What Progress Looks Like for those with Borderline Personality Disorder

Dr. Frank Yeomans talks about what progress looks like for those with borderline personality disorder through the lens of Transference Focused Therapy.

[@heatherramsey9190]

For people struggling with BPD (like myself): 1. Don't give up (EVER) 2. Don't listen to misguided perceptions by "professionals" and people who actually think they know everything - This is a real diagnosis. And it is serious. 3. You need treatment no matter how adversely you feel about it. You are not only responsible for yourself but the experience and impact you have on others around you. 4. Don't ever think you're not normal. You just feel emotions and experience thoughts more intensely than others do. That is not a factoid for other people to judge you as though you are outside the space of normality. 5. Realize BPD has its disadvantages - a lot of them stress-related. You really need to pay attention to how you process things. Mentally and emotionally. This is a skill that takes time. Take it slow. :) 6. Stop caring about the overall impression people have about BPD. Trust me, it's not applicable. None of it is. 7. You seriously need to find a real sense of self-worth. Your life has meaning even when it feels meaningless. Please remember that. Not everything we feel is true and certain. 8. Stop being so hard on yourself. And set realistic standards for yourself at home and at work. 9. Stop "trying to be normal " Be yourself and you will be normal. Find out who you are and be THAT person. It won't be easy but it will be one of the best things you could ever do for yourself in life. 10. Don't allow others to use your BPD as an attack weapon against you. Your emotions are not always wrong just because you have a mental health diagnosis. If someone is acting rude toward you and you FEEL they are, then your emotion is that way for a reason. 11. And finally: A BPD diagnosis is a blessing and NOT a curse! Your life isn't over....it's just gained more clarity. Now that you know about it, you can control it better. Again: Take it slow.

[@katkatkatkat463]

Thank you so much for taking the time to post those. I’m at the beginning of my journey and it’s so helpful to read all that. I saved it 💕

[@aligolightly7359]

Can confirm! Thanks!

[@SYA357]

Can confirm this, too :)

[@missbcritiques9209]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@PatsPerfectPlatinums]

Thank you this helped me so much

[@theempress111tarot]

Curing from BPD feels like change of perception.... It's like disowning yourself, and owning it back again!! ❤️ The main issue is the intensity.... When episodes happen, no amount of logic works, the whole experience is just so intense.... But we just cannot give up.... Thankyou sir!!

[@LurkingLinnet]

true..ty for writing this

[@lbits]

Ugh, yes it’s so intense :/ im so glad I understand that ‘something’ is happening and I’m not just genetically abnormal

[@theempress111tarot]

@@lbits yes it's crucial to understand that it's BPD... It's not a congenital condition...

[@jessicamerced9116]

Absolutely true…the intensity is always there..just shorter, less frequent and more resilience to get through it without doing anything *too* drastic that I would regret or set me back ❤

[@420Khatz]

"But I'm smart; I was convinced I was right." this sums up my biggest struggle towards recovery.

[@plowed4weeks]

did you recover?

[@virginiasmith5278]

у б и й ц а I see this as being my son's problem he is an almost 18 year old brilliant boy with many very unique College opportunities but he's blowing everything away right now he thinks he knows better than everybody

[@angelamary91]

It sounds just like me. I think I'm so emotionally intelligent. And honestly I am but it does me no good bc my skill set sucks ass.

[@gabrieldamasceno3971]

Victoria Oshea he’s young you need to relax and let him discover things for himself

[@beautifulspirit2973]

Letting go of control and trusting in therapy seems to be the best way forward. My partner made huge progress when he did. Sadly he is not engaging now and has deteriorated

[@felimee123]

This guy clearly cares about his patients, he reminds me of my therapist

[@lazylank]

I like this man. He seems so kind and compassionate. Incredible.

[@nefelibata4190]

what is odd to me is he gets an evil corrupt look with the glasses, but if you put your hand on them he becomes less intimidating.

[@Helena-to9my]

His persona. Underneath he likes to humiliate. Watch other videos he is starring. Making his patient a laughing stock.

[@animamundii]

@@Helena-to9my I think not. For people with normal thought processes without disorders, the situations he describes with some his patients are kinda absurd and everybody with healthy sense of humour would at least smile over it. Dont be so uptight.

[@petekdemircioglu]

I never Could be if I had to deal constantly with Narcs, Psychos and BPDs. He must be a prophet! Lets all appreciate and applaud him for it.

