Unbound: Is There A Right Attitude When Leaving A Narcissist?

[@BaraSchmidt]

We want to give and receive love in healthy ways. They do not. We want to help and connect deeply. They do not. And the cycle continues. We know this isn't right for us. They don't care. When we can reconcile this, our attitude changes. They do not. That is when we make our move to healthier pastures. They stay where, as they are. Wherever we go, we know we will... ...Stay Healthy!!

[@nonnazolli]

Years ago when I said run away, I was told to "dance away" instead. That felt so much better on so many levels. Thank you Dr. Carter, thumbs up for the new series.

[@fred.k9875]

It’s hard to leave and harder not to leave.

[@caramelfrappuccino234]

Absolutely

[@lorrainebuono8824]

The right attitude when leaving a narcissist is to “ trust that they suck”. You can’t change these ppl and their toxicity will continue to do you damage is you stay in their sphere of influence. Right attitude is you have 100% made the right decision, heal and move on. No contact is essential.

[@Duke2363]

It took me years to figure out what was going on with my older 59 year old brother. When I first started looking into Narcissism and malignancy as well tied to it, it was an instant lightbulb moment. "Omg! This is him!" He in fact has everything rolled into one like a malignant soup! I dropped him 2 years ago. He's dead to me now. It's so much better for my mental health. The walking on eggshells and all that other uncomfortable crap is finally over!

[@creativeplane1]

Yes, there is. Pat yourself on the back for building your emotional boundaries.

[@Hatbox948]

I'd say the attitude should be "RUN"!! 🏃‍♂️

[@sage9836]

Yes. I did a speed walk - literally physically zoomed.

[@ej301786]

Leave in silence and don’t second guess YOUR decision.

[@elainesmith5313]

Weighting the out come of leaving is important. Could not see myself walking away after yrs of hard work and monies invested in home and property. He was so pitiful in the end, very sick and physically debilitated. Cancer had taken it toll on him. I am a natural caretaker, so I stayed until he died. Glad that I did, my conscience is clear now, I did all thst I could. I kept my vows, and God has blessed me. Still moving forward in N.C. Thanks Dr. C. And Gus❤

[@Whipporwhill]

❤

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

You have just described my case. Thank you so much dr Carter ❤ When pleasing you is killing me - I have to leave you.

[@felicityflask6815]

Me too...

[@Duke2363]

The right attitude in my humble opinion is to do what ya gotta do for you. If youre angry, sad, whatever, feel it, own it, go through the stages. You will heal. It takes time.

[@Cathy-d3t]

When your an empath and can tolerate tons of abuse its a long ride. But the devastation they bring will eventually be intolerable . Im in a life time of recovery and rest and repair.😢

[@Viyan48]

It's scary, I feel I'll never overcome it.

[@Cathy-d3t]

@Viyan48 Team up with God. 🙏❤️

[@elisabeththolo6456]

❤

[@kimwaite8916]

@@Viyan48 It really is like living a horror movie and watching the years pass by while being drained. So much pain. Take care !

[@yukio_saito]

No feeling guilty. Don't hesitate to leave. 🏃‍♂💨💨

[@laflaca1530]

Thank you Dr. Carter. You have been a world of help to me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@MandyFord-u9x]

Thank you Dr. Carter. You’re most knowledgeable on this topic, and listening to you has really been helpful and brought healing. 🙏🏽

[@truthheals3564]

Thank you, such a very helpful explanation of the leaving part. It took such courage to tell someone, find help (therapist, lawyer). The shame was huge, I felt like I was doing something bad. That part got a little easier. Then the loneliness, friends and family disconnecting. But then new friends lovingly showed up. The hardest has been the anger. But it actually saved me. Anger was an appropriate response to alert that the abuse needed to stop. Enough. And when an empath yells out "I'm done!", its over. Nothing left. Hoping that peace and happiness will replace anger eventually.

[@cindykaufman9806]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I needed to hear this today.

[@aaronkwolfe]

I’d sure like to know the right one. I came off angry and jaded. The anger cooled to indifference, but that applied to most everyone around me. Looking forward to hear how I could’ve done it better.

