Getting body shamed & starting an argument | Ep. 65

[@Aliciaberget]

It’s refreshing to see Matt and Abby disagree on parenting! It’s nice to see them being REAL and not obsessing over each other. This is parenting, it’s not always easy, you won’t always agree.

[@HarrietHenrici]

Teacher here! I think it all depends on what is being left and what the consequences are. Major project that will cause them to fail? If you have the time and the ability, bring it. Minor homework that will lower their grade a little? Tell them no. Lunch? Bring it for them or make sure they have a way to buy one at school. Cleats for a big game? Bring it for them. Cleats for practice? Let the coach handle the consequences. When you take the ability away from the teacher to enforce consequences, students learn that teachers have no authority and parents will take responsibility for their actions. You are setting yourself up to have a child that doesn’t understand consequences and responsibility.

[@Vrsenese1095]

This is such a great outlook from the teacher perspective!

[@Iam_laurenthrasherrr]

So good! Glad you chimed in, I’m not a teacher OR a parent (just strong opinions lol) and was thinking the same just bc of common sense and knowing what would work for me as a kid. Kids being responsible for minor stuff will help them in the long run and help with the big stuff will spare them from unnecessary embarrassment and shame and also build trust!

[@Crismsu11]

I agree! I remember forgetting my homework in the fourth grade. I hated making bad grades and was so worried. So, my dad took me up to the school, and the teacher fussed at him and told him that I needed to learn the consequences. Honestly, making an F on one homework assignment is probably not going to cause the child to fail. I agree with you that if it is a major project, then maybe you should. It definitely depends on the situation.

[@Shellsea22]

Teachers aren't the parents

[@graceherren3217]

anytime I ever forgot homework in all years of school. They would always tell me to call my parents and see if they could bring it and I went to several different school districts.

[@beccaladendorf971]

That doctor was a literal whack job. Tell your kid they’re smart. Tell them they’re beautiful. Tell them they’re kind. Compliment your child. Affirmations are SO important.

[@MarieYutzy-q1l]

Right!🙄

[@jenniferantonio6389]

I agree. I actually could only listen to about half of that podcast with that Dr. Matt and Abby, you guys have awesome parents and have become amazing parents. You do what is best for your family. Not all doctors are correct. Use your own judgment. Abby, you look amazing and I'm glad that you tell the haters to shut up! You go girl!

[@chandlernoah2273]

I 1000% agree

[@lizakayparr4011]

Didn’t even watchhhhh that episode! I knew it would trigger me so I just skipped right over it!

[@RachelHennessey-cc9it]

Praising in that way actually leads to low self esteem; instead it’s better to praise your kids for working hard, trying again when they fail, etc…

[@stephnjimenez]

As a teacher speaking here, the natural consequence to forgetting homework is a late work penalty or having to redo it in class. It is nice to have parents support kids with moments of forgetting here and there or especially when it’s a larger project. But I will say, it is a privileged life to have someone able to bring things at the drop of a hat, most students do not, and they have to learn that they are putting parents in difficult situations to have to drive home and get your work to school. It’s not only about responsibility for yourself but also being considerate of the support system you have around you not having to go out of their way next time because you made an easily avoidable mistake.

[@hopereed7379]

This!!

[@username9999]

Yeah, if my husband forgets something, he can't leave work to get it. if it is something VERY important, I might have to drop what I am doing and go help, like the time my husband forgot to put gas in his car and was stranded on the side of the rode. My son missed out on his plans because we had to go help Dad. We help each other, but our actions have consequences. We shouldn't teach kids not to worry about their homework because "mommy will bring it" instead they can learn, my mom cares about me and will help when she can, but her world doesn't revolve around me.

[@ohamberboo]

I’m a teacher, too! I couldn’t agree with you more!!!

[@coletteking45]

this is an interesting debate. i am 16 and throughout elementary and middle school, my parents would always bring stuff if they were able to. they would still sort of scold me and tell me i need to be better at organizing and remembering my stuff, but they still brought my forgotten work to school most of the time which established a level of trust. now that i can drive, i take up the responsibility of running home during lunch or a free period to get my supplies. i have not turned into a snob who doesn’t respect authority or deadlines. i thibk it really just depends on the kid because i promise you, my parents bringing my stuff to school didn’t ruin me as a person.

[@asecmimosas4536]

@@username9999 this exactly. I work. I have known people who lost their jobs over innocent forgetfulness of things like deadlines or appointments. And to be clear, we've all done it, but there are real world consequences when it happens, more than just lost time. In the adult world, yes we're all imperfect and we still forget things and drop the ball, but if client does get the service he paid for, that is an issue in more ways than just time.

[@Maddy-zk5gc]

Not Matt listening to one doctor and now he has to live his whole life that way 💀 You can call your kids smart Matt…I promise they will not die 😂

[@kylies2948]

​@@kymoo4949 Not you NOT paying attention and just subscribing to troll. The last episode they had on Dr. Daniel Amen which is what he is referring to

[@ashleymarie6585]

I legit couldn’t even watch that episode because 90% of what that “doctor” was saying was pure and utter bullshit

[@madelynmerle1766]

It’s admirable. He’s just trying to be the best dad and person and really heard what the man said and took it for what the man actually said.

[@madelynmerle1766]

@@ashleymarie6585it actually wasn’t though. Most of it was mind over matter things . I get it if you’re not in a state to learn or know that your mind is powerful or your not on the page to better yourself with your children, nutrition or anything else he mentioned you won’t hear what he said.

