TOP FIVE AREAS OF GROWTH FOR WIDOWS: Finding happiness after the loss of a spouse | One Happy Widow

[@patrogers6297]

I’m creating a cocoon for myself. I’m starting a garden and doing a few improvements in the house. It’s helping quite a bit with my grief to keep busy and surround myself with photos and memories. A cocoon is not an entombment, it is a safe place to grow until I’m ready to emerge.

[@OneHappyWidow]

What a great analogy, I look forward to seeing you emerge! #WIDFAM

[@Apollo_Blaze]

I think that is a great strategy for so many people...your house becomes the refuge that You control...I relate so much to that method...doing the exact same thing here

[@annekevandeven4895]

Love your style: you feel so real. Thanks for your content. Btw: I don’t feel like dating: I don’t miss a man, I miss the man! 🙏❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your feedback, it helps me to keep going! As for dating, it seems we wids are all over the map. No one should feel pressured to date again, but we also don't need to be judged if we do decide to date either. It almost seems like a lose/lose for us in the dating situation. I will be doing a "dating nightmares" video soon, to share some of my experiences, lol. My current husband is it for me...if anything happens to him before me, I'll just concentrate on me and my kids from here on out, I couldn't go through it again!

[@jennifereveleigh1842]

I decided ling ago, no one else. I miss the man too@

[@DMV8662]

@@jennifereveleigh1842 the loneliness is just too much to bear for me. I did remarry 7 years after, and still married 6 years later. Its all good✌❤ Best of friends....

[@ninajohnson6578]

My friends have been so important to me. All married couples and could care less that I am a single. Always make me feel welcomed.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That is so nice that you have friends like that! Many times, the couples dynamic is weird when one person in the group is single. I'm glad this is not the case for you. Thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM

[@mercymfula9728]

First time watching you yesterday. Decided to subscribe in the first 2 minutes. Everything you said I soaked up like a sponge, hubby died 11 months ago and it hurts so bad

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your support! I hope you can benefit from the messages I'm creating and stories I'm sharing. I am posting weekly, so stay tuned! Trying to stick to Monday releases, if I can.

[@louisewelch5159]

What I remember is the overwhelming feeling of being so alone even when I was surrounded by friends and family.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I still feel that way sometimes...in fact, I was walking through my school hallway, in the middle of hundreds of high school students around me, and I realized that I was just myself, alone in my head, and wandering though with no one noticing me...it's a unique feeling that's hard to explain until you've experienced it yourself! #WIDFAM

[@DMV8662]

Same ..TOTALLY ALONE. It was like life as usual for everyone else. I felt like I was in a soundproof tunnel most of the time, even with three young kids to finish raising.... Took me 6 years to get out of the funk.... Its 13 years later and I have remarried but the pain and sadness still creeps up sometimes, but privately.😥💔

[@louisewelch5159]

@@DMV8662 i remember that sound proof tunnel feeling.

[@cazmac6978]

Absolutely. I felt more alone, the more people were around.

[@alexscott140]

Hello Louise how are you doing

[@chrisg1234fly]

I now know who my real friends and family are now. My wife was sooo right about most of them. I gave the benefit of the doubt. Wrong on most counts. She was a fantastic woman.

[@OneHappyWidow]

So many dynamic changes in family and friends after we lose our spouse! #widfam

[@stacygreene3473]

I'm closer to my mother-in-law than my own mother. She and I have bonded more since my husband (her son) passed away.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That is so wonderful! So many times the opposite happens. #widfam

[@helenlaboe1658]

Just found your channel_ love it. My husband died almost 4 years ago and I am a 3 year cancer survivor. I am trying to give myself grace. Good and bad days but making a new life with baby steps. You have given me encouragement. Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I'm sorry for your loss...and I'm not sure what is proper to say with your cancer situation, so I don't want to sound ignorant, is congratulations appropriate for fighting the cancer monster? Just know that I admire your strength in fighting both emotional AND physical battles! We will put you on our prayer list for God to put His healing hands on you and grant your mind a healing peace. Thanks for sharing, and feel free to reach out if you ever need to! #WIDFAM

