That way when you end up leaving them, there can be no spin to the story. But it’s not going to work out for sure. He should leave after she confesses to everyone.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea OP literally just dragged it out like he's picking apart a still-living bug or something. It's not even vengeance at this point.

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@RubyW.Cortes-pf7jb]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@RubyW.Cortes-pf7jb]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@kelleygreengrass]

How much does she cost? That's the hook. This has to be an ad. ​@@RubyW.Cortes-pf7jb

[@iononcantomascrivo]

The first story: She cheated. He made her admit to it, thus humiliating herself but also humiliating himself. He insists that “everything's fine,” but it's called the honeymoon period for a reason. Eventually the calmness will dissipate and the resentment will kick into high gear until she flips out on or leaves him. Make no mistake, she hates him for making her teil on herself and the clinginginess is nothing more than a trauma bond. This relationship is dead. They need to divorce and go their separate ways.

[@jodieg6318]

The utter sadism of it and OP not even being able to admit that it was just revenge and that he completely showed his ass making her do this?

[@Adamskyize]

@@jodieg6318 I think OP wanted two things: 1) To never have to feel questioned by fiends and family when he was upset at his wife due to her infidelity 2) An unfakeable sign of commitment and remorse from his wife. He just never thought of the consequences because he was too upset at the time.

[@groofromtheup5719]

​@@jodieg6318 so, asking someone that broke a vow, to admit publicly to their misdeeds, is now sadistic? Have you litterally no concept of personal honor?

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@jodieg6318 no its inconsequential. even if OP was to leave it is always right and a must to expose the cheater on the way out. so that they cant twist the story.

[@damien678]

​​@@groofromtheup5719 Two things can be true at once: - an act being justified - that same act being sadistic

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

If he hadn't forced her to be open and honest with everybody, she'd have spun a narrative to make everyone think OP was at fault. Make her be open and honest, absolutely. But after that, definitely file, because you don't stay with a cheater.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: I would hate it if a partner came into my house, took some thing that didn’t belong to them and gave it to their mother. Like he never even asked her… his mother is upset, not because of OP but because of her son.

[@briant7134]

I remember story 1 before the update, and always figured he was going to divorce her as part of his revenge plan. I never believed he would have been so foolish as to believe it would actually fix his marriage. And the audacity of him complaining that she is too clingy now is… wow.

[@D123-f9k]

She should fill in the cracks in the mermaid like Japanese "kintsugi" pottery.

[@rebelks88]

It would make it even more ethereal!

[@groofromtheup5719]

she should send him a bill. She has an idea of how many hours she spent doing the work, charge him $20/hr

[@lorianabanana6066]

Story 1: I don't understand why having her confess was so awful. Let's be real, if he had just left her everyone they knew would've still found out about it. People rarely divorce out of a seemingly good marriage for no reason. Sooner or later everyone would've learned about the affair, whether through OP or the grapevine. Maybe having her tell everyonw via phone call was a little much. Maybe they could've sent out a joint email, something like 'In order to repair our relationship and for the sakes of our childern it's important for Wife to acknowledge her affair. We want our marriage to work, but in order for that to happen we will need complete honesty going forward. Also Wife needs to be accountable which means having friends & family in the loop to help w accountability'. But honestly I don't think it matters. It was going to come out one way or another.

[@ElysV135]

There is a big difference between somebody getting a divorce because they got caught cheating and somebody calling around to confess they cheated. In first case, you'll say to yourself ok, that's literally none of my business. It's their marriage and divorce. In the second case, I was literally forced into somebody's mess. And that is weird as hell. It's not the people finding out she cheated that is the problem, but the fact they literally forced their marriage problems on other people. People have their own problems and vast majority of them doesn't want to be in the position where somebody else's problems are forced down their throats.

[@lorianabanana6066]

@@ElysV135 Meh we'll have to agree to disagree. I have friends who are serial cheaters and blew up their lives over it. They know I don't approve. Whether they told me, their SO did or I found out through the grapevine didn't really change much for me. It's on par with learning someone got a DUI. You just roll your eyes at they're idiocey and move on with life.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

"he treated his mom without any thought"? uhm he STOLE from you: that's what matters

[@BerryTrekkin]

That threw me too but I think what she meant was that he treats his mother thoughtlessly, not that he treats his mother without hesitation

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

@@BerryTrekkin I mean, I think she's focusing on the wrong thing: not getting a gift for your mother is nothing compared to stealing from your girlfriend.

[@BerryTrekkin]

@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079 ah yes, true, true

[@jaycehoward2771]

Should have divorced her but never let a cheater control the narrative. So now you can walk away and everyone knows why. She deserves no less. But also all those ppl would have known if she would have been sent back to the streets he just got a jump on his exit plan and a safety net to see if they could salvage it. It was smart to me. She was cruel when she was cheating probably unprotected and coming home kissing him and having sex which makes her a level of scum that deserves 0 understanding or support. So again he can stay and try for his children but can walk away without any issues of family and friends and flying monkeys.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S2: even if you break up with the boyfriend please make that poor woman a cat vase

[@NotoriousEKB]

Omigosh, right?! My heart hurt for her. She probably believed her son couldn't be any more thoughtless, and bang: she gets a stolen, last-minute gift and has to pay for both heself and her self-absorbed son at her own birthday dinner. Like, how cold-hearted could he be? 😢

[@carolroberts4614]

I wanted to make her one, and I couldn't do something like that to save my life!

