What is True Empathy? | Jordan B Peterson

[@elizabethdavis2779]

This plays out often today in teenagers deciding to change their sex. I work as a school administrator/counselor and ALL the students who struggle with their sexually identity have come from families of broken marriages and abuse. Instead of rationally addressing the family issues we are told to just embrace their new sex identity. It's as if this will cure the problem. It's very troubling to just give in to the distress they want to capitalize on for the day but not get to the root cause of their pain. These students feel abandoned, rejected and angry because of proper parental love. I feel like our approach should be more wholistic. To be sensitive to what they want for that day or week but also able to help heal the wounds.

[@Alphacentauri819]

I’ve wondered about this. I was an RN and am now pursuing degrees in psychology and neuroscience. I’m very curious by nature & question many things. I tend to see many connections, ripples outward, where many others seem to want to compartmentalize, and seem threatened by closer investigation. Whether it be regarding the issue you so compassionately and insightfully articulated, or religion, or many other self protective, over self-identified, topic…it seems that many people try to shut down any deeper analysis and inquiry. In our society, the level of influential media (power of suggestion) is at an all time high too. Take a teen with poor self concept, identity, esteem, and no real secure anchor or safe place…and many things can appeal to trying find their sense of self and place in this world. The sexual identity piece is one. I’m not going to claim to know all realms of what is or isn’t legitimate in that regard (or any topic in life!), but I think it warrants closer, more aware investigation. Of course, with a lens of empathy & an ability to hold space too. We are such an easily offended culture, swimming in shame, self protective posturing etc. I wish we could cultivate more vulnerability, healthy self possession, openness, and ability to really hear one another. There are many layers to work through in how well messages can be fully communicated and received. If there is attachment trauma…which those kids likely have (as well as their parents too, otherwise they wouldn’t partner, parent as they do), the core wounds and subconscious programming need to be addressed and healed. The children need a safe place to be attuned to, empathized with and validated. Just for being who they are. That’s how secure attachment happens. Insecure attachment (which results from homes like you described) create inner instability and then outward instability, in regards to relating to self, others, the world as a whole. And the patterns repeat…until a wake up and healing. I hope to develop a program that addresses empathy, attachment styles, emotional regulation (as a daily habit), and parental incentives (and support), in early childhood programs up through high school. I would encourage skills training that would cultivate building emotional intelligence as well (which empathy is a key part of). To have that support, awareness, and implementation of key aspects of strong ability to relate, in healthy, productive manners…is essential for strong individuals, families, schools, and communities.

[@olivesama]

Gender incongruence arises from biological, neurological, hormonal, and genetic conditions that are in play before a child is even born. So to characterize it as arising **from** family trauma is to completely miss the mark.

[@henkverhaeren3759]

True empathy is the deep insight that we all are connected.

[@FlavioDeFeo]

Very well expressed. I like this 👌🏻 I truly believe we are indeed all connected spiritually - even if we don’t admit it, we can “sense” it. We should treat others how we would like them to treat us.

[@henkverhaeren3759]

@@FlavioDeFeo the universe is like gods brain and we are gods brain cells floating in a web of life. and if allow our consciousness to expand our cells will break open like seeds and the light of our souls will set the cosmos on fire and we will recognize the image of god in each others eyes. And in our smiles we will feel as we are welcomed home for the first time.

[@manubishe]

Not all have it, and among them who may consider it, I doubt everyone chooses this conclusion. It's a big claim, a subjective one, as far as I understand.

[@richiwatson584]

No, true empathy isn't generalised, it is intensely intimate and connected to specific circumstances and people. Empathy isn't an insight, it is a here and now emotion led state of connection.

[@aYoutubeuserwhoisanonymous]

By the chain of purely physical cause and effect back in time of course in a certain sense, but in other sense we aren't that connected as you might think.

[@peteyp4469]

How I pray more people turn to Dr. Peterson!

