6 Tips to Support a Parent with BPD

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Let's talk about BPD parents - whether it be a mother or a father, or even a mother or father in law. Dealing with someone who has BPD is not an easy process, but we need to learn how to navigate ourselves and our own boundaries when intimately close to someone who has borderline personality disorder or we can be dramatically effected by BPD. The truth is that growing up in a BPD or any form of unhealthy household (narcissist or addiction or many other disorders or diseases). Navigating any BPD relationship in life can be very complex (whether it be a mom or a dad or a partner or any relationships that are close to you) and it's important we create the necessary boundaries in these borderline personality disorder relationships. Let's talk about the 6 ways to deal with a BPD parent (or any relationship) in your life. What else has worked for you in dealing with BPD relationships in your life (partner, mom, dad, colleague, friend, etc.)?
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[@Katimorton]

More related videos linked in the description!

[@BassNinja]

You hit the nail on the head and doesn't make it any easier. I have bpd with manic episodes. I'm about to rewrite my whole life

[@antib_reader]

So many parents take their kids for granted, it's really sad 😢

[@informationtransmitter599]

Yeah... Both of my divorced parents took me for granted. After 18 years of hell, and medical neglect that resulted in life destroying medical problems, they both got disowned and will grow old alone.

[@erikavaleries]

My bpd mother is sadistic. I had to pretend she was dead to cope. It's the only way I can feel okay about her evil behavior.

[@billyb4790]

Yep. They have nothing to offer.

[@robbytheartist3997]

Sound like my bpd ex wife.

[@erikavaleries]

@@robbytheartist3997 I’m so sorry, I am glad you got free

[@robbytheartist3997]

​​@@erikavaleries I didn't. When you have a child with someone who has this condition, your never really free. Its either abandon the child and create a cycle or take it cuz you love your chuld.. I take the abuse so that I may be with my 2 year old daughter. At the end of the day, my love for my child is stronger than the feelings of any person who is in pain from BPD.

[@stevensantora2976]

6 Ways to Deal with a BDP Parent: 1. Find a Way Out. Move out. 2.These are not things we want them to do, but act in hurtful ways towards us. 3. Inner child work 4. Build a support system 5. Find wasy to remain calm 6. Build confidence

[@nachocheeba]

2. Set up boundaries

[@Fenrispro]

1. Moving out seems to admitting defeat to the fucker. suspected my old man either having dementia or this, plus a mad person with this problem she flamed me for no reason, on whatsapp, on calls wtf

[@notjustanotherbrickinthewall]

My mom has BPD. I learned that in my 20’s by accident. Everything made sense when I started to learn about it. What she did to me I really don’t wish upon anyone. I’m much better now, because I distanced her and see her maybe 4 times in a year. And I’ve been working on myself a lot. I keep feeling bad for her but in the first 30 min we are together she says so much hurtful stuff and then gaslights me. She also refuses to take her mental illness seriously and refuses to get help. So I’ve lost all my empathy for her. Specially after everything she has done to me and people around us.

[@oksanacrane8644]

💜🙏🙏🙏

[@bloom4807]

My mother is the same, and she started to take advantage of my mercy. She pretends to be hurt and a victim and when I don’t give in she starts cussing at me. Don’t give in, people like this never change.

[@billyb4790]

4 times a year? I haven’t seen my mother in 12 years. Probably won’t ever again. She’s 80.

[@knit1purl1]

If you haven't found it yet, Reddit has a sub 'raised by borderlines.' You can't post there if you didn't have a parental figure who was borderline and need to read their rules. I never went no contact with my mother. I should have. But she had me very controlled for years and I had no support.

[@ashleypg1708]

​@@knit1purl1one of the best online support groups for children with BPD parents!

[@LibraP93]

My dad has a severe case of BPD and he literally ran off everyone in his life. Growing up with him was awful, my mom and siblings never knew what we were coming home to or day to day, and had to always walk on eggshells around him. Thankfully my mom divorced him, but unfortunately the damage was done. It was exhausting and sent us all to therapy. As I got older, the time I could be around him and talk to him became shorter and shorter. Now, I’m completely no-contact with him because it’s that bad and he refuses to confront his mental health issues. So, unless he gets mental health treatment and put on the necessary medication, he can’t be part of my life.

[@vocaloidhoe2238]

Wow sounds like he’s got something else going on up in there. Assholeness/lack of empathy doesn’t equal BPD!

