what i learned from being "nice"

[@pearl_tree]

being nice has left me with nothing but anger issues

[@brycelhuillier5737]

Too real

[@oceanjune5404]

i remember trying to make myself believe that i can be limitlessly patient. I tried so hard, i lost focus and then i became numb and dumb of emotions. Its putting up with all their ignorance of my being, my WHOLE being that i shared with them that they never reciprocate, nor even acknowledged. It went on like this for a long time, and i feel like i became invisible just because im "too nice". So yes, anger issues and unresolved problems :>👍

[@AnimeFreakpz]

YESSSSS

[@vacuumstories]

this is so true

[@JasmineHesse2001]

For me it's trust issues

[@misterspiggins]

“People only coming to you because they need something from you” is the current arc, & it’s been really messing with me lately. Mad respect to my #1 Big Slice who I still actually enjoy talking to.

[@purrfectionists]

Be NICE.... Not a Doormat and treat people how they deserve to be treated. Learned that when I was 9

[@AnisaMohamoud-r3u]

i thought it was treat others how u wanted to be treated....but I like your approach a little better. :)

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

People call people “rude” because they don’t make them feel good feelings.

[@xooqueenn]

i just ended a 10+ year friendship due to the way i would bend over backwards for her and still get treated badly and would get dismissed. it hurts a lot but someone who truly cares for you and is ur true friend would never take advantage of you and just treat you like the last option. I’ve been kind for too long and it cost me my mental health. I’m honestly tired of being kind to the people who don’t deserve it because it’s only hurting me!

[@hyvsan9425]

Yeah there really is no right or wrong way to behave. I’ve lost many people in my life because I held my ground and my life became very lonely and unbearable. Now I’ve been actively trying to be nice to people and I’ve made new friends and people really seem to like me and care for me now. It feels better than holding my ground and being lonely. It can be exhausting though.

[@RialuCaos]

I believe there is a proper balance, a middle ground. It's necessary to compromise sometimes, but if's an unfair balance then it's not sustainable.

[@ragnarkisten]

The problem isn't nice people, but the way they are being treated. Manners are sorely missed in our day and age!

[@tristamack]

nice people seem to be the only ones minding their manners, whereas others don’t even know they have manners to mind.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

@@tristamack people who take manners seriously are submissive. The ambitious use manners strategically to manipulate others for the convenience of their own self interests. Ambitious people aren’t afraid to be “rude”, blunt, callous, ruthless when they see a need to be.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

“Good and bad” are points of view. The only person you need to be a good person for is yourself. You need to be convenient for your self interests.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

People who love and care about you respect boundaries. They respect your limits. They want to understand you even if they are confused.

[@sherry7818]

I think this is one of my new favourite videos on KZbin now that I'll surely come back to later. What you describe resonates so much with the situation I've been in since childhood and only in the last few years have I begun to break the pattern. During that time, I've "lost" many people, but from my new perspective I know that our journeys didn't align because they had not done the introspective on their own trauma and healing yet. Even though some of those people I held close to my heart aren't in my life anymore because I've set boundaries, I know it's for the best and was a huge step for my own journey. I think you described perfectly how fulfilling yet draining it is to be seen as everyone's therapist, but in the end you should really be your own savior. Also great how you pointed out the difference between being valued and being used!! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you so much for this video, Trista!

[@tristamack]

I'm so glad what I've shared can be something of use!! Yes, I was unfortunately brought up to be a people pleaser in many ways, it has taken much time to self-reflect and heal. Yes It would be so wonderful if others were able to see what we can see in them, what they could become if they introspect and do the healing needed to go forth and prosper in life. I'm glad I've been given the ability to discern being valued and used, if I didn't go through so many of those awful situations, I don't think I'd really see the level of contrast from being genuinely valued, nor appreciate it quite as much. Thank you so much for your comment, It has made my day!!

[@Charlie-m6r5v]

You mean being used is bad. Being nice and honest is great.