[@Number1Pencil]

I understand if OP doesn't feel up to it, but if it was me and my artwork, I'd probably replace it. Or let her keep the original and call her to tell her it was from me, not her son. But I'm also more of a pushover than OP and my laid back mom would accept a late remade gift with the story.

[@teddennison344]

Story 1, I totally get the desire to even the score by humiliating her as much as she humiliated him. However, even if that worked perfectly, he's still stuck married to someone he can't trust, and who's likely resentful and now thinking about how to hide it better next time. It can NEVER be the same again.

[@samiulhuda4001]

hes not stuck. he can always leave. that was an attempt to try and fix (although stupid). he should have just outed her and divorced

[@TsukiKageTora]

People who cheat only think about their few moments of pleasure. Not any of the consequences that could come. The hurt their partners going to face, the hurt their kids are going to face, the downfall of their relationship, the downfall of any relationship once people find out. She’s the one who cheated, she hast to face the consequences of that. The guy had every right to force her to come clean to her friends and family because if I know someone’s cheating, I would want their friends and family to know that too because it’s their right to continue to choose to have a relationship with the cheater. I would hate to be friends with someone and someone else knew that they cheated on their partner and didn’t tell me . I would hate it. It’s like taking away the choice from me. He did it to shame her yes but he saved the people time and energy if they didn’t want to be her friend.

[@GiordanDiodato]

So humiliate her and making sure she's alone?

[@tatkkyo9911]

​@GiordanDiodato oh no the consequences of her actions

[@Galworld761]

Honestly, unless she lies to me about you - I don’t need to be brought into your drama. You have trauma dumped on me. If you get cheated on - leave, post it or go to therapy but DO NOT call me personally. The shame the kids will feel. Good god. Two selfish, imbalanced people.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@GiordanDiodato I don’t want to be friends with a cheater, and I would be grateful to know if one of my friends is a cheater. I would feel like the choice of whether I am friends with someone would be taken away for me if someone didn’t tell me they cheated when cheating is a dealbreaker for any relationship I would have

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@GiordanDiodato again, he didn’t make her alone. It’s the choices of the people she told to disown her. It’s not like he told them to stop being friends with her. Besides, it’s not like he told them in her stead. She told them when she had the choice not to. He didn’t humiliate her she humiliated herself. I bet you if the roles were reversed, you’d chirp a different tune

[@bamban_garcia5562]

There is no coming back after destroying a relationship, no matter how much you want to

[@glendastaples8206]

Last story:I wonder if the DILs name is Karen. I don’t blame the MIL at all, who wants to be around anyone who acts that way.

[@audreynothepburn7663]

I was thinking that too once OP went into more detail with the examples.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Agreed, those examples don't sound like the results of "growing up in a house where you have to be loud to be heard"; they sound like the results of "growing up in a house where you were never told NO".

[@roguenine9LU]

Story 1: I'm thinking he was maybe wanting to be able to avoid being considered in the wrong if they did divorce, if that's the case he probably should have gone to a lawyer and gotten an affidavit where she admitted the affair.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Story 2: that woman needs to text his mom and tell her the truth: she should know her son is trash

[@groofromtheup5719]

she already knows

[@spookysugar]

Deep down, she knows, even if she doesn't acknowledge it. That's why the gift made her so incredibly happy, her son being thoughtful was an anomaly

[@singtrue25]

S1: Knew that wasn't gonna last, but OP isolated his wife before the divorce, and now she is totally alone. S2: OP dodged a bullet. You can see how a man will treat you based on how he treats his mother, and especially since the mom was a sweet lady, OP is lucky she got out when she did. S3: OP is removing herself from a mean Karen, and everyone else followed suit.

[@Doormatjones]

I agree with Mark that story 1 couldn't have ended any other way. He had to control the narrative (how many cheating stories do we see on reddit where the cheater lies and now the other person gets ostrasized on top of cheated on?). Past that, sounds like typical cheating fallout...

[@stackzgaminglucky7927]

Story 1: none of that would have happened if she didn't have the affair. The way OP went through with his response: I guess it was harsh, but think, you don't just chest on your significant other; you cheat on your family too in a sense.

[@trilbynhiss]

If I got a phone call from a friend confessing they had cheated on their husband, I'd be confused why she was telling me this. I seriously doubt I'd start yelling at her and cut her out of my life unless the person she cheated with was my partner. I don't approve of cheating but that really wouldn't be any of my business.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

That's the thing, though.That's what's making me question.This whole thing either deep down.This is fake or she told everyone.Everyone asked her why she's telling them this and he's isolating her from the very people.She calls even his family and spent like six months since this happened and seven and I have months since it happened and I'm off. I have since the original post and now he's talking about divorcing her. This dude has just let a few to a bomb. That's about to go off and I guarantee there's gonna be a moment in her this guy be like he's gonna tell her and she's gonna be like I'm done. I'm finally free and I'm going to get my life back. And the moment she starts to pick herself up and start living for her children again. He's gonna walk her back. And guess what's gonna happen?She's gonna take everythin you.She will go for the house. this Dude just set himself up to lose everything

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE Or she's in a shame spiral and will end up unaliving herself. There's a reason why prisons can only put someone in Solitary Confinement for a limited length of time. It's because isolation like that literally wrecks a human being's mind. People get so depressed they stop eating and starve to death, even though they are given food three times a day. Humans are social creatures and we don't do well without social interactions, even us introverts.

