Top 36 British Euphemisms (Best British Slang) |Americans React to UK Slang 🇬🇧

[@michaelscott7166]

"He's brilliant at delegating" A boss that doesn't do any work.

[@WanderingRavens]

Love this one! 😂 Thanks for sharing :)

[@seejaybee71]

"He has a Teflon desk" - no job sticks to it, everything gets delegated.

[@olly5764]

"Something for the weekend" is why the small packs of condoms have three in, one for Saturday, one for Sunday, and one for luck. Grace, swap boulangerie for "Bakers" and your baguette saying would be a classic British one! Eric, why would we want to say things to AVOID confusing Americans? Its one of our favourite sports! Keep it up!

[@WanderingRavens]

I'll swap it for "Bakers" next time we're in the UK! So glad you enjoyed the video!

[@finncullen]

Condoms always used to be sold in packs of one, three or twelve. The joke was that the single pack was for young men to keep in their wallet in case they got lucky. The three pack was for single guys with a girlfriend, who would want one for Friday, one for Saturday, one for Sunday. The twelve pack was for married men - one for January, one for February...

[@adashingblade900]

@@finncullen condoms were sometimes sold by gentlemen Barbers, the question would be whispered quietly during your haircut on a saturday morning....

[@scollyb]

A blue moon is a second full moon in a calendar month, and they happen about once a year. So once in a blue moon is less an idiom than an obscure phrase

[@WanderingRavens]

Thank you for setting me straight there! I didn't know blue moons were a real thing!

[@scollyb]

@Darth Wheezius volcano ash can turn the moon blue but that isn't the origin of the term.

[@gavinparks5386]

@Darth Wheezius That was a blue sunset actually , I believe.

[@stevehills709]

every 2.5 years

[@allenwilliams1306]

Looked through replies. Can''t see “he can''t tell his arse from his elbow”, the classic dismissal of a simpleton!

[@merlinadams8797]

As thick as two short planks is another one.

[@silverknight4886]

@@merlinadams8797 Two prawns short of a barbie (Australian) In use in the UK

[@lindsayheyes925]

That is about someone who is confused. Sadly, it is a fairly accurate description of a person with severe dementia.

[@douglastodd1947]

Allen Williams if brains were made out of dynamite they wouldn't have enough to blow themselves up .

[@amethyst1826]

@@douglastodd1947 I love that one!

[@JohannaInTheCorner]

Have you heard: Fur coat, no knickers. (Said about someone superficial, they have things considered extravagant, but essential items you don’t see.. they forgo to get the showy items)

[@jacketrussell]

Red hat.......no drawers.

[@WanderingRavens]

Thank you for sharing that one with us!

[@cleoldbagtraallsorts3380]

This is one of my favourites, but it does conjure up the image of an expensive lady of the night.

[@davew4998]

@@cleoldbagtraallsorts3380 Yes, that's what I've always taken it to mean, as in a woman who dresses in finery but we all know what she really is. Not that I'm judging.

[@WanderingRavens]

@@cleoldbagtraallsorts3380 That's what we thought too 😂

[@wulfrunian]

“A full and frank discussion took place”. The number of times I used that one when writing up minutes of the club I used to be secretary of in the 1970s.

[@WanderingRavens]

Hearing that this phrase is used in official contexts makes it so much better! Thank you for the additional insight, Peter :D

[@Kevin-mx1vi]

"Full and frank discussion" = nose to nose shouting match in which both parties express their view of each other, usually in "emphatic language". Usually applied by the civil service to describe in polite terms a private meeting between two politicians that strongly disagree with each other. 😁

[@mickbacon8542]

One of my favourites - "deep pockets, short arms" - means tight with money. { a common accusation against Yorkshiremen)

[@WanderingRavens]

Love this one! 😂

[@brianwhittington5086]

@Darth Wheezius I think that comes from it being watertight, when they're paddling along or duck diving to feed under the water surface.

[@brianwhittington5086]

@Darth Wheezius well that's what I've always believed to be the case, you never know though if someone found a different meaning ? There's also the old saying often heard up here in Yorkshire. When you're told something that's a bit questionable, a common reply is to say- "I've heard ducks fart before" Could have come from the same source maybe ? Coincidentally Duck quacks aren't supposed to echo, debate is still open on that theory !

[@brianwhittington5086]

@Mick Bacon That's a myth made up about us by the Scots because we say the bagpipes sound like someone is holding a Scotsmans ball.

[@brianwhittington5086]

@Darth Wheezius ha ha, that's probably why it's said, watertight so it doesn't suck water in to replace the escaping methane, blub blub blub

[@mrjohn.whereyoufrom]

“There and back to see how far it is”. When you don’t wish to divulge on where you are going when asked.

[@WanderingRavens]

Love this one! 😂

[@JimpZee]

You are *correct* about "going to see a man about a dog". It means going to do something that you don't want to divulge. If it's said in response to a direct question such as "where are you off to?", then it basically means "mind your own business".

[@craftsmanwoodturner]

But can also be used as a euphemism for going to the toilet.

[@LucifersTear]

Wow, you guys use this one SO DIFFERENTLY. I've always known "off to see a man about a dog" to mean: You have to leave because you have sex planned. Referring to the exact inverse: "off to see a woman about a P*ssy" It is more loosely used In the Midlands to mean you have to leave to do something you couldn't possibly describe in any more detail publicly. Purposely leaving your friends questioning whether you're "on a promise" or not. You certainly wouldn't use it if you were going to return soon otherwise you will very much be frowned upon for not being a very good 'performer' 😂

[@WanderingRavens]

Good to know we weren't completely off on that one! Thanks for giving us some ore contexts, Jimp!

