What Does it Take to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

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What does it take to heal? What is the thought process and the philosophy behind healing? is it as easy as going "No Contact"? is it as simple as going back to life as it was before? can we just up and leave the relationship and meditate, include a good self-care routine and get on with our lives?
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Timestamps:
• 0:00 | What does it take?
• 0:03 | 9 Years of Experience
• 0:20 | It's difficult
• 0:48 | Narcissistic abuse is an infection
• 2:21 | Diminish Contact
• 2:43 | The first step
• 3:05 | Step 2
• 4:26 | What if you never grew up?
• 5:57 | Infantalised through abuse
• 6:23 | individuate and exceed
• 8:16 | Born Again
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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#SOCIOPATHY #Abuse #RichardGrannon

[@marilynminer677]

There was a moment, one night, standing out on the deck in the crisp night air alone, surrounded by 5 acres of beloved natural land, the decision was made, the words came out, "Time to be a Grown Up." I left within weeks, after 25 years, after a lifetime; I was 61. And, all went from there. It definitely got "worse" before it got better, but even "worse" was BETTER.

[@Zepster77]

Wow 🌠❤‍🔥🌠

[@ivanapetek6303]

Bravo Marilyn!!!

[@fenellahoward4851]

Like you I left after 25 years. What Richard says is spot on. There is and there will always be a part susceptible to the lure of being within an unhealthy narcissistic relationship/family and our work through therapy/mindfulness is to be more and more aware of this aspect of ourselves. Our work is to become grown up.

[@traceysneath5285]

Oh Wow 👏 I finally left mine after 33 years, last Christmas after a rage fit because I wanted to see my brother....... Its been horrendous, but yes still better than being with him, at 55 I am finding me 👀😊 Marilyn thank you for sharing, helps knowing I am not alone 🙏 best wishes to you ❤️ x

[@belindablunderbus1365]

Amazing 👏 I left after 19 years with an older abuser, as you say it got worse for a time, but that's on him not me x

[@maethompson1034]

For me it was researching NPD and understanding that there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of our relationship. I accepted my responsibility in the relationship and I changed. Acceptance was the key to my healing and closure and moving on as well as forgiveness. You can't really change others but you can change yourself. It's no small thing, but it's a beautiful thing.

[@mint_soup9743]

I love this 💜 very well said

[@BrillGirl82]

YES ❤

[@tonyconnor5691]

I think you hit the nail on the head here, it's coming to terms that by the end you almost became them and that you couldn't of done anything or change anything for a different result, they're literally is nothing that could of been done

[@Moonstruck212]

Yes I too moved on by accepting the inevitable

[@wansangoh4951]

You will NEVER be good enough for the Narc & they will BLAME you for everything until you are programmed to believe that you are NOT enough.

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

Mr. Brannon, I married two narcissists and stayed a total of 39 years-not believing in divorce. I stayed alone 9 years before meeting a great guy who also had been with two narcissists for 45 years. We are STILL healing. It’s a life long process-no contact with the abusers.

[@hggtg]

That's how I felt.I was married 37 years now to a narcissist.Still, I'm just gets worse every day. God I hope god helps me😭

[@1RPJacob]

Trying to heal while still being in contact with toxic people is trying to blow-dry hair while standing in the rain storm.

[@suziq1533]

There is a rather huge blessing from being in an abusive relationship with a covert narcissist for 6 years that your video brought into view for me. This blessing is that it forced me to look closely enough into myself that I can now see those places where I never did individuate, to use your term. This is an extremely timely and pertinent concept for me. I'm 70, so it will be an interesting project, this rebirthing of my individuality! Here I go!

[@robertataylor5794]

I am proud of you Suzi Q! You are a good example for all of us! Thank you for sharing your story!

[@Starlightndust]

You're an inspiration!! 👏

[@BrianRenardDavis]

Hey Suzi

[@suziq1533]

@@BrianRenardDavis Hey back

[@vincentboersma9227]

good luck! to you it's not easy but don't look back

[@knowledgeseeker2776]

Take as much time as you need to feel well again. I thought once I left the situation I would have constant peace, joy and happiness. Wrong. My thoughts started stealing my peace, joy and happiness as if I was still in the abusive relationship. Literally I became my own abuser. It’s a total mind shift for me. I have to autocorrect my thoughts every day. I no longer put a timeframe on my healing.

[@David-eu1ms]

Thank you.

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

Thanks SO much for sharing this 🙏Can totally relate, 'I became my own abuser' ...powerful insight & 💯 'autocorrect' my thoughts everyday. It's so good to know I'm not alone ❤The pressure of a timeframe can be too overwhelming at times but...on the other hand I don't want this healing to draaaaggggg on for the rest of my life 🤷🏻‍♀

[@kayligo]

Oof how are you doing now?

[@blacksongbird100]

FACTS!!!

[@chasradcliffe1045]

Shit that is so good to hear I’ve been 11 weeks free of my ex narcissistic partner (bitch). Sometimes I feel good and other times I slip back into thinking about all the shit I put up with. Can’t seen to snap out of it Any advice

[@Narcopathy]

Narcissistic abuse unlock part of my mind that wouldn't be unlocked in an another way. Instead of destroying me they lift me up and they destroyed themselves.

[@therealericjackdaniels]

When I finally broke from my Narcissistic abuser after 15yrs I went back to the state I was living in right before we met. Upon my return I discovered that everyone else had moved on with their lives. Their children have had children. A quarter of the people I knew had died. There was nothing the same. Nothing. You can’t go back to how and who you were. We are supposed to progress through life as I see everyone I knew has done. But not me. I feel like stuck between the boy that left and the man that returned but badly damaged. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure in my life. Like being stuck in limbo. Can’t move forward and certainly can’t go back.

[@ginagreenfield8344]

Hello real Eric. Your post stood out to me when I read ‘We are supposed to progress through life … But not me. I feel .. stuck…’. I was in a narcissistic relationship for 13 years. The final break up was a year ago. And to this day, the concept of ‘time’ eludes me. It is so hard to explain or comprehend I can only respond in silly, giddy, self-deprecating humor to others as I arrive late, yet once again, everywhere I go. This is only one aspect of it, being late, but it is one I can at least attempt to convey in some manner. I am an intelligent person ,really …I can tell time, I can make a plan, I know how to set an alarm and turn it off when it rings … wtf? I do not mean to be disrespectful, I am not that selfish, I don’t think, I care about others, and, fuck! I really do not want to get fired from my job for being late. All the time. I need money! Like everyone else… It is so fucking annoying. To me! It’s like each day I wake up is a brand new day. Like that silly movie ‘50 first dates’ or whatever it was. Certain simple ‘things’ don’t stick. I don’t know how else to explain it. But it does include that idea of moving on. Moving forward … maybe it’s just ‘moving.’ I can’t move. It’s a glitch… I’m just sitting here buffering …. and buffering …. and ….need I go on … (please don’t he thinks and rolls his eyes … 😏). I just wanted to respond. Because I get it. It sucks. And you don’t know what it is or what to do about it. And everyone looks at you like you’re such a fucking idiot or airhead. Ugh …!