[@caroleminke6116]

Gray rock method that he teaches is best for you to stay in control of your own power 😉

[@SteelyBlue2013]

ditto. Even though I did not see one. 😊 Oh, there is something more important, my well-being. #1 because I am worth it. 😌 ✨️ ☺️

[@andreacook6000]

Yay!! I love unbound! What a great question she asked and what a wonderful insightful answer. I love how intimate the setting is that you are providing, sitting on the couch in such a relaxing way, that makes me feel relaxed as well. Thank you very much Very best to all🐾🐾🐾💛

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Andrea. My plan is to upload two of these a week, maybe more. Glad you like the format!

[@lishmahlishmah]

Dr C 💚 only one word, for this video: gratitude. Infinite gratitude. Looking forward to listen. And looking forward for all the series, to hear all the healthy perspectives, the best ways for our process of disentangling and unbinding from toxic bonds. Thank you so much!!

[@well_weathered]

Gratitude is the exact feeling! Wow, what a great direction! Unbound is going to be transformative! Thank you Dr Carter. I believe we have a duty to God and self that goes beyond being bound to another human of ill content and be accountable for ourselves. Just an idea. I could be wrong. I look forward to Unbound!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope it resonates!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed ❤

[@jpatterson829]

Thank you DrC for getting the year started off well. ❤

[@sthomas4634]

I like the more relaxed atmosphere of Unbound.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! I’ll be posting these at least 2x per week, maybe 3. Thanks for the feedback

[@kimwaite8916]

This has been SO VERY HELPFUL! This person could be me and what I have been struggling with too in a big way! Thank you for seeing the importance of this question and posting DRC. Part two of this question for me might be... I can't see without confusion on having received kindness and generosity over the years and self doubt rises on the lovebombs of generosity. After all, it isn't all completely miserable but doubted myself feeling guilty and undeserving at a certain point. While it is probably a lovebomb effort, that was the only way he seemed to know how to express his "love". Is it possible my guilt of receiving gifts and attached to the lovebombing is keeping me stuck like glue. Thank you for being here. I know staying will be the last of me after 4 past attempts to escape.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!!

[@kimwaite8916]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I am making good progress on the door to true freedom that I've never taken before in the cycle of abuse thanks to your and team healthy posts and spiritual route. Love to you and Gus.

[@AnnaMishel]

Abusers are in pain when they have nobody to abuse.

[@well_weathered]

As victims are abused when the abuser experiences pleasure.

[@rllght]

I used to constantly tell myself that 'They are hurt people, they have their own unresolved trauma. That's why they lash out from time to time and harm/ridicule/discard me. Nobody is perfect and they have their reasons, just as valid as mine!' It turned out to be the biggest obstacle that trapped me inside narcissistic relationships while I could have just been honest to myself and said, 'Screw them! Those are sadistic, evil scums and I need to get the f out asap!!!' Being compassionate to narcissists and their 'ordeal' is another sinister form of trauma bond that one can do to themselves at the expense of one's own mental and physical health in my humble opinion. JUST DON'T!

[@nomore_silentsuffering]

I'm so grateful I came upon this video. I was struggling with this exact sentiment. Thank you to the person who asked. I wish you all the strength and courage. Thank you, Dr. C for answering this question.

[@elfymcelferton2187]

Thanks so much to the person who asked these questions! You captured the conundrum nicely.

[@mikel917]

I just don’t have the ‘killer instinct’ that my narc father Inlaw obviously has. I walked away from his abusive attitude. He had a heart attack and I helped the family all I could within my boundaries. That was more than a year ago. I’m right back where I started. But my boundaries are stronger than ever. I wish every day that these boundaries were not necessary. But this person is seemingly bent on destroying me. That’s why I’m so grateful for videos like these.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

I really like the personal touch of your new Unbound videos, DrC! Nicely done! Thank you!

[@elizabethf9096]

Hi Doc I finally got my own place again it’s been 6 yrs with the narc since beginning of COVID way past due , and realized my sister is also a true red blooded narc .. it’s sad but I’m on my way to my new life ❤ty for all your videos and knowledge shared God bless you

[@nv8942]

You are a true guiding light Les Carter. You have been right there with me through thick and thin and I have benefited greatly from your guidance. Thank you for your dedication to reducing the suffering of others. Sure it has been no easy task. Much love and respect to you Sir.

