Self-Sabotaging Habits That Are Keeping You Stuck

[@parastoomohajer3551]

When I look at it, I see that fear gets up earlier than me in the morning and finds a way to manifest itself in every single activity... I believe fear is what makes us tired and not the actual work...

[@juliakristinamah]

I agree. Work is not usually tiring - it's just doing something. But it's all the mental drama we create around the work that's exhausting.

[@jasongodwin9454]

The internet and KZbin is so completely overloaded with 100's of self help guru's ranting their own woolly 'guaranteed method to getting your life back together' that it leaves you more confused than when you started. However, I have to say that this is the most accurate, concise and helpful presentation I have watched to date and it completely resonated with me. Bravo Julia and thankyou.

[@juliakristinamah]

Jason - you win for best comment of the day. Thanks brother - that really means a lot and it's exactly what I aim for in all of my work.

[@Mary-zr2uy]

I really needed to hear this . Fear is a big one . Fear of making the wrong decision , and the repercussions of such decisions

[@wascallywabbit5895]

"Comparison is the thief of joy" is one of my favorite quotes but hard to remember sometimes . This was a good description of it.

[@NenaLavonne]

Wascally Wabbit absolutely! Great point! ♥️😊

[@juliakristinamah]

I love this quote too. Thanks for sharing friend.

[@Hannah431-z5z]

I live my life by these words! I learned this saying while in an ED recovery program. Even chose my business name to be associated with it. It serves in every scenario. 🙌

[@teresasmietana8394]

I’m up for the challenge. I have 2 small children who need a mother who is grounded and mentally strong. Thank you for your words!

[@garimasaxena4607]

Hi Julia! It's been a month since I've started watching your videos on self help. And I must say that you and your words are empowering. It's such an irony that we are own creator of problems. And the solution of those problems lie within us. Ah! It's like a mind opener. Thank you so much for the ever inspiring and assuring content. Love. ❤️

[@natashamudford4011]

Something in this video took me back to elementary school, where I was very concerned about being popular.... which I was not. I would study the popular kids, trying to figure out what made them so desirable. A lot of it was external: how physically attractive (God given) and/or fashionable (funded by parents). At some point I gave up worrying about it, concentrated on my grades, pursued my own interests and hobbies, joined the band (lovely collection of non-popular people), and became the person that I am. It would be nice to be able to nail down what caused this transformation, but not altogether necessary. I'm just grateful it happened. Thanks for your videos, Julia! Keep going for walks, and keep your eyes open for bears!

[@yeswing10]

Being my authentic self started when I cleaned out all the "haters"! Eagles soar alone! When I see someone better than me, I don't hate them, I try to find out how to achieve also! Haters are losers!

[@juliakristinamah]

Haters are hurting people - and their criticism has nothing to do with us - they're just offsetting their own unmanaged minds and emotions on to us - but I completely understand not wanting to stick around for that.

[@yeswing10]

Sometimes you do have to compare yourselves to others. Otherwise, you would not grow, or try to achieve something worthwhile. My coworker was ready to retire with plenty of money. After my divorce, I had to start over with nothing. His success spurred me on to get serious about my finances and I achieved my goal in 2019. Iron sharpens iron, get rid of people that hold you back and don't inspire your abilities! Because when you fail, it just makes evil people happier.

[@Simplyme714]

Fear has definitely been a big part of my life. I’ve been letting fear talk me out of pursuing a better career for fear of rejection. Thinking about it now is giving me anxiety. This video has made me more aware and I will try and tell myself that there is no threat. It’s all ok!!!! Thank you!!

[@myumbrellav.4488]

I mustered the courage to call for a therapist today. It was one of the most emotional phone calls I’ve ever had to make. I feel so depleted, sighs, sabotaging everything that ever come across my way. I can’t wait to let go. Thank you for the talk.

[@ErikaK]

2020 is here!!!! It is time to let go of fear, to let go of what no longer serves and live our best life!!!! Believe in yourself and make each and single day count ♡

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes Ma'am #hereforit!

[@jhondalebanogon4437]

This...didn't age well

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

I have so much difficulty answering the questions, who do you are when you have nothing to prove. This hit hard!

