Trans Guy: Should I Go Stealth?

[@Cernoise]

It’s great that you found a shirt that is yellow but doesn’t make you disappear into the chair! That would be a different kind of stealth.

[@ametsbb2814]

XD

[@carleflores9065]

AHAHAHAH

[@chrisleneil]

Such a Hufflepuff!

[@turtleking7772]

I’m stealth irl because I like living (I live in a conservative unsafe area)

[@ryandthatsit6323]

Yes living is good, keep doing that

[@TransKameron]

I also live in a small town so within my direct community I’m stealth for sure! It’s all about our safety

[@pukinbabymiller4290]

Lol go in. I feel like too many younger loud trans kids don't understand this concept. You don't have to even live in a conservative town to think about safety, my first college was super libreal and I got chased out of a bathroom really agressively TWICE and this one kid used to pass me notes explaining why I'mma burn in hell. I wasn't even out, I just looked queer I geuss lol

[@handrew311]

Stay safe TurtleKing!

[@goodghouls]

Lol, same, but I live in a conservative unsafe country, doing my best to not die 🤠

[@xJAMESVICIOUSx]

i've been unintentionally stealth for about 12 years now. If someone were to straight up ask me if I was trans, I wouldn't deny it, as I don't think it is a bad thing, but I would also take the opportunity to let that person know how rude it can be to ask someone that. I don't personally feel any need to announce my trans status... partly because when you do, for some reason people think they can just ask you whatever the hell they want and if you don't answer then supposedly you are not Proud enough. Bullshit. No one NEEDS to know about my genitals except for maybe my doctor and my partner. period.

[@yunglynda1326]

Xabbusan Yeah, strangers aren't entitled to that information.

[@starvingartist7089]

Yeah, one of my straight cis friends had that happen to her. She was out getting a coffee and a random dude just came up to her and asked her if she was trans. It's highly disrespectful to ask someone that. If it were me, depending on the situation, it might've been different (although still horribly disrespectful). BUT no one needs to know that crap, especially if they don't really need to know. Partners and doctors are basically it :/

[@LadyAneh]

I once was practically cornered into outing myself, because in a writing workshop we were asked to tell how we got our names. I nervously admitted that I had named myself. Although it was a fairly liberal group, I was now “the trans guy” and I hated it being my prime attribute from then on. The fact that I’m trans is not a foremost part of my identity to me. I’m not ashamed and don’t mind anyone who wants to to be out, but other aspects are more important to me. I don’t want to be “the trans guy” to everyone I meet. I’d rather just be that guy, full stop.

[@lukereagor9396]

Armie of One completely agree and relate

[@TheDemiFan4Evr]

I named myself as well and I'm not trans, if you don't feel comfortable please don't feel like you have to elaborate. Some people just change their names.

[@LadyAneh]

WeepingAngel Some people do just change their names, but when the exercise is to delve into the naming of a character, in this case, yourself, it is far easier to tell the truth than awkwardly keep your answer much shorter by far than everyone else. I chose to out myself because I felt I was in no danger, but regretted it soon after. Whenever any discussion about the gender, say, of the narrator of someone’s story or a character came up, people would inevitably glance at me...since then I have remained stealth. Outing myself felt rather like saying, “Hello, my name is Armie, oh, and I know we just met, but feel free to speculate about my life’s most intimate details.” That’s just my own experience of course.

[@Samuel-ku1qb]

I feel the same. My class is however a little better because no one ever misgenders me and I’m just known as the weird-quiet Guy. You could say you just wanted to change it (your name). My mum changed her name very young, she was named Marianna and today she’s Ida. My dad changed his name from Ulf to Uffe. In my case changing name is fairly normal, maybe you could have done something like that? Just make up a simple lie?

[@MatthewArangatta]

I feel you on that. I usually forget I'm trans or bisexual but it seems like those are the foremost identities for some other people who find out I'm one or both. I think it doesn't help that there have been a lot of people I've met even over the age of 20 who make being trans their foremost, one and only, identity. I remember some of them trying to push onto me to be more "out" and such about being trans, but really I was out, I just didn't scream it to the whole world constantly.

[@leeyam2520]

I can’t be open as trans yet. I’m at an all girls school, and I can’t leave until next year. It sucks. 😐

[@cringecatboy]

it gets better dude, i know everyone says that but trust me, just hang in there.

[@felikso]

Just wanted to let you know that it is possible to be out as trans at an all girls' school! Obviously I don't know your exact situation or what your school is necessarily like, but I've been at an all girls' school and I came out and it was good, and things were fine. If being out everywhere at school sounds intimidating or too overwhelming as well, you could do what I did, and come out in one class where you feel most comfortable first, and do it gradually. There are always options, and you will be okay.

[@kaimartinez818]

I know the struggle I was once in one, good thing I got out of after I ‘assaulted” someone in the end the truth came out and I was pulled out of there school all thx to that girl, I don’t hate her on the contrary I thank her.