[@SibylDreams]

I saw the life of a friend with bpd collapse in the most dramatic way. Although he is a psychiatrist himself, he never managed to control his anger and his family enabled him the whole way. His colleagues though were less forgiving. They plotted against him and kicked him out of his own business. He ended up unemployed and humiliated, something he never expected as he had become quite rich and arrogant. I am still no contact with him cause I doubt he will ever make a serious and consistent effort to heal.

[@LibraP93]

@@vocaloidhoe2238 I never said being an ass hole/lacking empathy = BPD. Don’t know where you read that in my original comment. Clearly these two things aren’t mutually exclusive. People can be ass holes and have BPD.

[@doreenplischke2169]

Personality disorders cannot be medicated. Although there are other co morbid inflictions such as anxiety and depression or paranoid ideation or mood disorders that often occur simultaneously or are a symptom of the complex disorders, there is by itself no medication we have for a disorder of personality. Wouldn’t that be absurd? Of course it is for a reason that we understand things more and more from a multi implicit model such as the bio psycho social ect. model DBT is based off.

[@medusaslair]

@@vocaloidhoe2238 - Where did you get that misinformation? "Assholeness" and lack of empathy is definitely part of BPD, it's some of their prime expressions. It's a personality disorder that belongs in cluster B with psychopaths and narcissistic personality disorder, after all. The most common type of BPD has a lot of overlapping symptoms with NPD for example. What LibraP93 describes is classic BPD behavior.

[@melissarey2973]

I dealt with one by cutting her off. Haven't talked to her in 8 1/2 years. I am so much happier!

[@carliedavis26]

Girl, best thing I’ve ever did was using the scissors ✂️… my mommy dearest was a crazy ass bully

[@SIGSEGV1337]

Please don't go total no contact, parents deserve some empathy too. Have you tried one-way communication instead?

[@ashleypg1708]

​@@SIGSEGV1337STOP

[@aninhacadilaque233]

Like we didn’t wish things were differently people cut off toxic people to save themselves not because they want to be cruel , how is someone supposed to have empathy for someone that completely lacks it and isn’t interested in acknowledging themselves

[@SIGSEGV1337]

@@aninhacadilaque233 People seldom 'want' to be cruel, that's not the same as the effect it has. You have empathy by acknowledging that they too likely suffered what you suffered, except you were just lucky enough to realize.

[@tiptapkey]

Where were you when I was young? 😭 I'm so happy you're here for young people today, though.

[@eumesmo9621]

AAAAAAAAA JUST WHAT I NEEDED!!!!! Omg so my family has been entirely tormented by my mom for ages, she traumatized all of us on a level I don't wish upon anyone, literally. My oldest sister( 29 ) has depression and self-image issues, my middle sister( 24 ) also has depression + Is working on a specific disorder diagnosis which I can't remember rn, and I ( 14 ) am trying to cope with dissociation and anxiety, all because of her emotional abuse and instability. Since last year, my middle sister Is trying to convince my dad, whos emotionally dependent on my mother, to make her go to therapy, so she can maybe understand our situation and that she causes more harm than good( which I doubt she would ), we're helpless but trying. My dream Is to cut all means of contact with her and move with my sisters at least two cities away, maybe when I'm older Idk Also, I wanted to point out the fact that your content Is reaching worldwide, which Is literally amazing to me( Im Brazillian that's how I know + sorry for the grammar guys ), because people like me, who scrolls through youtube as a method of escapism, can be helped and inspired by the wonderful comments on this page and your video. I hope ur doing well, I wish that I could retribute with the same compassion you have with us Kati, thank you. xoxo bye 👋

[@ChuggBingus]

One of my first memories is my mom threatening me with suicide because I was annoying her by repeating the same word over and over. She also blamed me for ruining her body with my birth, when i was like 8. At 13 we had to move because my dad found a job in a different town. When i told my parents that i didnt want to move because i was afraid of losing my friends, she just said: "Go to a children's home then." Every time i confront her with these memories she says that she doesnt remember or that it never happened. Not sure if she has BPD, NPD or something else. Thoughts?

[@APP-hm6bf]

My mother too..... She swears that I'm lying and constantly bringing up the past

[@DeanithForeverYoung]

Hahah sounds like my mother. She would threaten to leave the house or kill herself and sht like that when I was 6-8. She would always pick fights with me and then pretends I was challenging as a kid. Now she acts like these things never happened.

[@ahzokatano0611]

WoW, That Inner Critic Is Like Hearing Your Parents Voice In Your Head, Telling You, You're Worthless Or Stupid!!!