[@Lolani-d6x]

People will not die with a lot of things. But still i want the best for my kids and their future. Also he didnt believe it blindly. He said i saw that in my childhood, maybe thats not a good idea. Its his opinion that he agrees with that opinion of the doctor. You also believed some stuff that just one person told you.

[@nicolemartel8661]

I’m an elementary teacher and you’re both right! The issue here is you’re conflating a mistake with irresponsibility. A mistake happens a few times per year when you’re rushing or something else is happening. Like if you had something going on and kiddo forgot to pack something in their bag. Irresponsibility is regularly making mistakes due to negligence. So parents say “pack your bag the night before” and kid ignores it. For the former, absolutely be there for your child. They SHOULD be able to count on you in times of need. For the latter, hard stop enabling. Always start with the first, setting them up with good habits and having discussions about how to improve when mistakes are made, but your child shouldn’t feel like they’re on their own for making a mistake they can’t fix

[@urfavjonjon196]

matt’s saying all this about not bringing in his child’s homework like he didn’t forget to pay the water bill for 7 months

[@Username-dh3mn]

😂😂😂😂

[@kelseykelchner4325]

I work with Psychologists and therapists. One of the most common issues we are seeing is parents having issues with irresponsible children. From money to refusing to work to always asking their parents to take care of things for them. To an extent I believe it’s ok. But when I am seeing family issues as a result of paying for their car, their utilities, always getting them out of trouble and getting disrespected…that’s where the issues come in.

[@brittanyhoward9186]

I feel like I just was a fly on the wall in their house listening to couch conversation after the kids go to sleep…and I love that

[@fonjadidi]

I feel like abby is one of those women where people will like to say oh she bounced back its all natural and genes but this chick works out 5x per week!! thats dedications and such hard work.

[@cordulamayr]

but showing that off doesn't help for that people that can't afford going 5 times a week to gym because they all by themselves

[@natashagarcia491]

Literally. I get maybe 20 mins a day to myzelf & i definitely dont want to use that working out. Not even dont want too but physically dont know if i could. ​@cordulamayr

[@cordulamayr]

@@natashagarcia491 same I have three kids and my only time is pretty much after bedtimes my husband is work all day don't have grandparents close by

[@ivyraiyne24]

Working out is only about 20%. Diet is also a huge thing and she has a really good diet. So with all the work she’s put in, that is a huge reason. I have 3 babies and My oldest just turned 4. I started researching a lot of different types of diets and workouts and such just so I could find what’s best for me. But yeah, diet is a huge input on top of working out 😅

[@cordulamayr]

@@ivyraiyne24 I know that most of it is probably genetics I have some friends that have multiple kids and are that skinny like her but don't really work out I just think is wrong from them all the time talking about having that luxury of gym can the not move on we know by now and talk other things

[@jaimseygirl2594]

My husband’s parents were the kind who would never have brought him his homework, and he is a very successful business owner today….and also struggles with perfectionism, depression, addiction, and holds himself and others to an impossible standard that cannot be reached. Also, he’s still forgetful despite his parents’ best graceless efforts. 🤷‍♀️

[@nessness_x]

Sorry Abby but Matt is 100% right. As a therapist, I’m seeing the detrimental effects of parents not allowing their children to experience natural consequences! It turns them into entitled, ungrateful, and irresponsible teens who then become adults who are the same.

[@tenishabotha6032]

Helping out now and then will NOT have detrimental consequences. People are taking this WAY too far.

[@nessness_x]

@@tenishabotha6032 I agree- now and then of course but Abby seems like she’d do it every time and allow them to turn it into a habit.

[@wetcat537]

children may resist to fulfill a task properly (i.e not doing it on porpose, doing it incorrectly) as a way to communicate to parents that they dont feel heard. Go read some experts like dr. gabor maté. two correlated things do not mean one causes the other. entitled and irresponsible adults come from kids that are systematically disrespected and not listened to by parents. There is a whole body of research on this for the last 40 years

[@tracylehman3710]

Totally agree with Matt. I had the three times rule. Will come to school 3 times for anything you need or have forgotten….lunch, homework, permission slip etc. After that it is on them. It works!

[@maymayyyy]

let's also not forget that we might not know when a kid is neurodivergent....

[@jackinzbox.]

@@maymayyyyAs someone with pretty severe ADHD I don’t think it should matter if you’re neurodivergent. The real world doesn’t care if you have ADHD, ASD, etc. you sure as hell aren’t going to get an extension on your credit card bill for being neurodivergent. If anything it’s even more of a reason to not fix a relatively small and meaningless mistake such as forgetting homework. A person with ADHD needs to work harder at organization than most and if they don’t realize that it’s an issue then they will never have the motivation to work towards fixing it. By a parent fixing mistakes and preventing negative consequences most children will never see why they need to improve and that especially reigns true for neurodivergent children. A parent’s job is to help give the child skills and tools such as organization structures to help with things such as forgetting homework not to turn their hw in for them. If they don’t have the skills later in life when nobody’s around to help they will inevitably forget more important things such as paying bills. Being neurodivergent should afford you at most more patience not an unlimited get out of jail free card.

[@maymayyyy]

@@jackinzbox. the world also doesnt care if a person has cancer. doesnt make it ok to make a person with cancer do shit just because..... mental illness should be treated with the same respect and importsnce as any other illness

[@maymayyyy]

@@jackinzbox. also, "Parts of the ADHD brain mature at a slower pace (approximately one to three years) and never reach the maturity of a person who does not have ADHD"

[@godislovepraisehim8483]

@@maymayyyyare you srsly equating neurodivergent to cancer? 😂 coming from a neurodivergent person,… that’s laughable. Neurodivergent kids need to work harder to overcome their challenges because like another poster said, which is true, in adulthood nobody is going to give you a pass for your neurodivergence. Nobody. So figure it out early on bc your employer won’t care, the bill collector won’t care, the law doesn’t care… outside of some agreed upon school accommodations in professional school i learned by failures my parents allowed me to experience and I’m glad they didn’t just bail me out bc i needed to learn. I’m successful BECAUSE i didn’t make excuses and neither did those around me.