[@WanderingRavens]

@@craftsmanwoodturner Good to know

[@WanderingRavens]

@@LucifersTear Slang varies so much region by region in the UK!

[@MrTrull1]

“Take a long walk on a short pier.” - ie. go away/get lost.

[@lipkinasl]

I used that one just this week :)

[@WanderingRavens]

This is useful!

[@WanderingRavens]

@@lipkinasl oooo is there a story here?

[@lipkinasl]

@@WanderingRavens The timetable I'd written, and was about to send for processing had been re-called for edits 3 times for various reasons - all valid, and none my fault, and each of them half a day apart. When we finally got the processing and edits done for the 3rd time, I said to my boss "If anyone comes and asks for any more edits tell em to take a long walk off a short pier". He didn't disagree :)

[@WanderingRavens]

@@lipkinasl Thank you for the story! Glad to hear these euphemisms are used in professional settings too and not just pub banter :D

[@Trag1cVision]

I love you two. The English language is so malleable; you can make up whatever you like. If it catches on then it becomes consensus. The pond isn't that small.

[@WanderingRavens]

Awww, thank you for the support and encouragement! We appreciate you :) And yes, it's so true, English is a very fluid language.

[@alisonyoung1632]

Did you guys say 'mardy' when taking about teenagers? That's a very Sheffield slang word, so you use that in the States also or have you picked that up here?

[@thisisnev]

Another euphemism for when someone inadvertently 'drops their lunch' in company: "More tea, vicar?" And another Private Eye expression: 'Ugandan discussions'. This one originated in the early 70s when a government minister was caught 'in flagrante' with his secretary, and he gave the lame excuse that they had been discussing the current situation in Uganda. Still loving your content!

[@craftsmanwoodturner]

One more for you: instead of "that's what she said", in the UK we usually say "as the actress said to the bishop".

[@WanderingRavens]

Thank you for letting us know!

[@rogerjenkinson7979]

Using this phrase you can turn almost any statement in to a smutty one because it reverses to suit the situation. It's centuries old. acting grew out of public performing in streets and pub yards and was considered as being on the same social level as cutpurses and prostitutes. The actress is a euphemism for the latter, as the word 'model' used to be when I was a lad.

[@marmadukewinterbotham2599]

Our parents used to say "Overheard in the blackout."

[@rogerjenkinson7979]

@@marmadukewinterbotham2599 ✔

[@gorrthebutcher4696]

vicker to the barmaid

[@MrJonno85]

2:00 I think the term "something for the weekend" comes from the expectation that a young man might hit the town (with all its temptations) at the weekend, free from the need to get up early for work the next day. I'm sure some coitus occured during the week.

[@brendanlinnane5610]

In the olden days, it was illegal to advertise contraceptives. They were sold by barbers, who would ask the customers whether they needed "something for the weekend". It would have been illegal for the barber to directly ask: "Do you want to buy condoms". Chemists sold condoms, but they were not on display, and you had to ask for them. Contraceptives were indirectly advertised as "rubber goods", which could include diaphragms, Dutch caps and condoms.

[@thegingerwitch322]

Slightly rude one: " I laughed so much I thought my knickers would never dry" I know the rain/petticoat one as " it's snowing down south" I was brought up with the idea that toilet was common and the word lavatory was the word you should use

[@WanderingRavens]

Oh my 😂😂 Thank you for those

[@oz25]

@@WanderingRavens You're flying low is another one for, as you say, xyz. xxx

[@nicholasholt5995]

Still love the "mowing an old lady's lawn". One of my favourites, again to mean stupid, is "as thick as two short planks". Love your content! Keep it up :) x

[@WanderingRavens]

I'm glad you enjoyed Eric's contribution to the grand realm of euphemism 😂😂

[@GenialHarryGrout]

I laughed all the way through that. One from me, "The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead"

[@WanderingRavens]

So glad you enjoyed the video! And thank you for sharing that euphemism with us - made both of us laugh :D

[@diosyntaxa]

@@WanderingRavens I'd say that one is in the same vein as "One sandwich short of a picnic" or "A few cards short of a deck", love those. The lights are on bu nobody's home is another version :D

[@WanderingRavens]

@@diosyntaxa 😂😂 Thank you for those

[@allenwilliams1306]

Or: “The lights are on, but there's nobody at home”.

[@GSD-hd1yh]

"They are working on a 5 second delay"

[@kucintaful]

"Going to see a man about a dog" actually is when someone asks or enquires what you're doing or where you're going, your telling them to mind their own business x

[@amethyst1826]

Or you're off to the pub!

[@mariafhpurcell]

I spent my younger years actually waiting for someone to come back with a dog for me 🤣 No wonder I ended up with 2 in the 1st year of leaving home 😆

[@mikedakin2016]

when he said 'we don't have a queen in the US' I spat my tea out ! the irony .

[@RichardASK]

Shall we all name them? I'll start with Liberace..........!

