Trixie & Katya Discuss Sexual Assault

[@shawnbay2211]

I want 2 think that even in our little circles, the fact we keep talking about this & normalising critique towards transphobia, rape, & toxic masculinity, we r collectively changing ppl’s lives by giving them the tools & strength 4 survival & compassion. It’s so good that they talked about this. It’s so good that Katya spoke of her experiences. It’s so good that u resposted & included a line. It’s so good that the comments r agreeing & giving their stories.

[@cocoandgreg]

I agree and at the very least.. hopefully people won't feel alone ❤️❤️

[@ghoultooth]

@@cocoandgregSometimes that’s all people want. The legal system in a ton of countries is absolutely f*cked about SA, sometimes the bare minimum is all someone wants- to just feel valid and not alone.

[@KosOrSomeSayKosmo]

The INSTANT someone says "i don't like this, stop", that's it. STOP. Too often men feel they have the right to take what they want without consent. And it's not OK.

[@olufson]

exactly, this also applies to heterosexual transwomen trying to force themselves onto lesbians and hetero transmen whining gay men don't want their vag. what part of homosexuality aka innate exclusive same-sex attraction don't they understand? we make up only like 5% of the population and are still way more discriminated against than any opposite-sex trans person yet they can't let us be and date people of the same sex in peace. homosexuality is despised by heteros precisely because a gay relationship will never produce biological offsprings, that's why we're hated. we don't need a bunch of straight gender-non-conforming teens who claim to be part of our movement, founded to liberate homosexuals and be unapologetic about our exclusive same-sex attraction, to tell us we're 'transphobic genital fetishists' because of our inherent immutable sexual orientation. that's just homophobia 'corrective' r*pe/ conversion rhetoric repackaged into false progressiveness. there's nothing progressive about a het aka opposite-sex relationship, no matter which plastic surgery sb gets or what they wear, het relationships are globally accepted and the only reason such straight people get hate is misogyny and homophobia (when they are wrongly assumed to be gay). opposite-sex relationships where people seem same-sex attracted or gender-non-conforming are peak heterosexuality in fact, it's a homophobe'a wet dream, like 'look they've successfully been converted and can breed like us'. whereas real gay people can never consent to such relationships. the endless fetishization of opposite-sex homosexuality and narcissistic het entitlement has led to heteros with gender identities forcing themselves onto real gay people while refusing to admit how homophobic it is. Neuroscience has proved time and time again that gay aka exclusively same-sex attracted people have distinct brain patterns from heteros, and that males attracted to females have the exact same brain phenotypes, whether they identify as a transwoman or a regular het man. science and biology don't lie, self-serving ideology does. it's clear from these studies (as everyone instinctively knows) that sexuality is solely based on biological sex and that transness simply isn't innate the way homosexuality is. that's why there are so many people who switch up their gender identity all the time and I have nothing against that, doesn't concern me, but it has no bearing on one's sexual orientation unless they're bisexual perhaps. not everyone is though? That's all we're asking for - to be allowed to only be attracted to the same sex, why is that so damn difficult to comprehend? that's why many of us gay people have realized that the current trans movement is actively pushing back against our liberation, not a single marginalized group has demanded people be attracted to them as a sign of acceptance. that’s a r*pist's mindset. imagine if we demanded heteros be into us and label them homophobic if they aren't? we'd be put away in camps again. but it's easy as a privileged heterosexual to demand a group historically ostracized and killed for homosexuality to yield to their selfish desires of validation and their gay-fetishism. it's like we've gone 50 steps back, not even most regular het homophobes actually think we could be attracted to the opposite sex if they dress a certain way, it's insane. if one wants their chosen identity to be respected then they should at the very least respect our innate sexuality which not them, not us can ever change. stop threatening us with your opposite-sex genitalia and misplaced lust, sounding like conversion 'therapists' aka torturers, we'd rather be forever alone than force ourselves to be into you. I don't even want to count how many times 'transbians' have threatened to 'correctively' r*pe lesbians with their musty het d*cks simply because the lesbians have (with unfounded politeness even) told them that as lesbians they are not into male people which is literally what the terms stands for. or how many times a 'gay' aka het transman had shamed actual gay males as weak and pathetic for never committing self-r*pe by 'trying p*ssy'. we don't give af which het or bi person they f*ck as long as it's consensual, just leave us gays alone ffs. and the bis who fake they're gay need to stop egging them on and letting them get away with this vicious homophobia, sure they could be into trans people of the opposite sex because they're bi and into both sexes, gay people are not. there are even gay people who pretend their sexuality includes opposite-sex individuals when they'd never date sb like that. like stop the cap, stop the internalized and external homophobia, stop the disgusting gay-fetishizing heteros and fake gays and leave us gays happily exist in the knowledge that we'll never be forced into intimacy with the opposite sex. that's all we want and if they can't provide even this bare minimum, they're a homophobic r*pe advocate, let's call a thing a thing.

[@harveym.glatman5955]

*Too often people

[@JLT_-up7sn]

@@harveym.glatman5955Never had a remotely similar experience with someone who is not a man. Men are the problem.

[@bilbofaggin5]

i don't understand how people can ever keep going when your opposite number openly tells you they don't like it. rancid.