[@gab31282]

​@@Helena-to9my As a person not sufferring with these issues he seems utterly kind and caring through and though toward BPD who have BPD. It could be that you are projecting your own internal experiences on to him.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

Feedback that is authentic makes a borderline feel alive & visible again. Wow, you see me? I exist I am not a codependent..I am seen for who I am (my character. morals, values, individuality) not how you want to see me.

[@elizabethayres1062]

agreed

[@Kevin-tb6zj]

the patients monologue made me cry. I never even thought to stop and realize that my reality is based off my negative perceptions of myself

[@mielenalkemiaa]

I love how Yeomans talked about his patients journey. So much pure love and kindness and proudness towards them. He is a gem.

[@smilingmindpositivity]

what an amazing person. The insight he has with BPD sufferers♥️♥️

[@ashcatchum]

This type of ephiany happened to be by accident in a social worker outpatient therapy where I blew up and it wasn't the end of the world and I was okay and I ddin't have my mom or dad teling me or making me think or feel ashamed or shameful for having feelings....this was good. i haven't been diganosed with bpd but they thought i had it once

[@tatianahawaii13]

♥️

[@beautifulspirit2973]

My partner constantly acts out. Shouting, gaslighting and devaluing others. It’s exhausting, frustrating and demoralising. In his case he becomes very abusive if challenged in therapy. It’s nearly always everyone else’s fault. It’s like dealing with a very young child. He is always convinced he’s right. This video is a wonderful. Thank you

[@elizabethayres1062]

cute cat are you happy in this relationship? Or is it slowly eating you alive?

[@beautifulspirit2973]

@@elizabethayres1062 It is destructive Elizabeth

[@elizabethayres1062]

@@beautifulspirit2973 i feel you. if you need a friend who understands, im here! have a small fashion/feelings youtube channel, still afraid to share my whole heart, but i do have one about overcoming the dark night of the soul... also, raised by narcissists and now am doing right by my son and giving him the love i never had. also, left an unhealthy "situationship" almost two years ago now, and the healing is irregular and confusing, so hang in there!!! AND most importantly, love from the universe to ya girl!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[@beautifulspirit2973]

@@elizabethayres1062 That’s so kind of you and I’m so sorry for what you have also endured. It would be great to support each other. Thank you Elizabeth ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@rachbell8915]

remember kittens to be safe, adults having two year olds' tantrums are scary and dangerous.

[@danielleedwards7850]

Yes right on!! That's how I feel with my progress as well. Even if I imagine someone hates me, it dont matter no more. I can validate myself now!!

[@missbubblemaker26]

I wish you were my therapist. You and your compassion are a blessing Dr. Yeomans

[@monicacruz4407]

I love this, you’re in the right job. When you see genuine delight in improving the life of someone with a serious personality disorder, it’s a real joy

[@mariadinn4441]

I love watching Frank read his patient's note. You can see how much he liked this patient and how proud he is of their progress.

[@christophershepherd8301]

I'm turning 40 this year, was diagnosed with bpd when I was 26. Was extreme hell for others around me. I was up and down, violent, consumed with guilt, cutting myself, suicidal, constantly internally putting myself down, constant lies. I became an alcoholic drinking 20 drinks every night after work. I pushed everyone away from me until there wasn't many people left. The theropy really didn't help me I felt like I was losing a part of myself and so I just gave up. Wasnt until I was about 38 that I felt like I could start to see issues and correct it within my mind. It does get better with age and time. But honestly I would recommend therapy for 6 months straight and keep seeing the therapist when you need after. Bpd is really hard and it's something you have to do within yourself to get better. But if anyone reads this and needs some help or guidance don't hesitate to contact me ❤

[@emptinessform1677]

Yes , BPD usually shows improvement within the first 2 months of the new annual relationship then usually resurfaces until the next first 2 months of the next new relationship lol

[@GeneralArmorus]

uhhhh

[@aligolightly7359]

Ah. That’s my secret! I avoid relationships!

[@axelpalacios9232]

I cried this was beautiful

[@kwhite749]

Axel Palacios same, highly relatable.

[@coopersmom8339]

I love his professional attitude and insight!

[@jessicamerced9116]

I came back to this video as a reminder of the improvement I’ve made. Some days are hard..❤

[@virginiasmith5278]

very wise perspective thank you so much for sharing this

[@MrProbeRider]

Wow Thanks a lot for sharing. It really sheds light on things! :-D

[@janethomas78]

My progress really kicked in when I stopped working in a hostile female and gay, fashion oriented workplace...

