What MEN and WOMEN have to do in order TO LOVE: how to get better at loving

[@psychacks]

Men and women face unique challenges with respect to being able to love. In this episode, I will address each of these challenges in turn. The issue with women is that their love -- while pure -- tends to get mixed up with a bunch of other impurities. Consequently, women need to filter their transmission of love until it is unadulterated. On the other hand, the issue with men is that life demands that they become hard, and then -- having become hard -- to soften. As a result, men need to love like a tree, which is firm and dependable without being rigid and unyielding. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic. Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #love

[@kungfujoe2136]

there is no LOVE (love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain) what you mean is relationships words have meaning the fact that you get them mixed up is not a coincident you are blue pilling on order to see the world not for what it is do you have to lie a lot as therapist? (annyway relationships are compomise and submission to be a better cog in the machine)

[@Cars1Gunz1and1Weights]

Told you you would make 100k subscribers. Speak the truth. People are hungry for it. Jordan Peterson 2.0 my man!

[@alaalfa8839]

As a woman I was thinking about it…….and she shouldnt be controlling, everybody needs time, or some private space to relax, or recharge the mental battery, or find idea to read books, or meet friends……..because through these activities people grow their creativity and intelligence and such men can never be boring if they are suronded by nice male friends or people of the same profession etc………..I dont think that other women dont think this, because from history letters and documents we see such women existed for example Antonin Dvorak’s wife was like that… if he wad afraid to admit the offering going to America, she encouraged him to do it, because she knew how he was struggling in poverty since childhood, and when the family and kids were voting whether to admit the offering to go to America she even manipulated the vote to go there. She always supported his success and disliked people who were against him. He wanted to go to America but he suffered from agoraphobia and also at that time hundred years ago some ships ended up in sea so he was hesitating for technical reasons, not because of not wanting it. Such women exist but not many talk about it on tv.

[@orb3946]

Zero drama , pure information, love the content.

[@soulfullthinkings4664]

I agree! I was just telling a friend yesterday that I’m not attracted to so many men because they are lacking masculinity, not femininity.

[@halawishes]

Most women lack femininity and fail to start a family at their highest SMV.

[@toddjohnson271]

Then why do women support feminism?

[@JohnM...]

Depends on what your SUBCONSCIOUS idea of masculinity is. Many women reject suitable men, but are subconsciously attracted to a guy who is to all intents and purposes, charming, charismatic and masculine, but as soon as he is married he becomes a narcissistic control freak, who, one day, takes the life of the cats and dogs, maybe the horses, the kids, the wife, burns down the house and walks into the woods and shoots himself. THAT is the kind of man women ‘fall for’ because they reject intelligence and gentle strength as WEAKNESS, and MISTAKE a sociopath for a ‘charming charismatic man’.

[@vecter]

Most men nowadays are so weak and pathetic. More for me. But fundamentally disappointing

[@davidnewbury2918]

Betas!

[@Peoniesplease555]

The point about women needing to use discernment, self reflection, and honesty to filter out impurities that contaminate their love is very true. It is challenging to hold myself in integrity in this way, but I believe this kind of pure approach is a moral imperative. Embracing Stoic philosophy has been really helpful here.

[@whocarescrapsa]

I had ended a relationship and she tried to make my life a misery for about 3 years after. She tried to ruin my reputation amongst my friends. She even tried to interfere with longstanding customers of mine. She went so far as to create hundreds of fake ads online using my mobile number to ensure my phone rang 24/7. When I discussed this with females - they all responded with "WOW! She must have really loved you!". It was at this moment I realized that men and women do not share a common definition for love. If that is what you call love - I want none of it. Ever. That is the exact opposite of what I call love. Thank you Dr. Taraban, I appreciate you always explaining the differences between us and not spewing the usual "we are the same" nonsense.

