What are the traits of a real narcissist? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 933

[@MentalHealness]

Make sure to subscribe if you haven't = kzbin.info

[@KimLangston]

I need to talk to u.. I need some answers your not covering about a particular narcissist please!!!🥺

[@FairEbony]

You didn’t link the website that you were reading the 9 Narc traits from. Can you link it?

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

Been subscribed!!!

[@adamaddams6472]

6 years of therapy about the same issue, your issue, what you are paying for a professionals assistance to help you on..... And you constantly forget and have to read and re-read the same 9 symptoms yourself to talk about them??? I have 0 education in any of the like studies and could have remembered 9 sentences. Money grubber playing a role for $. A.K.A. a youtube/tictok "star"

[@carriejones4230]

My narc seems to be able to feel empathy for people or situations that aren't close to him, yet have zero empathy or connection to any hurt he causes me. For example, he feels badly for people in war-torn countries or random strangers in trouble online.

[@QwertyS3]

I know these types he would turn on you and call you the narcissist because he sees someone's worse position as an excuse to devalue his abuse towards you. All abuse is abuse whatever how bad it is.

[@Auroradivine7788]

Its fake, just to impress others

[@recoveringsoul755]

They don't need to DO anything for strangers

[@tashasdreams2reality122]

This.

[@MentalHealness]

the people closest get a different version

[@franco2b145]

The narcissist all have The 7 deadly sin.. Lust: Excessive desire for sexual gratification. Gluttony: Overindulgence or overconsumption of food or drink. Greed: Excessive desire for material wealth or possessions. Sloth: Laziness, avoidance of work or duty. Wrath: Intense and uncontrolled anger or hatred. Envy: Jealousy or resentment towards others' success or possessions. Pride: Excessive belief in one's abilities or qualities; it is often considered the root of all other sins.

[@MyTubey101]

Holy Moly !

[@remoniaj]

Sounds like my ex! Wow

[@Reesajoy]

Lie/Deceit

[@ladyllf48]

Wow,

[@pattiewoodall5204]

You are 100% correct, as I look back on the relationship I was in for many years.

[@liljerseygirl249]

Most narcissists never will go to therapy...

[@liljerseygirl249]

Doesn't make them any less a narcissist though🤔

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@nahcgnuoy5962]

It's because you are the problem, not them. Duh! If you could just let go of the past (even though it happened a few hours ago, and last Tuesday, and 3 weeks before that) and be a mind reader, and stop expecting them to be responsible for their own actions, and stop catching them in lies because it's your fault that you found out in whatever way you did, and if you could just be a robot that miraculously powers on only when they need you, but have no needs of your own and then quietly put yourself back in your closet or corner until they need you again, then everything would be peachy! But NOOOO! Here you go again with your most basic human needs, being all needy!... These soulless flesh bags are the main cause for so much of the world's suffering.

[@tiffanimoore4343]

My narc went, but stopped because he wasn't being healed due to him telling her whatever she needed to hear not to critique him

[@laurapavone3513]

But their victims will and that is what matters.

[@tranquility9325]

Narcs expect to be treated a certain way but their behavior guarantees they will be treated badly due to their lack of respect towards ppl close to them.

[@MentalHealness]

yea it's a slippery slope

[@fainitesbarley2245]

Lack of respect is so true. The narc I was involved with was a friend and colleague. The reason I walked out was being treated without the common decency and respect due from one friend to another. Nothing major - but friends don’t treat friends like that. Friends don’t hurt people on purpose..

[@tranquility9325]

@@MentalHealness for sure

[@tranquility9325]

@@fainitesbarley2245 exactly

[@tranquility9325]

@@MentalHealness yup

[@danielalee7387]

1. Grandiose logic of self importance 2. Fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, ideallic love etc - looking for happiness outside in 3. A credence of being exceptional, nobody understands me but other special people because I'm at a higher level and you're below me 4. A desire for unwarranted admiration 5. A sense of entitlement - first thought is "I deserve this" 6. Interpersonally oppressive behavior- they feel they are better than you so they deserve control over you. They feel like they own you...because they are part of the dominant class...they are better than you, so you should listen to them 7. "No" form of empathy. Can also be lack of empathy, cognitive vs. emotional empathy. They understand but they don't connect with your emotions. Tears are weakness... 8. Resentment of others or belief that others are resentful of them. 9. A display of egotistical or conceited behaviors or attitudes

[@namimindyaw1201]

Thank you so much! I was going to write it all down too

[@greg9069]

I think a lot of people desire to feel important/ special/ entitled. But theres 'a special place in hell for the manipulators who desire to make others feel crazy and hate themselves. The ones that are completely aware and strategize how to push a persons buttons to damage their mental health, deliberately, with a arrogant disregard for consequences to these actions.

