Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 5

[@alexrose20]

being stingy with words (or energy) but dumping a truck of conversation when it's of interest is so accurate 😅

[@summer-c7i]

Word. I’m quiet, serious and distant with strangers, but very candid and playful with my family/friends.

[@muhammadammar2202]

Only with very close people like best friends

[@tammymccaslin4787]

I’ve learned the art of appearing warm and sociable while keeping my deepest self completely closed off. I do truly care about the people in my circles but I’m not about to open myself up to being hurt. I think other types don’t realize the kinds of things that hurt me because they’re different than what hurts other people. I had an 8 accidentally hurt me deeply and she thought we had a great conversation.

[@LeVidocq]

Can you share some tips? 👀

[@tammymccaslin4787]

@@LeVidocq I share things that most people would consider personal, like health stuff, but I keep truly personal things hidden, like my deeper emotions. I also have varied interests and can hold a friendly conversation with just about any intelligent person.

[@imagoblin4802]

@@LeVidocq I know you said this a few months ago, but a KZbin channel that has helped me tremendously is charisma on command. It kinda helps with those social rules that aren't extremely apparent.

[@kafuibuama9115]

Truer words were never spoken.

[@keinadavis100]

How other people view me isn't my problem. Like you I seem cold. People who know me understand I feel deeply but strangers can suck it. Not wasting energy making people feel comfortable.

[@loravencill3483]

As a Five - when people used to ask me on public transportation "what are you reading?" as the intro to a conversation. My answer was "a book". Generally ended conversation.

[@bi0lizard1]

I’ve actually lied about what book I was reading simply to kill the conversation by picking a fake dull uninteresting esoteric subject so they would politely go away. I guess that’s the 5 in me whenever I’m not fully charged up for social interactions.

[@BoyDharma]

@@bi0lizard1 I solved the problem with audio books. I don't have to share unless I want to

[@cristinaas837]

I usually hold the book up so they can read the title and get there hint to leave me alone🤣 it always works🤣

[@lorigonzalez4518]

🤓

[@gigglesmcdounut723]

I'm so sorry 5s. If I want to talk to you I'll find a way to. I'll remember this next time I try to talk to someone and they give me answers they think will kill a conversation. I'll leave them alone!

[@IlligetimiNonCarborundum]

I don’t think it’s at five‘s are unaware of social norms, but rather that they don’t really put much stock into them. For some fives, I think they just see the general fatuousness of a lot of social interactions and are afraid to call them what they are. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about people, it just means that they don’t believe in any system blindly.

[@twlahue]

Right, good point!

[@Gray.Karen333]

Agreed. We kind of look down on it, like we're too smart to buy into it and put stock in it.

[@IlligetimiNonCarborundum]

Gray.Karen333 yeah what is a social “norm” anyways? It’s so subjective, and effervescent. I prefer to be weird and let the chips fall where they may.

[@alexrose20]

@@Gray.Karen333 I don't think it's a matter of us being smarter than everyone else rather we tend to question things and our skepticism leads to learning and coming to our own conclusions

[@felixargyle1285]

@@alexrose20 I doubt that

[@IamI_1Conscience]

Screw a Thank you card; I'd rather people not send me anything if they need a card in return. 😄

[@twlahue]

:-)

[@my2cents49]

Getting a card is akward on its own because people do it as a very formal reach-out custom. It's easy to understand someone whose tendency is to compulsively bounce off of other people and interact everywhere. But turning it into a formality is confusing and makes the interaction feel forced on a whole different level. A lot of people probably appreciate it as a warm gesture, but coming from a 5 point of view, it feels quite like a challenge boxed in a social context.

[@ladypolf]

Sheldon Cooper, the ultimate 5: "Wait, you bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you’re being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation!"

[@PalmdalesAdonis]

I took the test, I'm type 5 personality but I clicked on the video to have a better understanding. I started laughing when you mentioned that our power is invisibility lol There's been many many occasions when family or friends are telling me about fun experiences from their past, and I have to interrupt them and say "I know, I was there!" haha

[@tracyreadytv]

😂😂😂

[@morningglory.213]

i remember once there was a farewell party at our school and we all were dancing and soon after the dance ended and i sat with some of my "friends" they said oh where were u, were u even dancing and i swear- these humans even saw me dancing but tf they all were like no idk but this girl came and said nah she was dancing its kinda annoying sometimes but it can helpful in social situations lol

[@PalmdalesAdonis]

@@morningglory.213 😂😂 stuff like that happens so much with me. I don't even get bothered by it. I just find it funny

[@bi0lizard1]

So true. I often feel invisible.

[@Gray.Karen333]

As a 5, I am aware of the social expectations after getting a card...which is why it kind of feels like a burden to get a card because then I have to expend energy to respond. :D :D

[@darthlaurel]

OMG.....totally. I finally stopped sending Christmas cards, then I stopped answering the ones I got from the persistent few who kept sending them anyway, then I stopped opening those cards people refused to stop sending. I usually look at them all at the same time sometime in March. And just sigh and hope they stop

[@837301]

Sending someone a card might even be more rude than knocking instead of texting.

[@SaraAdamsPoodleROO]

Correct.

[@tlhogid663]

You 5's are so odd! I am a 4w3 and still sometimes write handwritten letters to my loved ones, sending them via post! I LOVE receiving and giving cards. And I absolutely expect at least a text message saying "thank you" after taking the time and effort 😄

[@jeremyncrm2012]

Exactly, don’t send me an obligation in the mail.