[@HelloWorld-cq1sq]

I read men's dating advice that said that if you break up with a woman who thinks you're great and wants to be with you, then there's a good chance she'll ruin your life. This advice said that the solution to this problem is to act like a crying, insecure, unattractive beta for a while. That way, she's disgusted and will leave you alone. Can confirm that from personal experience, if you cry and share insecurity with a woman, she will become unattracted to you and break up with you.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

No wonder they never come back for me!

[@whocarescrapsa]

@@HelloWorld-cq1sq LOL! That is genius. Experience, the thing you get just after you need it.

[@Leoo117]

The ladies meant that she loved you when she WAS with you. Not now. They say that because of her strong emotional response to not being with you. She wasn't loving you when she was antagonizing you. She was acting out in anger because she couldn't get what she wanted from you. This is an improper, unhealthy and low self-control response to anger. It isn't love. Also, the comment above had interesting advice. Act feminine with her and be all over her with too much affection like she is your only priority in life, and you'll turn her off to the point of her being glad she isn't with you. I've never thought of that. What a simple way to deal with that type of thing lol. Its manipulative though and it requires dishonesty, so there is no guarantee that would work, and if she has a scarcity mindset or has an unhealthy attachment or is just extremely loyal to you, she might just stick around even though she is turned off and doesn't like your behavior. So you'll be taking a chance. Then she'll be even more mad that you left because she stuck with you, even though you turned her off. So I think honesty like you've been doing is actually best.

[@Leoo117]

@Yumirow Her vengeful attitude is certainly not love. That's her uncontrolled anger. Assuming he left her, her anger comes from him leaving her, which hurt her. It hurt her because she loved him, and she thought he loved her and she figured things would stay that way. So breaking up with her is like throwing a huge wrench in all of that, and changing her whole life path around. So the anger is understandable, but the immature and vengeful actions are not. If she had no love for him, she would have been unaffected by the breakup because she would not have been hurt, and therefore, she would not have been angry.

[@immortaljanus]

Many a woman will seek to break a man's resolve. If he doesn't break, she will claim he's closed off. If he does break, she will claim he's too soft for her.

[@stephanie7572]

A young (late 20s) man I was involved with once said to me, "You will always be able to find a man to take care of you. I, on the other hand, have to earn a living." I was young and pretty and couldn't argue with the statement. My water love could flow in many directions and sustain me as it could be polluted with wanting to be taken care of; his love had to be firm toward his work and a little bit soft toward a woman. Thank you for the insight.

[@Leoo117]

Don't know about this one doc. The impurities you mentioned do indeed stand in the way of love. They are basically a result of insecurity and fear, but they are present in both women and men. Its a universal problem we have to individually address within ourselves. Also, i think your tree analogy is a little off. Small trees somehow get the nutrients and the sunlight they need to grow big in the first place. So really, its as if the rest of the forest shares its nutrients with the smaller, softer and weaker ones. So really, we should be more like the forest where we show love to one another, no matter how soft or weak, in order to help one another grow strong.

[@mangakasaide2166]

The criticism you gave is valuable, but the conclusion is questionable. Continuing you line of thought; the water analogy is also off, the dirty water can still do what it's supposed to do, but it brings with it other things/consequences. We can in theory drink that dirty water and then take meds to help heal from additional unneeded diseases. The analogy is right in the sense that it tells us what's expected of us, but because its drawn from something that isn't fundamentally human it can not be taken any further and remain useful/true .

[@ilikepancakes2368]

Imagine that. Even trees have more compassion than humanity.

[@RShaun]

Another great explanation. Keep making the complicated seem simple. This channel is quickly becoming my fav.

[@samanthaoverberg1040]

Though i completely understand the existence of these impurities in many women's expression of love, i think it is only fair to admit that thisalso occurs in many men's expression of love, as well. Women, too, are trained to harden themselves against the potential from being or feeling used, and in this day and age must also work to carve out a place for themselves in society in order to be loved and respected. Of course, I acknowledge that this is less so compared to men and women are more expected to behave this way with the world at large and not romantically. My argument then is that the greatest takeaway from this talk is to practice self awareness and filtering, regardless of your gender. To have that level of self control is also an act of self respect and respect for others -- which in turn will help your relationships.

