week in the life: depression vlog (paralyzed by anxiety and taking a mental health week)

Hi, I'm Celine and I have depression. I try to keep things light on here...but there are some things that I can't hide, even though I try.
0:00 - BBC Pluto welcomes you
0:34 - paralyzed by anxiety
2:30 - saying what nobody else will admit to
-
3:39 - welcome to my mental health week!
4:45 - girl dinner
6:03 - this is why I don't leave the house
7:13 - welcome to my kitchen chat
-
10:00 - morning chat
11:36 - you are my diary this week
12:16 - super moon & full moon meditation
13:26 - going to my reed dealer
-
14:00 - DRIVE WITH ME
14:57 - the first pumpkin beveragino of the season
15:25 - driving some windy sunny roads
15:57 - remind me to NEVER do this again!!!
-
16:41 - music is my therapy. sometimes.
-
17:54 - new meal prep strategy
-
19:11 - colin's idea of home decor lol
19:38 - silently hiking through the woods
20:00 - "celebrating" labor day
21:30 - GOOD NEWS...and bad news
~* New videos every week *~
Follow me on social media!
Twitter: @CelineNatalie
Instagram: @celine.ferocious
Pinterest: / boards
Spotify: open.spotify.com/user/1237691...
TikTok: vm.tiktok.com/ZMRuyYFe3/

[@edwardleecaliforniausa]

Good morning Celine happy Saturday morning and happy weekend and I loved your vlogs and you are amazing Supporter

[@thisakindredspiritcozynook]

Girrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllll. Chilling with the planes and the boat

[@jackanddan]

It’s funny how the same ingredients can make very different meals …. Thanks for making the Celine as always. It helps people who are going through similar things. 🌱💪🌎💚😀😀👍👍

[@user-ly8vv2qy3x]

That's awesme❤❤❤

[@CelineFerocious]

Depression is awesome?

[@Glamst.447]

Love your videos this was great thanks for sharing 🤗

[@Willidee]

9:54 that looks amazing!

[@thetravellingwelshman]

I've certainly been there myself, feeling you don't want to do anything because whats the point, can be a real dark place, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel!

[@jroseAsmrMukbang]

Stay strong Celine Take care

[@jackanddan]

The way Whole Foods is connected to prime is unbelievable now we can’t believe the deals we’re getting on things. Gotta love that connection.

[@CelineFerocious]

True, I feel like the quality has gone slightly down though…

[@balcodays]

Awesome 😊💐👌💚🩵❤

[@thisakindredspiritcozynook]

Yesssssss a pedestal . I relate 😢

[@phupham3143]

One day at a time its all we can do. Looking forward to the next vlog for the update!

[@CelineFerocious]

Oh the update will be there!

[@dualwellness5209]

That shower curtain is life!! 😍😍 Girl, I completely related to this video. First of all, Whole Foods completely intimidates me. Ours is down the street from Trader Joe's and the vibe at Trader Joe's is just nicer so.... Second of all, when you said that making a cup of coffee just seemed overwhelming, I said a mental, "Same." I have been chanting "this too shall pass" in my brain like a crazy lady.

[@CelineFerocious]

Haha the shower curtain is a win for sure. Trader Joe’s is so nice, it’s a little chaotic here in the city though, so many people…and for good reason! Even though this too shall pass, it still sucks getting through it, but thank you for being here with me. 💕

[@thescientificmusician3531]

Depression, anxiety, and paralysis...I'm sorry you've had to deal with such awful horrible things. Unfortunately, I can identify with your situation all too well. I've suffered from chronically re-occurring depression (bipolar disorder) for years. Your description of insomnia is really spot on. The paralysis is horrific. I know what it's like to stare at the wall or ceiling until 3 o'clock in the morning while watching Netflix and wake up at two in the afternoon. Good God it sucks. It can be hard to move. I've felt like I've been walking through molasses before after getting out of bed, so when you say it's hard to make coffee I really do understand. You are most certainly not alone in these things. Hang in there! I hope you feel better! Music is one of the most cathartic things imaginable and that was one reason I went to CCM to study music in the first place.BTW: Every time I hear the Pachelbel Canon, I keep wanting to call it the Taco Bell Canon. Yes, there is a brass choir version of it, and I've played it before.