[@wolfdynamite2916]

Dude, I’m in the exact same situation 😂😂. It’s a big situation 😂😂

[@potatojuice5782]

Just don’t kill yourself and just hang on for a little longer. You can do it❤️💪🏻

[@jayjaysco7477]

I’m stealth for ‘new people’ like you mentioned. People who knew me pre transition obviously know but at uni I keep it hush hush!

[@mairuzu465]

Same

[@sumatrantyler]

I was really adamant about being stealth until I had top surgery. It was really like a switch in my brain had been flipped after surgery, not only in terms of the amount of dysphoria I felt on a day to day basis but also in terms of the way I viewed being trans for myself and I suddenly just stopped caring about whether or not people knew. I still don't actively go out of my way to tell people but I definitely don't lie about it anymore like i used to

[@LittleDoobyBoy]

ever since i started passing I've been stealth to new people i meet, though sometimes people find out anyways because such a large amount of my friends knew me before then. Eventually i think ill be fully stealth other than to people really close to me. i like the security of everyone seeing me as fully male, even by ignorant/bigoted people.

[@drewmiller8825]

I definitely relate to this

[@jacewritesowo1902]

I am actually open to strangers more than those I'm close too

[@samuelbee8639]

I'm stealth apart from my family and my pre-transition friends, obviously. For me it's definitely the right choice because I wouldn't want to be "the trans guy". I always have this feeling that people are going to see you differently when they know that you're trans and try to imagine you as a girl (/boy) and this thought makes me very dysphoric. Still, I sometimes do think it'd be easier if people knew, die example when I want to tell a story about something in my past and it's relevant to the story that I lived as a girl at this point in my life. But all in all I'm very glad I can just live my life without being questioned whether I'm a "real" boy.

[@river-collective]

I will hopefully be very soon openly trans in my school. I'm excited. And I personally prefer being open about it most of the time

[@Rezruf]

I don't disclose it but would never lie or try to hide it from people if they asked/found out. All my pictures are still online, if you look hard enough its there. If they find out they find out, sometimes its inevitable, especially if you live in a small community. I prefer to be stealth for a while, and then when people have gotten to know me I feel more comfortable with them knowing. I want them to get to know me personally rather than just always being known as the trans guy.

[@fustilarian6819]

Omg I love your awkward little laugh at your own joke 😂😭

[@Nathalia-xs7mq]

II know right wasnt he just too adorable 🥰

[@Jay-ch7fp]

I’m a closeted enby teen. I came out to my main friend group (like all three of them) recently (yesterday). It was honestly an accident. I got excited about the new androgynous emojis (🙋) and said something and... yeah. One asked me about dysphoria today, which I’m going to hopefully take as good? Idk. We’ll see how this plays out. One is always going to see me as my birth gender, I think though, which sucks, but it’s “her religion” or whatever, so I’m doubting that I’ll make her any less transphobic. A note to all stealth trans people: y’all are cool, keep doing your thing. A note to all open trans people: Thanks for allowing me to see trans people after transitioning, to give me something to work for, to let me know there is a time after high school that I’ll actually get happier. Note to basically everyone: stay strong and be you. I’m done being mushy now, sorry. (Wait you actually read this far? Sheesh, you’re almost as big a nerd as me.)

[@aydianmontemayor3478]

Im stealth. I identify as cis because i personally believe that only my doctor, Boss or medical personnel have a necessity to know my medical background. The "trans" label to me just doesn't need to be announced. Im a man just like any other and Im happy when people have no clue. Obviously i have family and old friends that know but they don't care and agree to keep that part hidden when new friends are around.

[@gabri3l259]

Dude I agree

[@Falcon-xy6tk]

Same here bro

[@discerning_transport4]

what does that mean @@66seattle

[@noodles2459]

I don't agree with you this feels like throwing the entire movement under the buss

[@discerning_transport4]

@@noodles2459 what? How is being stealth bad?

[@3ll3llyyy]

Going to high school in 11 days and I'm going stealth! it definitely has some anxiety of "do i pass enough" "if someone asks if im trans do i deny it" "is this wrong" etc but theres lots of good! getting called my name, pronouns, and actually being talked to like a dude and not "that trans guy" feels so reliving and takes a big weight off of me.

[@asher5690]

How’s it going dude?

[@andyrathbone6365]

I think it's important to have open trans people, like yourself, to help others who are struggling as you, and others, once did

[@finn1079]

I hope to be this open about being trans some day. I recently came out to my friends but I'm still closeted to my school and my mum isn't accepting. But with my friends I experienced being openly trans for the first time, and I walked around in just a binder and making trans jokes, just being me, and loved it. I just love that I'm authentically myself and now that I'm finally (somewhat) out I want to show it. I want to show that this is who I am and I'm not ashamed anymore. I want to be visible for maybe other trans people because every time I see openly trans people in public I feel so happy and less alone, and I want to add to that general visibility in every day life. I am very fortunate to be in a place where this is possible without having to worry about my safety.

