What It’s Like To Be The Invisible Child

[@cosmicmuffin322]

"You're so mature" "You're so responsible" And it's even worse if you're the oldest and female

[@maritzaguadarrama9975]

Fr :( I have an older brother and a younger sister and my brother sexually abused me and my little sister was the favorite and always well taken care of 🥲 middle children unite

[@sheenapearlbarandino3776]

So relatable. Being the eldest woman, they just think you're the strong one. But actually, you don't have a choice because you're automatically the babysitter

[@JessieRed]

It can be younger too. My bro got in all sorts of trouble, my mom was so consumed with him. I was 4 years younger, about 3 years I didn’t exist. Until he moved out. My bro and I are close today. Closer than we are with either of our parents.

[@shelleysteen7085]

😮 At 50+, my sibs are shocked when I tell them...nope...I'm none of the strong/smart/steady stuff. I'm just the oldest girl. It's my job. And guess who is now caretaking for mom? Yeah

[@SRHisntSilent]

Well fuuuuu-

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

“I just learned that what i feel doesnt matter here” hit me at the core!!!🥺👏🏽

[@SA-ey6nt]

You had no choice when you were a child, but you do now! I'm rooting for you!

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

@@SA-ey6nt Depends on your family. I’m 28, and still don’t have a choice. Some cultures put the parents on a godly level, so even when you are an adult, you’re still under your parents. Doesn’t matter if you moved out, have kids of your own, etc.

[@lisawilkinson8916]

So painful to always be invisible 😢

[@Amberguymerhosking]

Same. Xx and I’m always told from everyone you’re so strong. You’re the strong one. Like I don’t need anybody lol x

[@angelavore6705]

The fact that we secretly keep shoving down bc its too painful to bare

[@scribblees]

It’s even worse because “strong” “mature” and “responsible” have such positive connotations so when you try to stop behaving that way and put up boundaries because you know it will be better for you, you can’t help thinking you’re being “weak” “childish” and “selfish.”

[@maseyfool9230]

This was what kept me from standing up for myself. On top of it my parents set extremely high standards for me.

[@voraxe3032]

Abuse is abuse

[@ThePsychicClarinetist]

It's so sad that some people use these compliments as a manipulation tactic to keep others stuck. 😞

[@misbahailia3345]

Yes!

[@Lollismeisterzone-eo9bz]

YES omg😢

[@sheenalee7602]

Being the mature, the strong, and the responsible one means you grow up and people think you are "fine" meanwhile you are suffering in silence because no one really checks on you or really listens to you. This is me.

[@lisawilkinson8916]

Me too 😢

[@stefaniamura1508]

@@lisawilkinson8916me too 😢

[@bonita2420]

Sounds like me the past year 😢

[@damascusfletcher8929]

Hey bro, how you feeling today?

[@Atlas-after-hours]

Yup- that hit me hard

[@6Euphoria6]

Our Chinese gen Z have a saying for this "Only the crying child gets a candy."

[@Mtijger]

that is so accurate :O

[@6Euphoria6]

@@Mtijger me feeling the meaning of these words after my little sister was born 💀💀

[@broke_af_games9661]

@@6Euphoria6 now that I have children, I can see empathize with both sides of this. I try really hard with my children, not to leave either of them out. I'm so tired. But it's better I feel tired than either one of them growing up to think I failed them.

[@FLBeautyQueen]

💯

[@MysticHeather]

Here we say “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” but it’s a very old idiom

[@realhealing7802]

Yep, I was the strong one. I was totally ignored unless my toxic family needed something. I was used and abused. No contact was my only option.

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

Appreciate you sharing your experience with us real healing--sending you so much love as you continue to heal from your abusive experiences

[@bbdn5123]

Exactly sis. I hope you've found some kind of antidote as an outlet or what helps. For me sticking with self care, walking in nature and breathing so far. If I have more space in my mind and energy I like to get busy being creative. Take care ☝🏽🌌💖💫

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

I understand you too! I love you🙏🏽💕

[@tiatunz9534]

🙋‍♂️

[@lisarice4402]

@@tiatunz9534 - looking more and more that way the older I get. Moving away from here and in the same place my daughter is in is extremely appealing especially since she will be delivering her first child soon ❤😊

[@ShioriTsumi]

"You're so mature for your age!" "Thanks, it's the trauma" has never felt so real

[@vianjelos]

Strong people arent anymore capable than everyone else...we just learned early on that our cries for help went unanswered so we had to learn to help ourselves since no one else was coming to save us. It actually really sucks because that follows you your whole life and everyone you meet sees how capable and "strong" you are so they assume you are fine and you eventually feel guilty even asking for help because the few times you do, you get denined. Plus its hard to be vunerable when you are used to shouldering the burden alone.