[@shortcake66]

It hurts my soul that Brian went through this. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

[@meghangerhart643]

I’ve actually heard Katya tell this story a couple of times over the years but the BIG difference is this was the first time she explicitly referred to it as date r*pe. The other times she would laugh at it or downplay it. I’m glad she’s at the point where she can call it what it was. That shows healing. I wish her further healing. I wish healing to anyone and everyone who has been victimized. It’s not your fault and, not only CAN you heal but you’re WORTHY of healing, however long it may take. You. Are. Worthy. ❤ Grateful to Trixie and Katya for talking about this honestly and with respect, and to this channel for uploading this video and adding the crisis line. ❤

[@uhdenuh8676]

I've been a drag performer (drag king), and it's wild the amount of people who think they can catcall us, or even assault us. I was at a show where someone groped my friend looking for the boobs. COSTUMES DO NOT EQUAL CONSENT. Don't touch people without their permission, and don't ask a stranger about their genitals. These are literal kindergarten rules but fully grown adults don't seem to get it.

[@stevencramsie9172]

That also applies to the performers who, at times, will sit on someone's lap or take their shirt off.

[@cocoandgreg]

❤❤❤

[@xannybar72]

this is such a renound topic, all drag performers are treated with such disrespect whilst performing. i was front row at solid pink and could tell how happy thankful the queens were at not touching them

[@Ganbarizer]

It's astounding how many grown ass adults need to be taught these things. Colleges and workplaces have to regularly and essentially force people to take sexual harassment and awareness workshops/courses because it is so rampant.

[@doriwormx]

it's sad that kindergardners listen WAY BETTER than adults, how disgusting, i'm so sorry you went through that, stay safe and keep speaking up!

[@djennepenne]

As a transgender man whos also survived multiple rapes i really appreciate the both of you taking time to talk on this subject and doing it so respectfully too. I was worried at first when i saw the titles it was going to be jokes about that subjwct but instead it was just a reallt important and validating conversations (also totally understand the not unpacking trauma for years and seeing the guy again, sometimes in the moment the safer thing to do feels like pretending what they do is fine so you dont need to face the horrors of what has been done to you)

[@cocoandgreg]

❤🏳️‍⚧️

[@danpaxton3535]

❤❤❤ I'm a trans guy too

[@max-rk7ec]

hey man, i just want to say i support you and im sorry that happened. stay safe out there

[@aj_12x23]

First, I am so sorry that you have had to endure such extensive trauma. Second, I wanted to thank you for commenting - I am also a trans man and I had an experience very similar to what Katya described when I was 16, well before I transitioned or even put together that I was trans. I had most moved on from it until I transitioned at 27, when I experienced a tremendous amount of dysphoria around the memory and began developing really complicated feelings about the new perspective I had on the situation. A girl getting assaulted by a boy is unfortunately a pretty common story, so I never had a problem relating to other survivors' experiences before. But I was suddenly looking back on the memory through the lens of a boy being perceived as a girl against his will and, in order to fulfill that role, putting himself in situations that could foreseeably result in being assaulted. It was such a bizarre experience, after 12 years of adequately coping, to begin blaming myself for an experience that I had always viewed as having "just happened to me". Out of nowhere, I felt extremely alone. I'm 31 now and still haven't gotten very far in working past these feelings, but this video and your comment have helped to contextualize how confusing and inescapable it actually was in the moment. Its not really reasonable to blame myself back then for not having the clarity of a man with 15 additional years of life experience.

[@PositiveRaincloud]

What Katya said though about after they "arrive" can be extremely dangerous. That post "arrival" can make people switch so fast, and sometimes, for the serious worse.

[@cocoandgreg]

Absolutely

[@wasabi.2839]

I don't understand, excuse me, can you explained it?

[@Chibbykins]

​@@wasabi.2839 well Trixie and Katya already mentioned it in the clip. But basically closeted men can become violent after having s*x with anyone who's not a straight cisgender woman. Whatever pleasure they experienced is often followed by fear and anger over being seen as 'queer'. So they lash out and hurt someone

[@mimik222]

That last message at the end hit hard. I was SAd as a 6 year old by a teenaged boy. I didn’t start getting flashbacks and things until a couple years ago. My brain fully blacked it out.

[@cocoandgreg]

Sending you all of my love ❤️‍🩹

[@mimik222]

@@cocoandgreg I’m currently looking for a therapist to help me with it since it’s lowkey ruining my relationships rn lol thank you so much 💜💜

[@ninetailskwami]

i understand this. i was RA'd when i was a 5 yr old boy and i don't think i blocked it out until i started to comprehend what happened and then suddenly i didn't remember any of it until i was 16 and a conversation i had gave me flashbacks. it's been 6-7 years since i remembered now, but i still have a hard time believing my own self that it was even real because of blacking it out and being young

[@ghoultooth]

@@ninetailskwamiThe brain is a very powerful thing, it will do ANYTHING to protect itself. I hope you’re starting your journey to healing ❤

[@mimik222]

@@ninetailskwami I have the same feeling!! I hope you will get the help and closure that you deserve and I’m so sorry that happened 🙏

[@therockbottom5256]

To anyone reading this: Even if you were a precocious teen who liked to flirt with age inappropriate people, it wasn’t your fault.