[@juliakristinamah]

I love that you're taking this to heart and letting yourself reflect more deeply on it.

[@lesliengo8347]

Absolutely, we are enough. Many of us are trying to be someone or something that we are not and when we are doing that we are not being authentic, which means we will not have authentic connections. And comparing yourself to someone else many times makes me feel "less", which makes me feel terrible. This is a very powerful and eye opening talk that I am proud to experience and would share this out if I feel it would help someone.

[@olsfield]

You are blowing me away! I am spinning so out of control right now. I started with your Self esteem vid. Now watching this. I am making myself so miserable in life. I have a lot of work to do. I’m very happy that I have found coaching on KZbin. Thanks

[@christopherpape4823]

I have to admit it's kinda liberating when I start comparing myself to others to remind myself that we aren't even really playing in the same arena....

[@NenaLavonne]

Christopher Pape great technique!

[@juliakristinamah]

There's absolutely no competition.

[@gailflora1835]

The few times I stood up to fear and “did it anyway” (such as public speaking, flying, having a baby after a loss, and completely starting over in a new city) were the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. Still proud of myself. 😊

[@beatmixer0097]

Man I’m so guilty of these. Thank you for what you do, I’m navigating a lifetime of issues and this channel has provided me a compass.

[@MorganJServices]

Julia, your content on KZbin is valuable beyond measure and most certainly changing lives. Thank you for being so generous with your time and talents. I receive the notice of this new video and sadly avoided watching it for almost a week. Somehow I knew the counsel was going to be very difficult to hear ( and put into practice) as if you were going to be rooting out the worst of what still plagues my mind and my soul. I was reminded of a therapist I met with 35 years ago who asked me just 1 question after a brief conversation. The question began the journey out of a secret hell. I will never forget him or that moment in time as long as I live.

[@sublimeentertainment880]

You honestly could’ve stop at the 5 minute mark and you’ve given enough truth, very helpful video, thank you for sharing

[@lisaed21]

As I've said before, YOU have kicked booty for me many times & got me out of myself & back into life. I do know that I tend to let fear control me, so...time to get back into the game & kick fear to the curb. THANK YOU ALWAYS for giving me the tools I need to make this happen! You are a lifesaver & game changer sweet lady!

[@juliakristinamah]

Lisa - you are an incredible woman - I feel blessed to know you.

[@johnpool5629]

Hi Julia there has been a lot of things over the last 30 years that fear has held me back and I am starting to let some of these things go now thank for your videos that have helped me a lot, have a great week Julia.

[@jeremywebster5432]

Fear. Unhealthy fear is something I need to remedy in my life.

[@juliakristinamah]

Little steps everyday and a crap ton of self-compassion along the way.

[@jillarchi4920]

I'm becoming obvious to me that I over extend myself to make friends, I mainly did that in my dating, but now, I do it more for my friends. I've got to focus more of that on me

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes ma'am. Spend that energy loving on your amazing self, and you'll find that you'll attract people who love you for you, not what you can do for them.

[@scorpionking7454]

What a great concisely educational way to look at topics that I have battled with mentally for years the fear of letting people down the fear of trying to be all things to all people and failure comes slaps me on the face .this video has opened my thoughts and mind that this is my life and I’m taking the power away from others that offer me nothing in life .

[@NenaLavonne]

YES! We are enough. So so enough! Our authentic self is someone to celebrate ♥️ Happy New Years, everyone! Beautiful video!

[@juliakristinamah]

Amen sister! Happy New Year Nena.

[@MovableNu]

This came up from my Watch Later list at the right time. Fear keeps telling me to look to others to see how short I'm falling. Instead I should keep my eyes on my own paper and remember we're not even eating from the same pie!

[@Hannah431-z5z]

YAS girl! Every human needs to hear this! ♥️

[@MoGoNicole]

Wow, thank you so much for this video. I've been sabotaging myself in more ways than one......

[@tarajoyce3598]

I absolutely share your videos! Your generosity is profoundly appreciated. Thank you for reaching out your hand, filled with insight, expertise and guidance. Your communication style is as easy as chatting with a best friend.