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

Niceness is manipulation. Kindness is genuine. Niceness tells people whatever makes them feel good. Kindness tells people what they need to hear for growth. Niceness is selfish, it’s about convenience, a false peace. ☮️ To be honest sometimes it’s smart to be nice, you have to forward your progress in life. Be strategic. Being kind indiscriminately to everyone is energy & resource draining. It can also be self sabotaging. I recommend being selective with kindness, give it to people upon a high standard. Boundaries

[@MhnFive]

The topic is difficult to approach even when you're mature, but being nice is something to weaponize within yourself. Be a nice person, but you must be okay with acknowledging when you're being nice and when you aren't. Make being nice an active choice in your life instead of the default. In my personal opinion, people who try breaking out of the spectrum of either being a doormat or being unapproachable tend to only view the other extreme of the spectrum. They assume that because everyone is ad empathetic as them, they must reward or punish people constantly to get results. The reality is far fewer people are as empathetic as you've been taught to believe, and exercising your kindness is an exercise in forcing you to take inventory of that. To anyone reading: The world doesn't need more cynics, we all hate each other as is. However, it doesn't need you to be the martyr for kindness either. To see life for what it is instead of what you want it to be, you must remove your own bias and actually *see* it. Don't be afraid of the word bias, we all have them.

[@tristamack]

well said indeed, i do quite agree with your points. i’ve found myself in a more active position as you put, than i ever was prior to self reflection. i’m sad to say i’ve been on both extremes, i’ve only recently started experiencing what clear communication, understanding, and establishing healthy boundaries can do in friendships and relationships. it’s not easy or perfection, but i prefer it, a bit of conflict will arise in just about any type of relationship so it’s better to see it through than avoid it unnecessarily, being sort of petty-like and pointed or just being too afraid to stand up and say something. i’m glad i am not so cynical about it anymore, though i would say i’m now discerning enough to find and keep the proper people in my life. thanks again for sharing your opinion and insights!!

[@slapjack685]

"Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind." - Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor (Dr. Who)

[@yana.dramova]

Thank you so much for calling me & so many cruelly nice people out 😂! I also love the cosy atmosphere you've created! (:

[@musaluanig]

Oh amen to that. How can you even begin to help others if your basic human needs and self respect are chronically neglected? It is one of the big illusions some people have. Thinking that the more you are helpful the more validation you will eventually receive, just a litlle more and a little more and a little more... SNAP OUT OF IT.

[@tristamack]

amen to that!

[@Rose_.46]

Love the way u express your opinions and its very close to my own perspective and believes. So happy i came a cross your channel 💗

[@tristamack]

thank you so much, i’m so so glad to have your support!! ❤️✨

[@coopermcdowell4811]

Hey I’m fearful avoidant too! I enjoyed this video, it was kind of hard to listen to, but not because it’s bad, because it’s true. While I haven’t been in many of these situations of being taken advantage of over being nice, I could totally see myself slipping into to that so thanks for this video. You are very wise! I am subscribing. Just a recommendation if you haven’t spoken about it before on here, but I think it would be really cool if you talked about not repeatedly allowing people to be rude to you. Your channel, not mine, just a recommendation.

[@tristamack]

thanks so much, I appreciate you! yess that is an interesting topic to speak on!! i’ll note it down!

[@lindboknifeandtool]

Not everyone is a nice person. Just be authentic to your feelings and people will appreciate it about you.

[@HowIsTheFuture]

A piano version of the opera Carmen in the background is really adding to the chaotic vibe of this. love it.

[@tristamack]

that’s exactly what i was going for ;)

[@gw7403]

We can only pray that you're surrounded by family & friends that put you FIRST this holiday season-and all the seasons for that matter! If you unfortunately find that not to be the case, even after trying time and time again, still show kindness while holding the utmost respect for yourself. “We must cultivate our own garden” -Voltaire. And most importantly... I second anyone else currently admiring these purdy purdyy Christmas decorations 🤩☃🔔🎄 Happy Holidays Trista and company!!

[@tristamack]

thank you!! voltaire was truly ahead of his time!!!

