Vesper's Stabbed Story

[@Akabanenabaka]

The more stories he tells the harder it gets for him to deny that he is Florida Man

[@shinodamasaru7945]

He might be Ohio man. Or California Girl.

[@Potatoras]

most likely yes

[@Prominent_Dex]

So stabbing just doesn’t make you think this is the UK

[@Armateras]

@@Prominent_Dex the outrageous medical bill means it can't be anywhere but America, watch the whole clip next time

[@zanard33]

He is a Florida Man, from what his stories tell me.

[@AltOfBlart]

Vesper could very well have been the origin of "what are they going to do, stab me?" and the suspenseful sequel the next day "what are they going to do, stab me again?"

[@mrblackjacker32.03]

... if true the lore thickens

[@MegaRazor619]

"Quote from man stabbed"

[@petipeti1235]

"what are they gonna do lock me up? i dare them!"

[@Avrage_Weeb]

This reads like a Florida man newsletter

[@chantolove]

"the other stabbing incident that i cant talk about"

[@NoyKatt]

imagine stabbing someone hoping to cause some damage and then you see the same guy drinking again the next night.

[@herniriomegax1]

The vampire I tried to kill is still alive, and now he's back at the bar to kill me.

[@frostmourne1986]

Mission failed, we'll get em next time

[@popenieafantome9527]

Vampire confirmed

[@nujevad28]

When the worst that happened after a stabbing was the medical bill....

[@jemroko7887]

@@nujevad28 it's america, the worst part of any incident or injury is the hospital bill

[@HaruGamingCh]

"I think the person that attacked me and I would get along pretty well" Just Vesper things.

[@InnocentC0]

He is true protagonist.

[@MercuryA2000]

Anime AF

[@GeneralTantzu]

Goku moment.

[@matthewmatthew981]

- Vesper was blackout drunk, unable to defend himself - Vesper was stabbed, he suspects his attacker "had the same personality as him" - Vesper somehow miraculously survived and didn't bleed out on his way home or while sleeping off his hangover. My guess is Vesper pulled some Terminator shenanigans, going back in time to kill his past self then realizing that it was a bad idea.

[@ashle9034]

bro really got stabbed and finnessed of $2200 but it wasn't a robbery it was the hospital 💀

[@Armateras]

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@justin_y1454]

American moment💀💀💀

[@patientboat1979]

USA! USA! USA! USA!

[@corazon.c]

I'd rather sleep it off or die than to pay $2,200 just for someone to tell me I've been stabbed.

[@oh3681]

Bro woke up with a bandage and a bill

[@RangerJoe77]

Amelia and Vesper have the most craziest stories I wonder how either one are still alive.

[@thetravellerx5676]

One's a time traveler, the other is a vampire

[@Tryu_SS]

What a strories about Amelia? Can you tell me?

[@NobleKnightBen]

I'm here for the Amelia histories.

[@ProfessorFanatic]

Just look up “Hololive Amelia Injuries.” There’s a compilation video about all her injury stories out there (might be dated, though - who knows how many more she’s told since then).

[@Ryw316]

Ame's childhood stories are legit horror.

[@KevinDIntrovert]

Somewhere out there there's a now-seasoned vampire slayer who, from time-to-time, stops whatever they're doing - just for a second - to think about that time they tried to kill their first vampire & thought they were going to die because they messed it up so horribly... but he just staggered away drunk without even noticing he was even attacked.

[@sophtopus259]

They also learned that getting good quality wood is non-negotiable. Metal ain't gonna work.

[@letsplaysvonaja1714]

"Ah, yes, the one that got away"

[@cletusmandeletusman2328]

@@letsplaysvonaja1714 “the fabled florida-vamp”

[@shadowlance8212]

That would make a good comic

[@Weird_Alchemist42]

Sounds like something from Hellsing Abridged.

[@Kay_Sea251]

As someone else said, all shirtless fanart of Vesper made to this point is now inaccurate.

[@popenieafantome9527]

They could have stolen his kidney and would have not noticed

[@letsplaysvonaja1714]

Well, he said light scar

[@deplorible753]

This guy slept off a stab wound, and retconned his own fanart in one clip

[@Maverick2736]

Vesper probably looks like Vash the Stampede under those clothes after the comedic action movie of a life he's lived.

