What It Feels Like To Be AUTISTIC - Part Two

[@tangerinefizz11]

I get irritated with neurotypical people's indirectness. I think it's possible to be gentle and direct at the same time. Everyone should strive for that.

[@lizzieb7373]

Yes. It’s like just SAY IT! But also be nice 😂

[@glennflorence6222]

misery that loves company seems to be, by and large, the NT way. fortunately this is not true for all NTs...that is ok for them but they should not ask NDs that state they are NDs to try to be like them...even if we are nice and gentle about it

[@bandyboo2805]

This is so true! I cannot get my head around the constantly changing avenue's they use to get to a point. If you don't like me, or you want me out of your life, then TELL ME THAT! You can do it easily/ and with tact.

[@etcwhatever]

I always interpreted that indirectness as lying to me. Just had this eureka moment. It made me quite paranoid for most of my life.

[@jesterr7133]

You are so correct about losing something. If I lose something, I'm not sleeping until I find it, even if I don't need it right then and I know that it's in no danger of being permanently lost. Life stops until I find it

[@janejones5362]

I lose things ALL THE TIME, and it SO stresses me out 😱.

[@citychicken9949]

LOL the bit you said about a child crying in the stroller hit me! I can't stand to hear a baby cry. I was at a night market once and saw a mom pushing a screaming infant around in a stroller and she seemed completely unfazed by the cries... while I'm cringing internally because I want to go and make sure the baby is ok and comforted.

[@janejones5362]

Mom of 4. Daughter of a malignant narc. She would say, Let the baby cry, youre spoiling them!! Ok, ya crow. Not all of us are ice queens. I ignored her. A baby cries for a reason.

[@jesterr7133]

The reason you can be so hyperproductive when it comes to your videos and editing without having a meltdown is because it is something you love. You said it yourself. My main interest is small engine repair. I can work on something all day and never feel tired. If I'm completing a task that I don't necessarily want to do it can stress me out and put me in a really foul mood. It sounds like it is the same for you

[@gregoryburne5251]

As an Autistic, Ive literally been reprimanded by friends when i go too deep on issues, when its a lighthearted situation, eg barbeque etc. I cant help it.

[@aprilk3705]

Same!! It’s so frustrating.

[@glennflorence6222]

it's like their annoyed at the fact that you have done a good job for yourself because they can't be interested in your interest...🙃 we are like interest dragons to them...

[@grinderbaseb]

God forbid you push their Overton window too far without months of warmup and warning. Neurotypicals are in love with their cages.

[@heedmydemands]

Yeah we don't need to stay so near the surface all the time

[@AF-qr3xr]

i was always wondering why iam ab bad host. My Parties are the worst :D

[@supremelordoftheuniverse5449]

The hyper-sensitive / clueless thing is fascinating. It amazes me how very often I am the only person in the room actually understanding what's going on, for example that an animosity is starting to boil, or that there is a misunderstanding in the subject of the conversation (because of language barriers) but people keep talking to each other, both talking about different subjects and believing the other side is following, etc., to the point where I start playing bingo games in my head, predicting the outcome of the discussion, and nailing it (followed by a smirk from me to myself). I guess all the years of using "the mask", the rational processing of social clues to pretend that I get them naturally ended up creating this "super power". But other times, and it can happen in a split second in the same conversation where I was the "super aware one", I turn to completely clueless.

[@hunterG60k]

I could have written this comment. It's like people just don't pay attention, or if they do it's to the "wrong" things. But then I'm so busy seeing all the things they miss that I'll totally misinterpret something they've said; only I won't realise it until hours later.

[@tangerinefizz11]

Not only am I autistic, but I also have ADHD. Unfortunately, I often can't finish tasks, because I'm so easily distracted. Not only that, but I have trouble with even getting started, and that's another aspect of my executive functioning challenges.

[@melelconquistador]

Can you play a game you really like for hours without stopping? Im similar, I struggle starting and continuing tasks. One distraction leads to another. Yet when it comes to doing something I really am interested in, then I can do it without stopping for hours despite becoming uncomfortable. I do this at work and I have worn away my joints and scarred my hands because of it.

