What do narcissists do when they lose control of you?

[@victormendes1588]

They are bullies. Bullies hate being confronted.

[@veganvocalist4782]

true

[@LindaGreen-ox7es]

EXACTLY 💯

[@dennischallinor8497]

To be "abandoned" by a narc is a secret blessing from heaven, believe me! 🤣🤭🙄

[@fingerscrossed2453]

I just wish they'd done this from day one. 😳 They've been intent on destroying me, won't leave me alone. I feel dead.

[@dennischallinor8497]

@@fingerscrossed2453 Cut them out of your life completely, even if you have to wash dishes in Woolworths!!!

[@fingerscrossed2453]

@@dennischallinor8497 I can't. They have my home. I'm trapped

[@dennischallinor8497]

@@fingerscrossed2453 I'm a Canuk so I don't know what kind of a social safety net your enjoying but if I were you, and I'm a retired nurse and social worker is hit the "abuse" pages in your phone book they might be able to connect you with a lawyer that deals in these kinds of cases. Good luck, if your old play it to the hilt, you earned the right!!! 🤔🤭🤑🤣

[@fingerscrossed2453]

@@dennischallinor8497 is canuk Canada? I'm in the UK, so commonwealth law / privy council might apply. Whilst depressed (not sectioned) my aunts name was added to property deeds. I'm now trapped as joint tenants with her. I don't have any familial support. Everyone says she was good for "taking care" of me. She's been verbally abuse for the past decade and hit me last year. I feel disgusted with myself. I could have just refused or asked her to leave but she said it was best. It was only ever best for her. I never wanted to buy anything. I don't know what is going or how I've gotten here. My friends say it's financial abuse but I don't know how to go about proving it or undoing the damage. I'd appreciate any help/advice/guidance you can offer 👍

[@scrillscrill1099]

Someone needs to give Dr. Ramani a Nobel Peace Prize for all the lives she is impacting and saving.

[@stupensardi2783]

Hear hear❤ She has saved me for sure.😊

[@scrillscrill1099]

@@stupensardi2783 She is very thorough, honest and impactful. Amongst so many other things.

[@s1pulimehu]

Yes!!

[@ClaudKaKeiYeung]

I can't agree more. Imagine if this information was known to general public when people like Hitler was born...

[@357xiong]

🙌

[@audiooddball]

"There's no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship". I feel like this really sums it all up.

[@samwestover9953]

What are you?

[@lesleyjohnsonn6846]

I get you... their reality is miles away from your reality, meaning they are good with treating you wrong yet they are the victim.😅

[@audiooddball]

@@lesleyjohnsonn6846 aw thanks :) and even in my case, my entire family's reality that he created regarding me. They all see what my dad sees. its been that way for decades.

[@kregg-hy4gi]

@@samwestover9953 Most likely a empathic co-dependent. They are like cat nip is to a cat. Victims

[@BeachPeach2010]

23 years ago my Narc mother decided to give me the silent treatment. It's probably the only thing she ever did that has actually benefitted me!

[@rocky181000]

😂

[@dayfin1843]

haha, same! around 15 years ago now

[@diannabeacham6818]

My daughters it's great don't look back do u I do my mother to evil as hell she 500pounds in bed

[@nmc1859]

Haha can relate. I feel much better away from her 🤷‍♀️

[@sweetnonh7190]

Yall pray i can leave too im tired of this abuse

[@aycayuksek3688]

"when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will unfair but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did" :')

[@unclejovan1913]

100%

[@MrMasterDebate]

My grandmother tried to force me to become her scapegoat. She wanted to be seen as the person taking care of the disabled grandchild after his disabled father died. It got so controlling I never could leave the house because she wanted to be seen with me and say I wasn’t doing anything and couldn’t without her. “You can’t bike to the store others will think I’m awful! No you wait here in the house and we go when I want.” When I went anyway the punishment was accusing me of badmouthing family and saying I was telling her “I’m taking your car and leaving”. My godfather was suppose to help me if dad died. Now he never talks to me and blocked me because “you were going to steal from your grandmother. Taking advantage of her grief”. So I moved out of her house to make it clear I wanted nothing to do with her stuff: and instead that made everyone even more mad. Apparently I was suppose to stay in her house getting accused of wanting to rob my grandmother. She was “constantly scared he’s going to leave mee with nothing and steal”, crying on the phone. But I was suppose to stay near her . “You were suppose to stop trying to steal her stuff and just be there so we could work our jobs and you just abanonded her?!” It got so bad that I had yo block her and go NC. She kept calling me during meeting times at work that I asked her to not cal me during “becuase you are going to get me fired”. The second she heared she may get me fired she hammered that action and kept asking on the weekend “so have you gotten fired yet?” My own grandmother tried to get me fired from the first job I ever got after school… that was a 6 figure job freeing me from poverty. My own grandmother wanted to destroy my ability to finally support myself long after she would be gone, remove 6 figures a year , in exchange for her getting food deliveries for me for free (and not paying 2-5 dollars for delivery!) and 4 phone calls a day to ask me the same questions daily to ensure I wasn’t going to leave her. It broke my heart

[@kjz7433]

@@MrMasterDebate Glad you made your way out!

[@maevebutler4641]

​@AAron. Congratulations on doing so well considering all of the abuse you endured Well done & best wishes

[@KoolT]

💛💛💛💛

[@tia-flame]

You will become the ‘crazy, irrational person’ as the narcissist tells others how awfully you treated them…. Just be ready for it.

[@MikinessAnalog]

I know those smear campaigns all too well.

[@thomasmcnerney9745]

@@MikinessAnalog Oh yes... They go all out...but don't acknowledge any of it was the path I chose. They're empty vessels...and jealous of ANYONE who ignores their victim mentality.

[@psalm148.1]

Staff narcissists at old church use the terms "paranoid, imaginings, and creates drama" or that the target is "having personal issues they need to address" to discredit people. Their playbook includes character assassination by the flying monkey fans(enablers) along with driving the victims out so no one is present or can refute all the lies.And those in charge pulling the strings get their flying monkeys to do all the dirty work harassing the target so that they (Narcs) have plausible deniability =no dirt on their hands. Been done to far too many people over the years and will continue until monkeys say no more and/or Narcissists are exposed amd seen for what they Really are. Be aware and prepared to go through much grief before you come out on the other side of the Narcissists attacks. Watch Dr Ramani's videos and find a therapist learned in Narc abuse/recovery. God Bless to all survivors here.

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

I do not care anymore.😊

[@KoolT]

They sure try💛

[@tribblegirl2]

The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is tell them "NO" ! They will lose it!

[@jodizellmer994]

Yes! They will also try and gain your sympathy with a sob story, or over a situation they created.

[@jodizellmer994]

Or they twist it around to make it look you're the one with a problem.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

AGAIN, this is the most important thing you can remember. But remember when they were young kids and the parents still had control over them? I often wonder if the parents spoiled them or spanked them. A narcissist will not accept "NO".....they can't even spell NO! I'm serious.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

@@jodizellmer994 OMG! YES, it's exactly what she does to get people to feel sorry for her!

[@achord9204]

I went thru that when I told him off after a weekend of the worst sex I ever had.

[@tishaestes8635]

They talk negatively about you to EVERYONE and hope you are isolated, with everybody turning away from dealing with you.

[@kimberlyesimmons3919]

Yep, happened to me with my mom, ex-husband and ex-boss.

[@manilynhabig502]

i experience this they full of liars and manipulator even his family he control so sad they cant deside for their own mind 😢😢

[@helgaheyck2707]

So true!

[@trackerelf]

Good luck!!! 😂

[@mreajamorgana]

I think I've been manipulated by a narcissist for several years now, me, and another 20 people. We are isolated and couldn't talk to anyone but now I started to see the reality but I'm not sure yet.