[@notagain779]

My attitude: No self respecting person would endure this. As you're leaving, you can nicely just tell them that if you're still talking to them. It doesn't matter if they understand. Be prepared that they'll act like they don't get it.

[@jeankipper6954]

"It doesn't matter if they understand.". Beautiful. And it doesn't matter if they disagree. And we DID NOT CAUSE it. They did.

[@Isabelmaryj]

This is invaluable timing as I imagine leaving a toxic individual with a lot of fear on my part. I particularly like the affirmation that anger is really ok and keeping it grounded in dignity. Thanks!

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

One of the reasons it took me so long to admit to myself he was a narcissist and he would never change is because I had witnessed way too many divorces in my family, from childhood throughout my entire life, and I did NOT want to behave like I witnessed nearly all of my family members who were either narcissistic themselves or were dealing with narcissists. People get so ugly during divorce. I knew from early childhood that I did not want to behave like that. NOR did I want anyone to treat me the way both parties being witnessed were treating each other. I think that is why I hoped against hope that the narcissist I dealt with (and still do because of adult children and finances, otherwise we have no contact) I stayed for so long because I had hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with him being more of a jerk or me possibly having to make choices where people would see me as being mean to him. I know better now. Thanks to Dr. Carter and many others. I can show DRC (dignity respect and civility) regardless of how others interpret it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hey KellyJean. This is a classic case of letting your best traits work against you. Wanting to be fair, empathetic, appropriate, etc, sometimes can lead to self neglect. I love how you're grinding it out!! Happy New Year!

[@1002BlackSheep]

Thank you dr Carter. You are amazing proffesional❤ You are the only one who doesn't retraumatize me. And I can smile with you

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm so pleased for you.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Everyone and every situation is different. I'm looking forward to the video ❤

[@well_weathered]

🎯

[@MarianneCatherine]

So very true and well said! Thank you 😊 Wishing you a blessed and better New Year, Amanda!!! We can all use that one! ❤🙏♥️🥳♥️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@MarianneCatherine Same to you ❤️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@well_weathered ❤️

[@MarianneCatherine]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you ♥️🤗♥️

[@kjones4956]

Dr. C, I’ve waited for years for someone to address exactly this. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@bereal6590]

Resonates for me as well. I spent my whole life feeling bad for my mother, turns out she didn't feel that way towards me. Talk about a smack in the face.

[@sage9836]

This will be so valuable! I recently got away from a toxic person of some sort. (You know how you just see a situation going wrong in a way that is all too familiar?) But it all still left me going"???"

[@felicityflask6815]

This video is 100% personal to me. In the coming days, I am about to physically leave (or rather, move out of my house permanently) my narcissistic partner of 20 years. I am trying to contain, strengthen and maintain a righteous, fully deserved anger towards him for everything he has done to me, but above all I feel a deep sadness. This sadness does not come only from the thought of the years I wasted with him in the past, nor from the thought of the impossible "happy future" and wasted dreams with this person, but above all from a very current awareness of the present, in which I will have to consciously cause him devastating pain, as he did to me - mostly unconsciously, due to his own defect. I am glad that someone understands my dilemma and confused feelings. Thank you, doctor!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When you declare independence, sure enough he can have strong emotion, but keep in mind, if he comes unraveled, you did not cause it. He would be the same way no matter who he is attached to.

[@felicityflask6815]

@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, I know this and I repeat similar phrases to myself all the time, clearing me of responsibility for his condition, but this is not the first time we have broken up and he has had a mental breakdown afterwards and is at risk of self-harm. Maybe it's because I am a doctor by profession and have some distorted thinking, but I constantly wonder if after the breakup (which is definitely decided and already prepared), there won't be fatal dramas that I could have prevented.

[@margaretmlydon6910]

Felicity, you are not responsible for anyone's words deeds or actions, you are only responsible for your own. If he threatened self harm, direct him to relevant services, as you are not the appropriate person to call. I was told that by my counsellor.

[@aprilapril-y9f]

I really appreciate this team healthy the most!