[@tangerinefizz11]

@@melelconquistador Yes, I can definitely do something that I like for a very long time, but as for the things I don't like so much...

[@jesterr7133]

When I have it in my mind to do something, it has to be finished. I can have a total meltdown if people keep interrupting me. I have to focus on that one thing until it's done

[@sconnection]

The directness is one of the very few things that does not connect with me. I`m not diagnosed with autism but I do feel very close the all the information that is out there regarding autism. On every test I have taken myself I score very highly (top 10-20% from the top score). But I am not direct. If anything I am very indirect. This comes from a defence machanism. I do not like confrontation. I want to avoid it. Especially verbal confrontation. There are many things people have become mad at me about which I saw as purely stating a fact. I really didn`t get why a fact could hurt them. But because of this. I keep a lot of things to myself. Or sugar cote it so much no one understands what I am trying to say. Getting lost in my words because it becomes a stressful situation. I want to be direct. But I am so afraid of verbal confrontation that I act very indirect. Because I might trigger someone when I don`t know why I trigger them.

[@BazookaBee]

You are likable mate. Just keep being you. Thanks for showing people how to be a good respectable honest person.

[@camellia8625]

Hypersensitivity to emotionally charged things and injustice is probably our affective empathy in overdrive whilst being clueless is probably issues with cognitive empathy; affecting our ability to make sense of a particular social dynamic in the first place.

[@patriciahess1154]

I've been listening intermittently non-stop for a couple of days now. Thank you so much for this great information. I have a friend of 10 years who has just come out as autistic and while I have some knowledge I feel there's much more I need to know. So I appreciate your efforts

[@stephrichards4611]

I think many neurotypical people struggle with responding to other people's emotions also. Listening to people requires effort to take in and put yourself in their shoes. As far as I know I am either neurotypical or masking really well, but I can recognise some bits of what you talk about in myself. You're very articulate thank you for talking about your experience.

[@vaasnaad]

Special interests can be FANTASTIC. One of my special interests, since an early age, was green energy. I recently had the opportunity to reapply myself to this special interest and ended up building an off-grid tiny home as a result. Talk about hyper productivity and focus!

[@heedmydemands]

That's so cool!!

[@janejones5362]

Nice. Mine are musical instrunents (more so piano and violin), and math games.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yeees😮

[@silicon212]

I have to say, touchdowns on all of these. The socks ... YES! I have to wear crew socks. I cannot wear ankle socks for exactly the reason you state. I'll give another example. About 2 months ago, I was helping a friend of mine replace a timing belt on his car, which has the Toyota 1UZ V8 engine. I generally do not eat breakfast, settling for two meals a day on most days, sometimes only one. This has been my pattern since my teens. I began working on his car around 11am, ran into some difficulty with the install (self caused), and by the time we were buttoning it up, my body had sent a hit squad to me to remind me it was time to eat. It was only then when I noticed it was dark outside, time check was 9pm. I had been working on this car for 10 hours straight, without food, water or even a bathroom break. I was so tuned into this thing that I ignored everything around me, including my own body. On the upside, that engine has never run better. With hypersensitivity, fluorescent lamps do not bother me. That may be due to the fact my dad was an electrician and I was around it a LOT. Loud noises, on the other hand - those which occur without warning - hit me and the sensation is not unlike getting hit by a bolt of electricity. I understand fully about the working over-productively and getting burned out at the end of the day, that's also my story. I'm 53 years old as of now and only recently have I discovered I have L1 ASD, although have suspected it for 2-3 decades. It really answers all questions about my existence ... especially the ones about not being able to relate to anyone and feeling like an alien on this planet most of the time.

[@heedmydemands]

You were in the time vortex

[@lizzieb7373]

Socks, difficult one. I hated long socks as a kid because they always fell down or were too tight. Ankle socks would also work their way down into my shoes. Then you have to take the shoe off and fix them. Then there are pants bugging my legs too.