[@AJ-zk1ms]

I wish I could be stealth but, as a non-binary person, it's literally impossible so rip us

[@noellekay9119]

i was gonna say you could maybe be stealth as intersex but thats also not cis- ;-;

[@noellekay9119]

wait- is intersex cis??

[@ok5810]

@@noellekay9119 Depends on what they identify as, intersex people usually are still assigned a gender at birth for certificates and stuff but some intersex people decide to later transition.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

Unfortunately this. You're either out or closeted. Many nonbinaries simply go about their business as their assigned gender. I guess that's as close to stealth as possible, because nobody has to know unless I tell them, and it's none of their business. It sucks to not be able to present how one identifies, but society simply does not have a preexisting model for androgyny or any tertiary gender.

[@Schnort]

I'm nonbinary and I plan to just transition and pretend I'm a guy to the legal system and to anyone I'm not close with. Being perceived as a man is much better to me than being perceived as a woman. Neither are right (most of the time), but man is closer. I also want to have a masculine body, so it works out.

[@peeparoni8634]

Planning on leaving my whole life behind and stealthing through the rest of it. It's such a volatile subject when it shouldn't, I just wanna be treated like a person :(

[@homiiciidalkiitten6650]

[@pokemonchampion493]

Yeah. I had been pre-t for four years or so, so I had to be open. I then moved states after HS and managed to get on T a month before starting college, and went stealth for one (1) semester. Hated it. I was constantly worried over who'd find out, tiptoe-ing around certain conversations, my strange and mysterious bread growth and voice drop, etc. I won't go out of my way to tell someone as you said, but I won't hide it either. It gave me more dysphoria trying to trick myself I was a cis guy when I'm not and never will be. that's fine. Being trans cannot suppress my happiness. And this is absolutely not to seem better than those who are and I totally understand and empathize why trans people do go stealth, it's just not for me and that's my experience!

[@the.corvidian]

Stealth bois. Dude but actually all the customers at my work call me "Sir", "Man", "Brother", "Dude", and it's fantastic

[@mattlane4761]

I definitely want to go stealth when I am at the point in my transition when I am able to do so. I'm proud of my identity, I'm all good with that - I just want to live my life as if I were a cis male. I don't want people treating me differently because I'm trans, I don't want to miss out on job opportunities or be told I'm "costing the healthcare system" or "going to hell". I just want to be a cis guy, so when I am able to do so, I will.

[@linuscederstrand6621]

Im so proud that i Saw this video 2 min. After Jamie uploaded

[@dangreen3868]

I'm personally semi stealth ish, being nonbinary. I just don't tell most people, because that's a hard thing to explain. I also volunteer at a children's camp, so I'm not allowed to be out to them, and I simply never tell them either way and just let them decide for themselves what I am, and I usually get a pretty even split. It's honestly really affirming to me. I'm starting again soon and I can't wait. I'm also trying to slowly come out to my school, since I'm interacting with them every day, but it's not something that I can easily bring up in conversation. I'm working on it though, bit by bit.

[@mabbitybabbity]

Just ordered some Pride socks! Thanks for the heads-up about them! Socks make me happy too!

[@mattharvey-ingram3521]

I'm stealth at college but everyone thinks I look about 12 😂. My main issue with it is I know some people in the friendship group I'm in wouldn't like me/see me in the same way if I was out. I try not to start confrontations with people about there opinions if possible...

[@uglyduckling5058]

I love how he just casually started his video talking about socks

[@pieng.126]

When English isn’t your mother language and your English isn’t very good too so you have to look up for the translation of ‘stealth’ before even watching the video hahaha

[@Veldvrouw]

OMG thats so relatable

[@skoldpa]

Been there, done that

[@finn1079]

i don't even know what the word means in my language, i just know it's used for not telling people you're trans lol

[@sorbusas13]

Same

[@jayjaythejetplane5390]

Finn stealth means to be hidden while doing something, so like the word stealthy could be replaced with sneaky

[@Ahlis369]

I love being stealth with some people, my popping (dance) group for example, they all treat me as there best mate, we are all good friends and they treat me exactly like they would treat another guy in the group and it makes me really happy :D

[@rivermoon2985]

7:33 oml you guys are gonna have kids? Those kids are going to be so lucky to have you two as their parents. They will be so loved and supported!!

[@EthanSantiago]

I'm not purposely stealth, I think. My coworkers and friends and obviously family know. My neighbors don't except for one, and in my defense, I was drunk. I just want to be a regular guy in everyday life. If I think someone may be becoming a close friend I tell them. I tell potential partners before even the first date, because I'm a gay transman and I know a lot of gay men want the parts they signed up for and I don't want to waste anyone's time. Great vid as usual!