[@rinesserin]

I've been in therapy for a while and am definitely familiar with the persecutor-victim-rescuer dynamic. I have always fallen firmly into the rescuer role, and that is something I've been working on in therapy for a year. However, I don't fully agree with this take. I totally agree that if the friendship is totally one-sided, that's not healthy, and I have had to let two friendships go out of my life for that reason. But I don't think that there are such black and white boundaries in real friendships. My friends can call me and talk to me about their problems any time. I'll give them advice if they ask for it (a lot of my work in therapy has been around not rushing to provide help or advice that hasn't been explicitly asked for because THAT'S what was causing me to feel unappreciated. I would jump to provide help, and my friends would obviously take it, but they weren’t asking for it. I was left feeling like my emotional labour was being taken advantage of, but I was putting myself in the position). However, I don't feel disrespected if they don't take my advice. When I give advice, I'm telling a person what I would do in their situation. But they are not me. So my advice might not feel right to them. That's fine. I think this idea of refusing to allow space for your friends to vent if they don't take your advice is a little misplaced. It gives controlling parent - like you can't talk to me if you don't do what I tell you. Everyone has their own journey to go on. Therapy is great. Healing is great. But you have to get there yourself. I went through the same cycles for YEARS before I went to therapy because of my own internal problems. And when I eventually went, it was because I was ready to. But I am so eternally grateful for the friends I had before therapy who would let me talk about the same problems over and over and let me make the same mistakes over and over and love and support me anyway, even if I was literally incapable of taking their advice at the time. And I will be that friend now. Of course, that only applies to people who I know love me outside of just talking about their problems. But I don't think taking advice is a healthy restriction to place on a true friendship.

[@tristamack]

yes i’m completely aware of the differences, which i also partly learned from going to therapy as well. i should’ve specified more i suppose, but i never have forced others in to taking my advice or help i’ve always been a “take it or leave it” type of person, “you can lead a horse to water…” type of person. i think you may have slightly misunderstood what i was getting at and that’s perfectly fine. i was expressing things from my perspective, which may come off a bit black and white to the viewer because i only experienced these scenarios through my own perspective. however, i’ve been in the grey area, a mediator of sorts for others and myself, know, i’ve never refused allowing space to anyone, so, perhaps you may have misplaced my points. if ever, only when they quite obviously have no intention of helping themselves. nonetheless, i thank you for sharing your insights.

[@missdiorfairy]

Holding SPACE 💜

[@ghazikutbi3206]

If you love Trista, and you want to hear her through you heart, change the speed of this video to 75%; you will follow with relaxation.

[@awesomecocoapuff99]

Very insightful video.

[@Armored_Saint]

what have you done for me lately? - janet jackson (1986)

[@sting64az]

I truly enjoy your topics in your contents. I can relate to what you learned is basically what I went thru most of my life and it was a time for a cool change so of say. Your a very young and inspiring young woman. Thanks for all you do in creating contents. I relax and have a cup of green tea each evening seeing you.

[@tristamack]

thank you i really appreciate your support, and I'm glad you're enjoying my videos! i love green tea!! 🍵

[@JasmineHesse2001]

Unfortunately i will always be nice...

[@time1r.359]

Hi Trista ❤ beautiful message. Thank you again for sharing 🎄 Merry Christmas 🎄

[@tristamack]

Merry Christmas to you too! ✨

[@SShinorii_ShinoSidra]

First video I've seen and i already like you Subscribed

[@tristamack]

thank you so much, i’m so happy you’re here!❤️

[@AdrianSayer]

Very cool talk ,I think we have all been there ❤

[@peterelliott7333]

I was bad before going good. And they both have practically the same pros and cons. Over the course of 5 incidents. I have been considered medically dead, 9×

[@justinfelt748]

Happy Friday, Trina!😊😊😊😊😊😎☀🌌💙💙💙💙💙💙🎄🙏🌷🎄💖💖💖💖💖💖⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐👍. Nice christmas lights you have there.😍

[@adonaiel-rohi2460]

You’re so freaking gorgeous. ❤😢

[@tristamack]

thanks!

[@ONCICOLA]

Is that Carmen Habanera by George Bizet in the background? Edit: Oh, it’s literally in the description lol.

