What made you stop wanting someone?

[@Thorayaa]

I want to thank everyone who stopped to answer this question... this episode wouldn't be possible without YOU. Thank you for your kindness in stopping to hear me out and your braveness in answering sharing your answer. I try to put as many answers as I can in the episode, however, not every answer goes on the page. Please know that if your answer is not in the episode, it does not take away from the importance of your story. There are many outside variables that determine the order and answers that go in the episode. Things like duration, flow, variety in answers, ensuring a diverse range of voices, overall feel of an episode, and sometimes background noise, or other audio and visual problems. I love you all. Thank you

[@ravinderkaur7572]

@Thorayaa. I waited 3 months for your video. I appreciate your time for making efforts for such a wise content especially during this time when world is full of consumerism and unavoidable content on internet. Please keep going, god bless you thorayaa , god bless everyone.

[@bts_vintagearmy3754]

And, graciously, Thank YOU ❤

[@AceNicoify]

Thoraya always asks the most best hardest questions! ❤😅

[@ivieta9634]

i like your greys

[@shockedpikachuface7376]

Maybe do an outakes video every month for the other answers that didn't make it? I feel like every voice needs to be heard, especially if you asked them to share their answers.

[@pursuji.3818]

When the interactions start to feel like you're watering a dead plant.

[@evarya7099]

THIS

[@xXiklititiXx]

but one that can become alive again :)

[@pursuji.3818]

@@xXiklititiXx that's what you're left thinking for the longest time

[@TCt83067695]

​@@pursuji.3818either way you're keeping something alive cause you know them microbes in the soil deserve love too 😉

[@jdprettynails]

This was me for 20 years

[@elizabethharris1851]

When I feel more lonely being with the person than when I am actually alone by myself....that's how I know

[@livvifrazer4313]

THIS

[@frattman]

Yup, and now I'm alone by myself and it's so much better. I Just drove past a digital billboard a couple of months ago that said "YOU ARE ENOUGH" not a single other word on it, and then it flashed to a normal ad. I've never seen it before and never since. What the fuck - I started crying and said out loud 'yes, i am'

[@joyxeyaaj]

I'd rather be alone than feel lonely in a relationship.

[@lss74]

Yes !!! THIS ‼️

[@LunaGer]

I spent decades that way. I definitely recommend getting out of a situation like that sooner than I did.

[@nancymosby7369]

“Loving somebody is not enough to keep them in ur life forever “

[@Ryousake]

My dad always says "Can't live on love alone" but that's usually talking about getting seconds at the dinner. but I think it can apply to that statement. Its so real.

[@Prizzy999]

This.

[@Tania-fx4uz]

Like tends to be more important than love when it comes to longevity in relationships. Genuinely liking a person and having them genuinely like you is what's going to keep two people together in the long run.

[@bhavikashah8221]

So true ​@@Tania-fx4uz

[@AnthonyA-t8f]

​@Tania-fx4uz it's about separating fantasy from reality. Its like the saying "true love is not a feeling, it's a choice". Eventually those cliche butterflies go away, those feelings won't always be there. You will go through ups and downs, but choosing that person is love.

[@amyitis]

When I realized I was the option and not the priority. You confront them about it and they deny it, but the actions are louder than words.

[@mowl]

💯

[@yvettevermeulen75]

Absolutely

[@whatthewindblewin]

YES

[@chelrodriguez8123]

💯

[@sammuis01]

Agree.... It's the worst feeling. Been together 13 years. Separated 6 years ago but we see each other every week because of our daughter. Since 3 years he has a girlfriend. I hate that. I still want to be his nr. 1. And I keep feeling confused because every time I see him there is love present. He admits it, but says to much has happened between us. All this time I kept up hope, but I feel more and more unhappy having to settle for crumbs of attention. So.... I guess I finally have to face the fact that I'm not his priority.

[@katherinemarkva7552]

Disrespect. That'll do it every time.

[@Helloitsme0923]

Exactly.!!!! When someone treats you like an “option”, that’s my line….

[@reezagoorts2886]

💯

[@usernotfound7481]

Yeah ok, but what counts as “disrespect”?

[@katherinemarkva7552]

@@usernotfound7481 manipulation for starters. Being a cunt to your partner when you're stressed. Continuing "friendships" w/ ex partners. Doing anything they would not want done to them. I could go on. But to sum it up, any behavior that makes me feel disrespected. Period.

[@katherinemarkva7552]

@@usernotfound7481 manipulation for starters. Being a cunt to your partner when you're stressed. Continuing "friendships" w/ ex partners. Doing anything they would not want done to them. I could go on. But, to sum it up any behavior that makes me feel disrespected. Period.

