We Both Hid My Daughter's Autism From Her But She Found Out The Truth r/Relationships

[@awkwardpotato8016]

They can't claim they were trying to protect their daughter from anything. OP acknowledges that the daughter was bullied specifically for her autistic traits and they still didn't tell her or do anything, so it clearly wasn't about protecting her from that. It also concerns me that not only did they hide it from her, they also never bothered to learn about autism themselves until after the daughter found out, since they are only now doing research on how autism works. And also just now seeking any kind of accommodations for her... They can't even pretend that hiding it was ever in any way meant to be for the benefit of their daughter. They let her struggle so that they could pretend she wasn't autistic and so they didn't have to do the work of unlearning their ableism. It was always for their own sake, and somewhere along the way they deluded themselves into thinking it was for her.

[@JDKT002]

That's the part that got me as well. They just....did nothing for years after they got the diagnosis? Stood by watching their daughter struggle? This wasn't about protecting their daughter, it was about hiding their own shame from others.

[@hohohoe7417]

It's not to protect their daughter, but to protect themselves and their image. They do not want to be labeled as the parents of an autistic child.

[@tlang7616]

Hmm I get your point, but I really think their reaction comes from a place of fear and ignorance, rather than wilful arrogance. Different motive but same results. What matters more is their actions going forward, and their willingness to change.

[@shadrielv7113]

Speaking as someone who basically shares this same boat with this poor girl - I 100% agree with you. This poor girl needs someone who actually cares about her in her life, not these crap parents that don't care about her. I was absolutely devastated and horrified to learn how different my life could have been if I'd just had a little understanding, and a little help along the way. Instead, I got gaslighting, lies, bullying and failure after failure, because no one could be bothered to listen to me. I had a serious mental break when I got my diagnosis, and started therapy - because every single session was just another traumatic reveal of what went wrong in my life because I was different, and no one cared.

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

I've watched plenty of parents in childhood early intervention programs vehemently INSIST that their child is NOT autistic and must go into regular schools and then blame the schools because their child can't cope and required special school. You can see a child is CLEARLY disabled (I showed up early to collect my son and subsequently saw all the children) and they require more assistance than a mainstream school could ever provide, but when a parents pride, arrogance and even flat out denial causes their child harm it's heart breaking to watch. It's even worse when parents brag about how they lied and stopped seeing a pediatrician to ensure their child would get in main stream school (which backfires). Did they think their child's struggles would go unnoticed? All those years of help that could have advanced their child that were just thrown down the drain to try and be sneaky.... I'm just another parent but it hurt to hear the gossiping. My son is 7 and in special school - he's autistic with multiple other issues. It hurt to hear that main streaming schooling was not an option but he has THRIVED from special education and I'm glad I made the choice. A lot of dreams got trashed, but now I got to make more👍

[@HackiePuffs]

Acting as if hiding the diagnosis is magically gonna cure it smh. I dont blame the daughter for not trusting them. “We were aware of the stigma neurodivergent people experience” and you sir are a perfect example of that stigma in action. You and your wife are awful parents.

[@iasomnium919]

Right??? I'm this close to believing that the real reason they didn't tell thier daughter was because *they* wanted to feel like their kid was "normal". "Oh she takes social classes. It's like speech classes, lots of kids need speech classes." I have a cousin who might be neurodivergent. We don't know because my aunt still refuses to tell us if he was ever diagnosed, and my cousin has struggled socially for years and still thinks its his fault somehow. And he's an adult!

[@Becks-and-books]

They think that the *name* causes the stigma. It’s not. It’s how we perceive and act in the world

[@roowyrm9576]

You were aware of the stigma - yes, and then when she was bullied exactly because of that she was unable to cope, because she had never known how, because of the parents "shielding" her.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Agreed 💯!! The mom was the one that was ashamed. In millions of people with autism if they have early intervention in grade school and younger it is possible to improve their quality of life, learn social skills, communication eye contact, social cues etc. therapy should have started day 1 of diagnosis along with OT, PT. There are peer supports etc available as well. They can have a “normal” life but parents like this rather bury their heads in the sand because of shame and embarrassment. It makes me So So Angry they did this to their child. Unconditional love from a parents means loving 💯 of who they are. Including diagnosis’s

[@jamestomlin5525]

Stigma deek in your mouf

[@clairebear-96]

This makes me so mad “we didn’t want her to get hurt by other people” she DID get hurt by other people because of YOU NOT TELLING HER something fundamental about herself! She had to find out on her own and feel betrayed knowing that her parents could’ve made her life so much easier, and chose to keep important information ABOUT HERSELF from her!!! YTA x10000000 I despise parents like this tbh

[@maurer3d]

Yeah, them thinking they could hide it till she is 18 and no longer their problem, and not have her be mad. It's like hiding a peanut allergy from a child then being mad when the child eats peanut butter and goes into Anaphylactic Shock at a friends house.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

This is why parents should not hide diagnosis from their kids.

[@zerobolt9506]

Same

[@EmoPurpleTurtle17]

Yeah plus they tried to justify it by saying it was to protect her from stigma but they're part of that attitude

[@zerobolt9506]

@@EmoPurpleTurtle17 exactly

[@IWasaTeenageTeenWolf]

I have Aspergers and let me tell you....the years I spent until I was diagnosed in the 6th grade were Hell. People demanded I be normal, screamed at me for not being like everyone else. Hiding this from your daughter is freaking sick.

[@colleencook382]

My first thought on the autistic story was: "This reminds me of the Abby story". The one where she posted as her mom canceling the birthday party because she called her friend (Taylor-I think) lame.

[@jacksparrowismydaddy]

I wanna hug Abby. I remember that story. that was awful.

[@heathermiller5765]

I remember it too. The end surprised me to say the least

[@Zaners82123]

I think it sounds alot like that as well

[@hannahwishon9958]

Also the feeding the ducks peas story!

[@sleepingbee5748]

You need to always let them know when ready trust me I have dyspraxia we notice were not quite the same

[@owl7072]

Last story: That's when you file a complaint and quit 😬 how _toxic_ of a workplace do you have to be in order to see someone isolating themselves out of anxiety and instead of calming their fears you just insult them repeatedly 🤨

[@brigidtheirish]

Apparently doesn't take that much considering how often it happens. Took my dad a while to realize that being a clueless jackass wasn't a *requirement* for managers.

[@thedestroyasystem]

How do people not understand that being diagnosed is not what gives you the disorder. It’s what gives you the tool to treat it.

[@alyzu4755]

^^^^^^^THIS!!!!!!!^^^^^^^

[@crowdemon_archives]

It's like saying your diagnosis of cancer is the reason you have cancer lmao

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA that is an EPIC prank and perfect revenge for their behavior. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Stepdad is an idiot. Why get married to someone with children if you're not going to accept those children.

[@ilbercgross4736]

though I do agree with you, two wrongs do not make a right. a prank is a prank. in this case it was not a prank but revenge. OP should just leave the family. send out Christmas Cards explaining why to the extended family. had OP not messed with the Easter Cards, it would have been easier to explain. OP could have also sent out their own Easter Cards explaining that since mom and step-dad felt OP was not worthy enough to be in the photo since OP was 20 minutes away, that OP made their own with OP's family of friends.

[@yourmom2189]

@@ilbercgross4736naw, I think this public display was perfect! Too often the person being harmed is asked to be the bigger person and not cause unrest in the family. It’s time stuff like this is brought to the light or it will just keep happening. At least OP put a funny spin on it. If you’re going to play stupid games, you’re going to win stupid prizes.