[@heartuonly3]

sending you love and respect trista❤

[@Senfree]

If someone tells me their struggles and I reply with my struggles, it's not because I'm not interested in their struggles. That's how I connect, I'm trying to say that I understand, I'm not trying to one up the other person. Not everyone communicates the same way.

[@tristamack]

yes but that’s obviously not what i meant

[@tristamack]

finding a common ground with life’s woes is a totally normal thing, however what i was trying to express was a different type of communication implying a complete disregard of the fact that the other party struggles if at all. nuance is difficult for some i understand.

[@Senfree]

@@tristamack Not so much a difficulty in nuance as there are people who have often taken my trying to connect as trying to one up them. It's actually very common to happen if that's how you show empathy, especially when there are people who refuse to believe that someone isn't trying to one up them. Nuance has nothing to do with it when people have been deeply hurt by a refusal to understand such differences in communication. I understand that's not what you were saying, but that doesn't mean that isn't ever what someone is saying.

[@tristamack]

@@Senfree okay well that is wonderful if your communication style works for you then it works for you. i was simply speaking on my own experience with those who unfortunately do not empathize in the way you describe.

[@Senfree]

@tristamack I understand that, as I said at the end of my last comment, I just feel it's important to bring up the distinction.

[@jo100]

Can’t Wait To Hear This Video, With Your Very Very Very Beautiful Personality To TRISHA 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@ball5591]

Another great video, as always. The music in this one makes it easier to listen to you. Keep up the content :)

[@tristamack]

glad you enjoyed!! im working on finding good song choices that sort of go with the vibe of each individual video i’m working on 🎶

[@ball5591]

​@@tristamack Great to hear, you put alot of effort into these videos, and the quality is very high, especially for a new creator. Keep it up :)

[@SShinorii_ShinoSidra]

PREAAAACCCHHHH 👹👹👹👹👹👹

[@HammadkhanSahab]

Very thank you

[@KD0MOO]

I total agree with this!

[@darthchopper9016]

It’s like an AI synthesised the wisdom of multiple generations into 1 person 🤯

[@tristamack]

ohh i wouldn’t go so far as to say that, but at times, it definitely feels like i’ve had lifetimes of experience with this topic😅

[@darthchopper9016]

@ Seriously you are very good at this, the video explains so much about my own life. Now I realise that there have been so many red flags waving in my face, being a nicer doormat has been my only response to those red flags. 🙈 Things need to change, you are so right 👍

[@tristamack]

@@darthchopper9016 oh i do hope the realization doesn’t lead to bitterness and cynicism as it did for me, it has taken a while to heal from that mindset as well😬

[@tristamack]

@@darthchopper9016 i wish you luck 🍀 and please don’t sleep on the red flags, they at times, tend to pile up faster than one person alone can be equipped to dispose of them.

[@darthchopper9016]

@@tristamack Thank you. I try to not be bitter (about this and much of humanity in general 🙈) but it’s hard not to notice such negative patterns with people when looking at situations objectively. It’s easier to go into automatic doormat mode than face the sad truth of what’s going on. I really need to stop doing that. Thank you. I subscribed to your channel, you are so wise! 🧠

[@georgeofhamilton]

I want to know what she says, but does anyone have a summary?

[@tristamack]

i discuss my experience with people pleasing and how i let go of people pleasing tendencies, the directions i took to get where i am now. establishing healthy boundaries, noticing toxic behaviors in myself and others and putting and end to it.

[@frofroify]

You voice my thoughts at a younger age than I learned them or you look young. Either way inspiring to see.

[@tristamack]

thank you!!

[@SierNotsruht]

im in the thick of it and eveyrbody knows!

[@nah_.]

Unrelated but the gloss and blush you're wearing look soooo good on you

[@tristamack]

thank you!

