What Causes Avoidant Personality Disorder?

This video describes some of the etiological theories for avoidant personality disorder. Possible etiological factors for avoidant personality disorder include genetics, trauma, physical abuse, and neglect. Lower levels of the expression of parental love and pride, parental intolerance, and guilt-engendering parental behavior are also associated with the development of avoidant personality disorder. A trait named behavioral inhibition is associated with avoidant personality disorder. Behavioral inhibition includes shyness, avoiding new experiences, avoiding strangers, and increased sensitivity and anxiety reactivity. Behavioral inhibition is a temperamental factor that is largely thought of as genetic.
One theory of why neglect and abuse and behavioral inhibition appear to be tied to the development of avoidant personality disorder is that the neglect and emotional abuse caused feelings of worthlessness. A person can feel that they are re not worthy of being loved because of the way they were treated. they don't see others as safe or supportive as they grow up so they tend to develop feelings of mistrust. This mistrust can be viewed as arrogant and it can make other people not want to interact with that individual. This leads to increased isolation, which leads back to a lower level of trust. There is a cycle that gets started with the abuse and the neglect and carries on into adolescence and adulthood.

[@LesterBrunt]

The most annoying phrase in my life “You’re so quiet!”.

[@MissBliss818]

Lester Brunt if someone says that to me, it’s the worst thing they could do because unless I get my avpd taken care of, I’ll never be able to interact with that person ever again

[@BFGFF42]

Use it wisely, it serves you as a filter for avoiding loud ones and overconfident idiots.

[@slimj091]

"You need to smile more"

[@texresident7026]

It means the person who tells you that is a loudmouth.

[@runtvision6544]

Definitely one of the worst. I always enjoyed the 'just talk to her'

[@Dogcatlover2432]

My shyness and quietness was shamed when I was growing up. I grew up believing something was wrong with me.

[@waydebaker33]

This comment really helped me. Thank you. You're beautiful.

[@janettejack7316]

I'm sick of being called anti social, boring and a loner. The thing is I so desperately want a connection with people and a bunch of friends. It makes me so frustrated and paralysed !!!

[@sunnymarchflymcgee]

How old are you. Because if you are young just move overseas. Kids i knew growing up always had that glow in their eye after coming back. You literally have nothing to lose

[@Alex-mc5yn]

@@sunnymarchflymcgee I moved, not overseas, but to a different city. Kept spiraling down, dropped out, had some rejection and bullying and now I'm back at square 1.

[@undeadpresident]

@@sunnymarchflymcgee I had that glow in my eyes after coming back from my travels. But then returning to the old environment pulled me down again when I came back. The USA is a very sick country. People don't trust each other because everyone is selling something and you can't tell who is fake or not and everyone is afraid of losing their job if they act real. And people are very proud and opinionated, and materialistic and uptight as well. So many fake people and backstabbers...

[@chanelknight6880]

Same , I always get called a grandma. I hate it 😥

[@pretender52]

@@undeadpresident it's not just USA my friend but rather is sort of human condition where everything's going about money and "I". From my perspective it's Godless society that we live in where good is considered bad and the bad good...

[@Geep1778]

i think it’s caused by parents that blow up at their kids for every mistake and therefore in adult hood fear that outburst coming at every confrontation

[@fredworthmn]

You too? Hard to function when fear is the first response from childhood. Never gets better. Took a personality test and they accused me of lying. "No one feels like that!" But I do and still do. So much for the VA.

[@quickpstuts412]

My parents never helped me with any emotional issues and I always felt I had to deal with things by myself. They weren't major issues but I just remember never feeling comfortable ever opening up if I had sadness, anxiety or negative emotions. So maybe emotional neglect is my issue. My parents weren't good with dealing with communication when they were upset. Maybe I was never taught to handle negative things. I never even desired a family due to fear of opening up to people. I've gotten really good at faking around people so people assume I'm more social or happier than I really am inside. I feel like my whole life has been an act. No one really knows the real me.

[@davidfrost901]

That's me too.

[@tiffanygrimsely14]

I am sorry. I wish you the best and I am sorry that you had to go through the pain. The pain is what will make you stronger. Feel the pain that you have buried and feel it let it come up and ask God to gentle take it away.

[@jackgalmitz1883]

Cut to the quick: when a person undergoes constant ridicule and their sense of self is attacked by others, then they (me) will most certainly develop a tendency to avoid social contact. You seem to be looking for early childhood traumas as causative, but I assure you a grown man/woman will develop avoidance socially if they are abused by others.

[@Rosie-u3e]

"of course you don't have any friends all you did was sit at home" After constantly being bullied everywhere at school.

[@navajodoll6320]

This made me cry because I am so lonely and have always been a “outcast” . I wish I was easy going.

[@fonsworthhiggenbothim3680]

I've heard that "Rent a friend" has helped some people. I think even for those with a broken upbringing, individual change is still possible, but still lot's of work. You'll make it.

[@SwayTree]

I don't have good news... You can be social and feel good around people in general and still have avoidant personality. Like me. I seem to be this nice girl that everyone likes. But I fail horribly at forming deep and meaningful relations with other people. I am lonely. Never in anyones group of friends. No one really cares how I feel because I've never let anyone close enough to make them care. I am alone in a room full of "friends". It's killing me. I do everything on my own not because I like it this way but because no one is willing to go with me.

[@violent_bebop9687]

It's tough trying to always "fit" in. After while, I'm like....whatever....!

[@yourbore]

I'm sorry you feel lonely. Ive struggled with the same emotions. Ive been going to church and going out more with a few friends. We have to fight it but remember we are not alone. God loves you!

[@MarxistKnight]

I feel guilty because I have AVPD and severe depression, even though I have a very loving and supportive family. However, from talking with a counsellor for almost 2 years, I've realised how my family unintentionally put me down a lot or made me doubt myself without realising it. Like, if ever I wanted to try something new, their first reaction would be to talk me out of it because they were overly protective, or if I made a decision or answered a question, they'd always say "are you sure?" or "what do you want to do that for?". For instance, I went to do a triathlon the other week and although when I finished they were immensely proud, when I first told them, their reaction was "what?? Do you really think you can do that? I think you'll struggle." You don't have to suffer something akin to 'abuse' to develop deep insecurities or anxieties in early life.