[@karlis9003]

story 1 made my blood boil, ESPECIALLY after the update. "Explaining" that they did the best they thought they could at the time when they: 1. Thought not telling their child she has autism would avoid the affects of people who hate others for being autistic. Those people don't hate others based on the label - they are shitty to autistic people because they hate anyone who is different, and their child will act different because not telling her about her diagnosis doesn't make it go away. 2. They gave her self-help books for neurotypical people and seemingly denied her any resources for autistic people because they wanted to hide her diagnosis from her. 3. THEY DIDN'T EVEN LEARN ABOUT AUTISM. They talk about how much they are trying to learn now, which I take means they didn't do this in the first place. They really thought if they just hid her diagnosis they could bury their heads in the sand and not deal with it. These parents failed their child

[@보모]

1️⃣ “love her no matter what” that sounds as if it were in spite of her neurodivergence um, are we not suppose to care about autistic people. Should be that they love her end off mention of diagnosis be damned

[@phoenixfire8978]

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. I spent YEARS thinking I’m defective and a burden. Even with loving, supportive parents, the message I got from other people wasn’t nice. It’s been a huge relearning process and the new coping mechanisms self-realisation is helping me so much! Even though the daughter is learning about herself later than she should have, I really hope that knowledge spares her pain in the future.

[@bastbat]

This story hits home. I'm turning 21 later this month, and my parents not only suspected I was autistic from the beginning, but they also hid it from me, and weaponized it against me. I was gaslit and so was my sister. The trauma was so gigantic I now have to deal with the whole processus of late diagnosing autism. I'd be lying if I said I don't resent them for that. Parents like that shouldn't have children.

[@hugoumero9723]

oh my god what the hell is wrong with your parents think autism as mental disorder jesus christ your parents are too very immature and should never become parents at all

[@ajzephyros7454]

my parents suspected I had autism, they took me to pediatric neurologist after pediatric neurologist and because I was AFAB none of them diagnosed me. I presented typical male autism but cause I'm not male NONE of them caught it. It took until I was 21 and a Neurologist willing to look past my gender to my actual brain chemistry to diagnose me

[@bastbat]

@@moon-moth1 thank you! Everyday gets a bit better, or so I like to look at things that way. It is helping and I feel I've become a better person along the way.

[@bastbat]

@@ajzephyros7454 I'm sad to see that afab discrimination is deeply rooted in the medical field, especially when it involves autism. I must admit it was difficult to get a medical professional to listen to me and take me seriously. I'm glad someone went past the bias and you eventually got the diagnosis.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

Yikes i'm sorry to hear that, friend. You made it this far, you are a strong person. Keep it up lad

[@ciomaria6137]

The cake-smash story. If I had found out someone was terrified at the thought that I would pull that prank on them to the point of hiding in their cat for a week, I would feel awful and talk sympathetically to them before explaining that the last cake-smash was for his fiancé. It doesn’t cost much to be compassionate

[@brigidtheirish]

I knew that department head was an ass when he called OP a creepy. He became the Assking of Assonia when he said that bit about OP not having friends. *WOW.*

[@ornerylurker8296]

After all, it take a creep to go hunting someone down just so you can say you don't know who they are and that that offends you! But of course the part about the ass kissing says it all. It's not about compassion understanding or anything. It's a political position for someone who likes power.

[@ciomaria6137]

@@ornerylurker8296 exactly… he’s a bully and was annoyed at being called out for being a bully before he got to do anything.

[@wearegonnatalkaboutbruno6694]

Tbh I would never want to marry someone like that cause why hunt down op just to call her a creep and to say they have no friends smgdh

[@thomasmacdiarmid8251]

Very telling to me was that the OP had said it had happened several times, apparently with multiple people. For the Dept Head to personalize it just because he was the most recent jerk to do that (jerk move even if accepted because the doctor was his fiance), compounds his jerkiness. I suspect he got called out on it by fiance who took it graciously in the staff room and then blasted him in private. OP though was apparently not reacting to a single incident but a trend s/he had seen.

[@user-fl5eq2vp8b]

Just the title... Yikes. Reminds me how my parents hid my ADHD and dyslexia from me until I was 20.

[@rumooooni]

SAMEEEEE it only makes things harder for the kid tbh.....

[@WobblesandBean]

My mom denied I had ADHD my whole childhood. I did poorly in school and had trouble with holding down work. I get tested at 38, and guess what? ADHD and autism. I am angry because I could have been treated as a kid and did better academically.

[@user-lr7dk7mt2w]

My mom just recently told me I have a sensory disorder and knew since I was a baby and while she didn't mean to keep it from me she thought I knew it was hurtful because I could have learned coping skills. instead I developed anxiety I'm 34 I feel your pain it's monstrous for parents to knowingly keep things from their kids.

[@You_said_what1]

No one’s allowed in our bedroom period.Not even the kids. Guess who had the biggest issue? Both MILs. 20 years later my mom still makes comments “ so weird” and I still think it was the best decision we ever made

[@katrinawendel2647]

That is such a healthy decision! Why do your mothers even want access to your rooms? You are not children, anymore! Gross! Glad you have boundaries!

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I’d be saying it’s so weird you want access to two grown adults’ room. Why do you want to go in there so badly? Weird and very suspicious to me.

[@KCCAT5]

I remember my mother saying that we were not allowed in her bedroom another place you were not allowed was Mother's purse. This MIL was nosey AF.

[@warriorcatskid003]

I’m struggling to make it through the first story. I’m neurodivergent and for now undiagnosed and if I found out my parents had known and just lied to me about a diagnosis it would SEVERELY damage our relationship. Also…mean kids in middle school don’t care if you’re diagnosed or not. They bully the symptoms not the diagnosis. Not knowing (and still not fully knowing) what was “wrong” with me didn’t protect me growing up

[@kbf9644]

I would have taken the cards with his new family pic and sent them separately to all the same people that mom did explaining that since your mother and her new family don’t consider you part of the family, intentionally scheduling the photos for when you weren’t home and not telling you about it so you wouldn’t drive the 25 minutes to be in the “family picture”, you want to introduce them to your new family. The people that actually care about you.

[@CarinaCoffee]

This! But now that it's done if any family members come at OP for this they should just explain it

[@kayemckeeth2301]

Story one: holy shit that's borderline parental neglect. That's a scary thing not to know.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA this isn't about "confusion". This is MIL being snoopy and judgemental. OP handled this PERFECTLY by using her words against her. OP did NOTHING wrong. MIL shouldn't be going through their BEDROOM DRAWERS to begin with.

[@phoenix5044]

And let's not forget that the husband demanded OP to apologize

[@WyntheRogue]

@@phoenix5044 OP should demand her hubby grow a spine and stop being a mummy's boy or for warn that his future will get really lonely when he's divorced and his mother's driven away any woman who isn't her. That being said, Love OP's Malicious Compliance to put that snoopy bitch in her place and would laugh my ass off if OP takes a commenter's advice by buying an outlandish toy to trigger the JNMIL/possible Norma Bates. BIL will probably come around hopefully if/when she starts snooping in his and his wife's dressers/stomps on their boundaries too.

[@itsjustme7487]

@@phoenix5044 He's a jerk.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: Personally, I love OP's solution. Having a stand-in mother and stepfather for his pictures is awesome. And let's be honest. I bet that picture is far more exciting than the ones mom wanted to send out. 🤣

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

The autism story really boils my blood for so many reasons as a former teacher. OP's daughter was/is entitled to accommodation as he listed towards the end and she just... wasn't getting them. This risks not only disruption of her learning, but the whole classroom. It takes away from the teacher and other kids if they are having to try and keep OP's daughter managed in class or up to date with her work without knowing how to do so or what tools to use. They affected not only their daughter, but likely her peers and teachers as well. Struggling against a parent hiding their head in the sand about their kid's differences is stressful.

