what my dysphoria feels like | safety & the black body

Things are dysphoric - both heightened & detached at the same time. In an effort to process, I allowed myself to reflect on how dysphoria weaves into the ways I move through the world.
What does your dysphoria feel like? What thoughts are associated with it? Or as a jump off point, what clothes & why?

[@gothbunny236]

you have such a beautiful soul, and your vulnerability is so refreshing!! as a black nonbinary person, i feel these feelings and i hold them too, as you feel them! i'm really glad i subscribed to you, and i'm excited to see what you become on this platform, bc you've deff got a lot to offer

[@ginagina]

Ah, this means a lot to me. I think your warmth & thoughtfulness make it easier to reflect on heartfelt things. I think you remind me that despite the pain/fear of vulnerability, finding shared experience/feelings from a kindred human makes it worthwhile. Thank you for you! (I also meant my love for 2kool4artskool - I listened to it twice!

[@ParishFlowers]

I’m literally going through the same thing. Thank you for making this video.

[@ginagina]

This made my body ease with relief. It feels good to know you understand what feels unspeakable most of the time

[@oritala7023]

This is something I think often on when I associate times of trauma with what I wore (if the memory is there). I definetly believe as a AFAB person it’s triggering coinciding with trauma. But then I don’t want to uplift the masculinity/particularly because of who those traumas were cause by which is also a conflict. So then I’m trying to just navigate on emotion and mood and not associate as many looks so deep but base it more so off of comfort tbh.

[@joakescarnival8303]

I am struggling with things that you are reminding me of. During this time in trying to figure myself out and all the aspects of me without that constant overhanging fear. Removing others from the equation to figure out me, but having to keep my comfort and safety in moving through that world. I'm taking this isolation to put my design and sewing education to use for myself instead of the issues of "fashion" what they taught me brought. People around me dont understand the permanent fear in me. Its oddly comforting to hear you speak similarly. Though I wish it was a safer world for you to feel better in.

[@abigailochengco1902]

function, strategy, neutrality... damn i feel this!

[@ginagina]

yes! & these themes feel like a reminder that imagination/play can be complicated for qtpoc, especially in a society that structurally withholds our access to it

[@ginagina]

also hi

[@richardbedford6657]

I am MTF, I have had GD for most of my 78 years. It is really like being a male body with a female lover on board. It never stopped me from being a man. I do not repress my female sexual expression inwardly but would never express it outwardly. GD light the way!

[@ginagina]

It feels powerful that you allow your identities co-exist! Gender dysphoria is so tough - I'm sorry that it's been present for so many years. In the midst of your dysphoria, it feels like you have insight & self-compassion with yourself

[@Drowninpoetry14]

I feel more validated and seen after watching your video than I have in my entire life. You put words to thoughts and feelings that I'm just starting to discover a vocabulary for.

[@ginagina]

Samenthaaa! It feels like we're discovering a vocabulary together & that feels really expansive + a little scary for how *right* it feels. I think there's so much I haven't allowed myself to put into words & it feels validating that you understand what feels murky

[@Theymarlez]

Well put together. You formalized thoughts I couldn’t give verbal form to. It never occur to me that i dissociate as a coping mechanism. Ty for showing us your vulnerability

[@ginagina]

Whew, I was unsure if any of it made sense beyond my head. Thank you, Mar

[@growingup9663]

The quality is bomb on your videos!!!!!

[@teeade]

💚💚

[@Jessinking]

love how detailed you are in expressing yoursel here.

[@ginagina]

Ahh, thank you for noticing. I tried to write out/journal my thoughts, just to honor the complexity of the feeling. Thank you for affirming that process 💕

[@Jessinking]

@@ginagina you're welcome.

[@ringworm188]

I wish I cld hug ya

[@ginagina]

I wish you could hug me!

[@gothbunny236]

[@ginagina]

[@talkwithstrangers]

Thanks for sharing. But it may also be that some of your beliefs about what constitutes and man and woman and how they should dress or look is rooted in some outdated stereotypes. It might be helpful to challenge those beliefs through cognitive behavioural therapy or similar practice. Essentially we should live in a world where a man or woman can dress however they wish. In many ways we are already there but your own internalised prejudices may be negatively effecting you. Even your own categorisation as ‘non binary’ may be a source of your dysphoria as you see yourself somehow different from ‘woman’. Liberation looks more like not buying into stereotypes for me.