What Are TERFs? - How "Gender Critical" TERFs Harm Transgender Folks

Let's break down everything you need to know about gender critical beliefs, TERFs, and why they harms not only transgender people, but all women.
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SECTIONS
0:00 - Introduction
5:54 - Part 1: The History
10:58 - Part 2: The Ideology
21:00 - Part 3: The Fear
31:03 - Part 4: The Harm
38:31 - Part 5: The Pain
51:28 - Part 6: The Toll
58:10 - Part 7: The Conclusion
✔ REFERENCES ✔
www.themarysue.com/lush-uk-do...
/ 1333915442335928321
theconversation.com/why-the-w...
theterfs.com/
www.vox.com/identities/2019/9...
/ understanding-terfs-th...
genderanalysis.net/2017/10/me...
genderanalysis.net/2017/10/me...
www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-o...
archive.org/details/dialectic...
www.theatlantic.com/technolog...
www.intomore.com/you/twitter-...
www.bbc.com/news/technology-5...
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-c...
www.dailydot.com/irl/target-t...
www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/op...
www.bitchmedia.org/post/the-l...
www.advocate.com/commentary/2...
www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/05/17...
www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/05/17...
www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/09/23...
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[@JessieGender1]

​Welcome everyone ❤. Let's keep the comments as kind as possible given the topic. Also, please considering supporting me at www.patreon.com/jessiegender

[@Bullshotinbutt]

I promise to try but I hate when TERFs use trauma to excuse their bigotry. As a victim myself, I find it disgusting that they cloak their bigotry in their victimhood so you cannot attack them. It's like racists wrapping themselves in patriotism and claiming any disagreement with them is attacking the flag. IMHO and hey, that was kind of kind.

[@mishapurser4439]

Hey Jessie. I really appreciate you discussing this issue, and I found the video very engaging. I found it helped me piece together bits of what I knew about this issue and it will help me to better communicate these ideas to others. However, as a British person I did find it deeply offensive that you imitated an exaggerated British accent when reading the TERF texts. I understand that this is due to the trope in American media of the TV villain having a British accent and that the UK is a cesspit of TERF activism. But as someone I respect a lot when discussing these issues, it was upsetting to me that you would choose to perpetuate the archetype of the British villain and the American who comes to try and resolve the problem. And I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the UK is hardly the only place where TERF ideology is a major threat. I'd like to briefly point out that this is also an issue that Russians and others face in American media as well. There are no hard feelings on my end, but I hope you will consider this in future content.

[@JessieGender1]

Yes. To note, my British accent was done more to parody JKR, not British folks in general. Apologizes to anyone who found my admittedly terrible British accent offensive. I take full responsibility for that. Was just trying be satirical but obviously did not totally work.

[@ryanallen8994]

@@JessieGender1 Eh I'm British and I find it hilarious when Americans try to do British accents. I got a good laugh from it. That being said, I still respect Misha's feelings on it, totally valid.

[@mishapurser4439]

@@JessieGender1 Thank you for engaging with my concerns.

[@danplewnarz]

If our gender is based only on what we looked like as children then my gender is actually Dinosaur Sweater.

[@crossthekira99]

User name checks out. Mine would probably be light up sneakers

[@alejandraayala8815]

Mine would be "cute red dress I wore way too often because I liked to pretend I was a Cartoon character"

[@amandak.5967]

Aww, you all had much better fashion than Child Me! Mine would be "poorly cut bangs."

[@d.rabbitwhite]

This truly needs to be a t shirt.

[@juliusnolastname4605]

My gender is raphael tmnt

[@zarathustriansmile]

“Terfs have my pity but they also have my anger” truly graceful.

[@christopherb501]

Good for her. I'm clearly a worse person. I cannot give the former.

[@zarathustriansmile]

@@christopherb501 it is not always easy...but they are people too. I loved this video today! Way to attack the problem or the philosophy and not the person(s). I think we will all find this kind of grace one day and be better for it.

[@noname-dk3wi]

@@christopherb501 to be able to rise above ur haters/bigots is a wonderful thing. But please don’t feel like you owe TERFs or some other hate group any sympathy in order to be considered a good person❤️❤️❤️

[@artemismoonbow2475]

Yeah, I used to tell younger activist in my area that, I will engage a TERF in discussion but they should not feel obligated. There is trauma that motivates them and there is both misogyny an misandry that motivates them to misanthropy. If you are not well versed in trauma informed views, I would not recommend engaging with them directly, but if you are, I have made headway but it is still case by case. A TERF is proof of the axiom that Hurt People Hurt People.

[@zarathustriansmile]

@@artemismoonbow2475 yes! People forget but it is SO important for mental health and well being to take breaks. I like that quote people have been posting lately “ not reading the comments is self-care” and it’s nice to have that little reminder sometimes.

[@Acid0Dreamz]

The one thing I will point out her is that we need to stop framing socialization as stagnant. Socialization is a contant. The fact is the while trans women may not have grown up with specific experiences of womenhood (expectations, the male gaze, fear of assault, lack of autonomy ect .) They will still experience those things throughout their lives post transition. As a trans man I may not have had male privilege in my youth but you best believe I experience it and am able to take advantage of it now. Do I experience the pressure associated with "what a man should be" in society today? Absolutely.

[@mcfrog5473]

I 100% agree. On top of that, (at least in my experience) we also get socialization in childhood about what the other gender is supposed to be like. I’m also a trans guy with a feminine upbringing, but even in that upbringing I was also socialized to believe certain things about boys and male expectations that shaped the way I saw myself and my role early in my transition

[@Rainykitty33]

As an intersex and transgender person, thanks so much for mentioning us. Often we (intersex folks) are left out of this discussion, either because we are deemed "too rare" (~2% of the population), "defective", or just plain forgotten about. I also really appreciate that you took the time to explain that some intersex people aren't born "visibly intersex" or signs show up later in life, that not all of us just have "ambiguous genitals", that intersex can also mean different secondary sex characteristics or hormones and not just primary (genitals), and especially the mention of the harmful "corrective surgeries" so many of us are forced through as children. Though we are not the same, I feel that intersex and trans (and especially non-binary) people face many similar problems and oppression at times and sticking together in the movement towards bodily autonomy and recognition (of our existence, of our validity as people with these identities and experiences) is very, very important. Great video 👍

[@Samantha_yyz]

@@kaiyodei I can't speak for the original poster obviously, and I'm a MtF transwoman, so can only go off my basic knowledge. But intersex has a number of different forms, like the original poster mentioned, sometimes there is no outer appearance of anything to indicate the person is intersex. So they can grow up appearing relatively masc. Or relatively fem. But maybe they don't identify with the way their body has developed. Or for many others they are born visibly intersex and are given a surgery shortly after birth to make them look more like a gender picked by the parents and suggested by the Dr. So your parents raise you as a gender they picked but not necessarily what was right for you. But again I'm not intersex and can only give some basic knowledge I've been able to learn about the different forms and so on.

[@goatdeer8403]

Crazy to see Caster Semenaya (a cisgender woman whose medical record was released without her consent) being thrown under the bus. Terfs only care about their own brand of womanhood and femininity and absolutely will harm intersex people and black people with glee! Even if they're "one of them" as a cis woman

[@iamnohere]

I: I still don't get how the figure of 2% (or even 1%, as I sometimes see cited) of people is considered _so rare_ anyway. That's 2 (or 1) _in every 100_ people! (statistically/abstractly speaking, of course - just to clarify)

[@helenr4300]

Thank you for sharing. I struggle with a culture that seeks to stop elective surgery by adults (unless you want to enhance - affirm - your gender assigned at birth) but has happily allowed decisive early surgery on infants presenting as intersex - to fit whichever the 'downstairs' more closely resembled. And yes sometimes intersex is not clear at birth, but whatever age a specific identity is imposed rather than humans merely being humans, and who they are, is a problem. Totally different and yet parallel - I had a cross breed dog, the mixture meant many asked what breed she was. Sometimes I would name her heritage, other times I would just say that she is who she is (was - sadly passed at old age late 2023). Surely whatever our genetics, our physical appearance, our interests and personality style - we are just 'us', 'me' .

[@ryanallen8994]

Thank you for talking about how terf ideology affects trans men in particular. Its indescribably frustrating to be told constantly by supposed "feminists" that we can't be trusted to make decisions about our own bodies because we've obviously (/s) been brainwashed into it. Coming out was a huge accomplishment for me because of how terrifying it was and to be told that that accomplishment wasn't even my own, to have that agency taken away from me, is so patronising and disrespectful. Not at all what feminism is supposed to be.

[@christopherb501]

Gotta infantilize those you weaponize, dontcha know.

[@ryanallen8994]

@@christopherb501 Yep. It's sad they can't see how ironic it is.

[@MakiPcr]

I think that's a form of misogyny; an extension of the idea that people perceived as women cannot be trusted to make their own choices or have their own opinions. Also the fearmongering about transition gives me the feeling of protecting [women] from themselves.

[@ryanallen8994]

@@MakiPcr Yeah you're spot on about it being misogyny. It's like they're repeating a cycle of oppression without even realising it. They're pushing misogyny onto us because we're an easier target, one that they can control because they have more power, unlike the cis men that perpetuate misogyny against them. I just wish it was easier to get it across to terfs that they are only creating a worse system that negatively effects everyone. It's patriarchal systems of power that keep all of us down, not trans people, and we'd accomplish so much more if we actually worked together to fix the root of the problem.