[@cosmicystn3626]

why do women think they have to be like/obsessed with being like men nowadays...

[@cosmicystn3626]

women had it wayy "worse" back then

[@BradWhite25]

Self-awareness is not nearly as helpful for men in love until they first earn their place in the world and the respect of themselves and other men.

[@anacorreia8058]

The divorce rates will continue to climb until women accept that they are not men, never will be men, and shouldn’t want to try to be like men

[@truerosie]

@@cosmicystn3626 because 1. We are not that different; 2. Many men have no qualms about using women savagely. We have to know how to protect ourselves.

[@lawrencetuider1177]

Not Andrew Tate, or Jordan Peterson or any of these red pill content creators, Psyhacks is the messaging we need.

[@mrsherwood2599]

An excellent observation.

[@filmamundo9194]

Jordan Peterson still has lots of great advice but i still agree, we need more people like Hamza (in parts), this channel and HealthyGamers Gg

[@brianmeen2158]

You are getting it wrong - it’s not so black and white guys. A guy like Tate may say very toxic and silly things 60% of the time but the other 40% he is saying very valid things that men could learn from. Same with Jordan and pretty much every other creator in the space. Rollo, Tate, Jordan, Sartain, psych hacks etc etc are all needed .. just take what you need and dispose of the rest

[@ThorMaximus]

Jordan Peterson is not about “relationships” but life. You can’t even begin to employ this advice until you’ve mastered yourself, and Mr. Peterson is the gold standard for how to begin and continue that process. Andrew Tate is a heel pro wrestler who gets over -and noticed- with being obnoxious, but has enough truth in his message to have credibility. But yeah he’s a starting point for many at this point.

[@Bucephalus84]

​@Thorbringsthehammer Tate loses me with the polyamory and Islam. Everything else he states is hard to disagree with at all.

[@Ascended23]

Most of your stuff is pretty interesting but this is one of the most profound and original ways of putting this I have heard. The thing about women's love is especially important for guys to hear. Whether it's love from their wives, mothers, or anyone else, to recognize both the purity in the "water" and the toxicity of the "impurities" and not confuse one for the other is just so important.

[@randomnumbers84269]

As a man, I'd be very interested in a more detailed video of what this "hardening" entails.

[@Wombiebat]

I chuckled throughout the video, but yes, more details would be insightful.

[@tinap8227]

Having and sharing of emotions is not a lack of strength, it is an amazing display of it. You need strength to deal with and process your feelings and lived experiences. Hard, closed off men are horrible to date, I spent 2 years with one that near the end said "he didn't know if he does, or ever does, believe in love or what it is". That's when it was over for me, he simply was incapable. He was also so paranoid from absorbing too much red pill he pushed me away, I could see his hatred of women. Never again, send me the sensitive types that have inner strength.

[@ethansevilla1395]

Hard and closed off men are hard to date, you are with one for two years. When a man is sensitive in front of a women, deal with it by not treating him like one of your girlfriends and treat it with care and respect. Men have hard time showing emotion and heart because it’s truly a vulnerable spot. It like being naked.

[@tinap8227]

@@ethansevilla1395 of course, he should be vulnerable with me if I'm his woman, who else would he be like that with? I'm not the type attracted to stereotypical masculine ideals anyway.

[@ethansevilla1395]

@@tinap8227 not attracted to stereotypical masculine ideals? But I guarantee you still want him be taller and stronger than you Tho? Your not attracted horrible extreme masculine ideals, but it normal to be attracted to masculine ideals. Masculinity is not bad.

[@tinap8227]

@@ethansevilla1395 my last bf was half an inch shorter than me, and probably no stronger than me as I go to the gym and he didn't. So stop projecting onto me your own preconceptions.