[@HereForToday42]

Narcissists are the ultimate users- they use people as objects to control, and they grasp for supply to their empty hearts and frail egos, domination, control, disrespect, lies, manipulation, selfishness, shaming you (blameshifting), and never EVER looking in the mirror to understand how they hurt people- and why you left. They never take any responsibility and end up leaving a trail of failed relationships- all of whom they blame.

[@prescint10]

Facts

[@lancemiller3874]

Despite the grim topic, this is beautifully well said. . .

[@rllght]

"IF YOU GROW, THEY WILL LEAVE." Hear! Hear! It is the best way to free yourself from any narcissistic abuse.

[@cornellandras5800]

That was powerful, along with there cannot be two realities in this relationship. All they care about is to get their way and not change.

[@carolinabhering4092]

This is so true! I had a whole year of quietly listening to podcasts, watching videos and reading books on abusive and narcissistic relationships and started applying what I was learning in order to grow and change my mindset. It took me a whole year and the abuse got worse as I got stronger, but I was able to leave and have not once been tempted to get back together or felt sad about the end of my marriage.

[@sanhaarora-goodfortune9039]

yes true

[@octoberdawn1087]

Naw. Mine just got more covert and ruins everything

[@rllght]

@@octoberdawn1087 I know what you mean. I've met those narcissists who just don't care how low they will sink, and how insidious their tricks can be. The only thing they want is to win - to get what they want.

[@gwendolynbien-aime1536]

There's nothing a narcissist hates more than knowing he has lost control of someone else's mind.

[@la.mu.sa10]

Facts, he came with love bombing, I ignored him, then he started to insulting me, I ignored him, his last resource, pity, "poor me, Imma die bla bla", narcissist people it's beyond evil.

[@kellykajander3115]

I WOULD NEVER ENGAGE THE NARCS CIRCLE OF FLYING MONKIES.. ANY 1 WILLING 2 PLAY WITH A SIK NUT LIKE HIM WAS 2 B AVOIDED. I WENT 100% NO CONTACT WITH THEM..I WAS HIS EARLIER VICTIM & OVER THE YEARS OF CRUELTY I DEVELOPED POSTTRAUMA & MY DEPRESSION DEEPENED BADLY..I WAS TOTALLY BROKEN BY HIS CRUELTY.. 2 YOUNG & NAIVE-HE GOT IN ON MY LIFE AND HE PLAYED WITH MY WHOLE LIFE..I WAS INCREDIBLY PUZZLED AS I HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS NUTTY NARC IN ALL MY LIFE - I WENT IN2 SHOCK..I WAS A VULNERABLE ISOLATED YOUNG LADY..I HAD NO HOME & NO FAMILY- A STRAY VICTIM JUST WAITING 2 HAPPEN SADLY...HIS FLYING MONKIES TRIED 2 ENGAGE ME A FEW TIMES.. HE TRIED 2 GET ME AROUND THEM...HE WAS RENTING A ROOM FROM THEM..I KNEW HE WAS SETTING ME UP..A YR LATER WHAT HAPPENED?? ONE NIGHT HE PULLED IN A TRAILER AND MOVED OUT AT 4AM B 4 HIS ROOMIE GOT HOME FROM NIGHTSHIFT..WHY? BECUZ THEY FINALLY BEGAN 2 C A PROBLEM WITH HIS ACT..THEY REALIZED THER WAS A REASON I WOULDNT COME AROUND..AFTER HE MOVED OUT WITH THEM HE WANTED 2 DISMISS THEM..HE WAS SAYING ALL KINDS OF BAD STUFF ABOUT THEM..THEY WHO WERE NOT SO LONG AGO HIS BEST BROMANCES WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING 4 HIM HE CLAIMED 🤔ONCE U R ON 2 THE NARC THEY DROP U LIKE THEY NEVER KNEW U

[@numskulll]

@@la.mu.sa10 They are like ravening wolves, seeking only whom they might devour. But they also can come in female form like my ex-wife.

[@kujo91km]

Or she for sure

[@jodizellmer994]

​@@kujo91km Or he and she.

[@BigHeartNoBS]

If they can't control you, they will try to control the way others see you.

[@Nia62899]

YUP

[@knowledgeseeker2776]

That makes sense.

[@VeronicasVeil333]

amen

[@Serioussamurai300]

Yup

[@Jessica-n8s4u]

That is so spot on! They will do anything to bring you down!

[@AmandaRussell-g3c]

If the narcissist gives you the silent treatment. It's them pulling away to emotionally manipulate you. I see it as emotional freedom from their games.

[@BrianCisneros-h1x]

They gave u that talk to them tell them hey u think about this

[@bparmenterful]

We divorced in 2016, he remarried immediately. Haven’t spoken a word to him since he left. I stayed in the house, doing well. He never sees the children. His choice. Just got a letter from my lawyer, he’s “DEMANDING” to see my tax returns and proof I’ve been “attempting to earn a living”, He no longer wants to pay child support. He has no idea I’m no longer the person he was married to. BUCKLE UP!! 😂

[@migrantson]

Lol get that foo, gurl! Glad you are equipped for his tactics and ready to scrap- good luck to you!

[@michelleschroll5357]

You go girl! You are amazing and keep going!

[@thomasmcnerney9745]

Zen Texan... Don't finish until you give him, with the help of good legal counsel, a THOROUGH ballectomy! Good luck and Godspeed!

[@daisycharles440]

Go girl 💪

[@shellyg5705]

Looks like he’ll be needing some knee pads and a helmet 😊

[@markcollins1012]

When I started to grow and assert myself, she left. When I started to express myself in mature and healthy ways, she left. When I was the best version of myself, she left. And somehow it was all my fault. Great video. Validating.

[@IAmNoeyes]

It was not you my man.

[@markomeker7789]

Been there. No matter what you did that doesn't serve her. Although it might be good for you as a person. She will leave.

[@EbonySoldier77]

Makes so much sense!!!!

[@petekdemircioglu]

Were all sick. But some of us get help. I Lost 20 years to a violent narcissist. I just want to do my job and have a happy family.

[@markcollins1012]

@@petekdemircioglu I relate to your situation. I hope you find some peace.

[@Lil-123-l6d]

"They want you in the service of their ego, not growing as an individual yourself" Wow you hit the nail on the head Doc!!😏

[@1871kwame1]

Great way of saying it … in the service of their ego …

[@keithspringston9283]

Yeah I truly believe this.

[@howarddavies782]

Clipping your own wings and staying silent. What a relief to be away from it and listen to someone who understands what has been confusing you for years. Great video.

[@eggswithlegs666]

I was met with a lot of rage when my mother realized she could no longer control me. When I got into college, she saw it as another opportunity to control me. I realized she showed up for life events when she had some semblance of a leash on me. But the mask slowly faded when I got engaged, graduated, got into my graduate program, became financially independent, and then married. The violence and rage I endured was absolutely horrific and reminiscent of when I fought for my bodily autonomy as a child. She walked away from my award ceremonies, was distant at my wedding, and ruined one of my graduations. She refused to walk me down the aisle, told me she hated me, and thought of vitriol not even my school yard bullies could match. My mother and I no longer speak. Her rages were not worth my attempts for her love. As the victims of narcissists, we deserve better and people who will love us as we are. These people are truly sick and do not want to get better. As their victims, our only salvation is the knowledge that we can do better. I hope everyone has the power to know when to walk away.

[@jodizellmer994]

Independence doesn't exist to those sick twisted individuals.

[@nmc1859]

Painful..and also you are lucky you got away so YOUNG. my mother has been awful. I'm just now finally walking away over 40

[@erickonassis6310]

Wow, glad you made it

[@susisonnenschein5069]

their behavior and insults gets worse and then they search for someone else.

[@nikkinorton8310]

Stalking, smear campaign, financial abuse, relational abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, fear campaigns, etc happens.