[@beelzemobabbity]

@@letsplaysvonaja1714but also that there is a darker one

[@LuisEdGm]

You think this old man is all books, bicycles and tea, but he is actually hardcore

[@bonogiamboni4830]

Yeah he's hardcore because he keeps his body and mind sharp, someone who goes for sex and drugs and rock and roll by his age would be a wreck.

[@deathbycitrus2369]

I use to work with a Librarian who is a road cyclist and tea lover who is also recovering alcoholic and has been stabbed at least once. It's always the one that look and act soft that you have to watch out for.

[@Turtyo]

@@deathbycitrus2369 dude, this was Vesper 100%

[@birubu]

Reminder: when he was suspended, what he chose to do as a pastime for that period was buy a hunting spear and going out to live in the forest for the duration

[@Servellion]

@@Turtyo Nah, Citrus made no mention of the dude strolling out to get a drink in the middle of a freaking hurricane.

[@hallopeepz]

"Did I lose my virginity?" "Oh, I got stabbed." Same thing.

[@StarboyXL9]

It's painful initially, there's lots of blood, possibly some screaming and whimpering, and somebody walks away from it with a funny gait.

[@McC0n0r]

He laughs and calls himself and idiot for initially thinking he lost his virginity but it could have been worse. He could have seen the bloodstain and thought "Did I have my first period?"

[@jani4460]

To be fair, I don't watch this guy but I saw this video in my recommendations. I read the title and thought "Maybe they had their period." 😂😂😂😂😂 But curiosity won and I clicked. I'm not disappointed at all.

[@Mara_1337]

Lol I thought about period too and thought "maybe he thinks he brought a woman home who had her period" but considering what he said next, that would be even more unlikely lol

[@chalkwarrior5542]

that's exactly what i thought he was gonna say

[@MrJobocan]

"I do not remember getting stabbed" is quite a way to start a story.

[@gabrielvaldeswho]

The way Vesper tells stories is immaculate

[@leivelyn1761]

that oliver pfp is immaculate

[@gabrielvaldeswho]

@@leivelyn1761 Thank you thank you lol

[@MegaAlexiel]

If I had a nickel for how many times Vesper has been stabbed and never noticed, I'd have 2 nickels. Which isn't much but it's WILD it apparently happened TWICE

[@NobleKnightBen]

Wait what's the second stab history?

[@MapleLeaf2501]

@@NobleKnightBen Apparently he can't talk about it, as he said in the video, but whatever it is that the normally pretty open Vesper to go "yeah I can't talk about it" its probably out there.

[@MiiNiPaa]

@@MapleLeaf2501 it might be a part of a court settlement. "We pay you more money than court would award, and you won't tell anyone any information which can imply that X ever stabbed anybody". So he cannot tell details, because someone who knows him personally might be able to figure out who he is talking about.

[@MapleLeaf2501]

@@MiiNiPaa That too, or the circumstances around it could still be ongoing. Regardless, man...Vesper has stories.

[@TubeofDestiny]

@Benjamín Magaña Likely it's an ongoing case, either the suspect is still on the run (and the statute hasn't ran out yet) or spending time behind bars, so Vesper can't really talk about it publicly. Thing is, with enough details on the event, the suspect/culprit might start coming out of the woodwork and dox him, so not something anyone would want at this point.

[@Nil-qg2me]

Vesper: *sees blood on bed* Vesper: "Omg, am I on period?"

[@souxxii]

LMAO

[@isengaja]

Imagine getting what essentially is a $2,2k band aid

[@Micolash777]

Murica

[@justin_y1454]

💀💀

[@artoriapendragonidilfitri7414]

@@Micolash777 I used the KZbin translator on your comment, it changed Murica to kill. Fitting.

[@TacoTuesday555]

Dude took Captain America’s advice literally “If you get killed… walk it off”

[@yamiRic]

The key takeaway is that you have to use silver knife to deal fatal wound to the vampire. Normal knife will just make him laughing it off.

[@AahhhhPuch]

that's for werewolves

[@pokemonique92]

It's a wooden stake for vampires, lol.

[@jemroko7887]

@@AahhhhPuch in Dungeons & dragons, Silver is effective against vampires and other Undead.

[@yamiRic]

@@AahhhhPuch 😱

[@ladrugo]

@@jemroko7887 I thought of the Witcher but ok

[@1234cm1]

Vesper was an absolute fiend during college, my lord

[@ShadowAkatora]

Lack of cash, getting stabbed or hurricanes. Ain't nothing keeping this man from his drink.