[@ramdhiwakarseetharaman5989]

Powerful sentence: “If someone expresses distress, we don’t inquire where that distress comes from, how it arose. We just simply try to alleviate it"

[@sanuku535]

Peterson's look Has gotten wiser over time. I AM looking forward to seeing more of that face.

[@Hon_Ngure]

Keep the beard mate.... On point

[@Medietos]

Why? Grey beards make men look old, I don't get why they would want that..

[@TheKeyToMusicOfficial]

i know someone who thinks they are empathic but actually are sympathetic! and they completely are not FEELING the FEELING of others ( which I would say could be a definition of empathy )

[@elizabethparrish8883]

Agreed. A person isn’t going to pull themselves out of a situation unless they can understand that there is a gain monetary or other. Raising 2 kids alone and working at a marginal job making less than you get for free with the adds stress of worrying about the daycare providing appropriate care seems to be a ridiculous choice to make. The system needs to work together within the itself utilising resources. What resources do they have in abundance? People needing help and services. This program should be more of an educational program that is setup for to teach and help ppl grow but also providing them ownership of the program providing support for each other. Provide education such as technical traits or schooling. Setup up a daycare that those who need assistance but have a plan that makes the people who need the assistance the ones also working at these places. It teaches them skills that will help them in the future to get a better job. Again it goes back to helping those or teaching those to help themselves to be self sustainable. There is nothing more gratifying then to finally step out of a situation where you need help from others to support you and your family. It will provide a sense of pride and respect within a persons self which really does change their life. Like a lobster winning it’s first battle

[@neurocosm]

This was so good. I would love to see a conversation between Jordan and Ray Dalio on his book Principles.

[@queenrefiloe7287]

I think empathy will come from you realizing that all our emotions are connected -i have been realizing that empathy comes from awareness of seeing that I have been there before or could be an attempt as well and maybe was kind to you or you wish someone was

[@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391]

I find the term " agreeableness " rather crude, I would recommend that people watch a video on the difference between emotional empathy/cognitive empathy.

[@itsmecrabby]

"Imagine being so emotionally scarred and unaware of love that instead of comforting your child, you decide to throw a chicken out the window. Wake up." The child doesn't need to know anything other than Love! Intellectual jargon

[@jordyhall3308]

The UK benefit system is a disincentive to getting a job. I was in the benefit system for some time and it was a shock when it stopped. However, I feeling much better now I'm working even though my income is a lot less.

[@Aisatsana1971]

Carl Rogers has a good explanation for what Empathy is.

[@invictus_They-Them_Nazi_Hunter]

Well what is it.

[@Aisatsana1971]

@@invictus_They-Them_Nazi_Hunter Search up Carl Rogers on Empathy. There’s also a youtube video whereby he explains.

[@myfakinusername]

@@invictus_They-Them_Nazi_Hunter 'Empathy is the listener's effort to hear the other person deeply, accurately, and non-judgmentally. Empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning, without imposing the listener’s own material.' ~ Carl Rogers (1951) Also Carl Rogers: "Being empathic means: "To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another's world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self and this can only be done by a person who is secure enough in himself that he knows he will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and can comfortably return to his own world when he wishes. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being."

[@cynthiagreer6049]

I would say real empathy is the feeling part, of the soul; I would argue is that you dont throw the plate away, but have the courage to face the chicken feet. Child and parent as a duo on the moment. Taking ones place in life, To do otherwise would be like Rousseau said, domestication to social appropriation of popular tendencies. Of which we have to comform too but get lost in the whole scale of it. Just a thought I hope you all can relate with.

[@willbronson9658]

Job's friends who wept and sat silently with him for 7 days. Then they blew it and began speaking!

[@mahmoudadas5602]

In other words, "They ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine." (Katty Perry, 2016)

[@alabama2uz]

Some people seem to actually feel other people's pain and emotions. I wonder if Dr. Peterson isn't one of them.

[@phillipmorgan4260]

What makes you say that exactly?