[@ethansevilla1395]

@@tinap8227 but he last bf for a reason

[@flemutter7211]

Your analogy’s makes me more attentive to your message. Every-time I see the notification I know it’s a treat.

[@FreeAgent99]

I don’t need love, I as a man just need respect and loyalty. However, I can give love nonetheless.

[@OJLove5]

That’s exactly how God designed us. Congratulations, you are healthy.

[@marcooos9874]

When did women start loving men?

[@PanAfricanPrincess9ether]

Good job at repeating information you heard….

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

@@PanAfricanPrincess9ether You're in love with life.

[@sallybella8824]

There is no point being with a man you don't respect 100%

[@andrewm.8841]

"If a tree gets too hard, it will break." That one explained exactly what I have not found words to express. While my Mother definitely has difficulty filtering her water, I had spent 20 years trying to help her filter her water. Not for selfish intent, but for her so she could not push people away, and form strong relationships. Well, let's just say, after all those years of enduring, the tree got to rigid. Now she thinks I hate her, because there is only anger left to give, and it hurts my relationships with others, because I don't know how to fix it...

[@fmg4537]

Time to do some self reflection my friend. You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. Direct yourself back to being firm, my friend👍🏾

[@andrewm.8841]

@@fmg4537 I appreciate your response. It's a long journey back to healthy, but there are no plans of giving up. 👍

[@RealHomeRecording]

In your situation I would maybe book a consultation with the good doctor. He gives his information out at the end and in the video descriptions.

[@randomnumbers84269]

Some relationships are unfixable. Sometimes the only way is to step away from a relationship, go no contact at least for a while. A drowning man can't help anyone. You need to fix yourself first.

[@user-uh5tb9er4o]

youre such a fantastic teacher!

[@alejandrovillanueva5386]

You are a hidden worshiper of the sacred fire Mr. O'Ryan. All the blessings for You on the path.

[@nolanmerchan5095]

Great analogy with the trees, the water, the wind. Excellent job, always easy to follow. Thanks, doctor.

[@alikhalil2863]

I got the women part but I still can’t see how being hard contributes to giving and receiving love for men. But if we’re talking about life in general it’s very true! Thank you so much, love your videos

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

"The oaths of a woman, I inscribe on water." -Sophocles

[@anointedone1995]

😂😂😂

[@zensvlognotapro]

There's an authenticity on your contents as you grow Dr. O , keep sharing , keep educating boys . I'm not surprised anyway that you're growing the moment that I saw your channel I told this will grow and he'll touch ppl's lives and can open ppl's eyes and minds. Though sometimes I hardly understand because terminologies are too deep 😃for me but it's fine🤚. Love, Peace , Joy, Wisdom and Abundance to All 🙏

[@littlecat2222]

Totally agree

[@Pouk3D]

This was so important to hear. I got much harder in life and was feeling I lost something. But this is normal.

[@JohnM...]

Yep. After a new coworker had been in my company for a few months (maybe even a year), we could chat and make fun of each other and share opinions, but when I asked her what she thought of me when she first saw/came across me, and she said she was terrified. Unless I know someone after time, I have a “go f*** yourself’ face. (Btw, I am/was what most consider a nerd/nice guy).

[@vecter]

Don’t worry about your feelings. That’s feminine energy

[@mustangstuff7213]

Nope. It USED to be normal

[@Josiah-X]

Great examples. I love how you focused on nature in used water 💦 and tree 🌴 analogy. Just to add, when you explain a man should be firm and soften little bit, I was thinking of bamboo. Bamboo 🎋 is very strong hard firm, yet flexible and malleable.

[@AldiPennyLidl1887]

this is maybe the most relevant video especially for men

[@AstroSquid]

With analogies like this, it would be nice to have some real world stories to connect it to.