[@cam4636]

^^^This. A million times this.

[@thotieprincess7190]

thank u so much for this

[@athfeet257]

YES!!

[@sagescorner256]

no joke thank you for putting the number & statistics at the end. horrifying to think about but very important.

[@tiltshiftvertebra]

As someone who was also raped by a partner and then stayed with that partner for many years and many more assaults and only fuckin' realized it for what it was and how it was tearing me up inside YEARS later after coming to terms with being nonbinary, bisexual, and traumatized, I cannot give enough sympathy to the others in this comment section, and Brian in the clip above who have been through similar things. My ex said "oh I knew you liked it" when my body had natural physiological responses (orgasming during a rape is not uncommon, your nerve endings and the adrenaline doesn't mean you enjoyed it) and made to continue even when I said I was done multiple times and didn't want to continue. Any touch was seen as an open invitation for sex, with hours to days of pouting and sulking if they were turned down because they felt like I was rejecting them wholly, when I couldn't even sleep next to them anymore by the end because if I moved to get more comfortable in the bed, they'd just pull me back up against them, regardless of my comfort. And again, creating space or trying to explain that that was not comfortable and I wanted to sleep comfortably, not be a grown adult's wooby all night left me to hours of sulking and being ignored. Consent matters at every level. Consent to cuddle isn't consent to fuck. Consent to holding hands isn't consent to cuddle. Consent to a hug isn't consent to prolonged contact.

[@droidigan]

I'm so sorry dude, I hope you can process these things in a healthy way. you matter!

[@tiltshiftvertebra]

@@droidigan i appreciate that a lot! I am doing much better. Managed to somehow luck out in the cosmic sense of things and not only started on antidepressants AND therapy while still in that relationship, Covid happened and gave me a lot of time and space away from them and my therapist finally gave me the last little push I needed to acknowledge my pain as real. I'm doing much better now, and while the journey is a long one, at least I got a few more rocks out of my shoes.

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@honeysuckleASMR]

I've been r*ped a few different times in my life but have never orgasmed but I have a v*gina so it's hard for me to c*m even if I'm having consensual play 😢my childhood trauma made my walls numb

[@mikuenjoyerXD]

I've been in a very similar type of relationship like that. After moving into a house and living with him and his family I HELPED move, i finally couldn't put up with any more pain and neglect and i left him and moved back in with my parents

[@bbsteele671]

Katya, I heard those same words when I was 16 yrs old from a man much older than I was. For years I blamed myself for putting myself in that position. That one time turned me into a demisexual. Sometimes going years without it. I love her so much I've seen Katya live. This few mins of a video has made me respect & fall in love with her even more. If anyone is reading this and needs to talk anytime just comment. I for years didn't trust anyone to tell them. Many still don't know. Blessed Be 💜

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@pbee.njayay444]

You are so strong in my eyes. I am sorry you had to experience such a terrible situation and I hope karma comes to that man very, very, very, very fast if not already. I am here for you friend even if I don’t know you. I am a survivor myself and it is so hard each day just to do what I have to but the fact that others are here with me in this journey and dealing with this pain brings me so much motivation and happiness. Thank you so much for your comment and I wish you nothing but happiness and peace

[@LaynieFingers]

*hugs* for the child/traumatized you.

[@sarah1675]

"just let me finish" yeah i've heard that

[@ghoultooth]

I still feel weird about saying I was SA’d, I was 15 and in a relationship. My boyfriend at the time had pressured me into sex and he wanted it most days. One day I said “Stop” and he said “I’m almost done”. I felt disgusted, I pointed out that he had overstepped my boundaries and he acted all angry and distant as though he was a victim… That was the start of a very, very nasty abusive relationship. I left after a year, but I didn’t thoroughly understand what had happened until the last few years. I know a lot of people don’t think it “counts” if you’re in a relationship.

[@allshookup1640]

Why is it at all okay to talk about people’s genitalia?!?! Why does anyone care?! The only person it matters to is that person themselves, their doctor, and their partner. Otherwise WHY DOES IT MATTER? Are they a good person? Are they a good friend? Can you count on them? Yes? Okay then nothing else MATTERS!

[@cocoandgreg]

Exactly 💯

[@momonomay3011]

it baffles me that transphobes are so obsessed with genitals when they’re so horrified by them? the only appropriate response to asking what’s in my pants is “ew what the fuck is wrong with you freak”. there is no logic behind being nosy about what’s in there and also acting like I’M the disgusting freak ?! we’re literally just minding our business

[@DizzyBusy]

Maybe it's about how some people would position themselves, how defensive would they have to be? Idk. It's like, you look like that, but maybe you can still r*pe me and my defenses should be up?

[@mikuenjoyerXD]

​@angellennie8250i have a vagina but this comment made me wish i didnt

[@user-oy6hk1gn7l]

@angellennie8250are there people saying you're not a woman bc you have a vagina? confused by this whole comment

[@jisoo1571]

I don’t think even you understand how powerful this video is just by that addition at the end. I clicked on this because I didn’t see the story and I finished with a lot of deep thoughts and feeling a lot more educated. Thank you for helping to share education with people online.