[@CelineFerocious]

Taco Bell cannon, that’s amazing. Yeah I threw it in this vlog because I was having such a hard time and I hate that piece so might as well 😂 I’m sorry to anyone who knows what I’m talking about, but also to let ppl know they’re not alone. Even though I show me going around playing my clarinet, I can’t escape the emotional/mental illness side of things.

[@RadioJonesy]

Well KZbin is a place to vlog your day to day things and problems and a visual diary is a cool way to describe it

[@Willidee]

Oh I'm so sorry this waiting game had you feeling this way. From all. my other comments, I definitely can relate. I hope we find out soon! (as I catch up on vlogs)

[@5uncyogaburpeesupport388]

food is medicine, good food makes a happy person! have a great weekend

[@CelineFerocious]

So true!

[@RisaBeesa]

“I did something today!” Yes you did. Something amazing because that food looks amazing! 😃

[@RisaBeesa]

I’m excited for your new career start Celine. The unknown is always scary… it’s just so… unknown. Haha. You know what I mean.

[@CelineFerocious]

The food was so good. I’m so glad I did it!

[@RisaBeesa]

I had a pizza with fig and balsamic in Vegas and it was amazing! Also, how excited were you to encounter a fox?? I wish a fox would visit me!

[@KirstenQuickFit]

I'm glad you're taking a week sweetie. I'm glad you're aware of what triggers your anxiety and depression. Good luck on your new job! Your breakfast looks amazing! Love your hair straight!! Music is so therapeutic!! I love your shower curtain!! It would make me smile every time I walked in the bathroom! When do we hear about the job?!!

[@CelineFerocious]

The job update will be in the next video! I definitely ate well that week. The shower curtain is definitely a mood lifter!

[@thisakindredspiritcozynook]

Omggg how ironic it is that I am waiting to hear back of a new job appointment as well 😢. Ommgggggg ya gurl hear over analyzing...

[@CelineFerocious]

Oh I hope it’s good news!

[@CoachKev0731]

This is such a real subject right here. Glad to see that your strong enough to put yourself out there like that. Definitely will help others have the confidence to speak out. I think we all go through it just in different forms and levels but it's still much needed to talk about.

[@CelineFerocious]

Always good to stay connected, and I’m so thankful for my support system.

[@FlyPhoenixFly]

Aww I was so sure that the good news was you getting the job! I’ve been in reevaluating my life mode right now too! You’re so not alone! Sending ❤

[@CelineFerocious]

I did an ikigai and it led me to a complete overhaul, still working on some things but I have my answer 😜

[@FlyPhoenixFly]

@@CelineFerocious can’t wait to hear more!

[@RisaBeesa]

Not gonna lie, when you said “reed dealer” I totally heard something else. 😂

[@CelineFerocious]

Heh heh 😏

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

You’re awesome 😂

[@RisaBeesa]

@@DaniellaJoyFitness you heard it too didn’t you?! 😆😆😆

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

You know it lol @@RisaBeesa

[@KyndraB93]

… 🙋🏻‍♀️.. I heard it too 😂

[@KarennaBoychuk]

Celine!! I listened to this vlog while driving to Ottawa this past weekend but now coming back to watch it and comment! 🤗 I really hope the news you received is what you were hoping for. Applying and interviewing for jobs is the most stressful situation and it's totally understandable that you're feeling down and a bit in limbo right now. It's so easy to show all of the happy moments and cut out the bad ones, but this was very open and super relatable ❤ sending hugs over your way ❤

[@KarennaBoychuk]

PS I'll make sure not to cook meat in my videos any more lol

[@CelineFerocious]

Thank you sooo much! It’s okay if you cook meat lol, you usually put music over it anyway. It’s the squishy sounds of ground meat being mixed in a bowl that’s just…ew 😆 I’m okay with sizzling lol but the raw…no. It super helped me to make this during this time, not just to document but to get it out of my head and to reach out to souls who are experiencing the same thing. It can feel lonely.