[@isidredicus6159]

YES!! People don't mean any harm when believing they're complimenting me by saying I'm "super mom" or just a "really strong person". I'm not...I've been conditioned this way and I'm exhausted...I want to be granted the grace to be a normal human being rather than having to meet these super human standards. And I don't want to feel punished for not being able to meet the standards that the ppl whom demanded them can't even meet!

[@sxwrtr918]

Spot on!!

[@knowledgefuze]

"we just learned early on that our cries for help went unanswered so we had to learn to help ourselves" - That is so true, I stopped asking for things at a young age unless it is a must. I thought it was being thoughtful but asking for things and always being overlooked made me think "if I can live without it, I can do without it". I guess the good thing from that is not getting peer pressured because the concerns of people my age seemed so trivial (but I was also a kid, the strong one)

[@MM-hw6fz]

So well put together. Spot on !

[@EES1994]

I think the worst part is learning how to express your feelings. I cry just to share how im feeling. I cannot help it, so i just dont share my feelings cause i know ill cry and feel like im going to be looked at in pity rather than listened to. If i share how i feel i ball up in tears, and i have to repeatedly tell them im not crying from sadness it just takes literal energy from my body to share how i feel. I hate it.

[@littleamy20]

This was exactly my experience growing up. I've been trying to heal from being the invisible child. I spent my 20s into my 30s chasing emotionally unavailable partners until I began to figure things out. It's been very painful. Thank you for making me feel seen and validated

[@ladyofspa]

I know you are doing better just knowing whats going on.💜💙💜

[@JanGlow]

Me too 😞

[@MM-hw6fz]

This is exactly what I did too and I never realised why the f would I get attracted to such emotionally unavailable people, with few grey hairs and 38years now I know.

[@Alyrulz421]

I feel so bad for my older sister, the oldest of 7, every day. My mom put her thru hell. She had my sis when she was 16 so they’re closer in age than usual parents, and she relied on my sister HEAVILY for constant help around the house. Held to a completely ridiculous standard, and even when she was right she was wrong because “you have to be a good example for your younger siblings.” To make matters worse when she was in high school maybe 15 she started having headaches so massive and terrible she’d be stuck laying down crying in pain. My mom was so awful to her during those episodes 😢 even slapped her once telling her she’s lying, it must’ve been incredibly painful. The only way we ever even found out what was causing it was by accident, my POS bio father assaulted her and hit her in the head, so my sister got a MRI done and found out that she had a cyst taking up *1/4 of her brain* like compressing her skull from the inside. She had to get open head surgery and still has seizures to this day. I don’t think my mother could ever (or HAS ever as far as I know) apologize enough for putting my sister thru so much pain and stress and undeserved guilt. Literal torture 😢

[@Lillith.]

I hope your sister is doing better. That's unforgivable, they ignored a medical issue that could have killed her. I can't imagine the pain she went through.

[@RedRoseSeptember22]

Same!@@Lillith.

[@recoveringsoul755]

OMG!! That's awful I've had seizures since I was 14. But I was tested. With abusive husband I started getting migraines. He'd tell at me and say I was doing it on purpose to ruin his weekend. Now that I don't live with him anymore, my migraines have stopped So HE WAS CAUSING THEM!!

[@aazhie]

Tell your sister she's been through a lot and that you appreciate her

[@katherineklevenow1808]

​@@recoveringsoul755I hope you told him he was causing your migraines

[@tara34952]

Me too. I was the silent one, shut down and self-isolated from an early age.

[@ejoy78]

Same, then got shamed for isolating.

[@SimsyHazel]

Same and got shamed for it

[@sandresimpsson9076]

yes it is terrible and just started to live a fantasylife in dissociation to escape :/ uncomfortable situation indeed.

[@sandresimpsson9076]

in childhood and young adult-life iv'e been told its hard to get contact with me because I live in my own world. eaven when they said or yelled my name i was like in a living dream. and it seems common for invissible children. when someone finally try to reach you you are gone out of your body and doesn't hear anyone.

[@laurad1487]

That's me...and because there was so much fighting between bro and parents, being invisible was the only safety in an unsafe family

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

I can relate Laura + in many ways was often thought of as a "strong one" because I learned to suppress my emotions

[@bbdn5123]

It's our "life" and we can be alive ☝🏽🌌💖💫

[@spacegirl226]

Same here!

[@millersam07]

Good God that last line hit me right in my childhood heart. "I'm not the strong one. I've just learned that what I feel doesn't matter here."

[@edainari]

Amen. "I'm the invisible child and my feelings don't matter."