[@laura.danisi8590]

Dr C you have helped me soooo much these last few years❤_Im still a work in progress. GOD BLESS YOU & Gus🐶

[@anautisticsguidetotheunive4109]

Indifference works for me.

[@ktbiwk]

For a while...maybe even decades...but.. "The Body Keeps the Score"- a book you should glance at sometime 👌 I compartmentalized my trauma through my mid 30s, then it surfaced as dis-ease.

[@well_weathered]

What an inspiration for this New Year! Thank you 🌹

[@lishmahlishmah]

Dr C is a true blessing !!! 🌼🌿🌼🌼🌟🌠✨✨

[@well_weathered]

@lishmahlishmah So are you. ✨️

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@well_weathered And you ! ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[@camb9064]

Dr. C, I relate so well to the empath's questions that you addressed. Thank you so much for your insightful response. Your kind and common sense approach is so helpful and comforting. I appreciate EVERYTHING you do to help survivors of narcissism heal and become whole! God bless you and your family! ♥️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you so much!

[@rwdchannel2901]

Most people like being bound because of the false sense of security it provides.

[@user-gb6jp6kj4t]

Thankyou for this channel. I have followed this for a few years and it continues to help me heal. I am 50 but ten years.ago I realised that there were some untreated abnormal behaviours in my family system. I dont think any member is a bad narcissist but there are certainly some very destructive behaviours very similar to the ones described here. This subject is now the most important one for me and as my grief subsides I would like to understand and treat everyone including myself with love and respect.

[@CarolMcDermott-l7r]

Thank you Dr Carter, your videos have really helped me understand my husband. I spent years waiting/hoping for him to return to the man I dated. I have finally realized that this is the man I married, and the man I thought he was does not exist. I am trying to exit without fanfare, and stay true to who I am, but it seems like it is taking so long. I would love to learn more about having positive discussions about relationship concerns with extremely defensive people.

[@arielalejandro6900]

This was a smart move from you Dr C to pick among all your followers the wisest questions, it helped. thanks. also thanks to the person who made the questions.

[@carolynmiller5999]

Needed this today! Thank you!

[@Hallum67]

Thank you for your work and giving us hope. Also, thank you for promoting a counseling group that takes insurance. My daughter and I are in counseling together to learn how to communicate. Thanks again.

[@roxymovie3938]

Both, the Narc and the Empath, are exactly on the opposite side of the spectrum: the Narc does not care at all about anyone than himself wheras the Empath cares too much about everyone except himself. In fact the Empath could learn from the Narc - for not feeling responsible for others. A healthy attitude for stepping away from the Narc could be, "Out of self respect I need to step away because I need to take care of myself and I owe it to myself to only feel responsible for my own feelings." When I stepped away from my Narc mother, even strangers wanted to blame me and I felt deeply emotionally attacked for I always felt responsible for her. But every time I answer these ignorant people with, "I am doing this just out of self respect!" they immediately get silent. I learnt this sentence from Dr Carter and it really helps.

[@sage9836]

@@roxymovie3938 Mentioning self respect is such a total boundary boss concept because it's firm, values based, and shows no intent to trespass. Wow. I'm going to have this one handy and see if I'm that calm and brave next time I step away. ✨

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@sage9836Yes, it is a wonderful weapon against toxic snake bites. I surprised myself at how well it works. It looked as if these people's jaws immediately dropped in amazement and awe. And yes, you are right, a boundary boss concept indeed. Try it yourself next time you need it! You do not necessarily need to be calm but you need to say it with emphasis and with a firm voice.

[@lishmahlishmah]

@Roxy Thank you very much for sharing. I'm looking for the best Italian translation of the concept. Very clear in English. Yet, not so "immediate" or "direct" if I put it literally in Italian. Anyhow, great response 🌟 ...I'm collecting a bunch of them, keeping them in original English and translating in my head. You know, a security measure, since my narcissists feel entitled to get their hands on anything, especially when I'm not there 🥴

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I've learned that boundaries are not just for other people but for ourselves to keep us safe. As you say, self respect 🙏

[@elcee7800]

@roxymovie3938 You defined the contrast perfectly, thank you! But being covertly gossiped, smeared, labeled and called selfish behind one's back for 40 yrs for no reason makes a person falsely oblivious to their own life, while genuinely interacting with others.

