Turning Parent-Teen Stress Into Parent-Teen Success | Neil D Brown | TEDxsalinas

During adolescence kids grow from being children, accountable to their parents, to being young adults, responsible for and accountable to themselves. Development on this journey can come to a screeching halt and family stress begins when parents and teens become locked in a “control battle.”
Neil D. Brown, LCSW, is a family therapist, author and podcast host. Brown has worked with families, couples, and individuals for more than thirty years. Deeply steeped in the theory and practice of family therapy, Brown uses a simple yet profound method of empowering parents and their adolescent youth to put an end to destructive control battles for good.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@cleof1503]

This guy must live in my house. That conversation at 7:01 is verbatim my house everyday. Teens are hard. I never thought it would be so so hard. Feels like were are trapped in this horrible cycle.

[@beatricefrask5230]

It is sooo hard indeed!

[@vennilaparameswaran4221]

Teenage parenting

[@angelinalai3009]

I am with you here. I lose my vision of my kid. He actually is such a good kid but his grade drops a lot which makes me anxious

[@kinyatta1534]

I need to hear this again and again and again!!! God I wish this was longer.

[@kathrynmansfield4134]

He wrote a book on this. I listed to the audiobook and it was truly helpful for our family.

[@Wendathena]

My husband said if I didn't agree to have children he would divorce me. It's not that I didn't want kids, I just remember the difficult relationship I had with my parents when I was a teen. When my husband and I came head to head without daughter as a 17-year-old who wanted to stay out all night with friends, I later asked my husband if he realized this type of conflict would be part of the parenting experience. He said he had not realized it would be a part of it.

[@yasif7151]

Okay. Why doesn't this video have more views?

[@davidnewbury2918]

Better question: Why doesn't this video have more LIKES?!? Great talk.

[@taniafeliz-patron5084]

must hear this again...because I do have a beast in my house! looking for all clarity when dealing with my 14 year old

[@jax2292]

Yea twin girls 14 😭 it’s a battle of you give more attention to the other. It’s hard they always say I don’t care about them and I literally love too much. They have I have to many restrictions in their phones ... it’s really hard I don’t ever know what to do

[@sunsetsavinelli7260]

My wife and I see Dr. Brown twice a month. He’s amazing and helps us so much. Thank you Dr. Brown.

[@derrickstephen]

Man. It’s like this guy was talking exactly about my family. As I am a father I will be taking his advice. So simple yet profound. Thank You for presenting this.

[@alexbclarke]

Same here. Totally agree with your comment and, yes, I will do all I can to follow the 2 Steps. Another Dad.

[@queenbee4637]

My son is 13yo and I just found this video. How did u go with the 2 steps? Did it worked?? - another mom

[@carolinestein3443]

As a mom struggling with my 16 year old teen daughter this was helpful and I will listen again. I need to not be critical of the things that drive me crazy a d instead let her know that I’m on her side and love her. I want to have a good relationship with my daughter and need to learn to be more patient with her:)

[@eliasunalan5244]

I must say, incredibly accurate ! As a teenager that is.

[@anyhowsay8659]

Easier said than done!!

[@ignatiusjacob8419]

Thank u for a valuable advice. Children need to know that "they matter to their parents" . This message has to be conveyed to them by parents by lending an active listening ear where they could hear the children with their hearts and souls. This will uplift their self image and confidence. The best will soon find a way to exit .Love and kindness always wins.

[@nemopoochie8827]

Thank you, Neil D. Brown. You are such an intelligent, level headed voice. While your message isn't new or unique, we can all benefit from your presentation. I am also a fan of your podcast. Please keep up the good work!

[@dhanaazm7897]

A big big thank you❤️❤️

[@beatricefrask5230]

Thank you for this video Sir!

[@eileenlou7442]

It’s one of the best Ted Talks👍👍

[@kristabauer2359]

Focusing on adding a privilege when doing well,-love that!

[@alexbclarke]

Best advice.

[@victoriahill4568]

I feel like it’s too late to switch to a reward system for expected behaviors because it will just be interpreted as “control and punishment” still. If I say “speaking respectfully to your parents is the price of your privilege “ won’t they just argue that my “bar” for respectful speech is arbitrary? Or “a clean room earns Internet time” to a teen is just a control battle over the room and the Internet.

[@dominiquefreireinternation5168]

Great talk about - where's the practical advice? How do we set up privilege systems that worK?

[@udeeization]

Funny how no one replied. Lol I wish I had the answers

[@alexrarellano]

I was wondering the same thing. Setting up privileges seems like consequences but in reverse. I could be wrong, but it seems as though you clearly define what privileges your kid has, ie: gaming, allowance, movies, ect. You don't get on your kid for doing negative behaviors, but if he isn't taking ownership of his responsibilities, well then he hasnt earned the privileges that u have lined out. Too me though no matter how I frame it, it still seems like a consequence nd rewards system

[@Skyizzhi]

Does this mean I should reward my child for good behavior, good test results, and good decision making? I'm a little confused as to whether having my teen earn his privileges is the same as rewarding him?

[@queenbee4637]

7:05 OMG....I feel so much better that my house is not the only one with the same transcripts hahahaha LOL

[@katarinahinsey3931]

The beast in my house was definitely the teenager.

[@Blue-xy9lj]

Hah, have fun in the retirement home. If you hate your child so much to consider them a beast you are a terrible parent and don’t deserve to have ruined your kids.

[@katarinahinsey3931]

@@Blue-xy9lj I inherited this one by way of marriage. She was only 10 when I met her, but already well on the way to a criminal philosophy.

[@kittywhiskers996]

Absolutely no take-away from this. Please tell me something new!

[@bakhytgul4457]

Yes, didn't understand this either. So what should Beau's dad do in this situation? Clearly Beau lives his best life and none of the privileges can't be taken away - his computer, smartphone, good clothes etc. So what? Again on square one?

[@Msmindracer]

Uh.. are you a fly on the wall at my home??

[@harleylawdude]

Mammals learn best from positive reinforcement.

[@saeedqu9642]

إلي جاي من كلاس روم الله يعينك 😆

[@khadrahassan1243]

You tubes

[@nicholasmine6590]

The red vase tinctorially stamp because salad summatively join up a hapless judge. crabby, mysterious meeting

[@nealgreene2301]

Great talk about - where's the practical advice? How do we set up privilege systems that worK?