[@artinrote341]

When I first started to transition in my mind I thought "I'm going to get out of this school and town and I'm going to transition and try to pass as much as possible so that only my partner knows" because at the time I was okay leaving behind everyone I knew including family. But now 4.5 years later I don't "hate" my mom so I don't want to leave her behind. And I'm proud of my transition and to help anyone who might need someone else visible. I still have small instances where I have to be stealth, like anyone i deliver to for work, i don't feel safe showing any "signs" because I'm in the south. Or when I'm in a bathroom I'm not usually showing my pride necklace or anything obvious. Another small thing is with top surgery, I would much rather my scars be thin and eventually faded nearly perfectly to my skin tone, partially to pass to anyone around me if I were shirtless. I know that's unrealistic but I'm still trying my best not to stretch my scars and to boost the healing so they fade better. Otherwise I'm very proud to share most things with anyone who wants to learn or wants to see my experience alongside theirs.

[@rilo777]

I've been considering going stealth! Personally it's because I don't want people to only know me as being the trans guy of the group. I don't want to feel like anyone is judging me because of being trans either, for example that I only like gardening because I'm trans. Which sounds silly but it's always in the back of my mind that I am being judged. I want to be viewed as an 18 year old guy, and I have to admit that I feel safer in most situations when its not revealed that I am transgender. I'm very happy to let close friends and family know that I am trans because I want them to be a part of that journey with me because it's a very important part of my life. But other than that I'm very happy for most people not to know.

[@tealkerberus748]

Rilo "only like gardening because you're trans" - seriously? Most of the gardeners on yt are cis men. I watch a bunch of them, organic vege gardeners and homesteaders and the like. Food gardening is a common activity of traditional cis-het men who pride themselves on growing good healthy food for their family.

[@damionalexander100]

I'm super out about being trans online, I talk about it a lot, I show it, but I'm sure as fuck not going to tell anyone I have to interact with everyday who don't already know. I do not feel safe with that, and when it comes to real life relationships, I want as little people to know as possible.

[@jax99888]

When I pass well enough, I will go stealth, because it would feel more natural decicion for me. I would only let my good friends and partner know.

[@ashermars7111]

im stealth because personally being trans isnt something im super proud of and i just want to live in the public as a male. I’m pre-t but most of the time i pass well enough to cis people i feel like.

[@delfin6927]

Hey, Jammi! A new bill has just been accepted, here, in Iceland, and now all trans people over 15 can change their name and gender marker without having had surgeries, hormone therapy, etc. and people under 15 can change their name and gender marker with the advocacy of a parent or legal guardian! Kaboom. :D

[@kartermeijer6813]

Relatable trans moment? Your friends calling you by your new name and pgp and then going home and not having all of that and feeling really uncomfortable

[@magicpigeon_]

Angelwing Lowlang omg I’m having that and it super sucks my siblings and friends know I’m trans but my parents don’t :(

[@Emil-eq5vf]

Great video! Im not even out but i think i wouldn't tell everyone i meet that I'm trans only close friends cause im still very awkward talking about it. Btw the sweater with the background was mind-blowing 😂

[@kennedyh4818]

I'm not trans but I'm completely out as genderfluid at school, and go by a guy name in a few of my classes, but I'm still closeted at home because I know what my parents think about non-cis people. I'm in highschool and I'm looking into accepting colleges where I can stay on campus, then I'll finally get a binder and actually be comfortable on my masc/male days.

[@chronic-rose]

(years ago) you were the first transgender person I ever saw and it made me so happy seeing you transition because it made me realize I could do that too and now I'm on T and I know someday I'll get to where you're at (my voice has already changed a bit!) sadly I can't get surgeries due to medical conditions but I'm not too worried about that. most of my dysphoria is about my voice and lack of a beard

[@aster2283]

Good luck!

[@chronic-rose]

@@aster2283 thank you!

[@PocketSizedOwlHikari]

I'm stealth 90% of the time IRL. Like doctors obviously know, partners obviously know, a few people I knew pre-transition obviously know, but I just don't feel the need to be open about it in my general life. Part of it might be that I pass enough that if I'm introduced as male, people will see me that way, but I still look quite feminine enough that if people know I'm trans they'll just think of me as trans and not male. Sometimes it makes things difficult when I have to alter a story about my childhood, but I was so masculine as a child anyway I don't have to alter too much. For the most part, I'm stealth just because I want to live my life as male, like I was born physically male, and not have to think about it all the time.

[@left4bread477]

Some people know that i'm trans(FtM) but were all stuck on how to come out. They are very excepting of me and are trying to help me fully come out

[@DeadLion2003]

Not stealth! I don't have that option actually. I didn't change schools and it's a small school district. Almost everyone knew me before I started my transition. Lol. Support to all stealth people out there. That's gotta be hard.

[@Spacesharkie]

I used to be very open, like VERY open about being trans. But back then I usually didn't pass very well yet and I was involved with the lgbt+ comunity a lot. Now I've been on testosterone for a little over 6 months, and I never have problems with passing, especially not when I speak. And since in my country (the Netherlands) people are (in my experience) actually getting less accepting, because of "bad" media representation or comlicated situations that involve trans people for which many people just aren't ready yet. So now I am trying to live stealth as much as possible. I've barely told people at college this past year, and in August I will be goig back to my old high school to finish it, and I'm not planning on telling anyone over there either. I am scared people who were held behind a year or something will still remember me and tell other people. My reason for wanting to be stealth is just because I just see myself as a guy, not as a transguy, and I want other people to do the same. Also because it just gives me a hell of a lot of dysphoria whenever people ask something about it and I just don't feel safe, which is already partially the case because of my length (160cm/5'5?)