[@michaelfox9750]

My ex spent over a decade cajoling, guilt-tripping and manipulating me into joining her on a religious journey that started 6 years into our marriage. I never once tried to dissuade her; she was, after all, the live of my life. Although I participated to the best of my ability, I had no intention of converting. So I left--out of frustration and desperation to preserve myself. Yes, I've suffered the guilt, blame, and parental alienation. Thanks Dr. C for your help!

[@tnasir8062]

This video has helped me tremendously. Thank you! ❤

[@TraciDecker-n3z]

I have this same issue. I can be too analytical. Thank you so much for making this video! I needed to hear all of this!

[@LeTrashPanda]

I think we're taking a peek at the complexity of the TRAUMA BOND, it happened first with our parents.

[@caroleminke6116]

Parents always become our partners

[@ktbiwk]

👏 betrayal blindness= what became my strongest trait surviving the family, became my worst trait in adult relationships.

[@kristenmarie9248]

​@@ktbiwk 💡💡💡

[@overcomer1953]

TOTALLY relate to to the horrible trauma involved in this scenario. Need to keep this one on repeat while I slowly, steadily work on a way of escape Thank God for you Dr. C Thank You!!

[@bereal6590]

It is very difficult when you're a genuine compassionate and empathetic, loyal person. I cannot leave because I'm sick, however I would if I could. I've grown painfully through the grief and it upsetting that now knowing what I should have known at 21, so late in life and now being trapped a few doors away from my toxic parents. Still I wouldn't change knowing over not knowing, I just cannot move away. Most people can't for a huge variety of reasons yet all the comments here say to leave.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Hi. I didn't leave either. I think there are a few of us.

[@lishmahlishmah]

I don't know if my previous post is visible. I received the notification of Rachel's comment, so my comment somehow is there..but I don',t know if people can read it 🤔 I'd like to send another one related to my first comment... and I don't know....

[@bereal6590]

@@Rachel-mz8ko many of us I reckon ✌️

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

@@lishmahlishmah I couldn't find either one, yours or mine.

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@Rachel-mz8ko Thank you very much for your reply. Now I'll try to send 2 comments of mine... Hope one or the other will be visible... 🙂

[@janinerudkins]

Dr. Carter, thank you for all you do!! God bless you and your beautiful family! You have been an amazing blessing to so so many many lives!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you so much!

[@walkingwithAbraham]

This was a heaven sent video for me. Thank you to you and the questioner

[@michellepurcell8703]

Taking the comfy sofa 🛋️ Dr C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah...a new style with the Unbound series. I plan on doing the "Unbound" format twice a week.

[@Teacher369]

Love it! 😍

[@aliceroberts1980]

I feel the same way I go back and forth between feeling sorry for him and being angry after 39 years of abuse but I’m sick and I don’t want to send the last days of my life with this person that doesn’t care about the fact that I’m ill he has this twisted sick attitude that I’m just acting sick to get attention. I very sick them self . He screams at me and my heart races I feel he’s trying to kill me I have heart failure. I financially can’t afford to leave but he just got himself fired at Christmas from a 40 year old job it was a good job and we lost our health insurance which I need and so does my daughter. He got fired on purpose I said to my daughter he trying to get fired !! And he did he didn’t care about us at all I’m done he a horrible human being and every time I feel sorry for him I remind myself what he is just done to us and he didn’t even care.

[@reneeugrin7037]

Thank you Dr. Carter, this is just the video I needed to see. It's the narc that won't leave , now he has early dementia, can't or won't understand that I want to rebuild my life. I feel very much the same as the empath who wrote the question. The authorities could only make him move out of the house and into an out building, where his is stuck like a tick. Thank you for sharing your insight and encouragement.

[@Ann-xr2lm]

I identified with the writer. Your advice was very valuable to me. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

[@desormais22]

Love this new series!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased!!

