What Is Self-Sabotage & How To Know If You're Doing It

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Do you self-sabotage? Do you know what self-sabotage is?
The truth is if you're not reaching your goals, having the types of healthy relationships you want or are not where you want to be in life chances are you could be self-sabotaging.
In today’s video of Good For Me TV, we are going to talk about what self-sabotage is, what the key signs are that you're doing it, and how to deal with that self-sabotaging behavior if you are.
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[@positive78263]

I believe in ya! Yes, you who's reading this comment

[@mylifeisgreat836]

☺

[@CandiceLRoach]

Wow, I had no idea that procrastinating and putting things off is a way of protecting our ego. To hell with my EGO I want to "GO" for everything I want.

[@JennLynnCannon]

Totally!! since when do we allow an "alter ego" to run our minds? This was definitely a great part of this video!!

[@kellichanel1348]

1 year in therapy : 😴 1 KZbin video: 🤯🤓

[@garrettfarrell1776]

Been insome.form of therapy for 18 years now... and yes.... this video along with a few others that I chose to persue have been WAAAY MORE revealing and influential

[@juliabraga78]

look for another therapist seriously, maybe it's a kind of therapy that is not working fot you. therapy is really good when u find the right professional

[@MagicToadSlime]

Well she's not charging by the hour

[@jpayne8097]

Nooooooooooooooo... Ouch.

[@andrewjjahn]

I spent thousands of dollars on trauma therapy since 2018, and I have no regrets. These videos are like garnishes on the salad to me. I love KZbin. Stay healthy!

[@paoladenouter2573]

I sabotage my self because I am afraid to fail. So I do not do my best and I will fail I will say: I did not give my 100 percent.

[@Jackgritty28]

Don't try to hard, let it unfold naturally, if at ⏰ all👍

[@rosieunnie4222]

This is me. :'(

[@kdegb]

I keep thinking that something bad will happen and ruin my whole life even tho everything is just right!

[@mrskhazelton]

I do sabotage myself, not from a fear of failure, but a fear of success. My anxiety makes it hard for me to see the small steps to finish something, I go from the idea in my head too; I'm a success and then start seeing how I could mess up because of getting too busy and letting people down. So I don't start, or I start but give up or stop producing.

[@game_4_growth]

My Intentional Life - Me too, exactly!

[@juliakristinamah]

You're saying you fear having success and then not being able to keep it up and failing - then wouldn't you then say it's a fear of failure?

[@mrskhazelton]

I realized that after you explained it more in detail. I should wait until after the video to leave comments. LOL

[@McFaith]

I do them all, just couldn't understand why. This is great

[@juliakristinamah]

So glad it connected Stevie!

[@rh2378]

I just realized i self sabotage relationships by making small issues huge eruptions and walking away because I don't believe i deserve happiness, love or success. The ego part...that part.

[@krain8458]

I self-sabotage by eating. I feel I don't deserve to be happy. When I'm at the ideal BMI and feel good about myself something inside tells me I don't deserve this. 285 has been my heaviest, 196 was my happy weight. I would like this to stop. It can't be healthy on my organs.

[@greenladybug64]

I am afraid to fail; of healthy relationships; pursuing my chosen career fully; I leave things incomplete; I didn't press my business out of fear; I'm "comfortably uncomfortable with my life". Whew that was a huge confession!

[@ClefairyFairySnowflake]

Unfortunately, I've made self- sabotage my best friend. It's scary. I am my own worst enemy. I can't even trust myself anymore. If you could make a video about how to end self sabotage that would be great! Thanks for the help! This video was my wake-up call.

[@juliakristinamah]

I go into depth teaching about healing our relationships with ourselves in my Deep Lasting Confidence Program - if you're on my mailing list, watch for the announcement when we open registration later this fall.

[@Jackgritty28]

Self sabotage is your enemy💲⏰

[@shivanidubenath4741]

How do I get in touch with u ?