[@Majima_Nowhere]

Are we ABSOLUTELY sure Ves still has both his kidneys? 🤣

[@shinyhappyrem8728]

Only one way to find out.

[@robinvmars6191]

If his drinking history is anything to go by, I don't think anyone would want them

[@raviolinoob4435]

“I think the person who stabbed me, would probably get along with me because we’re probably the same person” Vesper, 2022

[@lordkaachan9252]

The theory of him being from florida is gaining more evidence

[@matheusps92]

When I graduate from middle school I spent a few months away from my friends. When we met again I asked "how you doing" and one of them said "I've been stabbed last week". I believe you Vesper. I believe you.

[@martinp3166]

I (a Swede) spit out my coffee when I heard the cost of just getting someone to look at the wound... I never cease to get baffled by American healthcare

[@StarboyXL9]

Their leaders are beholden to Megacorporations in a way you're country isn't (Because it isn't important enough to be so). If Sweden was in any way relevant geopolitically I guarantee you that your people would be up to their blonde hair in hospital bills just like Americans.

[@aaayjay]

It’s pretty awful over here

[@Yasviele]

What's even crazier is that maybe he did lose his V card that same day but if he can't remember being attacked, I doubt he would remember that either. Also Wow thank you for clipping the whole story and afterthoughts!

[@illuminationskylight5356]

Man, that potential girl had some weird fetish.

[@skyephoenix801]

@@illuminationskylight5356 or the boyfriend showed up and that's why he got stabbed.

[@Big_Grass]

Or he got penetrated in more ways than 1

[@binaweunknown3335]

He didn't mention anything about any girl at that bar tho

[@brokenspacebar9628]

@@binaweunknown3335 ooo our vampire goes both ways eh. Maybe he got "stabbed" twice that night

[@darkeye457]

Just when I thought Holopro had some bad alcoholism, Young Vesper came in with the craziest drink related stories ever

[@cosmicneko7225]

vesper is an rpg character confirmed, can just sleep off injuries and he's all good

[@MASTERSLY5]

Older than 21 to drink and 15 years ago. One of my people.

[@okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

I caught that too lmao

[@theparticularist5373]

Wakes up in the morning, sees blood in bed. *"It's a flesh wound."*

[@velvetpoltergeist]

"Did I get...FUCKED?!" Sent all of my condiments to Jupiter, man ~wassup, V?~ things that were never said

[@kuka_specialist]

ahh...I remember my forays into America, as I also had to pay $2000 to get a stab wound covered with Flex-tape

[@Alberto_Lince_Gan]

Ahhhhhh America am I right

[@senatra0417]

i bet you guy have to pay 4 digit dollar for covid vaccine too

[@kuka_specialist]

@@Alberto_Lince_Gan totally bro, I'll never understand why America just doesn't adopt Universal healthcare

[@matlatpower7472]

@@kuka_specialist because basic human right is communism according to american.

[@DemonLordRaiden]

@@kuka_specialist Hospitals are too profitable is the sad but true reason.

[@Weird_Alchemist42]

I like to think Vesper got into a confrontation with an equally drunk Vampire Hunter.

[@DWN037]

"And this was during my college years" Well of course he doesn't remember it that must've been like 200 years ago

[@minorin54]

if you are attacked and they do not steal anything from you, the chances of the attacker being someone close to you are much higher so.... that room mate is hella sus lol.

[@headphones2308]

Nah, the attacker was just so emotionally damaged after the fact that Gramps didn’t flinch or even notice the stabbing, that they just didn’t even bother to continue with the robbery

[@vadimakdav1357]

@@headphones2308 the attacker's knife was to small for Vesper to feel anything

[@void-creature]

He literally did a long rest to restore all hitpoints

[@orangeapples]

And Vesper thinks he is the most hinged person ever. Hinged people don't get stabbed on multiple occasions casually.

[@antthefool7637]

“DID I GET FUCKED?!” YO Vesper is hilarious. That’s nuts though

[@EndlessVacuum]

"Florida Man licks all the action figures, gets stabbed, goes home" wow, it works.

[@Hamun002]

I would say “what if Vesper stabbed himself?” but that kind of stab isn’t really easy to do to yourself. Goddam.

[@letsplaysvonaja1714]

Well, one of the first detective conan cases is about someone who stabbed himself in the back

[@RavenCloak13]

Never underestimate a drunk.

