What happens after your loved one dies

Here are some things to keep in mind when the time comes
When dealing with any medically related events or medical emergencies, please communicate with your primary health care provider.
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[@johnd4348]

When My wife died of cancer at home after being in hospice for a few months, I waited a few hours till I called my hospice nurse . Did not want to wake her up late at night. I waited until I knew she was up and ready for work. She worked so hard taking care of the dieing. She needed her rest. My wife wasnt going any were. She was already were she needed to be.

[@JCSun77]

You are a kind soul.

[@annebayliss9886]

What an amazingly considerate person you are, you have brought tears to my eyes

[@meannormajean8418]

So sorry for your loss. ☮️💟✝️

[@gaillessard2786]

That's very thoughtful and logical. That's how my father taught me to think about things. Once someone's gone, there's nothing you can do to bring them back, so other things can wait for a convenient time. He taught me that if you're needing to inform someone of a person's imminent, death, or bad illness, don't wake them in the middle of the night. Let them get their rest so that they're not exhausted once they arrive. It can also be a safety issue. People don't need to be driving or making plans to fly while they're not fully awake.

[@leesashriber5097]

God bless you. I'm sorry for your loss. 🕊️❤️🙏

[@KevinMcB]

I learned that no two people grieve the same way and that NOBODY does it wrong.

[@JulieR73]

Well said

[@mircat28]

The over grievers who use every opportunity to scream and be chaotic cry babbling are wrong. They prevent souls from moving on as far as I’m concerned.

[@effwitt]

When my wife passed away two years ago, that was far and away the best thing anyone said to me.

[@jeffpawlinski3210]

As a Hospice Care Liaison here in Milwaukee, I tell my patient's families and even my own friends who lose a parent, "Mourn at your own pace, there is no playbook for grief"

[@kimowen3604]

I'm 63 and was placed on hospice 2 weeks ago. I am finding your videos extremely helpful. I have passed your KZbin channel information to my family and close friends. I worked in Healthcare my entire working career and maybe facing my death in too calm a fashion compared to how others may. I just want to say THANK YOU to you while I'm still able to.

[@joypeace8574]

Your courage inspired me. Wishing you all the love and support you need. God bless.

[@joannag6992]

Hi hun I pray that God will make your every moment beautiful and grant u peace and joy, and strength, sending u love ❤

[@nelks1284]

I pray you know Jesus. I am the same age.

[@audgester]

Wishing you lots of love!

[@gab2758]

God bless you, may have peace with you! ❤

[@karencaddle7288]

Julie, thank you for all you do. My son died in 2021 of cirrhosis. He had only been ill for the last 2 weeks of his life. The morning of his death the hospice nurse said “Today is the day mama”. When she left she said I could just text her when he passed and she would come back as quickly as she could. One and one half hours later he took 3 tiny breaths and died. I text her and she came back in. 15 minutes. As soon as I saw her, I felt calmer. She was an angel and took care of everything. Called the hospice doctor and he was declared dead. She called the mortuary (she said it was the same one she used for both her parents, that strangely made me feel good). She diluted his morphine and handled the picking up of the hospital bed. She was an angel.

[@hospicenursejulie]

💕💕💕💕

[@mzee7786]

I'm sorry for your loss. I too lost my son in 2021 and still am grieving

[@karencaddle7288]

@@mzee7786 I understand. I think I will be grieving until I take my last breath. The heartache does not go away. I am so sorry for the loss of your son, as well. 💔

[@taracorley3291]

I am so sorry of the loss of your son. Prayers for peace.

[@jm7804]

@@karencaddle7288 Positive thoughts your way.

[@clarencejacksonjr.]

When my mother died in the hospital I sat in the room with her for awhile. After I called the funeral home they told me that I could sit with her as long as I wanted. I went to a grief support group through hospice and it helped me tremendously.

[@Cheri-Calif]

You really helped me on this video. My son died 5 weeks ago. After he passed, I held him and talked softly to him. No more cancer, no more pain.

[@Avery_4272]

So sorry for your loss.

[@Mia-qi2mi]

My condolences for your loss, 😢❤.

[@suegray6284]

So sorry for your loss, sending loving thoughts your way 💕

[@mamamac70]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@peggynulsen1365]

Greatest sympathy on losing your precious son. Losing a child is so hard, no matter the circumstances. Healing will come in time, no time limit.

[@audgester]

My dad died after only two hours in hospice this past Tuesday night. I got to spend some time with my dad after he passed, and my mom and brother arrived shortly after I did. The nurse was so wonderful and laid everything out for us. He spent hardly any time there. I am still in shock and in disbelief, but I know once everything calms down I might crash. I am relieved my dad stopped suffering and I know he did not want to be in hospice and did not want to die in front of us so I feel comfort and lucky that his wishes were met. I just feel the loss and expect a difficult time after things calm down. My dad was the best man I knew and he will be missed. Thanks for reading.

[@KaldoniaKaldonia]

Sending heartfelt condolences to you and your family. My father sounds like your father. He fought against hospice as well. He finally agreed last week. We just started (my siblings and I) the 24/7 caring. It’s not easy. Blessings to you.

[@audgester]

@@KaldoniaKaldonia Thank you so much and my heart goes out to you and your family during this rough time❤️

[@pennythoma-poncin4874]

Sorry for your loss.

[@Soundslikeaplan]

❤

[@LostInThisGardenofLife]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@Star_Jewel_Realm]

My pastor said it best. Death is not the end. It is the beginning of the next process as our dearly departed join God in the Kingdom. 📿🙏

[@linda-taylorwest4435]

AMEN ON A NEW JOURNEY WITH A NEW SOUL AND HEALED ❤❤😊😊

[@mainnerd2222]

When my grandfather died I didn't grieve the day he died, I didn't grieve at his viewing or the funeral, I grieve a month later. When my grandmother died I didn't grieve at all. She had Alzheimer's and I felt she was gone years before she died. Miss them both very much. They played a huge role in my life and I can't wait to cross over to the other side. I'm hoping they'll be there, along with others, to welcome me.