[@ladyvirgo013]

You just described my soon ex husband of 12 years,he literally wanted me gutted when he blindsided me with a discard back in May. So malicious and evil

[@nsvshhw]

Maybe that's why it's important to talk about the "ordinary" narcissists (albeit with personality disorder) from the extreme marginal evil narcissists who are AND psychopaths. The subject is quite complicated indeed.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@Sub_901]

@@greg9069 oh this is good. I'm glad I saw this comment. Nailed it

[@Therenaissancenetwork]

@@greg9069 they are from hell

[@peapod6747]

Oh wow. I had a friend of over 10 years and this revealed the truth. He is a 9 out of 9 narcissist. Honestly all these years i just thought he was a crazy delusion person. I mean he had zero insight and accountability. But i fully believe he lives in an alternate reality where he is the most powerful and special person on the planet. Literally he believed this.

[@MentalHealness]

😮‍💨😮‍💨

[@KimLangston]

I have ptsd from narcissistic abuse.. not diagnosed but I def have it

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong on your healing journey

[@liammcguigan4578]

It’s scary especially for a man

[@KimLangston]

@@MentalHealness I left my narc husband 10 years and 5 months ago.. he and bf him I attract narcs like a gravitational force … but after I left him.. my 🤐slid into the role of my abuser.. God Jesus just took me over 2000 away when i had nothing.. literally I had no money.. no way..but Jesus made a way.. my car got fixed I’m not in debt It costs almost 500 to get here .. I’m not in debt I have a job the hiring process took forever at the job I came for but finally day bf yesterday it went through.. but that’s me in pic.. I’m 50.. people say I look good still but I’ve been isolated for years now.. celibate for 8 years this passing December since December 2015 … it doesn’t look like it by my pic bc God is good.. but if you hear me talk you will hear the amount of times I’ve almost been choked to death in my voice.. i have had countless black eyes.. injuries.. broken nose.. ribs.. leg.. fingers…I saw a 1 minute and 29 second domestic violence video recently that gives a rare glimpse behind closed doors.. it was gut wrenching to watch and that one incident was my life for over 20 years not counting childhood.. outside i look ok.. inside Jesus working on it.. but I hate that the trauma tried to change me.. i have triggers that make me act out in anger… I didn’t used to be that way but have been that way now for awhile.. anyway your videos have really helped me.. your scenarios and things u say are so on point it’s like your describing the people in my life… now I just stay in my room.. from 15-39 in relationships each one lasts years.. I finally leave.. then the next guy is the exact same way… I thought what am I doing wrong?.. why does this keep happening to me ?🥺 why do I deserve this and bc of something I did years ago I felt I did deserve it.. anyway let me shut up nobody is going to read this anyway it’s long lol.. but if you do read it.. Thank u for your videos..🥹🙏✝️❤️

[@KimLangston]

@@MentalHealness also I hope your saved…. Being a narc yourself I hope u are able to believe in Jesus 🙏✝️🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️✝️✝️✝️🙏🙏🙏

[@Boxerfox714]

Bruhh same boat 🛶 trying to move forward.

[@michele7215]

My kids dad has 9 out of 9 .. I felt so stupid that I fell for the BS at 1st.. but NOW I see it has made me stronger and I got the best part of the relationship.. My kids 🤷‍♀️

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@staceystrukel1917]

Please don’t feel stupid, you were unaware. If you had known what you know now would you have stayed? Probably not. If you’re answer is yes then maybe…if I had known things were never going to change I would have left along time ago. It’s especially hard when kids are involved and they manipulate all of you, along with friends and extended family. To ground myself out of that thinking I remind myself that he fooled my family, his family, and friends too. It wasn’t just me that was living in the illusion.

[@msh2244]

@@staceystrukel1917 I’m disappointed in myself and regretting not leaving things at hello…now there is a baby and things are only coming to light now.

[@staceystrukel1917]

@@msh2244 hopefully you can get safely away now. My kids are 16 and 17 and they wish I had left along time ago.

[@Leolady08]

Same I have 4 ages 11, 9, 6 & 1 I finally gave up my kids see me smiling more since I decided to leave ❤ I think that’s the hugest flex I ever had was my kids see me happy with them ❤

[@sonyamaria9053]

My husband have all 9🤦🏽‍♀️11 years together, and married for 8. I left the marriage, and now dealing with the trauma 😢

[@MentalHealness]

stay safe

[@SherryCanino]

My husband too , together for 26 yrs and now he has dementia. Ignored all the red flags.

[@kimtatami6559]

I worked for a malignant narcissist boss and it quickly got very toxic. He really was deluded about ownership over his employees. He truly believed that he has the right to control his staff. Needless to say staff don't stay long and his business failed

[@craftynikki6570]

Oh Lee..my mother had 8 of of 9 traits of narcissism. We suffered terribly at her hands. I always knew she was highly toxic and a nasty piece of work, but I didn’t know what she was until a few months ago when I came across lots of KZbin videos including yours on the subject. Thank you for being honest and doing what you do.