[@MakiPcr]

@@ryanallen8994 Yeah, some TERFs claim to want to end gender, but also promote gender essentialism with the idea that people they consider men are inherently predatory. Also TERFs often (but not always) are also SWERFs and promote other ideologies like political lesbianism and anti-kink stuff that are about controlling women and other AFAB people

[@KikoVallejos]

I am a gay man who, as a child, enjoyed wearing dresses. As an adult, and especially now trans peoples lives and experiences have become a topic of public conversation, I have questioned my gender identity and come to the conclusion that I am cis gender, perfectly comfortable in my body as is. But it seems to me that even we cis gender people have to figure out what our gender means to us, how our bodies define us. We still have to figure out what gender roles we choose to assign ourselves and what roles we reject. It was just easier for me

[@Voldine2]

There's nothing wrong with being a crossdresser as long as you don't step on transpeople. What you do is fine as long as you aren't hurting others without their consent.

[@clancyalexander6192]

@@Voldine2 I get what you are saying, but I don`t think he was trying to step on anyone. I think more of us have questioned our gender presentation if not our identity. I am a 52 year old cis gay man and I like the idea of painting my nails or wearing a flowing dress. I (like the poster) acknowledge that trans people face different and harder issues, but if we can start talking about how ANYONE can present as well, I think we take the air out of these anti-trans arguements.

[@ryanallen8994]

@@clancyalexander6192 Definitely agree with this. Transphobes love to conveniently forget that lots of people experiment with or question their gender, not just trans people. And that's awesome, not something to be feared or reviled. It breaks down their strawman argument that a three year old boy is going to be put on hormones and given surgery just because he likes the colour pink.

[@clancyalexander6192]

@@ryanallen8994 Exactly. Surprise! This is more complicated that people think it is. Do the reading, people!

[@Voldine2]

@@clancyalexander6192 Oh I understand that he was being nice. I was merely pointing out the dividing line between a crossdressing ally of transgender people and a malignant tumor in the general community like rupaul, who is an anti-trans asshole.

[@hannahlarge5738]

ex-terf here. you really do make a difference by putting this stuff out. the more you keep proving the lies wrong by just being yourself, the more people will stop believing them. taQ'pu'eq

[@CritterKeeper01]

Thank you for being a thinking human being capable of realizing they were wrong about something, admitting it, and changing their behavior. It's sad how rare that seems to be sometimes. Every time I see someone accuse a politician of "waffling" I want to shout "Or maybe just thinking about a position and changing as evidence and circumstance indicate??"

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

thanks for being openly ex-terf. i hope others will follow your example.

[@abundance0301]

Have you seen exulansic channel ?

[@amyj4106]

ooh es-terf, can you tell us more? I'm just curious what straw broke the camel's back for you? It's so interesting hearing about those who are ex-terfs/ex-GCs

[@slightlyuncomfortable]

We are all capable of growth as people. I'm really glad you renounced that harmful ideology. I hope you're doing great.

[@alecmomenee-duprie2777]

As a transman I have been hurt by the way TERFs treat transmasculine people. I've been told to my face that my transition is purely to 'escape the patriarchy' when my experience of transgenderism and transition has much more to do with my actual body than anything and has had severe mental health implications that were incredibly dangerous. They know nothing of my experience, they don't want to understand my experience or the experiences of my trans* brothers, sisters, and siblings. Thank you so much for addressing the harm they do to all members of the trans* community. What you said about abuse begetting abuse is so important and I both respect and appreciate your work on this video so much.

[@isaacvazquez627]

Feminism is inherently transphobic. Screw intersectionality, the lgbt+ community is better off without Feminism.

[@tekcomputers]

TERF's are betrayed by their own language. They don't actually understand WHAT gender dysphoria is. But I guess that isn't too shocking because there are many cisgendered people who don't understand what it is.

[@imnotagoodperson4446]

I’m a 30 year old cis woman. I spent a year wolfing, which means I traveled with vagabonds from one commune to another paying my way by working on different farms. One of the other women traveling with us made a comment about my lack of a time of the month. She was a terf and was convinced I was a very convincing trans woman. After another weeks worth of hostility I embarrassed her to hell by revealing that I don’t bleed because I have an IUD that stopped my periods. She spluttered for a few minutes and then insisted that I’m “not really a woman” because I don’t experience the monthly blood. She ended up breaking off from the group early because people turned on her pretty fast after that comment. She was one of those “feminists” who hates the concept of men but wants their undivided attention. To the point where she talked shit about every female she knew to everyone else. Just thought I’d throw that anecdotal evidence out there showing the irrationality of the terf viewpoint, at least that particular one.

[@SybilNix]

Omg please 😭 she can’t be real 😂 noooooo

[@ellenorbjornsdottir1166]

wwoof*

[@Voldine2]

@@SybilNix Flat Earthers exist. This is only slightly less stupid, so probably true.

[@acecat5575]

This reminded me a lot of the character of Greywitch in Dreadnought, an amazing book by April Daniels. April is MtF and Greywitch sounds literally exactly like the girl you described.

[@d.rabbitwhite]

@@Voldine2 Wait -are you telling me that the earth is not a disc, being carried by 5 ginormous elephants, riding on the back of a giant tortoise, that is flying through space...?!

[@Parker8752]

Ah, the joys of living on terf island. I'm a cis guy, but my partner is nonbinary, and seeing the shit thrown their way is... frustrating, to put it politely.

[@notNajimi]

Hopefully the specter of saint valentine will haunt Great Britain and drive them out

[@Tues48]

@@NeoDiscoBall i am also nonbinary but my fiance identitifes as hetero sexual as he is attracted to gender/genders not his own.

[@heathercontois4501]

@@notNajimi I think you meant St. Patrick?

[@stephanieking4444]

yes the 'joys' of TERF-Island / Brexitannia.....I cannot believe just how regressive and toxic the discourse in the UK has become. I am seeking refuge on channels like Jessie's on a regular basis, because I feel like I'd be losing my mind (again) if such spaces didn't exist.

[@TheSocialistSceptic]

@@NeoDiscoBall Only people in power are apart of the discourse? Well, better let everyone know democracy is over in the UK, apparently.

[@dez6529]

I am a cis woman and I was raised conservative. I have said really tasteless and harmful things about the trans community. And I have made a conscious effort to learn and grow. I've made it a point to teach my children that trans people are people and that their experiences are valid. I only know the bits of you that you share in your videos, and I am fully aware that this is a one sided para social relationship. That being said, I care about you. I am determined to be a better ally. Be well, you beautiful, strong, amazing woman!

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

This is meaningful. Thank you.

[@Lee-ss8yj]

The last part really broke my heart. A while ago I was out with my cousin (mtf trans) and she got insulted by a drunk guy. I instantly began to scream back at the guy, but my cousin just asked me to stop and just wanted to leave. She told me that she's just tired of having those kinda conversations and fights and it was really just then I realized how much trans people really suffer in their day to day life. That they always have to have these kinds of conversations, that they need to hear unasked opinions by strangers who tell them they're invalid. And it really breaks my heart that people have to suffer through that and that people who claim to fight against discrimination are often the ones who say such awful things and hurt them.

[@charliekahn4205]

There might as well just be a form letter to send out, since the same argument is made again and again.

[@Fudwinkle]

Well if you're visibly trans; it's why many of us wish to blend in, so we can take a break from the transphobia. Obviously shouldn't be required, ideally, but I've been waaaay less stressed the last four years where I've blended in, than the five preceding years where I didn't yet.

[@saraperpetua1093]

oh

[@jbwj032977]

I am a straight, cis man, but my best friend is a trans man. I have defended him against all types of hate speak and ignorance. I am an ally. I always will be, and I will always raise.my voice in support of the trans community.

[@semperfi818]

You are a hero and a welcome ally; you remind me a bit of my own partner, and that's high praise.

[@huskeater]

thank you, the world needs more men like you

[@semperfi818]

@Super Greyflash Glad to have them, sure -- and this rainbow guy has your back too. 😊🌈👍

[@lizbosh7545]

Would you sleep with a trans "woman", non binary etc? If not, you are trans phobic

[@theaveragecomment1014]

@@cu336 what?

[@gozerthegozarian9500]

Content note: Sexual violence, incest What puzzles me about JKR's 'CoNcErNs' about public bathrooms is not only the fact that sexual assaults in public bathrooms are a thing that happens, even in places without self-ID, but also the fact that the number of these assaults is utterly dwarfed by the horrible amount of sexual violence girls experience in their own families: Girls who grow up with a step-father have a vastly higher likelihood of experiencing abuse than girls who do not, for instance. Should we therefor ban marriages for mothers of daughters on the grounds of 'CoNcErNs' for the safety of young girls? After all, what's stopping a predator from wooing a single mother in order to prey on her daughter(s)? Why, literary classic 'Lolita' describes this very scenario! (Also: * cough * Woody Allen * cough *) Should we judge JKR herself to be a bad mother for exposing her first daughter to this danger when she re-married? Of course f#*king NOT! I hope you'll forgive me the heavy-handed sarcasm, as this isn't really a topic that calls for humor, but I had to accurately capture the absurdity of JKR's "argument". Banning trans women from public toilets violates their rights, just as banning people from marrying violates their rights, too. And neither does anything for the safety of victims of sexual assault.

