“We’re worth $5.5 Million…and it’s driving us apart”

[@ramitsethi]

0:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@tubiyuu]

Hi can you also share the Concius Spending Plan for couples?

[@vintagestereocollector3415]

Because their so materialistic people that's why money is not everything

[@Elizabeth-yx7nn]

This is a weird one. They have millions of dollars but can’t combine finances, hire property managers, or even babysitters? All the crazy excuses for not talking to each other, “she was on the other side of the playground! We need an entire day with nothing else scheduled for a therapy appointment!” They are TERRIFIED of talking to each other or delegating the slightest task. They’d better find that therapist!

[@FOMAHsince2014]

It's interesting how he described her as being on the playground with "her" kids not "our" kids. It legit made me think they were her kids from a previous relationship.

[@dearestdarling9467]

@@jimbobsmith2496 This red pill talk is ridiculous. They are his kids and even if they weren’t, what one person will not value the next person will. Everyone is different and wants different things in life. Some really great men genuinely don’t mind being with a woman who has kids already, I see it all the time.

[@katie8325]

@@jimbobsmith2496get a grip mate. Go and touch grass. They’re his kids, even if they weren’t your misogynistic, red pill BS is ridiculous.

[@jaydelacruz4929]

Time stamp? I keep hearing him say “our” kids after the 5:00 mark.

[@SuzanneU]

@@anon1407Then you don't know any decent man with decent options! Suppose you were a single father - widowed or divorced with custody - and women pulled this bs on you? Most women nowadays work and many of us earn as much or more than men.

[@AishaBuycks]

​@@dearestdarling9467definitely sounds and holds red pill tendencies.

[@ababbajj3820]

This episode genuinely made me sad. Imagine building a life next to someone who has access to so much but who has also made you feel like you're not allowed to enjoy it with them. I hope Matt realizes that even if they divorce this problem will still be there with whoever he chooses to be in relationship with.

[@regdomain4690]

What did they build together? He literally did nothing more (acquiring investments) of what got him to his position during their relationship. She was upset he made a deal without her say so. It's just silly.

[@skylarngugi9894]

This is beyond sad. Something about Matt makes me uncomfortable and l cant exactly pin point it. Ruane this type of a man, will drive you CRAZY! if you leave he will say .....see l told you and if you stay you are using your kids to stay busy because you are unhappy . At some point Ruane, make a decision.

[@TheStarstruck123]

You are right, I do not think Matt loves her at all. Maybe he cares for her but he would never give his life for her if there is any danger in her life. There is no sense of protection. He would value his life more. It seems like he is just using her and is afraid of letting her go because he won't find another girl as good as her. Until he truly realizes that, he will never give her what is "his". How can he not value the girl that has given birth to his kids? A man who truly loves would love her wife even more so! I feel so sad for Ruane. I am so sorry

[@carolynwheel]

@@skylarngugi9894 yep she’s unhappy. Been in this exact type of relationship. He’s more concerned with his money than he is with his wife.

[@carolynwheel]

Also, you’ll notice when they were trying to schedule the date with each other she did all the concessions about how to make more time. He offered nothing for example, why not offered to farm out some of the maintenance and repair for the investment properties. She made it clear in the beginning that he likes to do most of his own work. This is a huge time and things he could farm out to other people. Clearly, he thinks that his children can go to a stranger before he’ll farm out on his condo to someone else.

[@stephyworld8713]

It's really gross how women would put their life on the line birthing children, take care of children and a home for a man who wouldn't even share resources and respect her contribution. 😭😩 Unmarried women should really take note who you're dating. Some men (like Matt) are just not deserving of all that sacrifice.

[@jip230]

She sounds like a married single mother. When he stated that she was at the playground with her kids it was very telling indeed

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

Exactly, he wants all the benefits of marriage and kids without actually respecting the sacrifices his wife has made. It’s his world and they are all just living in it.

[@Versatilechik]

Say it louder for the people in the back

[@trashpageant7861]

Single / childfree wins again

[@ababbajj3820]

This is so true. Literally risking their lives for dudes that are afraid of losing some money. I can't.

[@dareeltoro6681]

Man she is a keeper. Wake up and treat her right, she is gold.

[@lbslott]

Hire a property manager! Hire a maid and a cook!

[@chanj2109]

And nanny/babysitter. I don't understand why they haven't already done so. I think the husband needs to let go of some control over things so he can be more present. I also think he uses the excuse of "checking on the rentals" as a way to escape the craziness of the kids at home

[@TheSharmam]

well, its cause they are not even willing to compromise on how laundry is to be done ! @@chanj2109

[@XOXO-4]

I completely agree and it felt like they were just making excuses. If you genuinely want more time together, there are so many ways they can make it happen.

[@cierrasme]

@@chanj2109I was actually thinking that this man was probably cheating. I hate to say this but I feel like I've seen this movie before.

[@stalinov91]

Maybe that was a part of the resentment. Her husband has the wealth to make their lives easier, but he just doesn't want to.

[@jdp486]

I get the feeling he doesn't want his wife back, or he would be moving mountains. I think he wants his pre-kids life back.

[@littletiddkid]

I agree, he doesnt sound into the kids or her parenting style. Because he is a kid. I appreciate a driven person, but you have to be a well rounded mature person for that to mean anything.

[@taishamikell1438]

It’s interesting that when they were tasked with finding ways to buy back their time, he had no suggestions. Doesn’t seem like he wants to change his life at all. Wife & kids are just trophies that he is subsidizing.

[@mhan3000]

@@taishamikell1438 he seems a bit resentful about subsidizing the family too. The one he had a hand in creating.

[@socialmedia1812]

I am a woman and I didn't feel this way. It sounds like she does enjoy her kids a bit too much and does not want to spend time with him. She does not enjoy "talking about money"... she admitted that for quite a while she had stopped loving him. A lot of women grow apart from their spouses after kids. I earn double compare to my husband's and I'm still resentful and feel like we have different interests

[@GPG0000]

If she is not a gold digger then why not sign a pre-nup? And to hold it over his head after 10 years... WTH

[@-ch9224]

It is kind of annoying how he thinks he should get a medal for studying for his CFA while on a planned vacation and blaming his stress on his companion. Frankly if you agreed to go on a vacation and you work through it by choice, that is super selfish.

[@cloutm_anager8262]

High rewards (for her- paying the bills) requires sacrifice. She married the wrong person if she doesn’t see that.

[@-ch9224]

You can take CFA throughout the year. Studying while you are supposed to be on vacation is neither necessary nor virtuous. Is at best virtue signalling. Unfortunately, it is a problem that plagues the industry. Yea is sacrifice on her part since her enjoyment is being compromised.

[@-ch9224]

🙂

[@TradeWise1000]

I had an ex who did this. Well they are ex for a reason…

[@vulpixelful]

Yeah it's not like he was getting a doctorate, it's a standardized certification test he can take any time 😂 That was just a passive aggressive move.

[@meghanlogun5732]

I knew how this was going to go as soon as he was explaining that he was making condo buying decisions while she was with HER (their) kids... while they were at the same playground!!!