[@sjchan3199]

Mmmmm i can think of a few

[@amethyst1826]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ataru4]

Cool video, I love regional sayings. My grandparents used to say 'there's more out than in' when someone did something especially dumb. Meaning there's more stupid people out and about than in asylums. They had lots of Yorkshire sayings that aren't used any more cos ppl wouldn't understand like 'head like a set pot' meaning having a large head. A set pot was like a large cauldron. Someone shameless would be 'brass necked'. Someone mean with money could 'peel an orange in their pocket'.

[@laurenblachford1501]

a good euphemism for spacey is “away with the fairies”

[@WanderingRavens]

Love it! 😂

[@ront2424]

@@WanderingRavens Australian version is a couple of tinnies short of a six pack.

[@artfulsaladdodger]

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

[@artfulsaladdodger]

So you did. Apologies.

[@artfulsaladdodger]

It seems that not all my dogs are barking

[@grahvis]

When I was young the standard phrase to say a womans petticoat was showing, was "Charleys dead". I think it died out when full skirts were produced with a strip of lace sewn along the hem to deliberately appear to be the bottom of a petticoat showing from beneath the skirt.

[@WanderingRavens]

Oh! Never made the connection that the bit of lace along the hem was meant to indicate the petticoat. Scandalous!

[@mrjohn.whereyoufrom]

Bob’s your uncle meaning ‘there you have it’ or ‘there it is’.

[@cleoldbagtraallsorts3380]

Et voila!

[@rogerjenkinson7979]

If, like me, you like to confuse people, you could say" Robert is your mother's brother "

[@NorthDownReader]

Robert Peel was rather well known for nepotism.

[@alicepretty7785]

Bob's your uncle, and Fanny's your aunt.

[@TheYopogo]

The "spend a penny" thing is a relic of the first public toilets, which cost a penny, but public toilets ARE usually free in Europe now! The idea that public toilets aren't free in Europe is a common misconception which Americans have, basically because you do occasionally have to pay in really high tourism type places, but almost everywhere they're free here too. Even in the tourist type places, you often don't have to pay if they know you're a local.

[@Randomner2562]

I love regional sayings. Here in liverpool you’d often hear “gob wider than the Mersey tunnel” which basically means someone who doesn’t know how to be quiet. It’s one of my favourite sayings

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@PDJ10]

And let's not forget "gorra head like Birkenhead"

[@gavinparks5386]

.... or a mouth like Grangemouth.

[@tonycasey3183]

Here In Yorkshire, in my living memory, some houses didn't have indoor toilets. They had a small, squat brick building in the backyard containing the toilet. It typical blunt Yorkshire vernacular, it was called "the shithouse". Well built, squat, muscly rugby players would be said to be "built like a brick shithouse" I always thought that "loo" was derived from the habit of throwing the contents of the chamber pot out of the bedroom window in the mornings, shouting "Gardez l'eau!" to warn those below of falling urine - l'eau becoming "loo". Not 100% sure about that though

[@WanderingRavens]

As always, such an educational comment! Thank you, Tony!

[@hectorthorverton4920]

I think you're right. I associate 'gardez l'eau' with Scotland; indeed, the ship that used to take Glasgow's sewage sludge out into the Clyde estuary was the MV Gardyloo. It's now a pleasure steamer, and you can (though not at the moment) take a trip out in the Clyde aboard. They have, I'm pleased to say, cleaned it, but the hold is, er, out of use.

[@andybaker2456]

Yes, I remember learning in primary school about the "gardez l'eau" thing.

[@williamjust]

@@frglee - or "she bangs like a shithouse door when the plague's in town". Presumably from the idea that, if the people in your block have one of those diseases - such as cholera - that were common in older times, the outside toilet would be in constant use, with the door banging shut as people dash in. (For an example of this phrase, listen to 'Julie the Schoolie' by The Macc Lads!)

[@blackbob3358]

@@hectorthorverton4920 gardez l'eau comes from when they used to empty their pisspots out of window on to the street. ( pre mr crapper, obv.) ( it's french ,hector, meaning "look out for the water".)

[@Dougtheslugmcdoug]

When fly zippers are low I tend to use “You’re flying low” or “have you got a license to fly that low’ seems to be used a lot in the south east and London.

[@WanderingRavens]

Thank you for sharing these 😂

[@steveknight878]

And another for the low-hanging petticoat is that your flying your flag at half mast - often morphed to "oh - has someone died then?" or "I see Charlies died"

[@MrJonno85]

2:40 George Brown was a bit before my time, by I've heard of some of his drunken exploits. Once at soirée, he was introduced to a high-ranking clergyman dressed in full clerical robes, who he duly addressed as 'madam'.

[@hyweldavies936]

The George Brown story I like is that he meets a lovely lady in a red gown at a diplomatic ball and asks her to dance. "I will not dance with you because (a) you are drunk, (b) they are playing the Peruvian national anthem, and (c) above all because I am not a lady but I am the Archbishop of Lima

[@curleman]

another one for you "not the sharpest tool in the box"

[@WanderingRavens]

I think that Yanks may use this one too! Either that or we've heard it used by Brits before haha

[@crose7412]

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer".

[@LucifersTear]

We use "Not the sharpest tool in the shed"

[@timtombs6645]

Bungalow head is one of my faves - as in “nothing upstairs”

[@TwoOnions275]

That was much the most common (80% of the time) euphemism for dim when I was growing up in the 80s.