[@kristinraeee]

Abby I’m so glad you’re vocal about the importance of fitness in motherhood. I am mom of 2 and Orange Theory is such a bright spot in my day and makes me a better mom not only because it’s a huge stress relief but also because I’m showing my girls to be strong and to honor their bodies. Being a girl mom, I want them to know what healthy looks like.

[@ulrikanilsson6395]

Another thought about the whole "going to the gym while sick" What about not wanting to get other people sick?

[@Daydreamerr13]

Did you not live thru 2020? Americans don’t care and never will girl

[@jennal1260]

I don't mind when you guys argue on the podcast because 1.) it's interesting to hear your separate views, and 2.) my parents never really argued in front of us, so it's nice to see an example of people in a good marriage handling conflict (and knowing it's ok to argue)

[@mommybreakdown]

I really enjoyed the debate as well! I kept on nodding my head as both had great points 😆

[@VicToria-fw4ph]

That's so cool Abby that you can do all those things when you are sick. But I also think that Matt is right in saying that he just needs to sleep. It's beautiful that you don't have to do It like Matt. But don't forget that every body Is different.

[@melisa8256]

I dislike how Abby says things like that. She talks in absolutes and expects that everyone can and will be able to “mind over matter” everything. If that was true Abby why did you make your teeth look like a mannequins mouth. Why didn’t you just power mind your way to a different smile?

[@Savyspice]

So odd that she’s shaming Matt for resting while he’s sick? It’s healthier to do that. Going to the gym while you’re sick is incredibly selfish. So entitled. Getting sick is an actual physical thing happening. That’s adorable that you think you’re above everything but that’s not how it works.

[@RybugAndBros]

It's incredibly selfish. She's spreading germs to the healthy ones in the gym. Ugh I hope she at least wears a mask when she's mind over mattering out in public. 😊

[@SharpsfarmAJ]

Yes agree. Let’s normalize people healing the way they see fit for their bodies

[@elizabethhethera505]

Yes she did the same thing in the other episode too. Bullying

[@lttree2391]

telling kids they're smart is good. Being told you're smart helps you trust your witts and it becomes a self fulfilling proficy. You can also say "well done, you worked hard" etc but I don't believe they are mutually exclusive. It's extremely useful to tell kids they are smart or artistic or whatever it is yiu notice to affirm them.

[@colinoswald2]

My neighbor - a girl one year older than me - was a genius. She nailed her exams and came first in the district. When she went to show her dad her report he looked at the sealed envelope and asked, ‘did you try your best?’. She said yes. He never bothered to open it. …she’s a doctor now. And attributes her achievements to her parents’ efforts in child rearing.

[@susanadyer9017]

Please stay home when you’re sick, do not be part of the problem, you go to the gym, spread it to someone who brings it home to their kids or loved ones who don’t have the immune system you do. You are being beyond inconsiderate. God forbid someone got your kids sick and they ended up in the hospital though.

[@SaraMc-ez2mv]

I am a teacher….Matt you are so right about the homework….he will only forget it once…. He will learn quickly to take responsibility for his stuff!

[@colinoswald2]

I’m also an elementary/ junior high teacher. And I side with Abby….

[@giorgiab6538]

I guess it depends on the kids’age

[@Anna-1937]

My parents never covered for me. They made sure my homework was done and it went to school with me. Kids shouldn’t be forgetting their homework!

[@maymayyyy]

let's also not forget that we might not know when a kid is neurodivergent.. I only got my BPD diagnosis at 21 and ADHD diagnosis at 24. I got in so much trouble at school for different things and people in general just though I has bad/dumb compared to other people. junior year they made us take an IQ test and I got the second highest score in class. But at the moment (26) I'm having even more trouble with adhd because its getting worse even with medication, so i've been going to different doctors.. (eng is not my first language)

[@pam34751]

Matt is correct. If you always doing everything for them they won't be responsible as a adult.

[@laurahinojosa2716]

I love this podcast so much! Their conversations are SO real. These are the real life parenting situations that You need to discuss with your partner! From experience, this has happened to hubby and I and it was a really big deal

[@rysmomma451]

Matt is ABSOLUTELY right this entire episode. No you cannot “manifest” a viral sickness away, and no teachers do not recommend a parent bring schoolwork that is forgotten, especially once they are out of elementary school.

[@tenishabotha6032]

No one became a bad person or failed in life because a parent brought homework to school. As a parent if you can help nou and then, then do so. Why not help on purpose?

[@graceherren3217]

anytime I ever forgot homework. My teachers told me to call my parents and see if they could bring it.

[@conchitacolez]

100% Kids learn how to be resposnbile by having natural consequences. Suffering the relatively minor consequences for forgotten homework in grade school helps them learn to put it in their backpack the night before. Those skills directly translates to adulthood, and greatly minimizes the negative impact of much bigger consequences later. A kid that learns to remember their homework is the same teenager who reads the parking regulations and parks legally so that their mom's car does not get towed. It's a direct line.

[@thepremaritaldiaries]

@@tenishabotha6032 Again, not a bad person but It makes for a better experience at school for the child.