[@therealericjackdaniels]

@@ginagreenfield8344 oh my goodness Gina... no.. you nailed it. You described me as well. Its amazing isn't it how the victims can check off boxes just like we can now check off boxes of the things our abusers have done to us. You know, I say abuser and inside I sneer because I have never let a man touch me w/out paying for it. And I've walked away from every one I've been in. But I did not know what covert narcissism is... I do now. But I'm still constantly late to everything as I sit here, sometimes, watching as the clock rolls past the time I know I should be walking down the stairs. Life, for me, at this moment - in spite of everything I've been through BEFORE all of 'this' - has me on the ropes. I've always been a strong man. I've always commanded respect and almost always got it because I gave it willingly and care about people, genuinely (until my cup runneth over from assholes in the day and I must retreat to solitude away from everyone to reset). But I am no longer that man in any (apparent) measure. And, it is like a wave as well. A moment of strength but it will soon be tempered by someone sowing something into your life that wouldn't be there were you not sharing your Life with them. I would be disappointed to not read anything from you again, Gina. Regardless, thank you. Sincerely. You write in a style I feel similar to mine and I feel you through it. Best to you and remember, get away. 0 contact peace~

[@patrikkonat3085]

I think the true healing comes when you realize you are infected and that its going to be a positive ride to be reborn.

[@jenettegrubb9397]

I believe if you had a narcissist parent you attract a Narcissistic partner to finally heal.

[@jenaya_laila2442]

I think that is what new age spiritually is trying to teach. In what way can re-traumatisation heal you? You choose a narc partner because if you've had nac parents because your brain and nervous system equates your childhood experiences with love and we chose what we know. We see familiarity, feel attraction and think we feel love as that is what we've been trained to equate as love. Its simple Psychology and biology. That is why choosing a partner because we feel "attracted" or feel "love" is so dangerous in the romanticism ara we live in. We would even dismiss a kind and loving person due to the reasons explained above. Healing comes from being aware of these processes and choosing healthy people. Another abusive situation won't heal you, it will just further engrain and strength your patterns.

[@jenettegrubb9397]

@Jenaya_Laila totally understand. I'm a true Empath. I'm just at the last stage of settlement... Thank God I got out. I look back and watch like a movie and now I have only one mind! No more confusion. I have healed and accepted 😌. Namaste 🙏🏼

[@tathe3786]

Think so

[@algonquinwoman1921]

Just left a 5 year NPD relationship. He’s definitely NPD but I’m not. His mother is NPD.

[@germanlanguageworkshop1542]

​@@algonquinwoman1921same here. I may be a strong person, determined, but he totally confused me with his mother. He's her scape goat, but willingly accepted to give me that role só that he can become an enabler. Eventually he resented me instead of her. I tried to explain it to him. But it was impossible. After 2 years of feeling just anger, and almost becoming evil myself, I found light, finally I can just grieve and start the healing process. Jesus has arisen!

[@narelledavis5516]

It wasn’t until I learned that I was dying that I decided that I didn’t want to waist anymore time being miserable and exhausted. I cut all contact but I still have flashes that take me back to those feelings and memories. But I am still so relieved that I don’t have to deal with that person ever again. I saw the person recently and while it threw me for a few hours (I ignored the narcissist)but it reinforced that I am free and that is what matters! Thank you for your videos and I wish everyone who has experienced this well and hope you all find some new versions of peace and happiness!

[@silverreins3501]

I healed because I built a sense of self, my likes, my dislikes, my interests, my own goals, and a life I love and could be proud of. Building a sense of self was the answer for me to heal from narcissistic abuse. Watching your video on values that asks the question what is good, what is evil, in context definitely hit me hard. I still love that video so much. Narcissistic abuse makes us question and doubt ourselves and our power, but if we know who we are and love ourselves, even the imperfections, we won’t put up with anything that doesn’t meet our own level of love for ourselves.

[@denisau3646]

Well said. My experience matches yours - that values exercise is gold. When I meet pple that don't matxh my top values, they are not getting in. And I also got the nose for narcs, they do have a certain unsettled vibe and of course obvious lack of respect. I still need to learn to trust the good folks though.

[@denisemarum7556]

This guy is definitely one of the best in terms of narcissistic relationship. One of the reasons for it, I believe, is that he's 'been there', he's experienced narcissistic abuse in his guts. That makes all the difference. Thank you and congratulations for the incredible work you've been doing.

[@denisblack9897]

you can see it in the eyes, sadly i got the same look...

[@JanetChuiArtist]

If the narcissist was a parent or both, there is definitely no Before

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

Sadly...I had a Sociopath for a father..now coming out of a relationship with a Sociopath...healing One Day At A Time❤

[@iconc1402]

I was in narcissistic relationships. They hooked into the wound caused by a narcissistic mother. During my healing I've gone to the root. I resonate with "born again". I have NEVER felt safe or protected. I don't have the neural pathways. I have to re- create them, with help. From the ground up. The deepest levels of self that never were.

[@Blue_7777]

"You have been re-infantilized", yes you become só dependent. "Your mind has been colonized". Yes!! These are very clear descriptions I haven't heard before, but describe it well. Thank you.

[@jeanetteoneill4048]

Dear Richard..I have been infected by my narcissistic mother. As an adult, I was always away from her, not knowing why. Today, I am 73, and am my mothers caregiver..she’s 93….I know now why I am the way I am…it’s a horrible existence to say the least….I pray this too shall pass….I love hearing you….keep up the great work…

[@morgansmith5093]

I wish you all the luck. That's hard moving back to the abuser after all these years especially having to be a caretaker for the very person that harmed you. I do hope you find clarity, closure and healing some how I'm the midst of all this ! My prayer are too you

[@simonebarnes5275]

Same here, I am 67, they are 90 and 94....I was away for 50 years...coming back to help brought right back to that 17 year old with narc parents, its been very hard, isolating and depressing for me...I see why people step in sell the family home and put them in care...day by day for now...I am so grateful for Richard, he has helped me stay as grounded as possible..