[@myrnabeals9224]

My husband died three years ago and I am a two year cancer survivor. You give me encouragement ❤️

[@HT-fi8qp]

It’s been 4 years and 27 days this month since I lost my spouse. I fell onto your channel by accident today and subscribed after listening to a few more episodes. Today was a hard day for me, I’m not sure why just was. Not sure the trigger but I miss him so much. My 7 year old daughter later found a Valentine card my husband wrote me in 2015. I took it as a personal message for me. I broke down. And here I am thinking that time has helped me heal a little, maybe it has or maybe I’ve just figured out how to move forward day by day. When I think I’ve gotten stronger something like this takes me back, hard! I know time will allow me strength so I put faith in that, your channel sure helped me today!! I don’t feel so alone and segregated from the rest of the world. I’ve lost a few friends who didn’t mean to say certain things but I wouldn’t tolerate it especially after explaining my feelings. Im tired of feeling like I’m the one consoling them and being polite to people who didn’t have enough sense to think about what they say before they say it. Not their fault, I know but..! Anyway, thank you for what you are doing! It’s service that many need. I know one day I’ll need to pay it forward, I’m not there yet but I know I’ll get there! Thanks so much!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks so much for sharing! I think we will always have moments that take our breath for a minute or two. And we need to educate people better on how to handle the "death" conversation around us. Maybe that's how you can help pay it forward...we all need to help!

[@louisewelch5159]

I used to write journals of my feelings and remember many entries where I'd say, "people tell me time heals all wounds but. . it's 1 year....its 2 years. It's 3 years... Etc. When?". I've learned as time goes on, there's always going to be a hole in your heart and things will trigger memories but the ache softens. It becomes less of a gut punch and more of a melancholy sadness that you can get through. Losing a spouse changes you forever.

[@HT-fi8qp]

@@louisewelch5159 thank you!!❤️

[@kymcoote4493]

I feel your pain and understand how hard it is to keep going, for me it’s still hard to find purpose and meaning I just want to be with my husband. Life will never be what we had but I am trying to find moments of happiness xox

[@iam_trinikimmy]

I am very thankful for your videos. So many people in my life had these expectations for me & I was shocked that they felt I should just jump right back into dating or anything else. There was no way I was ready for a whole lot of those expectations & I basically had to educate them on their crazy expectations for me. Even now, it is 3 years & 5 months since my boyfriend passed, I feel like I need more time than society thinks I should have, esp for the dating part. I have been focusing on my health for quite some time, I did get counseling during the first year, I journaled quite a bit. I had to have major surgery in the 2nd year & then I had to heal from that. So now, I am feeling so much better post surgery, I am working on my exercise program, I have been having trips to the salon to fix my hair & get my brows done. I have other plans for continued study & learning how to drive, but I may need more time for that. Plus Covid kinda put a dent in those plans. Hopefully, when my country gets more vaccines into ppl, I can work on those a bit more. All the best to the people in the comments.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sounds like you are making progress on yourself! I'm proud of you, and I understand how society can put arbitrary timelines on our grieving process, and no one can decide when we are ready for anything except ourselves. Of course, we don't need to get stuck in any stage of hte grieving process, but however long you need to spend on yourself, that's what you do. You are right that we have to instruct others on how to help us, otherwise they don't know what to do and put their own interpretations on us. Until they have walked in our shoes, they can't understand how this process works for us. Thanks for sharing!

[@iam_trinikimmy]

@@OneHappyWidow It's nice to hear someone else say they went through the same experience & they came out on the 'other side'. All the best to the #widfam

[@marcyvandenburg4760]

Great information! Way to push through your feelings of not wanting to make this video! I’m sure you’re helping many!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you, we gotta keep it real, right? I still struggle just like my viewers do.