[@TheMistressMisery]

@wqzlfhegdvarxpisbumoctyj although undiagnosed, based on all the information, I'd say I would check the box for AVPD as well. With that said, I've oftentimes pushed myself to do things that would normally be viewed as "impossible" for someone with AVPD, but that's the entire point, to push yourself out of your comfort zone to prove to yourself that you CAN do it. It's by no means easy or fun most of the time, but possible depending on the severity of your mental health and your willingness to rise to a challenge

[@itismeagainbitisnotme2328]

I know this is a year old but... how about keep a journal of when your family is encouraging and when their not. Keep it for a month or a year. When ready, you can analyze it and see the pattern. If they are being discouraging or not being supportive you can write a letter or even show them this journal. Let them see what they are doing and how it effects you. If they are not open to this you may want to think about whether or not they are toxic to you and keep away from them. Or call them out when they do it. Learning better communication skills to talk about it with them could be a good idea. Goodluck

[@itismeagainbitisnotme2328]

@gbmpyzochwfdisurjklvanetxq why the fuck are you writing that to someone who is struggling. A person can have problems and instead of giving up they rise to the challenge. That's how we learn and grow. You have three obvious options. You could could stop posting asshole remarks or think about it and change. Or you can just continue to be a KZbin troll.

[@ellenanderson9535]

MarxistKnight OMG THAT HUGE THAT YOU DID THAT CONGRATULATIONS !

[@khakis69]

I relate to this. I don't think it was as bad, but mostly my sister did that to me. My parents weren't always around, and they weren't really emotionally available, so I just wanted to have my sister to look up to. But she just constantly judged me and made me feel like dirt. Like I couldn't be excited about anything or proud of myself for anything because she'll be there judging me. I don't remember her ever being supportive.

[@lunagregoria8827]

I grew up with a core value “treat people the way you want to be treated” so I was nice and supportive to others. But when I became an adult I was around controlling, inflexible and mean people that made me feel weak for being kind. It caused confusion and anxiety. The expectation was that people would return the kindness, but they didn’t. I couldn’t go out without getting hurt, so I stopped giving people chances to hurt me.

[@lucywhite4949]

I seem to fall into the minority of people with AVPD who weren't physically abused, but suffered neglect and emotional abuse growing up.

[@bjc215]

[@SpaceCattttt]

I don't think physical abuse is a requirement at all. I certainly wasn't abused in that way. If anything, I was rather spoiled as a child. But then I was bullied all throughout school, and I suppose that's when things changed. However, bullying is very common, and it's rare that someone is lucky enough to completely escape it. But people also react very differently to being bullied. Some grow stronger as a result, whereas others retreat into their own world. So in that sense, I think it's more than likely that some people are simply genetically predisposed to be hypersensitive and react to bullying by displaying avoidant symptoms that can easily develop into a full-blown disorder if left untreated during the critical years of puberty, or even later on. I went to therapists when my problems began in the early 90s. But at that time, AvPD was never really discussed or taken seriously, so no one really knew what to do. So they gave me the standard antidepressant treatment, which unfortunately rarely works with cases like these. And it's really only now that the medical field has started to catch up, which could be good news for you. But for me, it happened quite a few years too late.

[@philipbarbossa]

Same here

[@kirahb5757]

Same. My mom was an alcoholic and a narcissist. She's no longer an alcoholic, but she's still a narcissist.

[@stephenkelly2779]

Lucy White i'm same lucy i have ptsd due to my childhood neglect from my mum, and severe bullying at school.

[@aryanmia9281]

I've lost count of how many times I have wished to be dead than to wake up to another day of agonising suffering. Because my wounds are inside me no one knows or can see how big they are. I merely exist, I don't have a life!

[@HighSierraDawn]

There was nowhere that was safe. No soft place to fall. No love. No belonging anywhere. Only mocking, ridicule, beatings. To this day I wall myself in and hide tiptoeing around my own house as if someone is going to come around the corner and scream, hurt , or embarrass me in front of people. Moving almost 2000 miles away thinking that getting away from the abuser would make that feeling of not being accepted go away and it never does. I will never be good enough. Never be perfect enough.

[@justjolly1858]

Dawn the OG Me too :( ...I'm so sorry

[@dervlamurphy1236]

Dawn the OG you write well, judging from how you wrote this short comment.

[@ellenanderson9535]

Dawn the OG I'm sorry you were hurt no one should have to go through that - peace

[@catherinegrimm4198]

You may have complex PTSD. It is treatable. In the meantime, take ownership of your personal space. Love yourself by cooking good meals and arranging your home how you like it to establish who you are and how you like things. Give yourself love and time to heal. Throw away the burden of perfection. Try things and remember learning involves failure. So you fail. Get back on your horse so you can ride. You go, girl. Love you!

[@eminemilly]

@@dervlamurphy1236 I was going to say the same thing. Lots of imagery and feeling.

[@sdw_taylor738]

I can't make a phone call or answer. It makes life hell

[@arikaGME]

Surviving Kel I have the same issue I hate it. I know that the phone can’t physically hurt me... but I still fear it.

[@stinetrans7120]

Me too. If i can get away with it, I only text or e-mail people😳

[@AqierDesigns]

I had that 3 or 4 years back. Panick attacks and huge social anxiety aswell. This now sounds very dumb to you, I know, I thought the same back than. But I started just doing it. Just calling people and going out, finding a job. After like 6months, I was able to do all of it without having panick attacks anymore. Now 4 years later, I work as a computer scientist, have quiet a good social live (good friends, even a girl on my side). You can do it, I know it's hard, but you cam overcome it if you can get the strength to fight it. also STOP watching porn if you do. Made a huge diffrnece for me. And start meditating 20minutes a day. It will change your way of thinking in a positive way. This will give you power to fight the fears. Good luck and you can get healthy!

[@fullmoon5495]

you are so not alone in this....I too panic about the phone or bad news in the mail....I have avoided so much....now I have been diagnosed as C-PTSD....things will get better...never give up

[@NeighborofKT]

Surviving Kel if you need to make a phone call, maybe to make an appointment, or an inquiry, write down talking points before you call. I have done that in the past, and it really helped me.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

For me I grew up in a NPD household. My mother told me how much of a disappointment I was and it was my fault her life was messed up. I was screamed at constantly, made fun of constantly, if my mother and I were in the house together for 2 straight days, we wouldn't see each other at all. When I started hanging out with ppl I realized I was completely different from them. They were comfortable in their skin, were able to be themselves and expression themselves. All of this was foreign to me, overwhelming and I had no clue how to be like that. I was the quiet awkward girl, so I was easily made fun of. I wanted to date and have a bf but I wasn't allowed to, didn't know how and no guys knew I existed. Ppl would tried and hook me up but my insecurities would prevent me from going or I would be super quiet when I did go. I was labeled boring with no personality. I am in my late 30s now and still suffer from this. But here is the thing, I want to get out there but I really don't know how and am amazed at ppl who can just socialize like breathing. It takes some much just for me to go to a relative's house.

[@Rlllllshbsjjs1]

My mother was very inconsistent, very smothering, emotionally neglectful and verbally abusive. I am working on changing my belief that people who get close to me will not act the same way.

