what happened... where I've been and how I'm healing

i'm very nervous to share this but my hope in doing so is that it helps even just one person in their grief and healing process. I appreciate your love and support more than you will ever know. See you all next Thursday
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[@marissacruz5410]

All the mommies who didn’t make it through childbirth are in heaven taking care of all the babies who didn’t make it through their delivery❤️

[@ashlynnreader1499]

I love this thought 💕

[@jennl93]

This is a wonderful view of such tragic situations. Thank you for this comment.

[@rebeccawright9508]

What a beautiful thought.

[@dianekiko4504]

I love this!

[@Banks040]

Amen 🙏🏻

[@89kaitlyn]

I recently went through a major loss, different than you. My husband passed away suddenly due to a stroke, I was 6 weeks pregnant with our first child at the time. Thankfully my pregnancy is ok and I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. My grief counsellor said something that resonated with me “I am only an expert at my own loss, no one else will truly understand my loss”. So don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” grieve or how you “should” move on. Do what feels right for you and your family. Im so sorry you are having to go through this trauma.

[@belindamcaleavy1942]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[@jaxxiet5851]

I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙏💖

[@georgiatayrac2404]

This baby is so lucky to hv you as a mom❤ good luck mama

[@katy9291]

Im so sorry for your loss 🙏

[@traceykerr895]

I am so sorry for your loss. Best wishes for when your son arrives

[@bronwyngavin6076]

Rach, I'm so sorry. I lost a son at 23 weeks, and I'll never forget holding his tiny little body. It's a pain no one should ever have to feel. On top of the pain of losing a child, you have people who try to minimize your feelings and big emotions. Time is the ultimate healer. 💙💙💙 💕💕💕

[@kyliedunmire7280]

My mom passed away on New Year’s Day of 2020 and one of the greatest gifts I’ve held in my heart was her finally getting to hold the baby she lost before my brothers and me. As much as I her, knowing that she is eternally surrounded by love is everything.

[@prettyinpink9893]

I just lost my son at 24 weeks last Friday. I hope I’ll be ok. I don’t feel like I’m going to make it

[@bronwyngavin6076]

@@prettyinpink9893 I am so very sorry. It's a pain unlike any other in the world. I'm not going to tell you things happen for a reason bc I HATED all the well meaning people that said that to me. Time is truly the only thing that will help. My son would have just turned 15, and I still feel that pain every year. I'm here to talk if that helps. It helped me to share with other women that had gone through the same thing. What happened to us wasn't a miscarriage, and I had a lot of resentment towards the people that tried to minimize it to that by telling me a lot of women have miscarriages. I, as I'm sure you did, had to deliver my son and hold him while he tried to take his one and only breath. And I am NOT saying miscarriages are minute either bc I've had an early term miscarriage as well, and that tore me up inside, too. I will tell you that I have had 2 perfectly healthy normal pregnancies since then. My sons are 5 and 6. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was emotionally ready to try again. You feel all those feelings, cry, scream, whatever you feel at the moment allow yourself to feel it. The pain and heartache never truly go away, but you will be able to deal with it easier as time passes. And like I said, I'm here to chat if you need to. 🌈 💙 💙

[@gracealicious1]

I lost my first daughter at 23 weeks and it was so hard I wish I would have held her and looked at her but I was so hurt in that moment and didn’t know what to do I just didn’t even want to see her biggest regret in my life

[@aoyamiuriko5059]

Wow....I know i shouldn't be on here this is making me cry and my heart goes out to you and everyone on this thread. I had a daughter at 21 weeks on literal new years eve. I thought I didn't want to see her but im glad the nurses held onto her until I felt better, also never seen my husband cry like that ever and I thought he wasn't connected. My sister had a still birth 2yrs ago and I don't want anyone to go thru what we went thru. I can't imagine any of it and I went thru it. Hoping this time a rainbow 🌈 for all of us in Jesus name!

[@xpeekabooqtx]

Almost identical situation here-I was due in December and I also had a missed miscarriage. I was pregnant with twins and babies had stopped growing at 9w3d. It was such a horrifying experience, both physically and emotionally. I am also still struggling. Sending warm thoughts your way. You are not alone.

[@Mcmom14]

Hey hun, you’re not alone either. I just went through it too 😢 The most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m sending you lots and lots of love!

[@kaitjones1678]

My baby was due in December too! I'm sorry for what u went through. March is now a month I dont feel comfortable TTCing in ever again.

[@godstendermercies6394]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I was wondering if you had any covid tests or injections before the miscarriage. 💧♥️

[@Aliadale]

Your baby girl didn’t know her life was cut short, she only knew warmth and love. We loved you then, now, and always. Heal you and your family. If you’re worried about putting out content frame it this way, you can’t give your all to videos if you’re not all there. You come first.

[@deendrew36]

I love the realization that this little girl did not know how short her life (on earth) was, but only that she was/is loved and cherished. I believe she has eternal life now. ❤️

[@AmandaandlolaNL]

My heart breaks. Especially when you said “last miscarriage video” the fact that you are brave enough to talk about it and help people is inspiring. Thoughts and prayers are with you lady!