[@pattychung]

your progress will kick in when you acknowledge your emotions - possibly anger - rather than projecting it on your coworkers through homophobic/sexist attributions

[@janethomas78]

I am not projecting anything-- I wanted to do hair,not gossip and cause problems I am a professional educator, and I am too educated for the 98 percent of the salon environments. There are VERY FEW people who understand me because they would prefer to ATTACK-- Just like YOU!! LOL!!

[@Jason-bg7jc]

gorilla twist Yeah.. you're still not taking responsibility. Did you not watch the video at all? Well actually you probably did.. but your disorder keeps you from seeing beyond the projection.

[@marshfilm]

@@janethomas78 .... How dare you see what is forbidden to know... To the gulag with you, Thought Heathen. (been there as well lol)

[@mrmotl1]

@@pattychung pointing out someone is gay or female in no way Make someone homophobic or sexist. You are very ignorant and hostile as well as angry and you're the one doing the projecting.

[@Star-dj1kw]

Super video 👍🏼👍🏼

[@yomsha]

Thank you ❤ you sound like my therapist

[@NoirRaven]

Well she sounds thoroughly gaslighted. Here's my issue with this statement and this attitude: I don't want to be right, but more often than not, I'm constantly proven that I am. Every time that I feel comfortable with myself, with my friends, and think "hey, life is good, I can be myself," that's when life slams me down the hardest. Every time, I think I have life figured out and that no, the world doesn't act in absolutes, I'm proven wrong every, fucking, time. Again, I don't want to be right but at I can't seem to find any sane people who want to play ball, so to speak. I can't find people who want to sit down and talk things out thoroughly and come to a fair conclusion. Every conflict I've had deals in absolutes. [From their perspective, this is what I see.] I want this from you and it better be 100%. (This can be compliance, an apology, my power/agency, etc.) Any questioning, any attempt to "weasel out of it" (also known as trying to reason,) will be seen as an act of betrayal and the cost will be entirely yours [mine] to pay; for I have labeled you abusive, insane, irrational, emotional; the burden of proof is on you and entirely you. I am your victim, therefore, I hold all power over you and if you do not comply, I shall leave you under the guise of "leaving for my mental health/welbeing." That's what keeps happening to me, Doc. I can't ever find people who are willing to entertain the idea that they've contributed to a conflict, that maybe they're too irrational to make any sort of decision right then or dare to admit that maybe, they made a mistake because my behavior checked off an arbitrary list of "abusive behavior" they found on tumblr, of all places. I want so desperately to be rational with people but I find, when it comes to me, people don't give me the basic level of respect they seem to give everyone else. A man can say the exact same things as I do and be respected for it while I'm demonized. I can't declare that someone hit me with a cart and order them not to do so again without them looking at me as if I'm "special." I can't seem to be in control of my own life and live by my own standards and I can't believe that it's been me the entire time. That's just not possible. Yes, I have contributed a lot to my self misery, but not all of it and so far, none of the programs or doctrines focus on what I can do to fix these sorts of scenarios. How do I regain control of a situation when everyone is so used of taking control from me?

[@rh9793]

Moods and emotions. The people who have BPD are being led by their emotions .Such as Fear Anger Sadness , and while being highly intelligent the Strongman behind all these emotions is PRIDE. And pride goeth before a fall. The only way out is Yahushua. Whom the son sets free is free indeed. Amen

[@coltontaylor435]

Find new people. Not even better, necessarily, just new. People do a thing where they expect prior behavior to predict future behavior. If they already have a particular idea of you then they'll continue to see your behavior through that lens insofar as they can manage to. If they're not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and attempt to think of you in a new light then you can't really blame them --- they're trying to protect themselves --- but you can find new people and see if they interpret you differently. If they do then you're probably better off with the new group, if they don't then the problem is more likely to be with your behavior.

[@Chris-tg3qy]

Can you accept the fact that people might not like everything about you, but you can still be civil to them? Can you remind yourself that you also have the power to limit the amount of time you spend with them? Everything you need to do is within your power. When you get upset, do not act out. Do everything you can to keep your lips together and don’t say a word. If an insulting comment was directed towards you, you have the right to disagree. Or if it is your work, you have the right to say, let me take another look. That saying, consider the source is really critical. A friend or caring family member is probably coming from a place of helping. A boss or mentor is coming from a place of helping through coaching. Someone you are unsure of is someone you are unsure of. You may need to observe them a few times before you know if they are trustworthy. Treat yourself with respect by loving yourself and caring less what others think. Do not assume anyone disrespects you. In fact assume everyone respects you unless they SAY something to the contrary. You deserve love.

[@beadingbusily]

@@rh9793 Really, now, fear is always motivated by pride? Are you certain that it's never motivated by a will to survive, safety, and a perceived (often accurately) threat? You must have always had a pleasant life. Weird.