[@AnotherBlush]

The Welcome sign on my door says "Welcome by appointment only."

[@tammymccaslin4787]

Oh I gotta get me one of those!

[@raerae2885]

🙌 Or, come on in, but don’t side eye me about the state of my place. I’m super busy thinking about shit, so I haven’t done the dishes for a bit.

[@oliviachimdalunwosu6267]

Wooooh chile , if that ain’t the gospel truth, I don’t know what is 😂

[@darthlaurel]

Mine is "nice to see you now get off my lawn".

[@tamaragarrett3625]

My Welcome mat says “come back with a warrant”

[@sarcasticnerd2726]

This makes so much sense. My friend once told me that when she sees me she sees two personalities. One is a 5w4 and the other one is an 8. I am mostly a 5w4 but when it comes to school and getting things done I become an 8. This is how I am able to actively participate in class and how I managed to become treasurer of the student council. I always thought my 8 side was a fake personality but it turns out it was just me being healthy. Then, when I am not an 8 I become withdrawn and go to my fantasy world of fandoms and I only think about those things.

[@mwatson4970]

THIS! This is exactly me, and i always feel weird or too assertive when I'm in my 8... but also like it because I just want to get stuff done.

[@Gman0440-Gamer]

Your insight makes a lot of sense to me. When I'm around people its like im portraying a facade of an 8, but thats actually just me being healthy! thanks so much!

[@janeanjohnson3875]

Well, I agree when someone comes to talk, it gets awkward. however, I'm not trying to make it awkward...I simply feel awkward myself. I'm uncomfortable and I'm sure I project that.

[@938quilt]

exactly!

[@my2cents49]

Very much so

[@dragonofdolittle1332]

Right there with you.

[@BEBAY]

Leah Warrington 😂😂😂 relatable

[@karbear04]

I find that owning my awkwardness is cringey but it makes others feel more at ease and then they also dont feel bad when I say "okay, Im leaving," abruptly. 😅

[@truthsword6772]

This seems to be even more accurate than the Myers-Briggs type test

[@myrtila]

Being preoccupied with mbti for 1 and a half years and never, really never, found it as accurate as the enneagram.

[@lotus5w4sxsp]

Try Objective Personality. It uses the functions but with identifiers ( 9 coins) that can be tracked and this system recognizes that the 2nd and 3rd functions are negotiable in 50% of the population, giving the name of Jumpers, why many people can not land on a type.

[@Broukas]

I’m a 5. My favorite part of this video was when you said it’s ok to go back to my “cabin.” I’m trying really hard to be more open and engaging. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I can’t seem to stay there. So, thank you for that.

[@ainelael]

As a 5, I am guilty of making situations awkward so that conversations will end 😂

[@PippiOnePointOh]

Me too! My sister is always trying to talk to me about celebrities. I awkward her up on outta the room whenever that happens.

[@XakaLeon]

I am definitely a 5w4 and this video makes me so happy I've been doing my work to heal my emotional self. I see a lot of the generalities about 5s to be something in my rear view mirror. I make efforts to be gentle with myself and others. It felt draining at first, but I've come to value connection when it's healthy. I still work to not extrapolate myself when people show their humanity by not being perfect, but I've come to accept that how I view others is often reflective of how I'm feeling about myself. Love is more powerful than the mind and I appreciate it a lot more now.

[@oliviachimdalunwosu6267]

I deleted all my social media pages because I felt overwhelmed by the stimulation

[@EritreanChic]

Yes, all the replying and interaction can be absolutely exhausting…

[@lukedoane7060]

I did this about a year ago and do not at all regret it.

[@learningandgrowing4651]

Could you not if you’re the principal. Can you make your own rules?

[@writerducky2589]

Invisible? Check. Feeling awkward? Check. Enormous need for privacy? Double check. Telling random facts that may or may not be wanted? Also check. Random story time: As a kid I tried pretty much every single day for years - in particular when I got home from school - to sneak up on my mom so I could scare her, because she was never scared or startled by anything. At all! The result? I still say 'boo' instead of 'hi' when I enter my parents' place, and I make people want to put a bell around my neck. As for my mom, I only startled her maybe once or twice, and it was barely more than a twitch of the eye😅

[@gigglesmcdounut723]

Lol!! This reminds me of my brother. He would always try and sneak up on me and I would always catch him. He would always be surprised and ask how I knew he was there. It was either I saw his reflection or heard a slight sound.

[@MALIA74897]

Omgg I'm always trying to scare people

[@mikhailbotnovik1594]

I prefer chilling with chinese people because: 1. Can't understand them. They be talking in chinese while I can use the excuse of, I can't speak chinese. 2. I can go invisible and go in my phone without fear. I live in malaysia, and I'm indian. Yeah I kinda don't vibe with tamil speakers cause I feel like I need to engage. Which I don't want to do.

[@kandisb1046]

@@mikhailbotnovik1594lmaooo

[@edenglesener3626]

2 thoughts from me, a 5. 1.) I know people want us to engage, but I won't feel safe enough to engage until I am certain you understand that I have no obligation to engage. 2.) I can get to the "top of the hill" when I am confident all of my information is accurate. My worst fear is forgetting the knowledge/facts I learned and then spreading falsely re-assuring facts to others (thus blindsiding them). But when I have ways to validate that the majority of what I'm saying is accurate (quizzes, degrees, certifications, results), I begin to no longer be afraid of losing my energy, space, and time to others. I can freely and generously share my knowledge, but even more my life/heart/emotions.