[@justaperson4656]

right? I'm autistic, my father's family hid their history of autism, and we only found out around a year ago. I now have to go through adult diagnosis, but all the late homework, being shouted at for reading (when I'd finished the work) because it was "a distraction", and all the rest now makes so much sense. I can't get accommodations now (college), but I did get some from teachers who had suspected and never told me. This sort of thing shouldn't be hidden

[@kuroiflyerneko]

@@justaperson4656 You can still get accommodations in College with medical documentation. Like being able to take tests in a quiet place, extra time on the tests etc. You might miss part of lectures though depending on where and when you take the tests. You still have to manage your time and turn in work though, that is usually on you. Keep an open dialog with your professors and some might work with you if you are struggling. Some won't. Ask people who have taken the courses you're thinking about taking the next semester and feel out the professors. I know I've dodged at least one bad apple by asking how a professor is. I know for me staying in the student common areas were overstimulating so I did quick dips in and out to grab food and glanced around to see who was studying what. Planning to take a biology course next semester and see someone with a science book out. A quick "hey sorry to bother you, but I see you're studying biology, I'm planning on taking it next semester. How's the professor?" Will usually get you a quick answer and they can get back to studying while you now have the professors name to either get or stay away from when you register for it. I know it can be hard to be social but knowing which professors to dodge, or which professors you can't but are a nightmare, can really help you in the long run. If asking a random person in the commons is too daunting, ask your classmates what classes they've already taken/are taking. You're sitting next to them before lecture starts and you're in school. Might as well get some useful information.

[@justaperson4656]

@@kuroiflyerneko I'm in my last year now, and because I'm in a comprehensive school (high school/college fusion), I'm on a friendly basis with most of the teachers. An extra quiet place or extra time on exams would kill me, I much prefer a chill/lax environment. Things like people chatting around me (not necessarily with me engaging), but since I've had these teachers for ~3-4 years now, they know that's the best environment for me, and will do their best to make sure my mocks are like that. It isn't worth pursuing accommodation now, because I have a month left, but even if I did, I know this school will refuse because "you were fine before", since they used that to avoid giving anxiety accommodation (regarding the lunch queue and me not eating on school grounds) after I had an anxiety attack. Quite simply, I know I can have accommodation, and I'm entitled to it, but I know this school will make me go through hell for it, and that hassle isn't worth it when I leave so soon

[@kuroiflyerneko]

@@justaperson4656 Glad you have an environment that is (mostly) helpful, and you not having to burn a hole in your pocket from course fees. The high school/college hybrid wasn't really a thing when I was your age. We did have some Advance Placement but it was a hit or miss (usually a miss) on weather or not it counted as actual College Credits. They were really just classes with a lot of extra work and parent bragging rights. The school should get a cuff on the ear for using something as asinine as "you were fine before." as a reason to deny a student reasonable accommodations due to change in circumstances, weather it be physical, mental or both. But I get not wanting to go fisticuffs with admin when you're on your way out the door.

[@princesspanda12012]

Lock your f'ing bedroom door when MIL is in the house. And tell the husband to kick rocks. Don't allow to be gaslit in your own home

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 YTA and so is your wife. Having the diagnosis can help people cope and understand how they think and function. Her not knowing doesn't protect her, it only hurts her. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I was a great student, but I was always a slow reader with poor comprehension skills. I found ways to cope with this. I won't get into all my symptoms here, but knowing the diagnosis has made so many things make sense and I can do research and help enrich my life as an adult. No one knew, so my situation is different. But, knowing your diagnosis helps you. Knowledge is power.

[@hiigguys7395]

The same happened to me, and my mother was a special education teacher. I remember asking her if I had something different with my brain and she kept assuring I didn't. I think because of my good grades. Her continuously telling me I was normal made me feel like all my issues were just my fault then. She was the only person in my life who was surprised when I told her my diagnosis.

[@1992KCWolf]

Some similar experiences, 100% sympathize with OP’s daughter. Hiding important things about your kids *from* your kids will not do you any favors, parental units.

[@Davtwan]

Even more disgusting is that OP’s country indirectly encourages this due to mental health being stigmatized. No government or society should make taking care of and learning about your mind feel like a bad thing.

[@AndyyWithAY]

There's no way you can be TA in story 2. There is absolutely no reason for an adult to go into another adults bedroom without permission and opening their drawers. OP is the only one right in this situation. Everyone else is wrong and completely sucks. Then MIL has the gall to be offended about "offensive" stuff in your bedroom when she's in the wrong to be there.

[@nancyjay790]

I wonder if husband and BIL got really used to having mummy search as she likes, when she likes.

[@toysruskid5074]

She absolutely owes MIL an apology. "I assumed you were honest, but I'm so very sorry you're a lying snooping prude."

[@Resilient_Sage88]

Like that one poster said; Massive strap-on time. Lol 😈

[@hothead2463]

@@nancyjay790 With how stupid the husband sounds that the mother ask for something and never did probably.

[@ilbercgross4736]

MIL is just being a busy body. she is trying to control OP's life.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story 3: OP, if you have the chance, remake those photos when your siblings are older. That's hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@Italktocarrots]

autism was missed in me for 22 years, and 27 for my brother! i know we both would have done so much better with life had we known earlier, but our home life was assumed to be what caused our “quirks” lol, so glad OP saw how wrong they were!

[@WobblesandBean]

Story 4 really highlights how awful it is to work in a hospital. Guys like him are the status quo and they'll protect awful doctors, even murderers, cuz they'd rather have many patients die than risk a scandal or a lawsuit.

[@charityquill4965]

That dude gives the vibes of a school bully in a cheesy Disney channel movie that tortures some random person for literally no reason. Especially when he called op "creep". Like huh? How are they being a creep? The real creep is someone being upset about a random person they claim they don't care about trying to avoid a potential cake smash

[@SecondAccountMP666]

Yes, OP and wife, you're both the AH. You never, EVER hide this type of life-changing information from your kids. NEVER. Believe me, I KNOW how hard can be. Because I am a mother of a very smart, very talented, very happy and autistic (and ADHD!) little boy. One and a half year pleading for a answer and, when it finally came, it was a GIGANTIC relieve. Because yes, we had our mourning period, but after that my husband and I finally knew how to help your precious little guy. And he is TRIVING, lemme tell ya. You two are selfish people. Period. A commenter wrote "This is not protection, this is abuse" and it is SPOT ON.

[@clairebear-96]

“we’re aware of the stigma and didn’t want her to go through that” okay so you hid it from her so she can struggle and feel like somethings “wrong” with her and not even know what it is? When it would’ve been so simple to tell her, so she could better understand herself and not feel awful because i BET she knew she’s different somehow, and it’s so painful to feel that and not know what’s actually different

[@theresablack9261]

The first story actually triggered me a bit. I was in a similar situation with my diagnosis except I caught on years ago and kept mentioning it to my parents. I was gaslit on it, told I was just weird. I internalized that something was just wrong with me. I was proven right 8 years after I started mentioning it. It's been two years since I was diagnosed. I'm still furious. I understand that those parents acted out of fear, but screw those parents. How cruel to lie and sit on the fact that there is an explanation to all of the pain that child went through. YTA and I wouldn't be surprised if the child starts to fact check everything those parents say.

[@pansprayers]

'We are aware of the stigma' - you perpetrated by lying to your child. You are ableist, and cruel. You might be able to tape this together, but she's never going to trust you again. You hindered her development, made her feel 'less than' and that's unforgivable.