[@thebeautyoflife327]

My parents let me “figure out” problems on my own. I became very self reliant very quickly because they wanted me to learn. It was right around the same time I stopped feeling like I could go to them for help with anything - anxiety, breakups, mistakes, sexual assault - nothing. Now in my 30s, we are not close and they are the last people to know if I have any struggles going on.

[@thebeautyoflife327]

I am an *excellent* problem solver. But do not know how to ask for help. And that’s directly related to my upbringing.

[@Oscardc398]

12:22 This podcast is an excellent example of how people can easily fall into an extreme way of thinking. All or nothing. Instead of navigating the nuances that come up with each situation. I hope Matt is able to maintain an open mind instead of deciding how he thinks he needs to parent his future 16 y/o through high school when the kid isn’t even 6 years old rn

[@daniellemcconnico]

My daughter is on her 3rd summer of ISR (it turns into swim lessons after the “floating” lessons. And she LOVES it now. She fell in the pool the other day and was able to get to the side and get herself out and she’s only 2! Totally worth it!

[@cenavisch8888]

Wow, that's amazing!! So happy for your family ❤

[@martinjl333]

Abby to Matt: “You’re a hard kid to parent right now” 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️

[@TheGlowingqueen]

Not a good idea to put your partner down like that in public, especially on a podcast. Talk about it in private.

[@user-ij9eu4wf3s]

@@TheGlowingqueen do you not see the way he’s acting? He literally won’t let her talk or he will keep forcing his opinion down her throat

[@baumannallie]

You two talk about simple, every day stuff so honestly. It's really refreshing! I'm a mom of 3, and my youngest is your youngest's age.

[@racheltherese4161]

Regarding the homework and food situation, homework is the child’s responsibility at any age really pretty much especially in high school, but the food situation is a necessity for living so I agree with Matt on this one. Sorry, Abby.

[@belladurst9341]

You guys should have a garbage truck themed birthday party for Griffin since Griffin loves the garbage truck. Maybe the garbage man could even make a special surprise appearance😂

[@photofly18]

😂😂😂

[@MaryThomas-wk3zv]

OMG Abby your conclusion on parenting is SPOT on!!! Ya all just keep in your mind as parents,that every child is different,and keep your minds open on the parental handbook.

[@ashleybrindley6353]

Fully agree with Matt on the whole homework thing and not letting the kids fall back on mom and dad for their own mistakes, if your always saving the day with things like them not taking in home work they are never going to learn to face their own consequences and correct their own mistakes x

[@maymayyyy]

please let's also not forget that we might not know when a kid is neurodivergent..

[@Franciellestephanie]

NEVER? Never is too long. Parenting is not that black and white, and most things don't have this permanent consequence that we fear so much. We can be a bit more natural, use our gut feeling and individualize our approach to our kid's behavior.

[@valeriuhv]

You also want to teach them that is okay to ask for help. Life is not meant to be lived alone.

[@josiestyers5784]

Can I ask what you would do if your kid forgets their lunch? Would you make them go hungry or bring them lunch?

[@maymayyyy]

@@josiestyers5784 right. people forget that a brain is only fully formed after their 20's and expect the same things from a 8yr as they would a 30yr.. also, parents dont know a lot of the times when their kid is being bullied or other bad things, and it only gets worse the stricter they get. the kid will never tell them if something bad happens

[@marilena241]

I‘m not a doctor but I‘m a little concerned about abby 🥺 I live in germany and we hear so much about people having to go to the hospital because they work out when they are sick. It‘s called Myocarditis. Just want you to be safe, Abby! Love the podcast ❤️❤️

[@chloecagle6493]

yes it’s crucial to rest and let your immune system do its job!

[@champitadub]

Myocarditis was not a common occurrence nor due to working out while sick. The increase in myocarditis has become more common since the COVID vaccine was given to people. Research it.

[@ulrikanilsson6395]

Yes, very true! Can happen what ever age you are.

[@mechadoggy]

Myocarditis? You sure you’re not talking about rhabdomyolysis? (I actually saw a patient admitted into the hospital for rhabdomyolysis due to his trainer overworking him too much.)

[@kaymaceachern]

Not to mention.. please let’s not spread germs around a gym for others to get sick when we can just workout at home

[@brennathiessen5600]

I can totally tell that Matt's views vs. Abby's views are based on how they were parented themselves. Their parents were different, so they base their parenting from what they like and disliked from their childhoods. This is really healthy, and I think a healthy disagreement with listening is very important.

[@reign4723]

I think you together have a mix of what most children need. Abby is right that there are occasional mistakes that you could give grace. And Matt is right that you don’t want to do EVERYTHING to where your child doesn’t learn self responsibility. I’m sure you can find a way where you BOTH compromise on the situation and give a little of each in your approach. Your kids are lucky to have you as parents.

[@shruggs5279]

I love you guys, but Abby is a bit spoiled and needs to be more open to Matt's opinion. His thoughts are valid and very solid points. Forgetting things is not always innocent. It is also lazy.

[@nicolekrajniak9727]

maybe matt should also be more open. Bringing it every single time? Not necessary. Not bringing it even thought the kid put in a ton of work? For sure not. I’m sure if you forgot something important you needed for a work meeting and your partner was at home, and hat the possibility to bring it you would call them and ask them to help out. that’s the difference between family and the world, you should be able to rely on them in times of need. Letting them repeat a whole class because of an innocent mistake is taking it too far. Bringing them their homework every week cause they made it a habit? Also too far.

[@susanaweeber]

That’s what I was thinking, she seems like a bratt!