[@groofromtheup5719]

I'd sure want to know if someone I considered a friend was a piece of trash. I'd sure not want a cheater around my spouse. I'd want to know who caused my grandkids the pain of a broken family, etc. I'd be thankful for the admission of the cheater because I would be left without a doubt as to who is actually at fault.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

​@@groofromtheup5719 You might want to stop looking into other people's windows unless you want them looking into yours.

[@bautistalover]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDEhe didn’t isolate her her actions did that. Of the people she called friends and family choose not to associate with her that’s on them and not OP.

[@ruthlessrude6014]

When they say "I will do anything!" There isn't anything to negotiate.

[@tallyp.7643]

"...for love... but I won't do that!"

[@ScooterBond1970]

"Sooner or later you'll be SCREWIN' AROUND..."

[@EM3SonSon]

Story 2 Update is hilarious! OP's ex just kept contradicting himself the whole time, like: "He said he would give this [mermaid piece] to her and that I could find a new boyfriend", but disconsidering that if his not her boyfriend anymore, she doesn't have to do sh1t. XD Or when: "He told me that he NEVER wanted to see me again and I should call him when I grew the fuck up"... If you don't want to see someone ever again, why would you like to them to call you? XD And then he says that he wouldn't have apologized [before] if he knew OP wasn't giving him the present, when he never had apologize at all! How the f- his brain works exactly?

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta I don't get esh. she chose his ultimative.plus all their friends and family would have found out had they divorced.

[@aaronmedley7606]

I don't get it I mean just a year ago everyone agreed to bring such things to light so it never happens again

[@DarkestFIameMaster]

The thing is that he is considering divorcing her after she became depressed, not because she cheated. He is also an asshole because how the hell is this gonna help the kids.

[@TheChosen141]

@@DarkestFIameMastershe brought up the kids, not him. Also remember who decided to screw another guy outside of the marriage.

[@faeb.9618]

he should've just divorced instead of forcing literally everyone in their lives to sit through having to spectate his little psychological torture and public humiliation stunt. no one asked for it except him, and while cheating is still bad, this feels almost worse honestly. i would sooner distance myself from him than her if they were a couple i knew

[@Ashbrash1998]

Yeah but now he looks like the idiot who is fine with her being a cheater, so essentially he kstrqcized not just his wife but the kids too for like no reason. Because he would rather divorce his wife because she's depressed then for the cheating.

[@VMKjelly]

Story 1: I’m down with the general action of confession to everyone. I don’t consider it public humiliation since its only to people whom it would be relevant to, not strangers. Also, I think it shows a lot of resolve too, since you have to be accountable to your community. Also, perhaps I’m in a toxic circle, but I know a handful of family or in-laws who’ve been outted as cheaters and stay in the family, the only ones who get flack are the ones who leave their families. So I’m surprised the whole support network is gone, like she didn’t kill or assault anyone. Again, maybe I just exist in pretty forgiving spaces. HOWEVER! OP then wanting to leave his wife because she’s depressed? That’s not right. Even with a support network anyone will be depressed in the wake of a major life fuck up. Like if instead OP got depressed and the wife wanted a divorce would be obviously shitty.

[@samiulhuda4001]

i doubt her support network is gone. maybe some people are gone sure. but mostly nobody has any respect for her and she is embarrassed to reach out to them

[@megaspit]

If admitting to your family that youve cheated will ruin their image of you then maybe dont do horrible things that will ruin your image. Either way this is dumb because now everyone knows hes the guy who stayed with his cheating wife. I doubt this makes him look as strong as he thinkgs

[@thish6201]

Couldn't have said it any better.

[@samiulhuda4001]

lol hes not he is gonna bounce soon.

[@davidransom4476]

"Reconsider divorce because it would uproot the lives of our children." First she cheats, then puts you in the position of being the bad guy. Should just divorce her, but tell closer relatives so she doesn't control the narrative.

[@groofromtheup5719]

with proof, because someone like her would absolutely lie about it anyways.

[@tallyp.7643]

I can see having a family meeting and having her fess up to all the parents at once, maybe siblings that are available... but everybody she knows? If the parents are mad enough, they'll let the family know in their own time (and gossipy siblings will DEFINITELY spill the beans). I definitely believe cheaters should be exposed once discovered, but the way OP did it? It just rubs me wrong. Like one of the commenters said, what the hell are some people supposed to feel about the situation when they get the phone call, especially if they're cousins that barely see the couple or distant friends? Some folks can just find out through the grapevine like everyone else... parents, however, ABSOLUTELY should be allowed to know. It would make handling the kids during the difficult days ahead a bit easier, since they could help in case of counseling, separation, or divorce in the near future.

[@davidransom4476]

@@tallyp.7643 , that's what I was thinking with "closer relatives". Maybe siblings if she starts lying.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@tallyp.7643 so only parents get to decide if her friends get to learn that she has no problem cheating?

[@tallyp.7643]

@@groofromtheup5719 No, but they're not a priority. Considering it's a family matter & kids are involved, family should get first dibs on the news because decisions need to be made to ensure the kids are taken care of as things change. Friends can wait a little while. And there's nothing stopping the family from setting the record straight online if wife tries to spin the story, anyway. I could only see informing the friends quickly if the AP was an acquaintance of theirs, so they could know the situation and why things might be awkward or bad around them in the near future. Otherwise, I'd be like "why are you telling me this?" too. The wife had no real answers to give OP; doubt there'd be any real ones to give a friend, either.