[@jenhulslander9084]

I started watching this last week and had to stop myself halfway through because I was so overwhelmed with the fear of losing my baby. I was 11 weeks when I watched it. At my 12 week appointment I found out my baby stopped growing at 8.5 weeks. I'd already miscarried when I watched it and I think I subconsciously knew already. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I understand what you're going through as I'm going through it right now. There's nothing worse then trying for a baby and wanting them and not getting to hold them. I've had you in my thoughts a lot, I hope you're continue to cope in healthy ways. ❤

[@ashleybartels3355]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's helpful for me to remember "grief is love with nowhere to go". Your grief is all the love you have for your girl over flowing.. sending you and Chris all the love.

[@gailflora1835]

Your comment is so true. I gave the love I had for my stillborn baby to hundreds of women by reaching out after their own pregnancy loss.

[@mrspokitstheriot477]

That phrase speaks to me and I hope I never forget it.

[@stellabarnard3623]

I went through a miscarriage, and was left to deal with it on my own. My employer at that time, wouldn't even give me time off, and so I had to go to work the next day. I never had the chance to mourn the loss. I felt so lost and alone, because everyone's life continued on, while mine fell apart. So I want to thank you for this video, and sharing your story with us. I cried with you for the loss of my little one. Lots of love

[@mandaleemilly6367]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Time off should be mandatory when you’re dealing with trauma like that.

[@laurenzavicar9363]

I’m going through exactly the same thing right now. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you so much healing.

[@mygirldarby]

We need better laws for women. Employers shouldn't be allowed to do what they did to you. I'm so sorry.

[@brooklynphillips9514]

I’m so saddened and angered reading this. I’m so sorry for your loss and mistreatment

[@stellabarnard3623]

Thank you everyone. I feel miscarriage just gets swept under the rug and is a taboo subject. I'm glad Rachel decided to share her story on KZbin. Perhaps it'll enlighten others about the trauma of having a miscarriage.

[@connietankersley9514]

I’m currently going through my first miscarriage at almost 9 weeks. No one I’m close with really understands and I’ve felt so lonely. My son is 4 so I was already sad at the thought of them not being close in age. I watched your first video and was heartbroken for you. Now I have a whole other level of empathy for you. You are so kind and brave to share again. Thank you for making me feel heard. We love all the parts about you, happy and sad, and I hope you find peace in some way ❤️

[@ccurtis130]

It’s sounds cliche, but it does get better. It’s never going to be perfect and you will always think about it. But it gets easier to think about. It’s been 12 years since I miscarried twins, but this year I cried on the day I lost them. But I was able to move on after I cried. I wish you well and hope you heal. Just know it’s ok to cry about the loss and grieve. Sending love and prayers.

[@zozoeliza]

i’m so sorry for your loss. sending you love ❤️

[@yektaangel1234]

You are never alone even if it’s not with people close to you just know there’s always someone out there who cares for you even if it’s a stranger. So sorry for your loss👼 your baby will always be watching over you

[@crystalbarfoot]

I'm sending you love and caring. You aren't alone. It's real. And it's ok to grieve. ❤️❤️

[@kathrynduprey3744]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It can feel so isolating especially if those around you don't understand.

[@rachelgill7579]

I’m so sorry Rachel. I’ve had two miscarriages, but I was never hospitalized. I can’t imagine dealing with the grief on top of the fear of everything else going on.

[@dinky..]

💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@brittanymomto4]

I’m rewatching this and wanted to say I lost a baby and it’s been 18 hrs and I’ve learned that you do and can heal. You have to learn to live in a new normal.

[@brookhall8142]

She is and was your baby. A precious life. We grieve with you.

[@toodlebug8852]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter Chloe was stillborn at 6 months gestation. It’s been 23 years now. I still think of her every day. 💔

[@monanana-04]

I’m so so sorry. How you treasure her and her short life shows what an amazing mother you are❤️

[@saras.6641]

💜

[@dinky..]

I'm so sorry you went through this Michelle 💕 Chloe is a beautiful name 🙏❤

[@foreverNwonder]

😔 I’m so sorry for your loss… my little sister had a miscarriage pretty far into her pregnancy, and her daughter’s name was Chloe too ❤️

[@ItsJustLisa]

My SIL lost our niece at 5 months due to a heart defect. Josie would have been 20 in November.

[@weetz1992]

I'm just now seeing this and just wanted to say I have felt the same way with my miscarriages. I buried my emotions and just tried to move on since I had so many. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and worry everyday something is going to happen. I wish I had seen this a year ago when I had my last miscarriage it really would have helped me. I love your videos and your personality and I'm so happy that you were able to cope with your loss.

[@Celaeno725]

My mom and sister suffered with multiple miscarriages. I'm relieved your children still have their mama bc that must have been really frightening for them, and (this may not be the right word but) I'm happy that you have a loving husband and supportive family to help you through this. Truly... having people in your corner makes such a difference in the healing process.

[@HealthNutNutrition]

my heart truly broke when you talked about holding your baby.. I only have one daughter and I cant even imagine going through that experience and loss. I truly wish you and your family so much love and healing.

[@girlandhermakeup4629]

No I’m we

[@JuliVibme]

I often watch your content as a safe space, where I can look at this happy woman with a healthy relationship, great husband and kids and a beautiful house. It's a comforting dream but this video reminds me that real life happens when the camera is off. Thank you so much for sharing, take your time

[@jeepersjava]

Eight months ago I had a miscarriage that lasted three weeks. It was the most painful and scary thing I’ve ever experienced and I went through it in secret because I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant. Miscarriage is a trauma not talked about enough. Everyone needs to know that it’s not like it is on TV and different for every pregnancy. We are all thankful for you being brave and sharing your story.