[@martha_aj4386]

That stood out to me too! He obviously doesn’t see her as an exhale partner or respect her or their family 😞

[@kati501]

I noticed that wording immediately, too. Her kids? *Her* kids? You mean, *y'all's* kids. It sounds like, in their perspective, the money is his and the family is hers.

[@FOMAHsince2014]

I just left this very comment. Didn't get a chance to read through all the other comments first. I 100% agree with you.

[@kati501]

@@jimbobsmith2496 Ramit said after that anecdote that they got married and then had children, and then she shares they have 2 kids under 4. Plus, neither correct him when Ramit says, "you have kids together." I'm still listening to the ep, so I'll keep an ear out for additional info. So far there has been nothing to indicate the children are hers from a different relationship and plenty to support that the kids are theirs.

[@MissGirl1450]

I was super confused by this. I thought at first, they were her kids from a previous relationship. His words are downright chilling.

[@eileenwatt8283]

I don't see Matt changing. I was hurt when he said " her kids". He's extricated himself from the family and extremely connected to his finances. She's beautiful, intelligent, family oriented. There are many men who would cherish her. Matt worst fear may manifest into his reality if he doesn't shape up. I wonder how is their sex life. Women aren't sexually turned on by men who treats them less than equal. Matt if you are reading the comments you need solo therapy and couples therapy. I hope you both grow old happily together but that's a long shot.

[@dearestdarling9467]

Agreed! When he said that it stirred something up inside of me…as a woman lol. I’m not even a mom yet, but I see how hard they work and the immense value they bring to the family. To be married and refer to your own kids as “her kids” speaks volumes

[@thybegaming8102]

He didn’t say that, I listened multiple times. He says “our” kids. He just says it fast with his accent.

[@TheSherKhhan]

Therapy won't work.

[@miut7995]

@@thybegaming8102 5:22 & 5:38 “Her kids”

[@CherieMonique5]

Blows my mind that he dictated what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours in the beginning and continues to make financial decisions regardless of her input and didn’t realize the effect that has had on the relationship all this time. That was one conversation for him but it’s been a decade of proving herself for her.

[@jessitabonita]

When I heard her tell that story: I painfully said, "GIRRRL! 🤦🏻‍♀️" She should have left him right then and there! When people tell you who they are: BELIEVE THEM!

[@eclipse.5295]

@@jessitabonitaExactly!!! Biggest red flag 🚩 ever!

[@iva9427]

Him: “What’s mine is mine.” Also him: “I feel like she’s worried about money.” No 💩 Sherlock

[@methenybestfan]

don't you think she should try to let go of that one conversation? He said those words when they were dating and he was a student and was obviously trying to protect himself In the face of reality, it appears different, he didnt even sign a prenup. They dont combine bank accounts but most couples do that actually He puts 90% of the household expenses, includes her in the investment decisions (when he went ahead and bought the condo, her objection was not sound, she agrees it was a very sound investment that would actually make money and her only objection is that he'll have to drive 1.5hrs in case there are repairs... thats not a real objection) She even refuses to spend on herself when they have no financial troubles and there is absolutely no reason to how about trying to change mindset, be graceful, grateful and more accepting

[@ababbajj3820]

​@@methenybestfanshe's afraid to spend on herself because she doesn't believe that it's hers. And that's literally because he told her that it isn't

[@jrbrannan]

Ramit you talk about solving the $30000 problems not the $3 problems, but when you talked to them about buying back time you focused on laundry and groceries, they just bought a Condo on the other side of town that takes several hours to get to and I am guessing takes him away from the family quite a bit. Wouldn’t the $30000 question be “if these properties are cash flowing so well why not hire a property manager for them?”

[@EndoExcision]

Because one way is for Matt to buy HER time for her.

[@ECOOk-ow8lb]

He created a dynamic where she feels like she has to prove her worth since she earns so much less. And now resents her because she has no time for him bc she’s too busy proving her worth. This is why she’s clinging so hard to doing the laundry. She resents him for making her feel that way/unprotected. He resents her for turning away from him. If he leaves her, he’s “paying her” to leave him, a woman he ostensibly wants. If she leaves him, she grapples with guilt of “being a gold digger” even though she’s labored enough for a healthy/livable amount. Very interesting stalemate. I wish them luck.

[@melhoman8302]

The issue here is the marriage is broken. Most likely beyond repair. The resentment runs too deep. She doesn't love him anymore. She does not want time with him. But she doesn't want to leave and fulfil his gold digger Andrew Tate expectations. So they are stuck. He cannot unsay what he said. But he communicated that her value is lower and his money is his. It's too late to fix this. He wants his wife back but he pushed her away by a complete lack of trust. I was the breadwinner in my marriage (I the wife). I didn't spend my time worrying about if he left me he would get half. That's marriage. Its just money and you can make more. Especially if you made a bunch in the first place. It's so terribly sad that he set this tone in his marriage with money. It's not the reality for 'men' it's the reality for the breadwinner and that can be either gender. In the US it still seems to be more men but in Europe it is very common for women to be the breadwinner.

[@TheSharmam]

he is manipulating her and trapping her with this red pill ! this is how women end up being abused, plus there are 2 kids to think of too! you think being married to an awful person is tough, try being divorced from a man like this ! he will happily hire the best lawyer and pay him tons just so he doesnt have to pay anything to his ex wife !

[@tania.lapshina2272]

I was thinking about it, you said it so well.

[@350BMW09]

Well said! His irrational fear of her leaving him and getting half of his money is so toxic.

[@TheSherKhhan]

It's not an irrational fear nowadays. We are living in a very dynamic and strange environment where a relationship for a manmeans that a he is always in fear of the wife leaving and the system backing her up. This is bad for both man and woman. I believe that marriage should be a 5 year license and there should not be any co-mingling of assets.

[@noniboo1521]

👏👏👏 totally agree with what you said about the husband. Andrew Tate indeed!

[@JKRBW]

Whines that he wants his wife back, his wife is too busy being a mom, but also buys a condo on the playground and commits to driving four hours for a clogged pipe without a care in the world as to where his kids will be while he's preoccupied like that. He doesnt value his wife's unpaid labor, even though that unpaid labor is literally *his children.*

[@teresaamanfu7408]

I believe that they were both not aware of how their actions were affecting each other. This was a great and fruitful therapy session.

[@mizzhelloo]

That's the key. He doesn't see his wife's unpaid labor as "unpaid labor". So he doesn't value it and doesn't realize that people (nannies, daycare workers, etc.) get paid to do what she's doing ON TOP of her career.

[@kyleolson9636]

​@@mizzhellooWhat did he say that makes you think he doesn't appreciate her contributions? All i heard was one insensitive comment from 10 years ago when they were still dating.

[@daphnedevi]

@@kyleolson9636 I think probably the fact that he still thinks of his income as his (keeps it all separate beyond shared expense contribution). Meanwhile he seems not to get that her household management is what allows him the time and opportunity to make what he makes.

[@fauxbro1983]

Lol housework is not unpaid labor. Stop it

[@MrCam1225]

I dont understand how people decide to be together but dont actually end up BEING together. Separate money. Separate goals. Separate roles. Separate lives. Unfortunately, you start a family and so much time passes and things get complicated. Best of luck to them though. Worth almost $ 6 million and quality time, love, attention...proof that those things don't have a dollar amount.