[@mrssmith6347]

I was neglected and never spoken to. I was told I was stupid, ugly and nobody would want me. I never developed social skills and am emotionally stunted. I remember trying to kill my self at age 9. I’ve had depression and anxiety all my life and the worse thing about it is not knowing what was wrong with me. I thought I was broken. To finally have a diagnosis is a relief. I’m not broken, I am the result of my parents neglect. It’s not my fault.

[@gregoryagogo]

There's a large degree of 'sensitivity' for me. Everything is overwhelming, and to remedy those feelings I avoid...which I didn't even know I was doing until last few years. By 48, the pattern is set... all of my life choices led me to being in a small box, that is now painful.

[@ellenanderson9535]

Gregory May you are not alone -

[@eladbari]

Are you a father, despite that?

[@quickpstuts412]

I'm close to your age and can relate.

[@seanelgie]

Thanks for sharing, that last sentence has some major weight to it. Really provides some heavy insight into the disorder.

[@battistimo]

I’m in the same boat. I’m 53. All alone. And homeless.

[@Jurnicurn]

Wish I found the off switch so I could live my life.

[@turkrane12]

I love being alone and think groups of people are the ones who need help dealing with the fear of life and death.

[@pilgrim985]

I stumbled across this video... Until now, I’ve never heard of “avoidant personality disorder” but from the description, it sounds like me. I come from a broken home, nothing but fighting parents all the time dragging me into it, each parent using me as leverage against the other! Now, I’m 45 years old (in a few days) and I’m single and keep to myself. I have no interest in marriage or having an emotional/intimate relationship with anyone! I have the greatest friends anyone could ever wish for but I prefer my solitude. If I’m out in public and I see someone I know, I will do all I can to get away from them because I just want to be left alone and it makes me anxious when I have to socially interact with others. I don’t like people hugging or touching me or even shaking my hand! I’m positive I’m this way because of my broken childhood and if I’m being completely honest, I’m angry at my parents for being so irresponsible! On the other hand, I can say that I have adapted well and I actually like the way I am today. Nice video!

[@mireillelebeau2513]

Yep I can relate thanks

[@MichaelYoder1961]

I think it's not only as children that we can feel neglected or abused - lots of adults (me included) have experienced this type of neglect and worthlessness (from instructors, bosses, etc.). I'm a hermit these days - not from anything my mother did, but from instructors and work situations that left me feeling "not good enough"

[@xander7ful]

I have APD. I had emotional neglect & emotional abuse growing up, but not physical abuse. I was guilt-tripped a lot for no good reason - just because I was different. I also was sent messages, in various forms, from family, that I was unworthy. The cycle of mistrust & avoidance is a vicious circle that feeds on itself. I sometimes feel I am also Schizoid, but that is only when I don't care that I'm alone all the time. Thanks for this video. It helped confirm my experience.

[@wilmas7535]

But do you really not care or is it to protect yourself from the pain of being alone? I find myself doing the same

[@ohmyyoutube1386]

Thats not even bad like stfu

[@idudheebsbzdudbdhddh]

@@ohmyyoutube1386 lol what's wrong with you

[@chummer2060]

For me, being alone is more comfortable because I don't have anyone watching and judging.

[@Ifyernotawakeyet]

"...so when looking for samples of only avoidant personlity disorders, it's difficult to find..." 1:54. They've gotten pretty good at avoiding those researchers!😊

[@jasonok1436]

Paul Bryant lol thanks for the laugh

[@aakkoin]

As a child my best times were when I was home alone, without my helicoptering parents and my bullying sister. I wanted to be alone and do what I want, and I think that stuck to my personality. My attitude became "I don't care what others think", I wanted to be "my unique self" and to me that meant doing whatever stupid shit I wanted, not looking up to anyone, not doing anything I disliked, not trying hard, not committing to anything or anyone. And later that developed to a really cynical and nihilistic attitude, I pushed away people and opportunities. I closed myself off, because "I just wanted to be me". Later I realised I was a cynical childish asshole.

[@alaskanmalamute6137]

aakkoin how did you get out of that mentality and improve etc

[@eladbari]

Please elaborate on how did you 'catch' your patterns as an adult, and did you try to fix it somehow? [sounds impossible to do]

[@cydra-evolution5623]

@@eladbari It is impossible. Only becoming happy by meeting others eases the pain.

[@raestephenson7932]

@@eladbari Know you were asking someone else, but just wanted to say that, think seeing a lot of examples of "normal" behaviors/patterns, changing internalized harmful beliefs about oneself, others, and the world around oneself, and really trying to internalize normal behaviors instead, to replace old behaviors is a good way to start. Also... need to work on self-love/trust and believing in oneself. Helps to feel capable... This can be accomplished in many ways, but the important thing is to teach oneself that "You CAN accomplish things." Start small, build up belief in oneself, then keep moving up to more difficult things such as getting a/better job. Getting a pet can be healing in this way, because it's more difficult to be lonely with a companion pet, and as you care for the animal, you become GOOD AT SOMETHING. Pets all require some level of care, which requires learning new skills and information. ...As you care for him/her, you begin to see that you ARE capable and responsible, and it can help convince you of your worth and ability. There is something called "learned helpless" which is basically someone "giving up trying", because they have internalized the message that they have no control over their own destiny. They literally feel helpless, and when it was studied using dogs, what was demonstrated was giving up on one's ability to avoid PAIN or a PAINFUL EXPERIENCE. When that happens a being simply lays down and no longer attempts to escape from or avoid what is happening. Demonstrates how abuse shuts us down sort of. Have read that therapies suggested for learned helplessness should include learning new skills with support. Also, over- controlling parenting which teaches the child that someone else (usually the controlling parent) needs to do it for them, or that they can't do it right... For example in a situation where the parent(s) didn't properly teach boundaries or respect, or the parent was just too controlling, can lead to learned helplessness as well. (And other behavioral and/or cognitive issues.) The person needs to feel IN CONTROL of their own behavior and life, and they need POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. ...Read that horse back riding, sports or outdoor activities, and taking up (with a teacher) dancing, music, or other "novel" skills- activities with instruction/guidance from an outside source are best because someone else is supporting and encouraging you. This gradually builds confidence. Make sure to let your instructor know your situation (as much as you are comfortable with) and that you are trying to overcome (insert name of) issue(s), so they will be able to support you properly; and if possible, seek out someone who understands or has experience working with people in your situation. If you decide to take up an activity without support from a professional, please be careful and know your limits and how to do it safely. And be sure to praise yourself for LITTLE accomplishments as you go. Reward yourself in a healthy way so your brain feels like you are doing a good job. Read that in many cases of these cognitive/behavioral issues, lack of positive reinforcement, or praise and encouragement, were indicated as being contributors. Just for your peace of mind...the facts stated were from college psychology textbooks and they cited research, so trying these out should be safe and effective... but like all types of personal improvement, take time and sincere effort.