[@briannasouthwell4304]

This hurts in my bones it's so true. I shouldn't have needed strength, I was a child. I should have been safe and valued. I'm reparenting myself through a lot of this lately in the hopes my daughter won't know the same burden.❤ Your videos help so much. I never tell anyone *of course* so being seen without even speaking is so so healing.... Even through a phone. ❣️ thanks

[@Ash-tp4yf]

My needs never existed it's funny how I was told what I needed and made to believe what I was given was exactly what I needed😅

[@tamarastone141]

​@Ash-tp4yf omg!!! same!! Even at the age of 46 I STILL have to enforce that i'm doing what i want to do for ME and you have to except it! They still try to tell me how to live me life. They hate when you put your foot down or set boundaries

[@NotWhatIamMadeFor]

This happens in school too. I was the quiet kid, the "good kid." I had learning disabilities and I was lucky I had parents who fought for me to have my needs met at school and they were wonderful parents. But even they didn't know that I've been living with undiagnosed Autism until I was in my late 30s! I remember very clearly that there was a media arts teacher in the library. She said right out loud that unless we were badly behaved or really did something to get her attention, she said she would probably not remember our names. I was maybe about 13 when she said that and I remember thinking "Well, this teacher is never going to remember my name..." and I felt sad. I myself am a teacher now. I know the name of almost every student in the school and can go over and talk to most of them because I at least know at least one random thing about them that I can use to engage with them. No one should feel invisible, especially due to the fact that they are a "quiet good kid."

[@lightbringer2938]

"i have learned that what I feel doesn't matter here." - - - - - Relatable

[@mijo86]

I was this kid....now I'm an adult that's still that kid

[@jenniferfox8382]

My parent said this to me, the youngest child, over and over, all my life. Moved out when I was 16 because no one had to worry about me. In my 40s and still no one asks how I am.

[@AGrumpyWitch]

I hope you're doibg well now ❤

[@cleanserene6330]

How are you doing today? From one Jennifer to another

[@lisawilkinson8916]

Same, moved out when I was 16, finally having the courage to set boundaries with my toxic family

[@tourmelion9221]

How was it legal for you to move out, wouldn't the police go hunting for you?

[@Lillith.]

What about your friends or partner? They should care how you are. You deserve people who care.

[@deathlysnack8252]

And then its even worse when you actually start being loud because its too tiring being shut down and ignored and when they see you get loud like everyone else they want to shut you down so that you can be your "normal self"

[@sinovuyobudaza7167]

It took me years to realise that the reason why I shy away from making frineds and getting into relationships, was because I felt like people are a lot of work. I always had to take care of everybody else in my family because "I'm the strong one". Everyone thinks of me when they have problems they can't solve or when they need money. My family never even checked on me when I lost my son. My friends did and I'm grateful for them. They befriended me regardless of the fact that I had high walls and took years to open up. They were always understanding, forced me to go out with them and to have sleepovers. Made jokes about my discomfort with affection until I eased into it. People aren't a lot of work, well at least those that are willing to pull their own weight and don't expect you to carry more than you need to.

[@ceanneharris8183]

I am sooo sorry about the loss of your son and even sadder that your family never checked in on you. However, I am happy that you have found the friends that you have because they really are the real ones. They are your real support system…your real family!

[@ThisSideoftheNuthouse]

I was invisible or a scapegoat as a child. I was either completely ignored or yelled at there was no in between. I was blamed for everyone else's mistakes and left to fend for myself. I think I took being invisible as a break from the crazy. These videos are very helpful and sometimes upsetting because they are so spot on.

[@schiros123]

Oh man this is better than $2000 worth of therapy 😭

[@WisdomWithin999]

Whoa, this is so true! I pray for the healing of childhood wounds in all person's.

[@leahv.2537]

Amen, thanks. Praying for you too ❤🙏🏾

[@MsJoyce31202]

Thank you.

[@soulstice18]

This was me and my sister and brother. They caused problems all the time to the point where my mom was always on edge trying to keep them happy. I remember my mom telling me that she was so glad that she didn't have to always keep me out of trouble. At first I was proud that my mom didn't ever have to worry about me. But it got to the point where I was never noticed even when I needed help, I was "the strong one" and the "you'll make it through somehow" person even in my friend group.

[@Teufer2]

I personally think the concept of "acting out". To gain the parents attention as unbelievably strange. You make trouble and get REWARDED with ATTENTION? They WANT ATTENTION from THEIR PARENTS? I grew up with an alcoholic father with an incredibly short fuse and a Schizophrenic Bipolar mother. (One parent getting angry at you for the smallest thing. The other for things you didn't even do) The least thing I wanted was their ATTENTION. As you probavly can guess what kind of attention I got. Did my best to not cause problems, never complained. Being left alone in my room like I didn't even exist was BLISS to me. Treated like I was thin air made me feel safe. Truly fascinating how a child can unconsciously adapt to their parents behaviour to survive. Creating Problems to feel being acknowledged? I will never be able to understand that.

[@websurfer5772]

@@Teufer2 I can relate. I wanted nothing to do with my rageaholic momster. A good day was when I wasn't noticed at all.