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️❤️❤️

[@rabblerousin8981]

Thank you for being open to learning. It’s so easy to write off experiences we haven’t ourselves been through. I’ve had biases that weren’t challenged until someone I knew went through something. As a victim of childhood SA it’s impossible to explain the effects to other people, and unjustly painful when they don’t understand but think they do. Thank you for being open to understanding more. It’s insanely common but always in the shadows.

[@blooodytwins]

i've had this happen twice and honestly it made me feel better hearing someone else talk about it too even though it's horrible it happened

[@mar35962]

I am so sorry it happened to you, it was not your fault :(( I am so sorry friend

[@cocoandgreg]

❤

[@ordinaryorca9334]

This is why we need to teach people consent, I'm sure that the guy thought, well this isn't grape, she consented 5 minutes ago and no takes backsies. It seeme like such a simple concept but so many people don't understand the nuances. Not to say that he wasn't a selfish prick but that is probably what was going on in his mind.

[@BlueLiminality]

Is it about consent, or is it the fact that they know they can get away with it? I firmly believe that as long as the police, judges, and people in power are 90% cisgender straight men, they know they can commit these crimes and get away with it.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Guys understand consent when it's THEIR body. They just have selective empathy and if your consent gets in the way of their nut it suddenly doesn't matter to them. Straight guys afraid of having something up their bum will consent to a bj but if you try to poke a finger up there and they freak suddenly they understand consent withdrawal

[@cam4636]

@@BlueLiminality Right??? Like I'm sure a portion of the population legitimately doesn't realize consent can be revoked at any time (though I'd bet most of that portion are _the people who want to say "stop" but think they can't_ ) but most r@pists aren't "confused." They think of other people as objects to be used.

[@woIf]

I've seriously been disgusted and appalled the number of my friends who have partners who I only find out used to do this shit REGULARLY after they break up with the guy. Like, holy shit, what do you mean you said stop and his excuse 45 separate times was "I thought we were roleplaying" like WHAT????

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

That's so infuriating. Because as someone in the kink community unless you DISCUSS IT first and have a safeword, stop still means stop. And that does not relieve them from the burden of checking in with you to see if you even remember the safeword, if you're still okay, etc. That's just an excuse and bdsm is being used in this way by people who honestly just see it as a way to violate your consent a little bit more covertly. It pisses me off so badly.

[@Lynssss24]

I’m so sorry!! I’m so proud of Katya for being honest about the part where she went back to the abuser and ignored it for years . I did the same shit

[@Gabz98_]

I remember Katya telling this history in Periscope years ago, it so sad

[@0nee3]

i love how they are never afraid to tell the raw unpleasant truth. thank you trixie and katya for speaking up about something that is happening way too much

[@skarlet1505]

When I heard Katya talking about this, it actually made me think about my first time, and even if it was not really SA... I kinda subconsciously treat it as it was: I didn't talk about it, I feel disgusted and anxious when thinking about it, it made me question if I was even bisexual to begin with, I even pretended that it didn't happen for many years so I could get that 'second first time' with my first bf. I just denied it happened and moved on with my life. In truth, it was just me being a horny 14 yrs old queer boy with my school bully/best friend of that time (of the same age, of course), but it was really weird and uncomfortable, he was careless and crude (he even hurt my private parts a little), to the point I started having a panic attack and I had to ask him to stop, because I knew there would be no turning back if I didn't. Thankfully, he did and we just parted ways... Later that day he told me he thought he 'had a crush on me', but I blocked him and we never talked to each other ever again. And when I came home after school, that day I wasn't even able to look my mom in the eyes. I felt as if I did something wrong, something that no one should know I did. To this day, I think about it and I skip those thoughts. I don't really think it could be considered SA, because I'm 100% sure I consented and that he stopped when I asked him to do it, but still... Knowing how much of a manipulator and bully he was, it feels really uncomfortable to think about if I really wanted that to happen or if I said 'yes' because of some other reason I can't fathom now. And if that bad experience disturbs me, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be for SA victims out there, but my heart goes with them and I'm thankful Katya talked about this so bravely

[@OldLadyMapleSeed]

That makes perfect sense. Even if it hadn't been your first time, its important to know that your partner cares about you and what you want for it to feel safe. Even you did turn out to be able to say no, not being totally sure what would happen if you did in the moment or having any real idea of where you stood with him must have been really scary. I'm sorry it went down like that, I hope you've had enough good experiences since to wash the taste out of your mouth.