[@attheranch873]

For me it was being hated by one of my parents. He wanted me dead and he was very clear about it even when I was a small child. He tried to kick me up the front steps of the house when I was three. Slam into walls even when I was a teenager, ridiculed me at every opportunity. I found this description to be very accurate Dr Grande. He was sadistic and took his malevolent feelings out on me. How does a small child manage to flourish living in an atmosphere of hatred? I was surprised when I outlived him😀 Now I’ve outlived them all 🤣🤣🤣

[@digitalconsciousness]

I'm just glad there are people who understand who I am and why. This is somehow comforting. I was not physically abused, but was bullied a lot as a child. It made me hesitant to connect with people. It shaped my perception of my self-worth. It made me feel unwanted. Any negative experience from that point on with people only served to reinforce that idea. I think the most peculiar part of it all is that even though I am meta-cognizant of what is happening on a psychological level, it still governs how I interact with people. It is unavoidable. Where I think there is some misunderstanding however, is the assumption that it is a disorder. Would we classify people who avoid touching hot stoves as having a disorder? Do they not avoid it for good reason? So does the individual with an avoidant personality. They see people for who they really are, and as such, stay away.

[@simeonstarr8254]

I'm almost 60 and still dealing with this shit....🤬

[@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349]

Really ❔ Must be married to the person.

[@duskrider8817]

Hope it got better with time for you. I’m only 22, but it still messes with me when I think about how many years it’s been and how long it will go on this hard.

[@gingermummy8025]

Simeon, that’s because it’s a personality and not an illness. Personalities don’t change so much over time. An illness could be treated or even cured. I feel you, I’m soon 50, still struggling, and I think we are not alone.

[@osros]

dusk rider If there is someway to deal with this more sooner than later take steps to do so now. Im 57 and just found this and feel I have most if not all of these symptoms. Don’t live with this and just hope things gets better on its own it may not and so much time and life is wasted. I don’t have the answers but one thing that help me is to have goals either small and simple or harder and takes longer but focusing on something either helped or made me forget my issues for a while any goals you want work, personal or hobby related.

[@rjay7019]

I wasn't abused or neglected by my parents, but I was bullied for years at school and then abused both mentally and physically by my deceased husband who was a paranoid schizophrenic. I could never leave because I felt like no one would ever love me. Now that he's gone I have a really hard time with socializing with people. I tend to stay home and keep to myself.😢

[@kekort2]

I was raised on a heaping helping of shame and guilt. "Don't you think you embarrassed your teacher?" "One day I'm just going to leave and you'll never see me again." "Do we have to put you up for adoption?" Thanks, mom.

[@starburst9053]

God commands all to forgive every last bit of bitterness. I can tell its hurting you deeply. Forgiveness is a HUGGEEE pain reliever. Please consider

[@adulthumanfemale8666]

Same here. My parents used shaming (I guess they didn't know any better) in their parenting. Laid the groundwork for my AVPD.

[@miryreina925]

Omg...old parenting style. So damaging. If our parents had only known 😩. But they did the best they could. God bless u 💗

[@Rahul.Singh786]

Avodiant Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety, Low Self worth, Low Self Esteem, neglect in Childhood, Physical Abuse, emotional abuse, environmental factor, all are linked with each other and it is described in this one video and you touch all these in a single video. Wow that is amazing. definitely you understand the issue deeply and very well.

[@JayRaybeamin]

As an overweight child I was bullied often. I didn’t have many friends growing up. I buried myself in video games since I was 5. I don’t like going out really and prefer being home. I rarely answer phone calls. I dropped out of college and now am struggling to get a job. I find going out stressful... Whenever I think of an ideal job I think of one with as little social interaction as possible. Did you say cashier? Hell no. I can count how many girl friends I have had on one hand. I am a virgin and have become really content with the idea that I may never be with anyone. I am 22 years of age. I could care less if I died tomorrow, but I wouldn’t do anything extreme thinking about how it would stress my family. I have deep shame. Shame of dropping out, shame of my fear of judgement. Shame of my stagnancy. Shame of my inexperience.

[@wilmas7535]

Might be an idea to try and do a online course or something... learn a language, learn a skill (even if it doesn't lead directly to work, it helps you mentaly). Proof to yourself you are able to do something (and I promise you are!) And stop building yourself down. The only thing you can ever be guilty of is not trying. If you are, then you can't put blame on yourself.

[@saulwilliams-wilson7356]

Cbt should work

[@noamansattar]

JayRaybeamin should contemplate travel to Africa/Asia.

[@simranjotsingh6602]

i was bullied for being ugly by my peers and still i am 18 and lonely

[@pateo2211]

i would start by saying it is deeply admirable if you have avpd that you opened up by commenting here, so kudos for that :) also i find the syntagm 'shame of my inexperience' absolutely poetic, it resonates with me on such a level. suffering always creates such beautiful words. i hope you find your wei tho. p.s: pm me if you feel the need to discuss existential dread and all that jazz

[@shewho333]

I was shy with great big feelings. Mom was a super extrovert sadistic abuser with no empathy who hated my shyness. She tried to fix me by forcing me into situations, some of them with very dangerous adults, to make me “come out of my shell”. I’m just now discovering how deep the neglect went. I just remember getting my first job and being amazed that I could eat food whenever I was hungry. That was a wow.

[@keeskoekert6358]

This disorder has ruined my life. It made me go into a state of continious fear. My thoughts always end in a very negative way where I blame myself for all the problems other people experience. Even if I have some good experiences, the moment im alone, I start the self sabotaging. This results in not going into contact anymore, which results in thinking people hate me, so keeping relationships is almost undoable. I turned too sex from the age of 8 too control my emotions. Ended up in a real bad substance addiction, sex, food, whatever I can get my hands on. The disorder is stronger then ever now. I dont go out anymore, everyone left me. This is what happens when you wanna fix everything on your own from child age. Please do something about it or walk straight into hell.

[@khakis69]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can get the help you need. It's never too late.

[@JBthree24]

Diagnosed with AVPD when I was 17. I’m 34 now and handled it well since I was 28. It’s a fight every day but I’ve been so much better. My advice is...learn to love yourself FIRST. The rest will come.

[@chummer2060]

Yes! Took me a long time to get there, too. But that is great advice. I had to find a whole new group of friends that I could trust. Then I started to make progress.

[@parrotshootist3004]

How you arrive at that and finding a process that works is .. going to be longest part. Once you do a few weeks and some sense of improvement should be there. So far any way. Processing feelings. Learning to just feel them, and feel them with some love in you for them. Just observe them and let them be loved and work themselves through your body. The worse they are the more you need to feel and let them grow and be and give their message and pass. So far seems to working...