[@Mayaspiral]

hello, i don't think 5's need to be more sociable and go against their nature. I think being an introvert is fine and focusing on yourself and your skills is what introverts are good at. Much of art and science comes from introverts who spend focused time alone on their craft, or in their mind. As a 5 who tried being social because of societal pressures (but sucked at it) I regret not spending more time on my strengths which is my passion for painting and science. I hope as a father you let your son be himself and have his alone introverted time, you won't regret it. I know my father oftened pressured me to be more social, active and popular, when all I wanted to be was to be in my books. It really hurt our relationship and my self image and I could never be the charming socialite. Let dreamers be dreamers. Just some perspective from a 5.

[@kr4119]

Couldn't have said it better myself! Introverts don't need to be "fixed," extroverts need to learn to mind their own business!

[@Mayaspiral]

@@kr4119 Yup. I look at some of the things our parents discouraged us from doing like video games and now I see adults our age doing it proffesionally. Parents really need to let their kids find themselves, not mold them into what they think they should be.

[@julesl4525]

Too much pressure to go against your nature can result in an F5 tornado. They usually have no more suggestions or advice after that.

[@ceebd8554]

I am an introverted 2.. my 5 boyfriend might say informally, or in gest, "I guess I can see you a week from Monday"; he is retired, and combined with my shame, I make up he doesn't care for me. ***I learned, if I ask for what I need, he is almost always able and happy to be with me!*** When were together, we enjoy each other so much! We're both growing, helps a lot.

[@Ktsjdu5xi6e86r9]

I'm a 6w5 and I can see the merit of what you're saying but also Tom's POV. When I throw myself into my interests, I will often neglect self care and relationships. I can't tell you how often I've woken up, started playing music, and suddenly it's dark out and I haven't eaten all day or showered. I think what Tom is saying is that at their best, 5's absolutely delve into their interests but also don't neglect themselves or relationships to an unhealthy extent. I also struggle with the concept that I'm a worthwhile person even if I'm not as good as I feel I should be at my special interests. that's a hard one for sure.

[@gigglesmcdounut723]

This is my brother 100%. He's one of the funniest people I know and we always joke around and laugh when he is doing well. He's an unhealthy 5 most of the time,but I can't blame him because our childhood wasn't very good.

[@Irish_dairy_cow]

What's really tough as a 5, is when I try to connect with people, and they shut me out by refusing to respond or acknowledge me in any way.

[@Irish_dairy_cow]

As a follow-up, maybe it's not exclusive to Enneagram, because I could be a 4 or 8. Maybe it's just the challenge of trying to get along with people who don't want to give you any respect.

[@pastormarksouter]

Thank you, this is insightful. I am a 5 and a pastor on one hand the most important aspect of my call is people but I find myself consistently diving into theology books. Sermon prep is awesome. Delivery is nerve racking/

[@frankcurtis9634]

I have felt continually attacked ever since I learned of Enneagram and the fact that I'm a 5. Like damn how did I get here?

[@BenDowney]

No number on the enneagram should feel attacked more than any either. When you know a little about each number you find out that each number has both strengths and weaknesses and no number is worse than any other. Our society does seem to value extraverts over introverts though which is dumb.

[@Menaboucher]

I think every number feels like that. I’m a 2 and we sound miserable when you hear about us. 😆

[@ragtimegals]

Yeah exactly lmao. I can't listen to these youtubers who have no idea what they're talking about and apparently no understanding of human tendencies and/or archetypes. If I want to learn about enneagram, I'm just sticking to reading things written by people who actually have some grasp on human psychology. But like, I just want to say, that just because someone is academically focused or enjoys intellectual stimuli, doesn't mean that we are autistic schizophrenic sociopaths.

[@tracyreadytv]

You were born there. And it's OK. I'm a 4 and at first I felt VERY VERY ATTACKED. But as I learned more, I feel quite liberated and understood. Keep exploring

[@tracyreadytv]

@@Menaboucher 😂😂😂right. Enneagram is to expose opportunities to grow

[@938quilt]

I admit to opening up the dump truck LOL

[@twlahue]

Great.

[@Peter_H_Art]

I was laughing uncontrollably at this part. So true it hurts...

[@junkyardsanta8814]

Same. I also tend to retreat into puns and word play

[@candicechristiason]

So I freshly discovered I was a 5, after being labeled a 1 for so long because I do speak up and act on what I believe is right. I loved that he pointed out healthy 5s have already thought it out before they act-so true. As a mature Christian, I want all the information I can gather from the Bible, I want to seek Jesus in prayer and hear His heart for things, and then confirm that knowledge with godly counsel. That’s such a gift in my mindset to want to discover, investigate the heart of God before moving forward, and ensure it aligns with the part of The Church He has placed me. That makes me extremely intentional and wise, just my opinion. Haha 😂 But one thing I don’t agree with as a 5 is that we are disengaged, “on the couch, ignoring the fun.” Am I selective in where I spend my time/energy, yes, but if I’ve given my yes to be with you, I’m ALL IN, totally engaged. This is apart of my “gathering information” process, I want to know you and hear what you have to say... but I do struggle with “small talk.” Am I totally beat by the time I go back home for rest, yes. Lol, but it’s 100% worth it to know others. That being said, if I don’t know you, or I don’t feel a Holy Prompting to share my inner thoughts / heart with you, I could see where I could potentially been seen as “cold.” Not everyone deserves full access to me-guard your heart is apart of Godly, healthy boundaries. Anywho, go 5’s, be Y O U, purposefully, wonderfully made! 💪🏻💪🏻💕

[@mismiserables]

You're supposed to send people 'thank you' cards? lol I didn't even know that

[@husnananana]

Thank you, when you said that the world wants to know us, just for us, that was really moving.