[@Teufer2]

@@websurfer5772 Well. They will reap what they sowed sooner or later. Basically the only visit my mother gets now since my father dies is from the red cross social service. I hope your mother is capable to understand of how much a monster was to change her way. Or at least be able to regret what she had done and suffer herself a bit. My mothers mind is to far gone. She is completely unaware of how awful she is and considers herself the victim. PS: Momster, hehehe i like that

[@websurfer5772]

@@Teufer2 I understand your feelings. My mom died in 2020 and yes, it was a huge relief. However, I'm madder about everything now that I'm allowed to be, if that makes sense, and I don't want to be angry all the time, it's another kind of hell. I don't want her to suffer, but people consider me to be weird because of how much I disdain the idea of anyone suffering, regardless of whether they've hurt me or not. That's just how I am. We can't help how we really are. Hang in there and know that dealing with this is extremely difficult so give yourself props every day for managing all of it as best you can.

[@theoneandonly1158]

​@@websurfer5772 because the anger is within you and not your mom. You can be angry, and every other negative emotion. The key: forgiveness. Not for your mom, but for you.

[@Deisye0]

Older siblings, unite. We had to do everything right.

[@MsNevaeh13]

Hell yeah 🙌

[@heatherlopez5852]

Never heard this but it’s true and I love it ❤

[@Deisye0]

@@heatherlopez5852 it’s a responsibility we took, some on their own and some were told.

[@thecrypticmystic28]

​@@Deisye0 exactly 💯

[@truecrimelover2022]

I was the youngest but my siblings were "difficult" so i was expected to be the "good" one read invisible

[@navyamekera8145]

THIS IS SO ON POINT. My parents take care of my sister (and currently still taking care of my sister) and I became "independent" 11 years ago. Seven years ago I had a breakdown, during which they took care of me for a year. It was a "wake up call" for them. I've come a long way since then, and I have to thank your content for contributing to my sanity, helping me through that time (2018 onwards). I got a job, got back on my feet since 2019, I've been independent again. And my parents continued to take care of my sister. I get called "strong", but my parents don't really see me when I'm hurting. It is so isolating and it teared me up watching this. Thank you for making me feel seen. Love you Nicole and the holistic psychologist team. ❤

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

I had a breakdown 4 years ago, I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD on top of an anxiety and depression diagnosis, and my parents still haven’t gotten the “wake-up call” memo 😅. I’ll have a PTSD episode, and my parents and sister think I’m fine 🥴, but they have a minor inconvenience and I’m expected to drop everything for them.

[@totalwomanja9105]

Yes, I am the strong and independent one. They never had to worry about me. This resonates with other me. 😢

[@Ash-tp4yf]

Growing up whenever I would try to speak up I was told that this is so not me.They never realised I was growing up.

[@caidalee1994]

I also see how frustrated you get with my sibling, and I’m terrified that you might feel that way with me, so I try to make myself as scarce and easy as possible so you don’t feel like I’m a burden on top of your already stressful life.

[@Evija3000]

And then my mom called me cold and uncaring because I was a very closed off teen.

[@monist779]

Exactly ! 😓

[@cocohitchman3209]

Yep I’m the strong my mum says she never has to worry about me. She’s been preoccupied with the stress of dealing with my younger brother & sister. I’m now super independent and my mum wonders why she Doesn’t see me often.. because I don’t really need her.. I’m use to it

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

Appreciate you sharing your experiences with us here Coco

[@balzoemg8415]

@cocohitchman3209 So you only spend time with your mum if you her. What about spending time with her just because you enjoy her company.

[@danarossa]

It was recently that I realized that the reason I never call my parents (i moved out at 16, it was 8 years ago) is because I don't need them at all. They were never around. They never talked to me. Thay never knew how I was. The only thing they cared about was that I looked ok and was eating ok and that I cleaned up the house

[@tamarastone141]

​@@danarossayep. Same here

[@user-tc5tp9ym9h]

I can relate to the video, i’m the strongone/gooddaughtet/caregiver … no longer. Been invisible most of my life. I made peace with it, turned 39 years old 2 days ago. I want to shine ❤

[@sweetalyn23]

yep im crying again. cause this is so accurate, im the responsible one, the strong one, the care giver. I need to be there for my family. its built up loys of resentment towards my family.

[@memedemon6273]

this is how my husband was raised. He was the quiet child, the child that didn’t cause issues and his step brother was the one with “issues” so my husband was largely just ignored.

[@chandaphillips1337]

Thank you for this. I’m tired of everything being put off on me still! I’m tired. I’m withering away and I’m always stressed and freakin sick. Heaven forbid I need a break or any kind of help with anything. I’m tired of being the “strong one” when now I just wanna be the loved one

[@heathermiller3058]

I completely understand. Even though I am the youngest female of three girls, I was (am) invisible. My dad favored the oldest. Mom favored the middle. When they went away to college, I thought now I would get some attention. Boy was I wrong. Some days I wouldn’t see my mom at all. She would go to work, eat on the way home then go straight into her bedroom. She told me she was tired of being a mom and that she didn’t have to worry about me because I was strong. Now, I’ve had to take care of mom since her stroke. She is now in a facility in my town. I had to be the one to decide to take my dad off life support, when my sisters were there and wouldn’t make a decision. I am the only one without children. Now they both really have me over a barrel. When I get older (I’m 56 now) I don’t have anyone to take care of me, should I need it. My husband is 20 years older and has health issues. My sisters told me that I should have thought of that and had children. My husband and I couldn’t have children. Anyway, I will continue to be invisible the rest of my life. I don’t have friends or family near.