[@shruggs5279]

@@susanaweeber I'm not sure I'd say that. She just needs to understand that just because she was raised one way doesn't mean that it's the only way.

[@musicmural1684]

My parents never brought my homework. Only forgot maybe 1-2 times all of high school! Responsibility, sucked but it reminded me to check my bag!

[@ashleyhart9445]

I like that you guys have these videos where it is just you two as well as interviews with other people. Glad it is a mix. My favorite ones are the ones where it is just the two of you.

[@kinseylawrence14]

ISR lessons have saved so many kids lives. I had an old teacher lose his child from drowning in a pool in his backyard. The lessons can be chaotic, but I would rather deal with the chaos over losing a child. Now my old teacher has both his 6 month old and 2 year old babies both in lessons.

[@MrsCarrieSnyder]

I agree with Matt on the homework. I have a 23yo, 13yo and 7yo. Believe me, you do not want to enable them. One, maybe twice. But definitely not more than 2 times. You are raising adults in training. There are consequences 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s starts with the little things. They can help themselves by not forgetting.

[@autumnmarietaggart]

i agree maybe like 3 strikes or something

[@paolacalderon2843]

Staying up late to do an assignment! Got lucky to see the podcast. I just turned 20 and I love your content! I really enjoy the episodes when you two just discuss. Not sure if Matt and Abby will see but I hope you guys know a lot of us genuinely appreciate your content 😊

[@TaliaBSJ]

I have 4 kids, middle school and college age. I fully agree with Matt, that if they forget homework, and have to deal with the consequence of forgetting, they won’t forget again. If they have the fall back of ‘oh, mom will do it’ all the time, they won’t learn to right their actions.

[@tracilord4854]

Ok Ruby

[@Daydreamerr13]

@@tracilord4854LMAO

[@hellosophie79]

God forbid a child forgets something nowadays my god 😂

[@TheSandee88]

Abby please don’t go to the gym when you’re sick. I’m so glad you are healthy and the “common cold” is no big deal to you but those of us who are immunocompromised should be able to go to the gym without fearing coming in contact with a sick person.

[@cuteshaybay]

💯 agree

[@denisegreene8441]

My nephew has cystic fibrosis. He goes to the gym to keep himself strong. It is VERY irresponsible to go to the gym while sick. How selfish. If your sick work out at home. You still get your workout and you don't infect someone else. Your common cold can kill someone with a lung disease or is immuo compromised.

[@Jkm7fh]

100% When you’re sick, stay home Abby. You can still exercise at home. Also, get some freakin’ sleep!

[@Fakegrape7777]

Agreed! Going to the gym when you’re sick isn’t cool. Just do a workout at home!

[@keishaadams5772]

Matt reminded me of my husband in one of our conversations when he said let me finish 😂😂😂 oopsie and Abby totally me - no this is an active conversation 🤣🤣 13:03

[@sara.j5855]

Hahahahaha same!

[@willowno4331]

On the whole homework forgetful topic I think a good solution would be to say “okay I will bring your homework this time but next time it is your responsibility to remember this” it gives your child the benefit of the doubt but still warns them of what could happen if they aren't responsible next time. I hope this helps ❤

[@inlovingfavor]

I’ve noticed that when you guys are talking about your kids you tend to say “my” instead of “our” a lot I absolutely love you guys and your family so I wanted to mention that’s something I did notice. When I was training to be an admin for our real estate team I watched one of the videos for my team lead’s training portion on her behalf and they mentioned that if a team member isn’t saying “us” “we” “our” “ours” etc when addressing things relating to the team it symbolizes that they’re not fully invested in being a team. Not saying that’s what you guys are doing of course but since this episode y’all said you were “arguing” on camera (healthiest argument I’ve ever seen by the way haha) that may be something to implement in the future! 💗

[@anaitwe]

I agree with Matt about the homework. Yeah, if it happens the first time, I think it's ok to bring it to them and also warn them "they need to learn to remember this for themselves, preferably an evening before, and if it happens again, he will be without it". People/children have to learn these things for our/themselves, learn to solve our problems, our mistakes. We can't be here ALL the time for them, so we shouldn't be. We cannot protect them from every bad thing in this world, but we CAN teach them about them. Teach them how to protect themselves, how to think for themselves, how to solve problems for themselves.

[@Sammymydaughter]

I like the strike 3 rule. You get three mishaps (forgetting homework etc) per school year. If it becomes an issue, then you enforce a more strict consequence.

[@emms4867]

I never once expected my parents to bring me my homework in 😅 I feel like that's really overpriviliged and babying behaviour. they will only get in a bit of trouble and they will learn their lesson. It happened a ton of times to me but teachers knew I was a good student and I never got into too much trouble

[@valeriuhv]

So your parents didn’t take the homework to school and you still kept forgetting? So, it doesn’t work. I think it’s okay to teach children that they can ask for help ESPECIALLY from their parents

[@AC-iw5mv]

I never forgot my homework or if I did my parents surely didn’t bring it in either. Must have got punished and never did it again because I can’t remember forgetting it

[@thepremaritaldiaries]

@@valeriuhv Yeah but not in these situations. What's the worst that could happen to them? It isn't a need. I for sure would never want to call my parents, for them to get dressed, leave the house, and disrupt their day for something so small as homework. I'd rather deal with the consequences and move on.

[@coletteking45]

this is an interesting debate. i am 16 and throughout elementary and middle school, my parents would always bring stuff if they were able to. they would still sort of scold me and tell me i need to be better at organizing and remembering my stuff, but they still brought my forgotten work to school most of the time which established a level of trust. now that i can drive, i take up the responsibility of running home during lunch or a free period to get my supplies. i have not turned into a snob who doesn’t respect authority or deadlines. i thibk it really just depends on the kid because i promise you, my parents bringing my stuff to school didn’t ruin me as a person.