[@Kenzie_Hill]

All this happened to me once I filed for divorce. I am a survivor and my friends all say how happy I am now. It took years, but it will eventually get better and the narc has moved on to someone else

[@richardstevens7547]

Just reading and remembering all those cruel things, ugh. I will add the constant threat of disinheritance. That seems to be the aging Narc parent go-to threat. Heard it my whole life. Just a plain jackass and getting worse as the years go by.

[@tamarap387]

@@richardstevens7547 Yep, my inheritance has been taken from me in just a sentence.....My mom before she just passed was holding everything together for me....Was my mistake to trust it all. I don't truly care about any inheritance at this point...I just want the money back that I gave as an investment for a home build. My 84 yr old stepdad is holding that away from me and says he may never pay that back. Just so upsetting always.

[@sourojeet]

"There is no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship." - Dr. Ramani. This was exactly what helped me realize conclusively that I had narcissistic parents. All I can say to my fellow survivors here is: LEAVE, if you CAN. Life gets much better...eventually. 💕💕💕

[@TheMilwaukeeProtocol]

Not room for more than one reality -- that's a good litmus test.

[@sourojeet]

@@TheMilwaukeeProtocol exactly! That's what made me identify my narcissistic abuse. It's even harder when you are used to this behaviour since childhood. Years of trauma...

[@dynah5475]

Yes! I’m making quiet slow but best decisions to be stable and independent so I don’t ever have to come back. They watch me like a security camera😂

[@maevebutler4641]

​@Dynah I used to actually feel like his eyes were burning holes through my back each time he raged It's so great to be away & free from all that toxicity

[@BaskingInObscurity]

Click! Yeah, for all my guilt over treating my brother terribly as kids, I abandoned the narcissist frame of mind taught by our parents thanks to some amazing people that showed me the real world in my tweens. As far as I can tell, my brother did not. It may be only toward me, or maybe our hometown, either of which is fair; but I fear he went full on NPD, whereas my mother might better qualify as BPD overall, just heavily narcissistic toward her kids. My brother lives in his own reality and I've said before today that that's okay, that he lives there so his feelings are valid, whether true to the rest of the world or not. Still, Dr Ramani's one statement really drives it home. There's a chance he's not, and I'd really like to break the barriers we each hold up toward the other, if for not better reason than to finally settle our minds.

[@meganorr7739]

Moms are the trippiest of narcissists. "Your growth is not something that the narcissistic person can tolerate. " AMEN. Grow anyway!

[@kimberlyesimmons3919]

I agree. Once I got a house, she did everything in her power to make me lose it.

[@hd7704]

@@meganorr7739 Trippiest, or the most devastating, determinant, and overlooked?

[@catherineharcourt8592]

Left after 16/17 years, on my 62 birthday No contact 2 months now. Hard first week, devastating wading through my mud, but just bought a van, to travel Australia, something for years he future faked. I so not mentally well 8 weeks ago and now a different person, l am authentic again Lived his dreams desires, never mine. My dreams he put down I got tired, depressed Hard to see emotional abuse over many years, but think l am now healing. Think it awesome l got a van. Baby steps🌈

[@soniahathaway1]

Fantastic; enjoy and be safe. 🤗

[@Alice-sw9hf]

You can start living baby.

[@lisastenzel5713]

This in only two months? That's major steps already😃🙏👍👍👍 Respect! So happy you broke free! Watch yourself out there in 🦘 land.😂 Have the time of your life!

[@dontworrybehappy150]

Good for you! I divorced a narcissist after 17 years of marriage as well. He almost broke me, but I survived. It was a nightmare, though. He 'punished' me by parental alienation of our 3 children. To this day, many years later, they continue to be estranged. I have persistent grief from the loss. The best thing that you can do is live a fulfilling life. You go, girl! ❤

[@5usiewongs489]

Keep going 💚 It’s going to be bloody hard but you deserve all of the happiness that you can give yourself, starting with getting to know yourself all over again. Love from a fellow Aussie xxx Good luck x

[@StormBrainZ]

Once they lose control and you can see them for how they are, they get really nervous and will throw anything against the wall in the hope that something will stick.

[@KoolT]

Yes

[@reesedaniel5835]

Similar to enraged monkeys.....😁🙉🐒

[@betsyhood8939]

So true, my brother is on his second lawsuit against me to force me to do something I already agreed to in writing. They become unhinged.

[@Cyblps]

100%. My narc sister sent me a hateful text to say I died a fire with my dead husband after almost 4 years of no contact.

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

My boyfriend acts really weird when I treat him with nothing but kindness. He knows my kindness is fake because of all the things he has done to me. He responds to my kindness by either getting more irritated, paranoid, or upset. OR he starts to feel shameful and he will ask me, "Are you okay?" And I respond, "Yeah why do you ask?" And he says, "Oh I've just been an asshole to you lately." It's like a trick question. Because when he asks me if I'm okay, it's not because he cares about my feelings and is being empathetic. He's setting me up. If I say something IS wrong, he gets defensive and upset and asks me what he did wrong. If I say NOTHING is wrong, he admits blame for being a jerk. He feels shame when I treat him how he doesn't treat me... He acts like my kindness is some kind of a fake front. Which it is cause I'm kind of sick of him. But it's somehow foreign to him. Like deep down inside he believes he doesn't deserve it. So it invokes shame in him for what he's done to me. Yet everytime I successfully communicate my issues with us to him, he twists my words and thinks it's an attack to him even if i say it calmly and in a healthy way. Plus, his antic to try and get a rise and reaction out of me get worse when I am kind to him. It's like he wants me to treat him how he treats me so he can justify his behaviors. He starts doing things he knows annoys me and that I've clearly communicated annoys me, and then keeps asking, "are you okay?" Multple times a day... it's all a set up to get an emotional outburst from me one way or another. Sometimes if I say yes, he will drop it cause he's happy I'm not upset at him. This builds up resentment in me because I know I can't communicate my feelings and I end up blowing up eventually. They use reactive abuse to keep control of you. I have an example. Last night I was texting my aunt wishing her happy birthday and Easter. (He's paranoid about me talking to my family cause of his fear i'll leave him) My boyfriend was looking over my shoulder the entire time. I told him that and he lied and said he wasn't. Then he started acting childish and looked in the opposite direction of the room. I start smiling out-of pure frustration but also because I was able to reveal his true side and my smile was his hint that I'm done with that behavior and I'm about to level up with or without him. He asked me why I was smiling and then he asked me, "what did you do?" I was smiling out of frustration cause he was looking over my shoulder, lied to my face, and kept staring at me weirdly. All I did was talk to my aunt! He's paranoid I will up and leave him and he knows I have good reason to. Later on he wiped food on my chin with one finger, laughed about it, (Oh did I get food on you?) and didn't apologies afterword. When I start getting angry at him, he is all of a sudden either a victim or he starts acting nice. Like he finally got what he wanted. Sorry for my long Ted talk. I need to vent until I can get ahold of a therapist. He hates when I work on myself cause he knows I won't need him anymore and can't control me. If I am truly happy and love myself, he loses all power.

[@hardlyrecommended3413]

when you abondon a narcissist they'll start coming at you from every direction, what they actually want is to humiliate you and "put you back into your place", from what i've exprienced i think that they'll never stop planning their revenge for you, it's almost like the time goes by very slowly for them, even when they speak to you after years it's like they've just talked to you yesterday. they even use other people to push you into their traps. imo the most ugliest souls belong to narcissists.

[@innfield8836]

Then you've clearly never met a psychopath.

[@elliott2513]

My mom did this to my dad and then did the same to me. Luckily I wound up with my Grandparents who where sane people. Best thing that ever happened to me.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

A few years back I dumped the narc. Then I found out he physically abused his last girlfriend, after being with her only a few days. I will stand up for her, while the crazy monkeys justify his behavior. Sometimes I hate this world,

[@jodizellmer994]

And anything that does come out of their mouth to you, is PHONY!!!!!