[@joshdawson5850]

Me and my partner always use the phrase ‘we are a team’ together when talking money, and family, and kids, and housing, and even running the home. It’s become a Moto. We say it at least twice a week. How people don’t have the ‘team’ mentality is beyond me.

[@IB23118]

You do not understand as perhaps you are not wealthy . I am and totally self made so this is very hard , I paid whole price for stability I have created for myself - am a woman. If someone loves you they will sign any pre nup without any issue whatsoever

[@jessitabonita]

This makes sense why I've been seeing the term, "married single mother," trending a lot online, and no wonder a lot men and women are refusing to marry anymore, as well as being childfree. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@destinyschild5768]

Yea idk why people think these 50/50 relationships work they don’t especially with children.

[@lowlowseesee]

its called cptsd yo. study that and you will understand. people are not the logical creatures you think they are

[@nataliexrd256]

Why is she working full time with two small kids on the income matt has? Even the way she mentioned what having small children is like sounds traumatic. He has no desire to help his wife and make her life easier? A man who truly loves his woman want to protect and provide for her at all costs. This relationship makes no sense.

[@angelarogerson6861]

I think she said she works PT now but honestly, quit your job and grocery shopping and laundry won't feel like time sucking activities.

[@jessicarossman2966]

Some women want to work. They should have an equal opportunity to pursue a career. Why is she the one who should stay home? It’s also a huge risk to leave your career and rely 100% on your partner. That can leave high and dry.

[@littletiddkid]

@@jessicarossman2966 truth! but they can afford a lot of help and that would ease her stress.

[@Nina.2526]

There is probably an insecurity there because of his mine is mine comment. If she quits she has nothing of her own. Yes she can “take his” if she leaves but then that would prove his point. She’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.

[@gkdiva6]

@@Nina.2526was thinking the same thing.

[@DevanConrad]

650K a year and "no time" means they should be outsources/delegating more tasks. They are high control and surprised they still feel things feel out of their control.

[@beetdiggingcougar]

Refuses to hire a babysitter because she fears the babysitter will harm the children. Both of them need to work on relaxing.

[@thezu9250]

Subsidized? Like whats the point of being married if your partner holds their contributions over you? Whats the point of wealth if you resent your partner? Its not like this money is following you to the grave.

[@kiwigirljacks]

The very first line of that application… “I have always SUBSIDISED our lifestyle” what?!?!?!?!! Hell no, not when you’re married with kids. That line told me everything I needed to know. The guy is a misogynist who values patriarchy over partnership.

[@fdnemo]

Lately I feel like so many of Ramit's episodes have just been loaded with misogyny by the male participants... it's really unfortunate.

[@sbeautiful6133]

​@@fdnemo The rise of the manosphere/red pill movement in the last few years has made a lot of men comfortable to say these things in public now. It's not that Ramit purposely seeks out couple with male counterparts that think this way. The reality is that now a days a lot men simply just think that way unfortunately. It's sick.

[@rashmitambe]

@@sbeautiful6133 Ramit isn't exactly calling these men out on their doucheyness either though.

[@Maliksamuels33]

This one feels a lot more like a therapy session than financial counseling

[@steelresilience]

For real. They need therapy more than anything.

[@daviidfm923]

@@steelresilienceI feel money spending habits and therapy go hand and hand.

[@davidng4291]

This is what I love about Ramit's channel. Most of us already know about basic finance. It's the emotions and therapy (and relationship with money) that Im learning most from. ;)

[@Joce123]

Helpful video

[@Playingwithproxies]

Therapy that revolves around finances.

[@SuzanneU]

22:28: It's clear to me. Ruan has never forgotten that Matt told her flatly that his money is his money and her money is her money.

[@beea4456]

They didn't have the tools to properly communicate why he made that statement. It may have came out of past trauma and had nothing to do with her. When he said that, she probably shut down but she should have asked what causes him to say that.

[@MaggieMagnoli]

That is something you never forget when someone you think you are in a forever partnership with says to you. its an awful feeling.

[@robnelson6545]

@@MaggieMagnoliif she felt awful she should have talked to him before getting married. There’s enough responsibility on both parts for improved communication.

[@Jawwad.4PF]

Not one thing that can be easily forgotten even years down the line especially if it was said when she was struggling

[@IAmebAdger]

You cannot forget it, nor should you. Let it be the obstacle in your marriage that you both overcame together, not the big mistake that was made that will continue to breed resentment.

[@danielvee2441]

That guy was totally not engaged with the conversation. The way he was looking down and side to side, he was obviously working on something, two monitors in front of him. He didn't give a crap about that meeting.

[@sct4040]

You are right, he is looking at 2 or 3 monitors. Unless 1 is Ramit and 1 is his wife, he needs to focus.

[@mommytradertube]

He doesn't see her an "equal" because he bases his value of people on what they own...not who they are on the inside. Ruane looks depressed/defeated (he does too)...even after 9 years, if she wanted to leave him...she would. He may want this wife back, but it seems that he never had her in the first place because of how he brought up..."what's mine is mine & what's yours is yours". Also, working and raising kids is so HARD! Yes...money can buy you access to happiness but the dollar it's self does not provide you that joy and peace we all need! Great interview & wish them the best!

[@KS_1995]

They want to bring the lovey dovey soft guy out of someone who has all the tough traits of someone who was able to build a 5mm portfolio.

[@ramonadominguez3119]

They are not really "equal" She values her kids "people"; he values HIS money. seem to me he accumulated the money to feel valuable himself, so anybody without his amount of money is perceived not so valuable to him. He was married to his own money way before he married her, so she knows she is the second wife in line, always competing with his money for his love, but defeated over and over each passing year. He is rich in money, but very poor in valuing what is really important in life. She is rich in values, but poor in enjoying equally the money that belong to both, because he excluded her emotionally and from the wealth. Still there is hope, but not without a change in heart from him. She is exhausted at this point, they need a marriage therapist urgently, a good one, and more than that, THEY both need God. With God and the Bible, they will be able to see each other naked from inside out and not be ashamed, neither selfish, or careless, and to set the love and values in the family right.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

No partner. I prefer to struggle alone even if it means living lower than I could. My marriage fell apart because my husband was getting military retirement and SS and he lorded it over me constantly with his so called 'wealth' after we were married. You see, before we were married I worked and supported myself, he gave me gifts and we went on trips and all the things... but after marriage it became a prison. He would not let me work, and I couldn't even go to the store alone. Very oppressive situation. This situation isn't far from that. I would say they DO need to have a DEEP conversation and decide if money is going to be the end for them, because normally it's not about money AT ALL but something else.

[@Trix897]

This is why I never got married and have no desire to be in another romantic relationship. I’m much happier and at peace being alone.