[@DB-ti6kg]

I like you. You tell it like it is. Not sugar coated. Exactly what I need. The 2 videos that really got me are the 10 things you are and are not responsible for. Keep doing what you do and I will keep watching your awesome videos!

[@NenaLavonne]

David Beaver yes!!! 😊

[@dianasmith4558]

I've been letting fear stop me from looking for what my next job and what I REALLY want to do, and what my passion is regardless of the fact that I'm 57.

[@treehugger7948]

Thank you for helping me better understand those things that have hurt me. Things that have paralyzed me and stopped my growth. I am afraid of disappointments and rejection. I worry that I can not be what I hope to be. This is true for me as a writer and artist. Trying to achieve that goal requires hardwork and determination so letting fear rule me into not trying seems easier than the fear of doing and failing. I love how you stated to be intentional. I intend to do what I can and learn even through whatever failure or success. It is my intentions that will drive me. Thank you and I look forward to more great insight.

[@AnisMohammedbrhan]

Thanks alot you changed my life completely . My fear holds me back for long time, now i feel relief

[@sharonfleming810]

I'm going to rehab tomorrow and I'm scared. I hope I can remember your advice, thanks

[@Claus1234]

As a registered life coach myself, I am constantly amazed at what I think others may think of me. I am constantly discovering that life for me, too, is a learning ... And you, Kristina, are fine and very adept at conveying the truths of life's "mysteries" we can all become better at integrating. Thanks for your words, and this channel :)

[@borninthefla]

Loved this message today. My new morning routine is listening to one of your videos every morning! Thanks!

[@lorilocascio2921]

Julia I can’t thank you enough I just don’t know what to say I’m just speechless because I need all the help I can get This video is so valuable all your videos are I’m not sure if it’s this one I think it is because I watch them repeatedly I remember when you said everybody has their own pie and that really helped me so much I just learned this from you and it was life-changing and 55 years old and I really need all the help I can get LOL

[@nemeninemeni]

Thank you Julia I finally discovered someone whom I can connect to here in KZbin. I like how you deliver, and honestly this black and white effect allows me to get focused attentively. I make it a point to watch at least 2 videos daily here as part of my coping mechanisms. I re watch some of them if I need to. More power to you from Carlos here in the Philippines

[@nathananderson8720]

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZbin channel 5 months ago about self development. Now I have 307 subs and almost > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I couldn’t have learned without getting started in the 1st place.

[@sadiaarman363]

Omg. FEAR!! That!!! Fear of all things high and beautiful; self- doubt with respect to worthy goals. It has eaten up so much in my life!

[@melyndafrazer1962]

Oh my Gosh, fear is definitely making my decisions , I’m in my head!! 😢

[@yoyoz333]

I feel increasingly overwhelmed by the amount of extra skills i'm expected to have in my profession, and that is what makes me feel not good enough.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I shared this video with my self groups in Facebook.. I think they need it as much as I do!

[@PiaAmorin]

You're so clear. I'm very glad I found your channel. Thank you, Julia!

[@sarahlee7303]

I have been letting fear hold me back from working and growing my own business. I work and it’s great then one day I have a slow day then won’t go. Back for two weeks at a time after a bad day 😩 just because of fear. And then it makes me miss all the good days and a couple slow days I could have had in that two weeks

[@deandrawatkins3155]

One of my favorite videos you’ve done!! Thank you!!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey sis - I'm really glad it connected in such a big way. Happy New Year!

[@beckyb6115]

writing and creating ='ing freedom of expression, wearing dresses and being butch, talking to woman, being happy out in the open, being joyful with a childlike nature. Taking on life as a whole; Grounding is a practice, awareness of thought is a practice, non judgment and love is a practice. I am ready to live with freedom and intention, while I unlearn fear as fast as possible.

[@celli3000]

Ok ok I've been practicing this for a like while now maybe a month or so and I've felt so much more control over my mind. There's been one brief period where I completely lost it and had a bad meltdown over something that really wasn't warranted but then the next day i worked through my emotions and got to into work. If we all keep working on this for a decade? We'll be so friggen smart and emotionally intelligent. I'm so excited for every person who's here working on shifts. I wish my friends would work on this with me but they aren't ready It doesn't seem.