[@lostinthelight]

That's why I'm scared to meet guys until I know them really well Which basically means I'm still single at 22 But again, I guess I'm not a brave person to handle things like that. I've a very fragile heart and it can break like hell. I wouldn't be able to recover EVER

[@glizzgoblin]

I dont think that makes you less brave, i think its really smart of you to put your safety first and try to find someone you can really trust

[@cocoandgreg]

That isn't a reflection of your bravery as much as it is a reflection of how cis men are always the issue. You're still so young and have plenty of time to meet someone ❤

[@ThirrinDiamond]

​@@cocoandgreg such important words. 22 is incredibly young and there is so much life left to live 💗

[@woIf]

You'd recover. At least, if you're lucky enough to have a support network and access to mental healthcare. So basically, not if you're an american

[@OldLadyMapleSeed]

Girl, I feel you. Nothing wrong with being single. Better to not have sex when you want it than to have it when you don't

[@andre-cmyk]

thank you for reposting this. i was honestly terrified about this episode triggering me but when brian talked about it, it felt liberating. ive been in some horrible situations of coercion, including a guy shoving poppers up my nose after i refused multiple times, and i'm kind of in the thick of processing that stuff rn. we need to talk about this inside the community. i know way too many queer men who have gotten raped and pretend it's fine and repress that shit down. thank you again

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️‍🩹

[@katlinath]

Trixie looks heartbroken when Katya explains the whole situation :/ (I use drag names because both of their names are Brian)

[@emmuzboosh]

Trixie said in the latest main channel KZbin video (Trixies channel) that they prefer their drag names anyway unless you’re their friend.

[@katlinath]

@@emmuzboosh Oh! Good to know! Thanks :) I thought it'd be more appropriate to use drag names when in drag and everyday names out of drag so thanks for letting me know. I definitely should check out Trixie's latest videos...

[@louisachalarca6494]

I love everyone else here who’s experienced this because the crime against your humanity matters and it is a crime . I believe you

[@dogvoter9973]

I was told by a first date that he wasnt leaving my house without sex. He said it like a joke, but he meant it. I convinced myself it was ok and continued dating and sleeping with him. I only fully processed that 2 years into the relationship when things got worse. Its not always violent, but it's still rape.

[@OldLadyMapleSeed]

jesus christ, I'm sorry. He deserved to leave your house on the first date without his balls

[@Axqu7227]

My brain gave me violent flashbacks of repeated SA from my childhood it’d repressed and buried when trying to help a friend through her SA as a teenager. I lashed out in panic/ pain and made her trauma a lot worse than it should’ve been or would’ve been otherwise. I’d look her up to apologize but the last thing this poor woman needs is the person who made her hell worse barging into her life for a selfish attempt at closure. E, if you’re out there, you deserved better. From everyone, but definitely from me.

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

I can't get into what happened to me here, but I just want to tell any fellow survivors: If it took you a few days, months, years, to finally even think of it as grape- that's okay. It's scary to have to suddenly reckon with this person you've been close with revealing themselves to be a SA-er, to process that you aren't as safe with them as you thought, that you're actively being violated and in that moment have to do a risk assessment. If you resist are you at risk of violence, how are you going to cope with the loss of this relationship, do you have anywhere to go, etc. It's a LOT all at once. If your brain decides the safest thing to do is to deny it and suppress it for the time being, you're focused on your own self preservation in a way. That's okay. When you're safe and ready, you can process it. Some of us fight tooth and nail and scream and call the cops and get the kits done and all that and risk the violence, some of us just have fight flight fawn and freeze all mixed up. But the only person you have to answer to is yourself, and whatever you did to keep yourself safe in that moment. I'm sorry so many of us have this experience but i hope it means we can find support in each other

[@cocoandgreg]

Well said

[@reversehatred]

I’m trans, and the first time I had sex was with someone I didn’t really know. When we talked beforehand, I said I didn’t want to do anything other than mouth stuff. Once we started though, he started doing more than what I wanted, without prompting or protection. I didn’t think to get protection because I didn’t think he would do it. I felt like I couldn’t say no at that point, I even felt like I had to say I liked it in the moment. Thankfully I came to my senses a week or so later and confronted him on not asking for consent. I had the good sense to block him and not continue what was sure to be an awful relationship.

[@cocoandgreg]

I'm glad you stuck up for yourself ❤

[@harveym.glatman5955]

Katya talking about the feeling relating to gender and being from both sides in a way is definitely how I felt being raped as a child in preschool as an intersex person.

[@trash.frogg.]

Everyone here who has experienced anything similar, just know you are amazing and strong and youve got this!!!!!!!

[@freerangeteacup]

This hurt. My heart goes out to Katya.

[@gabriela567]

This was heartbreaking 😢

[@Stewystew2]

It was “it’s just a massage” for me. He was my boyfriend and I tried to set a boundary beforehand.

[@DawsonCourtneyRude2003]

I feel like that’s a pretty common experience. I’ve had that happen several times.

[@itsgaylebitxh]

Another S.A. situation that's common is consenting to one thing but ending up doing more. Your trust is still violated. It's still not okay ❤

[@bunderify]

I love them so much

[@cschmitz100]

Mines in a safety deposit box in FL

[@xVibra]

We know, Mitch. We know.