[@alabama2uz]

@@phillipmorgan4260 Hard to word. Just watching how other people's pain seems to affect him in a different way. Maybe its just my perception, but I've known people like that.

[@Sopranohooper]

He should really take Elaine Aron's HSP test, if he hasn't already.

[@phillipmorgan4260]

@@Sopranohooper the guy who cries in interviews all the time...

[@funkymunky]

He has a savior/Jesus complex. It's treatable.

[@Sopranohooper]

Are you going to interview Archdruid Greer next? Because consorting with people named things like "Theodore Dalrymple" is how you make wizards happen at you.

[@DR---]

Sympathy and empathy are not synonyms! Having sympathy for people means you want them to be happy. Having empathy for people means you understand that other people are not you and thus what makes you happy might make them miserable.

[@manubishe]

Hly shit, that is very driven conversation.

[@joelleet554]

"...and so so it also means that its this unwillingness to pass judgment let's say on the part of helpers also means that we abdicate our responsibility to design social welfare systems that would reward productive behavior because we don't want to make the judgments about what behaviors are productive and what aren't at least partly because we don't want to make mistakes and throw people out that are deserving but we can't differentiate, but then because we won't make those judgments we produce systems that counterproductively reward the kinds of behaviors that produce the problems we want to solve." Assume that the people pushing for these flawed systems using 'empathy' don't actually want to solve the problems... in fact they depend on them and do everything in their power to produce as many such problems as they can.

[@magugayonela8978]

I don't want to be self-sacrificing again it makes me very vulnerable. I guess the root cause is attached to caring too much and wanting to gain approval.b

[@bryanjohnson7508]

You find sympathy in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. Empathy to me is like, if I'm an alcoholic you really don't know where I've been unless you are an alcoholic. I have empathy for other alcoholics because I understand them at a gut level. No pun intended.

[@Alphacentauri819]

You don’t need to have walked the same exact path to have empathy…usually sympathy is more what you are describing. That you take someone’s experience and equate it to your own similar one (like alcoholic to alcoholic). The problem with that is you don’t know what is like to be THEM in that state. Too often is we’ve had a similar experience, we project how WE feel onto them and think we “get it”. Nope. Each experience is nuanced, individual, with many variables, no matter that a key element is shared. Empathy understands that individuals experience, from THEIR perspective. It is stepping into it vs looking from the outside thinking you know (because of a similar experience). Empathy is much, much deeper. A higher skill, involving emotional intelligence (which few people truly have). It is relating to the person’s emotional experience and holding space, being present, bearing witness. It’s the different between a person looking over at you carrying a heavy pack on a trail, seeing you struggle and say “hey, that looks heavy, I’ve carried a heavy pack before too”…vs a person offering to help you carry it part way. Big difference. One alleviates the weight of the burden and helps you feel less alone. In healthcare we can have thousands of patients, and not have had every single condition, yet we can still empathize. We empathize with the fear, the loss of control. We’ve experienced the base emotions. That’s huge.

[@mzmoth]

Neeeewwww!!!! Hello. Love you 🙃

[@invictus_They-Them_Nazi_Hunter]

Thankyou

[@awaisaurelius6745]

Cheers

[@Gpacharlie]

Our schools (K-12) keep doing the same things that weren’t working 50 years ago and prescribing Ritalin has little evidence based support. Public schools do a reasonably okay job of preparing 60% of average people to become capable and productive in the workforce and 10% will thrive in spite of poorly performing public schools but there are 20-30% of students who are poorly served. Outcome based school systems based on merit are necessary if we want to reduce the growing burden of social assistance. That wong happen until we demand school choice and charter school options.

[@oninoyakamo]

The field of Medicine isn't entirely motivated by empathy, but I can't help but feel that it is partly to blame for the population explosion exacerbating all the anthropogenic catastrophes we inflict upon our world and its other inhabitants. Between empathy and self-interest though, with our abilities, there really isn't any other way this could have played out.