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

Please get support, because they will suck the life out of you before you realize. There is no shame in refusing to be the sole caretaker. As a nursing home worker I know that it is unnatural, inhumane and unhealthy: it takes a village! 🥀

[@anon5514]

Same here

[@GPDuchess]

Omg I hear and feel you😭 I'm nearly 60, supposed to look after my parents who are in their 80s; I can't do it; they have enough money to hire someone; I haven't seen them in 7 years it took them less than 3 months to push me right back to being a small kid and basically destroy whatever I thought it was progress; I simply can't go back to that; they made their bed, they should sleep in it

[@patient8098]

It's a little bit like beating a drug addiction in my experience. You go through a growth period and it's a little scary and confusing.. Same when I finally left the narc.. I'm getting there though. I'm quite content and happy on my own, my ambition is returning, I see through everyone's bullshit and won't take anyone's toxic behavior .. I'm definitely not the same person I was, but that person had to die so the stronger version could be born.. I think these things can be turned into a superpower

[@the_street_preacher]

That ten minutes felt like 30 seconds. I sat on the beach prior to this and wrote "the old Dan is dead" guess I was on the money. Adult life. Great.

[@belindablunderbus1365]

I was only 17 when the 28 year old narc got hold of me. Richard your eloquence about parentification, healing, infantilisation, authenticity is so validating. Thanks for fighting the good fight and sharing your energy. Namaste lovely human!

[@storm88.]

I was very young too, 21 and he was 28. Stayed for almost 20 years. Really warps you and changes your life path because you were so young. Wasted a lot of the best years of my life, but it’s my lesson here on this Earth plane.

[@ThingsILove2266]

That man has problems beyond narcissism if he was attracted to a high school kid when he was 28.

[@belindablunderbus1365]

@@ThingsILove2266 I guess so. I still have trouble forgiving myself.

[@ThingsILove2266]

@@belindablunderbus1365 You were the victim of a very twisted man. There is nothing to forgive in yourself.

[@remcbeanremcbn]

A whole lot of work.

[@joolswilliamson5062]

I’m only just out of a relationship after three years with a man who I should never have given the time of day. There was that lightning bolt moment when we met, we both felt it, and after a short while we started seeing each other. I adored him, he was the love of my life but it was my decision to end it. Now that I have I can see he did a real job on me. Everything was on his terms, I didn’t see him unless he came to me. He grew from me, took my strength and made it his own all the while promising me the earth and delivering nothing. All the research I’ve done into NPD, BPD sociopathy and psychopathy shows me that he has all of these traits. I miss him, I’m still in love with him and feel the pain of not being with him but I also feel released and relieved yet so damaged. Watching your videos helps me to understand why I chose to break up with him and to never go back despite my heartbreak.

[@danielp8433]

Accept that one part of you had to die to escape. Accept your shadow and try to grow up again. No contact and paaaaatience. Oh ye and get help with trauma. For me personally one tough thing to learn was "there are much worse things than to be alone" 5 years here, am I healed... Nah.... But I move in a new direction

[@rolandgervais154]

"Accept that one part of you had to die to escape" ...a most profound realization and an excellent perspective! - it speaks of Richard's "born again".

[@kimstrandberg9529]

I think one of the many reasons it’s so hard to heal from is that the injury to yourself is attached to your primordial infantile, subconsciously wounding from (lack of or inadequate) bonding and attachment. Neglect, abandonment, abuse, parentifying children, smothering them - all create devastating lifelong wounds and we attach ourselves to partners that pinpoint that very wound and we feel like we’re home. Unconditioning THAT is the work of a lifetime.

[@sangar463]

If the shepherd dog attacks you and the shepherd is nearby, what do you do? You don't fight with the dog, you just tell the shepherd to take care of the dog, in the same way, when the devil attacks, you don't fight with him, just tell someone to take care of him, who has control over the devil which is god , always remember we can’t fight unseen ,unseen forces can fight and eliminate unseen .

[@sheilajac]

getting them TF out of your life might help...but sometimes not possible. Seems like it's almost contagious at times and everyone is catching it.

[@vhayashi7369]

Yep. No contact is the only way... We're surrounded by them they are everywhere in life. Family, "friends" and co-workers and others... And of course relationships. I'm so picky who I let in my life now after wasting half my life on different narcissists.

[@evonne315]

Stay away from the one(s) you got addicted to and manage or avoid the rest. Thier everywhere. The main thing is don't get reeled back in.

[@mamandapanda185]

See his videos on "collapse" and "the world's gone BPD."

[@sheilajac]

@Texasgirlinacrazyworld well, mediation is voluntary and narcs don't like to mediate. the last thing they want is an impartial 3rd party who relies on facts, to be involved. also, when it's every member of your family and the creaeted dependence via disability/financial instability, sometimes all you can do to escape is wait for death of them or you.

[@iugaldem]

No contact with family and old friends. With the new ones that you encounter at work, don't pay much attention and see them for the pathetic little people that they really are. And work hard for a good life!

[@eleanorbyrne9327]

I only realised this last year that my sister had narcisstic personality disorder, and I have put up with her crap for nigh on 50 years! It is unbelievable the lengths of cruelty she has gone to over the years, not just at me but she also targeted her daughter who she 'fell out with' nearly 4 years ago. It is hard, I think you are right, it is hard to recover, it is about re educating ourselves to get out of a relationship, I love her, she is my sister, but she is lost. I grieve for the relationship I wanted, not what it was in reality. She has wasted so much time, it's so sad, for her, because she will never realise the depth of her actions. x Thank you for your vids, I feel validated. x

[@cathytigges9373]

Oh my gosh- we have this totally in common. My sister targeted me and her daughter. I am going to be 70 in July and finally took a stand on October 2022. She isolated my niece from her entire family for many years, although my niece still went to family functions. My sister finally went way too far in October and I knew I was done. My niece and I have created our own family unit and I haven’t been so free and happy. So,happy to,hear you are free now as well. Thanks for your post.

[@fearlessway]

You just explained what I am doing right now in a healing process from the two narcassists in my life, my parents. It's a deep and long process.

[@cmhwilder]

Bro, you and Sam are the only two that have finally opened my eyes clearly. I hope I don't carry her with me for the rest of my life but I don't know.

[@triciamedora9274]

Make sure you take care of yourself. I found that once I figured out what was broken in me he was no longer my distraction from the pain I found in myself that I had to heal. It is a relief when you get to the other side.