[@stephanie7572]

Look at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Her love seems to be filled with acquisitiveness, pride, envy, etc. His love is too soft, he doesn't stand firm with her when he needs to do so (such as that awful Netflix scene where she talked about curtseying to the Queen).

[@Rapidcouplescounselling]

Full time relationship counsellor here... Love the content... outstanding messages.

[@notrewe]

I don’t know if someone here like fantasy books, but wheel of time, this video kinda describe one aspect of the protagonist journey. They are really good books, the nuance about differences between the masculine and feminine are a key aspect from the history.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows because women have a 5x stronger own group gender preference making men disposable wallets. This guy is in damage control mode.

[@Alex.Kalashnik]

@@forgottenfuryanWhat so you mean by female gender preference?

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@Alex.Kalashnik 5x stronger own group gender preference is self explanatory. Google the Women Are Wonderful Effect.

[@seignee]

@@forgottenfuryan its rly not self explanatory if people are confused XD but yeah ill google that. thanks

[@Thestrawberrytiger]

This is the most articulated thing I’ve heard in my life🙏🏼 excellent job man 😢

[@irinafoss3588]

❤❤. Thank you for your amazing message to us. I'd love to be your assistant one day if I could 😂😂😂

[@AlohaMichaelDaly]

I thought love was all around, a universal thing that’s in the environment and culture we are born into. But here it sounds like their is path to travel to love. Not only is their a path to love but their are bad paths and forks in the road. More paths are a way of messing it up: avoiding or impairing destroying love. Perhaps generations being ignorant to the wholesome path, thinking that love is a birth-given, would further suggest that their has been a history of complacency, ignorance and lots of needed work hasn’t been considered or done and that horrible mistakes have been made in neverneverland. The crisis of modern dating and marriages likely proves that we need real world love and relationship education.

[@Shifft-This]

"Relationship education" is what got us here. I was taught in college that being a gentleman was sexist because chivalry is sexist. Now I treat women like I do random men. They don't like it and I don't care. This is what happens when you institutionalize misandry and make our degrees dependent on learning it. We stop caring. You either die young enough for women to call you "insecure" while they sleep with your friends, or you live long enough to be "emotionally unavailable". The best answer as a man is to love yourself because a woman sure as fuck won't love you no matter how well you treat her or how much you listen to her.

[@patrickmaguire9784]

This is the most two the point informative channel on you tube

[@WashoeValleyCollies]

Now this lecture is one of your Top Three!! It makes sense and is plain and simple. And all we human beings need to be reminded of who we really are, and appreciate that difference. Bravo!!

[@WashoeValleyCollies]

...and keep chipping away at this topic....so we find a way into each other's hearts!

[@JordiMuntada]

Yes, yes, yes, this channel is now my favourite!

[@patrice8737]

I think you should also be able to not give yourself the fault always, you can be the strongest tree, if someone comes in thats completely insecure, avoidant and unsure about her emotions it can still bring you down

[@EddyG0rdo]

Yea but why would you want to be with someone like that…..that’s a huge turn off for me

[@sebastiangruffydd2765]

WOW! You really outdid yourself this time. Great analogies, doc. Bravo!

[@nteta10k]

Longer videos.. I AM HERE FOR IT

[@valeriegongora8494]

Great job explaining

[@jeffalooGaming]

What a great and eye opening video!

[@petervanhoorn6199]

Well, in that case I am pretty on my way to love. Since my last break up I am starting to soften up and feel love, for myself. It is still very scary but it also feels good when I surrender to it. Thanx for the vid!😊

[@stxrynn]

Wisdom. Thanks for these snipits. I'm unable to afford the quality that you provide in the one on one, but you have put a lot of great nuggets out here for me. And I appreciate it. You can see this hardness in the faces of high school graduates from the 1940-1960's compared to the graduates of the 80's on. They looked like men and women in the 40-60's. Softness increases as you get closer to today.