[@milesclay2209]

I think the bathrooms thing is often just another symptom of people fundamentally misunderstanding the statistics of sexual violence and assault people experience. I've known many people who are csa survivors and sex assault survivors and literally all of them had perps who were people they knew. That's how most crime happens, murder and kidnappings are usually a result of someone you know. It's just a misunderstanding of statistics and the nature of violent crime.

[@xXluluchanelXx]

@@MrsMelrom also the type of victim-blaming that comes from outright being too afraid to think about the topic at length, thus entering a phase of denial where the issue becomes simple for them by laser-focusing on a group of people they are afraid of and inventing reasons why the biggest threat is coming from them. it's like thinking your house is on fire and then calling 911 about the neighbor's dog

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

JKR or JoKeR

[@milesclay2209]

@@xXluluchanelXx oh yeah, I think a lot of people who have trauma do that. Like Jesse said, it gives them a sense of control I guess.

[@laurinbutler]

I see your point but there are statistics which show that most sexual assaults on children are made by there biological parents and stepdads are just the narrative that most people prefer and so it’s also harmful to suspect only them when in reality the bio dad or also the bio mother are more likely to be the real perpetrator.

[@alien.complex]

I'm bigender and was assigned female at birth, however, I've always had higher testosterone than what is considered 'normal' for my assigned gender at birth. I grow facial hair and have broad shoulders and lack a noticeable waist, and I'm not taking any type of HRT. Because of this, I have been a victim of misdirected transmisogyny since I was young, and it pushed me to think that the reason I was experiencing all of the harassment was that I wasn't trying hard enough to be a woman. But I'm not a woman, or a man, I'm both. TERFs harm all sorts of people. Their attempts to force trans women to stop being themselves has had not just the effect that they were hoping for, but the opposite as well. In their attempt to be radical feminists who deconstruct gender ideology they have done nothing but enforce it. It does not take much looking to find cis women who have stereotypically 'masculine' features and because of this have been victims of harassment by transphobes in public spaces, and its not just adults, but children too. TERF ideology is nothing but hypocritical and harmful.

[@jessiek3500]

You can't be both. Your body cannot create both sperm and eggs, only one

[@Tom-hp3kw]

"Both?" Yeah right,

[@spooksboh6251]

i'm nonbinary but i present very femininely so a lot of people just assume i'm a woman, specifically a cis one, which means that sometimes random terfs on the internet think i'm "one of them" and try to have casually transphobic and, frankly, really misogynistic conversations... yeah that never goes well lol

[@MsHarpsychord]

Honestly nonbinary persons like yourself is perfect because it proves terfs wrong. It shows them that gender identity has nothing to do how we look. I know countless AFAB nonbinary people who do not wish to change how they present themselves and rightly so. Being nonbinary says nothing about how you present yourself to the world nor should it. It just shows Terfs are just unjustifiably bigoted.

[@WhoTookMyMirr]

Coincidentally, "erf" is my reaction to TERFs who try to tell me I'm really just a confused sad lesbian and not an ace trans man.

[@charliekahn4205]

ERF is also the term I use to lump together all the hateful radicals. TERFs, SWERFs, vanilla radfems, they're all exclusionary, and they're all ERFs.

[@thewhitewolf1156]

Yes, because they know you better, than to know yourself... Since I noticed that most of my more sarcastic responses are unfortunately taken as serious, because of me writing this, I will point this out to avoid confusion: This was a sarcasm. Some people need to worry about themselves more, and less about other’s lives...

[@art-is-awen8842]

but....they're being trans exclusionary? what is the purpose of taking that part off when they're actively denying your gender identity??? that is bioessentialism and peak TERF

[@WhoTookMyMirr]

@@art-is-awen8842 it's meant to be a sound of frustration, like "oof" but "erf" carries more "oh for fuck's sake" energy

[@art-is-awen8842]

@@WhoTookMyMirr ohhhh ok gotcha, I totally read that wrong 😂

[@dianagarcia7042]

You really outdid yourself with this video. I'm from Venezuela, and like most of Latinamerica, the LGBT+ comunity is a topic that is very rarely touched; and thus my country is filled with rampant homophobia, transphobia and ignorance. Since I was born here I am also very ignorant of this topics but I've had the privilege to learn english and have access to voices like yours. I want to deeply thank you for all your work and a I can assure you that, as a cis woman, this video, and many others that you have made, have helped me inmensly in comprenhending and educating myself in these topics. I really grateful that I'm able to have free access to educational content like yours and I would try my best to help spread these words. Thank you a lot Jessie! ❤❤🙈

[@melaniey.5596]

Same my comrade! I’m from Peru and it’s the same over here, thankfully I have a group of friends that share more progressive ideas but they also have to deal with people of the same age being pretty transphobic, homophobic and misogynist (with some racism sprinkled there). My best regards.

[@1st1anarkissed]

I was openly trans back in the 70s, but categorically not allowed to express it. I was under threat of forced psychiatric incarceration. Eventually I tried to embrace my sex and dive into the role. But I still always asserted myself as a bi/gay drag queen in a female body! I enjoyed the dressing up but had a crushing weight of dysphoria. I also have never gotten along with women, most especially lesbians, and feminazi's alway came up into my face with hate over the smallest things. I have lived half a century as a cishet who knew he was something else, but not that anything could be done about it. I feel offended that these TERF women think to claim me thus.

[@DrCruel]

You can be ridiculous and abusive to most normal people, and they'll just take it. We've been conditioned by Left fascists for this sort of thing. But feminists are themselves Left fascists, and won't tolerate deviance from their own ideological nonsense. So I anticipate this battle of the lunatics will be long, nasty and noisy.

[@b9y]

Did you ever get therapy?

[@alepenagorbe9135]

Yeah 70's feminism failed to include trans women in the discourse. I'm so glad intersectional feminism is gaining more and more traction nowadays.

[@DrCruel]

@@alepenagorbe9135 "Traction" is an interesting way to put it. Going after children and against their parents, looting shops with flash mobs, and waging violent war against the police, has done more to make the general public hate socialists than anything in the last 50 years. Only if they go back to shooting random drivers on the highways could they be even more despised.

[@alepenagorbe9135]

@@DrCruel The acts of public dispiedience socialists engage in have not been opressive towards people, but rebellious against the system. Their actions have been vilified by both conservative and liberal media because they oppose the status Quo and stand for real social change.

[@thanatos5150]

I'm non-binary. I have often had the conversation where people say that I "must be a man, because [I] was born with a penis". I find the best response is to point out that they're making a *very strange and baseless* assumption about my genitals. It has, to date, never ceased to confuse them.

[@wickedwonka9155]

There is no such thing as non-binary. You just want attention.

[@thanatos5150]

@wickedwonka9155 It's interesting that you can so confidently presume to know my motivations based on a short personal anecdote shared in the comment section of a relevant KZbin video.

[@wickedwonka9155]

@@thanatos5150 whatever, Pennywise.

[@BotchuLeeSim]

Non-binary is a delusion my friend, and I thought I was retarded

[@MerryMothperson]

​@@wickedwonka9155 Why Pennywise?

[@blackriver2531]

I'm literally a trans girl tomboy and my existence infuriates terfs~ that being said great video~

[@blackriver2531]

P.s. where did you buy that red and black striped shirt? 🤤 I need it!!

[@ERIF2003]

@@blackriver2531 same lmao

[@jenniferbrien3408]

Yep definitely couldn't get to being myself by "just being a feminine man"

[@lismarcel]

Congrats 😃

[@blackriver2531]

@@KM-vz1og ?

[@gracelessdance]

offering this comment to the algorithm gods - may this end up in more people's recommended vidoes

[@looney1023]

Thoughtful reply the algorithm might like

[@Bimtavdesign]

Yep

[@TricksterModeEngaged]

Engagement for the engagement gods, likes for the likes throne

[@jessekos1859]

Funny quip with emoji 👉🏻👈🏻

[@the_REAL_Pearl_]

It worked

[@williamsin41]

Middle aged Transwoman here (and soon a grandma!). First I just want to say we had a life sized 7 of 9 for years in the house while raising my family 🤣. My kids were 3rd generation Trekkies and 4th generation sci-fi. Thank you for your willingness to do this work. You new wave of content creators give me hope. I remember believing things would just have get so much better as I lived through a plague in an inner city as a young single parent decades ago……not so much in so many ways. Thank you for being among those who push to “make it so”

[@rosetabby8121]

My mum has the exact beliefs of a terf and indirectly hurts me every single day. I want to transition but I’m completely held back by the biggest influence in my life. There are people who are going through much worse than I am and I despise the fact that they have to go through that. I’m so glad that you’re using your influence to make a change in the world and even though there will always be suffering, this cause will lessen that. Thank you for talking about this topic.

[@alexwyatt2911]

It’s been two years since you commented and I’m hoping that your mum has softened her heart and evolved into an empathetic, inclusive person. Regardless of your mum, I hope you have embraced your gender and are happily expressing whatever gender that is. And if you’re not there yet, I hope my comment is received as proof that people *are* rooting for you to be you.