[@CandycaneBeyond]

New year approaching. 1. Clean, organize and shred paperwork in file cabinet. 2. Make will, get extra life insurance outside of work. 3. Make a budget.

[@OneHappyWidow]

All very good goals! #widfam

[@ADSCoachSimonB2112]

I started martial arts and got a PT it really helped me with a lot of confidence issues, I also did better with my University study and self sufficiency and dealing with living alone. As with most widow or widowers dealing with being by yourself at times is somewhat difficult at times

[@OneHappyWidow]

A very healthy outlet! #widfam

[@teresapulleyn301]

You’re so brave. This speaks to a video I watched earlier. Yes, you are still a widow in my opinion. The word widow speaks to an experience you are going through, not necessarily who you physically or socially are. Just my opinion.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree, thanks! #WIDFAM

[@fembot521]

Love these videos. So practical and gets me thinking about what to do next. I really want to start walking outside. I used to love it but have fallen out with it the past few years. I just cannot find the motivation. My fear is running into someone who knows me and having that awkward widow conversation....it happened to me the first time I went out. I am impeccable with my health thankfully, it’s the only thing keeping me going right now. I fast until noon and eat Paleo but very low/no sugar. Would love a video about how you dated and how the dating game is now. Have not dated in 21 years!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Well, if you are in the northern hemisphere, then Spring is right around the corner for us, a perfect time to et outside for some fresh air! If you are afraid of running into someone, then maybe drive to an area where you wouldn't have as much of a chance of it happening. Or, have a conversation starter ready in your head, and if you see someone, go ahead and start the conversation so that you be in control and steer it away from that awkward topic. Then, if it gets weird, point to your FitBit and say "sorry, gotta get my steps in, see ya!" I understand that anxiety, though. The thought of returning to work and not knowing how my coworker would act around me, and they felt jut as awkward too. It does get much easier with time in that regard.

[@fembot521]

@@OneHappyWidow great ideas thank you ❤️

[@paulastrachan4053]

It doesn't bother me to walk the neighborhood. But I crave to go walk in secluded areas of nearby Corps of Engineers parks as we used to do together. I've tried twice, but I just can't. I don't feel safe in such a place alone and end up not getting out of the car.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Maybe you can find a place that's totally new to you so that you can make fresh memories and choose to think of the happy memories while you are walking. We have hundreds of miles of golf cart trails here (I think we are known as the golf cart capital of America or something lol) and those are winding through the woods and are pretty safe in this area. I hope you can find a place that brings you peace and serenity while you are walking!

[@pamelaoxford3482]

My horse's and dog's were the best therapy for me. I didn't have FAMILY around me. Horse's knows before you ever get to them how you're feeling.. Pet's are good for you. Don't get a pet unless it for a forever pet..

[@OneHappyWidow]

My husband loves his dog, that's for sure! He was his constant companion before and after his wife died! #widfam

[@alexscott140]

Hello Pamela how are you doing

[@LauraDreams]

Loved it, Laurie! Such great advice. Thank you, stay strong! ♥😊

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you! Will do!

[@maryjoiner7557]

Thanks for sharing with us ,my husband has been gone 3 yrs and I'm really having a hard time moving forward .

[@alexscott140]

Hello Mary how are you doing

[@kellyallan2554]

I hit 3 yrs next month and also having a hard time moving forward. I keep thinking that I should have already been able to after this long, so I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.

[@Caligirl-1111]

I’ve been talking to a mentor, but also have included counselor which starts in April. Took me 2 years to get to this point. I tried a dating site, which I believed for me was too soon and quickly got off at the first person interested in dating me. So no men right now for me. I do need to eat better. I often ask myself “ why is this so hard to do?” Why is everything so hard to do right now....