[@Dawnrunner42]

That’s not the presence or absence of “hardness” or whatever, that’s premature biological degradation far beyond that caused by normal aging.

[@secretshaman189]

Very interesting analogy, thank-you, I like it!

[@VisDaddy11]

Thanks!

[@davidnewbury2918]

@6:37 Aww, you TOTALLY stole MY JOKE, Doc!!! 🤣😂🤣

[@andrewmackenzie325]

Hey Chris Williamson, here’s a top shelf contender for Modern Wisdom.

[@hyrumtasso]

pure wisdom

[@someguyusa]

Great video. I prefer to think of it as weakness vs strength, and by extension understanding that strength must be tempered, under control, like a fire used to fashion steel or heat a home. A weak fire is good for little to nothing, except to be built into a fire. However, that weak fire unattended or handled incorrectly can grow into a wildfire that will burn your house down. Nevertheless, a strong hot burning fire has many wonderful uses as long as it is wielded and controlled correctly.

[@alonsoguemes6486]

We can all agree that Orion should be invited to a top level podcast.

[@andrewmackenzie325]

Chris Williamson’s Modern Wisdom

[@alonsoguemes6486]

@@andrewmackenzie325 It would be epic!

[@lostone982]

As an HSP Male it has been such a tightrope to walk in life. Taking care of oneself and honoring the intensity and subtleties of my emotional world which usually are not matched by women at all. Yet, the development of strength within that beauty has given me an earned steadiness I do not see in the average male either. While I am open to having a woman in my life who would also honor that, most importantly I honor the strength and flexibility in myself first and foremost.

[@thecurrentmoment]

Can you please tell me what HSP is?

[@awsambdaman]

Massive W of a video so true

[@TheDvdAllen]

Mom, the funny teacher man online told me i had to get hard to be loved. "That's not what he meant child!"

[@anshuman2089]

You are god send to many men. Thank you.

[@stevenjustice6537]

I think this one might just be your best video.

[@migueld5227]

I don’t believe women are capable of unconditional love for anyone other than themselves truly. As for men and anger, anger is always the result of pain in my experience. Without pain there is no anger. Lastly vulnerability. Every time without fail that I have been vulnerable with a women she has made me pay dearly. They think they want men to be vulnerable but they in fact despise that in a man.

[@carlospita6442]

Of course, they don't love

[@killjoyredux8361]

That is my experience too. Anger tends to be righteous response to injustice and abuse. There's no way to gauge just how soft you're meant to be with women without them exploiting it or being turned off

[@HelloWorld-cq1sq]

I do believe that women are capable of unconditional love. It's just that that requires self-development, and women frankly aren't pushed by society to do self-development, and so most don't, and so most don't love unconditionally. Why aren't women pushed towards self-development? It's because even without self-development, she benefits from education that's much more girl than boy friendly, she has a very easy time dating (the only real obstacle being her own pickiness / her own desire to have lots of casual sex), she benefits from discriminatory hiring practices in her favor, she benefits from women quotas and women scholarships, she benefits from people generally being willing to help out women (but not men), she benefits from the "women are wonderful" idea and she benefits from criminal court and divorce court being stacked in her favor. So as a woman, it's relatively easy (as compared to a man, not saying it's easy, just easier) to get an okay job and find someone more successful than you to pay more than half into the relationship. And while 20-something women are told they're wonderful and they have infinite dating options, 20-something men are constantly rejected and told they're worthless until they achieve something. And even if women fail, they're told "it's the fault of men" and so they're still not pushed towards self-development. Whereas a man who fails is pushed towards self-development.

[@ze_kangz932]

​@@HelloWorld-cq1sq You've pointed out all this relevant points; what do you propose then as a solution?!

[@migueld5227]

@@HelloWorld-cq1sq I agree. I believe that last good women died with my grandmothers generation. She married her first and 30 years after my grandfather passed she was still faithful and committed to him until she passed away. Good women have gone extinct, as designed by modern society. Remove the authority of the husband and give it to the state and all become controlled by the state.