[@Alphacentauri819]

How is medicine partly to blame for population explosion? If you count all the birth control, abortions, and such…I’m not so sure medicine is “helping” with any population boom, if you do the full 360 degree, zoomed out equation, getting every last layer of statistical significance in there. But yea, given the greediness of our species in complete imbalance to awareness of impact, amounts of empathy, consideration (emotional intelligence, really), self destruction seems highly likely. It’s like Thorin, from The Hobbit. His greed, myopic focus, lack of ability to consider anything/anyone else…was ultimately his own undoing. Tragic.

[@cyclone8974]

Maybe we should talk about how many women choose to be a single parent for no real reason.

[@Sanakudou]

What do you mean by “no real reason”? Did you mean to say that women get divorced for no real reason’ or are you talking about women that have kids out of wedlock and/or those that use sperm donors to become mothers without a partner of any kind?

[@mzmoth]

Maybe you should talk to someone about getting dumped.

[@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391]

I agree that such a conversation would be useful, however it's difficult to see how it could happen in our woke culture. Instead of finding the genuine reasons, they'd just have to find a way to blame men; any suggestion that women could be reaping the consequences of their own action would be considered misogyny.

[@deanmccrorie3461]

True empathy doesn’t exist because you’d need to have the actual experience of the other person. Empathy is an attempt to assume your experiencing what the other is. Even though it’s not. Empathy is a crucial assumption

[@barrycoetzee36]

But you can also be empathetic towards all living beings. I dont agree with the idea that empathy is a purely a human to human emotional response.

[@deanmccrorie3461]

@@barrycoetzee36 I think you sent your reply to the wrong person

[@maurivanhanen9208]

Of course I'm not physically living his life, but I can certainly get into the mindset and mood he's in. Depression through empathy feels like depression, and that's highly useful in understanding his behavior.

[@Strange9952]

How do you know, Mauri? We live completely different lives

[@geoffreydawson5430]

Stop coddling kids and teach them to reflect on death and therefore to make the most of the limited time they have and others. Fundamental for any culture that prescribes to a faith based religion. Might even help in producing more critical thinkers and to alleviate the ever growing shortage of Doctors in the community. How this plays out in the real world is of course an ongoing ethical dilemma but we humans are remarkable at building ourselves back up after catastrophic circumstances. What is any humans greatest fear? Death.

[@Alphacentauri819]

But truly to push it further…why does it matter to have more critical thinkers and alleviate the shortage of growing doctors? We keep people alive far too long on machines as it is…why don’t we address the denial of death and the avoidance to talk about that denial!! More doctors won’t prevent the inevitable. We spend far too much time on symptom management, ignoring root causes (for more than just physical health, but all facets of health) and perpetuate prolongation of a skin suit staying “alive”, over quality and richness of life. All that being said. Does it all really matter? Quality, richness? If we die anyways? We have this egoic striving for significance, when we really aren’t all that significant. Most arguments arise from this need to matter, to stand out, to be of purpose, to make an impact. Then we die. It’s all a bit inane, hilarious and sad…intermingled.

[@christinenicholson1009]

Most people on benefits working full time are on basic wages. They're entitled to benefits because their pay is so poor. Have some perspective here.

[@kristatackett6823]

My Conclusion - the love of slaves There are men and people in society who are absolutely prophets. They have the ability to see what is really truly happening. They are thinkers who have thought out what one action will lead to another. These men (and women too) are higher than mere "Kings" because they are the judges OF Kings. Besides the true prophets of society, you have mere men who are Kings, and then you have men who are just rational human beings living their life. These men see religion for what it is. That is the enslavement of their person to the rules and regulations of a government or another human being. They rebel to these requirements. Pastors around America, and the world have grown increasingly dark. They say they want men in their congregations, but they only want men who they can enslave to the rules and dictates that they themselves give (Not the dictates of God or the bible). They have no patience for those who are prophets. They have no patience for Kings or for rulers. Prophets and Kings have no patience for them either. These pastors then become blind because they do not listen to anyone else, or any prophet that brings to their attention fallacy, heresy, or sin in their own lives. They throw anyone out who disagrees with their message or points out an error in their thinking. "I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her commodious harbors and her ample rivers-and it was not there. . . . . in her fertile fields and boundless forests-and it was not there. . . . .in her rich mines and her vast world commerce-and it was not there. . . . in her democratic Congress and her matchless Constitution-and it was not there. Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits flame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because she is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, she will cease to be great." America is growing increasingly dark not because of women interference, but because of the pastors in america are growing evil and increasingly killing the priest (the sons of God) and stoning her prophets. The over-abundance of women in churches are the fruit of the fact other men don't want to be enslaved to rotten ambitious pastors, and the pastors don't want men they cannot control and enslave. The women are the only ones left.