[@lishmahlishmah]

Dr C 💌 Thank you. A lot of gems. I'll write just one. For me and for all the survivors of the same "group". You have highlighted a point that I have only come to realize in the last few months. Generally speaking, in one way or another, people tend to think "if your abusers really did what you say they did, most probably you would have already run away years ago. Hence, they did not what you say, and moreover you didn't suffer seriously "enough" ". My reply (inside of me) is, the devastation was (and in certain fields still is) something difficult to describe and difficult to believe for normal people. So many facts that I didn't tell anyone, even under anonymous nicknames. Plus, I was realizing that many survivors (empaths!) don't understand entirely my "position", either. Dr C, you have given me a crucial validation, -> most probably I'm in the super-empath group. Thank Heaven, not so "super" I think, because I can feel what the "right anger" is, even if I tend to blame myself for that too ...(working on it) . [For the record. A few weeks before finding about the personality disorders... I even had some episodes of (verbal) reactive abuse, and also had some episodes a few months after that lifesaving discovery. Now, right now, I can understand that that reactivity of mine can give a "degree" of the abusers behavior. Meaning, ...if I have fallen to that point, as a "super empath"... maybe people like dr C can understand what I went through, the intensity of the abuse. Not physical in my case. However, all the rest they did was 100% violation of human rights, for sure. Influencing the physical, sort of indirectly, yet heavy way. Hidden behind a wonderful facade ]

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Lishmah...I so appreciate how you are working it out. Keep believing in yourself, and know that I'm pleased to be on the path with you!!!

[@lishmahlishmah]

Dr C, you are a true blessing to me 💚🌿 Happy Epiphany celebration and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones 🌼✨🌠

[@davidfox1726]

Hardest thing to do is divorce after 40 years. However like living with a powder keg, I could do so no longer. It’s caused family alienation and toxicity that was beyond the pale.

[@caroleminke6116]

Best wishes for your peace of mind now ☮️

[@susanray7768]

Thank you so very much for putting this video together this was perfect timing for me whoever that individual is -I feel like her twin. Again thank you very very much ❤

[@arianab.99]

ln 2025 I highly recommend everyone read Your Life Your Game by Keezano. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and building meaningful relationships can lead to spiritual growth and success in both your personal and professional life. This book truly changed my life..a must-read. God bless

[@irisscot101]

❤ Thank you, that is really helpful. A really good start for 2025, DRC.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@irisscot101]

@SurvivingNarcissism Really is helpful. Happy New Year Dr C. Thank you.

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, Yes the evil threats they make when you expose them and speak truth, Speaks volumes, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and all, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smile's to the most high :-) :-) :-) Smile for miles :-)

[@SirenaSpades]

CBT therapy builds your confidence and boundaries up. It's not accurate to say it's your "empathetic self" or that it's because you're an "empath" that you have a hard time leaving. It's lack of support and lack of personal boundaries. Personal finances can be an issue (if you need to find a new place to live or divorce, or if you don't have a job), and so can having your own hobbies and interests.

[@Terry-cg7kt]

I keep praying for my ex. God has the answers for them that I did not...which was constantly driven home by the ex's criticisms of me....which now I'm grateful for. So when I feel guilty for abandoning them in their endless need, I remember how ineffective I was in any way of making them happy, better, loved, you fill in the blank. This works for me pretty well most of the time.

[@truthheals3564]

Thank you for that perspective. Had not thought of it quite that way.

[@LoveYah777]

Thank you! 😊

[@lishmahlishmah]

💚 Dr C & Team Healthy 💚 This new format is another invaluable gift, therapeutic !! The words of dr C and all the precious thoughts in the comments section. The level of delving into the topic. *Very helpful* Thank you ✨ Thank you 🌠✨ Thank you 🌟🌠✨✨

[@Maureen-q4r]

11:20-11:25 minute mark so RIGHT!!

[@kaybarnes1176]

Dr. C, you are the best. Thank you so much

[@snowbear1877]

10:31 I've come to understand that abusers never take responsibility for their actions. They throw it back on the victim by saying things like ' you can't blame us' or 'it's all in the mind' and YOU are the problem etc etc. A lot of people think like this. They side with the abuser. Might is right.