[@CleverestWitch2188]

Felt this in my soul. Took me until i was in my 30s to realize that I wasn't neglected... Just abandoned to handle my own emotions.

[@shatteredbones1048]

Which is Emotional abuse and that is Neglect.

[@eastvillageguitarmethoddd]

Same here. So fucked that we’ve had to deal with this trauma our entire lives. And now I even feel guilty sometimes about having these thoughts 😢

[@erin993]

Wow! This has been my whole life in a short video! Always told that I’m the strong one, the capable one, the smart one……makes me want to cry.

[@havocsTeacher]

This hit me right in the core... my childhood explained in under a minute 🙁

[@alinapritchett9276]

This is my husband and a myself to an extent. It’s taken my spouse so long to even know his feelings and share them. He has vastly improved but definitely still struggles. My mother in law loves her kids so much and now breaks down in tears whenever anything about being a good parent comes up. She realized a few years ago that this was the outcome of “redacted is such a good kid, we never have to worry about him.” Now somehow to get her to own those feelings, and repair process, rather than crying and seeking comfort every time it crosses her mind… well that's a different story.

[@paulramoie4039]

Christmas evening. I tried to politely explain a trauma/trigger situation to my mom and she blew up at me, “WHAT TRAUMA WHEN WHERE IM SICK OF HEARING IT!” Threatened to kick me out why did I bother to come home etc and it wasn’t even a comment, situation about her but it totally proved my entire point. But I am scared to do the thing I’ve been trying to build up courage to do and that’s either cut my brothers and her off or take a long break… sigh. Love is hard and so is forgiveness - actually that can be quite easy but when you are thrown back into the boxing match every holiday year after year it’s so exhausting a being gaslit by literally everyone around you.

[@Ladida386]

These videos are really great! So beneficial for the society. Many people can't afford therapies, so this kind of content is the only thing available for them. ❤

[@charettebyreddog2477]

I was the quiet one. But also, my son is "spicy" and requires a lot of attention. It wasn't until recently I realized my daughter withdraws and tries to stay out of the way. Oof. That was so hard to realize what was happening. We're working on addressing the spicy one's needs as well as making sure our attention is divided in a way my daughter is also getting her emotional needs met and a safe space created. If I can be honest, it's not fucking easy. I don't know what to do a lot of the time, and it's exhausting having to be "on" while also going through my own healing journey. I'm so thankful for finding this information though (THP, etc.) and hopefully work on breaking the cycle best I can.

[@lisal.1114]

Glad u recognised this and that your first instinct was to change and help. That shows that u r already doing a way better job at setting your kids up for more succes in Life.❤

[@RaisingVibrations23]

You're doing a great job Mama ♥ I know it's difficult, but I promise you it will pay off over time and you'll look back at this time with gratitude, that you continued to put in the work. It gets better, keep going! 💫

[@nmg6248]

I think one of the things is finding help, especially for your neurodivergent child. It will really help you and them to have resources for independence they can access as they grow older. It’s impossible to meet everyone’s needs by yourself. From a mom who tried, thought she was doing well but was actually failing my kids in ways I didn’t understand

[@E.C.Animation]

My brother was 'spicy' too. Now that I'm in my 40's I really wish my parents had given me to my Grandma to raise. She was still close by and then I wouldn't have had to grow up with a bully and being neglected. Just my POV if it helps at all.

[@thefrog4990]

At least you recognize it and make an effort to make your daughter feel valued and loved.

[@xyliarcontreras]

This was literally me, when my sister tried to commit the unalive(idk what will get me banned) I was the one who called the emergency services AND comforted my crying mom as they took her in the ambulance, I remember that day so vividly my emotions had completely shut down and I took to taking care of everyone around me, only now in life am I realizing I don’t know how to take care of myself at all 😔

[@nope3935]

Currently crying and watching all of these videos because I've never had a therapist and these all hit way too hard😂😂😂

[@moonmadd]

My life exactly. I’m the invisible child. Now I’m the invisible wife, treated like a service animal. Only there for his needs. Funny I see this in this moment.

[@tinabyrd2459]

I'm right there with you😢😢😢😢

[@gffff68u]

Get a divorce.

[@annamariamuller6648]

My ex's mom was treated the same way by the whole family. Now I see why. This was a huge red flag at the time. I felt like if I marry him I will end up the same way his mom did. Thank god we broke up and I found a great husband who treats me right. Trust me it's possible!