[@KittenUndercover]

This. So much this. All the this.

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

That whole part is bullshit to make themselves feel and look better. If there was so much stigma in the ominous country named Country I doubt they'd have noticed the signs in the kid's behaviour this early and have found professionals to diagnose her this quickly (why do people make such a secret out of their home country in these posts? Are they the only married couple with a young daughter living there or why do they think saying, for example, Spain would be enough to identify all their personal information?). They also don't seem to have trouble finding therapists as needed which would be very unusual for a society that doesn't really believe in mental illness or sees it as something horrible. The doctor who diagnosed her autism was ready to talk with the kid about it. How the hell does that sound like "so much stigma"? If this story is one of the 0,001% of AITA posts that is real (the post. A post being fake is not the same as saying "something like this doesn't happen". Saying a post is fake is calling out a troll who takes real people's problems and trauma and goes karma-farming with it), then the update is full of stupid excuses. Another thing that speaks for this is that they only now start to actually learn about autism to know what it actually is and entails. If this is real, I would actually believe that they meant well and wanted to do the best for the child and never saw themselves as ableist but now that they realized they were, they don't like what they see in the mirror but can't bring themselves to say "we had the resources and kept our child away from them because our mindset was actually very ableist, that was wrong, we'll do everything to make it right now!", instead it's, "it's horrible that we were wrong but you must understand that we are the good guys here and society basically forced us to do this! And now we are good AND brave guys because we rebel against this mean society of ours and get our daughter appropriate treatment!"

[@pansprayers]

@@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435 ehhhh the cultural aspect I buy... My husband just had to have a conversation with a student here (S/Far East Asia) last night (probably why it's pretty raw for me) where he had to gently correct the student regarding his brother, who's been diagnosed with ADHD, and explain to him that it's not a 'brother's crazy' issue, it's a 'brother's brain processes differently'. The student didn't have the words to describe the DX in English, so my husband started with Autistic, and the student said, 'no, he's not mentally disabled, it's something else (he said it with compassion, even though text can't convey it properly). He just gets (insert hand gesture that is learned that we all know, and isn't acceptable, but he wasn't aware - he picked it up from a Western movie, apparently) when he has to sit still, so I have to help him pay attention, because he's really smart!' Had it been any other student my husband would have thrown him out. Instead he (husband) explained that his wife (me) has ADHD, Autism (not going to try to decipher Asperger's for him), and a seizure disorder, but she also has two degrees, has been married to him for 16 years, we have kids, ect. That ADHD and ASD are neurological disorders (kid got a bunch of new vocabulary), and even IF they were mental health issues, that it doesn't mean that a person is less capable, it just means the chemicals in the brain are different. There are Western/trained doctors here who will ABSOLUTELY diagnose ASD/ADHD and are excited to give parents an answer to why their child is struggling, but due to the fact that the country only opened back up in the 1980's after a particularly brutal, unpopular war (that frankly has left about 75% of the country over the age of 30 with some form of PTSD) there is still a *giant* stigma regarding these issues, because it doesn't fit within the current stage of Hierarchical Needs/Development the collective society is in. Hell, they're about 30 years behind any comprehensive education regarding certain scientific concepts you likely take for granted (ie, many will only drink room temperature water because typically cold water comes from a tap and it's not safe to drink that way here - that was a fun crash course on bacteria for the 10 year old students who we tutor on Saturday and Sunday morning). Treatment options are also very limited, and most work six days per week, 14 hour jobs. Admitting you have X diagnosis bars you from many employment streams (take a look at Thailand's work visa policy for depression, for example). What I've yet to personally see a parent DO however is outright lie to their kid like this (although one of the other teachers my husband works with has a couple of parents SHE battles with over it). Brutal honesty is more the norm. So, yes, knowing this culture (and having been put through something similar as a Native American growing up on a reservation myself), the update is believable.

[@LoupGarouForte]

Knowing how you are wired differently and how you tick is the key to finding ways to functioning and overcoming difficulties as an autistic person. They did her a great disservice.

[@Beebohism]

i found out i was autistic when i was 19 and my sister told me. my parents didn’t. my whole family knew. i was the only one person who didn’t know i was autistic. i had a whole identity crisis and it really broke me. i did not trust my family for a while because they kept such a huge secret from me. i don’t suggest hiding it from anyone.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 3- I wish I could give OP a high five 😂

[@shebakoby]

Story 2: OP's MiL is some flavor of covert narcissist/cluster-B something-or-other, and the OP's SO and the BiL are co-dependent and in no way are they out of The FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt).

[@misschieflolz1301]

3:02 - I'm glad despite how she found out, that she DID find out this early. Autism in girls and women is harder to pinpoint. I went through the exact same problems only I didn't find out until I was told offhandedly as an adult when a special programme was running on TV about autism. I haven't been diagnosed and I'm still fighting for it in my 30's with my knowledge. My aunt who started her teaching career with special needs children realised around the same time this girl was diagnosed and told my mom. This WAS back at a time it was uncommon, there was very little support and my parents really didn't know how to tell me. I spent a lot of time miserable (though at the very least I did have hobbies where I was appreciated by people), and I just didn't understand WHY I felt different and out of place. Being told I was autistic immediately answered a hell of a lot of my questions and it's confirmed on my dad's side. My dad is a carbon copy of Sheldon Cooper (or the real-life equivalent) and my 5 cousins on his side all have now been diagnosed as well. The trauma and memories will never go away; I can attest to that, but at least this girl now has a chance of understanding why she's different and can start to develop with this newfound understanding in mind.

[@hollyberry0602]

Absolutely OP Is the AH in the first story. If I had been able to be diagnosed so early in my life and my parents hid it from me, I don't think I would ever forgive them. Autism is a HARD disorder to live with! I wish I could've had support for the first 19 years of my life! Support is SO important and clearly their daughter needed some help! Masking is absolutely exhausting for anyone's mental state and so many autistic girls spend their whole young life doing it just out of habit so they can be liked. I spent years feeling different from my peers, hating myself for having different interests and behaving differently, masking and pretending to be normal but still being ostracized by everyone. I would've given anything for 14 year old me to have known why I wasn't like my peers. OP's daughter had the chance to know why and they took that from her. I'm furious, I feel so bad for the daughter, having a diagnosis would've been so important so early on. OP and his wife make my blood boil. Edit- I really appreciate that OP owned up to his mistake and are working to improve themselves and the way they handle the issue. It should’ve been done from the beginning but it’s absolutely a case of better late than never. That should make life so much easier for his daughter.

[@Becks-and-books]

Agreed. I know I’m autistic but have to get an official diagnosis (it’s been an over 2 year process so far) to get the help I need. My life shattered in pieces so many times where I was too exhausted to keep masking (didn’t know what it was but I knew I was playing a role). I’m probably going to be 30 by the time I actually get the dx. It’s so hard living not knowing why you’re different

[@savvivixen8490]

I appreciate your post in particular because it doesn't excuse the blatant and damaging ableism that occurred, but still gives the parents grace for facing the truth and hauling ass into a 180 for their daughter. They actually DO seem to love and respect their daughter despite making a terribly damaging series of mistakes. The parents are are now educating themselves more to avoid further harm to their daughter, be a true support system for her, AND help heal from the gnarly wounds. I think condemning them as parents forevermore would be a bit unfair, especially with such earnest efforts to do thing right. The ones that excuse themselves to change nothing are the ones that need to be seperated, no? Sometimes I feel like people get hurt and leave no room for others be humans that makes mistakes (albiet, some mistakes are awful and need consequences), and it worries me a little...