[@rosetabby8121]

@@alexwyatt2911 I totally forgot I commented this but your response is honestly heartwarming. My mum hasn't changed much in her beliefs, if anything she's a lot worse but I've learnt how to embrace myself and love her despite our differences in beliefs. I'm extremely happy with the person I am now and I've had so many people I love who have supported me the entire time. Thank you for taking the time to just be kind without knowing if I'd even read it, I'm glad there are people like you!

[@alexwyatt2911]

@@rosetabby8121 What’s truly heartwarming is hearing that you’re extremely happy with the person you are now. I’m so glad to hear it! And I’ll still hope that your mother finally lets go of her bigoted beliefs and gets to share in all the love and happiness that you’ve found.

[@alim.9801]

​@@rosetabby8121 I'm so happy that you're happy and you have at least some people around you for support. Your community loves you and stay safe ok, take care of yourself 💜💜

[@AnonymousPanda-yg1mc]

Based mom

[@milesclay2209]

I'm really glad more people like you and other youtube creators are discussing how terfs view trans men and how their ideas are really just recycled misogyny. As a trans guy who grew up emotionally abused and constantly gaslit, that kind of idea about trans men just being confused and having internalized misogyny fucked with me for years and delayed my coming out.

[@austinluther5825]

I see you. It took me until I was 28 to even realize I was trans because being AFAB usually comes with a generous helping of being taught not to have any confidence in yourself.

[@milesclay2209]

@@austinluther5825 oh yeah, not to mention a lot of my abuse involved conservation therapy-esque treatment and just a general extreme denial of self.

[@altyrrell3088]

Wow that's rough. Hang in there, men.

[@omnichrome9784]

Sending much needed hugs 🤗.

[@noorykorky5056]

What people don't realize is that transphobia is way, way worse and way harder to deal with than misogyny. I stand with you, brother, and I am sorry you had to go through that. Sincerely, A cis woman

[@Braindouchedotnet]

"Engineering is a gender, right?" I need this on a coffee cup.

[@uilsoum875]

assigned load bearing at birth

[@skepticmoderate5790]

Unfortunately, this might get taken as a helicopter joke.

[@lorensims4846]

It was Julie Newmar as android robot AF709 (who Seven of Nine is named after) who got me to first ask my dad what a computer was.

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

Engineers are complicated emotional mechanisms, that wears socks in their sandals, and transform Data, Junkfood, requirements, duct tape, and borderline toxic amounts of caffeine, into Solutions, models, and foul language.

[@sucrow7659]

@@uilsoum875 thats a bottom joke

[@preciousinfinity]

Jessie: You this this person, what would you assume their gender to be? Me: Fabulous.

[@charliekahn4205]

Or considering proximity, just assume second person.

[@SkunkWerks7]

While I'm not Trans, I am neuro-divergent, and I have been dealing with the trauma that gets packed in with that from a very young age. I was diagnosed as Learning Disabled at a time and in a place where those words were broadly understood to be "fancy lib'rul words for 'stupid'." In that place, for many years, the "solution" that milieu came up with for my issues was basically to traumatize me in extremis until I was "scared straight". To that end my entire peer group was weaponized against me and I lived pretty much every day of my life K-8th in fear and misery. I was reviled, hunted, harassed... And my parents were left to wonder why I'd break down sobbing each day before school. I can also say, as I think you may have similarly said in some of your videos, that my diagnosis- finding out what I am- probably saved my life, literally. And not just because it gave me an alternative to the narrative that I was just broken and undesirable to a point where anyone I knew was encouraged to pity and hate me (again, "for my own good"). Thanks to the laws surrounding my diagnosis/status, I finally was able to wriggle free of that very hostile environment. But I admit, the experience left scars on me that will probably never fully heal. On the bright side, I think all of that gave me a very early crash course in how destructive societal ostracism and hatred for a marginalized class of people can be, and I have developed an aversion and disgust to pretty much all forms of divisive ideology since then. But... to my great shame, I can also say I've had some experience with turning that internal pain outward. If the world was going to turn it's back on me, I have- at least a time or two- decided to turn my back on the world- as a kind of payback. I probably hurt some people in the process, and I have come to believe- however I felt at he time- that this was wrong. I guess what I'm saying is that, while I can comprehend where these peoples' worldviews are coming from, I can't condone them.

[@VelaiciaCreator]

I would offer you a much-deserved hug but alas, internet. At least know that you not only deserve true care, but there are people willing to give it to you. I wish you luck in finding those people.

[@ELI_TMWSTW]

Touch grass

[@VelaiciaCreator]

@@ELI_TMWSTW Learn empathy.

[@smashtaylor4436]

also on a separate note, the womanhood of poor and brown women are questioned. Im black and I watched people use being trans as an insult for black women to strip them of their identity as a form of white supremacy. for black women, the association with femininity affords them a form of safety. This is furth evidence as gender as a contrast because race, class, and sexuality can radically change the experience with the concept of gender it's self. we need more conversations about how we experience gender, and knowledge and relationship are the best way to attack hatred. that being said its hard to be relational with combative and prejudiced groups? any suggestion would be cool. Personally I think to fight sexism we have to look at racism and homophobia and transphobia and classism because all these ideas intersect the patriarchies idea of being a woman can only be met with money, resources, fair skin, and availability to men and their desires. this fignt is just a subsection of the fight agist white supremacy and the loaded identities the "witness" was associated with. Humans be safe and find communities full of love that you can use to support your health and your activism.

[@searchingfororion]

I forgot the name of the channel, but I think you'd appreciate the video "When Rue 'Became' Black" it touches a lot on the issues you mentioned about how skin tone effects societal perceptions of Black youth, especially girls. Some of the information (basic facts/statistics from polls ect) I found outright disturbing. Obviously you're aware of these issues, but the video essay is brilliant and points out the depressingly predominant subconscious racism that exists despite these same individuals probably being rather "progressive" and "open minded" individuals. Some is so tightly ingrained in culture I'm certain some of the subjects would have been horrified to see what was uncovered.

[@enicake]

beautifully put !!

[@toadyboi]

Intersectional feminism is the best feminism.

[@Ladyvirgule]

Thank you Jessie. I'm sorry I do not know how to thank you, I'm broke. This video was hard. Had to view it in a few sittings. It's always hard to hear some things people say about us. There were a lot of tears. I've hatched less than a year ago and I have since been prey to so much abuse I was not prepared for. Lots of love from a trans black woman from France.

[@JessieGender1]

Your comment and engagement is thanks enough. Financial support is appreciated but I always want people to take care of themselves first. And I’d rather hear your kind thoughts anyways. Thank you

[@js2010ish]

💟💟💟

[@victoriaroberts7034]

I am a cis female so I will NEVER fully understand your experience or those of other trans people but I do want to learn. I know a trans lady and I would hate to think I am doing anything to make her life more difficult so thank you for sharing ❤️

[@elizabethchwakanowski5067]

No such thing as "cis". There is no different versions of women

[@victoriaroberts7034]

@@elizabethchwakanowski5067 you know cis just means I identify as the same gender as I was assigned at birth right? If I said I was a short woman would you have the same feelings?

[@lauren578]

And they will NEVER fully understand your experience.

[@lauren578]

​@@elizabethchwakanowski5067 🎯

[@fluffyfish2607]

​@@lauren578no

[@blaireofhylia1572]

I was raised by terfs. I will never know if I felt uncomfortable in my gender because everyone I loved hated men, or if I am legit trans. I remember feeling less of a person as I started puberty, but I always assumed it's because I felt everyone thought that way of men, it wasn't until i was 31 that I ctually tried to live as a woman

[@jesusisc0mings00n3]

Wishing you the best.

[@juanchox7]

For the longest time I didn't understand trans people, maybe because of lack of exposure of trans realities other than as a laughing stock, I have been learning a lot though and watching creators like you has helped me a big deal to understand... I still have a lot to learn but the community have a ally in me, that's for sure, thank you for your effort in creating high quality information Edit: sorry for the many mistakes, English isn't my main language

[@milesclay2209]

People like you who take the time to learn and understand trans people can become awesome allies, thank you!

[@Voldine2]

It's almost like the best way to learn is to expose yourself to the unfamiliar... Thank you for making the attempt.

[@hotrightnow8932]

You are a really awesome person for doing this.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

People like you are why I get up in the morning.

[@juanchox7]

@@kaiyodei Can you elaborate? I'm not well acquainted enough with the word "tucute" to be sure if you are using sarcasm or what you mean

[@pigeondance687]

ahh yes gender dysphoria famously characterized by anxiety, dissociation and eating disorders. i guess i'm not trans anymore since i have none of those, tragic

[@natsume-hime2473]

You forgot depression. However gender incongruity doesn't always cause gender dysphoria, so you don't need dysphoria to be trans. If I missed a joke here sorry, but this might help other people.

[@shoesncheese]

I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and I'm also transgender. Curing my gender dysphoria didn't magically fix the other shit (like I hoped it would).