[@smoothcolors9257]

I will be open on the internet, but out in the world I don’t think I can in a casual sense like telling strangers. I live in Dallas, where 3 trans women have been murdered this year. Being a trans guy it is a bit different, but I at least feel like I can’t parade around a flag for that reason. Dallas/TX has allies, but in the mix are also people that hate lgbt and won’t hesitate to express that. If I lived in Cali, I would totally be open, or even Houston, but for now, I don’t think I can be fully open in my neighborhood.

[@yunglynda1326]

Angel Castillo im sorry, that's an awful situation. I am from the South too so I get that. Do what is best for your safety and I hope you can find a safe situation or friendly company that you can be yourself around ❤

[@tealkerberus748]

How horrible! Is there any way you can move?

[@sunshin3697]

amazing topic and content as usual. thank you for sharing!

[@casemikkelson9]

I’m not stealth only because I’m always around people who knew me pre medical transition, but I’m highly interested in going stealth in around 11 months when I move. It just seems easier for people not to know, and I feel less anxiety when people don’t know.

[@jojspilledthetea]

I plan on being stealth for the rest of my life. The only people who will ever know are my partners, my best friend, my parents and my doctors.

[@Mmc.879]

I'm cis but I love watching your videos & educating myself, since I do have transgender friends. You're such a nice person and your accent is 👌🏻 Love your videos & I hope everyone who sees this is having a good day!

[@nerdykeith]

Excellent video Jamie. No doubt a very important issue for many trans persons.

[@tmekpr]

Definitely needed this video! I haven’t heard this talked about this yet.

[@pamelaJoyce384]

Great subject! Thanks for sharing. Not exactly the same thing but I tried to be a stealth Bisexual. Somehow I always got outed. Love the sweater with your chair. It made me happy! xoxo

[@KirinaixRose]

Thank you for always making these videos. I'm currently 100% stealth by online only where I can comfortably hide my 'male alter ego' self lol...where otherwise I feel I conform entirely to being female for everyone because I'm so terrified of reactions and attention if I be more open about my discomforts. I have been this way for 5+ years as I struggle with dysphoria and being unsure if I am really meant to be trans or if I just have a issue. I'm grateful the lbgt community is becoming more prominent though to help us, I remember starting to suffer from dysphoria back before pride month was established. so I'm happy to see safe places opening everywhere for people facing these things. Thank you as always

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I really do not like the word stealth, stealth means to sneak and hide and that's not what we are doing!! I prefer the term 'non-disclosing' and I think its completely fine to choose to not be out. Just because a person is trans, does not mean they have to automatically work as a trans advocate, the same way that as if a person has diabetes they do not then have to be a spokesperson for the diabetes cause. I tried to be non disclosing for a while in my daily life and keep my public sharing separate, , but it didn't work for me, my being trans is such a key part of my journey, in developing my character, in the experiences I have had and so I felt I was always censoring myself when I spoke with people. Now I live more in the balance. I am very open in the community and then I just share when appropriate in daily life. I agree with you re the partner, I don't know how on earth a person could not disclose, when you are close with someone, you share the past don't you! At least I think you do! A one night stand I can understand not disclosing, but a close partner, i think sharing our histories is vital.

[@meuanglao7]

I see stealth as meaning more of 'not being seen' rather than 'sneaking and hiding'

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

@@meuanglao7 I just think of the stealth bomber planes and the idea of being undercover! We are not under cover because we have nothing to hide! That why I prefer the term non disclosing, but words are very personal things and mean different things to us all. Either way, my meaning is that I think its perfectly ok to not tell people you are trans and we should never feel bad for not being out. Being out is not for everyone!

[@transmensociety]

Thanks man found this helpful, considering going stealth at college later this year

[@robindz8502]

I am not ashamed of being trans, but there are several reasons why I live stealth. I'd like to mention them and, perhaps you can discuss them on a future video. First of all, people treats you different; either they start acting over polite and afraid to offend you, or they become rude; there is also people that think they are very open and the only thing they do is ask awkward and personal questions. Another reason is safety, most people that do not like us just will turn themselves around, but there are others that will smear, or try to destroy, people might even become physical or will verbally assault you. These are the main reasons why I have chosen to remain stealth, but I am sure there are several other reasons that do not come to mind at this time.

[@eguzmanryan1]

I plan on going 100% stealth once I pass

[@mantasquid]

“touch wood” interesting phrasing, ive always heard it “knock on wood”

[@ashlxx1909]

Incorrect. It's touch wood

[@ellibean5937]

@@ashlxx1909 Nope. Everyone I've ever met says "knock on wood". I've heard of "touch wood" but never heard it used. Probably regional.