[@skyelindsey687]

OP should’ve sent a mass text reading “I’m divorcing (her name) because she cheated on me. It was fun being a member of y’all’s family while it lasted. Y’all are still welcome to see our children when y’all want just so long as I am free.”

[@madambutterfly1997]

How’s it graceless to strip a cheater of their entire support system? In other stories where we see the cheater lose everyone they love we is the audience are all cheering because they got what they deserved. How was this any different?

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Thats cuz the cheater lied to everyone to make the OP the bad guy. In this one she didnt lie to anyone. Yet he made her confess to everyone. Now hes driving her to suicide and is upset she isnt getting over the fact she has literally no one in her life. I 100% think OP wants her dead.

[@snowskimaster]

My thinking exactly. Also, another benifit of this is quite literally stripping her of all of her ability to spin the narrative to make herself look better.

[@beccaf262]

This. At the end of the day none of it would’ve happened if she hadn’t cheated so it’s all really just the consequences of that choice. The change in her behaviour is because her family/friends are unhappy with her choices.

[@i.ftekhar]

Why would you want to strip someone of their support system?

[@ineedhoez]

Because it is abusive. If someone said that a man had done something and now the woman was completely isolated from family and friends, we be screaming abuse. It is one thing if people found out because it was public. He is THE reason they found out, so he is the one that inflicted this abusive punishment on her. It wasn't a natural consequence. If you don't tell people that you f#cked last Tuesday, then don't tell people about any other aspect of your sex life. He did it to hurt her. Affairs are between the people in the relationship. Family should never be involved.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 3: OP is NTA and he needs to get tell his son that they need family counseling. Or find a way to get the son alone without his wife. Like show up at the son's work for lunch and have a heart to heart talk. Odds are the son is getting abused far worse than everyone else. She probably has beaten him down so much that he's afraid to "wake the dragon" and is just in peacekeeping mode just to keep her from abusing him more. This is what Sockholm Syndrome truly is. The victim feels completely out of control and so finds control by appeasing their captor and then their brain sets into the program of keeping the captor happy in order to feel safe. The son needs help finding a way out of the situation.

[@uberloler]

Story 1: This is called consequences

[@quartzskull8772]

I think it's more manipulation than consequences, divorce is a consequence but making her tell everyone saying you wouldn't divorce her then divorcing her anyways is just being an asshole

[@SK98765]

Story 3: DIL sounds like she needs therapy. This isn't some conspiracy where the the MIL (OP) polluted the whole family against her, she did that herself and refused to work on it when it was made clear they don't like being around her.

[@wheelsndealz]

Anyone thinking he was gonna divorce her anyways after she confessed to everyone?

[@LoveableNiki]

You see it

[@wheelsndealz]

@@LoveableNiki yeah, I thought it was just a tactic to get the confession out with the intention to divorce anyways. But if he genuinely wanted to try to stay married, I agree with the comments, it makes no sense to do that.

[@groofromtheup5719]

maybe, maybe not. All he did by "forcing her to admit the truth" was to prevent her from lying about it. She is far better off for it even if he does dump her ass, because now she finally understands just how selfish she was.

[@samiulhuda4001]

what if he does? he wont be wrong to do so

[@wheelsndealz]

@@samiulhuda4001 did I say he would?

[@darnelltucker9163]

Story 1: As someone who has been cheated on in the past, OP, to me, is NTA. I have zero tolerance for cheating and as far as I'm concerned, cheaters don't deserve grace. She got what she deserved and he did the right thing as he controlled the narrative. Could he have just divorced her? Yes, but then she, like many women, won't take accountability and instead, will flip the script and make OP the bad guy and herself the victim. That crap happens all the time. Now, she can't lie and manipulate.

[@nathanhinman9069]

Not condoning cheating but I gotta wonder how wonderful this guy was before she cheated

[@JSainte17]

I’m sorry but they’re like “What did you expect you ruined her life?” No. She ruined her life. Sorry not sorry

[@nathanaelamante8413]

A cheater is a predator. They dont have real ability love anyone They arent just cheating on their spouse they are doing it to their children too they are purposely playing with fire That type of person cant be trusted

[@groofromtheup5719]

and everyone around them deserves to know just exactly who they are dealing with.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I think they both suck. If someone cheats on you, end it. Absolutely end it, and don’t tell that person that if they do “x” you will forgive them. You won’t. And while I believe the saying that you should never make an ultimatum you aren’t willing to follow through with, I also believe you should never make promises you may not be able to follow through. I think that OP proved that he is just as crappy a person in a different way. She’s a cheater, but he’s a vengeful dick.

[@Adamskyize]

@@mkuti-childress3625 I think OP wanted two things: 1) To never have to feel questioned by fiends or family when he was upset at his wife due to her infidelity 2) An unfakeable sign of commitment and remorse from his wife. Those are two very reasonable demands if you want to continue a relationship after cheating. He just never thought of the consequences because he was too upset at the time.