[@MentalHealness]

You're welcome. stay strong on your healing journey

[@craftynikki6570]

@@MentalHealness thanks very much, I really appreciate those words. 😀

[@AnastasiaLimanto-io2kw]

My narcissist ex believed he was the most handsome man on earth 😂😂😂. Reality : his look is just average. I didn’t even look at him twice the first time we met. Nothing about him caught my eyes. Do you know how he made people looking at him when he entered the room? By being overdressed. One time he wore a nice shirt & a tie when we went to eat at a noodle house. I was pretty embarrassed. Sure enough people looked at him as soon as he entered that noodle house, & he believed they looked at him because he was so handsome. My god! 😂😂😂

[@MentalHealness]

😅😅😅

[@lisasmith8856]

My narc hubby told me that he was lowering his standards to be with me.😂😂

[@AnastasiaLimanto-io2kw]

@lisasmith8856 what a true narcissist both your hubby & my thank God ex husband are 😂😂😂

[@benKhghgg]

bahahahahahahh

[@Ladyarielove]

Sounds like my ex he think he all that 😂😂

[@mearis8133]

All of these things hit home with me. My ex-covert narcissist use to tell me "I own you. I own this." He used to say it in such a light manner, I laughed it off. He had grandiose ideas about the job he should have, the money he should make, the house he should own. He has difficulty showing compassion and empathy as well as the inability to go beyond surface level emotions within the relationship. Gaslighting, silent treatment. I could go on and on. Your videos are spot on! At the time, I didn't know what narcissistic traits were. I've come a long way in the past six months.

[@amyfuentes6223]

Thanks!

[@lady_Atekpilubanga]

You are my favorite narcissist Lee because you are open about your condition and humourous about it which helps you to continue with therapy. Please continue with therapy so you don't continue to hurt your loved ones. I am rooting for you Lee from Hobart, Australia and.

[@SpliffyMeister]

Lee you have whats called COGNITIVE empathy, its learned and its all thought based. Theres also a difference between having Empathy and being a RARE empath, people seem to think because they can have empathy that makes them an empath , when in fact it DOES NOT! You can Feel sad for someone that does not make one an empath, the empath that LITERALLY FEELS other peoples (Even across oceans in a physical manner) Are called Intuitive/Pscyhic Empath (Clairvoyent, healers etc) So it would really help to educate people on the Word Empathy and Empath. The Psychopath has Zero empathy that part of the brain is not there. A sociopath is CREATED from Environment and have LOW empathy. The main emotion a high end narcissist has is ANGER! Because they are in Denial of their own Emotions.

[@MentalHealness]

I’ve done a few vids on cognitive empathy. But I also have emotional empathy. Lack of empathy isn’t a prerequisite for the diagnosis

[@loveyourselffirst549]

Spot on breakdown.

[@laurapavone3513]

​It sounds to me that you want to get away with the murder. The lack of empathy or the absence of it is based on you resisting to feel your own pain. The building of a Narcissistic personality can lead you so far away from your core would that you may think that your wound is just the passage to annihilation. We all have to die in order to get eternity.

[@Saidwhatisaid11]

“Happiness is inside out” YUP🥰

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@pegfraley9366]

I truly admire you Lee. New neurological evidence proves the genetic component of narcissism. The brain of a narcissist differs from that of a neurotypical person. Your work to change yourself and save your marriage and family is beyond exceptional. Your sharing is immensely helpful to victims and deeply appreciated. Continued success on your journey throughout your life - old narcissists lose in the end and die alone having alienated everyone who loved them.

[@rubystrange372]

Number 4 is like expecting your partner to prove they love you even though they have done nothing to create a loving environment, or getting bored or upset when they are in situations that they are not receiving attention

[@shaunogg9966]

I end up commenting on all of your videos lol, Dr Ramani states that empathy can be variable. Like my ex who is a covert narcissist, she uses empathy as a weapon. She can also emulate it but it's like it's in the 3rd person. Instead of saying "I feel sorry for them" she will say "that must be hard for them". Also she has all 9 traits but the empathy is variable in her. She copies how she see others use empathy but can't do it naturally. If my kids hurt themselves she knows that they need comfort so she will say "come here" and give a 2 second hug then say "all better, bye now" and push the kid away. She also doesn't hug unless it gets her something. She says "you are smothering me" if you try showing affection towards her, she also does it to our kids.

[@Stardustpal25]

Glad you're on 'other side', somewhat. You have toughest job now: protector, negotiator, sounding board, navigator for your children. I also recognize empathy as a weapon, ..'for those but not for thee' sort of thing, a putdown, 'others more deserving', but, especially recognize empathy used to get supply. Light Love Luck 🌞🩵🤝

[@tyroneashford1195]

Lee, this is an amazing breakdown & build up. I find it ironic. That a narcissist lack empathy; but wants to be empathize⁉️ That's hypocrisy on STEROIDS ❗ -Bro. O. Amos.

[@aiviewsandnews]

We don't have to wait until they get diagnosed we can diagnose them for ourselves by protecting ourselves with boundaries and standards.