[@lizzie2103]

This something I always struggle with. All my relationships I self sabotage

[@juliakristinamah]

Do you have any insight as to why? What do you fear about getting close to people?

[@lizzie2103]

@@juliakristinamah getting hurt. We grew up in a dysfunctional home

[@liampatrick7701]

This is helpful. I'm in a very scary and emotionally painful time in my life. I've made a lot of progress, and I know I can get out of this. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[@juliakristinamah]

Sending you strength, peace and healing Liam.

[@liampatrick7701]

If you see this, thanks. On new years I was at a party, drank myself into a blackout, and woke up in a hospital. I wrote that the next day. I could've died. But thanks for replying, I just now saw it.

[@shanematthews1985]

Right, but my "authentic" self has no goals, no dreams and is happy to just sit and do nothing, which even i can see isn't healthy, i mean i get that i self-sabotage, hell i do it constantly, and its not exactly a challenge when all i have to do is look at my life lol My "authentic" self is what ruins my relationships, its what drives away the people i care about and its what is currently pushing away the most important person in my life currently, so saying that all you can be is "you" doesn't really fill me with a lot of hope because the "authentic" me is going to end up alone to the point where i decide to just give up

[@slxbeats8146]

🤔

[@Itsme_yaGuRL_]

Are you happy?

[@scottkraft1062]

Your authentic self is the child. I found mine through self analysis while reading philosophy/psychology living without any attachment to anything but me and stopped trying living only for that day.

[@cMrob73]

This makes so much sense. Comparing ourselves to someone else is stressful and tiring. We're so busy trying to be like someone else we don't know who we are, the talents we possess, lose sight of what our purpose is for being here on earth. It is an inside job. I was raised in fear of my dad which I think led me to fear of success. I now have a jewelry business where I design, cut, and make the pieces myself. Although I feel my work is good, fear sets in when I get an order, trying to tell me it's not good enough. Now after listening to you, I 'm wondering if this is the reason why I brand name my products "mPERFEKtion". Wow! Lightbulb moment. Thank you.

[@juliakristinamah]

Glad you writing this down gave you that insight.

[@DrShelleyMeyer]

Love this video, fear can be disabling, and comparison totally holds us back. Thanks for all you do, just shared this on my fb page!

[@juliakristinamah]

Shelley! So glad you're here and that this connected with you. And thank YOU for sharing it. Here's to your amazing 2020.

[@stoneyvowell1239]

Very interesting and informative Julia. I share your videos on Facebook all the time. The problem is most people don't care enough to even watch them. But it is very good information that I wish more people would take advantage of.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for sharing them friend - it really means a lot. And know that the right people will watch them at the right time for them. I appreciate you.

[@timb80000]

Excellent advice, I often find it hard interpreting fear

[@CherbearAnn]

Soooo good!! Thank you very much for speaking these truths. I learn so much from you. We are all so individual and have our own stuff and for us not to compare is Huge!

[@NenaLavonne]

Cheryl Ann 👏👏👏😊

[@marieleblanc136]

Fear of the outcome and failure!

[@melyndafrazer1962]

Yes, who I am now is enough!!

[@patcummings7533]

Just shared with my two sisters... we have all struggled with this... thanks Julia..

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks Pat - that really means a lot.

[@admirbarucija2018]

I’m so excited for this video, self-sabotage is one of my worst habits and something I need to work on! I truly needed this. I hope you had a happy new year, here’s to a new decade full of hope and opportunities!! ❤️☺️

[@dawnelizabeth1828]

Me too, happy New year!

[@admirbarucija2018]

Dawn Elizabeth Happy new year to you as well!

[@juliakristinamah]

I hope it connected with you friend.

[@admirbarucija2018]

Julia Kristina Counselling It certainly did, thank you so much!

[@lolameakinn4482]

Always very useful and easy to use techniques. Thank you for being you.

[@sadiaarman363]

Gosh you" re powerful! Authentic self, yes!!! Thanks

[@tu1469]

I don’t have a therapist so I watch your videos and it made me realize that I envied my exes pie. I tried to become more like her and lost myself in the process and ended up having a bad breakup before Christmas that was 100% caused by me. I only didn’t realize that til now.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for sharing that insight with us.