[@ericaaaa8]

When she said "he put a wedge between us" about her second kid.... oof that hurt. It's clear in so many ways she is an amazing and loving mom, but it is also clear that the kid(s) is not responsible for their dynamic. Call it semantics, but I was that kid and my mom made similar inconspicuous comments. I now have hardwired guilt and shame about things that were NEVER my responsibility that I am unwinding to this day. The kid may have their own special needs, but they may also reflect the characteristics that these two model and resent about themselves and each other. Maybe I'm projecting, but I hope they (and/or perhaps others out there) might see this and reconsider their words and perspectives on this issue. That said, no parent is perfect, and this is in no way meant to evaluate them as parents in a whole picture when I just got a glimpse into their live in a very vulnerable way.

[@MsNaturalTresses]

The episode perfectly captured that the amount of money couples have is usually not the root cause of their conflict, misaligned values and feelings around money are. He seems like a man who wanted a wife and children but did not want to be a husband and father and resents having to provide, despite having the means. I don’t see him loosening the purse strings and starting to treat her as a partner.

[@TradeWise1000]

Right on the money!

[@leenas7011]

Psychiatrist here. This is 100% accurate. The sooner he admits this to himself the sooner he can stop feeling trapped in this relationship. It's not fair to either party or the kids.

[@fantasia243645]

​​@@StoicCaringbutColdandFierceIfNHe would not be able to be where he is or have any children without her. She earned her way and he doesn't want to reward her. She never should have married him after the New Zealand talk. Their values were completely different and if he really wanted kids then let him adopt some.

[@rascaljordan]

His greed is poisoning his entire life and his family.

[@angies7906]

yes in a way. She's got a lot work on too. They both have a lot to do. She needs to let go of her stories and control issues.

[@MsJai_1]

It is astounding how many married people DESPISE and purposely disrespect their spouses! 😣 What is the point of being together?

[@jaydubya9265]

Kids lol

[@amysteele6540]

Kids can sense that their parents disrespect each other, so the cycle of misery will unfortunately continue

[@MsJai_1]

@8000lah There is NO reason to continue a relationship with someone who CONTINUALLY displays the fact that they openly despise you, and find it acceptable to disrespect you. End of.

[@MsJai_1]

@@amysteele6540 That is truth, most of the time.

[@Seunonyoutube]

She fulfills a need for him

[@kaneja]

They both approached dating like most people, looking for the best option vs an intimate connection. He wanted an attractive woman who wanted to be a mom. She wanted a high value man. On his “spreadsheet” this was suppose to work, but I get no sense of an intimate connection was ever present. Now years later they are hustling backwards, trying to rekindle something they never established in the first place. They both got what they signed up for. Best case, they work to salvage this. Worst case, they resemble roommates living with lots of money in a big house miserable.

[@ashleyhartadams3939]

Oooooh this is such an interesting take.

[@freeagent_girl23]

NAILED IT 💯

[@thezu9250]

No, it sounds like she just fell for him and wanted to stay in the situation out of love. He wasn’t making that money when they met. She has a pretty lucrative career and doesn’t actually need his financial support. She’s indicated multiple times that she wasn’t with him for his money. So I don’t understand how you’re getting this “high value” man take. She just fell into the same hole that many career women fall in to. They end up working and also doing most of the domestic/childcare duties. This give them little time to be trophy wives.

[@taylorsee864]

Lol what a reach. She never once indicated that she was looking for a "high value man." She in fact said that she doesn't want or need his assets. Stop trying to make these people fit into an old school Kevin Samuels model that doesn't fit AT ALL.

[@slaychildhoodmoneyscripts]

Insightful!

[@samanthalawhoa9497]

Matt is simple afraid of losing her at this point because there is no Prenup. I hope they can go to counseling and sort this out for the sake of their family

[@helena3631]

Yep she’s holding on to that resentment from that money talk years ago that has festered throughout the years…I sense divorce after the kids get old

[@TecnamTwin]

​@@helena3631THEY sense it which is why they're here. They want it to work. He needs to stop being a control freak and spend the money to give himself more time with his family. Hire a maid, hire a property management company, get a chauffeur, etc. He needs to NOT be driving hours away when he can have somebody else do that. They need to automate their life and reduce their stress. He does not seem to value his time, her time, family time. The crux of the matter is their separate finances that is really killing the relationship emotionally. So glad I don't have that issue!!

[@7Mushrooms7]

​@@helena3631she should absolutely divorce him. He shows he doesn't value her thoughts and opinions and her u paid labour. And he refers to their kids as "her kids".

[@7Mushrooms7]

​@@TecnamTwin not only that but he must value her and her thoughts, opinions and unpaid labour. How do you make someone who has no respect for you for years to wake up and start respecting you?

[@MizzMau0021]

I find it insulting how men can say “I want my wife back” after a woman brings “his child” into this world. It’s so insensitive and bratty to me. You as her husband should be in tune with how your wife is responding to her new responsibilities, not shame her into regressing to comfort your reluctancy of embracing her in her new role. Like men stop saying this phrase!!! 😢

[@lowlowseesee]

typical entitlement for sure

[@Trix897]

Men need to roll with the punches and realize that things change after kids…and act accordingly.

[@richhenry8004]

Listening to the date planning blew my mind.

[@spencer34716]

I’m sure she has thought to herself a thousand times that she should have left New Zealand immediately after he said that, but felt compelled by the time and emotion she had already invested. That was a million red flags in one sentence.

[@debbielockhart7762]

Meh, she's made out like a bandit here. The dude is loaded and she'll get 1/2.

[@jeandidieryao8840]

Please watch the full video before judging. Couples go through hard times. Thanks Ramit for this show. Very eye opening and a breath of fresh air in a world where ppl give up so quickly on their marriages due to finances.

[@katie8325]

This relationship is a breath of fresh air to you?! Yikes.

[@jeandidieryao8840]

@@katie8325 read again

[@lesreid2704]

I've watched the full video. Matt is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing!

[@FIREownyourtime]

@@lesreid2704 you are absolutely right. He sees everything in terms of dollar values. Wife doesn't make very much compared to him in dollars, so she is worth less. He doesn't value her contributions around the house. In his mind, he makes more, so he is worth more. What a sad life... He needs to change his mindset. His wife makes all kinds of valuable contributions just not in monetary terms. It's their wealth and for goodness sake learn to share. Your wife and kids are your wealth!! Otherwise, what's the point of working to accumulate money? In the end, it's just numbers on a screen or a property that you rent out...

[@michellegreen1072]

I think your point is they aren’t rushing to divorce - that’s the breath of fresh air, right?

[@Valhalla_Heathen]

My new favorite go-to channel! I’m incredibly happy I discovered your channel brother. Cheers ☕️

[@samk.970]

Same

[@evaschoenfeld3186]

me, too

[@dearestdarling9467]

They don’t have the same vision because their view of money was made abundantly clear from the beginning. “My money is my money, your pennies are your pennies.” I know that’s not what he said directly, but that’s definitely what he made clear indirectly and in his body language. This makes her feel vulnerable in the relationship as someone earning less and not willing to take on larger $ risk. This couple may be worth 5.5 on paper, but if 5.4 belongs to him then she is only banking on the 100K that’s certain. They are not on the same page, but this convo is definitely a start.

[@TheSharmam]

also- his comment about prenup and how "law" works in favor of women. it has to- cause in general women do a lot of unpaid labor and sacrifice careers !