[@daniellemeverden5382]

My heart breaks watching this. After my miscarriage, I became a different person. It benefited me and I am a better, more understanding person. Me and my newborn rainbow baby send you love and hope during this difficult time

[@michellemckinney8968]

I agree I’ve had 2 miscarriages and 2 healthy babies I haven’t ever been the same one day we will see our 🌈 babies

[@ohgeezhannah]

I resonate so much with this. I am a much softer person after my miscarriage. Grief can do that.

[@amberpitman4163]

Miscarriage is such a tragic, indescribable experience. My heart truly aches for you, having been through it myself at 10 weeks. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. ❤️

[@misSimplicityXx]

I also had a mc at 10 weeks end of May. Currently 9 weeks pregnant again so early after and I’ve been a nervous wreck. Ugh!

[@Glim246]

@@misSimplicityXx Wishing you all the best for a healthy pregnancy. I realize that it is incredibly hard not to worry but if you can find it in yourself to be positive it will help you both stay strong mentally and physically.

[@MusicLover7545]

You are a whole person, Rachel. We love the sunny, bright Rachel that we usually see in your videos, but we love this Rachel too. Thanks for sharing your whole self with us

[@MomNTraining]

That is incredibly intense. I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a scary medical situation on top of your grief. I think taking a break was the absolute right call. ❤️

[@ThruTheLukingGlass17]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is one of the worst pains a parent can experience. Losing a child through miscarriage is no exception. I understand what you’re going through. I’ve had multiple miscarriages (I had D&Cs) and then I had a stillborn son at 8 ½ months along. I didn’t grieve in a healthy way. I turned very bitter toward other pregnant women. I had had so many pregnancies and nothing to show for it. The doctors told me I would most likely never carry a baby to term. Then when I was 29 I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, baby boy. He’s been the absolute light of my life and I thank God every day for him. When I was 32 I had to have an emergency hysterectomy and that was hard as well bc I would’ve loved Grady to have a sibling. However, I’m so grateful for him and cherish every moment of being a mother. He’s 11 now and he’s an amazing child. ❤️❤️ I’ll keep you in my prayers!

[@shelbidickson8244]

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are a truly powerful woman and momma to have made it through all of that!

[@dianalavric8621]

😂😂😂

[@joannapenn878]

I just want to hug you through the screen. Can’t imagine what pain you and Chris have gone through. Love to you both. 💗

[@baileycornell2189]

I always get upset when creators feel the need to thank their viewers for giving them peace when they are inactive. There's nothing you owe us. There's nothing you have to say regarding your absence, as long as you don't want to. You are allowed to not be there. You're allowed to not put out content. We, as viewers, are not entitled to your life. I can't imagine the trauma of all of this. It's heartbreaking and the fact you were able to sit down and film your story is amazing. There's nothing that can be said or done to make it any better, just know you are heard.

[@Artliker1234]

I think it's because some creators have created a community. Some people likely checked in on her when she took the break. I don't think it's meant necessarily negatively or pressure

[@baileycornell2189]

@@Artliker1234 I understand, I just can't imagine having that much investment without respect. It's awesome to check in, but sometimes space is needed. You know. It's a horrible situation, and I hope her community support helped

[@amydee0074]

I know what you mean, I feel the same way about recession lines at a wake 😞 Having to thank all those people when you feel so heartbroken just doesn’t seem right

[@itsmirandalouise]

All of this. I totally agree. God bless her. 🙏🏻😢💗

[@BeckyA59]

Thank you for saying that, I feel the same, KZbin creators do not owe us their lives!

[@CLOUDTHOUGHT]

I was told my baby did not have a heartbeat during our sonogram appointment for the gender reveal. This was 8 years ago this August and I have never been able to get pregnant again. I still cry silently about it because everyone thinks I should have “gotten over it”. You never get over it; you just learn to live with the pain. I am so sorry you went through this. My heart goes out to you my love. 😔💓🦋

[@gelarehmohebbi]

Ugh gosh that is so awful, I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. It's the most painful thing and no one should tell you otherwise.. I got pregnant in 2019 but at the time I didn't tell anyone- except the father, of course - bc my sister had finally gotten pregnant after trying for 4 years and I had gotten t pregnant after only 2 weeks of being off birth control when my BF and I weren't even wanting kids at that time... So I felt like it would be cruel of me to announce that I was pregnant since it'd happened pretty easily for me even though I wasn't trying when it had been so difficult and painful for my sister. Idk why I thought that though bc I know my sister would've been SO happy for me and she would've loved if we were pregnant at the same time. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 19 weeks and it was sooo much harder than I ever could have anticipated. A part of you dies and then there is a void in your heart and soul. Anyone telling you that you should be over it has got to be ashamed of themselves! None of my family told me to get over it BUT if I ever bring up my baby that has passed my mom will tell me not to say anything around my sister bc it will upset her... I'm like okay but what about me and my upset feelings??! It's just not a nice thing to ever minimize the trauma and pain of a mother who's lost their baby. I hope you know that you are always justified in your feelings of grief, even if it's a lifelong grief, which sadly for parents who have lost their babies it most definitely is. 🤧🤧 (Luckily my sister had her miracle baby and two years later another bundle of love and I'm the happiest aunt in the world!!! Those two are my entire life and the love I have for them is immeasurable!!)