[@lindabell2940]

Good morning bam, great help my , for 6 years, Doctor Carter, your videos,

[@MarianneCatherine]

Hi Dr C! I really enjoyed this video, and I'm looking forward to the Unbound series! Is that Gus' sofa 😅 and where is he? He is missed. Happy New Year to everyone!!! Wishing a better 2025 for us and many blessings and peace!!! God bless and thank you for all that you're always doing for Team Healthy 🙏 🫂🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep, that's Gus' sofa. He was actually sitting on the other end of the couch, but you just couldn't see him.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Thank you! It's nice to know that Gus was there with you! 🤗

[@ronpintx]

*Gratitude* for the early days.... Gratitude is the key to letting go. 'Sure beats depression or obsession.

[@darinsmith2458]

I am an Empath too.. I think the difference between and Empath and having Empathy is with Empathy we are able to detach..

[@CowichanValleyRD]

I dread being called to the dying narcs bedside. Any videos on this? Thanks.

[@familychromebook1852]

Hey, team healthy! Have a good weekend!

[@MarianneCatherine]

Ditto! 😺😊🐶

[@sharicoburn5475]

We all have (mostly) had abuse, neglect, whatever in childhood or adulthood. We don't all take it out on others. Because we aren't aholes. If someone is bad to you, the only solution is the exit door.

[@Robin-ux6hj]

This hits the target for me. Loneliness is killing me. I feel the unjust treatments and accusations so deeply. Anger and guilt and conflicted emotions overwhelm me. It has been years of abuse starting with my x and now my adult children. I love them and want to help my children but their hearts are so hard they cannot accept it. I sold my house and am purchasing a rv and moving to another state to be closer to my sister. This pain is too hard to stay in the relationship with my children and hard to leave it also. Conflicted no matter which direction i go. How do cope. I don't know how.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

I applaud your bravery to move on. Leaving your children to their own devices may be the very thing they need. They may still come around a bit eventually.

[@teresadvorak6145]

❤ 🙏 🙏 🙏 ❤

[@RandomAnonymousChick]

❤🎯🧡🏆

[@caroleminke6116]

Just met a woman who was left after 42 years then her children were alienated as well. She bought a camper & moved away to start a secondhand shop 👍 although you’re missing kids & possibly grandkids 💔 it’s not something you can control so choose to focus on what you can change while you avoid the victim mentality. It will lose you sympathy from your sister so try to find another life & perhaps new work ☮️

[@cherylcampbell7495]

I cut off my sis over eight years ago. I’m doing fine. Still love my sis but the pain they inflict is intolerable. You’ll do fine.

[@jeankipper6954]

I did indeed "abandon" mom and pop. They were in no way whatsoever gracious about that, every nasty thing they could think to do, they did. With relentless entitlement. And rage at me, when all that somehow failed to drag me back into their stupid games. I've had the feelings of guilt. But as Dr. C says, I am not the one who was relentlessly victimizing us, their babies, kids, and young adults. I did not do that. I'm "guilty" of not continuing to be their victim. We do harvest what we sow. I'm sorry they did what they did. I'm sorry I could not "rescue" them. I'm not sorry I survived.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

EMPATH TO EMPATH: A prime question to ask yourself is, "Can I realistically help this person recover from their trauma and regain some degree of healthiness without drastically sabotaging my own stability and well-being?" We all have our limits and the narcissist can be someone who is very difficult to help.. Speaking as someone with a decidedly Christian perspective, know that it has, from the beginning, been God's will that we should each face a measured degree of physical, emotional and spiritual challenges in this life. Oh, we make it harder on each other than it really needs to be, but we are each meant to face a limited degree of challenges in order to help us develop character, an understanding of the meaning of love and self-sacrifice, etc. So, to some degree the narcissist must face a certain amount of pain and struggle on their own. Be fair and compassionate to yourself and others. The key is to do what's right, find the right balance.

[@ramonapaschetti5802]

Are there major differences between a complete narcissist and one who has many of the behaviors but not all? Idk if this grants them more leeway

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

What leeway do you want to give them?

[@ramonapaschetti5802]

@@Rachel-mz8ko if he’s not a full narcissist does that earn him more understanding. I also wonder does that mean there are real love feelings for me. If I’m sick he cares But I have a severe nerve condition and he’s never been able to be sympathetic or understanding and seems to try to make it worse. That is so confusing to me. To be good over some health but not all. Also he’s begun being violent. Not majorly so but it has begun. That doesn’t mean love.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

@@ramonapaschetti5802 It could mean he deserves less understanding. Its possible he is more aware and more deliberate in his bad behavior. Be very careful. Violence is inexcusable.