[@ashl2115]

@@Adamskyize I dont think the issue is OP wanting those things (if that's even the case) but there is a healing way to go about getting that, and there is a vengeful way which taints the whole process. IMO OP took the vengeance path and that makes them both AH's. But I respect that others will see it differently.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@ashl2115 he really didn't sound like he was being a meanie about it. Sounds like he was calm and said I need this from you to prove to me you are actually remorseful. The fact that the experience changed her as a person and made her a less desirable spouse, isn't proof he is some machivellian mastermind. It is just proof that people are self-centered idiots when they think they can get some strange on the side without repricussions.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

1. This is doomed...100% ...she will leave by herself or OP will get that both are humiliated now...If they do not go to couple therapy asap ...it will break. I get that OP wanted to break her, he did...and now he does not like to see it...Unless both have therapy NOW , they will never have happiness with anyone.

[@samiulhuda4001]

nah he should leave her like he should have in the first place. too much baggage at this point. first she cheats then now shes a sad koala.

[@myoaklee]

Honestly, I think OP is NTA. Her actions itself already humiliated him but she said she’d do ANYTHING to avoid divorce. So he’s taking that offer and giving her the benefit of being honest to her family and friends. Very likely, she was well respected and perceived good by her community but her will to cheat destroyed her own image. I think she’s facing the consequences of her own actions and it’s not like OP has control over the decisions of others who cut her off. When you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your kids and other family members. This situation is no different from other victims going scorched earth. I think it’s fair to expect her to own up if she promised to do ANYTHING to stay married.

[@quartzskull8772]

Right but then he divorces her anyways

[@myoaklee]

@@quartzskull8772 they both got their ways the first time. Divorce was bound to happen. Although I do think OP could’ve handled it better

[@quartzskull8772]

@myoaklee right so why make her shatter her life with the promise that you wouldn't leave

[@myoaklee]

@@quartzskull8772 honest question, do you wonder if the outcome would be different with her support system if he initially divorced her? Fixing our problems start with self-accountability

[@quartzskull8772]

@myoaklee maybe but who knows, he still hung a prize In front of her face if she did something and then he left anyways he left her with no one and then still left after saying he wouldn't that is exactly how you get people to end themselves

[@ShadowknightEX]

I’m gonna leave a less popular thought for story 1. He didn’t make a mistake in making her confess, assumedly when he is in the room. It’s way too common for cheating spouses, particularly when they are women, to change the narrative when they tell people what happened. It’s not the nicest way of doing things, but I’m not gonna call it wrong

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S1: I mean, if that works for you it’s perfectly fair, but I can’t wrap my head around why that works for you. The bedpoopy analogy nailed it.

[@Azulakayes]

I really enjoyed this episode. All the stories gave me pause and were interesting.

[@peelthismonkey]

Story 1 - They divorce and every 1 finds out she cheated. he just forced her to admit to her problem.

[@judyjohnson9610]

Not everyone is going to consider it their business.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea, if I were a friend or a relative, and I receive this sort of information, I'd probably be like "what the hell does this got to do with me and why are you telling me this?" ngl

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Ah yes because she would never lie and say he cheated, right?

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I absolutely _hate_ couples who try to get me involved with their dysfunctional relationships. I don’t want to be forced to hear about your dirty laundry and watch someone punish their spouse using me and everyone else. It makes me think that they are _both_ trash.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@mkuti-childress3625 yes a public video posted on social media was the way to go

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

Story 1: I think everyone needed to know what person she really is. If she's willing to betray her husband, the man who shares a bed with her, then what will she do to them? I'm not gonna say it's right, but it's not wrong.

[@taylorwashington7682]

Cheaters suck but OP made himself pretty unsympathetic too. Like you've isolated and humiliated your wife and now you're mad that she's sad and clings to you. He should've just divorced her and tell everyone why if asked. It would've been better for everyone that way

[@groofromtheup5719]

how would it have been better? So she could get a chance to spread the lies before he could spread the truth?

[@SvarogAristaeusAllen]

@@groofromtheup5719 I like how everyone just immediately latched onto this narrative that she'd lie when there's no indication of that. Repressed sexism much? It'd have been better because at least he wouldn't be stupid enough to believe they have a healthy relationship after setting fire to her life. He could have told everyone everything first and then filed anyway, but he chose to stay because he's stupid.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@SvarogAristaeusAllen She is a cheater. You'll have to excuse my lack of faith that she would be morally upstanding in other areas.

[@samiulhuda4001]

not if asked. divorce and TELL friends and family why. dont let cheaters control the narrative

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@SvarogAristaeusAllen there is repressed sexism . i would say the same thing if the roles were reversed. almost nobody would trust a cheater to do the right thing. especially when money and kids and reputation is involved. and cheaters lying happens all too often. in situations like this you need to protect yourself period. yes he should have told everyone and left from the jump. staying was stupid. but whatever she is going through was inevitable and has nothing to do with him

[@stellamccoy5259]

S1. NTA. The wife chose to cheat. She also had a choice to divorce or tell everyone what she did. She made her choice. Cheating does not only impact two people. Behavior has consequences.

[@chaddieladdie6312]

So if he had just divorced at the beginning... they'd have found out why, regardless...?

[@GiordanDiodato]

Because he was sadistic

[@groofromtheup5719]

nah. She would have lied and painted him as the cheater because that is what selfish narcissistic cheaters do.

[@samiulhuda4001]

becuase the right thing would be to out the effing cheater on the way out? so they cant do more bs? lie to take his money and kids from him and ruin his reputation?