[@samanthasellers7473]

Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks in May, and man is it soul crushing. Our friends’ who were pregnant with us just had their baby, and I’m so excited and happy for them, but it brings big feelings as we won’t be welcoming ours earthside. Another announced their pregnancy last night. I woke up to this today, and it reminded me I’m not alone and it is okay to feel all the big emotions while celebrating for others ♥️

[@jacquelineclark9783]

Thank you for sharing. I had a stillborn baby girl three years ago and EVERYONE treats these topics like taboo. No one wants to talk about and it’s heartbreaking. But thank you for being brave and sharing your experience- I believe that sharing these experiences is a way of celebrating that there IS another part of your family. ❤️❤️

[@Belcheryl]

Bless you. I’m sorry sorry that you had to go through that♥️

[@Trsanchez76]

So very sorry for your loss

[@mygirldarby]

I'm so sorry. My best friend had a full-term stillborn. The umbilical cord wrapped around the baby's neck during her labor. When she got to the hospital to give birth she was told there was no heartbeat. They made her give birth naturally. It was her first baby and she was in labor for over 17 hours, knowing he was not alive. I thought it was torture what they did to her. Later the doctor said that had he known how big the baby was he would have done a c section...it was such a nightmare. It was a long time ago but she still grieves and I still grieve for her.

[@ashleighmryd]

I’m so sorry 😢 sending you lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

[@kaylairwin7044]

I lost my daughter last month… I had went into labor and everything was absolutely fine until two pushes before she was out. Her heartbeat was lost. She had aspirated on meconium. I pushed her out and for 28 minutes they fought to get her heartbeat back and succeeded. Meanwhile I’m bleeding out and nearly died. She was in the NICU for 8 days before it was determined that she wouldn’t recover. Saying goodbye to her has been the hardest thing in my entire life and the grief is unreal. I know exactly what you mean by one day is tough and the other is fine. It makes me scared to try again, she was my only child.

[@sabinajoh]

I’m so sorry

[@caseyg535]

thinking of you and your family! Sending hugs

[@angieto24]

I’m sorry for your loss 🤍🤍

[@DoveOfFlames]

Little did I know, 2 months after you posted this, my fiancé and I would lose our first baby. Thank you for posting this. Miscarriage is horrific and it needs to be talked about.

[@tovethecat]

I’m so sorry I hope you are feeling better

[@sherryryniak4506]

You’re an exceptionally strong woman for talking about & realizing taking care OF YOU is such an important part of the grieving process, understanding that crying is okay, laughing is okay….yes, we have to move forward for the sake of not only our loved ones but mostly the sake of our own well being, not moving “on,” but forward in our life’s journey 😊 I lost my daughter at 32 years young couple years ago & I guess thru witnessing others that had that same tragedy happen in their lives get “stuck,” not dealing with this emotional roller coaster of the grieving process, I realized there truly is nooo easy way, we must go through, NOT AROUND, our grieving, there’s no other way to heal healthy unless 😢 as I said, you’re a beautiful, strong woman, sooo important you take care of Y-O-U & it’s a testament of just how much strength you truly have down deep to be able to share your heartache with so many others 😊 I’m sooo truly sorry for your loss, I feel your pain 😢 many blessings to you & your family 😇 you go girl, you’ve got this 🙏🏼

[@singwithjoy91]

I've never commented on a KZbin video before, but I wanted to say thank you for this. All of the moms who have even an inkling of what you have just been through are standing with you and crying with you. You have kept me company through a military move away from family and two rounds of post partum mood disorder and I am so grateful for the brightness I feel when I see you post a new video. We are here because you are real with us. Much love to you and Chris on your journey.

[@lauren3596]

To everyone in the comments (and Rachel), who have been through this, I am unbelievably sorry. You are truly so strong. Your experience is valid and we see and love you❤️

[@mandypdx]

🙌

[@mmt9562]

So sorry to hear you lost your baby girl. Her life was short, but she was just as real and significant as any sweet child. I remember when people tried to relate to my own pain when I lost my son at 41 weeks, it just made me feel more alone, because they didn't know my son, they didn't know my heart, they didn't really know how I felt. And all I wanted was for people to acknowledge the life that existed, and was lost. She was beautiful and perfect, and never had to know any pain or suffering. There is so much peace in that truth. Sending love.

[@mlchris]

I’m so sorry for your loss Rachel. I was truly hoping this was not why you took a break. As someone said below, grief is like the ocean. There’s not always strong waves of grief, but ride the waves when they’re there and they will get easier to ride. We love you. Take breaks if you need to. Focus on your family!

[@KalynNicholson]

I'm so sorry Rachel. You are so strong and resilient in sharing your story. I pray the healing process held you and is still nurturing your heart and soul in all the ways you need ♥️

[@memelondon79]

Ppt ppppppp poop poop poop p poop pppppppppppp poop ppp poop poop pp the best thing to keep me up to

[@memelondon79]

Oh wow I was so sad I missed the last one of you and you

[@jessicaann9027]

Beautifully spoken. ❤️

[@sponton89]

I am so sorry for your loss!