[@probablyasleep5026]

I’m trans masc/nonbinary and still get catcalls and such, and still get people who touch as I walk by or who I guess are curious(?) and feel for themselves. Most notably once or twice at work (fast food) and by a bride’s mom at a wedding. It’s disheartening in such a weird complex way, and for more than several reasons. I’m so sorry to everyone who has had to go through the awful things

[@michikomanalang6733]

every NINE MINUTES? fuck. FUCK. it was horrible and it got even worse. y’all we gotta do something

[@rabblerousin8981]

I’m one of those kids, and the worst part wasn’t even the SA, it was what happened after I tried to tell. What people don’t understand is that you can think you know someone super well, but only their victim will know who they really are. Most predators in the wild don’t seem like predators or they’d already be locked up. So when someone says what so-and-so did to them, even if you can’t see it happening, sadly you have to know that disbelief is the abuser’s shield. They don’t seem like grap1sts to anyone except the person they showed their real selves to, and that’s their victim. I was SA’d by more than one family member, on my mom’s side, and even though they’re known to have crappy character and be dishonest losers, my mom couldn’t/wouldn’t accept the truth about her brothers. Being SA’d is terrible. Discovering as a child that nobody cares you were SA’d …. That’s what ruined my life. I’m 35, dropped out of my PhD program, am withering on the vine. It’s not because I was SA’d, it’s because being SA’d is what taught me that we don’t actually matter and even the relationships we’re conned into believing are sacred are just gaslighting ties to keep us subservient, and nobody actually gives a shit what happens, even if you’re a f’n child when it happens. Tl;dr if someone you know super well gets accused, don’t forget, you experience with them means nothing. Their wife, boss, best friend doesn’t know the real them. They only let the mask slip and their real selves be known by their victims. Believe f’n victims. There’s NOTHING to be gained by speaking up, so don’t take it lightly, and if you can’t see it happening you may well just have an exceptionally talented r@pist in your life. The ones who go without getting caught are super convincing.

[@cam4636]

@@rabblerousin8981 This is so perfectly worded.

[@rabblerousin8981]

@@cam4636 thanks for saying that, I felt like “too much” dumping on this person’s comment and almost deleted it.

[@hacunamatata3248]

​@@rabblerousin8981No, honestly I'm glad you didn't delete it. I couldn't have said it better myself at all, you just expressed what many feel and can't/don't know how to describe. I sometimes wish I wouldn't have said a word about what happened to me exactly because of that. No one wanted to listen, my family sided with the abuser, and the people who pretended to care quickly got tired that I wouldn't "get over it" when I could barely even process what had happened. Thank you for this, feels like at least someone understands ❣️ And it's never too late to start over I hope you have a new journey that'll allow you to heal, one step at a time

[@rabblerousin8981]

@@hacunamatata3248 wow, the things you said here resonate hard with me too. “The people who pretended to care”….. 100%. Heyyy, thank you for sharing this here. You just did for me what I did for you 😌 I’m so sorry that we can understand each other here. But am comforted to know that in this lonely corner, I’m not alone. 🤍 I hope you’re healing and consciously surrounding yourself with people who know and uphold your worth! Big hugs.

[@colleennikstenas4921]

I feel so bad that the first thing you say after being told “I’m so sorry” that you went thru that is “no no it’s ok!” in such a comforting tone back. Our friend, that is not, and I worry that you might not really, be ok. That is trauma and it is assault. Stop and no mean what they mean. And you were dismissed.

[@SwedePotato314]

I know this can be so hard to talk about, especially on such a public platform, but it means so much and it helps so much more than you know. I don’t ever relish anyone’s pain and suffering and I won’t ever be happy for it, but I truly do feel better knowing I’m not alone in my experiences. Everyone comments… it’s so painful to read all the horrendous things people have been through but I feel so much less alone in my own pain, I don’t feel like I’m suffering alone in silence or that I need to feel ashamed for something someone did to me. The victim blaming when we blame women, transgender and nonbinary people, or gay men is unbelievable. And when straight men tell their stories of being raped they’re emasculated, like how could you let someone do that to you? It’s so hard to be able to talk about these things and we can’t work through them if we can’t talk about them. Hearing and reading others stories makes it easier to share my own and be able tune out the victim blaming. I love all of you. I’m so sorry that people feel that they can hurt others in a way that is so much more than just physical. You’re not alone and you really don’t have to suffer alone and in silence. There are kind people willing to listen and support you. They might be hard to find sometimes but there are so many people who understand. Even if their own experiences weren’t the exact same, the feelings and emotions are the same. You’re going to be ok. I thought I had moved pasty experiences just because of how long it had been, but I’d never actually done much work on my emotions to actually get through them, I just hoped that with time it would get easier when it mostly just got easier to pretend it never happened. Now I’m a mother of a son struggling with gender identity and his sexuality and 2 younger daughters…. And I realized I was NOT in a healthy mental state and I would need to deal with my own stuff before I could begin to help them. I’ve done a lot of work. I’ll never be “over it” but I’ve come to a much healthier place. I can do everything right with my kids and I’ll always be so scared of what the world and people might do to them. I remember my mom telling me when I was young that every woman is raped at some point, at least sexually assaulted, abused or harassed, if not all of them. I was terrified and I was scared of how nonchalantly she said it and how accepting she was of it. It made me so sad that she felt like it was pointless to be angry or fight back or try to avoid it. And then I got older and I realized she had been right. And she had just come to a place of acceptance of it and I don’t want to ever want my daughters to ever ever just accept it.