[@ashlxx1909]

@@ellibean5937 I'm in UK so prob

[@DaniWallaby]

In Germany we know that phrase too but (at least in my region) we actually never say it we just literally knock on wood if there’s any around, usually a table. Just realised this and thought it was interesting. 😅

[@mysterygirl30011]

In French it's "touch wood" but also "wood" doesn't have the connotation or has in English. Thought it was knock on wood also

[@Seamusandsonis]

Thank you so much for making this video. It's a conundrum I have thought about many many times. I'm not in a position yet where I 'pass' enough in public to be stealth but the personal ethos and way of navigating the world between openness or stelthness is frequently brought to mind both in life in general and within the trans community. Also I wonder if my feelings about it will change as I begin to 'pass' more. If anyone might be able to shed light on the latter part of that, that would be really cool. Hope your all doing well, much love x

[@patriciatamara3028]

I love your videos. My brother in law is trans and I get the impression that he wants to be stealth so I don't ask him many questions and try to learn more about the trans community from youtubers like you. He didn't want to tell his job he was trans but had to take several weeks off from work to get top surgery and that complicated things for him. He eventually told them. His brothers have long hair, (my husband has longer hair than me!) and he was planning on growing his out as well, but was getting misgendered and decided to cut it short to pass easier.

[@Kureabear]

OMG YOU GOT GIFTED BY HAPPY SOCKS! You’ve made the big time! I wear Happy Socks every day they make me so happy :)

[@TheWackoGreenAlien]

Atm as ive not medically transitioned in any way (apart from taking birth control so i dont get monthly reminders), I prefer to not tell random people im trans but just correct them on pronouns which mostly leads to an implied coming out. But when i appear more masculine then im gonna be openly trans i think. I think that educating people on trans issues is really important so i'd deffinetly want to be open

[@t0x1c.r35]

This is what I did like I didn’t let it go out open that I was trans. I only told 4 really reallllyyyy close friends that I trust.

[@yelsha8586]

I can appreciate why some people have to be stealth cause for me as a bisexual its often the case when it comes to family members that im not very close with and i don't want to brake that relationship cause i like guys its stupid but the world is also stupid

[@purplekitten6637]

I agree about the world

[@sebastianblackbourne9602]

I ran the gauntlet of gender therapy and getting letters and everything but I knew at the first hint of gatekeeping, IC was always an option for me with 2 clinics. Which luckily I was able to get access to hormones really quickly. I was also incredibly lucky with a supporting family and workplace. I'd considered going stealth just because I didn't want to make others feel worse about themselves and the fact that I just haven't faced the issues so many others do when transitioning. But I realized being open meant I could show others that I am approachable and can guide them in their journey if they needed help on where to look.

[@myrkflinn4331]

I am trying to go stealth now pre T and such but it kinda fails at times when Im forced to tell the truth ... Not completel stealth, but I do not like to talk about it with comfort

[@MazeOfClover]

I used to be hard core stealth, but then basically said "Screw it. This is way too much work." and I've been very open about it ever since. I'm also happier now than I was before.

[@leramichael]

It's so sad that we live in a world where it's not safe for people to be themselves if they don't fit a certain standard. I am not trans and I don't personally know anyone who is, so it never really occurred to me that some trans people will choose to live stealth (I mean permanently, not just at the beginning). I honestly thought that being open is just a matter of time and it's the ultimate goal. I can't bring any input to this conversation, because I truly don't know what I would choose if I was trans. I just really hope that the fact that this awareness is spreading means that one day we'll live in a society where no one has to fear for their safety or public rejection just for being trans.

[@mishapenmoonmoth]

*JAMIE JAMIE JAMIE YOURE “LOVE DONT JUDGE” EPISODE WITH SHAABA SHOWED UP ON MY SNAPCHAT AND I ACTUALLY CRIED IM VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU 2*

[@jacobpankratz8084]

beebo is our king her girlfriend is so insufferable

[@mishapenmoonmoth]

jacob pankratz **HIS girlfriend is wonderful and if you can’t respect jamie’s pronouns and his fiancé then you really shouldn’t be here*

[@jacobpankratz8084]

beebo is our king anyone can be anywhere and if you can't deal with it maybe you shouldn't be on KZbin

[@jacobpankratz8084]

beebo is our king 100% she* and you don't even know HER girlfriend you just feel like you do because you watch these videos. sad.