[@Bloodsaber64]

I kinda knew this was the answer. The more I look at my early childhood the angrier I am with my parents. I can remember being too young to know words, and my father beating me. My parents are monsters

[@Stefan_trekkie]

It is even more hard when you can't speak even if you wanted .. AVPD + heavy stuttering

[@scottkeys6212]

I'm not phobic of people I just don't like them.This is through experience.

[@alainerookkitsunev5605]

@@grandmajane2593 there are lots of good purpouses ofcourse. Obviously everyone gets something from interacting with other people, otherwise we woudnt interact at all. Working together for a common goal shoud be the go to.

[@DoreenBellDotan]

It's been, correctly, said of me that I love Humanity - it's people I can't stand.

[@KateeAngel]

I am very introverted, but I also had social phobia in the past. Only after I got rid of most of phobia, I realised I also don't like to spend time with people... Almost at all. I prefer to spend 95-99% of my free time by myself

[@msrhuby]

What if a person chooses to be a *hermit* and we like it that way? Not angry, not disappointed, just don't want to play the game anymore? We enjoy our own company and the company of people who also don't need to feed off the victim mentality? I consider myself an overcomer for which there is no cure.

[@paulthethi1341]

Thank you so much for this video. I wish that more people knew about these disorders and that all forms of abuse are destructive.

[@joannahardy-gates3248]

Thank you for taking the time to explain the caustically of ADP. I am 47 yrs old have only just been told I have APD traits. It has started to help me understand why I am the way I am. I also suffer with chronic depression and morbid anxiety so it's a great combination! I have always felt like the odd one out in my family and wore my heart on my sleeve. I was constantly told not to take things to heart, don't be so sensitive, they didn't mean it etc..... I feel like I'm always being judged for everything i do or don't do and have trouble trusting people. When in a relationship I will give it everything I have and when the relationship is clearly dieing I still give it my all so I know I've done everything I could. I hope one day I will feel worthy for just being me and not who I should be.

[@לורייןיצחק-ח8ח]

I think each & everyone of you are so brave, coming on here & telling your story.....that takes a lot of courage. I pray you will take that courage & reach out for proffesional help....but must be the right proffesional for you. And with time will come change & you will be the person God intented you to be. You dont deserve to have to live like this.....there was nothing wrong with you, but something very wrong with your abusers....who most likely went through what they have done to you. God bless each & every one of you & want you to have a better life.🙏 You can do it!!❤

[@DeeznutztheOG]

you are beautiful for saying this, thank you

[@domepiece11]

It made sense for me when I read a book on emotional neglect. My parents were excellent providers. But they could not provide emotional support or teach emotional skills.

[@Velvetviolinonfire]

Well, in many ways being an avoidant has saved me in my youth from getting involved with the “wrong crowds” or toxic people in general. As an adult I have made long lasting friendships but I admit that they did take time to form. Also, I think for me the whole social anxiety aspect has lessened the older I’ve gotten and the less I care about what people think.

[@TheTanman412]

I’ve always loved being alone. When I was younger, whenever groups of people or strangers would laugh or point at me from a distance, I used to feel shame thinking there was something wrong with me. Now at 35, I’ve not only realized that this is mostly an adolescent experience that often carries into the 20’s, but that only insecure, damaged, people who are not comfortable in their own skin or abilities to have conversation are the ones anxiously looking for someone to put focus on, to distract from how boring, unintellectual, or frustrating that group conversation was. To feel superior to the fool in the distance as to divert attention away from their own shortcomings. Now when it happens, I genuinely feel sorry for the group and/or person making a comment about me because I immediately recognize their complete inability to sit alone like me, or how deeply insecure they are when there’s not a group of peers around them to validate their judgement. How deep down inside, people like them are JEALOUS they can’t enjoy their own company.

[@Ryder005]

I have AVPD and it makes me feel lazy and irresponsible.

[@PedroPaulo-ij5id]

I am not diagnosed, so I don't know if I have social anxiety disorder or APD. But I feel like I am incapable of doing things, particularly when it envolves professional achievements... almost as if I fear doing stuff on my own... maybe its a dependent personality trait

[@mistymorgan8068]

Me too! Miss a bunch of days at work and I always feel guilty. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes.

[@donaldbabino2560]

Because you are

[@superfly4430]

Donald Babino 😂Damn take it easy with the harsh words

[@wilmas7535]

You are not lazy, you have a chronical condition which sometimes makes it harder to cope. I felt the same till I read up about my diagnoses. Its not your fault, but it is something you can work on. Start by not being so hard on yourself

[@alanaleite1510]

I think I developed AvPD because my father was an alcoholic and fought a lot with my mother, so I wanted to minimize her pain by making her proud. I got the best grades, won awards at my school and always behaved myself, but I molded myself so much that I don't even know who I am anymore and now I don't know how to live without approval. P.S. thanks for subtitle, I'm Brazilian and I don't understand English very well without that.

[@HD-Australia]

I over stayed in an abusive marriage. I let myself be treated as a doormat as I believed kids need mum AND dad together under one roof etc for best outcomes of children. My second daughter sounds just like you have described. Avoidant AND Social Anxiety Disorder. I tried to hide everything from my kids. She was obviously too emotionally intelligent and could perceive everything. She is suffering so much. Please, if you know you are married to a narcissist, and have kids, for their sake LEAVE

[@maryfowles807]

Thanks for posting this and underscoring the importance of working hard to prevent abuse of children and abuse generally. I love your videos and have learned a lot. Great work. Thanks.

[@lalannej]

A few general points about this : 1. All people are traumatized, simply by the act of growing up, trauma is universal. It makes us aware and conscious of others, of suffering, of our mortality and our dependence. 2. All families (societies, communities, groupings) are abusive by nature. The older siblings and parents, or dominant members of whatever grouping, always seek to devour the younger ones, physically or spiritually. Being born younger than others always puts us at a disadvantage. So I don't want to belittle this suffering, but it is unavoidable, and part of your work in life is to escape it and find your own self-acceptance. It is a struggle, but you can succeed. You will not escape abuse, unfairness or injustice in this life, and you may never escape the struggle, but you can escape despair and inner defeat. Seek your own path, Never give up.

[@wilmas7535]

6;49: And THAT is why they need to do something about bullying in schools!!! Growing up Nowhere was safe for me. At home I had an abusive dad and a mom who was not arround (she worked full time and would only have a day off when she HAD to because her supervicor told her so) , in school and neighberhood I had bullies and teachers that did not seem to care if I was bullied. People told me highschool would be different... yes, it was! It was eve worse with the amount of bullying and teachers not doing anything to stop it.