[@cmhwilder]

@@triciamedora9274 coping mechanisms are on point. Gym rat my whole life. No drugs or alcohol. No problems attracting other women. But none of that helps. While no other woman will be the demon she became, no other woman will match the angel she pretended to be. I don't know how much of it was my idealization and how much of it was her talent. She's the most graceful and elegant severely damaged woman I've ever met. I'm stuck somewhere between Hitch and Leonardo DiCaprio on shutter Island. She was able to doop the most detached red-pilled man on the planet and I let her do it....twice... A decade apart. She engaged everyone of my protective instincts to the core. I ended it. 128 days no contact and her voice is still in my head and I still catch myself mimicking her facial expressions, quoting her words, and see her in my dreams. I'm 42 going on 12. She always used to say "there is no tomorrow, only today". Lmao I just thought it was one of her hippie -live in the moment- beliefs. She wasn't wrong though. I'm stuck on the beach at Cape lookout with her everyday, as if she were a poster on my bedroom ceiling. That's okay though because I know I'm in her head as well.

[@GregtheGrey6969]

You will, but it will empower you.

[@jaguarke069]

@@GregtheGrey6969 true words!

[@Emzime83]

Woah you just nailed cognative dissonance when highlighting the simultanous "babying and treating as a parental figure" I never made that connection until now but that is so true. that's what causes such hurt and confusion, they (most cluster b's) place these incredibly high expectations on you to be ultra responsible for yourself and for them & their happiness whilst simultaneously also treating you like a little baby who isn't capable. omgggg. my mind is blown. it's like a set up where you can't win no matter which angle you try to placate or please them because it's almost like an unconscious projection on their part, acting out this learned, deeply ingrained trauma response and maladaptive behaviour :(.

[@nillarohr9872]

Acceptance,distancing,grieving and recreate your life by redefining what makes you happy and makes you a whole creative human embodied beeing ! 💜💜💜 PS cultural narcissism makes hinders and there you have an important part as coach.

[@yellowdayz1800]

"You can't get back to your old self." .... I figured that out on my own after this abuse.. My husband married me to do, reactionary abuse. I will never be the same as I used to be. The happiness and joy will never be the same..

[@Keepersoftheflame]

One idea that really helped me was the notion that the pain is there to help. What is at the root of the pain, not the anger, that is the ice covering the lake of dispair under it. Pain.. why is it hurting much more than expected? Drawn in to toxic bond yet again? Ok, WHY?? They like all others held up a mirror. What did I see that said "yes, this person." Answer: They have something I lack, something I needed to grow up. What was it and how to I embody it rather than attempt to pair bond with yet another human who is just not compatible with me. When we stage 5 cling to anything or anyone, toxic auto grows. Hence the need to let go or let die that which is not for us. Aka the vamp at the top of the temple/steeple.. We can still encounter without engaging. We can still see the trait we would like to embody without having to pair bond with the rest of person not meant for us, just needed to be shown what trait we needed to grow up or evolve. So often we equate magnetism with relationships. Rather than take our time and evaluate what the relationship is there to teach us, we jump in the sack. The true pair bond takes time, effort, consistancy and authentic communication. If love is there, letting go with grace and gratitude what you know is not meant for you will be number 1. None of the "we just have such a great connection so we have to make it work" narative. That is not love. Learning to tell the difference and act on it, that is the developement of love within. That is when authentic love is allowed to show up. XOXO

[@SuperMaxiiiiii]

You remain my personal hero Richard, you've helped me escape the narcissist stranglehold and made me take my first steps to finally grow up and be fully responsible for myself. Thank you so much!

[@debral9651]

How to heal from narcissistic abuse: realise that we go after people who are bad for us. Take some of the responsibility . Stop going after the same kind. Even if it goes against your own instincts, give good people a decent try. Instead of looking at "what a narcissist is" obsessively so that we don't fall in to a narcissists trap again. (this is all instigated through fear). Stop looking at the negatives and learn what a good and healthy person is. Then you will attract a healthy person.

[@palmamingozzi5736]

It’s been 10 years of working on my healing and 2 more dysfunctional relationships. Being by myself is good. Having peace, harmony, serenity is better.

[@Phoenix_flying]

Thank you Richard. I probably need to watch this every day for a while. I am two years out of the relationship, have had therapy, and still suffering from one 4 year relationship with a narcissist. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your commitment to covering this topic. There are so many suffering and uninformed still. You are helping so many.

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

💯agree he's a FANTASTIC source for education & healing!!❤🙏

[@abbyk7341]

Hey Janelle, im going through a very very similar situation. 4 years being in contact, been 2 years since it fell apart and still trying to heal. I would love for us to catch up and chat just so that neither one of us feels alone in this process

[@Kristen10-22]

I’ve followed you since u started 9yrs ago. I’m still healing on a daily basis. 8yrs at it so far & I won’t ever get over what my mom put me through for 36yrs.. I’ve learned I’ll never fully heal. I’ve gone No contact. It’s quieter now. 8yrs no contact. Our minds r still programmed. U are exactly correct. Have some grace for yourself. Dead on

[@janetfedeles3964]

I will never have an intimate relationship with another narcissist. But from growing up with narcissistic parents, I see I am a magnet to narcissists in general. I keep them out of my life but I still get triggered so realize I am not healed. I agree, I will never be like I used to be. I don't want to be. But I don't want to to be triggered either.

[@katthompson3852]

Absolutely 💯 correct! My therapist gave me the ball park number of 1 month of work and healing (work= deconstruction and recalibration) for 1 year of abuse... my journey = 54 months 4.5 years. Worth it = freedom!

[@juicymomentum]

There’s no way we go through anything like this to go back to where we were. Transcending and being eager to expand is the only course to moving on.

[@morgansmith5093]

I actually used to want to be the woman before the abuse I used to cry so much wishing I could be that girl that I used to be..then I realized that I could never be her that she died that old person. This video hit home because it connected with my epiphany about oneself! And that I am going on the right direction ⬆️

[@sunshinecompany1]

@@morgansmith5093 same...I'm grieving the loss of the sweet little child I once was. I'm trying to reconnect and be a nuturing parent to the remnants....and help her to grow up to adulthood properly. 💘🙄💘

[@morgansmith5093]

@@sunshinecompany1 I'm so sorry for that loss It's so important to heal the inner childhood wounding that occurs. As long as your trying to forgive,heal, and have unconditional love your doing the right things to try for her ! 😍 She is so lucky to have an awakened conscious mother who wants the best for her daughter ❤️❤️❤️

[@haihai5293]

Very good video. Yes as coodependant you need to grow up and face what you where running from.

[@pjsplace5665]

Maturation … pick yourself up … step by step … inch by inch … shake off the dust … we are rarely the same person yesterday as the person we are today. If I didn’t know better, sometimes I’d almost begin to think by just being kind to others it could be interpreted as some form or act for narcissistic supply and to have feelings of any kind an indication of some kind of a problem. I think there are hazards in not taking an occasional break from it; in the sense that one can begin to suffer from over thinking it all too much to. Sometimes things are just what they are for what they are regardless of what they can hope they be otherwise. I guess that’s it … it’s acknowledging it as a grieving process. Thanks for putting all your helpful information out there … 30 day challenges etc. it all helped to finally get me to that place. Hopefully, it might help you to know that your intent is out there and just because people don’t always report back, don’t think it doesn’t have an impact. An example … teaching children before they’re verbal … just because they cannot talk initially, doesn’t mean they don’t understand what you’re teaching them. So you keep going … then one day you’re shocked by what they know … before they’re even able to speak. A school teacher often will never know what an impact they’ve made on the lives of their students. They just have to trust they have and know they did.