[@turner0109]

Abby you just said exactly what I have always said: I don’t have any external goals, I just want to work out, protect my body from breaking down and prolong my life by being healthy! I don’t diet or strain in the gym, I just change my lifestyle so that it gives me a healthy mind.

[@Bend_Dover270]

She seems so annoyed with him 💀

[@carolynturk-hu7je]

Abby is 100% right! What a great relationship she had/has with her parents. And they are there helping Matt and Abby in their home with their children! How loving!

[@ninasimonetti4819]

Abby. You rock. You are obviously so intuitive about parenting, and understanding that each child might need something different to develop the values you want to instill. Matt leans toward objective rules, but you will always be able to explain to him your child’s individual needs in the moment, and Matt will listen and recognize your wisdom. Your kids hit the lottery getting you as parents!

[@caleblamproe2444]

I’ve really enjoyed seeing how Matt and Abby have changed and developed post-kids. Love seeing how they’ve adapted in this season of their life. Love it

[@emmie099]

Abby if you bring Griffin his homework everytime he forgets, he’ll never learn to remember. You want to teach your kids that there’s consequences to his actions so next time he remembers. It may sound harsh to you but you’re setting them up to be responsible and successful. You bring griffin his homework everytime he forgets and you’re going to be bringing him his briefcase to work when he’s 30 and forgets it at home because he’s used to his mom bringing him everything!

[@victorialasvergnas5110]

I think as a parent, you need to help them become organised. Remind them as they are young to check their bags, to always place finished work back in. If accidents happen they can deal with them. Teachers understand it can happen sometimes. It is part of growing up.

[@wendyturner6514]

I totally agree with Abby about the homework!! I’m a teacher but I’m also a mom and I made many trips to take my kids things they forgot. They all three are grown and are wonderful, successful adults!! I don’t think letting your kids suffer makes them responsible! There are many ways to teach them responsibility.

[@JinnetteandShawn]

Completely agree with Abby as well! This only happened to me a couple times when I was in school and I felt worse having to ask my mom to bring it to me. I’m grateful my mom would go out of her way to do things like that.

[@victoriakayye]

suffer? you were a hover parent

[@wendyturner6514]

@@victoriakayye I was the total opposite of that. My kids trust me and tell me everything because I gave them space and stayed out of their business unless they asked for my guidance. You, my dear, do not know me or my children so keep your opinions to yourself. You probably don’t even have children! lol 😂

[@wendyturner6514]

@@cajbaf I definitely didn’t enable them at all. I have a son who is 22 and he graduates this weekend with his bachelor’s in marketing and management. He also has his real estate license and works for ReMax and he has rental property. My daughter is 20 and will be a senior in college majoring in marketing and management plus she holds down a full time job and lives on her own. My 18 year old is a content creator and is making a killing at it!! So whatever kind of parent you want to call me is fine by me because my kids turned out awesome and amazing. We also have wonderful relationships with one another! I love my family! By the way, I raised all three on my own. I’m very proud of them!

[@wendyturner6514]

@@JinnetteandShawn aww! It sounds like your mom was wonderful and you turned out amazing!

[@sheenaelaine]

I love Abby’s confidence in her postpartum body. Currently in my postpartum phase and definitely have had self confidence issues😕 It’s nice to see more and more people normalize loose skin and stretch marks 🫶🏼

[@alexandrapartington9721]

Abby hit the nail on the head when she said that they should veiw parenting through the lense of each individual child. One parenting choice might make sense for one child and not the other.

[@Sarah-m2n5n]

She isn’t saying you can think yourself out of sickness, she is implying that your mindset can help or hurt you when in a recovery of any sickness. This has been proven.

[@LoraJoSchneider]

As an enneagram 9, this episode gave me great anxiety…so much debate and conflict! 😫

[@kristennicoletalbot]

YES, I found Matt sooooo overpowering and like abrasive almost

[@gregorypaul0]

I think she looks better without makeup. She seems more real. That way the podcast seems more unplanned. Have a good day!

[@kathleentorres2010]

He can sleep for 12 hrs because Abby is there to do everything that needs to be done. How thoughtful he is.

[@akaemmaclaire]

my mom would NEVER bring an assignment or sports equipment I had forgotten and I thank her for it! I recall those memories DAILY as an adult in my working life. Matt is unfortunately right- you have to TEACH consequences to children in the times it's not life or death.

[@Amri21599]

ABBY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share more about how your parents created your bond. I have a terrible relationship with my parents and want so badly a good relationship like that with my kids. Please please share more

[@leen34568]

you’ll do great honey im sure of it

[@taryncombrink9838]

I have to say. I agree with Matt on the homework thing. Family members daughter is now failing school because the parents are always helping and doing everything for her. She has not learned any planning skills, no time management skills. And now does not want to do homework and they have to drag her to do it. And she is still failing. If you forget something. You need to plan and they need to learn to plan. They now had to step back so she can learn responsibility. And that is costing her to fail a whole year. 😢

[@SailorMaplePrismPower]

Matt's "if I forget something I face the natural consequences for it" no you don't! Your wife fixes it for you! Like when you forgot to pay the water bill because you just didn't realize you had to pay it, guess who fixed that? Abby! She does everything for him and he constantly disrespects her

[@OnlineTherapistGroup]

There are lots of books on "natural consequences" you can read that will help you navigate when/how to let children experience the consequences of their actions, without it being traumatic/harmful. In case that might be helpful.