[@hayleydonohue2921]

@@memelondon79 lll

[@meganbaum8832]

This is one of the most difficult things we can go through as women. It isn’t talked about enough and you feel so alone going through the process. Sending hugs your way!

[@truthseekr9115]

First, I want to offer my condolences on your loss. I have lost 2 myself. I won't say that I know how you feel, because everybody's loss and pain is individual to them. I just recently come across your channel this last week and have watched several of your videos. So when you thanked viewers for watching your channel and hearing you get emotional, i got a lump in my throat. I'm not sure if I was subscribed before, but I'm hitting that now. Sending prayers for continued healing and hugs.

[@kelseybright9763]

I'm sorry for your loss. That's not an easy thing to go through and you are remarkably strong for going through this and then sharing it with the world. You are 100% correct in that it's ok to not be ok. That's a really hard thing to come to terms with. I appreciate your videos soo much they always make me feel good after a long day. I'm glad you've gotten the help you needed and wish you all the best on your healing journey.

[@delilamartinez9633]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my son back in March and I sometimes feel like I haven’t fully grieved. I had him at 23 weeks and I got to watch him grow for 2 months before he passed. I love and miss him so much.

[@debbieversteeg2407]

Sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

[@cherylmorton2316]

We lost our little boy at 20 weeks and have never really recovered, 12 years later. I kept all my emotions to myself and found it very difficult to talk to my friends and family about it for fear of upsetting them, with hindsight I should have been brave enough to show my emotions as I feel this would have helped with the healing. My heart goes out to you and Chris, you are a beautiful soul with a beautiful heart and I admire your bravery in speaking up about your experiences in losing a baby, I feel if I had listened to your words when it happened to me, it would have given me the courage to speak up, God bless you and your beautiful family and I pray for happiness in the future xx

[@itsmirandalouise]

You having this conversation so openly is not only going to help so many other women feel connected…It’s very healing for you as well. It’s soooo good that you’re not holding this all in. Grief is so hard. You do not have to carry this alone. Feel all of it. Share whatever you feel comfortable sharing just know that it is ALWAYS okay to talk about your grief. You’re not being negative. You are being real. You are strong, you are resilient, and I appreciate your ability to be vulnerable about something so hard. I have no words to help other than I am with you. I know this pain too. 😔🙏🏻💗

[@kristykushmaul2917]

I’m praying for you and Chris. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heartache. We love you! Take all the time you need!! We will be here when you’re ready!

[@dixiehull7192]

I just stopped and prayed with my 13 month old daughter over you and your family. May you seek God in all this. Remember He can handle you screaming, crying, and being mad at Him for allowing this. May God be with you. And what a blessing He gave you to hold your beautiful angel.

[@meaghanjames2419]

It is so important to increase awareness of these topics, but it’s so hard and awful that people have to go through these challenges and heartbreaks at all. I am so proud of you for putting your mental and physical health first. It’s extraordinarily difficult and doing so can feel worse before it feels better. Thank you for speaking on this heartbreaking topic, and I am so sorry you’ve gone through it twice. I’m sending all my love and positive feelings your way 💜

[@lizziesopp]

I'm so sorry for yours and Chris' loss of your baby girl, Rachel. You're so brave and strong to share your story to help others. Sending lots of thoughts and love to you and your family ❤

[@nicoleg3638]

So sorry love!! We also suffered a miscarriage 2 weeks ago, I feel like I'm doing the thing you aren't supposed to do, only took 1.5 days off, threw myself right back into work. But im also getting right back into trying for another baby. It's the worst feeling every and nothing makes it feel better for me except trying to forget, but thats impossible

[@crystalillig20]

Oh Rachel. I'm soo sorry that you've gone through this twice and had to make this video twice.💙❤ We love you! From one angel Mama to another, all the thoughts in the world!

[@stonesatglasshouses3477]

Recently, I came to terms with the fact that I will never have another child. My son is 15. I’ve suffered from 7 unexplained miscarriages. My last I lost twins at 13 weeks. Having gone through this, I will say the only thing anyone should say- I am so sorry. You are not alone and everything you feel is valid. One thing I have found is that fathers don’t get enough support when a couple suffers a miscarriage. There are some really great books for men to help them to support you but also process their own feelings.

[@anabobana20]

Wow, I'm so sorry you've been through that. I wish I knew you because I don't want to come off as offensive in anyway, but a lot of times miscarriages, especially multiple ones, come from generational curses. Not sure if you believe in that but it's usually demonic. That wasn't the portion the Father had for you at all but the enemy looks for doors to come in to kill, still and destroy. My husband and I cast out demons, and a lot of times they hold on to generational curses and wreak havoc in people's lives.

[@donnyreiss1180]

in n.z after ur third in a row miscarriage they take u for specialised tests to c what the root of the problem is.

[@MsBkboom]

I’m sorry for your loss also. I just want to say my mom miscarried 8 times before having me. I guess you could say I was a miracle baby for my parents. My sister and I have a 6 year difference between us. While isn’t isn’t the biggest we aren’t close. Bit of a shame.

[@amandaoehlert5058]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's so important to destigmatize any shame or negative emotions associated with having a miscarriage. After my miscarriage in July, a friend admitted to me that she felt ashamed FOR me having to tell people that I'd had a miscarriage (I'd told several people I was pregnant). Good for you for getting help - both physical and emotional - when you needed it and so grateful that you're starting to feel better. I'm sorry it happened at all though. It sucks.