[@andreabecker1829]

Yes , all of these, discomfort and vulnerability avoidance (no boundaries ever, recovering people pleaser), impostor issue was only dabbled in too but the protecting the ego thing/fear of success/failure because if I was truly myself I might loose more people. I keep wishing for others to choose me/support me, but I need to do it for myself first. Fear of abandonment freezes me so I abandon myself and give up on somethings. Anxiety and family systems really sent me the wrong message as a child. I can't even talk to my family without thinking how f-ed up crap I heard a child chime into my mind conditioning me on how I should be, but then I think someone did this to them and now I know not to do it to my children. Don't place your fears onto your children..their yours not theirs.

[@divrodricks2525]

wow, this whole comment describes me perfectly. it's true and sad. each and every line :(

[@deniseborders8624]

Until I started following your videos I didn't realize just how much my "self talk" affected the way I felt and the decisions I make. Just wanted you to know that your work is really helping me to sort through a mess of a life and become who I was meant to be in the first place....thanks Julia!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Yeah Denise, self-talk is HUGE! We can talk to ourselves like our worst enemy or our best friend - It takes work to be a better friend to ourselves but SO powerful when we do.

[@ceciliasanchez6245]

You made me understand what lve been doing in my life

[@seanovak]

I thought I was just a procrastinator but now... it all makes sense

[@ziggy29able]

I self sabotage with over eating... literally will over-eat to the thought of me wanting to work out or lose weight

[@mihika6730]

Makes a lot of sense when I know exactly what is happening in my mind. Sometimes I'm just blinded by the thought that I won't be able to be at the top, and that limits my motivation to study and deal with failures in a positive manner.

[@clydebk]

It's hard to not let the negatives of your past define your future.

[@juliakristinamah]

It is Clyde - and often requires lot's of healing.

[@jonathancarter2347]

Ego Protection. That half-ass effort is a behavior I've been repeating. Thanks for this.

[@hazziesof3360]

Yeah, definitely feel the need for control. I'll be doing well, but it seems like when I have to go out of my comfort zone and talk to people and be confident around people I don't know I end up backing down. I really need to work on that.

[@juliakristinamah]

It can definitely be a toughie.

[@paulineprice9514]

Please help me

[@dalemoog950]

WOW mind blown fear of failure not success This will change the way I think forever

[@teresa7846]

I felt a lot of emotions with this video from "I feel attacked 😂" to mind blown "This makes so much sense! 😮" because sadly these all apply to me & I am trying to figure out how to change that...I love your videos!!! 💕

[@paulrandall6780]

I just self-sabotaged my relationship with my better-half. It was fear of failure. Also, my personal insecurities got in the way.

[@ianwashburn2012]

This was me earlier this year. I withdrew from a better job because of all this. Also, I love her sighs. Describes exactly how I feel.

[@kerrianscully6861]

This makes so much sense to me! I now know what I have been dealing with my entire life. Thank you!

[@saycog1084]

Yesterday I talked to a friend exactly about that. One thing in my life I don’t use all my potential because I’m afraid to fail and then not have an excuse for failing.

[@nicolehall2177]

This is ME completely! Thank you! It’s always nice to learn new tools to utilize .❤️

[@k.l.kraemer6875]

Loved this one so much! I’ve been doing ALL of this! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

[@Rockgirl256]

Thank you so much Julia 🙏 You really hit the spot on everything you said. For 27 years I have been sabotaging myself and now I'm REALLY tired of it. I'm trying getting out my comfortzone and you mention failure.... I always avoiding failure because I want control everything, but its exhausting. Now I want to live I am trying a different path, learning and growing. It's difficult but I know I don't want keep this crap going on. I can't thank you enough for your videos. 🙏😊 You r truly the best 💐.

[@jacquelineaguilar5902]

“Yes makes perfect sense!! “ is what I thought since the beginning!! So glad I came across your video🤞🏼✨

[@arlanzalewisii7892]

Yes, thank you!! I’m glad I found your page. You’re a gift.

[@Yelluca7]

All of the above! It was comforting to have an outside voice confirm what I'd suspected for a long time. Thanks!

[@krissyp3309]

Your videos are amazing and have been an enormous help to me, to get through the crap that has been holding me back!! That said, I definitely self-sabotage in many areas of my life, and tend to keep myself from reaching my potential for fear of failure. What you say regarding “imposter phenomenon” makes so much sense to me. Also, I am at times afraid to reach my goals, because “THEN WHAT!?” Thank you for these WONDERUL videos, keep on keeping on!!