[@OneHappyWidow]

Grief makes everything we try to do that much harder, because our whole brain is shaded with a little bit of sadness. Over time, we get better at adapting to this, but it never fully goes away, we just get used to living with it better. Try to pick just one thing or area you want to work on, and focus on that for a few weeks or a month. Then shift and focus on something else for a while. I'm working on an online course that will help address people's struggle with the grief journey and meeting new goals. I'll be sure to make a video about it when it launches! I started online dating too soon also, as I was just plain lonely after being a wife for 17 years, I didn't like the single life. So, I was a bit too eager to find someone, and I overlooked lots of flaws in men that I would normally not tolerate. I did take a step back once I realized I was in it for the wrong reason, and focused on making myself the best version I could to offer someone else. Online dating was tough, and not fun at all...I'm so glad I am done with that too!

[@Caligirl-1111]

Thank you! Loneliness and covering up the pain drove me to the site of which gave me anxiety. What’s the point in that. I was with my husband for 27 years and it’s a lot of lonely times, but some days are “ok” . Looking forward to hearing about your course.

[@chrisg1234fly]

My wife and I had no kids, we were the end of the line for both families. She was a housewife and in her words, everything she had was bought by me. However, having a pre-nup (here in South Africa) has helped a little with liabilities, but i've found out that death is expensive and complicated here!! (i am British.....much simpler there!)

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, so. many legal issues to handle during a time when we are least able to handle it! #widfam

[@incisivecommenter5974]

Hubby died 2 months ago. It's hurts. Thank you for the content.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@stormyrollins5155]

Love your shirt. Where can I get one?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks! Check out the link in the description, and there's a coupon! 😉

[@janb3214]

Really enjoy your channel. Alone for 5 years. I face very different challenges. I an almost 80, I am physically limited in mobility and my kids are not only adults but most are grandparents. They seem to be too busy to be of much help. I just plug away doing the best I can. I do the daily list of things to do. I journal and I talk at myself-often.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing Jan. You can come on here and talk to us! And this summer, I'll be starting some live chats, so you are welcome to join us then too!

[@annreese5100]

I am in a similar situation, Jan. Lost my husband of 51 years this January. I do a lot of talking to myself too.

[@alexscott140]

Hello Jan how are you doing

[@ladyluck5248]

Yes wondering WHY health becomes such a difficult thing to deal with once he’s been gone. Haven’t been well physically since he died and yes has gone to the doctor. .... there are issues but I still feel yucky. Still trying though !!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have read a few things about how emotional grief can definitely affect us physically, so that is probably what is happening to you. In addition, we might not take care of ourselves the same way when we are in the early stages of grief. Praying for you and your health! #WIDFAM

[@marilufresquez8943]

O wish I was a widow! Ok I said it. Maybe people would have been more understanding. Loneliness hurts. This channel is good. Uplifting and you get good practical tips. Being a widow is better than being a divorcee. New subscriber

[@OneHappyWidow]

I appreciate you subscribing to the channel, but I can assure you that you would not have been any better off as a widow. A for people understanding- they don't, and honestly, it doesn't really matter anyway, because the changes it makes to your whole life are more than one person should ever have to endure. And if I was divorced, my kids would still have a dad, I would be getting every other weekend and holiday off to do fun things, and I would be getting child support. And there would be plenty of other divorced women I could commiserate with and who would understand my pain. So, I can understand how you feel like your situation is really bad, and it might be...but it's never going to be "better" to be a widow...just giving you the perspective of my own self, and probably of so many others on this thread. Thanks for your support! #WIDFAM

[@stormyrollins5155]

Marliu, do you have children? If so would you want your children to be widowed as well?

[@OneHappyWidow]

@@stormyrollins5155 or to have one parent dead?