[@Twila5836]

For the last story: the husband better watch out if he sticks around long enough to have kids

[@Lholt5647]

Story 2: OP has a shiny spine!

[@Tokachitheartist]

There is no why to fix her by staying in this pointless Married, Public humillación is Satisfying when the person being hurt is affected, but Op resivio The opposite, A guilty loveless wife comstanly remined that She is a cheating scumbag by obligaron for the husband that she wants to Get his love back. This is sad for Op and Wife.

[@kevinclark495]

story 2 op needs to ditch that loser, the guys a joke

[@k14tt0n]

I love the extra little Poppy and Mark frames at the end!!

[@GBunnyG]

I tortured my partner and now that she reacted, I can't stand her anymore. Weird. Cheating is generally unforgivable. He was just getting revenge.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

When I first heard the story, I said it was a bad idea. That now he's going to be married to a miserable person and he's not going to be happy. People told me their great aunt's cousin's neighbor's best friend cheated and confessed to everyone, and has now been happily married for 80 years. 🙄

[@samiulhuda4001]

there was no torture. that was a consequence. people would have known anyway. this way people would atleast somewhat respect her for owning up to her mistake.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@MargaritaOnTheRox he can always divorce. just because she confessed doesnt mean he has to stay. confession got him to try. and thats more than most cheaters can ask for

[@gonzalo-zt5hu]

OP should have divorced instead of making his wife telling everyone. What a mess

[@MissMikato]

Story 1: My opinion is if they had divorced, everyone in her life probably would have found out the circumstances of why anyway. They should’ve kept the confessions to only close family not everyone though (and caveat the confession with him saying, “We would like your support in helping us as we work towards righting our marriage”). However, him considering divorce after this and giving her false hope is wrong. They both need to go to couples counselling to create a new path and marriage if they really want to stay together.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Nah, she would have turned nasty and claimed all sorts of shit on him

[@Hullyeah]

I don't have high hopes that marriage is salvageable after the dude effectively forced his wife to torch her entire social safety net before changing his mind. Cheating is never right and neither is abuse through isolation. There's also kids involved. If/when they're old enough to piece together their parent's relationship, who would they end up hating more?

[@Adamskyize]

@@Hullyeah I think he wanted her to never be able to lie about it, to never have to be questioned by friends and family for being upset with her due to her cheating, and to have her show commitment in a way that could never be faked. He just never thought of the consequences

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@Hullyeah if kids have any braincells they would blame the mother. op isnt wrong at all. he didnt force her. she could have divorced and not confessed. and people would know she was a cheater when they divorced anyway. you always out the cheater. they will lie through their teeth to stick it to you in divorce.

[@bautistalover]

@@Hullyeahmom for ruining their family.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

Everyone would have found out about the affair if they got a divorce from the start. What a weird thing to ask.

[@singingwordwright148]

Story 1: OP should have just gone for a divorce. What about forcing her to tell people who didn't have any business knowing would heal their relationship?? They're not the one's married to her, how does confessing to them in any way help heal the relationship between OP and his wife? Answer: It doesn't. OP just wanted to hurt and humiliate her, and maybe he was entitled, or maybe he just wanted something to hang over her head for the rest of their lives and to estrange her enough from their family and social circles that no one will ever call him out on it for taking it too far. Sorry, when your only request to fix your relationship is publicly shaming your partner, your relationship will never be repaired. This should have been in petty revenge. YTA. It's understandable why, but it's still a d*ck move.

[@krishanpaul2]

What was the asshole part: 1) having her family know 2) making her tell them Or is the asshole part giving her two bad options and making her choose. I feel that there's something wrong with the man, and I'd be totally cool with it if he divorced and not let her control the narrative as to why. (i.e. he let the family know why) was the asshole part just because he "made" her tell them?

[@singingwordwright148]

@@krishanpaul2 I think it's basically like Mark said. He made their entire family and social circle nonconsenting participants in his desire to punish her. Imagine Cersei walking naked through King's Landing, only instead of the cityfolk being there to throw rotten veggies will glee, they were all forced out of their houses by the city guard at swordpoint and forced to witness the spectacle against their will. He wanted revenge, and sold it to her as an effort to heal their relationship. He leveraged her guilt and desire to try to salvage their marriage against her. I get that he's hurt. I get that he's humiliated. But there is nothing reparatory in petty vengeance. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if there were other red flags we aren't seeing because we're only getting his side of the story. He sounds controlling and vindictive.

[@YellaBellaReno]

@@krishanpaul2 I think the asshole part is that the road to forgiveness isn’t typically paved with humiliation and revenge. Telling her that this was going to make everything OK was… well, a lie. I dunno, maybe he really did think this would make things better, but only for him. It certainly wasn’t going to make things better for his family, as a whole. I guess it’s a classic case of “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

[@jodieg6318]

We stopped putting people in the stocks and branding them with a big letter A over 300 years ago. But it seems Reddit would welcome that all back. FFS...

[@singingwordwright148]

@@jodieg6318 Yeah, this story really was just missing a pillory, wasn't it?