[@mishapenmoonmoth]

jacob pankratz *no, i judge people on their actions and shaaba’s actions have done wonderful things for the community. and Jamie’s channel is an accepting place, so if you’re going to be an asshole and misgender someone who is clearly male as female then you should just fucking leave. how am i the “sad” one if you’re the one who feels the need to disrespect others to feel important?*

[@lilpizzy8696]

I've been fully stealth for the past 3 or so years and it only gets better. I personally love going about life feeling "normal"

[@scarleyscattering]

I am stealth too. After I was done transitioning (hormonally AND surgically) I decided to move away from my country and start a new life. I have removed my old instagram and everything that would’ve might force-outed me. What can I say, it’s better than living with it openly. Finally I can be seen as a real woman and I don’t have to face direct transphobia. I can flirt with guys and girls without being reduced to being trans. I can blend in with society and live my life peacefully. The problem is just that I can’t have a romantic partner. If I would want to have them I would need to come out - which I don’t want so I’m probably staying single for my whole life even with a bunch of people who want to date me. It also really depends on passing, I am a MtF wo started transitioning before being in the male puberty (I got puberty blockers, started HRT at age 13 and then got my surgery at age 17.) and this is why nobody would ever think I’m not cis. In my past where I was a teen I would tell a lot of people that I was trans and barely any believed me, some guys even still wanted to date me because they didn’t believe me but were really disguisted when finding out that I’m really trans. I really love living as a “Gender Fraud” my mental health has improved and I can live happy as a female hairdresser. Of course it’s challenging but I love it.

[@silverhat9956]

I've lived in a small town my whole life so obviously people who knew me before know now, but I usually never tell new people I meet unless I get into a relationship with them and hope they don't tell everyone. (Highschool man) The best feeling though is when someone you knew before doesn't recognize you now. You can just start over with them and they'll never know.

[@jennahyser7245]

Good for you for saying that you should tell a partner or potential partner! You should make a video talking about that. I see a lot of trans people make videos saying “they didn’t know I was trans” and then something sexual happens. It’s so dangerous for other trans people watching them and for themselves and in my opinion wrong.

[@masonreid-munro7660]

Hi jammi thank you for making this video. I am trans but since being able to pass, I have been stealth. I have recently moved to another state where NO ONE besides my family and doctor knows that I am trans and I am having a hard time with it and am contemplating coming out again as trans! I feel like I don't want to be seen as a cisgendered male. I have not met anyone else who feels like this and am just very confused at the moment...

[@hancoxt]

Love this channel!😀😀

[@newarks_yt]

I wouldn't say I'm quite stealth. I've been socially transitioning for 6 years, medically transitioning for 1 year, I can pass if I try, but I'm not out. I don't talk about being trans unless it's to other trans folk. It's difficult to say my name, pronouns, or that I'm a boy when I introduce myself. I don't correct people who misgender or deadname me. I let other people do it for me bc it's too stressful. I guess I'm afraid, coming out to my mom didn't go well. Sucks but it's also kinda nice bc a lot of say they thought I was cis until someone brought up me being trans lol. Thanks testosterone :)

[@e.s.lavall9219]

If I was binary I think I would just stop telling people as soon as I passed and be semi stealth. But I'm nonbinary so most of the time I don't want to pass as cis male :/ On the bright side, a) Happy Socks are good socks! b) Started progesterone to stop my periods today and I'm so relieved :)

[@yunglynda1326]

E. S. Lavall ahh congrats!

[@tuggerjaegger2886]

i want to be open about being trans before i transition, but my parents are making it impossible with not allowing me to buy clothes, and my dad recently pointed out that his opinion is that guys don't have long hair.. i know a lot of cis people who are also friends and supportive that have long hair and sometimes even dress more feminime than usual.. being trans for me means a lot and i feel even more trapped than normal in my own body with how my parents think about me not being trans because i don't look like it yet. sorry for the long rant, but i just had to get it out somewhere and this video came on time to share my experience

[@ryandthatsit6323]

Was that a sponsor or do you just really like the socks 🤔 Also I'm not "stealth" but I do just put myself across as a guy but I don't pass so I end up just being some female called Ryan. Anxiety + not passing is rad

[@Ava-cw3jf]

hi ryan!

[@wolfman75]

I am out but if they don't know well just look at my face 😀 Thank You Jamie!!! Much Love!!!👍😎😀 To all who are having to be stealth, I totally understand. Hang in there!!! Maybe a year or a few years then finally you can come out of your cocoon & be the really you. 💪🤟👍😎👏 Much Love & Courage!!!

[@PrincessKLS]

I totally agree with coming out to intimate partners no matter how far you are in your transition.

[@danone2414]

I am personally open. But I won't tell people that I don't want like full on stranger or acquantances that are noisy and I don't want. Sadly the wave of hate is pushing me to be more stealth. Specially from my family. I honestly just want to live my life and simply not hide it.

[@jacobz4967]

Omg, I've watched your videos for a while I just watched your Snapchat documentary "love don't judge" and it was lovely!!! Much love! ❤️

[@ydraeinedragotto1656]

NGL clicked on it and was like ready to go well stealth for that extra crit dmg..

[@Penguin_Animates]

Imma go buy me some new socks! Who's with me?

[@michaelfrankowski1092]

I actually already have a pair! I LOVE the cute design, so by all means (ha ha, by, like buy (or bi.) get those socks!