[@deef4323]

Thank you so much they all resonated with me but number one was a wakeup call, blew in my face in a good way. I had a talk with myself and I’m on the route to change that attitude now ! thanks again

[@Ghost-wy3iw]

Thank you for putting this info out there so it’s accessible to anyone who might need it. I needed it

[@Karina_Engr]

Thanks for this quick, medium level, and digestible content.

[@AngelaKChing]

Gurllll you are reading my mail!! I’m in tears. I’ve got some healing and work to do. Thank you my friend for your work. You are changing lives. 😊

[@sylviaolivares5379]

Procrastination...definitely stepping up on that!...no more self-sabotage for me...thank you Julia Kristina, your videos are awesome :)

[@cassandramcbride242]

I related to several of them but the one about the ego caused me to begin crying 😫 thank you for this insight and for taking the time to put this together and share it with us!!

[@cmurphy7221]

Yes. I do this. Was not aware. Thank you. I need to work on myself, obviously.

[@juliabraga78]

I already knew but it's always good to listen to an expert. I haven't been in therapy cause of my low budget so... thanks.

[@ameeadcock1670]

This. Is. My. Life. These are things I've done for years and have held me back so much. I've had my ups and downs with depression, but I definitely feel like it has been paired with my self sabotage. It's now where I do these things every day and I'm now in a very low point (why I'm watching all the self help videos I can). Thank you for your channel and giving people some insight and direction. This video alone will help get me back on track.

[@kimberlymartin8090]

The video is my whole life!! So glad I stumbled into this video

[@SpotterSky]

Yes clear fear of failure and disappointing my ego, is something that holds me back!

[@deena3003]

Wow! I am so glad you talked about this. I really need to work on myself. I have a fear of success and self sabotage myself too much. I need to work on this badly. Thanks so much.

[@Tadigirl1]

This makes so much sense to me. I have been doing this for years and I always said to myself that I am sabotaging the situation without knowing what it really meant.

[@Rafzee93]

I didnt even know that i am self-sabotaging. Thankful for this video. It opens my eyes

[@houdafadili2290]

You are talking about me .. only came across this topic last month .. I froze thinking of all the sabotaging I have done in my life .. you took my understanding of it to another level . Thank you 🙏🏼

[@christyb9487]

Yes!! The one that speaks to me is that I'm not deserving. Thank you!!!!

[@phyllisharries2742]

This all makes perfect sense, thank you, Julia

[@malkulaas6380]

Yes, the video really changed my point of view of myself and life Subscribed

[@danielletaylor6837]

I kinda understood why I procrastinate so many things but now the why has really clicked. Thank you thank you thank you!

[@armytank65]

Yepp totally true about protecting my ego... and holding back and self sabotaging my goals and dreams

[@tamarabyram4695]

This has opened my eyes wide! I have done all of these things Protecting my ego and Making inside congruent to the outside is my go to.

[@HeatherRuffniteowl]

Wow, I had NO idea I was doing this. I thought it was other people. Stunned. All of these apply to me in some form.

[@edmcbain8457]

Every aspect of this talk rings true for me! I’ve done these things in relationships and career. The best part is now I know it!🙂

[@dymphnatherese2595]

At times in life I've had them all, sometimes all at once. Right now though, I'm struggling with the last one big time. Time for such needed Julia Kristina binge watch!

[@LonjeMarie7]

It took me years of studying and determining to get my mind right thank you very very much videos like these help me to grow and to get past myself so I can be blessed to be a blessing to others I’m doing quite well

[@billycroacker]

Definitely tried to protect my ego for my whole life more than the other things that you mentioned in your video, now I realize it.

[@johnnylingo4686]

Yup totally self sabotaging for fear of failure is a big one along with impostor. Your right on the money there.

[@essencer.9494]

I was just trying to figure out it self-sabotage is what we're doing or not. This was helpful. Thank you

[@NeferkaMichael]

I believe pretty much everything you talked about applies to me. Procrastination is my biggest problem.