[@yorkshirerob4007]

A few Yorkshire ones. Put wood in hole means close the door. You make a better door than a window means your blocking the tv

[@IratusSerpentus]

"As much use as a chocolate kettle" means the person's useless, kettle can be swapped with fire guard ect "Couldn't get laid in a brothel" yeah use your imagination for that one, can be swapped with "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" same thing

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂 These are brutal!

[@Tyrconnell]

I remember meeting someone whose job was actually organising company events for Courage the brewer. I couldn't resist, "so, you actually organise piss ups in breweries?"....yeah, bet they hadn't heard that before.

[@ricmac954]

My dad's variant was "couldn't organize a bun-fight in a bakery"

[@WanderingRavens]

@@ricmac954 +1 extra point for originality!

[@WanderingRavens]

@@Tyrconnell 😂😂

[@zargonthemagnificent330]

"As the showgirl said to the vicar" - an old (popular in the 1950s) version of "that's what she said".

[@busking6292]

It's usually used to re-enforce a double-entendre i.e. 'it's too long' or 'is that too tight'?, +1000 others,you just tag the phrase on as an afterthought.

[@eileencritchley4630]

Off to see a man about a dog = I'm off to see or do something. My father would say it every time he was off to the pub.

[@bugbrian723]

This is actually specifically about going to the pub i believe , the word dog being old northern slang for a bottle of Newcastle Brown .

[@Zipgunn1]

Also with the same meaning as wizard's sleeve is "welly top" and also "dropping napalm on the porcelain village" is a euphemism for going for a poop after eating spicy food.

[@edwright4892]

Hilarious as always! As a Brit I learnt a couple of new ones myself.

[@WanderingRavens]

Which were new for you? We love learning British slang and euphemisms so if you have any more you think we'd appreciate send them along! :)

[@PeteWylieRC]

Very amusing guys, great video. Has anyone ever pointed you towards the Viz Profanisaurus (Also known as Roger's Profanisaurus)? It is basically the official source for rude British euphemisms. A lot of them might be too rude for your channel but you can definitely get a videos worth of material from it as it is hilarious! Also Viz Comic is generally a great source of British humour.

[@WanderingRavens]

We haven't bumped into Viz before! Thank you for the recommendation!

[@Jamie_D]

I've always used the phrase going to see a man about a dog to represent that I'm going to do something that's none of their business,or I don't wish to discuss it

[@brianwhittington5086]

The knocker upper from the previous video was often a young employee, sent out from the previous shift that was stil working. They made sure the worker answered so all the next shift were up, fed and at work on time. In some towns the lamp lighter, the person who lit and snuffed out the gas street lamps at dusk/dawn did it as a secondary income. He would have a shift list, or the worker would chalk the shift time on their house wall. I believe it's been a common practice from the industrial revolution times.

[@stephencressey1]

Brian Whittington a “ knocker upper” was someone who was paid to wake up people at a particular time.

[@brianwhittington5086]

@@stephencressey1 Yes people did it as an occupation but often did it as a second occupation. People who would be out and about on the streets, such as lamplighters, policemen, street cleaners etc. Workers often had a board or slate outside their house, they would chalk their shift time so the knocker up knew who to wake. Thats where the sayings," chalking up" and "put it on the slate" come from. It was common practice to send apprentices out to wake workers for their start time. Gas lamp lighter/extinguisher would often use their lamping pole to rap on upstairs windows and shutters. They didn't move on until the shift worker was seen to be up, at the door or window. It all depended on the area employer, factory, mine etc as to who or how many knockers were needed.

[@lynnejames9419]

My great grandfather was a “knocker up” . He worked in the steel mills and was always up early, so when he had to retire he had no income (no pensions for working people) so became a knocker up. He used to take a tin can of hot porter - strong ale heated by a poker from the fire-and his long pole to tap on peoples windows. Nan got up one day and he was sat in his chair with one boot on, the poker in his ale can, he had passed away. Everyone on his rounds was late for the cotton mill that day.

[@ignorablepizza]

Regarding the zip being down, I always liked "he's flying without a licence"

[@GSD-hd1yh]

"The plane leaving the hangar"

[@krushem8520]

Nah. He is just "flying low"

[@russcattell955i]

The cage is open but the beast is asleep !

[@sddsddean]

My favourite phrase for 'your flies are undone' is 'the gate is open, but the beast is asleep'. Regarding petticoats or slips showing beneath a ladies hemline, my Mum always uses 'Charlie's Dead'. There are two possible sources, both involving kings. One is the execution of Charles I on January 30, 1649, at which the women in attendance are said to have dipped their petticoats in his blood as a way of honouring him. The other possibility is that it refers to the habit of flirtacious female fans of Charles II: they would flash the hems of their petticoats to show how much they admired him.

[@laserman9566]

The toilet is called a crapper after Thomas Crapper. He was a business man and plumber born in 1836. He founded the Thomas Crapper & Co a sanitary equipment supplier he held 3 patents for the water closet

[@WanderingRavens]

Smart man!

[@allenwilliams1306]

@@WanderingRavens It is said that American troops in WW1 when posted to the UK were frequently confronted with “Thomas Crapper” on the WCs they used, and picked up the use of the term “Crapper” for the WC from there. It is a nice story.

[@julianb1474]

I bought Private Eye every week in the late '60's. Edgy stuff back in the day. I believe they originated the term "fart catcher" as a derogatory term for the minion of some "important" person. Kind of like Smithers. They ran a cartoon written by Barry Humphries (later Dame Edna), called "Barry McKenzie" about the adventures of a young Australian in London. It was full of Australian euphemisms that no one knew were real or just made up by Barry. Mostly relating to drinking and bodily functions. "Chunder" and "Technicolour yawn" were just a couple.

