What no one is telling you about fear and anxiety | Kristen Ulmer | TEDxNaperville

NOTE FROM TED: Please consult a mental health professional and do not look to this talk as a substitute for mental health advice. This talk only represents the speaker's personal views and understanding of fear and anxiety, which lacks legitimate scientific support. We've flagged this talk because it falls outside the content guidelines TED gives TEDx organizers. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Extreme athlete Kristen Ulmer knows fear. Her 50+ near death experiences have taught her an important lesson on fear, and it's a lesson that you've never heard before. Kristen Ulmer is a thought leader on fear and anxiety who draws from her tenure as the most ‘fearless’ woman extreme skier in the world for 12 years, from intently studying Zen for 15 years and from facilitating thousands of clients on flow and peak performance.
The author of: The Art of Fear: Why Conquering Fear Won’t Work and What to Do Instead, Kristen radically challenges existing norms about what to do about fear.
She currently facilitates or keynotes about fear and anxiety all over the world. Some of her clients include Google, Citigroup, Olympic athletes, and the US Air Force. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@brandongrill2767]

I've been meditating for the last 6 years now, usually an hour a day. What she's saying is so spot-on that it's crazy most of us think otherwise. Don't control your emotions --> let them go. Release them. Or they'll come up in nastier ways later. You can really feel the power of her words because they are so simple.

[@daveschrader3454]

Guess what folks, personal experience has validated to me that she is right. I tried society's model, controlling emotions for decades. Kristen's insight finally got me going in a new, happier direction. Bravo on the Ted Talk. Clear and powerful.

[@kristenulmer]

Thanks Dave. Great to see you on here. xo

[@anonymousbydefault]

I really enjoyed and appreciated what she said but have one point. I think people who are only starting to experience anxiety/panic/fear as intense chronic state, need to be taken by hand first and treated with extreme kindness and compassion. Only after a while they will be able to come out of their heads and see the bigger picture, then they can move on to the next step, like she says: embrace and go with the flow…

[@deanbonney1152]

I had the good fortune in the 90s to ski with Kristen at some clinics at Palisades Tahoe. As always, I was in the least prepared group to take on extreme skiing at the level expected in these clinics, but Kristen, like John Egan, knew how to move others to flow with your skis and ski with the flow. So it is unsurprising to me the path that Kristen has followed since the Alps tragedy. Romancing ones fear allows one to emerge more resilient when the music of ones life is suddenly disrupted with an awkward, uncomfortable, unbearable engagement with silence. Fear is in that awkward moment of uncertainty as one drops into a bowl for the first time. Its what fills the void when one achieves that weightlessness moment at the top of a mogul with an uncertain line forward. I will share this talk with others for the freedom it offers all of us.

[@karynmcevoy]

it's been a breakthrough to allow myself to just feel fear without trying to make it go away or stuff it down with food!

[@kristenulmer1970]

Ugh so true. Although... donuts... eee

[@Mopantsu]

This all goes back to Claire Weeks lessons on acceptance. Accepting you are fearfull and letting it burn while living your life. The only twist here is embracing it and using it as a tool to progress and confront challenges in life. Those of us with extreme and lifelong anxiety disorders only wish to have the dial turned down on our fear. Not to remove fear entirely. Otherwise we would not longer be human and lose empathy and compassion for others and ourselves. When you allow fear to control your very existence this sometimes requires more than a few positive words, and medication can be a useful tool to help those under extreme stress and anxiety to normalize their emotional state. Nothing is perfect of course because the world is imperfect and society (as well as governments and authority figures) put great pressure on the general public to perform a certain way in order to keep control and ensure power and wealth stays in the hands of the rich and powerful.

[@SpiritualNotReligious]

This is such an important message for the millions upon millions of those struggling with anxiety cycling through medications and coping mechanisms that are a mere band aide.

[@kristenulmer]

Here here. It starts with one person shifting, then another, then another, until hopefully what is captured in this talk one day is fully actualized within us all.

[@ilovestockton]

I worked with Kristen as a private client in 2017. Her insights on fear radically changed my whole life. Thank you Kristen!

[@kristenulmer1970]

You're welcome Doug. xoxo

[@doublem6027]

Hey are you from Stockton CA?

[@tedbrown96]

Well Kristin has distilled this concept for embracing fear in a priceless 14:00. She is correct in her analysis and runs contrary to traditional wisdom. Just look at the data we are flying this plane into the ground unless we change our approach. Good work.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Loving that analogy, although it represents such collective downfall, makes me sad.

[@MichaelKraeuter]

Thank you for this! Yes, fear is our friend!

[@kristenulmer1970]

It is also one of the best experiences we have here on earth. Without fear, life would be so B O R I N G

[@MaricrisDelaVega41216]

Off all the exercise I’ve heard and suggestions this is the most unforgettable for me really fear is gonna be there my whole life it’s just i have to used to it i have to live with it i have to face my fears yet think about things i am afraid of and challenge myself until that fear become my strength thank you so much.