[@beckyh1096]

For the last girl....a word of advice, if you'd like it, from someone who's experienced something similar. If you've been with your partner awhile, chances are, you are not feeling a lot of overwhelming emotions when you're with them. Relationships tend to become more comfortable, and stable after awhile. So when you meet someone that envokes a lot of feeling, it can seem like you are connecting more with them. It's new, it's exciting...it may even feel more intense than feelings you've had before. But those feelings are not the complete truth. And even if you feel like you know someone you've recently met on a deep level, you don't. That takes time, energy and trust and commitment. Feelings are fleeting, so be aware of that before allowing them to make any of your decisions, and especially when they could be decisions you may regret.

[@robertc49]

Well said.

[@elizzybec]

I also wondered if it was that thunderbolt. But the ones you hear only in your head.

[@nishadh366]

This is amazing advice, thank you

[@A_n_n_E]

This is such a precious advice indeed. What you feel is not necessarily the truth. And sometimes wanting someone else is running away, from your partner/situation/yourself. Maybe ask yourself if you are not falling in a thinking trap, if these new feelings are not just due to a tunnel vision. If the neighbor's grass is really greener, maybe you just need to tend to your own garden first ❤ You are all strong ❤

[@magix33]

wish my ex would've listened to this advice, left me because he 'didnt feel the spark anymore' yet got with someone he only knew for 4 days because obviously feels it's exciting but after time passes with that relationship he will be the same most likely lol

[@leilanic8537]

The girl with the red hair and glasses...I just wanted to give her a big hug and let her know that self love is the most important love of all and she is worthy of love

[@StormBRNGER]

And even without a partner, she could be loved. I like her already. It's really hard not to like, care and love a person when you get to know them.

[@msswart9119]

Saaaaaame! She's adorable 😭💔

[@eileenponce4899]

I found myself resonating to what she said which made me sad 😮😫

[@Erin-000]

​@@eileenponce4899 same

[@gapcityracing6086]

I definitely related to her the most

[@TheBserk]

I stop loving or pursuing love from people when: -I notice my sense of self becoming someone I'm not, for the sake of being in favor of their affection. -It becomes clear that they're just not that into me. -I realize that myself and my feelings are not being considered or respected. -I am disrespected or neglected. -My love and affection is received poorly.

[@TheScarletteWhisper]

Your first dot point was explained so succinctly - I have felt this way for such a long time and have never known how to say it! I feel the same way about my sense of self. Thank you for sharing.

[@elgeebee5250]

would you appear like an avoidant to them? Bc they don't know this secret protective pact you have going on internally?

[@ReallBrody]

​@@elgeebee5250 i dont think it would make someone believe youre avoidant, just not fully invested (which is okay i believe given that the commenter wont pursue someone whos not into them)

[@satchel40ish]

I’ve spent my whole life “wanting someone”. I now realize that I want myself instead. I’m my own best relationship. I’m who I was searching for.

[@Mydogsareawesome]

Thank you. This is so true. I needed to hear this! 😢

[@moveonanddream1111]

This video and more specifically your comment found me at a great time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, have a great day !

[@tennehgarlimah6172]

God is who you were looking for! He is an apart of you and He wants you to know Him! Ask Him to show himself to you and he will! Through sacrificing his son he reconciled us to him so we can be connected again!

[@BigTony82-j6d]

For me, it was when I no longer recognized her. I looked at her and I saw a stranger.

[@staceyallen7490]

My experience too.

[@dawiebotes9124]

How many years did that take? Asking for a friend 👀

[@Victoria-c4n]

- Likewise but him.

[@JackieGian]

​@@dawiebotes9124for me about three years with absolutely no contact. Seeing her on an ig story of a mutual friend after that time and having to look twice to make sure it's actually her made me realize the person i used to want didn't exist anymore.

[@ann-ev9eh]

@@dawiebotes9124too long 😂

[@Jvmpman0]

For me, it's when you always make time for them, but they'll never make time for you.

[@the_light_writer]

There's something called The Five Love Languages. Have you heard of it? It sounds like your love language is "quality time". And if the other person doesn't give you quality time spent together, then your "live cup" doesn't get filled.

[@pienvdende]

When I started feeling like I was the worst around him instead of feeling my best

[@DaarLordBeerus]

8:55 dogs have an unparalleled ability to form deep emotional connections and demonstrate unwavering loyalty and devotion.

[@cynhanrahan4012]

My sweet goofball party animal dog who loved everyone stepped between me and a partner who was going off on me, hackled up, bared his teeth and let out this deep chest growl. Shut the bad guy right up. The the ex started threatening to shoot my dogs so restraining order, cops sweeping my house for firearms, and forced removal while I was in hiding.

[@nancymosby7369]

Facts

[@austincde]

Sometimes my dog would stand next to whomever was needing help in an argument😂 he wouldnt growl he just was bein supportive

[@Idolbottle]

I gotta know the story behind the “e g g” tattoo😂

[@qcoe115]

When I realized that no matter what for him, I was never going to be good enough. Now happily married for 30 years and he's divorced 3 times...