[@hectorthorverton4920]

Not to mention his 'one-eyed trouser snake'....

[@julianb1474]

@@hectorthorverton4920 Best not mention the one for #2

[@HankHopeless]

"There's nothing missing in his lack of knowledge" and " I'ts never too late to give up hope "

[@crumpleforeskin]

these made me giggle :-)

[@georgenewlands9760]

Love that you included “blootered”, Scottish expression meaning drunk. It can also mean to kick a football (soccer ball) very hard as in “he blootered the ba’ ower the bar (missed an easy goal). Which also leads to another Scottish drunk euphemism “he’s had a good kick at the ba’ “ i.e. he has been very diligent in his efforts to achieve a drunken state. By the way ba’ is a contraction of ball, pronounced “baw”.

[@markjonfoster4962]

newcasle brown ale is called dog so going to see a man about a dog was said when the man is going to the pub ;))))

[@goltandburlach]

Sick as a dog as it makes you throw

[@markjonfoster4962]

@@goltandburlach no it doesn't it's a little taste of heaven but it has to be drank out of the bottle and not a glass lolol 😎😎😎😎

[@goltandburlach]

Too many nights at the talbot in Stockton calling to God on the great white telephone

[@markjonfoster4962]

@@goltandburlach 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 not that's just a waste of money matey but i'v found it never the ale it's always the kabab after 😎😎😎😎

[@YourBeingParanoid]

Only worth drinking in the Strawberry d'ynahwitameanlikepet?

[@perrym9401]

‘“You’ve got egg on your chin”, for your flies being open. It actually makes you try to look at your chin which also makes you glance in the right direction.

[@kevinshort3943]

Pointing Percy at the porcelain - going for a pee. "A sandwich short of a picnic" is they are not right in the head, not a bit thick.

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂 And thanks for giving us more context for the sandwich one

[@b9y]

Other ideas: An acorn short of a tree, a rug short of a room etc. Can be used for so much 😁

[@steveknight878]

Where, I believe and remember, Percy was from a film about a chap who lost his Percy when evading being caught in flagrante dilecto

[@kevinshort3943]

@@steveknight878 That would be the sort of thing to stick in ones mind :(

[@snooks5607]

@@WanderingRavens some variations of these 4:14 "lost marbles" or "sharpest tool in the shed" probably appear in all languages, in Finland they say "person X is missing few indians in the canoe" or "doesn't have all his Moomins in the valley"

[@alisonrandall3039]

At The Great Exhibition at Hyde Park held from 1 May to 15 October 1851, George Jennings installed his Monkey Closets in the Retiring Rooms of The Crystal Palace. These were the first public toilets, and they caused great excitement. During the exhibition, 827,280 visitors paid one penny to use them; for the penny they got a clean seat, a towel, a comb and a shoe shine. "To spend a penny" became a euphemism for going to the toilet.

[@keithcornish5073]

my parents used "going to see a man about a dog" whenever they were going somewhere, or going to do something and they didnt want to tell us kids where, or what it was. Other times they would simply say "mind ya own business" or "its nothing to do with you, you nosy fucker"

[@nick260682]

Tony Beck Is the inverse of dog, cat? Not sure there is an inverse. God, maybe?

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@gorrthebutcher4696]

they were doggin

[@catfrab]

Original meaning of "going to see a man about a dog" was sneaking off to the betting office (ie going to see the bookie to put a bet on a greyhound race) but then came to have a broader meaning for any task/trip/visit you want to do privately or covertly.

[@explanential2715]

"Up in Nanny's room behind the clock" = "in/to an unknown/undisclosed location" "As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike" = "useless" "As thick as two short planks" = "stupid" "Couldn't x his way out of a paper bag" = "he is terrible at x" "If it had teeth, it would have bitten you" = "The thing that you were looking for was right next to you, why didn't you see it?"

[@petejones7878]

watch the "Carry on Films " for double entendre,

[@fritzfieldwrangle-clouder7299]

I asked my Doctor for a double entendre so she gave me one.

[@marylynmiller5043]

We TOTALLY use the picnic one, we even make it a game to come to come up with creative new food ones like "a taco short of a combination plate. "Sorry Grace. 😊

[@hlund73]

Reminded of an old poetic phrase to share with you today... "She bangs like a shithouse door in a gale", who says romance is dead 😐

[@markfisher8198]

"She rattles like a milk float" :)

[@HuwBass]

"And she bangs like a shithouse door when the plague's in town"

[@kimwall8285]

Great vid - and you're right 'going to see a man about a dog' doesn't mean going for a wee, it's a way of disguising what you're doing next.

[@leedsman54]

I've never come across some of these in my 65 years I'm assuming they are quite localised.

[@PedroConejo1939]

Yay, you said mardy. Our plan is working. By the way, Charlie's dead = petticoat showing; fly's undone = you've got egg on your chin. For going to the bog = just going to turn me bike round (always said in a pub). For the wizard's sleeve thing = arse like a clown's pocket; arse like yawning hippo - what happens when a nice boy goes to prison. Slap and tickle (which I think you know) = a bit of how's your father. Not all but some of these come from old music hall comedians whose acts were heavily censored. It's *entirely untrue* but the joke was that Captain Pugwash (an old kids' programme with a brilliant theme tune, episodes on YT) had characters like Roger the cabin boy, Master Bate and Seaman Staines. This even got fact-checked by Snopes. The Guardian had to pay damages for claiming it was true.