[@Xenkatze]

My main reason for being openly trans is that my area is pretty lukewarm towards LGBT+ people, and I go around with trans flag pins on my jacket frequently, and if someone who's closeted or even just questioning sees my pins, then that could help them feel a bit better about their situation. Thinking, "Oh, I'm not the only one around here that's like this." And a couple of times people have come up to me and we had a full on conversation about being trans, even some cis people.

[@jamie2075]

It's weird being an enby because there's no way I could be stealth and I usually need to explain my identity/pronouns, it's kinda annoying not to have the choice even although would probably be open anyway

[@RyuichiSakuma13]

When I moved to the East Coast here in the US, I began to transition. When I met new (cis) people after I started transitioning, I decided that I didn't want to be "that trans guy." Even though I'm pretty active in the local trans community, outside of it, I'm stealth for that reason. I still wear trans-flag bracelets and buttons and whatnot, but my cis friends don't seem to notice. I think they "don't see the forest for the trees." 😂

[@JasperisCasper]

I am stealth :) My family doesn't even know yet. When I go out with out them I go as myself. I plan on telling them after I move out and living openly after that because I feel more trans men need to be visible. I never met a trans person at all until college, and when I did finally meet a trans guy it was like it "clicked" for me that it was okay to be afab and trans. Obviously I KNEW that before hand, but I had never seen it.

[@fathomhuntsmen8172]

I think that I'm unintentionally stealth? I'm gender-fluid and no one but my three closest friends know. I wear a different hair tie so they know what pronouns to use. I'm cis-female and I was a huge tom-boy when I was little, so when I figured out that I was gender-fluid, my parents didn't bat an eye when I grabbed clothes from both female and male sections of the store. I'm usually non-binary or male and my hair was cut short recently after an accident that included my little brother, a pair of scissors, and a revenge plan because I told him to stop breaking my door (literally trying to run through the door. It's almost completely in half). I love to wear baggy clothes and now that I have short hair, a lot of people mistake me for being male. I've had waitresses, new karate instructors, or just random strangers use he/him pronouns or say 'son'. I honestly love it and I don't correct them when I'm not male. The fact that people actually think that I'm a guy and that I can pass as a guy makes me extremely happy. (No, I am not telling my parents until I have an apartment set up. My parents are very catholic and would kick me out since they are the kind of people to support the community, not their own kid. My best friend is stuck in the same spot with mormon parents that actually did kick out his older brother when he came out as gay (my friend is ftm)

[@sophieparry8926]

hey jamie just wanted say i love your content you're both funny and informative at the same time. i'm semi stealth because it makes a lot of my life easier i kind of view it as not a secret but private as not all my friends know. also you and shaaba are such a cute couple :)

[@leahsutter3929]

I am in a position where some people can tell and misgender me, some people can tell but know I am transitioning and respect it, and some can't tell at all that I am a transwoman.

[@peptobisman45]

I’m stealth to like everyone except for people I knew before, close friends, and family. So that’s fun

[@loganr2295]

I’m stealth at school and stuff, sometimes it is pretty difficult since I’m only a few months on testosterone but I prefer people not knowing. Of course if I had a relationship I would tell them but other than that it’s not really anyone’s business.

[@Samuel-ku1qb]

I’m stealth. I don’t tell people who I don’t feel needs to know. If I’m dating someone I’ll let it go for a while in order to know if I can trust them and then I’ll tell them. I’m trans, bisexual & Asexual, and autistic. So the likeliness that I’m even going to find a single person to date is less than 0.1%, so there’s really no pressure for me to tell my partner that I’m trans. But I have this thing, which is a little weird: I don’t associate myself with trans people. I’m not internalising transphobia because I think trans people are fucking awesome. I just feel like being put into that box, being referred to as trans, watching trans related stuff with my family, they all give me hella dysphoria. Because I don’t feel like a man, only like a trans man; a “half-man” if you will. I hate it. So when I can pass in the future because now I’m pretty much screwed 89% of the time, no matter how hard I try, I will not speak about being trans EVER. It’s my personal life that no one who I don’t trust should care about.

[@NirArizen]

If saying "the trans guy" was the same as saying that guy or that dude. Then it wouldn't be such a big deal. Sadly those words hold so much separation from normal mainstream that it marks trans people making them stand out in a often negative way. I'm looking forward to the day that trans is just that, simply trans.

[@Veldvrouw]

You blend in with your chair

[@ashlxx1909]

It looks like hes melting into it

[@toby________toby]

Hi Jamie! I have a bit of an opposite problem - I couldn't go stealth if I wanted to. My family and coworkers aren't accepting of trans people but I have a stable life for the first time in my life and I'm terrified of giving it up. So I don't pass AT ALL. I just can't. I do as many gender affirming things as I can but it is a real struggle and I deal with a lot of self-hatred because of it. Some days I even have trouble thinking of myself as a guy because I think I'm pathetic :( Did you ever have times when you felt like you would never be able pass or be yourself?

[@tylersayle8378]

Currently creeped out because I'm watching this an exact year after it was uploaded wtf