[@BrotherBadger123]

Right, It's always the Man's Fault...... 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@corncobbob2326]

I'm so happy for you and I love the karma he's gotten in return!

[@j-ymoney5112]

RL Elle Woods moment. Glad you realize “I’m never going to be good enough for you am I?” Sis went and got her law degree and you moved on up in life. ❤

[@Carolc1603]

3 divorces wtf

[@qcoe115]

@@j-ymoney5112 oh, that scene hit me hard. Its actually what helped me to see in reverse that I had not missed out when I moved on...

[@eleanorsalaski4517]

The old lady with the the purple hair broke my heart, wishing her so much love and happiness.

[@yolamoondaughter4660]

I love how differently everyone interprets the question

[@Riverlovesyou]

0:35 I get what she’s saying, sometimes you want someone just not enough to reach out and sometimes you want someone enough to want to be with them, she views different people like that. “I don’t know how to stop wanting people” meaning she still wants her exes probably just not enough to go back

[@najngubeni2119]

Some people are so superficial and others are so deep

[@melanieescamilla7253]

Yeah the fb and ig one 😂😂

[@kiimiichan]

@@melanieescamilla7253i’m guessing the person who mentioned about socials, is talking about a person you’re getting to know, as opposed to someone you’ve been in a relationship with. they each took the question differently. maybe it has to do with some having been in love, while others haven’t. and that’s okay.

[@elphoenix1248]

It bothers me thar the main stream, music and everything seems to be making people less deep as well

[@Justanotherhuman11]

The movie guy

[@megs3003]

@@kiimiichanshe’s pretty young she will hopefully grow out of that phase

[@lisatejada9748]

I stopped wanting someone... When I can't be honest with them. Someone in the video said not having good communication. I completely agree. Communication is the road to a good relationship

[@northstar67]

For 7 months i held on this hope that maybe someday that person will realize my worth, but you know as time passes you’ll start to realize the things they did, you’ll start to put them off the pedestal, at the end of the day you will just become tired of it, tired of feeling like crap, tired of feeling broken. For anyone out there still in the healing process, just let time do its thing, not to say we are not going to do anything but, letting someone go in your life is hard so dont sweat it too much if you find yourself relapsing here and there just let it be feel it feel that hurt until you become sick of it. Despite your heart desperately clinging on to that someone, there will come a day that it will naturally let go…trust the process.

[@prakhya123]

Thank you for writing this down. Its been, in fact, 7 months since the breakup. I still think about them from time to time but I know it will never be reciprocated. In my life, I have always struggled with letting things go. I think this was a lesson in disguise for me to finally learn to move on. I hope time heals me. I wish everyone going through this the very best!

[@grenetin6062]

I fear I might have done this to my ex girlfriend. I mean, given her this mindset. She broke up with me, I know I could've done better, but I just needed to better understand where she was coming from so I could change the attitudes of mine she didn't like. I still love her so much, and always will. Hopefully, we can at least be friends still. I am always rooting for her, even if I can't properly show it. Sorry for not being the partner you wanted, Pamela.

[@Kriistall7]

I realized too late that they didn’t value me the way I valued them. They strung me along for intimacy at their beck and call until it was time to find someone else. I learned, but it hurts

[@VivaCohen]

When I went to therapy and worked on my attachment style and realized what we both felt (and what most people feel) is attachment, not love. That the infatuation was attachment and pain disguised as love. When I realized I was miserable and hurt the entire time. When I realized the person I wanted wasn't real and I had created a fantasy in my head of who I wanted them to be and they weren't showing up as that person. When it was affecting my mental and physical health so badly I finally had to walk away. And after all that, when I realized that they were a really good person ... and a really terrible partner.

[@sanschmidt5457]

I want to be like the second woman who answered that not being wanted makes her stop wanting the other person. I wish to be at that point some time in the future. I've come a long way from trying to prove the person not wanting me that I am worthy of being wanted to at least being conscious about the process and pulling myself out of relationships that don't honor me. I am able to do it but it still does not come naturally to me. It still hurts to have to do it. Because I can't just switch off the wanting.

[@MystèreEtBoule2Gomme]

I think it’s normal to have a hard time detaching from someone when you were actually emotionally involved. It takes grieving. You’re not abnormal for not finding the “off switch” :) It’s the people who can detach overnight that might want to ask themselves if they are able to form bonds in the first place or if they’re actually closed off.