[@undeadpresident]

The primary reason people are bullied in schools is that there is no where to get away from the bullies, and when you stand up and fight them the administrators treat you as the problem and not them. In the natural world if one animal bullies another the other can run off and go somewhere else. In school you are penned in with them all day. And they don't often teach kids fundamental morals in school, just academics. As if all the kids are going to have parents that set a good example and teach them why it's not a good thing to have fun at others' expense. Kids will treat each other with incredible cruelty and not even realize how much harm is being done unless an adult can explain to them why.

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

Want to end bullying in schools? Then end it at home!

[@PaperMario64]

Wow. That explains so much. Definitely neglect and emotional abuse. I have social anxiety.

[@manictiger]

I almost think we need an apocalypse. Only when people are dying all around us, do we value family and friends.

[@starburst9053]

@@manictiger ive seen so many people saying this...literally it WILL happen in less than 10 years. possibly 2...

[@leonvuong2518]

I’ve dealt with this my entire life. Being isolated and alone with my thoughts- being shamed by my own parents or family for feeling these feelings of anxiousness and being avoidant. I’ve went to countless therapists but all of those experiences have been bad so I avoid doing that although I know I have to find the right therapist to help myself. My negative thought loop process just keep continuing and ends up taking me down this rabbit hole so I hope with drugs to help me be calm around and outside with people. So much that I’ve been in this loop for years which caused my drug addiction. I used to be addicted to cutting myself in elementary and still am. I have a hard time getting out of bed to go for my goals and dreams because I’m afraid I’m not good enough for their standards even if I don’t know what those standards are. It’s just that fear. And I’m afraid posting this on here but hopefully others can relate so I don’t feel alone. There’s just so much and I don’t want to self diagnose but how I am right now is hindering me from being my best self and going out and making friends etc.

[@user11mc]

Leon Vuong I’m going through the same.

[@catherinegrimm4198]

Develop your own standards and follow them. Don’t let them destroy you when you have so much to do and give and experience. Take it a little at a time and you are not alone The world needs what you have to offer. Now go and do. Love you!

[@ruthmaryrose]

Catherine Grimm What do you mean by “develop your own standards“? Isn’t that the problem? You can’t trust people because they each have different standards. What if everyone out on the freeway developed their own standards for how to drive?

[@jenniferyates9642]

Peace and love to you... I just found this video today, and pin pointing this particular issue amongst others, has been a journey for me. That is one part... The second part is healing and I find reading thru posts like yours healing... Step one healing. I would like to add, that i think we self diagnosis our selves rather the dis-ease or Dis-order is medically or mentally, because we have to tell doctor's or therapist, what is wrong... And even though a therapist is helpful in talking you thru an issue, you yourself have to work thru the steps to heal. I've found Alan Robarge KZbin videos has been a great source of help too. If you KZbin search "Alan Robarge Self Healing" he explains how to do self-healing. Healing is internal work... Go within. Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@attheranch873]

Ruth Fitzwater It means decide for yourself what you’re think and do, it means decide who you are and what you’re worth and not what other people have told you you are. It means become the author of your own life. It means letting go of hateful peoples opinions of you. It means being compassionate towards yourself, for all that you’ve been through and how it’s changed you. It means having your own opinions, and becoming the author of your life.

[@xulinha5297]

In my childhood i suffered so much abuse, i used to think that was normal, thats the way life was... Now, as an adult, i realize that wasnt normal and it really upsets me to run away from my childhood ghosts so hard

[@xivwords5448]

CASB RP sane here and fantasize it didn’t happen and wonder what I’d be like. I have a 130 iq but a construction worker.

[@fredworthmn]

Me too. I wonder if others can understand how "normal" abuse can be if they have not experienced abuse as a way of life. I say I was raised to be cannon fodder. Maybe should have died in Vietnam. Would have been better.

[@petrafischer4089]

Danke!

[@shoutingfactory8973]

My main takeaway from this is that I'm rare in abuse terms. Repeated emotional neglect as a newborn, zero physical or sexual abuse. Mother was just unaware of how babies brains develop and thought because I was physically safe, I'd be okay. I was not okay and never really have been. At 36 I just learned to love myself, and even now the negative inner self talk tries to ruin everything. Mother feels terrible about it. It's extrememly frustrating to not really have a perpetrator to blame. I feel in a sort of limbo in that regard. Add to that guilt because "how dare I be suffering when other people had worse abuse." Your videos help me to understand my ways Dr Grande, Thank You.

[@jessaroo3291]

Dr Grande, you have a very interesting channel. I have APD, and it got much worse by isolating, or avoiding. Now I'm trying to overcome it by increasing my optimism, which i do by manipulating my thinking patterns. I probably inherited it from my parents, and growing up in a dysfunctional family... I have the environmental aspect as well. I always appreciate videos like this.

[@judyfrost175]

Up until the age of 5, I was " normal"- until my dad died. I developed an eating disorder & malnutrition. I became withdrawn & had anxiety & depression. One nun at my school made me stand at her desk & do math, to humiliate me. They were strict & mean. My siblings & I were beaten every day by our mother. She said she was " sorry she brought us into the world" & blamed us for everything. A nun wrote that I had no self confidence on my report card; my mother laughed it off. When I told her that I wasn't getting married or having kids when I grew up( after a beating, I was 10, ) she didn't take me seriously. I did get married - surprise- to a narcissistic abuser. And never had children. I always heard about how I was " too quiet". Still scared of driving to new places & hardly drive very far. On top of that, I have Mitral Valve Prolapse, which causes panic attacks, migraines, phobias & anxiety.Im 71 & just heard of this disorder, it answers many questions.

[@nekkieslife9793]

I don’t need people to be happy , My dog is far better than anyone else ... with my dog judgement and consequences doesn’t exist ... happy life !!!!

[@pugs4life657]

Ever since my father died. I don't want to speak to anyone. Don't want to see anyone. Don't want anyone calling my phone 📱 texting me or visiting me. Refuse to give my number out. Don't want any contact with anyone except my daughter ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever again. Thank you for this video 📹.

[@amybrooks6438]

Yes, thank you, this is me. 65 yo still trying to figure it all out. Also, read about Childhood Emotional Neglect. Sometimes like now I feel overwhelmed. But I have the best counselor. We will get through it. God bless you.

[@caterinadelgalles8783]

I had some element of this, but I worked thru it alone. Moving to Italy helped as they are so touchy touchy and my rhinoplasty. Biggest factor of all:- pets. My parents were there, strict and no love or hugs. As an adult, I see they were young and made errors. ❤

[@Tkaos1]

Well I'm a bit late but i have been dubbed with Avoidant Personality Disorder back in 2011. I don't have social anxiety. I don't think I do, anyway. I'm okay with the idea of meeting people, but I'm usually disappointed in people, and I stick to being a loner. I've been called an extraverted introvert. If I'm invited by my friends to anything, I'll usually accept and be ready to humor everything. But, my friends know that if they don't contact me that I'll never contact them either. They know I don't seem to have a craving to socialize, even though i tend to be talkative if anyone speaks to me. I don't have stage fright as long as I can say what I want.