[@jorze79]

As i was basking in the sun today by the sea, and there were even people around me, this thought occurred to me and made me laugh: "If you are not careful you might end up enjoying life"

[@maddiebro5596]

This resonates with me on a scary level. Everything you said, I have felt. Even the scenarios are spot on. Great video!!

[@peterspilltheteaparker4109]

For second I thought “now you sound like my dad” and then you said “as a Christian pastor” and I busted out laughing. 😂 cause my dad is a pastor.

[@victoriaque601]

A lot of the time, I don’t think I’m being awkward. What I mean by this is, I always feel awkward in social situations (especially one on one) so while the other person may go from having a great time to feeling momentarily awkward while speaking to me, I feel pretty much the same. Also, for me specifically, our interaction may or may not feel awkward to you but I *promise* you it would be worse if I actually spoke more often. I try to soften my awkwardness by not speaking, I like silence so it’s ok to me.

[@twlahue]

A lot of people will do/say anything to avoid silence. I am pretty sure most 7's would rather talk about anything than to endure silence. Funny stuff.

[@morsillom12]

OOF, attacked.

[@CeresOutpost]

This whole thing is just blowing my mind. My wife took one of these tests at work today, and said it nailed her (type 1). I read the description and it was shockingly accurate. I took the test myself and landed on 5. Here I am reading and watching videos about this, listening to Dr LaHue explain who I am almost exactly when it comes to interacting with other people. I'm a very self-reflecting person these days and I've made a lot of positive changes in recent years, but I've been avoiding some of the things I'm getting smacked in the face with by #5! hahaha Onward!

[@nikkijp4120]

I just realized that I was a healthy 5 but then quarantine began and I thought about some things and actually summed it all up into the idea that my behavior was unhealthy so I practiced being more detached with other people👁️👄👁️🤦 Thank God for making me discover this vid...

[@anglophone412]

Yes I had the same experience. However a big help for me has been attending a non virtual church and turning my passion (history) into something productive (video content).

[@Hollowsmith]

The quote that nailed it was, "5's isolate themselves away from the world while wanting to remain engaged in it from a safe vantage point." BINGO. 5's aren't "anti social". 5's just want an extreme amount of control over HOW THEY SHOW UP within a social context. ESPECIALLY 5w4's. 5w4's want how they show up in a social context to be EXTREMELY "manicured", meaning they like their reputation to precede them. Here's an example... A 5w4 would feel very comfortable showing up at an art gallery of their own work, and conversing all night (quite well!) with attendees where they can explain in detail their work, from a point of the attendees recognizing and respecting their mastery within their domain. Also, note in that environment, the community selected for is already "people into stuff they're good at". But what they DON'T like to do, is to show up in a situation there's tons of random people interacting and nobody knows or respects who they are or what their capacities are. The reason is because 5w4's are masters of NUANCE. Masters of detail and specificity. The more an interaction gives them the chance to illustrate their depth intellectually and artistically, the more they welcome it. But the more frenetic and beyond their control the rules of social engagement are in an interaction, the more they retreat. This is a double-edged sword. 5w4's combine two AWESOME traits both at high levels: #1- high level IQ, and #2- high level EQ. They have strong intellects and strong access to their emotions and therefore also can be amazing artists. BUT...because of how intensely intelligence and creativity and imagination are all colliding in their minds, they can be self-absorbed. Not so much "narcissistic" (which is more of an 8 tendency), but rather "Only interested in how the world around them does or doesn't expand their incoming agenda or provide outlet for their incoming body of knowledge." It's less "I'm better than you", and more "I'm not interested in you. I'm only interested in how much interacting with you enables my interests or talking about my interests." HOWEVER, one cool exception with the selfish interactional style of a 5w4 is they often make GREAT counselors. And the reason why, is one of the "interests" of a 5w4 is often "analyzing and diagnosing human behavior". They love observation, not so much because they care about the person they're analzying, but rather as an intellectual pattern-seeking exercise. The reason this works so well in the context of counseling, is they can keep their mind tracking the causes of human behavior before them without being too emotionally traumatized by all the crying and gnarly vulnerability. Almost like a scientist of the mind. Also, it works well because 5w4's are EXCELLENT "dyadic communicators", meaning one-on-one, they are EXTREMELY engaging, and can even be charming, very humorous, and EVEN emotionally supportive. All because the sphere of interaction is SMALL ENOUGH that they have CONTROL over it, like they do with their innerworld. In short, 5w4's are masterful contributors to society when you give them TOTAL CONTROL over a realm where nobody and nothing is intruding on the stillness of it all. But the violence of many inputs they can't control all interacting on them (ie a regular group interaction) is when they retreat and become a wallflower. In essence, they're "leaders", but what they want to "lead" is themselves and that which they see as pertinent to their representation of themselves, rather than leading other people.

[@user-he4lj5wl7w]

This comment is amazing. It rings very true to my experience. Thank you for putting it into words.