[@lisahinton9682]

​@MiroirSauvageon Hi! You can actually edit your answer by tapping the three little dots in the upper right corner of your answer, choosing "edit," making the change, and hitting the little arrow. This isn't a criticism, just information. 🙂

[@MystèreEtBoule2Gomme]

@@lisahinton9682 thank you kindly Lisa, I know, the option just wasn’t working on my ipad for reasons that I feel too lazy to explain, but thanks, that’s very kind :)

[@anrr5317]

"The miracle of meeting them already happened, whether they are still in my life or not" - the 4th girl just expanded my mind!! wow

[@VR46314]

For me it was when I realised they had lost all value of me. This took months of chasing and attachment issues and a lot of heartbreak and introspection but I realised I was chasing something that was not good for me. Stay well guys love from UK 🇬🇧

[@mirabella9150]

Same man, its hard especially if they make you feel bad for wanting more attention or effort

[@VR46314]

@@mirabella9150 Yeah it’s so difficult as it starts with them valuing us and then with time they turn especially if they are an avoidant. The worst thing for me was I built a resentment towards her and then caused the end of a relationship and ‘was all my fault’ but this came after a year of inconsistency and reducing of value and boundaries these people are very illusive I wish you all the best.

[@mirabella9150]

@@VR46314 yeah took me a long time to know my value after my ex. He was a good lesson learned, and now i know who to avoid in my next relationship lol

[@VR46314]

@@mirabella9150 That’s amazing I still am in the process to heal but if you ever need a friend just let me know and that goes for anyone here! ❤️

[@inosokope8576]

I think i am in the midst of wanting her back and wanting to do things better and blaming myself for everything while we were both going through tough times. We were dating for 6 months when i studied abroad, then i had to go back home. We live in different countries and we both didn’t know how to not grow apart and keep each other close. I didn’t have much experience in relationships, but that is not an excuse for not communicating and avoiding my own thoughts and feelings. She wanted me to do things so she would feel loved and i didn’t know how to. I put myself under so much pressure and felt like a failure while trying to finish my last year of studies that i lashed out at her for random things because i couldn’t communicate what was going on. I can’t make up for what happened and i have to accept that she doesn’t want this and that there is no way for me to win back her trust but its hard.

[@NovaArtino-k2z]

girl at 3:14 is gorgeous

[@carinavozoses2377]

Woooowwww I was thinking the same. So different but so beautiful, like "this is who I am"

[@almonds8895]

seriously! every person i’m like :0 they’re so beautiful (to differing degrees but still) she really captures the unique beauty of each person

[@Misyeli]

YESSSS!!!!!

[@Indivinethyme]

When I became emotionally mature and responsible I realised what I wanted I already had.

[@Zouteregenboogmelk]

Girl ❤ on that road

[@maryanneevans8812]

This!!!! ❤❤❤

[@Misyeli]

Yes ❤️💯

[@alchemy8]

When I realised that no amount of loving him and being patient with his learning meant he would be kind when I struggled with things. When I clearly didn’t have value in his mind because his behaviour didn’t reflect that. When thinking of him made my eyes rain. Not being chosen or prioritised when you do that for your partner as you know how important that is. Didn’t mean I stopped wanting him. Just that I wasn’t prepared to be treated like I don’t have value.

[@moonstruck562]

I completely understand. Been there myself. Sadly it took years to realize that no amount of time & effort I put into that relationship could make him value me. I had to be willing to walk away with my self respect and self worth in tact to expect anyone to value my love and kindness. Don’t give yourself away and don’t cut yourself short of the things you’re worthy of and deserve. Keep your head high and be kind to your soul. ♥️

[@alchemy8]

@@moonstruck562 I’m so sorry I didn’t see this message. Thank you for taking time to write me. We’re all growing and learning but it’s important as you say to be kind to my soul. 💞

[@moonstruck562]

@@alchemy8 it’s okay… hugs 🤗

[@secretmina23]

I've stopped yearning for people who don't want me. It took me years, I'm 28 now. I'm so glad I developed this skill.

[@Ljounieh]

Giirll you got that pretty early on!

[@Prizzy999]

The girl at 2:19 with long straight hair, she expressed beautifully the exact same things I think and feel. We always forget that we're already within the realm of love, we are love and it doesn't matter whether we share it with other humans or not, that love stays there because that's what we're made out of. I now prefer to share that love with animals rather than a human partner, because romantic love isn't the most important thing in life, never had been, whereas spiritual, purely altruistic love and care are.

[@roxy4325]

Love this

[@LimitedEditioneo]

Totally agree!

[@anadd6195]

How good to see someone actually mentioning friendship 👏

[@Adelicows]

Well "wanting someone" kind of implies a romantic relationship. Would you ever say "I want you" to a platonic friend? I hope not.

[@Feljx.]

4:44 SOMEONE HUG THAT LADY MY FUCKING HEARTTTT

[@rafael-rabg]

I cried listen to her answer. So short, but so powerful

[@Feljx.]

@@rafael-rabg had goosebumbs all over me

[@idab6864]

Broke my heart

[@secretehouse7163]

That's REAL love

[@Chiefpancake1776]

Her response sounds like a good life lived. I am sorry she lost someone close. But she has a response most people don't. That is a good life lived.