[@MissKrisLoves]

That is very scary! I'm so glad you're ok. Grief comes in waves. Don't hold it off or it becomes a tsunami. Praying for your wellbeing 🙏🏼❤️

[@roxannemarie7513]

take your time healing, there is no "correct" time frame we will be here whenever you get back

[@alim3222]

I’m currently going though a miscarriage and your story has given me a sense of comfort knowing other women have been where I am. I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this.

[@nikkis7375]

Sending so much love to you. ❤️

[@elliefoust]

I’m so sorry Alice. My heart is with you. Just know that you will get through. It will never be easy or normal, but you are strong and will get through.

[@gnyng88]

Unfortunately this happens way way too often and is not being spoken up enough. I also went through a long miscarriage and the only thing my doctor said we could do was waiting to be over. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you feel better and recover soon.

[@CarmenMc007]

❤️❤️ so sorry.

[@theroadnottaken7]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[@boymamatimes3406]

I just want to start off and say YOU ARE AMAZING! We lost our son at 24 weeks last month and seeing you talk about your loss has gave me so much strength♥️♥️♥️

[@gracesticozzi242]

So sorry to hear about your loss and experience 🙁 I too had my own experiences and yes you are right when you say " it's ok not to be ok or to feel ok at times". From one stranger to another, from one women to another, I send you a big hug. 😊

[@jessicaw7185]

I am heartbroken that you and Chris have had to go through this again. Thank you for using your platform to help the rest of us learn more about miscarriages. They are more common than we are lead to believe. Thank you for being so open and brave with sharing your experience ❤

[@heatherlynn1016]

You’re right! When I had my miscarriage I thought “what did I do wrong” “what’s wrong with my body?” Because you never hear about miscarriages and how common they are and there’s nothing that we did wrong and our bodies didn’t fail us!

[@stephaniepeebles6350]

@@heatherlynn1016 so true...until u have one and then everyone tells u that they have had one too.

[@lynnctodd]

This was heart wrenching and I can’t imagine how scary this was to go through. Please take all the time you need. I am so sorry you went through this.

[@Catglittercrafts]

@@youssefhachicha49 miscarriage

[@jessm1309]

@@youssefhachicha49 dude wtf? People don't choose to have a miscarriage. Maybe check a dictionary and delete your stupid comment.

[@nicolacarr1519]

@@youssefhachicha49 dude no need to harsh and disrespectful grow up

[@jessm1309]

@@youssefhachicha49 no, it doesn't. But I can guarantee you already knew that and you're just trolling. One day maybe you'll grow up 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@roxiek888]

@@youssefhachicha49 I’m going to assume you’re a child. A miscarriage is something that the body does on its own, there is no choice in a miscarriage. You’re talking about an ab0rti0n

[@RhondaHowerton]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I delivered my first child at 24 weeks. He only survived for a day. This can be so shocking & such a painful loss. I was able to hold my son as well & I believe that helps us with the healing process greatly. I found that most people did not know what to say to me, which made me feel like no one was acknowledging my son & the gravity of it all. It also kind of made me feel a bit crazy. I am much like you & I just charge forward & ‘get past’ uncomfortable things or things that make me feel vulnerable. It changed who I am, for the better of that even makes sense? You take care of yourself…. Feel & hear each of those words. (Hugs)

[@redblaquegolden]

This video is a real gift. I'm so sorry you went through this. I'll never experience this type of grief exactly, but loss and grief generally are not unfamiliar to me. Taking the time is necessary. Healing is a long and complicated process, but by god, it's so necessary.

[@ciaoobelllaxo]

I’m so sorry to hear you went through this. 😢 I absolutely could not imagine how traumatic that must have even .. praying for you during this time! 🤍

[@aneishalopez6669]

Love you so much! I’m keeping you all in prayer and I’m so glad you are in a place where you could share.

[@gillypiexo]

@Miles Doyle well said 👏

[@nicolebeck8997]

We love you ❤️

[@JessNV]

Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry. I completely relate to feeling uncomfortable feeling intense emotion and grief, been going through some hard times and this is a great reminder of how important it is to let my body feel that emotion. My prayers are with you and your family.

[@alexysdeborah6910]

I am so truly sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain of loosing a child twice now.. I do understand the feeling of grief and nit wanting to feel all the feelings... I lost my grandfather almost 20 years ago and I still cry when I think of him and last year I lost my grandma and I still burst into tear everytime i see the picture of her with my son 2 days before she past... Thank you so much for this video, we need to remember we are not alone

[@CarlaKariott]

Rachel, this is the most important video you’ve made. This will help so many women heal. This is such a hard topic because most women grieve in silence but you have given this the attention it deserves. I’m sorry to you, Chris and your family for your loss. I hope you heal physically and emotionally.

[@nataliaanne5193]

Throughout my years of following you, I've looked up to you like an older sister, or another aunt. Women are so strong, and you sharing your grief and healing journeys is a testament to that. Your baby girl and Michael are surely in Heaven, watching over their beautiful family. Sending lots of love and prayers, and gratitude for opening up like you do ❤️

[@lmgoblirsch]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've traveled this path. I'm sending prayers to you and your family for healing.