[@be-_-a._.nerd-_]

Excellent analysis It's very relatable

[@Thelittleclipstore]

I’m 5w4 ,When I’m between people , I make sure to be somewhat alert .if someone does approach me I respond and act nice but that’s very exhausting for me so if it gets to much and I know I will tune out I won’t even bother to sit between people I’d rather sit in my room alone so I don’t come across as mean or uninterested In people .also usually I’m not interested only when it’s just small talk , if someone really wants to get to know me on deep level and hear what I have to say I get excited ,But that’s rare

[@twlahue]

Blessings

[@bi0lizard1]

I’m exactly the same way. I completely understand what you are saying.

[@Strawberrymatcha10]

As I 5 I prefer to be not engaged with others (especially when meeting new people or at social events) because I fear that people will latch onto me and try to get me to open up. I fear that people will want too much from me and leave me depleted. Maybe I will try being less ridged. Maaaaaybe.

[@Gman0440-Gamer]

large social settings are hard for most 5s, I would much rather sit with someone for 30 minutes and get to know them than go to, say a homecoming game and jump around in a lot of small talk conversations.

[@cjsa7174]

Great video, and as a 5, I can say that this resonated 100%. No one in my family is a 5, and none of my friends are fives. I can say I been a both extremes, and in my 40s I’ve gotten to really know myself. Now, I believe I’m able to strike a pretty good balance...most of the time. But yeah, when I’m stressed, it’s like I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing!! The struggle is real.

[@jennbetween8842]

This video got me teary. I need you as a therapist!

[@almam.6880]

1-"everybody else is interacting, talking laughing " That's because its fun for them to do so. 2-"They are having good time" Well, I also have a good time reading information om my phone while others are having good time talking and laughing. 3- If I can choose a superpower, it would be invisibility, true. 4- I do awkward people out of my way, it's kinda fun sometimes. But it's not true that they would be trying to connect though, unless you consider small talking the shit out of someone in order to fill a void inside your soul or because silence scares the shit out of you connecting, then it's another topic. 5-"Share that information at the right time, in the right place with the right people" yeah... good luck finding that holy triangle . 6-"unreachable" you keep saying that, but I'm not sure unreachable to what or to whom? how would an observer not see that.. I haven't seen that/them. 7- is this comment written in the right time,place and to the right people? it's really hard to tell even for an infj like myself. 8- am I being open and engaging or just adopting some annoying 7 behavior? 9- I don't like the "healthy" "unhealthy" wording. 10-"we love it when you visit this place, we want to get to know you" well, both of us know that's not true. "we" is a big stretch. Don't you think that an observer would be able to tell if someone wants to get know them or not? people are curious about what they perceive as mysterious. Wanting to get know someone and being curious about them are totally different things. 11- "God put you on this Earth to be more than..." "God wants you to be a player" ... well, God seems to be a 7, doesn't he? I would tell God that I don't particularly appreciate his game designing skills . 12-"life is about relationships" No one knows what life is about. 13- Tree and fruit and eating from that is not the best association. Isn't that where all the shit started?

[@twlahue]

Wow, deep and insightful response. Thanks.

[@federicoi.weinhold1749]

Amen... and I am not a believer.

[@almam.6880]

@@federicoi.weinhold1749 Thank you for taking the time :D

[@almam.6880]

@@twlahue I think if 7's stop saying things, that they think other want to hear, 5's might start saying things, just because others want/need to hear them. Both cases are very unlikely.

[@raerae2885]

4 Y-E-S! But, I’m also an INFJ.

[@simone_bw]

I can really tell you it's the really first time I fell that someone understands me. I always felt like there is something complete wrong with me

[@user-he4lj5wl7w]

Same!

[@SunnyG1111]

Thank you so much for this video. Finally, I understand myself better. This really helped me to move internally to a better place.

[@melodycharmsall5279]

so very insightful - the description and the actions/inaction of the 5 - wow - my man to a T - usually he floats socially, always observing, joking when happy, otherwise noticing and avoiding trouble , avoiding engaging unless the contact is going to be rewarding Everyone asking me is he okay? or where did he go, when he disappears if he's bored or challenged

[@imagoblin4802]

something that has helped me with social situations is the KZbin channel charisma on command. it helps you analyze everyday interactions and make you seem less awkward.

[@ladypolf]

I came here for information and left with conviction. Letting others in because they deserve to get to know me and because truly living means truly engaging. Wow, that is such a word.

[@sheis.2708]

I am almost in tears at how accurately he just described me. He knows me better than I know myself lol.

[@Bioniking]

I'm a 23M and a 5. I've run the gamut of stress/health levels, although I've never reached the outhouse, and maybe have skirted the orchards. The important thing to remember is that when fully integrated as an 8, this feeling of openness and engagement feels natural and exhilarating. That's the dream, because god knows I don't want to be alone forever. The trick is finding a heathy balance being engaged with the world and people, and retreating to recharge. That's the constant struggle, the need to be alone and reading wiki articles in topics that interest me, and to connect with people. My deepest need is intimacy, unconditional acceptance, and that I am competent in the game of life and relationships. I'm determined to become my best self, the trick is to not get stuck in analysis paralysis (which happened to me when I was super obsessed with self improvement), be self-aware, self-loving, and embrace both my heart and mind, not just my mind.

[@ChristTheTruth87]

Amen brother im a 19m 5

[@morsillom12]

I talk in formalities and facts, and I'm def that person at the party (or playing with the pets of the house)

[@curiositystoryer]

This video describes my whole 2020 life experience. As someone else said, visiting the outhouse, but more so the hill, often made me question if I'm being a fraud because I can't stay there. Now I can properly categorize those moments and feelings. Like a true 5! I've also been considering how to evolve time blocking better in my life. Another KZbinr (definitely not a 5) talks about meeting up with friends or whoever only during this one 3-hour block in her day. And not at the end of the day. I think that already makes me feel less anxious and in control of how much time I want to give someone. Because it is exhausting.This mindset gives it structure and boundaries. Finally, I do really wish the comparisons of 5's wouldn't be isolated to such mundane interests as bugs or dinosaurs. It's stereotypical and doesn't paint a broad enough picture inclusive of all 5's. Some of us are sought for the information we hoard because it's actually very interesting.