[@kiereanm3254]

I feel so seen and affirmed. When I was assaulted I was a child and didn’t know any better, I couldn’t even say “no” bc I couldn’t process it. Katya revealing this makes me feel less alone, less “defective”, more like I’m not the only one who’s had this happen

[@greenbeantm1096]

I’m AFAB nonbinary and the amount of times I’ve gotten “well I’m just going to assume you have a dick then” when I wouldn’t answer strangers in my dms what I had in my pants is honestly insane. Also really disgusting when you think about how I started getting this comments at like 17 (over all creepy/gross comments I started getting at 12 tho). Like it was ALWAYS said in a way that was like “this isn’t what I’m attracted to and clearly that’s going to be the most offensive thing to accuse you of”. In a sort of ironic way it was also funny because they were usually 100% the type of guys to say “I can always tell when someone is trans”, and being realistic now Ik that I don’t “pass” (because that doesn’t exist for nonbinary people) and that people can tell I’m AFAB, when I started getting “I’m gonna assume” comments I had a public instagram, actively had long hair and if you schooled for half a second you’d find pictures before I got a binder, like genuinely it was very obvious what my assigned sex is.

[@xoanwahn]

The story was troubling. The statistics at the end were harrowing.

[@jaymieberry]

I'm a cosplayer and unfortunately a victim of grapes. Even in our community we have to promote every year at every convention that cosplay is not consent and it's getting so bad even with photographers that it includes them too when they take photos of us without consent and often without us even knowing

[@Danniidude]

I think way too many of us have had a similar experience aswell as men who have taken the condom off during sex and you only realise after.

[@hellogoodbyegrl14]

I have the exact same situation as Katya and this person was my boyfriend, and it took me a year after that to get out because violence started happening after that, and it was very telling that once he realized he could get away with SA he felt like he could get away with anything

[@rogerklk]

I feel so fortunate to not have heard this and I fear it to change at any moment

[@lelelelel_lelelelel]

Not a SA victim but I got harassed by a man who I approached only because I got lost and that alone ruined my life, so I cannot even imagine what SA victims suffer daily. Hope the best for everyone who went through these kinds of situations

[@emmuzboosh]

I’m glad Katya kinda said no he’d do this regardless of my gender there’s no ‘in between genders’ moment because honestly that’s just a very weird thing, esp for a man, to say.

[@msteresa653]

I hate when guys ask me to top them ugh such a turn off. I'm like, ok you fundamentally misunderstand what i want and need as a woman. Do you even see me as a woman? Basically you're heteroflexible/bicurious and are using me as an entry point...

[@pupsap7714]

Women DO top. Check your misogyny.

[@cocoandgreg]

I hear that so often too ❤️‍🩹

[@zineddinebelgaid7303]

That’s so horrible… I hope katya is ok

[@RecoveringSkoomaAddict]

Powerful

[@augustinesim1672]

I am so sorry that happened. It is not ok 😶

[@V10l3tta1]

There was this guy when I was a sophomore/junior in high school and this guy I was friends who i had a giant crush since freshman year, who was also my friends girlfriend. We were hanging out one day and he told me, after flirting with me for couple minutes prior, “nah but if you transitioned to a girl I’d date you” at that moment I was like oh. Well if only lmao? I’m now trans but obviously mot for him but cause that’s who I am and always have been. I think people like him new and used my lack of self knowledge at that point in time, to their advantage.

[@cocoandgreg]

❤️‍🩹🏳️‍⚧️

[@byeleavemealone]

i'm a straight trans man and i think many of us don't truly understand how much more horrible the stigma against trans women are. I find that trans men, especially us who pass, will always be in a lot less danger than trans women. Obviously, all trans people have a lot of hard times navigating this still really hateful world but transphobia is almost always targeted towards trans women, especially in media and it saddens me to see that has barely changed over the years. love you all 🖤🏳️‍⚧️🖤

[@glizzgoblin]

This is so true because trans women are more visible in media they get targeted more in the real world

[@cocoandgreg]

❤

[@DOGWTR]

Exactly. In my experience people don’t take a non”passing” trans man seriously, but for an amab it seems any gender experimentation marks them as a deviant /sex object.

[@ninetailskwami]

as a gay trans man i HEAVILY disagree. ftm and mtf struggles are equal, both because you can't really compare them, and because most of us experience a lot of the same things. if i weren't a trans man i probably wouldn't have been r*ped when i was. i also wouldn't have been denied medical care the way i was if i wasn't transmasc. i wouldn't have been gr0ped by a group of women in the situation i was in if i wasn't transmasc. almost every single transmasc person i know has a story of being sxually violated or physical assaulted or both. but people love to tell trans men "no, no you don't have it as bad" or "yours aren't as serious" because that's just the treatment AFAB people get in society. trans male violence is vastly under reported both by media and victims unfortunately.

[@jml6263]

Seriously do not understand the need to say this as trans men are routinely raped and murdered deadnamed and forgotten about. You say love y’all while throwing half of us under the bus. No one is comparing our struggles until this garbage about how we aren’t the actual targets is regurgitated time after time and I don’t know what favor you are doing trans women by being like this but I promise you you are not. Solidarity or nothing. Period.

[@JeffMonsoon]

Which pod episode is this?