[@Willidee]

17:33 Oh yay, I'm glad the concert is happening for real this time!

[@CelineFerocious]

It was such a great experience, I’m so glad we were able to pull it off together! Even though we were one appendix short 😂

[@smithdolla8329]

So sad you had to deal with such situations, hope all is getting better... My big regards away from Ugandan 🤗

[@CelineFerocious]

Thank you! Getting better 🤗

[@kalabatwinsandfamily3528]

Hope everything will be ok, 💞 just never give up & go somewhere & try to relax💞

[@CelineFerocious]

Everything will be okay. I wish I could go somewhere lol. I feel like I just got back 😂

[@ShayyButter]

omg I hope the person who had appendicitis is okay! im the same, I need to separaet the grocery shopping and the cooking otherwise Im exhausted love the shower curtain :p I hope you get the job!

[@CelineFerocious]

Haha it was from your video specifically where I was like “wait…this is an ingenious way to do it” why didn’t I think of that??

[@SetForAdventures]

Good to see you putting one foot in front of the other Celine (not easy when your down and having mental health issues) Depression and anxiety are different horns of the same beast that’s always chasing you down 😱(I hope your out the other side already or really soon) Great Vlog as always Best wishes to you and Colin Simon 😊🙏🏼

[@CelineFerocious]

Yes I am coming out of it, now I’m just busier than I’ve ever been but life is good! Thank you for your kind words as always 😊

[@josiebelalde7813]

Anxiety is real and I know exactly how you feel. Awwww wow sounds good for that fresh dough with varieties of condiments. Same here Wholefoods is not on my least to stop by. I'm sorry to say this, I LOVE meat, but how you get your protein, Celene. The pasta looks so good though and I really wish you can share the recipe. I'm so happy for you that you are prepare no matter what the result like plan A and plan B. I LOVE the view around while you are driving, so green and you have a very relaxing neighborhood. You made me laugh with your new shower curtain but pretty cute though with your expression. Its ok to cry and let go what's inside you and feel relive afterwards. You are worried changing your jobs after long of years. If it's not yours, accepted, because this is for your own good and God have a better plan for you. And if you got accepted to your new job then you still can work part time or volunteer for what you like most to do about music. Keep us posted Celine and I am very excited for you.

[@CelineFerocious]

Protein is easy to get if you eat right on a vegan diet. Plant based proteins are healthier and you don’t need that much to live and be healthy. Mainly chia seeds, tofu, chick peas, quinoa, so many more options if you research it. The pasta is just baked tomatos with hummus, if you google that, a recipe should pop up.

[@Willidee]

19:25 is that Beeker? Oh that is great!

[@CelineFerocious]

It is, in fact, Beaker

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

My heart feels for you ❤! I got knocked down by depression a few days ago. I’m sorry you’re getting hit by both depression and anxiety. I know the assault the brain can do to us! But I’m so proud of you for putting your foot on the ground and taking a mental health week. Takes a lot of courage to do that when you’re really down! Please recognize your epic ness ❤

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

I want you to know that whatever happens with the job YOU WILL BE OKAY! You are more than worthy regardless of the outcome! ❤❤❤

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

Omg I just figured out how to use that incense holder 😅 I have the same one! I didn’t realize that is what the hole is for 😂

[@CelineFerocious]

Haha I’m glad I can provide such educational content such as how to use an incense holder 😂 I did finally get the results from the job, and Celine from the future is alive and okay! Haha that’ll be in the next video. This week was rough but making a video really helped :) thank you for your kind and inspirational words 🥹

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

@@CelineFerociousyay I’m so glad you’re doing okay and got the results ❤❤❤❤

[@Willidee]

19:55 Sometimes, when I feel crippled with anxiety I wonder if I could just go out in nature, hike/walk for as long as it takes to come back to myself. Though I may just end up circling the earth, or that's how it feels.