[@Hamun002]

@@RavenCloak13 I would have assumed he managed it if the doctor hadn’t said otherwise

[@robinvmars6191]

Yeah it's not easy, maybe that was the second challenge they gave him

[@brianli6562]

Poor vesper. First he gets stabbed, then he gets robbed by the hospital.

[@radlee13]

I can't believe drunk Vesper stabbed himself just to mess with hungover Vesper

[@AllisterNovum]

I have never stabbed anyone. But if by some twist of horrible fate I have to, and that person does even react and just walks away. I would run as fast as I could away

[@09spidy]

This bordering on Ame levels of absurd "how are you not dead?" Story.

[@ElectroWolfZ7]

Collage 15 years ago. He was drinking so at least 21 years old then… Vesper is at least 36 years old…

[@2057ram]

No wonder he and I are kinder spirit He and I are around the same age Yes I am 36

[@havwulfkikboot]

That assumes he was drinking legally, a lot of bars around colleges are pretty lax about checking ids. So he could just be 33

[@jon-unicorn-doxxer]

@@havwulfkikboot based on forbidden knowledge..his late 30's supposedly and 36 is right in that range

[@thatguyjared8560]

Vesper is one of the wildest cryptids in Hololive, and I love it.

[@TheFreckelz]

Getting stabbed at a bar and going back to the bar the next night is such a power move.

[@MinersLoveGames]

Those damn Van Helsings and Belmonts, I tell you.

[@eggtie]

got a wound in your back? "FLEX TAPE!!!" lmao

[@matthewmatthew981]

Clearly someone in the bar got tired of watching him lick those action figures.

[@adriancentra]

Im just going to assume he couldn’t pay the 2 grand for the sticker and the doctor was like „sorry man looks like we have to re-stab you“ and that’s why he can’t talk about the second incident.

[@Arcterion]

Just casually sleeps off getting shanked. What a chad.

[@jpachu16]

“My immediate thought was did I lose my v card?” HAD ME DYING 😂😂😂

[@floofzykitty5072]

Vesper just took a long rest, it restores all your hit points.

[@abcdefghijkl123454]

how the fuck is Vesper still alive XD

[@th3l05t-f1z]

@@6210classick in german we say "Glück im Unglück" (beeing lucky while beeing unlucky)

[@SapoWeonN300]

With the tornado, the stab and....well....Kronii in general Yeah, i wonder that too

[@Sopmod-py1ee]

Ame is California girl, Vesper is Florida man

[@ChinchillaBONK]

"Did I lose my v card?" Next question should be if his ass hurts.

[@leeboonkang2]

You would have thought that he got robbed or something but the one doing the robbing is the hospital.

[@MysteryFaceX]

Dang. Healthcare sounds like an extortion racket in Elysium.

[@Ulazcruz]

My boi passed the vibe check

[@Kosher_Salt374]

American healthcare sounds about as helpful as a school nurse.

[@repzgaming5]

Vesper being an actual vampire.

[@________stephens8251]

I mean there was this guy while he was sleeping, got shot by his son, point blank, in the face, and he didn't notice. Just got up the next day and did his normal routine, then his body just went.. wait?? *Dies*

[@superitgel1]

That's literally how Abraham Van Hellsing stabbed Dracula. When he was asleep!

[@yoyoyouka]

somehow I imagined this is a canonical storyline with his "hey it's hurricane, let's hit the bar" story.

[@XDaniel24]

I'm not sure if this is medically accurate or not, but the fact that Vesper was so drunk might have saved his life. Since alcohol lowers your heart-rate in large quantities, being black-out drunk might have lowered his heart-rate low enought to give the wound enough time to clot before he bled out.

[@luziealyssa5677]

doesn't alcohol also work as a blood thinner, making it actually more difficult for it to start to clot?

[@eve6262_]

sleeping also makes your heart rate go down, right?

[@XDaniel24]

@@eve6262_ Yeah, the average heart rate drop to around 40 to 50 bpm while you're asleep

[@Verdugo_Arulaq]

@@XDaniel24 yeah plus depending on his position, the way he slept probably applied pressure to the wound so that probably helped. I don’t know about the alcohol bit mentioned above but most likely the sleeping position is what helped clog the room.

[@KeiosKod]

And now we wait for Vesper to share the story of the second time he got stabbed.

[@Cosmoman78]

This is the second one actually.

