Identifying Future Faking Red Flags In Relationships

[@Katimorton]

Another video you may find helpful! The 3 types of narcissists: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pKjSeZiIq8yrlbM

[@OmniTarget13]

The toughest part is letting go of a future that was never existed, but it’s better to move on.

[@JenOween]

This. It was hard to grieve a fantasy that wasn't even mine to begin with. :'(

[@thedukeofnorton]

Took me many years to realise the person I was invested in had lied to me about our future.

[@Katimorton]

Agreed. The grief can be so heavy. xoxo

[@Katie_Jo_21]

💯

[@belenlazaga6085]

'Healthy relationships don't require you to lose your connections, THEY ENCOURAGE THEM!!' I need a t-shirt with that ❤

[@curiouslyunruffled]

Sounds a lot like the buzzwords breadcrumbing and benching. I recently got out of a toxic relationship premised on future faking. As a former people pleaser and pushover, I call it one of my biggest achievements! Thank you for bringing this one up, Kati! ✨

[@kaydykes9916]

This is definitely something that has been done to me many times. It's not just a narcissist thing. There's plenty of people out there perfectly content to abuse your kindness. Sometimes they don't explicitly promise anything, they just heavily insinuate and let you fill in the rest

[@randymarshusa2928]

Thank you so much for this, I just got out of a 4 year relationship with a woman who I had a child with and was engaged to. She was a covert narcissist and researching about it has made so many things make sense. Relationship ended when I finally caught her cheating on me and trying to replace me. I did everything in the relationship and was always let down, she never worked and never went to school so my future of a house and more kids and all the toys was always on me and my fault for it not happening. She isolated me from my fam and friends by starting stupid fights with them and never apologizing. With all the emotional abuse and manipulation and lies I became codependent. Loving her was like loving a rattlesnake, she kept biting me and giving me trauma and I thought every time I went back it would be different. I felt so worthless and drained all the time yet I had gone to college, bought 2 vehicles (she drove the new one), have a great job in gov with benefits and pension. When I was with her I was soulless and miserable and even going to the gym was a problem for her. I can't believe people are like this and that every single thing you mentioned fit her exactly! I struggle being alone but it's better than feeling alone with her and being disappointed and anxious all the time.

[@donniedoorko]

My last job consisted of a narcissistic boss who paid us a pittance while she happily put on fashion shows for us and bragged about her luxury purchases. And yet my coworkers were convinced that once things took off, “she’s going to take us all to the top with her.” I felt kind of badly for them. I could tell that was all they were holding onto, because otherwise it meant they were being verbally abused and demeaned for nothing. Before I left, I told my manager they all deserved better, and I could tell she already knew that.

[@RedandBlackS10]

A liar tells you everything you want to hear because you have something they want and they have to appeal to you to get it. I like the new editing btw!! ❤❤❤😊😊😊

[@chriskeentechnician]

Wow, this sums up my former boss so well 😳 Being able to name it like this would have been really helpful in that situation. Great info for the next job!

[@IyanttaHowell]

That is horrible, but social media has definitely leveled the field as it uncovers global issues we are facing. It’s good to now realize we are not alone in these experiences.

[@IyanttaHowell]

Great information, more people don’t realize how devastating this can be especially when someone has real hope in this “promising future” 💔

[@AnatoliaElle]

I was dealing with 3 of these in 2024: friendship, romantic and workplace. I am lucky to survive. Just.

[@MrsParksIsInTheHouse]

Katie, your thoughtful wisdom and insights are truly a gift to everyone that follows you. ❤️ I’ll be sharing this video today with someone that I dearly love.

[@Peita_M]

Yep! I was offered bonuses to take on additional workload. Completed the additional work to my own detriment and never received what was promised.

[@AuntieBri5]

Unfortunately this hits home too hard. My first boyfriend did this so much. My gut started saying to leave after a year, but I was quilted and shamed into staying for another 2 years before I finally was able to break up with him. Time that I only wish I could get back and undo.

[@shaunhunter-mclean7255]

I sont understand focusing this on the diagnosis of narcissism when I’ve seen it demonstrated in so many other diagnostic contexts….. addiction… suicidal ideation,…. Other kinds of substance abuse….. adhd related substance abuse and financial parasitism….

[@naresh2592]

Have been there Kati, am going to use this to never look back or work on steps to emotionally take a paradigm shift from the past; new life in 2025. Always a timely video.❤👍.

[@GenSpeaking]

Thank you Kati, it is really validating to know that what I was feeling in my previous relationship was actually happening and I started to blame myself until I stumbled across your videos. Especially this one, it rang a lot of bells again that were just little chimes I was hearing at the time when I was with them. This puts a lot into perspective for me, I thought I was being unreasonable, but I realize that they were being unreasonable and I was being manipulated. Good thing I am out of that toxic situationship now.

[@NJ-wb1cz]

I'm future faking because I'm perfectionistic and idealistic and excited about everything. I constantly promise way more than deliver and live in the future that never comes simply because I really think and feel that way in the moment. Maybe also related toe being dissociated from myself, and thus not really being in touch with my negative emotions about something and deluding myself with my idealism until they are so overwhelming that I just cancel everything I'm not saying it's good, but it has nothing to do with narcissism the way I understand what narcissism is

[@AdamWonka]

Amazing video, as always!!!

[@Exiled.New.Yorker]

Parental narcs use it too, though in more short term form. We'll do it for your birthday, or some vacation, that just never happens. The Spawn Point liked saying "we'll see" instead of no. It was still no, but 7 year olds dont get that.

[@oemergyo]

DUDE! I JUST HAD THIS HAPPEN! 30 year friendship and business. Ruined my year and cost me a lot of cash.