[@SaraH-zt1ek]

​@@RapturereadyforJesus I found out my ex had been married before and wife #1 divorced him on the grounds of abuse.

[@justynanew]

From own experience I can say, that once narcissists lose control, it becomes a terrifying experience... But at the same time this is exactly when they make mistake of exposing themselves. Be brave, be safe and keep reminding yourself that you have made a right decision xx

[@jodizellmer994]

Exactly! They try so hard to keep their lies and deception from being exposed, that eventually they unintentionally expose themselves.

[@TrishaK369]

I'm in that place now and I'm scared. Don't know how to act, he is drama queen and will making scenes and trouble in front of children, my mother, tretening me... I'm scared!

[@BlkbunniOrg]

@@TrishaK369 get out it’s suck but just up and leave go to family shelter something….it won’t get better if you stay but you will get better if you go

[@SaraH-zt1ek]

​@@TrishaK369 I left with 2 kids at the age of 52, where I hadn't worked in 20 years. I made it and you can too. If you live in a one party recording state, get a cheap voice recorder and tape it to your calf or another inconspicuous place. Build your evidence against him. Good luck!

[@silvameaferam5441]

I've seen this in real time and you are one hundred percent correct. Worst case scenario was my first marriage. I was absolutely walking on eggshells those miserable couple of years.

[@v9b23j]

When the narcissistic person lost control, he went full on retaliation. He demeaned, harassed, stalked, extorted and black mailed me and used my vulnerability against me. It's the most despicable behavior I've personally ever experienced in my entire life.

[@adeleinetheartist8267]

Why won't you call the police?

[@v9b23j]

@@adeleinetheartist8267 Knowing his severe mental illness, I thought that would escalate his behavior and he would take it to a platform where he has full anonymity. And BTW, he had been watched by the police for harassing another person.

[@adeleinetheartist8267]

@@v9b23j Okay, I get it.

[@EveIsata]

​@@adeleinetheartist8267because sometimes they are the police

[@natscat4752]

Sounds about right 😢

[@darcymoerike5462]

They smear you for years.

[@Leannot35]

Many years😢

[@poppins1632]

Its an interesting realisation that one of the reasons I felt so wrong a lot of the time growing up wasn’t as much from there being something wrong with me but from a knowing deep in my core that there was something wrong with the way I was being treated

[@DarlingEbony]

When they cannot control you any more, it is my experience that they send in the flying monkeys and try to destroy your reputation. This is of course after their narcissistic rages take place and don't work.

[@lifejourney3086]

of course they Don't work.

[@MrMasterDebate]

@@lifejourney3086 I’m curious if they honestly believe they can yell and scream and have it work to solve their big problems.

[@lifejourney3086]

@@MrMasterDebate no it doesn't.

[@KoolT]

Amen

[@KoolT]

@@MrMasterDebate my mom was actually a very damaged rager bc her alcoholic narcissistic father destroyed her mind by threatening to kill her and her other siblings and they would hide in the forest all night😢

[@GuguGaga-eb9nb]

Smear campaign when they lose control of u.

[@jenoszucs3287]

And many other stuff. These people can't handle when you or someone else is done with them,and they will try to make you feel bad for your honesty,things that they don't have.. twisting everything what y say,do or don't do.. they love that feeling when they can dominate you. Sad individuals.

[@crystalgeter.6294]

Facts 🔥

[@Leannot35]

That is true because they're so miserable they choose to hurt others

[@realhealing7802]

I am living in this situation right now! I finally realized there was never a relationship. As long as they were able to control me, everything was fine. Being an individual in a narcissistic family system will never work. I had to go no contact. I would rather be alone than stay in a slavery position for the rest of my life.

[@azurea0587]

That's a very brave thing to do. Best wishes to you!

[@amiblack8294]

My situation was the same. I realized those people (my immediate family) never KNEW who I was as a person; they just saw me as they saw themselves. Self preservation is important and if I cut ties with them, it was because they handed me the scissors. Over and over again until I finally did it. Stay strong. While it makes me sad that my family was so messed up, I havent regretted my decision. Peace is just too valuable to me in life and it sounds like neither of us was going to get it if we continued on with our families. God bless you.

[@verseau8360]

……and don’t ever 1) think that maybe they realized their mistake, 2) that they’ve changed and 3) be tempted to go back. They don’t ever change.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Psychopaths want a willing slave and obedient servant to exploit and order round. Send an invoice for your services and watch the mob meltdown and rage at the injustice of not being treated like royalty or landed gentry.

[@sharonchristian8508]

real healing Slavery is honest. Bondage that you are not awhere of is far worse because you don't know what you're up against. Slaves know they can develop a plan to run away. Narcissism attempts to keep your true situation a secret so it takes years and years of frog boiling before you see what has happened to you.

[@WithAnEss]

Thank you for your hope , Dr Ramani. 125 days no contact and i have a safe, positive, and secure life without the narcissist. Thank you forever, Dr.

[@BryanChestnutt]

After 5 years I'm exhausted from my narcissist. I finally had enough & said get out of MY HOUSE ! Feels so liberating and I'm excited for the future again!

[@prescint10]

🎉🎉🎉

[@faizam9057]

Never allow anyone to take away your agency, voice and autonomy. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@tijeraslack3]

❤❤❤❤

[@ssully1377]

I have lived every word of this discussion. He worked so diligently to keep me small, without a voice all while sucking the life out of me. After 2 yrs of working with a mental health professional I finally had the strength to divorce him. My healing journey is slow but I’ll take those baby steps as a win.

[@TheMilwaukeeProtocol]

Slow is fine! Unrelated example: my baby daughter seems to be hitting all of her milestones a bit slowly, but I don't mind as long as she is a kind person. I'm speaking as a school teacher. So I think you're doing great. You seem to have good self-awareness, which is the number 1 game changer. And actually two years is fast. It took me about two years to understand what was going on when I changed relationships.

[@theresediaz8230]

​@@TheMilwaukeeProtocol please have your daughter evaluated by the Regional Center ASAP Slow milestone markers are a red 🚩. Please, early intervention is best practice. If you are a public school teacher, call the Director of Special Education and she/he can direct you

[@KoolT]

Hugs and prayers. I'm so happy I left mine. So happy not to walk on eggshells and be cussed.

[@newlymade.8774]

Same to me...n sits on my dreams n growth

[@ikasugami8066]

I have a friend who's married to a narcissist, and have heard the story multiple times that she gets basically to the end of her rope and makes it known to him that she is setting things up for leaving or plans to leave or something to that effect, and that's when he suddenly starts getting better and treating her nicer and doing things she's been wanting him to do in order to stay, so that she ends up staying, and then lo and behold after being solidly back in the relationship things get bad again. 💔

[@angelisa368]

The worst is when the narcissist is an aging parent. Such a dilemma for a still empathetic yet abused adult child. Sigh.

[@spnd2mch]

Try to distance yourself as much as you can. Get others to do the care. I foolishly took my parents in. I never dreamt they'd live into their 90s. Mom said, "Well, now I know why I had you. So you could take care of us." They loved my hubby and felt sorry for him being stuck with me. Their passing 3 mos apart 6 years ago set me free. That sounds terrible, but it's how I feel.

[@Loyannelima]

I don't see as worst, you have to understand they have a forever sick mind and you have to treat as such, putting them into the care of a place for seniors if they can't be alone anymore, not listen to any of their complaints cuz they'll be all powered up to make you feel guilty. We would never feel guilty to hospitalize someone completely nuts, why would you feel guilty for distance yourself from someone mad and dangerous?

[@sumaiyanoor6928]

So true! And one of the most painful experiences of life. If not the most painful one.

[@tamarap387]

This is me. Stepfather (who I grew up with) now the only parent left and he is 84...will not accept my help, but then turns 'that' on me. Also is refusing money owed to me from an investment. It feels impossible. And day after tomorrow is 'Father's Day'. We had a scary interaction over those monies today when I stood up to him and asked him about repayment. I want to have compassion, but it's getting really difficult.