[@praeeo]

the one that stole the gift to give his family... ugh, that happened to me 25 years ago.... I was shell shocked and didn't know what to say. I had never met me soon-to-be in-laws and my fiancé was heading back to see his family for xmas. I wanted to give some thoughtful gifts to his mom and grandmother from me (35) and my daughter (age 6) and keep in mind, he was well off financially and had a very wealthy family... how could I give something they wouldn't look down on, since they didn't know me... anyway, had the perfect gifts for both of them and I asked him to give them to his mom and grandmother from me and my daughter for xmas... he took the gifts... WHEN I FINALLY met them, they were telling me how much they appreciated the gifts he had given them and how he knows what they like.... HE GAVE THEM TO THEM FROM 'HIM'... not from us... I was so caught off guard and couldn't believe he gave our gifts to them from him and they didn't even know they were from me and my daughter...I never told his mom because I never had a close relationship w/ her, they lived out of state and it wasn't long before my husband became abusive and we left (married 5 mos before I filed for separation).... his stealing our gifts to give his family from him should have been a huge red flag... Sadly, I ignored every colorful flag along the way until the night of his arrest... still, I was the bad guy in their family's rich eyes.... but, I digress.... I had a beautiful life with my kids, stayed singled all these years and I was blessed to get a son out of the relationship... he made our lives hell for more than 17 years, but I'll take that before ever regretting leaving him and getting my children away from under his thumb and abuse. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE HE STOLE OUR GIFTS.... he had more money than I could dream of… But what coward and cheap-@$$ person does that to someone they are engaged to? I'm mean seriously.... I would never in a million years ever think anyone would stoop so low, but... apparently, I too naïve back then.... good grief. For me, at the time I wouldn’t of said anything because I didn’t wanna make him look bad in front of his family at the same time I was just so devastated he would do that. But I still married I’m so that made me the fool lol.

[@deborahosborne9426]

Story 2. He is a bad son and a coward. Steal from you to cover his arse 😂. Ditch him.

[@LadyDiva2545]

OMG!!!! That shit the bed analogy was absolutely hilarious!!!! I laughed so loud!!!

[@dmatech]

That was the point. Women care a great deal about reputation. They'll do anything to preserve it, and he forced her to destroy it herself and put herself completely in his hands. I normally advise people to dump cheaters immediately and mercilessly, but in this specific case, he basically made a deal, and dumping her now is too diabolical even for me.

[@groofromtheup5719]

nah. he stuck to the deal. It was never an absolute free pass to never divorce ever. He still has the right to divorce for whatever reason he wants. Isn't that why 'no fault' divorces are so common? He said he did work past the cheating, but it should come as ZERO surprise that he is taking the "for better or worse" a bit less absolute these days. He accepted that she had a street-walker phase in their marriage, but now that she is no fun on top of it, is too much for him.

[@samiulhuda4001]

the deal was to try. there is never any guarantee.

[@GellaHumbug59]

Story 2: Make some type of cat art for his mom, if you feel so moved. Then break up with that thieving AH manbaby. After update: Bravo, OP! Good job standing up for yourself and your mom, and banishing bad bf.

[@greendiamondglow]

This feels like a "Scarlet Letter" situation. I think it's ultimately going to backfire on OP. I mean it already has, but it'll backfire even more once she gets herself to therapy and works through this

[@groofromtheup5719]

The only thing wrong with "The Scarlet Letter" was that it wasn't applied uniformly.

[@redonyx5428]

s1: he forced her to confess because he wanted her humiliated and to experience the pain she put him through. their relationship is not stronger than ever. it's shattered and he's just enjoying her pain. now she's depressed and crying and he's thinking of divorcing her after all of that? this is def a ESH. the cheating is bad but his actions are also horrible. s2: bf made himself look like a bad son. it's not op's job to cover for his uncaring nature. he stole from op and is mad he got caught. i wouldn't stay with such a person, love or no love. and from op's comments, this dude just sounds like an user. to me, it just seems like he just sees his mother as a resource (giving her cooking supplies instead of something she actual likes) and he sees op the same way. post-update: dude sucks! he still continued to lie to his mother to cover his butt and then had the balls to try and steal from op in front her face! and he's the one who's immature. im glad he's an ex. s3: sounds like DIL is an attention wh*re on top of being completely rude. she's the one who's a bully and it's not op's job to cover for her behaviour. everyone knows about how she's acts and doesn't want to be around her. OP may had been the catalyst but she doesn't control everyone else in the family. Son can enjoy social isolation alongside his boorish wife.

[@rekslegiune6004]

Story 1. It's funny how people blame OP, he asked her to cnfes if she wants another chance and that's it. Why defend a cheater, so she can twist story around, F her she is blame for this S show.

[@jimmygarza8896]

I get making the wife confess. Maybe not to as many as was inferred, but her confessing would indicate that she is actually contrite. Besides, her friends have a right to know what kind of person she is. What I don't agree with is his desire to file for divorce afterwards, rather than help his wife navigate the situation he helped create. OP clearly isn't skilled in considering higher-order consequences. If the unmanipulated truth makes you look bad, then you _are_ bad. Simple as. Yeah, DiL has no one to blame but herself. It really sounds like OP's decision just gave the other family members the courage to follow suit.

[@PoipoleEntertainment1987]

I honestly gonna say NTA because having the cheater confess to everyone is a good decision so the cheater couldn’t spin the story to make OP the villain. It does happen and can destroy OP’s life if she didn’t confess to everyone. The divorce is the answer since she is sad because she got caught and is facing the consequences, not for what she did.