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

“I never get to buy condos anymore, and I used to get to buy condos all the time!!!” *Stomps foot*

[@hilarystorey4601]

Bro, get a weekly babysitter. Get some nanny cams. Get your mum to do random visits and pop in while they are being babysat. there are so many ways to get around this.

[@rickjames4031]

Or be a man and get it done. Lead your wife and household properly.

[@7Mushrooms7]

He doesn't want it. It's convenient to him to keep her busy and tired. Easier to control her. It also keeps her isolated.

[@kiesh82]

He told her who he was in that car ride and she still chose to marry him. I can’t help but wonder what connected them and made them get married.

[@mariaking4950]

I think she likes a challenge. And maybe she chose a guy who is pretty "shut down" because she can then be the expressive one, and the organiser, and be "right" ..... She remembers all his faults...but he's a heck of a good provider. They are actually quite well suited, I think they'll be ok.

[@beea4456]

I was wondering the same thing. They have no chemistry and it seems like she's making excuses to not spend time with him

[@TheSharmam]

interesting observation, some women do marry for upward mobility, but maybe do not understand the true cost untill its too late ??!@@mariaking4950

[@andrewsnyder9262]

Because at the end of the day all women are attracted to a guys success and mysterium.

[@debbielockhart7762]

Because he was rich. I don't care what she says, there's no way his net worth wasn't at least some part of her decision.

[@Blueskies1180]

He doesn't want a strong woman, he needs someone who just smiles and does what he wants. Leave him if you haven't already. He's not going to change. Sorry.

[@barbaratozzano6364]

1st red flag, he always refers to THEIR kids as HER kids. What did he/they think being married and raising kids would be like? Married isnt like dating. It sounds to me like HE is looking for an escape route without having to give her anything.

[@jaddek.astrie3071]

True.

[@thybegaming8102]

He didn’t say that, I listened multiple times. He says “our” kids. He just says it fast with his accent.

[@throughthemagnifier9024]

​@@thybegaming8102Is it you? You seem to have been defending this point beneath each post. We've all heard him refer to the kids as "her kids."

[@kemi1486]

Matt seems so cold and closed off here but when he laughs its such a hearty laugh so he should loosen up and laugh more to put himself and others at ease. RuAnne hem and haw way too much over some of the simplest decisions and should treat herself more. Otherwise they’re a beautiful couple with a very bright financial future. Wishing they’re family the absolute best!

[@acidman5]

“I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun. How meaningless! So I gave up in despair, questioning the value of all my hard work in this world. Some people work wisely with knowledge and skill, then must leave the fruit of their efforts to someone who hasn’t worked for it. This, too, is meaningless, a great tragedy. Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless. So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭2‬:‭18‬-‭21‬, ‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

[@CoCoButta901]

Sounds like they're standing in their own way of getting their time back. 5.7 million and you're worried about if your laundry is folded exactly right. smh prisoners of your own success

[@thesixthmansports]

It’s not the money it’s the habits that will be passed down to the children !

[@lawandahilaire5057]

This sounds horrible! The percentage split…how are people so quick to blend their DNA, share body fluids, share their bed and then can’t share their money! It’s mind blowing. You miss quality time on your own?! It’s called a season! Children are small for a nano second a healthy marriage could last a lifetime!

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

The statement “2nd borns are always difficult” is nonsense. Parents need to stop using their children as an excuse to stop connecting. They need serious counseling. They have all this wealth and are allowing their marriage to disintegrate. Crazy. You do so much to help people understand what is a real rich life Ramit.

[@mikaelaziegler9782]

He seems so disconnected as a husband and father. What’s his is his…. He couldn’t walk over to her at the playground and talk for 20 seconds about the phone call for the condo? Ridiculous. Huge red flag. She seems interested in real estate, but doesn’t have the time to help manage properties. She’s solely focused on the kids with zero help from him it seems. He doesn’t even think about that stuff, driving 1.5hrs to take care of a house is easy to him because he has a wife doing all the work at home.

[@melissam7067]

@@mikaelaziegler9782 my thoughts exactly. if the woman is doing all the childcare and perhaps most of the home keeping then its easy to pursue your interests.

[@5trace]

@@mikaelaziegler9782 Her help is allowing him to dedicate all that time to making money. I did everything and worked a full time from home while raising 3 boy's my hubby commuteted 1.5 hrs each way to work so our kids could be raised in a smaller safer community and close to our family. My hubby has always made like them the bulk of our money but I took on all the extras all the household chores laundry meals etc so he could do that ..I also manage the household money and it all goes in the pot together that being said we went in to our marriage very young and built our life together. It's like I had 2 jobs ..My husband did do all the outside work and was very present with his boy's when home but when you are away 13 hours a day it is what it is.

[@Trix897]

My parents neglected their first born when the second child was born. After all, he was the “new shiny” they wanted. First borns aren’t always valued the way they should be.

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

@@Trix897 I was a first born and like most of the firstborn, second born third born, we all have our “feelings“ about our childhood which may or may not be based in fact. I choose to feel valuable,, therefore I am. At my age, I realize what a waste of time it is to hang onto judgment and negative thoughts from the past… Especially childhood.

[@shreehill9641]

Lord the red pill men have found Ramit.

[@ze_ep]

For real. "She'll get half .. that's how it is as a man" 🙄

[@Capycorg]

Irk? This is the second one we've seen in the past few months...

[@shreehill9641]

@@Capycorg comments full of them

[@raquelg.4850]

​@@ze_epit's a disgusting movement. It teaches men to love self and money above all else. Women? They're either assets or liabilities. Completely anti-Christian.

[@andrewsnyder9262]

@@raquelg.4850tell us more about your fictional story. All women betray men in one way or another. No such thing as faith and loyalty in this day and age. Men are waking up to this and making the necessary changes. Women only respect men until the there is a power shift. It’s a dirty game and alot of men are done playing.

[@MsJ.TeacherToTech]

Of all the episodes that I've watched, this is the saddest of all. Ironically, over spending and lack of budgeting is not the problem 😢

[@Holdeenio]

I feel that the whole "this is mine and this is yours" attitude cannot work as well within a marriage as just sharing. I knew long before I met my wife or we got married that from the point of marriage, I wanted us to share everything equally, and that definitely was a consideration in choosing a spouse. I would only marry someone I trust completely and that is already on board with the same financial plans and goals as me.

[@Holdeenio]

@@user-uq2ti7tj6k couldn’t agree more 🙏🏼. One thing that encouraged this view for me as I approached marriage, was thinking about protecting my wife. Like what would she do if X happened to me, illness, death, disability etc. I want her to be ok regardless. I try not to put any barriers in place to make any eventuality as smooth as possible for her.

[@MNP208]

Agreed. I work in health care too. Respiratory therapy is an exhausting career. I’m going to assume that she worked through Covid too. Let’s talk about her PTSD from that. He has 5 million dollars and his wife is working her ass off and caring for two kids??

[@austinfranklin8400]

I really hope these guys can work out their troubles. When the kids are old enough, sure, you can get time but they are just tired of that. I think my family is stopping at 2 and can't wait for my second to go to school too. The love is there guys, don't ever give up on each other! Don't put each other's feelings on the back burner either. Keep on top of it! Wish you both all the best!