[@jojo1234a]

My Dad passed far before his time, with a super rare and aggressive cancer. He chose to die at home, with me as primary caregiver. His fight was short but intense, and at the very end his tumor occluded his airway leading to a suffocation… his mind and body had not caught up with the progress of the tumor growth meaning he was incredibly aware and incredibly terrified. The tumor began growing so fast over the last 2 days and nights, naturally I was so very tired and so sad to see him in this way. Luckily, hospice was able to come in and provide full deep palliative sedation for the last hour of his life and eventually, despite the terror and suffocation (I’m not talking secretions, I’m talking a whopping great tumor protruding from his neck and internally wrapping itself around his airway, vocal cords and so on, it grew right before our eyes, bless him), eventually the sedation allowed him to let go. When dad passed in my arms, I just stayed for a bit. Nurses who were in the living room giving us some space whilst he passed (at our request) declared his death and assisted me in washing him and laying him comfy. I opened the window for ventilation and to keep the room cooler, and exhausted beyond belief, I snuggled up to my wonderful Dad, just as I had always done as a child in the crook of his arm, and I slept. The comfort of having that much needed nap while snuggling my wonderful dad was immense. No more rushing or panicking or suffering. We just, was. That nap gave me the strength to get my head together and call the funeral home, once all family had come to the house to say goodbye. I’ll forever be thankful that I had the opportunity to just be. I miss him very much and was taken far too soon. But never be afraid after death to take a little time and just be, however that looks like for you. Just slow down, and just be.

[@debbiecritcher8436]

I'm so sorry. That's sounds really bad.

[@marinaroach6364]

Hugs. My Dad passed yesterday. I get it. I hope you have peace.

[@helynknott8117]

I’m sorry for you also but I understand I to did something after my died I climbed onto his body and just cried and pounded on his chest, I was devastated beyond repair, I couldn’t function after that, it was horrible but I NEEDED TO DO THIS , funny it’s been 34 years and they the funeral director called my mom after about 4 hours to come there cuz I was crying uncontrollably ( they wheeled him on a steel gurney and I had wait for them to dress him up) it’s funny to think back how when they wheeled him in I was scared of him and death and I was so mad at him and I started talking to a dead about he left and I was mad and then I wasn’t and really just looked at him as my daddy and I crawled on top him crying and pounding on his chest and then just crying and then as time flew away from me but for my daddy it stopped, funny life is , isn’t it one day here and then you’re not but if you believe on CHRIST JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR ❤ THEN YOUR ABSOLUTELY GOOD XXXOOO SORRY SO LONG GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST AND ONTO MINE (no pun intended)

[@Paula-sw2tt]

My husband died of penile cancer in hospice in 2009. We were married two months shy of 18 years. He died the day after our daughter's 16th birthday. He was emotionally abusive towards me and our daughter. He left us destitute. We are both glad he is gone. I seldom miss him or think about him. The support group that I joined was very unhelpful. They all loved their spouses and talked a lot of how they were going to spend the life insurance (my husband left us nothing, his sister had to pay to creamate him). Weird, I know.

[@emmaleebuzzard1023]

I’m so sorry. That is awful. 😢

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Paula, your situation is not that all unusual. Many Hospices offer free one on one counselling. Also, your local battered women's shelter may offer one on one counselling. You are not alone!

[@Hildred6]

In the circumstances it’s normal to be relieved. You both deserved a better husband and father. I hope you and your daughter can move forward together and find peace in knowing the worst is over. I hope your financial situation eases also.

[@wolfe6220]

Sounds like what my father did to me and my mom. There was no good memories I had of him. Him passing was the best day of my life up to that point.

[@Paula-sw2tt]

I took Azure to several therapists and none helped her. It was the hospice Social Worker intern, in her early twenties, that really helped her. I had an awesome therapist, but when I was hired as a Certified Peer Counselor by the same agency, I couldn't keep seeing him.

[@joanholman3105]

My hospice company dropped the ball. They committed to three days of 24/7 at the end of life and they said : sorry- no staff available. So I’m 76 doing round the clock care for my 77 year old brother with meds every 2 hrs. I made the calls and did it all knowing he was billed thousands per month. I am so afloat. Thank you for your videos they told me things I really needed to know!!

[@JillyBean1968]

I am so sorry this happened to you. 🙏🏼

[@poodledaddles1091]

Wow Joan, glad that you were able to power through!

[@dianamariecentro4664]

I am sorry this did happen to you and sorry for your loss ❤

[@joanholman3105]

@@dianamariecentro4664 it’s only been 2 weeks and I’m still shaky about everything. It was just us at the end and I know he is in a better place. He had some of the symptoms and key events as Julie explained and I was pretty calm. I raised 7 kids and took care of our mom also and I was somewhat ready . I’m just so disappointed because there were people who I needed to inform and I am the one who called the funeral people and watched them cover his face. My heart broke at that moment . Thank you all for your kind words. It means a lot💕

[@Rescuemacaws]

(((💛 💛 Dear Jane, l am very sorry to hear about your brother. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.💛💛🌹🌹)))

[@user-dy1rw3jr5o]

When my 89 year old mother passed, I was sleeping with her by that time. When she passed, all i remember is my daughter waking me up telling me she was gone. She died around 12:30 am. But hospice didn’t declare her until 5:30 am. I remember the funeral home coming to get her. I remember them putting her on the gurney and it was devastating . I don’t remember the rest of that morning. I guess I was in denial. She passed on February 19, 2024. Then all I had was an empty bed with my mom gone. It still hurts because she wasn’t just my mom but my friend 💔

[@saritaschwedes8393]

i could NOT have made it through my husbands death so well without hospice. That’s the reason i volunteered with our hospice for 8 years. I wanted other families have help when going through this difficult tome. ❤️

[@sandrakallam2761]

When my dad had to go to the hospice home, I felt so guilty but I could not handle my dad nor my brother on our own at home. The hospice home in our county is wonderful! They explained a lot of things and helped us thru it. The location was just 10 minutes away. And we were there all the time until the end. The hospice help staff made us feel like we were at home. And when dad got ready to leave he heard us telling we love you dad but it’s ok to go. He opened his eyes for the first time in 12 days, looked around his bed (all his family was there who could get there) he slowly stopped breathing. Thankful dad gave us all a final goodbye. He couldn’t talk.