[@dagnytheartist]

Story 3: Justified TA. I'm glad you could include your stepsiblings, that makes this prank better. Not sure about a verdict, because the actual issue is much larger than just a family picture prank. You're being left out of the family, and your parents seem okay with excluding you and moving on. That breaks my heart! If you and your friends had enough time to take these silly pictures and then swap the photos, your parents certainly had enough time to ask if you could come home to be in the picture. Or maybe they could have added a recent picture of you and a sweet little note about "with love from (OP), who is working hard to get a degree in (school) and we couldn't be more proud!" Either way, communication is key, and you *shouldn't* have to explain to your parents that they hurt your feelings, because they should already know it's wrong of them to leave you out. You shouldn't have to follow your parents like a puppy, begging them to have love for you, they should never make you feel like their love is something you need to earn. I wish I had advice but I have no idea what I would do. It sounds like you made your point clear with them. Maybe you could bug one of your other relatives about how you feel so left out of the family, and they can chew out your parents for you.

[@idgarobingoodfellow]

If I was OP, I would offer to send out the original cards along with an apology for the other cards, I would have it say something like " I apologize for switching my mother's Easter cards with the humorous ones I made with my siblings. I was very upset when I was deliberately not informed about the first set of photos being taken until after the cards were printed, even though my mother said that my school, which is less than a half hour away, is "too far" and that it's "not a big deal" and, as my stepfather says, the photos were only for "close family." Still, I should not have disrespected my mother by having my friends, who she calls "cross dressers", in the alternate photos my siblings and I took." Send those to the entire family and watch the fallout. Either way each member of the family reacts to the whole story, you get to find out exactly who is worth keeping in your life.

[@NiMissNi]

Story 1 makes me sad. I'm autistic, but my parents told me in age appropriate ways from as long as I can remember. I had hardships, but i was able to get through it because I knew what the problem was. And as a girl, the way autism presents itself is so different and knowing what the problem is later makes it so much harder to navigate as you get older. The disservice those parents did is so massive

[@SunsetCompass]

Just hearing first story’s title is an immediate YTA. I had a similar story, only I learned about it like 2 years ago, and I’m currently 22. Isolation from the autism community caused me to think there was something deeply wrong with me since childhood, I even thought I was a sociopath at one point. Do not isolate your children from a community they belong to, do not lie to your kids about a diagnosis that will make them understand themselves, you’re not protecting them, you’re hurting them very very deeply.

[@pansprayers]

The Easter photos are very much my level of petty. I'm taking notes, because holy cow, I LOVE this.

[@nancyjay790]

Also, I love how OP made "family pics" that some of the family didn't even pick up on the substitution.

[@pansprayers]

@@nancyjay790 my issue would be finding that many half siblings and bio/step parents to make it believable...

[@mindyschocolate]

I can’t get how any parent would hide their kid’s medical condition from her. She had an absolute right to know. Parents were definitely ableist.

[@SailorMya]

As a kid my teachers thought I had ADHD but my mother didn't get me tested. Years after struggling and failing out of school I had my own kids. Two of my kids show the same signs I did. While looking into ADHD I truly believe that I have struggled hard with this all my life... I'm looking into for all of us.

[@Cel3ere5]

Hi. Me too. Stop looking into stuff and go get you and everyone tested by a Neuropsychologist. A local university's psych dept may be able to do the testing for your kids if money is an issue. As an adult, you're a bit SOL and it's going to be expensive. Get them kids to see an ADHD therapist and just ... Pay attention to the tips for you too. There's so little research on Adult ADHD it's infuriating.

[@SailorMya]

@@Cel3ere5 We have pretty good health care but I still have to see how much is covered/copays. I found a doctor who specializes in ADHD to start because their regular doctor told me my son(4yo), who shows pretty clear signs, is too young to be tested, so that is not their doctor anymore.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 2: Wait, OP labelled her and had them labelled for at least a few days before MIL came over, so her husband must have SEEN the labels before his mother came right? They share a room right, so it shouldn't have been a surprise for him to see the labels on the front of the dresser right? Like, didn't HE question his wife before his mother showed up as to why she had labelled everything? Why was he only mad about them when his mom got mad about them? Also, she isn't acting like a child, a child knows not to go into other ppl's rooms without asking. The know it's wrong and don't want to be caught doing it. MIL is acting like a narcissist. Case in point, OP should do the same thing to MIL when visiting her house and see how quickly she is yelled at for being totally disrespectful and rude.

[@shirokusanagi3901]

She gets mad when she goes through somebody else's shit and sees something she doesn't like, and then she gets mad when she labels them to make it easier (not that she should have to) The wife is fucked no matter what she does.

[@meloelebi1996]

As someone diagnosed when very young, I didn't fully know everything involved and I treated it as my personality traits but I at least had the ability to make that choice, change my approach as I got older, and came out better for it. I can only imagine how much worse it would be otherwise, let alone for a girl on her way to adulthood. But at least the family is far more willing to learn.

[@QwerpOS]

What is the point of hiding autism from someone who has it? They're gonna find out about their condition eventually, and preventing them from doing so just makes it harder for them to deal with whatever challenges they face from having the condition. The parents have basically done a massive disservice to their child, and while I can understand that they didn't want their child to be bullied or whatever, at some point, people are gonna notice it and react accordingly, and well, they did.

[@gaxalee7392]

My dad is in complete denial about past health issues I’ve had, including the fact that I nearly died as a newborn. He has tried to gaslight me into believing my mother and, for some of it, my memories are wrong/lying to me. That pisses me off enough; I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like if I didn’t know the truth, and he was saying this shit.

[@greninjastorm6734]

Story 3: My lord that was awesome. Perfect r/pettyrevenge material

[@clairebear-96]

Ooof that title is rough….. i was diagnosed as autistic at 25, I can’t imagine finding out i’d been diagnosed as a child and it was hidden from me….. way to make your kid’s life 1000x harder!!!

[@nancyjay790]

There's all sorts of parents hiding things from children, and making things worse. Allergies, adoption, dyslexia, any of the affects within the autism spectrum, disease, any thing. Hiding something just makes the kid think, as this kid and as you might have, that they are doing something wrong or that they are "wrong". All three of my children are at different places in the spectrum, and we found out at different times with each. But we always, even when we didn't have a diagnosis, told them that whatever was going on, it was part of what made them the amazing kids we love (and get aggravated with, but hey, they get aggravated with us, too.

[@jessical4866]

As someone with hyperactivity and friends with autism, there is *massive relief* in having a name for what is different. It’s a title, something that says you and your problems are recognized enough that someone wanted to put a name to it. You can find resources and stories from similar people, and it is so much easier to explain to others why you struggle with basic things. And when you know, you can advocate for yourself for accommodations at school and work, etc.

[@TheLilyMustang]

The cake smashing one hit me hard. I have my dad and an uncle smashes peoples faces into cakes. The uncle routinely did me even after he was told to stop after he pushed my head in so hard it went up my know coming out my mouth and caused a bloody noses.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@oldgreggsmadmemes4431]

As an autistic person who gets bullied nonstop the first story pisses me off SO much

[@silvaniamain7780]

I can relate to this so much. My family hid the fact I had autism, because they wanted me to grow up being "myself" and not my label Autism. But all my life I always felt and acted different. I knew I was different, but no one told me. I got into a lot of mental health issues in middle school. So finally they decided to tell me what I had, aspergers. I felt absolutely upset and that an important part of me was hidden away. I've moved passes that and I'm getting the help I need, but for god's sakes parents don't hid the fact that your child has a disability from them, because sooner or later they'll figure it out for themselves and will be resentful.