[@madeleinedubuc3217]

I just discover your channels a week ago and have been binge-watching your videos. You are hilarious to watch. Then I saw this video. The courage must have taken you to show a raw side of yourself with your story. I'm sure it is helping other people in the same situation. You are an amazing woman, wife, and mother with wonderful support around you, that I'm sure will help you heal. I am sending you tons of positive vibes. Thank you for being part of my life.

[@rileyrodgers3758]

My heart aches for you. I’ve had a full term still born and a miscarriage. The grieving is some of the most intense things I’ve ever been through. It’s been 2 years since my daughter passed and I’m still grieving. Sending you so much love right now 💜

[@traceyleeherrera5247]

So sorry for your loss, full term still born breaks my heart for mothers/parents 😔

[@wendyraye]

My heart aches for YOU too - I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to suffer such a loss, yet still having to “live life” and keep going. I imagine feeling guilty for feeling any sort of happiness and for the split second your mind is not dwelling, almost like it’s somehow a betrayal to their memories. I feel like they are looking down from Heaven and saying, “It’s ok mama - don’t be sad, it’s not your fault - we chose you and will love you forever.” 💕

[@79Kallie]

I’m so sorry for your loss! I had my daughter at 34 weeks 5 days. She passed away the day after she was born. This has destroyed me.

[@traceyleeherrera5247]

@@79Kallie my heart goes out to you, such a tragic loss 💔 wishing you so much love, support & healing

[@wendyraye]

@@79Kallie I’m so sorry 😢 💔

[@sroo07]

My first pregnancy ended exactly like this, went in for an ultrasound and there was no more heartbeat. It’s the worst feeling in the world when you’re so blindsided. I’m so sorry this happened to you too I wouldn’t wish this on anyone 💕

[@mattesongroner5730]

I have never seen any of your videos, but this one came up. I am so so sorry for your loss, but as a woman and someone who has experienced a type of miscarriage (lost a twin early), I am proud of you for being vocal and honest. I never got to hold mine and say goodbye, in a way I think it is beautiful you were able to. And as a mother you should be proud for modeling healthy ways to experience grief. Many blessings to you and your family.

[@kyledanimiller89]

When you took your absence I was concerned for you that this had happened again. I'm so sorry it happened, but I am glad you're taking the time you need to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. We all love you here and can't wait for you to come back whenever you are ready. Praying for you lots! Love from Paraguay

[@mrsbird2952]

I just want to say I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of your daughter. The fact that you are brave enough to share such a personal story and struggle…how you got through the pain both physically and mentally gives is a wonderful message of hope for all of us who watch your channel. May God bless you and your family and be with you through this time.

[@bpishner333]

Very well said ma’am god bless you all

[@Deanna417]

I had a friend who miscarried a few years ago and she still struggles with it but refuses to go to therapy. It’s hard watching someone hurt like that and not know how to help them. And knowing that they won’t help themselves. I’m glad you figured it out and are doing the work. And I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s astounding how common miscarriages actually are but it feels like nobody talks about it or like it’s not that big of a deal. But it really is trauma, physically and mentally.

[@latetotheparty4785]

Thank you for saying what happened, and thank you for coming back to us.

[@cab102361]

I am so very sorry dear. It is most heartbreaking. I cannot understand not having going through this myself. But my heart hurts for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take your time to grieve and don’t rush the process. We love you and you will have many people praying for you.

[@tofumasterlee117]

Memory Eternal. Baby girl is where there is no more pain, sorrow, or suffering. ♥️

[@garbagegirlglam8783]

We missed you and my gut told me you were going through it. I’m praying for you and your family if you are ok with that.

[@erinviera9635]

Not that you owe ANYONE any type of an explanation as to why you needed to take time off, but I want to say thank you for taking the time to share your extremely difficult personal experience, and to shine a light on more awareness towards this topic. Prayers for you and your family. 💜

[@perfectlypriced4980]

3 weeks after my daughter was born, for reasons we still cannot explain, I experienced the severe hemorrhaging you described with a similar, late night, frantic trip to the ER, blood transfusions, loss of consciousness, etc. I cannot imagine that experience being associated with a miscarriage as well. Thank you for your bravery in sharing and prayers for your healing all around 🤍

[@FlorPortas]

Oh god rachel im so sorry, i was here the other time it happened and it just completely breaks my heart to see you like this again. You are a beautiful person and an amazing mom, and you are SO strong. My mom went through something like this before having me, and as far as i know she completely shut that whole experience down, so the fact that you actually held baby and are talking about it now speaks of your incredible strength. Im sending you so so much love♥️

[@karadorsey2300]

The strength you have for posting this is amazing. From a therapist, you'd make a really good therapist. Youre so open with your thought processes and feelings and how you're coping. I am so sorry youre going through this again but i hope you know how amazingly strong you are. Take all the time you need, any breaks, you are the most important.

[@amymanson7035]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you are healing and dealing with your grief in a healthy way. You are so brave to share your story and for that, I say thank you.