[@courtneyross2518]

My daughter does ISR (Infant Swim Resource) and first started at 14 months. She’s back again at 24 and is now learning how to swim + float + rest in a sequence until she gets to a wall or stairs. She wasn’t developmentally ready the first time so she only learned her back float and other techniques such as breathing or closing her mouth. The first time she cried every lesson and this time she whines but talks about her instructor when she’s not there. Our swim instructor recommends to smile even with the crying and tell them good job. I would say ISR is definitely worth it and it’s amazing the skills they can learn at such a young age!

[@tyara.collins]

Abby you’re killing it in the gym girl you look amazing! Let me tell you if I left my homework at home my parents had work so they couldn’t just come to the school and drop it off. My parents got me into the habit that when I was done with my homework it goes in a folder in my back pack. Most of the time my homework got done in after care once I got to middle school and hs my mom would check to make sure I was submitting my assignments. I worked up until the end of my junior year I had a babysitting job & I also worked at a theater. Once I hit my senior year my mom told me I should enjoy it and focus on my studies. All of that just to go to college a year later 😂

[@katetomlinson1638]

Omg abby your skin is just that I’m so happy you have shown your belly, I’m an anxious person and I’m so thankful, so so so thankful.

[@shaunnaaustin8167]

Just because he hates ISR, it WILL save his life! It won't be traumatizing when they have a good teacher. It's also teaching him to push thru a tough experience and learn such a wonder life saving thing.

[@cheyanneemerine5305]

Don’t give up on the lessons! It’s so hard to watch but so important especially if your around water a lot! Most kids do cry the entire lesson!

[@MelanieNasturzio-zc5fs]

Abby what you are saying about your parents is beautiful!!!! I agree so much with what you’re saying my mom was the same way and she was my very best friend could tell her literally anything and she would give incredible advice! I know people with parents who were less involved no compliments or encouragement and they have estranged relationships and can’t even tell them about anything very surface level

[@grahamlifejourney]

It’s about the journey!!❤. The ups, the downs, learning through the new & challenging things. Being positive & loving your life!! ❤❤❤

[@adm102987]

I’m with Matt. Unless it is a basic need, they are responsible for it.

[@איילהחן-סבירסקי]

Hi, I hope you will read this: Thank you, Abby, for talking about how happy you are and satisfied with your life and all the little everyday things. You are right, It makes me feel happy, too😊. I'm married and a mother of 2 (19M & 4Y), and I work full time, so I'm usually very thin with time and don't enjoy everydays things (too stressed), and that's a mistake.. I would love to hear more about your day and the way you see it - spending time with the kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and enjoying every minute of it ❤

[@lunarmountain4436]

Look at it from a perspective if a parent is at work and cannot go home to get their child their homework if they left it at home.

[@AutumnSkyyInsider]

Yep, I agree

[@hopereed7379]

Was thinking the exact same thing! Most kids don’t even have the opportunity to have their parents leave work to do that. If two kids left them, one of their parents brought and one didn’t, the one that parents could bring it gets punished!

[@sabrinasims1050]

Completely agree with Matt! If the assignment is that important, the student won’t forget it. If they do, it will be a lesson learned and I doubt they would do it again.

[@emily.lynne4]

One time I forgot to wear underwear under my school uniform. All I gotta say was I am so glad my mom brought me underwear that I somehow forgot LOLOL

[@carolynturk-hu7je]

I knew in that moment of Abby watching the wedding video, that her tears were from seeing her Grandfathers again, who are no longer here. Loss is hard, and she is very much navigating the most recent loss. 😢❤

[@danielleburton3549]

Abby if you are in a college class and you forgot your assignment, you don’t get to just leave and get it or your parents cannot just be on call to get it. I also started off going to the school and getting my daughter’s math book after school if she forgot it and of course brought lunches and stuff and then I learned to let her fail and face consequences. She is in middle school and has learned that it’s okay to forget sometimes, but this is a business you are running so you just have to face being perfectly imperfect, and work on self responsibility. It’s so hard not to rescue our babies but amazing for them to experience real life experiences and grace from others and teachers sometimes. Just my opinion.

[@hannahmckenney8007]

agree with abby 100% everyone forgets things from time to time so having your parents bring you something you forgot is not that big of a deal. high school students are usually under a lot of stress especially if they are high achievers with sports getting good grades etc… you can easily relieve a lot of stress for them if you just bring them their assignment. especially if you aren’t doing anything. if my dad was in a day off and i forgot something he would bring it to me… if you have stuff going on and are not able to bring them their work that is a different scenerio. to say you would never bring your kid something they forgot is unfair because there are so many factors that go into it

[@ashlynnicolebenson]

On the fitness topic - finding an alternate physical activity if you don’t have the will power to go to the gym can also be helpful. I love roller skating so on days I just hate the idea of the gym I get outside and skate. But even finding your favorite park to walk in, walking is often underrated and found it very useful postpartum.❤❤❤❤

[@bayleenitafan2013]

I think it depends on what the child forgets. If they are continually not being responsible in remembering to bring their homework after you’ve brought it for them a couple times, it’s time for them to learn from consequences at school. If it’s not often of course we all forget things help them out. I think there’s a lot more to it than just yes or no

[@liiskosk]

The existential crisis part and Abby's face when Matt starts talking about existentialism again 😆. Omg.