[@Loyannelima]

@@tamarap387 don't be. As I said before, see him as someone with a sickness in his mind. Would you try to be empathetic with a psychopath if you knew they would intentionally harm you physically/mentally due to their sick mind? Narcisism is just few steps down to psychopathy. Don't see him as normal person "just being mean" to you. Is not the case, you have to protect yourself and if it's necessary put him into a facility for elders. Let the professionals handle him, and go to therapy to help yourself to deal with your emotional conflicts. With therapy you'll understand you don't have to feel any guilt or fear to break free from a sick relationship no matter if the person in question is you parent or loved one. You can't heal someone that don't want to be healed, but you can and YOU MUST heal yourself 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

[@BuckleyThompson]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@bluejupiter9545]

I'm going through this now and I'm a man so what did you do?

[@mili_kz]

They withhold sex on purpose. It's another way of "power and control" in their sick, little brains. I also experienced this with a covert narcissist I dated shortly. We were at the beginning of the relationship and he'd withhold it from me. HUGE RED FLAG! You need to run away!

[@angrycannibal6625]

There was nothing wrong with you. He used intimacy or lack of it, to control you.

[@MrRohanThomas]

Very odd behaviour from a man

[@brankaurosevic9003]

Same here almost the exact carbon copy it’s eating me up I feel like I’m getting an ulcer I can’t eat or sleep in a mess. Praying you all get better and healed as quickly as can be ❤

[@ericb8413]

My mother was controlled for 60 years by my father until he died. She has been free of him for 10 years. I’m so happy to see her liberated. My sister married a man exactly like my father. He’s controlled her for 50 years. She’ll never leave him but it makes me sad to see her living the exact same life my mom had. The cycle repeats. 😢

[@KoolT]

Yep

[@AlAhmed94]

The math doesn’t add up

[@miriamkusimbo2841]

Saad

[@rastaboi8864]

​@@AlAhmed94 Right 🤔🤔

[@kalkhan816]

I wish things would change for you guys

[@FallacyAsPraxis]

Dr. Ramani will never read this but I'm posting anyway because she saved my life. Things were so bad for me that I was even thinking about taking pills and ending it. I am a Christian, and I worked hard and built a very successful business. For years I was gaslighted and manipulated by jealous elders and others in my church who tried to convince me that I am materialistic and worthless. It was a shock to me to learn just how evil people can be. I knew nothing about narcissism, and I wasted years of my life thinking that I was the bad one. I cried in silence after I became awake. And my dog kept coming up to me and licking my face because although he could hear me crying he could see my tears and knew that I was in distress. What you don't know really CAN hurt you! Be patient and kind to those who are slow to awakening. Some us really didn't know... And even after we wake up it takes a long time to accept that people who we love and trusted most of our lives have purposefully done so much to stifle and hurt us.

[@verseau8360]

Controlling people gravitate towards positions of power in many settings, including churches. They are just humans. Jesus would not judge you or try to control you. Recognize and free yourself from controlling people.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

I had to leave a church recently. I love the people, but I will not accept abuse anymore. I am thankful Jesus saved you from suicide!♥️

[@jenj5152]

@Fallacy As Praxis Sorry that happened. You seem like such a kind and genuine individual. I’ve had a similar experience, and to finally realize that my love and sincerity had been poured into people who didn’t have my best interests at heart devastated me. Sad to say, my default mode tends to be “cynical” these days. Self-protection, I guess.🤷🏽‍♀

[@TheRealDeal130]

I'm a recovering Christian too. I've stopped all associations with those devils. I remain true to God Himself, worship and pray from the safety and comfort of my heart and home.

[@forumicebreaker]

I have read this, l see it.

[@TheBaumcm]

In video games, NPCs, non player characters, exist solely to further the story for the main character. With narcissistic people, I feel like that how they see everyone else, as a Narcissist’s Personal Companion, as in you only exist to further and address their needs and goals. Nothing makes them feel worse than trying to do something at the same time and you succeeding where they fail, even if they try to sabotage you.

[@kellynelson8201]

That's a really great comparison!

[@KoolT]

Yep you're just a transaction and ARM CANDY and maid mama🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@renticat]

That's why men on red pill section always talking that most everyone living like npc when perhaps they're ego is too much and ofc a narcissistic person.

[@narcicide8814]

My thoughts exactly! They have a very twisted form of main character syndrome.

[@KarinaLicursi]

It gets worse when you start to say "no", but it was always bad to begin with.

[@martyhoffmaster131]

Was married to a narcissist for 13 years. Since our divorce 13 years ago after she found another victim, I've come back to the person that I was before our marriage. Enjoyed this video very much!

[@unclejovan1913]

I’m dumbstruck after I heard you say, “you , simply being you was never going to be allowed in this relationship.” And it was fairly obvious that things were already headed this way A long time ago since I was in my teen years.

[@HagiaFantasia]

A narcissist ex reacted like that when I told him I wanted to go to school for mortuary science. He started saying that's a weird and creepy job, bringing up all the negative and time consuming parts of the career. Narcissists don't like when you have a career that involves you being out of their presence

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

My son is dating a narc. When it was time to sign papers on the sale of his property last week she took drugs the night before. He called to have me come get her. She looked like death. I told my son today I am done with both of them.

[@flowersinantarctica8]

mortuary science is super cool and interesting and i bet you will be amazing at it if thats what you want to do. my parents acted like that when i said i wanted to go into forensic psychology :/ even though i love it

[@rosadelamora3134]

Nearly 20 years as a funeral director/embalmer...I have had all the negative comments but I love my vocation. My goal is to make each family feel 'ok' and to serve with respect. Ignore anyone who comments on it being creepy! Good luck with mortuary school and I hope for you a lifelong career knowing you make a difference each day!

[@nikkinorton8310]

The reality of what happens came to a shock to me. There is peace on the other side, but it takes a while. It took me 11 years with two successful hoovers, and too many flying monkeys to count. Church was used, kids were used, friends were used, other family was used, my career and work was used. It was definitely a nightmare and the darkest time of my life. I've started over twice and the walls that I put up the second time were pretty solid. I hate walls, but when you have a control freak narcissist in your life, they are definitely needed.

[@KoolT]

Hugs and prayers. Set those boundaries. 💛

[@erikawithee]

I am experiencing this now it’s really hard he has been gaslighting me it’s exhausting My mother is also a Narc and she has belittled me for 47 n then my ex husband also abused me now they are gaslighting me do you have any advice?😭💔

[@nikkinorton8310]

@@erikawithee it is exhausting, and I definitely hate it for you I don't really like my advice or anyone else's in this matter. I moved away, bought an RV because it is movable, in case the stalking continued, got dogs for protection, made my neighbors aware in a gated community, dropped all contact with nearly everyone I knew, including family...then it still took 2 years of living in the woods for them to lose interest and 4 years to heal after that. It's incredibly difficult. When my dad died I didn't go to the funeral, and I loved him very much. It's just a bad situation. I hope the laws start addressing coercive control. It's like mind rape.

[@kellykajander3115]

yup....i caught on early..went 100% no contact with any 1 willing 2 ENGAGE with the narc...course later went 100% no contact with the NARC as well..its important 2 let the stupid NARC b the only one convincing ppl u r the problem...in time they either catch on to the narc & or they become his newest victims

[@scarletibis3158]

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[@cherrydeleon9646]

I'm crying right now. I just dumped mine. He's going crazy like a wild beast on text. Thank you. 😅

[@veganvocalist4782]

hope you stood your ground cherry 🙏🏼❤ we are all stronger than we realise

[@grahamlangley4856]

They will go crazy, then spread stories and lies, then when that doesn't work as your strong enough to spread the truth and not scared into submission by them they will turn up the love and attention and tell everyone that it's all great now. When they are at the point of just lying to create the reality that benefits them they are not your people. Don't play again no matter how good the "fake" behaviour returns. If it's off its off. Self love club ❤

[@richardobrien399]

"There is no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship." - Dr. Ramani Nails it!