[@marilufresquez8943]

@@OneHappyWidow no i wouldn’t want that. :(

[@dtaylor4123]

Being a widow is definitely not better. I would much rather grieve the absence of my husband knowing he was alive and happy then to grieve him where he is now. At least he would still be able to be a part of our children’s lives. Now it’s just me and them trying to pick up the pieces of our life

[@silverowlthrifter]

I've had prematurely gray hair for 30 years...I'm thinking of dying it back to its original color...I think it might be good for me!

[@OneHappyWidow]

If you think it will make You smile, go for it!

[@n1uno1965]

Thank you for your advice. I am and have subscribed just to try to plan ahead. You have given me things to think about. Hoping you remain happy and healthy. 🖖🏻🙏🏻👍🏻😘

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and subscribing! #WIDFAM

[@susanrobinson3812]

All fine and good but I have a fear of leaving the house even before my husband died from cancer. Compounded with fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s disease well in my mind I want to go do things my body sometimes overrides my desire to get out.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I also struggle with Hashimotos. We each have to set our own realistic goals with our own limitations in mind. I am a special education teacher by day...some of the strides I celebrate with those students are different from my regular ed students, but they are still celebrated for the accomplishments they make that challenge them. I get that we are all fighting our own unique battle. And I applaud every positive step you make for yourself!

[@susanrobinson3812]

I was a pediatric nurse open till three years end of my husband having cancer and I could no longer do both work take care of him and take care of my mother I love special ed teachers and they bring so much to the field house and I love special ed kids people don’t know what they’re missing special ed kids are the best!

[@patriciamogannam3616]

Excellect advise..thank you

[@OneHappyWidow]

You're very welcome

[@alexscott140]

Hello Patricia how are you doing

[@brfrench1]

Focusing on being more active.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Great idea!

[@dawnstangle6674]

My husband died not even a month ago. How can I go on? I am estranged from my family. And I am old now-56. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. No man can replace my baby.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Dawn, I'm so sorry for your loss! You are still in the early stages of your journey- be kind to yourself, you are probably still in shock. Rest when you can, accept help when it is offered, and just get through one day at a time. Time will help you get stronger, and you'll be able to handle this a little better each day. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to, and join our One Happy Widow FB group! #widfam

[@alexscott140]

Hello Dawn how are you doing

[@susanstringer5755]

Thankyou

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #WIDFAM

[@cumberlandquiltchic1]

How did you find your husband? I’ve been a widow over 10 years. I was 45. I just don’t know how to find someone and not sure I’m ready, but don’t want to be alone forever.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I met him on Plenty of Fish. Unfiltered down to widowed men only.

[@cumberlandquiltchic1]

Im assuming that’s a computer dating site. I know nothing about all of that and it is concerning since I live in a small town in the mountains, etc. I also think it’s been so long now , and my children were grown back then, that it’s a different thing im looking for. I am so glad you found each other!

[@marylord501]

I want to go somewhere that my husband and I use to go to and we had a really good time and I really want to go this year but Im afraid as to how hard it would be for me I havent been there since he died but we both had such a good time if I were to go what could I do to make my trip easier for me being Im alone I am a friendly person and like to talk to people even though I dont know them but afraid those memories of us together would come back would it be wrong of me to go

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have been a few places that we went together with the kids, but I prefer to make new memories going places I haven't been before...this way, I can make fresh happy memories with JP and not worry about being triggered by something from the past.

[@alexscott140]

Hello Mary how are you doing

[@sunnysweden7170]

C'mon Leo, get your will in order! We know better.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I know!!! It's on my to-do list, but that damn list is so long!!! #WIDFAM

[@nikkipage9132]

Spouses family are "former in-laws". I love that term! They were awful then, and nothing changed. I am so fortunate to have been able to just stay home since he died in July 2022. However, I was most unfortunate in that he became sick when his life insurance expired. It was going to be 528. a month for his 200000. policy. We used most of our resources as we tried to figure out what was wrong. Five and a half years after,.. he would take his own life. He was not going to leave this trailer he said. He meant it. I am selling my car and trailer, going to get a van and start doing flea markets as we once did. I am 64 and I get under 900 a month widows benefit. My S.S. is way worse, so I will be trying to figure out my life from here on in. I venture out on my own by end of August this year. Yup! Life insurance, IRA, pension, investments, they sure do come in handy. Had none of the above. Not moving in with my kids...not for me. I will be a hobo, for years to come.