[@alim.9801]

According to that criteria I'm apparently secretly trans lol Edit: I also hope you're doing ok dude 💜 it's awful out there rn so I hope you have someone in your life to help support you besides us internet strangers, pls take care of yourself and stay safe 💜💜

[@newmoon766]

I only found out about TERFs a few days ago, as part of a modest project I'm working on. I don't think I'm especially radical anything, and whenever men have asked me if I'm a "feminist", generally smirking, I can only ask them for their personal definition. They never have one.

[@FaiaHalo]

"When trans women and TERFs fight each other neither side wins, we all lose" THANK YOU SO MUCH. It baffles me to see some of my fellow lesbians would prefer siding with their OPPRESSORS (like the examples you showed), than to fight alongside trans women who have to face soooo many similar issues, all coming from the patriarchy, from sexism, from from misogyny... Trans women are literally in danger... I live in Argentina and the hate crimes against trans women are a HUGE problem here that gets NO justice or resolve... I'm tired of arguing with TERFs when the cis, straight Argentinian men is using them to keep harming trans people. I wish more and more people start believing in truth and empathy, instead of lies and hatred.

[@morganleanderblake678]

Thank you for your inclusivity of nonbinary trans persons. In particular, JKR's comments about "wombyn?" bothered me for that reason, and it's very clear that harm is the intent. I really appreciate strong community guidelines on posting comments.

[@sara_sah-raezzat5086]

"We just all lose" yes, exactly. When we divide the movement we all lose. I stand with you Jessie, and thank you for the emotional labour.

[@hiddenechoes]

❤

[@steelplatedheart]

I appreciate that in the end you took a beat and said, "look I tried to describe this as sympathetically and gently as possible but TERFs hurt me and the people I love." Like that matters. This isn't just a philosophical discussion and those feelings matter. Lashing out is not okay and does damage. And it results in a cycle of abuse. Do I think Rowling deserved the backlash she got? No. But it was no worse than they do to trans people every single day.

[@SauraElanthier]

The "trans women in the bathroom" fearmongering is stupid anyway. A rapist won't care what bathroom you are in.

[@CirianAlani]

@Loco Guano Women can be rapists, too, unfortunately. Cruelty is not restricted by gender *or* sex.

[@alim.9801]

Exactly, absolutely nothing is stopping them. Makes me so angry the way our trans siblings are scapegoated. The two men who assaulted me were cis men. And it wasn't even in the damn bathroom

[@alim.9801]

​@@CirianAlani exactly

[@bobtheflyingmonkey]

Jessie, you are beautiful. You are not ugly. Anyone who sees you inherently thinks, “girl.” Anyone who says otherwise is lying in order to serve the agenda of hatred. Don’t listen to hateful people. You have a community of people who love and value you, and see you as you truly are, which is an admirable woman.

[@kam-lw4ez]

Are we watching the same video? Cause I see a man

[@Melody-jc5hk]

@@kam-lw4ez get glasses and a face lift while you're at it 😊❤

[@liyah1675]

This is clearly a man

[@dreamsprayanimation]

You strike me as a really nice energetic attractive intelligent woman.

[@alim.9801]

I hate anyone calling someone ugly no matter what, it's truly the laziest thing to do and when people count it as some kind of win it makes me so irritated. Lowest hanging fruit fr

[@willschneider4616]

You're valid and there's no excuse for people calling themselves feminists to use structural power to attack and oppress people based on gender. Are there any trans activists in the UK leading the movement to help fix their broken feminist movement? I'd love to give them support.

[@huskeater]

my mom’s a huge terf and it’s really hard to deal with at times, i get her pain and struggles too (as you mentioned), but its a slap in the face when the person who’s supposed to care the most completely undermines your existence for anyone dealing with the same thing, i feel you and hope you’re able to thrive

[@jacineyatrakos3149]

Honestly cant imagine anything worse than having a terf as a mom. Mine deadnames and misgenders me but at least doesnt go off believing in shit like ROGD or AGP and then associating it with me

[@jacineyatrakos3149]

@@keyboarddancers7751 what the fuck are you on about???? People are sick of terfs the same way we're sick of racists and homophobes. We're sick of having to defend our rights

[@abasheddevil]

You should listen to your mom. You can't see it now, but trust me. She loves you and wants what's best for you.

[@huskeater]

@@abasheddevil She shut me out of her life when I came out in 2016 (I'm 21 now) and offered to send me to a conversion camp out where she lives, across the country, when my dad told her what I was going through at the time. I'm pretty confident that she doesn't have my best interest in heart because she hasn't reached out to me since.

[@abasheddevil]

@@huskeater Have you reached out to her since?

[@TherealLumpendoodle]

I’m a cis female, and will be hitting 63 this year, and have most definitely not spent those years living under a stone. Point is, in all those years I have never, ever, ever, had a conversation with another woman where fear of meeting a predator disguised as trans of any kind, in a toilet, has been mentioned. Ever. In the 70’s, biggest fear was the male sex pest. A transgender attacking us, no. Unless they were hairy, with a big moustache, and wearing a tutu, then no one would even mention it. Oh, and I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember, and was taught that feminism was to be allowed equality, and opportunity, to be what you want, even if that is to be a mother and nothing else. It certainly wasn’t to allow us to justify disenfranchising other people.

[@lordofsparks]

This in an important voice in a very hard discussion. Share widely!

[@CouncilofGeeks]

The work you put into this is phenomenal. I’m sorry it was so hard but the results are amazing.

[@MercenaryPine9]

Jessie, people like you have inspired me to speak up more. For my college senior project, I will be making an art book appreciating trans and gender non-conforming bodies. In a world that is describing our bodies with such ugly words, I want to make something that appreciates our beauty and reflects our happiness in being true to ourselves. I want to be able to gather people to help participate in this book by allowing me to draw their portrait and sharing their words about their journey with their body and gender.

[@jubbine]

Thank you so much for the way you included intersex issues in this discussion. We're often dehumanized by both sides in debates about gender and transness, without care for the specific and unique harms done to us. The way you brought up coercive gender assignment and our treatment by the TERF community was appreciated.

[@tekcomputers]

Indeed, I frequently bring up intersex people in trans debates. myself, primary because the anti-trans people in their massive flux to eradicate transpeople will streamroll over intersex people. And of course when I'm trying to push back on that their response is always the same, "intersex is rare, so it doesn't matter".

[@yeeyeeyeeye]

I honestly aspire to be as compassionate and sensitive as you are ❤️❤️❤️

[@KittyKatalina]

Gotta say, that queen of hearts dress you wore walking down the street was really lovely!

[@star1ing]

You put my thoughts into words about how trans women and cis women have very different experiences of misogyny, but in the end they are both women.

[@iamnohere]

@@Razia10376 I: Yes, trans men and cis men are men, trans women and cis women are women. Glad you understand

[@lauren578]

​@@Razia10376 Exactly

[@hiddenechoes]

❤

[@WinningSidekick]

I held off on watching this video for a long time because I thought it was gonna be heavy, and it was, but it's also one of your best videos to date. This is some seriously impressive work. Thank you for putting yourself through all this to facilitate an empathetic discussion.

[@Bullshotinbutt]

My darling girl, you are beautiful inside and out and you have helped me, someone old enough to be your mother, to understand difficult things in a kind and understanding way. You are appreciated. You are admired.

[@dragonwings36]

Super big hug offered to Jessie from this non-binary pal. You deserve so much good.

[@Tareltonlives]

This really does help explain the TERF phenomenon. I used to be transphobic myself, and fortunately have learned and grown beyond that, but it's horrible to see how many people have that same position to limit and harm innocent people. I remember first learning the term TERF last year, and it's only gradually grown how harmful they are to men and women and intersex and basically all genders. Videos like this really are necessary.

[@iamnohere]

I: Would you please share your story of how you managed to escape the transphobic mindset? It could be helpful info to people who have transphobes in their lives (btw, thank you for having grown as a person and abandoned transphobia)

[@davismcqueen36]

I know this comment comes late but I want to tell you how brave this video on such a heavy topic. I'm black queer transman. And there are moments I worry whose stares at me are thinking me 1st thought they're wondering my gender, or 2nd they want to cause me harm in some way. I know who I am but sometimes others make me questions my transition & how I "pass" those are the times when I gave to reassure myself I'm where I'm meant to be no matter. And I'll always to my best to let other trans folks both binary and non binary they have a support system from me. Thank you for your content I really enjoy it. 🙂

[@ellenorbjornsdottir1166]

I did not defect from the blue team to be permanently labelled as a defector and not a true member by the red team.

[@sarahlamoureux1454]

Thank you, Jessie, for such a thoughtful discussion. As a transfeminine person only 4 months into her hormone regimen, I'm both excited about becoming how I want to be and scared about how other people will treat me when I look more feminine. I can get anxious when I read transphobic things online (or hear them from people around me), but you intentionally dove deep into this material for us. I admire you, and I thank you again.

[@droxina]

Congratulations on beginning such an exciting phase in your life! I hope you have many wonderful experiences along the way as you transition. And when you encounter the jerks, because it’s apparently impossible to avoid them, please know there are many friends and allies out there who are cheering for you. As a cis woman I, for one, am excited to have another femme sister in the world.