[@MrRalba80]

Hi Julia, great video, thanks so much - it has been eyes opening!. I have been thinking about how and why I self-sabotaged myself. I have done so by "making-up" new projects without finishing the one that I am actually developing. The lie I have been telling myself is that I "get bored" of "routine" or the same job/project, but actually it is fear to maintain a winning strike in the project. When I see that the project is about to give its first results I get scared of not being able to sustain a good performance.

[@jillianshoulla3948]

That was soo deep. I have been on a fitness journey. I keep slipping and eating healthy all day and when nighttime hits I been overeating and the guilt and disappointment sets in. This makes so much sense that im trying to match what im feeling on the outside to the inside. Your so smart and its good to really pinpoint where im at mentally because then I can work on it. The feeling of not being good enough is soo real. Constantly trying to juggle 4 kids and maintain a fit life for myself is a challenge i think when the stress of the day sets in it triggers self sabotage.. a fear of failure wow sooo deep. I now know that I am worthy of what I want out of life. I appreciate this video so much thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your a peach Bless

[@jamesreves2099]

First off. I just found you today and i love your talks/lessons. And 1) and 5) both resonate with me. Number 1 is a hard one to tackle. But thank you for this resource!

[@happysmile427]

Yes I have done this to myself my whole life , I love your presentation. Your truly helping me figure out why I'm self sabotaging myself

[@JaneMay2024]

I do all of these! Since Lockdown I am finally becoming self aware after years of self sabotaging

[@melodyariza8788]

All I have to say is WOW. Thank you. I NEEDED THIS

[@yeseniaserrano6207]

Yesssssss. Total sense on protecting the Ego. I allllwaaays do things half fast and take pride in the decent grade or "success" i get becz i tell myself "i probably could have done better!" But it feels nice to never know. Thank youu

[@k.ambriz9789]

This made a lot of sense for me. I have a fear of failure and have struggled with imposter syndrome at times. Feeling that illusion of control is scary. Any more videos you can do on that specific subject would be so helpful. Thanks again for a wonderful video.

[@dwayne4kids550]

This video was incredibly illuminating. I am going to have to watch it a few more times to fully wrap my head around the fact that Ms. K. has broken down my issues without even knowing who I am. I now realize that I've been experiencing a bit of terminal uniqueness, and had myself convinced that I was some unusual or "special" case that couldn't be defined or helped. I was wrong. I'm very grateful that there are dedicated professionals out there who share their expertise on platforms like this. It really benefits those of us who do not know what we do not know.

[@yoyoyo5621]

omg you're so right about the congruence thing that explains so much that of the stuff that I did and happened to me, I used to self sabotage so hard when I used to have really deep self hatred. now that I feel better about myself, I'm making better decisions and I actually avoid toxic things because I actually feel like I deserve better. And I gravitate to things that can make me feel loved in the warm way I love myself now. In a weird way I feel like I'm finally ready for good things and happiness, before I just...didn't.

[@loriagreenwood4810]

Just found this after a marriage counseling session. I strongly believe this is contributing to the state of my marriage and didn’t even realize it. I was also promoted to a very high position at work and I never thought that I personally was ready for the role, although my boss did. I took the role but have never felt worthy and it does manifest in my work. Thank you for this video. I will be watching more of your content to help me work within!

[@rowenaelliott4781]

All of these thoughts and emotions I've been experiencing a majority of my life , I am making a positive change in my life it is difficult Thanks for your videos

[@biancaalexander535]

Makes so much sense. My ego is bigger than I thought and I don't try as hard so that I don't fail

[@AS-bm5ey]

The basic beliefs I have that could hold me back resonate most with me. I'm subscribing! 💛

[@garrettfarrell1776]

YSS IT MAKES SENSE - and your explanation of 'why' is very very eye opening and ALSO MAKES SENSE - your video was INCREDIBLY UNCITEFUL WNR HELPFUL for me as I have been engaging in self defeating behaviors for over 19 years, and could NEVER wrap my head around 'why' as I'm good looking, healthy, intelligent and fully capable- I have however over the years begun to notice patterns in my life and failures...