[@CelineFerocious]

Oh man recently I’ve been going through something where I’ve been questioning who the heck I am and what I’m doing, and thinking “this isn’t me” so circling the earth sounds about right.

[@Willidee]

18:21 I'm the same way! I plan and purchase, but I can't do the cooking on the same day. It is exhausting!

[@CelineFerocious]

Yeah like what am I doing and who do I think I am where I think I can do it all in one day? 😆

[@Willidee]

16:24 I have the SAME exact eye hanging in my living room!

[@CelineFerocious]

It’s a good eye :)

[@SilverScorpion]

Can I take A mental break year? LOL.... Hang in there! We all have our ups and downs. Glad you could take a break. I think I stay to bus to think about anything else. Seems to keep me motivated but can cause issues if I don't get done what I think I should in the day. Ehh what ever. It will be there tomorrow. Right? One thing at a time and one step at a time! I can understand what you are talking about!

[@CelineFerocious]

I tried staying busy but then I overdid it, burnt out, and that was worse lol baby steps…

[@ShayyButter]

it feels better to scroll and do nothing because its easy - the eating healthy and exercising takes work and disicpline trust me girl I feel you on the crippling anxiety part, when im like that, the last thing I want to do is eat healthy and workout, I default to doing nothing and being unproductive ouuu are you making the tik tok pasta? I dont do anything else beside cook because I get easily distracted :p

[@CelineFerocious]

What is the tiktok pasta? I roasted tomato and hummus to make a thick and creamy sauce with no dairy! And so true. I’ve been taking the easy way, but I’m over the hump. Sorta.

[@Willidee]

0:03 I'm here because I have been here with the anxiety and being paralyzed by it. Maybe a little depression too.

[@DaniellaJoyFitness]

I watch KZbin videos while cooking 😅

[@thisakindredspiritcozynook]

Literally feels paralyzed for real 😢. Literally shutting down, I know how you feel. Sighhhhhh

[@CelineFerocious]

So relatable

[@PreppingWithSarge]

Strange, I could have sworn I left you comments on this one… maybe they are held in studio in the held for review spot? It wasn’t anything controversial. Anyway, feeling any better this week?

[@CelineFerocious]

Yes! I missed my first upload ever because I’ve been so busy with music. But I promise the update everyone is looking for will be here soon haha 😆

[@Willidee]

7:52 I'm so glad I announce when I'm going to show meat in my videos!

[@CelineFerocious]

Yes me too! But generally yours isn’t too loud or offensive :)

[@mulesson]

Nice new sister

[@JessKaplan]

Katie calls gardening being a “homesteading ho” 😂

[@JessKaplan]

This totally resonates, sometimes I let my laundry pile up for weeks and I’m like wtf is wrong w me, but like it’s just too much sometimes and that needs to be okay

[@JessKaplan]

Crying is good! It’s a release

[@CelineFerocious]

Haha she totally would. Crying hydrates the face and exercises the lungs! Excellent skin care.

[@AQUAFUNK]

Can I please use clips of this video in a video that iv been wanting to make but haven't been able to truly see till I seen this. PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEASE

[@CelineFerocious]

Sure!

[@KyndraB93]

Dude I’m sorry you’re going through what you are.. The older I get, it seems the lows get even lower. I think it’s Bc so much more responsibility comes with older age. I definitely feel I can count more bad days than good. Luckily my man’s patient and reminds me every day is a new day. You’re in my thoughts homegirl. 🤎 That breakfast… 😍 🤤 Anxiety party.. table for 2 please The coffee line anticipation. I felt that I gave up on meal prepping a long time ago.. for some reason I don’t like the taste of pre-prepared food. It’s a mental thing lol

[@CelineFerocious]

Colin is the same way, super patient, really supportive. Thank you so much for saying all that. Things are good now, but I hear you on the lows seeming lower with age 😱 I totally get that, leftovers aren’t my favorite and eating the same thing can get…boring lol.