[@on_my_own_two_feet]

People treat you how you let them. We have literally no obligations to anyone but our own children. Please remember that next time when you feel the need subjugate yourself to other adults' wants for no reason at all. THERE ARE NO REASONS TO DO IT.

[@Jesussaveme85]

I’m the oldest of 3 and only girl. When my little brother was born when I was 21 I was devastated and spent the next several years of my life being a live in baby sitter. Fast forward got married at 29 to a man child that I needed to fix. I came to my senses after I was married to him for 2 years that I have to do everything. After my childhood I never wanted kids and he was the child I never wanted, plus he was a functioning alcoholic just like my dad, and a cheater so I divorced him. This was me 4 years ago. I divorced my husband and bought my own house and now I have peace with my life and the Lord. Amen!

[@Magicath]

yeah. I love my siblings and I could never resent them, but I am still struggling with this well into my adulthood. I've spent so much time making myself as small as possible. as I get older, parts of me get bigger against my will, and suddenly I feel so horrible for just existing. think this video is a little too relevant for me today... glad I have therapy tomorrow.

[@babetweirdgirl4103]

I was the oldest of 5. My younger siblings had behavioral issues and my parents were so focussed on them that I just did my chores and homework and stayed quiet so as to not make myself a part of "the problem". I could get praise by doing well in school, so I did. Then my siblings got jealous that I got praise while they were getting the wrong kind of attention.

[@eastvillageguitarmethoddd]

This is me, without getting any kind of praise or recognition

[@zoeyclarks7609]

Sending this to my sister so wlshe will finally understand what i have been going through all these years and realized that i am still playing the strong one so our family doesnt fall apart

[@danielbalderas9796]

I got told by my father I was exaggerating when I was literally puking from pain. Turns out I had two huge kidney stones.

[@curiouslyunruffled]

Yep, that's me. No wonder I turned to romantic relationships for that sense of emotional attachment and yet never got what I really craved. Learning about these subconscious traits I possess has been transformational as an adult. Thank you for shedding light on such low-key topics, Dr. Nicole. You're the best! 🤍

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

I'm so glad you're finding these helpful Priya, grateful you're here!

[@thenativebrookie]

What is it you really wanted/needed?

[@curiouslyunruffled]

@@thenativebrookie More quality time, attention and validation as a child who was especially impressionable. Thank you for asking, I appreciate your comment. :)

[@girlnugget293]

Fr, in my house what i felt never truly mattered until it was either too late or almost too late. Ive been acting nice but i know that the second i leave im going either low or no contact and i know that if i ever have kids im not taking them near my parents because i already know theyre gonna be neglected by them since theyre my kids and not my brothers

[@Maddie9185]

This is so sad. I am glad we are finally being educated about these issues.

[@fab3laundry]

She will be guilted for attempting to take time away from her needy and greedy as hell brother. Because as a good kid she doesn't need any attention.

[@Anon-qc4ie]

You said what I felt but couldn't name. Thank you for this!

[@thewisdomofaspen3022]

I remember my mum once telling me she didn't have to worry about me doing something stupid like smoking or drinking because i was the responsibile one but that she was ready to look after my sister through that phase. Guess who now has severe substance abuse problems? (Yeah thats right, both of us)

[@KiaMiaProductions]

My life. Im not quiet anymore. 🤣 I became my own bestie. When I'm not strong they don't gaf so 🤷🏾‍♀️ I'm sorry everyone. we're dope af.

[@amybrown8824]

That was me, the invisible one. My bi-polar brother was the problem.

[@navibanfield1591]

I feel this so hard, my brother was the difficult child. I was the quiet strong child that didnt require attention nor ask for emotional support. I am just now learning how to regulate my emotions in a healthy way, and to hold my boundaries.

[@Muffin420man6]

These videos have been opening my mind completely to my past. Thank u for posting these. They are helping me realize smm. 😊

[@ingunnhelen9931]

Wow, this one hit hard! 😭 I was the strong one, until I broke into pieces... Abused and used as a door mat/therapist. Whatever they could throw of breadcrumbs my way, I thought they cared. And they wonder why I got sick. The invisible one. My mum literally said "I thought you were the strong one" 😪

[@sophiachin1262]

God protected me by ALWAYS removing dangerous, toxic and evil/wicked people from my life. He even delivered and redeemed me in the Refiner's Fire changing my spirit and personality for better and better in order to use me as His blessing to bless others in need... Whosoever God chooses we are assigned to love, heal, guide and influence even globally. Thank You Great Abba Father. HALLELUJAH 👑 AMEN

[@Shoelace3394]

I’ve learned as a child to repeat this bad mantra of “no one cares” over and over from a household like this, my younger sister was the attention absorber because my dad had lost his older daughter’s connection due to my mother separating them from her own jealousy. (Previous marriage) These are all things I learned before getting into high school

[@ayanabeads1614]

As a Black woman and the older sibling, I totally relate to this.