[@MarciaSantos-ox1fk]

OMG- trait 8 is VERY true. 22:30- 23:40 was the TOPIC of an argument I had with my narc BF. He always gaslights me into feeling guilty for not being from the “hood” and resents the fact that I’m a successful lawyer.

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@MarciaSantos-ox1fk]

@@MentalHealness I know, very frustrating indeed even tho he also benefits from my background and current success 🙄

[@ayisienne7]

Smh my kid’s father AND another ex Like it’s the WORST energy

[@my_humble_opinion4019]

I’m fascinated by the comments that read “my narc” like the person is talking about a pet or a health problem. Unless you’re forever stuck with these clowns and have chosen radical acceptance to cope with your fate…make your life easier and kick these people to the curb. They genuinely make your life miserable. It has taken me years to finally put a name on this toxic behavior and acknowledge years of abuse. GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE

[@recoveringsoul755]

It's not possible. They won't ever let go of us. They're allowed to move on, get remarried, but we are not allowed to even live, smile, have a moment of happiness or even privacy. I'm certain there is cybercrime stalking going on. Burglary, break ins, hacking emails, phone is cloned or something. My phone "thinks" it's in places I have never been. Lately it's been telling me the weather in another state, when it used to only be my city. Even though my location is off for a decade They sabotage any effort to have your own life I just assume he's watching me, reading everything I type, and listening to every word. Knows every password.

[@xxKaTxx]

I think the term "my narc" is referring to the person in their life that made them come find this content and try to understand what it is that they went through. I personally have closed the door and am thriving, but many might be seeking to validate their feelings that they're not crazy. Gaslighting is really a huge part of being in a narcassistic relationship, and being made to think you're crazy or at fault for the behaviors is very common. I always give a bit of grace for people who are situationally or emotionally still trapped in their circumstances. But yes, run fast and far is my advice as well.

[@jacalli]

When you have kids with them you are stuck forever

[@my_humble_opinion4019]

@@xxKaTxx I agree. Finding this content online and reading about what narcissism is…and isn’t helped me as well as so many others. The gaslighting will make you crazy and living with and having to deal with these people will carve out your soul.

[@SnacckyChanT]

​@@my_humble_opinion4019sadly some of us are left financially stuck with these narcd or have a kid/kids with them. They use this to their advantage to continue this abuse 😶. Otherwise we would've gotten out sooner. Telling people to get out without a plan or place to go isn't good advice.

[@xxKaTxx]

8:30 thank you for addressing that some of these thoughts can be entirely based on conspiracies and dellusional thoughts that justify their behavior - in my experience, they build a reality and get angry if you dispute or disprove it, and it's because you can't function "on their level" (well, yeah, I don't function outside of reality, correct lol)

[@MentalHealness]

yea it can be a wild mindset

[@marti77k84]

Mine has every single one of these , but I believe he has phyco traits , like talking to himself , hearing voices , thinking I’m a delusion and physical abuse w/o remorse

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@926paaja]

Get out today!!!! You can do it safely!!!

[@marti77k84]

@@926paaja I'm out

[@lolxd9396]

I understand wanting a happy, success in life, wanting a better life, and beauty. Why the need for power and control? And treating others like lesser beings, what's up with that? Justifying treating others badly, that is inexcusable. Thank you Lee.🙏😎

[@brendaleverick3655]

You're one of the nicer behaving narcissists on KZbin. I've come across several mean and hateful ones. I COULD say their names too. And, may yet. Just not today. And, I think you are a wonderful actor. I think you could be a successful actor. I'd like to see you in comedies.

[@MentalHealness]

i appreciate it. there are some narcissists on here that are still toxic

[@tranquility9325]

He's been on a show called Fatal Attraction

[@staceystrukel1917]

I agree, I argue about the diagnosis thing all the time. If I have cancer but I haven’t been diagnosed with it yet don’t I still have cancer? Narcissists generally don’t seek help and that is part of the disorder. Society has no idea the number of people who are NPD because they don’t get help.

[@ladyvirgo013]

Exactly

[@DeusExGladius]

Came across your channel and this feels like a checklist of someone I'm currently dealing with in my life. Thank you for posting this

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

19:25 That is so true they give you the 'easier said than done' answer...

[@LovinLife693]

There is not 1 thing I can dispute here! I'm speechless...EVERY word spoken here..0 lies!

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@JoshxIZ]

Thanks for this video! The "can't take criticism" and lack of empathy/ seeing the other persons point or view explains a lot.

[@Rainbowgoth5]

This is one of my most favourite videos you have done to date!!! Not only because you explains each trait in detail you also fine tuned each one because you have experienced them or still do at times. It’s my top 3 favourite after the toxic run and diaper head

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you ♥️

[@namimindyaw1201]

Hi Lee, please discuss covert narcissists because my husband is not the grandiose type - he’s more sensitive, has empathy but loses ALL empathy ones you upset him, especially repeatedly. So he empathises with people of the world, just not his close family because family tends to cause repeated irritations.

