Parents who have adopted children, do you regret it?

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[@tessiepinkman]

I agree with your last point. I'm adopted, and that's exactly how it is. I was hell on wheels for many years, then it became better, good even - I became better, I felt good, wasn't depressed or su--dal, didn't act out - but then when I became a little older, many repressed memories came back and it all just became too much for me. It doesn't end. It never ends. But as parents, you can never give up. My parents have been fantastic even when I have been an asshole. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for them.

[@maxrander0101]

same with my wonderful foster mum or as i call her my only mum without her i would not be who i am today she has done more for me than i can ever give back to her

[@dk9619]

Adopted 4 children in the early 90s. Sibling group. Never a single regret for adopting. Now I have many grandchildren. My heart is full.

[@rubix1694]

“I can’t wait for school to start again! - (Why’s that?) - Because then I get to eat every day, like when I’m at your house!” - hearing that made me feel dizzy, somewhat angry and INCREDIBLY heartbroken. Ugh. To think of a little tiny kid being hungry like that because of his shitty parents just makes me so sad. I need to go hug my girlfriend’s 5-year-old right now.

[@m310grass]

Sounds like you’re a good influence on your GF’s kid and treat them well

[@rubix1694]

@@m310grass She's a good kid. Her mom was only single because her husband was murdered, he was robbed and shot by a carjacker, who then stole his car and drove off with it. I want to be someone he would want to have raising his daughter if he could see me. I never met him, but he did not deserve that death.

[@m310grass]

@@rubix1694 good on you for honoring his memory, I’d bet he’s happy with the way you treat his daughter

[@rubix1694]

@@m310grass Thank you, I appreciate it. Fathers (and step-dads) are more involved with their kids than they ever have been in history, and I love that 🙂

[@missamanda2703]

I adopted 2 brothers 11 and 13 I love my boys. They grew into wonderful young men.

[@aussiejubes]

When i was a kid in the 80s, my mum took me to an interview she had with someone from a fister agency. The interviewer asked me how I'd feel if a foster child swung my cat arouhd by the tail or threw her into a wall. Mum & i were so uoset at the prospect that mum chose not to foster. Its scarred me for life too. I always have pets & I'd never ever risk their safety, so even though I've contemplated fostering, I'll never do it.

[@jokercardzz]

I've been thinking of adopting as a single father. Most of these stories make it sound like it might be worth it

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

I love our son dearly! He’s in his 20s now and settled nicely with a partner and a job. He was three when we adopted him. Best thing we ever did! It was work though. Families no matter how good will have ups and downs. That😢part of parenting. Positive reinforcement with the kid or kids. If you catch them doing ANYTHING good, give them a treat. We did tickets he could save for toys, books, treats, etc. really saves on screaming and yelling. Punishment should be more about consequences than how angry you are or how scared you are you are losing control. ❤

[@elleumm]

If you go through the foster care system, just be aware- the goal of the system is almost always reunification with the kid’s biological family. A lot of people foster a kid, and then struggle with it when that kid ends up going back to live with their bio parent(s) or a family member. Sometimes extended family can’t be found, or can’t take on a child, right away or at all. Sometimes the parent can’t meet requirements- like counseling or negative drug screens. It can drag on for years because of things like that. That said, the laws are different everywhere. Some courts will take the kid’s preference on where they want to live into consideration, or will give the social worker’s opinion more weight. And of course, if you adopt a teen, they can age out of the system and then it’s up to them instead of the court. I’m not trying to discourage you, I think it’s an incredible gift if you’re able to give it. But a lot of people find the process of fostering to adopt- and then not being able to adopt, and having to say goodbye- taxing and even heartbreaking. Maybe there’s a way to specifically foster kids who are more likely to be adoptable? I had a psych teacher who adopted two little girls from another country after their parents lost their rights, so there’s different ways to go about it. Anyway, good luck to you with whatever you choose to do.

[@twit3537]