[@j_freed]

My half-sister's mother basically wouldn't let her leave the house for 10 years of her adult life… Still insists on being controlling and dominant in spheres of her daily life, 14 years later. ^ Notice when people are crippling your independence, and get the hell away from them. Hurt them to do so if you must. They don't have real empathy for you.

[@Fozzeh1015]

Kati you're really catering to my needs here and I really appreciate it

[@brittanywilcox7377]

OH MY GOD KATI i missed the part about having bouts of paranoid ideation the first time i watched this!!! That's my mother! The explosive, uncontrolled anger too. I knew her fear of abandonment was a sign, but now that i know these other things, i do not doubt that she has undiagnosed BPD.

[@brittanywilcox7377]

@@bbbblume she's definitely emotionally immature

[@aalafolie]

Hi Kati, thank you for this video. I actually feel very validated because I moved out to go to college when I was 18 and never went back, I am currently finishing my degree and have a job, and I had a scholarship based on my grades. I am an only child and we had a very difficult dynamic in my family. I never felt truly connected to them because my mother was always starting fights and liked to talk shit about everyone, she still does. My dad had a heart attack and my parents ended up at the police station some time ago, they havent really talked since. As my grandpa passed away half a year ago, and grandma is at the home for elderly, and my parents are basically separated, my mother is starting fights and terrorizing the rest of the family who are now calling me. Its strange being in this situation where I am grown up and able to speak about things I was never able to before. I cant help them except offer understanding. I dont have a really good support system because many people dont understand that not everyone grows up in a safe and loving environment. I dont usually share personal things on the internet but this video really hit home. pun intended. I am proud of myself for being there for me when nobody else was and I hope that everyone in a similar situation finds their peace. Its not right but its ok, as Whitney would say

[@julleebean]

Going through therapy right now and my therapist has brough up the prospect of my mother having BPD. This was super informative. Thank you!

[@Jalentheuntold]

I think this may be one of Katie’s best videos! I wish my therapist broke it down to me like this! This really gave me so much insight into how I’ve been feeling. I thought I was going crazy but you just made me feel validated and seen. Even my own therapist doesn’t seem to know how to help me, she just listens to me talk and ask me how my day was. I was diagnosed with BPD. My mom isn’t but I’m sure she has it. And it look like we both are different but we do the same things.

[@Nina-mt5ui]

Also thank you so much for summarising the content at the start, really good for ADHD!!

[@thevansickelherps]

As someone with diagnosed BPD (and CPTSD and MDD) Ill be the first to raise my hand and remind everyone watching or commenting that NOT all people with BPD are the same. There are soooo many ways BPD can present differently for individuals. BPD is a diagnosis that is proven to have genetic links and when combined with childhood trauma and neglect, can have devastating consequences. For instance, it's a little known fact that many people with BPD actually were raised by a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is NO part in the development of BPD that is that person's fault - it's genetic and a result of abuse/trauma. I'm not saying that excuses abuse that they then may perpetuate later in life, not at all, but I AM saying that remembering that fact can go a long way in helping people to be empathetic towards the diagnosed person. I'm a firm believer that mental illness is never a person's fault but it IS their responsibility to look after. Myself, I've been in intense therapy the last year and a half following my diagnosis. I began therapy twice a week and now have been able to reduce my sessions to twice a month! I'm firmly committed to maintaining the remission of many of my symptoms. I'm also a parent. I can't tell you the inner terror I have about negatively affecting my children as my father negatively affected me. If anything, my diagnosis and awareness of it is what makes me a compassionate, empathetic mother - I will do EVERYTHING to be as emotionally supportive and loving as I can be for them and then pray hard that they are 1)not generically predisposed to my condition, and 2) that I have done everything in my power to set them up for good mental health as teens and young adults. I'm their first advocate, the one who makes it clear that their feelings are valid even if their behavior in that moment is inappropriate. I am too familiar with being invalidated as a person because of how sensitive I am. Remember, BPD is known to be one of the most emotionally painful diagnosis - we are the emotional burn victims of the world and we didn't ask to be. And while many of us are too intimidated, frightened and deterred from seeking proper treatment as a result of stigma in general society and the mental health field, many of us desperately cling to our mental health resources in our commitment to lead the best, most fulfilling lives we can. Don't generalize us. Happy BPD Awareness month. Let's make more people aware of the vast variety of people out there struggling to live, survive AND conquer BPD on a daily basis. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