[@yanismartinel4043]

I got emotional a little because it was all true, and your little metaphors there were effective, I feel as though they're ingraned in my mind now which is lovely, cause they will surely find their use in the future. And it made me further realise that i've gotten into a place in my life where these shifts need to happen. Thank you for that

[@Jacob-mg7qh]

Ok guy, it felt like you were talking directly to me. And when you told me you were a pastor I was not one bit surprised. Thankyou sir.

[@adamwaterman1229]

"And it may be intentional... 5s may awkward you right out of the room.." hahahaha facts

[@adeliaforsteri3683]

can u make a comparison between type 5 and 9? i feel like they have a lot of similarities: not wanting to deal with the real world, withdrawn to their inner safe space, detachment, feeling intruded, dont want to be disturbed, not liking emotional conflict, procrastination, invisibility etc?

[@ltyson6744]

This was encouraging! Thanks. Westmister catechism says man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The question is, how do 5s ' "enjoy" him? I'm pretty sure it's by appreciating His creation-- that is, by studying, and then engaging with it, as hard as it is to do!

[@twlahue]

I think you are correct.

[@drsheev7413]

As a type 5 and Christian, I completely agree.

[@tammymccaslin4787]

I agree. I’ve always been a scientist and I’ve never seen a conflict between Christianity and science. Other than the conflicts people have created themselves. I worship God by studying his work in nature and the more I learn, the more I’m amazed.

[@Sbannmarie]

I so wish you had adults as female /women examples that are 5.. I notice you give alot of examples that seem like 5 teenage boys would seek

[@waxhero8878]

"they send me a card, that's cool, whatever!" YES! That's exactly what I think and I absolutely don't mean it negative in any way. 😄 5w4 very strong w4 Have a good day all, much 💚 from Ireland

[@latteARCH]

I find here some similarities with 9's conflicts. Though I guess 9's seem to be a lot more personable with aversion and 5's are much better at just pushing conflict away or doing something about it. I originally thought I was a 9 but your description of 5 going to 8 resonates A LOT with me instead of 9 going to 3. I figured out that the 9-ness that I feel only happens around certain triggers/people in my life, but outside of that environment I'm incredibly assertive, confident, and idk... powerful. I never felt like I needed to be an achiever, but I do feel like I need to be a challenger of things.

[@invadertifxiii]

When I'm stressed I clean a lot more than necessary. I've always withdrawn into the fantasy world of tv and movies

[@wtm5907]

I so appreciate your videos. You bring it to an everyday practical level. I wonder if the word for "Greed" or "Avarice" or "Stinginess" might be "Withholding"? The 5s in my life are such beautiful people, I feel that "withholding" has a less negative connotation that might be more accurate to what they're feeling?

[@samanthaneidholt9560]

I am a 2 in a relationship with the most amazing 5 ever. I love this video. Thanks for posting! I love getting to know him without being intrusive. I am going to try and show him this video. He may not watch it because it's from the outside world.

[@Zevven]

@@عبدالرشيدابنحسن 5s DO need that love 2s are exuding.

[@maxmercor5772]

Being a Type 5 growing up in a culture in which generosity is important, I've felt uncomfortable with my true feelings when giving away stuff. However this guilt can result in these feelings being put away in the shadow, affecting your life unconsciously. There are times where this shadow is full on projecting onto other people, moving personal guilt onto someone else. By understanding your type and fears, you can be more aware of your shadow in situations necessary.

[@philosopher_kings]

As a 5, hearing the word warmth scares me soooooo much

[@zacharymbradleyjr]

I just learned that I'm a 5 and you are hitting all the points on the head. Great video!

[@Psycho1189]

What's funny with myself learning about all of this research into my personality type (5w4/INTJ), is that ultimately I got help by finding out I am autistic. Cool stuff really.

[@aniccadance13]

'The super power of the 5 is their in invisibility' ..Never heard anything truer than that..

[@thescapegoatmechanism8704]

Damn, I don’t feel “invisible” after watching this. I loved that you also used the word “Underground” because it reminded me of Notes from Underground. The character in that book is a classic type 5.

[@deadsoon]

You look like an anime character if that makes ya feel better

[@thescapegoatmechanism8704]

ᄂDEADSOONᄀ I get that a lot haha

[@gracev7855]

Lol. "It could be any topic they're into. Their rocks.. minerals.. insects.. astronomy.." You just listed some of my top favorite things off the bat! Though in my mind, everyone should be into those things by default.

[@AvaTara]

Immediately.... spot on... Listen to a few they were all good so far you've nailed it... 👍👍

[@INFJinxed]

Just wanted to show my appreciation for your channel! Your work is really inspiring :)

[@yurizafurizaki5574]

This is so eerily accurate!!!!!!!

[@nyxdelasoul]

I needed to hear this today. Wow. So grateful to u for sharing

[@aki_tomato_]

Whats the point of socializing like 5w4 when everyone always leaves you in the end?

[@deadsoon]

This hits close, damn.