A lot of these talk about adoptions but like someone else said foster care is about re-uniting with their bio families. It is hard because you get attached but you can't adopted unless the courts take away the kids/parents rights or something like that. The bio family/extended bio family takes precedent even if you have been fostering that kid for YEARS. Do your research. Understand what parenting style you need to use and what supports to have on hand before you foster. Have money saved up that you can use for therapy (if its not covered) or repairs on your house if the child is violent due to trauma/mental health issues. Also make sure YOU have the proper support network before you begin. A lot of these stories are couples and even they struggle. As a single father it maybe more difficult for you to either get approved or be able to cope with dealing with a child with extensive trauma. You may also have a hard time getting approved because a lot of children have trauma relating to being assaulted and it's usually males who assaulted them (tho women can 100% do it too) so you would probably struggle more to find a child who would be 'comfortable' or whose social worker feels you are a 'safe' fit for them, aka not triggering. Tho, and I probably will get crap for this but whatever - I personally would caution any single males from fostering due to the fact traumatized children can act out and that includes lying, especially when mad/wanting to 'hurt' their foster parents for whatever reason. It would potentially be really easy for an angry foster child to claim you explicitly assaulted them if they get mad at you and people would believe it more than if you were a single woman unfortunately and usually would be a 'guilty until proven innocent' in the eyes of the public. Older children will understand this even more than younger kids and some would 100% weaponize it, sometimes even step-kids do this if they don't like their step-father so they lie but tell the truth later but the damage is already done. This is assuming that the step-kids don't nearly have as much trauma as the foster children, and there are probably stories of bio kids doing the same, so it can happen regardless of fostering but I feel potentially more likely due to what the kids are exposed to and their want to push boundaries (see if threatening to claim it or claiming it and seeing if others will believe them). There are some stories that kids lie about being hurt by their foster parents to try and get back with their bio parents or to 'punish' their foster parents for whatever reason as well. Overall I know this sucks to deter people but I think its something to keep in mind because it can be extremely difficult to foster kids but there is even more risks, specifically if you get a child who is willing to lie about this type of thing (which you won't know until it happens). I would look into stories that don't necessarily just focus on the 'good ending' or 'better outcome' but also ones where it is bad. For example, some kids in the system have RAD, reactive attachment disorder. My father briefly dated someone whose adoptive daughter had RAD, which she didn't know at the time of adoption, and the girl repeatedly tried to unalive her adoptive mom. For example, the mom had to run out of the house as the 10yo or something chased her with a knife and she had to lock herself in the car and call the cops and this is a REGULAR occurrence and it was a mishap that allowed the daughter to grab a knife. Please look into ALL the risks and know that it is a MAJOR endeavor to foster. Not only are you just a placeholder until (presumably) the bio family, whether parents or relatives, are able to take custody (which you have no say in even if you want to adopt/keep them and even if you think the family isn't good for the kids its up to the courts and not you), but you put in a lot of emotional, physical and financial effort to help the kids with lots of risks involved and even if you give them a chance for a stable environment, depending on how bad their trauma was, you might not also be able to help them (which is something a lot of people, especially those who are really empathetic, struggle with). I also am not anti-fostering btw, but I don't want people to go in not realizing what they signed up for and what the full risks are and then wanting to dip on the kids because they are 'too much'. Not all the time they can give you the full info for the diagnosis (especially if incompetent doctors diagnosis/half arse it) and you can definitely be in for more than bargained for. It can also be a thankless task where you can be abused by the kids and hated by them only for them to return to their bio parents or you essentially raise them until they age out and they still hate you no matter how hard you try to help them or build a bond with them. People who also go into fostering with the hope for adoption are going to be disappointed or need to be prepared for a child with IMMENSE needs as they usually don't take away parental rights unless extreme abse is found/charges and no relatives are found fit/can be found. Thus a lot of kids who are able to be adopted are because either 1) the parents give up their rights or 2) their rights are taken away and if its 2) it means the kids have been thru h3ll and have a lot of issues/need probably even more support than kids who are awaiting to be reconciled with their family. Don't go into this for adoption and prepare yourself if you choose to foster as if your not ready you could hurt a child who needs that support/not be abandoned if they are 'too much' for you and so if you want to adopt go thru those channels instead

[@lily_m3538]

I had one biological child and adopted two more. We've had lots of ups and downs but still love them to death and just see them as "my children." Nothing wrong with adopting older children - they need you.

[@green29373]

Being adopted myself, this is awkward

[@tripsupstairs]

Yeah I had to pause for a second and ask myself if I really want to hear people’s answers. I know my parents don’t regret adopting me, but it’s heartbreaking that some adoptees weren’t so fortunate.

[@green29373]

@@tripsupstairs same here, i know that there are less fortunate people out there who still need loving homes

[@chiarap2991]

​@@tripsupstairs some parents don't even like their biological kids and regret having had them.

[@J1gzaw]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@tripsupstairsSame, myself and my brother are both adopted and fortunately I am still in contact with my biological mother. But I cannot say the same for my brother, knowing this he struggles with emotional instability regarding this.

[@foureyedelf6151]

Gotta be wild raising a 5611 year old. I'm sorry. Terrible joke, but that typo should have been easy to spot and now I'm just picturing a vampire kid in the foster system.