[@joshdawson5850]

Raw disrespect to his wife… I try my best not to judge on this Podcast… but if I had a daughter in her situation, I’d be telling her to consider walking away. He doesn’t respect her, she’s not a partner or an equal, she’s a lesser part of their pairing in his mind… and I think his fundamental valuing of human worth based on money isn’t going to change.

[@kevinjackson8011]

I hear you. I’ll offer a different perspective. Do they have to be equal? He takes care of the income, she takes care of the kids. The need to be equal May be drawing unnecessary issues

[@wealthessential4515]

Stop if you not married you don’t understand

[@Daveyjonesvi]

@@kevinjackson8011yes they need to be equal so they both can feel valued. If your value comes from wanting to be above others then relationships aren’t for you. Wanting to be an equal in and unequal situation is something the one with more power has to rectify.

[@michellegreen1072]

@@kevinjackson8011 In his mind, she’s not equal because she doesn’t make as money as he does. And she probably won’t and he should be ok with that. Lastly, if he stepped back and looked at the total contribution she provides, he would realize she’s just as valuable as he is to the relationship. Marriage is a team game and success requires everybody doing their part.

[@joshdawson5850]

@@kevinjackson8011 they don’t have to be equal in income, but he shouldn’t view her as an inferior, a burden, a chore to carry around. . She doesn’t feel valued, because despite making 70k, and doing all the raising of HIS KIDS, he won’t even let her have some guilt free spending. He guilts her away from buying shit as simple as some new clothes. He needs to change, and change fast, or she will divorce him.

[@traceycameron2200]

This episode made me feel awkward like the dance they did when making a plan together. I wonder if they have simply fallen out of love or forgotten how to love one another? I wanted Ramit to ask them if they were still in LOVE. This episode felt incomplete.

[@debbielockhart7762]

Clearly they aren't. Why ask? However, most married people that I know who have been together for many years aren't in love.

[@evaschoenfeld3186]

She is depressed, that's why she isn't taking care of herself. There is no energy left when she's done caring of everyone else. He's not helping, he calls the kids her kids... they are their kids. I feel for her.

[@patr3706]

Wow! What another amazing episode. Thank you for this couple agreeing to do this in public, you guys are great for doing this. Before listening to your podcast or reading your book, we never thought thought about creating a vision on how to use money. The CSP is a life changer! The way you made them realize that they were "rich" already... that they are winning the game was a powerful moments. When you are right in the trenches in your daily life, the kids, work, often we get caught like a hamster in a spinning wheel. You're not a couples therapist Ramit, but you are saving couples on a weekly basis now!! 💪😂

[@livin4racks191]

I love this podcast/youtube ! Where else can you get financial advise and therapy. We need you Ramit! 🐐

[@joshuadoliveiro]

this was a beautiful hour of content for me, an unmarried guy in a relationship with someone I love. I don't always understand my relationship or what will come of it but this is SO enlightening.

[@kishajones841]

That’s why it’s important to be careful with the words you use bc you can’t take them back. Reality, is they probably shouldn’t have gotten married if she wasn’t okay with his money being his money. Now, they’re married and she’s resentful. He still fears she’ll take his money bc he didn’t get a prenup! He wants more time but isn’t really acknowledging the time it may take to manage his property that’s hours away and possibly his lack of involvement with the kids! She sounds like the kids have completely been her responsibility, while working full time. They could afford it but she won’t completely quit her job bc his money is his money!

[@lbslott]

She just wants to belong. To be a team. A union. That’s what marriage is.

[@fauxbro1983]

Lol homeboy built up net worth of family. Go with what works

[@Joce123]

Or is that one definition of marriage? It gets a lot of positive press, but there are different versions that are successful depending on the income levels, cultural ..American rural areas, metro, ancestral background.

[@vulpixelful]

She's clearly unhappy and these dudes are out here like "Whatever works 🤡"

[@methenybestfan]

very true, but how much of it is her living in her head? how much of it is her holding on to a past conversation and not showing grace? she said no to a very sound condo investment without any real justification (her reasoning... he'll have to drive 1.5hrs... seriously?!!!) she refuses to spend on herself (lets face it her justification of having to take care of the kids is BS, if she wants to she could) how much of it is her not just letting go and living fully with her husband and accepting him for who he his? for crying out loud, he didnt even do a pre-nup...

[@vulpixelful]

@@methenybestfan Yes, she didn't want him to use the new condo as an excuse to spend _even less_ time with his family. The condo purchase proves that he _still_ means what he said. Dude studied for an unrelated professional certificate on a vacation. He won't hire a property manager so he can be home more. He refuses to even meet her halfway and is not interested in actually being in his family at all.

[@mommytradertube]

Do they have an older niece, nephew or cousin that could help...and pay them (this is important)??? My 17 year old loves it and she makes good money while she plays with the kids! Again, not for free but a relative who would love to watch the kids but when you pay people, "babysitters" become more reliable and you can get them on a schedule and Matt/Ruane can have their scheduled date nights!

[@michellegreen1072]

It seems family isn’t as reliable as they want … for free.

[@mdte5421]

I wish you can do episodes for singles ! You know we are many in this world !

[@albnye2983]

Not but seriously, because I would apply.

[@jaddek.astrie3071]

😂😂😂😂😂yes

[@canadiangirl810]

I think this often! But I think Ramit likes to focus on relationship dynamics of couples

[@debbielockhart7762]

I agree there should be some singles.

[@melaniegenuinely]

At least once a week.

[@valerimacdonald5146]

As a health care provider, I think Ruane would never leave her husband unless he did something unforgiveable. She is used to sacrificing for others, including her husband. Matt needs to make small steps towards his wife and where she is - working so hard for her family. This will protect his assets he cares SO much about from loss from a divorce.

[@debbielockhart7762]

This isn't the 1950s - she'll leave him. WTF does her being in Healthcare have to do with anything? Healthcare workers have a high divorce rate.

[@vulpixelful]

I'm sorry but I don't think they even like each other. I'm surprised that they weren't planning a couples vacation for the next week when they say they want to spend more time together. I'm also not sure why childcare is "darkness" for a multimillionaire couple. Does she do it alone? Does he help with the kids? Not saying it should be fun all the time but she pays for help with the unfun parts but is still unhappy 😕

[@TradeWise1000]

Also so strange they were about the danger. Ummm you make enough to one have cameras everywhere and hire from reputable places.

[@beea4456]

I thought the same thing. Laundry as an excuse to not spend time together? Remit should have pushed them on that. You can have a night in and even do laundry together and watch movies between loads.

[@FreedomPlaya]

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t help with anything childcare-related.

[@22bouha]

One of the best episodes 👏🏾👏🏾! Thanks Ramit! Thanks to the couple for being vulnerable.

[@chanj2109]

Is him saying "her kids" a Canandian accent of "our kids"!? Because, I'm floored if he isn't claiming his own kids

[@Capycorg]

Yes it definitely is "our"! I listened a few times and the last time reminded me of a Canadian friend.

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@CapycorgI'm Canadian. He straight up said "her" kids. We don't pronounce "her" and "our" in any way that could be confused.