[@OneHappyWidow]

There may be something freeing about living a nomadic lifestyle. I’m too much of a hoarder to be able to get rid of enough stuff to minimalist my life enough. Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@alexscott140]

Hello Nikki how are you doing

[@independent-network.]

It's hard to find the jobs these days!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Depends on the industry, for sure! I can find plenty of teaching jobs, but not at the salary I need and not in positions I could do and not be miserable.

[@junehawks4666]

Is that material behind you?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I have quite a fabric collection! #widfam

[@alexscott140]

Hello June how are you doing

[@rachelcody3355]

if you have kids, are remarried and have a house with your spouse, you need a will. Under law, your kids get your property divided equally. you can appoint as many guardians as you want and they can share responsibility. if you have a disabled child, you will need to set up a 3rd person trust. don't put off a will. It's just as important as life insurance.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I totally agree! Thanks for lighting a fire for me...I need to get that done!!! #WIDFAM

[@maryscott7929]

Difficult during lockdown.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, we have another level of challenges due to the state of the world right now. Might have to think outside the box in order to implement some things. If you have ideas, please share and I'll make a video addressing this!

[@alexscott140]

Hello Mary how are you doing

[@shazzza9444]

❤❤❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@annekevandeven4895]

🤗

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you!

[@DMV8662]

Thats a biggie!! Credit scores in the aftermath of widowhood.... OMG

[@OneHappyWidow]

I'm still working on mine...student loan balances are killing it right now!

[@vietvetwife1]

When we got our life insurance in 1994. At that time it was like wow ! That's a lot of money 🤣 Fortunately I got unexpected money from the State Veterans Cemetery!! He was 100% disabled. I needed to keep our house for my mental health. . Had to refinance but credit score wasn't too good. I read everything about spouses' death & & credit card bills.. In New Hampshire as an authorized user, I was not responsible for any of that credit card debt. Shows on my credit report ugh. Called all the banks saying my husband passed away . They all closed the accounts with nothing held against my score. With the small amount of life insurance, I paid all my bills to zero balance. My credit score in 1 month jumped from 660 to 745 ! I could refinance for lower mtg payments. A huge weight off my shoulders! The VA gives me a pittance as a spouse. I'm disabled & have my social security & small amt of VA. My income is now 2600$ monthly. Now have lower mtg, thank God. Unfortunately I had to cut out most all of the little things I enjoy. Will have enough to manage being 1 person. The life ins. Policy I used to pay my bills, funeral expenses & have money to fix some small home work needed etc. He is buried in the State Veteran Cemetery & I will go there too when ever. My point is, life financially is hard but, I'm now in the Excellent range. Sad how everything we do, revolves around that Almighty Credit Score. I believe my husband is always aware of my life ! I know how to laugh & have fun when I'm with friends & family & he always made people laugh ( very whittey man) I love to laugh! Have a tough time getting up & dressed at home alone. Sorry for rambling but it's just been 4 months today. I've been in a support group. I have no nearby friends or family. I know I'll be okay ! I wish you well Leo

[@bethr8756]

Welcome to the singles life😢

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh I am not single. When he died, I was widowed, and now I am remarried. Thanks for watching #widfam

[@unclefester6033]

you can do away with the stupid disclaimers & suicide ideation #'s

[@OneHappyWidow]

I post these for a couple of reasons: mostly so that people who are searching for help will know where they can go to get it. If they are of no use to you, feel free to fast forward or skip to the next part of the video. Thanks!

[@DMV8662]

Its also a CYA thing... I think its a good thing...