[@hazakura.s]

the first one he said to be a sad story, and he doesn't want to make his viewers sad. he also said that the wound from the first one was worse than this. we can only guess from there, it's probably a pretty serious situation that happened while he's sober.

[@SapoWeonN300]

@@hazakura.s while he's *PROBABLY* sober

[@Laylamva]

"I think the person who stabbed me and I would get along very well."

[@ParadoxAAA]

"This was like 15 years ago" Wow this is the first time that I'm realizing that Vesper is in his mid to late 30s

[@lynthir6323]

( a late reply, I know ) I've heard from somewhere that he's around 36.

[@Siegfrido]

*guy stabs vesper* *Vesper doesn't react at all* Guy: understandable, have a nice day

[@Spearra]

This is the first video I've seen of Vesper. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this LMAO

[@xxmoonwolfxx6344]

welcome to the Vesper Noir experience lollll

[@datoevans1596]

that was his college years, imagine highschool and kindergarden

[@DecadeMinato]

In highschool, he had a goth girl came over to him and forced him to play KOTOR during break and they became friend after that.

[@SoulDigester]

Vesper Nior: part vampire, part Florida man

[@NijiHoloFan]

The craziest part about this story is that shit like this happens a lot in colleges. I never went to college, but I've heard similar stories.

[@greemachineeextreme]

There is a reason vesper is so wise. He has learned from his past mistakes

[@megamage911]

Remember when Ame had the most "how is this person still alive?!" kind of stories? Man, those were such innocent times.

[@imgay7588]

My first reaction would be "was someone on their period?"

[@usagis294]

this man is not normal, and we love him for that

[@asuraaoki1925]

Just gonna breeze right pass him mentioning a SECOND STABBING STORY like- 😭Vesper pls

[@venicelee8049]

Imissyou grandpire

[@ryosama1988]

Damn, hearing about US Healthcare never cease to amaze me. I mean he waited for 2 hours (presumably bleeding) and had to pay 2200$ for a "checkup"?

[@DarkGellidous]

If you think that's crazy, wait until you hear stories of the Mexican healthcare one. People literally die waiting in a line of 200 people .

[@elektra8535]

@@DarkGellidous never go to an IMSS biggest mistake of My life (at least mexico healthcare system is relatively cheap)

[@TheDapperDragon]

I have a dear friend in Aus who was sat in a hospital waiting room for 8 hours with a fever of 106, then was sent home with a pat on the head and an icepack. I'll take the debt that falls off in, like, a year.

[@immy3508]

He is the most Unhinged in TEMPUS and he's in denial

[@zangalus2005]

Vesper just has a way of telling stories that makes them so much more entertaining/interesting.

[@Phyrrax]

2200 dollars! That to me is the craziest part of that story and thats saying something....

[@zizaart1199]

I guess getting drunk is one hell of an anesthetic

[@steelblake]

My man is like "I knew the person that attack me. He is me after all"

[@narrow7091]

vesper is like a honey badger

[@VeylmanTheRock]

This man seems like the most rational man to ever exist on the surface... on the other hand, introverted my ass??! Going around licking figurines for everyone's amusement what the hell 😂

[@danteredgrave5238]

Just like the guy who was shot in the head by his wife and complained about headaches. Vesper is a different kind of breed tbh

[@WingZX1103]

Hmmmmm....drunk...during his college years....yeah that's a Tuesday in Florida

[@wilhou]

the sticker is prolly duoderm, a hydrocolloid patch that promotes wound healing

[@lorenzore1238]

Clearly it was "I survived being stab" sticker

[@warlord5295]

He walks knife wounds off like the black knight tis but a scratch

[@samuelsalvatore4511]

man literally got stabbed for no reason and went home like it was nothing

[@Zei33]

Hahaha Vesper is unreal. Dude must be pretty experienced with getting blasted and amnesia.

[@Skadoniz]

Thats inmunity to non-magical damage

[@annamaepeleno7549]

Tbh, I still wonder how Amelia, Vesper and Hakka are still alive right now.

[@HauntMyNight]

A girl stabbed my hand with a candy cane. My hand was on the desk and she sharpened it and slammed it down. She was nice.

[@jassy3045]

That actually happens a lot here in the Philippines specially in mindanao that people made a phrase for that "gripo sa kilid" or "faucet on the side" in english which means you're gonna get punctured and you wont even know until blood starts leaking out of your body like a faucet And the reason oftentimes is just they felt like stabbing someone or the most common one "hambugero" or braggart