[@sarahlamoureux1454]

@@droxina Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you :)

[@alim.9801]

Hey i hope your hormones and everything are going ok and you're ok and staying safe madam 💜

[@rachelp6516]

I can see how much emotional labor you put into this video, it's truly amazing. I grew up in a very conservative, Christian household, where my discovering of feminist readings as a teenager was radical. I came across a lot of TERF material as a young person and I had internalized a lot of that. As you say in the end, we should all really be allies against oppressive forces rather than fight against each other. Their rhetoric is so so harmful and I am thankful that you highlighted it all here

[@charliekahn4205]

Good ol' horseshoe theory. Or as I prefer to call it, sphere theory (far enough left is far right, not an imitation of it, and vice versa).

[@iamnohere]

@@charliekahn4205 I: That's not how the political spectrum works...

[@lauren578]

This is their agenda and you are simply falling for it.That isn't something to pat yourself on the back for girl😳

[@iamnohere]

@@lauren578 I: Lol, what would be the point of such an _agenda?_ Like, seriously, if spreading acceptance, and combatting misinformation and hate was some nefarious plot rather than something _we all_ should be doing; what would be the motive? "I'll teach people... to support marginalized groups instead of hating them. Bwhahahaha, so villainous!"

[@alim.9801]

​@@lauren578 what is the agenda?

[@gryffindorgeorgi]

This TIF (trans inclusive feminist ) truly appreciates you for all you do to educate us. Hugs!

[@AlexDiscovers]

I like Non-Exclusionary Radical Feminist as the opposite of TERF. Cuz it's NERF or nothin :P

[@gryffindorgeorgi]

@@AlexDiscovers NERF is pretty cool!

[@CJMGalaxy]

Funnily enough, "TIF" is a TERF/gender critical acronym for trans men. "Trans identified female". It's one of their fun little ways to deny our agency and infantilize us. They call trans women "TIMs" in the same way.

[@CirianAlani]

@@CJMGalaxy I'm all in for reclaiming an acronym from those reactionary cretins.

[@amiaswolfgang]

that... doesn't mean what you think it means. TIFs are genuinely people who are only "trans inclusive" in the sense of systemically misgendering all trans people to try and weaponize the "femaleness" of trans men, afab nonbinary people, afab intersex people, and similar/related groups against the "maleness" trans women, amab nonbinary people, amab intersex people and related groups. Go to any TIF account online and that is exactly what they preach when you get down to it. It's not a trans-supportive movement, just TERFs by a different name intentionally made to sound supportive of trans people to convert well-meaning trans allies into TERFs. That and "TIF" is a shorthand TERFs use for trans men, afab nonbinary people, and related groups, meaning "trans-identified female." A term meant to intentionally misgender us. Just call yourself a feminist and trans ally, those are the right terms.

[@ArielVHarloff]

Your dunking on she who must not be named made me laugh out loud several times XD

[@H3zzard]

That was amazing. Production quality out the wazoo, costume changes, and a slew of vocal talent (both yourself and your V/O peeps). But a real, heartfelt message from someone who's lived life in a harsh spotlight, and has done research to understand *why* society is broken. Thank you as always, Jessie. I learnt a heck of a lot more than I was expecting.

[@stephaniel2850]

Much love, Jessie

[@lauren578]

Trans people show solidarity with women?When?Who???

[@TheDajamster]

Any time you punch down, you're shooting yourself in the foot.

[@SamanthaCZimmerman]

i started watching you for your star trek content but your social justice videos are getting better and better every time. thank you!! 💕

[@Voldine2]

I wouldn't really classify her social commentary as 'justice' material, really. It's more like "hey, want to listen to a bunch of bullshit people like me have to deal with?" Granted my perspective may be skewed a bit due to being trans myself...

[@yasmineb1781]

I think society is broken. We always focus on the wrong problems and lose track of what's more important. Thank you Jessie, I learned a lot with this video

[@DarDarBinks1986]

We need an instant fix, not this piecemeal crap. Slow and steady never wins the race. I'd love nothing more than to exact vengeance on men for having too many rights. We need to flip the hierarchy so that we women and femmes have all the rights and pie while men and mascs have none. That's true equality in my book. Why should we share OUR rights and OUR pie? This is coming from a trans woman who believes in female supremacy and is proud of it.

[@faenen91]

Uhhh no thanks? I'd rather not personally. Trading patriarchy for matriarchy as you described (femme supremacy) is flawed and awful. It's saying " hey the abusive system is okay if it's not me" which is a) saying the goal is to gain privilege not fight injustice b) so all the trans men, butches, and femme women harmed by misogyny should face the new focal of oppression, misandry ( which really is not a thing on any level besides personal right now) c) ignores all the interwoven ways that women and people in general are harmed like class,race,ability etc. Like could we not have gender based oppression at all? Why focus on hurting men when you could focus on fighting misogyny ( which obviously benefits men most at large but is perpetuated by many)? So yeah flipping the hierarchy is...yeah no why do we need a oppressive hierarchy? Why don't you want to tear that down and build something not fueled by violence and control over whoever is at the bottom? Seriously I'm exasperated because it's one thing to say," uggh fuck men" then " uggh the patriarchy is really rough but let's build a system just as fucked up?" .

[@charliekahn4205]

@@DarDarBinks1986 rights are not pie. If you exact revenge, the reverse will eventually happen. And I say this as an advocate for women's rights, health, etc. If you want continued rights for women, don't create an enemy, because that enemy will exact revenge on you.

[@DarDarBinks1986]

@@charliekahn4205 Complete bullshit. Rights ARE pie. The world is a zero-sum game. There has to be a hierarchy of women and femmes at the top to be obeyed and men and mascs at the bottom to be oppressed. You can't have winners and winners. The world just doesn't work that way. For every winner, there has to be a loser. To have true equality, you have to cut one's rights down to uplift another. Don't believe me? Prove me wrong! Make me wrong!

[@charliekahn4205]

@@DarDarBinks1986 I genuinely cannot tell if you are being sarcastic. If you are, then cool comment. If you're not, then consider this: neither pure matriarchy nor pure equality has ever existed in practice, other than in pre- and proto-agricultural societies. Thus, we don't know if either would work. It is also much easier to get people to sign on to equality, because everyone benefits, and like it or not, numbers matter. Nobody will be recruited if you insult them constantly, and with no members a movement fails. Therefore, it's much more optimal in terms of strategy to have an end goal of equality, an easier proposition to both accept and realize.

[@andycic.544]

Don't know why Jessie keeps distinguishing between trans women and swiss women. Women from Switzerland are women too.

[@Bujanina]

My words… the world has gone absolutely mental…

[@FruitBasketyay]

Feminism after all was to fight for ALL WOMEN no exceptions. Excluding trans women is counter intuitive from the get go. You did an amazing job ! ♥️

[@Voldine2]

Equality for all.

[@MinkytheMinkY]

Exactly. Thus, are TERFS truly feminists?

[@FruitBasketyay]

@@MinkytheMinkY short and only answer: No

[@secluse]

Honestly if you look at the history of feminist movements, it often hasn't been. The women's sufferage movement in the US was often purposefully exclusive of Black women, and a lot of what got white women the vote was signing on to racism and arguing that by white women having the vote it would be easier to oppress the Black vote and pass measures to restrict Black people from voting. I think awareness of how messy feminism has often played out in the world, versus what it supposedly is as an ideology is extremely important. Particularly the harsh reality that mainstream feminism has often been dominated by white middle class women. It's been a movement that has a lengthy history of othering and excluding different types of women. That being said I'm a proud feminist, though I've had to learn to be critical and discerning in my understanding of feminsim. I also think for the reasons Jessie eloquently showed in her video, that TERFs are horrible at being feminists.

[@FruitBasketyay]

@@secluse yeah I know. I knew someone would point this out. I don't mean what feminism has manifested as but rather what the ideology was originally at it's purest form supposed to look like.

[@Alex_Mo]

Wow. Really well spoken, and quite gutwrenching at the end. "We just all lose." wowowow. You are so right.

[@Maddy-zg1mz]

I am an older cis woman and the very proud mother of a nonbinary young adult. I do my best to learn from and to be an ally to all marginalized people. Jessie, you have touched my heart and brought me to tears. Sending you love and a motherly hug. Stay strong, you’re a beautiful woman.

[@carillonnightmares]

I used to have a trans woman (who'd only been on estrogen a few months) working at my old job that would use the toilet. She didn't know I was a closeted trans man and neither did the rest of my coworkers. People would make fun of her behind her back and I would have to sit there and listen. The women at my job even said they'd report her to the managers if they saw her using the women's bathroom again. I went to go use the employee bathroom and she came out shocked. But I didn't say anything and just went in. I wonder what was going through her head. She probably thought I was going to get mad at her for using it, but didn't. I used it because men's bathrooms smell bad and I'm very much pre-T and it's unsafe. I'm pretty timid and quiet, especially at work so I didn't respond to anyone in the situation. People can be pretty offer.

[@carillonnightmares]

*pretty awful

[@bananewane1402]

This breaks my heart, I hope she's okay

[@Serpentrose]

I have decided that whenever I encounter someone complaining about phrases such as 'people with uteruses' or 'pregnant people' if they think women aren't people. Because it seems to me like that's what they're implying.