[@martynpoyser6381]

The honesty of the first individual talking about how they don't think they ever stop wanting someone, resonates so much ❤️

[@markmushyguy]

When I realized no one understands me or has my back the way that I get me. When I realized that people are not promised but I am with me forever

[@isaiaslopezmosquera1796]

2:45 that's a wise answer

[@allurasmith3754]

these videos have always gotten such a strong emotional response from me. for me, it's how they're treating me. i can love and care so much but can only hear so many hateful comments about things i don't have much control over. if you love someone, you shouldn't put someone down when they're already at their lowest.

[@avacadotoast5492]

"you can still love someone that you don't want".. that was so profound and true. After you've been with an abusive person fir so long, you know that you want better for yourself, but it's hard when you still love the person.

[@debtalan6255]

I loved the comment, “the miracle of meeting them already happened.” Something like: feel what you have, what you’ll always have, that’s yours, from the experience of meeting the one you still want (but don’t have in your life now.) The miracle of having “that feeling” when all the lights and music go bright and joyful in your heart and body, saying: “Ah. There he is!” That’s a pretty beautiful, wondrous experience, in-and-of itself❤

[@abelovedsonofGodinwhomHeis35-6]

OK, as someone who is much further ahead I can give some wisdom, most do not understand that people in your lives are like leaves on trees, they are there for a season and then they leave and new leaves grow, you are not who you were and so what and who you need are now very different, understand who you are as a person and then you will learn to understand what and who you need, as need matters far more than wants and trying to keep 20,000 friends happy is impossible so if you have 1 or 2 real friends be thankful and treat them as the rarest of diamonds. Be blessed

[@kidkanoo]

So true 👌🏼

[@nicoludwig6949]

Thank you, i kinda needed that today 😊

[@michellerobin5461]

My older sister has always said, people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And just let it happen.

[@abelovedsonofGodinwhomHeis35-6]

@@michellerobin5461 And in that at least, she was right.

[@deqaabdi2090]

Because they never respected my time or my boundaries. This was a friendship that I certainly do not miss.

[@alakatana608]

why want something that doesnt want you, so true ❤

[@georgejoseph2601]

wake up babe, thoraya dropped another classic

[@MessagesFromAurora]

3:28 i get what shes saying. if it feels like a performance, or like some fantasy in their head..... not being fully PRESENT with you, but just courting a fantasy

[@kingkillmonger74]

The Disrespect is your closure.

[@jazminewest1346]

You can definitely tell who’s actually experienced deep emotional connection and who hasn’t

[@christopherladmirault146]

For me, i started doing a lot of inner work on myself and got to the point where i loved my life and what i did and felt that if a person couldn't come into it and make it BETTER, then i didnt have time for them. I went 10 yrs completely happy being by myself. Then, one day i met another person who was completely settled and happy with their own life of solitude and now we've been together for a little over 3yrs and have had the most amazing relationship either of us have ever experienced. We allow each other to be ourselves and go with the flow of life. Truly a blessing i never thought i would ever get to experience. Im extremely grateful.

[@sarahlowry9633]

“Why want something that doesn’t want you” 0:59

[@kayshawn.]

exactly my MO.

[@Cat-gl9cm]

When someone doesn't protect your heart. When someone lies all the time. When someone is accountable.

[@celestineimperial94]

the dog story was so good

[@Ljounieh]

True

[@Cmillpukins]

When I dont resonate with someone any more, the "want" fades. Also, when the "want" becomes a "need", I feel its time up.

[@joygernautm6641]

When I realized that the good times were so few and far between and so minor. When I realized that I was searching for the little things that actually made me wanna stay instead of seeing the great big things that were telling me to leave. I don’t do that anymore. That’s what maturity does for a person and that’s why you see a lot of women who get divorced and don’t want to get married anymore.

[@WattsOnTheMind]

7:56 Man is speaking facts. You first have to love yourself, to be able to love someone else.

[@j-ymoney5112]

And he looked very happy at the end with his wife, who was lovely.

[@alyssamartinez2661]

I stopped loving him when I couldn’t deny who he really was anymore. Sometimes we want to only see someone in the best light. Whether it’s to protect ourselves or because we don’t have anyone else. With this one, I at least had someone so that felt like enough. Luckily, my brain finally listened to “actions speak louder than words”. Now I have someone who shows me they love with with actions and words 🥰

[@tasniah.6453]

Betrayal, and disrespect..... it's always those. The saddest part is that once I stopped wanting that 'someone', I never could want anyone again!! 😢💔

[@turtle360]

I feel this way too. Trust is so difficult to regrow...