[@lollystep3007]

Honestly if that was a book I'd read it

[@m310grass]

There are no vampire kids, they don’t age mentally hence being called Immortal Children and wreak havoc on towns so the Volturi took them out

[@Callie342k]

I fostered for 15 years, my 3rd placement came at 11 and their mum died at 12 and half. Diagnosed autistic with me and i was pressured to adopt. I refused because all the support would be withdrawn and that wasnt in their best interests. I promised that they would always have a home with me until they were ready to move on. Finished school and college with A grades for all exams except English. They are now 27 and is still with me, did say that even if mum was alive they'd stay with me. The judge calls every year on their birthday.

[@maxrander0101]

im a young man that grew up in foster care and had a great family until due to the systems forced pushing me to see my real family caused my foster parents at that time to split up this was between the age of 17 months and 5 yrs old i spent from then to the age of 11 and a half going between homes including ones for uncontrolable youths at 11 and a half i was in court facing the rest of my teen yrs in jail for huge amounts of theft and damages to the places i was forced to live at the old foster mother from my first few yrs of life was told and without a single thought took me back in this lady has been my rock since then im 38 almost 39 now and she is the greatest mother i could of ever had she has been there for me through everything and i know without her i would be dead or in jail for life now i am a part of her entire family im treated as any other member by all of them and i love them with all my heart and am thankful for her giving me a life worth living we often talked about adoption but my birth parents would never sign me over as a kid or before i was 18 after that we talked about it again and i told the entire family i saw no point as to me they were my family i did not need their name or a piece of paper to say that

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

I’ve made several pro comments on being pro adoption of older kids, BUT, go in with eyes wide open eyes. Behavior can be modified in many but NOT ALL cases. Don’t let an over zealous social worker push a child on you and watch to be sure they are giving you the whole truth. Some children will never be right no matter what. Many others though can blossom under the right care and genuine love. I have seen these go both ways. It’s better for the kids if you go into it wanting to make a child a member of your family but don’t assume he/she will grow up to be grateful and all shiny clean inside and out. Children don’t work that way. And do this because you want more kids, not because of some delusional idea that you are going to save someone.

[@saraashley464]

I think my parents regret adopting me. They wanted to kick me out at 13 for reasons unclear to me. I’m 99% sure if they could go back in time to when they adopted me they’d just adopt my twin sis instead of both of us

[@mysurfing3550]

😢

[@TiffWaffles]

That's terrible. Your parents are terrible. How is your relationship with your twin sister and does she have any kind of feelings about her being designated the favourite? One of my sisters is the darling of my stepdaughter's eye and she absolutely hates it and called him out for it until she threatened of having nothing to do with him when she moved out.

[@saraashley464]

@@TiffWaffles I would’ve liked to ask her but she passed away from cancer last year

[@katherinebass530]

I'm going to adopt. I'm really excited. I can't wait

[@retr0robbin]

I am thinking of adopting when the time is right it’s something I’ve always liked the idea of, helping kids who need home find love. I don’t know what it is but i have this feeling (or fear) deep inside of me that I will never be able to get pregnant. I’ve always wanted to be a parent so I will figure out a way somehow.

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

I’ve seen many bio parents raising their grandkids so I’m pretty sure it isn’t a predominantly older adoptee issue. Also, I was massively proactive about sex education and teaching safety over abstinence. You can preach abstinence but don’t expect it to work. Many kids have been so emotionally abused and often physically and sexually abused and sex is the only way they see to get “love” from others. Lots of therapy and lots of sexual protection (condoms, the pill, IUD, etc.) are the best prevention for teenage pregnancy. Also, I taught my son about respect for females and that no means no.

[@availanila]

In that story near the ebd is so heartbreaking. I remember a lady in my church giving testimony of how her closest sister had died leaving behind a boy two years older thsn hers. She abd her husband decided to adopt him and he fit in just tight till she found out he'd been SAing their son when he was 14 and son was 12 _years_ later. 😢😢 They didn't know ehat to do: tell on him? Kick him out? Punish how? Protect their iwn how? Were they stupid? Were they abusive? They sent him off to a mental health boarding school. Organized holidays for their son to make sure they'd be apart on school holidays with extensive individual and family therapy. But they were being run bare doing it; it'd taken most of their money at all yimes and they knew they'd need to ask for help doon but ehat would people think of them: were they lying? Was their son gay? Had _they_ been the ones to do something to nephew? We fundraised for a year of adoptee schooling and they'd have to tell the family considering he'd one day be out of dchool too.