[@dragonetafireball]

I’m autistic and have a close relative who wrote their masters on the severer impact of mass misdiagnosis and under diagnosis on women and girls. Hiding a fact that could help her come to terms with aspects of herself and search for reasonable adjustments is just cruel and controlling.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 1: YTA OP and his wife not only deprived their daughter of having accommodations which would've made her school life easier, but they also held back information that would help OP realize who she is and why she feels some of the things that she probably felt were not "normal". I have some expertise in this as I didn't find out that I had autism until I was 25 years old, not because my parents were garbage people like OP but because I was born in the early 90's. If I was born a decade later most doctors would've been trained to pick up on my symptoms. I was screened for autism as a child but even though I ticked the boxes since I would make enough eye contact they immediately discounted the possibility. When I was diagnosed as an adult I wept tears of joy because I finally found the puzzle piece that I'd been looking for ever since I was a child being told I was acting out when in reality I was having meltdown from sensory overload. When I finally held that last piece of knowledge I felt whole for the fist time in my life and that is what OP and his wife was robbing their daughter of.

[@brigidtheirish]

I have a similar story. My parents knew I was different, but they just figured it was how I was. Mom often said I "marched to the beat of a different drum." The school counselors kept trying to insist I was normal. I clearly remember one asking me why I thought other kids teased me and I said it's because I'm different. He said, "You're not different! What makes you think you're different." I started to list everything but he cut me off, insisted again that I wasn't different, and told me I just needed to talk to the other kids and see how similar we were. Yeah. That worked horribly. Thing is, I also have ADHD and one of the counselors came within a *hair's breadth* of identifying that when she mentioned that I have trouble retaining lists of instructions longer than three items. But, of course, I couldn't *possibly* have ADHD because I'm a *girl* and this was the early '90s. Only *boys* have ADHD. Hell, dang near *all* boys were diagnosed with ADHD at the time. I *knew* I was different from when I was a little kid and only my parents acknowledged it. Even then, they insisted there wasn't anything wrong, it was just my personality. Not realizing how that *hurt* because of the things I couldn't express at the time. The most I could explain is that I didn't understand other kids who rebelled against being 'labelled' when I was here all but shouting from the rooftops "LABEL ME!" I just about *hugged* the doctor who *finally* gave me my diagnosis, also at 25. I knew who I was! I knew why I so often managed to piss people off when I tried to be nice. I knew why I freaked out in noisy environments or when strangers touched me. I knew why most clothing *itched.* I knew why *everything.*

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@brigidtheirish My story is definitely eerily similar to your story other than the gender. I went to an adult ASD support group and some of the women who attended agreed that they felt there was a bias when it came to females being diagnosed with ASD. We had a long discussion one day about it. If I recall some members believed that it had something do with the medical community having overall less data about females due to most of the studies focusing on very young pools of patients and something about women often not yet having the specific autism traits that early in life that researchers seem to overfocus on so very much.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@janglesthearsonist5265 The problem is also that a lot of autism traits look like 'shyness' or other things that aren't as often seen as a problem in girls as in boys. A lot of the research also focused exclusively on young *boys.* It wasn't until the last few decades that folks in the field even considered that girls *could* have disabilities like this. Another contributing factor is probably that, again, until the last few decades, young girls were *specifically taught* how to handle themselves in social situations because they were expected to grow up and run the social aspect of the household. Then societal conventions were thrown into a blender without the lid so even a lot of neurotypicals are confused. The later half of the 20th century was... *interesting.*

[@GMAMEC]

My neighbor took their daughter to 4 different doctors. None of them diagnosed their daughter correctly. In the late 90s, many doctors misdiagnosed kids on the spectrum. The common diagnosis at the time was ADD or ADHD. It’s great that you finally got the right diagnosis. Apparently, this appears to be a larger issue that needs more attention. I’m glad that more support groups are available, especially online.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

NOT telling your kids about being diagnosed with something is so unbelievably harmful. My family did that gaslighting me until I was 19 and my depression took over completely. I had seriously hurt myself to momentarily stop myself from doing anything worse and finally saw doctors and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I told my mum after a few days (it was a big deal for me) and my mum said she wasn’t surprised due to how many people in the family had mental health issues. I was so pissed because they lied to me for years saying nothing was wrong but when I was diagnosed, they were like “lol yeah.” I could have died because their egos were more important. I tried to OD a couple times during my first round of antidepressants. If any younger generations ask about it, I’m going to be 100% honest and let them know and to mention it to their doctors in case they show any symptoms.

[@niktropolis2104]

I just screamed in delight when I saw all those pets. How does everyone here has such cute pets?! 😍

[@AuraOfLegend0237]

The first story hit an cord with me, because my parents did the exact same thing to me. I was eleven when it was casually brought up at the dinner table. As if I knew or something. Turned out that after years of thinking something was "wrong" with me, I had Asperger Syndrome. Or as my mom called it, tendencies of Asperger. Apparently I was diagnosed between the ages of 2-5 (story changes sometimes which is frustrating) and my mother hid this information from my FATHER as well as me. It sucks that my first time hearing about this, my step father asked if "I wanted a side of fries with it." Now a days I am proud to say that I have Asperger Syndrome. And while my ticks are an every day issue (from high pitched noises no one else can hear to certain small things getting me frustrated to never being able to meet people in the eye), I still work through it. Because of my mother's ways, I never had therapy. Have been debating on whether or not I should find someone to find the full extent of the truth or not. It really sucks when your parents are the type to not believe in allergies and not believe in mental diseases/disorders.

[@desireeloveros1055]

Yeah being blindsided is never fun. I’m not diagnosed with it but tend to have some tendencies but honestly I think my social struggles is more related to a traumatic isolated childhood In middle school I was in Girl Scouts and one of my troop members HATED me and I don’t remember the conversation but I remember her telling me "I know you’re autistic or whatever but you" and it’s like the world stopped. I argued with her and told my mom. Apparently her mom (a troop leader) told my mom that she thought I was autistic so my mom wanted to get me tested but the rug was already pulled from under me and I wanted no part of it

[@thesensationaladventuresof1150]

Ah fuck friends, what’s wrong with me I can’t human like others. I went through my entire life having ADHD and only in 2019 was diagnosed, in 2022 I’ve scrounged up the courage to start a convo about medication. I’m terrified. I know what people think of ADHD and I know how poorly they tend to think of neurodiversity in general. The world isn’t made for different neurotypes. I wish there were more flexibility built in, like instead of long fluorescent lights in offices each cubical can choose their own lighting bringing it into the office and have a less loud main light for the over all office. Things like this would prevent overwhelm and overload.

[@thunderring3932]

They what?! Like they never told their child she has autism then ONLY AFTER SHE FINDS OUT they do research on how it works?! WTF

[@brandonjackson3436]

The last one is like when someone waves at you, and you wave back. But it turns out they were waving at their friend behind you.

[@izstrella]

This! It really felt like OP inserted herself into a seemingly innocent situation between people having fun and then went around telling MULTIPLE people that she felt _that man_ was out to get her, when he [1.] had only done it once to someone he was very close to (*even if you didn't know they were engaged, you can still tell strangers from close relationships by how they act), [2.] wasn't the only person to ever do it (yet for some reason singled out him), [3.] all the other "incidents" were probably all in good-fun too, & [4.] he didn't even know her. It's completely valid to be anxious about possible scenarios, no matter how unlikely they may be, but going around telling "a few people" [which of course will spread to _more_ people] that you're hiding in your car because you'd "lose it" if this _specific dude_ physically forced your head into a cake - implying you legitimately believe he may do so despite next to zero evidence as to why he would, that's an unfair accusation to attach to someone who's only involvement with you is through the narrative you constructed in your head.