[@cookinthekitchen]

I know his general attitude and it is more about how he views women not just her. But let me say if he thinks he knows about investing without talking to his life partner he doesn't know about investing in a relationship

[@joshdawson5850]

Even if it was the best deal in history, if it increases your risk of divorce… it’s a poor decision.

[@cloutm_anager8262]

I agree, he invested in the wrong woman. She doesn’t want to make the sacrifices required to maintain a wealthy man relationship. She has a middle class mindset, so that’s what she deserves.

[@joshdawson5850]

@@clo The number of women who are willing to be a housewife, with a man who speaks down on housewives and doesn’t value domestic labour, are very few and far between. He talks down to her for raising HIS KIDS, because she then doesn’t have her own money, and he’s not willing to share.

[@MsNaturalTresses]

⁠@@clo’s maintain their household and the bulk of parenting responsibilities while maintaining a full career because he made it clear that his money is not hers and he invested in the wrong woman? Yea, he’ll end up with somebody who will take him to cleaners with that mindset because she’s acquiesced to everything he’s wanted and he still is an emotional repressed micromanager.

[@robnelson6545]

@@clo on.

[@afunlivelylife]

It is hard for her to spend money that is not hers, in her mind. All I hear is fear from her. This relationship would require priority and work for things to get better. More money more problems.

[@debbielockhart7762]

More money shouldn't mean more problems. He's just kind of a dick.

[@marciethefruitysmoothie2.028]

They are 1 or 2 decisions away from living an amazing lovely life. They may have differences but both are willing to love one another, its just their beliefs arent aligned.

[@jip230]

This is a hard one - it’s not a money problem with these two. She clearly doesn’t feel like she has equal footing with her husband over finances - a key part of any relationship. And she doesn’t. The whole incident with the condo and the fact that he told her upfront that what is his is his and hers is hers. He will always see her as a lessor being financially in the relationship despite nearly spending twenty years trying to prove to him otherwise. This is an exhausting position to be in

[@thesixthmansports]

She shouldn’t. If this was a woman, everyone would be on her side.

[@jip230]

@@thesixthmansports he could have married a woman who was his financial equal OR went through with getting a prenup before marriage. His attitude isn't a problem if you have someone willing to be on the same page. He'd need to find a woman pulling about $500K per year and they do exist - but they darn sure aren't going to wash your laundry or even take care of the kids or house. They clearly weren't on the same page and it is weighing as a big factor in the deterioration of the marriage

[@thesixthmansports]

@@jip230 ppl like you and her is exactly why we have world we do, with there being 50 families running the world. Everyone in their family understands that they have to play a part and not make excuses. The habits and actions she exudes and will pass on, can lead them right back to poverty in the next generation.

[@jip230]

@@thesixthmansports the 50 leading families in the world have staff and household managers. They aren't going back and forth over who does the laundry or even takes care of the kids. They have laundresses and nannies that do all that. You speak of 'roles'. Life isn't a stage play. When you grow up middle-class, or wealthy you see the world through a frame. I get the sense that the wife would be happy if they weren't millionaires - if he had just been responsible with money AND taken a more active role in family life, she'd be fine. Often men who are high-earning have this kind of disconnect. They can earn millions, but relationships with family suck because they have no time/skills to connect. He can divorce her and marry again - but the next woman will be a gold digger out for self AND he'll likely have a similar disconnect. He's the source of the issue and he has to work on himself

[@caroldolan1485]

Not much of a team going on. He’s a very selfish man who makes excuses. Very foolish. He’s really missing the joy of a good/great marriage.

[@JesterFace9]

Always love when Ramit brings on Canadians.

[@debbielockhart7762]

As a Canadian - so do I!

[@izy0321]

This episode convinced me to combine finances once I get married! Start from the team mindset.

[@thesixthmansports]

It’s not the finances he has an issue with Lol it’s her refusal to play apart in maintaining and growing the finances by making excuses. Her finances won’t make a dent in his life.

[@sandrasimplytoday7772]

@@thesixthmansportsThe finances are a big part of the problem. They are not working together and still operate as a single couple with two kids. Money is not their only problem.

[@thesixthmansports]

You just said what I said. She is not playing a part and that is signs of being controlling. Your man is a millionaire, all you have to do is listen and success is yours, LOL. But she refuses to work play a part, which he said. But I digress. @@sandrasimplytoday7772

[@Squintillions]

If you do a proper hiring search, you can find great babysitters. Some teachers, daycare or rec providers, and educational/developmental/speech therapists for kids also babysit as their second job/side hustle. Ask around the people you already are in contact with in your community if they babysit and then pay them well.

[@debbielockhart7762]

They are being ridiculous.

[@spatty2589]

If he wants his wife back and to enjoy being married, why doesn't he apologize for what he said and how he's been living for the last 12 years; separate lives and bank accounts. So, she worked full-time while pregnant and even afterward and he could have stepped up at any time to say go part-time or quit so we could have more time together. Now he's rich and sort of miserable. He got want he wanted her out of his pockets and now doesn't have the family life that would make him happy.

[@topseekrit]

I’m not convinced these two like each other or want to spend time with each other. She’s scared to spend “his” money or come off as a gold digger. He’s selfish and waiting for the other shoe to drop to prove that she is using him. Them not having a prenup makes him nervous because he doesn’t want to lose half his wealth.

[@ST-wo3uw]

Unlike other episodes, there seems to be absolutely zero genuine warmth, respect, or love between these two. Money is clearly not the problem.

[@AbiTheEngineer]

This is a great example of why having kids is not always the best idea. He's super removed from his kids' lives and she built a lot of resentment for him because of that. Having kids legit ruined their relationship. The fact she raised the kids herself and she still thinks she doesn't deserve the money THEY built, is wild to me.

[@SaraLamberg-hh5wb]

They dont have an emotional connection. She feels depleted and she needs emotional support from her husband. And they dont know how to resolve their issues. Of course that leads to resentment!

[@JadaChavarria2015]

My heart breaks for her! 😢they seem so emotional disconnected with each other! It’s kind seems a little selfish for how he thinks! I just know that my husband should be my provider and my lover and because of that my love for him grows stronger because I know he has no limits to provide for me!! It makes me succeed even more for each other to have our Rich life Together!!! ❤

[@heatherscarlatelli77]

So my mom has been hosting Tuesday night dinner for over 30 years. This is sacred family time. I’ve had to make it known to friends, family, and work that I don’t miss family dinner night, I don’t answer emails then, etc. Once you pick a night and stick to it, it becomes easier.

[@Make_it_Raina]

They just don’t seem like each other. His relationship is with money. The fact that she goes out of her way to get into books and podcast about money is for him. She’s seems so lost and she’s doesn’t have a world of her own to feel comfortable in. They don’t even seem loving towards each other. She doesn’t want to outsource housework, cause it doesn’t seem like she wants to hangout with him. She hasn’t said one thing that she’s into. They need individual therapist and a couples therapist. If I was her. I’d have a house manager, cleaners, 2 nanny’s, someone to meal prep. But instead I’m her commenting and wondering if I should go buy a lottery ticket 🤔

[@khaleesiy.7886]

I’m sorry but this is abusive. There is a power and control dynamic here. He doesn’t have a husband mindset. He’s a roommate. She doesn’t like him anymore that’s why she’s keeping herself busy with busy work. This is sad. 😢 when they were planning their date it felt like they were planning a business meeting.