[@andreasissons7766]

So glad you put out these videos. It's helped fit the pieces of the puzzle together. I just wish I'd known all this when I was young. I always knew since I was a teenager that my family was 'off' but I didn't have the words for it.

[@azulgaia7782]

This is so clear and exact. No wasted words here. Thank you, Dr. Grande!

[@alexspectre962]

I have this disorder and you are spot-on with your take on it's causes. I have had ALL of the causes you mention.

[@TheHighpotinuse]

I think this theory is valid however there are more reasons for people to feel insecure and avoid interaction. Body dysmorphia is a big issue. Height weight deformity handicap or injuries could play a role.

[@AR-vf7vg]

.."the lowered level of trust might get viewed as arrogant, and may make people not want to interact with them, and this leads to increased isolation.."

[@barbaraleszczynski2214]

Wow!......this explains my issues....now I understand. Thankful for this video!

[@andreaswilcox9158]

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I wasn’t physically or emotionally abused but I was definitely neglected. My parents had me later in life. My dad was 53 and my mom was 43. I don’t blame them. I just think it was difficult for them having a child much later in life. Plus I was their last. All my siblings were much older than me.

[@sunsetrose5150]

I think my dad is anti social and my mom is narcissistic.they never given any advice, never shown any guidance, they are very rarely talking with me until now. I got peer rejection since kid until collage, maybe because i'm very shy, so it feels so lonely and empty for many years. I got a bully but just Twice in senior and junior high school. I got more intense verbal bully from my relatives since kid until now, their word is so hurt to me. but i'm disappointed that my parent didn't care about that and still push me to meet them. But now i avoid them and feeling more happy and free, always use earphone when they come. I'm always get narcissistic or psychopath boss in work, i think i'm become their scapegoat, always manipulated and work under pressure make me depressed. I'm always trying to survive but at the end i give up and search another job.

[@lissacablerware8475]

Thank you for bringing up this one Dr Grande.

[@hardlines2635]

At two years old my father stood me on the window ledge, he said jump off and I’ll catch you, I jumped, He moved, I hit the floor and bust my nose, he told me, in life you should never trust anyone, not even your F#cking father.

[@williamstevenson2166]

Ray Ray at 6 yrs old my mother hung me out of a second story window by my feet...horrible ppl while my childhood friend watched and laughed.

[@barbaraleszczynski2214]

Ray & William......I'm sorry for this horrible cruelty you both suffered.

[@attheranch873]

That’s horrid.

[@NoFapKing]

Go out and start trusting everyone see what happens

[@Dogcatlover2432]

Ray Ray that’s f upped!

[@treymendus]

Another quality video on a common condition that isn't discussed much👍. Thanks Dr Grande🙏. I'm an avid follower of your channel💚✌

[@yogita4418]

Thank you so much for sharing this video. Got to know myself better.

[@motulifelikefigures1987]

i was an extroverted carefree kid till 7 when i had to witness a suicide attempt of my mother. this moment changed me forever.i realized i could loose my mother any day so i developed a protect mechanism where i imagined she died, so that i will be emotionaly prepared when it actually happens. also do i see this event as source for my damaged self esteem, feeling worthless. if u are not reason enough for a mother to stay alive u must be unimportant right? thanks mum. u ruined my life completely. never had friends, never love and cant love myself. what a waste...

[@tmacphd7871]

Years in foster homes and then returning to live with biological mother and physically abusive step-father at age 6 set the stage for me to experience ADP. For the next ten years, my unloving mother repeatedly let me know she hated my guts and wish I'd never been born....she made sure I heard this on a weekly basis. I'm now 76 and still suffer the pain of hateful rejection. Years of therapy have never altered my secret feelings that I'm unloved, unliked and generally unwanted.

[@fayetoliver562]

It's a lie that was perpetrated on us but you are a child of God and the wicked will pay for what they have done. Trust real Love that comes from our heavenly Father. He says if you come to him, He will in no way cast you out...Be healed my brother from this torment. I love you so I tell you the truth.

[@miladydewinter8551]

Narc mother. Demons from hell.

[@reesedaniel5835]

You have a Father in heaven that loves you. Get to know Him and read His Word for yourself (instead of "going to church" and listening to wolves in the pulpit twisting it for their own agenda). "When my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up." Psalm 27:10 Read the Book of Psalms. King David wrote the Psalms and he suffered through the same types of abuse that everyone here is suffering. Because we are not of this world. We are God's children, but most don't know it because organized "religion" stole the narrative. The other "seedline" persecutes us because the demonic spirits in them know who we are. The other "seedline" is mentioned in Genesis 3:15 and in Jesus' parable of the Wheat and the Tares in Matthew Chapter 13. We are the "Wheat".....

[@Brandy11111]

I have this. My mom was young and had ALOT of problems mentally and divorced my dad, second marriage toxic, never hugged me, very neglectful, she has borderline I think. She made me feel like I was always in the way, or an inconvenience. It’s difficult for me to ask someone for a glass of water when I’m at their house.. scratch that, it’s difficult for me to just accept a glass of water when offered. I look longingly at people living normal lives but it’s not necessarily something I actually want to be a part of myself.

[@Ish392s]

Not at all this is theory. I have AVPD as well as social anxiety. Causation is totally correct. I've been abused, get shamed for being shy, got emotionally tortured by my own parents and siblings throughout my extended family. I'm100% sure that 50% is genetically given by my dad. He's more social than me while I totally avoid social events. It's really hard to adjust to be honest. Each day being alive is a victory. I have recently found what I have and have been watching and reading about this order but no other videos than this would could tell how I feel. This is really how I feel. Thanks for making this video and making people understand that it's not us but our disorders.

[@reesejabs1895]

I've known about having this myself for a good number of years. I have found it so difficult to get enough help. I wish somebody - anybody - would have helped me when I was younger. I'm 55 now and was pointed to this diagnosis when I was 28. My life has been filled with constant struggles with loneliness, depression, fear, and social inhibitions. Lately, I have been feeling quite depressed. My wife and I are struggling and my daughter is always angry at me. I have no family left; they have all died.It's sad.

[@BlueSkyBS]

When you have AvPD but your anxieties turn out to have a basis in fact..... Then you just become antisocial.

[@christinemccoy4471]

Exactly!