[@Courtney-pn5lr]

I grew up with mother figures who most likely have BPD. I have OCD, complex PTSD and I might technically meet the criteria for BPD. Over the years I've noticed people separate BPD and Complex PTSD, demonizing BPD but empathizing with CPTSD. In my opinion, there's so much overlap with symptoms and causes, I don't understand why these are separate diagnoses. Both CPTSD and BPD can cause destructive behavior patterns. The difference is the amount of self-absorption someone may have. My parents (mother figures and father) have a high amount of narcissistic traits. They have limited insight, accountability and empathy. I have very limited contact with them. I hope to never hurt anybody the way that I have been hurt.

[@dustydew]

THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤

[@halometroid]

As someone with Assperger and SchizoidPD, I just stay away from people with BPD. It will always end up with violence from my part.

[@billyb4790]

Yeah some are overtly messed up and others are covertly messed up. It’s a glorious rainbow of options.

[@medusaslair]

@@Courtney-pn5lr "there's so much overlap with symptoms and causes, I don't understand why these are separate diagnoses" .... OMG... Just stop. These two are WORLDS apart. They're not even in the same universe. Just because it looks on the SURFACE as some of the symptoms are similar, that doesn't mean they are the same or even have the same source. Physical illness is the same in this regard. You have to look underneath the symptomatic expressions to understand what disorder or condition is responsible, you look at the motivation and the drive of the expressions. And there is nothing that comes from the same source with these two vastly different diagnoses. One is a pesonality disorder and one is a trauma injury, for starters. You're born with personality disorders, but they're not always triggered into aggressive expressions. Some people live with them in a more latent state throughout life. They can't be cured, but they can be managed. And yes, trauma makes them worse (because trauma makes everything worse, even physical illness..), but they are not the cause of them. BPD is in the same cluster B category as psychopaths and narcissistic personality disorder, and it's there for a reason. The most common type of BDP has a lot of shared expressions with NPD. Having no such base in that category of disorders, PTSD and CPTSD is straight up trauma injuries. Do NOT blend these completely different categories of conditions, they have nothing to do with each other. Except for the sad fact that cluster B people are responsible for creating a lot of the trauma injuries that causes PSTD and CPTSD. I understand that you are uneducated in this area. But as such, you shouldn't hurl out speculative misinformation like this. It does no-one no good.

[@abiroseb96]

Id love video on how to parent with BPD. I go therapy and am doing the best I can but id love a video with some tips on how i can support my child/ explain condition better to a young child😊

[@aam6545]

I saw your post before you edited it down. I'm not a parent, but I'm a school teacher. I don't have any answers, but I have a lot of empathy for your struggle and frustration. I hope you will be able to find the help and support you are so desperately seeking. Much love to you from an internet stranger.

[@sarahw.7668]

I hope you’ve found answers. IMO just offering the side of you that’s emotionally consistent is what a child craves. They just want to feel safe so they can grow. They don’t need to know everything about us rather have a good example how to navigate life and find their own selves.

[@TalalAl-Zalami]

Respect, apreciation, love and support has been always to this channel from Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦🇺🇸

[@effingosprey9434]

Hi kati, could you go into BPD symptoms in a more detailed way, like real world examples as opposed to the text book definitions. Thanks

[@brittanywilcox7377]

The only thing I don't have are the intense mood swings. I've had all the other symptoms on and off throughout my life. I'm not BPD diagnosed, but I do have CPTSD, DID, and have had a lot of trauma therapy. I feel healthy and balanced now. These symptoms, regardless of diagnosis, can be put into remission!

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

BPD can not be cured, but it can be managed.

[@brittanywilcox7377]

@@EvilEnsembleStars agreed, hence my use of the word remission.

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

​@@brittanywilcox7377 Ohh sorry, I have issues with understanding people

[@Jalentheuntold]

@@EvilEnsembleStars it’s a personality disorder, yes it can be cured.

[@medusaslair]

@@Jalentheuntold Where did you get tha misinformation? Personality disorders can't be cured, you're born with them but they're not always triggered into aggressive expressions. Some people live with them in a more latent state throughout life. As IEatZenoPatientsAsAHobby says, they can be managed - not cured.

[@prawnstar9213]

My Mom has BPD and my life has been hell. In my early 40s now and I’ve been patient with her all my life so I’ve just got nothing left. Especially after my Dad passed away. I’m her only daughter. It’s not fair.. and I grieve the love I don’t get.