[@lisaharlan618]

You just described my mother.... She tried to make out like it was me..... But all I saw was her. Thank you for your honesty. 🙏🏾🖤

[@colleenjarvis6820]

I meet my husband when I was only 19. I got pregnant after only 3 months. We have 2 wonderful children. I was so naive & trusting through the years. Now 35 years later after he left me over a text message from an old male friend I’m just realizing how terrible he was the whole time. He constantly said whenever we had problems that it was me & I’m the one that needed therapy not him. After he saw that I was in contact with the male friend he sent facebook messages to a former coworker of mine that I have a special mother/daughter like relationship with, saying I was a horrible person. He also sent messages like that to my sisters & mother. He said he was going to go to one of male coworkers house to tell him how horrible I am too. Watching your explanations has really helped me to understand now what I totally missed all these years. My self esteem is now being restored.

[@namimindyaw1201]

There are the grandiose ones and the covert ones - who are basically undercover narcissists. This second type is harder to spot. Their ‘self importance’ comes out in different ways - wanting or needing attention, loving being ‘loved’ and getting admiration.

[@deezgex]

Im guilty of doing some of these things myself but not to a degree to treat someone hateful or to ignore or just dissappear from their life for periods of time. This pretty much nailed my ex 100%

[@Inkpinkierosie]

Projecting go to therapy...

[@deezgex]

@Inkpink2 one time months ago she blew up on me, then after I went and it temporarily got resolved had msg me sorry she subconsciously hurt me etc etc and was projecting onto me things that were not our faults. Thsts how it was said. This go around she got so toxic it didnt mstter how calm I responded or she only picked out 1 or 2 things from all i said to re attack me

[@kimsanders8262]

Yes

[@laurapavone3513]

Codependency is at the bottom of any relationship with a narcissist

[@deezgex]

@Inkpink2 yea i wasn't referring to the traits specific. Ive made so many comments im confuzed. Been confuzed since all this happened to me 6 months ago. My ex is the reason i started researching during our relationship because she went from the victim of all from her past to doing it to me but telling me im playing a victim everytime i called her out on her treatment towards me being wht things are geting worse. Then it be she all in love and im great. Then not again. Tell me she is fragile while belittling me, then poof be cold days later and break up and act like she is on a level im not on but she tried and I wouldn't wake up etc etc

[@andreaherron968]

Unfortunately my mom is the first narcissist i encountered

[@MyTubey101]

Dude all 9 of these fit my relatives, we have a generational curse of narcissism

[@deliapena342]

Glad I came across your channel. This confirms so much in my partner, and what I've been going through. I questioned myself all these years and one day I actually called him a narcissist several times, and his reply was always the same. Ok Einstein, your so educated, just keep listening to whatever the white man is putting in your head. It got to be too much for me, so I decided to leave the relationship. My stress levels were off the charts. It's sad when you love someone that refuses to see what others are seeing. I realized this when I thought about how he was fine when I agreed with him, but hurtful and unbearable when I didn't.

[@dumpmail-xz2qp]

my ex narc friend loooves to brag about her achievements, but it was other people who worked hard to help her get there while she did the minimum. Some really do love to rub their success to mock those who struggle in life

[@recoveringsoul755]

Wow, jealous for how i was raised. He was!! Always said derogatory things about my upbringing and my parents and siblings. As if being better off than his parents was a bad thing, or even anything i had control over. And it's like it made me feel like i had to defend myself or i had to LOWER myself because I obviously didn't deserve the good childhood i had. So he made me feel like i deserved LESS. AND HE ABSOLUTELY tried to steal it all.

[@MentalHealness]

😑😮‍💨

[@GSV845]

Same here!!!

[@breelouise3587]

18:23 this is what confused me. He has a lot of love for little dogs and cats. But I have heard him swear and scream at his poor dog. But usually has a lot of empathy for dogs. So weird

[@jayjellobean]

I'm proud of you, peer. I'm not a narc, but I am a recovering asshole that's working the 12 Steps. You use a lot of excellent interventions that I use. PAUSE!! Ask myself if this thing i want to do is based in resentment, dishonesty, selfishness or fear. I ask/pray for a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity. Usually I find God speaking through another woman with more experience, strength and hope. Also! I'm ecstatic that you understand that happiness is created by YOU! Thanks, Lee. Grow on!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@munchkinmunchkin]

This is the best explanation of what a narcissist is - I’ve been watching so many videos that are quite vague, and your breakdown is sooo helpful

[@dmj8020]

I love how long this was. I listen as I’m falling asleep it helps me not to call. Mine was schizophrenic cluster b who was physical mentally financially abusive. Now I have perm bodily injuries. Would love more long videos !

[@cathleenburton-noble418]

Interesting. I can listen to Lee, Dr Ramni, Rebecca Zung, etc. anytime near bedtime. It's a massive trigger. Maybe it's because my soon-to-be ex was so violent(tried to shove me from a moving car), or maybe because it's because I'm only 3 months out, still hyper-vigilant, and still having having night terrors. I just can't listen at night.