[@BDLanham8]

risk/vulnerable/scared of getting hurt and feeling pain. Tears came during the pain part automatically. Now I know why I self-sabotage. Your videos are amazing and so helpful. Thanks for all your hard work!

[@andrewjjahn]

This explains a lot. Every time I “Level up” there is discord and frustration internally. the desire to want to turn the notch down a bit happens and I think “I’m content where I’m at in life.” Like recently I had a song play on the radio, but then not long after I decided nobody liked my music so I should become a plumber and get a steady guaranteed job. Partially because I’m afraid of being noticed. This was a helpful explanation. Once I break through each level, I am content and glad I stuck with it... great channel.

[@zuzanna4380]

Thank you, I opened the video and straight up gave a like and subscription. I'm looking forward to watching more of your amazing content! Glass ceiling and protecting ego definitely apply to me, I think it's mostly the 1st and 2nd reason in general, that is happening for me. Thank you for explaining it this clearly and helping me understand it.

[@hengkelly7200]

Believing that you are deserving of the good things in life!!! SO GOOD!

[@hengkelly7200]

Been there! Being afraid of being too happy only to let others realized im a sad person too, and being afraid of being too driven in my work, cause others will deem im not worthy at the end of it all as well. Like I still cant pass my assignment after how much sweat and tears were put into. Thanks Julia for your videos

[@KathleenRenninger]

Never thought about "protecting the ego" as a source of self-sabotoge! Wonderfully clear, well-stated info on all the sources mentioned. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You are doing a world of good for all of us who are on a path of self-actaulization, headed for a better life.

[@kathiannlittle3098]

Have done them all. Connects with Imposter syndrome most. Working on it all to varying degrees. Really like your delivery. :)

[@amruthabibiana.d3551]

I've been self sabotaging myself for years now but never really knew that it was self sabotaging. I can relate to almost all the reasons. Even though I worked really hard and got graduated I made myself believe that I don't deserve this I just cannot move further in my life any more. When my parents relatives friends and everyone who asked what's next I used to get really angry and say just leave me alone and so I made myself completely numb by just sitting at home and going through social media all the day long and isolated myself from everyone. I proved everyone that I just don't deserve to be where I am. I went through really hard time and now after a year I got back to studies.. I'm presuing post graduate I started with a lot of motivation because I wasted a year. Things were going good half way through and now I feel like giving up completely. I really want to get out of this because my parents are really worried for me.

[@jessicaperez7740]

I've been self-sabotaging for so many years. I've always wondered why I was so scared of putting too much work into projects or goals that I wanted to achieve. Watching youe video made me realize how scared I am of failure and as you said it is easier to half-ass things and know you didn't get what you wanted because you didn't give it your all than putting your heart and soul into something and risk failure. I also do prerty much everything else you mentioned in your video but the main one and the one I do myst often is protecting my ego. Your words resonated with me on such a deep level. Wonderfull video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it's much appreciated.

[@divrodricks2525]

this is so accurate thank you. the outside not matching our thoughts inside, and so we sabotage our lives outside to match what we think we deserve...I was in tears because this is exactly it. my entire life I've felt like a burden to others, starting with my parents, friends and I have very low self-esteem, and if anyone wants to be with me or around me, I think I owe them something, or feel like they're doing me a big favor, and so I immediately fit into my box, tell them I'm not worthy and they should leave, even if they love me and I love them, I don't want to get hurt, and I believe I don't deserve all the love and affection from people, so I sabotage before I even give them the chance to love me. this video did hit home. my self-destructive burning home.

[@BigTroubleD]

This is so me! I need to really work on myself and know that I am worthy of being loved. That failing is okay. That perfection is not real and all there is, is giving your 100%. I haven't really failed if I haven't even tried my best.