[@nancyz3755]

im the same when i have 'misplaced' something, i can not, not even remotely, stop looking for the item. even if its not important to my daily life. i get obsessed. im very obsessive in general. most NTs that are loud, think they know everything & constantly appear angry make me so anxious, i feel im gonna blow. i dont care what they are saying and if i did, the terror that it creates in me does not allow me to understand. id just rather be with safe people (i know 6 safe people) LOL. actually, id rather be home, reading non-fiction or creating something interesting or caring for my plants.

[@janejones5362]

I cry if I cant find something.

[@tristanwebber4434]

Tick, tick, tick, particularly the default setting of expecting not be liked! That's a hard one to deal with, and missing the tell-tale signs that someone is glazing over while you speak to them, until it's too late. 🙄

[@grinderbaseb]

😂😂 the way you find the smell I find the NOISE!

[@heedmydemands]

Yes I also find the noise

[@SatansWerewolf]

The last part about thinking of what I am going to say to people is something I do a lot and I think it makes others assume I am working up lies to tell them and maybe that it makes me seem dishonest by nature, I guess.

[@SatansWerewolf]

I often forget to eat regularly on weekends. Dinner is the only regular meal I have all 7 days of a week and only because my roommates are the ones who make it. I also tend to lose track of time at home much of the time.

[@tangerinefizz11]

I'm 99.9% sure my ex is on the spectrum. Whenever he smelled poop or farts, he could often detect what the person had previously eaten. I used to call him the Fart Whisperer, and it always ticked him off! 😆

[@helensmith4126]

The Fart Whisperer 😂 that made me laugh

[@alifmuhammadchicago]

I cannot wear those little-bitty socks. I refuse. You can't make me. But the pants thing isn't so bad. It's the sock drooping into the shoe and getting stuck in the heel. 😠 jducuskurjrksksjzh! And sweet mother of Krispy Kreme-- those crying babies. I'd be six years old on the L train, and the baby would start blasting. It wasn't just annoying. It was *distressing*. I thought, "No one? Not one of you? I'm the only one hearing this? Who is torturing the baby?" And if someone started laughing at the baby... "oh, heck no. You're on my childhood list now. You're a demon because I said so." Picture this little six-year-old sitting on a train dead-eye staring at a stranger with hate on his little face. Insane...

[@schmetterlingnz]

I really appreciate your videos, I am finding they describe a lot of what I experience. It helps to know that those things are normal to an autistic person - I am normal. One of the things that I find extremely hard to take as an autistic is relentless background music in videos... I'll say no more.

[@heedmydemands]

Aw I liked it

[@1337flite]

Different wave length to peop;le? Different planet for me. It was me asking myself the question "who are these 'people' - what planet are they from?' that lead me down the path to realising I am autisitc. I can remember sitting at the kitchen table retrospecting the day and saying to my self "what fucking planet are you 'people' from?". I realised after 50+ years on the planet that I am was so different to every one else I felt like a stranger in a strange land - I felt like I was in an alien society. -That prompted me to start searching for a reason for feeling like that and within a few days I'd come up with autism - still not diagnosed it's taken me two years to decide that I want a diagnosis, and I'm told it takes 12-18 months to get an appointment here in South Australia.

[@QuirkyKerrie]

Your channel really should have over 500k subscribers or more. Your content has made such an impact on my life in a short time. I have no idea how your video showed up in my feed but extremely grateful. Now I truly know I am not alone in what I deal with every single second of my life. ❤

[@supremelordoftheuniverse5449]

I've been binge watching your channel for the last couple days. You're bringing me to tears with how much I can relate with all of this. I always just felt guilty for it. Thank you. I will seek out a professional diagnosis.

[@heedmydemands]

Sweet screen name

[@mariuszwisla3230]

Oh yes I get that thing with smells, it gets to the point where you can recognise people by how they smell

[@vickisorenson7795]

Thank you! You could be describing me. I can't sleep if there are what I call "loud smells" even if they're good smells. I get very distressed by the distress of kids when no one else seems to notice. (I'm a preschool teacher.) With my workmates I tend to be completely clueless. It makes it a bit better to know it's my brain and not that I'm an idiot. I haven't been diagnosed, but my daughter has recently been diagnosed so I've been watching your videos. I have no doubt that I also have an autistic brain.