[@meerab6457]

Haha love Abby snapping back with Ruby Franke reference!! Totally thought the same thing when he said that

[@aubriannecarpitcher-eg5zi]

That's a pretty strong comparison though and besides that if his kid forgot his lunch they have food at most schools if a kid forgets their lunch so that was a pretty extreme comparison

[@carisia.18]

As a working high schooler. I had to drop softball, even in the summer. To expect your child to be able to do full-time schooling, after school sports, and a job is unrealistic. I already go to bed at one in the morning some night because I don’t get off until 10 then I have to do homework. I know it’s different with each family, but that is my personal experience and many others.

[@jessm3405]

Pretty selfish to still go to the gym and out & about while you're sick and symptomatic.

[@sharneewaters2833]

Literally!!! Like what about people with low immune systems, who are pregnant or cant afford to get sick because they don't do KZbin

[@CARow2487]

The only way our immune systems get stronger is by being exposed to stuff - covid, masks, and the shots really hurt everyone's immune systems and people seem to be getting sick a lot more now. And are more paranoid.

[@Daydreamerr13]

I would argue 9/10 ppl probably do, look what happened during covid. It’ll never change unfortunately…

[@bolivia.j]

The world doesn’t stop because ur sick. It’s pretty privileged of you to assume people can afford to miss work or not take care of their children/ other responsibilities because they are sick. My job requires a sick note for any reason missing work. I can’t afford to get a sick note for every little sniffle. It is good for ur immune system to get sick and fight off illnesses

[@CARow2487]

@@bolivia.j 100% agree, drives me crazy how the c o v i d era ruined people - so much fear and paranoia

[@andreachamberlain5545]

I feel like Abby is being very patient. Matt should listen more even if he feels he’s right. She is sick and has to raise her voice to have her point heard. He needs to open his mind. And learn to debate with respect. All love tho they have a lot of potential ❤

[@diliz02]

Good on Matt for telling Abby to let him finish his thought. She interrupts him a lot and I’m glad he’s putting his foot down!!

[@susanaweeber]

Abby seems really entitled. Just noticing this now!

[@elizabethhethera505]

Yes very bossy and rude! She STILL went on about how he sleeps more when he’s sick. The word BULLY comes to mind - makes me feel weird watching :/ Hopefully she grows out of it

[@rkeppel4243]

Matt actually interrupts Abby quite often, so give her a break! They are a young couple who are still growing as a couple.so give them some grace concerning their communication. They are making themselves vulnerable with their online conversations for the viewers entertainment. That is a risky task as there are viewers who are super critical. Think carefully before you pass judgement.

[@madisonpickett2797]

Always love listening to Matt and Abby! This episode has to be the most real one I have listened to. The slight disagreements about different ways to parents is real!

[@Xoxo345c]

Mats way is teaching ur kids there’s no room for error and that will make them perfectionists which isn’t healthy

[@paigey88]

Exactly us adults make mistakes ALL THE TIME. It’s human nature.

[@kimkb8819]

1000%

[@kristennicoletalbot]

THIS 🙌🏽

[@AndreaLeitzel]

Retired teacher, here! Matt's point on homework is spot-on! A child's "job" is their schooling. Forgetting homework or large projects, gym clothes, etc is the responsibility of the child. Fostering independence, responsibility, and respect for themselves and others are paramount for children to developing into a self-sufficient, productive person. As an adult in the work force, a boss will not be so forgiving and flexible to allow a person to go home to retrieve a presentation or report due at a meeting. "Forgetting" homework also changes in meaning as students get older. Innocently forgetting homework should happen once.

[@Slyoung-mm6vg]

I agree with Matt, if your kids don’t learn responsibility, then you’re setting them up for failure.

[@SharpsfarmAJ]

Yeah and when Abby says social life and work and school balance. That’s also good to learn young too. I think working young is not harmful and won’t take away from social aspects. My husband worked to earn money to go ride his dirt bike (for gas) or go racing and i think when you are learning to pay for said sport or hobby you start to see if you love it or not.

[@AvaCollins-m3w]

You’re doing great and are on the same page on all the important things! Can totally see how you share germs which is so normal. Just be aware you’re spreading germs wherever you go, ugh lol! About that goal setting for kids, like a high school cheerleader gets home on a Thursday night at 10 after the game, at school the whole time until then. Has several ap classes so tons of hw and studying for a test until 12:30. Showers and has free time around 1 am but has to be up by 7:15. It’s crazy! Also Abby you look awesome ignore the noise ❤

[@Alexis-of2df]

i agree with matt on the homework discussion.. food is VERY different but homework, let him learn

[@CyleeBrown]

I died laughing at griff stealing “hits” off the baby’s pacifier 😂😂😂 idk the verbiage was so hilarious. Talking like it’s a vape

[@ellyne3863]

Matt is 1000% right about hw. Matt is a smart dude Abby, you should listen to him more. He is totally on point - you don't mess with kids food. It's absolutely essential like air, water, shelter. That's in an entirely separate category. Other than essentials kids MUST learn to fail on their own. You'll grow up with dependent kids if you're not listening to Matt on this one.

[@sarahmcdowell3261]

Just finished listening/watching the podcast. This was so real. Idea on personal responsibility that doesn't have to include being required to get a "job"...set certain ages where kids are financially responsible for certain things. They will get money from birthdays and Christmas etc. At 6 years old they can be responsible to pay for their socks. At 8 paying for underwear. Some kids will buy a pack of Walmart socks while others will save up and buy extra cool socks, but it teaches them to value their things because they have to replace them with their own money. Eventually they will be buying all their clothes at age appropriate times.

[@maymayyyy]

let's also not forget that we might not know when a kid is neurodivergent.. I only got my BPD diagnosis at 21 and ADHD diagnosis at 24.