[@dgs8011]

It took a couple of hours for the funeral home to come get my mother. The great-grands were in the house, but not in the room when Mom actually passed. But they wandered into the bedroom after she died and we grownups were out of the room doing other things. They sat in the room talking with one another (4 little boys, 5 and under) for a little while. We left them alone to do so. It seemed so natural because they just went in there by themselves and seemed comfortable processing things. I remember thinking Mom probably loved that they did that in the room with her.

[@susanmorgan4151]

I adore this❤

[@angelicas3844]

Hi Julie. My father passed away Boxing Day last year. He had dementia. He began deteriorating a few months before his passing. I had never lost a family member so this was all new and scary for me. I came across your videos at the right time and they have been a God send for me. Going into this with all the knowledge I now knew thanks to your videos, made it a little less scary. I knew his time was coming to an end. I knew when he was actively dying and I knew when he was close to death. I got to be with him when he passed. With my hand on his heart, I felt it stop beating and he went peacefully. He did not have the death rattle and he looked as if he was in a deep sleep. It gave me comfort to know that he went peacefully. Thank you doesn’t seem a big enough word to say to you for guiding me through the difficult process of losing my dad. It’s been 5 months and I still miss him terribly.

[@catmama54]

I had prepaid my husband’s cremation months before he passed. He only went into hospice for six days as I took care off him at home. On the sixth day there my stepdaughter and I left for home and after we were home 15 minutes, hospice called and said my husband had passed. My words were what do I do and they said nothing that they called the crematorium and they were having my husband‘s body picked up I didn’t have to do anything there except sit home and try to gather my thoughts. Hospice could not have been better in the six days that my husband was there. They continued to call me for sometime afterwards to see how I was doing. The 30th of this month is one year and I’m still grieving but I’m surviving

[@hospicenursejulie]

I'm glad you're here- thank you for sharing

[@catmama54]

@@hospicenursejulie thank you so much,everyone at hospice in my opinion are angels here on earth

[@starletsatori8933]

I freaked out when my husband died in the early morning. I called hospice and the nurse freaked out!!! They explained nothing to me 😢 he was a body donor and she insisted I call the donor service immediately. They didn't answer! I called a University donor center and they came to get his body. The whole thing was a fiasco, wish I could have had the quiet time with him after his death.

[@hospicenursejulie]

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're here

[@rktbnelson]

So sorry that happened. As a Hospice nurse, your situation wasn't handled well. 😢

[@robertmarion6454]

When my dear wife died after suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis how two years. I felt sorry for myself for about 15 minutes enough time to tell the gathered family that she had passed and I went outside to have a good cry. As I walked back into to room where the 2 kids were crying and touching her hands and hair if felt like she was free, no longer suffering and in a better place! She was…. Thankfully.

[@mthivier]

Thank you for this video, Julie. When my dear grandmother passed in 1976, I'm the one who found her (I was 14), and I sat with her and held her hand for nearly 45 minutes before I called my father to tell him, as I needed that last bit of time to to be with her. Even though I knew, even at that relatively young age, the she was already gone and nothing could have been done, I've felt a sense of guilt over that for 48 years, and so your words in this video meant a lot to me.

[@PaulNoake]

My beautiful mum passed away in the oncology ward and it was surreal it the whole family was there it was so beautiful and peaceful. When I left the hospital I sat in my recliner and broke my heart. The day after this beautiful pure white dove landed on the back outdoor table and looked in the kitchen at me I took it as a sign it was mum saying goodbye it cooed at me then flew away 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[@LluviadeOrugas]

Wow, same thing happened to my mom while looking through her kitchen window of her city flat. She knew right away that it was her mom, and broke in tears.

[@PaulNoake]

@@LluviadeOrugas hugs ♥️

[@rebeccacorbin1590]

My mom died at home about 3 am. My dad and brother were there with me. We did nothing but be with each other, grieve her, and talk. About 7am we called her siblings so they could come by if they wanted. They did. An hour later we called dad's siblings and Pastor to help support him. It was a good 8 hrs before we were ready and called for her to be pronounced. It was heartbreaking, horrific, and beautiful all at the same time. I wouldn't have done it any other way. p.s. I have also worked as a hospice nurse.

[@nanetteilling7311]

My husband died after cancer, early this month. Your previous videos helped me to cope. I thank you for allowing me to understand how things would be. Our hospice care team has been truely wonderful. Thankfully our two daughters were able to be with me when he passed. They took charge of the family graveside service. Short and very sweet, just as he wanted, no fuss. Thank you again for your help. Please keep giving this service for others.

[@Sehara]

I am a female Muslim and help in my community when some female Muslim dies. It is an honor to be able to prepare and do all what is required for the deceased. Firstly, while giving a bath with being as gentle as possible, not leaving any marks on the body, and at the same time preserving a privacy, covering her body parts at all times. Secondly, shrouding the body in a white cloth with attention and respect, and of course maintaining dignity of the body by not exposing her, not even to me. Dead people can't protect themselves but I firmly believe their sould linger around until they are burried, so I sometimes even inform the body what I am intending to do...I know, to many it seems silly but not to me. When we are born, we were received in a cloth, the given a bath. When we die, it is the opposite, a bath and a cloth...no chemicals, nothing fake, just the body in a cloth. To me it is a way how I want to be buried. I always encourage family if they can, to be present as a way of witnessing that person's body on the earth and as a part of the grieving process. Many times family being present while I am doing that helped them, sometimes they were even able to help and at the last moment to say farewell and prayer.