[@Stew357]

Great video, as always. Ty Dr. Taraban

[@MilkPudding]

Damn, this rings so true, so true.

[@mercurykempster]

I find these analogies to be very apt, thank you for the video 👍

[@glenrotchin5523]

What about expectation as an impurity to love?

[@georgeelder8415]

Truth! Love the word pictures!

[@axelashu]

I didn't understand what is the problem was with women... What do you mean by separate it from other emotions.... Like how do we mix love with other stuff or filter it out???

[@techsir8866]

Doc, if you read this comment, please do tell your thoughts on a theory of mine. That is, that we all already understand every truth in the world, but we have to unlock our understanding of it.

[@Sorg22]

8:44 you got this correct man. Most of us don't have trouble expressing our emotions these days because we're a bunch of candy asses compared to the World War II era men.😅

[@sheldonassad3305]

Heres the thing. If you show vulnerability to your gf... there is a good chance they will feel unprotected after and even lose respect they once had for you. So ive learnt to never show it as they dont truly want weakness

[@bobgrinshpon]

Maybe instead of getting hard, you could say grow your roots, which serves as the foundation that is unseen by others (AKA self knowledge) before working on your ego, or the part of you that is seen by others

[@chamuelolivier1594]

So the love of a man is...pure. I don't like to use emojis but...🤣🤣🤣🤣!

[@stayce751]

Wow! Love the analogy!

[@chanhyun4412]

This is very powerful!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@TheStudentOfLife808]

Great comparisons

[@youtubeuser5102]

All about balance

[@aichujohnson8444]

Ladies, water your trees, please!

[@latinaalma1947]

Good metaphors! Sybil Francis PhD professor of clinical.psychology

[@HHSTT]

The crucial point is listening to the other. Not just talk. 😏 Peace.

[@hueything228]

So so well said

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

So women, who might tend to see themselves as victims in a bad relationship, need to start taking accountability for their water being dirty. And men, who tend to just want peace and quiet, need to start anxiously walking the tight rope of being hard but not too hard (as well as having good looks, money, status and lifestyle). When you put things like this, it is a miracle the divorce rates are only 50%.

[@M0viLover]

The divorce rates are sh!t, because w0men get "cash and prizes" courtesy of the Courts..

[@frau_ic]

It is a pity that impurity (here the scientific definition of impure love is missing) is again associated with the female part. . I would like to note that adult women also have to become "hard" and that society demands this.

[@ilikepancakes2368]

That will never happen though because women will never take accountability and men desire peace above all else.

[@Steph_1215]

Very good content!

[@vance3862]

Brilliant!

[@menschkeit1]

the metaphor needs more explanation--if water is what women GIVE then a tree wouldn't just be hard, it would provide containment (shade), strength in the storm, fruit, etc.---and yes, generally only the grown, mature ones that do these things

[@jeanlari1211]

Please discuss the epidemic of ghosting. It is happening more and more.

[@uanip1341]

Love this and you’re right 💯💯💯

[@errorerror1337]

Great analogies

[@MaryAnnNewsom]

Great video!

[@Timber1205]

Nailed it

[@nnamdi.u]

Bro how do you come up with this sh*t! This is amazing!

[@mauricecurtis68]

Beautiful.

[@RareHDKnowledge]

Stay hard man!

[@JonnRamaer]

Bah. Men must become mountains. Rock...immovable. eff that flexible stuff. Nice video though doc. Love your stuff.

[@KentoSky]

stay hard- David Goggins

[@Daniel3NT]

While its probably true that more men need to frim up than to soften, the men that women find attractive are mostly on too firm side

[@mangakasaide2166]

Is this what they call enlightenment?

[@mustangstuff7213]

What about men that are too hard. What can soften them??