[@tricster17]

I recently had an experience that brought up a lot of strong, persistent emotions. I tried to push them away initially and quickly realized that it wasn’t going to work. Having been to a camp with Kristen, I knew I had to feel it all and honor my feelings to be set free from this experience, and in that, I have grown in a way I didn’t expect. I’ve had a fear of failure my whole life, and processing this last one in a healthier way has changed my entire view of failure.

[@kristenulmer1970]

It works doesn't it? Good stuff

[@performance_reimagined_]

Great message Kristen!

[@karinsophie1238]

This is so true… thank you from Stockholm!

[@kmjohnss]

I work with my clients this way and when they are willing to do this, it really is transformative.

[@kristenulmer1970]

It's counterintuitive, but yep, do it and things change, and they change fast

[@conanbrenko2725]

Great video. Much respect to Kristen. Watch this video. Read her book. She is on the right path.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thanks for this Conan, you're speaking my love language

[@mattsimpson1753]

I love your angle around embracing fear. Keep up the great work👍

[@1LoveAwakening]

Best talk on fear I've heard. Thank you for this.

[@pinocytoticinfolding]

This makes sense

[@martyjemison7500]

Your charisma energy and message is captivating :) This is such a fantastic video.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thank you Marty

[@deannablanchard8060]

It takes work! Returning to our defaults seems somewhat natural, but as Kristen suggests, it just cycles you around the same circle of uncertainty, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Thanks Kristen!

[@kristenulmer]

Hey You're welcome Deanna, hugs and kisses

[@hypnoflowaimee]

Truly a revolutionary approach to fear and anxiety! I've been a hypnotherapist for over 14 years and seen what damage is caused when people repress and resist the normal and natural feeling of fear! It gets trapped in the body, the organs and the system is locked in chronic fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode, which disables us and causes health problems and emotional issues. Kristen's approach and advice to be in FLOW with Fear is gold!!

[@kristenulmer1970]

Love your work too Aimee

[@ChocolateSarahPinkLove]

It makes sense. In my childhood I felt like Its bad to express sadness, fear, anger, so I tried my best to keep a 🙂face. I feel like a horrible person if I feel anything but calm. And I am really confused because my body emotional reaction is intense and chronic as you said. These intense emotions manifests when I get close to people, and they always come with thoughts of extreme unworthiness. My therapist encourages me to start expressing negative feelings in my relationships. This is all new to me

[@yana4336]

This was so beautiful and powerful! Thank you!

[@kristenulmer]

You're welcome Yana

[@allan1959]

Marriage.. remember and perceive .. endure ..love - willingness and intimacy

[@mattsimpson1753]

Awesome talk! Thanks for sharing your gift and offering

[@kristenulmer1970]

You're welcome Matt

[@msdebenham]

A 20-minute chat with Kristen changed my life. Over dinner one evening, I expressed to Krisen the fear and anxiety that came up anytime I had a race. Her advice to embrace that the fear is going to happen and to accept that was eye-opening and has forever changed how I approach endurance racing (and life).

[@kristenulmer]

Hey Hey Hi Michael!

[@BarryMoniak]

A masterclass in the realm of fear, and how to have a more functional, intimate relationship with fear - in under 15 minutes. Kudos Kristen!

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thanks Barry. xo

[@Ava14009]

it really changed my mind.thank you so much

[@Mastermind-cd2xi]

This is ground breaking info, thank you woman.❤🌟

[@billweidner4115]

Your continued commitment to help everyone understand the human relationship with fear is revolutionary Kristen! Your teachings for me personally? I now know that embracing my fear is a precursor to a breakthrough.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thanks Bill. I always say, that your relationship with fear is the most important relationship of your life, so make it good. Here's to the incredible breakthoughts that come from doing just that.

[@valeriesullivan9933]

Best one of your Ted Talks. Can't wait to share it with my students next semester

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thanks for getting the word out. xoxo

[@diannepenny732]

I can't believe what l am hearing this is amazing. Anxiety and depression is so prevalent to know this is groundbreaking for society to know.

[@caseywill]

Excellent talk! Thank you

[@kevinolson108]

Brilliant.

[@aboxerpuppy]

This is fantastic!

[@DeniseBuchman]

Spot on 🔥🦋💡 great Ted Talk hoping to attend a future workshop in Utah ! I have your book too after your interview w Gabby and Laird!

[@robcontreras1873]

I was at her Anxiety workshop last weekend in Salt Lake City and it was a life-changing experience.

[@robcontreras1873]

Just got back from Kristen's 3-day workshop and believe I had the biggest breakthrough moment of my life. Highly recommend.

[@haidehhirmand7901]

A truly spectacular and on-point talk! I had the fortune of experiencing Kristen's ski to live program several times and it did more for my skiing, and life, than many technical sessions! This is a synthesis of years of insight and research and a huge contribution. A not to miss!

[@kristenulmer1970]

Hi Haideh. xoxo!

[@adnanpz7465]

Perhaps the most wonderful experience on ted talk. I found in interesting and intuitive.