[@juaquiene7726]

Sehara Thanks for sharing what is done for the deceased and their loved ones/ family. Was touched that you talk to the person as you bathe them. Keeping them covered. Protecting their modesty. It's always good to learn. Appreciate how other cultures and religions handle this event we all share. ❤💔🙏

[@Sehara]

@@juaquiene7726 thank you for your comment, it means a lot to me. We are all temporary on this Earth and we all will have to leave it at some point. One wise scholar jokingly said, everybody wants to go to Heaven but nobody is ready to die... It is the last task and none of us knows how and when it will happen but when it happens to the loved ones, it is not only grieving for that person but we have to face our own reality and inevitable. I forgot to mention, in my voluntary job I have to make sure never to tell anyone in what condition the body was, not to describe the face or anything of that sort, so I always say to the family if no one was present, everything went well. I am blessed to be able to block in my mind whatever I encounter and just to focus on what is important. I keep telling myself one day I will be on that table too, helpless and defenseless...I know, it's just a body but that body was a daughter, mother, wife, sister...

[@juaquiene7726]

@@Sehara Sehara that was a good piece of information to share. ( Not revealing how the deceased appeared ) in order to spare the loved one the horrific details. Cause that is not a beneficial way to remember your loved one. Be content to know their beyond sickness and Injury. I think these families will be happy to know how gentle and respectful your care was. In all honesty it's horrific what is done to a body in order to prepare them for viewing. I won:t go into any details. As for myself. I'm a lucky woman. My family all live close to me. I see them all the time. So my wishes are to be cremated right away. Sehara let me please Thank-you on behalf of all the departed ones you. You sent on their way. Death itself is enough. Spare them the indignities. Your job is a hard one. Maybe the families are to wrapped up in shock and grief at that time. To thank-you for what you do. May I recommend a movie called ( Departures ) 2008 by director Yojoro Takita. It's one heck of a movie on a difficult subject. I've a feeling you'll connect with it. Will watch it more than once. Cause like you it's all about, dignity, modesty, respect. With empathy for the families. Bless you dear!

[@Sehara]

@@juaquiene7726 thank you for your suggestion, I will watch it ASAP. I am eager to find out the connection and I am sure it will be an amazing experience. Also, thank you for your understanding and curiosity as well as gratitude. Sometimes I feel heaviness on my shoulders because of the responsibility but somebody has to do it 😉. Have a wonderful life! 💐❤️

[@juaquiene7726]

@@Sehara Yes Sehara it's free right here on You Tube. I just finished watching it again. What you said in your text made me think so much about the title character Diago. Of course this film is Japanese. Their culture & perspective. But you'll certainly see some similarities.. So yes the movie is sad in parts. It's also fuñny and romantic. One heck of a movie. That sure made me think about you. Your mission statement. I hope you enjoy it.

[@willieboy3011]

"Death is not an emergency" [in a hospice case]. Good advice. Hospice help up to a year. The process of grief is very different for everyone, but it can be a huge part of many addictions when not dealt with. What is buried is what hurts us. Ready for your book. Thanks again.

[@hospicenursejulie]

💕💕💕- glad you're here

[@Stewalebeth]

I remember my mom talking about when her brother died (at home while sleeping on hospice) - she called the funeral home on her drive over and they arrived only 10 min after her and took him for the direct cremation they had planned. She said all of sudden she realized she’d never ever see him again. She wished she had arrived and sat with him for a while before calling because within 30 min he was bagged and gone. Take your time. Say goodbye if you can. They aren’t going anywhere. ❤

[@heatherl4739]

Thank you for your videos. They've been so informative and helpful. My mom passed away a month ago and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to grieve. She had Corticobasal syndrome which is a very rare neurodegenerative disease, so the relief and guilt that you described is very accurate.

[@milkman1944]

I'm so glad that I found this channel. My dad was in Hospice care and it was a great help for the whole family. My mom later had dementia for years and passed in the nursing home with Palliative care. I am now starting the third year as primary caregiver for my wife who has dementia. I can relate to the guilty feelings as I check your videos to see what to expect as this terrible disease progresses. I have started the process of Palliative care help and am glad to hear that they will help with the time to get Hospice involved. I am also experiencing the grieving process because there is such a loss of sharing and companionship and there are times that I feel so alone in this even though I have respite and a case worker that are a big help. It is so uplifting when her sisters come to visit. We have established a routine and just taking it one day at a time.

[@beverlyjudka1765]

Our Mom passed away in October 2023. I was her daughter, and had the privilege of holding her hand when she took her last breath. Grief is difficult. My Mom was my best friend. I miss her terribly, but I definitely believe that counseling helps. Things are getting much better. We just buried my Mom's urn yesterday. She wanted to be next to our Dad, who had passed in 2013, but it was in a town way up in northern Vermont, so we had to wait for better weather conditions. So a chapter has now been closed. Both of our parents are now together in the same plot. Emotionally, it's hard, but I'm glad that the burial has been done. It feels peaceful now.

[@kathy4451]

My mom passed May 6 2024. I am glad she isn't suffering anymore. My son passed Jan 5 2022...it can be hard to grieve with all the things one has to do ...

[@LL-wu8zt]

I am so sorry for your loss. ❤

[@kathy4451]

@@LL-wu8zt thank you

[@kathy4451]

@@NonCompliantEmpath thank you for your comment.

[@robinbobkowski-brodrick7875]

Thank you so much for your videos. My dad passed away last year right around this time. You have helped me and my siblings immensely... my mum struggles, and I cannot imagine the anguish she must feel saying goodbye to the man she loved for 61 years... 😢❤

[@pegs1659]

She probably feels like half of her body is gone.

[@bonniegaither3994]

I remember when my husband passed away. It was in the hospital. I went out in the hallway and sat with his aunt. And I told her that I feel like somebody has plucked me out of my world and put me in a world that looks absolutely identical, but is completely different and I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to act in this world

[@bethbuell]

Thank you so much for this video! I lost my Mom 3 weeks ago today. She suffered a lot in those last months, and I felt/feel guilty that I felt relief after she died. But I was relieved she was no longer suffering.

