What is the Cost of Avoiding Conflict in a Relationship ? | Dr. David Hawkins

Victims of abusive relationships typically develop codependent tendencies due to the manipulative and narcissistic behaviors of their partners. The damage to their self-worth alters their perception of what a genuine relationship is. They tend to ignore red flags and become preoccupied with avoiding conflict at all costs, putting their need to be needed and liked by the other person above themselves.
In healthy relationships, partners ideally create a space for collaborative growth and compromise. In abusive relationships, the priority is often to preserve illusions of peace and harmony.
Join Dr. Hawkins in this video as he talks about conflict avoidance driven by codependence and how it is detrimental to a relationship.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#relationship #conflict #relationship

[@thehapagirl92]

So many men have said they’re terrified of conflict and it’s gross

[@residentevilfreakk55]

Or maybe we just want peace in our lives and not unnecessary drama

[@TheGreenTaco999]

@@residentevilfreakk55 you blindfold yourself to the pain you cause in others and call it peace. not everyone gets what they want and conflict is inescapable, you'll be tired at the end of life.

[@Riverlily12]

​@@residentevilfreakk55 literally proving the point lol. By avoiding drama, you're keeping it around

[@residentevilfreakk55]

@@Riverlily12 that made absolutely zero sense. “By avoiding drama, you are keeping it around”. What?

[@Riverlily12]

@residentevilfreakk55 you can't fix what you don't address

[@sonjalovestory4820]

Sadly some churches teach that submission is to be quiet and not really say anything. They are wrong and this video is good!

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, we must weigh carefully what others speak into our lives to see if it aligns with Truth. For more videos on Spiritual Abuse, check out our KZbin channel, or sign up for our mailing list for helpful articles and relationship tips delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

[@CynthiaToni]

LOVE MUST BE TOUGH!!! Dr. James Dobson. Yes, conflict avoidance is enabling. I’ve learnt so much from you Dr. Hawkins. You gave me hope when I had none. Consequences and keep the pressure on was my mantra in 2020. Sadly one of my children just married a gaslighter. She’s oblivious to it but we all see it. We intend to practise tough love. On the spectrum he isn’t a lost cause and cannot lie while looking a person in the eye which indicates he doesn’t have sociopathic tendencies. Anyways, I’m grateful for all you have taught me. Thank you and may God richly bless your work.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for your encouragement and feedback. May you be a blessing and help to others. God Bless.

[@Alphacentauri819]

I hope you educate yourself on the neuroscience of autism spectrum disorder. No amount of toughness will change the neural connections and differences in brain structure. Work on acceptance, compassion, your own internal boundaries…but not on trying to get him to change. They are wired very, very differently. No amount of pressure, information, will change that. It’s like if you got angry at a stroke patient who lost use of their left side of their body, as if they are doing it on purpose. Nope. Their brain no longer receives blood flow to the region responsible for the lefts side. Those who are on the spectrum, have a disability. The are emotionally, relationally, socially disabled. They are in a state of arrested development and cannot progress to your level in those areas. That’s why they can seem so childlike at times, but a child trapped in an adult body. I myself, don’t think they should marry neurotypicals…and I imagine that will get backlash. But they aren’t qualified. It’s like someone who is a CNA getting a neurosurgeon job without the skills, experience. They will botch it up. Get real about your expectations and manage your own conflict management. We are responsible for ourselves. Anything else is codependent.

[@CynthiaToni]

@@Alphacentauri819 Thank you for your feedback. Very interesting perspective. Well it’s been four years since I had to leave my husband for 19 days and I can say that things improved exponentially with my husband since employing Dr. Hawkins techniques. His advice was a light in my darkness. We went through disclosure and impact statement. Our marriage is in a much better place than when we were first married. 30 years ago. Not perfect but whose marriage is. He works very hard at our marriage now and takes my needs seriously. God bless!

[@robertegnoski6642]

I needed this reminder. However, what if you have a person who continues to defend, deny, avoid?? How do you lovingly breakthrough??

[@drdavidbhawkins]

The pattern of defensive behavior is often deeply entrenched and not easily broken. The causes / drivers of these behaviors must be looked at and often takes an intervention from an experienced counselor. Please reach out to our team if you're interested in learning more: marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/

[@robertegnoski6642]

@@drdavidbhawkins We had a "collaborative" Christian psychologist counselor, but made little progress, not identifying and addressing what the real problem was more honestly and directly. A lot of money spent with disappointing results. Yes, a gentle intervention with another person or two is exactly what is needed. But arranging it is tricky when they will be afraid to be confronted about their shortcomings. I am taking Dr Henry Cloud's workshop on September 28th, The Art of Confrontation to get some wise advice. I pray! I'm always learning and encouraged and strengthened by these presentations on KZbin. THANK YOU!!! It's a little painful and sad to be covenantly committed to someone who is not. And believes false things because their perceptions have twisted reality. SIGH!!

[@iamthatiam4637]

@@robertegnoski6642 i want to help. I think its important to show love. And show and always reassure you don't mean any harm. Cause this person life style and mindset will think it is harm. Question them. Listen to them. And always reassure them.you love them. This about codependent right. Help them get a job. Help them work. And even plan to pay them if they do. Pay them.for there deeds only. Make it seem like a job. And tell them.why they should work. They can make far more money. U want more advice i am here.

[@DIAMONDGIRL57]

Avoidance equals resentment.

[@iamthatiam4637]

Agree. So u saying we need to have the conflict in order to resolve the issue. I personally don't think its the conflict but the lack of love and respect. I will never listen to no one who not have my best interest at heart. I think no one should. Only when its coming from a loving source. That's the problem. No love.

[@themasterspiece5669]

So good!🙏🏾🔥

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

[@chrismarshall8855]

Appreciate the discussion on the cost of conflict avoidance. However, codependence is not a diagnosis recognized in the DSM5. Nor is it defined by a singular definition.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. Everyone's experience is nuanced and unique.

[@jenniferfisher8953]

Think on this one - a fear driven conflict avoiding narcissist? Possible?

[@95turbogirl1980]

I'm certainly beginning to believe I live with this exact situation

[@MarsWolf81]

I disagree in many ways keeping the peace is more important than jumping on someone over every little thing.. Perhaps if we all read Marcus Aurelius' meditations we could all understand why stoicism is the only way to truly live a happy life