[@katierosealexander8132]

Mine once admitted that felt nothing for others. His close friend was dying but he in rare honest moment confessed felt nothing at all and thought he should. But mask came back fast

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

8:24 My narcissistic cousin acts like that... He'll say things like I think like a manager and you wouldn't understand that because your are just an employee... Well I'm just an employee because I am an artist, content creator and a graphic designer who is more concerned with building my brand than moving up a corporate ladder, so I'm just working until my business takes off, but he always finds a way to elevate himself above me and everyone else...

[@lizzieshee8660]

He always told me that I don’t understand him and that the things he said are beyond me too deep for me understand

[@taramyers9799]

You are solid and your honesty in your personality traits -good or bad, prove that you are grounded, you’re secure, and you certainly know what you’re talking about. You are doing such a wonderful service here and I appreciate you. 😊

[@Carol-uk5ee]

Excellent information,very informative!!

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you

[@rubystrange372]

I wish people would do a better job at explaining what this actually looks like. It's not just as obvious as "I am important just because". It can look more like "my needs are more important" or " my feelings are more important" or " what I did is so much more then what others do"

[@nickibanks5185]

I'm not a narcissist but I would / do think that you should get more followers because you are one of the first to have a narcissist channel that is!! A narcissist & because you have consistently put out material and support, books etc You have done & still are doing the the work , privately & publicly. there's your... blowing smoke up your ass supply today... You've earned it 👍

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙌🏾

[@1969tb]

This is describing my ex to a T. The term he would use is "being conscious " He made it seem like he was this special person who had ensight on things that no one else had. While at the same time his life was a disaster because of his poor decisions at 60 years old !!!!

[@cathyjennings5580]

Arrogance? Importance. Entitled to have everything they desires. Want it ALL!!! ??😮??

[@cathyjennings5580]

Happiness is a CHOICE TO BE. HAPPY TO HAVE LIFE. CHOICE TO BE HAPPY!!! SELF IMPORTANCE.

[@talkinfanci]

My ex had temporary empathy & in that (low) empathy there was no integrity. The empathy made the narc feel grandiose, giving to panhandlers, giving loans to family she knew wouldn’t pay her back, taking me on many trips, but the flip side would be awful..

[@MentalHealness]

🥺

[@neri1787]

My ex narc ALWAYSSSS needed praise for his looks and his “boinker”! I was a victim and OF COURSE I praised him and told him he was the best all the while wanting to yell at him “I’ve had better”😂😂 and oh my God!!!! He was an Ironworker and of course all other trades sucked and he would treat people that earned less money so bad… and he was aggressive 😮…. 34 days no contact 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@IMTinaMarieJ]

Thank u for this video. 1 year later and ur content is still soooo validating and im proud of your progress Lee

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@tanyacivic]

All gems are being dropped here!

[@michellewebb6493]

I was told in a rage and drunkenness, "you don't know my heart, your dogs know my heart, but you don't "

[@tonilavoh904]

Gratitude for your honesty

[@jessicawooding5442]

I'm glad I watched til the very end. When you plugged your children's book, tears were suddenly burning my eyes. That was unexpected proof that, although your journey isn't over, you've come a very long way. To manifest something targeting children in the hopes of influencing them to not turn away from themselves and develop narcissism or other Cluster B disorders, shows that you have come back to yourself enough to have great empathy. And so much so that it would inspire you to do for those who need the message most. Nip it in the bud 💯

[@bettycarmella1127]

I appreciate you Lee! Blessings🙏🏽

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@dommiepooh85]

I just got out of a relationship with this type of person. My situation was horrible! He told me, "if he could control me his life would b easier." I was alienated from my friends and family, was told what to ware, if I walked away during an argument he'd call my 20 times in a half hour, and tell me adults don't walk away from situations. Called ppl in my phone contacts and my social media account and told folks they couldn't talk to me anymore. Told me, he was jealous of me because I had friends. I couldn't look a man in the face, he hacked into my FB account and deleted ppl off my page. He put me down, called me names and would even start arguments with me then call his family on the phone for them to listen to me going off, then he tells them I'm crazy! And lastly his drinking brought out the worst in him and his rage. Which lead from verbal and mental mistreatment to physical. Then he'd apologize and tell me I don't understand him. I went through 2 1/2 yrs of hell

[@MarciaSantos-ox1fk]

I got goosebumps reading your comment- I’m going through the same thing and I fear for my life 😞

[@sumitrabluefrog1258]

It’s been said there’s no cure for NPD. Might there be healing, though? What if a person becomes truly God-centered instead of self-centered? What if a person shifts his identity from a servant of self to a servant to God? What if he becomes mindful of selflessness as the ultimate attainment in life?

[@ladyvirgo013]

They think they are God. They won't repent, they don't acknowledge they have issues.

[@megannewell5118]

Ty for going over these 9 points.