[@boglenight1551]

Knowing you’re diagnosed doesn’t take away feelings of brokenness, it doesn’t take away years of peer abuse, it doesn’t make all the problems that all the commenters seem to think disappear actually disappear.

[@RomeGod177]

Last story hit me hard. I myself am a loner and I have anxiety ontop of that. So I can understand what OP is feelings about the situation. I been called all the names and then some in both schools and work place. An to make it worst is that I am a guy with no protection so I had to ignore them

[@Discontinued_account]

I lived through this myself and it was hell, i grew up the only daughter out of 4 children and all of my brothers had something wrong with them too like mental illnesses or very very mild autism and got them all help. meanwhile my mum possibly knew i have severe autism since i was a kid but ignored it and called me a drama queen when I'd ask for help. I'm now 22 and i got myself diagnosed as soon as i turned an adult. my brothers got help and medication to help their disabilities while I got none of that and I'm now a mess of a person. Ignoring autism doesn't make it "go away" it makes life harder for the person who actually has it and i wished parents would get help for their kids who have these types of disabilities instead of ignoring it

[@GMAMEC]

The photo story is hilarious. I am literally laughing with tears in my eyes. I am sure the younger siblings had fun with the photo shoot.

[@wildone9946]

My parents did the same thing as the first story. I had to guess all the way up until I compared myself to another person with autism when they finally spit it out. I asked if I had Down Syndrome and other diagnostics and I already knew that there was something wrong with me. They didn't want me to use it as an excuse to do nothing, and I was 13 when I finally found out

[@gabrielledormuth4634]

The story of the postcard swap sounds like something me and my friends would've done when we were younger

[@Sailorguardianluna]

The first story... I can relate to that poor girl sadly. I have a lot of mental health problems plus mild autism, and my parents did nothing. No therapy, help, nothing for years. They tried to basically ignore the fact I was different and act like everything was okay. It wasn't until my former high school intervened and starting advocating for me that something finally changed. I got therapy and school accommodations, but my parents still acted like my issues didn't exist when the high school stepped back, and they were negligent of my needs health wise. I'm in college now and doing very well academically, but I still struggle to this day and am not where I could've been had my parents actually cared. That poor girl needs better parents

[@hannahseitz430]

LOVE the Pet Tax Tuesday 😍

[@hakudoushinumbernine]

I was diagnosed with adhd in 5th grade. I diagnosed my dyslexia when listened to an audio book and realized that, despite reading the physical book years before and read it multiple times since before this, it was like i was reading/hearing it for the first time. I missed so much information relevant to the story and things didnt impact me AT ALL until it was read to me. This was 3 years after I'd graduated. Im all about getting kids checked out and telling them. It can get them the help they need, they can learn ways cope and develop habbits that they can work on with AND WITHOUT the medication. And to be comfortable with therapy.

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: As a person who is autistic but didn't know it because i was not diagnosed until I was almost 30 years old, OP is so much the butthole, it's unreal. (To be fair when I was growing up, autism wasn't widely known or diagnosed unless it was severe cases like Rain Man type stuff, so I don't blame anyone for not finding it back then, but it's different now. I myself found out by accident when I was assesed to see if I had a historic brain injury). Parents are specifically the butthole because if one knows they are autistic, they can get resources specifically geared towards autistic people, to cope with the symptoms and social interactions. Regular therapy by and large does not work on autistic people unless it is specifically structured for autistic people.

[@shebakoby]

@@moon-moth1 well to be fair in my case my parents *tried* to find out what was wrong with me, but didn't run into the kind of professionals that would even know (and this was also like over 20 years ago when I got diagnosed - and it was my mom that got me the appointment where I eventually was diagnosed after a 5 hour cognitive test but we weren't even looking for autism, just brain damage from a historic fall about 48 years ago). I'm very high functioning and back then (over 40 years ago when I was a kid) everybody thought autism was restricted to low function.

[@tamar7065]

I felt a lot more sympathetic for the parents in the first story when OP pointed out they're from somewhere where they simply don't talk about these issues. Made me think of my mom, having a whole batch of neurodivergent children and simply not having the knowledge and skills to understand why things were off. She's not only from a generation where no one talked about it, she's from a U.S. state infamous for its bottom-barrel educational standards. "Autism" was thought of as "uhhhh, maybe something about not being able to talk," and children were expected to be challenging because they were rebellious, not because they were having problems. Were the results of her parenting style disastrous? Sure, but that was a challenging parenting situation for the most skilled and educated person in the world. It was like asking a random layman to defuse a bomb and then blaming them when it goes off.

[@victoriapyles7752]

Literally just the title. I’m dealing with this sort of now .. I have struggled so much, and just now feeling like things are clicking into place and I’m very upset with my parents about it. Like I could have had so many tools to learn how to be functioning. There is a decision to be made whether you pursue OFFICIAL diagnosis, but you should be open about it with your kids..

[@gaysatan4565]

People like Story 1 are the reason I am scared of getting diagnosed with autism. I have autistic friends and family but the stigma around it and the people who just ignore autistic people all together really fucks with my own insecurities around my mental health/disorders

[@nancyjay790]

My eldest daughter is on the spectrum, but wasn't diagnosed until she was 21. We were told lots of women don't get diagnosed as readily, and my daughter has some issues she's still working through. But the thing is, the diagnosis itself started to open opportunities for things to help her. I can't promise that this will be your result, but it's at least possible. There are ways to help yourself deal with things if this is your situation. Think of it like gluten intolerance. While someone with it can kind of function, if they have it diagnosed, then they can start to reorganize their life to find what does work. I know we'd all love it if we could just flip a switch and "be normal" and accepted, but since that's not likely, finding ways to help yourself deal with it-- whether it's autism or something else-- could reduce the stress and anxiety. Whatever happens, I wish you well.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Mark - love love love! the pet photos you featured today. A hedgie! A lizard! Oh so many lovely pups and kitties! Just lifted my (very bad) day.

[@kalinaphillips9779]

The first story reminds me of my own situation. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 5. My parents didn't tell me anything till I was 12, but even then they didn't explain anything. They decided they will do everything for me (most of decisions). Because of that I didn't know what would trigger the epilepsy till I was an adult and I didn't developed certain life skills necessary in adulthood. I still struggle with the latter.

[@alr3764]

not knowing about it doesn't just make it go away

[@LeggoMyGekko]

The second story vaguely reminds me of when I worked at Firehouse Subs, and when someone would open a box of chips in the back when there was already one open, they would start interrogating everyone to figure out who did it. “You didn’t do it, yeah well, other Matt said that too. You know not to? Why was it open then? What if we check the cameras?” Etc. So one time I actually DID make the mistake (first time I had ever actually done it) and I put my initials on the box and said “yeah that was me my bad.” And told them that I’d initial any time I made the mistake, so if my initials weren’t on the box, they know it wasn’t me. The didn’t like it. They said they should be able to trust me (uh yeah, I agree) and that it’s a convenient way to remove myself from responsibility. I basically said “if I’m not the one who did it I’m absolutely going to remove myself from responsibility.” One of the worst places I ever worked 💀

[@madisonl3401]

Omg the story about the family pictures in Jean jackets and jeans with racoon hats and the makeovers to be the mom and dad is soooooooo fn hilarious! I want to see the pictures so badly lolol