[@maeva5257]

Thank you Richard. My ex just left tonight. We'd been living together in the same bedroom without speaking since we separated over a month ago, after a year of relationship, and I thought I would be fine. I had grieved our shared fantasy and grieved the person he would never actually be, yet when he passed the door after saying goodbye tonight I started crying again. I've been crying on and off for 5 hours now, doing some emotional literacy work, writing what I feel, doing energetic work, and talking to myself. In short, I didn't know what button to push. So I did what I do when I need to anchor my new self into my new reality and came to listen to your words. Now I know that the button I need to push is letting go of the emotionally immature part of me that believes in perfect love. I'll write my ideal relationship contract tonight, with objectivity, and keep mending the cracks in my personal boundaries one at a time. Thank you again.

[@slavenanikolova6260]

I am so sorry to hear that you're broken hearted. It is very painful and hard to see big dreams crashed ... hang on there, it is cathartic, but it's healing at the same time to cry and to feel the pain... Remember also to take care of yourself, warm cuppa, soft blanket, walk in nature, play with your pet... Don't rush it and start dreaming for another perfect one...because he'll be just another Narcissist ready to swoop you "into safety fantasy perfect love". This is what creates the dynamic of a Narcissist and Codependent. I hope you find your streghts to stay away from your husband too.

[@maeva5257]

@Slavena Nikolova Thank you for these warm words. I am taking this much-needed time for myself indeed, and can already say that the worst is behind me. I have felt and am allowing myself to feel what is still coming my way, as there is no alternative path to grieving. The time ahead is for myself, and my dreams are of peace within and order all around, so there will be no rush into anything but that. The fact that you've taken the time to write these thoughts means a lot to me. Thank you again. Take good care of yourself too.

[@slavenanikolova6260]

@@maeva5257 I am so glad to here that you are so brave to embrace your grieve and walk through it - that is a very wise decision...take care of yourself Maèva and I hope that you have a heart warming Christmas.

[@maeva5257]

@@slavenanikolova6260 Thank you very much Slavena. Have a lovely holiday time.

[@blueglass1123]

My dear friend, close your eyes and imagine us all here with our arms around you, as we know this is the part that is the most painful. Let that pain out and say that you did love them deeply and you did care…..as we move through these different phases the load becomes lighter. I am doing this as we speak, I’ve come a long way and it is getting better. My heartfelt thoughts to you at this time.

[@pixinotdust4925]

6:39-7:03 " Here I was in my life, than there was a narccissistic relationship, how to get back to where I was? YOU DON`T...you don´t, there is no chance. I don´t believe there is ANY chance you`ll ever get back to where you were. And I don´t think you should try. I think you should seek to exeed where you were and to move past that. To transcent where you were and to become MORE of your authentic self."

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

It takes a tremendous willingness to walk through pain...a huge amount of acceptance is required..in order for healing to have its time. We cant heal what we dont accept...not acceptance that it was ok...acceptance that it is what it is and it was what it was.

[@angelamitchell1385]

Part of me loved the way he made me feel young again Like we would become two babes in the wood and the whole world would fade away Our magical world was just ours alone I’m grieving a youth that was lost Time to grow up 💔

[@otiliahugelschaffer1028]

I love your teachings I love how vulnerable you are...after so many years and way beyond 10000 hours of excellence, after doing the whole work and putting in so many reps, you still fell in the trap of narcissists. If you, an expert, are not safe from those dark pits, there might be hope that I will stop blaming myself for being so oblivious.

[@goldalevin869]

This explains why I felt better once my narcissistic mother died. Thank you

[@OLskewL]

Jesus healed me tbh.

[@bellaroccisano4156]

Same

[@consideritalljoy7960]

Amen!!

[@suneetharajan5877]

Amen

[@AJ-kb9hf]

I haven't watched the video - but based on the title I would say get away, take responsibility for yourself, examine yourself carefully, learn, heal and move on. Personally, I went NC just over a year ago and have spent a lot of time assessing everything. I still have moments where it hurts but nowhere near as much as it did. I have moments when I feel liberated and like a new, wiser person. I must say I think I was very naive before (in certain ways). I feel I have grown up and now the trick is to use this experience positively. I would like to think I would not be fooled like this again. I certainly recognise the red flags now and would challenge this behaviour if I encountered it again.

[@Vuntermonkey]

I am not a victim of a singular narcissist, even though I understand some of my family have acted, and still attempt to act, in this manner to some degree. What your talks have shown me is how to counter unhealthy aspects of many relationships both personal and societal. Thank you.

[@Monalisa0622]

For me has been a combination of counseling, listening and learning about NPD and listening to other victims but most importantly spending time with God. Reading his word and knowing who I am in Him. God has been healing me and revealing who I am in Him. Thank you sir for your videos for they have helped me as well

[@francescavitaliani2337]

Thank you so much Richard. I'm struggling a lot and getting sadder and sadder. I try to work it out but sometimes , during the day, tears are falling from my eyes by their own . Really hope to overcome this situation. He told me that we were a family. It wasn't true. Thank you for your precious presence dear Richard. Francesca

[@HahaT634]

Cry 😢when you feel like crying. You have probably been shaken to your core. Tears help release the pent up pain and anger. It truly hurts

[@morgansmith5093]

Crying is apart of the healing process and does bring some relief. empathic people are highly emotional and sensitive people .. alot of NPD relationship are co dependemt as well. Try to learn to become independent in a way, to be your best friend and your healer. Hugs to you 🤗

[@KonstantinDikov]

Same here after 4 months. Knowing doesn't make it any easier and there is still the delusional belief that she is not like all other narcissists, but of course she is and I think that fact alone makes it even more harder to move on...

[@francescavitaliani2337]

@@HahaT634 Thank you so much 🙏

[@francescavitaliani2337]

@@morgansmith5093 Thank you Morgan 🙏

[@csabaradnai2885]

Richard, this was shocking but somehow promising as well. I have been suffering since my narc mother finally killed my soul. At the beginning of the suffering - when I experinced horrifying anxiety - I hoped I would heal. Later I started to be dissapointed because I felt that healing didnt come. LIstening to your words it is not a surprise, of course it doesnt come, because there is no such thing as healing in this case. Just reborn. I would cry if I coud.