[@karrynlipsett5187]

My narc 'ex" is all of them to varying degrees. He even said he was jealous of what myself & my late man had. He commented about the area I grew up & how smart I was, he instantly hated half of my friends without even meeting them, he left his newborn son bc he wasn't good enough & he said some nasty things about his son. He mega love bombed me, I offered advice on something & I got shouted at for always criticising him, then 2 months later would say he had decided to take my 'advice'. He so had a God complex, didn't like his single parent mum but had good to say about his dad who left with another woman whe he & his bro were 2 & 4 yrs old, bc he sent good Xmas presents. He was always talking about how good 'he' would have it when 'he' got his pc business up & running. So just absolutely full of fake love, bitternes, hate, jealousy... nasty piece of work who in highinsight actually groomed me from the start. & it didn't end well after I left bc I knew what he was. Ended in a court of law for domestic abuse with him 1 & a half yrs After we broke up.🙈

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@1978tracel]

How is ur therapist, he did a great job

[@MentalHealness]

I chose a woman. She’s great

[@MakeMeLo]

Self hatred and feeling ugly and not good enough are some too. The grandiose is to cover them up.

[@mint_soup9743]

Some I couldn't say for certain I can only guess. What I can say is the ones that resonate are so damaging to me and others, he may as well be! If he's using all the tactics narcs use at some point it tips the scales for me where I look at the behaviors more than the "why" behind them. Lying, cheating, triangulating, gaslighting. Stonewalling, Withholding truth, withholding affection, weaponizing vulnerabilities.... at what point can you pathologically do all these things and NOT be a narc? Then what are you? I'd genuinely like to know. To actively enjoy hurting people... seems like that alone should qualify someone for something. I just dont know quite what is the proper word.

[@Terri-us1et]

From victim services there was a questioaire and I checked every box yes for him. He didn't like that very much. I too had some boxes checked. At the end I was mean back. I told him the truth what he did through text. I felt guilty. I know he will use it to make it look like he was abused. It's called reactive abuse. Having Stockhoom Syndrome. He is milking that for all its worth. I was abused in my childhood told him what I went through. He made me relive everything. I was trapped in a locked up house boarded up windows This jealousy I don't understand Lee. He always said he was jealous. If anybody got close to me I got in a lot of trouble. 1 day some young fella gave me a bag of grocery From the supermarket and I was in so much trouble. I thought jealousy meant fear of losing someone. It wasn't for all his abusive behavior in control I did love him I would never have left him if he was a normal person.

[@duck9886]

My ex told me he wanted it all and that’s when I knew we would never work and nothing will make him happy. The way they think is insane

[@Terri-us1et]

I just heard you say this is the longest video what's wrong with the long video I really enjoy listening to you and I'm sure so many people do talk talk talk. That's how I see it I've learned so much so share continue to share

[@Saidwhatisaid11]

Narcs go for external things to achieve happiness - so right. I had an ex that focused on all external things while sitting in my bed, spilling their depression, and addiction issues- and how horrible they felt on the inside. . And refused to do the inner work- I recommended they do psychotherapy- bad idea. To your point, they became resentful. Failing to realize- you can move all around the world and find many relationships- if you don’t do the inside work you’ll still feel the same and find yourself search for your next dopamine boost in a few months once those feelings creep back up. It was a harsh pattern. I got tf away obviously. Did enough to be discarded by them - so that they wouldn’t ever come back or use me as a supply. Worked like a charm, they’re still stalkerish though.

[@_Renee2]

I grew up with a mother who constantly set herself apart from the rest. The snide comments and constant comparison. The damage this does to a child...

[@MentalHealness]

😫

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

23:02 Sounds like my narcissistic cousin cus he was raised by my narcissistic aunt that neglected her kids and allowed their abuse, I tried to step in and help him and his siblings and though I was the reason many times they ate, or got out the house, he always say well you didn't have to go through what I went through, like anything I went through or go through is nothing because of what he went through...if any of this makes sense and what's crazy is I seen the shift when he became narcissistic, cus he wasn't always that way...

[@MentalHealness]

🥺🥺🙏🏽

[@moniqueboatfield]

Outside in vs inside out…that’s a good word.

[@MentalHealness]

‼️🙏🏽

[@julieoliphant1615]

This narcissist in town is a short man who has latched onto me, and he resents me for being a teacher and getting summers off. He walks his dog where I live, and I’ll be darned if he can read my mind. I go out to walk, and there he is. First he said, “Happy 4th of July.” Then, he said, “After 4th of July, it’s down hill from there and school will start soon.” Suffice to say, I did not have a happy 4th. I didn’t even go outside to see the fireworks.

[@MentalHealness]

😩😩

[@Sylvia-jy6jv]

That reminds me when my ex said to me : "Any decisions that I feel is good for the family I will make it without your opinions". I remember an other episode in my life with my ex, he was kicking me out and I was crying in front of him but he had no reactions I was more heart broken but I understand why now.I saw him cry once in 18 years being with me and that was because I had brought up some of his flaws so that was a cry of manipulation. yes he always use to say to me the exact thing you said: "You have life easy, you just open a tap and water comes out of it but when I was small I had to walk for it for miles".