[@Dexy83]

Just stumbled upon this video. No time to watch and process all the feels before work. I'll be back.... THANK YOU for addressing this rarely discussed.

[@Jim1971a]

My sibling set up boundaries with my parent with BPD and was shunned for 4 years.

[@ashleypg1708]

BPD parents don't accept boundaries. I tried for years to have boundaries with my mother & it caused more reactive abuse, had to go no contact.

[@joansemenec1387]

This video definitely helps me understand my Dad because he's my BPD parent and I have the same diagnosis he does, among other things.

[@christina-tinarose5660]

I have bpd and I’m trying so hard to not mess up my kids. I’m taking the necessary steps. Therapy, medication etc. I’m far from cured or perfect but I am trying. Any tips?

[@someone-hf4zo]

Anytime there's a video for people who are dealing with a borderline the first thing borderlines think of is themselves. They care too much about how others perceive them more than the abuse a lot ot people face from borderlines due to their fears of abandonment/splitting. It's abusive and traumatizing for a child to experience that. Let us have our space to talk about our experiences, trauma and pain we have been through without always feeling the need to say dont demonize us lol.

[@DeanithForeverYoung]

Louder for the people in the back.

[@billyb4790]

Yes. BORDERLINES GTFO We’ve had to listen to what a victim you are all our lives, all the while YOURE victimizing everyone else. We’re done. GTFO.

[@aninhacadilaque233]

Thank you !!!! This is for all the people worried about being vilified due to their villain type behaviors

[@AlysRose]

As someone with AuDHD and a BPD mother I find it impossible to stay calm when she attacks :( My emotional dysregulation doesn't help... I really have to try

[@aliyaaliya3866]

Kati, finally i found a person who can give me the right answer, if in my teens i had finacial abuse, because my house was destryed and my real caregiver was killed so i was very much dependant on people who were taking advantage of me being young, now i have big issue with money and related, like bying food for myself and clothes and paying rents , what should i do? Where can i start of? and what to work out the priority. Thank you for your great work)))

[@aliyaaliya3866]

young and innocent)))

[@waterywatermelon]

My mom, bless her heart, wants to come to my apartment pool this summer and she will be recovering from cancer so I don’t want to say no, but I can already imagine how things go will go. It’ll be my day off and I’ll just want to relax and be alone, if she comes over she will just trauma dump on me and talk about herself the entire time and focus the entire conversation around the men she’s dating, without asking me a single question. Not how I want to spend my days off but I don’t want to be mean I just hope she finds a different pool to tan at this summer :( I can only take so much of her lol I’ll spend the whole time talking to myself in my head because god forbid I tell her bout herself, I’ll just be the villain

[@billyb4790]

12 years no contact. Never going back. No mercy.

[@shanethrelfall416]

The idea of opening up to a Therapist or “Friends” actually scares me the most I’d rather overdose than ask for help

[@yeaninaaguilar4908]

I barely remember mi childhood, but I have a really hard time to cope with my moms behavior 😢, thanks for this ❤ you are doing a great job , greetings for Panama

[@nicole4779]

My mom has BPD and this was extremely helpful

[@yvonneshanson1525]

Pls dont succumb to their bullying and keep making these videos..! Daughters of these monsters need to be supported at all costs. They are covert narcissists in essence.

[@kerryfaden94]

Thanks Kati!!!

[@robertfenyk3132]

How about both : BiPolar (MD’s have always labeled me this bc they can prescribe meds) with underlying BPD (my psychiatrists have always avoided personality disorders, whereas my psychologist/therapist looks for underlying personality disorders) I personally believe that bipolar is an umbrella diagnosis .

[@IgN5P]

I wish I cut out my BPD parent. Anyone toxic, be it siblings, friends, or parents, abandon them fully.

[@bill88694]

Hi Kati, Enjoyed your podcast on BPD coping/management. Could you say more about coping with and the connection between dissociation and BPD? Personally when I try empathy with usually intense complex biological family interactions/ situations, it doesn't seem to go anywhere and I just 'shut down' after awhile (walk away in my mind); family members are too immersed in their own 'crises' to hear anything. Typical behaviour of the enmeshed upbringing for us siblings with dysfunctional (BPD traits for sure) parents. Thankfully my siblings (2) live in different cities! Hope that makes sense!

[@LifeTrucking]

Something I’ve wanted to know is When a Therapist has a friend who is going thru something and sharing it with you, are you tapping into your therapist knowledge when listening and offering your help?