[@leahannwhite1111]

'The strong one' is imagined.💞

[@timothydeneffe249]

Brilliant scenarios in these little shorts. Really helps seeing what this looks like in actual situations

[@jacqsilvey2000]

Yes this me. I’m the eldest of 4, and the quietest. The 2 middle children kept my parents on their toes. My youngest kept quiet as well.

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

Glad you can relate Jacq, thanks for tuning in

[@mesidye]

The invisible child = a middle child for sure.

[@hjonkhjonkgoose5043]

literally me. aka the "glass child"

[@DivineLightPaladin]

I was only and relate

[@mariuwu789]

Yea

[@lisawilkinson8916]

Omg, yes

[@thefrog4990]

I’m the youngest actually

[@fburnsDubstepEnderFox]

Damn. This hurts. 😢

[@rm842]

Life is tough..... Everyone has a lesson and every parent has scars from their childhood. I finally realized that my parents struggled too. So I stopped blaming them and focus on making a new cycle.

[@Ash-tp4yf]

It's good to understand people and forgive❤

[@jenjenns_]

This really hit close to home 💔

[@KatrinaWright-in6ps]

Tale as old as time. First it was figuring out my sister's autism and how to navigate that, then it was my brother's medical issues and then my other brother's autism. Brother with the medical stuff ended up being a terror so my parents needed to focus on the sick angry kid. So I was the strong one that would silently cry in my room when I had xyz teenage crisis (and when nobody needed me at that particular time) and my sister kept to herself in her room like a hermit for most of the day, coming out for school, meals, or when mom would hound her to come out and be social because we had company. My parents were doing their best and my brother's medical thing was really bad (and he ultimately died from it) but the tension and anger in the house because of his behavoir was oppresive and I know it shaved a few years off my lifetime...

[@Faeryrose618]

This has actually helped me realize what i do has a cause behind it i have 2 children and i am trying to break the abusive cycle from my family and you have no idea how much you have helped me

[@Samistheheroo]

This was my experience after my dad and I moved in with my step-family when I was 8. My mom wasn't around for a few years and this was all I knew for a while. My step-siblings were poorly-behaved, loud, and abrasive. There were always screaming matches. I was quiet and reserved. Ended up in a deep depression by high-school.

[@BobIawblaugh]

That. Last. Sentence. This is the reason I had to walk away from my past, including family. I had seen enough and made the definitive decision to physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually walk away. My words were often used against me bc I was dragged into arguments AGAINST MY WILL. No. That will never happen again. As a result, I’m now openly mocked and ridiculed for standing up for others. Refusing to allow people to hurt one another and defame the characters of those who don’t even realize that they’re dragged into some silent competition. It’s all bs. Smoke in mirrors. If you don’t want to self reflect? Cool. You do you, boo. Don’t expect me to stick around to be one of your flying monkeys for your fragile ego. Ew. Gross.

[@IceGoddessRukia]

Lot of invisible kids when you are the youngest of 5. Though I was also the "good one" and never opened up either...

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

I can relate Ice Goddess + was never modeled how to open up emotionally when growing up

[@namedrop721]

For some reason, doing it in the format you’ve chosen to, really makes it real

[@s.buckner9301]

These videos are so on point. You hit on things I've not come across in all the research/classes/ books etc. Keep em coming please. I'm learning about my childhood and Also how to be a better parent as well.

[@iris_nazarena_4882]

Yup. One sibling was loud and bratty and the other fell in with the wrong crowd and had trouble with the law. And then there was me, chillin' reading books, writing stories...And now that I am an adult with a raging mental illness, I still don't get the concern because they're not used to me having issues or needing anything. Yet my parents STILL have the nerve to get upset when I don't call. Sigh...

[@MsNevaeh13]

Oh this hit RIGHT in the feels 🙏💗🙏

[@dr.nicolelepera4863]

Glad you're able to relate G, sending you so much love

[@andreaduckett4588]

Wow. I still hear this from my mother “we never have to worry about you”. I.E. please don’t bother us with your problems the other kids take all our energy. Got it 👍🏻

[@artistocracy]

This is such a painful truth of being ignored for being skilled, talented, hard working, generous and genuinely kind-hearted. The quiet, good child becomes the good adult who seems to be perfectly fine but is achingly sad and lonely inside.

[@RebeccaCarter88]

Yep and I learned I had to be exceptional to get any attention. It was fleeting because my sibling or parents were always in crisis. Now I'm working on overcoming imposter syndrome, being a fixer, and feeling like I have to over give to be loved.