[@fishchair48]

Me whos adopted wondering if my mom regrets it 👁️ 👁️ 👄

[@shitneyb5562]

If that's what you look like.... 😬 Sorry man.

[@shitneyb5562]

(remember, we don't get to pick our kids. Your mom didn't get stuck with you, she chose you ❤️)

[@elleumm]

@@shitneyb5562this is exactly how I view adoption too. Bio parents get knocked up, or have kids to try and save a failing marriage or bc it’s expected of them- and even if the kids are planned, and their reasons for having them are solid, bio parents still don’t choose their kids. Adoptive parents do.

[@Prettyxgem]

As an adoptee I’m so happy most of everyone says no regrets we can often feel like burdens 😩 glad to know so many of you don’t feel that way

[@katie85705]

I would love to foster and even possibly adopt either older children or younger collagen that are hard to place due to past trauma or medical reasons but I want to wait till my bio kids are out of the house. That way I can give them the attention they need without worrying about putting my daughter's at risk. I know it won't be easy but if I can help kids who have given up on safety, love, stability, trust and so on feel like they are worthy of love, that not everybody is out to hurt them and just feel what a loving home should be like them if know I at least made a difference. I've always had a gift when it comes to kids, even the "difficult" ones. Mostly though it's just patience, empathy and just love and though I know patience, empathy and love don't solve everything but it's a good foundation to start with

[@fancydeer]

I didn't like the way the last op phrased it. Their kids weren't acting out for the drama of it, something was wrong and the kids didn't have the tools to work through it. It makes me wonder if OP was taking their kids' mental health seriously. Also some of these people really think that parenthood ends when their kids turn 18 or go to college or whatever and that's just not how it is. Regardless of how you become a parent you are a parent until the day you die, those kids are your responsibility. If you're not prepared for that responsibility don't have kids.

[@orchidcolors]

I value your honesty, even at the cost of a positive ending for the video.

[@-Kouji]

That’s the darkest title I’ve seen in a while

[@vihtas]

📸🤨💀😭

[@-Kouji]

@@vihtas what

[@vihtas]

@@-Kouji the title

[@Micah_YT]

The second newest video though

[@JLense]

Perhaps but it's a really good conversation to have for people that are looking at fostering or adopting. They should be prepared and know that it is not going to be an easy ride.

[@xpeng190]

These fostering stories need to stay the hell outta the adoption stories😂

[@rebeccaconlon9743]

For older children you need to Foster for a bit before adoption

[@xpeng190]

@@rebeccaconlon9743 it was just a joke cause the title says adoption story’s then the first like 4 were foster storys. I get it’s just about the same thing lol

[@laurawilson46268]

My 9 yo now called my husband daddy the 2nd day we had her as foster parents he was hook at that point she was only 2 and had never called any man daddy up to that point we both cried so much

[@jaydenreinders8039]

whats this game called

[@Codm22712]

Yo what up

[@Jelly_shy_guy_man]

Bro why are people watching this early

[@jaxsonshipp7093]

I woke up about a half hour ago, making a shot. I'll be out soon enough

[@jaxsonshipp7093]

Why are you watching this early?

[@marcarthur100]

As I work nite shift in the uk this is y I woch it now

[@VladimirMakarov-nt5sm]

undersparked ODD IS SPELT ODD NOT OD PLEASE CORRECT THIS ITS ACTUALLY BUGGING

[@poxie2637]

not me but my grandmas younger sister. She once fostered a boy for the purpose that he would help out at the farm since she was already getting old by then and started to get health problems. he turned out to have a problem with arson so she put him back in the system (didn't know how to deal with him). She swore to never foster again, let alone adopt, and has even tried talking me out of deciding that I want to adopt/foster in the future by quoting her one (1) singular experience with anything relating to adoption/fostering 😂

[@_zombie_queen_]

I was unadopted after being tradficked. I caught uncle charlie coming out of the mother's tent. I told. He leaves her, she emptied his 401k, She hired a hit man to take the dad out. I got unadopted. The hit man ran off with the money. Thankfully. Shes on husband 7. Hes....still mad. It's been 23 years.

[@myself2noone]

No. It's not only common to get over bad childhoods like this. It's the norm. It's actually quite sad that you seem to think people are irreparably damaged. Misinformation like this is probably one of the things that's leading to mental health problems in teens.

[@midnight_media_]

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[@19thedumbass]

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[@loffafm]

22th haha

[@RapidHockeyToastsss]

3rd comment lol.

[@Mitzi-chan224]

I'm not adopting children, ever. 💀

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[@Jelly_shy_guy_man]

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