[@waltercamela]

Thank you for the video, I found out that investing is not for everybody, you just need a strong stomach too see your portfolio go down. It might be wiser for a novice to start with copy trading investing, but it is not easy. To invest in growth stocks it is another level, definitely you need to know what are you doing.

[@waltercamela]

From my own point of view, you need to invest smartly if you need the good things of life. so far i've made over $255k in raw profits from just 6 months into the market from my diversified portfolio strategy and i believe anyone can do it you have the right strategy, mutual funds takes long time but investing smartly is the key for short term. Most of us tend to pay more attention to the shiniest position in the market to the cost of proper diversification.

[@Louisharvey56]

From my own point of view, you need to invest smartly if you need the good things of life. so far i've made over $255k in raw profits from just 6 months into the market from my diversified portfolio strategy and i believe anyone can do it you have the right strategy, mutual funds takes long time but investing smartly is the key for short term. Most of us tend to pay more attention to the shiniest position in the market to the cost of proper diversification.

[@gab31282]

This is the bullshit scam area of this comment section.

[@Nina-mt5ui]

Totally unrelated but I was so confused why there were only a few comments - then I realised you only just posted this! ☺️😆

[@TaylorStickley]

Can we make a video on being the BPD parent and how we can protect our children from ourselves? I love my daughter and I’m very honest with her about my disorder, but she’s 6 and it’s not her responsibility to “help” with this… snapping, being depressed, feeling too big, being forgetful, though I have conversations with her, I want to learn to do it better AND how to avoid it.

[@gab31282]

That's a lot of weight to put upon a 6 year old. That's could turn into a type of parentification, which is a type of abuse.

[@rainbow_T]

I am an autistic adult with a mom who has both BPD and bipolar. Although my mother hasn’t had it while I was growing up she has had it in the past few years so I hope that someone may relate to what I have experienced and if they have any tips on ways to help I’m all ears. My mom self harms, hears voices, gets sleep anxiety, her emotions are up and down one min she is okay with me the next she is having a go at me over something then okay, she gets sarcastic and bites peoples head off if she hasn’t had her meds or if she has had the wrong meds. And when you try to tell her that she is being off with you she will do a runner she will completely dissapear and when your stressing and worrying about where she went she has no empathy about your concern or why you would even worry. She doesn’t get when she has offended someone by being blunt I tell her to apologise and she says “ I don’t get what your saying to me? Have I done something wrong” and when I tell her to apologise I get the same repeated response. And some days when she gets depressed and shuts me out it feels like I’m living with a stranger, like I’ve lost my mom her entire personality of who she was isn’t there any more. She never tells us how bad she is until she is in the back of an ambulance just to find out that j her meds needed changing. I find it very stressful and difficult. And she will not share what it’s like for her and refuses help. She talks about herself she is not meternal I am a part time parent to my brother. And talks only about herself focused on her own things and nothing else, lies and gets defensive if you try to ask anything. She has also bit herself for attention. Anyone else had this?

[@guy-michellebel8740]

Im parent of a 3 year old fulltime and split time with my older 7 in years old i have been diagnosed with Borderline personality 4 years ago and been in total denial till i just all came so clear recently for so many many reasons,.so many vents in my life. I find parenting extremely difficult and especially when i have both together I am doing my best tho 💙 I wish i would have accepted,.i wish i would of informe myself, seek treatment. Now i feel like i have never been my own self, that something is controling my behaviour A 1000 questions is going trouw my mind. Wish i will be able to understand my personality now..im i a toxic person while i always tought i had a nice personnalité...? Sorry my poor English😅 from Qc Canada

[@kyrareneeLOA]

😢 Did all this.... need to go around my mom to help my dad. Moved out, moved away. Love what I do. I'm calm... nothing is worse that having to stay there and my mother can attack through her unstable range of emotions. I did 20 years of self growth and have health boundaries. She needs therapy. Guilt works to keep me away..... How to talk her into therapy..... ???

[@cjaykus]

Thanks Kati...love you ❤

[@sylviebk987]

Great, thanks !

[@Mang-ej5ul]

Can you discuss the long term physical effects on the body for children with BPD mothers?

[@whoami1654]

I'm curious as to whether you yourself live with BPD. When you speak you use we and us

[@lollipoplolly3925]

I don't think so, she uses we to sound relatable.