[@WanderingRavens]

These were brilliant! Thank you for sharing. Loved "a bit of how's your father" 😂😂

[@Matthew-Wood85]

Couple more I've heard for a guys fly being down Flying at half mast Flying low

[@WanderingRavens]

Creative! And useful too, we'll add these ones to our list haha 😂

[@Matthew-Wood85]

Few more that I can think of (not for flying low) 5 knuckle shuffle Bashing the Bishop Shaking hands with the Lord of love Duvet dancing Horizontal dance I'm sure you can guess what these are referring to

[@ricmac954]

Also, "the door is open but the beast is asleep"

[@LucifersTear]

Yes! Flying at half Mast or flying low is the most common way of saying your zip is down.

[@olivertunnah3987]

Flying without a license is what I use.

[@Zentron]

'Spend a penny' is in reference to the Great Exhibition of 1851, where the first flushing toilets by George Jennings were introduced as an feature in the exhibition and visitors could use any of the toilets for the cost of 'one penny', which became the euphemism you read out. (btw Thomas Crapper was only 14 at the time of the exhibition) One for going for a dump is, 'I need to go make a large deposit into the bank'.

[@jennyaston6219]

Any sentence starting "With all due respect..." means "I have no respect for you".

[@lauryncinnamon8610]

Or "no offence, but..." actually don't care if you're offended lol

[@threepot900]

“A valid point for consideration at a future meeting perhaps”. ….No, No it’s not, and who let this idiot into the room anyway?

[@ianprince1698]

from adverts, we used to have an idiom " gone for a burton" Burtons ale ran an advert in the law 30s, before my time. showing a team photo, and again with someone missing with the caption " he's gone for a burton" in a wartime setting it took on a whole different meaning, but still used it as dark humour

[@RichardASK]

'You're flying low' means your fly zip is down.

[@samuellawrencesbookclub8250]

'If it were any more lively in here/there, a funeral might break out' is my personal favourite euphemism. Referring, of course, to an unusually dull, or sombre, room, one compared to which a funeral would be a more enjoyable alternative. It does have a secondary, implied, meaning too; that A) the user of the euphemism is so bored they might help the funeral break out (e.g. kill someone) just to liven things up, or B) the user might help the specific funeral breakout (e.g. kill) of the downer who is making the room so dull. This phrase is typically used a family gatherings.

[@WanderingRavens]

"If it were any more lively in here, a funeral might break out" 😂😂 Love that one!!

[@johnwescott1500]

The opposite of a "wizard's sleeve" is, of course, a "mouse's ear".

[@lordred4116]

Like a clowns pocket!

[@redoubtnodoubt9702]

John Wescott or a ducks arse - watertight

[@jayeevee1693]

tight as a nats chuff, ducks arse etc etc

[@PedrSion]

Like a paper hanger’s bucket

[@threepot900]

Should the owner of said ear or sleeve be “aroused” they can be described as “wetter than an otters pocket”. This can also be used for someone soaked to the skin in a heavy rainstorm. So much slang is conditional,on the setting it’s used in. - I once got caught in a monsoonal rain on my motorbike and literally poured a pint of water out of each boot when I got home, which reminds me of another for a stupid person. “ He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel”.

[@henryparsons8420]

The best British euphemism is a ‘scouse Rolex’ meaning a parole tag. As scousers or people from Liverpool are known for having run ins with the law

[@highpath4776]

new one on me.

[@markg780]

Here is a good one ........... “ he’s like a lighthouse in the desert....... he may be bright but he’s no fecking use to anyone.” 😁

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@blackbob3358]

you spelt fucking wrong, knobhead. ( u a mick ?..... being ironic btw, )

[@blackbob3358]

you misspelt fucking, knob head.

[@WanderingRavens]

@@blackbob3358 "fecking" is UK slang mate lol

[@simonmorris4226]

Like waving your arm about in the Albert Hall!

[@budd2nd]

Another euphemism for going for a wee used by men “ I’m going to point Percy at the porcelain”

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@allenwilliams1306]

@@WanderingRavens That is a Barry Humphries expression, along with “Technicolour Yawn” for a puke, “Straining the potatoes” for a shit, and “The one-eyed trouser snake” for a penis!

[@lacari0805]

Having a slash

[@GSD-hd1yh]

"I'm just nipping out for a minute" was used where we lived for going to the toilet. Very few houses had indoor loos, so you went to the "Outhouse" which was shortened to just out

[@GSD-hd1yh]

Also "Syphon the python", "Drain the main vein", "Emptying the tank", "Having a slash"

[@simonwatkins3236]

He plays left-back for Brighton.

[@colinh8911]

‘Point Percy at the Porcelain’ A man going for a wee at a urinal

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@jx3821]

Thanks! Im always looking for interesting idioms and euphemisms. Also, here are some older slang words Id like to hear make a roaring comeback in 2021 for anyone reading these comments here: OAF- You probably already know what this is. A lot of people are oafs. LOAGY- Tired, drowsy, or unfocused ZOUNDS- ¨Wow!¨ or ¨Good Gracious!¨ (Zounds means ¨Gods wounds¨, referring to the crucifixion) FISHWIFE- a rude and abrasive woman. Origin is kind of a long story, look it up, very interesting. RANNY- Posessing the quality of being both random and funny simultaneously. (A newer one, heard it on Instagram I like it cause, many things on the Internet these days are pretty ranny.)