[@christopherleubner6633]

The dealing with the aftermath can be brutal. The bills and people fighting over the scraps left over. The cleaning up and emotions. We were at a friends house when her husband literally dropped dead in the early morning. It was not expected and was a complication from surgery, large blood clot to the lungs. Watching the family members coming over fighting over the stuff left over was nauseating. 😢

[@janinedevine7196]

I so wish you were posting this years ago instead of 2 years ago. We had hospice for my mom. Other than getting her a bed and oxygen, they were horrible and I was by myself when my mom passed (I guess no one dies on a weekend in the middle of the night ?). I had great mortuary contacts, but I only wish there was someone like yourself to help me make this easier for my mom. It was just me, my mobile and google. 😢 bless u for all u do. 🙏

Thank you Julie for all you do. I have been watching your videos to assist with preparing myself for when my husband will enter hospice care. He has stage 4 esophageal cancer and is currently receiving palliative care. Your videos have been so incredibly helpful.

[@hospicenursejulie]

Thank you so much- and I'm glad you're here. Sending love

[@Jomama02]

I am in the same situation. My husband has the same thing. We aren't at palliative care yet.....these videos have given me much comfort with what to expect.

[@JCSun77]

❤

[@JCSun77]

​❤@@Jomama02

[@elsacron2564]

Same here. My husband was diagnosed 2 weeks ago .( esophageal cancer ) we r going to see the oncologist next week. I have a list of what to ask , from Julie. Thanks ur videos are helpful.

[@jm7804]

Make the first call or two to a relative or friend who can make the rest of the calls for you. People are always wanting to help and this is something they can do to help you out in your hour of need. Then you don't have to relive it ten times over. Insist on live calls and no text messages. And absolutely no posts on social media.

[@vickywray7285]

Several hours before my Dad passed in 2008, I told him it was ok to go that I would take care of my Mother. I struggled later that if I hadn’t said that maybe he wouldn’t have died, which I knew was not true but I did feel that guilt.

[@bananabicycleseat6796]

I was with my dad when he passed from an aggressive form of cancer. We knew he was transitioning and he was at home on hospice. The things I regret are not taking a picture of my hand holding his hand. Also, when he took his last breath, I stood up and started yelling for my mom. It hurts me that I told him it was okay to let go and I would take care of my mom and when he did, my stupid self stands up yelling for my mom to get in there. I just panicked because no one else was in there but me and I felt like they needed to be there ASAP. I should have gently laid his hand down and went into the room that my mom was sleeping in to wake her up.

[@the_original_t]

Thank you for this. As an End of Life Doula, I always tell people to give themselves grace and to take a breath. It's OK to wait. Just sit for a moment. Maybe your loved one wanted you to play music, brush their hair, whatever you want. XOXO

[@debbeasher-k4764]

I couldn’t find any support groups when Mom passed. She passed during the Holidays. They had their parties & were done til the New Year. That hurt cause that’s when I needed them.😢😢😢❤❤❤

[@rickschwab8270]

Thank you for all the info you share.

[@garycoloradosprings3947]

I'm and older guy and am really paying attention to your videos!😃

[@chidinmachristian5531]

Keep doing the good you are doing with your videos. It is helpful. My mom passed on, about a month ago. We’re doing the burial of her body on the 13th of June. I wish to create a hospice for my family in 🇳🇬. I see the necessity for hospice, as I am yet to know of one in the country. Thank you

[@hospicenursejulie]

Thank you so much and I'm glad you're here

[@BobSebring]

May I suggest a topic that rarely gets talked about? I thinks it's important to share what happens to the deceased's pets. I think it would be nice to talk about the options available for what can happen to your loved one's pet.(s) after I he death of a loved one.

[@possumofantikka8160]

a lot of people in animal rescue suggest making plans for pets in the will or advance directive... ive heard a lot of times where noone knows what to do with their loved ones pets. it probably would be nice for everyone to have that planned out too.

[@paulakaye2108]

A few days after my mother passed, I was speaking with one of her friends and I remembered a funny story about my mom and my cat, (we’d been going through her things and putting them in order and I came across a nightgown that made me instantly remember the story). Before I knew what I was doing, I was sharing that story with her friend, thankfully she recognized the reference, and we both had an impromptu giggle about it. I felt extremely odd after that; giggling while organizing my mother’s closet right after her death.

[@3dogmom]

@@paulohlsson27 sir, no.

[@kelsea16]

Thank you for these videos❤. My 76 year old Dad has Alzheimer’s and ALS, and I am helping my mom take care of him. It’s hard, it’s so devastating to watch him slowly slip away from us. I guess knowledge is power, as they say, but sometimes watching your videos makes it all to real as far as knowing what’s coming. But, I thank you for educating us❤️🇨🇦

[@pegs1659]

I'm so sorry. That really is rotten.

[@genamartin229]

We were advised not to call them until we were ready to let her body go. I held my mother’s hand for an hour after she passed. I talked to her and just loved on her. When I was ready, I left to my room and asked to stay there while she was being removed from the home. Of course, my aunts came knocking to tell my mother goodbye. I said I already did. So they forced me in there just to see them put her in the body bag….just what I didn’t want to see. I was angry at them for a while. I did grieve her a lot before she passed. And I got over the pain a lot faster.

[@JCSun77]

Wow. I'm sorry for that experience. ❤

[@michaelhamilton7814]

I lost my soulmate of 38 years last June. It's been almost a year and it is still confusing and anger and anxiety. I wish that I could have had some counseling.

[@clarencejacksonjr.]

When my mother died I went to a grief support group through hospice that helped me tremendously. I highly recommend it.

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Most Hospices offer a year's worth of free counselling.

[@DonnyLumpkin]

People die. we all die. I’ve lost my grandparents. I’ve lost my mother and father, and I never felt like I needed any counseling to handle their death. You need to get a damn grip.

[@margaretthatcher6828]

@@DonnyLumpkin Don't be a dick...