[@jjm152]

Story 1: It is messy, but it's also a great way to prevent a cheating spouse from doing it again. In fact, it's often recommended that some level of disclosure to friends and family takes place. Now, I don't think that includes 3rd cousins or passerbys on the street or what not, but despite what Reddit thinks, asking your spouse to come clean to the people impacted (typically it's just family and the family of the other affair partner) works because it provides an emotional counterbalance to the "thrill" of carrying on a secret affair, which isn't so naughty and thrilling when everyone sees it as tawdry and cheap.

[@ian7064]

Story 1: this is the most successful revenge after cheating story I've ever heard

[@brittalex42]

The guy isn't a bad son, he's a bad person. The last story was surprisingly satisfying. That is what I used to tell kids, that if you aren't nice to your friends, they won't want to play with you because well, that's life.

[@Gamergal_Val92]

Had a rather rough day at work and came home sick 😔 I hope the 🧇 waffle gang, along with Mark and Poppy, are having an amazing day ❤

[@sierralovat5498]

I dont get it. If a man cheats, women are told to divorce, put them on blast, and they are praised. But this guy does the same to shame his wife who cheated and everyone craps on him??

[@glitchsteph]

THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING

[@julianyuh3163]

i mean, if he divorced her all those people would know anyway, this way her manipulation tactic of "staying for the kids" gets thrown out the window lol

[@thish6201]

That's not true. She could have lied and said he was the one that cheated. Or is the wife incapable of lying? lol

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: the fact that OP thought that was a good idea is wild like idiot you had her call up everybody you know and then you decided to stay with her afterwards? Just leave like a normal person. She’s trash for cheating but he was still willing to stay with trash?

[@missmax2492]

I don't get the issue???? Everyone would've learnt she cheated anyway. There was a story where the op tricked the cheater spouse into admitting it to their family and then ditched them and everyone praised that op

[@LoveableNiki]

To me, this one seems more cruel. It's the long game. It's OP reveling in the fact that Wife is miserable and isolated from everyone while he is still with her. I thought he was getting her to confess to everyone and then immediately leaving. Wife was absolutely wrong. OP just seems weird to say their relationship is stronger when Wife is a shell of herself from the moment she confessed to everyone.

[@missmax2492]

@@LoveableNiki I mean, it was better because he was being doted on because she was scared he'd dip. It's likely she hadn't been giving him much attention in favor of her "new love" so she'd been love bombing. But as it set in more for her and she thought she really had him, she gave into her depression

[@hrvojebutkovic]

It sounds like that OP owned his/her vengeful side, whereas this OP was dishonest about it, perhaps even to himself. It's easier to support someone who is unapologetically exacting revenge for being wronged, than someone who is being deceitful about it.

[@groofromtheup5719]

s1; He should have dumped her and told everyone why. What happened ends up no worse for her. I don't see what he did wrong beyond setting himself up for more heartbreak. All he did is prevent her from lying about it.

[@DrWho1596]

In story 1 this isn’t revenge this is shame. He shamed her to admitting it. Forcing her to admit it makes it so she doesn’t do it again. Whether the relationship stays or breaks. It was much deserved because you should NEVER cover for a cheater.

[@gerardedison2001]

Fully agree. Genuine consequence for crappy behavior.

[@censored-admin]

Shaming someone into compliance will generally only create resentment later. Does someone feeling shame bring back any type of real trust? Controller vs being controlled and both having to watch the other just adds stress not real trust. Not to mention if OP did get a divorce, the family and friends would ask why. If OP or spouse is truthful with them the cheating gets revealed anyway, so the point was to shame and control. Just not healthy for either of them.

[@jodieg6318]

Shall we bring back the pillory as well? A divorce would have outed her too but OP can't admit he just wanted revenge.

[@DrWho1596]

@@jodieg6318 divorce would not have outed her at all. They don’t HAVE to say anything as to WHY just a falling out or growing up to wanting different things. A majority of cheaters would prefer it if you said nothing to keep their dignity intact. But in there lies the problem. Keeping quiet about the cheating leaves the door open for either party to control the narrative. “He was controlling, she was financially abusive, he was manipulating me” it doesn’t matter how much you trust the person people will often times lie to gain sympathy and control the story before the other person does. NEVER cover for a cheater.

[@greendiamondglow]

That OP2 is even entertaining the idea she is in the wrong is frustrating. He STOLE from her and expected her to just take it! Women need to get mad more

[@chelbanna]

Story 1: this is going to be an unpopular take, but I vote OP as NTA up until the update. If they had gotten divorced, both OP and his wife would have been asked what happened by the same people he had her call. Unless she chose to lie and no one double-checked with OP, her infidelity would have come out to all of those people through gossip anyway, and the result ( her losing friends) would also be the same. It was vindictive to force the truth out all at once like that, but it wasn't any worse than what she would have experienced if he divorced her anyway.

[@samiulhuda4001]

there is no vindictive nothing she could have left and like you said. this was to try to save the marriage. there was no trying without penalty on her end

[@jaymoon2377]

"you're making me look bad" if you can 'make someone look bad' by, essentially, doing nothing (not letting him give away her artwork, not making the mother something in his place, etc) then.. yeah, they might just have been bad to start. What a twit too, He's an inconsiderate son and a horrendous boyfriend. that bit about him not apologizing if he'd known she'd returned his gift and to 'call him when she grows up' is a fast pass, all expense paid trip to 'absolutely-not-sville'