[@hunterG60k]

I especially identify with the hyper empathy you described, I work with horses and I've struggled in so many jobs because of this. It also hurts me inside when I see parents being shit to their kids. Do you also not watch war/horror movies because people getting hurt is too much for you?

[@andytipton8146]

Yes it bothers me 2

[@veggiemegroll9220]

My ears are super sensitive when kids are crying a lot and it really makes me feel bad for them to be sad and no one is comforting them and yeah, I can’t do scary movies, shows, etc because it’s too intrusive, like my brain latches onto it and doesn’t let me forget for a while

[@heedmydemands]

It's so painful to know someone is in pain emotionally, yeah distress is distressing. Having your own child crying like that is so awful, it's extremely stressful and also horribly loud. My son sometimes will scream, he's 4 and it's brutal. It goes right through me.

[@jesterr7133]

I understand the clueless thing. It is made dating very difficult over the years. There have been several occasions where I have been interested in someone and they were just as interested in me, but never said it, and I never noticed it based on their body language. There have been several occasions where they have told me later on that they were interested in me, and I never had a clue

[@heedmydemands]

O yeah I'm definitely like this too, clueless

[@redtree732]

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! I thought I was just “weird” or “unique” my whole life. It’s such a struggle and no one around me understands!!!

[@sunnylight5753]

Orion, Absolute On Point, Thank You. This could be a big reason for *some* of my relationships, they ended & I *was* somewhat clueless. At times, I felt abandon. Told by others I wasn’t/didn’t try hard enough in my relationships, past, present. Hoping the future will be an improvement for ALL of Us🌱 Positive Holiday Vibes🙏🏼☮️

[@Ecsa0014]

I've never been diagnosed as anything but this is extremely relatable. Small talk and sensitivity (creams or lotions on my back, neck, or shoulders have me stirred like a cat unexpectedly dunked in water, it is a nightmare) are real issues for me. It is often very exhausting just navigating through the day.

[@gregoryburne5251]

I pulled the sock seam away from the toes and up over my metatarsals well up into my twenties.

[@DWSP101]

Just watch the 1st video and it made me cry inside because I am 92% the same and I want to see more

[@norrit4ever]

Your explaining my entire life.

[@gregoryburne5251]

I also work frenetically, then loaf for a few days. Then I ask myself why i didn't just work methodically over all those days?

[@silicon212]

But you can't ... because you get sucked into what you are working on, and that becomes your #1 priority - to finish.

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

These videos are so wonderful thank you so much!!! I really love the series you started mini- series on your channel of 'What does it feel- like to be Autistic' 😊 As a Autistic woman I find them very relatable, I am so grateful for these vlogs said with kindness and respect 😃🙂😊

[@camellia8625]

I can relate strongly to working in waves and getting upset at people disrupting your flow.

[@daphniefarkas5703]

I totally get what you mean about needing to finish a task. This is why I have such a hard time taking more than one class at at time in university. I can't start an assignment for one class until I've done all the assignments for the other class. I can't toggle back and forth.

[@nkleeman07]

I love the part of work on it UNTIL I have to go to bed. I hate sleeping and it ruins a lot of things haha. Not to mention just not sleeping well in general.

[@glennflorence6222]

I get enraged when NTs go fanatic about NDs needing to be party to them because we are physically party to their communications...mind you this has been internalized over decades of my life...I've never gotten physical when enraged...

[@jesterr7133]

Small talk and nonverbal communication or non-starters for me. Just tell me what's on your mind and then we can have a conversation. If someone is dropping hints and nuance and expects me to pick up on it, we're both going to end up very frustrated. I do not recognize nonverbal communication at all

[@yogisurfrunner1925]

I think hyperproductivity is why a lot of us fell into a misDx of BiPo in the 90s…mistaken for mania

[@dianebabec1543]

I’ve never related to a video more than this one. 👽

[@lolaleslie66]

Again! I agree with your experiences. I cannot read the room either and have no idea when people like me or not.