[@Sopranohooper]

Well, there's short term empathy and long term empathy...

[@Aisatsana1971]

What’s the difference between short term empathy and long term empathy?

[@aezakmei]

@@Aisatsana1971 Your fat kid cries because you don't want to give him/her chocolate. Short term empathy: You give your child some chocolate because you feel their pain. Long term empathy: You don't give them chocolate because it's not good for their long term health and that also teaches them discipline.

[@Aisatsana1971]

@@aezakmei thanks for the clarification. However, I always thought Empathy is the “long term” aspect and Sympathy is the short term one. With the short term solution one is not truly understanding the child’s world. They’re only sympathising with the pain the child feels. With the long term solution the child is being empathised with- they’re in pain but the adult is understanding what the child is experiencing with greater awareness and a fundamental humanism. I suppose either way the definitions work.

[@jordanwoods728]

@@Aisatsana1971 I agree with your parameters. I see empathy as sympathy with understanding and/or rationality. It's a more intelligent application of sympathy. The difference between feeling what others feel vs. understanding why they feel that way.

[@maurivanhanen9208]

@@aezakmei I'd propose these instead: affective empathy, and the choice between logical and impulsive compassion. You can feel affective empathy and still just decide to kill the child so that you won't feel their pain, so it's not necessarily good to use the word "empathy" when describing behavior.

[@lancelotdufrane]

Sentimentally. One of my Favorite, qualities.. in people. To be deeply emotionally, moved by being alive. Those without this tendency?..... mechanical. Not a fan.

[@antoanto5301]

Why does this man have two names? Genuine question by the way!

[@freezysyahz]

The other's a pen name for writing

[@isaacgrant3784]

He didn’t put his name in the title and he had to have the last word.

[@Handgun777]

❤️❤️❤️

[@kristatackett6823]