[@MentalHealness]

😫😮

[@shannonpickens7695]

These are definitely true. He grew up around the old bikers from the 70’s where a woman was considered property. The control the belittling, the “show no weakness” was almost inherited down to him from his uncles and father - older men from the club 🤦‍♀️

[@amyfuentes6223]

Hi Lee/, you’re always on point!!

[@SheilaDay-k6q]

Informative video especially from a diagnosed narcissist. I applaud you for having had the guts to look at yourself and the ability to reflect on the fact that you needed help. You reflect on and see the nature of your thoughts, then go to what you now know is authentic thinking and behavior and move forward. God bless you.

[@russellcrowe187]

Mine has 5 of the 9 and she has never cried never yelled has not talked to me for weeks let bills pile up,let dishes/ clothes pile up denial of any wrongdoing and totally blaming me for questioning or saying i think certain ways

[@googleuser2480]

I said the same thing about autism in a community post and got attacked by Karens. Long story, but all I said was symptoms show prior to the age in which they're old enough to be diagnosed. I guess those people think symptoms show the very day a toddler turns 18 months old. 😕

[@kadlacdixon-thedrawmylifep3293]

1:26 True I was losing my vision for years and misdiagnosed several times until I was finally diagnosed with my rare eye disease but even before being diagnosed I still was legally Blind, being diagnosed just put a label on it... So if we go with what they are saying, if the person can do all these horrible things Lee is explaining, in the manner he's explaining, would it even be plausible that they are not narcissistic??? That doesn't make sense, I say if they fit the description, convict them

[@MentalHealness]

‼️‼️

[@shaneyfirth7066]

Got to love the honesty

[@SavoryPlate]

This was such a helpful video thank you Lee!!

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@lady_Atekpilubanga]

Covert narcissistic people lose it when they did you wrong and you hold them accountable.

[@MyTubey101]

They go Bat 💩 CRAY-CRAY !!!! They're the worst ones

[@926paaja]

Yes yes yes And then you/ I end up losing it bc they are so out of pocket

[@colombianminxfitnessreviews]

YES! Last night I confronted him sexting another woman. He turned it on me and didn’t accept accountability. He just asked if I’m breaking US up. ME breaking us up?! Nah, YOU sir broke us up. Then he said it’s my fault for reading his sexting messages lmao!!!

[@Ratsfrom42]

Damn this is my brother to a T. I’ve been gaslighting myself about it trying to convince myself it’s fine and giving benefit of the doubt but nope I will gaslight myself no more! Thank you for sharing the video and your experiences.

[@pinkheartfairy]

Love your honesty ...thankyou😊

[@PolaroidTeevee]

Love Your Work Mate. You've helped me alot on my journey.

[@deezgex]

Is it normal for them to flip on you, rage on you, guit you, make it your fault and tell you you don't see what you do as if they are a victim in a simple discussion all while belittling you, ignore you after comparring you to someone else then break up and flip the attitude as they are so much more then you, better without you and your the cause of everything neg they felt, physicalky, emotionally and the cause if them literally geting sick all after they had straight out told you how fragile and needy they are?

[@Missybella92227]

Omgosh; ex covert Narc has all 9😱 He was constantly saying his coworkers, neighbor and myself were “hating.” He had cameras in his apt. the last year I was with him he added more cameras outside. He told me that I have know idea how many people don’t like him.

[@MentalHealness]

😮😮

[@xxKaTxx]

oooo I was on camera all the time too - he had CCTV in the house (well half because he sold drugs he was too "good" to get a job they never appreciated him or paid him enough or he knew more than them etc) but he had cameras everywhere. I had ZERO privacy. Then he would take clips of the DVR and show his friends and make fun of me. Good times!

[@wittykitty3748]

@@xxKaTxx now that’s insane! Is it even legal?

[@xxKaTxx]

@@wittykitty3748 well, as his wife (edit: FORMER wife), and already having been in the relationship for years, I was well and gaslit. When every move is watched, you feel like you cannot get away even if you want to. Also, I was isolated from friends and family, so no help there at the time. I also know that cameras around your home, are legal. I didn't think at the time to try to do something legally, because I was more concerned about getting through each day. Looking back? In FL I think you can record w/o someone's knowledge, as long as one person in the recording is aware (even if it's you recording) but since I knew of the cameras, that (back then) seemed like implied consent. If that makes sense. LOL

[@wittykitty3748]

@@xxKaTxx yeah sounds like classic narc abuse…I’m so sorry. Sending u some positive energy 💞

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

My ex was annoyed when I was crying. That is so sick. And he said he didn’t feel like a man ….

[@LRS11B]

Thanks Coach Lee. Tell us how people become narcissists. That would be helpful