[@Const1996]

I have been struggling to capture what a problem I have been having with a friend is, now this video is an aha moment, they keep future faking when it comes to money.

[@deborahklinkner1730]

Future faking is what scammers use too

[@LinDeGenette]

See, THAT says a lot about how a horrible partner or a boss relates to u. To them we r but tools 😤

[@TGCat93]

What about something that kind of looks like this from the outside but is driven by people pleasing and not being able to tell people no? So like going along with their idea of a future when you really don't want to until eventually you have to be honest and it's too late?

[@liambraithewaite6415]

Happened in my friendship too. I was friends with a guy for 10 years and I never realised he was a narcissist but there were always these subtle signs but he was good at covering it up by weaponising mental health and depression. In the end he showed his true colours, but throughout the friendship he would constantly future fake with hanging out and then never follow through, yet kept insisting how close we were and how I was the brother he never had. It led to so many arguments and so much gaslighting. Cut him off and he kept trying to hoover me. Eventually he stopped when he realised he couldn't control me or the narrative anymore, but that friendship did so much damage to my self esteem and suffered major betrayal trauma.

[@jvn]

Love you Kati!

[@15Daniels]

2:00 this is basically what our government does to us... Nice to put a term to it.

[@kcsunnyone]

Narcissistic supervisors do this a lot

[@carolzappa1804]

Supervisors are almost always Narcissistic.

[@amarbyrd2520]

We can also see it happen when adult "children" are lied to by their narcissistic parents so they will obey those parents and trust them unquestioningly

[@msbg8385]

So true! narcissistic parents future fake their children of an amazing life they will provide to maintain control

[@danavitolo]

My husband and I have gone through this with a family member. When we set a firm boundary we got guilt trips to keep control over us, trying to hoover us back in

[@oceanelf2512]

Along the same line, the narc who tried to make me more attached to her would go on and on about our supposed future. She'd say things like "I can see us in our old age talking and laughing about the good times we had!" I would tell her that I could not see into the future.

[@Crocodonkey]

I have enjoyed and been enlightened by your knowledge and expertise throughout these years. Love you amazing Katy. Hossein from Iran❤ oh!! I have also read two of your books. Great job on those too🎉

[@thingsifixed]

It's also called having a positive mental attitude. Everything we do is like walking a virtual tight rope.

[@johnnyli4702]

Only ever experienced this from a team leader.

[@mallorymyers7525]

loml, "Who's gonna tell me the truth When you blew in with the winds of fate And told me I reformed you When your impressionist paintings of Heaven Turned out to be fakes Well, you took me to hell, too" "You talked me under the table Talking rings and talking cradles I wish I could un-recall How we almost had it all"

[@fixinfkinsandwiches6183]

I had a ex of seven years start sentences constantly with “When we get married….or When we have children…” When I gave a marriage ultimatum after seven years, he said “you were just a symbol of sex” and let me go. My trust will never be repaired in a partner.

[@Seeyatellite]

I don’t know if this is future faking but my father placed me on disability at 15 years old then spent a many years promising he was saving money for his son’s future while claiming to organize with my sister and the rest of our family. He claimed to be giving me every possible chance to get off disability or at least live a comfortable life. After years of this, he bought a new boat after promising his last was in fact his last, bought a couple of jet skis, spent hundreds of thousands renovating our grandparents home on Lake Columbia, a decent sized Michigan lake. Much of the spending happened after my only real advocate passed; my mother. My mother frequently encouraged work opportunities while dad shot things down, claiming my stupidity and incompetence.

[@msbg8385]

The thing about these people is sometimes you never get the truth, you may have to be the bad guy and just leave. They will just replace you when you become to much of a burden to keep lying to. Its a sad cycle

[@xyzxanth7606]

Swear my narc must study these sights she used future things to give you a little hope this was to me and the kids

[@Pupperonipuppy]

OUAGH IM EARLYYYY

[@fairygurl9269]

Respect 💞

[@IMeanMachine101]

Thanks for all the vids I've learned a ton

[@Katimorton]

No problem!

[@eugenebelcher3]

Am I doing it if I say I'm gonna do x but only take steps towards x?

[@joanlynch5271]

I would call that gaslighting. Are they the same?

[@thedukeofnorton]

Not especially but the people doing it usually adopt the same tactic.

[@Sad_Bumper_Sticker]

Future faking is a tactic to promose a sweet common future used to distract from the emotional abuse patterns happenimg and falsely promise a common future. Gaslightimg on the other hand is a pattern of convincing the victim of abuse that their experiemxe was cognitievely false and the abuser did nothing abusive, brainwashing the victim to demy their reality amd their feelings amd experience. It’s dismissal and lack of accountability with the aim to male the other person feel like they just imagined the abuse.

[@utube49379]

Gaslighted is manipulating someone by making them doubt their own understanding of the truth. Making you think you're crazy by continually refuting obvious evidence. It's from a movie called Gaslight (which is great you should watch it).

[@Kym-u8w]

Sounds familiar

[@babydragoncreature]

#4 sounds like the UK in a holistic way 😂

[@thingsifixed]

Isn’t it ironic? Clinging to these principles may indeed seem narcissistic. The harder we resist, the more we risk embodying the very traits we seek to avoid!

[@RobertTaylor-nh9yf]

My current life.

[@TcMhMuSiC]

Age 18: I'm gonna be a no bs Rockstar, you'll see! Age 40: Can I get you anything else? OK, that'll be 3.50

[@beckysorg9406]

It's not even shifting goal posts...there aren't any goal posts to begin with. Just fantasies.