[@goblin1226]

I feel for everyone who is in such a relationship, let alone having family like this. 😕

[@schindlersredemption]

They control you indirectly through other people. E.g your very own children.

[@JasmineBliss]

Those r known as flying monkeys of narcissist

[@jodizellmer994]

Yes! Especially if they know that their lies will eventually get back to you, so they figure if you heard or see it directly from the person they are trying to turn you against, you would most likely believe it. WRONG!!!!!

[@lindagithaiga1974]

If they get to control my adult children they can have them I will not tolerate disrespect from anyone not even my child

[@pretty_troll]

i experienced that too

[@Postitnews2024]

They act as if you do not exist and move on to someone else to try and pull their game on. Do not go back and move on.

[@Rad_Dad_Army]

Thank you ive completely turned my life around got ripped in the gym work two jobs on railway and electrician. Earning more money now then ive ever been and she fully discarded me. Makes sense the stronger i become she couldnt take it as less control. The wierd thing is she said i need to improve my life and become more successful so i did to then criticized me for it. Also constantly putting me down for it. This left me really confused but i understand why now so thank you again with your videos its a blessing kimd regards from the United Kingdom much love 🙏❤️‍🔥

[@janmontesinos6384]

I didn't know the term 'narcissism' nearly 40 years ago when I distanced myself from Mother when she threatened to disinherit me if I didn't do what she demanded. Best decision ever. She would pass me in the street and not acknowledge me but would do dramatic open arm crap if she had an audience, making me the 'bad one' in ignoring her. Freedom to be oneself is priceless

[@sdub7045]

I put my narcissist mother in "time out" for threatening the same thing. No contact for at least one week. I know I won't change her, but she knows I'm not putting up with her crap anymore.

[@adeleinetheartist8267]

​​@@sdub7045 Can't you call the fucking cops? All narcissists should be arrested and sent to prison. Narcissists deserve punishment, and their crimes are bullying, lying and manipulation.

[@jillcummings8810]

I must be doing something right. He recently said I was “Stubborn”. Thank you Dr Ramani

[@johnrivers3813]

Wait until they start calling you swear words. That's when you know you're blazing on the right path

[@di4085]

This past year my parent showed up at work unexpectedly walked into an employee door and struck up a conversation with one of my co-workers. I was coming back from a Christmas luncheon with my boss. My co-worker took me aside and told me what happened. Funny thing is I forewarned him don't be surprised if my parent shows up some day. Struck up a conversation with my coworker and told him that I'm being secretive. It's because I have distanced myself from them and the rest of my family this past year.

[@SlayinCrystals]

He calls me hard headed 😂😂😂 like Bruh you cant break me

[@SuzkaMares]

They can't wait for you to fail once you choose to leave. They actually look forward to it and will let you know how much of a failure you have always been by bringing up any past mistakes. It is so cruel and hurtful, especially when it's your mother.

[@KoolT]

Hugs, I had a very damaged m bc she was so horrifically abused by her violent alcoholic father. She never drank and ate lots of valium and stayed depressed and made SUICIDE attempts. Never came to see me at school in anything I was a real star in. But she never wanted me to fail. That is so sad. She wanted me to work and own a nice home and I did. And she was very kind to my son in her old age.

[@yoseflopez5141]

Not to mention intentionally setting you up to fail so you have no choice but to go back to them. These people are disgusting and deserve nothing but misery.....

[@BobbiGail]

This is true and disgusting. Sometimes they want us to fail so they can come in and "rescue"... and then hold it over us that we OWE them! Took me so long to see the reality.

[@SLR.e14]

Or when it’s your Father

[@MeghenFarley]

Mmmhmm

[@pain718eib]

Doc, you have such a seasoned elegance about yourself..

[@bethanyfury1209]

I've had so many narcs in my life. They have been in a multitude of positions throughout my past. This video is SPOT ON.

[@alessandrasaenz72]

This is so true. The ex always found some "excuse" for me to not get my master's, etc. My mother was even worse. She manipulated my father so I wouldn't go away to college, etc. During the pandemic I was able to study my master's in CBT and start my own practice without her knowing. So in October when she threatened to kick me out (like many times since she and my father divorced) I secretly went and rented an apartment. When dad and I finally told her it was horrible. She almost didn't speak to me, stole things from me, etc. Five months later, her contempt for me is worse than ever. I know she'll never "forgive" me and will forever be persona non grata. I just don't care anymore. These months have been hard, but they've also been the best of my life.

[@wickiwo1098]

It's been over a year since I went no contact with a narc relative. This time has also been the best of my life. Internet hugs to you!

[@alessandrasaenz72]

@@wickiwo1098 thank you very much. Hugs for you too.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Persona non grata is your status after escaping or abandoning the narcissist. Damned if you stay and villified if you leave.

[@alessandrasaenz72]

@@chriscunningham8807 exactly!

[@verseau8360]

Brava! Don’t look back. She will never change. Think of Mother Earth as your true mom now. Time to heal and then I hope you thrive and shine!

[@davesskillet9235]

They lose it they cannot stand losing control over you. Thanks for sharing Doctor Ramani

[@julianlams2233]

Had a rough morning. This video got me out of bed. ❤

[@chayo4537]

I'm still here

[@georgiafrancis9059]

when this narcissist wants to remind everyone she's the queen of the rock - she tells a story about ALL her sacrifices------Poor little ole her, and the story is always the same

[@camendes]

Wow 😮 My narc always says that everything is easy for me and difficult for him... Yes, and the busy excuse is also a must.

[@marieborchardt2910]

After the discard, the smear campaign was especially hard to deal with. It took me a while to realize I got off easy when the narcissist left. Although I would have been happy never to have been in a narcissistic relationship, in life, I think we're all touched by narcissists at some time. Thank you Dr. Ramini for giving me information to understand and to cope. ❤

[@KoolT]

They LOVE TO SMEAR US, MINE ACTUALLY BEGGED ME TO STAY, then went around telling people I was hard to get rid of. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@miriamkusimbo2841]

@@KoolT 🤣🤣🤣 indeed they are difficult

[@miriamkusimbo2841]

@@KoolT 🤣🤣🤣 indeed they are difficult

[@betsyhood8939]

Most people will figure out who's the crazy one.

[@silvameaferam5441]

Marie Borchardt Good for you for moving on, even during a smear campaign, you are strong. And now, the important part. You are free of them. Good for you! and Good luck!

[@caromitgeige]

When my narc mother had a stroke 5 years ago, it felt like my world was collapsing. I had been so mad at her for months because she treated me very poorly, and i was considering no contact for the first time in my life. But when she got to the hospital and was in intensive care, it felt like i might die if she didnt make it. It took her loosing most cognitive control and two different therapists for me to start realizing that it was withdrawal. She was like poison for me, wanting to prevent my growth, not letting me be my true self and only sanctioning what she deemed good. She infiltrated my mind so deeply, i often hear her malicious comments in my mind when i do something she would disapprove of. Despite me feeling sorry for a human going through a stroke, dementia and the assisted living facility she is in, i cannot help but feel elated that i made it out. I have been low contact for 3 years and no contact for 2 months. And the stroke i thought would kill me too was me saving grace.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Yeah, most drugs are poison in the end. Congratulations on detoxing successfully. That quiet, nasty little voice of the narc gets quieter over time if you don't let it influence you. Eventually, it's barely there at all, but sometimes it'll get louder and surprise you. Watch out for that...