[@humorless9906]

When I realize that I wasn't the problem at all and that I was simply just not wanted. In every single situation I've ever been in, whether romantic or platonic, I always tried to do the most for the other person as if I had to prove my value to them. I felt like I had to give them a million reasons why they should like me and want me around, but it's the realization that we just don't click that allows me to let them go. And it's nobody's fault, but I always used to feel like I was putting them off or that I was never enough. Sometimes people just don't click, and it's taken me a while to start to realize that it's okay to not click with everyone. I've been practicing focusing on the people in my life who actually do accept and love me for who I am, the ones who reciprocate the amount of care and compassion that I show to them. I've always found it difficult to let go of people, especially since I have a tendency to idealize them when I barely know them. I'm currently going through the process of convincing myself that I can give myself the love and attention I want and need without making it someone else's responsibility. Currently, there's someone in my life whom I desperately think could be a good match for me, but I don't think they feel that way for me. I know I'll be okay, but if anyone has any advice or nuggets of wisdom they'd like to share, (tough love included) I would greatly appreciate a different perspective. Peace and love to you all

[@haus0fXI]

When the redhead started talking, I started crying because I felt exactly what she was saying. Word for word. And it’s frustrating

[@fromn.y.top.r.5889]

When you learn to want and love yourself you begin to care for yourself in such a way that you can actually see how much your disregarded. You put effort into bettering yourself and your relationship but that person doesn’t come even close matching your efforts. Not being wanted makes you stop wanting if you put yourself self worth first!

[@Aldanari-h7v]

I'm always amazed how people look so good in your videos, the way you setup you camera with that high contrast between a heavily blurred background and so detail faces make everyone look beautiful, life look so blend afterwards...

[@risk19l]

6:31 Imagine thinking instagram is a character trait.

[@SevenSixkiller]

Right?! That one was shocking to me. I hope it’s not a sign of the times and generations to come. I have to believe people will be smarter than that, but still…yikes.

[@char6081]

she’ll grow up and get some sense eventually smh

[@The-Lunar-Prince]

8:55 I love the rainbow freckle tattoos! Also, the dog story is so cute. I love that 🥹🌈🐕

[@dmg912008]

2:17 this person. Chills!!! They have such a deep perspective and I aspire to understand it. That was great answer!!!! Thank you.

[@isabellev6121]

yeah totally..!

[@brandon-toddhutchinson3798]

A fantastic question/prompt. Another side to it that was briefly touched on, but very well articulated, was not wanting someone anymore and staying. It also ties to what the individual's understanding of "wanting" is. If you stay with someone who you don't want, there's technically still something you have that you're not willing to part with. Is it stability? Is it protection from loneliness? Is it general attention and stimulation? Is it someone you can blame? Is it practical financial aid in an economically troubled time? A relationship is more than just the individual, and sometimes it can be everything else besides them, whether that was the case from the start or whether things changed partway through. It can be empowering to learn what it is you want, but it can also hurt; I recommend learning all the same.

[@helenalaney]

All of the above, hopefully

[@millerm024]

Finally feeling myself fall out of love with my boyfriend. He’s lied, cheated, hurt me so many times and I kept running back and begging him to stay. I’ve been hurt so many times by him now that I’m not even surprised when he lies and cheats. I’m giving him one more chance but part of me knows I should walk away now. It’s hard to let go of someone you love 😔

[@Serendipity-Infinite]

Without going too deep into it, there was someone I had an emotionally intimate relationship with, and we had one *big* thing in common. For me, that thing was a core value, while he saw it as something that wasn't as important. I should've seen it coming, but one day, he told me that we didn't have that thing in common anymore, and it was like...nothing was the same anymore. I shutdown immediately, and I had never felt so betrayed and so lonely in my life. It sounds so trivial and so dumb. It's not like he was a different person or anything. But even now, I'm still hurt by it.

[@musikamusika1736]

I was extremely lonely, I really needed someone. I met friends one day, and clicked with this one girl, we stayed and walked all night, it felt so good, it was like I watched a great movie. The next time I met her, she was quite trashy, I got so disappointed and sad.. I thought about what went wrong, and remembered that great day in detail. What I discovered, was that it was my own company that I enjoyed, she was just along for the ride, not really contributing much. I realized that I kinda had a date with myself that night, and it was amazing. Hope I don't sound narcissistic, but I'm full of love, my own love, and I don't need anybody. Maybe some day I'll meet an amazing person, and she's free to come along, I'll love her with all my heart, I know this, because I treated both if my girlfriends like queens. But I won't ever neglect myself ever again. I learned to value, trust, and love myself. I am my greatest friend and family I'll ever have.

[@AustinRelates]

I love the question for this video and the thoughtfulness behind it. That guy that was incarcerated, just what he said, and then seeing him with his wife really did it for me. Thank you

[@restidestianti5050]

When I cry a lot for someone not for a good reason. Because being with someone shouldn't be that hurt, it shouldn't be that burden, it shouldn't be that suffocate.