[@Spardeous]

It sounds like you're trying to force conflicts in situations where they don't naturally exist. I have a 30-year-old BPD sister and this is the sort of way she also describes conflict when she "knows she's right". I think you're creating the affect you're trying to avoid by setting up the exact conditions that allow it to happen. The way you describe "sitting down and talking things out", at least from reading the tone of your post here, implies you subjecting the person to an onslaught of rapid-fire interrogative questions with rising and falling intonations that are almost universally seen as adversarial. You might start to feel a crawling sensation underneath your skin that slowly bothers you more and more about the person as you "discover" their real character - the one they've hidden away from everyone, including themselves. That suspicion is your BPD overblowing your perceptions - it's not rooted in reality. And when you giver that suspicion power to influence your actions, that's you knocking the first domino that inevitably leads to fire and brimstone with your own hand.

[@Cikameness]

Amazing guy

[@petekdemircioglu]

Looks good!

[@958342]

I really like him

[@robincrowflies]

*sigh* I love this.

[@RainFall2112]

To BPD people - Use this logic "When i'm right, i gain a little, sometimes a moderate amount, sometimes a lot. When i'm wrong i can often destroy lives and usually hurt someone." When you think about your judgments like that, it can completely change how you judge.

[@AStoicMaster]

It's up to the BPD sufferer to develop on their own. He's providing a sound, valid & logical foundation.

[@jasonms11]

How do you get someone with BPD to use logic, apart from perhaps when in their baseline state?

[@NoirRaven]

This is cute but this can apply to anyone and, in my experience, it's often outsiders, dealing with the borderline that need to remember this lesson, not the other way around.

[@nicolehudler778]

NoirRaven YES!! I've found out that if you call them out they'll either get enraged or think about what they're saying, IF they even have the capacity to reason with themselves. I have BPD and thinking reasonably is not something I do a lot so I let people know how I am (crying fits, twisting constructive criticism into an attack on me, narcissism, manipulation, etc...) before i get into an episode so people will know how to deal with me, which is to usually back off and let me be angry until I get a grip. None of this disorder or any disorder is their fault, please remember that.

[@bbyjes]

HeyItsGwyn agreed. Well put!

[@minoramare5829]

Thanks a lot 😊

[@timothyg1986]

Lovely.

[@emmawho8966]

Love it 💓

[@sherrivonch6044]

happy marriage and tons of love and making sure they call others who are grossly mean to them out on their behaviours so it stops. they will be completely healed when they feel like crying they do it. when others try to downplay them they make sure the ones crossing their boundaries are embarrassed enough publicly enough to not be crude asses to the bpd person... :+)

[@joanlynch5271]

How about not being overly sensitive and anxious? Should I apologize when I do things that are unexpected?

[@angelamary91]

I like him

[@slick5591]

Often people complain about the broken while making their own repairs

[@ayubaalim2201]

what is the relationship BPD and appropriateness

[@lenardtorres1965]

More THC is needed in this world

[@mjcard]

Lenard Torres dream on

[@SplikittyLit]

@@mjcard well it's become more universally legal every single year

[@mjcard]

Aveon Flyer OH LOL. I misread and thought it was TLC. It's legal here in Canada and may account for my mistake.

[@oceansea799]

thc made me paranoid AF

[@jjjonse]

Absolutely not. Not if you want to recover.

[@nancywysemen7196]

reflexion is a normal process......yes....yes

[@thelovely961]

no longer drowning in emotions as much 🤍 because you become attuned to yourself and your needs & emotions with gentle curiousity and you deal with it yourself like you are a loved one/ dear friend.

[@oliviagoldin7737]

It lead to such loneliness that I enjoy too much now, like I became my own mother, father, sister, brother, etc. just have no desire to connect to anyone yet

[@Jazeraca]

I'm in Toronto, Canada and I've been trying to find TFP for BPD for a while now. No luck. I've done the whole DBT schebang and didn't find it extremely useful. How the hell do I find a TFP therapist? I want to get better :( :(

[@cccc8623]

Hi.. tell me when u find im canada thanks

[@NoirRaven]

You have to pay for it. The government's not going to help you.

[@jackdawcaw4514]

You can also try the experiential dynamic therapies. They have a lot in common. ISTDP for instance.

[@Mari-qp1fl]

Please let me know if you found someone in Toronto I am struggling too 😞

[@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349]

@@Mari-qp1fl You are those miracles that You Seek

[@thehumbleofsoul2256]

Beautiful. Although I do believe in absolute truth.