You have wondered a bit on your podcast why you don't go to church when you see the benefits of sitting down and meditating at least once a week. Community, sitting in the presence of God, etc. I have seen where pastors have asked you why you have been able to attract a male following, and they have not. You answer in my opinion rightly - you require men to take responsibility. The church requires women to take responsibility. That is what their doctrine of submission is really all about, that women should take so much responsibility and adapt so much that they end up doing all things for all people including men. This is why churches cannot get men. God according to the bible in my opinion is both male and female. You have God who is gentle, meek and lowly. You have God who is a Mighty Warrior who sheds blood. A judge, A Father, a disciplinarian. The gospel has increasingly been corrupted because of men in the church who preach too much on submission and require women to do too much, and men too little. They discourage men being held accountable for their sins, and put the requirements on women to somehow keep men from lust and most other sins. Women sense this oppression, and they respond by, as they grow in authority, to cut out bits of God that seem too harsh, oppressive, or authoritarian. Men are of course, not fighting against this to their own hurt and depression. That means they can be held LESS accountable for what they do and that proposition of only doing as they want is far too attractive even if it is horrifically destructive. All the case scenarios of welfare people who are single parents, are probably 98% women who have no Fathers in the home. Women were not built to make babies and go to work and support the family and be disciplinarian and judge and ball busting career ambitious souls. But that is what is required of us in modern society. I don't blame men. I blame the church, and everyone else should too. Because the pastors are sitting in churches all across America and the world telling people how to live properly, and they are doing a terrible job at it. Their judgments effect the men who are listening to them, and the men who are seeing this in the unseen world. If you see the destructive possibilities of entering into the age of irrationality as women gain more and more power and authority and less and less all at the same time, and policy suddenly becomes purely emotional without a rational reason, then the best thing to do is to really go to churches and listen to what they are telling their congregations and then really confront the pastors who are spreading heresy and legalism and enslavement. I don't disagree with you that women are emotional, agreeable and are making incredibly dumb dumb policies based on our instinct and our baby making and raising makeup. I don't hear you say that women should stay out of politics, although from what you are saying that is really the only logical conclusion of it, or that women should take a backseat and allow the male rationality to lead, and I don't disagree with that either. That is what I want, and what all other women really truly want, but we want men who are able to take responsibility, to be faithful and to do what they are supposed to do. Taking all power and no responsibility and screwing women over or throwing them to the side once they have used them up is not acceptable. This forces us to take responsibility and forces us to make policy in hopes that we will end the tremendous suffering of those who are really truly tremendously suffering. A single mother loses her life. She opens herself up to being jipped and screwed over by other men time and time and time again. Emotionally used and battered. All of these things stem from men not taking responsibility, and the only way to save society from female irrationality is by men judging truly and righteously and FAIRLY.

[@zachmo8609]

That beard scruff is looking seriously good on jp, NO HOMO

[@1Whyyynot]

❤️🧠

[@richardwernig8938]

Who would serve a roasted chicken with the feet intact?

[@TheAvsouto]

The feet are edible too

[@richardwernig8938]

@@TheAvsouto Yes, but they're usually fried separately in a batch as a treat for the kids.

[@jimluebke3869]

"Agreeableness is good for taking care of infants." Yes. Have you ever tried arguing with a baby? An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition, not just incoherent screaming. (Thank you Monty Python)

[@imsorrythankyouplease7613]

No it isn’t.

[@jimluebke3869]

@@imsorrythankyouplease7613 KZbin comments are a lot like the "Argument Clinic" sometimes. Twitter seems to be more like "Getting Hit on the Head Lessons."

[@leewright1]

Liked the vid just to push the counter to 666.

[@kristatackett6823]

A Second Reason for entering into the age of irrationality Those who are thinkers, shakers, movers in society. Those who are logical and reasonable. Those who have genius and brain have all become atheists. In my opinion.... Richard Dawkins, Bill Maher, Ayn Rand, The British Atheist fellow you were interviewing the other day, and many many many others, were all men and women with prophetic gifts and abilities. Prophesy these days have become corrupted probably also by an over-feminized perspective. We think that prophesy is actually grabbing a crystal ball and telling the future... that is NOT true. A prophet is someone who sees the trends of society and understands where it will lead and fall. Those are the rational genius people groups. Those are the people outside of the church, because they see the insanity in the church and they try to tell their pastors and their pastors kill them spiritually with persecution because they are unwilling to look at the truth and their own sins. So these men whether they know it or not, have been deeply persecuted by the church and deeply hurt by the church. It might sound nuts for me to call someone like Bill Maher a prophet but he is. He uses his gifts and his callings in the world and he is darn good at it. A Christian might suppose that certain aspects of sin is really what attracts him to atheism, but I suggest it is because really smart people see behind all the crap the church is spreading. All those with these abilities are being chased from the church.

[@almoe2873]

the British Atheist fellow....... Richard Dawkins

[@rosabela9308]

8:47

[@huzaifa5926]

Anthony dude has his idea wrong here

[@DiscipleOfChristDV]

Welfare trap

[@MrDarryl1958]

When it comes being served chicken feet as food, I am with the kid on that one. Or tripe for that matter.

[@abdikadirmfarah6908]

ilove capitalism&not recists in this country USA&can not be socialisims AMERICA OR USA.