[@loritikka6714]

Have have let fear stop me from moving forward with my business by coating myself to others and feeling like I am not as good as them. Very sad and something I have been working on the overcome.

[@juliakristinamah]

Why do you need to be like anyone else to bring what YOU have to the world?

[@melyndafrazer1962]

I’m doing all of the above and I’m miserable.....soooo miserable, down, depleted, discouraged... so down on myself right now

[@asorgenfrei10]

I recently let fear keep me from taking a new job that would make me more money and give me new experiences. Travel was involved and I didn’t feel like doing that. However I should definitely have tried it since my current company is not allowing me to grow.

[@sabrinaritchie2929]

Ready...starting today.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes sister!

[@sarahsells77]

Shared with my daughter, so good!

[@joeysocks5718]

Here’s another problem, not watching these videos enough. 🙂 I’ll watch them, start improving and feeling better, then stop. Weeks later I’m back with the same self sabotaging thoughts. I’ll now watch these more often!!

[@bridgetregan9408]

I'm watching you from the UK, and find your advice invaluable! thank you so much, Bridget

[@tedraymond7322]

You are awesome!! Can’t tell you how much you have helped me!! And that was with one video!! Totally excited to watch all of them!! And use it to improve my life and marriage!! Words can’t describe my gratitude Julia !!

[@juliakristinamah]

Ted - your words really moved me. Glad you're here and a very Happy New Year to you.

[@gen8878]

Oh my God ♥,I had to stop the video and say yeees, yeees, yeees ..thank you very much I already knew that something is not going right .it's not okay trying Change as to be, "better me" for me it's exactly as you've said it means that I'm not okay, not enough, need more, need copy someone else over myself ,just you as a specialist saying what I say it's a sign for me .. Happy new year, wish you all the best♥, keep watching 😊

[@sabchatelain5249]

I don't compare negatively myself to others but have many models I'm inspired by and help me create my path

[@juliakristinamah]

Great!

[@borninthefla]

These videos really help me. I’m grateful that I found your channel.

[@aprilc.3697]

I’m afraid that I’m too old to find a meaningful career. I’m in a semi comfortable job, but I’m ready for a change again. Seems like I’m stuck, but I think I’ve been afraid to leave what’s familiar and safe. Happy New Year 🥳🎆

[@juliakristinamah]

Do you have to find meaning through paid work? Is there something you love doing that has nothing to do with your career?

[@bobburch2151]

Great video I really enjoy your videos so much and how you explain everything so well

[@alicewebster8848]

I organised a lunch with a friend and her family(I always organise it, else I never hear from her), I always feel not good enough to her, she was very cold and indifferent, not interested in connecting at all. I got anxious and ended up trying to Earn/Prove/Impress her, I was licking her boots, telling her what a wonderful mother she is and how wonderful & smart her daughters are and how close they are to her (there were there too) etc, I feel terrible afterwords, as I have been very generous and kind to her when she went thru a very difficult time. I don't know why I do this, I am a good, giving and kind person, I don't need to make myself small, I am very capable also. Why do I do that?? I could not sleep that night. Now after this video, I will be myself, next time we meet, if there is ever a next time - I will not initiate a meet again, I will be myself and not try to earn/prove/impress her. I need to show my dignity and that I am precious and valuable. Thank you for this video.

[@taraelmegreen5527]

Suggestion on a topic: How to deal with the fact that in your jobs, people struggle w/ yourself being open, direct w/kindness but honesty and you wont let people walk all over you. I DO know how to soften things and deal with ppl of all walks of life as I have had a sucessful career as a nurse, in many roles, ie: Hospice, ICU, even putting in IV's! I am not good at "playing the game" well and refusing to kiss feet of ppl to to "go along to get along"? I have finally come to embrace that I am a strong, more self-assured women (thx to you!) and I dont HAVE TO work hard for everyone to like me or be a follower? I am in my mid-50's and seem to be walking to a different drum and step than the younger generations. And I am ok w/ that! I am in medicine and the level of arrogance is unbelievable! I am tired of being a target, I spent way too many years worrying what ppl thgt of me, comparing myself to others, being down on myself and working sooooo hard to fit in, it has been a long hard journey through a 30+ year marriage to a divorce, the caring for both parents as they died and feeling broken, worthless and undeserving, being my own critic! I LOVE breaking thru the crap that WAS holding me back and feel your delivery and gift of oration make it so easy to learn from you! ...Tyia regardless if you explore this topic. Okie Girl 🤠