[@sage9836]

The hand mnemonic, I think on his Fortress channel knocks back anxiety to the point I sometimes wonder where the hell it went. Then it comes back, but I'm like - whatever. Highly recommend.

[@csabaradnai2885]

@@sage9836 thanks

[@SpringHWhipple]

I'm a long way from healed. I acknowledge that. If i simply get a text from him, I feel the anxiety throughout my body. I'm not the same person I was while married to him for the 26 years. I've learned to love those parts of me that need that gentle touch and I understand the pull...I fled to the other side of the country to escape and its been 7 months. Yet, if he called me and said he was sorry, he loved me, he wanted to make it work... my God! It'd tear me apart to say No. Even after I know what I was reduced to while with him.

[@morpheusmurphy3921]

This is a struggle you are right! A few friends I have made and myself all always feel guilty or stuck when the "I want my life back" or the "that narcissist ruined my life " thoughts come in and wont let you focus and seem intense. Its difficult at times to say "no don't dwell on that negative set if thoughts on the past, it is time to continue moving forward to do the best that I can do."

[@vivdoolan6846]

I was parentified at age 6 until I left home while simultaneously being infantilised as I grew older. I literally am moving away from the mother ship because it's my mother who narcissistically abused me , enabled by my father. I now realise I was never allowed to individuate, because the one time I raised a need that was mine and not shared by the narc I was systematically eviscerated off the face of the planet. Sibs did nothing when I reached out for help. I've just recently discovered that I was in a pseudomutual narcissistic family system , even down to the description of the 'zombified 'siblings. My life feels like it was the Truman Show because I thought my parents loved me and I them. But then they revealed their true colours and that they would rather 'disappear 'me than allow me to exist in my own right. I know I will never be the same again. In some ways I feel like a lost child. I've lost my mother, father, brother, sister. I've lost my identity as a daughter and sister. Yet I know that I fought for my own existence and stood up to the narcissism by walking away. I know I need to build an entirely different life , but when you have to grieve and heal from nearly your whole life and identity I'm not sure what that will look like.

[@betsyc6055]

I got the toxic narcissists out of my life - my sister and my father's whole side of the family. I don't miss them. However, new ones just appeared like magic. I even had a job where I was hired and then a person who didn't even work in the organization transferred in to be my supervisor, and she was....and it was so triggering I didn't defend myself properly. So for the past 2 years (needless to say, she was able to force me out of the place) I've been working on this issue. Seems I just recently healed it - they don't seem to be appearing in my life anymore. It was noticing it, weeding the friends' garden and working on my own patterns. It's so odd how people keep appearing until you've healed an issue.

[@erismana2105]

You'll also be hyper aware and for safety your brain will mark everyone as dangerous

[@123cillitbang]

Just imagine all Narcs as a little spolied child that isn't Yours because behind all that arrogance they are weak AF when they're alone with themselves...and that's fuckin' SAAAAD!! Narcs are Absolutely NOTHING....NOTHING...ZERO if they're not domineering, bossing, bitching about(really really sad high school bitchy behaviour from women and more Hilariously the narc "men" limp wrist fools) and controlling someone else. You weren't to know they were toxic if you go around thinking everyone operates like you do in this world. Quit doing too much for people you DON'T really know yet. Observe people's actions - not their words. Best of luck to you! 🤍

[@LDT7Y]

That's the hardest bit. They stop you connecting with safe people. You have to force yourself to open up again. I spend 95% of my time alone now. I used to be very happy, sociable, open, trusting, would make friends everywhere I went. Now I keep a huge barrier between myself and other humans until they prove they can be trusted. Even then I am wary. @BetsyC Have you considered starting your own company? I had something similar happen where I was bullied/gaslit out of a job I loved. It was incredibly painful. But I ended up throwing myself into building up my own business as a result (it was during lockdown, so I couldn't find another decent job anywhere). I'm now creating products that will not only pay my bills but help thousands of people across the world. It's a great feeling. And I've used it as a lesson in how to never treat the people that work for me. I didn't consider myself the 'CEO type' before and was happy sticking to salaried work. But I'm actually loving the freedom of calling the shots and not having to wait around for other people to make (sometimes terrible) decisions on my behalf and/or miscommunicate them. Just something to consider. I think a lot of people who have survived things like this make the best bosses, as they know how to treat people as humans and not just chess pieces.

[@aNnAkt1qw]

I resonate.

[@jenbodhi1133]

They still show up for me, but thankfully other types are coming in too, I’m in this weird in between place

[@colbertwatcher706]

Amen. Absolutely true. Grow up> move on> exceed. Time to be your best self

[@morgansmith5093]

5years clean from my narcissistic ex an I couldn't be happier being single ,as a highly intuitive empathy I am just realizing moving home to a new town with my family that I have few family narcissists 😂😭. As well this information was beautifully constructed and hit me on every angle! Thank you for always giving us such amazing information. Without your videos I would not have grown so much on my journey to recovery and finding the new strong woman I have become after the abuse!

[@Joshualuv13]

3 years later I'm still trying to put it into perspective or at least putting it in the past but just when I have gone through reasonable periods that I feel I've made progress, I somehow seem to regress..the hardest part is most friends don't understand.I remember once saying to my best friend, I feel like the narc ,took a peice of me with him.

[@Phoenix_flying]

Me too. I feel your pain.

[@trevsedgwick3324]

In my case it was my ex wife! She suffered from BPD however once I was discarded a whole lot of narcissistic traits came gushing out of her,so I feel this is very relevant! Maybe by excepting the fact that you may not heal fully but learn fully! Will have to be enough, May your God go with you! 😢

[@sunnybein1]

Reframe it-instead of “he took a piece of you away” view it as ‘he opened up your unconscious wounds’ that you need to ‘consciously’ heal.He was pretending to fill a void in you…and now it’s time for you to truly fill it-by healing your own childhood wounds.

[@Joshualuv13]

@@sunnybein1 Your spot on...that's exactly what's happened as a result as it opened a Pandora's box of childhood trauma which iv found hard to face and deal with or not known exactly where to start. But it's time I did.Many thanks to all the above replys for listening, understanding and taking time to reply.

[@dawn6954]

You know what everything in me wants to live on a positive note so here it is... 🤣❤🦋 If I survive this last blow of their abuse and am able to break away.... I am going to dedicate my life to helping others who suffer the same type of abuse because the worst part of it all has been that it is the most cunning subtle form of abuse that getting others to believe you is half the battle. Getting yourself to understand that what you're going through is really abuse is the hardest part to believe and by the time you realize it, it's too late. By that time they've already depleted you of every secure aspect of yourself that would enable you without them. Instead they have trauma bonded you to them and masked your mind in believing that everything else is unsafe wrong sinful.... when it comes to living, a life well lived requires no form of control. Educating others about all of the types of (mental, emotional, spiritual even physical) force, control, and manipulation that the narc uses against you by the knowledge gained about you.