[@christinaescajeda1901]

What is that labled as

[@Tadesan]

This guy summed things up nicely: DBT does not teach you new healthy behaviors but instead helps you stop unhealthy behaviors. So, if you need to gain healthy behaviors DBT WILL NOT HELP you!!!

[@janethomas78]

Stabalized moods can also be achieved with a Mineral Suppliment which includes Lithium Oratate

[@baconlatte]

+Alicia en el pais de las maravillas You can purchase it as a nutritional supplement. This is not the same as the synthetic drug Lithium. Lithium Orotate is a naturally occurring trace mineral.

[@janethomas78]

the New News is this-- Charlottes Web Oil everyday!! AND I also Do Not eat High Fructose Corn Syrup or Monosodium Glutemate which both (preservatives and will not digest properly) and have several different names-- these will make your mind race-- and get you addicted to the food.... I only eat Whole food diet only! No dairy either, or red meat.

[@AStoicMaster]

Di you have any empirical evidence to back up your claims, or just bald assertions?

[@Tadesan]

baconlatte you are an idiot.

[@jackdawcaw4514]

Yes let's just take supplements for everything and never achieve any actual healing of our own.

[@cezbabe]

But things ARE negative and people DON'T like me. So are we being gaslighted?

[@jovankrstic1851]

wow nice :)

[@jennifermaxine2453]

You have to have feedback from people who see you as an individual. If not, you have always been isolated & alone. This is very ironic.

[@deltafay1981]

as clear as mud

[@cameronswityk3700]

I put a thumb down, ultra rare. It's not that I didn't like it per se, as ive appreciated some of his other vids, but I feel like the optimism he projects, for some implied higher than probable degree of progress for treatment of this disorder and cluster b in general is dangerously exaggerated. Take away for me is the "acting out" definition. I must concede though, that I don't have recovery success data to support my thought here. If someone has accurate data let me know. Still lots of knowledge here, but I'm not buying yet. The client story feels like the one best possible outcome out of a much larger sample. Imo

[@707hopes]

His vocal inflections are really uncomfortable for me

[@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349]

Same, he seems sneaky and two faced

[@tatianahawaii13]

I might guess because your caregiver/parent didn’t talk like that. That type of voice was bothering me before I started therapy

[@nefelibata4190]

isn't cbt better?

[@sophiebailey752]

Nefelibata not for BPDs. Maybe find it invalidating as it's ALL about change and not in part about acceptance of how things are.

[@jackdawcaw4514]

CBT is on a detour (and also, it's devouring more and more modes of therapy so that it becomes rather unclear what is actually meant by the term CBT). But generally, traditional CBT isn't very effective except for very shallow simple psychological issues that people could probably also solve on their own. There's a lot of relapse with CBT. Science and our modern society just like it because it is protocolized and it's quite easy to do randomized controlled trials with it. CBT tends to teach people a way to handle their symptoms, instead of fixing the actual underlying problem causing the symptom.

[@raid517]

My therapist is also gay.

[@thelovely961]

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[@GgZoo-iK3to]

Sadly I don't keep friends well. I half the time in this place of mind, the joy of the torture of abandonment all cuz everyone has expectations I am unable to fulfill n there is no such thing as recovery. Such hog wash!

[@kellyyork3898]

What happens to the golden child of the family when his narcissistic mom dies?

[@evav465]

In my case i realized there was no gold en child. With these type of mothers everybody loses.

[@Tocimah]

if you want BPD's to get what you are saying, why don't you try speaking in a manner that is understandable.

[@virginiaandrade8009]

Tocimah idk, I found it pretty understandable..

[@jackdawcaw4514]

He doesn't want BPD people to get what he is saying, because this video isn't necessarily meant for BPD people. It's for those theoretically interested in therapy/recovery. Theory isn't going to help your process of healing very much, and sometimes it can even be in the way. Many therapists who used to be in therapy themselves can attest to that.

[@TheMarzuzu]

Doesnt sound real to me

[@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349]

What, self healing and been cured Doesn't sound real to You ❓

[@ilirllukaci5345]

Hopelessness is for chickens.

[@OpsRape]

nice fucking intro

[@cmnndr987]

i wonder what this guy is suffering from

[@agnescroteau8960]

3:02 who “terminated”what? Therapy?

[@paulduffield2102]

They never get better

[@yn6164]

don‘t say that

[@thelovely961]

" All these years, I'd been imagining what was in people's minds and I was wrong "... 😢 Rings home for so many of us. I'm glad I don't take everything so negative anymore. 🤍