[@christinemccoy4471]

mappyhappychappy Exactly

[@jacksprat2178]

Yes, we do.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

I am tired of people thinking this is a problem! I am very fussy about the people I associate with and I am happy observing people I do not want to associate with. It is No problem. Anxiety means..avoid this person!

[@reesedaniel5835]

I agree. Avoiding disorderd, predatory FAKE people pretending to be "pillars of society" is not the problem. It is a SYMPTOM of the problem (society at large).

[@wq7352]

This is me although I have been able to work through a lot of issues I am unable to make connections with people generally. Tried to see a therapist once but I found building a relationship with the therapist was too stressful so I stopped going.

[@FINNSTIGAT0R]

In my case it's a mix of genetics, relational trauma straight from birth, and school bullying. This has led to a lifetime of crippling loneliness and the total lack of tools for me to do anything about it. And I'm about to hit 50 in a couple of years.

[@loverainthunder]

WOW. So not trusting can be viewed as arrogance. Thank you for this.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

To me, this says more about the person judging, rather than the person being considered arrogant. It's a misreading of signals, perhaps coming from someone who feels inadequate.

[@reesedaniel5835]

We live in a narcissist infested society. We are "damned if we do/damned if we don't.".....

[@reesedaniel5835]

The truth is, we live in a highly disordered SOCIETY. It is the society that is the problem, we are the sane ones among them and are persecuted for it.

[@scapegoatthesheep6701]

@@reesedaniel5835 It's worse then it seems. Erich Fromm write about the pathology of the people in todays society.

[@catielove5096]

With history of Childhood abuse and neglect, along with heightened sensitivity and social anxiety, I can appreciate the overlaps of personality issues on my plate. Grateful to score low on cluster B traits, the A and the C clusters better define my personal and professional challenges as I heal. Clinically dx as Schizoid PD in 1999, then told 8 years later by same LISW that I had "done what people don't do" that I cured myself of SPD! That was a lifetime ago. Now I feel as if I'm processing through all PDs including the Cluster B. A lifetimes' work.

[@nathanielfrancisco9768]

I wouldn’t say I’m awfully quiet, but I definitely stay silent most of the time. Thinking about why I’m like this, and learning about all of the causes definitely brings me close to over the edge of tears. I don’t even know it yet but deep down I know I probably need someone, but I’ve conditioned myself into denying people from getting too close. I don’t know what to do about it and trying to fix the issue just feels pathetic.

[@threeofeight197]

I think I have a lot of these traits but my parents were the opposite of neglectful. They were always complimenting/encouraging me with things I was good at and telling me to work on things I was bad at or not to worry to much about it. Very healthy attitude for the most part. I think a lot of my traits come from having these really stable parents and then coming into contact with some really... intense people out in the world. I think maybe my parents were a bit avoidant too, so maybe I simply learned that. I learned to keep my distance from strangers because I learned that people are capable of anything given the right circumstances.

[@cathyandresiak1975]

Yes, there are a lot of a holes in the world for sure and there always has been but there are good people as well. don't let the bad people ruin your life because they sure don't deserve that much f n control over you.

[@gwynnethguarin8757]

My mother is very authoritative and my father is not constantly around as he works abroad. Being the eldest child I have not been given much attention compared to my siblings because I was the "responsible one" so at a young age I learned to do things on my own and keep things to myself. There isn't much communication between me and my mother even when i was still a child. Now I'm an adult I don't even feel "safe and suppported" by my family. Trust never bloom, or maybe it had but it was stunted. Knowing about AvPD and its cause, it all make sense now. I felt relieved and at the same time saddened after realizing i have the characteristics of a person with AvPD.

[@joeremus9039]

Another excellent talk. Thanks for patiently explaining these complex psychological disorders.

[@jeneka0989]

You have a very clear delivery style. Very intelligent. Thank you for this video and helping the community.

[@Theohybrid]

Thanks for this, doc! It’s tough but I think I have this and am not giving up! I want to live the life I’ve always wanted and will train my own out of these symptoms and get help as best as I can!

[@nancymassiattie3892]

I don’t like people or want to interact. Don’t have the energy to do so, but I do try it’s hard to break the ice with me. I was barely told that that is why I keep running/quitting from my jobs that require interaction. Really stresses me out gets to difficult and I get freaked out and hard on myself and end up not doing it and quitting because I feel I can’t do it and then it repeats.

[@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349]

I was on the brink of messaging You With intentions of Love marriage Children and family farm. Till I noticed the symbolic hand signs Ah well...............

[@nancymassiattie3892]

I AM oh... yeah. It’s a goal of mine, but patience is key right? I went on here to rant, and it helped a bit. I work in an office, so I’m secluded from everyone, and don’t talk unless I have to.

[@sharonadams4424]

I avoid most people not because I've been mentally .physically.or emotionaly abused..because I haven't ..I stay away from people because I always feel it's some type of trap .I always been the one there to help this person.that person and you can't always be the one rescuing.sometime s you need to be rescued

[@V4Andy]

My parents worked full time and let my teenage sisters raise me. My sister's, like most teenage girls only really cared about their own social lives and mostly saw their little brother as a nuisance. Plus they were feminists so they believed male privilege justified neglect. I'm also a member of a racial minority that few people particularly like and alienated from my own family because I didn't identify with the culture of my parents. So I grew up alienated from my family, my gender, my culture and my peers.

[@Drpermer]

Spot on for me anyway. I was adopted (as an infant) into a family, and my dad was very abusive (mostly psychologically). I remember thinking that my new family didn’t love me, and this must have been the reason my real parents gave me away. Anyway, I am and have always been extremely reclusive.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Just remember you have a Father in heaven that loves you. "When my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up." Psalm 27:10

[@ronaldschild157]

I learned a new word for my vocabulary: "etiology". At first I thought Dr. Grande was simply saying "ideology" in a haughty way but it's a new word (to me anyway). My friends and acquaintances will be hearing a lot of this word in the near future. That's how I commit a new word to my vocabulary and ingrain it. I use this technique until it gets old - in other words, until I pick up on the social cues the word usage is annoying people. Consequently, some of my relationships and other social associations get strained this way.

[@Freefolkcreate]

There may also be a personality style versus a disorder when discussing avoidance. Such as a reaction to some deep emotional wounding that the person has no tools to overcome without assistance, and the only way to cope is to the shut doors. One can only handle so much. We live in a very broken society that often rejects anything unusual, or that appears vulnerable. It's easy to kick people who are demoralized.

[@georgepalmer5497]

I was always very angry when I was growing up, but I didn't dare express my anger. I never gave any sign that I was so angry. It would have been catastrophic. As I got older those perceptions were confirmed.

[@dallasbeus2117]

Everyone should take into account the childhood of those who abuse or neglect them. It's genetic and environmental. Your parents may have been victims of neglect, abuse and bullying.