[@yoonmikim5663]

I have less empathy for people who go through hardship and transform that hate into yet more hate instead of love and understanding for others. It hurts so bad to see people choose that path of victimhood over survivorship. I mean I've been there and seen trauma, probably more than my fair share. But trauma gives you a choice to try for empathy and sympathy... and it always makes me sad to see them not choose the path they should. Also, as much as I hated JK Rowling's essay, and spoke against it, notified the autistic community about her ableism in the essay, etc, and the sheer exhaustion I felt, knowing that while I was not trans, trans people must be feeling a much heavier weight upon them, even as JK Rowling spiraled out of control and started including wider and wider amounts of people to hate... like people with mental health problems and women that take hormones, and so on, I still hated when the newspaper chased her and found her ex husband. I felt that too. The world is so messed up. She diluted the cause and people forgot the community it most hurt. I identify as nonbinary. I know my fight isn't your fight. That my intersections aren't your intersections. My labels aren't your labels, but I don't think it takes too much to sit and try to understand and fight the good fight for recognition. I do my best to fight, but not be in the way. I definitely felt it when you said about how you can see people's trauma, but also feel distance when they put hate upon you. I had a parent that was like that. She would talk about how her mother did all these terrible things to her, and how she hated it. But then instead of sitting down and processing it, would repeat those same core actions towards me. And while I felt sympathy for the abuse in her childhood, I felt cold towards her repeating those actions towards me. Her constantly painting herself as the white woman victim drew attention away from the issues I needed to be addressed as a person of color. (Also, her second wave feminism still ticks me off in so many ways.)

[@elly512]

Not me hearing “Trans and Swiss women” for half the video 😂😂

[@vermelody]

Not trans myself, but I have a trans sibling who I love deeply. She's gone through a long and tough journey and now seems well on her way to being as happy as she can be. Having seen so much of her struggle first hand, I could tell even before Part 6 that you were breaking down. Maybe I'm reading into it, but it did sound like your voice was starting to tremble. There's a strange and unpleasant familiarity in seeing the facade of silliness and fun starting to fall away in front of you. This video was very educational and I learned a lot. I'm not sure how to say this last part without sounding sappy or virtue signal-y, so I'll just be blunt and say that I'm positive that many will be better for having seen your strength first hand. The road is long, but there is hope. Thanks for the video. :)

[@jamiemcquarrie2482]

Extremely informative and more importantly the power of empathy. I can’t help but feel a weird connection and similarities TERFs have with Jordan Peterson’s dogma (and his acolytes) on what it means to be a man (sorry, he's back in the news)? Different populations, same ways of dealing with pain. There was a lot of pain and sacrifice in making this video, and I’m deeply sorry for how hurtful this is. Life will kick us when we are down, and add insult to injury by rubbing the soles of it’s shoe in our faces, taunting and telling us who we are. For many of us, that pain is a teacher, showing us how to empathize with others. Unfortunately, sadly, some out there, when they can stand up again, repeat the cycle. Thank you for teaching us the power in reaching out a hand and helping others to stand.

[@lesgrantsmith2366]

Amazing work, Jessie. I realize that this was a piece of real emotional labor. Thank you. I respect the thought, nuance, and compassion you bring to all your videos, and this one is stellar. Rowling's transphobia was felt as a deep betrayal by my kids. It sucks when people we admire let us down.

[@Dicyroller]

I hate this so much. My best friend is a trans woman. She has a career in computer engineering. She is so intelligent, but she doesn't see herself the way we see her. She has shared her truth with us. She sees herself as a fake woman who is trying to pass. Most of us have told her She is a woman. She need not say things that are not true in our group. She is a woman to us always has been. We have played D&D together for five years.

[@leilanicrenshaw8190]

And you are NOT UGLY! 🙄 that was the laziest, cheapest attempt to get at your insecurities. They had nothing else to use but that generic insult. Dont let it ever get to you, Make them sweat for those tears. Love your videos! You’re Radiant ☺️

[@DrCruel]

lol

[@alim.9801]

I hate when people no matter what they believe go after someone for looks, that is the lowest hanging fruit and its just lazy AND mean at that point

[@alim.9801]

​@@DrCruel whats funny? I wanna laugh

[@DrCruel]

@@alim.9801 Everything about the Fruit and Nut Club is hilarious. Just wait a bit.

[@lallamitaquitena1816]

I must confess I thought like terfs when I was younger... It took me a lot of time to learn new stuff, unlearn what I learned as a child, and extend compassion and understanding to people I have never met but are clearly in pain because of those things I had to unlearn, and that I could help unlearning and doing things to help more directly. In my defense, my background is like super conservative, my dad was super homophobic -most of my family still is, and I was sent to a super conservative religious school in a conservative and really bigoted society... But do you know what really hit me? When watching a documentary about trans people someone said, "I didn't recognise my body when I took a shower" (paraphrasing) and at that moment I really felt it, nobody deserves to feel that way, I might not be happy how certain parts are, but I still should feel my body as my own, so, let them do what they need to feel like that! Later I understood why I felt it so much, that's how I felt when I was depressed (cis girl here, but I really didn't recognise myself then, my mind and my life were not my own at that time - at least it felt like that).

[@laierr]

As an autistic person, I joined the fight for trans rights because of psychophobia. I got sick and tired of how self-proclaimed "normal" people use their life experiences as a universal yardstick. How they proclaim it is the only "natural" order of things. How it is a shame to have difficulties where they do not. "You're just stupid. You're just lazy." And how those people gaslight you with the primitive, shallow, and emotionally driven [mis]understanding of things. All of those "oh you again with your weird ideas" when you just reciting them a textbook, they never cared to open.

[@ManicChangeling]

I consider myself a cis ally, though the more time I spend in lockdown on TikTok the more I realize I'm just not upset with my gender assignment and happy with who I am and how I look more than the fact that those aspects of my existence make me a "woman" as far as society is concerned. (Definitely comes from being autistic and being bad at engaging with social constructs, too.) My wife is a trans woman, and I try to do as much talking at uneducated people as I can for her sake, so she doesn't have to. She just wants to exist and I will protect her from the transphobic parts of the world if I am able to. With the JK Rowling Twitter drama, I was deep in the fight. I got there early and got a high-ranking comment on one of the tweets, so I had hundreds of replies. I will always do the work to educate feminists who are misguided, and will calmly explain over and over again to people who are too far gone, just so that the people reading see someone calm and rational who does not devolve into personal insults. I got a few DMs in that time where people who I wasn't speaking directly to in tweets said I had affected them and had changed their minds and transphobic views. That made it worth it. I'm so happy to see you arguing the thing I repeated over and over: that the most dangerous thing about Rowling's (and other's) rhetoric is that, on the surface, it is seemingly sensible. We must always be critical of someone's viewpoint if it seems to harm others. I feel like this video comes in the same moment that I really addressed the outcome of the whole situation with myself, as well. It is only very recently that I finally managed to address my concerns in my medium of choice, poetry, and finally put all the thoughts that had been plaguing me for months down on paper. I took all my love for Harry Potter as a child and finally buried it by creating metaphors that showed how much Rowling hurt me and the LGBTQ+ community. Even as just an ally in the fight against transphobia, I was still incredibly deeply affected and I am so glad you included the section on the toll this work took on you. It was real, honest, and something I hope people watched until the end to see. Thank you for all your work, I love your videos.

[@maiarustad5062]

Heyo, I’m also a cis and sapphic ally who was deeply hurt by jk Rowling and who has struggled with my gender identity in the past! (Also with whether or not I’m autistic, I have adhd and share a LOT of symptoms of autism, except for the reading of social situations, which is like, the main thing. I’m pretty good at that. So I’m pretty sure I’m not autistic? But I share a lot of symptoms, stimming, executive dysfunction, noise/touch sensitive, nonsocial, etc.) Anyway, just wanted to pop in and point out those random similarities to convey a sense of completely parasocial connection, like seeing someone with the same graphic tee design on the street, recognition of oneself in another. Wish you and your wife the best in this strange, strange world. :3

[@ManicChangeling]

@@maiarustad5062 I’d say probably not autistic, though of course I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone. The way I’ve always seen it is to people looking at an ND person autism and ADHD look really similar, but the cause of the behavior is inherently different and autism is very intrinsically based in the ability to socialize and connect socially. For example, I stim to regulate myself while interacting with others and to ground myself while processing my thoughts, not to manage or direct my physical energy or keep my attention on something.

[@maiarustad5062]

@@ManicChangeling That's a really interesting way to look at the two, makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

[@allycinwunderland]

I think the biggest lesson I learned from your video that I feel like I could regurgitate to others is basically this analogy- If we lived in a world where everyone is a hunter or a gatherer, trans people are simply switching jobs. Trans individuals are not some kind of great wave of change within themselves. They are not redefining everything and changing the entire world as we know it. Trans people aren't saying, "hey, everyone, let's disregard the entire idea of hunting and gathering and do something else!" They're simply saying "I'd much rather be a hunter than a gatherer."

[@dentescare]

A very curious data. Andean culture has a matriarcal hierarchy however it had machismo which by this confusing combination is promoted by mothers. So women teach men the role-based society while remarking that women are the basic pillar needed for the construction of this society. Andean Machismo is still a very weird mixture of the matriarcal society of the Incas and the patriarchal society of the Spaniards.