[@michaelhamilton7814]

@@DonnyLumpkin man you are one cold son of a b****excuse the language

[@ninaappelt9001]

When my dad died after years of suffering with Emphysema in hospital with Palliative care, my mom and I stayed with him for quite a while. He had a large port wine birthmark over the right side of his face. When it started fading, I was ready to go. I was relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore, but never felt guilt.

[@LadyDoloris]

I lost my grandpa on the 19th of May. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, from extreme sadness to this numbness and gray filter around all you see, to feeling like you should do what would make him proud and feel some happiness in that. It's the first really close family member I've lost and it's all very new to me.

[@impossiblescissors]

Grateful for your informative videos. I recall from many years ago, my dad insisting my grandfather had to die in the hospital because if he died at home, his body would have to be transported to the county morgue. Luckily somebody talked some sense into him and explained that his dad could die in home hospice and go straight to the funeral home.

[@eerye70]

Being on hospice clears up so much of the complications that happen once someone is dying. the services and equipment and medications etc. so valuable.

[@scrappyrap9903]

You are awesome!! Love your videos so informative ❤❤

[@hospicenursejulie]

Thank you so much!!

[@pimpompoom93726]

My dad passed away 20 years ago in my home under Hospice and it was nice to have that assistance from the Hospice contact to come in, make some of the calls for us and so on. I recall she contacted the local police and they stopped in-I think it has something to do with the preparation of the death certificate. She may have also contacted the local coroner-but I don't believe they had to stop out, she just informed them and they were already quite familiar with her and the Hospice Service. She provided a list of funeral homes and we selected one based on prior funeral experiences-they sent vehicle out to transport his body to their facility. My dad passed away from complications of diabetes and had he continued to live, he was going to face a rapidly descending battery of medical procedures-like limb amputations and so on. He really wanted no part of that, his death was a blessing in disguise-but it's never easy to lose a parent.

[@fluffykitten992]

When an elderly friend died my boyfriend was there almost daily looking after her giving her daily medications feeding her and also had home care come by 2 a day she died at her home it was very hectic calling 911 hours of dealing with police ,ambulance the worker happened to be over as well as my boyfriend at time of her death wish could have been more of a calmer time for them but she wanted to die at home was stressful wish she would have realized hospice isn’t a bad thing and can makes it easier for her self and others.

[@margaretallen856]

My husband was on palliative care, no room in hospice, so he was in care home, liver/kidney, feeling lost sometimes, your online chat, really helps, thank you. Only six weeks but after all the running around, lost. Luckily we knew it was coming, all spoken about, everything had been planned, just lost, but my 2 dogs and my 2 daughters will get us all through this. one day at a time, one tear at a wipe, one smile at a time 🙂‍↕️

[@riebug]

In Cali we called hospice. She came and helped us bath her. Dress her, then we called the funeral home. Here in Mississippi our neighbors husband died and the coroner/ cops and the fire dept came. I was blown away. The death was expected. When my mom passed, I was that person that did it all. I went into like a numb auto mode.

[@erinhancock31]

Hi Julie, my experience from when my dad past away was joy. We were all there as a family but I was the only one with my dad when he past & it was strangely amazing. He was asleep when he past but I felt he was communicating with me. My dad & I weren't close. I felt the need to play hymns & apparently the hymn I chose was a favorite of his. He was religious, I was not. Through it all I could feel his joy and I was happy for him. I had to explain to other family members why I seemed so happy. But getting in those last moments are so important. I miss my dad but I know he's in a much better place

[@peaceoutlisar9500]

When my brother died, the whole family spent time with him for a couple of hours. It was a very sad time, of course, but strangely beautiful at the same time. However, once they took him, my mother broke down, and at that moment, my attention turned toward my mom. It was heartbreaking to see my mom lose her oldest child.

[@carolsaylor6151]

​@@paulohlsson27 enough, weirdo

[@user-ls6mv7ue5z]

I'll never get over my mom passing so quickly from being independent one day and passing away four days later in hospice. It was a struggle for all three of my brothers. But she went quickly and that's a blessing. Love your family while you can!

[@janm62]

When my husband of 49 years passed at home at 6 pm, I called Hospice and told they were busy but would come as soon as possible. They didn’t arrive until 12;30 after midnight. He lay in our bed for 6 and a half hours. Needless to say my daughter and myself were traumatized over that. I still live horrific memories of that night and it’s been 8 years now. I HATE HOSPICE and what they did to us.

[@CHRISTINEWatkins-ut3fq]

I'm sorry for the experience you had with your hospice company but there are so many other hospice companies that have been a real blessing in peoples lives..The one that we used for my mom when she got sick in November was great.We just attended a memorial service they have for all of the patients and their family they help every spring for the previous year it is really a eye opener when you see on the list of names just how many people use just one of these hospice companies in one years time.

[@bernadetten.8751]

Some people want to spend more time with the body to process the death.

[@possumofantikka8160]

@@bernadetten.8751 this is a good lesson then, some do and some dont.

[@janm62]

@@CHRISTINEWatkins-ut3fq I’m glad you had a good experience with hospice but I didn’t.

[@janm62]

@@bernadetten.8751 So you’re saying that some people like to have the person they loved lay dead at home for over 6 hours?

[@angelagardner5230]

I used to dread losing my parents being a only child. I never thought i would lose my son . Ive never been the same since and its been 8 years. Im aolder lady my son was 37

[@Avery_4272]

So very sorry for your loss.

[@donnabonn1892]

I understand...we are never the same again... And most people don't even realize we are different...but inside we know we are...

[@20bluelilies]

I remember reading something years ago after a major loss in my life (might have been by Kubler-Ross?), that feeling relief in the case of any death, whether expected or accidental, is quite common, due to human relationships often being so complex and difficult. It's as though the weight of expectations and problems is suddenly lifted from your shoulders, but then later the grief sets in.