[@lolagraham8013]

To ‘spend a penny’ comes from Victorian times when public toilets became a thing and cost a penny.The majority of public toilets are free nowadays.

[@WanderingRavens]

Good to know! Thanks!

[@sammygirl5835]

We were still spending pennies to open the cubicle door when I was a kid. So long as you didn’t let it shut between users then 1 penny (some of which still had Victoria on then) would let any number of people in so my mum, me and my sister could all have a pee for a penny. On the outside of the door was the coin operated lock. You put your penny in to open the door when you can out and let the door close behind you the penny dropped and the door relocked. Saddly this probably not where the phrase “and the penny drops” meaning someone finally understood something, may come from.

[@stevepirie8130]

People used to buy your urine to treat stuff like leather. You could get a penny for it hence the original meaning you’re off to urinate a pennies worth. It would be a buckets worth for a penny so you were alluding you had a full bladder to pass.

[@stevepirie8130]

Paying to use a toilet came far later in history

[@nelsonkaiowa4347]

Thank you for teaching new things. I love it how educational your videos often are.

[@WanderingRavens]

Thank you. Nelson!

[@trevordance5181]

"To shake hands with the unemployed" a euphemism for a man going to the toilet or urinal for a wee.

[@tobeytransport2802]

In England lockdown is nearly over, children aged 4-7 and children aged 10-11 (school years R-2 and 6) are going back to school part time tomorrow, my school year (Year 10 (ages 15&16)) are going back part time in about 2 or 3 weeks. Non essential Shops are opening up on 15th June, people in England only (Scotland, Wales and NI do there own thing) can travel in a car to have socially distanced picnics or just have a chat with either your household Or your household+1 other person (eg a friend), you can also travel as far as you want to exercise (it used to be you can’t travel in a car or on public transport longer than the actual exercise, so if I drove 1 hour away I’d have to do 1 hour excersize but now I could literally get out, go for a picnic or 2 minute walk and that’d be justified for driving 1 hour from home, although if you live on the English-welsh border you aren’t allowed to drive to get to excersize at all because the rules in Wales are stricter ! They’re also going to allow us to see up to 6 poeple from another household soon too instead of 1, they’ve also stopped clapping for the NHS and keyworkers (it’s not banned but they’ve just advised that we shut up now) 😂 and they’ve (very controversially) changed the slogan from “stay at HOME, protect the NHS and save lives” to “stay ALERT, control the virus, save lives” as if the NHS isn’t a thing anymore 😅, the slogan stayed the same in Scotland and Wales though (not sure about NI)

[@phoebus007]

To "have an interview without coffee" means to be given a bollocking.

[@WanderingRavens]

Sad day 😂😂

[@hellfiregrowler]

@@WanderingRavens or "going for tea and biscuits"

[@addo4164]

One that I've quite often heard is 'bout as useful as a broken door' used to describe a pointless suggestion, a person who is unreliable or an underperforming object/possession.

[@perry0547]

On the subject of toilets: "In America it's free." On the subject of health care: ...

[@guguncube2308]

Moat are free here but some are paid 20pence and it's to make sure people are not abusing them to destroy

[@Shaun_Garratt]

Great stuff, really funny and educational too. Appreciate the effort you guys put in to research the subjects. Learned quite a few new ones here!

[@WanderingRavens]

So glad you enjoyed it, Shaun! And glad to hear that you were able to learn some new phrases as well :D Appreciate you!

[@cyberash3000]

im going to see a man about a dog, means "none of your business"

[@matsamuel5655]

No it doesn't. It means 'Going for a piss'.

[@cyberash3000]

@@matsamuel5655 no it doesnt not here in Lancashire it doesn't we say say it when someone asks us where we are going

[@cyberash3000]

@@matsamuel5655 from wikipedia The original non-facetious meaning was probably to place or settle a bet on a racing dog. Picture the phrase said with a wink. In England/UK the phrase is generally used nowadays as a tongue in cheek way to let people know that you are about to be, or have been up to no good, usually illegal activities. (eg. Going to see... Been to see...) Basically a polite way of saying.... "I (am going out/) have been out, don't ask where

[@xtrailz]

No it doesn't, it mean you're thinking about buying a dog from a man

[@cyberash3000]

@Darth Wheezius yeah like I say it was meant for going somewhere or doing something that is none of your business lol

[@agoogleuser4443]

As an American, I think the funniest one I've heard is "popped his clogs" when someone dies. Love that! I believe that one is Yorkshire also. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[@overlordnat]

A Google User It’s a U.K.-wide expression

[@watchtheskies]

if someone's zipper was undone, we would say - you're flying low

[@WanderingRavens]

That's a good one too!

[@mmigesh4735]

Old age, stage 1: forgetting to pull your zip up. Old age, stage 2: forgetting to pull your zip down.

[@lucyshsw2052]

The barn doors open

[@trevordance5181]

The gate is open, but the beast is asleep.

[@pheonix5035]

"I want it free and I want it now!" You say that about toilets when it should be about healthcare. But seriously though I only see pay toilets at some stations or shopping centres but I don't generally find them. For context I live in London and only seen them when going abroad and one in a tube station but it's old and *no longer* pay

[@casinodelonge]

Bless you flower, the "wizards sleeve" related to ahem a ladies (ahem) "kitten purse".