[@nmc1859]

As a nurse, i cared for all patients with compassion, and yet i wonder, based on observations of my own narc mother if narcissism is correlated with dementia

[@elanahammer1076]

The best thing to do is take mental notes when dating. As an introvert people reveal themselves to me fairly quickly.If a person disrespects you every week then continues that behavior you have no reason to move forward. A healthy person in a relationship clearly articulates their needs and concerns. A toxic person dismisses your feelings and tries to play mind games with your heart. If you see a pattern develop quickly, cut bait. Get out and keep on walking. Narcissists are incapable of a healthy mindset or boundaries. I wish others strength and peace. I have been studying narcissistic behaviors for quite a long time. Probably since I was 13 years old. Blessings for those who need to heal.🤔❤🇺🇸

[@wallhagens2001]

My mom decided to abandon me when I challenged the status quo and it hurts like hell. But I can’t go back. My husband is shocked at her behavior, but a part of me always knew that once I stopped playing along, I’d be cut loose.

[@OpalRonning]

I have been married 47 years and am separated from my husband, he has tried to all kinds of things to get me to come home, and I am standing strong on not coming home, he needs physical, emotional help. After became violent with me and tried to keep me at our home by keeping my car keys, I finally got a bag packed, thankfully because our daughter was on the phone and left 10 hour away. I am thankful for my daughters and her husband home I am living in now. He is in the hospital for surgery he had to have and still he has tried to get me to come home. It took this last this time which was awful to know it was enough. We still talk, we have financial responsibility we have together. It has been a long road to get to where I am today, I am doing counseling which is helping and time in prayer and mediation with God's word. I thank you for your channel I have learned a lot. Thank you

[@MH_Prof]

Narcissist I dated wanted me to stay with him for 2 weeks so he could “train” me. You read that right. He thought I was a puppy that needed to learn how to go on the paper. I reacted terribly to the suggestion and told him I was not a dog and did not training. Our relationship was extremely volatile because I reacted terribly to his efforts to control everything (among his many other unpleasant personality traits). I am happy as can be that I left that relationship. What a nightmare.

[@CatBites20]

Resonated so much with "no room for two people's realities". I literally told my therapist that it's as if we live in separate realities and trying to talk through anything is as if I am speaking another language to him that he cannot grasp. Full on rage, silent treatment, verbal devaluation, then screaming he wants a divorce. When I finally had enough of hearing that, I said "so call an attorney then!", the reaction was "you'd do that to me? strip me of all I worked for!? Umm, wait, didn't you just tell me to just get out?! That YOU wanted a divorce? He's in full on shapeshifter and total smear campaign mode because he has lost that fear-tactic control of threatening to divorce. What precipitated the rage? They do not want to see you succeed. They want you totally dependent upon them.

[@adeleinetheartist8267]

Just threaten to call the cops on him, and the cops will arrest your narcissist, then your narcissist will be in prison.

[@wayneC7]

I wished this topic was a mandatory course in college. I would have progressed so much more in life knowing I was an empath and what a narcissist characteristic alarms. I think I lost about 15yrs of life.

[@brownshugakale2410]

Definitely needs to be a class!!

[@gwendolyn79]

Same here.

[@jeanettahenderson2800]

Agreed and what a great idea! If we only would have known then what we know now...

[@lilac624]

I lost my life because of the people who have abused me.m

[@ZEEHABESHA]

Thank you Dr Ramani, I have been toasting my self in narcissist relationships for 8 years. You don't even understand how you have activated my brain, I was asleep. Now I am out off this hell place.

[@anicharlie7014]

It took me 10 years to come to terms that I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani, your videos are incredibly helpful ❤

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

When my ex narc friend ‘lost control’ of me as I healed, she began to throw insults and manipulations with blaming and shaming at me. Thankfully I’ve learned so much that I could see it for what it was to stand up for myself and disengage from it. I did try to talk to her about it but she gave me the silent treatment. Whenever I tried to explain my point of view with things, she dismissed and invalidated my feelings, never taking responsibility for her part. If I ever exerted a healthy boundary, she played the victim and said it was hurting her. She was a master of blame shifting. She also tried to interfere with and sabotage my trauma therapy for my assault case. It was the final straw. So I’ve let the friendship go cause it was so unhealthy and caused me severe stress. Just not worth it. Grateful for this community of support. Thank you 🙏 ❤

[@celia5637]

This sounds exactly like my experience. I'm trying to heal from the death of my husband and my Narcist try to control me for the last 3 years. I finally went no contact. What a relief!

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

I have a friend like this. I really like talking to her but she brings up my past. It puts me on edge.

[@selinaogorman8380]

Had this happened to me plus sadly she really lacked empathy to no emotion to so indeed she threw insults at me and put me down to it was so bad I cried sometimes eventually I stopped her behavior towards me she finally left she knew I wasn’t going to allow her to control me anymore never was a friend at all!

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

@@selinaogorman8380 they never were our real friends. They don’t realize we are much happier without them!

[@anamericanman]

That's not a friend, it's a parasite

[@sannajohanna5579]

This grief seems to never end.

[@tcme11]

It ends when we go no contact and move on. The second part is equally important as the first. Move on.

[@FindYourFree]

it is grief like no other

[@goldalevin869]

The best thing to do is to grayrock or leave. Leaving is like the sun shining.

[@itsdefinitelytrue7600]

You do not know how much these videos help me❤ it's like 10 years of therapy in just a few weeks👍

[@skatingmom8146]

Dr. Ramani, this is long overdue, but this video is EXACTLY what I needed. My narcissist husband is making it hell for me to succeed in my new career--telling me it's not a real job, encouraging me to apply to mediocre jobs, and not supporting times when I actually succeed at what I'm doing. Sometimes I'm convinced he's on a mission to deliberately distract me or steer me into a less successful direction. But I can't give up. This was my calling in life.

[@rohithreddy75]

thats the purpose of devil , to distract you. Dont call him husband anymore, leave asap after you are financially doing well

[@susanlacey1615]

My child is married to a narcissist. They eloped and are having a ceremony "For the parents since we missed out on the initial wedding". The ceremony will be held at an elaborate destination that most of our family can't afford to go to. I believe the my child is being made to feel like the less family she has attending, the less she is loved and therefore only needs her Narc spouse and their family. It saddens me beyond belief. And there's nothing I can do until my child removes the scales from her eyes 😢

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

I would then turn the table and organize a decent funny and cheap event for all of YOUR family inviting the couple to have the son-in-law feel LOVED instead of need of showing status so he can get to know your daughter's family without his parents and nerd company. Would that be an idea? Any kind of picnic or bottle party will do. 😉

[@deeh5126]

Having been in your daughter's position myself, the only advice I can give is to not try to open her eyes for her! Make sure she knows you love her and are there for her, no matter what. If you try to help her see the truth, it will only push her deeper into his game. As hard as it may be, don't talk about him in a disparaging way, at all. Corrina also gave a GREAT suggestion. This would make it very clear that you do want to be involved, but simply are limited in things that cost money. Douchebag may be able to manipulate your daughter, but you have control of your actions, and your actions will speak louder than his tactics.

[@shellyg5705]

@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Fantastic idea!!

[@lifejourney3086]

​@@Corinna_Schuett_GER I LIKE THAT!🎉😂❤

[@tinazapata1379]

Simply love her, be supportive and keep the communication open. In time hopefully she finds her way.

[@cherylpeters4944]

I finally found my voice and ended the relationship. Ever since the narcissist has done everything he can to torment me, slander me and make himself to be the victim. I am a successful business person and he has stopped working and is making himself out as poor and it’s my fault he is broke. He is also going after half of everything I have created. Law suit is still happening, but I have learned from Dr Ramani and I’m strategizing accordingly.

[@lynnebucher6537]

I worked with someone whose husband voluntarily quit working then wanted alimony and almost all the assets when they split. She had copies of old tax returns showing that he was capable of earning a living. that was the end of his attempts to get alimony and more than 50%.

[@debbieg1406]

All so true. Thank you for explaining this so well Dr Ramani. On 4th Nov 22, I finally left my Narc ex-husband after a 23 yr marriage, two children (20 & 21) & 31 yr relationship. Sadly I’ve now been alienated from my son, lost my home, finances and most family & friends with smear campaigns. My lawyer is currently pushing my Property/Financial Settlement to Court.

