How I Made Friends

In which John talks about the challenges of making friends in adulthood, and how he made his first friends after moving to Indianapolis eleven years ago. This video was inspired by Hank's video, How Do Adults Make Friends? • How Do Adults Make Fri...
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[@mariacargille1396]

"I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet." That is the wisest thing I've heard in a long time. Thanks, John.

[@BbyPigeon]

Guys the real answer is that you befriend an extrovert who is willing to adopt you. It’s your best chance.

[@CityBeautiful]

"Towns are made out of people" is a great way to think of it. :D

[@BenRollman]

"Old, like 40. And had kids and stuff." Hey now.

[@zoes7986]

Making friends as an introvert involves latching onto a more extraverted type and making more friends through them

[@grey-vb7ox]

It’s odd being in high school because you’re kind of “friends” with everyone, but only because they’re with you all the time. So many people call themselves friends but very few stick it out for the long run. Personally I do not believe I have many friends, even though people always say stuff like “oh my god but people are always around you and you know everyone.” But that doesn’t define friendship, it’s simply proximity. You have to get along with those around you otherwise you’d probably go crazy.

[@ScienceAsylum]

Hi John, I had a chance to speak with you a few times at VidCon US this year and you did a great job at being "friendly." While it may have helped that you had familiar people around and/or that VidCon puts you in a position of power, I'm sure it still takes an unbelievable amount of effort. I just wanted you to know that any anxiety you may have been harboring didn't show on the outside. 😊

[@mariykaauber1743]

This is a general "thank you" to all the generous people who make the first move and invite new friends over to watch TV and join Indie car fantasy leagues. I'm always too nervous to make those initial moves in a new friendship and I always feel so excited and wanted when someone thinks to invite me over 💕

[@vitormelomedeiros]

Why do you gotta make me cry every week, John???

[@AuntyProton]

Thank you, sir. I am a late diagnosed autistic person and my particular problems seem to cluster in social areas. You remind me that it's not never, it's not yet.

[@OmarsHafsa]

2:44

[@dawn8293]

"I thought I had failed. In fact, though, I just hadn't succeeded yet."

[@toourbanbenefits2493]

I really feel for what John is saying about making an effort and trying to be social, going to events by yourself despite how nervous it makes you hoping that you will connect with someone, but failing. It’s the worst feeling in the world because it’s like you’re alone in a crowded room and also because there’s no excuses anymore; you can’t blame your lack of friends on your lack of trying because you did try. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. I struggled with that in college and it lead to extremely destructive thoughts and behaviors. But eventually I found my niche like John did. So just hang in there, keep putting yourself out there, remember there’s nothing wrong with you and that people do care about you more than you think.

[@miacoss9809]

This is the quality nerdy advice I subscribed for!

[@GuilhermeHarrison]

This is a classic example of the difference between the brothers and how they complement each other: one talks about how friendship is labor and what friendship is in a scientific, synthetic level, where the other on how it was for him in his life and his feelings about it, frustrations and inevitable triumphs.

[@LauraLumos]

One way I have found to make friends as an adult is to look for people who could use a friend. It can be hard, especially if you are in a place of great enough need that it makes it difficult to look out for the wellbeing of others, but if trying to make friends with socialites hasn't worked for you then start looking on the outskirts. Who else is a wallflower at the social gathering? Who always shows up to things but leaves early after very little interaction? If you find another person who wants a friend then suddenly you're in position where you're rarely going to be rejected when you try to talk to or hang out with them. You may find that the person you meet isn't someone you want to spend a lot of time with, but more often than not, a good friendship just comes from two people who decided to like each other, regardless of what they have in common. Just a thought. :)

[@msrjjon]

That was such a nice way to honor his friends.

[@amygdala9679]

First week of university every old friend from school assured me how great I am and how much they love me and that I would for sure find new close friends. This September I will start my third year and I still haven't made more than 3 vague acquaintances.

[@bornontotrouble]

Thank you for reminding me not to give up on trying to make new friends. People seem to float in and out of my life, which is normal, but I really need to get back into putting myself out there and trying to find ways to make friendships last beyond fracturing points (i.e. job changes, graduation, etc).

[@QuintonReviews]

I want to move out west to achieve something, and my biggest fear is not being able to meet people or make friends. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to look back and sigh, an old man with longtime friends and kids and stuff.