[@jonnuanez7183]

As bullshti as my college years were with my histrionic mother (histrionic is only one adjective), my angel called my grandma was also there. It was a very difficult decision as to whether I should have left, using my teen/20 something point of view. My current self would have told my younger self to GTFO and run in any direction. Not leaving at that time-I was in college and University at that time as well-is a big issue I still wrestle with.

[@ElanaVital83]

I think my dad has BPD. It was an emotional roller coaster.

[@kikibibi369]

Ok I know you're not a parent, but as someone who is the parent with bpd, I need to express some frustration with the mental health (clinical) community. There NEEDS to be videos like this FOR THE PARENTS with bpd. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 8 weeks postpartum and every bit of research I did was targeted to the child and made the assumptions that the child needed to heal from their bpd parent, because why wouldn't they? All parents with bpd are toxic and narcissistic, and leave their kids with deep rooted issues that last the rest of their lives right? There were zero resources targeted towards people with bpd who wanted support and tools specifically for parenting. Maybe videos and articles and dare I say research ( I know. I'm asking for the moon here 🙄) targeted to the parents who are aware they have bpd and really want to do well but struggle with the combination of parenting and trying to treat their bpd might be a good preventative action from mental health professionals. I know I'm coming across as angry but honestly I am angry. I'm angry that every step I've taken to look up resources for my predicament has painted people with my disorder as the villain. I'm a villain before I've even done anything to my child because of my diagnosis. There's no real support for mothers with bpd, but once the damage is done therapists have a great time lining their pockets with the money of patients who are kids of bpd.

[@NothingAtAll00]

I don't think you are a villain. And I'm nobody to you, but if you are researching and trying to raise your child without allowing your diagnosis to negatively impact him/her, then you are definitely not a villain. I think a lot of people view BPD through the same lense as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As in, the person who has it, doesn't know and doesn't believe that they have it, therefore, it goes untreated. But clearly, you don't fall into that category. Don't stop continuing to grow and better yourself. You are worth the time and effort. 💖

[@ashleypg1708]

That's what proactive therapy is for.

[@ni1351]

Agreed. If my mother had that support when she was post partum, my life would have been completely different. While I am hurt and angry with my own experience, I also empathize that she suffered also and didn’t have resources or support that might have made a difference.

[@relaxingnaturesounds2339]

I pay money to NOT have commercials

[@Spoeism]

My ex passed this on to our daughter and the courts won't allow me to take action.

[@hufficag]

How do you move out when you're 15?

[@FlowerChyld43]

Good video... A question I've always had is why some health professionals feel the need to say "We" when they are talking to Us. I think perhaps the intention is to make the patient feel like "we're all in this together", or that the provider is on their side... I find it profoundly irritating and distancing- condescending. I don't know if they tell you to do this in school; my brother is an MD & thank God he doesn't do this. Honestly. Can't we just talk Normally?

[@dischorddynne]

What is BPD called if someone can link the causes of the symptoms to a specific traumatic event? I didn't think PTSD or CPTSD caused the severe anxiety or hollow emotion symptoms.

[@vl4394]

I only feel emotions in my dreams. Why is this? On waking it's as though a switch flips.

[@Ceekeyz]

You literally said that if your BPD parent isn't in therapy they are most likely emotionally abusive and acting in inappropriate ways. Equating the disorder to abusive behavior while in the same breath muttering the "BPD is highly stigmatized" line.

[@naamasarid]

I totally agree, this video is so stigmatizing and offensive.

[@sailork8848]

Nothing hurts more than the truth.

[@One.of.billions]

Yes, they’re really abusive and exhausting to deal with, even if they didn’t mean it. They’re not satisfied, whatever you did for them

[@ashleypg1708]

Nothing she said was untrue.

[@crisptomato9495]

Look if you don’t get treated for it then yeah, there’s a huge risk that you’ll end up abusing your kids. Your mental health and your kids’ wellbeing are your responsibility, you gotta take care of that shit.

[@ShojiPanda]

Can you please give recommendation for good books for inner child work?

[@oksanacrane8644]

A very helpful and compassionate video. ❤ Thank you so very much. May God bless all the precious people who have relatives with BPD or who themselves have BPD🙏🙏🙏

[@Kim44422]

if only i knew this ten years ago... :(( : /

[@mstarz]

whats with talking to the other parent? a 8yr old cant move out alone let alone get a full grasp of what is happening

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

As someone with BPD, remember guys, no one with BPD or any cluster B disorder means to act how we act so please don't demonise us. We do not want to act in any abusive or manipulative ways, we have just been traumatised at a young age and we are trying to cope in a world that's been too cruel to us. We have been traumatised ourselves so our brain has wired to cope with the world. We are scared, I know you guys who's dealt with our behaviors are scared too just remember to don't demonise us.