[@jwilson6315]

Its pointless trying to explain to a narcissist the reason why you are going no contact as they are 'blind' to their own behaviour and so will deny theres any truth in what youre saying about them. If the narc contacts you put the phone down, or better still get call handler system and block their calls

[@rosieE121]

I think they know what they are doing and see it works. That's all they care about.

[@duromusabc]

Nice sofa Dr C ! Is this a new look for your future videos ?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes. About half of my videos will be as before, then half will be under the series, Unbound, where I'll field questions and comments from the audience.

[@KS-dx5ln]

Don't have any attitude at all. And Don't walk away.....Run for your life!!!! And never look back!!!!!

[@ElianaMaria1]

@@KS-dx5ln Facts!

[@cindy-x9x]

I absolutely agree!! 💯 percent!

[@SteelyBlue2013]

Runquitly 😊

[@Hatbox948]

Exactly. Never look back!

[@JourneyasaMum]

@@KS-dx5ln You're extremely funny.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@peterhoekstra2957]

Thanks!

[@bereal6590]

I hope these will be longer dr c. Like the liv3streams used to be. Hope you had a good new year and thank you 😊✌

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm probably going to keep it at this length, but I'll do at least 2-3 per week,

[@bereal6590]

@SurvivingNarcissism Okay thank you. I do miss the longer pods though. Have a great day 🤗

[@richellepeace4457]

Her first mistake is having any sympathy for him actually believing he was hurt. They are ful on predators, run...

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup

[@ktbiwk]

🤷‍♀️ I see compassion plus the ability to always keep in mind that we are (all) human, as an incredible super power. Especially, understanding that sympathy creates space around the other person's bad behavior- thus de-personalizing it- When you realize someone has a traumatic history too, you understand their reactions are much bigger/deeper rooted to their child hood- and less to do with you, personally. Albeit dangerous without proper therapeutic support, because of course it runs the risk of creating excuses for the other person. Again, that's why their actions have to be separated from "you" because most importantly- you can have compassion and understanding for someone but choose not to tolerate their behavior. It's possible they are not consciously aware, not sociopaths, not psychopathic predators. It is possible that someone is working through their own childhood trauma and that relationship served as a mirror (of their unacceptable behvaior)- that opens up a pathway of choice. To self reflect and learn or not. Same goes for both individuals.

[@mgtowflight]

"When I'm Feelin Them Years 2025 Feelings I Move...In a Real Way"-Suga Free🛫

[@strangemusic100]

It seems I will never find a solution on an exit strategy. She makes everything a living hell! refuses to sell our house. All i can get is force me... we are not married, and if we didn't have a young child together, I would have taken the hit on the house, but unfortunately, I can't afford to do so...

[@rosieE121]

Try to think positively. There will be a solution.

[@joey67997]

I don’t know I think I’m in the discard stage of my relationship at the beginning it was hot and heavy and now she just calls randomly to talk during the hot and heavy stage. She admitted she ran a background check on me and wanted to know all my information, and, I don’t know maybe I can’t let go because of the trauma bonding that she causes

[@xsilentg]

This is really hard. 🌻

[@AnnaMishel]

Abusers are NOT abusive because they were traumatized. They are abusive because they’re abusers. A shark, bull, raptor, & abuser does not attack because it was abused. It attacks because it is a shark, bull, raptor or abuser! Wake up people!

[@TheAileZX2]

I..... was puuuuushed. ;~; I love my brotherrrrr! He was just so bossyyyyyyy! I wish I didn't have such frustrations with everythiiiiing and he's had these long talks that I got increasingly stressed. ;~; I'm sorry for being so chaotiiiic. I love my family so much, I will defend them and would defend myself too. We have so little and we try so hard for him. He is always mad at us and judging me and mom. But I know I shouldn't have been pushed and been mean and been rowdy and...... ;~;

[@TheAileZX2]

I'm sorry.

[@johnbodine8381]

Where is Gus?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He was in the room with me, just out of range.