[@nancym.1700]

Sounds so similar to my experience. Lost so much blood my bp was 70s/30s... I could have died. Sounds like you were in a similar position. You are very lucky to have survived. When we lose a baby part of our life force wants to leave with it, there is no other explanation. The experience is extremely traumatic and takes a very long time to heal from. You are doing great little mama, one day at a time. I am so glad you have people to support you. Thank you for sharing your experience here. You are helping a lot of people right now 💗

[@Emily-po2cl]

You did an EXCELLENT job at addressing your big emotions with us. Everything came out beautifully, and you are a queen for opening up about your mental health and grief. Even though I am only a picture of my cat on the internet, but I'm a therapist and I am feeling for you. Your message is so well communicated and we are so thankful you shared ❤️

[@wendyschnapa7582]

I am so sorry for your and Chris’s loss. Your baby girl is in God’s loving hands and with Michael having fun. When I had my miscarriage, I had a DNC and didn’t get to see my baby or hold it or find out if it was a boy or girl. I didn’t get to grieve but today I did because of you. So thank you Rachel for helping me grieve and to get through it as I should have then.

[@dinky..]

Sending you love ❤❤❤

[@PutteWalther]

I’m so sorry for your loss .. 🥺 I’ve also been through a miscarriage around the 8 weekmark; and it is such a painfull and sad experience… I feel for you and I hope you and your family will heal together ❣️

[@aoyamiuriko5059]

I've never seen u before this video but I will sub and watch every video. I lost my daughter at 21 weeks on New Years eve and I didn't cry ar first. I shared the love of Jesus Christ with the nurse and made everyone laugh,I just wanted to glorify God because he let us enjoy her for as long as we did. God gave me his peace that passes all understanding that day. But the week after I went home,it finally hit,it really is the most horrible thing but I lived and the grieving was exactly how u said it was. I have joy knowing shes in the kingdomof heaven. That being so, I hope the love of God fills you and your family in Jesus name Amen ❤

[@GreenVenus]

I feel the need to clarify that my "like" on this video is purely to help your channel stats. My condolences to you and your husband, may you find healing and peace in your own time.

[@jaimedill2467]

Having experienced my own traumatic miscarriage that felt like I was dying (ectopic that burst), I'm happy to hear that you're putting yourself first and valuing your grief because you have every right to that and you need that. All my love, Rachel. I'm sending you the warmest hugs ❤

[@April_B.W]

My daughter just went thru a very similar experience. Miscarried her baby girl at 9 weeks, lots of bleeding then emergency surgery. I have shared this video with her and it’s helped her knowing she’s not alone. So…Thank You Rachel for sharing with us. 💕🙏🏻💕

[@asiavs]

I'm so sorry for your loss and all you have been through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm going through a missed miscarriage right now myself. I'm not sure what to expect, but I luckily have a very supportive supervisor who has told me to take all the time I need to heal. I thank you for sharing your story, I know it must not have been easy.

[@maithileekajale5176]

I'm so sorry Rachel. I recently lost 2 people who were really close to my heart and honestly, I shut everyone out. I haven't opened up in front of anyone, I just couldn't, and I have been feeling lonely. I cried with you throughout the video and now I realise how much I needed this. Sending you all the love Rachel. The RachhLoves fam laughs and cries together ❤️

[@valeriesue2011]

I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I experienced and missed miscarriage last year, I was 19 weeks along and it’s something that no one should have to go through. I wish you healing in your heart.

[@nicolettealtieri8777]

Such a heartbreaking journey you’re going through but it’s truly amazing you are sitting here to tell it. My prayers are with you and your family and I’m so glad to see that little by little you are finding a way to put those broken pieces back into place. ❤️

[@averipresley1616]

i miscarried very early at 5w 4d and it was very hard for me. it would've been my first. this video was posted around the same time i experienced it and my heart just still feels heavy everyday, so i saw this just now and i am so thankful you're ok. i'm thankful you posted this, it really helps knowing i'm not the only one struggling when it feels like i am; we are all in this together.

[@heather8632]

Oh sweet girl. I’m crying with you. I had a very traumatic ectopic pregnancy a few months ago, with internal bleeding and emergency surgery. So I very much can relate. Please take care of yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve and heal. ❤️ Thank you for this video. There are many of us, unfortunately, but there is comfort in knowing there are others with similar stories

[@ukomdesign]

I had an ectopic pregnancy 7 years ago and it breaks my heart every time I think about it. I had a surgery. We named our baby althought it didn't implant in the right place it was still a baby. I feel that this topic is not spoken about at all because I have never heard about it before it happened to me.

[@juliamcgrath5623]

I wish I could hug you! I had a missed miscarriage with twins at 12 weeks and had to have a DNC and again just over a year ago and went through the process at home and it was the most painful experience on earth mentally and physically. Know you’re not alone ❤️ you’re such a strong empowering woman

[@stephr285]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for how that process happened. My second and third miscarriages resulted in emergency surgery for the same reasons. Sending you and your family positive thoughts

[@Trontree]

I recently went through a very similar experience. The loss of a child is so traumatic. The experience of the ER visit and surgery is a whole added layer of fear and trauma. It isn’t easy, especially when you forget and then the memories catch you by surprise. But you’re not alone in this. ❤️ It’s so helpful that you’re able to share, to also allow others to feel less alone. While I was waiting to miscarry naturally I looked for videos to help me know what to expect, and they did help a lot. I wasn’t fully prepared for what actually occurred, but it did help me understand what was normal and what was not, so I got to the hospital when I needed to.

[@TinyTaco14]

I lost my daughter when I was 7.5 months along so I know your pain. Sending you all of my love 💜