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: YTA, but also, I think one of the biggest problems here is the lack of knowledge and resources about mental and neurological conditions in different communities. This is something I’ve experienced myself. I myself am probably autistic, (I haven’t gotten a formal diagnosis, but it’s quite apparent in every aspect of my life tbh) but my parents never got me diagnosed for a few reasons, though mostly ignorance; they didn’t know how to look out for traits of autism that weren’t stereotypical and super obvious. I was a quiet bookworm who had trouble making friends, but my parents just assumed I was shy and loved reading. I would recite cartoons that I watched over and over, but they just thought I was a kid who was obsessed with cartoons. The culture they grew up in had so little information about mental health that the thought I was neurodivergent literally never occurred to either of them until I did my own research. I don’t resent my parents for it at all, since they were otherwise very loving and supportive of me, and the lack of diagnosis was mostly born from ignorance than malice. We really don’t teach ANYONE about how to recognize or handle a neurodivergent kid. However, this is something different. These parents KNEW that she was autistic, and she’d been diagnosed, and instead of giving her that knowledge from the beginning, they put a chokehold on their development. I know that it’s quite likely that they were thinking that, if their daughter did not know that she’d be treated the same as everyone else, but that’s not how it works. Even if she didn’t know she was autistic, she’d still ACT autistic, and other kids will still understand that she is “different”. All that they did was prevent her from understanding herself. UPDATE: I’m glad they realized how wrong they were and are trying to make up for it. I do think they thought they were doing right by her, but were coming from an ignorant perspective.

[@jeannebuttons5301]

Fun Chosen Family Photos: Justified, especially since the younger half siblings where in on it. I think OP should focus on keeping the relationship good with their siblings and keep interaction withmom and stepdad as 'grey rock' as possible. Additionally, I think OP should make this a habit of inviting their siblings to do things as a family without the parents more often and mail out commemorative photo postcards of every one of these experiences, finances permitting.

[@kurijf-l14]

Thank you for doing these videos after all this time 💖 My hubby and I saw our Freya as the first pet tax and got so excited!

[@MarkNarrations]

You are so welcome!

[@nathanhinman9069]

Story 1: did they actually need the internet to tell them brushing their daughter’s diagnosis and thus not getting her the support s she needed was wrong? What assholes.

[@thetomlette7720]

The cake smasher... Honestly, that sounds like something that should be reported to HR. A department head hunts an anxiety patient down to tell them that they're a creep? Hell no!

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 2: MIL doesn’t sound so sweet. STORY 3: mothers cross dressing Remarque screams underlying homophobia

[@geekli9305]

Oh Wow. Story 1 hits home. I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADD in elementary school and was never told until a few years ago (I'm now mid twenties). Growing up without the tools I could have had left me with a lot of problems that could have been avoided if I had any clue why I always had a hard time with basic things no matter what I did.

[@LouisTheBlackCat]

Nawhhhh my heart is still breaking for the daughter in story 1, the poor little chicken.

[@TheArnaa]

Story 1: Autism as a concept didn’t exist when I was growing up. In my late fifties, I was diagnosed with high functioning autism. When my therapist explained what that meant, it was like my whole life suddenly made so much more sense. It would have made such a huge difference to my life if that diagnosis had been possible when I was young.

[@Cel3ere5]

That had to be rough growing up with. I'm so sorry to hear. I hope things are going better for you.

[@TheArnaa]

@@Cel3ere5 I was a very anxious child and adult who had difficulty interpreting facial expressions and social cues, would get obsessive about anything I found interesting, was very pedantic about rules and instructions being specific. People in general were just very stressful and confusing. I’m still that way, but knowing there’s a reason for it instead of me just being stupid has done wonders for my self-esteem. Now if anyone says anything about being weird, I just look them in the eye with a big smile and say “Yes, I am. What’s your point?” It’s quite amusing how that just truly baffles the other person. 😊

[@QuietRage]

Story 1 hits really close to home for me. I am autistic and one of the kids who lived on my block was also autistic. My mom told me about my diagnosis in grade 4, while the mom of the other kid chose to hide his diagnosis from him. The difference was night and day. I shrugged off most of the bullying I got as dopey kids that lash out against others that aren't afraid to do their own thing. The other kid became self-loathing and agonized for years and years wondering what was wrong with him. If you hide your kids diagnosis, you are setting them up for failure, years lost of learning about themselves, learning self forgiveness for when they make mistakes, saving them from (potentially) a lifetime of inner turmoil. You aren't "protecting" them, you're sabotaging them.

[@warrirornunluv801]

YTA: I didn't find out that I'm autistic until around college years. And my mom actually thought that I would grew out of it. But then again, it was the 90s and my mom didn't have much experience (she's Filipino btw). It kinda gave me some peace knowing that what I do and act was how I try to function and think and somehow came out ok. Yes, I dealt with my mom's constant asking "why can't you be normal" which honestly it did hurt a bit and there were ton of times that I want to point out the contradictions that she was making. But like I said, I managed to be ok, I had experienced my first job before quitting to get married my college sweetheart and currently raising two girls. It was hard but it was worth it. Stories like this made me thankful to have my mom who at least tried her hardest as she raised me and my older brother. Sure, there are some cases that neither she nor my dad understand (according to dad, I had to find some way to "dumb down" my words, but don't know how...thanks English class) and I remember how stressed I was when I studied for my driving test. The point is, I came out ok. I think it was because of the special classes that my mom included when I was in around middle school and I just accepted it as part of my schedule. Not to mention that I somewhat get along with some people I clicked with. The parents here...they done goofed big time.

[@anniebale4343]

Oh, hell, this hits hard. I was diagnosed as a young child and was NEVER told until just 2 years ago. I'm 25. Parents like this may mean well, but all they're doing is causing so much fucking damage.

[@davidlionheart2438]

Story 1 - How did the daughter NOT know she was autistic? EVERYONE's autistic now. Literally. Everyone.

[@jessical4866]

Thoroughly enjoying these AITAs that border on malicious compliance/petty revenge. Keep it up!

[@louannecataford4939]

Aww my fur babies were featured! Thanks Mark! It's been the highlight to my day!!

[@runawayfromtoads674]

I've been having a killer headache and it's been stressful the past few days. Thanks for putting up your vids, Mark, it helps hearing a familiar voice in a while

[@KittenUndercover]

Love pet tax Tuesday!

[@god-rj5wf]

I was recently diagnosed with autism and when my mom talked to her family about it apparently everyone suspected it, and she's super frustrated about it. Tbh I am too, and for the same reason. That being that maybe if everyone had told her about my neurodivergency, she probably would've been more educated and wouldn't had seen my obvious symptoms as some kind of rebellious streak-

[@dragonpokemonlover237]

Story 1 really struck a chord with me. It was incredibly hard for my family to get an autistic diagnosis. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 10 and by then the damage was done. I can remember being 7 years old and bursting into tears outside macdonalds when my sister, who is two years younger than me, was always invited to birthday parties while I was always left out. Trust me their daughter knew she was different. She must have been so desperate to connect with someone. Those parents suck

[@photofreak56]

Story one YTA. I'm dyslexic and have ADHD my parents never hid that from me because as soon as they knew they thought I should know if only so I didn't feel weird about having an IEP. I had a late diagnosis because it took my parents fighting the school to get me tested even though the school didn't want to spend the resources. Knowing why I am the way I am helped me. It gave me a way to look at the world and find the tools that I needed to sucessed in school. I now have a degree in my chosen field and I work at a top school. My boyfriend who is on the spectrum had that hidden from him and it was hard on him not knowing why he is the way he is. Honestly these parents are more then just assholes they are crewl. The sooner you know if your nerodivergant or not the sooner you can find the tools you need