[@lilychanx]

thank you for explaining this ideology as succinctly as possible. i'm always really scared to ask my trans friends, especially on why terfs are this way and where their own nuance split from radical feminism vs the full on terf and just WHY they focus so much more to hurt trans people than to help ALL of us. "we just all lose" - truer words have never been spoken. this will give me the steps be a better ally and this breakdown was very much appreciated.

[@chickenelafsworld7105]

It’s also important to note the underlying sexism, racism, and ableism in a lot of TERF rhetoric. The portrayal of females as inherently weak and naive victims and of males as inherently predatory sex-crazed monsters, which conforms to sexist stereotypes and effectively bars society from progressing because it’s just in the “nature” of males to be oppressive. The “I can always tell” attitude that forces women to conform to Eurocentric, patriarchal beauty standards, which forces women to perform femininity and harms women of color who don’t match the “feminine” features TERFs deem necessary. But the thing I want to talk about more (since less people bring it up) is constant bringing up of how autistic people are more likely to transition or identify as trans, as if it’s a gotcha that disabled people are trans. The implication is that either a) being trans is a disabled thing and it’s silly for “normal” people to go along with it or b) autistic people don’t have the agency to figure out their own gender and their own needs, so the “trans ideology” is being used to “groom” them into transitioning. It’s just infantilizing and rude and VERY anti feminist to deny disabled people bodily autonomy because you’re ignorant and you want to use them against trans people. To any gender critical reading or watching; I want to believe that you really want to help people, to keep women safe, and to progress society. Which is why I’m asking you to take a hard look at gender critical ideology and ask: is this helping anyone? The bias behind many gender critical claims is harmful against more than just trans people, and I don’t think most gender criticals want to hurt people, so I ask; why stick with such a harmful ideology?

[@ShadowKeaton2]

Love your Donkey Kong style rap for your paterons at the end! And I want to say thank you so much for making this video and putting it out there even after how much of a toll it has taken on you. It's amazing and takes so much courage and bravery to do so. We absolutely need to just come together rather than fight each other because we all want the same damn thing just in different words for others. So thank you for even working on this and taking that time and energy to make it happen, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Best wishes. :)

[@Estarfigam]

I am glad you are looking out for the views of the Swiss women. *hugs* Nice, Queen of Hearts outfit.

[@christopherb501]

Wonder if Switzerland is any better about this than the accursed US & UK...

[@derp_dragons]

So incredible how much effort went into this video (all of your videos in general but given how much of an emotional toll it took I wanted to point it out here especially). I wish everyone being hateful to others would put this much thought into why they actually attack others. The insight might help to change their mind. There should be no need to ask for allies, we should all stand together against hateful people who harass and attack others, generally speaking and in support for trans people especially. Your strength in tackling this topis, in being a visible face that gives hope and support as well has having to face attacks because of that, is amazing and inspiring. And no matter what some hateful person says, you are beautiful!

[@dez6529]

Jessie, you are an icon! The number of belly laughs you gave me prior to some big serious feelings is unreal. You go girl!

[@sasak369]

I see the appeal of the TERF worldview, I do, as a person who has experienced sexual trauma. To be able to categorize men as dangerous and women as safe, so all you need to do to protect yourself and ensure you can't be hurt again is to stay away from men and keep close to women, it's comforting. But then I'm here, someone who was sexually abused by a cis woman, and it's like, welp. Like all comforting fantasies, there are some holes, even without getting into the harm this particular movement is doing to other women.

[@annv8360]

1) In spite of the horrific nature of your assault(s) its extremely rare for genetic females to be predatory and aggressive especially towards children. in prisons the violent female offenders are in the minority of the female population 2) no one advocating for sex-segregated spaces such as changing room etc has their head in the sand that the female in the next changing stall might have issues that make her unsafe, but how is it wrong to ban the 1/2 of the genetic population that is 20x more likely to harm someone in a vulnerable state. 3) Any adult stranger who reveals their genitals to in the presence of a minor of the opposite sex is engaging in sexual interference bordering on sexual molestation

[@sasak369]

@@annv8360 I don't know how you conduct yourself in changing rooms, but where I live, everyone tends to go out of their way to minimize nudity in front of each other and certainly doesn't attempt to draw attention to their genitals. If someone does go out of their way to inappropriately draw attention to their genitals, that's a sex crime and is already illegal. The vast majority of trans women have absolutely no interest in drawing attention to their genitals. That's why despite trans people using their changing rooms and bathrooms of preference for decades, the data just does not show any incidences of them abusing that space. 1) what about trans women who have had vaginaplasty? Do you want trans women who look like women and have vaginas to enter men's changing rooms? 2) what about trans men? There are trans men who have full beards and are big and muscular and would both make cis women way uncomfortable in their changing rooms and pave the way for cis men to enter women's changing rooms, since they are often visually indistinguishable. Trans women who feel comfortable enough to access women's changing rooms, I can guarantee you, do not look like cis men. 2a) if you want trans men in women's changing rooms, what about trans men with phalloplasty? Those would be people with penises in women's changing rooms, MANDATED by the policies TERFS tend to push. 3) how would you want to enforce any of this? Butch lesbian cis women already have the problem of being women born, raised and going through life as women who often find themselves yelled at for trying to have a pee in the women's room, so it's not like we can do it by looks. We can't ask for ID, since trans people get to have their preferred gender on their ID. Is it genital checks? Cause I'm just speaking for myself, but I'd probably prefer seeking out the nearest bush to being subjected to a genital inspection. For the sake of clarity, since gender critical folks are not necessarily on the same page about terminology, I am using the terms "trans women" to refer to people born male who identify as women and "trans men" for people born female who identify as men. My personal stance, by the way, is that shared changing rooms have always been weird and there should really be stalls at LEAST optionally for those who prefer them and bathrooms should just be gender neutral with stalls. I'm not convinced men even like public urinals, it sounds pretty awkward, and for all I care they can have a big stall with the urinals in it.

[@blackriver2531]

I don't see no appeal. That's like saying I see the appeal of nazis. You crazy confirmed. 🤢

[@blackriver2531]

Is it privileged to not find horrible unscientific inhumane garbage not appealing? I must be privileged.... is it because my mom tucked me in at night and I got to go to summer camp? O.o or cuz I went to church as a kid? Did you go to church? What did I do wrong to not find terfs appealing? O.O

[@blackriver2531]

@@annv8360 found the terf

[@businessllama3537]

Hearing about what you had to go through to create this video, I thank you and I am upset on your behalf for what you had to face. I know there's going to be way too many transphobic comments on this video as there is with the rest. The people who comment like that seem not to understand the credit you deserve and they seem to have not gotten that far in your videos before they decide that you aren't worth listening to. I commend you for, despite that, trying to understand all perspectives of those who work against us. Your nuanced work certainly makes a difference in my understanding every time.

[@nathancombs527]

Jessie walking down the street with her cane and queen of hearts dress displays what I hope I'll be doing during retirement XD

[@fallingforfiction8507]

I agree with you on many things but I admit I winced a bit physically when you said "well, if a man attacks a woman in a bathroom, he can simply be persecuted" - because...unfortunately, that's not how our society treats victims of sexual assault, in many cases. And it's also not like ...stealing from someone or damaging someone's car. It being persecuted doesn't undo the damage in any meaningful way. It's not something that can be fixed that way. I'm not saying this bc of the whole bathroom debate, I just think it's a highly sensitive topic and it's important to be careful when you speak about it, especially if you have a bit of a platform.

[@charlii9956]

I'm watching this for educational purposes and as a trans woman, I am with this fight. And you brought light to issues that have been ignored for a long time, and your voice has power. Your stance matter. We matter. I appreciate viewing this today and seeing how hard it is to give such a clear message. I hope to one day meet you, and have you on my musical album. That touches everything mentioned and everything yet to discover. I hope one day to be on a team of teams that come up with different methods, that can travel for generations, to win this fight. We will fight not only for justice or equality, but for our own dreams, our goals, our future as a trans community. It does hurt for one opposed group attacking another marginalized group. We thought we could trust certain people of power, but it was only a lie. No matter how long it takes, this going into our trans historical timeline. Blessings to you, and I promise to have you top of my list as high priority advocator for my part of this fight, which is through music. ❤❤❤ This really touched my heart. I hope this finds you well. Much love and celestial light to you.

[@renk1056]

Just finished the introduction on this video (recently found your channel and catching up on backlog), and just wanted to say before we get into the meat of this issue: god I love your sense of humor and delivery. You present the ideas and topics in ways that are both thought-provoking and entertaining, and it makes tough topics like this a little less stressful to learn more about.

[@zabazor_makes]

Thank you Jessie for being so open and honest for part 6 The Toll. Marginalized groups need to unite against hate and bigotry. Keep doing amazing things. Proud gay cis male, and trans ally :)

[@ChristianJGentlemanhorse]

I never understood dysphoria until I got invited (participated) to a drag show, and it hit me in the face like a freaking bag of bricks.

[@steggopotamus]

Do you mean you're not trans or gray and dressing drag made you super uncomfortable? Or do you mean that when you dressed drag you saw the difference and were blindsided with how much better you felt?