[@clemfandango07]

"Does Our Art Threaten You?" Feb 20 2024

[@mar35962]

omg no my katya :((

[@chillarypuff]

❤️

[@serenityq26]

fourth option: just curious. if your only possibilities for someone asking your question is negatives the problem is you not the person or question. yall need healing

[@sugmanots]

Wait, about their genitals? Why should anyone besides their doctor know what's going on down there 💀 What gives YOU the right to know that?

[@leah6820-y9v]

Why is asking about someone else's genitals appropriate?

[@slando4000]

why is the word rape forbidden? I don't get it.

[@Ghostie____]

KZbin doesn't like it.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Censorship on this platform. They are just trying not to get the videos taken down

[@naturalcambion3747]

People as a whole are curious and disrespectful. Nothing is ever going to change that.

[@uhdenuh8676]

There's a huge difference between curiosity and disrespect. This is such a pessimistic viewpoint. As T&K point out here, cisgender people who don't cross any gender lines in expression never get asked those kinds of questions.

[@naturalcambion3747]

@@uhdenuh8676 what are you talking about? You just refuted and then agreed with my statement.

[@cocoandgreg]

We all have to speak up and hold them accountable. Sometimes it's a teaching moment and sometimes they're a lost cause but at least we will know where they stand moving forward.

[@nessmarie6044]

"nothing is ever going to change that" like the reason why people being disrespectful towards things they don't understand isn't a result of social conditioning. we aren't an immovable species, especially when it comes to learned behaviors

[@decomposinglavender]

you can be curious without invading someone's human rights and viewing them as less of a person. all experiences in our society are, ultimately, relational. they're a reflection of the power structures at be. I wholeheartedly believe we can challenge those power structures by challenging that behaviour, holding people accountable, and learning. experiences of sexual assault, particularly those of queer people, are a reflection of societal issues that did not manifest by accident or by nature. they are set up to victimise certain people, and pedestal others. and just as they have been built, they can be changed.

[@KrayzieAries]

As a cis woman my opinion doesnt really matter on this in regards to ace ventura scene. I just recently seen it & the movie tbh was funny. His character is imo the personification of letting the intrusive thoughts win constantly. But w the scene finding out the woman has a package it was so over the top i was told they were making fun of/parodying the people who act like that/ that previous show. Now i found out that wasn't true. So yea its clearly offensive but its the trans community whose feelings are the 1s that truly matter on this. I love trixie &katya so much they make me laugh & keep my hope for humanity alive. Edit: thanks to all the lovely people who took their time to talk w me and help educate! Keeping things respectful!

[@nolanbrewer877]

Oh a lot of trans people find Ace Ventura offensive, especially because that scene in particular got repeatedly parodied by other movies. Lindsay Ellis has a good video on the topic if you are interested. People talked about how offensive it is but unfortunately thats where a lot of people were at culturally in the 90s, so they did not care if it was offensive.

[@cocoandgreg]

Unfortunately the LGBTQ community was often the punchline of a joke back then. Luckily, for the most part, comedy has evolved since then ❤

[@KosOrSomeSayKosmo]

Trans people find it offensive. I saw it when it was current and it was completely part of how the LGBT community were dehumanized in media as a punchline, nothing more.

[@shawnbay2211]

I think it’s rlly interesting that a lot of things can b interpreted in a woke way even if it probably wasn’t intended. That trope of vomit is still very offensive & I think it’s obvious y when u put ur mind 2 that era’s mindset. Y’know, I think that movie operated through the male gaze & there’s sympathy 4 the vomit but there was less sympathy 4 the woman who deserved the audience’s attention 4 her pain.

[@dopex89]

I absolutely don't remember that scene, but on paper it sounds bad. Like others have said, I don think it was intended to make fun of the men in the situation. Also, we are not at a point in our acceptance even now that this joke could be innocent. It reinforces negative stereotypes. Last but not least, it was from the POV of the men, meaning ot was straight cis men making a joke about a trans woman, and usually it is to make fun of her, not themselves. Kkind of like Dave Chappelle making fun of trans people, it's punching down to a minority group that is being attacked constantly for existing.

[@fireguardiancoty]

I'm triggered!!!

[@caspermcgonagle1532]

Really not the time man

[@shetookeverythinginthedivorce]

i’m genuinely not sure if the shame and disgust towards trans women will ever truly become a minority - and i wholly blame tv and cinema’s portrayal of us for that

[@allshookup1640]

Why is it at all okay to talk about people’s genitalia?!?! Why does anyone care?! The only person it matters to is that person themselves, their doctor, and their partner. Otherwise WHY DOES IT MATTER? Are they a good person? Are they a good friend? Can you count on them? Yes? Okay then nothing else MATTERS!

[@cocoandgreg]

All the more reason for everyone to speak up for trans rights 🏳️‍⚧️❤️🏳️‍⚧️

[@hellodelightfulrando]

@@cocoandgregFacts! There will always be ignorant people, can’t avoid that, but if you stop advocating for change then the bigots win. So never stop talking about trans issues and trans rights.

[@Hellokittylover2884]

Fr it feels like everyone hates trans people sm now like it feels like there’s more people that hate us and less that support us it’s so sad :(

[@glizzgoblin]

Absolutely most have been conditioned by popular media to think that trans people are the butt of every joke