[@gabrielleh8474]

Yes, exactly this. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. God bless. Psalm 27:10

[@Michelle-kw2sp]

This hurts me to my core, this happened with my daughter the eldest and my younger son the one needing all the attention. I am full of grief that I wasn't more aware during the time they were growing up. We did spend time together because I just could not keep up with my son's tornado like autistic behaviour and I would send him to his grandmothers house for a few months twice a year. But yes I kept thinking how mature she was growing up and thinking she is going to be just fine. But I also had chronic illness and this took some attention away from her, and I feel it has been a roller coaster ride with her. The covid years worsened our relationship and she pulled away completely and she rarely gets in contact with me. I am really proud of her and I always rejoiced when she went out with friends and enjoy herself. That's what I wanted for her.

[@samanthasmiles9112]

Yesssss!!!! I feel so validated. "I've just learned my feelings don't matter here." I couldn't have put this better myself. My sister was given all the help she needed while I was expected to care for myself. I asked my mom why she never helped me growing up. She just said, "I always knew you'd be okay."

[@chromeo3945]

Classic middle child. My poor brother tried so hard to be seen and heard. He’s the quietest human I know now in adulthood.

[@EazyMurphy]

This is why i need a therapist cuz i dont even wanna say how i feel about this

[@caidalee1994]

My sibling also takes up a lot of your time with his sport. Weekends, holidays, every spare moment is dedicated to him and that sport. I’m glad he has the drive and ambition to go for what he wants, and I don’t want to get in the way of that, but I also learn that his wants are above mine because he has more ambition, so I learn not to have wants and just learn to be by myself with a book. My social skills don’t ever really develop, but I’ll be okay with that. Usually.

[@freddiebegaming]

Whats worse is people who go through this, often end up in similar relationships where they are leaned on and leaned on and leaned on (which of course they dont complain about), and when they /try/ and open up, they are berated for it... not always... but often

[@MrBrsk]

this hits different when you’re an only child; they just don’t even have an excuse as to why you’re just not paid any attention to lmfao

[@Soupthesoupcloud]

I see myself in this. And when you get that attention it feels weird

[@lisagleim1436]

TOTALLY!!!

[@angellovex5860]

I know this isn't the place to say this, because most people commented about being the oldest, but my oldest sister had a child when I was 13, and my other sister, also older, was failing school at the time. So as the youngest, I was the 'strong, invisible' one. And it really sucked I stopped being invisible when my sister moved out and suddenly my mom could only nitpick pretty much everything about me.

[@aaronjohn6586]

Yep childhood work, same story, challenging to reach out, honor myself and let others in.

[@angelagreen7388]

Your the strong one, has followed me thru adulthood. My mid twenties I learned that what I felt was valid. This is the perfect example. Thank you for sharing!

[@mrsquietmusic6413]

Nobody cares about how I feel or about my opinions. I am the resourceful and quiet and hard achieving perfectionist, and I am fine! Even when sad things happen I am fine!

[@PREPS702]

Why do these videos make me feel my feelings 😢

[@Takapon218]

That lasts well into adulthood too. I'm in my late twenties and I still have to be "the strong one," nobody feels they have to show me love or appreciation and they think it doesn't hurt because I don't react. And bc I've done it for so long, I don't know how to stop the cycle.

[@shaztato]

I'm so sorry for my sister. I'm autistic, have ADHD, and I'm disabled. I also went through depression and anxiety. While my parents do pay attention to her, they pay more attention to me because of all my issues. I hope she doesn't feel like this

[@plutototoh]

"I've just learned that what I feel doesn't matter here" Yeah. As the 'Golden Youngest Child' this was it 😅 I'm learning my feelings do matter, they did then, too. I have a partner who loves me and I'm learning to assert boundaries with family members and telling them how things make me feel, what does hurt me and what makes me happy. There's been some blow-ups but I'm strong enough and I care about my feelings, now; so the bumps don't stop me from prioritizing me recieving love and respect. Instead, the blow ups now show me where I need to let go. I'm better than ever now, honestly ❤

[@thenativebrookie]

This gives me hope

[@mindfulmosaics]

I was the only child and also the invisible child. It makes me wonder how hardly my parents have tried to ignore me. 😂

[@abbyrobles2400]

Hits hard when you were the kid who was told “You’re so mature for your age!”

[@alexm.7781]

Being the ‘strong one’ I took it upon myself to find solutions to anything in life on my own. From parenting myself, life choices, professional development etc. asking for help till recent years was a novelty. People pleasing, chronically burned out, over explaining, hyper vigilance. Learnt in my late 20s how to identify the emotions I felt and how to regulate them. Learnt in my early 30s how to say no and how to look after my needs. The meaning of self care was probably the most alien thing that I figured out as if it was kept a secret, because in childhood there was no such thing. Now, I am still strong, mature and responsible and thanks to that, I do not tolerate abuse anymore. No means no and I take my well-being seriously. Of course to the narcissists I am still the ‘difficult’ one in the family so I spare them of the truth and live my truth, instead of saying it to ears that don’t want to hear it. No contact is bliss, life is worth living in peace and calm.