[@garyj1709]

My wife passed away over twenty years ago and I am still grieving. It’s not as bad as the first couple years after she died but it’s still there. Your videos are helping with this. There were things I didn’t understand about hospice and dying that I feel better about after watching your videos. So, thank you so much for what you do!

[@tkwheeler4577]

My mother had been in hospice care for 6 months when she died. My daughter and I took the time to bathe her, put her in clean gown and bedding, combed her hair, all of this was one of our last acts of love to her and then we called her nurse who came and helped with all of the calls. In our state the hospice can declare the death

[@LostInThisGardenofLife]

What a beautiful way to show love for your mother. ❤️

[@pattyk734]

I almost got a neck ache from nodding my head in agreement to many things you said. My mom suffered for years with severe epilepsy and when she died I did feel relief that she wouldn’t suffer another seizure. 7 months later while in a Hallmark store looking for a graduation card I went by the Mother’s Day cards and broke down in tears when I realized I’ll never purchase another Mother’s Day card. This was totally unexpected but it felt almost cathartic.

[@lindaewart9135]

I am so grateful I am watching and learning from your videos as I care for my husband with dementia. But as life still goes on and last week my daughter was rushed to the hospital. They discovered she had brain cancer and she lived 3 days. I am 74, she was 55, we had a very complicated relationship her entire life; Even though I could not travel out of state, I spent time talking to her as if we were together, telling things I wanted her to know, praying for her peaceful transition. The morning she died, I asked for a sign that she heard my words.. All of a sudden her sweet voice said, "It's okey Mom." Later that day, I was looking online for a book to read and her last novel appeared, (she was a writer) so I ordered it. As I read it, it was as if she was telling about her life. As I it I felt sad, I laughed, I cried, and at times I thought "Why did you have to put that in there?" I was about 10 pages from finishing the book when I realized this is the "end"... for now. Thank you again for all the ways you educate us. Especially spiritually.

[@lookingupwithwonder]

Mum died yesterday and your videos and my brother and his wife who are Drs helped us collectively. Knowledge is power ❤

[@rogerrocco5211]

Dismantling a life is a great responsibility that extends beyond the funeral arrangements. Why isn’t more help available to the survivors? I am sure that there’s not enough money in it for anyone to benefit. My wife and I are in our late 70s but have no children or little family. How will our lives be dismantled when the time comes?

[@KaldoniaKaldonia]

Wishing you much peace as you and your wife discuss this tender and difficult topic. Perhaps guidance from a psychologist versed in geriatrics? Any other family you can discuss your concerns with? ❤

[@mapleext]

Maybe your family doctor, local senior citizen center or the attorney who did your wills can help.

[@Katyjustice1943]

I was a hospice chaplain -Senior services in your community?, faith community? Funeral home directors. A good family lawyer to set it up and oversee when you are gone. Katy RCWP

[@510mlc]

Please consider an End-of-Life Doula. They can help you with most non-medical details before and during death. If you are in Tucson, AZ, please let me know.

[@nathanielovaughn2145]

Read the Bible already.

[@alinasanders6169]

My father in law died 3 days ago and this Sunday is the first one without him in our lifes... all feels so so empty ! 😢

[@dannorthcutt8112]

Hi Julie, My sister and I were blessed with giving our mother (83) home care for her last 25 days ending last week. We prepared by watching your videos. The videos were so helpful and our appreciation runs deep. We were supported by Sharp Hospice in San Diego. They were incredible. Thank you so much for what you are doing. You are making a big difference in peoples lives and deaths. Blessings to you.

[@MCW1955]

Just heard you Saturday 25th on Coast to Coast AM and you were great. Millions of people got to hear your wonderful stories and uplifting messages. Thanks.

[@JillyBean1968]

I am SO THANKFUL for this vlog!! I have always thought it was just going to be chaotic and I would no idea what in the world to even do. It is restraining to know there is help.

[@collette2990]

Nurse Julie, Love and hugs from Texas!! 😊 We love your videos.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

When my uncle died, his breathing changed, and I recognized it thanks to your videos. I told my family they only had a few hours and to get him a priest. Sadly, they didn’t listen, but I knew. When he died, we sat with him and prayed, and said our goodbyes. Anyway, when then mortuary came, they were very sensitive. They asked if we wanted him taken out covered or uncovered, we said uncovered so as not to traumatize my aunt. Your videos help me very much, to know what to expect.

[@kathycowan2221]

My Dad asked my sister and I to bath her before the funeral home came. It took time, but I appreciate it now.

[@hospicenursejulie]

❤️❤️❤️

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Kathy, how's your day going with you?

[@3dogmom]

​@paulohlsson27 please buzz off. your comments are creepy & inappropriate.

[@rbrindle1]

My husband had a very difficult time the night before and when I finally went to bed in another room, I told myself that if he was still agitated the next morning, I would ask our Hospice nurse to admit him to their facility. But when I woke up, something in the house felt different. As I walked toward the bedroom something told me to pause and prepare myself for seeing something I didn't want to see. I could see from the doorway that he had passed. I stood there with no Earthly idea what to do next and then I knew that my cat-obsessed husband would want me to feed the cats first! So I did, and it gave me a few moments to collect myself. I remembered our nurse telling me to call them at any hour for any question, so I thought Well, why not? I know that sounds funny, but none of us knew that his time was that close, so we'd never had that discussion of next steps. When I called the agency, the receptionist literally took over, telling me to sit down and spend time with him and help would be with me within 30 minutes. From the moment our nurse and social worker stepped in the door, they walked me through every step and stayed with me until family arrived. I barely remember anything because I was in so much shock. Thank God for Hospice!

[@LostInThisGardenofLife]

I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️

[@ladyrachel13]

My eldest sister was put on in-patient hospice when my niece decided to let her rest at peace. Everything had been done for her. They removed the intubation and it didn't take her long to go. I thought she was dead once but she took a quick breath and then she died. She had been actively dying for the past few months.

[@Nana-Opa]

My 81 year old dad passed away. I was the only one who didn’t cry, through everything and the travel back home. When my husband left for an errand, then I had my time. I felt so bad for how I needed to be alone. It was my normal.