[@rachelpassmore9322]

Thank you. It's been 3 years of listening to you and still not knowing how to enforce boundaries with him. It's dark here, thank you for trying to help me believe this is a tunnel and theres a light at the end somewhere.

[@madguruJ]

It takes time and knowing yourself, working constantly on bettering oneself. She murdered the person I was, and I’m a very different person now, but for the better

[@0ccam5Raz0r]

My dad was a narcassist. He was physically and emotionally abusive and resented his family. I 100% infused with him. Therapy, The Power of Now, Whim Hoff breathing and some non prescribed meds are helping.

[@David-eu1ms]

This seems to be very common.

[@soniaedwards2659]

Your words struck a cord and I know how you feel.

[@alexandermartin7856]

Letting Go (David Hawkins) and The Untethered Soul (Michael SInger) may also be very helpful to you in your healing.

[@farzanehfar5161]

It took me 2 years of permanent "supervising» all my decisions & thoughts to reduce the conditions of abuse . It won't JUST happen due to narc abuse ; although it's most painful one BUT in all levels of daily life we are infantilized and taking decisions automatically or according to our habits & social structures . It takes immense amount of works to bring yourself BACK . Be sincere with yourself and put all your mind and energy on because the rest of life depends on it. Sincere gratitude dear Richard I couldn't take the first steps if it wasn't for your courses 🙏Thank you with all my heart 🙏

[@steve4524]

Knowledge, work, time

[@b.blue111]

Thank you, it is extremely helpful. I've been in this war for 30 years now. Recently, managed to limit contact almost to zero. This helps, but as you said, that's not even close to the step one on the way to healing. But the good news is, it creates the environment, the space. I feel exhausted, poisoned and infected, and all that resulted in chronic physical illness, not to mention emotional damage. But thanks to your words I feel assured to be moving in the right direction. I'm determined to grow up and reconstruct my best self.

[@mattlofty5884]

Interesting you say chronic illness , so did I , Mine developed after I left through rumination and extreme stress . So weird what the mind can do to you

[@b.blue111]

@@mattlofty5884 My illness is autoimmune, and I definitely think it's not a coincidence. As you say, prolonged grief, rumination and extreme stress lead to a breakdown of the whole system, that's how I see it. I'm grateful I'm still alive.. But the damage is big, I guess there is no way back to my former fitness, both physical and mental. Good luck on your way to healing!

[@tathe3786]

Wonderfull words 🎉

[@arnie1046]

I think eventually you need to move on from you past and forget it, learn the lessons and leave that old life behind, stop being a victim and become a warrior.

[@yellowdayz1800]

Well. Said... Thanks. Wow.. His advice about humbling thyself and letting yourself go. Is biblical advice! The Bible says that he who refuses to pick up his cross and follow Jesus and then it says... "To deny self daily" Wow. Richard you are hitting this on the nail.

[@mehodrums]

I’ve watched a lot of Richards videos but this one has spoken to me the most. Thank you Richard, your stern but gentile explanations are a help.

[@puremaledark8305]

Deep AF. When i look at it she totally valued me in order to individuate.

[@joedohn9727]

it takes EVERYTHING. Because the narcissistic will take your soul, it takes finding courage, and leaving, and breaking the trauma chains. It takes EVERYTHING out of you, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, being a slave to someone else. You are the narcissists slave. Don't forgive this. Don't forget. Move on. Go no contact. Go to therapy. Heal. Learn to trust without naivety once more. Or, stay a slave.

[@DarienneMusic]

I'm almost 5 yrs out of my narc relationship & this is the most eye opening video I've seen about this topic.

[@michellestevens6872]

This is so relatable. His teenagers lived with unlimited freedom but I was under constant control like a child….but also felt like his mother, like had to do EVERYTHING in the house, for the family, help with his job, raise the little kids, etc.

[@wadjeturaeus]

Yesterday , while driving my motorbike, I was listening the interview exactly on this topic with you and Sam Vaknin.. You guys are amazing.. If anything good came from my last relationship with narcissist is getting to know two of you.. I extract lot of pleasure just listening and witnessing two creatures who are capable of using their minds to dive so so deep.. absolutely beautiful.. Thank you for sharing this publicly.. Very grateful.. Sending lots of love to both of you.

[@sage9836]

Yeah, while trying to imagine who I would be without the whole narcissistic nightmare, I realized that I would have missed out on the brilliant, creative, delightful leaders in the healing community. Given the chance to wish away past narc abuse, blessings included, I would at least hesitate to do so.

[@triciamedora9274]

Family Systems helps. The best program. It is profound. Richard has been gifted with expressing and explaining the complexities and the reality of the experience. One of the greatest teachers over time regarding this topic.

[@Opal5674]

Dig the thumbnail art.

[@beverlystone4513]

This is what of the best videos on narcissistic abuse that I have ever found. Thank you!

[@BrandonCourt]

Haven't been in a relationship in a while now. Scared I'll fall into the same stupid codependent behaviors even though I'm aware of it now.

[@kahlodiego5299]

We're not encouraged to individuate because it's VERY NAUGHTY.

[@Accidental_Warrior]

@@spicyskyraisin7745 exactly 💯

[@emeraldlotusbylori4988]

Remember the essence of who you were before the narcissistic came into your life. Everything we experience in life is a opportunity for growth. Most importantly never, never, never hand your sacred self over to someone else.

[@dalialovesdoggies4361]

Richard! Totally amazing. For now, the most helpful gift that I granted myself is: I try to mostly to OBSERVE instead of to ABSORB the N 'poisonous 'arrows. I create more silence(truly peaceful), and it seems that I am rather successful in NOT to expect 'normalcy' from a person with N traits. OOOfff. It is not easy, but possible. Your sharing is actually soothing to the soul. Thank YOU

[@brandymckee-qb9th]

I was in a narcissistic relationship for over 7 years. The relationship ended almost 4 years ago. Its been really hard trying to heal from it. I have been single since the relationship ended and haven't had the desire to date again. Not sure if i ever will. I pray that not everyone will have such a hard time dating and moving on with their lives.❤❤❤❤

[@suzywilliams4424]

I can feel the benefit of letting go who you used to be before the abuse. It's a mixture of grief and hope, rather than perpetual feeling of grieving the happy go lucky part of myself that was essentially naive. Letting life season you is the way forward. I like to know more about the individuation process. Is it becoming the mother we always wanted to our own infantile self? The unconditional love i seek to give (narcissism?!) and to receive can happen internally, and so if I do that will I be less susceptible to staying in abusive relationships?