[@heedmydemands]

I sense when someone doesn't like me and I take it so hard. Well I assume with one look sometimes that the person is filled with contempt for me

[@markschoenberger7825]

This is an old video - not sure if you still read these comments, but I have two questions: 1) would it be easier or more comfortable for you to spend time with a whole room of people with autism (instead of neurotypicals)? and 2) if EVERYONE was autistic, and so they made the rules and structures, what would society look like?

[@delphinebez3045]

Can I answer, Mark ? It would be much TOO confortable for us to grow, learn, and evolve. Life is diversity. Just like we are a challenge to neurotypical people, they are a challenge to us. It will feels discouraging when you belong to a minority. But I've always felt the world would be boring if everyone was like me (not yet aware that I was on the ASD). Life is NOT predictability.

[@faeriesmak]

This was so good. Thank you.

[@Ayme1285]

That is correct too i get a burst of energy for hours and then shut down when im done

[@leeannjuday]

Thank you for this video series, you explain so well the things I can’t find the words for.

[@brickellvoss7739]

As a woman with autism... bras.... worst thing ever, so uncomfortable, would make me so irate.

[@heedmydemands]

Couldn't agree more. When it was first given to me to put on I thought unfuckinbelievable. In my 20s I stopped wearing it because I was like why am I still wearing this, I hate it. I felt insecure with not having it on tho, like I was doing something improper. Until I talked to some guy friends one time and kind of confessed it, they were supportive, which sounds funny lol. Anyway now I never wear a bra, happily ever after

[@brickellvoss7739]

@@heedmydemands yup I haven't owned a wire bra in over a decade! Sports bras all the way and clothing that is mildly supportive 😂 I love it when dudes really think about some of the stuff we deal with and are amazed!

[@theboojiefarmer]

Really enjoyed this. Enlightening!

[@zacharywissinger3996]

I believe the reason why the stress from hyper-productivity hits different is because it is self imposed even if unconsciously done.

[@ANNIEIEIO]

no music ... it's all I can hear - you're the best ... ty

[@orionkelly]

Background music is only in my early videos. Thanks for hanging in there.

[@Ionic457]

epiiiiic

[@anjachan]

wanting to end a task before I move on ... I can understand it to well xD

[@heedmydemands]

Me 3. I remember trying to work at a coffee place and I was told to do 3 coffees, I did them one at a time and was told that "it's faster if u make more than one at a time". I knew I would struggle a lot to do that, I'd b messing them up, only one thing at a time for me

[@anjachan]

@@heedmydemands i couldnt work there because people order different things. I can't remember to many things 😂

[@heedmydemands]

Yeah I couldn't handle that job. It didn't cater to my strengths

[@DawnBainbridge]

Hey Orion. Love your videos. My husband has recently been diagnosed as autistic at the age of 51. We're doing a lot of research (including watching your videos) and I wondered if you'd be prepared to do a video on tips for spouses of autistic people? Like, how can I help my husband with unmasking? What do I do if he experiences a meltdown or shutdown? How can I support him to make his life better? We've talked about ways we can do this. For example, I'll let him know if I'm about to hoover, so he can move to a quieter part of the house, making sure he can stick to his routines as much as possible, but it's social situations and unpredictability of life that I think are the real issues - particularly with family and friends and other situations. These things can't be avoided all the time, so tips and advice on how to support my husband and navigate life would really help. Cheers, Dawn

[@nancyz3755]

im also overly empathetic.

[@bethw1205]

"it has to be found!" 😅Me.

[@volhula]

Oh God knowing that you are from Australia when you started talking about pants I thought for a minute you were talking about your underwear 😂

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

I hear a lot of autistics with a lot of empathy, but is anyone else lacking empathy? I don't even feel anything when people die.

[@forsakenjones4695]

I think we do have empathy, it's just we don't show it. Same here ,I don't really cry.

[@andytipton8146]

Agreed I am the same

[@heedmydemands]

Death is a weird thing to deal with. It's kind of a question of how much missing them will come up, if u don't tend to miss people then maybe it will b easy to deal with.