[@risingstill486]

Ouch. I felt that. Imagine being conserved and avoiding others to be safe and the one person you choose to let in your safe house destroys you by breaking your heart. That's what it's like to be a 5×4.

[@tammymccaslin4787]

Better to be alone than hurt. I’m also a 5w4 and I’m always warring with my conflicting desires. It’s exhausting.

[@myrtila]

That’s what i was thinking about today. What’s the point of engaging in relationships (mostly romantic ones) since you’ll most probably be betrayed and hurt

[@bleh449]

@@عبدالرشيدابنحسن same

[@PsychotherapywithNichola]

I am a 5 and I approve of this message.

[@stillwatersforever4571]

I took the test yesterday and found out that I am a five and it's pretty dead-on accurate. I'm also a Virgo.

[@bi0lizard1]

I’m a 5. I’m introverted by nature. Withdrawing isn’t optional. It’s a requirement. Other people are like energy vampires and will quickly deplete me. I withdraw to charge back up. I don’t dislike other people per se. I feel I’m misunderstood in this regard. Rather I lack the ability to be around most them for long periods of time. Plus I eventually run out of ‘information’ to share. This information I have is what I use to attempt to connect with others. Recharging in solitude and retreating into my mind is mandatory.

[@julesl4525]

Absolutely essential to cope.

[@c4yrr696]

Dang I’m such a five

[@Ineverwantedahandle]

you are a genius. described me to a T. I call my disappearance from life, HERMITTING. I do feel bad for my friends but it's just part of being in my life. and that is that.

[@dragonofdolittle1332]

Thanks for a great video. Glad to know there are others like me!! 😬😐

[@risingstill486]

Imagine being a 5x4 who is an observer from their safe house but wants to experience human interaction so they choose to trust one person. That person that is let into the safe house destroys you by breaking your heart. This confirms your observation of human behavior and the fact that no one is safe. People will hurt and leave you and should be avoided.

[@julesl4525]

Thankfully, the silver lining is that we don't have a problem being alone with ourselves. I swear there are people out there who would do just about anything to never be left alone...ever.

[@ebrown210]

When you said no one cares about the difference between beetles and cockroaches... but why?

[@Aman-jo5rm]

well I am ENTP 5w4 584 ( tri-type) , with my 8 much more stronger than my 4. So I tend to be more social and outspoken than other 5 types, but mannn my batteries too get discharged after some time when I am at the 8 orchid and I need to return to my 5 cabin. It seems so comical to me, that with a such a strong 8 and being an ENTP, I can bulldoze over even heavy extroverts, but this doesn't last long, I need to retreat after some time to my 5 cabin. I burn bright but I burn fast. Enjoy it till it lasts.

[@sonyagirodon9510]

Yes, but when I want to be a player of life and a contributer, my awkwardness gets in the way and everything becomes terrible, and I need to shut down again, making me wonder if there is any sense in being open and contributing. It feels as though I am living on the wrong planet.

[@laurasusanne3558]

A group of people is called a no thanks.

[@thedot66]

LOL!

[@sparklebymelanie3088]

I'm a 5 who loves solving things (puzzles and (I watch SHERLOCK, and I'd always try to figure it out before him LOL) but I also jump into things when I'm bored then the battery gets depleted...and I want to finish what I start but can't.

[@twlahue]

Great insight.

[@user-ib6fy8xe3y]

@Sparkle by Melanie. It may be a bit random - Would you recommend some shows that you found interesting to watch ? I'm usually not so indecisive but these days I quit watching some shows that I don't find interesting, per say, not to my preferences.

[@leahmiller128]

Thank you so much for your insights ! You are very gifted in your understanding! Bless you for sharing all of this with us 💕

[@a.h.i267]

Im a 5 and I just feel like, I don't know when to engage and when to be alone. I don't know when to get over an emotional slump and being alone in recovery to being back out in the world engaging with others. its all so overwhelming I just chose to stay alone most of the time as a result

[@lightningbones1092]

when he said a 5 could awkward you right out of the room, I was like, oh yea baby, ya dam right I can.

[@chrisw9122]

Looking at outside world from observation tower (shakes head in disgust): This is all wrong. You all are crazy. (Person knocks on door) Lemme alone. I am Youtubing asbestos in the Victorian era. #5forlife When you mentioned about cards I chuckled. I just received a wedding invite. It is just sitting on my desk unopened 😂

[@228Fran]

Lol I literally researched asbestos and arsenic in the Victorian era two days ago

[@jbvibrations]

Hella relate. I go down rabbit holes for breakfast .. and lunch .. and dinner -_- leave me tf alone and let me be !

[@keocarrillo4648]

Lol..still got wedding invites since 1990.."hm?,..someone got married"..yes,I'm a 5 as well

[@belladonna2418]

The world is an intrusive place. Spot on.

[@macoeur1122]

Everything you said up to 3:49...Yes...very clear and very true...and yes, it is kind humorous, but still true!

[@michaelwinkler7841]

Yes i absolutely want to be engaged in the world and i love it when i do. My only boundary is when anyone starts to do the comparing and who‘s the boss game. I challenge anyone to drop this and see each other as co-creaters, not competitors. If you need to bring this shit, you see me disengage and engage someone else ;)

[@edenglesener3626]

Ya literally almost lost me when you said "Opening and engaging" (around 23:00), I flipped my laptop out of my face and turned it to the wall. In my head, I was like, "Okay this guy is knowledgable about me on a very deep level, I feel seen, heard, and WTF...Okay, No knowledge is worth that. I'm done." Thank goodness you called out "I probably lost a lot of you guys." lol

[@julesl4525]

After listening to much about enneagrams, it seems to me that if each personality type hypothetically attains a healthy status, we would all essentially be alike because it's everyone trying to modify their innate self to the same kind of self.

