Use THIS To Grab Your Readers

In this video I want to show you three techniques to help us write the kinds of stories that grab readers and make them forget they should have been asleep two hours ago.
I’m currently editing my eighth novel, Project Ventus and I've found a moment in where I’m not grabbing the reader.
So let’s take a look at this short moment from my book, and while I read it, see what you think needs to change.
Then we’ll talk through those three techniques we can use to fix it.
Thanks for watching!
MY NOVELLA IN FLASH - GOLD FURY:
US link: www.amazon.com/dp/B093MKXBY5
UK link: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B093MKXBY5
MY PUBLISHED STORIES:
www.fivesouth.net/post/kieren...
freeflashfiction.com/fiction/...
MY WEBSITE:
www.kierenwestwood.com/
ALL THE MUSIC I USE FOR MY VIDEOS:
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[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

MY EDITING SERVICE: www.kierenwestwood.com/editing

[@ThePrincina]

Do you help edit regular length novels? Like 80K+ words? I checked your site and only saw novel extracts.

[@sanchezelias]

You are incredibly underrated.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you, that’s really kind of you to say ☺️

[@UnrealMaliha]

I just want to point out I followed and watched soooo many KZbinrs for writing advice but always found yours the most helpful, practical and Relatable. Thank you

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you so much for saying so. I really appreciate hearing things like this. Hope you writing is going well :)

[@Adamfaraday]

This is such a good breakdown of the “show don’t tell” advice.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you!

[@JasonFuhrman]

Great example and fixes. I think it's worth mentioning you also changed the first line from passive voice to active, which immediately tightens it up. I think saying "a breath of wind" gives some personification to a degree as well, but also by saying "breath" instead of "cough" or "funk" or anything negative (because humidity really sucks haha) really gets us in the head of Karina by seeing the humid air as something pleasant that is literally guiding her to that nice memory.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

That's a really good point! Thank you. I was terrified (as usual) that i'd put this video up and everyone would say the improvements didn't work, it's lovely to have people agree and even find further supporting reasons why they do work :)

[@racheljordan2020]

That final passage is lovely, it brought up a lot of images from my childhood. Great tips 😊

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you ☺️ Being able to somehow conjure an image into a reader’s mind is one of the most elusive but magical parts of writing for me.

[@xxmaej26xx]

This is such an excellent video. That breath line was really interesting because it suddenly made the island feel alive, like it was a character in and of itself.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thanks so much! I was hoping that it would have that kind of effect :)

[@gavenace3667]

3:01 This is what so many modern fiction writers are missing. They merely type (as mentioned previously) and make short sentences that are supposedly more “digestible,” but rarely make anything beautiful. Do not fret the length of a sentence, it can be looked over with proper grammar and true, coherent beauty!

[@manymusings]

Lol. I read the thumbnail and grabbed my reading glasses😂 then realized that's not what you meant.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

This is my favourite comment in a long time, thank you 😂😂😂

[@manymusings]

@@KierenWestwoodWriting you're welcome

[@thelostgirl101]

Thanks for the tips and for showing us before and after examples!

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thanks for watching! I really appreciate the views when a video is brand new like this :)

[@velvetbees]

Thank you! This is clear and very useful.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thanks for watching and for your support on a new video, it helps a lot :)

[@opollitico]

Of course you can write like your dream authors can. You’re exceptionally talented, Kieren !!!!

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Pssshh I’m not sure on that, but thank you! ☺️

[@opollitico]

you are, man, seriously! @@KierenWestwoodWriting

[@arzabael]

Righteous sir, thanks for the three goldies. Always informative and inspirational

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you! Appreciate the support as always :)

[@arzabael]

@@KierenWestwoodWriting most definitely Sir

[@lennysmileyface]

I like how you mention the mainland being within view. I thought it was an island all by itself from the couple videos where you talk about it.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

To be honest, all the mentions so far would definitely have led you to think it was by itself, I haven't provided much detail really! :)

[@nocash7550]

Thanks for sharing, hombre. Much love & hope.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Right back at you my friend :) Thanks for watching

[@ajavierb2078]

Your videos are always very helpfull for me!

[@marymcv3442]

So much to take away from this video - thank you! And I love the revised passage - I was disappointed when it ended, I really did want to keep reading!

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I never quite know what people will think of my writing so that's really encouraging to hear!

[@andreasboe4509]

Greate advice. As I get more experience as a writer i recognize that books have personalities. The voice of the text conveys an impression of the narrator. I just read the first chapter of a book I wrote ten years ago. It reads like a nervous person laughing at his own jokes, and it's cringeworthy. The plot is good though, so I can change the voice by modifying it in the way you describe in this video. I think the examples you use from your own writings read as a bit sentimental or emotional. That's the personality of your example texts. My books have more of a dry humor personality, without falling into the trap of being sarcastic or cynical. Keep up the good work, brother.

[@roboverend1278]

Thank you for your valuable insights. Keep them coming. I wish you all the best with your projects.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thank you, likewise I wish you all the best with yours!

[@JoeyPaulOnline]

Loved the end result and loved the tips, as usual they are on point!

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thanks Joey :D

[@pauligrossinoz]

*Awesome!* Thank you Kieren, this helps me so much! 😊👍

[@lewisharwood3870]

Writing is like you asking the reader to guess what's happening in the story, and if you end up giving the reader the answer; They won't be happy, since they didn't get to work it out.

[@user-fe5xv5kd4n]

Thank you for this video! While I've instinctively followed some of these tips before, there's a substantial difference between doing so and making deliberate writing choices. I'm eager to try the latter! I look forward to going through your backlog as soon as I have time. Wishing you a pleasant day :)

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Absolutely, we can't put these things into practive all the time, it's nice to just get a reminder every once in a while to pay attention again. Thanks so much for watching! I appreciate the support :)

[@itsFOW]

I hope everything's fine, ty for your vids!

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Everything's good thank you, hope it is for you too and thanks for watching :)

[@BrittanyPutzer]

Great advice! I love the examples and the recap at the end ❤️

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Thanks Brittany! I'm definitely going to include a recap in future videos, I don't know why I haven't been doing it forever!

[@FunkMcLovin]

You sound just like Christopher Eccleston

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

You know, I've never heard that before. He's from not too far away from me though, so maybe I do!

[@XX-sp3tt]

2:16 This is awkward, since another video told me to avoid filter words like 'he saw that it was' or 'he felt'.

[@KierenWestwoodWriting]

Writing is subjective. It’s art, not science in my opinion.