[@articulateit-andgetwhatyouwant]

We women definitely need to open up emotionally, not expect our men to open up and be vulnerable. Open and vulnerable men are ANGRY men! 😢

[@DNA350ppm]

Maybe we all can think of these two metaphors, water and trees, for a few seconds and find a stimulating impulse, but like all metaphors they are not reality and always flawed. Trees also come in gendered versions, for example. And water has no real character of its own, pure water is that neutral and everywhere the same. Water adapts to anything, and real trees are growing only in symbiosis with eachother and with mushrooms. Some might want to think of a solitary tree, but the oldest tree (living organism) on earth is a whole wood: read about the individual "Pando" - estimated to be over 80 thousand years old. Though an individual, this aspen is spread over one hundred acres. It can be cut back and it regrows - to use an other metaphor: it is like Mother Nature's hair, an impressive adornment. Some might want to think of water as a powerful force, which sculpts and crumbles the hardest rocks and rusts some minerals - but still isn't living in itself, but of course necessary for life in any form. I think it is better to think of trees as sometimes gendered living beings, that need each other to become parents. Mythologically it is sure that trees have been important to humans. In the prehistoric times before the Vikings, there were the worshipped deities Ask and Embla, connected to the Ash and the Elm, deciduous trees, which fertilize their own and their neighbours' roots, which breath in solidarity for the benefit of the wood in all its diversity as a community. Trees "drink water and sunshine, and eat stones" to grow, symbolically speaking. Robert Graves has an interesting book-length essay about nature metaphors in his "The White Goddess". Anyways: both men and women can purify and filter that liquid, fleeting, nourishing, necessary thing called love, and both women and men need to grow up from saplings to trees that have individuality, reliability, flexible strength, and can stand upright in adversity - and not get into symbiosis with whomever. If capacity to love is measured by happiness in marriage, then we should, according to studies, teach single men and women who long for a permanent partner (for many the height of manifested love): - how to develop strong communication skills, - how to show mutual respect, and - how to secure a deep emotional connection. Also an optimistic and positive outlook on life is a teachable and learnable skill; and that can be the key to maintain love and to stay loving and caring. More adaptable and flexible people might be better able to manage the challenges of living in couples and maintaining satisfying relationships. The most difficult relationships are statistically those between opposites, like extremely masculine and extremely feminine personality types. So don't nurtue such extreme traits, try to become a more balanced person, with both "yin and yang" within, if you want to succeed in marriage and love. And never use an other person as a means to enhance your status or win recognition. You will not feel loved, if you are chosen for your looks or your material assets. And if looks and riches are the main things you have to offer, you will not be lovable in the long run (weeks, months, a few years???). That is pitiful, but not a destiny, you can work on it. Neither women or men in gneral are your enemies - but sometimes we are our own, but you can change that. All the best wishes.

[@PseudoAccurate]

I dunno about these analogies. Seems like they make something simple more confusing.

[@Im____ltm]

Agreed

[@ronpintx]

Personal Experience -- *IQ matters* Self Reflection requires awareness-- which relates directly to IQ. My narcissist ex-wife ignorance allowed her envious delusions apart from reality. The characteristic disrespect, manipulation and goading from her was indeed toxic.

[@Tnc874]

I do NOT want a man to constantly open up to me about his feelings...... with my ex, his friends got the best stable part of him and i got the weakest most sensitive part which may have been ok, if he had made space for my sensitive and weak parts. But no. So i agree with this. Get hard then soften up

[@TericT]

Wow that's something I've felt for years, but never really knew how to put into words...

[@maurisagubler3230]

Not hard. They need to be resilient and stalwart.

[@jeffcd3559]

Ok. Interesting analogies. The only thing to be added is what you are saying love is. What is the water in the analogy for women and what is it that men who are adequately, supply, rigid can give to women that is love?

[@eQuariuz]

What if the soil is just too saturated and 'bad'? Should the sapling uproot and move to another location? Hmmm