[@chayamiriamweisman3733]

I am just now beginning to feel sadness and pain and anger. ANGER at CANCER!!

[@mcrchickenluvr]

I remember when my maternal grandmother passed away my mom felt relieved. Not so much because she no longer had to care for her but also because grandma was at peace. She missed my grandpa so much that I think part of her died of a broken heart. When she passed she was in a hospice facility. Her nurse told us that she had a smile on her face briefly before she went to sleep. Then about an hour later she was gone. This just had to happen at 3AM so obviously the family was at home sleeping. So we couldn’t be there to see. So I’m glad she told us that.

[@BeAConservative]

I was in the death care business for over 30 years and have an experience to share with you. We were a local small funeral home that was established in the late 1800s . Our funeral home took great pride in offering our families compassionate care at an affordable cost. We were taking care of families who had loved ones in hospice care very near to us for many years then, the calls stopped from that facility. There were no complaints from anyone concerning our services. As it turns out...a new hospice nurse took over and started "steering " families to another firm further away. We also found out that this individual was receiving "rewards " for their referrals. Have you ever heard of this happening before?

[@juliagriego7693]

Unacceptable! Just unacceptable in every way! Bad business! NOT what Hospice is about. I would report this to the Hospice asap. Very very sorry this happened to you and your family ❤

[@michellebilodeau3882]

No but it doesn't surprise me.

[@smajd86]

Not only is it unacceptable, it’s most likely illegal. Consider reporting this to the Secretary of State or Department of Health and Human Services.

[@RABPWarrior]

I respect the fact that some have celebrations of life with loved ones before they die. Sounds like it lessens the sting when it happens

[@larauch13]

There is also the physical pain while grieving. When my husband passed I had some people around me telling me how to grieve and assessing me on it. They weren't helping.

[@pegs1659]

Yeah, that was not their place. They did not know how you were feeling.

[@larauch13]

@@pegs1659 The grief counsellor I was seeing advised me to keep them at a loving distance. He also said they were portraying their issues onto me as they were getting controlling. I took his advice.

[@katboss1919]

Thank you Julie for giving us the knowledge of what most bear to tell us. These videos helped me start the process when she was in the hospital. Its 2 days fresh her soul went home to God and these videos truly help. Thanks again. RIP Grandma❤🙏

[@angelakalmer1852]

When my dad died I didn't feel anything for over a year or 2. Then one day when I least expected it, I cried. It was just for a couple of minutes. I felt bad. My sister's went through pictures (his 3 daughters were from different women). I wasn't in the around them until I was an adult & didn't get to see my dad often because we didn't live in the same state. I wasn't in almost any of the pictures. It hurt. I just couldn't join in their joy & grieving. I felt isolated. It wasn't their fault. I felt bad, hurt & angry. That's all gone now. Death does strange things to people.

[@larryulery3729]

When my sister passed away. . I went numb. I couldn't sleep I wasn't hungry I just went through the motion. At the funeral, I had to put on a brave face. Meeting her friends, taking to friends. I wanted it to be over. I would sit in my chair, depressed, and go. The arrangement had to be on a dead run. When I was over I was glad

[@thomasfox4513]

Relief, guilt, confusion, then grief showed up last, months later. Thank you for this clarity.

[@danmiller6462]

My dad died on February 29th of this year. I'm still trying to process it. I miss him and I remember the times he was there for me but we kinda drifted apart as I grew up. I felt relief but also wondered if I did enough to help him while he was in hospice. He had congestive heart failure. When he died my sister and her S/O called 911 because we couldn't reach the hospice company. Turns out we could have waited. I think they were just worried about legalities. They did say to respond no lights and sirens. The coroner pronounced him.

[@zeliarogers]

the spirit continues to live after death, that is, death only affects the body, and this spirit will continue its trajectory.

[@nycgingercat]

This is helpful. I lost my mom last week and I struggle to even cry but while she was in the hospital for a month, I was crying and depressed all the time. Now everything feels quiet. No emergencies anymore for her, no flying between states to be with her, just quiet, stillness, and it felt strange for life to go on as normal.

[@janbeane2426]

My husband passed away last year on Memorial Day. We sat with him for an hour or so before calling the hospice nurse, just to have a few final private minutes with him. We also waited nearly a year before having a memorial service for him (he was cremated). I just couldn't face it and a wise friend told me I would know when it was time. We had time to plan, to gather everyone together and the emotions were not so raw. We still cried, but we celebrated, too.

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Jan, how's your day going with you?

[@cyndiross7197]

You are a great blessing to many 🎉

[@julesy48]

My husband died on May 2 last year, less than 3 weeks after being diagnosed with a tumor in his lung. He was in hospice for just 3 hours, but that 3 hours of peace and giving in to the dying process was a blessing. I wish the doctors had recognized the futility of trying to keep him alive earlier than they did. I had my last appointment with the grief counselor from hospice today. Those sessions were so incredibly helpful to me. I'm very grateful to hospice for the care they gave my husband and me.

[@semajjiman]

I'm convinced that God sent you to my feed. What a blessing you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@2legit2quit4u]

You have eased my anxiety about death. Thank you Julie.

[@westhavenor9513]

Wow, this is so wonderful. I wish I had seen this before my mother passed, but it's okay because we did everything just as we should. Hospice and the mortuary folks were all so wonderful to us (me, my bother and stepfather). It's hard with just 3 adult men around. Who's going to cry first? Well, we all did, together.

[@jillapalooza]

I always assumed when someone passed I wouldn't want to stick around or have them in the house longer than necessary, but when my dad passed a few months ago, we sat with him for 4 hours before calling for pick up. We sat around him and told stories, laughed and cried. It was such a healing experience, I can't imagine not having been there. I also didn't understand the point of funerals until having his. There are things I can't stop thinking about, and they aren't bad things. They're not things I want to forget, they're just things I don't want popping up in random moments. But watching your videos have been so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and helping normalize everything that surrounds death.