[@hansauman4186]

Nice job Kristin...Yes to feeling the fear..and knowing the freedom you are about to experience! Thanks Chris

[@kristenulmer1970]

Freedom is a wonderful thing, esp. after years of war.

[@zildian1983]

Fear has definitely caused internal anger for me. I hate it and see it as weakness which feeds the personal anger more. Going from being successful in my mortgage career to now barely getting by, it has def forced me to figure myself out. It's not easy but I want to be my own best friend again. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤

[@prometheusrex1]

Amazing

[@ronrodriguez2589]

This is really a very important topic and Kristen does a great job of putting it into perspective. I've read her book and have been working on my developing my fear practice. I have found when I really feel fear and ask it why its there without judging it, I can accept it and hug it, as Kristen says, and make use of it. I definitely recommend that people take this to heart and share it with friends and family to help them see things a little bit differently. It will help you to free yourself from your unwillingness to feel fear and your resistance to fear keeping you stuck.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thanks for spreading the word Ron

[@DC-cj9se]

I picked Kristin up hitchiking once in the early 80's on my way up for skiing in utah. Nice gal, happy for you.

[@jaypesci8269]

Remember the brand “No Fear”? How silly was that?? It’s should have read “Know Fear”. Way more appropriate. Fear provides the fuel for overcoming that which one believes holds them back - usually due to fear. Sure, somewhat circular, but before dropping in on that super steep - or easy - line, that pit in my stomach is simultaneously fear and excitement. Embraced.

[@swordsnorchids1997]

I feel fear all the time so I'm not running away from it yet it's still here and quite severe..

[@robcontreras1873]

I encourage you to reach out to Kristen while she is still super accessible. She's gonna get super busy, but now she has one-to-one coaching available.

[@barbarahoyle8615]

Call on courage to feel fear - feel a flow of excitement. Imagine fear is a person that is ever present, accept that this person is a resource to be tapped into. HUG it, dance with it, love ❤️ the emotion God gave you. Be comfortable with working with fear and enjoy life. It is an intimate relationship that God intended.

[@Cluless02]

Actually the worse component of the anxiety disorder is guilt for not facing it.

[@robcontreras1873]

...and that guilt has a fear backbone.

[@EugeneKulinek]

Every psychiatrist and psychologist should prove first that they healed themselves first. We have way too much sh*ty so called therapist in psych care. Kristen is a good example of well qualified therapist.

[@kristenulmer1970]

Thank you Eugene

[@doublem6027]

Exactly

[@sutats]

Phil Jackson is a zen master.

[@robcontreras1873]

sure was

[@jdt8983]

Society puts out unrealistic images of perfection. In regards to anxiety the shame on women is to avoid becoming hysterical and the shame on men is to basically be no less than a completely fearless psychopath (IE James Bond). I think this talk is partially about accepting we can't be what we aren't

[@robcontreras1873]

Just got back from Kristen's 3-day workshop and she discusses fear shaming. It is very real and it can be redirected.

[@vance2964]

Interesting aproach, but I think fear is a more complex emotion. In extreme sports you are having fun, know exactly what's coming and also get an adrenaline rush out of it. I'd go bungee jumping or fight an attacking dog, but I won't talk to that random pretty girl or quit my job to pursue a risky dream. It's different when anxiety, uncertainty and change are involved.

[@artierupinen5192]

7:37 True, but I think most would like a Puppy anyway.

[@julielevesque2668]

I always wondered how I have no fear or anxiety doing downhill biking which most people would be scared shitless to do the things I was doing. I don't hesitate when I'm on the mountain and ripping down with obstacles. I struggle with anxiety for day to day stuff though...really weird.

[@platyneczka]

I don't get it 😕 anxiety is feeling fear...

[@kristenulmer]

Nada, anxiety is resistance to fear. It's the "I dont want this" that feels so bad. Become intimate with fear in a loving way and you'll see, no more anxiety

[@bitkurd]

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom

[@mikeian9912]

actual thing Starts 8:30

[@ActiveAdvocate1]

So, how do you turn body-locking, rippling TERROR into your friend? I'm a "freeze" when I'm in fear. You know the fight, flight, freeze thing/ Yeah, I'm #3.

[@NatureAffirmationsChannel]

That's how exposure therapy works.

[@joseandrada264]

I don't get it. Fear automarically produces changes in the body to prepare it for fight or flight,like releasing Cortisol,etc If you enjoy fear like she says,you converted the felling into something else,it's no longer fear. Not all of us can become adrenaline junkies

[@Mastermind-cd2xi]

I don't think she meant you have to enjoy it, but rather accept that it's there and be ok with it. You see, the problem of today's world is that we correlate fear with being a bad thing, but in fact it is a good thing and we should NOT suppres it.

[@aymalkhan5781]

You are wrong I have solved my anxiety and stress through doing deep breathing excersises plus doing functional nasal breathing...

[@artierupinen5192]

5:10 But I thought it doesn't work. Why else would you be giving a Ted Talk on a cliff?