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

Anyway, happy BPD awareness month guys

[@tiptapkey]

I try my hardest not to, and absolutely don't if you're trying to work on yourself. But please also understand the depths to which many of us have been traumatized by parents who didn't know or care that they had this condition. I'm in my 40s and still dealing with the CPTSD. We're just too terrified to welcome you with open arms.

[@Spoonishpls]

Yeah, too often people use trauma as an excuse to say all people with bpd are bad, or don't have empathy, or call them things like bpdemon, but all that does is continue the cycles of abuse. If you are struggling with someone using trauma as an excuse to hurt you, why would you want to do that to others as well?

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

​@Key Scribbles Still, it's inappropriate to group us up and call all of us abusers, I'm sorry you had to go through what you had to go through, I've went through a lot of trauma too and deal with PTSD/C-PTSD symptoms and I hope you can work through it. Just don't stigmatise our disorder any further please.

[@EvilEnsembleStars]

​@@Spoonishpls Can you repharse a bit? I'm having issues understanding

[@DrAnkitJangid]

Ok

[@sachawierenga827]

Love you video! Can u do one about having a parent with borderline? My father “suddenly” got it after his mother died 9 years ago. After two years of him being on and off violent/paranoid an depressed I cut ties. Now I am having my own mental health problems and I thinks this played a big role in it but i don’t really know how. Can you shine some light on having a parent with this disorder?

[@Jalentheuntold]

That’s what this video was about.

[@antib_reader]

Question for everyone: Should we make babies just because our parents want grandkids??

[@mimiturbano]

I have bpd because my mother is a psychopathic narcissist- diagnosed , not my opinion. I refused to be like my mom because she physically and emotionally abused us and neglected then abandoned us. I have a low self esteem and unstable sense of self - I struggle with confidence and do feel invisible. I dint set boundaries for some people, I hate conflict or confrontation. Im scared of abandonment. I feel safer by only letting few people in. But… I have been married to a good man for 27 years, have a few close friends. My son and I are close, he knows my childhood and he was given the childhood with love and support he deserved - I was a gentle and kind mom because I refused to be like my mom. my husband and I are close and if I was unsure, I would ask him for advice. I wasn’t reactive - he was a child and deserved to be happy and loved. He is 24 and moved out at 20, but moved back at 22 because he wanted to live here again - they are building their first home. Our house is happy. I only got help 7 years ago because I knew my childhood was wrong. But our children grew up feeling lived and respected because they were never going to have a childhood like I had - I refused to be like my parent, I modelled myself on my mother in law.

[@noturbo]

its so sad and i have been so hurt by a person with BPD i just cry a lot because she cant love me like she says she wants too.

[@usnavyseals5038]

❤️❤️❤️

[@AdrianHiggins83]

❤

[@naamasarid]

I find this video very offensive. It is extremely stigmatizing! you can’t say that about all parents that has bpd. lots of people with bpd would want to be parents someday, and it is one of the biggest reasons they have to motivate themselves to get better. So this video it’s not just not helping but it is literally offensive. It literally can make people with bpd think they can’t have children just because of a diagnosis they have. Additionally not all People with bpd act like that or are toxic. so please as you claim to be a therapist don’t hurt a huge amount of bpd patients with this generalization. We both know that it is way more complicated than as you’ve presented it.

[@rarinf.4579]

Would you say the same things about people with NPD?

[@ZAB_Nailz]

I’m so sorry Kati, I love you, but the way you framed this video as “if you had a BPD parent, they must have emotionally scarred you in some way/been manipulative/is someone you should move away from”, is contributing to the stigmatization of people with BPD. As a SW grad, this is not at all strengths based, and really does show a significant bias, in my opinion.

[@ashleypg1708]

She is merely speaking the truth. I'm so tired of people demanding we pussyfoot around the reality of personality disorders, worrying about how the facts might hurt someone's feelings. We don't encourage providers to use euphemisms when speaking about disease.

[@ZAB_Nailz]

@@ashleypg1708 I’m all for saying that people with these personality disorders CAN be manipulative, MAY have emotionally scarred you, MAY be someone you should move away from. I just don’t like that she implied that every single person with BPD are for sure manipulative, etc.