[@irisxxxxxx]

I once saw on the internet 'Before you marry someone, you have to think, if your children grow up and have exactly the same character as the person you are about to marry, would you be proud? ' and that did it for me actually, that can break through all levels of blind love/crush haha and make me stop wanting someone haha

[@isla-u2q]

Realising that the someone I wanted was no longer that person

[@Pippis78]

Someone, ANYONE. When I deeply realized my worth wasn't defined by other people. When I understood I should not think someone else can bring me happiness. *I* need to be the point of the POV. I need to be able to be happy and *happy as myself* alone, even though connection, people and love are certainly very nice to have in addition. Before this I got super clingy and dramatic if I was broken up with or rejected. But I also did a lot of "push and pull". Therapy is a great thing y'all! I highly recommend DBT to anyone struggling with emotional regulation or pain.

[@shakesinthehouse]

I had a one sided love for a long time. He made me feel ugly. I knew he liked me but I wasn't enough for him. He waited for someone better than me and never gave us a chance.

[@babasteTe]

You ever feel like you're nobody's favourite person? Nobody feeling happy for you, nobody cares.. I've been dealing with indifference and rejection all my life. I have always wanted to be around other people, to connect in a way so i wouldn't feel alone all the time.. but 40 years later i learnt to not pursue people and to accept everything like it is. I finally gave up wanting people because people never want me.

[@squeebaby2683]

Me too, for the last 10 years I had a group of friends who wouldn't meet me half-way. At their parties, I'd be alone in a corner playing with their dog while everyone was taking shots in the kitchen. I don't think they wanted to know me on a meaningful level. So now I match the effort that's reciprocated, and if it's not, I know the friendship won't grow into a genuine connection. But after feeling alone for so long, I got to the point where I needed social connection. I found some lovely people with shared interests in an art class I'm in, and even though we're all on different paths in life heading in different directions, it made me tune-in to what kind of people I'm searching for. People like me. For now, I'm my own best friend, and I choose to believe that there will be friends who will find their way into my life, and I into theirs. People will want me, and people will want you. We just haven't met them yet. And for this moment, I've met you, and understand your feelings. Here we are, two little blips in the code together.

[@lilyglanzer7344]

I love how deep and personal your videos are. Also how it shows that we all aren't really that different and we all, for the most part, can connect through watching your videos. Thank you for making these and for being yourself!

[@blastprosful]

Having your heart broken by someone you loved , trusted and gave everything too.

[@a12i9]

2:16 is such a good answer. It resonates with me because I'm kinda afraid of strong feelings.

[@Nebrvskv]

When a person wasn't sure of me, and didn't want me anymore. Took a lot of time to reflect, realize, and move on but it's part of life. Pain can be beautiful...

[@jdprettynails]

That last lady hit me hard. Same thing happened to me. I had to end my relationship of 20 years because meeting this specific new person opened my eyes to how unhappy I was. Now I’m learning how to be alone and heal and finally start loving myself

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

Anger issues, alcoholism, drug use, lack of confidence, codependence, drama-driven, unreliability, lack of reciprocation.

[@t.wilson7962]

“Love yourself…. Chill… let it come to you. It’ll happen.” 💯💯

[@janetheard4357]

When I find out they’ve been lying and I can’t believe them anymore. Especially if they lied about their feelings for me.

[@tsukikageshinobi]

when they make you feel like YOU are not good enough and they’re always trying to change you to fit this expectation they have of you. when you are forced to lose yourself in order to be valued. when they tie your value with what you do for them and not what you are. when they make you question your values or try to tell you your experience is wrong.

[@Sonik9123]

Yay! New episode. Welcome back

[@kokonopo3967]

5:07 beautiful, soulful eyes. Seriously did a double take. (And those three after that person... all lovely eyes. Truly windows to the soul.)

[@bts_vintagearmy3754]

Wow, more complex and reflective than I thought this would be! Great job expressing, Everyone!

[@hexeeee]

For me it was learning my self-worth and realizing he isn't appreciating me the way I want to be appreciated in terms of love

[@helma99]

When I got cheated on. When drugs became an option for them. When I got silenced and had to take a step back because I was "too stable" with my behavior and feelings torwards them. When I felt alone even in their company. When they lied to me, let chaos take over and told me they'll have a date next weekend. I didn't know who I was anymore and tried to choose myself. I can't help anyone who doesn't wants to be loved. And I need to stay myself. I think i deserve someone who takes care of themselfes. It hurts. It was not okay. And I try to keep my head up just caring for myself. It is going to be okay I love that I have close friends why mean the world to me

[@zxmbielover]

when they're easily influenced by others, making you an option and not a priority

[@katehucks774]

It was after our breakup, when we were still trying to figure out if we could be friends, and he requested that I give him time and space to think about it, so I did. Eventually, I had to reach out to him about a logistical thing, only to discover that he had blocked me at some point. In that moment, I lost all respect for him and no longer wanted to have him in my life in any capacity. I had not contacted him at all since he requested space to think, there was no reason for him to block me other than cowardice. Even post-breakup, I gave him everything he asked for, catered to his emotional state more than my own, and he couldn’t even do me the courtesy of simply saying goodbye. I stopped missing him at all after that.