[@solomonelijah3712]

Thank you so much for this. really. LIke the last one really took my breath away and I had to sit and think about it for about 20 minutes. I was really shaken up because I have dealt with this a lot this year. I began my business ( a digital editing agency ) at the beginning of this year and got discouraged when things werent happening very fast and so i went back to the workforce, wound up in debt, and now i cannot financially afford to not work full time. and i just kept kicking myself bc i couldnt figure out why i didnt just stick with it. all i had to do was generate leads, but the task was so daunting i completely gave up. i dont know why. or i guess now i do. i didnt want to keep doing so much hard work all day every day just to find out that it was all in vain. that would have just hurt too much, and when i began looking over the years of my life and feeling like a failure, it really did hurt so very much and i had no idea what i could do to fix things. luckily, nowadays things are making sense. i am fixing my life. but again, thank you for this. now every time i think about doing something to hurt my chances of doing well, i will say out loud " i am considering sabotaging my own future because i am afraid of failing " and hopefully it will help me

[@mirelladlima5278]

Makes perfect sense. Also to make things congruent, one needs to change their core beliefs that need transformation.🤗🙏

[@allayaniahendricks5581]

wow thank you for this video, everything you said makes perfect sense!

[@renataritchie6363]

Julia Kristina there are many therapists out there on internet but no-one like you, with such a clear ,enthusiastic delivery. I love your videos and style. 🙌All points on self-sabotaging you mention ring a bell for me ( whether it is myself or another person ,a friend of mine I have in mind). It frustrates me as I think I see a person reaching out, as if to say: I need this or that to help myself/ heal, I am opening up; see me/ hear me/ interact with me and when you do respond and the going is good, the other person "freaks out" , pulls away, goes silent. The truth being..they reached out first, sought you out...It makes me sad that they make the first step but sabotage the next ones and cannot follow through ( even when you do it gently and respectfully of their boundaries and comfort zones). I have lived through this. It is frustrating to watch. I think it is some people's well ingrained pattern that's hard to snap out of. A protective shell. Thank you Julia K. Wise and beautiful as always.x.

[@BeauteNoire88]

I have experienced self- sabotage and this video had enlightened me so much !!!!!! Thank you 🙏

[@HinzInes]

Thanks so much for the video. I started to realise that I sabotage myself a lot these days and I wanted to find out why. So I figured out that it is the fear of failure. That I will be so dissappointed with myself. So I am trying to find the rout of that fear. What helps me is to see what I have accomplished by know. Where I have started and where I am today. Will watch your video on failure. Thank you

[@user-db2dp5tv3o]

Yes i did all these. Need to try and work on these. Thanks so much

[@greenladybug64]

Wow.. I felt like you were my best good girlfriend telling me about one of my flaws that's going to elevate me to my next level!

[@jofermk]

I came here to this channel to confirm the thoughts that I've been having: I do self sabotage. Thanks for your words, really helpful, hope to get rid of those thoughts someday.

[@jessicas3359]

Hello! First time listening and you make wonderful sense. Your first explanation of tearing down good things to match how you feel about yourself hit me strongly!! Thanks

[@jeannineflores3623]

I have been trying to find a new therapist, but in the meantime have found so much good advice on KZbin! This was a great video. It helped me define everything I’ve been feeling over the last 5 years, much more so the past 24 hours. Had some bad occurrences at work recently that have made me realize that I need to work on this. I have reached a point in my life, (with past therapy and personal research) where I have been able to step back and do a lot of self-assessment. I’ve always been a problem solver for others, and now I’m ready to stick up for myself and take care of myself. I too have problems with procrastinating, excuses, dozens of unfinished projects, employment self sabotage, feeling inadequate, afraid to shine, etc. I’m ready to work on a solution.

[@dianebradford5032]

Omg you just described me to a tee. I’m 61 and just now quitting weed after I started watching your videos every morning. You are a gift to me! Thank you Julia Kristina. I’ve always tried the self-help guru stuff and it helps w being a good person but this is eye opening and something I can actually work on. I’m on a mission.

[@raym7866]

Good stuff. The belief that I'm not worthy or can do the work. i.e. a new job. I have 6 years of sobriety and I always thought that I was reasonably secure. But after working on my step work and diving into all this "Self-Worth" stuff I see my cognitive dissonance and I do believe that I can't move forward! Very interesting when I start taking off the mask! Thank you Julia!! Great stuff!!

[@abigailmadugu7366]

Yea julia! I have done some of these but I really want to break free. thanks you