[@timothyclark7069]

Lol i search for smells too. It gets on my nerves.

[@Fluxikator]

I also can hardly relate to smalltalk. I dont really get the difference. Especially if its about having specific stcripts and stuff. For me every talk is somewhat normal talk. People exchange Opinions and tell storys. If someone does that to me than that is fine. If i can answer or share my viewpoint on that topic. I will. Because the other one is obviusly interested in talking about, lets say Cars. I dont really see a difference why some topics are small and some a big. For 2 Car fans the topic cars could be really big, deep and emotional. Or just imagine 2 soccer/football fans talking about their clubs and arguing whos better. That would i hardly consider smalltalk. If someone would ask me how the weather is. I would probably Describe the weather of the last few days and share my opinion of it. Or just the latter if the Person im talking to has expecienced the local weather. If i ask my wife or kids how their day was i am genuinely interested in, how their day went. If something nice or bad happend and so on. Also interesting quirks i have are the two following things: When some Tells me: "i´m hungry" for example. I often interpret it as just that this person is either hungry. Or that this person wants to eat something. But i have been told that it also often means: can you make me food. As long as i dont see myself fully responsible for making that person food. I wouldnt interpret it that way. If a guest is at my home i would probably offer food. Because guests usually dont have to make their on food in a Kitchen that is not theirs. Its the same the other way around. If i say it that way. I usually just want to share the information about how i feel. Not what i want others to do. The other thing is related to that: When i offer help oder a favor. There some people that answer with if you want. Thats kinda wierd to me. Because if i wouldnt want to do it. I Wouldnt offer it.

[@sleepyspacegremlin]

I have the opposite problem: I routinely get distracted in the middle of completing a task. My attention can be diverted by the smallest things, and I walk away. 😂😂😂 To be fair, I have other mental issues too.

[@dustinmiller1591]

Due to my form of epilepsy I can sinppirpgize with you to a degree. Wishing you well.

[@MrAdriancooke]

I imagine that Australia may be a better country for autistic people than here in southern England because Australians are supposed to be quite direct and to the point

[@johnbillings5260]

So much of this sounds like I could have been the one saying it. Those ankle socks... Don't get me started...

[@DavidBichoHasBeard]

100% me. One hundred percent.

[@MykeWinters]

I get hit with “read between the lines” and reverse psychology all the time off people…doesn’t work with me, I just don’t get it, much prefer directness, just say the bloody thing, not riddles, lol

[@Ayme1285]

That is correct ocd

[@lmal71]

Hello. I have beed so strongly masking whole my life that I got used to it. I think there creature underneath is something completely else.

[@heedmydemands]

Get to know the creature

[@knowhere60]

Small Talk is boring as sh*t 😁 Also, I've literally begged that my oartner tell me what she wants or how she feels, with a response of "you should have known..." 😑

[@vegeta8169]

Small talk is because need to be liked. So small talk is exchanging likes.

[@forsakenjones4695]

I really hate people say autism traites are like a super power. Such bs to make them feel 'special'

[@phillipivy9780]

I hate background noise

[@lenoradavis9098]

I love your videos and subscribe to them, but the background music is terribly distracting and anxiety provoking for me. Does anyone else have this problem?

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much for letting me know. I stopped using background music early into my channel but some early videos still have it. Thanks for your patience.

[@lindaboiteux1758]

Hi Orion, It's very difficult for me to follow what you are saying because of the never-ending musical things in the background. Sorry, (LTB, age 78)

[@HeatherLandex]

Oh yeh suoer sense if smell. Its like if you see/smell a turd you've in your mind rolled in it & its following you around like a residue memory. I'm a food sadety auditor. I can smell off milk from a good 20 meters. I can almost tell/have intuition aboyt a refrigeestor that isn't quite cold enough. Shame theres a fair bit of admin or memory involved.

[@Ayme1285]

A normal person cant hear like i do

[@jwmmitch]

DUDE! WHY IS YOUR INTRODUCTION SO MUCH LOUDER THAN THE REST OF YOUR VIDEO?