[@prestonmatthews725]

Man some of these people are very insightful but also highlights the need to find peace with their traumas. For myself. I think I am okay with being by myself. It is a trauma response but I have come to love and find peace with it.

[@DanielSelk]

I stopped wanting the people in the church after several years of myself not being wanted. I did so many things for them and got walked on all over, was treated poorly, berated, looked down upon, not listened too, bullied, etc. and I was kind, caring, loving and friendly. I couldn't understand why I was being treated that way. I finally started to get a backbone, say no to helping out, hoping that I'd be included in any way for fellowship...but no. Nothing changed. I felt awful all the time at this point about myself every time I was there. So I left. Most if not all of them haven't realized years later that I left as a few years after I had left someone called me to do "nursery duty" for them and laughed at me when I said I don't go to that church any more "LOL, right, Daniel. See you Sunday." But when they put it together that I was serious OH BOY the anger I got. I also have become openly gay and act in movies now (becoming successful). A few found out about my sexuality and went off on me in hateful ways, one even saying he hoped I kill myself! And those who have heard of my acting pretty much just roll their eyes and think I'm ruining my life by being a "whore" (which is not true) and should get a degree and go to school bringing on some of the most hateful discouragements you can think of. ...then they get shocked when I cut them off. LOL! I am FREE without them and have the right people in my life and am happy. I stand up for myself, take no BS, and work for what I want and if ANYTHING or anyone try to prevent me from my path then they are out of my life. Hard road, but worth it.

[@kimberlymendoza9165]

I’m so sorry you were treated like that in your church 😢 I am new to my church and growing up in my home church, I was deeply loved and hated at the same time. I was encouraged and harshly judged. I notice that I take mostly the negative stuff with me. I hope you can remember 1 good person, 1 good thing. The church is NOT in the condition it’s meant to be, NOT the condition Christ laid down His life for. It’s why He says the road to Life is narrow and many won’t make it. It’s why in Revelation He confronts all the churches for their evil doings. I hope you are comforted that those evil people in the your old church WONT get away with their mistreatment toward you. I hope God restores your love for Him, or if you never knew Him, I hope He reveals Himself to you. ❤️ I don’t know you personally, but after reading what you wrote. Man, I get it. I’ve been “church hurt” and it’s really stays with you. It makes you afraid of ever trying again. I’m glad to hear you’re successful, I hope you continue to read your Bible, I hope you don’t forget about your Creator and Maker. That church that hurt you was just a building of heathens (unless you can remember 1 good person). This is a bold statement and I’ll end with this… I know for a fact that God’s heart broke when you got hurt by people who were meant to represent His love. He wants you, even when no one else does. “For God so loved the world (you)”.

[@classicambo9781]

I'm glad you left that madness behind Daniel. Go forward with the determination you clearly have. 👏

[@leaf.7020]

"The miracle has already happened" and "You can love someone you don't wan't" I really needed to hear that right now. Thank you

[@Pepsilee0]

That dog story is so heart warming. 😢

[@krysiacruz23]

For me when my ex boyfriend constantly kept choosing his friends over our relationship. Not only that but one of the most hurtful things he said was he mentioned to one of his friends not to talk about getting engaged since he doesn’t want his friends giving me ideas we should move forward in the relationship. That really hurt my self esteem and didn’t make me want to pursue a relationship for a long time. But you live and you learn and I hope he learned from his wrongs and vice versa. All I can take from that is that he was a learning experience instead of seeing him as a mistake

[@GardenfRedRoses777]

When they don't consider me a priority and start looking at me as an annoyance rather than company, or they make a habit of breaking boundaries.

[@Carolc1603]

This.

[@BBurton1219]

When I consistently become an afterthought and I found myself trying to convince him I was worthy enough. It took years but I finally changed my perspective.

[@jeannedd.2709]

The man who had been incarcerated must have been a baby when he went in, I’m so happy he has a beautiful partner and has come into his own. Wishing him much joy and love.💕

[@yamsonthepan]

the way u filmed all of them is so beautiful. thank you for your art ❤

[@dumitriudaniela]

seeing their true narcissistic character, seeing they actually lied and cheated all the time. I could finally see their true self when i did major self healing work and releasing the emotional pain around heartbreak.

[@WattsOnTheMind]

11:18 Love is also about wanting the best for someone. It is heartbreaking, but sometimes it's better for the both of them to go separate ways and live life as friends. She is probably a good example for this scenario.