[@annemarie9980]

Always grateful Richard 💝 am still in the 30 day challenge to create space and gain agency...5 finger practice...the impact has been truly phenomenal !! But whenever i start drifting back..or down i do the practice. I have just been challenged and find myself able to not get embroiled and to stand my own ground. I feel, to confirm this video subject, I need to remain committed to this easy and effective practice. I am 67 this weekend and it has been a life of work from a neglected childhood with a Narcissistic mother, ( with all the traits including her leading a double life) and a complicit alcoholic and gambling father(whom my sister only uncovered the truth last year, from years of ancestry work and DNA testing was not our dad) both have been long passed on !! My life was one of Secrets, gaslighting, abuse, devaluation and massive neglect. Both my main adult relationships were with dysfunctional men etc etc etc !!!! Your sharing has lead, along with Sam Vaknin's work to a clarity about my entire situation and enabled breakthroughs about CPTSD that my clinicians were not deeply clued into. I still see my Psychologist for clarifying chats of current issues. I have been going for 28 years and personally know the value of counselling. Have a Peaceful Christmas Richard...you deserve it 💖💝much Love to you and yours🙌🙏🌟

[@andisboljat7801]

I think the first step for me was watching one of your videos where you explained how we aren’t really in love with these creatures. Love must be reciprocal to actually exist ; it’s just an incorrect notion or sense of obligation predicated on familiarity . I was so wrong but now I understand Am I healed ? Fkno but Im getting there.

[@christyliberge4189]

I think we have to grieve our old vulnerable selves and emerge into our reborn new selves with new body armor of strength and truth. Sheading into a new creation.

[@christyliberge4189]

My ex often says he wants the old Christy. What Happened to her. He wants to go back. What he doesn't realize is I don't exsist there anylonger. I am Anew.

[@johntynan8161]

Thank you Richard, i was a care free young man before 20yrs of the Narc in my life, the colonising so aptly describes the way you feel post discard by the Narc...

[@DrTechMedRevolution]

This is some video I love the language that was used, truly infectious. That infection analogy was appropriate af. God I love the new age thank you for the free therapy

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

This is how my mother destroyed me. At 60 plus years old I am a complete basket case. I trust no one with my emotions. I am locked in a tower of fear and self doubt. I pray for death at this point. No matter what I have accomplished has been for naught. There is no healing at this point. She is still alive and I still feel like a permanent loser. Radical acceptance is out of my grasp after decades of therapy and medication. Depression, anxiety and self destructive behavior is my daily walk. My sadness is immense. A life wasted.🙁🙁🙁🙁☠☠

[@thomaswhelan7516]

You have been sent here to help humanity! Thanks for helping this one!

[@gracegladden3279]

No-one heals from narcissistic abuse. A lot of money is made from convincing people that they can heal from it. You just adapt your living as best you can, and distant yourself from abusers as best you can. Enjoy the sunshine. And make sure, as best you can, that you are warm in winter - and have food choice all year round. You - have to learn to care for you - your way.

[@8888-9]

Appreciate these Videos. Richard’s comprehensive approach. It’s a long long road. It’s quite easy to shut a door. What’s challenging ( for me ) has been a sense of bewilderment, and with no understanding during the decades I was beguiled, lied to and manipulated that it was Core Self - Centeredness. I’m in my early 60’s now. So it’s been all the shades of feelings and realisations. Late in my life. I’m not sure if the NP, had a psychic hold over me. Or if I gave up my own reality bit by bit to adjust. Any sort of abuse takes a long time to process. My experience had with it, a slow constant stream of being de valued. What shocked me most, is all my dreams, I made efforts to create visible evidences of, my mother ignored. Later she would then make them hers…. And I would stand there with my mouth open unbelieving, what I heard. I don’t think anyone could feel, what that does to you, if they had not experienced that. It was like someone ( NP ) came with a big Eraser and begins to Rub you out- and insert themselves . So a long hard pained journey from dark to Light! I do really hope and pray - for all of you who are on Your own unique paths to get back the giving loving persons you each are- and always from little children - were…. God bless

[@David-eu1ms]

When we were children our needs were eviscerated and replaced with the needs of the abuser.

[@mirjamhansen2626]

… begins to rub you out - and inderst themselves… that’s s really a good description of what it feels like !! In simple words. Thanks !!

[@queentantrumofficial]

You got me on the track to healing when I had my daughter eight years ago, thank you! I still have a way to go - worked on healing the trauma bonds with my ex and then realised my mother was Ground Zero 😂 But I’ve learned lots of skills and am in therapy on and off, so in the best place I have been so far 🎉

[@eveelane2806]

You score man!!! You did not mention Bad man Vaknin one single time !!! In my eye you are by far the more mature person 👍

[@michellekavanagh2053]

Prepping to leave a second narcissist. At 59, I'm looking at a mortgage or rent in these times but if that is what I have to do to leave, I'll do it with pleasure.❤

[@danieb4273]

Richard I wish you were my therapist. I feel like you are one of the few who truly understand the wounding that's been inflicted. Sadly I just stay away from people now because I feel I can't be trusted and that I am not the same as people who've managed a better life. I don't feel like there is a getting back to where I was because this is life long abuse. So the question is truly who the hell am I? I've never been able to be me completely.

[@djs4134]

Thank you! I am writing this from a Codependency Treatment Center retreat. Yes, we must heal our childhood trauma or, we will go right back to where we were before which was Narc Bait.

[@greentree730]

That was amazing!!! It has been difficult for my situation. The person is my twin sister. I was co dependant on her growing up, we moved every year and I needed her. I broke this co dependence in our 30's, she did not like it. She had a place and control. Endless bullying, putdowns, humiliating me in public, competing for my children, etc. Now we are in out late 50's, she gets confronted about unkindness, she cuts me off. She won't let us get counseling, though we are both believers and could see a Pastor. She has cut me off again now, it still hurts. This closed door makes me feel like I am of no value to her. I know that's what she wants. I am climbing out of this, but its been scary to think of losing this sister forever? I did have a great thought lately, we have different blood types strangely, though we were always told we were identical? We might be fraternal, meaning we are not a part of eachother. That would mean a lot to me, but I am separate regardless of this possibility. This is tough stuff, you know whatvit feels like? Like the movie Jane Erye, where Edward has this crazy wife locked in another part of the house. Your trying to live and have happiness but there is this nutcase under the same roof that haunts your life. When the crazy wife dies at the end, Edward is free but maimed. The old house had to be burned down, to get free. I think that's what your saying here.