[@bernienikunen3302]

I have a tough fear for you Julia . The fear of feeling unloveable . I’m 60 years old and recently spent 5 months in alcohol treatment center . Found out a lot about myself . A simple thing as my older brother being abusive to me as a child and even in my young adulthood years , I never thought about how this simple thing could have affected me until I talked about it in group , my counselor said after I opened up and told my story she said - well you must have felt unlovable ? If your own fresh and blood doesn’t love you than how can anybody else ? The light bulb came on and I realized at that point that this very well could be why I struggled all my life with low self asteem the feeling of being less-than and troubles in my marriages etc. It’s a deep subject and I’m working on it ! I’m learning to “ Love Thy Neighbor As Thy Self “ and Faith Without Works is Dead ! Thy will be done not mine . Just thought I would share this with ppl , because loving yourself might be hard to do but it can be done if we just can believe in our selves and know that we are worth it ...

[@inhale.exhale.2527]

I too am 60 and hear you. This toxicity has blighted and destroyed my life right from childhood feelings of inadequacy, perfectionism, ocd, depression, actual trauma, emotional, psychological and financial abuse by my covert narcissist ex wife. It all relates to narcissism but its taken me my lifetime to unfathom and I am done. How to turn this ship around now seems utterly impossible. I wish you well for your recovery.

[@grecesti]

dear Julia you're such an amazing lady sharing pro bono all the support for us! wish you a very happy new year,thx so much for the help💟

[@juliakristinamah]

Happy New Year to you too friend.

[@allyt2137]

I am up for the challenge!

[@robintempel2925]

Thank You! Much Love

[@ElcsieRetakov]

Breaking those bad habits can be tough but living with them is exhausting. I am trying to use what I learned in 2019 to help me grow in 2020. Being in the Facebook group has helped! I also started a Vlog about Clarity here on KZbin. Hugs!

[@juliakristinamah]

GOOD for you sis!

[@mariam7797]

Thank you so much for your work!!! Continue doing videos ❤️

[@juliakristinamah]

I'm here for it if you are Maria!

[@michaelbaker6585]

I love your videos. They are great teachings.

[@anasfaiza707]

comparison is the thief of joy!!

[@johnhausler2706]

Thanks Julia.....Very inspiring......Great job as usual....

[@4anniebrown]

You’re so incredibly on target’! Thanks for this video. Shared it with a couple family members that I know will appreciate it too!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks sister! Really glad it connected.

[@chas4x4]

Everything you said is so true for me I worry about what everyone thinks and afraid to try new things I just don't like the feeling it gives me started many years ago in school I think teachers labeling me and I still believe it today I guess I just can't force getting past this I have tried but my head just won't let is happen panic sets in

[@Stitchxavi]

CLEAN. Makes so much sense. Yes!

[@GabrielGarcia-ic6nv]

Really really really good content here!!!

[@druth8803]

This is so timely!

[@juliakristinamah]

I love it when that happens - don't you? Happy New Year friend.

[@parshantsharma118]

Juila you are very pretty.Thanks for this life changing information.I appreciate it.

[@mrhos86]

Happy New Year Julia! Thanks for another good vid!

[@juliakristinamah]

Happy New Year my friend. Great to see your face here.

[@marilynharris9845]

You are really helping me thank you

[@omayrasdemesne]

In my planner, I appreciate sharing the vision of myself that I have but absolutely if I don't love myself as I am now, how can I then? So right on.

[@pandvsims]

Well done Julie!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks brother - really glad it connected.

[@creative2716]

Message received and appreciated. 🤯 mind blown.

[@karenswanson6352]

This was so beneficial. I shared it to many.

[@lisapapp9605]

Hello , I definitely needed these videos. I fear having anxiety , I have health anxiety fear also .