[@keithcornish5073]

where I live there are a lot of gypsy (traveller) families and they have their own language. in traveller speak, a toilet is a "parney kenna" parney = piss kenna = house so its a "pisshouse"

[@wulfherecyning1282]

"Spend a penny". Or in GBP, zero pounds, 1 pence. Or "1p". "One pee".

[@cogidubnus1953]

Going to point Percy at the porcelain...or going to shake hands with the wife's best friend...

[@harrybarrow6222]

The 1p thing is fairly recent - since we decimalised the coinage in 1971. “Spend a penny” is from Victorian times, when public toilets were introduced and the stalls had a coin slot to open them. The “penny” was the old penny, 1d (£1 = 240d = 100p). There is also some humour in 1p, pronounced “one pee”.

[@johngardiner6800]

My late grandfather was a farmer in the days of horse drawn equipment when a farmer would work in the fields all day, they couldn't just jump in the tractor and pop home for lunch so they took food with them which generally consisted of bread, a chunk of cheese and a knife, an apple and a flagon of cider. Hense ploughmans lunch.

[@righthandofdoom77]

My favourite is 'he couldn't find his arse with both his hands.'

[@WanderingRavens]

😂😂

[@crose7412]

I believe the full phrase is "he couldn't find his arse with both hands tied behind his back".

[@righthandofdoom77]

@@crose7412 potato, patato.

[@crose7412]

@@righthandofdoom77 More like potato, pat!

[@righthandofdoom77]

@@crose7412 ....ok....

[@IamNasman]

‘Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down’, definitely a face for radio. Also,’ Here I sit all broken hearted, paid me penny, but only farted’ is a rhyme i remember from toilet graffiti.

[@leeclarke8657]

Here's a few that might suprise you from my end of the UK "I'd let her use my tongue as toilet paper" and "I'd drink her bath water" meaning there's someone who's very very attractive 😂

[@mandyg6874]

“Get back in the knife drawer” - Telling someone that what they said was mean and they shouldn’t say anything else mean, might warrant an apology. “Sent them to Coventry” - the person who is sent is a person who is being ignored or disowned. “Put wood in the hole, you weren’t brought up in a barn” - close the door it’s crafty, it’s bad manners to let everyone get cold. “Here’s 10p go call someone who cares” - I don’t care what you have to say, maybe you should find someone who does care “Mad as a box of frogs” - crazy “Kick the bucket” - To die “Going up wooden hill to Bedfordshire” - Going up the stairs to bed Oh there are so many I’ve added the answers now after James replied so he could see which ones he got right, he did rather well.

[@jamessullivan3829]

1. Said to someone that cuts (hurts)you with what they have said 2. Is to ignore somebody / disown 3. Shut the door 4. I dont care, talk to someone else 6. Crazy 7. Dead/died 8. Up the stairs to bed I enjoyed that 😁, this is how I translate these is it what they mean where you are?? 😀

[@marvinc9994]

"We don't have a queen in the United States" Been to San Francisco recently ?

[@paddyk3748]

I do enjoy your videos guys. Love from london 🤙✌️

[@CymruEmergencyResponder]

We have a wonderful saying in Welsh: Fel cneifio mochyn: llawer o dwrw, ychydig o wlan. Translated: Like shearing a pig: lots of noise, not much wool. Meaning: A job or task where there’s a lot of effort for little reward.

[@Mind-your-own-beeswax]

Wizards sleeve of course refers to a ladies sausage wallet. Similar ones include ‘ clout like a hippos yawn’ and ‘ fanny like a clowns pocket’

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

ndwich short of a picnic is used in America, but more popular is a few fries short of a happy meal or sharpest tool in the shed.

[@schoolemail190]

70p short of a quid🤣

[@capnpugwash822]

you are right about "going to see a man about a dog" .. it does not mean to have a wee .. usually used when you are bored with your current situation ... like got to go my goldfish has a swimming lesson booked .. or right I'm off the re-arrange my sock draw

[@BigBadDon1893]

If someone’s zip was down we would say “you’ve got egg on your chin”. Bit random, but it makes them look down! Plus if their trousers were too high and their socks were showing we’d ask “is your cat dead?” As they are flying their trouser legs at half mast😂

[@danjames5552]

You was right about the " going to see a man about a dog " ,I means I'm off to do something and I am not going to tell you what it is or it is not worth saying about

[@WickedDandelion]

Hi Guys. I just wanted to say how much I am enjoying your videos. It has brought up some very old memories of my childhood with some of these archaic sayings ! You seem to really embrace learning all of this crazy Brit stuff. But I wonder how you are going to cope when you get home. I think all of your American friends and family will be completely baffled by the way you will be speaking to them. I hope you keep this going for as long as you can. I cannot tell you how entertaining you have been during this horrid lockdown. Big Thank You.

[@WanderingRavens]

We are so glad to hear that you've been enjoying our videos during lockdown, Deborah! We'll keep them coming for you :)

[@paullangton-rogers2390]

'Spend a penny' is just a phrase to mean going to toilet. The vast majority of public toilets in UK are free, but you occasionally find private companies operating fancy toilets in outside locations (the ones that clean themselves after each use) and these usually cost money to use, typically 20p-50p and £1 in big cities. Another phrase is 'pointing Percy at the Porcelain' lol.