[@paulholliewould3658]

🇮🇹🇺🇲⚜️🏆👑🌹🌹🌹Theres. A. Classic . Old. Saying. ("Ms Trista").....and. It. Is...("That. Yes. You. Can. Lead. A. Camel. Or. Horse. To. Water..!!!...but. You. Can't. Make. Them. Drink")and. Everyone. Loves. Good. Help......💖...let. It. Sing-....😎😎😎🛹🛹🛹🙏🙏🙏✝️☯️☮️💖🌈🦋🦋🦋👁️⚖️💎⚜️⚜️⚜️🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 🏆🏆🏆🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹"Soulfood".....!!!🍌🍉🍇🍕🍔🍟🍰🍦🍦🍦👑🥊🥊🥊🚀🚀🚀

[@r7ichi]

Please don't let the world change you, when you stop being who you are (compassionate, nice etc) the devil wins. God bless

[@tristamack]

i haven’t allowed hardships to change my spirit, i just gained the ability to discern.

[@davewhitehead135]

Hey Sweets. I had A Land Lady Like That.

[@Broken_robot1986]

Okay KZbin algorithm, yeah I like beautiful women. So what

[@ASMRLover986]

Your room is magical!

[@tristamack]

thank youu

[@ASMRLover986]

@@tristamack It has traditional, romantic vibe, I really love it.

[@Charlie-m6r5v]

Being nice is good not being walked on.

[@abdesk2008]

Gold

[@vikuswavy5785]

This video gave me life. 🙏subbed

[@specialsnowflake9097]

I N F P ❤

[@willythewave]

Let me tell you what I learned from being nice. People shit on me in every shape or form. I got my ribs broke, nothing ever happened for me bieng nice. God forgive me for saying that and I hope it`s different for you.

[@tristamack]

it has been a series of unfortunate events, now i’m able to ensure others that my kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness…

[@grae75]

It's about getting the balance right. I'm still learning in my 40s.

[@byroncordova6015]

Have you seen spy kids

[@tristamack]

yes

[@chem7553]

This is a good video, even if hard to watch. 😐😐😐 Makes me want to work on myself more.

[@tristamack]

know, it wasn’t easy for me to speak on, thank you so much for watching!!

[@stevehopkins1645]

I like your videos and your looking beautiful here :)

[@tristamack]

aw thank you! i’m glad you enjoy my content.✨

[@heartuonly3]

i think most of "us" humans r idiots and we need to be aware of this __ then ... us the ones with true awareness ; i would say we need to activate the ability to grow spirituallly and need to be compassionate not too judgemental of ourselves while living to the best of our ability and the rest comes by itself . its gonna be tough but this is the path of awarenesss . gd video btw ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Cyemari]

I think you might be confusing being nice/kind with people pleasing.

[@tristamack]

i prefaced people pleasing tendencies in the beginning, i also happened to distinguish niceness and kindness, cannot help it falling on deaf ears

[@tristamack]

think whatever you want❤️

[@Cyemari]

@@tristamack darling im not looking offend you. plz chill

[@purpleCupfish]

[@Eddiescybergame]

Gorgeous

[@Eddiescybergame]

♥️

[@AndressaLuizeSantosVieira]

Nice concept in social midia IS also full futiless and porpuse of Mean rich girl mode Regina George so ridiculous

[@SundryTornAsunder]

You are what a lot of pseudo-intellectual KZbinrs pretend to be: wise.

[@tristamack]

wow thank you 🙏🏼

[@paulholliewould3658]

PS⚜️🏆👑🇮🇹🇺🇲🌹🌹🌹. "We.👩‍🦱 just cant Wait. Untle...⏰⏳🕰️ She. Axidently. Discovers. 🙄🤔🤓🧐😲😳her. Own. (1.)Handwritting....✒️📜📖.!!!??? and. (2.) Starts. Throwing. In." Comedy..".short. Cholks.."..!!!🤣🤣😜😛🤪...because. Thats. When. Her. Truest. Creativity. Begins...!!!🤓🧐🎨.because.(" Ms. Trista"). Is. So. Amazing...😃😃😃🌟⚜️🏆👑...!!! shes. A. ("Twilite. Saga")....🌔🌓🌒🌑🌗and. Thats. A. Royal. ⚜️⚜️⚜️Compliments......she. Could. Maybe. Be🙄🤔🤓🧐. And. ("Old. Soul")🕰️...(" you. Can. Probubly. Google. It....???😎🛹🙏✝️☯️☮️💖💘💋🌈🦋🦋🦋

[@exitstrategies3665]

👊🏻