[@julieann2315]

So true

[@curryforest9281]

Ramit, thank you for teaching me how to live a rich life. I have learned so much from watching you talk to couples about their priorities. One aspect I'd like you to cover more in these sessions, especially when you talk to people with wealth is the aspect of 'giving', because that can bring a lot of purpose to one's life! I know you've written about it, but it would be nice to hear about it in these conversations as well. Thank you.

[@Capycorg]

I agree! Especially with these multimillionaire couples that seem to lack purpose...

[@christy4451]

She is such a beautiful woman, of course she sees the money as less because for her she’s making a little over $5000/mo and still contributes to bills and he has so much more money and carries little child rearing or household responsibilities. Her world is her children because they give the love back that he doesn’t return. You place your time and attention on things that make you feel good, his is money and hers would be the children. A date night isn’t going to change the deep issues.

[@rashmitambe]

It's not hard to see that she is completely checked out of this relationship (and he knows). Date night is not gonna fix this. She is probably biding her time to ensure that her kids are taken care of and out of the house before she dumps him.

[@tyd8077]

Yeah they don't like each other at all. Tough to watch

[@CAGChannel1]

All second kids are hard….ahhhhh……nope Something is really off about the kids here. Did one of them not want kids or more than one kid. Seems like there’s a real issue here. Did she really really really want a girl? Sounds trivial, but this can become an underlying thing. I don’t know; it just seems like there are deep, deep feelings around having two boys here.

[@shruti-hj2dl]

You're accepting couples from Canada! Woohoo!!!! Finally Canada's money problems get some screen time. Thank you 👍

[@debbielockhart7762]

Except he chose a multi millionaire couple. Not exactly representative of us Canadians.

[@sofiarangel1315]

The faces he was making when she was explaining things in the beginning. The way he kept rolling his eyes. If I were her, I would be so insulted. Like why would you marry someone who will not share their possessions with you? Let alone have children with him. And it sounds like she quit her career to raise their kids. With his attitude, she will end up destitute if he ever decides to leave her.

[@FirstName-rt9uf]

She STILL married him. She's equally at fault.

[@jessitabonita]

Agreed! If that were me in the car with him in New Zealand: I'd know instantly that I would break up with him the second we got back home.

[@sofiarangel1315]

@@FirstName-rt9ufI would have to agree with that

[@sofiarangel1315]

@@jessitabonitaExactly! That’s a total deal breaker

[@sofiarangel1315]

@@jessitabonitaAnd how I’m the hell did he win her over? His eyes are cold, he has no warmth about him. He’s stingy with his money which reflects in him being stingy with his appreciation for her. She will never get what she needs from him. He doesn’t have it to give.

[@beautynj]

He really has a woman who is honest and proud! I get it, he wants to protect himself but again she the mother of your kids and if you were to divorce you would want her to be comfortable and she is not showing to be dishonest and she is a giver - you can tell;)

[@rileymartin22]

I genuinely hope that they enjoy the time they carve out to spend together. It doesn’t seem like they have interests or do anything leisurely together outside of work and kids. I truly hope they take advantage of the time they can afford to buy and identify what I rich life looks like to them.

[@OxygenCostsExtra]

“His money was his, my money is mine” - so romantic.

[@nikkig1146]

I saw the intro and got nervous, but was pleasantly surprised for things to end on a brighter note. Despite the difficulties, Matt and Ruane both seem like good people and I hope things work out between them!

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

Did either of these people WANT children? Like, really want them? I understand as a parent, children are challenging sometimes and can turn your whole world upside down. But they can also bring joy. I keep hearing them associating children with "darkness" and it bothers me. Is the issue really the kids?

[@raquelg.4850]

I thought so too. I also have 2 boys, 15 months apart so yes, the early years were challenging but still....I just didn't agree or connected with a lot of what they said regarding children. Especially him, the man did not want children 😬

[@TheAlfredPlatform]

Are you going to discuss his comment regarding his money is his money only? This is the root of their problems. How can she increase her guilt free spending when she doesnt make as much as he does? If they increase their spending, he will get mad because he will be spending more from "his pocket" than she is. It seems like he has trust issues and a touch of selfishness regarding money. If he released this, she would feel better, they would spend more time together, and their marriage would improve.

[@foureyeswonder]

Yup, well said. I wish he discussed this too.

[@mchlljy]

I see why she doesn't want to quit her job. it's her own version of a safety net since matt made it very clear that in the event of a divorce, even without a prenup, he's gonna fight tooth and nail to make sure she won't get a dime of what he considers to be "his" money. He already doesn't see nor value her as an equal partner with the money she's bringing in, in addition to being the main caretaker of the kids and administrator of their household (very important roles that allow him to live in his own world of buying and managing property btw). If she no longer brings in an income, imagine how much less he'll think of her. And let's be real, if matt doesn't work through his trust issues, he's going to resent her even more when she doesn't bring in an income. If I were her, before quitting my job i'd ask for a postnup to ensure that me and the kids are taken care of in the event of a divorce. They need couples therapy and matt needs individual therapy as well.

[@helena3631]

This 9/10 he will put the money into a llc and pay himself a low wage from it so low child support and that’s it .. many married women are living like this better off to be single

[@JosephRea24]

What a smart and successful couple, sad they are having such a hard time. It's clear that Ruane doesn't feel like it's "their" money, and didn't feel included in planning their financial life together. That conversation in New Zealand laid the ground for serious problems and is a symptom of deep seated beliefs about trust and money. However, Matt could have repaired that damage over the course of a decade and while building a family together. The fact that she STILL feels like it's "his" money and not "theirs" tells me that he has not SHOWN her (through words AND actions) that they are ONE UNIT, and that everything between them belongs to both of them. No amount of date nights can make up for a lack of trust.

[@lx95020]

What a classy lady.... Reason why (I think) she does't spend on herself is because she knows she doesn't make as much as he does.. I understand him too. But getting married is a partnership and she seems like a great woman!!

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

Yes she’s literally proven herself above and beyond.

[@SuperMakalena]

Me and my husband don't have a prenup and were fine. Were more concerned about taking care of eachother in case something happens. I trust my partner wont leave me with nothing. Know who your marrying

[@katie8325]

Why are these two even together? Life is too short to be with someone you seemingly don’t respect or even like.

[@FIREownyourtime]

The husband does not appreciate the time and effort that his wife puts in for the family. If he cared, he would have pitched in to help for laundry, go grocery shopping together, play with his kids along with his wife, go date nights together as a family. He views highly of himself and not that much of his wife... He thinks his wife is below him and he makes the bulk of the money and doesn't want to share.... Because of what he said 10 years ago, his wife doesn't know much about his investment portfolio and she just viewed her salary as her money. She spends like her salary of roughly 100k per yr. Husband needs to know that a family is a combined effort. Unpaid work around the house is invisible, doesn't bring in money until you have to pay someone else to do it.