[@moblackmon4989]

Thank you. Dr. LaHue! This is very helpful. You mentioned the possibility of connecting with you via video call of some sort. My husband is interested. How might we set that up?

[@Gman0440-Gamer]

I agree with a lot of what you said, but I do disagree with the claim that we intentionally make things awkward. Im a freshman right now, and I would really like to connect with other people and engage in small talk, but it's hard to talk to people for 30 seconds and give value to that conversation. You saying that 5's can make things really awkward really hits close to home-since my hobbies are very exclusive and jargon excessive--philosophy,debate, and finance lol. So I seem to be screwed in the small talk department. And since us 5's operate so much in our heads we create a facade that we actually have a lot of emotions and artificially portray fake emotions to others to be "socially accepted" But for the most part, your video was spot on

[@h.smeenk1273]

Im glad im an INFJ 5, because at least i know the social norms.

[@plsbenice4600]

Saaame

[@Demerarachica]

Sigh... everything was resonating for me, even the cabin and orchard analogies until 27:43: "The problem is your kids need you to be more than a spectator, they need you to be engaged" I have no kids... this assumption doesn't apply "Your wife or your husband..." I'm unmarried... again, this assumption doesn't apply "Your coworkers" I'm long-term unemployed (after two Category 5 hurricanes and a pandemic, resorting to changing careers and having an internship truncated by a COVID spike...) I'll continue listening to the end and take whatever is useful, but those references just sent me right back into Cabin 5 personally. Honestly, there needs to be more reason to be engaged in life than simply 'other people', because as the video mentioned early on, 5s feel safe when they have control, and having kids, a spouse or a job isn't always within your control, simply put. Neither does it seem healthy to be controlling others...

[@cailinh711]

Everything said in this video exactly encapsulates my essence

[@medusagorgon9]

Invisibility is definitely a power of the 5. I have sat in a room full of my family or coworkers and it will suddenly dawn on them that I've been sitting there the entire time listening and watching. It's like watching a play. But if I don't want you in my space, or have no present use for you, I make very little effort. So I'm sure people think I am boring and rude.💁🏽‍♀️

[@lindareubens5174]

This is a very interesting, useful and informative video. Thanks for sharing. It describes the way I’m feeling and living…in an outhouse. I also have to add that I don’t know how to apply this to my life. I had a terrible childhood with an alcoholic father and bipolar mother and I am the 6 child of 7. I don’t remember most of my childhood because I was living in my head. I eventually had a few friends by my graduation. We drifted apart. I got married, had 4 sons, had hobbies, traveled, had a part time job in a library and my coworkers felt like family. I was living a wonderful happy life. Then my second oldest son died in his sleep of a sca. In a nutshell I unknowingly have a rare genetic heart disease that I passed on to my 4 sons. One dead, 2 with defibrillators and one at risk because he didn’t meet guidelines. I was interviewed by SADS and the video is on KZbin. I believe I have ptsd. I have lived my life not expressing many emotions because of my childhood circumstances. The trauma and grief, fear, anger and sadness have opened up a floodgate. Every single person in my family and friends that I thought I had abandoned me because they were uncomfortable with my grief and sadness that I am not able to hide. I’ve read and watched videos on grief, childhood trauma, generational trauma, the grieving Brain took personality tests and found that I am an INFP and also an enneagram 5w4. I quit my job because of the anxiety. My therapist told me that I am as good as I’m going to get. So basically I’m just living in the outhouse since November 2020. I never feel lonely. I have been told to stay busy and I start things, get distracted and abandon them to start something else and before I know it I’m overwhelmed. My husband makes me leave the house occasionally and I’m exhausted afterwards. I don’t know how to fix this outhouse life.

[@Mystery-Spot]

I’m a five who tries really hard to not be a five apparently. I have always felt like something was wrong with me.

[@commonsenseneedtobepractic1861]

Wow me too.

[@Jay-el9iz]

I just realized that today. I was in denial and mistyped as a 4.

[@darthlaurel]

The older I get, the more five I embrace and become. I don't care if people don't like it. I've tried to accommodate my whole life and I'm about out of sh*ts to give.

[@marijanam2843]

Great video. Ive done the test and scored high on being 6, 6w5 and as well 5 with 5w6. How do I recognize which one I belong to more? I watched your videos on numbers and wings and it’s very informative. I recognize myself in a lot of what was being said about 6 - being led by anxiety, seeking loyalty but also being suspicious of trustworthiness of other people. Always at the lookout for threats. Yet I believe I value independence and my inner world more than typical 6. I’m not as obsessed of being part of group or community or following each rules and traditions blindly but I’m not type to rebel about it and i usually adjust to it for the sake of security. Security is VERY important to me but so is my autonomy and having a sense of freedom. I have a tendency to disconnect a lot, I like my privacy and don’t like people to intrude it too much.

[@twlahue]

Hey there! Your mix of 6, 5, and a touch of rebel sounds interesting! Take your time to explore and see which type aligns most with your inner self. Keep delving into the Enneagram world and enjoy the journey of self-discovery!

[@marijanam2843]

@@twlahue Thanks! Your videos helps a lot with a complex self discovery. I feel like mix of contradictions but watching videos on certain wings it makes sense