[@deeh5126]

I am so sorry. Keep on keeping on, doing what you know to be right and being honest.

[@KoolT]

I'd rather live in a tent than with a narcissistic rager. I was widowed before I met my narc

[@KoolT]

Get every dime you can

[@marshaferron5374]

You did the right thing, it’s your truth other people may not see it or accept it, at the end of the day your peace it so much more than being in a abusive marriage. Praying for you to get what is rightfully yours!!

[@deniseburg1460]

Good always wins 🙏🏼♥️

[@angelastephenson1395]

Their reality is not the same as ours.You cant help them and your better off cutting all ties as soon as you possibly can.

[@Iampositive1234]

Just listening to you speak calms me down and validates my feelings.

[@kellycrawford7283]

My wife of 15yrs has emerged as the most miserable person I have ever seen when we are in private. I have discovered narcissism and I see all of the moves well in advance. I just never knew and kept working on myself. It’s a horrible thing to watch as she melts down before my very eyes. I’m 591/2 and want to retire at 63. My gut has told me to end it many times and I gas lit myself each time. 😢 I raised my stepson and he is very well grounded. He will graduate college soon. At least, having become aware, I am beginning to recognize myself again. It’s my time now. Thank you for your honesty. I thought I was going crazy.

[@alexandriascott4656]

It’s sad how narcissistic parents will only want to deal with you if it’s on their terms having the relationship the way they want to and it’s not even a relationship because it’s all one sided on only it being there way. So sad and crazy! It’s so real it’s been going on with me my entire life!

[@perpetualbystander4516]

I can really relate to that. Especially my mom is always looking for something she can scoff over, and trying her best all the time to diminish me and my efforts. She definitely doesn't want to lose control, so she'll never let me get a chance to be independent of her.

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

💯feel your pain💔

[@DTPIIXART]

I happen to be one of those people who believes parents should go see their kids once in awhile, and not just sit around waiting for them in their adult life to knock on their door. My mother is giving me the silent treatment after telling her how fake she is about that. I could care less what her husband does. I have lost any desire to want to go see her now, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm better off not to.

[@helenrosario1421]

Watching this video today the 6th of April 2023, i am on the receiving end of the silent treatment all because i went to visit my son who lives in another state and i did not ask his permission---didn't stop me going ,im thoroughly enjoying my holiday without him. He can take his silent treatment and shove it.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

Good for you!

[@melissamoncada9175]

These videos help me move on one day at a time. I don’t know if the Dr realizes just how much she impacts our lives. Thank you Dr; SO much❤

[@CloudHopper789]

I’ve been watching these videos since I left my parental situation at seventeen. They have helped me through so much. I cannot thank the one who created them enough. I am now twenty and in a happy and healthy relationship and living without them.

[@aynilaa]

Just what you said! I'm 27 now, my narc parents still try to control me with money and keep me small. They prevent my growth, independence and happiness. It's ridiculous and I'm not having it anymore.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

My parents did the same. Get away as quickly as possible. I stayed too long.

[@arinasingh]

My ex is a covert narcissist musician. He completely discarded me for 2nd time (after he hoovered me before that) in January in an extremely painful way but that was only when he realized I ain't giving in to his games anymore. Only through Dr. Ramani's help I realized I was succumbed to all this thanks to my covert narcissist mother and growing up trying to save her. Never have felt more alive than now. Thank you 💖

[@karynhuang9957]

What are signs of covert ? Is that the same as vulnerable?

[@aflack1000]

Contempt is the perfect word. As my control of myself gets better every day, the contempt from my 40 year long covert narc husband is open and in my face. Will he leave. Nope! At our age the possibility of a actual split is pretty non-existent. I just try and build my own life now.

[@hughmarkestill6941]

Why do you say that the possibility of a actual split is nonexistent? I’m 70 and working on the split right now. You can do it. At least have a few years of your life free of the narc.

[@KoolT]

I hope you are not in physical danger. I know many elderly women who live alone and are very very happy in SMALL apartments.

[@aflack1000]

@@KoolT Thank you for your concern, but the only one in physical danger (maybe) is my narc husband 🤣 I live on 5 (paid for) acres - 3 of them in gardens and have no intention of trading that for an apartment. I'm planning on moving him to his own bedroom which is the best I can do.

[@aflack1000]

@@hughmarkestill6941 The financials just don't work for a split. I'm planning on moving him to his own bedroom - wish me luck.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

I dumped the x. I was pretty angry at first. Been enjoying my life. Then I found out he physically abused his last x girlfriend after 3 days of being with him. I am way more angry over him hurting her. Of course the crazy monkeys justify his sick behavior. I hope she feels free to reach out to me for support.

[@staycool163]

I continue to learn so much from you! I really am feeling stronger (and sane) since being away from the narcissist that I was dealing with! Feeling FREE! AHHHHHH

[@PaolaBisicchia]

"there's no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship, always keep that in mind". What a great quote! I had to stop the video and ponder... it is true! They are not open to another's point of view at all!

[@KUqdah]

When I made the decision to become an Attorney while our children were quite young, my ex started to call me " pocket attorney," along with a derisive tone. He tried to keep me from pursuing my studies, to keep me beneath him. I had to break away for my family's sake. He still thinks I belong to him, still tries to make me feel like I'm the reason he's the disaster that he is! Such a joke! I'm staying away, and I take the LSAT this June...😊

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

Good for you!

[@angelawoodlief7242]

I'm very proud of you!❤

[@KUqdah]

@@angelawoodlief7242thank you! Much appreciated!

[@-bw1420]

Thank you so much! Been in therapy for many years and finally understood my mother is a narcissist and so is the person I was married to. 6 years later zero contact with him. Now I understand why healing has been a long and a painful process but I’ll be ok.

[@tryingtosurvive4386]

I have Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer and just went through this with a “friend.” Over the course of our “friendship “ she controlled where we went, how long we stayed, what we talked about (which was always her) and she tried to tell me who to be friends with. When I finally started asserting my autonomy by spending time with other’s (always inviting her) she abandoned me and it’s been silent treatment. All I wanted was to make amazing memories with all my friends with the time I have left but because it’s not all about her she discarded me. It’s ok because have a bigger picture in mind. I’ve introduced several of my friends to each other and they’re now really good friends. It’s like weaving the tapestry of my life. They will have each other when I’m no longer here and that’s beautiful.

[@amiblack8294]

What a beautiful legacy to leave to the people you love. Your spirit is beautiful and i wish you healing and peace.

[@tryingtosurvive4386]

@@amiblack8294 Thank you ❤️

[@di4085]

How are you doing now?

[@tryingtosurvive4386]

@@di4085 still here, still fighting off progression. I’m happy, keep busy spending time with friends and traveling. Make the most of the time you have ❤️

[@BM-yt9wr]

Keep going we love you!! ❤❤❤🎉I have breast cancer too & spine injury. I too am Ending my relationship w narc as he can’t abuse & control me anymore.-want live my best life out. You are a true inspiration to us all, how genius & loving to bring all your friends together! I’m hoping to spread similar love & connection to other disabled (or not disabled) cancer struggling people. We are all in this together. Thank you for sharing your love & light & being a force of positive love! How awesome you are!! ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉😎😀👏👏👏

[@katrinadixon1337]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I moved several states away from my narc mom just to find peace. During a phone call, I recall her saying "You got away". I was shocked to hear that. I sensed that she felt defeated because she lost her "grip". Yes, I got away and love my peace.

[@RainbowSunshineRain]

I have been strugeling all my life in such an environment. First my parents. Then an abusive relationship for 13 years that I couldn’t get out of. Even we had a relationship coach that sided with him. Slightly it did get better, but I still became more and more dependent, fearful, hiding, isolating, and believing I could not survive without his contribution. I am working on getting out again …